Impact
by nise7465
Summary: Tragedy strikes neurologist and paraplegic Edward, but instead of finding only pain in the hospital, he meets a beauty from his past who has suffered just as much. Sometimes hurting and healing walk hand in hand, and the impact continues. : AH
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

**~***Impact!***~**

Chapter One

~Bella~

_**June 2008**_

How do you handle the most devastating experience of your life when it has lead you to the person you love more than life itself?

How do you reconcile the two when your best and worst collide?

The most heartbreaking thing I've ever been through has brought me to the person who has _become_ my life.

Today, I began a journey with the man who I had thought was my greatest enemy.

My name is Bella Swan. I am a person with a disability.

While Edward Cullen was never my doctor, he was instrumental in assessing my condition and confirming my diagnosis. Even though it was his uncle who delivered the shattering blow that devastated my life, it was Edward's expertise and knowledge that made it my truth.

My first experience meeting the love of my life was overwhelming, as well as tremendously embarrassing.

I met Edward a few days after Christmas, eighteen months ago.

While he tried to encourage me that my life was not in fact destroyed, his words did not negate the fact that my life had been irrevocably changed.

Edward Cullen didn't make me sick. It was my own body that had turned traitor on me. But, it was hard to ignore the irony of the situation; it was as if fate was laughing at me, when she sent a messenger in a wheelchair to welcome me to his world.

He tried to explain his scientific basis for my diagnosis, but life as I had known it was spiraling out of control, and his words swirled around my head in a confusing vortex, while I tried desperately to make sense of the life-altering situation.

His uncle had tried, in his gentle way, to soften the blow. But when Edward identified himself, my body locked down in defense. I knew what was coming and there was nothing that could have made hearing it any easier.

If someone had told me that day, that I'd be making life plans with this fine specimen of a man in the near future, I'd have told them to get their head examined. People like Edward Cullen didn't fall for ordinary girls like me. Yes, meeting him had altered my life radically; I just never imagined that we would come full circle like we have.

The Christmas after my 27th birthday was by far the most memorable in my life. While we learned so much about loss that holiday, it never occurred to me that in losing… I'd gain so much more.

While my first meeting with Edward was an embarrassment I'd love to forget, it was a blessing in disguise that he rolled into my life that day.

_**Christmas 2006**_

I was at home, baking cookies and decorating my new apartment. I'd already bought a few gifts for Charlie and Renee, as well as all the food needed to make a nice Christmas dinner. It was the first Christmas Charlie and Renee had spent together since I was a baby.

Renee met a guy who was a semi-pro baseball player. They'd been seeing each other for a few months and she wanted him to come to Seattle with her. He refused, stating simply that he wasn't ready to meet Charlie or me yet. Mom had already promised to come visit before she and Phil met, and she told him she refused to change her plans.

Dad seemed unsure about staying with mom and me, but the ride from Forks to Seattle was a long one and after no small amount of coercion, he agreed to stay at my place with us. We had only ever spent one or two Christmases together, the three of us, and I was excited.

Charlie had booked a room at the Marriott on the waterfront, but it was only for one night and I persuaded him to sleep on my couch while Mom and I shared my bed.

Charlie couldn't leave Forks until his shift at the Forks Police Department ended; Mom's flight arrived at Sea-Tac early on Christmas Eve day.

We spent the afternoon drinking Christmas slush and putting together some of the dishes for Christmas dinner, because my oven was really only big enough to hold the roaster with the ham in it. Mom and I eventually went to separate rooms and wrapped a few last minute items for the next morning.

Christmas Eve was going to be a simple dinner. I made Charlie's favorite- chicken enchiladas, as well as a cheese sauce and heated salsa for nachos. Renee and I were still drinking the slush when Charlie arrived. His eyes lit up in a way I'd never seen before when my mother came out of my bedroom. For a while, things were awkward, but by the time dinner was over and Charlie had also partaken of a few glasses of my slush, the conversation was flowing freely. Renee was smiling. All seemed right with the world.

We spent a few hours playing Christmas music and decorating my tiny tree. We also put in the film 'It's a Wonderful Life' and watched it before turning in for the night. It was the most carefree, happy Christmas Eve I'd ever had.

_Then I woke up._

I felt the bed move as Renee got up. I heard her walk down the hall, and in a few minutes, the toilet flushed and I heard her in the kitchen. As much as I wanted to lie in bed all day, there were so many things to do. I compromised with my conscience and decided I'd lie there just a few minutes more…

As the fog lifted and I became truly awake, panic set in. I tried to rub my left eye, but my arm wouldn't budge. In my mind, I kept telling it what to do, but nothing happened. There was a strange tingling feeling as I continued to try and move it. It almost felt like I had slept with it under me.

_Don't panic, Bella._

When I attempted to roll on my side and curl up, I found that I couldn't pull up my left leg. It had only been a few seconds since I'd awakened; just a few seconds more and complete panic set in. Something was terribly wrong. I couldn't move my left arm or leg, yet my right arm and leg seemed to be fine. It was like someone had drawn an invisible line down the center of my body. The right side of the line was alive, and the left side of the line was dead.

_Oh my God! What was wrong with me?_

I did the only thing I thought to do.

I screamed.

Charlie was the first to get to my room, pistol in hand as he looked around for some unknown intruder. He had no idea the assailant was my own body.

The panic took my breath away. "Daddy, I can't move!" A million scenarios ran through my mind.

_Why can I only move one side of my body? Why is this happening to me?_

He tried, but failed to calm me down as the sobs took over my body. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, almost as if I'd just finished running a marathon.

A minute later, my mom ran in, reeking of cigarette smoke. She stood like a bystander gawking at an accident scene.

Charlie acted calm and cool as he went into cop mode, his limited medical training kicking in. He asked me some questions, shaking his head in frustration as nothing seemed to add up.

"I'm calling 911, Bells."

Renee looked shocked. "But it's Christmas, Charlie!"

Charlie turned beet red as he screamed at my mother, a look of disbelief on his face. "Renee, she's paralyzed! Who _cares_ what day it is?"

My dad answered the questions the dispatcher fired at him rapidly. He was pacing; failing miserably at not appearing too emotional, I could tell he was on the verge of freaking out.

"Has this _ever_ happened before?"

"Um…no? I think I would remember if it had."

He hung up the phone and came back to sit on my bed. "Bells, how much did you drink yesterday? I wonder if that has anything to do with this."

I'd never experienced anything like this from drinking. It angered me that he questioned my abuse of alcohol; he'd been here last night. He knew I hadn't overdone it. "The slush doesn't have that much alcohol in it."

I heard the sirens wailing in the distance. Charlie stood up and looked at my mom, who was sitting to my left, still clutching my limp hand. "You stay with her. I'll let them in."

My dad was still acting strictly professional; it was the role he automatically slipped into when something happened beyond the grasp of his control. He'd behaved like this when Grandma Swan had her heart attack. To be honest, it scared me. It made me wonder how serious this could be. What happened overnight that had rendered my body useless?

When the EMTs came in and assessed the situation, they returned with what the one referred to as a wheelchair stretcher. They said a regular stretcher wouldn't make it down the hallway and into my room; the halls were too narrow- the turns too sharp. When they got me to the living room, a regular stretcher was waiting for me. The older EMT talked in hushed tones, trying to keep me calm. He started an IV and I was glad to be lying down, my head spinning as he stuck me.

When Charlie introduced himself as the chief of police in a local community, they offered to let him ride in the front of the ambulance, but he refused, saying he needed to drive Mom.

The EMT who had been working on me introduced himself as Jasper, and the entire way to the hospital he kept me engaged in conversation. I felt bad that he was here, taking care of me, when it was Christmas.

_Christmas._

I began sobbing again. The holiday was ruined, Renee said so. Jasper rubbed and squeezed my shoulder as he continued to talk to me, gently prodding me with questions as we rode through traffic. I felt fairly composed by the time we arrived at the emergency room. Jasper had a very calming effect on me; what a beneficial asset for an EMT to possess.

Jasper and his partner, who I later learned was named Spencer, checked me into the emergency room. Jasper stayed in my cubicle until the nurse came in and took information from him, entering it into a small laptop computer. Jasper bid me good luck, and said he'd talk to my parents, explaining that the nurses would let them know when they could come back with me.

As Jasper was pulling the curtain back to leave, a tall, lean blonde gentleman walked up to him and clapped him on the shoulder. "A merry Christmas to you, Jasper. Are you coming by this evening? We're having a small get together in the doctor's lounge up on Edward's floor."

"Wouldn't miss it, Carlisle. How's he doing?"

"He's battling a kidney infection right now. I suspect it is MRSA, as it's not responding to anything they've given him. The infectious disease doctor is consulting with him tomorrow."

"Tell him we'll be by. Alice wouldn't miss it for the world. We'll see you and Esme later."

The man, whom I assumed was my doctor, smiled and shook his head as he headed over to the tiny computer next to my bed. "So, Miss Swan…"

"Bella, please," I interrupted.

"Bella." He cleared his throat. "I'm Dr. Cullen. I want to do a few simple tests." I swallowed hard at the words, but in a very reassuring manner he said, "Just relax, I promise it won't hurt a bit."

Dr. Cullen reached into his pocket and pulled out a little hammer. As he walked around my gurney, systematically lifting my arms and legs, he tapped each one, testing my reflexes. He bent and straightened each before poking, pulling and twisting, asking if there was pain.

Taking my socks off, he ran something sharp up the sole of my foot. I gasped and my toes stretched involuntarily, causing a spasm in my leg. This earned a perplexed hum from the doctor as he tapped notes out on the keyboard next to my bed. He then asked what I could feel.

"I felt something sharp on my foot. It didn't hurt."

"What did it feel like on the other foot, Bella?"

"I didn't know you had done that to both feet." I hadn't been watching and never realized.

"Close your eyes, Bella. I want to see how much sensation you have. If you feel a tiny poke, tell me. No peeking."

As soon as he said no peeking, I jerked my head up trying to see what he had in store for me. A gentle hand pushed on my shoulder, silently commanding me to lay flat and cooperate. I soon felt a poke in the end of my right toe. He continued up my right leg to my thigh. As Dr. Cullen poked, I would let him know what I was feeling. He poked my stomach in a few places, and then moved on to my arm, hand and fingers.

I heard, rather than felt, Dr. Cullen work his way around the room. Once in a while I'd have a sensation similar to pins and needles, not unlike the feeling I experienced when my foot fell asleep. I didn't feel many of the tiny pricks as Dr. Cullen's voice got closer to the head of my bed. He asked me to describe the random tingling as he typed more into his computer, but I could only concentrate on the questions that were swirling inside my head.

"Dr. Cullen, why is this happening to me? What's wrong with me?"

"I'm not sure, Bella. This is definitely a neurologic episode, but I can't answer you with certainty until we run some tests. As soon as they have one ready, we'll get you into a room. I'm sorry you have to be here on Christmas; I can't get a neurology consult in here for you today, but I'll schedule one of the residents first thing tomorrow morning. We've got a skeleton crew on today. I can't really run any tests, other than taking some blood from you."

"I really don't want to stay," I said, more to myself than to him.

He smiled sadly. "I'm sorry. I don't want to be here today either, dear." Patting my shoulder he said, "I'll have Nurse Stanley bring your parents back."

I rested on the gurney, staring at the ceiling and feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry that I wasn't at home, cooking my ham. Feeling sorry that I couldn't wiggle my fingers or toes as my body turned traitorous. I'd never felt more alone. Once again, the tears came as I lay there wondering, 'why me'?

Renee and Charlie came in soon after. Charlie had a stiff look on his face, but he took my hand and smiled at me. "I love you, Bells. We'll figure this out." He took a tissue from the box on the counter and wiped my cheeks.

Renee, in her infinite wisdom, blurted out the last thing I needed to hear. "What are we going to do? Christmas is ruined!"

Dad furrowed his brow and glared at her. "Renee!"

"_I'm sorry._ I didn't mean to upset her." Looking over at me she muttered. "I'm sorry Bella." Yet she continued to ramble on about Christmas dinner being ruined, the gifts being left unopened, and how long we'd be _stuck _here. The more she talked, the more my head hurt.

"Dad, can you please turn the light off and take her out to the waiting room?" I rubbed my forehead with my good hand.

He laughed. "Sure, kid. She's giving me a headache too." He smiled softly as he put his hand on her back and guided her out of my cubicle.

I slept for a long time. My multiple breakdowns had exhausted me. I barely registered someone turning me onto my side, but at some point I realized I felt much more comfortable. I awoke to someone shaking my shoulder. It was Nurse Stanley. "Bella?"

I rubbed my eyes. "Yeah?"

"Are you hungry? Dr Cullen called the dietary department. I have a Christmas dinner for you."

I nodded my head. I _was_ hungry; I hadn't eaten since we'd had nachos while decorating my tree the night before. But I didn't know if I _could _eat. I was so distressed over my situation.

I felt bad that my young nurse had to be here taking care of me on Christmas. Surely she had a lonely boyfriend or husband celebrating at home alone because she was forced to be here.

"Do you have anyone at home missing you?" She looked to be about my age.

She reached out to shake my hand and frowned before she withdrew it, apparently forgetting my situation. "Please call me Jessica. And no, I volunteered to work a long shift so staff with families could be home today. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. It's just me."

She was bubbly, giddy and way too girlie. Her demeanor was almost too sweet for a dismal place like a hospital. Perhaps it was good for some patients. I'd just rather they ignore me and let me stew. I'd be more comfortable suffering in silence.

I wasn't sure what to say, so I just smiled. "Me either. Well, just my parents. My mom came in yesterday from Phoenix."

"That explains her wonderful tan. No one in Washington ever tans, and it's December." She stretched out her ghost white arm and rubbed over it, looking jealous.

I used my dad's favorite analogy for the Caucasian citizens of Forks. "People in Washington don't tan, they rust." If you weren't white, you were Indian… with a _perpetual_ tan.

She laughed heartily. "That's so funny!"

Jessica brought me my dinner; it was late afternoon now. She helped me sit up a little more and helped uncover all of my food. I was glad my right side wasn't affected, as I was right hand dominant.

It would be nearly impossible for me to write or feed myself with my left hand, and it would be extremely difficult to teach my students without the use of my dominant hand. Charlie and Renee had been in and said they were going to find something to eat in the hospital cafeteria, but they'd be back soon.

They were gone for quite a while. After I ate, a tall, dark orderly- a Quileute boy, with shoulder length black hair came into my cubicle.

He held out his hand. "Hello, Bella, my name is Sam. I'm here to take you up to your room." His smile was infectious, and it felt almost foreign to feel a smile creeping across my face as I took his hand.

It took a while for them to get me settled. As Sam was leaving, he told me that Dr. Cullen would be up soon to talk with me. He also said Jessica would make sure my parents knew where to find me when they returned.

My nurse propped me onto my side with some pillows and had turned my TV to a music channel with Christmas music. I was about half asleep when I heard quiet footsteps in my room. The light over my bed came on and someone gently laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Isa - er, sorry, Bella. I wanted to stop back and talk with you," Dr. Cullen said softly.

Because of the position I was stuck in, I heard him walking around the foot of the bed before I could see him. I couldn't roll myself from side to side. My left side was useless, leaving me feeling like a fish out of water.

Being immobile was becoming a real inconvenience for me. I wasn't used to having to wait for people to do things for me. I couldn't wait until I was back on my feet and out of this hospital. This had to be some sort of fluke. Maybe it was a pinched nerve or something.

_Would a pinched nerve cause symptoms like this?_

As quickly as this came on, it had to be something simple. _Didn't it?_

He pulled a chair up next to my bed so we were face to face. He was a pretty man, soft spoken, with a pleasant smile and a compassionate demeanor. He was obviously distressed.

"I've been thinking about you most of the day. I believe I know why your body is behaving the way it is. I hope you aren't offended, but I spoke with my nephew about your case."

I was sure I gave him a wary look, not understanding why his nephew would even care.

"He's a doctor in the neurology department. He's out on a medical leave of absence right now; in fact, he's a patient here at the hospital. He was the closest I could come to a neurology consult today."

Before I said anything, he continued. "I want to begin running tests on you as soon as possible. If I'd waited for the neurology consult tomorrow, it would be several days before they could start anything. After talking with Edward, I have an idea of where to start. I don't want you to be stuck here any longer than necessary; I can order the tests today. In the mean time, I can get neurology involved in your case."

I nodded my head and mumbled a 'yes' a few times, but I had no idea what was happening other than his nephew was a neurologist as well as a current patient, and in the morning, I'd be poked and prodded a lot more than I would like.

Suddenly, I remembered the conversation my doctor had with the EMT, Jasper. He said 'Edward' had a kidney infection. If he was a doctor, wasn't he supposed to be on top of things? How does a doctor get a _kidney_ infection? Don't they usually start with something simple like a UTI? Maybe I didn't want this guy offering advice on my case, if he couldn't even take care of himself.

Somewhere during my inner monologue, Dr. Cullen had stood and touched my shoulder once again. He was saying something.

_Pay attention, Bella_.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Dr. Gilmer is the family practice doctor who will be your attending physician, but I'll be in to check on you and to make sure everything is started as soon as possible."

I think I drifted off again, and when I woke up, I heard Charlie and Renee whispering. He wanted to go to a hotel; she was insisting he stay at my place. "Dad? What's wrong?"

He shuffled over and sat on the foot of my bed, laying a hand on the calf of my leg. "I can't go home, Bells. Not until we know what's going on. Your mom is staying too; she'll meet Phil in Jacksonville once they finish running these tests. We talked to Dr. Cullen, and he thinks you'll be here a couple days."

"But what about work, dad? Won't you get in trouble?"

He laughed. "I'm the Chief, Bella. There's no one for me to answer to. Deputy Mark is going to be on call for emergencies, but we typically don't get a lot of calls anyway."

I tried to turn and look at Renee. "Mom, what about Phil? Is he okay with this?"

"Phil insisted I stay here with you until we know what's wrong. We were supposed to spend New Years together in Florida. I'm not sure how long I'll stay, probably not more than a few days."

"Will you both stay at the apartment? It's close by. There's a bed and the couch."

Charlie ran his hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable as he tried to decide. "We'll go back there tonight. Tomorrow we will figure everything out."

"Dr. Cullen is running the tests tomorrow, dad. I don't know how much I'll be in my room."

"We'll grab some breakfast and come over. We don't have anything else to do but come to the hospital."

I wondered how weird it was for him to be spending this much time alone with Renee. I didn't ever remember him dating anyone and always suspected he'd never gotten over her.

Renee stood with one hand on the door, as if she couldn't get out of here fast enough. "Is there anything else you need?"

I never knew how to react towards my mom. Yesterday she acted like we were best friends and today she was treating me more like an acquaintance than a daughter. It was almost like she couldn't grasp the reality of my situation. I was paralyzed and she wasn't acting like a normal mom would act. If my only child were in the hospital as a result of some mystery illness, you wouldn't be able to tear me away.

"No mom, just rest." I was exhausted; it seemed strange to be so tired when all I'd done all day was lay around, but I could barely keep my eyes open.

"We'll see you in the morning, then. Love you, sweetie." It was so much less stressful dealing with my mother and her issues via our long distance relationship. It was a relief to see her go. I'd never been able to understand how she could be so hot and cold. It was almost like dealing with two different people.

"Love you, Bells. We'll get to the bottom of this… whatever it is. Don't worry." Charlie was a man of few words, but his devotion to me was never questioned.

Even though he had always had an aversion to sick or overly emotional situations, and tried to avoid those things at all costs, I knew he'd be by my side for as long as I needed him.

Before I knew it, I was alone to ponder this unbelievable situation I was stuck in. I didn't understand how my life could have turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

I kept trying to move the limbs on my left side, hoping for some sort of miracle. Instead, I was met with the sensation of millions of tiny electrical impulses. I remember as a child wanting to bolt out of bed to see what I was getting for Christmas. Christmas morning was full of surprises. This Christmas morning had been too. Just not in the way I had expected.

Someone had a sick sense of humor. I kept wondering when I'd awaken from this nightmare.

An older nurse came in and rolled me onto my back as she raised my bed into a sitting position. "Hello Bella. I'm Maggie; I'll be your nurse tonight." She pushed a cup with two little pink pills into my right hand. I made a face.

"Dr. Cullen thought you could use something to help you sleep, dear. You seem out of sorts. Tomorrow will be a long day and he wants you to get a good night's rest."

I opened my mouth and popped the little pills inside. Maggie handed me a foam cup with a straw. I swallowed the pills and left my head sink back into the pillow. "I'll be in off and on tonight to check your vitals. I leave at 7am. If you need anything, just push this button." I nodded my head and swallowed. For the first time today, I felt truly alone.

Before it was daylight I heard footsteps, followed by the sound of water running. I looked as far as I could to the side, but I couldn't tell who was in the room. Soon enough Maggie came into my field of vision. "Good morning, dear!" She had a huge smile on her face that made me want to believe everything would be okay today.

Maggie helped to bathe me and get ready for my day. They withheld my breakfast but Maggie told me I'd most likely receive lunch. She also explained that some people became nauseated from the one test I would be having done.

A young redheaded girl with big glasses and a smattering of freckles across her cheeks came in and dropped a chart on the foot of my bed. "Bella, I'm Ivy. We're going to go down to radiology for several tests. They are doing an MRI and a myelogram. The myelogram is a test involving your spinal fluid, it'll help diagnose the origin of your paralysis."

I cringed. "Is it painful?" I needed to know what to expect.

"I've never had one, but I don't think it's pleasant. First, you'll be having a spinal tap done. They numb a spot on your back with a tiny needle, and then they use a larger needle to take fluid out of your spinal column. Then for the myelogram, they inject a contrast dye so they can see everything that's going on with your nerves and spine."

I shuddered. _I wish someone was here with me._ I didn't think I'd really want Renee fluttering about all day, but it would be nice to have Charlie and his silent support.

She patted my hand. "Don't worry; I believe your paralysis may prevent you from having much discomfort."

I couldn't imagine any benefit from the situation I was in now. It was ironic that my mystery illness could actually help me get through the tests I was terrified of experiencing.

Ivy and one of the nurses lifted me onto a gurney, and before I knew it, we were heading down the hallway. I didn't have to wait very long before they took me into the room with the MRI chamber.

Two orderlies lifted me onto the little platform and soon I was inside the machine. Ivy asked me if I'd like to listen to some music as the machine was quite loud. I nodded my head and someone turned on some upbeat mix of pop music. It didn't drown out all of the thumping and bumping but I imagined I'd have a headache just listening to the thumping noise the machine was making without something to cover it up.

The MRI wasn't all that bad; I got slightly claustrophobic in the beginning so they took me out and gave me a small pill for anxiety. After about fifteen minutes they put me back in and it didn't seem to take long at all.

The myelogram was the test that scared the shit out of me. Ivy was right - the paralysis prevented me from having any pain from the test. A spinal tap was done before the dye was injected for the myelogram. I was strapped to a huge table that twisted and turned at all different angles as X-rays were taken.

It wasn't more than two hours until I was back in my room. It was early, my clock reading just after 9am. It was amazing what you could get done when you get up early. I don't think the hospital staff believed in letting anyone sleep in.

Charlie and Renee were waiting for me. Charlie held his head in his hands while he sat in a chair in the corner. Renee came over and gave me a big kiss, asking if I wanted a sip of water as she sat the head of my bed up, fussing over me.

I remembered the warning Ivy had given me to remain flat as long as possible. "No! Mom, they said I should lay flat for a few hours."

Renee continued to raise the bed. "It's okay, Bella, don't argue with your mother. Here, you need a drink. They said you'll have problems if you get dehydrated." She thrust the cup into my hand.

"No, mom, really," I begged her. "Please just lay me down!"

My head was pounding, the pain became unbearable. I squeezed the button for the nurse. When she entered the room, she gasped. "Bella! You shouldn't be sitting up, yet."

"My mom did it; she won't lay me back down. My head is pounding; can you give me something for the pain?"

The nurse chuckled as she lowered my bed. "Your head hurts because of the difference in spinal fluid pressure. Some people have no problem after a myelogram, but we recommend you rest for several hours afterward. The pain is excruciating for some people." She laid me back down and the pain subsided some.

"That is a bit better."

"How is your headache?"

"It is still the worst headache I've ever experienced."

She looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry it hurts, Bella. I can give you some Demerol. It should help with the pain so you can rest."

I could've cried it hurt so badly.

I could tell my mom was nervous and upset, but it didn't excuse her need to take things into her own hands and do as she saw fit. I knew trying to keep her reined in was like babysitting a hyperactive kid. She wouldn't leave her hands off things; she'd butt in and interrupt important conversations. I had spent my life being the one mothering her.

_I didn't need this._

I wished she'd be a bit more cooperative, even if just for today. I wished, for once, she would act more compassionate. I couldn't think of a time when I needed her to just be my mother more, yet there she was, up to her old antics. Christmas Eve was incredible; I couldn't remember a time when I'd had so much fun with her. Today, I just wanted her to go home.

My nurse left for about five minutes and came back brandishing a syringe with a huge needle. As I swallowed audibly, she shushed me and picked up the IV tubing. "I got you something stronger than the Demerol, it'll work almost immediately." She stood, rubbing my shoulder then she turned towards my mother. "Ma'am, if you can't behave yourself, I'll have security remove you from Miss Swan's room."

Charlie laughed as he pulled out his Forks PD badge and said, "That's not necessary. Another stunt like that and I'll ship her back to Phoenix myself."

The nurse laughed as my dad nudged Renee.

"Come on Renee; let's go down to the coffee shop. I think we need to let Bella rest for a few hours." He turned towards me. "Bells, get some rest and we'll be back."

I was beginning to feel extremely fatigued. "Yeah, I'm not going anywhere," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. No one laughed.

I watched as my dad put a hand on the small of her back and maneuvered her out of the room as quickly as he could.

Before long, my day nurse came back. She shook my shoulder to rouse me. "Have you gotten any relief, Bella?"

"It's just a dull thudding now. It's definitely better than it was. I can manage this."

"I'm Sandra, by the way. I'll be here until three if you need anything. Do you want a drink or something to eat?"

I shook my head. "No thanks. I think I'll try to sleep for a while. Am I getting lunch?"

"Yes, they held your breakfast because some people get nauseous during or after the procedures. Your lunch is coming up in about three hours. I asked them to hold it until you are comfortable sitting up. I know you're hungry, but it'll be easier for you that way."

As the day progressed, my pain went away. I could finally concentrate on something other than my pounding head. Sandra brought in my lunch and set my tray up for me. She placed everything within reach of my right hand and told me she'd be back later. After attempting to not make a huge mess with my lunch, I started contemplating my future.

I'd have to talk with Principal Banner about a teacher's aide. The additional help would lessen my workload. I would have to call him at home so he could arrange a substitute teacher until I was feeling a little stronger. At the very least, I'd be out of school weeks after classes resumed from Christmas break. Fortunately, I had enough time accrued to take a medical leave for an extended amount of time.

I couldn't cut back to part-time; it wouldn't be fair to my students, and my full-time status was what allowed me to keep my health insurance. The school district had been getting less state funding every year and they began cutting as many corners as possible. I didn't want to give them any excuse to cut my healthcare benefits. The diagnosis of a long term illness was going to be a red flag as it was. Too many Americans were without healthcare benefits. I didn't want to be another statistic.

It was going to be difficult maneuvering around the school in a wheelchair. I didn't know how I was going to go home to my apartment either. I couldn't go to the bathroom without someone lifting me on and off the toilet. I'd never had to be dependent on anyone else.

I shoved my tray onto the floor in frustration, dishes and food clattering to the floor. How could I ever possibly care for myself again? There was no way of knowing if I'd ever even walk again. I was sure Charlie would want to help me, but he couldn't take time off work to be my nursemaid. Renee was one of the most unpredictable people I knew and she wouldn't help me. Would I have to go to a nursing home to recover?

Even Dr. Cullen had said there may not be any concrete answers with my condition.

Despair washed over me as I contemplated all the things I've always taken for granted. Sobbing, once again, I fell into a restless sleep.

I awoke to the clanking sounds of metal and what sounded like…dishes? Someone had turned the light on over my bed. I looked over to find Charlie was picking up the remains of my lunch. Guilt washed over me as I watched him gather pieces of glass, silverware and food from the floor. After he put the last cooked carrot on what was left of my plate, he stood up, setting the tray on the bedside table.

"Will that be safe there?"

"I'm sorry, dad; I didn't mean to make a mess for anyone. I'm just so frustrated."

"Its okay, Bells. I'm glad to see you're letting it all out."

"Where's mom?"

"Your mother is back at your place, talking to Phil. I don't know if she'll make it here tonight." Charlie looked much older than usual tonight.

"Hey, it's alright. This can't be a fun holiday for her. She came all this way to end up sitting in a hospital."

"Bella, you should be her biggest concern. I'm just relieved we were both already here so you didn't have to face any of this alone. You couldn't get out of bed; you wouldn't even have been able to call an ambulance. I don't like you staying here all alone. You're over three hours from home. I think you should come home with me."

"Dad, I can't expect you to take care of me. That would be uncomfortable for both of us."

"I spoke with Dr. Cullen, and the hospital social worker is coming in to talk with us tomorrow after your therapy. I really like Dr. Cullen - do you realize he's been off your case since they brought you to a room, yet he's gone over all of your tests, set up consultations with different specialists and referred us to someone who can help find someone to take care of you when you get home? He's a very dedicated doctor."

While I was sleeping, Dr. Cullen had told Charlie I would be discharged in a few days but there were more tests he wanted to run. Before Christmas, I'd been having trouble making it to the bathroom in time. I hadn't thought anything of it, but apparently it was another piece of this mysterious puzzle.

Tomorrow afternoon I would begin physical therapy from my wheelchair. Dr. Cullen wanted me to be able to maneuver myself; he said it was important that I learned how to get myself in and out of bed, dress from a sitting position and a few other things I'd need to perfect before I returned to my students. I felt fortunate that my students were older and didn't need assistance with putting on boots and coats.

Once more, I drifted into a fitful sleep, and I almost wished I had more of the sleeping pills Dr. Cullen had prescribed to me the night before.

Again, when morning came, I awoke to find Maggie smiling down at me. She helped me bathe and get dressed in a t-shirt and sweat pants. I'd be spending a few hours in the rehab gymnasium this afternoon.

"Dr. Cullen is coming by in a few hours to see you. He wants to go over the preliminary findings of your tests, and he also wants you to meet his nephew."

I frowned. "Isn't it inappropriate for another patient to be involved in my case?" I was certainly concerned for this young doctor who couldn't seem to keep himself healthy enough to stay out of the hospital.

"From what I understand, Edward has been discharged from the hospital this morning. He's got a reputation, though. He's by far the most promising doctor in the neurology program. He was always ahead of his peers in school, and he's more prepared to help you than any other physician here.

"You can't tell anyone I told you that, but you seem so hesitant. I'm not supposed to say one doctor is any better than another, but if it were me I'd ask to be referred to Edward. He's a very compassionate person. He understands what you're dealing with. I've known him since he was a little boy. He's a good person, Bella."

I wished there was some way to predict what my future held. Dr. Cullen said he was almost certain he knew what the outcome of yesterday's testing would show. While I dreaded the news, it would be better to know what I was facing

Before breakfast was delivered, Dr. Cullen stepped in for a few minutes and sat down. He looked downtrodden. As he rubbed his eyes with his hands, he began to speak.

"As you're aware, Bella, I've believed since your admission that the symptoms you're experiencing are the result of a neurological condition. The MRI and CT scan show white areas on your brain; we refer to them as lesions. These 'lesions' suggest you have Multiple Sclerosis. MS is an inflammatory disease that affects the central nervous system. The white lesions on your MRI show areas where the myelin is lost; the myelin is like the insulation on a piece of wire. When the disease is active, as yours is now, the myelin is stripped from different nerves. This causes your nerve impulses to slow down or stop. The myelin doesn't grow back, but in your case, we believe the disease will go into a period of inactivity. We feel your MS is the type that relapses and goes into remission. Each relapse is called an exacerbation, and many people fully recover from the episode. Every case is different, and each exacerbation is different. Based on the previous episodes you encountered in Phoenix, I believe this is your second exacerbation. "

I remained quiet through his explanation, but some things puzzled me. "I barely mentioned the things that happened in Phoenix. Really. They all seemed like coincidences. Were they really all that significant?"

"Bella, dragging your feet and tripping frequently is significant. You mentioned it was always your left foot. Your left side was being affected back then too."

"I just chalked that up to being clumsy. I never made the connection."

"Your episode after laying out under the sun is another piece of the puzzle as well."

"How can that possibly have anything to do with this condition?" I began to question the good doctor's sanity.

"Many MS patients are affected by heat. In fact, before doctors had the advanced tests we have today, they submerged patients in a tub of very hot water. If they became listless while in the tub but recovered after cooling off, they were almost always diagnosed with MS. Your days of laying out in the sun for a tan are over, Isabella."

"I don't think that'll be a problem here in Seattle."

Dr. Cullen chuckled. "I suppose not."

Dr. Cullen continued to talk with me, explaining how the issues with my vision and even the frequent trips to the bathroom had all been factors in my diagnosis.

He said many people who experience - what had he called it?-an 'exacerbation' like this - walk again with little trouble. He said the paralysis should subside over the next few weeks.

Dr. Cullen continued to speak. "The myelogram confirms the diagnosis. The spinal fluid we withdrew contains proteins. The way they group themselves tells us the diagnosis is correct. I've sent the fluid out for more in-depth testing, but I know the findings will be the same. I'm so sorry, Isabella. I wish I had better news for you."

I sat there in silence as I fingered the hem of the blanket that covered me. Tears fell freely. I couldn't do more than shake my head from time to time. He kept talking about new treatments, experimental therapies, things that would lessen the severity of the disease.

"But you said there's hope that this will possibly just go away?" I sniffled.

"No, Bella, the MS won't just go away. The symptoms you're experiencing right now will most likely subside. Over the years, you may have many different symptoms - any part of your body can be affected. You may not have any symptoms for many years. I suppose that is the most distressful part of the disease, not knowing how or when you'll be affected next."

I found that I had become distracted. I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I was hopeful that I would get past this and would be able to resume my life. The uncertainty about what the future held for me was very frightening.

I'd never been one to just give in when things got tough. Being a teacher, I realized I'd need to research MS and learn whatever I could, both about the disease and the treatments of which he spoke.

Finally, the doctor excused himself. He said Dr. Gilmer would be in later to see me. Dr. Cullen said he would stop later this evening to talk with my parents about his findings.

After my visitor, I didn't have the energy to eat much breakfast. Maggie sent most of my meal back to the cafeteria.

I was exhausted after the bath and breakfast. Who knew something so simple could be so tiring? Maggie left my radio playing softly after she adjusted me into a comfortable position. I didn't even realize I drifted off after awhile.

I was both physically and mentally exhausted. My body finally succumbed and for the first time since I'd been here, I fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke, I felt completely refreshed. Being alert had it's disadvantages, my mind was working overtime trying to process everything I could remember from my earlier conversation with Dr. Cullen.

Slowly my mind drifted to all the things that were about to change in my life. I couldn't help but obsess over all the things I loved that I might never experience again. Thinking about it was devastating. My heart broke into a million pieces as I lay sobbing, mourning my life _before_… because life would never again be the same. My carefree days of enjoying life to its fullest were over it seemed. I couldn't dress myself or use the toilet independently. Hell, my _life_ was over.

While I was wallowing in self-pity, I heard a soft tap on my door. It took a minute to find my voice before I could choke out, "Come in."

I never heard anyone enter until I heard someone clear his throat. He introduced himself as Carlisle Cullen's nephew and started talking to me, telling me how this was merely a bump in the road and life as I knew it wasn't over. I didn't hear the rest of what he was saying as I launched into a childish tirade.

I was so tired of everyone's cheery attitude when my life was in tatters. Everyone… the doctors… nurses… my parents… all wanted me to look for the silver lining. This man, pushing his conversation on me was the very last straw and I snapped. I let him have it with both barrels. Certain that he slipped out the door once I finished, I opened my eyes. I was shocked to find myself eye to eye with the most beautiful man I'd ever seen.

~Edward~

I'll never forget the day that I met Bella Swan. It was December 27th, 2006.

I had spent my Christmas in the hospital, and I couldn't wait to get as far from that room as possible. It had been a dismal holiday from my perspective.

Had I not been ill, I would have been working the holiday in this very hospital, but being on the other side of the bedpan gave you an entirely different outlook. My urologist, Doctor Reilly, released me this morning. My body finally began to respond to the antibiotic cocktail he cooked up and it slowly rid my body of the infection that had made me deathly ill. I was relieved beyond words that it wasn't MRSA.

I could return to work almost immediately, but I was going to take a day or two off to recoup and try to regain some of the strength I lost laying in bed for days. It was back to Emmett and the physical therapy gym for me.

As I was packing my duffel bag, I heard a light tap on my door before someone walked into the room. I would've known the soft footsteps of my uncle anywhere; they were as soft as the rest of his demeanor. Everything about him exuded quiet, calm compassion.

I turned to see him looking at me with…uncertainty? This surprised me. Carlisle always seemed so collected.

"Edward," he greeted.

"Carlisle, I'm almost ready. I could have gotten myself home some how." When I looked at his face again, I knew there was more to this visit than just seeing me off. "Is something wrong?"

"I was wondering if we could stop for lunch in the cafeteria first. I have something to discuss with you."

I grimaced. "You know I hate eating there. Can't we go someplace else for lunch?"

At that point, my uncle looked at the floor, his hands clasped behind his back. He raised himself up onto his toes, then back down. "I have someone I'd like you to meet… before we leave the hospital."

I leaned back, hooking my arm behind the push handle of my chair to steady myself. "I haven't even completed my discharge and you already want to talk shop?"

I recognized the look on his face. It was the one he wore when he intended to take on the world. For some reason, this one had affected him. I knew already that it futile to try and get out of it. "It's a special case, son. I'd like your opinion," he said softly, and then added, "I need you, Edward. _She_ needs you."

I was tired and cranky. I had been here far too long and just wanted to get away. "Is this the girl you ordered all the tests for?" I groaned. I was ready to go home.

"Yes. I'm certain it's MS. I spoke with her this morning. She's going home in a wheelchair, Edward. A few days ago she was a vibrant twenty seven year old with the world in the palm of her hands. She's very active, or rather, she was. She is absolutely devastated. She really needs to talk with someone. She needs to know this isn't the end of the world."

I headed off in the direction of the cafeteria, my uncle in tow. He knew I would react this way before he ever started the conversation. He was quite compelling when there was something needed for a particular patient.

It was a bit early; the lunch crowd hadn't really descended on the place yet, and breakfast had more or less cleared out, allowing us to find a quiet corner to talk.

Carlisle handed me a small folder. I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. He was never one to do anything unethical; this one must have really gotten under his skin.

Not yet looking inside, I asked a few questions. "What did you discover when you took her history? Have there been any abnormalities over the past few months?"

"She said no at first. Then, as we talked, she remembered a few things. Last fall, during a trip to visit her mother in Phoenix, she bought a pair of sandals. Almost immediately she began catching her left toe on things. Her mother chastised her for wearing the sandals, and before she even came back to Washington, she put them away. She's still been dragging that toe in her sneakers. She says she just chalked it up to being unnaturally clumsy. I guess she could trip over thin air."

"Was there anything else?"

"She started wearing glasses last fall as well. Just for reading. She gets blurred vision when she reads for any period of time. She's an elementary school teacher."

"So she reads a lot."

My uncle nodded his head. "Yes."

"Any double vision?"

He rubbed his chin and shook his head. "She said no."

"Is there anything else out of the ordinary?"

"When she was in Phoenix, it was very hot. Upper nineties the whole visit. She said she was lethargic the entire stay. Apparently the mother doesn't like to use the air conditioning."

I frowned as he continued. I knew what heat could do to someone with MS, especially relentless heat like the heat of Arizona.

"She decided to lay out with friends one afternoon. She couldn't get up; the neighbor had to carry her into the house. Once her friends turned on the airconditioning and helped her get cooled off, she was fine. She swore everyone to silence and managed to get away with it."

"So, you're thinking the initial exacerbation was around two to three months ago?"

Carlisle's face contorted into a frown. I could tell he'd already let this one grow on him. "It would appear that way, wouldn't it?"

"What were the findings of the tests?"

Carlisle frowned again, knowing he was putting the nails in her coffin, so to speak. A diagnosis like this wasn't terminal, yet we both knew her life could change drastically in as little as a few months.

"The MRI showed lesions characteristic with MS."

"And the myelogram?"

Carlisle let out a breath he probably didn't realize he'd been holding. "The protein in her spinal fluid shows every indication of MS."

I stepped in. "Those results, in addition to the two neurologic episodes over a three month span just cements the diagnosis."

"I told her as much."

I was saddened; I thought back over the things Carlisle had told me… she was only twenty-seven, an elementary school teacher. It always hit those who were young, and in the prime of their life. This was why I went into neurology. Not just for my own benefit, but to help other young people with life altering conditions.

"Tell me about her. What is she like? How is she handling all of this? Did you get her a psych consult? You know she's going to need it."

"They are meeting with her this afternoon. She's a mess." He hesitated, concentrating on something through the cafeteria door. "I was hoping you could get her to go to your support group."

_Of course you were._

I sighed, "She's going to need support. The MS society has great self-help groups. Has anyone referred her to them? They can assist her with assistive technology and medical equipment as well. Does she have adequate insurance?"

"I'm not sure what sort of coverage she has. You know I don't have access to that information; when the patients get to us, they are all equals in regards to their ability to pay. That is between the patient and the billing department. She is a local teacher- I know most of the teachers have insurance through their union."

"An MS diagnosis will change things for her. It's hard getting medical insurance with a pre-existing condition. There are ways, though. Just make sure she sees the hospital social worker if she doesn't have insurance. It's difficult, but there are ways if you're creative. She can't afford to waste any time."

By now we'd finished eating our bagels and the coffee had run dry. I noticed I'd made tight little balls out of my napkin. Why was I nervous about meeting one of Carlisle's patients?

Perhaps because I was going to try to convince her that much worse things could be wrong with her and she should suck it up and put her shattered life back together.

I backed away from the table more forcefully than necessary. "Let's go see your patient."

As I pulled up to the door of room 511, I grabbed the chart from its holder. Isabella Swan. 27. DX, Multiple Sclerosis. I don't know why I bothered looking inside, I'd already seen all the pertinent information.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

I tapped on the door before I opened it. The soft "come in" that came from the room's occupant sounded more like it came from a little girl than a school teacher. She was lying on her side with her back to me. I watched as she lay sobbing quietly. How did I let my uncle drag me into this?

_He always recruits me to console the young ones._

I cleared my throat to make my presence known; my wheelchair was so quiet, I could literally sneak up on people without them knowing. I didn't want to scare her. The sound of footsteps on the linoleum is something patients expected to hear as a caregiver approaches them.

As I examined the room to establish the best route to greet her face to face without knocking over any of the obstacles before me, I began talking. "Isabella, my name is Edward Cullen. My uncle asked me to talk with you."

I watched her stiffen and reach out with her right hand to steady herself with the bed rail. I remembered Carlisle telling me her left side was the one that had been affected.

"I know Dr. Cullen _thinks_ he has all the answers. I'm not in the mood to discuss this right now. Please…just go." She sounded so broken. My heart clenched at the sound of her voice.

"Isabella," I started again, but she abruptly cut me off.

"If you're not going to leave me alone, at least call me Bella." I recognized the sound of defeat. She was devastated, and I didn't want to upset her further. She _needed_ to find it in herself to rely on other people for encouragement and support when the going got tough. Because, I was certain, the going would get tough for her.

"Okay… _Bella_." I had no intention of leaving yet.

I opened her chart and looked over the result of her MRI, CT scan and the myelogram. The pattern of protein in the spinal fluid they withdrew during the myelogram was what had confirmed the diagnosis.

"The results of all the tests I ordered indicate MS as your diagnosis. I know you're trying to come to terms with this, but I want you to understand this isn't the end of the world. Many successful people work and live from the confines of a wheelchair."

Just when I expected more tears, she began screaming at me. "It's so easy for all of you to tell me how little my life has to change! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to wet your bed because no one gets there soon enough to help you onto the toilet?"

_Oh, honey if you only knew._

She continued to let loose and I was glad she was purging herself. "Do you know what it's like to have to wait, sometimes for hours, for someone to put you in a wheelchair so you can just go look out the window? Can you imagine what it's like to know you'll never hike or rock climb or ski again? Until you have some comprehension of what I'm going through, hit the road and don't come back. I'm so tired of being patronized! You don't have a clue what this feels like!"

I remained silent as she continued her rant. She needed this. It was important to let it all out. I made my way around the foot of her bed as she continued to yell. She had a death grip on the bedrail, her eyes clenched shut.

"I've lost everything! I'm twenty-seven years old. How dare you tell me I'll _learn_ to _adapt_. You've given me a life sentence."

Her thought was lost as she opened her eyes and looked at me. At this point, I was next to her bed, mere inches from her face. Her eyes got big as she took in the wheelchair I was sitting in. Comprehension flooded her features and she hung her head in what had to be embarrassment. A bright read flush graced her cheeks. She simply said, "Oh God.", and buried her face in her hands.

I'd experienced this response before from patients I've had the advantage of sneaking up on. Often, when they realized I was in a chair, it took so much longer for them to let loose and voice their frustrations.

Most of them wouldn't want to appear rude, so they'd just keep it all bottled up.

The best thing for any of them to do was to get angry and vent their anger... to purge their soul. It was a rare occasion to find myself in a position that afforded me the opportunity to hide my physical condition from a patient before they began to open up.

I started the support group at Harborview during my first year working in neurology. I was shocked that there wasn't already a support group for people with newly acquired disabilities. There was a traumatic head injury group, one for individuals who had suffered strokes, and another for spinal cord injuries. I had attended the latter as soon as I came to University of Washington. I wasn't thrilled with the information or referrals they were providing patients, and their attendance was low. Apparently I wasn't the only person who was disillusioned after turning to them for assistance.

I decided something more was needed for people with disabilities, something with more options. My aunt jumped at the chance to assist me forming a group. We had a lot to offer new patients. I think our greatest asset was the buddy system we encouraged. Individuals were paired up based on type of disability, personality, lifestyle and interests. It fostered lasting friendships, often involving entire family units. This was the kind of mentality that allowed people to thrive, no matter what their ability was.

I smiled at Miss Swan. _Bella._ Suddenly, I wanted her to trust me. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to help her put her demons to rest and get on with her life. I set a box of Kleenex next to her. _These feelings were foreign to me. I never had any desire to bond with a patient._

Warily, Bella smiled back, looking more than a bit embarrassed at her rant. "I'm so sorry. I feel like a real jerk now." She pushed the button to raise the head of her bed up and grabbed a wad of tissues, blowing her nose loudly.

"Please, feel free to say what's on your mind. I'm not that easily offended." I was grinning like a damn ape. I knew she was upset, but her little rant was more beneficial than anything. I certainly was not offended. I wanted her to realize that I had come to terms with my situation and I truly **am** living a great life. This wheelchair is more than an annoyance, but I could either embrace my life or wallow in self-pity. The self-pity would fester and rot me from the inside out. Self-pity would have destroyed me. In my head, there had only ever been one option for me.

Bella looked thoughtful before her next comment. "You seem so at ease. Are you certain the wheelchair isn't a prop?"

I found myself laughing. "No, Bella, I assure you it is not."

She appeared embarrassed. "May I ask, um, how did…" She looked at the floor and then back at the chair.

"It's okay to ask, Bella. I know your history, it's only fair you know mine."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I'd told my story hundreds of times, and it wasn't the disability that altered my life and broke my heart. Losing the use of my legs was _nothing_ compared to everything else I had lost that afternoon. I had a little different perspective than most disabled individuals.

"I was in an automobile accident shortly after my eighteenth birthday. My uncle Carlisle convinced me to go into medicine during my rehab after I moved in with him and my aunt."

I braced myself for the question I'd left open for her, but she didn't ask. They all wanted to know about my parents. _Why didn't I go home with them?_ The question I always hated to answer never came.

"I'd like to invite you to join my support group here at Harborview. We're here for anyone with a newly acquired disability, and we have meetings every Tuesday. I try to attend whenever I can. You'd benefit from the fellowship as well as the resources we have to offer. I'll be there this week, if you'd like to go you'd have the advantage of knowing someone. I imagine you'll still be here tomorrow evening. I didn't read any discharge notes in your chart."

"No, I'm starting some sort of steroid therapy this evening and there are more tests I need to have yet. A CMG or a VCUG. Something about urination. I don't really understand all the tests."

"I don't mean to pry, but are you having problems with urination?"

"Yeah, to an extent. Your uncle seemed to think it was important that they investigate it."

"I've had both tests done. The CMG is less humiliating. Neither one is truly painful, just a bit embarrassing. The CMG uses a catheter with a special device to measure pressure in your bladder to determine how much it can hold and at what pressure you need to urinate. The other test uses contrast dye to see how everything flows. They're more of an annoyance than anything."

She frowned. "Oh, great."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've been through worse."

I held my hand out to shake hers. She left go of the bedrail and feel back into her pillows when she reached to shake hands. As I held her hand relishing its warmth and softness, I sighed. Time to go.

"Well, I've got a few things to take care of. I should help Carlisle take my bags out to the car. I don't want him to do all the work."

She dropped my hand and cocked her head. "You haven't been discharged yet?"

"I've been a free man for an hour."

"I'm sorry I held you up. It was nice meeting you. I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to explode."

"It's okay, Bella, _really_. It's good to let it all out. Can we consider it a date, then?"

"I think I'd like that."

I left the hospital feeling better than I had in days. I stopped by the rehab gym on my way out. I rolled over to Carmen's desk and pulled out my notebook with the list of support group members. I needed to take it home and study; I wanted to pair Bella up with someone who could truly help her learn to adjust.

~Bella~

My visitor left me with many things to consider. While he hadn't given me answers, he did give me _options_. He also made me realize I need to be more open minded. As good as it felt to light into him, the only word that came to mind when I set eyes on him was… _embarrassment_.

As Edward left my room, I settled back into my nest. While I still had this huge weight hanging over me, I realized that perhaps he was right. Maybe it would be easier to bear the burden if I allowed someone to share the load. While there would be obstacles, I'd never been a quitter. This was certainly no time to begin.

It wouldn't be so terrible to go to a meeting with the handsome doctor. I was glad that I agreed to go. I had a feeling the support group would become an important part of my life in days to come. After attending that first meeting I realized how great an asset these people could be.

Never in a million years could I have _imagined_ my decision that afternoon would _impact_ my life so deeply.

Here we are, nearly two years later, I felt so much better about myself. My life had gotten back on track, and I'd made the biggest move of my life. It took us so long to get here. It took almost losing him for us to reconnect. It wasn't always easy, but this has become the most enriching experience of my life.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Two

~Edward~

_**October 27, 2007**_

When Edward Cullen maneuvered his wheelchair around the potholes on Montlake Boulevard, he questioned the intelligence of his decision to make his way home on that treacherous roadway alone, in the dark. He traveled this route daily and knew it well; however, on a dark night heavy with fog, traveling it alone along a section with no streetlights to illuminate his path and nothing but a painted line to separate him from oncoming traffic caused him to doubt his above average IQ.

After he'd pulled almost twelve hours at the Institute for Stem Cell & Regenerative Medicine and then checked on a patient at Harborview Hospital, all he wanted was a hot meal, a few cups of coffee and the fellowship of some friendly faces. At eight o'clock on an October night, the brisk jaunt to a neighborhood burger joint was refreshing after he had been cooped up in the lab all day.

On that fateful night, Edward ate without the camaraderie of his usual counterparts. Everyone was out having fun. The quiet meal gave him time to mull over his day; one of Edward's older patients was in the end stages of Parkinson's disease and her kidney function was poor. Edward delivered the unfortunate news to her family: Mrs. Cope wasn't long for this world. The time had come for her to go home and spend her final days with her loved ones. Her insurance wouldn't pay for her to remain in the hospital much longer, and knowing his patient as he did, Edward was certain she wouldn't want to go to a facility if it were possible to return home. Edward understood better than anyone how comforting it was to be surrounded by your loved ones when you're ill.

On a normal night, either his roommate Mike Newton or his friend Eric Yorkie would accompany Edward home, making certain he arrived safely. But that night wasn't just any night.

That night was the homecoming game. Washington vs. Oregon.

Mike was undoubtedly under the bleachers with his girl Jessica or her friend Lauren, perhaps both. It wasn't unheard of for Mike to get caught in a compromising position with the two young nurses. Edward hadn't seen any of them that night.

During afternoon lab, Eric promised to meet Edward after the halftime show and walk him home. Eric was the Washington Huskies mascot.

Eric never arrived.

Edward was a big man; he was tall with a solid build. His upper body was well-defined thanks to over fourteen years of propelling a manual wheelchair, and traveling as a pedestrian was easy for him. The day of the accident was a lab day, so he had been using his Permobile C-500 electric wheelchair. That chair was built on a frame that straightened him into a standing position. On lab days, he couldn't function without it. Edward had never owned a car. He traveled all over the city in his wheelchair. The public transportation system was well suited to his needs, aside from the occasional inclement weather. Edward found it intriguing to observe the passengers and their little idiosyncrasies.

The buses had made their last route past the diner for the night. The walk wasn't a long one, just a bit treacherous in a few places that were poorly lit or improperly maintained.

Knowing he had to walk home unaccompanied, Edward started off by taking a route that was slightly safer than the shortcut he typically walked with a friend. Breaking out of his usual routine was a pleasant change for Edward, and he noticed little differences on the face of Seattle's storefronts.

As he wheeled down the sidewalk past various establishments, Edward found himself outside of a restaurant he hadn't set foot in since his eighteenth birthday party. Heavenly Pasteria was no longer an Italian restaurant, but now appeared to be a small deli.

It had been so long ago, and while it haunted him for what seemed to be an eternity, Edward had finally moved past that evening. He thought of his parents often, and losing them still tugged at his heart. He wished, in some way, they could see the man he had become. He had tried to make something of the life they had given him. Memories of that night flooded his mind, and he was powerless to stop them.

_**~June 1991~**_

Edward had celebrated his eighteenth birthday the weekend before the accident. His father, Ed Senior, had been in Europe for a medical supply convention the day his son became an adult and Elizabeth wanted to have a big party when her husband came home. Edward wanted no part of that, but after much disagreement, arrangements were made for a small family gathering at Edward's favorite restaurant in Seattle after picking Ed up at Sea-Tac airport.

It worked perfectly to meet in Seattle; two of Edward's close friends, Angela Weber and Ben Cheney, had moved there over the summer in order to find part-time jobs and to prepare for college, which started in August. Carlisle's cousin Alice, an in-home nurse from Harborview Hospital, had also dropped by to surprise Edward. They used to play together as kids, even though Alice was several years older, but they hadn't seen each other in forever.

Carlisle and Esme drove up in the Volvo with Edward and Elizabeth; they would drive that home while the Masens would drive home in Ed's Mercedes, which still sat in the Sea-Tac parking lot.

Elizabeth had reservations about Edward driving all the way home from Seattle alone. Even though he was now all grown up, she was fiercely protective. Elizabeth also knew Ed wanted to make one last effort to try and dissuade their son from the career path on which he had his heart set. Having him alone in the car for over three hours would guarantee they'd have Edward's undivided attention.

After consuming far too much food and leaving the banquet room of the restaurant looking more like a war zone than the five star establishment it was, Edward's family and friends disbanded to go their separate ways.

The three hour ride home was filled with discussion about Edward's impending move to Portland. Edward had chosen to pursue a career as an undertaker, and his parents had been trying to sway his decision for years. Yes, it was a lucrative business, but his parents feared his decision was made mostly to satisfy his morbid curiosity and nothing more.

Edward was as stubborn as his father, and the two had engaged in this very same argument for a number of years. Fearing he was running out of time before his son made what Ed saw as a huge mistake, he continued to push Edward to consider something with more merit that would still allow him to pursue a field that dealt with the dead.

Ed Senior felt that if working with dead bodies all day was the only line of work that held Edward's interest, it would be more appropriate for him to pursue a job in forensic pathology. Yes, he would have to have an MD, but the work still dealt with death, and it was this interest in death that had drawn his son like a moth to a light bulb.

From the time Edward was a young boy, he'd had an almost abnormal fascination with death and dying. In junior high, his uncle Carlisle took him aside and suggested he consider a career as a mortician. It was a profession that would require little advanced preparation on Edward's part.

The fact that his brother-in-law had instilled the idea that a career as a mortician was an acceptable career for someone as bright as Edward infuriated Ed. Anyone could earn the certificate that was required to become a mortician. Edward wasn't just 'anyone'. Both sides of the family knew Edward could be almost anything he wanted. Ed's vision for Edward was so much greater than that. He felt that it was beneath Edward, that he wasn't anywhere near meeting his full potential.

Carlisle's encouragement had caused a wedge to form between the two families. Ed felt this was an inappropriate career choice for his only offspring, and it was his secret hope that he could somehow change his son's mind by the time he graduated medical school. He prayed Edward would choose to work with the living. Ed thought he had plenty of time on his side.

Realizing he had another long-term trip to Europe in a few weeks, Ed chose this opportunity to make one last effort to change Edward's mind. After a heated discussion, followed by dead silence, Elizabeth spoke up in an attempt to break the tension. She began questioning Edward about the things that he was looking forward to, as well as the things he was intimidated by with his chosen field.

The conversation slowly turned back to the carefree banter the Masen family normally exchanged.

"Son, I just don't understand the intrigue with dead bodies. I know we've joked about it in the past, but really, are you sure this is what you want to do?"

Edward wanted nothing more than to change the subject, but decided answering their questions like an adult would be the easiest way to make them understand.

"I have always wondered what happens to people when they die. How their body and soul become separate entities. I want to know what happens afterward. I have so many questions." He looked like a child, so full of wonder.

Ed laughed and said, "I think you chose the wrong profession. If that is where your interest lies, perhaps you should be going to seminary."

Edward shook his head. "No, I've never been more certain. I'll still have many life science courses under my belt, and I'm still taking pre-med classes, so if I change my mind I can always become a doctor and follow Carlisle's footsteps. I could even pursue your dreams of being the next Callam County Medical Examiner. However, I don't think patients with a pulse are the ones that pique my curiosity."

Elizabeth spoke up. "Aren't you scared of being in a room full of dead people? I'd rather spend my work day with living, breathing co-workers instead of a room full of corpses."

"No, mom, I don't really think I'm much of a people person. Besides, the dead don't really scare me."

Removing her seatbelt, Elizabeth turned completely in her seat to face her son. "What do you mean, you're not a people person? Edward, what in the world would make you say that? You were always so popular with your classmates."

Edward smiled sadly. "I'd choose spending the afternoon with a good book over taking a trip to the mall. The kids from school just seem so…juvenile. I don't really get along with many kids my own age. Even though we're all the same age the all feel so much younger. The girls are all airheads and the guys are all jocks and motor heads. They just seem immature. Other than Ben and Angela, I really don't socialize much. No, I wouldn't mind not having to try to make conversation with people."

Edward paused, catching up with his thoughts. "The only thing that intimidates me is the blood. I don't know if I could drain the poor souls until they're pale and cold."

Ed was howling. "Son, they will already be pale and cold when they get to you. Even though they won't be talking, I hope you'll be prepared to become intimate with each and every one of them. I'm certain you'll share a close relationship of sorts."

"Dad, it's not just about dealing with dead bodies. It's about the interaction with the families, helping them find closure so they can go on. Do you remember how bad the funeral home made Grandma Masen look? I want to be able to give the families of my customers a good experience. I don't want them to go home with bad memories."

Ed laughed. "Suppose you end up with a bunch of mangled corpses from some accident? Do you really want the task of putting those poor souls back together? Uncle Carlisle is going to have to hold you after you develop an unhealthy fear of the dark."

"I doubt that will happen, but Carlisle has always been my greatest supporter. I'm certain he'd come if I needed him."

"You know we support you no matter what you choose to do in life, as long as you don't want a lifelong career flipping burgers at Mc Donald's."

Turning back around in her seat, as she fumbled to find her seatbelt, Elizabeth began to reinforce Ed's declaration of support when she screamed. "Oh my God! Ed, watch out!"

A huge log truck was careening toward the Masen's Mercedes. Ed tried to swerve, but the tires slid in the mud, hastening the collision of the two vehicles and pulling the Mercedes directly into the path of the truck.

It was only several miles from the Masen family home, on a lightly traveled road, deep in the forest of Forks, Washington, where the log truck and the Mercedes collided. Harry Clearwater, the driver of the massive rig, suffered a fatal heart attack, taking Ed and Elizabeth Masen to the hereafter with him. Edward, who sat behind his mother, was protected enough to come out of the accident with his life; however, life as he had known it had been radically altered in a matter of seconds.

From his seat in the back of the car, Edward froze like a deer caught in the headlights. There was nothing that could be done; their fate had been sealed. The scene played out in slow motion: the screeching tires, the sickening sound of metal against metal and the screams of his parents. They gurgled and gasped as the life seeped out of their bodies, a pool of red filling the car.

He couldn't move his legs, the panic only setting in when he realized he couldn't _feel _his legs either. Edward opened his eyes and was immediately aware that he was pinned behind his mother's seat. From his prison, he witnessed his worst nightmare; the mangled corpses his father had so recently chagrined him about were his loved ones sitting in the front seat of the car.

It was apparent, that moment when the souls and the bodies became separate entities, and the only sounds in the car were Edward's heartbroken sobs. And it was, in fact, Carlisle, who held Edward as he cried out night after night, afraid of the dark.

Carlisle and Esme realized Edward would receive the best care at a larger facility. He was air lifted to Harborview Hospital in Seattle, because Forks General was not equipped to do much more than stabilize Edward.

In those early hours, Carlisle made numerous frantic phone calls to colleagues. However, Edward's injuries, while serious, could have been much worse. His spinal cord sustained a flexion injury, the result of being thrown forward on impact. In addition, he had been pinned between his mother's seat and the back ledge of the car. The Mercedes crumpled like an accordion. Being pinned had cut off the blood supply to his spinal cord, paralyzing him almost immediately from the waist down.

Edward's spine had a T-12 break. The location of the break was between his umbilicus and his hips, and was such that he should have sensory function and would most likely have feeling in the front of his legs as low as mid shin. Individuals with this type of injury usually had motor function such as extension of their hips and knees.

Carlisle also realized that Edward could experience weak or absent sacral function. The nerve pathways between his bladder and brain were interrupted. He most likely would have to rely on a catheter to relieve himself and might not have independent bowel function. It would also affect the outcome of his ability to have a sexual relationship with a woman or to father children. It broke Carlisle's heart to realize Edward might suffer the same fate as he and Esme had, longing his entire life for children that would never be born.

Preliminary examinations concluded that Edward's spinal cord injury was incomplete. That determination was made after it was found that Edward still had certain lower body muscle contractions that classified him as an incomplete SCI.

That one word, _incomplete_, made Carlisle want to sing. It meant that there was hope. After the swelling subsided, now that the blood flow was re-established to his spinal cord and after the break had been repaired, Edward could possibly regain some movement in his lower extremities. While the vertebrae had been shattered, the damage could be repaired.

Less than twenty-four hours after the accident, Edward, still unconscious, was wheeled off to surgery. When repairing an injury such as Edward's, the first twenty-four hours were crucial.

Carlisle had flown an orthopedic surgeon in from Houston. Glenn Ecker was a renowned orthopedic spine specialist. After nine grueling hours in surgery, all the tiny fragments of broken vertebrae had been removed and were replaced with vertebrae from a cadaver. The vertebrae on either side of the damaged one were fused together with the damaged one and reinforced with titanium rods. The surgery itself was a success. Carlisle had been prepared for much worse, and was relieved when it was over and Edward was resting comfortably in his room. Edward would spend months in rehab, and it was possible that he would never walk again, but he was alive.

If Edward's body responded favorably and he worked hard, his prognosis would be excellent. Even if he didn't regain the ability to walk, Carlisle was ecstatic that Edward hadn't lost the use of his upper body, nor would he have to rely on a ventilator to breathe for the rest of his life.

Edward did remain on a ventilator for several weeks, as the impact from the front seat had broken six ribs and bruised his lungs. He lay unconscious in intensive care for over two weeks. On the 17th day post-accident, he awoke. Several days later, Edward was able to breathe independently and the ventilator was removed.

In his former life, Edward was no athlete, but he had the advantage of youth and had been in excellent physical condition. Lying in a bed for weeks had caused his muscles to atrophy, destroying much of that.

After eight weeks, Edward was moved to a nearby rehabilitation facility. He still had no movement or feeling below his navel and could only sit up when strapped to his wheelchair with a chest harness. The weakness was frustrating for someone so young.

Frequent muscle spasms and constant pain were a daily occurrence, but range of motion exercises and copious doses of a strong muscle relaxer helped minimize the painful spasms. There was still the question of whether Edward would walk again, but he was definitely regaining sensation.

When he began to improve physically, a counselor began working with Edward to help him deal with the loss of his parents. He still felt that had he not been arguing with them, his father might have been paying better attention and could have steered them out of harms way. Had his mother not taken her seat belt off to turn in her seat and talk to him, she might have fared better.

As his physical condition improved, the depression did lift to some extent. Edward began to regain some of his boyish personality, and Carlisle or Esme often attended his session with him. At the prodding of his therapist, he also joined a bereavement group for children and young adults who had lost their parents.

After a few weeks doing exercises to keep his legs toned, his physical therapist, Jillian, began core-strengthening exercises with him. For four hours a day, she worked him. She worked him until he begged her to stop. He sobbed when she demanded more and more.

Almost eight weeks from the day of his admission, she came into Edward's room with a doctor Edward had seen walking the halls almost daily but had yet to meet. "Edward, this is Dr. Charles Johnson. He runs a clinic in Vancouver."

Dr. Johnson was an older man, his hair graying and thin on top, but his dimpled smile made him look younger than his fifty-five years. He had a quiet demeanor and an easy smile, an air of compassion surrounding him.

Dr. Johnson reached out to shake Edward's hand. "Hello Edward."

Edward grasped his hand. "Doctor."

Dr. Johnson smiled. "Please, call me Chuck." As he shook Edward's hand vigorously, Jillian spoke up again.

"Edward, Chuck is looking for several subjects for a study he's doing. You fit the criteria and would be perfect."

Edward looked confused. "What kind of study are you conducting?"

Chuck looked like he'd been expecting this question. He almost appeared excited. "What I'm finding is that people with incomplete spinal cord injuries who have already begun rehab may benefit from a form of simulated walking. I believe that we can encourage new neuromuscular connections to form and possibly get you walking again."

Edward was shocked. "What does this entail? What would I have to do?"

"While many spinal cord injuries result in permanent paralysis, your injury is the type in which a full recovery has the highest success rate. With a lot of hard work and the proper rehab, regaining the use of your legs is a realistic goal. I want to show you that you have options. Even if we can't get you back on your feet, we'll help you regain as much use of your legs as possible. Being able to move them independently will give you the most freedom to manage your activities of daily living. Before you leave our facility, you'll be able to transfer yourself in and out of the chair independently. You'll be self sufficient in as many areas as possible before you go home. We're going to do everything we can to help you, Edward." He paused, allowing Edward to process the onslaught of information.

"What we'll be doing is putting you in a harness that suspends you from a frame on the ceiling. You'll be doing some weight bearing to keep your bones strong. We'll have you in a standing position, and our physical therapists will move your legs as a treadmill runs under your feet. Your job is to concentrate on attempting to flex your muscles. I see you're able to extend your knees and ankles. You'll work on visualizing the mechanics of picking up your legs and walking. We'll push you until you can actually pick them up and move them on your own. We'll do this in two-week intervals, and at the end of each period we'll assess your progress. Hopefully we'll be able to push you harder each period."

"How long would I be coming to your facility? Where are you located? Who provides my transportation?" The questions came more rapidly.

"One question at a time," he said, chuckling. "You would be at the center for six to eight weeks. We are located just outside of Vancouver, and it's a residential facility. Your family is welcome to visit at any time. If you're working and they stop by, they are also more than welcome to participate in your therapy. We feel it's important to include your family every step of the way."

"How rigorous is this program?"

"The sessions are one hour at a time, and we conduct them three times a day: eight o'clock in the morning, noon, and five o'clock in the evening. You're not in the harness the entire time. We do stretching exercises before you stand, and after you are done, we do a short massage. In whole, you're walking about thirty minutes at a time. The weight bearing is beneficial to maintain bone density."

"And the rest of the time I'm there is just free time? What other activities do you offer? Will I be working on other skills that I'll need when I leave? I intend to go to college when I'm fully recovered. It won't be right away, obviously, but I want to be able to live independently."

Jillian placed her hand on Edward's shoulder. "Slow down, son. There are lots of ways to occupy your time there. There is a large pool that you can be lifted into so that you can swim. Did you know that many people who can't walk on land are able to walk in a pool because they are so buoyant in water?"

Jillian continued to speak. "There is an occupational therapy gym where you can work on things like cooking from a chair, learning to do your laundry, and they even have a program where you can sign up to learn to drive a modified van and get your driver's license."

That little tidbit caught Edward's attention. Even thought he had a Washington state driver's license, the DMV was notified by his doctors when he was no longer fit to drive a vehicle, making the license null and void. Losing his license so soon after earning it had felt almost like a punishment for something that was not Edward's fault. It would have been easier for him to accept the situation if there had been an infraction that was his fault. Learning that he could get his license here instead of waiting until he was fully recovered and attending a special driving school was extremely exciting. Carlisle had reassured Edward there were schools that would help him learn to drive with hand controls, but he expected to wait months, maybe even years before he'd be ready to go some place. Edward couldn't wait to share the news.

Chuck leaned in towards Edward; his elbows were on his knees as his fingers tapped together absently. "What do you think, Edward? Would you like to join our study?"

"My uncle is a physician at Harborview. I'd like to discuss this with him. Can I let you know in a few days? I don't want to make a decision without talking to him first."

Chuck shook Edward's hand. "I look forward to hearing from you, son. Please don't wait too long, we only have a few available beds and they fill up quickly."

Edward smiled. "Yes, sir, I'll let you know in a day or two."

Chuck got up and left soon after. Jillian followed him out into the hall, but returned a short time later.

"Do you think you would be interested, Edward?"

"I'm very interested. I see him here a lot, though. What's he doing? Scouting out recruits each time?"

"That's exactly what he's doing. But you must understand, Edward, only a handful of individuals meet the specific criteria for the study. If he can prove his theories, he'll be a very rich man and a world-renowned physician. I haven't known him for very long, but I don't think the money or fame is what drives him. I'd like to think he's doing this because he wants to help people. What I do know for certain is the fact that he has an excellent reputation as a rehab specialist. You should consider this. We'll miss you, but this is an incredible opportunity."

Jillian got up and left Edward thinking. A few weeks ago, when he first arrived, he couldn't even sit up unassisted. Now he was wheeling around like he owns the place. He wheeled himself back to his room to wait for his family to visit.

At that moment, anything was possible.

:-:

Before Carlisle had even set his briefcase on the chair next to the kitchen door, Esme announced the dinner plans she had made at the restaurant a few doors from Harborview. Carlisle had hesitated when Esme asked if they could visit Edward after dinner.

They were just getting settled into a new home, one that was accessible enough to accommodate Edward when he was able to leave the hospital. Carlisle wasn't getting enough sleep, working long hours each day and then coming home to tackle tasks that had to be addressed. The list was long: build a ramp, put grab bars in the shower, set up the new intercom system. Esme continued to add to the list on a daily basis.

To add insult to injury, Carlisle had once again been stuck with a week of emergency room rotation. Being the new doctor didn't come without sacrifice. Today was no different from any other Monday, and for some reason, it seemed like Mondays always brought out the real doozies. The woman with a shellfish allergy who had a reaction to the shrimp she'd eaten for lunch. The child with a paperclip stuck up his nose - last week he had a peanut in his ear. Or there was Carlisle's personal favorite, the drunk brought in by the local sheriff who chose to puke all over Carlisle's pants.

The broken look on Esme's face and the thought of Edward spending another evening alone caused him to sigh as he announced he must shower before they went to visit.

When Carlisle and Esme came in that night, Edward looked like a changed man. He was bubbling with excitement. The slump of his shoulders was gone. Since he'd awoken from the accident, Edward had appeared like someone who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Today, he looked like an eighteen-year-old boy again.

Carlisle was the first to comment on his demeanor. "You look chipper! Did you win the lottery? Has Santa come early?"

"Jillian introduced me to Chuck Johnson! Have you met him? Do you know him?"

Esme looked puzzled, but Carlisle laughed in understanding. "He is quite an interesting doctor. He gets very excited about his work."

"I haven't decided what to do, I was hoping you could help me make that decision." Edward sat his bed up as tall as he could, and looked serious all of a sudden. "I think I'd like to try. What should I do?"

Carlisle looked at his wife and explained Chuck Johnson's research and how his facility had finally started working with real patients. It was groundbreaking work, and worthy of the excitement it was generating.

Esme welled up and looked at Edward. "This sounds like an opportunity that doesn't come along every day. I think you should do it."

Carlisle was in agreement. "Only so many people are given this opportunity. As strange as it sounds, you are _fortunate_ to be in the condition you are. If your spinal column had been broken in another place or had been completely severed, you would not have this chance. Look at this as a gift, a way to gain the most mobility possible."

Edward nodded his head seriously. "They will teach me independent living skills, and I can get my driver's license there using a modified van. Those things will be beneficial when I go to college."

Esme and Carlisle both looked pleased. They didn't know how this setback would affect Edward's decision to attend college, or what career path he would now follow.

Try as he might, Carlisle could not stifle the yawn that hit him. "I'm so sorry, Edward, but I'm exhausted. I've got the entire weekend off. Perhaps we can get you out of here for the day Saturday and you can come check out the modifications on the house? We can discuss your plans then, is that alright?"

Esme stood and walked to Edward's bed, mussing his hair while kissing his forehead. "I love you, kiddo. I'll be back tomorrow."

In no time at all, Edward drifted off to sleep. He dreamt of hopeful things and wasn't plagued by nightmares for once. Perhaps he could, with certain accommodations, live a productive and fulfilling life.

The next morning, he made the phone call that had the potential to change his life.

:-:

The road to recovery was long and rigorous. In total, Edward underwent more than six months of intense physical therapy to rebuild his upper torso and prepare him for life in a wheelchair.

While the study in Vancouver at the Johnson Institute provided numerous advantages for Edward, after 12 weeks, it became evident that Edward's body just wouldn't cooperate. After many painful sessions fraught with tears and frustration, the decision was made to discontinue the simulated walking as no new neuromuscular connections had formed.

Chuck and his staff worked to ease Edward into a phase of 'adjustment'. Adjustment in reference to spinal cord injury was a real and complex process that dictated how a person responds to these sudden and very overwhelming changes. First, the body must deal with the trauma. There was confusion as to why this happened to specific individuals, and there is a challenged vision of the future and what that future may hold.

Finally, after months or even years, the individual arrived at a place called 'adjustment'. Leading Edward toward this acceptance by showing him hope and possibilities for his future would help him get into the proper frame of mind to become a whole person again.

By the time Edward left the Johnson Institute, he had accepted the fact that he would most likely spend his life in a wheelchair. Even though it was possible to regain function and feeling as much as eighteen months after a SCI, it was highly unlikely and Edward refused to set himself up for further disappointment.

Edward's final appointment with Chuck Johnson was a fitting session for a customized electric wheelchair. It was a heavy-duty chair that would withstand years of wear and tear. It had a function that would raise Edward to a standing position with the flip of a switch. The weeks of simulated walking made this action possible. Edward was amazed at the independence he had while testing the demonstrator model and couldn't wait until he had his own.

The holistic approach to healing that the Johnson Institute adopted allowed Edward to go home as a whole person. Gone was the broken and impatient young man who wanted instant gratification and got upset when he didn't get it. The weeks of quiet encouragement would prepare Edward for the rest of his life. He was comfortable in his skin now.

When Edward recovered from his physical injuries, he moved into Carlisle and Esme's house. Edward's mother had been Esme's only sibling, and Edward was Elizabeth's only child. He was in no condition to live on his own and wouldn't be for some time. He'd never be able to fully enjoy the two-story home he had grown up in, and it became Esme's mission in life to find a way to put her nephew back together again.

Shortly after the accident that claimed the lives of his parents and paralyzed him from the waist down, Edward made the decision to follow in Carlisle's footsteps and become a physician. Even though he was a legal adult, he changed his last name to Cullen at the urging of his uncle. Carlisle believed that people at the University of Washington would connect the last name with his own, a strategy he felt could be beneficial to Edward in the future.

Carlisle encouraged him to get into a neuroscience program with a specialty in neurology. After getting his MD at Texas A&M, he went to the University of Pittsburg for a one-year residency in internal medicine, and later to the University of Washington for a three-year residency in Neurology, which was finally complete. Before he was done with his residency, he applied to the University of Washington's stem cell regeneration program and was accepted. It was almost impossible to get into this program, yet with Edward's nearly perfect GPA and stellar work ethic, Carlisle wasn't surprised that he had made the cut.

Carlisle stayed abreast of research being done with stem cells in Europe and knew that in time, the United States would catch up with the rest of the world. The best hope for Edward to ever walk again was to have the inside advantage. It seemed only logical for him to study theory and wait for the day stems cells will become actively used on human subjects. When the time came, his role would change from physician to patient once again.

_**~October 27, 2007~**_

Snapping out of it and coming back to the present, Edward wanted nothing more than to go home and call Carlisle to tell him the news he received today regarding stem cell research. The President signed a bill into law allowing government funding for the research of stem cells, with few restrictions on the origin of the cells. This meant that finally, embryonic cells that were slated to be discarded due either to age or patient preference could be obtained and utilized. The only stem cell research that wouldn't be funded was that of using fetal stem cells.

Many research facilities were working with private funds, but research of this type was extremely expensive. With the US government finally appropriating funds, something that was once no more than a piped dream had finally become a reality. Stem cell regeneration was promising in so many areas of medicine.

When it had become evident several months ago that a law of this sort would be written, Carlisle called in every favor he had to get his nephew on a list for human trials once they began. So many trials on humans had been conducted abroad that the FDA had considered forgoing the waiting period before allowing trials to be conducted on people rather than animals.

That was a monumental step in stem cell research and Edward couldn't wait to share the news with his uncle. He knew Carlisle had spent the week at a conference and most likely hadn't heard the news. They had waited fifteen years for this day. Stem cells might be able to repair or re-grow the neuromuscular connectors Chuck Johnson had attempted to stimulate all those years ago.

Edward was mulling over the last fifteen years of his life and the tragedy that had caused him to be in this position in the first place. The long forgotten dream of regaining some of his lost mobility had distracted him.

He had just entered the stretch of roadway that had no shoulder. The only thing separating oncoming traffic and the guardrail was a painted white line.

He never saw the SUV coming down the street towards him as he propelled his wheelchair towards traffic.

She never saw the young man in the wheelchair.

Hearing a scream from somewhere behind him, he snapped out of his trance.

He felt the rush of air the flying vehicle created.

He heard the hum of the tires on the pavement.

As quickly as he could, he got off the road as far as possible.

It wasn't far enough. He wasn't quick enough.

Blinded by the lights, he was certain the driver had seen him and would steer out of his path.

She didn't.

Before the pain from the impact caught up with his mind, he registered flying through the air like a rag doll. He had heard the screeching tires, smelt the burning rubber. The sound of shattering glass surrounded him.

Worse than the pain from the head on impact with the vehicle was the pain of the impact with the pavement some 75 feet down the road.

Almost immediately, the screaming began.

Edward, face down on the pavement, couldn't understand why the woman was screaming. He's the one who was injured. Every inch of his body was on fire. He felt sensations in parts of his body he thought were long dead.

Looking to his right, the scene laid out before him wasn't very promising. Reminiscent of the DUI films he watched in high school driver's education, he realized his right leg is almost alongside his head and the foot dangles by a thread of tissue as he lay in a pool of his own blood.

'_This can't be good,'_ he thought. He barely registered the weight of the wheelchair seat and frame still belted to his waist. It undoubtedly protected him from death on impact, but death couldn't be far away.

In that split second, Edward realized the irony. He had gotten hit because he was distracted. He was distracted remembering the accident that ripped his parents from him and sentenced him to a life in a wheelchair.

It was a vicious circle.

As Edward waited to be reunited with his loved ones, he couldn't help but think that life was a bitch. It had taken him nearly fifteen years to truly find his place in the world. He'd finally come to realize that a life with physical limitations was still a life with quality. It almost seemed like the past fifteen years had been a terrible waste of time.

In the distance, he heard the sirens. A crowd had formed as the darkness slowly washed over him.

While he lay in the cold gravel, teetering on the brink of consciousness, he waited to fall over the edge.

_Mom, dad, I'm coming home._

* * *

Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Three

~Carlisle~

I was the attending physician in the emergency room when the call came in. "MVA –One victim. 33 year old male, pedestrian struck by motor vehicle while operating electric wheelchair."

With nothing to do but pace the floor until I knew for sure, I clutched the sheet of paper in my hand and prayed. I was a doctor; I'd taken an oath to save my patients, but was it wrong to pray that this catastrophe involved another male in a wheelchair? Any other male; just so long that he wasn't my son.

_This has to be a coincidence. He can't be the only 33 year old resident of Seattle who drove a wheelchair, right?_ _Just like it was __just another coincidence that this __was__ about the time Edward makes it home at night after eating at Joe's Burgers…_

Several other physicians watched me pace the emergency room floor, but no one dared to ask if I knew…. I waited for the ambulance, praying against all odds that it was someone else. Edward had been through so much.

_Was it so wrong for me to be selfish tonight?_

Any hope I clung to was destroyed when our family friend, Jasper Whitlock came through the ambulance entrance. Jasper's eyes met mine as he shook his head, his face ashen. A veteran EMT, Jasper always kept his cool, never getting flustered by the current crisis to which he was attending. Yet tonight, it was apparent he was barely holding it together. When the gurney carrying Edward turned the corner, I gasped. The white blankets that covered my son were drenched with his blood, Edward's face deathly pale. Even worse than that macabre sight, were the screams coming from someplace deep inside of my boy.

When I attempted to run to my nephew, my shoes felt like they were filled with concrete. Jasper looked at me expectantly, but as I reached the entrance to trauma room five, the door closed as soon as the gurney made it through. Jasper put his arm out in front of me, effectively barring me from the room. As we finally came together, the gravity of the situation was overwhelming.

"You're too personally involved. You know I can't let you in there right now. He needs people who aren't emotionally distraught."

The room spun and Jasper grabbed my arms, guiding me to a chair. Once he was satisfied that I was safe, Jasper gave me a run down of Edward's condition. His partner gave the same report to the staff who was attending to Edward in the trauma room.

"He was traveling on the edge of the road, alone; his roommate never arrived to walk with him. A car hit him at approximately 35 miles per hour. She says she never saw him."

The bile rose in my throat and it was all I could do to swallow it back.

My responsibility to Edward necessitated that I keep my wits about me and distance myself from the situation enough to remain objective. That imminent responsibility was the only thing keeping me focused enough to concentrate.

"How bad?"

"He's critical. The injuries are extensive. If he lives, he'll lose both legs. Most of the trauma is to his lower extremities. His torso was protected by the wheelchair frame and seat. The injuries to his face and head appear to be superficial, they'll know more when they do a CT scan. He told us he's AB positive. He's lucky. We were able to start transfusing him on the scene. Otherwise we'd have already lost him. He's already had two units of blood, but it's running right through him. If they don't get the bleeding stopped soon, he'll bleed out."

In an act of desperation, I frantically pulled at my hair.

_How could this happen to someone like Edward? __He's__ a good boy!_

"I'm not going to lie to you Carlisle, it's really bad."

After the accident which took his parents, he channeled his pain into something constructive. How could anyone live through so much trauma, not only once, but twice? He didn't deserve this.

_Oh my God, I have to call Esme! _

"They're assessing him quickly while an operating room is being set up. It's going to be a very long night. It would be a good idea to call anyone he's close to."

Who knew if he was even aware of what had happened to him? A loving God would give him the gift of unconsciousness.

"Please tell me he's not conscious."

I was overcome with guilt, what I prayed for was unthinkable, yet what I had seen only moments earlier told me he was hanging on by a thread. If he was this far gone, a loving God would let him slip away peacefully, not wracked with the pain I knew he'd be experiencing if he were awake.

The devastation that flickered across Jasper's face told me what he couldn't.

Edward _was _awake, and no doubt suffering immeasurable pain. "What does he know?"

"Unfortunately, he was fully alert when we arrived at the scene. I believe he lost a few minutes shortly after the moment of impact; for the most part he's been in and out. He knows his status is pretty grim. He was aware enough to ask me to talk to you, keep you occupied."

Only Edward would be worried about someone else right now. The door opened as a portable X-ray machine was pushed out of the room. Ethel Boyer called my name. "Dr. Cullen, Edward would like a word with you. Hurry, there's not much time. We're ready to roll."

Jasper followed me to the tiny trauma room; my stomach lurched again as I took in the articles of bloodied clothing littering the floor and Edward's black leather shoes, mangled and covered in dark red blood, laying atop of the heap. The room reeked with the smell of blood. Normally I was able to tune things like this out. Harborview was a top trauma center and I'd seen the worst of the worst, this was far too personal. Edward turned his head slightly as he heard us enter. I choked back a sob and attempted to keep my emotions in check, looking down into Edward's eyes.

_Oh Edward!_

His forehead was grossly swollen with a huge purple hematoma, the rest of his face bloody and bruised. I barely recognized him. A central line pierced his neck- Nurse Boyer hung a fresh unit of blood, as she held up four fingers to indicate it was the 4th unit he'd received. There were tubes and monitors everywhere. It was distressing to see the evidence of so much trauma with any patient, but when it was one of your own…

Leaning close as Edward tried to talk, he frantically grabbed for my sleeve with his bloodied hand. "The legs, Carlisle."

"Edward?"

"My legs, I refused to consent. I can't live without them. How can I stand to do my job without my legs?" Saving them could inadvertently take his life.

"Edward, there isn't time for this; you've lost too much blood. Let them do what's necessary to save your life."

He frantically shook his head. "Promise me."

_I can't promise that, son._

I couldn't find the words.

"Say it."

There was no way I could, I remained steadfast, shaking my head.

He was breaking my heart. We both knew heroics to save his limbs could cost him his life. There was a better chance of stopping the bleeding if they amputated.

"Edward, son…"

His body was broken and bloodied, yet he gripped my arm with surprising strength. "Carlisle, you're my only chance. Promise you'll fight for me," he pleaded.

Somehow I found myself nodding my head. _I must be insane!_

Stopping myself I stated,"I promise, I'll do whatever is in your best interest."

Edward's parents had appointed me and my wife as their healthcare proxies before the first accident. We remained Edward's proxy, still. Once the young man was under anesthesia, any and all decisions were mine to make. I couldn't risk Edward's life, if he even had a life ahead of him. Chances were he'd never come out of this alive. In all my years as an emergency room doctor, I had never seen anyone live through such devastating trauma.

Nurse Boyer and Jacob Black came into the room. "Edward, it's time to get you to the operating room." Jake had him in motion almost immediately, as I followed alongside, praying to myself. The boy's future held so much promise. To see it clipped short would be tragic.

Again, Edward grasped my hand with surprising strength while we rode in the elevator. "Remember your promise, uncle." He choked out in obvious pain. "Please."

I nodded. "I'll use my best judgment, Edward."

Too soon, but somehow not soon enough, we came upon the operating room. Normally, family was allowed to wait with the patient, but I knew Edward had already been prepped and was going straight to a room.

Silently, with terrified eyes Edward looked up to me and then hoarsely begged, "Please tell Esme I love her." A tear slipped down across his face.

"We'll be right here, Edward. We'll see you soon." I emphasized the word 'soon.' I had to, for his sake. I prayed Edward didn't detect in my voice, the doubt that hung over me like a black cloud.

I gripped his hand and leaned down, placing a kiss on his forehead. I wasn't embarrassed to show my affections.

_This could be goodbye._

"I love you son."

"I love you too, Dad."

Jake hit the button for the automatic door, and before I had time to think about it, Edward was gone.

Dr. Glover, the head of the operating room, came out to speak with me, grasping my hand in a firm shake. "We're using one of the rooms with a theatre, if you'd like to observe. However, if it's too difficult, I understand."

I didn't know how I could stay away, even if there was nothing I could do, at least I'd know immediately if he was in distress.

_What good will that do me?_

"No, I'll be okay, but I need to call my wife first. I'm his medical power of attorney, so I'd like to be close by."

"I understand. Dr. Wells will be starting soon. He's scrubbing in now."

As I turned to walk away, Dr. Glover grasped my arm. "Carlisle, Edward is a promising physician. We all care for him. Everyone is praying for him, as well as your family, too. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you."

"Esme hasn't ever gotten over losing her sister. If he doesn't make it, I… I just don't know what I'll do. She won't handle this well."

I thought back to the days when my wife was lost in her depression. Losing Edward would be like losing Elizabeth all over again, she'd never live through it.

"I suggest you call her so she can be here."

I nodded my head; the doctor was right. I needed to see Esme before I went to observe, it was going to be a very long night.

As I clutched my hair with both hands, I slid down the wall outside the surgical department at Harborview. The knot in the pit of my stomach was unrelenting as I anticipated my dinner making a return.

For the second time in less than fifteen years, the life of one of my family members hung by a thread. It was a thin, frazzled, quickly fraying thread. Knowing what I must do next both sickened me and broke my heart at the same time. As much as I couldn't bear to do what I knew I must, no one else could be expected to make the call that would most definitely shatter what was left of my wife's heart.

Someone walking by stopped near my feet and lowered herself into a sitting position next to me as I sat in the corridor. I was a million miles away. I felt dizzy… sick to my stomach… the taste of bile, an overwhelming presence in my mouth. The presence laid a tiny hand on top of mine, but I didn't bother to acknowledge her right away. I was in my own little world. She squeezed my hand to get my attention. "Carlisle? What is it? Has something happened to Esme?" I recognized the voice of Angela Cheney, a family friend.

Slowly I raised my head; I was at a loss for words. "Angela?" I choked out, "How do I tell her?"

"I don't understand, Carlisle, what's wrong?"

My normally calm, cool exterior crumbled as I relayed the horrors of the past hour. "I need to get in there with him. But I have to talk to her. This can't come from anyone else."

"Would you like me to bring her here? You can be with Edward, and perhaps we can have you paged?"

I nodded my head in agreement. Both Esme and I trusted Angela and her father. He was the pastor at our church back in Forks and had since come here to Seattle. "You'll have to come to the operating waiting room. Ask the receptionist to show you to one of the small consult rooms. They're private, I'll meet you there. You may have to wait a while, if I'm needed inside…"

"Understood. Go to him, Carlisle, stay with him. You'll know when we arrive."

"And if I don't make it back out for a while?"

"My father is the chaplain on duty tonight. We'll tell her what we know. As much as you want to be with her, I would guess she'd rather you be with Edward." She gave my hand another squeeze before she stood, reaching out to help me stand.

Suddenly I felt exhausted, aged beyond my years. Edward was the closest thing I'd ever have to a son. I wasn't sure how Esme and I would but our lives back together if he didn't make it.

I put my hand on her arm, squeezing gently. "Angela, thank you."

She waved as she briskly walked away. At least Esme wasn't all alone. "God be with you, Carlisle."

Walking through the automatic door, I approached Essie Scott, our OR receptionist, at the front desk. "Go right on back, Carlisle, they're expecting you. Room 12."

I knew when we'd first arrived where we'd be going. Room 12 was the largest of the operating room suites, reserved for the most critical cases. Stepping through the doors, I donned fresh scrubs. An operating room tech assisted me with the ties on my gown. My trembling hands couldn't seem to make sense of the task at hand. As much as I wanted to be with Edward, I was in no hurry to see the young man I considered my son splayed out on a table, fighting for his life.

The tech who had assisted me quietly accompanied me to the door of the operating theatre, but it was Dr. Wells who spoke up. "Carlisle, please, come in and observe. I know this is difficult for you, but I'd like for you to be as involved as possible. We're holding his life in our hands right now."

I walked into the room, shocked at the vast number of my colleagues who were present. Jim Wells was the vascular surgeon on board, as was Bob Harrison, an orthopedic surgeon. Melissa Grey was his assistant. Several operating room techs, as well as three registered nurses, were in attendance. A central supply tech sat near the door on a stool, at the ready to grab whatever supplies might be needed throughout the night. I knew a similar team waited in the wings. This would be a long drawn out series of surgeries; as one teamed grew fatigued, the second team would step in.

I made my way to the observation cubicle on unsteady feet. Grasping the arms of an empty chair, I sat down and exhaled the breath I'd been holding. This was it…

In the short amount of time I had spent with Angela, anesthesia had put Edward under and his body temperature had slowly been decreased with a cooling blanket. The room itself was kept chilly, and if nothing else, it kept the staff alert and moving. A fresh unit of blood was hanging and the team was working to frantically get him draped and ready for surgery.

For Jim Wells, the vascular surgeon, attempting to put Edward back together ended up being the most tedious case of his career. The destruction was so vast that he began working on the blood vessels closest to Edward's torso. He was clamping off the larger vessels that had allowed the greatest amount of blood to be lost. Edward's best chance of survival was the amputation of both limbs, the most practical amputation being just below Edward's knees – I knew this, even if I had promised not to consent to the radical surgery.

"Carlisle, I understand Edward's plea to save his legs, but honestly, you don't expect us to attempt to save them, do you?" Bob Harrison asked with disbelief.

He walked over and put the x-rays of Edward's legs up on the light box. "These bones look like a bag of broken egg shells. Certainly you don't think it's worth it."

I steeled myself for what I knew would cause a fight. I was supposed to place blind trust in this man, but Edward would never forgive me if I did. "I do. I'm sure you think I'm just being melodramatic because he's my son, but I know both of you would fight if this were your child."

Harrison, a man known for his lack of bedside manner, looked at me in shock. "Carlisle! For God's sake, the boy can't even stand. Those limbs are nothing more than decorations!"

The hemostat Dr. Wells was holding clattered to the floor as a collective gasp filled the room.

"Bob, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that!" Sam Glover made his presence known from next to me in the observation cubicle. "You'll make every attempt to save the boy's legs."

Edward's right foot was an unhealthy shade of gray. Little more than a small amount of tissue and some blood vessels were all that kept it attached to his leg.

"The Doppler sounds indicate the foot is still getting some amount of circulation, but I guarantee we'll be amputating it in a matter of hours. This is a waste of time," Bob scoffed as he slammed down instruments and muttered under his breath.

Sam Glover stormed out of the cubicle, and soon Bob Harrison was escorted out of the operating room. He had been relieved of his duties and another orthopedist scrubbed in. His attitude was inexcusable. A hush fell over the room as the team worked in perfect synchronization over Edward's lifeless body. There was nothing I could do but watch and pray for a miracle. It was out of my hands now. I'd kept my promise, it was up to God to decide how to handle the outcome.

Hour after hour, the night dragged on. A total of fourteen units of blood were used before the flow of blood was staunched. Miraculously, with the introduction of vessels from a cadaver, Dr. Wells was able to repair or replace the damaged veins and arteries in Edward's lower legs. The copious loss of blood was halted and finally, Edward had a viable chance at recovery.

Nerve damage was of the least concern to the surgical team, as Edward had not walked in nearly twenty years. But piece by piece the delicate surgeries were performed to put him back together.

An assortment of pins, plates, rods and screws were required to hold the shattered remains of Edward's extremities in place. The vertical fracture of Edward's pelvis was repaired with plates and screws. The entire experiment was packaged in a bright blue body cast. From chest to the tips of his toes, Edward was covered in fiberglass. A 'window' was installed to provide access to the donor site on Edward's thigh where a skin graft for his right ankle had been removed. Another window was left open directly over the skin graft on Edward's ankle.

Surprisingly, none of the bones above Edward's waist had been broken, nor had he suffered any traumatic brain injury. After eighteen hours, Edward was critical, but stable, for the first time tonight, our boy was out of danger. His overall prognosis was good. However, the prognosis of his repaired extremities was still shaky at best. Only time would tell if he was out of the woods.

As they wheeled Edward into recovery, I realized with a start that I never went to find Esme. Once in the operating room, the pace had been so accelerated that I'd lost track of time. I needed to find her, comfort her… she must have been worried sick.

The chance meeting with Angela Cheney seemed too coincidental. Serendipitous. Of all people who I could have encountered that night, Angela was someone who would be able to calm Esme's nerves as only an old and trusted friend could. I found myself thinking back over the years to all the times Esme and Angela had shared since Edward moved in with them so many years ago. The Cheney's became frequent visitors to our home, even after Edward's departure to college.

Exhausted, both physically and mentally, I made my way down the corridor to the OR waiting rooms. Almost immediately, I spotted Angela sitting on one of the couches on the far side of the room. She appeared to be alone. Had Esme been notified? I hastened my pace across the large room, and as I came around the end of the long couch, I saw her. A small pillow rested on Angela's lap and Esme's head lay on the pillow as she slept. Angela ran her fingers through the ends of Esme's hair as she hummed a soothing melody. I knelt next to the face of my beloved, troubled even in sleep, and began waking her. She opened her eyes with a gasp. Before I could register what was happening, she'd launched herself at me and we were both on the floor.

Esme was sobbing, begging me for answers that I didn't have even a few hours before. I steadied myself as I tried to stand. Reaching down, I offered her my hand. Without words, we walked together to the recovery room. Looking through the small window in the door, I pointed to a bed along the wall. Although he lay in the middle of a mass of cords and tubes, Edward was alive. "Come. Let's get some coffee. You must be exhausted."

She looked up at me, wearing a heartbroken expression on her face and ever so gently ran her hand down my cheek. "Will he be okay?" Were the first words she'd spoken since I'd awakened her minutes before.

"Right now he's stable, Esme." I knew I'd soon have to reveal the extent of Edward's injuries. But, for now, she'd find solace in the fact that he was alive. I wouldn't have been able to give her that sense of hope even a short time before.

Yet, by the next afternoon Edward's right foot had turned a hideous shade of purple.

Bob Harrison's words echoed ominously in my mind.

* * *

In response to several readers- Edward's parents were Ed and Elizabeth (Liz) Masen. After the accident that killed them, Edward changed his last name to Cullen, at Carlisle's suggestion. Carlisle and Esme are Edward's aunt and uncle. Liz and Esme were sisters. After looking to Carlisle and Esme as parental figures for nearly half his life, he sometimes refers to them as his parents, sometimes he refers to them as aunt and uncle. I'm not trying to intentionally confuse anyone. :-)

**Thank you so much for reading. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Four

~Carlisle~

By the second day, Edward's foot had become progressively worse; I had begun to blame myself as soon as it became evident his condition had started to deteriorate.

Had he undergone the recommended double amputation, he'd have already begun to show signs of improvement. The knowledge that I'd had the power to prevent the current situation from happening, yet allowed a promise- uttered in a moment of misplaced obligation- to cloud my judgment had caused me to sink further and further into despair.

On the foot which had been nearly detached, Edward's toes and the vamp of his foot, a ghoulish purple yesterday, had since turned black. The purple portion was edging closer to the ankle, rimmed with an angry red. The toes themselves were huge, some already splitting and seeping due to the amount of fluid he'd retained. Edward had lapsed in and out of consciousness since he'd left the operating room the day before; reluctantly, I roused him from his restless slumber to discuss his case.

Again, amputation of his foot was put on the table. In the few minutes of coherent conversation we shared, he adamantly refused once again to consider giving up the battle. At that point, knowing his condition had taken a change for the worst, it wouldn't have taken much to convince me that amputation was now a necessity. The only thing protecting Edward's foot was his stubborn will.

Our protocol, in cases of massive extremity trauma with both vascular and soft tissue destruction that was to the extent and severity of Edward's had been, was amputation rather than salvage of the limb.

Jim Wells came in to consult with Edward and me. "Son, I know you don't want to give up the fight, but the foot is dying. It's turning purple and black. In a matter of days, it will be gangrenous and we'll be_ forced_ to amputate. But by then, the extremity will be septic and infection will be coursing through your body. We won't be able to save you or the foot."

Edward just continued to shake his head. "I refuse to give up. If my insurance won't cover it, I'll pay privately. You will do everything in your power to save my foot. _Is that understood_?" he hissed through gritted teeth.

Looking at me, Jim merely shook his head. He'd taken me aside earlier and explained that he'd had other patients who, like Edward, refused amputation. When their extremity turned black just as Edward's was doing, they relented. They just needed that pressure to be applied. However, the fact that Edward was a doctor made it more difficult; he knew there were other methods possible. He refused to back down.

"I can't make any promises, but you know I'll do my best."

Wells hung his head as he left the room, clearly defeated. I heard him tell someone outside Edward's room, "If only the younger Cullen weren't so stubborn. He's throwing away everything just to save the foot. _What a shame, he's such a promising young doctor."_

Edward was returned to the operating room and a shunt was placed in the large vessel that supplied his foot with oxygenated blood. The damage to the artery was such that with swelling, no circulation had been going to the foot. With re-established circulation to the foot, the possibility of amputation was lessened, but not guaranteed. I did, however, hear Wells let out a sigh of relief when the Doppler indicated circulation sounds had been restored to the extremity. For now, the foot had been saved.

_For now._

On the fourteenth day after the operation, Edward spiked a temperature of 105 degrees. His grade 111C open tibial fracture had been repaired using a procedure we called a _Fix & Flap_, and unfortunately, as was often the case with an open fracture of the tibia, it was a MRSA infection that set in and threatened Edward's life.

Edward was already receiving antibiotics through a PICC line, but a new type of medication was ordered in order to attempt to combat the infection.

Despite the body cast, Edward thrashed around and begged for help as the fever took over his body. It was only after several hours had passed and many drastic measures had been taken that the fever finally relented.

I could clearly see that the vigil at his bedside was taking its toll on Esme. I had to work, and even though I checked in regularly, it was Esme who sat by his side, day and night. She read to him and washed his face with cool cloths. She sang to him unwaveringly as he fought restlessly in his sleep.

Reminiscent of a time nearly fifteen years ago, I once again watched my beautiful wife struggle to remain strong for the boy who was the only child she would ever have. The only difference was that this accident had left her infinitely more broken, and lost than the first one. Even more painful than losing her sibling, it was her fear of losing him again that kept her shackled to the intensive care unit.

Her steadfast presence at his side left her exhausted. Every day I witnessed her defeat; I saw it in the absence of life in her eyes and in the downtrodden hunch of her posture every time she left him, even for a moment. I could tell it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to maintain her composure. She was in a constant state of emotional upheaval. One day would be a good day with a small victory, but the next would be devastating with a huge setback. She was constantly on the verge of tears, threatening to break at the most innocent of comments.

I wanted nothing more than to insist that she go home and sleep, or that she at least eat a decent meal. It broke my heart to see her like this. The doctor in me knew at some point, she'd come unglued if she continued to exist in this manner. Physically and mentally, she needed a respite from this heartache. Yet deep down in my heart, I knew I couldn't drag her away from his side, not even if I wanted to. I was the only person who understood why she couldn't bear to leave, and that was the only reason I didn't force her to go home.

~Esme~

For two weeks, I was imprisoned in that room. Despite Carlisle's pleading, I just couldn't bring myself to leave. The poor man stopped numerous times a day and begged me to go home, or even to just go outside and take a break. I knew I was hurting him by being so stubborn, but I couldn't bear to leave Edward. I was so afraid that if I stepped out of the room, even for the shortest amount of time, I would miss something important…

I was so terrified that Edward wouldn't make it out of this; I was afraid to waste one precious moment I have with him.

_What if I took a break and he died while I was gone?_

I wouldn't be able to live with that guilt.

Every morning, before he did his rounds, Carlisle brought me a bag with clothing, snacks and things to occupy my mind, although they never truly did. Every night, he went home to an empty house and a cold bed. I do believe, however, that even as much as he wanted me to get away from all of this, he understood.

I took a few minutes to use the shower and change clothes each day. I was sure I looked more like a vagabond than the wife of a physician; I couldn't remember the last time I wore makeup or did more with my hair than pull it back with a rubber band. I had dark bruises under my eyes; I knew I'd lost weight. I just couldn't find it in me to care.

Carlisle would stop and check on us several times a day. Sometimes I would awake to find him sitting on the foot of Edward's bed, smiling weakly as he watched me sleep. On the nights that Maggie was the nurse caring for Edward, I would chance a trip to the hospital cafeteria with Carlisle for dinner. Those few minutes were the only semblance of normalcy we had since that night two weeks ago.

Several times a day, Edward had lucid moments when we shared small bits of conversation; he spent many of his hours in a peacefully medicated cocoon most of the time. A few days ago, he became more alert, being able to maintain a conversation for longer periods of time.

That was only until the infection drug him back into the abyss and took him away from us again.

I was terrified when Edward's temperature stayed at 105 degrees, despite efforts to bring it down. The body cast severely aggravated the effects of the fever, as it trapped the heat inside. Aside from acetaminophen used to lower his temperature, conventional methods used to bring it down had proven to be highly ineffective. He couldn't be submerged in a bathtub; there wasn't enough exposed skin to cool him with an alcohol bath. Sobbing, I clung to Carlisle when he voiced his concerns about the possibility of brain damage, convulsions or even death if the fever didn't come down soon.

Carlisle urged them to take him out of the cast so they could attempt to cool him down. Not wanting to risk damaging the extensive reconstruction that had been done two weeks prior, the on-call orthopedic specialist convinced him to wait for the medication to take effect before resorting to such drastic measures.

Hours later with no relief, the decision was made. Edward was suspended in a medically induced coma to keep him from moving and causing further damage, and the body cast was _bi-valved_, a procedure where the plaster and padding on wither side of the cast was cut, allowing half of the cast to be removed at a time. The remaining portion of the cast supported his orthopedic injuries.

The procedure allowed medical personnel to cool his skin and eventually the fever began to drop.

The cast was secured using elastic wraps until a new one could be applied. Several days after the infection was under control, Edward was taken back to the operating room and put into a new cast. Fortunately, he finally began to act like himself. He was awake more often and interacted with the doctors and nurses, answering questions and raising ones of his own. Day sixteen was a turning point for Edward, and I think we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. It finally appeared that our boy was truly on the mend.

On the eighteenth day after the accident, Carlisle's cousin, Alice, stopped by. She was a private nurse who provided home care to the affluent of Seattle. Just eight weeks prior, her long time patient, Alexander Paige, had succumbed to a long-term illness. Seeing as she worked privately, she no longer had any current patients and chose to take a break before beginning the search for another. The next morning, the answer miraculously came in the form of a phone call from a long lost friend who was vacationing on the other side of the globe.

Almost immediately following the call, Alice left for Paris to visit her former high school classmate and closest girlfriend, Rosalie Hale. Rose was an attorney and worked for a firm in Seattle, but had gone to Paris for six months. Rose and her former fiancé had lost their baby a few months ago; the stress of Rose's grief had become too much for Royce to deal with, so he'd left her. Knowing Rose had no open cases at the time, her employer, Andrew Gramley, insisted she take six months off to collect herself and find a better state of mind. She was of no use to them in her current mental state.

The firm had even opted to pay for her apartment in Paris. Rose had been a cobra in the courtroom, striking the opposition's witnesses when least expected, drawing blood and winning cases ninety-five percent of the time. Her record was nearly spotless. She was invaluable at Gramley and Reese, but she couldn't do anything until she mended her body and her mind.

Time and time again, Carlisle had run into Jasper in the emergency room. He'd told me about Rose's loss. It broke my heart knowing that someone I cared about had suffered the same heartache we had, and we were both relieved that Alice had been able to spend time with Rose when she was so far away from everyone who cared about her. Carlisle and I had chosen to wait to tell Alice about Edward until she came home from Europe. She was nurturing Rose and we didn't want to drag her away when they both clearly needed the vacation. There was nothing she could have done here but wait anyway.

After nearly a month, Alice had found herself home sitting in front of her computer in her pajamas, placing advertisements and doing Internet searches for potential new patients. It wasn't long before she came across an article about up-and-coming stem cell research fellow Edward Cullen.

Edward and Alice hadn't seen each other in ages. Alice later told me that reading the account of Edward's accident nearly broke her heart; she didn't know that Edward had almost died in a horrific accident. She hadn't spoken with Jasper, who was her on again-off again boyfriend at best. She didn't even know it was Jasper who'd brought Edward into the hospital that night, and she hadn't spoken with either Carlisle or I since she'd left for Europe.

Alice had run from her home office, not bothering to change clothes or comb her hair. She was a sight to behold. Normally, little Alice didn't have a single hair out of place. She was always dressed in a smart uniform with her shoes polished brightly. Today was a different story. I barely recognized the disheveled, pajama clad girl who burst out into Edward's hospital room, sobbing unconsolably. I could barely understand the strangled words that escaped her lips, and I held Alice for what seemed like an eternity before she was able to get a hold on herself and carry a coherent conversation.

"Oh my gosh, Esme. How did this happen?"

Edward had been sleeping until Alice's outburst. Before I could answer her, he coughed and answered her question for me. "I couldn't get off the road. She never saw me."

At that, Alice, once again, burst into tears. It seemed to take forever to calm her, but once she had regained some semblance of composure, Edward asked her to come over and sit next to him.

They spoke quietly, discussing the accident and how everything would affect Edward's future. Physically, Edward wouldn't be nearly as independent as he had been before, at least not immediately. Either way, he seemed confident that with time, he'd get back to his old self. It seemed that Edward's biggest concern was the security of his fellowship at the Stem Cell Institute. He didn't know that Carlisle had already approached his mentor, requesting a medical leave of absence for him. Wanting to calm his fears, I made a mental note to have Carlisle discuss the outcome with him. I only hoped I would remember.

The room seemed too tiny for the three of us with all the medical equipment that sat everywhere. Wanting to give them privacy, I stepped out to make a few phone calls while they visited. I felt comfortable leaving Edward in Alice's care, even if only for a little while.

When I returned an hour later, Alice was getting ready to go. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, Edward. I just read the article in the paper and ran out of my apartment without thinking." She patted her hair and tried to smooth the wrinkles out of her sleep clothes. "I must be a fright; I really need to get home and shower. I'll stop back soon to visit. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me. I'm not working right now."

Edward smiled, "Thanks for stopping, Alice. Don't be a stranger."

"See you soon, Edward. Take care of yourself."

I followed her out into the corridor and down the hall to the elevators.

"Alice, you said you'd read about Edward's accident while looking for work. Have you found anything promising?"

"Actually, no. I saw a few I might consider, but nothing similar to what I'm really looking for. I found one temporary job that looked good, but it was only for a few months. I need something with some permanency."

During Alice's visit, I had an epiphany. There was a reasonable solution to both Alice's employment dilemma and Edward's need for a caregiver. I wasn't sure how Edward would feel about being cared for under such intimate circumstances, particularly by a female relative. He and Alice were both professional individuals, and I _hoped_ he would agree, but I could understand entirely if he was uncomfortable with the idea. I don't think that I would feel comfortable with a male caregiver, especially not if he were someone I'd known since childhood. However, Edward had lived with his condition for so long and had been cared for by so many nurses over the years, I just wasn't sure how he'd react to the idea.

_Would he be able to look at Alice as just another nurse?_

As we walked, I decided to broach the subject with Alice. Maybe she would be uncomfortable as well. If she didn't think she'd be a good fit for Edward, perhaps she knew someone who might be.

"I don't know if it would make you uncomfortable, but Edward has agreed to hire someone to care for him once he is released and on his own again. We haven't talked about it in a few days, but I know he's planning on contacting an agency shortly before he is moved to the rehab facility. While it won't be for a few months, he wants someone who can start while he's in rehab so they can help him re-establish his activities of daily living as soon as possible."

Alice bounced from foot to foot excitedly. "I'd love to help him out. I interviewed with the woman who wants a temp, and she's as much as given me the job, but I haven't made a decision. It's only part-time temporary with very sporadic hours. I didn't want to commit and then have to try to find something else right away. With a permanent prospect following it, the timing might be perfect. It's only until her daughter moves home from New York in March."

We all knew Edward wouldn't be able to live independently for a while. I was relieved when he had admitted that he was going to need assistance with his activities of daily living. It was reasonable to believe that if Edward's condition remained stable and he continued to progress, he'd one day be independent again, but no one could predict to what extent... or when.

At least he had resigned himself to the realization that having daily assistance would be beneficial to his rehabilitation. It was a relief to know that he wouldn't be living all alone. There were so many things to consider. He no longer had an apartment. His roommates asked us to come and move his personal things just a few days after the accident.

Would he live with us? He had an accessible room and bathroom in our home, but would he _want_ to live with us again? Would he want to get an apartment of his own right away? He needed to find something that was accessible. It was so mind boggling for me to think about. There was just so much to think about. So many decisions needed to be made.

"I'll talk to Edward today. If he's interested, I'll ask him to call you. Even though this is something he suggests for his patients, it's different when the shoe is on the other foot. He really fought us on it, but I think it's the right decision. We still have no idea when it will be, though. It will depend on his progress."

Alice leaned in and gave me a big hug. "Thanks, Esme. Tell Carlisle I miss him, if you would. It's been so long." She was smiling as she stepped into the elevator. "Have Edward call me if he likes your idea. I'll stop back soon."

Alice's visit was a turning point for me. At last, I felt like I would be able to leave Edward in capable hands to go home and care for Carlisle and myself in a way I hadn't dared since the night Edward was brought into the emergency room.

I walked back to the room with a lighter heart. Edward's nurse was just leaving. He had been rolled to the opposite side, his back to the door. A lunch tray sat on his bedside table.

I touched Edward's shoulder. "Would you like something to eat?" He hadn't been eating much, saying the cast made him feel uncomfortably full. I felt terrible pushing him. I knew he wasn't comfortable, but as a doctor, he had to know how important it was for him to be properly nourished. He'd never heal if he didn't eat. His body needed protein. I felt like I had to get something into him; he rarely ate for the nurses. I'd have to ask Carlisle about bringing something more palatable in from outside the hospital. I knew it was allowed in the rehab unit, but this was intensive care. Nothing was allowed here.

Edward made a face, but didn't answer. I lifted the cover from his tray; there was macaroni and cheese with bits of ham in it and some kind of cooked tomatoes, which did not look appetizing at all. I explained the contents of the tray to Edward, who looked less than enthused. Despite the inedible meal, I silently thanked God he didn't need that horrid feeding tube as he did after the first accident. There had been so many problems with it; we all hated it.

"Let's try the macaroni and cheese," I suggested hopefully. Edward grimaced, but suddenly, he laughed dryly, humorlessly. It was sad that I understood why. Time and time again, he and Carlisle joked about the hospital food, especially the macaroni and cheese. I knew they hated to eat here. Now it was his only option.

Feeding Edward on his side was a challenge. He hadn't worn a shirt over the cast since his temperature had spiked, complaining that he was always too hot. There was just enough space between his chest and the inside of the cast for small particles of food to become lodged.

After numerous failed attempts to hit his mouth, he began to laugh. I ended up having to find an ink pen, which I slid down inside his cast to occasionally flick several pieces of macaroni out of his fiberglass prison. Each time he'd begin to laugh, it had a domino effect and I did as well. Shaking with laughter, I proceeded to create a bigger mess.

Eventually, he took my hand as I attempted to give him another bite. "Enough Esme, I'm wearing more than I'm consuming anyway." I groaned, I had wanted him to eat more than he had. However, I knew it was a losing battle.

"Just a few more bites, Edward. Please." I pleaded.

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm done, Esme. Thank you. I really don't want anymore." Not wanting to start an argument after I had finally heard his beautiful laughter again, I let it drop. Instead, I changed the subject.

When I approached the subject of Alice providing care for Edward, knowing how intimately she'd be working with him, I expected him to refuse. As usual, however, he took me by surprise.

Edward excitedly asked me to call Alice right away. I held the phone to his ear, as he spoke to her.

"Hey, Alice. It's Edward. Esme said you might be interested in the position. Yes, I'll need someone full-time. I was thinking live-in for a few months, at least until I'm permitted to go back to work. No, I have no idea for how long, I'm taking one day at a time right now. I'd need you as soon as I begin rehab. No, the live-in won't start until I am released from rehab. Sure. Yes, that's one of the things I'll need your help with. I look forward to it. I'll see you soon. Goodnight. Alice."

Edward appeared to be relieved once he handed the phone back to me after the short conversation. "Alice will take the job. She has a temporary job that looks favorable. She can come in a few hours a day while she is working that job to get used to my routine. That will give you some time to get out of here, Esme."

I began to argue, but he interrupted me. "You've been here almost around the clock since I was admitted. Please let Alice help. You and Carlisle both need a break. I've got so many things I need your help with, things Alice _can't_ do for me. Please. I need you to take care of yourself. Will you do it _for me_?"

He knew how to be manipulative when he needed to be. _Brat!_

Before I had time to complain, Edward launched into another conversation, successfully steering me away from the previous one. "In a few days, I'll need your assistance to have my insurance agent set up a health insurance package for her."

"This will be different from hiring a nurse from an agency, Edward. I wonder if it will be difficult for us to get everything put together for her employment."

He didn't seem to be overly concerned about the details and gave me half a smile. "You know, I _have_ _had _a little experience with attendant care services. There is an agency here in the city that can help us. They offer something called PAS services. Once I hire Alice, they will handle all the tax withholding, as well as workers compensation insurance, should Alice get hurt on the job. They will cut her paycheck weekly, and in turn, charge me the monthly wages, plus half of Alice's social security and a fee to cover their paperwork. Their health insurance is something I have to pay for if we want it, and the coverage is minimal. We can do better than that. I want to get her a private health insurance policy. Do you realize right now Alice has no insurance?"

I was aware that Edward encouraged his patients to apply for social services that would pay for in home care for many of them, but I didn't realize he was so knowledgeable with the aspects of private duty care. I was speechless. I guess I hadn't been thinking.

Edward's support group offered a myriad of information on assistive technology, social services and accessible housing. I should have known he'd be well informed. In the beginning, I had worked alongside Edward to get the support group off the ground, but I'd been so busy of late, I'd slowly fallen out of the loop.

"The first thing we need to do is access some information. If you don't mind going down to the rehab gym, I have several notebooks in Carmen's desk. One of them is labeled accessible housing and attendant care. We'll need that one. It's big and heavy, you can't miss it."

"Aren't we putting the cart ahead of the horse, Edward? You know you're looking at weeks here before you go to rehab. Isn't this rushing things just a little?"

Edward grabbed my hand. "It takes about three months to get services in place if you are private pay. It's even longer if you are using insurance or state funding. No, we need to do this as soon as possible."

In my head, I thought paying Alice privately meant handing her money at the end of each week and leaving it at that. Edward explained that he'd still employ her through the agency, and they would receive a fee for service to compensate them for overseeing his attendant.

"I was going to meet your uncle for lunch. Is it alright for me to make it all in one trip?"

"That's fine, Esme. I'll see you after lunch."

I went to our usual spot in the cafeteria and waited a half hour. I bought myself a coffee and quickly finished it, but even in that time, Carlisle never came down. I read several articles in a medical journal that lay on the table to pass the time, looking up from time to time as I watched and waited. I wondered what was keeping him. I was getting antsy, feeling the need to get back to Edward, but this wasn't the first time we had a date that he couldn't keep. The emergency room was full of surprises. If there were an emergency, I'd only be a distraction if I went looking for him.

As I was getting up to walk away, I ran into Jacob Black.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen."

"Jacob," I greeted.

"Dr. Cullen asked me to keep an eye out for you. There was an accident and he's overseeing several critical cases. He apologized and said he'll see you at home."

"When he was a half hour late, I was almost certain he'd gotten held up. Please let him know you found me. I'll see him at home."

"I'll let him know, Mrs. Cullen. By the way, how is Edward feeling? Has his condition improved?"

I felt liked I'd been punched in the stomach every time someone asked. I still had no idea how to answer, and I struggled to find the words. "He's improving slowly, but there have been numerous setbacks. He's been in and out of surgery several times this week." I shuddered to think of all the little things that had to be done surgically to encourage everything to heal properly.

"Tell him I asked about him, please, I'll stop up and see him soon."

"I will, Jacob."

As I made my way up to the fourth floor, the conversation repeated itself numerous times. Edward was a popular doctor… especially with the nurses. Visiting the rehab gym was even worse than braving the halls. Everyone who worked in the gym knew our Edward. He held his support group meetings here, and it wouldn't be an understatement to say he stalked the gym for potential members. Everyone in the rehab department adored him.

Carmen was no exception; she was the first to comment as I exited the elevator. "I saw Edward a few days ago; he seems to be in good spirits. Is he always so easy going?"

"Usually he is. He's hit a rough patch, but he seems to be doing better today. Actually, Carmen, he's the reason I'm here. He asked me to come down and get the attendant care notebook. He'd like me to take it up to his room."

Carmen handed the notebook in my direction, but didn't let go as I reached for it. She was smiling, her eyes sparkling.

"Does this mean he's going to break down and actually hire someone to assist him with attendant care?"

"It appears that way, yes."

"Well, tell him I said it's about time. I know he's independent, but it will be good for him to have someone to take care of him."

When she left go of the binder, I nearly dropped it, not realizing how heavy it truly was.

"I'll let him know. I imagine you'll see him soon. They want to start working his arms on Wednesday."

"Oh, that's great. I can't wait to see him."

I hugged the heavy binder to my chest and took the elevator up to Edward's floor. When I walked into his room, the curtain was pulled. I sat the binder on the counter and sat down.

"Esme, you can come in, we're just changing my dressings."

I walked around the curtain to find our friend Maggie working with Edward. I was relieved to see her with him; I knew she only had his best interests at heart. When we bought our first home in Forks, Carlisle opened a small practice at the house in addition to working at Forks General.

Maggie began working for Carlisle fresh out of nursing school. She was a local girl, one you could imagine babysitting or teaching Sunday school. She was always surrounded by children. I remember when Edward was a little boy, he and Elizabeth would come over almost daily to visit. If he fell and got an 'owie,' he had to run into Carlisle's office and have 'Miss Maggie' clean and bandage it. Neither his mother nor I were suitable nurses if Maggie were present. Always inquisitive, he was never fearful of a medical procedure as long as 'Miss Maggie' was there with him. It was a comfort to see her caring for him now.

Some of these young nurses, especially that Stanley girl, spent more time ogling Edward and flaunting themselves in front of him than they did caring for him. Carlisle would 'tut-tut' me, and say I was making too much out of it, but it made me uncomfortable. Maggie adored Edward. I just wish I could find a way to get her assigned to work with him every day.

When Maggie pulled the dressing off Edward's ankle, I gagged. It looked like raw meat. The tissue was puss-like and smelled rotten. My mouth and nose were covered by my hands before I could stop myself. As Maggie removed the dressing, she looked up at me and smiled. "Esme, do you need to sit down? You don't look so hot."

I closed my eyes as I clutched the railing on his bed. My husband and son were both doctors, so I knew things like this shouldn't bother me, but they did. I took deep breaths as I tried to compose myself. "No, I'll be okay. It's the first I've seen it. I was just caught off guard, that's all. Just give me a minute."

I held onto the bed rail across from Maggie and gaped at Edward's ankle as she cleaned it. Edward seemed to be deeply engaged in something on the ceiling, so I followed his gaze. I wasn't surprised to see that Maggie had a mirror hanging at an angle from the trapeze bar. Edward was carefully watching as she worked.

"Did you debride all the dead tissue on that one edge? What about that necrotic tissue where they opened it? Is it still pooled with blood?" As he asked, I recognized the expression on Edward's face as his 'doctor expression'. He looked so studious.

I had heard Carlisle use the term when discussing a burn case a few years back. I understood it was a painful process where any necrotic, or dead tissue was removed from burns or skin abrasions to allow new tissue to grow. Once again, I was actually thankful for Edward's diminished sensation. He didn't appear to be in any discomfort, but instead, busied himself with observing the procedure.

Maggie looked exasperated. "_Yes, _Edward. I got it all."

She turned to me, playfully exasperated. "See what I have to put up with? He's been giving me a hard time his entire life." There was a twinkle in her eye that told me she wasn't offended. In fact, if I didn't know any better, she seemed delighted that he had enough spunk to pester her. I was glad she was giving it back to him. He needed someone who could keep things light.

Maggie picked up a tub of Silvadine ointment and started covering the piece of gauze with the cream. She covered the angry sore and came around my side of the bed. "Trade me sides, dearie, this one isn't nearly as angry."

I went to the other side of the bed and watched as she pulled the bedding back to expose Edward's thigh. There was a perfect square of fiberglass missing from his cast, his skin exposed. "See how rosy and smooth it is?" Maggie was smiling now, almost as if she were proud of something.

Edward spoke up and once again entered the conversation. "This is the donor site for the graft. I don't think you've seen it, have you? Look how well it has healed."

"I see. It does look healthy, doesn't it?" I smiled. Progress, no matter how small or how slow, was still progress. I was delighted to hear there was improvement.

Edward seemed pleased with his progress as well. Maggie adjusted the mirror and soon Edward was again watching intently as she worked. Maggie had taken more of the gauze squares and was pouring sterile saline on them before she cleaned the still healing wound. "This one is nearly healed. It looks great."

She looked at me expectantly. "Hon, could you help me roll Edward? I just need to check his backside for pressure sores."

I took a hold of the body cast, one hand on his hip and the other at the top of the cast, just under his arm. Maggie took the draw sheet and lifted only her side, rolling him in my direction.

I pushed a pillow between Edward's chest and the railing to keep him from smacking his face against the metal. As I held onto Edward, she worked, washing him and putting lotion on to prevent skin breakdown. I watched her move, lovingly caring for my broken boy. I thought about the decision to hire Alice. She would care for Edward like this, I knew. With love, not frustration or lost patience. Perhaps I wouldn't need to throw my weight around the board of directors trying to get Maggie assigned exclusively to Edward. I laughed to myself after the thought. _Like they'd actually agree to such a thing_.

I took in the body cast that covered Edward completely. Someone clearly had a wicked sense of humor. After he came down with the infection, and they cut the cast. When he was feeling better and they re-cast it, they chose a pink camouflage fiberglass. Everyone laughed, including Carlisle. Edward was so sick that I couldn't bring myself to add insult to injury. I refused to make fun of him. I knew it would only be a matter of a few weeks and the cast would be changed again anyway. Every time they were forced to operate, or every time the orthopedist wanted X-rays, the cast was removed and a new one was applied. "So, Edward, how long are you stuck with that cast?"

"I don't know. Less than two weeks, I think. If there are no setbacks, it's scheduled to be two weeks from the last surgery. If there are, well, who knows?"

"I'm sorry, Edward, that's a rotten trick to pull on a guy when he's down."

"Eh, it could be worse. I don't really care. As long as it keeps me all together, who cares about the color? They had their fun. It's something they couldn't get away with if I were a normal patient."

I retrieved the attendant care binder while Maggie finished up with Edward. Edward and I spent most of the remainder of our day putting together the proper forms Alice would need to complete with Edward. We put an entire packet together in a manila envelope. In addition, I promised Edward I'd drop an email to his insurance agent concerning health care packages for Alice. It was relief to have such a huge hurdle behind us. I knew Alice would be a great asset to Edward; she could be soft and compassionate, but I knew she would also push him when needed.

Driving home for the first time since the accident, I felt like things with Edward might just be okay.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Five

~Bella~

_**November 2007**_

Although typically the climate in Washington State was fairly cool, I had heat related issues all summer and rejoiced the arrival of autumn. Autumn meant that I could enjoy the outdoors without worry; I could sit in a park with a book without regard to the temperature.

I also wouldn't have to schedule outings or transportation around the weather report. Where I previously had to hide in the shadows until the sun set, I was finally free to expose myself to the sun with the knowledge that there would be no repercussions. Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed autumn.

Just over a year ago I returned from holiday at my mom's house in Phoenix. So many unexplained things occurred on that trip. Little did I know that the up hill struggle I'd been waging would soon turn into a slow but certain downward spiral.

I remember my days last year in Phoenix like it was yesterday.

On the late September morning when I arrived, it was 104 degrees at 10:30am. Almost immediately, my body protested. I remember the feeling of intense exhaustion, my body limp and sluggish. I felt lethargic, even after a long nap.

I recalled walking across the flagstone patio at my mother's that evening; my toe continued to catch on the slightest irregularities in the floor, and my rubbery legs barely carried me to bed that night. Renee told me that once I got used to the change in climate, I'd feel better. That first night she turned on the central air. As I lay in my bed, letting the cool air wash over me, I could almost feel the shackles that had encumbered me fall away. When I awoke in the middle of the night, I felt like a woman renewed.

Getting out of bed, I made my way to the pool and swam, enjoying myself for the first time since I'd arrived. After an hour of relaxing in the lukewarm water, I made my way back to my bed, refreshed.

Over the next two weeks, niggling little things occurred that initially seemed inconsequential. An occasional smoker, the stress of my mother fussing over me around the clock had me picking up the nasty habit as a coping mechanism. It amazed me how many times a lit cigarette would slip through my fingers, going virtually unnoticed until I went to partake in the next drag.

Walking had suddenly become a frustrating experience. Numerous times I turned my ankle; I even ended up at the emergency room after one particularly nasty fall. An air cast became my newest companion.

Once, while shopping in an outlet store with Renee, I found the most incredible pair of thongs at an end of season shoe sale. They were so comfortable, like walking on a cloud. I loved them, but Renee chastised me when I put them on. She threatened to take me back to the emergency room if she caught me in them again. In the evenings, when it was less likely that Renee would notice, I'd slip off the air cast and slide on the new sandals before wandering through the dark to the pool or fire pit.

It quickly became apparent that something was terribly wrong with my beloved sandals. I found myself dragging my feet or catching them on Renee's throw rugs. My other shoes never gave me troubles like this. After ending up on the floor with brush burns on my hands and knees, I gave up. Sadly, I packed them away.

Wanting to get in some recreational reading at an adult level, I had spent much of my vacation with my nose buried in a book. I'd noticed over the summer that my vision had become blurry when I read for long periods of time, and there was one distinct blurry spot that troubled me. I felt as if I were looking through a drop of water on a window: slightly distorted and fuzzy, but if you really concentrated, you could ignore it or simply look through it. I got my first prescription for eyeglasses while in Arizona.

Midway through the vacation, I ran into several girlfriends from high school at the mall. After spending our morning re-living the good old days, we made arrangements for a luncheon by the pool, courtesy of Renee and Phil. After five hours lazing away in the sun, I was too lethargic to get out of my lounge chair. Flustered, my friends called the neighbor boy over to carry me into the house. Once again, I found that relaxing in the air-conditioning refreshed me to the point where I could function normally. I'd never suffered heat prostration before, but with heat indexes fiercer than I'd ever experienced, this had quickly become the trip from hell.

The day I left Arizona, I was hit with a case of vertigo so debilitative I found myself in the emergency room at Harborview as soon as Charlie had collected me from the airport.

Instead of an explanation telling me why I was sudden so dizzy, I was sent home from the hospital with antibiotics for an inner ear infection. I didn't understand how an ear infection could make me feel so sick. I was disappointed; I was hoping to spend the weekend with Charlie before I returned to work. We'd even made plans with the gang from La Push, and all I ended up being able to do was go home and spend the weekend on the couch.

More than once I found my balance spiraling out of control and I would fall to the floor, or catch myself on a piece of furniture. Finding myself covered in bruises had become a normal part of life. Eventually, the vertigo subsided, and after a short time, it was just a bad memory.

There were so many signs that I chose to ignore. So many small, nagging things that all added up to the big picture in the end. Thinking back, I'd always been a klutz, but my clumsiness had been much more prevalent in Phoenix than it ever had in Washington. I was never coordinated, and even as a kid I was often overwhelmed by fatigue. I was never an active teenager. I was the student who walked into class as the bell was ringing, having drug myself across campus as hurriedly as I was able, although it was never fast enough. I never excelled in physical education. I was the last one picked whenever teams were divided for a sport.

My parents always pushed me to become more active and encouraged me to participate in extracurricular activities in an effort to foster self-confidence and physical fitness. They saw my inactivity and unwillingness as laziness, weakness. As I strived to do more to improve my physical condition, it seemed I grew more tired and less coordinated. Who knew these things were all warning signs of what was about to come? During my junior year of high school, when I moved into my dad's home in Washington, I never made the connection that these things became less prevalent. It took traveling back to Phoenix for me to see that the climate had something to do with my lack of coordination.

Last December, I learned how all those little pieces of the puzzle fit together definitively.

In October, 2006, I moved into a new apartment in Seattle. It wasn't huge, nor was it anything special, but it was mine and I could afford it. It was close to the school where I worked, so it was also convenient to walk or ride my bike to work each day.

In December, the unthinkable happened. I became a person with a disability. One of the hardest things for me to accept was that label and the stigma I thought would be associated with it.

One thing my hospital stay gave me was time to think about my housing situation, among other things.

My apartment wasn't really accessible…at all. The hallway that led to my bedroom wasn't wide enough to accommodate the wheelchair I depended on when I'd first come home. I was fortunate that my bathroom was just off my combination kitchen and living room with no hallway, but turning the living area into a bedroom gave me just barely enough room to function.

I had ten months of my lease left. I knew breaking it would result in hefty penalties I couldn't really afford to put into a greedy landlord's pockets. Moving out before my lease expired just wasn't an option for me financially.

Charlie had fits because I refused to go home with him. His place was the old two story house in Forks; the only bathroom was on the second floor, as were both bedrooms. It would not have been a feasible solution. I refused to sleep on a couch and use a portable potty if there were _any_ other option.

My job was in Seattle. My life was in Seattle. I didn't want to leave.

I clung to Dr. Cullen's optimism that the wheelchair would not be permanent. His words of encouragement became my mantra, even though all the words of encouragement in the world didn't change the fact that I had a disability. It seemed like every time I made a little progress, I'd have a setback. Would there ever be an end to this nightmare?

Renee left to go be with Phil before I was discharged from the hospital. Charlie was the one who accompanied me home in the hospital provided shuttle van. He stayed for several days, sleeping in my room on the couch we'd moved out of the living room area so I could use my single bed. The bed took up the majority of my small living room, but it was necessary if I were going to stay in the apartment.

After meeting with the hospital social worker, temporary arrangements were made for skilled nursing care, as well as attendant care that would fund the employment of someone to come in and help me with dressing, bathing, cooking, cleaning and transportation.

After spending a few days with my new attendant as she cared for me, Charlie agreed that it was time for him to go home and get back to work, protecting the fine people of Forks. I had successfully convinced him I could do this on my own, with the agreement that I'd go to Forks if things became unmanageable.

I was alone for a few hours each day. I enjoyed this solitude in the afternoons, and often spent the time resting or reading. It quickly became my favorite time of day. I realized that when I _did _return to work, this would be the time I would be getting home; the time I normally spent reflecting over my day before making dinner or preparing for the next day at school. Getting back in the habit of having some quiet time in my afternoon gave me a sense of normalcy when so many things were uncertain.

Dr. Cullen had told me the neurology department would continue to keep the social services workers of the hospital abreast of my progress. In a few months, I'd be assessed to determine my continued need of attendant care services.

Each day my attendant pushed me in the wheelchair to the bus stop where I was picked up to go to rehab. Two hours of therapy and another bus ride later, I'd find myself waiting for her to meet me and walk me home.

My most challenging goal had been re-learning to walk before I returned to my job. I knew I _could_ work from the wheelchair, but I didn't _want_ to rely on it. I felt like I was shackled to the metal beast. If there were _any_ possibility of freeing myself of its confines, I was determined to make the effort to do so.

In physical therapy, my gross motor skills were slowly restored - the process of making my arms and legs do what my brain told them to do. Sitting, standing, using my arms to support myself and walking were all gross motor skills I had lost. When all of this first happened, I couldn't do any more than pull myself onto my side with my good arm, using the bedrail for support. I also struggled with transferring in and out of the wheelchair. I remembered watching a man who was a paraplegic doing transfers in the rehab gym; I couldn't imagine how he did it - I had enough trouble and only one side of my body was affected. I was frustrated with my traitorous body. In the blink of an eye, everything I'd taken for granted was gone.

My first attempts on the parallel bars in therapy were terrifying. I fell. A lot. Much of the sensation had returned on my left side, but getting the message from my brain to my leg wasn't as immediate as it had always been. I needed to really concentrate to make things work the way I wanted them to. Sometimes they simply…refused.

After almost two weeks on the parallel bars, I began using a walker.

Twice a week, in occupational therapy, I worked on my fine motor skills. These were the exercises I needed to master in order to improve my manual dexterity. I spent my time re-learning how to button and tie so I could independently dress myself. Making my fingers manipulate the buttons and ties on my clothing was a challenge.

I found mastering fine motor skills was as difficult, if not more so, to regain than the gross motor skills had been.

Soon, I was able to navigate my apartment independently once again. The furniture was rearranged, and it looked more like its old self. Heeding the warning of another exacerbation being possible, I decided that I wanted to find something new by the time the lease was up at the end of the year.

I couldn't count the number of times I stumbled or fell in the process, but the wheelchair, and eventually the walker, became residents of the closet. I prayed we'd never become so closely acquainted ever again.

The year has been a long and tiring journey as someone with a newly diagnosed disability. In many ways, with time, this new life of mine has become easier. I came home from the hospital with a wheelchair, but I worked diligently to regain the use of my limbs. Regaining my mobility was the path to finding the freedom and independence for which I strived. Being unable to walk steadily, or stand for even short periods of time, hampered my capability to perform my job to its fullest.

I realized early on that I was the only person who had the power to restore my life to any semblance of what it used to be. I'd never worked so hard to achieve a goal before.

I figured the best way to deal with my MS was to become educated. Through research and attending meetings at the local MS self-help group, I learned how to work with my body in a manner that was beneficial, but wouldn't create much fatigue. I learned how to _recognize_ the signs of fatigue before it occurred, and realize when it was necessary to cool off or sit down. I no longer try to push myself in ways that could be detrimental to my wellbeing.

I often wondered about Dr. Cullen. _Young_ Dr. Cullen. I'd pushed him away and treated him with a rudeness that was so out of character for me. I was angry and devastated with my diagnosis and he was the only person who _willingly_ put himself directly into my line of fire. He was extremely compassionate when I didn't deserve his empathy. He went out of his way to help me, even though I acted like an insolent child. Whenever my poor behavior crossed my mind, I thought back to that day… I never ceased to be embarrassed, even after all this time.

The introduction to his disability support group and the buddy I was assigned turned out to be a life altering experience. I only attended a few meetings, but even with those few sessions, the support group really changed my life in numerous ways. The entire group was set up on a buddy system. We were all paired with an individual who had a similar disability or mobility issue.

Robin informed me that Edward called her as soon as he got home from the hospital the day I met him. He had asked her to consider becoming my peer partner. It surprised me that he seemed so dedicated to someone who wasn't even his patient, especially knowing he had just been discharged from a lengthy hospital stay himself.

There was no one in the group with MS, but because our needs were similar, he had chosen Robin. Robin used a wheelchair while she was out and about, yet walked while at home. She had her disability for some time, but only recently became dependent on a wheelchair. We became quick friends.

Robin has been an independent living skills instructor, ILS, for the Center for Independent Living for several years. A consumer-driven organization, the agencies exist all over the country and provide service to people with disabilities in addition to assisting them in living as independently as possible.

Robin subtly encouraged me to participate in their activities. In doing so, I'd not been an active participant with Dr. Cullen's support group for months. I missed the people there, but I gained so much with the CIL. I just couldn't find time to participate actively with both groups, so I chose to remain involved with this organization.

I included myself in so many activities with the CIL. I wrote letters to my legislators concerning bills that could affect my independence, as well as ones that could affect my ability to access affordable medical care. I volunteered, answered phones and made copies. I was even given the honor of being approved as a peer counselor. Normally a peer counselor would be assigned consumers who are approximately the same age or have similar disabilities. Because my vocation was teaching, I was approved to work with children. Peer counseling became my favorite volunteer assignment almost immediately.

Because most of my consumers attended the school where I taught, I was given a satellite office - though I'd call it more of a broom closet than anything else. We met bi-weekly for an hour after school. It saved me from expending the energy it took to take the bus to the CIL, and the kids were able to catch the late bus home from school so it didn't cause a transportation problem. Several of my consumers in outlying areas came in to the CIL to meet with me on a bi-weekly basis as well. After a few weeks, I had a consumer scheduled four afternoons a week. Friday was the only day I went directly home.

I also went to a few peaceful assemblies to draw awareness to physical barriers in my community. The most recent situation involved a young couple who attempted to eat at a local pancake house. It had been easy for them to get inside and secure a table, but when it came time for the young lady to use the restroom, she couldn't make her way through the establishment to use the facilities. Tables and chairs were put too close together, which made it necessary for other patrons to stand up and move their chairs so she could get her wheelchair through. After they got past the seating arrangement, boxes of supplies littered the hallway, which obstructed their path again.

The restaurant was not a part a huge franchise, and said they couldn't afford to make the establishment accessible. The sad part of the story was the fact that the biggest barrier was the mindset of the owner and not the physical ones which could have been easily corrected. When they refused to consider making changes so it would be more accessible for their patrons, we held a peaceful protest.

In September, Robin registered us for a program called 'Partners.' The two-day workshop was held monthly for people with disabilities, as well as people who cared for them. Once a month we'd drive to Portland, Oregon in order to attend. I learned how to access assistive technology - anything that assists a person with a disability to perform activities of daily living. It didn't have to be anything expensive or complicated. It _could be_ a $10,000.00 electric wheelchair, but often times it was something as simple as elastic shoestrings so I wouldn't have to reach down and tie my shoes.

The Partners Program offered me all kinds of information on the resources around me. I learned laws governing accessible housing and disability issues in the workplace; laws that were put into place so that I could continue to work and live within the community in the least restrictive environment.

It's been fun for me to get away for a few days during these workshops and spend time with people who understand what I've experienced in my new world. They don't pity me, but they have strengthened me with unwavering support. This has been a completely different world from the one I live in all the other days of the month. I was apprehensive at first, but I've come to look forward to that special weekend away. This program is scheduled to last 12 months. I never realized anything like this existed when I was able bodied. I have come to really treasure these people and have made lasting friendships.

At some point during the week after each workshop, a newsletter is sent out to the participants that recaps the previous session and highlights events occurring at the upcoming workshops.

When the October newsletter arrived, I found myself staring at the smiling face of Edward Cullen. The brochure introduced him as the keynote speaker for the November session. For several weeks I thought about the opportunity I'd have to finally redeem myself.

I floated through the week before the November workshop, thinking about the handsome doctor and rehearsing the words I hoped would make me feel better about the rude manner in which I addressed him the day we met. I was sure he'd experienced similar situations. Robin said I should just forget it, but ever since I realized he'd be here, I felt compelled to say something to let him know I was sorry for my rude behavior.

Today, as we were driving to the workshop, my thoughts drifted back to Edward Cullen. It seemed like it was yesterday when I asked him if the wheelchair was a prop. I found it hard to believe it's been almost a year.

I still couldn't understand how some people seem to have embraced their disability and pulled their strength and happiness from it. Robin said one day it'll just happen. I'll just get it. The t-shirt she wears to volunteer at the CIL each week has the words, "Disability Pride" written down the sleeve. There have been so many days when situations that resulted from my disability have caused me to hang my head or want to crawl under a table to hide. I just couldn't get my head around being proud; _embarrassed_ was the word that normally came to my mind.

I had just checked into the hotel room I'll share with Robin until Sunday.

When I looked down on the table as I signed in, his name had been crossed off the schedule in black felt tip marker. A feeling of disappointment washed over me. I couldn't help wondering why he had cancelled.

We had a few hours until dinner, and I always took that time to unwind and get into a different frame of mind. On _Partners_ weekends, I'm the 28 year old woman with MS who struggles to walk to the bus stop some days, or the one who can barely button up her coat on a cold day. I'm the girl who sometimes forgets that rock climbing and cave exploring are now just treasured memories. For those few days, I shed the facade- the one I've worked so hard to keep in place at home and at work. I have a handful of new friends who understand because they, too, have been in these shoes I wear.

I've begun to feel comfortable in my skin. This is who I've become. I've tried not to let my disease define who I am; I don't want people to look at me as 'that disabled girl'. It's been difficult for me, these past months, trying to accept the changes. Some days I've had conflicting thoughts. I want to accept my life the way that it is, but I don't want people to treat me like I'm different. I know I have to move on, but having people stare and label me like they do makes it difficult. Being around others with disabilities has made me realize that it shouldn't hinder my ability to do anything, but in the real world, that's a hard thought to hold onto.

I changed clothes and brushed my hair as I waited for Robin to finish. I hollered toward the bathroom and asked Robin if she had heard anything about Edward's absence. He was the person who brought Robin into my life. She was hand picked by Edward to be my 'buddy' because he felt she was the best equipped to help me find my way in this new experience. As a result of his actions, my life had really turned around.

Robin was the liaison between the CIL and the support group. Since she was so closely involved with both groups, I had hoped maybe she'd heard something in the rumor mill and just failed to mention anything.

Robin came out of the bathroom drying her hair with a towel. She was walking, but her gait was precarious at best.

She stopped next to where I was sitting and said, "All I know is the moderator said they were notified by his office that he's recovering from a medical emergency and won't be able to meet with us this weekend."

As I walked past his picture on the brochures in the lobby on our way to dinner, I vowed some day very soon, to visit his office and set things right.

* * *

Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Six

~Edward~

Wednesday morning arrived ominously. I knew exactly what to expect.

_Torture_.

I was scheduled to work with my old friend, Emmett McCarty. He was the physical therapist who often assisted with the support group meetings when we had a large turnout. After I left the Johnson Institute in 1991, Carlisle and Esme introduced us to one another. He'd been a linebacker with the Washington Huskies in the late eighties and majored in physical therapy at the University of Washington, opening his own gym soon after graduation. Early in his career, he saw a need for special setups so people with disabilities could utilize the equipment and remain as fit as possible. Because his business catered to these individuals, he quickly became popular with the disability community.

I received the phone call from Emmett last night. He began by apologizing; it was necessary for him to cancel at the last minute, which meant I would be stuck with Olga for my physical therapy session. I'd encountered her a few times in the rehab gym, but I'd never formally met her. Rumor said she could make grown men cry. After only one hour with her, I'd become a believer.

The woman was built like a linebacker... She had a uni-brow… She spoke with a heavy Russian accent that reminded me of that KGB spy 'Klebb' from one of the James Bond movies. A chill ran down my spine when she first walked over to me with a gleam in her eye, and she cracked all of her knuckles at once.

Immediately I knew I was in trouble.

Olga looked at my arm with an evil smirk as she roughly took a hold of me. I took a big gulp and closed my eyes, wishing she'd disappear. When I re-opened them, she was still standing over me.

The woman had a death grip on my arm. It didn't take a genius to realize she was enjoying this… far too much.

She reached out with her other arm and grabbed my fingers, wrenching them backwards one by one and causing my wrist to flex unnaturally. I screamed in pain. Repeatedly, she mercilessly stretched and twisted my hands and then repeated the process with each finger. While I understood physical therapy on my twisted and gnarled hands was necessary, physical therapy wasn't supposed to cause excruciating pain. I had envisioned a gentler approach in my mind. I expected the therapist to start with some kind of stretching exercise; I didn't think they would jump right into some sort of hardcore manipulation.

Several weeks of lying with my hands clenched in front of my chest had caused my muscles to shorten and contractures to form in my wrists and hands. I'd experienced this before - years ago, after my first accident - but it was worse this time. Emmett explained to Esme on Friday that we would have to work with these joints on a daily basis. I needed to start using them or they would lose their lubrication and go rigid. Thankfully, my hands were no longer raw due to road rash. The abrasions had been so painful, but the scabs were nearly all gone and new pink skin had already formed.

I understood it was Emmett's plan to begin working with my hands today. I just never expected someone like Olga to start things as roughly as she did. Emmett would have taken time to work up to the exercises. The contractures, compounded with arthritis, caused me to leave the rehab gym in excruciating pain.

I was not shamed to admit I cried like a little girl.

An hour later, I lay on a gurney with only a towel hiding my goods from everyone who walked past the gym. I was a respected doctor in this hospital, but I felt like I had no dignity at all as a patient. As many times as I'd been in the hospital, you'd think I'd be used to it, but I wasn't. It always felt like I lost all control when I entered Harborview so they could _care _for me. It wasn't that I thought I was anyone special, nor did I deserve special treatment, but I was worried. If they treated one of their own with so little modesty, how did they treat the other patients? Did they feel this humiliated?

The extent of my injuries left me at the mercy of the staff, and it baffled me how many times I was left baring it all when a staff member walked by. Many people saw my junk, and while I really should be used to it, it still seemed wrong to be lying here practically nude. I was suddenly concerned with how little respect our patients received. That was something I needed to discuss with Carlisle at some point.

Lying outside of the rehab gym as I waited gave me a lot of time to think about those things. It took my mind off the pain, to some extent, while I impatiently waited for a transport back to my room.

Maggie was my nurse that day. She helped get me back into my bed before disappearing, and bless her heart, she came back with a basin of ice and water. After giving me the pain meds, she began to work magic on my injured digits. Repeatedly, she dipped my hands into the basin. She left them in until they began to burn; she would then pull them out, allow me to catch my breath, and then do it all over again. It wasn't long before the pain had subsided.

She massaged each finger and the muscles in my hands, all the way up into my wrists. It felt wonderful as she began to knead each muscle. After a while, I found myself drifting off to sleep.

I awoke with a start several hours later. The room was semi-dark, the only light coming from a soft fluorescent above my bed. Someone had closed the blinds and heavy curtains, shutting out the daylight. I had no idea exactly what time it was. Lying on my side, I couldn't see the clock. Esme was asleep in the chair beside my bed.

My arms and fingers ached. I picked up the exercise ball that Maggie had left and began tentatively flexing and extending my fingers around it. They were so stiff, but I knew I needed to start consciously working towards my recovery.

My respiratory therapist came in and I sucked on the spirometer. Every day, the little machine measured my lung capacity. I watched the little ball rise in the chamber as I drew in and held as much air as I could. Fortunately, my lung capacity had finally begun to improve. I hadn't needed a breathing treatment in a few days and the gunk I'd been coughing out of my lungs in the first few weeks had almost disappeared. 'RT girl,' as I had been calling her, said my lungs wouldn't expand to full capacity until the body cast was removed. I needed to continue breathing deeply and coughing as much as possible until that day came.

I knew I'd be in the body cast a minimum of twelve weeks. It wouldn't come off until my pelvic fracture was completely healed, and there was also the issue of my other fractures. The twelve weeks for the pelvis was a given. It had been about a month, but with all the setbacks in my recovery, I wouldn't be surprised if I was entombed for an even longer period of time.

I prayed for the day when I would no longer need the services of respiratory therapy. The first week or two after the accident had been terrifying. I had lapsed in and out of consciousness; the scariest episodes were the ones where I would wake up, unable to catch my breath. Sometimes I'd have a nightmare where I thought I was drowning. I would wake up gasping for air, covered in a cold sweat.

My saturated oxygen levels hovered in the low nineties, and I constantly felt like I was suffocating. Some nights, I would wait over an hour for someone to come and do chest percussions and postural drainage before administering a breathing treatment. I only began to feel relief when they turned on the small pneumatic percussion machine that pounded on my back and chest, eventually knocking secretions loose and allowing me to cough. I'd retch over and over until the thick, dark mucous would finally come up, and I would feel free. It was nearly impossible for them to do the percussions and drainage properly because of the cumbersome body cast.

Trying to eat had been a challenge as well. On the days when I actually had an appetite and attempted to eat, it was only a matter of a few bites and I became uncomfortable.

When the body cast came off I would be able to breath and eat.

_What a concept! _I couldn't wait for that day.

Esme stretched and yawned as the door whooshed closed. 'RT girl' had finally left. She smiled sheepishly as she stretched again. "I didn't know I was so tired. I'm sorry, Edward."

"_I_ was asleep when _you_ came in. It's alright. You really need to take better care of yourself."

She frowned and nodded her head. "I'm trying. I just feel like I need to stay on top of everything."

"Esme, how can you help me when you're not taking proper care of yourself? I can tell just from looking at you that you're not getting enough sleep. Do you _ever_ eat?" I knew that she slept on that horrid, dirty couch in the lounge during nights when I was really having a rough time and they forced her out of my room. She only ate when Carlisle dragged her to the cafeteria, or if he brought something with him in the morning. It broke my heart to think of her existing on chips and cookies. I would feel terrible if she got sick because she was too stubborn to leave my side.

"I know you're right, Edward. I just feel like I need to be here whenever I can. We almost lost you, again. I just…"

I interrupted her. "I want you to get out of here and do something for yourself this afternoon. You need a break."

She sighed. "I do have a few errands to run later, I suppose."

"I don't want to see you back here again today, Esme. I mean it."

She crossed her arms and scowled at me. "I'll go when Alice comes. She's spending the afternoon with you, right?"

I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face. Alice was my favorite cousin. She took life by the horns and just lived. Her attitude was infectious, and I knew she was exactly what I needed in my life to get back on the road to recovery. I hadn't told Carlisle and Esme yet, but the rumor was that I was going to be moved. I wouldn't be moved to the rehab floor until the body cast came off and I was in long leg casts, but I _was_ going to a step down unit. I was finally leaving intensive care.

I'd been in the intensive care unit for almost five weeks. There were a number of times I was scheduled to be moved to a room on a med/surge floor, the place where most surgical patients were sent to recover, but each time they planned to move me, I encountered some huge setback. Just two weeks ago, I was fighting off a staph infection. But here I am, on day thirty-three, finally no longer considered critical.

I couldn't wait to be moved into a more laid back setting. Intensive care was almost as active as the emergency room. It was difficult to be well rested when there were alarms and monitors going off as staff hurriedly rushed to assist someone in distress. It had been reassuring to know that for the past few weeks, I had occupied the room farthest from the nurse's station. As a patient grew stronger and was considered less critical, they were moved farther from the center of attention. Those needing the most observation were in rooms located front and center.

I was beginning to feel stronger. My waking hours were longer, and I knew I was more alert. Just knowing that I was well enough to begin physical therapy gave me hope that I was heading in the right direction, even though I knew the road would be long and undoubtedly painful. However, any amount of discomfort was worthwhile as long as it meant eventually putting the pieces of my life back together.

Alice and Esme went through the changing of the guards routine at three o'clock. As soon as Esme was out the door, Alice packed my belongings into several large, orange plastic bags that had _Harborview _stamped on the outside and threw them on a cart. Once she was finished, I pushed the call button and waited for my nurse.

An hour later, I was getting settled in a two-bed room. I had the window spot and a wonderful view…of a brick wall. However, for the first week in the new room, I was without a roommate. The solitude was nice.

The Tuesday after I moved in, I was given company.

My roommate was an odd little man. He had been in a car accident and the irony was not lost on me that he was now a double amputee.

_That should have been me._

He was quiet, and according to my nurse, he rarely made small talk. It didn't take long for him to warm up to my family, though. Esme began drawing him in with her quiet ways. Alice had him smiling with each of her visits and Carlisle already knew the man from a restaurant close to the hospital. I wouldn't say we became close friends, but after a week or so, we began to share many polite conversations and I truly enjoyed his company.

My days seemed to fly by. I was spending more and more time with Emmett. After working with my hands for a few days, he sat down with me and shaped a splint to be worn with an ace bandage. I only took it off during exercises; it was intended to gently stretch my finger muscles. Before long, I had shed the splint and I was writing my name, using the TV remote and playing cards.

I sighed as I crossed another day off of my calendar. December 15, 2007. I was at forty-nine days. Seven weeks. Only five more weeks until we'd find out exactly where we were headed from here. It wouldn't be too long until we knew with certainty when the body cast would come off.

It was ten days until Christmas, and it didn't matter. There would be no Christmas tree, no large party at Carlisle and Esme's with family and friends present. Just like the previous year, December 25 would just be another day. I asked everyone to honor my request to not get me any gifts. Somehow, I doubted they would listen.

Earlier today, my attorney came in for a visit. Carlisle had convinced me to initiate a lawsuit against the driver who struck me. When I first became a student at the University of Washington, the office of disabled student services instructed me to travel in my electric wheelchair to the far left side of the road, facing traffic, if there was no sidewalk. I was instructed to get off the road as far as possible. Even though there was no shoulder for me to get off the road, I had been where I had been instructed to be when traveling as a pedestrian.

After my bath that morning, I made my nurse prop me on my left side with a notebook and a pen. I wanted to be prepared for the meeting with Rosalie Hale.

I'd known the Hale twins for a number of years. Jasper first entered our lives when he began dating Alice about ten years ago. They had always been close, but their relationship never seemed to remain exclusive. They somehow managed to remain close friends. Rose and Alice became thick as thieves and have spent hours shopping and being pampered together over the years. They were the best of friends.

In a misguided attempt to 'fix' my love life, Esme tried to get Rose and I together as a couple. She would invite her over for dinner on nights Esme knew I'd be present. It didn't take long for the two of us to realize it was a set-up. We spent one summer together, and grew to be extremely close friends and confidants, but it also didn't take long for us to realize we'd never be more than that. She was probably the closest friend I had who wasn't a relative. Over the years we often called each other for support. When I began at the stem cell institute, I became swamped with work and labs; unknowingly, I failed her when she probably needed me the most.

Any time Alice and Jasper attended a Cullen family function, it was a given that Rose would be included. We were all really good friends, but it seemed like forever since we'd all four been together.

I wasn't sure what to expect when Rose agreed to begin the preliminaries on my case. She had taken a long, forced leave of absence from her law firm after the death of her premature daughter, and the subsequent departure of her longtime love, Royce King. Rumor said they just couldn't make it work after losing the baby. I hoped Rose was coping. All the reports I had heard indicated she was ready to command authority in the courtroom once again.

The loud rap on my door pulled me out of my reverie. I looked over to where Rose sauntered across the room like a runway model. She exuded the grace, poise and confidence I remembered so clearly. If I didn't know differently, it would have been hard for me to imagine her near mental collapse less than a year ago. Paris had treated her well.

She pulled a chair up to my bedside and reached out with a perfectly manicured hand to grasp mine. Her smile was warm and genuine. "Edward, I'm so sorry. _How are you?_ Jasper had texted me a while back and mentioned your accident, and until Carlisle called me, I just never imagined…something of this magnitude."

I knew we'd be sharing before we got down to business. It still amazed me that someone as fierce as Rose was in the courtroom could be the same gentle and compassionate creature I knew and loved.

"I'm alright. I'm so sorry for your loss. How are _you_ doing?"

She smiled a sad smile and thanked me. I listened as she wistfully told her story.

"I'm doing much better. I was having a hard time in the beginning. Royce and I didn't have a perfect relationship; we were having problems for a while. We tried to make things work, but losing Emily was the last straw. We decided it would be better if we separated. I think I would have moved on without much heartache if Royce and I had just split up; I almost expected it to happen eventually. But losing the baby was more devastating than anything I've ever experienced."

She paused, collecting her thoughts.

"I've been going to a bereavement counselor. I'm…okay. Every day I feel stronger and more like myself. I try not to dwell on it too much. Paris was exactly what I needed. The partners at my firm had a meeting after I had returned from my medical leave. I had initially just taken a few weeks off. When I returned, I just couldn't stay focused. I'd won several high profile cases shortly before Emily was born, and in turn, it brought a lot of money into the firm. They called me in and demanded that I take a six month sabbatical. They told me they would send me any place I wanted to go. They needed me and wanted me to return, but I had to agree to stay away and regroup."

"Well, it looks like six months of rest and relaxation was just what the doctor ordered, Rose. You look wonderful."

She reached behind her neck and unhooked the chain that rested there. Hanging from that chain was a delicate gold locket. With trembling hands she opened it and held it out for me to look at. I took it but almost wished I hadn't, sadness sweeping over me. Inside were two photos of a tiny angel, blonde fuzz adorning her little head like a halo. Her tiny rosebud lips were pursed in slumber. Her eyes were closed, the lids almost translucent. In one photo, her tiny thumb was in her mouth. I closed the locket and ran my thumb over the name that was engraved on the front of it: Emily.

Rose sniffed and wiped her eyes. "She was two days old."

I was at a loss for words. "Oh, Rose, she's beautiful. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry." I wiped away a stray tear. I couldn't begin to imagine the heartache that came with losing a child.

I handed the locket back to Rose, and for a minute our hands remained clasped together. "You know, it was the perfect pregnancy for the first seven months. There was no indication that anything was wrong. One day, we began fighting. I'd just closed a huge case and he wanted to go out and celebrate. I didn't feel well and wanted to go to bed. In the end, he got his way, we went out and he drank…a lot. We were intimate that night. Before morning, I was in labor. I know it wasn't his fault; neither of us ever imagined something like this would happen."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear the devastation I knew I'd find if I looked at her. "Oh, Rose, I wish I had been there for you. I just never realized so much had happened. Someone said he left after you'd lost her because he couldn't cope. I had every intention of calling and time got away from me. When I couldn't reach you, Esme told me you were out of the country."

She gave my hand a squeeze. "I was thirty weeks along; they thought she'd make it, you know? She was beautiful. Perfect. She was breathing, she had good color; they said her heart was healthy too. Her weight was even acceptable. But when she was two days old, she had an intraventricular hemorrhage. A brain bleed." I nodded my head. I knew all too well what it was. "They said it was just a mild bleed and it should repair itself. They told us not to worry. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her."

By the time she had finished telling me her story, we both had tears streaming down our faces.

Rose put the locket back on and wiped her eyes. "Look at us! Practically blubbering like little girls! Enough of that! We've got work to do. I just…I always have her with me here." She placed her hand over the locket and her own heart. "I don't ever want to forget. I know it was only a few hours that she lived in this world, but it doesn't make losing her any easier."

"I can't imagine ever forgetting someone so precious. You'll make a wonderful mother one day, Rose. I know you'll find your happiness."

"You're not so bad yourself, Edward," she said, playfully giving my shoulder a shove. If I hadn't been propped with so many pillows, I would've fallen over. More shocked than anything, I let out a loud grunt. She gasped, covering her mouth. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I wasn't thinking."

"Relax, Rose, it's okay. It was one of those moments when you bump into something and say 'ouch' even when it doesn't hurt. You _didn't _hurt me." She looked relieved.

"So, I was going to ask, is there a special someone in _your_ life, Edward?"

"I thought you knew I was married to my job."

"Aren't there any pretty girls down on that brain farm where you work?" She was laughing, and I knew our moment of tension had passed.

"Nope, this year we are all guys. No chicks, unless you count Helen, but I suspect she's about ninety."

We laughed for a while before Rose finally sat in the chair she'd pulled over when she first came in, pulling a legal pad from her briefcase. She pulled her eyeglasses out and perched them on her nose. Attorney Hale was sitting next to me, my friend long gone.

"Can you tell me everything you remember from the night of your accident?"

I shuddered as a chill ran down my spine. Goosebumps covered my body. I hadn't talked about the accident for almost two months, and I'd never talked about it with anyone in great detail. Concentrating on my rehabilitation had given me a way to leave the past behind me. Dredging it up was painful.

Rose asked me about my day at work, as well as my frame of mind. She wanted to know if I had been at all distracted that evening. I explained about Mrs. Cope's deterioration and my day at the lab. We discussed dinner and the fact that my normal companion for my walk home had needed to bail on me because of other obligations. She wanted to know what I was wearing; was my clothing dark colored? _Was it? _I couldn't remember.

Did I have lights and a horn on my chair? _Yes, but were they bright enough? _

Why was I walking alone on a deserted road in the dark?

I explained the route home and where, exactly, I had gotten hit. Rose commented that she would have to get an accident expert to come out and recreate the lighting on the road to determine stopping distance. She explained that we would soon have to do a deposition of my account of that night. The court would send a stenographer to the hospital to take my sworn statement since I was in no condition to travel. I suspected I'd be retelling the story over and over now that the cat was out of the bag.

I still didn't even know the identity of the woman who had hit me. I knew she was a nurse here at Harborview. She was running late that night and she had been in a hurry. She insisted that she never saw me. She hit me, and based on the beginning of the skid marks and debris on the road, it was estimated I was thrown nearly seventy-five feet. Jasper later told me she made the comment that she thought she hit _something_, but she wasn't _sure_ until she saw me laying on the pavement in front of her. I still couldn't comprehend how she didn't realize she had hit a person. My chair weighed around 300 pounds! She said she wasn't sure if she even hit anything.

Just thinking about the whole situation again put me in a rotten mood. Rose wanted to keep us separated for the time being; the other driver would go to the courthouse with the others for her deposition.

Eventually, Rose said she had collected enough information to get the ball rolling. I watched as she began to gather her paperwork. Everything was systematically placed back into her bag. She was always a very disciplined person; she thrived on having structure in her life. Carlisle loved to tease her about her obsessive-compulsive mannerisms.

As she stood to leave, Rose leaned in and gave me half a hug. "Merry Christmas, Edward. I'll be in touch."

"Merry Christmas to you, Rose."

She was out the door before I could say a proper goodbye.

I registered the squeak of sneakers on linoleum before I heard the woosh and soft thud of the door closing, signaling her exit. I looked up to see Emmett grinning from ear to ear. "Edward! Was that Jasper Hale's sister? Man, the last time I saw her she was all legs, an all awkward and gangly teenaged girl. Wow, she grew up nice. She's gorgeous."

I just shook my head. "Em, you're wasting your time. I'm not going to pretend I know if she's ready for a relationship, but something tells me she's content being a single woman right now."

"She's so tan! She didn't get that in Seattle - in December, no less. Are you sure she's not looking for a man?" He was in a great mood. I didn't know how to explain her circumstances without revealing her very private pain. It wasn't my story to tell. I did want to tell him _something_, though. I didn't want him hounding her for a date every time he saw her. She was my attorney, and aside from my father, I spent more time with Emmett than anyone else in the hospital. Their paths were bound to cross again.

"Emmett, please, she's recovering from something huge. If she's interested, let her come to you when she's ready. Promise me you won't hit on her every time you see her. Please?"

"Nothing like being cryptic. I'll leave her be…for now. You can't expect me to ignore her forever. I don't think I've ever seen such a beautiful woman. I think I'm in love, Ed."

He was fanning himself with a goofy grin on his face. He didn't realize she'd eat him alive if he said the wrong thing when she was in a foul mood.

Live and learn, I guess.

Emmett sat down and balanced my rehab folder on his knee. He still wore a goofy smile on his face, and all I could do was shake my head. We began discussing my progress. Emmett was moving me to a universal gym tomorrow so I could begin using a special weight machine. He designed it so someone like me could be pushed up under it on a gurney and use the cable and pulley system to lift.

Realizing that I was making measurable progress made my day end on a happy note.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the original characters. Those belong to Stephenie Meyer. The story Impact, as well as any original plots or characterizations are copyright to me.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Seven

~Edward~

Emmett had me working in the gym, lifting weights, every day. He wanted me to regain all the tone I'd lost in my arms before the body cast was removed for good. Hopefully I would begin core-strengthening exercises in five or six weeks. I couldn't wait!

The depression that came from just lying around, doing nothing, had set in shortly after I'd regained consciousness. It was nearly impossible to participate in any activity other than watching television. I was so sick of the mindless drabble that I often chose to lay in silence, staring off into space.

Alice was a Godsend. She refused to let me slip too far into my own little world. She always arrived in my room with a notebook, and each section related to some aspect of my life. After watching her for days, I realized she was writing a journal of sorts about my progress, procedures they did and outcomes of tests. She had taken to writing my own personal medical journal. She insisted that it would be invaluable if anything arose later. Of course, Carlisle had access to all of my records with a click of his mouse, but in an emergency, it would undoubtedly be Alice accompanying me to the hospital. This accident had left me with a myriad of health issues I hadn't had before. It would be very helpful to have that information readily available.

Another section of the notebook contained all of the things I would want or need in an accessible home when I was finally allowed to _go_ home. We discussed my home plan endlessly. After some serious thought, I decided I wasn't going to rent a place when I had the resources to buy a home of my own. In purchasing, or even building, I would have an easier time finding a place more suited to my physical needs. Alice and Esme had spent a lot of time scouring the Seattle area, looking for accessible housing. I couldn't wait until I was out of the body cast and well enough to go out with them looking at a few of the areas they'd found. It would be a while, but anything to look forward to was welcome.

My favorite part of Alice's notebook was the rehab section. There were days I dreaded it, as the exercises were exhausting and I was always in pain afterwards. But once my body had become accustomed to it, it turned into a good pain. It was a pain that left me feeling like I'd accomplished something beneficial.

Alice gently pumped my arms, performing the range of motion exercises Olga had begun weeks ago with me. Even though I had graduated to more complicated exercises in the gym, Alice still insisted on working every part of my body to which she had access. It wasn't much; about eighty percent of my body was still wrapped in fiberglass. With Alice, it was slow but steady work. She was gentle but thorough.

Each of my fingers were flexed and extended; over and over, she worked them. After we finished, she always massaged them with an oil she'd stumbled upon during her years as a nurse. I could smell the eucalyptus in it - the aroma was refreshing and the tingling sensation after the massage was indescribable.

Daily, after working my hands and arms, she went to my feet to check them for circulation. Every few hours she'd gently squeeze my toes to watch for changes in color and feel for warmth. Today, when she lifted the sheet, she gasped.

"Oh, Edward! This looks terrible! Does it _hurt_?"

So many parts of my body were damaged in the accident on top of the spinal injury from the first accident. I really wasn't able to pinpoint which parts hurt and which didn't.

Alice's revelation didn't surprise me. I expected this. Jessica Stanley had been in earlier and explained that one of the infection control guys needed to look at my ankle. Apparently it looked infected, yet again.

I explained the day's events with Alice. Assuring her that it was being monitored, we began our evening together. Alice worked days at her temp job, but by late afternoon, she was free. Currently she and Jasper were more on than off in their relationship, but since Jasper worked nights, mostly, she had plenty of free time - she spent much of that with me.

I'd grown quite comfortable with Alice. Even though the nurses were providing most of the personal care I required, Alice was on board and never hesitated to jump in where ever she was needed.

"I'm so sorry I won't make it in to see you tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm celebrating with Jasper and Rose. Their parents are coming in from Houston. They haven't seen Rose since she lost Emily, and I'm sure it will be an emotional holiday for all of them."

"Alice, I'd never ask you to spend your Christmas with me anyway. I _expect_ you to be with your loved ones."

She put her hand on the little hip that jutted out. "Edward Cullen! I'm not just some random employee! You _are_ one of my loved ones. I'm hurt that you'd say something like that."

I never intended to offend her. "I'm trying to keep this a business relationship, Alice. You know that when the lines of business and friendship blur in a situation like ours, sometimes things become complicated. I didn't mean to offend you. Please forgive me?"

I gave her my best dazzling smile. She saw right through me.

"You might be able to dazzle these nurses, but don't _even_ try that on me!"

"I just want you to have a nice holiday. Circumstances here are beyond my control. You deserve to have a little fun. I know your relationship with Jasper has been uncertain; just go have a good time with him. See if you can't rekindle something."

I knew Jasper desperately wanted to move forward with Alice. They'd spent a lot of time spinning their wheels, but the last time he'd been in to visit, he told me how much he missed her. He knew she was the only girl he would ever love. He said bringing me in to the emergency room that night made him realize how short life truly is. In the blink of an eye, things could change, and in my case… they had.

I wasn't very hungry when it came to dinner time. Alice tried to coerce me into eating, but it all tasted metallic. After my dinner tray was taken away, Alice pulled a few bags from my closet. Before I knew what was happening, she'd produced tape and scissors, along with a huge roll of wrapping paper.

I'd given Alice my credit card and a list a few weeks ago and asked her to pick up gifts for a few of my friends and family, but she insisted I be a part of the gift wrapping process. We laughed and joked around as Alice sang off-key Christmas carols. I was really going to miss her the few days she'd be gone. She had become my constant.

Alice had purchased almost everything I'd written on my list. For Esme, there was a platinum locket with photos of her and Carlisle at a wedding we'd attended last summer. They gazed longingly at each other in the pictures. One didn't have to be told how much love they shared; it was evident in their expressions. Alice had carefully put it together, not losing any of the charm the photo contained before cutting it in half.

I had no idea what to get Carlisle. In her travels, Alice settled on a handsome leather bound journal. She had a brass plate engraved with his name and title. Looking at it, I knew it was perfect. He was always writing things down, especially theories he wanted to try with patients who no longer responded to conventional therapies. I could picture the rich looking book on his desk and felt a swell of pride. He'd love it. I wanted to add an inscription, but decided I'd sneak into his office once I was up and about.

My current writing skills left much to be desired. Lying on my side, I couldn't write anything legibly. Esme used to tease me that I was the only doctor she knew who wrote legibly, her husband included. Today, I was no different than the rest of my colleagues. I could barely hold a pen and had trouble deciphering my own scribbling. It would be better to wait.

Alice got Emmett a huge hooded sweatshirt with 'McCarty's Gym' printed across the chest. An acquaintance of hers was a caricature artist, and she'd had an exaggerated likeness of the goofy oaf drawn from a picture I had of the two of us. She then had a local screen printer make it into a shirt for him. His head and muscle-bound torso filled the back of the shirt. It was hilarious, and I knew he'd love it when he saw it. She even had the original drawing matted and framed. I could already picture it hanging on the wall in his office.

I knew Jasper never had time to cook himself a decent meal, so I got him a gift card toward my favorite Mexican restaurant. I made certain Alice put enough money on it for him to enjoy it over and over.

Rose had really been good to me since she'd come home and taken on my case. I wanted to do something special for her. I'd never really connected with anyone like I had the afternoon she told me about Emily. Alice was surprised when I asked her to find Rose a long comforting robe and slippers. I had her get a gift basket with a book, bubble bath, salts and candles. I wanted to get her chocolates, but Alice suggested that might be going overboard. She also informed me that chocolates could not be put in a gift basket with soaps. I'm a guy, how would I know those things?

In the end, we agreed on chocolate scented bath items. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea and think I was interested in her- we'd tried that unsuccessfully, besides she was practically related to me. I just wanted someone to indulge her. It was going to be a rough Christmas; she'd lost two people that she really cared about not long ago. I knew what she must be going through.

For Mike and Eric, Alice found some Washington Huskies apparel: t-shirts and travel coffee mugs. We spent a fortune on coffee when we all roomed together. Both of them loved to take it on the go. She had called them and asked them stop by my room over the holidays so I could give the gifts to them.

Alice found a beautiful antique teapot for Maggie. It was a lovely rose chintz pattern that reminded me of my grandmother's china. Alice took it to a place that made gift baskets and had them package it with an assortment of English teas and biscuits. Maggie was as much a part of my life as Esme was, in her own way. When I was a little boy, I loved when she'd babysit me so my parents could go out with my aunt and uncle. When I was sick, it was Maggie I always wanted to soothe me. When I lost my parents, she consoled me. It was Maggie I could go to if I was embarrassed to ask Carlisle or Esme something. To this day, she was a cherished friend and such an important person in my life. It was comforting to have her caring for me now.

As I watched from my bed, Alice wrapped my spoils like a professional. I was amazed at the lightening speed in which she wielded the scissors. Each package looked like it came from a high end store. Everything was beautiful.

There were two gifts of which I asked Esme to take care. I wanted to be able to share Christmas with Alice tonight before she went away, so her gift was all ready for her to open. I knew she'd love it.

I sent Esme to get gift cards to all of Alice's favorite stores, and one for a local spa. It cost me a small fortune, but I knew she'd not only find things to indulge herself, but she'd do nice things for others as well. It was the perfect gift for Alice. She always swore retail therapy was the best kind. If that was the cause of her positive outlook on life, then I was all for feeding her addiction.

My final gift didn't need to be wrapped. In fact, I'd never lay eyes on it. Like I've done every Christmas since I lost them, I asked Esme to order two intertwined wreaths to be placed on my parents' graves. Each year she begged me to drive down to Forks and help her set it up, but each year it was Carlisle who accompanied her instead. She always refused to have it delivered to the cemetery office by the florist, undoubtedly with the hope that I would one day relent. Even after all these years, my emotions were still too raw to make the trip. I'd never even seen their graves.

Years before the accident my mother showed me the family plot that rested below a huge oak tree. There was a wrought iron fence around it with spaces for six people right inside. Mom explained one day that she and dad, as well as Carlisle and Esme, would come here to rest eternally. There was also a plot for my spouse and me.

Twice in my life, I had come close to filling my plot… entirely too close.

I just couldn't bring myself to visit them. I knew it was childish. All the counseling in the world couldn't close the hole in my heart that remained after I'd lost them. I knew visiting them would open up emotions I'd long ago tried to bury. I was so afraid of falling off the precipice. If I did, I didn't know if I'd resurface. It wasn't because I didn't love them that I hesitated; it was because I loved them _so much_. I knew it hurt Esme that I refused to go. Hurting her when she'd done so much for me was never my intention. I hoped someday I'd find the strength to pay my respects properly.

While I was thinking about my family, Alice had completed her task. Everything looked incredible. Alice declared she'd clean up her gift wrapping mess while Maggie bathed me. Honestly, it hadn't looked like much of a mess at all, but the two of them ganged up on me and before I knew it, I was behind the curtain with Maggie taking care of my bedtime routine. While Maggie was bathing me, I heard Alice rummaging through things and making a lot of noise. When the curtain was pulled back I was shocked to see a tiny Christmas tree all lit up and surrounded by gifts.

Smug, she thanked Maggie for taking so long with my routine. It quickly became apparent that they were co-conspirators.

"Alice Brandon! We agreed to no decorations. I _told_ you I didn't feel like celebrating anything." Her face fell as I growled at her. I could be a spoil sport and make her take it away, but that would be childish. It wasn't so much that I was mad; I just didn't see the point. I wasn't in the Christmas spirit. I couldn't see anyone wanting to waste the effort on me.

I quit arguing when Alice stated the obvious. "You realize this is the only Christmas tree Carlisle and Esme will be having this year?" I frowned. _I hadn't thought about that._ I just assumed everything _outside_ of the hospital was back to normal.

"Are you trying to tell me she didn't decorate? I know they aren't having their usual party, but…" My sentence drifted off as realization finally hit me.

"Do you honestly believe your family would celebrate while you're here in the hospital? Come _on_, Edward, the woman is here _all_ day long. When would she have had the time to decorate? _Why_ would she decorate? Do you think _she's_ in any mood to celebrate, or Carlisle for that matter?"

"I'm sorry, Alice. I just didn't think. What was happening on the home front never occurred to me." I don't think my spirits had ever sunk any lower than they did when I realized how my hospitalization was affecting my family, even though I was now improving.

Alice smiled and pointed to my roommate. He had a smile on his face for the first time today. "At least your roomy seems to like it."

I'd had three or four roommates since I'd been here, but luckily for them, none of them stayed very long. This new guy came to the room after surgery for a ruptured appendix. He said he had ignored the pain and crawled into bed with a hot water bottle. A few hours later, his wife called the ambulance as he screamed in agony. It ruptured before they got it out and he turned septic. He was receiving some heavy IV antibiotics and would be leaving the day after Christmas.

Throwing my dirty linens in the bin, Maggie came back to my bedside. She swooped down and placed a soft kiss on my cheek. "We couldn't let you miss out on Christmas, sweetie. You need something to brighten your day." I spied the gifts for my family sitting along the window seat.

"Thanks, Maggie. I'll see you tomorrow."

My old friend scurried to finish cleaning everything up so Alice and I had a few minutes before visiting hours were over. "I'll see you before I go at eleven o'clock."

Alice was practically bouncing up and down. She began pulling gifts from beside the tiny tree and plopping them on my bed. I had to laugh. "Alice, calm down. You realize I won't be able to open these on my own, I can only use one hand at a time, right?"

Alice just grinned and clapped her hands together. She came over and pulled the chair right up to the side of my bed. She held the first gift bag by the bottom so I could reach inside and pull the goodies out. It ended up being a pair of jeans with a Velcro closure.

"I found this place online that makes clothing for people with disabilities. I hope you're not offended. I thought you could use them at rehab." She looked so excited. I hated to crush her spirits.

"Uh, Alice, you realize I'll still have long casts on my legs at rehab. Pants will probably be impossible."

She laughed her trademark laugh. It sounded like chimes tinkling. "Look! Velcro!" Alice reached out and took the jeans by the bottom of the leg and pulled. They opened the entire way up the seam.

She truly had thought of everything.

The next few bags held other items I could use. One bag contained a flannel lined rain poncho that was cut so that it wouldn't interfere with the wheels on my chair. (I'd once nearly gotten strangled in a regular poncho that got caught in the lift on a public transportation bus.) There was a pair of leather racing gloves with no fingers. Blisters would be common place until I had my new electric wheelchair. It had been a long time since I'd propelled my manual wheelchair.

Some of Alice's gifts were more personal than practical. She bought me a journal very similar to the one for Carlisle. "I think you should begin to chart your progress. That way, when you have a bad day, you can look back on your early days and realize you're still moving forward, even if it doesn't always feel like it."

The last gift bag from Alice contained a lot of toiletries. There was some of the wonderful eucalyptus lotion she uses on my hands, chapstick made from beeswax and cocoa butter cream in a huge tub. "For when you lose the body cast. It will help ease the itching."

"I really don't know what I'd do without you, Alice. Thank you so much."

She leaned in and gave me a gentle hug. "You're welcome." She looked sad, and I knew she was thinking about my upcoming holidays.

"It's okay. Esme and Carlisle will be here. I won't be alone. Please don't be sad." She gave me a little smile, but I knew it was forced. I pointed to my bedside table. "Why don't you lift the mirror on that thing; I think Santa may have left something for you as well."

Alice stood up and rummaged until she found the fat envelope with her name on the front. When she opened it and saw all the gift cards, she squealed like a little girl.

"I'm sorry it's not more personal. I'm at a loss right now," I said, gesturing to the body cast.

"No, these are perfect, thank you!"

Somehow I pictured her trying to find a way to use them before Christmas.

A voice came over the public address system. "Attention all visitors: visiting hours will end in approximately fifteen minutes."

Alice stood and pulled on her jacket. She leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Love ya, Edward. Try and have a good Christmas, you hear?"

"You as well. Please give the Hales my regards."

Alice lingered until the voice over the PA announced the remaining five minutes. "I better go. Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Goodnight, Alice."

She nearly skipped out of the room; she was in her element during the Christmas season. My Christmas wish for her was finding her happiness with Jasper. They both voiced the desire to make things work. Hopefully the holiday would be good to them.

I drifted off to sleep sometime after Alice left and awoke to Maggie calling my name. "Edward, I've come to take your temperature and take another look at your ankle before I leave."

Maggie took care of business and rolled me onto the opposite side, propping me with pillows. I pointed to the gifts on the window seat. "That gift basket is for you, Maggie. I know you are going to Liam's for the holiday. I don't want you to wait until you get back to take it."

"Sweetie, I have to wait until I clock out. I'll stop back after my shift to see you for a minute. I may or may not have a little something for you as well." She winked before she turned and walked out of the room.

About fifteen minutes later, Maggie returned with a gift bag and her coat. She pulled a chair over next to me. "Dr. Wolfe will see you tomorrow after rehab."

"Does it look bad, Maggie? I can't see it without the mirror."

"It's definitely infected. They'll decide how to treat it tomorrow. You don't want it to get any worse."

"Thanks for letting me know."

Maggie set a large tin container on my bedside table. I knew what was inside. Every Christmas when I was in college, I'd get a similar tin. The delicious homemade cookies were the best gift I'd receive. It would break Esme's heart, realizing this was my most anticipated gift, but there was just something about the amount of love I knew Maggie put into each batch of cookies. She always sent my favorites. As she opened the large can, I realized this year was no exception. "Share them with your family, sweetie." She had a glorious smile on her face as she leaned in and gave me a big hug and kiss. The corners of her eyes crinkled up as she smiled.

She put a huge oatmeal cookie in my hand before she pulled the chair up next to my bed. The aroma of cinnamon intermingled with fruity raisins made my stomach growl. I took a bite, the tantalizing flavor tempting my taste buds. "Mhmm, Maggie, these are wonderful. So moist."

She laughed as she told me not to talk with my mouth full.

_Some things never change._

"If I knew a can of cookies would get you eating, I would have baked ages ago!"

I looked at her as she yawned. "Maggie, I adore you, but please go home, I can see how tired you are. Do you work tomorrow?"

"Nope," she smiled, "I'm off until the day after Christmas. I worked Thanksgiving and I'll work New Years Eve."

We talked for a few more minutes about her plans with Liam. I thought they were going to be away longer. She stood up and held out the cookie can. "Another one before I go? I can sneak you a pint of milk."

That sounded _so good_. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had chocolate milk. "If you have chocolate milk to go with this chocolate chip cookie, you've got yourself a deal."

Maggie closed up the cookies after I grabbed my snack. "I'll be right back."

I laid the cookie on the napkin she placed on my mattress and closed my eyes. She was gone for a while and I must have drifted off. Suddenly, I heard her come back into my room. "They didn't have any chocolate milk down in the snack room, so I went to the cafeteria."

"Maggie!" I scolded, "You didn't need to do that." As happy as I was that she made the effort, I always felt guilty when people went out of their way to do things for me. I wasn't anyone special.

"I know I didn't. I _wanted_ to. Now show your gratitude and enjoy your midnight snack." She poked a hole in the carton and stuck a straw in the hole before handing it to me. I looked up at the clock on the wall. It was 12:05 in the morning. Maggie had clocked out over an hour ago.

"Go home, Maggie." I took a big slurp of the chocolaty goodness and sighed. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd had this treat. "Mmmmm." I picked up my cookie. The aroma made my mouth water.

Maggie laughed. "I'll get going now. Good night, Edward. Have a good Christmas with your family. Save some cookies for everyone else."

"You have a wonderful Christmas too. Give my regards to Liam. It's been a long time."

"I will. Merry Christmas."

About five minutes after Maggie left, her replacement came in and took the milk carton from where I'd propped it against my stomach. She removed the towel from my chest and brushed away a few crumbs.

Once I was all situated, she turned off the lights and bid me goodnight.

I lay awake for several hours, watching the snow create a blanket over Seattle.

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**This chapter of Impact was posted on July 20, 2010, a date with very significant meaning for all disabled people. While I've removed most of my author's notes from Impact in an effort to make it appear more streamlined, this was too significant to be removed.**

**I would be remiss to not acknowledge the importance of today's date and it's relevance to persons with disabilities.**

**On July 20, 1990, President George Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act into law. Twenty years later, the ADA is still the single most important piece of legislation ever written on behalf of people with disabilities. **

**I was excited to learn that today, Rep. Jim Langevin (D-RI) –the first quadriplegic to serve in Congress – became the first person in a wheelchair to preside over the House of Representatives. Very cool!**

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Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Eight

~Bella~

_**December 29, 2007**_

I spent my Christmas in the hospital, feeling sorry for myself. It was ironic; this was the second Christmas in a row where I found myself as a _guest_ at Harborview Hospital. Where last year was a complete surprise, this year I was here by choice. Don't get me wrong-there were a million other places I'd rather be. But, because I had used up so much sick time immediately following my diagnosis, I decided to wait until Christmas break to undergo the ten day hospitalization for the treatment that would help minimize my symptoms for upwards of six months.

I still wasn't sold on some of the more aggressive therapies, and if I was being honest, I was scared to try them; the side-effects were so disturbing. The MS was taking its toll on me, and my neurologist suggested I try an older therapy called ACTH. It was a steroid therapy that helped to lessen the severity of exacerbations. My neurologist, Dr. Jeffries, explained ACTH was a regulatory hormone - _adrenocorticotrophic hormone. _It was manufactured in both the pituitary gland in the brain, as well as in the adrenal cortex. It lessened the impact of exacerbations, and this ten day regimen of ACTH therapy should provide a boost to my system and help me function without the constant setbacks I'd been experiencing.

In a year, I'd had three episodes, each one a little more severe, the most recent of which had been only a few weeks ago. They left me wobbly and unsteady on my feet. Tripping, stumbling, and falling were constant occurrences. The ACTH had been a tried and true remedy for a number of years. The worst side-effect was the swelling and bloating from the steroids, it had to be better than the bruises I was covered in on a regular basis.

Dr. Jeffries explained that there were much better therapies available to me, however- if I was dead set against them, he urged me to try _something_, this being the gentlest on my system. I wasn't so ignorant as to think the discussion on the others was forgotten; I realized this was only a stepping stone to get me excited about the outcome. He was counting on me to appreciate the results and want more. When he got to know me better, he'd learn that I was a hard sell.

I agreed to some intense physical therapy as part of my care plan. Sitting behind a desk almost eight hours a day did very little to help keep my body in motion. I didn't want to lose function. Since my admission, they worked with me and taught me things I could do on my own to maintain my muscle tone. However, these weren't exercises I was physically able to endure a year ago, due to how quickly I tired. After I was done doing outpatient PT and I began to get back into the swing of life, the exercises slipped by the wayside. Overall, I really had improved, but there were still just so many stumbling blocks, it seemed. I was assured the new exercises would keep me moving… _if _I followed through with them.

I'll never forget my first day of physical therapy. It was just after breakfast Christmas Eve day. I was drawn in by a form, laying on a gurney and I made my way across the rehab gym with determination, in spite of my unsteady gait. It wasn't the bright blue body cast that caught my attention as much as it was the shock of reddish brown hair that drew me to him… or maybe it was the soft velvety voice I'd only heard once, but would remember… anywhere.

Edward _Cullen_... _Dr_. Edward Cullen- was a patient. _Here._ Directly in front of me lay the doctor I had lashed out at, as I wrongly blamed him for causing my life to change in so many ways.

I'd never encountered someone so at ease with their situation before. I remember he was so amazingly well adjusted… visibly happy. I wondered, _could I have that one day?_ I had wanted to go see him after he missed speaking at "Partners", yet each time I called the office he shared with my neurologist, I was told he wasn't in. Suddenly, it all made perfect sense. The medical emergency must have been serious if he were still here after all this time.

I wondered what this intriguing man was doing here and what event could have led up to his being in this physical condition. So many scenarios ran through my head. I couldn't begin to imagine what had occurred.

I found myself being drawn to him like a moth to a flame. In no time, I was close enough to touch him. He looked at me, and recognition flickered across his face. It felt like I had no control over my hand as it reached out tentatively to touch his bare shoulder. We both gasped at the sensation. As I stood over him, I took in his appearance. His chest was bare, and covered with pink, angry scars. The cast ran from under his sternum to where the tips of his toes peeked out. He wore a towel over his groin, and apparently, nothing more. He looked so broken, compared to the confident, self-assured man I'd experienced before. And still, he was breathtaking.

He smiled and very softly said, "I know I should know you. I'm sorry- I can't recall your name."

"Yes. It was just a year ago that we met. I have MS. I believe it was your uncle who admitted me." Memories of that life-altering day played through my mind.

He chuckled. "Ahh, yes, I remember now. You were the spitfire who put me in my place."

I laughed. "I was hardly fair to you. It wasn't your fault."

"Bella." As he remembered my name, he smiled warmly. I suddenly realized, I was leaning very close to his face, straining to hear. He seemed to realize this at the same moment. "You have to excuse me; I can't project my voice very well, confined like this. It's quite cumbersome." He turned his head and coughed a few shallow, pained coughs. He put his fist over his mouth. He looked deep in thought for several minutes before he spoke again.

"How is it that we find ourselves here again, _at Christmas_? Why are _you_ here? I see you have a lovely dime store bracelet like mine." He raised his wrist as he said it, showing me several he was sporting.

"I'm having ACTH therapy. I've had a few symptoms; they told me it would help me bounce back."

He seemed to be having an internal battle. His gaze burned through me when he spoke. "You _do_ realize there are much better drugs out there for someone who is currently ambulatory? You're selling yourself short if you don't investigate them. I'd like you to _remain_ walking, Bella."

I'd had this conversation with my neurologist just this morning again. "The side effects scare me, Dr. Cullen." I was terrified of the entire scenario, the possible damage to my liver, the constant blood work to check my liver and kidney function, the constant flu-like symptoms and even worse, the need to inject myself on a daily basis with most of the medications. No, I wasn't ready for that.

"Well, if you ever just want to talk, as friends, I can offer my professional opinion on what's most helpful. Even though I'm not your physician, I _am_ qualified to give you reliable advice. You can find me here most days at lunch time. And Bella, _please_ call me Edward. Dr. Cullen is my uncle." He had the biggest smile on his face. I remembered thinking it might not be so bad to get to know the good doctor a little better during my stay. What did I have to lose?

As I opened my mouth to reply, an orderly came over to his gurney. "Hey, Doc, it's time to go. I had orders to not detain you today; you have a protein shake to get down before you head off to have that ankle looked at." As his eyes swept to Edward's feet, I followed his gaze. I gasped when I saw the seeping bandage peeking out of his cast. Before I could blink, he was gone. I heard Edward say something, but it wasn't loud enough to decipher.

Over the next few days, I found myself in the rehab gym, but kept missing Edward. My balance and coordination had both improved markedly. I wasn't sure if it was the medication or the therapy. Perhaps it was a combination of the two. Happily, my time here was nearing to a close. But I was disappointed, too. I'd not seen Edward since the day in the gym.

Finally, the day before I left to go home, I encountered Maggie. Maggie was the nurse who cared for me last year. I remembered she had told me she was a close friend of the Cullen family. Not more than a few minutes after I was returned to my room from physical therapy, Maggie came in pushing a med cart. As I watched her hang a new bag of the drug they all jokingly called "Joy Juice," I contemplated how to inquire about Edward. In the end, I decided to just jump in with both feet and be straight forward.

"Maggie, you know the Cullens. Is that correct?"

She peered over her glasses at me as she smirked. "Mmmhmm."

"Do you know what happened to Dr. Cullen? Dr. Edward?"

Again she smirked at me; she was enjoying this far too much. "That I do, Miss Bella."

Dragging info out of her was like pulling teeth. "Can you please tell me what happened to him, or where I can find him?" I continued to explain our encounter in the rehab gym, and then my failed attempts at seeing him again.

"Now dear, you know I can't really discuss another patient's information. Breaching confidentiality could get me fired. Surely you wouldn't want that to happen."

I sighed. I had been mad at this man for a year, yet, I had forgotten how his voice and his appearance affected me. I didn't want to leave here tomorrow without at least wishing him well and saying goodbye. "He asked me to look him up, so we might explore some alternate therapies for my MS. I'm leaving tomorrow." It wasn't really a lie, although I had no intention of changing my mind on exploring other drug options.

Without another word, Maggie turned and marched out the door. I could hear the staccato of her footsteps on the floor as she hurried down the hallway. A few minutes later, she returned, a smug look on her face.

* * *

Please review. Reviews are lovely.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Nine

~Edward~

_**December 29, 2007**_

Christmas passed with little fanfare.

The highlight of my holiday was seeing that girl again.

_Bella._

I remembered her from the preceding Christmas when I'd made the diagnosis that inexplicably changed her life. I was certain she hated me that day. I tried to offer an olive branch by accompanying her to my support group. I'd encountered her so briefly. I'm not sure why, but she left a lasting impression on me.

I wished I'd had more time when we bumped into each other in the gym a few days ago. It was apparent that she'd not forgotten me, either. I was surprised when she touched me. It almost seemed like she was trying to decide if I was real. Even though I knew I was on my way out of the gym, I had to connect with her in some way. I needed an excuse to talk to her again. The only thing that crossed my mind was asking about her condition. That was legitimate.

_Wasn't it?_

When I celebrated with Alice and Maggie on December 23, I was certain that my Christmas would be just another day. I didn't have the heart to reprimand Alice for decorating my room, but I knew there was no need. I knew I would have no reason to celebrate.

I didn't have the pain in my ankle that would have been present with an infection, if I had feeling. But, there were little telltale signs that told me what to expect. I watched Jessica Stanley clean it the day before Christmas Eve, and I could see the weeping pus. I could _smell_ it. When Alice clucked as she continually checked the circulation in my toes, I knew there was a problem. The grim set of her expression really said it all.

Several hours after Bella found me in the rehab gym on Christmas Eve, I was lying in pre-op, waiting for someone from anesthesia to come in and prep me for yet another surgery. I spent close to fifteen minutes with Nancy, the anesthesiologist, again, as she walked through the necessary steps that preceded every surgery at Harborview. Minutes later, I was in the operating room counting backwards as I waited for sleep to take me. This was just another bump in the road to my long recovery. In the end, I knew I'd eventually leave this place, but sometimes the road ahead seemed to stretch endlessly for me. It felt like someone had turned off the light at the end of my tunnel.

The new antibiotics had begun to kick in and I was feeling somewhat better on Christmas day. A few people dropped by.

Eric and Mike stopped. We talked about finals. We talked about Christmas break. They talked about girls and Eric giggled nervously.

_What was with that?_

Mike jumped into the conversation and teased Eric, making a jab about him dating one of the professors.

_What?_

_Who?_

"Seriously, Eric?" Eric had always been the confirmed bachelor type, this... shocked me.

He looked shyly at the ground as he muttered. "Uh, yeah... I may or may not have seen Dr. Miller outside of the hospital setting."

Mike snorted. I held my hand up. "It's ok." I shook my head, "I _don't_ want to know."

I really _didn't_ want to think of Eric or Dr. Miller in that context. _Eww! _

When Carlisle and Esme walked in, _that_ uncomfortable conversation ceased. They exchanged pleasantries with my former roommates and before I knew it, it was just the three of us.

It wasn't long before Emmett arrived. He brought me a gift bag full of tee shirts. I got teased about distracting the other patients while attending his gym 'half naked'. Carlisle, who was always so proper and reserved, laughed deeply and heartily as he saw the shirts.

The first shirt had a handicapped parking placard on the front with a caption that said, "I'm only in it for the parking."

Next, I unrolled one that said, "So many pedestrians, so little time." It actually had skid marks on it and was _totally_ inappropriate. Had it come from anyone else, I would have been offended.

The third one made _me _laugh while Carlisle shook his head wearing a look that clearly said _bad joke_. This one had a red and blue symbol on it shaped like a traffic sign. The image looked like an inclined path, with the universal symbol for a wheelchair user. At the bottom of the incline was a crocodile in the water, with his mouth wide open. Below it was a caption... _Please don't feed the crocodiles_.

I couldn't help but laugh. It had been so long since Em and I joked around. The camaraderie with him was always like this. We passed gimp jokes back and forth. Most people would misunderstand, but it was our way of relieving tension. He meant no disrespect towards me or others with disabilities. I never felt degraded. It was just us, joking around. "You realize I'll probably have people in the gym throwing hand weights and such at me? How is it going to look for me, a doctor, who works with people who have disabilities no less, wearing shirts like this?"

"Edward, they were made _by _people with disabilities, _for_ people with disabilities."

We both knew I'd wear them. "Thanks, Em, they're great... really." Emmett had a habit of buying me little things that sported tongue-in-cheek humor. He was just like that.

I gave him the sweatshirt Alice had gotten made for me to give him. He ended up wearing it when he left. "This is the shit, Edward. I'll wear it all the time!" I didn't doubt that he would. He was sort of like a little kid in that respect. He'd find something that he really liked and he would wear it until something else tickled his fancy. He sort of teared up a bit when he opened the original framed and signed artwork that Alice had the shirt made from. "Man, I don't think anyone has ever given me such a more heartfelt gift." He leaned down and put his big arm around me as best he could, giving me a squeeze before turning away. Emmett said his goodbyes to everyone and left, explaining that Mrs. McCarty was putting on a huge spread for the entire family and if he didn't get there before his brothers did, there would be nothing left.

Once it was just us, Esme pulled out an insulated bag she had brought with her, revealing three divided, resealable dinner trays. "I couldn't bear to think of you eating hospital food on Christmas day." She fluttered around trying to set up a suitable dining area for the three of us. I really wasn't hungry, but I knew it wouldn't do to tell Esme that.

Carlisle smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. "I tried to rein her in."

"It's ok. Don't spoil her day, please." I didn't want to upset the closest thing I'd had to a mother in my entire adult life. If this was her way of dealing with my situation, far be it from me to disappoint her. As wonderful as Esme and Carlisle had been, it was on days like Christmas that I felt the loss of my parents most of all.

I knew they felt it too.

We all did.

Dinner was nice. I ate as much as I could, but it wasn't long before I got that uncomfortable feeling that arrived towards the end of every meal. I really couldn't wait to get rid of the body cast. "If anyone wants cookies, my favorite nurse left goodies for all of us. I haven't eaten _too_ many of them."

Carlisle ruffled my hair as he reached for the tin on my window sill. I looked over and he had one in each hand, smiling like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Mmm, she never disappoints, does she?" he mumbled between bites. I watched as he repeatedly opened my tin of cookies and helped himself. I was beginning to think he'd eaten them all.

Esme saved the day when she broke out some gifts, even though I specifically asked them not to do anything for me this year. I groaned. I'd gotten them each something, but I just wasn't in the spirit. Esme kissed me before setting a few things on my bedside table. "Edward, you were here last year as well. You really didn't think I could go two years in a row without celebrating Christmas, do you?" Her expression was so forlorn I couldn't bring myself to complain any more.

With a huge smile, she handed me a rather large package that felt hard on one side, but almost soft and cushy on the other side. I tried to shake it to no avail. Esme always wanted us to guess what a gift was, even though we never got it right anyway. It took forever for me to open it by myself. It was so hard trying to maneuver the package while lying on my side.

Inside was a lap tray, but it was a backpack. I'd never seen anything like it. "What is this? It looks really cool."

Carlisle came over and opened it for me. As he took it out of the packaging, Esme explained. "It's called a Trabasack. This model is the mini. You can put things inside the pocket. One side is hard so you can write on it and use it like a lap tray. The bottom side is like a beanbag. You can put the strap around your waist, or hang it from the back of your chair. It even has a 'connect' surface. The soft side is covered with Velcro fabric. You can stick little squares of Velcro to anything you want to carry on your lap and not worry about dropping it."

I could imagine the possibilities! My Ipod, my keys, a pen- I was forever dropping those. I'd never have to find implements to reach the dropped tv remote. My roommates used to tease me if they came in late. There would be a trail of tools from one end of the house to the other. They'd just follow the trail until they found what I'd originally dropped and never quite managed to retrieve. Usually it was a broom, then perhaps a yardstick, then they'd find my grabber, and then usually it was the cd or tv remote or ink pen on the floor. When I'd drop one tool, I'd go for something bigger, or longer. Most times I'd drop that too. By the time I got to the broom, I'd just give up and go to bed.

Esme was still talking, but I had been lost in a daydream. "I'm sorry, Esme, I was imagining everything I can do with this! I don't know if I've ever gotten such a great present. Well... other than Maggie's cookies."

Esme smacked me in the head and took one of my cookies. "Hey! I'm starting to get antsy like the people in the Corn Pops commercial. Save me some of those, please!" She winked at Carlisle. I knew she'd never take them all, but still...

Carlisle pulled out another gift. As much as I loved the tray, I wish they'd have just listened. "Guys, I wish you hadn't."

Carlisle ruffled my hair as he handed the small bundle to me. "Just open it, son. Please." There was a pleading smile on his face, and I knew he wanted to appease my aunt.

I unwrapped something that appeared to be a bundle of web straps. I looked first to Esme, then to Carlisle, questioning the gift. "I… I don't understand."

Carlisle spoke up, "It's a bed ladder. One of your dad's colleagues in Europe actually invented it. This is a prototype; it's not available for purchase yet. I saw him in Boston a few weeks ago when we were at the same medical conference. He thought you might like to market test it."

I still wasn't sure I understood the concept. "What do you mean by bed ladder? I can't climb into bed."

"No, son, it's not for climbing— well, not in the way you're picturing it. You run the metal bed frame through this loop." He held up an end with a big loop on it. "Then... you lay this across the bed, from the foot end to the head end. When you want to get into a sitting position, you take a hold of the loops, and start pulling against it. Hand over hand you walk up the ladder. The farther from the top of the bed that the loop is, the farther you sit up, until you're completely in a sitting position."

Understanding suddenly washed over me, "Ohhhh, I get it! This is awesome! Wow, I'm sorry I was a party pooper. Now I feel bad that I couldn't get out and buy you both more meaningful gifts."

Esme was the first to come to me. She pulled me into a warm embrace. "Having you here to spend Christmas with is the best gift I could have received this year. Knowing our family is together is all I need." She kissed my face, as she rubbed her hand over my opposite cheek. "I love you so much Edward. I was so afraid we'd lost you." The waterworks came next. Before I knew what was happening, we were all teary eyed.

Carlisle hugged me and affirmed Esme's thoughts. I was thankful that I was here to spend another Christmas with them, as well. Geez, things got sappy real quick. I needed to turn the conversion around. As they opened their gifts, I jumped into a conversation that I'd come to regret rather quickly.

"Um, Carlisle, I saw someone the other day. Do you remember the girl who was admitted last Christmas? I consulted with you on her neurology case. I helped you diagnose her MS."

His head jerked up and he smiled as he looked in my direction. "Ah, yes, Miss Swan. I saw her briefly the other day, as well. She's here for PT and steroid therapy for her MS."

"When she told me she is only using ACTH therapy for the MS, I asked her to find me at the gym." Carlisle perked up as soon as those words fell out of my mouth. "_As a friend_ to discuss other therapies. Can you find out how long she'll be here? If I ask Jeff when he's discharging her, he'll get suspicious. I don't want him to think I'm undermining his authority or anything. I just think she'd delay the effects of her disease process if she was using something else. ACTH is almost _medieval_."

"It's a conflict of interest Edward. I don't feel right digging around in her notes to see when she's being released. But, if I see her, I'll try to take a few minutes to visit with her. Maybe I can learn something."

I couldn't explain it; I hadn't been drawn to a woman since I was eighteen and Tanya told me- none too subtly- that I'd never be a whole man, and no woman in her right mind would settle for me. Sure, from time to time someone would hit on me. A few of the nurses even asked me out. I just wasn't able to put myself out there like that. I was content with my lot. It was easier than getting my heart trampled again.

It was different with Bella.

Something about her just drew me in. She was like my sun, warm and comforting. I wanted to know her better and my specialty of her medical condition was a good way to at least open the door to conversation.

"Please, if you see her, just give her my room number and let her know I can't make it to the gym."

"Now that is something I_ can_ do. How long until you can go back to the gym, son?"

"I don't think I can return until my ankle heals over. The confirmation of the staph infection has me confined to my room, unless I need x-rays or tests they can't do in here. You know- no non-essential travel into the general population of the hospital."

My guests should really have been wearing isolation gowns, gloves, masks... somehow, Carlisle had convinced Jessica Stanley that he and Esme were going straight to the exit and would not go to any other part of the hospital when they left to go home. They had moved my room-mate out of the room while I was in surgery. While a private room was nice, I had begun to enjoy the company. I'd had a variety of roommates with short term afflictions pass through since I was out of the ICU unit.

Esme, being the attentive mother that she was, jumped into the conversation. "So tell me about this Bella, sweetheart. Do you like her? Is she a nice girl? What do you know about her?" She turned to Carlisle. "Carlisle, what do _you_ know about her and her family? Is she a nice girl? I don't want Edward getting involved with a girl who'll treat him like Tanya did."

I was holding my head and groaning. I _knew_ I should have kept my mouth shut, but I was so afraid she'd be gone and I'd never see her again. "Mom, please... She's just a friend, and yes, she's a nice girl. You'd love her. She'd never be interested in someone like me though, so you don't have to worry if she's good enough. I'm no good for her."

Something akin to anger washed over Esme. "Don't you ever"—_Smack_—"say you're not good enough"— _Smack_— "again, Edward Cullen!" I put my hands in front of my face in a mock attempt to protect myself. I knew she'd never hurt me on purpose.

Under my breath, I muttered, "I have nothing to offer her." Thankfully, no one heard me. I didn't want to bring on Esme's wrath again.

Before Esme could pursue her train of thought any further, the droll voice of the hotel operator came over the PA system, as it alerted all visitors that visiting hours would be over in fifteen minutes.

Esme gave me a hug and warned me that the conversation about Bella was far from over. She gathered their gifts and the plastic dishes she'd delivered our dinners in. Everything went into a huge tote bag. As I watched her put everything away, out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle trying to be stealthy and steal more cookies. "Aw, come _on, _Carlisle! Don't eat _all_ my cookies!"

He laughed heartily, a cookie in each hand- yet again. "Just one for the road, Edward. There are more in there. You can't possibly eat them all before they get stale."

I didn't think there'd be much chance of that happening. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry took a cookie as soon as they spied the can. I'd considered having Jessica Stanley stash them under the blankets with me.

As they were heading out the door, Carlisle leaned back in, "I'll see what I can find out. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, son. Get some rest."

I was asleep that night before my nurse came in to turn my lights off.

Repeatedly over the next few days, I inquired about Bella. I couldn't get her out of my head. Carlisle refused to ask Jeff about her and his schedule never coincided with the time she was in the rehab gym. I could have asked Esme to go to the gym and ask Emmett or one of the other physical therapists we knew from our support group, but left to her own devices, she'd have had me married off before I ever encountered the girl again. No, that certainly wouldn't do.

Shortly before New Year's Day, I had resigned myself to the fact that she had probably gone home. The treatment she had received was no more than a ten day hospitalization. I had no idea how long she had been here. Her insurance company would send her packing before breakfast if they could. I realized that I was actually a little depressed to think I wouldn't see her again. Perhaps one day, after I returned to work, I'd encounter her in the office. Or, perhaps, I'd make some excuse to creep through the appointment calendar so I could see when she'd be coming in and make a point to be there. At the rate at which I was progressing, it could be a year or more until I set foot in the office again. No matter what scenario I came up with, it appeared it would be a while before I encountered the lovely Bella Swan again.

After Jessica Stanley helped me to drink a protein shake and get repositioned, I asked her to turn the lights down and close my curtains so I could take a nap. I wasn't tired, but I _was_ frustrated. Sleep would be a good way to avoid the blues for the afternoon.

I had just drifted off to sleep when there was a knock on the door. Before I could respond, Maggie poked her head in.

"Good afternoon, Edward. Are you feeling up to company?" I loved Maggie almost as much as Esme, but I wasn't in the mood to do anything more than sulk. When she saw I was awake, she came over to my bed.

I reached out and took the hand that rested on my bedrail. "I'm sorry, Maggie. I'd really just like to be alone right now. Can we visit some other time? I don't think I'd be very good company." I tried to smile, but I couldn't even get that right.

"It's ok, sweetie. One of my patients was asking about you, she said you knew each other. Something about encountering you in the rehab gym, but you never came back. I didn't really understand. But, I'll just tell her you're not up to visitors this afternoon."

Maggie turned to go before it all sunk in. _Bella_ had asked… _about me_. She was _looking_ for me. Suddenly I felt like that kid in the Christmas movie that had been running 24/7 on all the networks. _Football? What's a football?_ "No, Maggie. Wait! I _need_ to see Bella before she leaves. Do you think she'd come down to my room? Can you help her? _Please._" Maggie all of a sudden seemed put out. I wasn't up to visiting with her, but I was suddenly up to visiting...with Bella.

I turned on the charm and gave her the smile I'd always used to get what I wanted as a little boy. "I'm sorry, Mags. I _didn't_ mean to offend you. I'd like to get a little better acquainted with Bella, if you know what I mean. I'm afraid she'll leave before I get a chance to talk to her; I may never see her again."

It took a minute or two for realization to dawn on Maggie, but once it did, she cracked a huge smile and said she'd be right back.

Fifteen minutes later there was a tap on my door and Maggie came back in, Bella in tow.

* * *

**_Edward's Christmas gifts_**- The Trabasack is awesome. It does everything I said it did and more. It's something anyone could use, but especially helpful if you have issues with things falling off your lap. The velcro side is an "extra", but most definitely worth it.

The shirts- sad but true. Some can be found on cafe press, others are shirts friends of mine have made for one another._ Shakes head_. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, I guess.

The Christmas gifts can be found on my blogspot- see my profile for the link.

The bed ladder, or bed caddie as it's sometimes called can be found there as well.

There's lots of really cool stuff on the market, some things stranger than others.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Ten

~Bella~

_**December 29, 2007, cont'd.**_

"Can you walk, Bella, or would you prefer the wheelchair?"

"I'm fine. I'll be walking from now on anyway. I'm leaving in the morning."

Maggie struggled with the IV stand that was entangled in electrical cords, the long phone cord and I'm not sure what else… fighting until it was free. She pushed it next to my bed and helped me swing my legs over the side so I could stand up. I was wearing yoga pants and a tank top. She put a robe over my shoulders, and sneakers on my feet. Taking my hand, she held on until she was sure I had my footing.

"Follow me please." The entire trip down the hallway, she had her hand on the small of my back, guiding me. Walking past the elevator, I realized we'd never left me floor. When we got to the far end of the hall, she tapped on the door. I still had no clue where she had taken me.

"Come in Maggie, Bella." As soon as I heard his voice, I broke into a huge smile. He was quiet, but there was no mistaking whose room I was visiting. As I made my way across the room, I noticed that today he was in a bright green cast.

_I wonder how often they change them. _

He was propped up on his side, with many pillows behind his back. He had the sheet drawn up to his waist, but his torso was again bare. He, too, wore a big smile on his face.

"Bella."

"I'm leaving tomorrow. I came to the gym every day… You weren't there." I was sad we hadn't reconnected, but I was relieved that I had this chance to speak with him, if only for a little while.

He dragged his fingers through his hair. "I had to have more surgery. I wasn't altogether surprised, but I didn't expect it to be necessary _so_ _soon_. I'm sorry, I haven't really felt up to coming to rehab."

I heard the whoosh before the door quietly closed with a click, signaling Maggie's departure. It was just the two of us.

I stood, contemplating how to ask him what had happened to him without appearing rude. I really didn't know him… yet I thought about him enough to _feel_ like I did. He certainly knew enough about me. I knew my time here was limited and I had no idea when I'd ever see him again.

He seemed to sense my uncertainty. "Is there something on your mind, Bella? You seem to be a million miles away."

"I'm afraid you'll think I'm being too forward…." I struggled, afraid I'd upset him by asking what had happened.

"It's ok, you can ask. It's the million dollar question, it seems." He was half-smiling as he said it.

Before my brain could catch up to my mouth, I had blurted it out. "What happened to you, Edward? How…"

With a face devoid of any emotion, Edward swallowed as he explained. "On October 24th, I was traveling home from work in my wheelchair. I was alone, when I saw a car coming. She, um… she never saw me."

I gasped, putting both my hands over my gaping mouth. Then there was silence. What does one say in response to something like that? I found myself staring. I'm sure I had a horrified look on my face.

"It's okay, Bella… I'm okay."

I still couldn't find any words. I trudged clumsily across the room and flopped into the chair next to his bed.

"Breathe, Bella."

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until now. I relaxed as my body melted into the deep cushions.

The silence hung in the air, for what seemed forever.

After I recovered from the realization of what had happened to him, we fell into an easy conversation.

Edward and I visited most of the afternoon. I'd had my last physical therapy session this morning and Maggie had hung a fresh bag on my IV pole before I walked to Edward's room. Maggie escorted me here; therefore, no one was looking for me. This was a nice change from staring at the four walls for hours on end.

Edward tried to convince me there were so many options out there for me, if I'd only open my mind to different drug therapies. We discussed the side-effects at length. From time to time, he'd drift off. I'd sit and watch him, simply mesmerized by him. Even in sleep he was so attractive.

As the day wore on, I realized how truly compassionate and caring he was. While he lay napping, my guilt over my behavior on our first meeting ate away at me. I'd been so unfair to him. I'd have to find some way to make amends.

When the sun began to set, I stood to go back to my room. It was nearly time for the dinner trays to be delivered. The food here was less than palatable, but my stomach had been rumbling for a while. At one point, it was so loud I was afraid I'd awakened Edward.

Trying to be quiet, I tripped on the foot to the IV pole. Attempting to right myself before I fell, I grabbed for the bedside table. Being on wheels, it skidded away as I put my weight on it. Before I realized what was happening, I was literally almost _in bed_ with Edward.

_So much for a quiet exit. _

He stirred, rubbing his face with his hand. "Bella?"

"I was just leaving, Edward. It's time for the dinner trays to come. The food here isn't great, but it's even worse cold."

He looked thoughtful for a second. "If you're not opposed to meeting my parents, I could have them grab some takeout. There's a wonderful Mexican place right down the street."

"Oh. No, I can't impose. It wouldn't be right to expect them to make a special trip. It's only one more night. Tomorrow, I'll eat real food. I'm not that hungry anyway."

Edward looked at me with disbelief. "Don't lie, Bella. Even semi-conscious, I could hear your belly growling! Humor me and tame that monster. Now that I'm out of intensive care, they bring me take-out nearly every night. Do you really think_ I_ eat the food here?" he asked with a grin.

I helped Edward get his cell phone from the bedside table. He called someone, but apparently the call went to voicemail.

"Hmm, I wonder where they are… " he muttered, more to himself than to me.

"It's okay, Edward. Really. I'm leaving in the morning. I haven't died from the food yet."

I was feeling uncomfortable about interacting with his family. I really didn't even know Edward. Situations where I was the odd man out made me feel a little uncomfortable. I was a wallflower by nature.

"If I ordered something soft and self-contained, would you _mind_ helping me? I'm sort of at a disadvantage here." He motioned to his cast, frowning.

I was a bit hesitant, but wondered, how bad could it be? I was just helping him with his meal, unwrapping a burrito or something. I could handle this. I really had enjoyed his company, and he'd been very attentive when talking about my disease. He paid attention and listened to my concerns. He let me know they were valid, and I wasn't over-reacting, but that the benefits often outweighed the risks.

For him, I agreed to stay for dinner. It seemed a fair trade off to make up for my bad behavior during our first meeting.

"Let me go grab my purse. I'll be right back." I stood and turned towards the door as he reached out, grabbing my arm.

"_No, Bella._ I didn't ask if you wanted to _buy_ dinner, I asked if you'd like to _share_ dinner with me. I've enjoyed your company today. I love Esme, but she can be suffocating. This has been the most pleasant day I've had since I've been stuck here. It's my pleasure to buy us dinner."

I hated the thought of him paying for my meal. He picked up on my hesitancy, almost immediately. "Please, Bella?" He batted his eye lashes at me and we both laughed.

I held my hands up in surrender. "Alright, I give up."

Edward flicked the phone open and dialed another number. He spoke to the person on the other end as if it were an old friend he was addressing. He rattled off a list of food and finished up with two bottles of water.

I was staring at him, ogling his gorgeous half naked body. I rubbed my arms; I had goose bumps, yet he'd lain here all day with nothing covering his torso or arms.

_It isn't the temperature in here giving you goose bumps, Bella._

In all honesty, it had only been about 4 hours that I'd been here, but it had been one of the nicest days I'd had in a very long time, too. Edward had a relaxing demeanor. It was easy to sit and converse with him. The time just… slipped away.

A nurse I didn't recognize came in and told Edward it was "time to be rolled." Without a word, she pulled the curtain, leaving me sitting alone next to the door. Someone cleared his throat as I was lost in thought. I looked over at a guy wearing a hat and jacket I recognized as the uniform from a local restaurant. "Dr. Cullen's dinner, may I just set it here on the counter?"

Edward answered before I had the chance. "Just set it on the counter, Pete, and please put it on my bill. I'll even up with you next time. Is that alright?"

"Sure thing, Edward, enjoy your dinner." His gaze returned to me as he dipped his head in my direction, "Miss." Before I replied, he was gone.

When the nurse pulled the curtain, Edward was on his other side and had his back to me. She carried a bundle wrapped up in a blue pad and a half full urinal. She stepped into the bathroom for a few minutes and left quietly.

"Bella?"

"I'm still here, Edward. Are you ready to eat?" I was walking towards the bag that sat on the counter just inside the door. As I picked it up, he replied.

"Can you please push that table around to this side? And for God's sake, if you're unsteady, don't use it to support your weight, again. You'll fall and break your neck!"

I could hear the humor in his voice, but I didn't find humor in his comment. If he only knew how uncoordinated I truly was.

I set the bag of food on the table and pushed it around the far side of the bed. I cleared the few things off the table, and used the napkins that came with our food as a makeshift tablecloth. By the time I was done setting it all up, we had our own little Mexican fiesta laid out.

I watched Edward's tongue peep out and run over his lips in anticipation. Sights like that made me hungry- but not for food.

_Where did that come from? Behave, Bella! You barely know the man. _

Edward had ordered an abundance of food. We'd never put that much away. As if he could read my mind, he smiled and said "We'll eat what we can, and I'll ask them to put the rest in the fridge for my lunch tomorrow."

My eyes scanned over the food; the wax paper was labeled on each wrapper. "Where would you like to start, Edward?"

"Come here. Hand me that and open it, please," he said as he pointed to an alcohol prep pad on the table. I picked up the pad and handed it to him, confused. I was trying to figure out what it had to do with dinner when he reached for my arm with the IV. He took a hold of my wrist and turned it over so the back of my hand was facing him. Too delicately for someone with such big hands, he pulled the tape back from my skin and unhooked the connector from the port on my wrist as he wiped the port with the prep pad, leaving it in place.

"There, that's better. Now you can eat without being encumbered." I just stared at him, baffled.

"It's okay, Bella. The bag was done an hour ago. I'm more than qualified to unhook you. Loop the tubing up over the hook so you don't trip on it. At least you can't stick yourself with a needless connector."

"When I asked where you wanted to start, I was talking about food."

He laughed, still holding my wrist. His casual attitude took me by surprise.

He rubbed his thumb over the inside of my wrist a few times. It was… nice. "Mmm… a burrito. Please?" he asked, finally releasing my hand.

I found a burrito for him, and unwrapped the second one for myself. There were a couple of small plastic cups with sour cream, salsa, and guacamole in them. "Condiments, sir?"

He laughed and smiled. "Sure, if you want to go to the trouble, you can open it and just spoon some of each inside, or you can just dip it as we go- whatever is easiest for you. I just dip, but it's not like I can sit up right now and do that. I see he only brought one cup of each…"

I opened the burrito with unsteady hands, and ran a strip of each condiment down the center with a plastic spoon.

_I hope he can't see my hands shaking. Why does he _affect_ me like this? There is no reason to be nervous._

I wrapped it back up, trying to keep it from falling apart. It was loaded with goodies. Laying a towel across his shoulder and down over his chest, I covered him as well as I could for what I just knew would be an onslaught of messy burrito leavings.

I reached out with the burrito and aimed for his mouth. He took a bite, and salsa ran down the corner of his mouth. As he moaned in satisfaction, I attempted to wipe his mouth. He was chewing; I had the messy burrito in one hand, and a napkin in the other. Every time I tried to catch the mess, he would laugh.

Huffing, I set his food down and picked up mine. I put a tiny bit of salsa on the end of it; gingerly taking a bite. I didn't like things that were hot. I wasn't sure what Edward ordered.

The salsa was mild, and the food was more than delicious. _Oh my!_

As I took a few more bites, Edward cleared his throat. I was so lost in the heavenly taste in my mouth and the wonderful aroma that accompanied it, I momentarily forgot about the hungry man next to me.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Edward… this is just so… wow."

He chuckled a little and waited patiently.

I helped him with another bite, realizing that I needed to sit down. My legs were screaming at me. I looked around for a chair, and noticed the only one was across the room. As I attempted to set the burrito down again, Edward took my arm. "Just sit on the bed, Bella. I don't bite."

I was surprised that he'd want anyone so close to him. What if I hurt him? "I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not very graceful. You'll get hurt."

"You won't hurt me." He knocked on the chest of his body cast. "Perfectly safe. See?"

With him on his side, there was just enough room for me to shimmy in next to him. Careful not to jostle him, I pulled my knee up onto the bed, tucking my foot behind the opposite knee. I turned, facing the head of the bed. It was much more comfortable this way, and I could still reach everything.

Feeding Edward was difficult, with him lying on his side. Even more of a challenge was the bottle of water and straw, when it was time for him to drink. Without thinking, the very full bottle got tipped too far and I ended up spilling more water _on_ him than I got _into_ him. I felt like a bumbling idiot, but he took it in stride, teasing me about my lack of coordination. We spent as much time laughing and wiping up messes as we did eating.

I couldn't remember the last time I felt this carefree or comfortable with a member of the opposite sex. I'd dated someone when I first started college, but he was droll and unanimated.

I felt like he was just going through the motions that were expected of him, rather than actually living or feeling. I didn't have much fun dating Tyler Crowley. Tyler liked to hang out with his buddies at the bar, and on more than one occasion came to my apartment intoxicated and borderline abusive. Our love life wasn't any different, and after a few months, I told him I didn't want to continue seeing him.

There were a few male friends I'd studied with through college, yet there really weren't many guys I was ever _close_ to, other than my friend Jake. He worked here at Harborview as an orderly, but we hadn't seen each other in ages.

Thinking back, I was a little surprised. I last saw Jake a year ago when he helped Charlie re-arrange my apartment when I'd first come home from the hospital. I hadn't realized it had been so long since I'd really interacted with a man.

As we got to the last bite of Edward's burrito, a huge glob of guacamole oozed down across my finger. As I reached over to pop the burrito into his mouth, he took my wrist and guided my fingers to his mouth. Mesmerized, I watched his tongue snake out and lick from the junction of my fingers to the tip, before he popped the burrito into his mouth with a smirk.

I think I gasped. _Did he just _lick_ me?_ Apparently, I had lost the ability to speak as well. Edward chuckled before he became serious. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have been so forward. That was inappropriate."

"Umm, no… it was… I didn't… it's ok," I stammered, not knowing what to say, or feel. I'd been blindsided by his actions. And while I was shocked, I realized I _didn't_ mind… being completely honest. It was totally unexpected, but I couldn't wrap my head around _why_ he did it. Was_ he_ interested in _me_?

Trying to think about something else, I concentrated on the last bite of my burrito, and held my stomach. I couldn't eat another bite. We'd eaten Spanish rice, split a tamale, had some sort of a cornbread/spoon bread concoction, and wiped out the handmade tortilla chips with the rest of the condiments.

Edward looked… uncomfortable. "Ugh, my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I've hardly eaten since the accident. This is bordering on painful."

"Why don't you eat, Edward? Don't you get _hungry_?"

He patted the fiberglass cast over his stomach. "Have you ever eaten too much in a pair of tight jeans?"

It took me a minute to catch on. "Oh. _OOHH_!" I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"Not much breathing room at all. I try not to eat much at one time. Most of my meals are protein drinks or smoothies. I really only eat one actual 'meal' per day, if my parents are here to help me maneuver everything." Edward really did look uncomfortable. He left out a big breathe of air. "I'll be more comfortable in an hour or so, after it settles." As an afterthought he added, "I hope."

Looking out the window, I realized it was pitch black outside. I'd been here for hours. "I think I should be getting back. They'll think I ran away. I have one more bag tonight anyway, and then I can get rid of the IV. Thanks for dinner; it was great."

He reached for my hand. "Bella. I don't know when I've encountered anyone like you. Most people avoid me or act weird around me because of my disability. You just act so normal around me. It's… really nice."

I stalled, looking at the floor. We _did_ have an easy camaraderie. The afternoon together was… nice.

_Comfortable_.

"I hate to lose touch. Will you come back and visit me, please?" He was giving me this pouty look that reminded me more of a little boy trying to get his way in a candy store than the self-assured doctor I'd met all those months ago- the same doctor who spent his afternoon trying to convince me to be more aggressive with my medical care.

Did I _want_ to get more involved with Edward? He seemed like a great guy. Yet, I wondered- was it wrong for me to be involved with a doctor who had seen me professionally? Would he get into trouble because of me?

"I go back to work soon. I waited to do this until Christmas break. I don't know how much time I'll have."

I didn't want to put him off- but there were so many things to consider My time after work and tutoring was set aside for work-related activities. I had to prioritize because even simple tasks were more time consuming for me. Evenings were difficult. Transportation was an issue. I hadn't driven since my first episode with the MS; my reaction time was poor and I was afraid of having an accident, so Charlie had taken my truck back home to Forks. Then I got the letter from the DMV stating that the hospital was required to notify them that I wasn't able to drive until I'd been re-trained and tested.

Internally, I was struggling. I had so many excuses… but was that all they were?

_Excuses?_

"Do you have a lunch break?" He was beginning to sound desperate. I felt terrible. From the looks of things, he'd be here for a long time. I relented. I really _would_ like to get to know him better.

"I get an hour. My kids go to lunch and then gym class. I'm about 10 minutes away from the hospital."

By the time I left his room, I'd agreed to come for lunch when I was able. He also coerced me into allowing him to call my doctor, his partner Dr. Jeffries, to order another bag of "Joy Juice" for 5am, so I could get one more dose in before I left. Although he didn't feel it was as effective as some of the more modern meds, he said the additional dose would give me a little more time before I needed to return to the hospital.

I was sad leaving the hospital the next morning. It was hard knowing that my new friend would be here for an undetermined amount of time. It seemed so unfair.

I was sort of excited, knowing that I had lunchtime visits to look forward to.

Maybe 2008 _would_ be a good year.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Eleven

~Carlisle~

_**New Year's Eve 2007**_

For a holiday that was notorious for partying, it had been a relatively quiet night. I was working the graveyard shift at Harborview after sharing a blissfully quiet Christmas with Edward and Esme in his room. I had no idea that this evening would be the worst of my career in the emergency department.

Worse even than the night eight weeks ago, when they brought Edward in.

I'd seen my share of patients that night, many wore surgical masks- a sure sign of influenza. They sat, sequestered off in their own corner, in an attempt by the night's triage nurse to keep their germs away from the other patients. It was a lost cause; the flu was running rampant this year in Seattle. Half the staff here was out with it so the hospital was running on a skeleton crew. We'd seen more cases than we had in ages. It would be a record season in Seattle for influenza. I always worried about the elderly... and the disabled... people like Edward. This was the last thing he needed. It was rare that I ever went to visit his room straight from the emergency room, opting first to go home and shower. I knew I was a walking germ magnet- I could just imagine the invisible varmints covering my clothing, hiding in my hair, living under my nails. The thought of what I carried around on my person made me shudder.

One of my first patients tonight had been a young mother, frazzled from lack of sleep- her inconsolable child was stuffy with mucus and tugged at his ears with his chubby fingers. It broke my heart to tell her that tonight would be another sleepless night. Even with a dose of amoxicillin and some baby Tylenol, it would be some time before he'd find any relief. A double ear infection was common in little ones, especially at the end of the common cold. I explained, telling her the mechanics of how most ear infections occurred in toddlers. Apparently this wasn't his first; looking through his chart- the child appeared to be a probable candidate for tympanostomy tubes. I gave her the name of an Eye, Ear Nose and Throat specialist in Seattle and suggested she discuss this with her pediatrician.

A little later I encountered the drunk who had fallen off a stool at O'Malley's tavern and smacked his head on the corner of the bar. Because he had blacked out, I sent him for a CT scan as was protocol, even though I was certain the loss of consciousness was from the alcohol and not the bump to his noggin.

Probably the most traumatic case I'd had all evening was the boy who thought he'd take a drunken joy ride while sitting on the hood of his daddy's new Cadillac. Everything was fine until his friend slammed on the brakes. Apparently, straddling the 24 carat gold hood ornament of a new Coupe Deville was an agonizing feat. I heard the screams from our parking lot.

Looking out towards the waiting room, I saw several teenaged boys carrying their friend who appeared to be bleeding profusely from his groin. Triage immediately put him in a cubicle. I felt like the guy who drew the short straw. This was the _last_ case I wanted to deal with. The cubicle was filled with my patient's intoxicated friends. Apparently, being a party to your friend nearly getting castrated, was a sobering experience. Several of them were in tears, all were deathly pale. One of them had enough of his wits about him to answer my questions concerning the accident. I dismissed the rest of them to the waiting room. The only thing my patient did before I knocked him out was sign the forms for surgical consent. He was bleeding profusely and really couldn't wait for his family to arrive in order to give consent. He was over eighteen, but barely. Trying to get answers out of him was a lost cause; no amount of alcohol could numb that kind of pain. I sedated the boy, got him stabilized and sent him off to surgery. I hoped his parents didn't expect him to produce a family heir. I doubted children were in his future.

Little did I know, that in half an hour my attempts at cutting the blue jeans off a thrashing and screaming teenager with mutilated testicles would seem like a walk in the park.

I stepped outside for a few minutes in lieu of a lunch break. The heat had been running full blast and my normally cool ER was stifling. I was getting tired and cranky, and my shift was only half way over. Just as I was going inside to call Esme for a few minutes Ethel Boyer, the nurse manager on staff, came running out.

"Dr. Cullen, I've been looking everywhere for you. We have a big one coming in! Two busses are enroute."

I looked at the clock. 3:45 Am. _Happy New Year, I thought with a sarcastic chuckle. There's always one. _I went inside and found the young resident who was also working the shift with me. Apparently we had little time to prepare. A sense of foreboding came over me that I just couldn't shake. This was going to be a bad one.

I looked at Kachiri, who appeared as uneasy about this one as I felt. "How bad, Kachiri?"

She paled, "The trauma team is in place, they called a neurosurgeon in as well, Dr. Caius, I believe. Two vehicles were involved. It was a high-speed collision. Doesn't look good for the younger driver, he's suffered massive head trauma. It's a shame, he's only eighteen. They had to extricate him from the car." Immediately I was seething mad. This was the second teenager for me tonight. _Damn kids!_ _Why can't they just stay home?_

"How about the vehicle he collided with?"

"You mean the one that collided with_ him._ He was pulling into an intersection after getting the green light. The other driver was going in excess of 50 miles an hour."

"In the city? Idiots!" I looked at Kachiri. She still looked sick. "We better get ready."

Kachiri and I worked well together. She was a third year resident and was a good fit with the fast paced atmosphere of the emergency room. Unlike most of the other residents doing an ER rotation, Kachiri's goal was to be an emergency medicine physician, and she had become nearly indispensable to me. "I'll make sure the two largest suites are open."

A hand gripped my shoulder; I turned to see one of my favorite anesthesiologists standing behind me. Murray was a big booming man with a heart of gold. Normally in a jovial mood, the severity of the situation showed on his face. "They called Joe in too. He wasn't too happy about getting up, but he should be here soon. What do we have?"

Kachiri looked at me; she had pulled herself together and was eager to fill him in. I smiled at her and nodded. She rattled off the information we knew. The patient in the first ambulance was an eighteen year old male, he was unconscious and unresponsive. He had been entering an intersection after being stopped at a red light. The oncoming driver, a twenty-two year old woman, was intoxicated and traveling at an extremely high rate of speed. She failed to stop her vehicle. Both drivers had to be extricated from the wreckage. The young man had massive head trauma and had lost a copious amount of blood. His condition was critical.

The young woman was conscious and had suffered a head injury as well as a broken femur. She'd go to a team of residents and their supervisor.

The trauma team on standby for the boy included a trauma surgeon, anesthesia, a neurosurgeon, radiology, several nurses and numerous other staff, all at the ready for his arrival. The goal was to get the patient in, stabilized and off to ICU or surgery as quickly as possible.

We called that time period- the hour immediately following the onset of trauma "The Golden Hour". The goal was to have the patient stabilized and out of the ER during this critical period of time. Every minute that ticked by after that hour in a critical patient lessened the possibilities of the patient having a full recovery. Harborview was the only level one trauma unit in Washington, and we had an excellent track record. After Edward's accident, I was a firm believer in miracles.

Two minutes later, that belief washed right down the drain.

As the gurney that carried the young man was lifted from the ambulance, the first thing that caught my attention was his ruddy colored hair and the white blanket soaked in blood. Memories washed over me, of that night in October, when this same scene unfolded in front of me and it was _my_ son who was clinging to his life. The room spun around me and I had trouble catching my breath. I felt a pair of strong hands grab my biceps preventing my fall. Slowly I was lowered into a chair that hadn't been there a moment before. The hands put pressure on the back of my head, pushing it towards my lap.

"Breathe Carlisle. Just put your head down." I'd recognize the Texas drawl of Jasper Whitlock anywhere.

"Come on now, in and out, nice and steady. I know what you're thinking, he's safe upstairs."

He continued to rub my back as I felt myself relax. "Can you sit up; they really need you in there?" I lifted my head and looked around; there was a flurry of activity to my left. Jasper was crouched down on his haunches, looking me directly in the eye. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I don't know what hit me." I felt like such an idiot. I never had a moment like that in my career as an emergency room doctor, not even when it was my son. But tonight, those memories still fresh, were enough to push my overactive imagination into overdrive.

Jasper offered me his hand, steadying me as I stood up. "I'm okay. I need to get in there."

No one said a word to me as I entered the suite. I was certain they all knew what had overcome me upon seeing our patient. While I was pulling myself together, he had been intubated to protect his airway and was being bagged as they waited for ventilator to be brought over. Dr. Caius examined the patient and suspected that there were no brain stem reflexes. He didn't open his eyes in response to pain or stimuli, nor did his pupils react to having a light shined directly into his eyes.

A CT scan detected that the young man had suffered a massive bleed in his brain stem. He was in an unresponsive coma. There was nothing more anyone here could do. As soon as his body was stable enough to be moved, he was left on the ventilator and transferred to ICU. His heart was beating on its own and he outwardly showed signs of life. He was warm to the touch, the machines continued to register his heart rate and blood pressure. He appeared to just be sleeping or in a sedated state, even though every test we had at our disposal to find some glimmer of life had failed. Christopher Meyer was dead. The only thing that could be done now was to protect his organs for possible procurement and transplantation, pending consent of the family. The Intensive Care Unit would continue to monitor his condition

My next job would be a hard sell, but I offered to meet with the parents of the young man and explain his status. Dr. Caius was also present to deliver his findings to the family. I was prepared to give my plea to the family concerning organ donation, but I was shocked with the response I would eventually receive. Entering the ICU cubicle, I encountered the young man's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Meyer. Mrs. Meyer sat in a chair, her head resting on the bed, holding her son's hand. My Meyer stood behind her, rubbing her shoulders, softly offering words of support.

Mr. Meyer straightened and then held his hand out to assist his wife as she stood up, as well. My heart pounded and my hands were sweaty as I psyched myself up enough to utter the words that would devastate their world. I held out my hand, "I'm Dr. Cullen; I was the attending physician when your son was brought in. This is Dr. Caius; he was the neurosurgeon on duty."

Mr. Meyer gripped my hand firmly. "Doctors."

Dr. Caius explained Christopher's injuries upon admission, as well as the efforts to save his life. Yet, his bedside manner left something to be desired, and I cringed as he wrapped up his speech. Even though there was no brain activity, and clinically our patient was dead, Caius' callous and very technical description of our attempts to save Christopher and the testing that he'd done to determine brain death made the whole situation sound cold and clinical. He offered no comfort to the parents before he turned and walked away. In Dr. Caius' mind he was already dead, and by all medical definition he was, but these were parents who needed time to say goodbye to their child. He was breathing, his heart still beating... he _appeared _to be very much alive. It was my responsibility to explain.

"We did everything we could for your son. He suffered a traumatic brain injury upon impact. The trauma to his brain stem area was massive. I'm so sorry, I wish there was more we could have done for Christopher." Mrs. Meyer crumpled; her husband supported her as they openly sobbed. I felt like a fraud, staying behind to console the family, all the while knowing that an organ procurement organization had been called and was making plans and setting up recipients for possible transplants. I stepped outside the cubicle to give them time for the words to sink in. One of the nurses needed my attention concerning the boy who had come in with the groin injury. I consulted with her for a short time and then made my way back to the Meyer family.

Quietly, I coughed, letting the family know I had returned. Lost in their grief, they had no idea I was in the cubicle. "While he appears to be sleeping, he has had no brain activity since he was admitted to the emergency room. We're doing everything for him that we would do for any other patient. He's receiving intravenous fluids, and medication for pain. We're monitoring his vital signs and his intake and output. You can take whatever time you need. Do you have any questions?"

Mr. Meyer gave me that look that every parent has when faced with this situation, a plea for hope... for hope of any kind, and I could give him none. "Is there any possibility that this is reversible?"

"No. The portion of his brain that sustained injury governs things like breathing, heart rate and central nervous system function. While his heart still beats, he can't breathe without the ventilator. Your son is clinically dead."

Mrs. Meyer reached for my hand. "Dr. Cullen, do you think Christopher is in pain?"

"He's receiving pain medication at regular three hour intervals. We have no way of knowing, but our current goal is to make sure he's comfortable."

My words felt hollow as I told them that the meds were for his benefit, when I knew he was already gone. It was comforting though, even for me, to know that he was receiving the same quality of care every other patient in the hospital was currently receiving. When the time came, he'd receive muscle relaxers and anesthesia prior to the surgery to remove his organs, if his family agreed to uphold his choice of organ donation.

I needed to give them some space to come to terms with their loss. "There is a small family room just outside the ICU. It's down the hall to the right. There is a telephone and comfortable furnishings. Please feel free to call family members. You're welcome to use the room. There is a small kitchenette with a coffee maker, and light snacks. Please make yourselves at home. I'll put up the occupied sign so no one bothers your family. Again I'm so sorry. I'll be back to check on Christopher after my shift ends."

I went back to the ER; my shift was over in a little over an hour. I needed to check on my own loved ones to be sure they were safe and tucked in their beds where they belonged.

Things were quiet when I returned so I found a secluded spot and caught up my charts. Kachiri came over with a large Styrofoam cup full of steaming coffee. She was a Godsend. "You okay, Carlisle? You didn't look so good when they brought that boy in." I knew I shouldn't be angry with her, but I bristled when she said it.

"Chris. His name is Chris, not _that boy_. It infuriates me when no one takes the time to even bother learning the patient's name."

"You know there wasn't time for that." She seemed insulted, I didn't mean to take it out on her, but there were days when I just wanted to address the nameless faces properly. I just wanted to take the time to reassure them, and make them feel like someone cared. I didn't have that opportunity most days and for some reason that night in particular, it really bothered me.

"I'm sorry, Kachiri. I shouldn't have taken my ill mood out on you."

"Did you talk to the family about organ donation? You do realize he was a donor? He was also a military serviceman."

"No, I wanted to give them some time. I want to stop back before I go home, but I'll probably wait to approach them until later in the day."

"Well, I have my own charting to do, so I'll let you get back to what you were doing. I thought you could use some caffeine."

"Thanks. I'm sorry; it's been a very long night for me. I can't wait to get home."

" s'okay, Carlisle. I'll see you later."

As quickly as she had appeared, Kachiri was gone. I wrapped up my paperwork and looked at the clock. My shift was over ten minutes ago. After saying my goodbyes, I headed to my locker. Caius was there too, sitting with his head in his hands. I was still irked with his callous attitude concerning the Meyer family, but it was obvious the night had taken a toll on him as well.

"Long night?"

He nodded his head. "Mmhmm. It's the kind of night that makes you want to go home and make sure your kids are all in bed where they belong."

I knew the feeling. I fully intended to go take a shower and change into clean scrubs, so I could break my own rule and check on Edward. I knew he was safe, but if I hadn't had patients counting on me, I would have already been to his room. _Just to be sure._

Caius lifted his head. "You know my youngest is just about the same age. Every time I looked at that kid, I saw Alec's face."

I guess that explained his earlier demeanor. "Yeah, I know what you mean." Because I did.

"Did they sign on the dotted line for you? Are they doing a harvest on the boy?"

"I wish you wouldn't call it that. It's callous and it gives the families a negative vibe about something positive."

He gave me a small smile. "Sorry, old habits die hard. You of all people know I speak my mind, political correctness be damned."

"Yeah, I do know, but you need to learn how to soften the blow. That family just lost their son and you made it sound like just another day on the job. Maybe you need a vacation. Just go away and regroup, try and remember why it is we do this." While he was the best neurosurgeon on staff, he had gotten cold and unfeeling. His comments in the locker room about his own family told me the job was getting to him.

"I'm taking the wife and twins to the Bahamas in February. I think the change of scenery will do us all a world of good. Goodnight Carlisle." Caius turned and walked away without another word.

I showered and pulled on a change of clean scrubs before heading off to see Edward. I took his chart off the wall and flipped through it. It appeared that at least one of us had a quiet night. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see my dear friend Maggie smiling up at me. "Hey doc, what brings you for a visit?"

"I had to come and check on him before I went home. Just needed to know he was okay."

"Have a long night in the ER, did ya?" I nodded my head, still having trouble trying to shake the suffocating panic I'd experienced when I saw Christopher come off the ambulance.

"Come on, let's go get a coffee." She took my hand and gave it a tug. Hand in hand we walked to the nurse's lounge. I sunk into an old green chair that had seen better days. Maggie cupped us each a coffee, a box of donuts sat on the table. "Breakfast of champions... here." She held out a donut along with my cup as she took the seat next to me. "Tell me what's eating at you. Everything okay?"

"We lost a patient tonight. When they pulled him off the ambulance, it shook me to my core. I looked up and saw a head of red hair and the blood... there was so much blood. I lost my shit."

"It took you right back to that night." We both knew what night she was referring to.

I couldn't help but shudder at the memory. "Yeah. We did everything we could. He didn't have a chance. He's up in ICU now; I was elected to get consent for organ donation. We have a number of patients right here at Harborview waiting for organs, I'm just having a hard time with this. It seems so unfair."

"It _is_ unfair that a young person lost his life, but I _know_ your staff did everything they could for him- you do too. Now it's important for you to remember that there are people in this very hospital clinging to life. If the sacrifice that boy made provides even one person with a long and meaningful life, his death isn't wasted."

I knew she was right. I needed to pull myself together and go back to ICU before I left.

"Carlisle?"

"Yeah Maggie?"

"If it _was_ Edward, wouldn't you want to donate his organs?"

"I had already mentally prepared for that eventuality while they were working on him. You know I would."

"As a father, not a doctor, what would it have meant to you?"

"It would have meant Edward would still be living in some way. That some part of him was still alive."

Maggie smiled and squeezed my hand. "I think you're ready to go have that talk."

I stood up and threw away my uneaten donut and the remains of my coffee. "You're right. Thanks Maggie."

She stood up and gave me a big hug. "See you later, Carlisle."

I looked at the clock, it was after 8am. I had been here since ten the night before. "Bye Mags."

I left the nurse's lounge, and made my way back to Edward's room. Esme was sitting in the corner, knitting, talking softly. When I shuffled inside, she gave me a soft smile. "You look exhausted."

"Mmm, I am. I'm heading home as soon as I go check on a patient."

"I love you, go home and sleep, I'll wake you for a late lunch." She stood and made her way to me, engulfing me in a hug.

"I love you too, Esme. I'll see you in a few hours."

I heard the plastic pillow protector make a crumpling noise as Edward shifted. A sleepy voice called to me. "Dad?"

"Hey son, I didn't mean to wake you. I was just leaving."

"Mm'kay. Goodnight." His head dropped back on his pillow.

Esme smiled. "Maggie gave him pain meds just a few minutes ago. She's going to bathe him soon."

"I know, I just saw her. She said he had a decent night. I've got to go up to ICU. I'll see you later, Es."

"Okay, drive careful. Love ya."

I went by the cubicle where Christopher lay. Physically, his body remained stable. His family was no longer here. I spent a few minutes at his bedside and said a prayer before I left him.

The shift had changed since I'd last been on the floor. As his nurse came into his cubicle, I inquired about the family. Had they gone home?

"They are in the family room with their pastor. They've been coming in here, in shifts, to say their goodbyes. Based on the circumstances, we didn't want to restrict his visitors." I was relieved to know that they understood the severity of the situation and I wouldn't have to try and convince them of his medical status.

"No, they need time to say goodbye. If they need anything, please page me. I'm going to talk with them, but then I am going home."

As I turned to leave, I recognized the patient in the cubicle next to Christopher and I was shocked to see her there. It was protocol here that when more than one party was involved in a serious accident, the least life-threatening case was sent to a neighboring hospital. Separating the patients ensured that the families were separated as well. When emotions ran high, there was always the possibility of an altercation. For whatever reason, the young woman who caused the accident was in the adjoining cubicle.

Every hair on the back of my neck rose up as I tried to compose myself. Christopher's nurse addressed me quietly, "There weren't any other ICU beds available, Carlisle."

"If you can move her to another cubicle, please do so. I know she's not nearly as critical." I didn't want these two families to realize who each other was.

"I understand. I'll talk to my supervisor and see what can be done."

"Thanks."

When I neared the family room I could hear the family talking. I tapped lightly and the door was opened by a man whom I recognized as one of our visiting chaplains. "Dr. Cullen." He gave a nod of his head and asked, "Won't you come in?"

"Pastor Biers."

Mr. Meyer stood up from the chair he had been seated in. "Please sit down doctor."

I couldn't count the number of people crammed into the tiny room, there were so many. I looked around; multiple sets of teary eyes were on me. "I stopped to check on Christopher when I got to the floor. There's been no change." While the family was obviously distraught, there was a calm that I didn't expect.

Mr. Meyer responded. "We understand doctor. Thank you for taking the time to explain his situation with us."

"I only wish there were more I could do."

"We know you did everything you could for him. Our pastor has assured us that Christopher isn't in any pain. We understand he's already gone and that there are decisions we have to make as a family."

Mrs. Meyer sat straight in her chair, looked at me with sadness. "Our son was a good boy. He was home from boot camp. After the holidays he was going to leave for his first duty station. We begged him not to join the military right now. Perhaps that's not very patriotic, but when it's your only son and there is a war raging in the Middle East, it's all you think about." I nodded, wanting to give her time to say her peace and tell me about her child. "I'm sure most people wouldn't understand, but I'm comforted knowing my son died a few blocks from home. We are able to say goodbye to him and find closure. My biggest fear was that he'd go overseas and die in some horrible military accident where there was nothing left of him to ship home. We're prepared to let him go."

As she spoke various family members sniffled, and cried softly.

"I sympathize with your loss, and please understand I wouldn't ask this if I didn't feel so strongly about it. Were you aware that your son had chosen to be an organ donor?"

She wore a sad smile, "Yes, Dr. Cullen, we were aware. We just had this conversation with him a few days ago. Chris believed strongly in organ donation. He made a point to bring the subject up before he shipped out. We promised him that if anything happened we'd abide by his wishes. We just never imagined something like this would happen so soon."

"Will you sign a consent form to allow us to do the procedure?"

Mrs. Meyer nodded, her husband hung his head. "Yes Dr. Cullen, we know it was what he would have wanted. He placed that responsibility in our hands and we've accepted it."

"Thank you. Do you have any questions?" I put my fist to my mouth stifling a yawn, I didn't want them to mistake my exhaustion for inattentiveness.

"How long do we have, will they let us know?"

"We like to do the procedure as soon as possible, but our organ procurement department will come and assess your son, and do some testing. They will have to contact potential recipients and test them for surgery. There are differing factors. I would imagine later in the day or possibly tomorrow. You'll have several hours to prepare."

Mrs. Meyer hugged herself tightly. She looked at the floor as she spoke. "You said he was on pain medication, will he be in any pain, what will happen to him?"

"He'll undergo a surgical procedure. He'll receive anesthesia, throughout the procedure, just like any other patient. He'll be treated the same as any other surgical patient. I promise you he won't be in any pain. After the organs are removed, the incision will be closed and he'll be removed from the ventilator. We ask that you say your goodbyes before he's taken to surgery."

"Thank you doctor, we appreciate your taking the time to explain things."

"You're welcome. I wish there was more that I could do."

"Do you have any children, Dr. Cullen?"

"I do. I have a son."

"Is this a decision you'd make if you were in our shoes?"

I nodded. "Absolutely." I thought back to my conversation with Maggie, yes, this was the decision I'd make. My son would expect it.

I turned to leave and various family members echoed their thanks.

I felt defeated as I made my way down the hallway. My shoulders slumped in exhaustion. I was headed to Christopher's cubicle... I don't know why, when I heard something that made my blood boil. I was privy to the knowledge that the patient next door was the one who took Christopher's life when she made the decision to get behind the wheel of her car under the influence.

"I don't know what I'm going to do." she screeched. "I'll never be able to work like this!" She held a mirror as she gazed with a horrified expression at the sutures that ran the length of her jaw. A nurse stood, somewhat taken aback at her outburst. Someone had commented when she was brought into the ER that the other patient was a well known model. Senna Shekoni had made it big several years ago working for an agency in Seattle, even Jasper remarked that she was a Victoria's Secret model.

She pushed her bedside table with such force that her pitcher of water went flying, dousing the nurse at her side. In an instant I was pulled out of my solemn mood and found myself getting mad. I shouldn't have intervened, but I couldn't help myself.

I stepped inside the cubicle and motioned for the nurse to go. "I've got this. Go find some dry scrubs."

"Are you sure Dr. Cullen?"

"Positive, go now. It's fine."

I pushed the sliding glass door closed to ensure our privacy.

Ms. Shekoni glared at me.

"I understand that you are upset. You realize you have no one to blame but yourself?"

"I'm a model, I can't work like this! My career is destroyed!"

None too gently, I finished cleaning her incision and then taped a gauze pad to her wound. I was infuriated, but I held my tongue. I could do this in a professional manner. "And the family of the boy you killed is destroyed!" I kept my tone even and calm, while inside I seethed. "Perhaps the next time you become intoxicated, you'll take a taxi or phone a friend."

"He died?"

I nodded my head. Exhaustion had finally taken over. The model covered her face as she sobbed.

I slid the door open and strode out of ICU. I knew the police were waiting to charge her until she was moved to a regular floor, sometime later today, but for some reason, I just couldn't help myself. I felt no remorse for setting her straight; her embarrassment almost ensured she wouldn't complain about my outburst. If she did, I'd deal with it.

I decided in the elevator to heed my own words, I went to my office and opened the closet then pulled out a small pillow and throw which I kept for days like this. I called Esme's phone and told her I was unfit to drive before curling up on my leather couch. Sleep took me immediately.

I awoke to someone tapping on my door. I struggled to get out of the couch, my blankets tangled around my shoes. Esme stood outside the door. "Your chariot awaits, Dr. Cullen." I pulled her into an embrace and inhaled deeply. Sighing, I reached for my coat. "Let's go."

I went home and made my way into our bed, forgoing food or a shower for some much needed sleep. Not only was I physically tired, but I was mentally exhausted. I didn't have to work today, and I had no intention of doing anything but sleep.

When I awoke much later in the day, I called the hospital to check on the Meyer family. At 2pm the organ procurement team took him into surgery. In other operating suites on the floor, a young cardiomyopathy patient was prepped to receive a new heart, and a girl who had battled cystic fibrosis her entire life waited for a new set of lungs. I learned that his kidneys were going to another state.

Christopher Meyer was pronounced dead at 3:10pm New Year's day.

February 15, 2008, I learned that Senna Shekoni had been convicted of driving under the influence and vehicular homicide. She was sentenced to two years in a state facility. Somehow it didn't seem to be nearly enough.

On April 2, 2008, inside a blank card that read "Thank You" on the front, lay a page that had been clipped from the Seattle Times. On the page resided an article that would only hold significance for a select group of people, myself included. It told the story of a patient who lost his life on New Year's Day, and how, through organ donation five other lives had been saved. The article was so tiny and non-descript, that it would be overlooked by many.

I understood.

* * *

This special chapter of Impact is written in memory of Christopher Bernstein who lost his life after the car he was driving collided with an oncoming vehicle, New Year's Eve 1987. He would be forty one years old if he were alive today. He was home on leave after basic training, and was not under the influence of an intoxicating substance when his accident occurred. The driver of the other vehicle was legally intoxicated.

Christopher was an organ donor. His family upheld his wishes and gave consent for organ donation, so that something positive could come from his death.

Many thanks to Kim and her family for allowing me to share. Even as a complete stranger working in the OR when it happened, Chris' loss made a huge impact on my life. It's ironic that all these years later he'd come back into my life through a beloved family member.

Please don't drink and drive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twelve

~Bella~

_**February, 2008**_

When winter break was over, I realized that my lunchtime coincided perfectly with Edward's release from physical therapy. I would meet him just as he was getting back to his hospital room. The orderlies from PT would slide him into his bed and we had just about thirty minutes for a quick lunch. I was beginning to learn his preferences, so I'd stop and pick something up along the way. We took turns paying, although, if he'd gotten his way, Edward would have paid every time. We constantly argued about his eagerness to foot the bill and my reluctance to accept. Over the next few weeks, I was at the hospital every day to help Edward with his lunch.

Lunches were fun. We'd talk about all kinds of things, his eyes bright and full of life. He was always in a great mood. It took me back to that day we met, when he told me, as he was laughing, that the wheelchair was _not_ a prop.

One morning, about two weeks after I'd returned to work, I awoke feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. I couldn't _drag_ myself out of bed. I felt my fever break time and again, but I just didn't have the energy to look for the thermometer. Every inch of my body ached; my head was pounding. I hadn't felt this congested in years. Half of my students were out of school last week with the flu. I should have known I wouldn't be able to avoid it.

I was absent the day they offered a free flu shot clinic at work. It was a relief at the time— my fear of needles was stupid, I knew, but I really couldn't bring myself to do it. There had been other opportunities in the community, but I'd overlooked them— hoping I'd avoid the flu as I normally did most winters. Now, it seemed like that had been a _very bad_ decision.

I lay in bed for several days, getting out only to crawl to the toilet or get something to drink. I reeked of sweat. Finally, I dragged myself to the shower. The hot water relieved the pressure in my sinuses, but it did nothing to help the horrible cough that wracked my body, nor did it ease my aches and pains. I managed to dress myself and call a cab. An hour later I found myself sitting in the ER at Harborview, wearing one of the mandated surgical masks they were handing out to all the influenza patients.

After what seemed like hours, my name was called and I attempted to follow the nurse back through the labyrinth to a room. I had to stop and lean against the wall; I was so weak I could barely stand. As I attempted to catch my breath, she found a wheelchair. She wheeled me into a room that was entirely too bright. I slumped in the chair, and dozed off until I felt a cool hand on my cheek. I opened my eyes to meet the gaze of the senior Dr. Cullen.

"Isabella. I hear you're under the weather."

It took all my energy to answer him. "I feel terrible. I think I have the flu." I explained my symptoms to him.

He put his stethoscope to my back and asked me to take a deep breath. I gave it my best effort, which wasn't saying much. He moved around to my front and listened to my chest. He began talking about complications, and I tried to follow the conversation. I had little to say; I was exhausted.

"You're correct, you do have influenza. I'm more concerned that you've contracted post influenza pneumonia. It's a form of bacterial pneumonia that is quite common after having the flu. There's certainly fluid in your lungs. You don't seem to have the strength to cough it loose the way you should. I'd like to admit you before this gets out of hand. I'd prefer to err on the side of caution, Bella. I can have a bed for you in a short amount of time. I'll put a rush on it."

"Wait! _No!_ I just got _out _of the hospital. I don't have enough sick time to be admitted again so soon. I had to schedule my ACTH therapy over Christmas break. _Please_, is there _any_ other way?" I tried to argue, but I don't think it came out as more than a whisper. Still, he was attentive and listened to me.

However, a chest X-ray confirmed his suspicion— the influenza had, in fact, turned into pneumonia.

Dr. Cullen looked concerned. I sat quietly and listened while he discussed my options. "It's against my better judgment to allow you to go home. You admitted, yourself, that there is no one there to help you. While _most_ people are able to recover from pneumonia at home, with your weakened immune system, you really should stay here. I understand your dilemma; unfortunately it's all too common. I'd prefer to use IV antibiotics in the hospital. It's the best way."

"I just can't afford to miss any more work. I was hoping if I came here today I could leave with something strong enough to get me back to work and let me finish the week." Mr. Banner was going to have a fit. I vaguely remember calling the sub-finder service on Sunday night. Seeing him upon my return was something I was _not_ looking forward to.

"Please tell me you haven't been working in this condition, Bella."

I knew he was concerned. I shook my head, "No, I haven't worked at all this week. This is the first day I've made it very far from my bedroom. I'm feeling a little better, but I don't think I'll get well on my own. I knew this was more than a cold."

"You only have two days of your week left. I'd like to admit you now, and if you're feeling better over the weekend, I'll release you in time to return on Monday." Dr. Cullen seemed to relax as I nodded. His mouth curved up into a little smile.

True to his word, Dr. Cullen only kept me there for two days. Saturday morning he poked his head into my room as a nurse was going over my discharge orders. "Good morning, Bella, I'd like to go over a few things before you leave. You look like you're feeling much better this morning."

"I am feeling much better, thank you." I knew I had been a whiny patient. But, I'm glad I agreed to stay in the hospital. I would have never gotten rid of this on my own, and in the end, it would have cost me more time away from school if I had I waited.

"Based on the way your body responded so quickly to the strong doses of Penicillin I've been giving you, I'd like you to continue the course of the medicine for another 5 days. Can you get to the clinic daily for injections?"

"I need to work. I can't leave work and go to the clinic; there's not enough time." I knew he could see through me, but I didn't see a reason to continue. I didn't like shots, and I _was_ feeling better. _Much better_.

"If you stop the medicine now, the pneumonia will come back, stronger, and if it becomes antibiotic resistant, you will get into trouble. I could give you a prescription for Penicillin tablets, but they aren't as strong as the shots. It's imperative we continue to treat you. Your immune system was already compromised before you got sick."

I sighed. I knew he was right.

Dr. Cullen pursed his lips. "The clinic is open every day until 6pm, weekends too. I know you don't work that late. _Please_, Bella, it's important."

I nodded my head. "I'll go in after school and over the weekend."

Relief washed over his features.

"Good. Take care of yourself, Bella. Remember, if there are any complications, don't wait to come in. You will be seen much quicker in the clinic if you have a problem. The emergency room is much more congested." As he was leaving he handed me a card. "I want to see you in my office day after tomorrow for a follow-up, Isabella. Drink plenty of fluids and get some rest. I'll see you Monday afternoon."

Monday rolled around. After resting all day Sunday on my couch, I was able to return to work on Monday and I made my way to Dr. Cullen's office in the afternoon. I was feeling markedly better. I _almost_ skipped today's appointment, but would have felt bad not showing up. Dr. Cullen was one of the most compassionate people I'd ever met. I didn't want to worry him by breaking my promise.

I walked into his office, unassisted. My cough had improved, and the fever had not returned. "Bella, you seem to be improving."

"I'm feeling much better."

He went through the same routine as the clinic had, checking my vitals and listening to my lungs. He seemed to be satisfied with my improvement.

"Good, we can do today's dose here in the office. You'll be done with the medication on Wednesday. I'd like to see you again early next week. Please make an appointment with Camryn before you leave."

I stood to gather my things. Dr. Cullen interrupted my thoughts. "Tammy will be right in to give you the shot."

"Oh, right. I'll wait for her."

Dr. Cullen stood in the doorway. "Bella, Edward asked me to tell you he misses you and he hopes you feel better soon. He's still vulnerable; please wait to visit him until you come back to see me. We don't want him becoming ill." He smiled sadly as he said this, and I understood. I had almost forgotten about our visits, I was so sick. I realized last night that I'd been ignoring my new friend.

My week flew by and I saw Dr. Cullen again the following Monday. When Camryn led me into his office, he frowned. He looked out of sorts.

"Is something wrong, Dr. Cullen?"

"I'm afraid so. Edward is very sick. He made me promise to explain to you why he can't have visitors now. He has a fever we can't control, and his leg is badly infected."

The older Cullen was obviously distressed. He ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"I'm afraid he may still lose the foot. We fought so hard to save it. I was almost certain after the last surgery that he was out of the woods."

I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to feel. We'd become quick friends, and I'd come to really enjoy Edward's company. To be completely honest with myself, my feelings ran much deeper than that. I wish there was some way I could show him I supported him. Because I had been sick, I hadn't been allowed near him, and now this.

_What if something bad happened to him?_

"They had to operate over the weekend. The site of the skin graft has staph infection. This is the first time he's turned septic; the infection is all through his system, now." The usually confident doctor looked just like every other father.

"How long until I can see him?" I already knew the answer, and I didn't want to put him at risk, but the feeling of helplessness was devastating.

"Bella, it would be detrimental to his health for you to visit him right now. I don't want you anywhere near him for at least a week. I want to examine you again before you visit him. There is also the issue of the staph infection. You have to wait until that is under control. I can't allow anyone but immediate relatives to visit." When I sighed, he added, "Please understand."

"No, it's okay. I do understand. I don't want to hurt him. I'm just feeling sad for him. If he's able, can you help him call me on the phone? I'd like to talk to him, at least."

"I think that's an excellent idea, when he's more coherent. Right now, it's not possible."

I left the office that day, happy that I was well again, but disappointed that I couldn't visit Edward at the hospital. I waited for him to call, but he never did.

I had a cough that hung on for days. Finally, eighteen days after my last visit with Edward, Carlisle told me I could visit. When I got to the hospital, I was shocked at what I saw.

The cheerful, charismatic young doctor I had spent several weeks bantering with had been replaced by a gaunt, distant ghost of a man. During the time we were apart something had taken a toll on him. I sat in Edward's room over my lunch break for three days before he uttered a word.

I knew he could hear me, so I talked. I talked about everything that might interest him. He was engaged in the conversation— his gaze followed me. He followed the way my hands moved. He followed my face. Not once did he take his eyes off of me. Yet, he looked haunted... empty.

When he didn't partake in the conversation, I asked questions. Not once did he answer. On the third day, as I barely made it through the door… he spoke. He finally asked _me_ a question. He asked me to leave. "Bella, will you please just go home? This situation, us… , this is no good for you."

_What? No! This can't be happening._

He _wanted_ me to leave. "You don't want me here?" The tears were already falling. _Why?_ I just didn't understand.

"No, Bella, I don't want you here. Please go, and don't come back."

He rang the buzzer for the nurse. As she entered the room and opened her mouth to speak, Edward interrupted. "Miss Swan is leaving, and I'd like to rest. Would you please restrict my visitors to immediate family until further notice?" He wasn't rude, yet he was curt and his words were clipped and rang crystal clear— he didn't want me here.

I was devastated. What had I done to deserve such harsh treatment? I felt as though I'd been slapped across the face. I wiped at my face, trying to rid myself of the tears as I stumbled out the door, slamming into Carlisle's chest in my haste to get away. He grabbed my upper arms and tried to stop me, but I pushed off of him and rushed down the hallway. I stepped into the ladies restroom before I had my meltdown. I vaguely registered someone walking into the restroom several minutes later.

By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late. The crying led to sobbing… the sobbing led to fits of coughing and dry heaves. I_ had_ been feeling better, but my outburst reminded me how sick I had just been. I felt like I was drawing air through a tiny straw. My head was pounding, and the stall was spinning. Finally my breakfast, which had been caught in my chest, let loose and made a return visit. I slid down the wall and sank to the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and sat for a long time, trying to collect myself. I heard footsteps come across the restroom. A pair of black pumps stopped just outside of my stall and there was a light tap on the door.

"Isabella? Are you alright?" I had no idea who was standing there. I really was in no mood to talk. I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes and tried to rub away the tears. There was nothing but the toilet to grab a hold of. I was _not_ using that to steady myself. It seemed to take forever to get to my feet. I'm sure I looked a fright. I blew my nose, loudly, with a huge wad of toilet paper, before flushing it.

I still hadn't answered the voice on the other side of the door. I straightened my clothing as well as I could in the confined space before I opened the door. I peered out to find a small woman with caramel colored hair and soft features. She wore a sad smile on her face. She held a pair of leather gloves in her hands, wringing them nervously. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. Carlisle asked me to follow you, to make sure you were ok. You seemed so upset when you left Edward."

I stepped out of the lavatory and couldn't help but smile. This woman looked like a cross between Betty Crocker and June Cleaver. She had that timeless beauty and class of the women of the fifties. I was almost wondering if she had a checkered apron on under her coat.

"I hope I haven't upset you further. I'm Esme Cullen. Are you ok, Isabella?" She held her hand out for me to shake.

I _wasn't _'ok'_, _and strangely, I didn't know if I ever _would_ be. I hadn't realized until he forced me to leave just how hard I had begun to fall for Edward. My heart felt like it had been ripped out and trampled on.

I still hadn't uttered a word to this woman, who must have thought I'd completely lost my mind. I reached out to her. "I'm not sure what I am right now."

Instead of shaking my hand, she drew me into a gentle hug. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Let's get you cleaned up and we'll go get some lunch."

_Lunch! Oh my Gosh! I'm only on my lunch break! How long have I been here?_

"I have to go back to work! I'm in so much trouble!" As I turned to the mirror, I was horrified at what I saw. I looked like a train wreck. My makeup was smeared and my eyes were red and puffy. I could never go back to school looking like this. My hair was a mess. Smoothing my hands down over my clothing I felt _something _I had sat in, on the floor. The knees of my slacks were dirty, as well.

She gently laid her hand on my shoulder. "We'll go to Carlisle's office and call your employer, explain you're here at the hospital and feeling under the weather. You really haven't been in here all that long." It was as if she could read my thoughts.

While I washed my hands, she grabbed a few paper towels and wet them, handing them to me. I cleaned my face and dried it, fixing my makeup before we went back out into the hallway. I pulled an elastic band from my purse and pulled my hair into a ponytail. Esme took me by the elbow and guided me through the corridors until we were somewhere near the ER. She tapped on the door before we stepped inside.

Carlisle sat behind his desk, holding his head in his hands. Looking up, he frowned. "I'm sorry, Bella. Just give him some time. Please don't give up on him."

I sagged into the chair across from his desk; Esme perched herself on the arm of the other one. "Carlisle, can we please call Bella's school and tell them she's not feeling well?" He handed me the phone so I could call. Mr. Banner wouldn't be very happy with me. Yet, in a matter of minutes, my schedule had been freed for the day.

Carlisle came over and put his cool hand to my forehead, my cheeks. "Are you alright, Bella? You were pretty worked up." _Geesh, did they _both_ follow me to the toilet?_

I nodded my head. "I think so."

Esme walked behind the desk and gave her husband a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you this evening, dear. Bella and I are going to get a bite to eat and talk a bit."

She grasped my arm and I soon found myself in the parking lot standing next to a tan Mercedes. Esme drove through the outskirts of town, and soon we were in a much less populated suburb of Seattle. We pulled around behind a beautiful sprawling home, and the garage door opened for us. I looked at Esme.

"We can hardly have you playing hooky and risk being seen in town. You don't want to end up in the principal's office, do you?" She had Edward's trademark smirk. I could definitely see the family resemblance.

Esme took my coat and hung it on a hook in the huge kitchen. It was a modern looking house from the outside, but inside, it resembled an old farmhouse. The kitchen was nostalgic; all the appliances were black or white porcelain retro pieces. The cupboards were very old farm cupboards with a huge porcelain sink. The countertops were all granite, white with swirls of gray and rust, giving it an old charm as well. There was a huge island in the center with all the pots hanging from the ceiling. I noted that the sink was lower, with no cabinet underneath. The island also looked to be lower than normal with short stools sitting here and there.

Esme smiled. "I'm an interior designer. The kitchen is accessible for Edward. He hasn't lived here in years, but we bought the house when he was in the hospital in '91. What wasn't suitable for a person using a wheelchair to maneuver, we had renovated to accommodate his needs. I think the kitchen is his favorite room, though. He's tried in vain to learn to cook, but every experiment has bordered on toxic. Yet, he loves to eat and experience different cuisines. He comes home quite often on the weekends." A sad expression crossed her soft features. "I mean, he _used_ to come home often; he hasn't been here since the accident in October." She wiped her cheeks and sniffed. "Enough of that, he'll come home again soon."

Wanting to change the subject, I took in more of my surroundings. "I love the country look."

Esme became animated when she started explaining the kitchen. "I'm a farm girl at heart. The cupboards are all antiques— we bought them at a farm auction— as well as the sink. The appliances are all modern; they are just made to look retro. The small appliances— my stand mixer, blender, toaster— are all original retro 1950's pieces. I can't help myself; it's an addiction of mine. I love old appliances."

I was in awe. I pulled out a stool and sat down. I was exhausted from the day I'd had. In all honestly, I really _didn't_ feel that well.

"Oh my! Where are my manners! Bella, please, make yourself at home. Would you like something to eat? A sandwich? Soup?"

I just shook my head. "I'm sorry, I'm really not all that hungry." I'd lost my appetite at the hospital. I hope someone fed Edward the burritos I'd bought for us, although I couldn't remember where I'd dropped them in my haste to get away.

Esme pulled a plate of fruit out of the fridge, along with a bag of cheese cubes she threw on a plate with a sleeve of crackers. She grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and handed me one. A plate of food appeared magically before my eyes.

"Ok, let's talk." She didn't look like she'd take no for an answer, yet I didn't know what to say.

"There's not much to talk about. I met Edward a year ago. When I was a patient this Christmas, we ran into one another in the gym. We began having lunch each day. I thought we were becoming close friends. I got sick three weeks ago and it turned into pneumonia. I've only been allowed back into see Edward for three days." I didn't know if I could share the rest, it was so painful. I took a deep breath before I choked the rest of it out. "He hasn't said a word since I came back. Today he asked me to leave and not come back. He told the nurse to restrict his visitors until further notice. I can't get back in."

I played with the cheese on my plate, refusing to meet her eyes, lest I fall apart again. I'd been on an emotional rollercoaster since I met Edward, yet today I was at an all time low.

"Do you _want_ to continue to visit him?"

"I want to visit the person I spent time with a few weeks ago, not the one who has ignored me for three days and then kicked me out."

"Bella, if I know my nephew, he's berating himself right now for his poor behavior. His life hasn't been easy, not that that is _any_ excuse, but, please don't give up on him. He's been so unhappy, for years, and the last few weeks, he's been a different person. He talks about you constantly. I'm not certain what's going on in that head of his, but Carlisle will find out. "

I sighed. I wasn't sure what else there was that I could say or do to make things better.

"How are _you_ feeling, Bella? Carlisle said you were very sick." Esme barely knew me, yet I couldn't miss the concern in her voice.

"I'm feeling much better, physically, although today's outburst has taken a toll on me. I'm sorry, but could you return me to the hospital so I can get a cab home? I should be going. I'm exhausted."

At least I had picked at the food for so long, I'd made a noticeable dent in it; I didn't feel guilty for not finishing. The cheese was very good. I'm not sure what it was, but it had a mild smoky flavor. And the fruit was so juicy. After all the crying, it felt good to my throat. I suppose I _was_ hungry. I stood and carried the plate over and set it on the edge of the sink.

"Nonsense, I'll drive you home."

Esme helped me into my coat and escorted me to the car. I gave her my address, and sank into the seat, watching the scenery go by in a blur. I felt the car come to a stop, and Esme shook me gently. "Bella? We're here. Wake up, dear." I felt guilty for falling asleep. I was just so tired. Ever since I'd been sick, it took all my energy to get through the day. Today, I'd sapped it all by lunchtime.

I got out and leaned in to thank Esme for lunch and the ride, but she was already standing next to me. "Thank you so much for everything, Esme."

She leaned in close and hugged me. "I'm sorry we didn't meet under better circumstances. Please, don't give up on him. He hasn't been himself since the accident." Almost as an afterthought she added, "Feel better, Bella."

Esme got back into the car, but before pulling away, she lowered the passenger window and reached towards me. "Here's my phone number; if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me."

I took the number and nodded my head. I was at a loss for words. I didn't know how to feel about this woman who had taken me under her wing and tried to make sure I was alright.

I turned and trudged to my apartment. Unlocking my door, I took the few steps to my bedroom and crawled into bed. When I awoke, it was dark and I was terribly hot. I sat up and turned on my bedside lamp. I was still wearing my wool coat, and my shoes were on. I barely remembered the drive home. I'm not sure how I ended up in this condition.

Next to my pillow was a crumpled and tear stained piece of paper. On it was Esme's home and cell numbers, as well as Carlisle's office number. At the very bottom, scribbled as if it were an afterthought, was Edward's name and a cell number. I threw it in the trash can next to my bed.

I was _so_ not going to call Edward Cullen.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirteen

~Alice~

I heard his anguished screams and the crash before I made it to his room. So many images ran through my head as I tried to picture a scenario that could cause him such pain, because there was no doubt in my mind... Edward was in agony.

As soon as I heard the first cries, I broke into a run, narrowly avoiding medicine carts, nurses, patients using walkers... I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way of getting to him.

When I got to his room, I stopped in my tracks. I wasn't sure what to make of the situation in front of me. Edward was lying on his side in bed, with his back to me, but everything from on top of his bedside table littered the floor. The receiver to his hospital phone hung, the cord tangled, from his bedrail. The base to the phone lay on the floor, covered in food. Ruined papers, booklets, and Edward's glasses were there too, amongst the disaster. His cell phone lay in the center of the room. What appeared to be macaroni and cheese and some kind of tomato slop covered nearly everything. The hospital dishes lay in pieces and were chaotically mixed into the mess.

I knew he hated hospital food, but this was taking things too far.

Knowing there was no safe place to step in front of him; I unlocked his bed and rolled it away from the scene of the crime so I could get to him. I took his face in my hands and tried to calm him down. "Edward? Edward, what's wrong? What hurts?" He was shuddering and shaking so much I was certain he'd hurt himself.

He fisted my scrubshirt with both hands and pulled me in as he continued to sob heart wrenching sobs into my stomach. I wrapped my arms around him as best I could and just held him while he broke down. From time to time he muttered broken words. "Heart... Gone... Bella... Tanya... Worthless... " It seemed like forever before he calmed himself.

He hiccupped and gulped air as he tried to calm himself. I looked down at his face- my pretty boy cousin was a blubbering, snotty mess. I pulled some tissues from the nightstand and wiped his face. Without warning, he pulled my hand to his nose and blew loudly. _Well, that was pretty disgusting- thanks, Edward. _

His eyes were bloodshot and his face was covered in blotches. From time to time he sniffed, but he had quieted sufficiently, and I tried again to find out what had happened. I'd never seen him so upset; I knew something was terribly wrong.

"Hey, Buddy, calm down... take some deep breaths." He closed his eyes and continued to clutch my shirt. I sat on the very edge of his bed, rubbing his shoulder while I waited. He was quiet for a long time.

He pushed away from me and looked up at my face, before he muttered, "I don't know where to begin."

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" He nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"My friend Bella... we were... I really like her... a lot. She's the first woman I've had feelings for since... well, you know." His breath hitched and he scrubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands.

I was still trying to piece everything else he'd said together and was coming up blank. "May I ask what Bella and _Tanya_ are doing in the same sentence? Do they know one another? Is this _her_ fault? Did _she _talk to your Bella?""

He was shaking his head... "No, no, nothing like that. They don't know anything about each other."

"So back to Bella. Does _she_ know how you feel about her?" I felt like I had to drag the information out of him. "How does she feel about you?"

"Nooooooo!" he wailed. "She probably hates me!"

"Why would she _hate_ you, Edward? That's ridiculous. I don't think _anyone_ could hate you."

"But she has to; I threw her out." He made that horrible snotting noise again.

I must have misunderstood. "You did _what_? Why on God's green earth would you do _that_?"

"She was getting too close to me. I panicked. I knew she'd leave as soon as she found out."

"As soon as she found out _what,_ Edward?" I was completely baffled.

"When she found out why Tanya left, she'd have left too. I couldn't handle that kind of rejection again."

"So let me get this right... you hurt her before she could hurt you?"

"Yessss..." He was tugging his hair so roughly _my_ scalp hurt.

"So before you got your heart broken again, you decided to take it upon yourself to just tell this girl, the one who has been spending every one of her lunch breaks with you, that you want nothing to do with her and she should just hit the bricks?"

"I said I didn't want her. Then I had the nurse restrict my visitors to family only."

"Well, let's start to fix this by calling the nurse and telling her to lift the ban on your visitors. Bella will never know. Then..."

Silent tears coursed down his cheeks. "She knows— I said it in front of her. She'll _never_ come back. I was so rotten. I _hate_ myself. My heart is black. I don't want to taint her. If I can save her from what I am, then it's worth it, I guess."

"_What,_ exactly, is it that you're saving her from, Edward?"

"I was going to ask her out. I decided I'd like to see her exclusively."

I must have missed _something_ important, because I didn't understand... at all. "And the problem is...?"

"I can't date her. I'm not good for anyone. Especially not someone like Bella. She's good, so innocent and kind. In the end, she'd leave too. I don't want to hurt her. It's better this way. No matter how much it hurts."

"Are you telling me you know Bella will leave because _Tanya _left you? What in the world would give you that idea? Tanya was so young and immature; she had no clue what she was getting into. There's no comparison between the two. You have to know that."

"No, it has nothing to do with either of them; it has to do with me."

"With _you?_ You need to help me out here; Edward, I'm drawing a blank."

"Do you know _why_ Tanya left?" he whispered.

I couldn't help smirking; I couldn't stand her. "Because she was a spoiled brat?"

He sighed loudly, "Augh, _no, Alice_, she left because I couldn't love her anymore." I must have looked at him funny. He rolled his eyes, "Alice, Little Eddie is broken. She couldn't stand the thought of living a loveless life, so she moved on to someone who could give her the affection she deserved."

"So in other words, she _is _a selfish spoiled brat!" Now I was pissed. I never knew all those years ago what happened. I had heard snippets of the story, but never fully understood what was wrong. Of course, I wasn't much older than Edward and my parents would never have disclosed something so personal about my cousin.

I'd been doing some personal care for Edward recently, but I was only permitted to do so much while he was in the hospital, due to liability. I wasn't permitted to use any hospital equipment, other than the controller for the electric bed, and I wasn't permitted to transport him or assist with any lifting. Edward was concerned that I needed to work and I think he was afraid I'd take another job before he was released. No matter how much I denied that, I know he worried about it. Therefore, I was on his payroll and spent a lot of time running personal errands and doing menial things like massages and manicures. Even so, we hadn't yet gotten into many things that weren't directly related to his recovery from this accident.

"Are you _daft_? For such an intelligent guy, you are acting so moronic. First of all, it wouldn't be a _loveless relationship,_ even if you couldn't have sex the traditional way. And second, there _are_ ways. You _do_ realize there are _all kinds_ of creative ways to get an erection now, don't you? Have you ever tried anything like that?"

"No, I know it won't work."

"Have you ever tried... you know, to just get it up on your own? I know that guys with SCI get erections that are reflexive. It happens when _you_ bathe. I've seen it."

He rolled his eyes and sighed like a little kid, "_Yes, Alice_, I've tried on my own. Yes, there are reflexive erections that occur from washing or touching, doing catheter care... but they don't last long enough or... get stiff enough... to _utilize_ them."

"How do you know if you don't _try_? Have you talked to Carlisle about this? Have _you_ looked into it? You're a doctor, Edward; you've got access to all kinds of information."

"I've never investigated the matter. It's too embarrassing. I'm content. I don't need a woman to be a whole person."

"Why would you want to settle with _content_ when you could have so much more? Please don't tell me you're so shallow that you think you need to have a functioning peen to have a love life. Your most sensitive sex organ is the one right between your ears!"

Someone knocked quietly on the door. I opened it to find Esme wearing an expression that frightened me. "I'd like to speak with my son, Alice."

"Sure, Esme, come in. We were just waiting for the dinner trays to come up."

"I think you misunderstand, I'd like to speak with him _alone_. I promise you I won't be long."

I nodded my head and looked at Edward. His expression clearly said _help me? _I shook my head sadly. _You got yourself into this one, buddy._

"I'll go get a coffee. I'll be back in a while. Goodnight, Esme."

"Goodnight, Alice."

As I was walking down the corridor, I heard it begin. "Edward Cullen! What in the world has gotten into you? Are you an idiot?"

I just hung my head and kept walking; I knew this wasn't going to be pretty.

~Esme~

"Edward Cullen! What in the world has gotten into you? Are you an idiot?" He opened his mouth to speak and I said, "Never mind, don't even answer that."

I could see it on his face— the remorse, the devastation. I just couldn't understand. _Why_ had he done it?

"Why, Edward? _Why_?"

"Because I want to protect her. I care about her."

"Let me see if I understand this correctly... you _care _about her, so you stomped all over her feelings and threw her away like a piece of trash?"

"I want her to have a normal life. Have all the experiences I can't share with her, all the ones I never had. That's not possible if we get any closer. One day she'll realize what I am, and what she's sacrificing to be with me, and she'll run screaming. I can't handle that kind of rejection again."

I saw firsthand what he had gone through at the hands of a young woman, and I knew why she said she did it, but what I couldn't wrap my head around, was the fact that he actually had the nerve to compare Bella to the little trollop that had hurt him so deeply. I had only spent a short amount of time with Bella, but from what both Edward and Carlisle had told me, she was a nice young lady. She was _nothing_ like Tanya.

"I'm not going to sit here and belittle you or try to make you feel worse. It looks like you've already accomplished that on your own."

He sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve, but didn't even raise his eyes to meet mine.

"Edward, son, look at me. Please."

He looked up at me and my heart broke for him. His eyes were pleading with me... to do what? I couldn't make this better. _I_ couldn't fix it. If this was reparable, _he_ was the only person who could fix it.

"Do you _like_ her?"

His lips turned up into a tiny smile. "Yes."

"Are you in love with her?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I _think_ so."

"And you sent her away because you think she'll treat you like Tanya did?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to stay out of pity or some misguided obligation. She's _not_ like Tanya and she _would _stay out of obligation."

"So this is about sex?"

"I can't share that with her. If she's with me, she'll never have children. That would be tragic. She's an elementary school teacher— I know she loves children."

"How do you even know she _wants _children? And what if she does? She _could_ adopt."

"_That's_ not good enough."

"_Not good enough for whom? _It was good enough for _me_. I love you just as much as I'd have ever loved my own child. You are my world, Edward. You are my son, just as surely as if I'd carried you for nine months."

"And you've always made me feel that way. I've never felt unloved by either of you; you're the best set of parents I could have ever asked for."

His heartfelt words made my heart squeeze, although he'd alluded to it before, hearing him say it helped erase the feeling I'd always had that we'd never be enough… not enough to fill the gaping hole that losing his parents had left behind.

"As for the sex... if Carlisle could no longer give me intercourse, it would be okay, because we are intimate in so many other ways. That is such a small part of sexual intimacy. We constantly share little touches. He rubs my neck, I touch his hand. We kiss, we nuzzle. We have hushed conversations in our own little world. I would miss those intimate gestures so much more than the act itself. Half the fun of making out is exploring one another's bodies.

"Tell me something: do you think I could turn my back on your uncle, or stop loving him, if he could no longer get an erection- if we could no longer share intercourse?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not. You love him. _Everyone_ knows that."

"I love sex, but only with Carlisle. Do you think I'd be unfaithful if he could no longer give that to me?"

"No, I never said anything of the sort."

"But, you doubt Bella. You say you care about her, you want to protect her from things you have _no control _over, yet you are the first one to doubt her sincerity. If you care about her the way you say you do, you need to allow her to decide if this is what she wants. You can't just make important decisions like this _for_ her."

"I haven't been fair to her at all... have I?"

"Do you have any idea how I've spent the last two hours?" He looked to the floor and shook his head.

"I've spent the past two hours consoling Bella. She sobbed until she made herself sick. So sick, in fact, that she couldn't even return to work." His face jerked in my direction.

"So you see, son, you may think that you are protecting her from getting hurt in your world, but you've already hurt her so badly. I can only imagine how deeply Tanya hurt you, and you may think this could never compare, but that Bella is a broken girl now and you are responsible for that. She's a lovely girl, and I can't tell you how disappointed I am with your actions, Edward.

"I think you need to get a hold of yourself; it seems like your emotions are all over the place. You keep saying you are concerned about Bella, and you want to protect her, but I'm more concerned that you've pushed her away more out of fear of rejection. If you're ever hope to reconcile this with Bella, I think you need to get a handle on your feelings."

"I'm just so confused. Bella is the first woman who has given me hope that there might be someone out there for me. Everyone I know is in a relationship but me. I'm just so afraid of putting myself out there, only to be rejected again. When I really wanted to get closer to her, I panicked and pushed her away, instead."

His lip quivered, and it took me back to a time when my sister was alive and his life was so much less complicated. "Do you think she'll ever be able to forgive me, Esme?"

"I don't know, son. Only Bella can answer that question, and right now, I doubt even she knows."

He held his head with his hands. "I've ruined everything."

I kissed his forehead. "You'll have to find a way to fix it."

He frowned. "I have no idea where to begin."

"I gave her all of our phone numbers, in case she needed anything. She seemed so frail. Vulnerable." I smiled as I walked away from him. "I may or may not have given her your cell number, as well."

"Thanks, Mom." I knew he regretted what he'd done, and I would never understand why, but I wasn't going to make this easy on him. He pulled the _mom card_ when he was trying to get to me. _So_ not gonna work this time. I was determined that he would find a way to grow from this. He'd never move forward until he did.

"Goodnight, son."

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: ****The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fourteen

~Edward~

Twenty-nine days.

Twenty nine days since I'd seen her.

Twenty-nine days since I'd sent her away, and broken her. She was broken... because of me.

During my twenty-nine days in purgatory, life on the rehab floor went on, business as usual. Those first few days, I refused to go to rehab, and in the end, Emmett came to my room, threatening to kick my butt if I didn't shape up. Apparently, when a rehab patient comes to a point where they stop progressing, insurance mandates they be sent home. At least that was how my insurance was set up. It was a brutal wake up call. Zafrina, the hospital social worker, called Emmett and explained that I'd have to go home if I was no longer improving. When he explained that I'd hit a... stumbling block... she explained to him that he needed to convince me to get back in that gym.

Maggie had just finished with my bath and repositioning. I'd had my hair washed and was feeling somewhat self conscious. My hair had been thinning in the back; whether it be from the massive doses of anesthesia, or lying in bed for so long, they weren't sure. After she towel dried it, she bunched the towel quickly and tried to hide it in the laundry bin. I was alarmed when I saw the reddish strands peeking out of the wadded terry cloth.

"Mags— how bad is it?" She avoided looking at me and mumbled that she'd seen worse. I'd always had a thick head of hair and I wasn't a vain man, but suddenly I felt an overwhelming sadness.

"Show me?" When she opened the towel, I was surprised to hear the sharp intake of air that passed my lips. There was hair... a lot of hair. I reached back and felt more wrinkled scalp than anything else. I'd spent a lifetime struggling to get my hair to co-operate. More often than not, I was frustrated and just gave up, not caring if it lay in a chaotic mess or not, yet when I was faced with losing it— I mourned. It was yet another part of my body that I had no control over. I knew, in time that it would grow back, but that didn't make me feel better or remove the gray cloud that hung over me.

"Would you like something to cover it with, a ball cap perhaps?" Maggie immediately attempted to fix the situation. _Did I?_ I decided right then, that instead of moping around or trying to hide it, I was going to be proactive and hope for the best. My hair hadn't been cut since October. That was five months ago. Five missed haircuts. The first order of business was getting a haircut.

"No, Maggie, leave it. I'm going to ask Alice to go get a set of clippers, and I'm going to have her cut it. No one sees the back of my head right now anyway; perhaps by the time I'm sitting up, it will have grown back out."

"I think that's a great idea. It will feel so much better, too. I don't think I've ever seen your hair this long or unruly before." One thing was for certain, Maggie, like my parents, had seen it all. She was right; it was most definitely out of control.

"No, me either."

Alice arrived a half hour after I'd called her with a bag from a nearby department store. She reached in and I expected her to pull out a box with the clipper in it, but instead it was a magazine full of men's haircuts. We went through and looked at the ones that were very short. I would have left her just buzz it off short, but she'd have no part of that.

We finally decided on a haircut that was very short in back and on the sides, but it was longer on the top. Alice felt she could use that to her advantage and when it was all clipped short, that the top would hang down over and camouflage my ever growing bald spot.

She stood with a hand on her hip. "You know this is only temporary, right?" It sounded very much like a challenge of some sort.

"Yeah, just feeling a little sorry for myself. I'm sure I'll be good as new once you give me a makeover."

"That's the spirit! Let's get it over with— you'll feel so much better when we're done."

Alice spread a towel over my pillow and rolled me on my side. She trimmed with scissors first, and then I heard the hum of the clippers. Three or four passes and she called Maggie to help turn me. Once the other side was clipped, they rolled me onto my back and Alice put the towel over my chest. I closed my eyes while she worked with the scissors around my face. When she stopped, I heard her skip across the room. I felt her brush over my face with something soft; the little hairs that had been tickling my nose were, thankfully, gone.

Even though I promised myself I wasn't going to let it get to me, I couldn't seem to help myself.

"Okay, op-en!"

Alice's sing-song voice was too much when I felt like moping. It wasn't conducive to my sour mood. I could picture the excited expression on her face before I even opened my eyes. She didn't disappoint. As soon as I opened my eyes the mirror was thrust in my face. I hardly recognized the guy looking back at me. I'd seen myself lately, and I'd looked sort of scraggly. A little rough around the edges. Now, I almost looked... younger. I wasn't sure how that was possible. I was afraid that when I looked into that mirror I'd be overwhelmed with sadness, but it surprised me that I was actually pleased with my appearance.

"How is the back?"

Alice smiled; she was trying to be encouraging. "Umm, it's not _bad_. It's... well... I clipped it very short. The top layer falls down over a good part of it. You realize that once you're able to sit up, you'll begin to get new growth. Have you ever seen a baby before it is able to roll or crawl? The very back of their heads, the part that rests on the mattress, is bald. Once they are up on all fours, hair grows in very quickly."

"I didn't think about it that way."

"I don't think it's your meds, or the anesthesia. If it were, the hair loss would be from everywhere. This is only from the area that lies on your pillow."

"I'm surprised it looks so good. I didn't really expect it to look like this. Thanks, Alice."

She ruffled my hair and laughed. "You're welcome. I think it looks great!"

~*Impact*~

Rehab with Emmett, and occasionally (but thankfully, not often) with Olga, was rough. Somehow— I assumed Alice— Em found out about my interest in the adorable Miss Swan and my idiotic attempt to protect her from my world. His solution for getting my mind off my troubles was physical exertion, and lots of it. In no time, my hands and fingers were back to their pre-accident condition and my arms were getting stronger by the day. For twelve days, I worked with giant rubber bands that were tied to various parts of the gurney. I pulled at them from different angles. The different colors indicated the strength of resistance each rubber band was capable of.

After I had used the rubber bands for nearly two weeks, Emmett had me using this reverse pulley system he'd invented. There were pulleys installed right on the gurney I laid upon. The ropes came down from above and looped through the pulley on my gurney. I could do curls laying flat on my back. I could feel the burn in my shoulders and my arms. It amazed me that I could feel myself getting stronger by the day. The goal was to get my shoulders toned so that I would be able to propel myself in the manual wheelchair once the body cast came off. The workouts left me exhausted. Emmett was brutal. It amazed me that just working my arms could be so strenuous... but it was. Three weeks into 'Operation let's distract Emo-ward' , he added a new exercise to our routine.

Apparently the curls and stretches weren't enough. My newest exercise consisted of using a trapeze bar above my gurney to lift my torso up off the mattress on the gurney. We did this for three days... then... we broke the body cast. It was Emmett's idea, and he took full responsibility.

My regular orthopedist, Carey, had taken a short leave to help his wife get settled in with a new baby. It was one of the residents who were on duty that saw me to assess the damages. Upon inspection, it was determined that my cast had split lengthwise from a stress point caused by the window they had cut out to care for my infected ankle all the way up to my armpit. Someone, apparently, had called Carey at home and, as the cast was being cut off my body, he rushed into the treatment room.

"I want an xray of the pelvis and also the ball and socket joint of his left hip." Ever so gently I was removed from the body cast and returned to the gurney. A portable xray machine was wheeled into the room and the necessary films were exposed. I lay there for more than a half hour waiting for someone to return. Just as I felt myself drifting off, Carey returned. "I'm sorry Edward, I had to consult with someone over these films. I didn't want to say anything until I had a second opinion. How would you feel about something different? You must be getting bored with all this."

"What do you mean, _something different_? What did you have in mind?"

"I just thought you'd like to shed the body cast for something a little less _constricting_. Look at this!"

He pushed my gurney over to the wall where a light box hung. He flipped the switch and it came to life. He pushed a film under the clips and there it was, my pelvis, full of plates and pins, but the break that had been there so obviously even a few weeks ago, was barely noticeable.

"It's healed." I said it more to myself than anyone else, but he heard me and clapped me on the shoulder.

"Yes, it is, son. I'm sorry, you'll still have long leg casts; as you know, the damage was much worse in your tibia and fibula. Your lower legs were badly crushed, but they are improving." And then, almost excitedly, he added, "Have you seen the films?"

I hadn't. I shook my head, slightly. "Would you like to? I have the films from the night of your accident."

_Did I really want to go there?_ I'd come so far, physically, mentally... Morbid curiosity won out and I nodded. I couldn't find my voice. As he reached up and took down the film of my pelvis and then reached into another envelope for the films from the accident, I could feel my heart begin to pound.

When I looked up, there it was. I could see the ghost-like outline of my leg. Inside that shadow were fragments of solid matter. My bones. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle that had been dumped from a box, my bones lay there waiting for some expert to pieces them together into some semblance of their former selves. Carey had been that expert.

Before I could stop it, I retched, and breakfast covered me.

Carey reached over and flipped the switch on the light box, effectively eliminating the proof of my worst nightmare.

He motioned with his hands and a nurse came in, took one look at me and did an about face. She returned with a trashcan and a box of baby wipes. The blanket covering me was rolled up and discarded. It was immediately covered by another. My face, hands, and chest were wiped clean. The girl was efficient and had come and gone before I even had a chance to thank her.

"Are you alright, man? I was going to show you the after shots, but I don't know if you can handle more excitement."

"Please. I'm alright. It was a shock; I mean I know Bob Harrison felt it was unrealistic to attempt saving them, but I never saw the films."

"You're a miracle, Edward. The fact that you didn't bleed out before you even got here is a miracle in itself. I came into the reconstruction a little late. I was on the B team–- you know, the relief team for the docs who got too tired. When Harrison was removed, I was brought in. Wells had already transplanted the cadaver arteries. Most of the bleeding had been staunched. I believe you had over a dozen units of blood. They weren't even typing it. Luck was on your side; your blood type is the universal recipient, but I'm sure you know that. They were able to just hook up a bag up as soon as the previous one emptied. Any other blood type and you would have died. They didn't have enough of any one type in supply."

I knew I'd received a lot of blood, but I had no idea how much or to what extent the hospital had depleted its supply to help me. It was as if he could read my mind. "They brought in additional blood from the Red Cross. They truly spared nothing to save your life, son. You're a bright and shining star here at Harborview. I wonder if you realize how much you mean to everyone."

My throat was so dry I couldn't swallow, let alone speak. I could have cried, but thankfully, I didn't. I would have been embarrassed to show such weakness, but truth be told, I was incredibly overwhelmed. These people were like family and that was how they had cared for me. I smiled a weak smile, letting him know I was alright.

"Would you like to see how they look now?" I could do nothing more than nod. So that's what I did.

He removed the films from the night of the accident and replaced it with ones from today. He flipped the switch and the box came to life again. I was amazed. Most noticeable was the long rod that ran from my knee to my ankle on each leg. Around that rod, I could see all the bone fragments pieced together in perfection. Screws were scattered across the negative, each bone fragment tied into the rod. My legs were perfectly constructed jigsaw puzzles, and I had this man to thank.

"Wow, nice work, doctor. You did an incredible job. I didn't give you much to work with, did I?"

"You gave me just enough, Edward, and thank you, but it was my pleasure. You are definitely the highlight of my career as an orthopedic surgeon. If I could put you back together, I know I can do anything."

I snorted, suddenly thinking to myself that I'd be one noisy SOB going through security at the airport from now on. "I feel like Humpty Dumpty."

He laughed. "That's a fitting analogy." He paused, as if in thought. "So I was thinking long leg casts would be appropriate today. What do you think? Sound good?"

I thought of the freedom. Free of constriction, freedom from the bed that had been my personal hell for 4 months. I was apprehensive. Was I ready to leave my protective shell behind? I should be doing cartwheels, but I was hesitant.

"Are you sure... am I ready?"

"You won't fall apart. You'll be a little ouchy for a few days. Did you know I had to do a total hip replacement? The ball was broken from the neck of your left femur."

I didn't know that. I think I was in shock; I just shook my head.

"You'll want to take it easy. Work those hips carefully, don't let anyone force it. That is my only concern. Other than that you'll be fine. You'll be stiff for a while, but I imagine it'll feel great to move around more. You've got some osteoporosis, but much less than I expected for someone who's not been ambulatory for so long. Do you do a lot of weight bearing?"

I smiled; my Permobile chair was my pride and joy for so many reasons, but now I had another reason to add to the list. "I have a Permobile c500- it's a stander. I spend much of my day over at the stem cell lab, so I'm on my feet a lot. I did standing pivots before the accident as well. I'm not sure if there will be a lot of changes, now."

Carey scratched his head before he smiled. "There really shouldn't be many changes, once they are healed, and you have proper rehabilitation, you should be able to recover everything you had before. You'll have to work to regain the muscle tone, but I've got faith in you. That and I know a lot of people who will kick your ass if you start slacking. They expect you to work harder than any patient here. When you needed them, they didn't hesitate to give your case 100%."

"I understand. I won't disappoint you, any of you. I promise."

"I know you won't, son."

"Tell Emmett to quit experimenting. Not so adventurous with these casts, ok? I want you to start doing adductors and abductors. _Gently._ Slow and steady... hips pulled out to the side and pushed back to the center. That's all. In a few days, as soon as you feel up to it, begin working on core training. Sit ups are your friend, Edward. You can't do much else, but right now, you'd topple out of your chair, without support. You're top heavy and your core is weak. I'll have them order a harness for your wheelchair. You may begin using the wheelchair as soon as you feel up to it. I'll send a memo to the rehab department for Emmett."

"Thank you, I'm sort of excited to be moving forward. I was just afraid I wasn't ready yet."

"You're ready. Just pace yourself. I've got to get going. I'll let the residents put your casts on and I'll see you in six weeks."

I suddenly remembered why he hadn't been here when I'd come in. "Congratulations on your new daughter."

"Thank you, Edward. I'll bring pictures next time."

"I'll look forward to seeing them. Please congratulate your wife, as well. I'm sure you're proud of both of them."

His smile was huge as he made his way through the door. "I am. Take care, Edward."

The next few days went by in a whirlwind. I had called her on Valentine's Day. I wasn't aware of the date until after I left the message. _Fool—_ s_he probably thinks you called today on purpose. _If she did, she never let on. She didn't call me back on that day, either. When she did call back, she made sure I knew right away that her time was limited.

We didn't talk long that day, but it opened the door, and once I had my foot in the door, I had no intention of letting it slam shut in my face.

I'd do whatever I needed to in order to repair my friendship with Bella Swan.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifteen

~Edward~

_**March 2008**_

I meant what I said when I vowed to do whatever it took to improve my relationship with Bella. I realized quickly, thanks to my mother and Alice that I had screwed up… royally. It was just… when I realized where things _seemed_ to be heading with Bella, I panicked.

I'd only ever been involved in one serious relationship, and that had been with Tanya. I came to rely on her heavily after the accident— she told me she'd be there for me, and for months, she was. She'd seen me at my worst after the accident, and I was shocked every time that she came to visit. After a while, I came to believe that she _would_ be there with me through all of this, that she was committed to make our relationship work, despite my disability.

Yes, I _was_ naïve, but I _was_ eighteen.

At eighteen, when you're in the shape I was in, if someone told you forever, you clung to the belief— that it was true, because if it wasn't, there was nothing left to hope for. It was months later, when reality came and brutally slapped me in the face and Tanya's true colors were revealed.

When I first became paralyzed, there were so many concerns, so many new things occurring with my body. Tanya had been by my side— attempting to comfort me as I ached for my parents, and cheering me on when I made small strides in rehab. It was like having my own personal cheering section. She was wonderful, positive, uplifting and motivating, and for her... I would work my ass off. Maybe if I worked hard enough, I could be a whole person again. Well... whole enough for her.

Tanya was my world.

After Mom and Dad were gone, it felt like she was all I had left. I mean, I had Carlisle and Esme too, but at eighteen I figured they were here for me out of obligation more than anything. Come on, what couple- young and attractive without the burden of a family wanted to be hampered with a teenage nephew who required around the clock care?

I never realized at the time what dedication, and love, and caring meant. I learned these things from my aunt and uncle, I only wish I had realized sooner and been more appreciative of their sacrifices to ensure I had the things I needed to live up to my full potential.

While I was wrapping up my time at the Johnson Institute in Vancouver, Carlisle came to visit. The expression on his face and his broken demeanor told me something was wrong. So very wrong. As gently as he could, Carlisle broke the news to me that he had made the decision to sell my parents' home, as well as the home he and Esme shared, in order to buy a home that could be made accessible in Seattle.

They wanted to be able to take possession of the new house as soon as possible so the proper modifications could be done before I was discharged from the rehab facility. While I was devastated to be losing what felt like another part of my identity, I was now beginning to understand the reality of my circumstances.

I could never live in a two story home comfortably, without major renovations. There wasn't time, nor was there money for that. Carlisle wanted me to be close to Seattle. I had already had more than one episode where I was forced to go back to the hospital, while residing at rehab.

Tanya came to visit the weekend after Carlisle gave me the devastating news. She was always my sunshine, a bright and shining star in all of this overwhelming sadness.

**1991**

_She had just begun her senior year at Forks High, and her frequent hospital visits over the summer had been curtailed in lieu of completing homework, applying for college and practicing her cheers for the Forks high football team. _

_I was still glum from the prospect of never setting foot in my home again... until she bounced in, wearing her skimpy Forks High cheer uniform. If she was here to bring me cheer- she did a great job. My pity party came to an end when I took in her appearance. The skirt was so short - her legs so seemingly long; it was as if they went on forever. The barely there tee, a tiny replica of the team's jersey, left little to the imagination… not that I hadn't seen what little it covered before. A tiny sapphire 'F' dangled from a gold hoop in her navel. The charm was my gift to her, when she made the Forks cheerleading squad her sophomore year._

_Tanya came in and sat on the edge of my bed, smothering my face with kisses. Of all the things I'd lost, my heart swelled with love at the knowledge that I at least had my girl. "I missed you so much baby." She smooched me again as I gripped her waist with the hand closest to her. She pulled the blankets back and looked me up and down. Normally such close scrutiny would embarrass me, but Tanya had seen my soul in its barest form and my body... she'd worshipped my body with everything she had... on many occasions. My girl was very passionate. I missed her in so many ways._

_"Oh, Edward, I can't wait till you're all better. I miss you sooooooo much." _

Oh baby, I miss you too. I'll miss what we had for the rest of our lives_. I knew my parents didn't approve of the physical relationship I shared with Tanya; they felt we were too young to be so involved with one another. While I had been embarrassed at the time— after the accident, knowing I might never experience anything like that again, I felt fortunate that we'd made the decision to share with one another so passionately and at such a young age. Maybe it was God's way of making up for what he had taken away from us. _

_I cried when they told me I might never be hard for her again, that I would have to learn new ways to show my girl how much I loved her. My eyes fell on the book that lay on my windowsill. I didn't know how I was going to talk to Tanya. _

_Before I could think of the words, her tiny hand had snaked its way up under my hospital gown. "Edward, when are they going to take this thing out of Little Eddie?" She fingered my catheter tube like it was the normal thing to do. "When will you be better so you can come home? I miss you." Normally when she whined like that it had a sexual connotation to it. Did she not realize the consequences of my accident? _

_"Tan, we're... _I'm_ not coming home. They put the house on the market this week. I have no idea when _or if_ I'll be better. Baby, I'm paralyzed."_

_She put her hands on her hips and it fleetingly crossed my mind that the gesture would look complete if she had her pom-poms. "Edward, I know you're hurt now, but your feeling is coming back, you said so yourself. I heard Carlisle talking to someone in the hallway when I came in, they were talking about us. I knew we'd be ok."_

_I pinched the bridge of my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut. How was I ever going to explain to her that things might never be the same between us? Might? HAH!_ Nothing_ in my life would ever be the same. Did she really want to go along for the ride? My life was once a highway, smooth sailing endlessly in sight, now the road was marred with potholes. It was going to be a bumpy ride, and anyone who chose to accompany me better hang on for dear life._

_"Tan, I want you to take that book home with you." I pointed to the sex manual for gimps that my rehab counselor had just given me. She said there was so much for me to learn. I was young and while things were so up in the air now, it wouldn't be long and I'd feel more like my old adventurous self. One day I would want to have a sexual relationship with someone and there was no reason I could not- with proper planning._

_Planning... I was eighteen,_ spontaneity_ was my middle name. I never planned, other than having a supply of condoms in my backpack and a blanket in the back of my Volvo wagon. Ironic, Dad joked about the old station wagon being a great form of birth control. If he only knew how much time we'd spent in the back of his old car. When they'd given it to me, I despised it. I wanted something new and flashier... now... it hurt to think I'd never drive her again._

_When I'd read that book, my hopes plummeted. I read about guys folding their cath hose back along their dick so they could have sex. Ew- Tanya would find that repulsive. I read about men who had reflex erections, but couldn't rise and shine when they wanted to. And I learned about ones who had to use a pump or have something surgically implanted. I didn't know how I'd ever have a normal relationship again._

_Tanya was always the adventurous one- I didn't know how else to even broach the subject with her, other than to ask her to read it. I had no way of knowing what life would be like when I left the hospital. I had no idea _when_ I'd leave the hospital. Everything was so uncertain. The one thing I could count on right now was the support of my girl- of that I could be certain. _

After thinking back to that time in 1991, and then considering the possibilities of a relationship with Bella, I realized how unfair I had been to Bella, and myself.

There was such a difference, the two women were worlds apart.

Tanya was young, and naive. At the time, I'm certain she meant every word. She saw me improve through each stage of recovery. That first night she came to me in the ICU, I was on a ventilator. My body was swollen, bruised, broken. They didn't know if I'd live or die. She watched as I clung to life, and eventually crawled out of the depths of hell. Of course she would think I was just going to miraculously get better. My entire recovery was nothing short of a miracle.

When I moved to Vancouver, to the Johnson Institute, she had seen me up in the harness as they worked my legs, hoping to restore the neural pathways that would allow me to walk again.

Slowly but surely she had watched the life supporting equipment fall away, and it was only natural for her eighteen year old mind to assume I'd continue to get better.

I don't think she was truly prepared for the gravity of my situation and could have never comprehended what her life would entail until she was left alone with me, totally responsible, that fateful weekend.

Bella… Bella deserved better than what I had given her, my behavior with her had been reprehensible, and I could only hope she'd forgive me for allowing my worst fears to drive a wedge between us.

Bella was much older, she knew what she was getting into, and _I_ was a completely different person from that 18 year old helpless boy Tanya thought she loved. I don't think either Tanya or I really understood the concept of love or commitment back then.

Bella had an understanding of what I dealt with on a daily basis, perhaps not to the extent that I did, but on some level she understood what my life was like.

Bella had the benefit of maturity that Tanya hadn't yet experienced. Bella had been in several relationships as an adult. Bella had been through college and had lived life. She had worked for her accomplishments, no one had handed everything to her on a silver platter. Bella also had the opportunity to live and interact in my world, with people as profoundly disabled as I was. She willingly entered into a friendship with me and had never treated me like someone that needed to _get better._

Bella deserved the chance to share a relationship with me, a relationship minus the drama that had raised it's ugly head, because I allowed the eighteen year old boy that still lived somewhere inside of me to panic, and push her away.

She never expressed a desire for anything more than friendship, and thinking back she had been hesitant in the beginning. Over the first few weeks, we'd fallen into an easy camaraderie, and it was that easy evolution of our relationship that had caused me to dare glimpse at a possible future with her.

A future that scared the hell out of me.

Given this chance to redeem myself, I realized that what ever Bella was willing to share with me, would be worth the effort. If our friendship was permitted to progress naturally, perhaps we could slowly explore something more.

I could only hope in time she'd forgive me.

Yes, I'd do whatever I had to in order to repair what I'd damaged. The twenty nine days without her had been hell.

~Bella~

After Edward had pushed me away, I tried to be understanding even though I was hurting something terrible. Esme and Carlisle did everything they could to reassure me that Edward was in some sort of a funk and nothing I said or did would change things. They assured me that he would come around in time, but, if I wanted to have any type of relationship with him, I would learn that sometimes he just had to have the space to work things out in his head. I hadn't seen him since that horrible day, over a month ago, when he pushed me out of his room... and his life.

I'd never really been in a serious relationship, and this 'I'm hurting you for your own good' stuff just made no sense to me... at all.

The last two weeks had been almost too good to be true and I almost wondered when the bubble would burst.

Two weeks ago, Edward called my cell phone while I was working and left a message humbly begging my forgiveness and asking me to stop by sometime to talk. I didn't rush to call him immediately. It was Valentine's Day, and whether he chose that day to call on purpose or not, it felt wrong, somehow, to encourage him on the universal holiday for lovers. I was more bah-humbug about this holiday than Scrooge was over Christmas and after all that had happened, I was reluctant to appear too eager. I wanted to tread lightly until I knew him better. A lot better.

The following afternoon, before I fell into my after-work routine of grading papers I gave him a quick call. I almost hoped he would be at rehab and I could get away with just leaving a voice mail. On the third ring, he answered.

"Bella." He sounded so relieved.

"Hey." I wasn't sure what to say to him. "I thought I should return your call. I can't talk long. I have homework to grade and a lesson plan to finish for tomorrow." I decided if I told him right away that I had other commitments, he wouldn't think I was making excuses when I was ready to go. I wanted an out if it became necessary.

"It's ok, I wasn't sure if you'd even return my call. I would have understood if you hadn't."

"You sounded very sincere. It would have rude of me to not return your call."

"Don't bite your lip, Bella. You'll hurt yourself."

_How did he know? _

He chided me often over the nervous habit. Always telling me my lips were too pretty be chapped. I rolled my eyes.

"Smart alec."

"That's me." He chuckled softly, but he sounded nervous too. "I really just wanted the opportunity to apologize for my behavior in person... well if not in person, at least to you directly; it seemed wrong to just leave a message. I really am sorry for how I acted. I hope you can forgive me."

I sighed. "I've already forgiven you, Edward, but you have to understand that I don't deal with stress well. I become physically ill when I get too stressed out. I refuse to allow you to put me in a position like that again."

"I understand; I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Please forgive me, Bella. I'd like to go back to how things were in the beginning. Can we do that?"

I felt myself trying to suppress a growl. Going back to how we were didn't address any of the things that brought us to this point in the first place. "I don't think we _can_ go back there, but I'd be willing to start over with a clean slate. I'd be willing to consider a fresh start so long as you're willing to talk to me instead of pushing me away and hiding things."

"I promise. I'd like that." And so softly I barely heard him, he whispered, "Thank you." It was so reverent that it sounded like a prayer.

He tried to explain why he had shut down. We discussed his self deprecating attitude and the fact that I would not put myself out there if he was going to pull some sort of self-destructive crap every time he was feeling overwhelmed. Because what he pulled was destructive to my well being, too. I reminded him again that stress wasn't my friend and Edward, as a neurologist, should have known that better than anyone. In the end, we called a truce and agreed to allow our friendship to blossom, and nothing more... for now.

I'd talked with Edward numerous times through the next two weeks. While I understood why he did what he did, I wasn't so gullible as to jump right back into the fire. I refused to set myself up for another fall. Edward was a complex creature and while his outgoing demeanor may have been who he was _before_ the car hit him, at some point it occurred to me that this whole situation may have left him feeling like a newly disabled person all over again. He'd had so many years to become adjusted to his situation and now, once again, there were so many new limitations, so many changes to his body that he'd have to adapt to.

It had taken me a while to realize that his extended time in the hospital gave him way too much time to dwell on all the negative points of his situation. He admitted that he was so afraid of rejection that he felt the only solution was to push me away before I discovered how much work a relationship, of any kind, with him could be. It took a long time and some harsh words to make him understand that I didn't see him any differently just because he had special physical needs, other people had issues as well. We all did.

Edward had put the cart in front of the horse when he had his little meltdown in January, and pushed me away. He was so concerned about my future; he feared he'd never be able to give me sex or children, so he pushed me away. We'd never gotten to first base and he had fast tracked all the way to the house and picket fence, minus the 2.5 children that he feared he could never father.

I loved kids. I was a teacher, for heaven's sake, but I didn't know if I could ever keep up with a child. In my physical condition, children were farthest thing from my mind. While I _was _attracted to Edward, we'd only known each other a short time. I had lacked self confidence my entire life. Finding out I had a permanent disability a year ago was a real hit to my self esteem. I needed to learn to love myself before I was ready to love someone else. Even considering children in my future seemed like a million miles down the road for me. Closing that chapter and forgetting about it, for now, was necessary. We needed to learn to be friends.

Slowly, via many late night phone calls, we began to rebuild our friendship in a healthy manner.

I went to the hospital on a Saturday in the beginning of March.

Edward called me the night before my visit and told me to go to fourth floor rehab. He'd been moved to a new room. The call was much shorter than the ones we'd been sharing; he was curt and hung up quickly. I almost wondered if he was having second thoughts about seeing me again.

Something seemed... off.

I was nervous about seeing him again; it had been so long, and this most recent phone call had been strange. I took a deep breath to calm myself as the elevator door closed. I fumbled with the zipper on my purse as I tried unsuccessfully to put my gloves away. Someone got into the elevator on the second floor, and he stood very close to me. As the elevator lurched upwards, I lost my balance and reached for the wall. The man gently grasped my elbow. Almost feeling like my personal space was being violated, I looked up, preparing to set this stranger straight. I found myself looking into the smiling face of Carlisle Cullen.

"Bella, what a pleasant surprise." He still held my elbow as he spoke, and somehow, my space suddenly didn't seem to be so cramped. I don't know that I'd ever met a more pleasant person than Carlisle. I certainly couldn't find it in myself to be rude with him. "Are you here to see Edward?"

His good mood was contagious and I couldn't help but smile. "Yes. It seems like it's been ages since I've seen him."

When Edward was in a good mood, he really lifted my spirits and inspired me. There were so many reasons why he could trudge through life with a chip on his shoulder. Yet, for the most part, he just seemed to be so well adjusted... happy, even now. While I was uncertain what I'd find on the fourth floor, it seemed like the more time we invested in our nightly phone calls, the more I recognized _that _Edward, the one I met all those months ago when_ my_ rollercoaster ride had just begun. I missed that Edward so much.

So, no, I couldn't wait to see him, again.

The elevator was far too slow.

Carlisle gave my elbow a little squeeze. "Enjoy your visit, dear. This is my floor. Perhaps you'd join Esme and me for dinner one evening. We'd love to see you again."

I'd been to the Cullen's home several times while Edward was being so... difficult. Esme was hard to turn down. You just didn't want to tell her no, for fear of offending her. She was just that nice.

"I'd love to. I'm sure we'll talk sometime soon. Have a nice afternoon, Carlisle." He let go of my arm and went to the door of the elevator.

"So long, Bella. Enjoy your time with Edward." He wore an expression that I couldn't quite place. I almost felt, somehow, that the joke was on me.

The door closed on third floor and the old elevator car lurched again as it headed to my destination; I was prepared this time.

Edward's room was very close to the elevator and I found I didn't have to walk very far to find it. I'd been tired quite frequently since I'd had pneumonia. I just didn't feel like I'd bounced back all the way yet. It was a relief to realize that I didn't have to try and find my way through the maze of hallways that made up Harborview Hospital.

When I reached Edward's door, it was almost all the way closed, so I tapped on it and waited; I didn't want to barge in if he was in the middle of something private. "Come in." I noticed as he said it that he sounded so much louder. His voice seemed stronger. Even before I actually saw him, it was evident that Edward was on the mend. I pushed on the door to find Edward sitting in his wheelchair with his back to me, as he looked out over the Seattle skyline.

_Wait! _Sitting_ in his wheelchair. Sitting?_ As realization hit me, I gasped and dropped my purse. I rushed to his side, almost not believing the obvious.

"Edward! It's gone!" I looked down— embarrassed— at my hands that seemingly had gotten a mind of their own. I couldn't seem to make them refrain from patting him down like a common criminal.

He laughed as I hung my head in shame. "Well hello to you, too, Bella."

"I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean to be so grabby."

"It's okay. Don't fret. It's taken everyone who's been in to see me off guard. Although no one else has been quite as enthusiastic about it as you." He continued to chuckle as he reached out to me and took my hand. He turned his chair in my direction while I just stood, gob smacked, staring at him, taking it all in.

He wore a tee shirt that had some snarky comment about handicapped parking on it and a pair of long Bermuda shorts. Long sky blue casts now covered his legs, which were sticking straight out in front of him. "You'll have to excuse me; it's difficult to maneuver with them straight like this, but it's such an improvement."

"I'm just so happy for you. _When? How?_" I suddenly felt bad that I'd missed sharing this milestone with him.

"Actually, just a few days ago. It took almost seventeen weeks, but my pelvis wasn't healing as quickly as it could. They think the fact that I had so much trouble eating and keeping food down had something to do with slowing my progress."

I was still marveling over the sight in front of me. "This is just so awesome! I'll bet you feel so much better."

He chuckled, "You have _no_ _idea_ how liberating this is. I'm still so stiff, but the freedom feels incredible. I thought I'd never see my toes again. Bending... is surreal. I'll never take _anything_ for granted again."

I was amazed at the change in Edward. Losing the weighty cast might have been physically liberating, but it seemed to be emotionally freeing as well. I think Edward finally realized that there was an end in sight. This gave him a tangible milestone.

The conversation remained light-hearted and happy. Happy Edward was a joy to spend time with.

I pulled a chair over right next to where he was sitting and slumped into it. I think I sighed when I was finally off my feet. "How are _you_ feeling, Bella? Bouncing back from the pneumonia?" He suddenly seemed concerned.

"Uh, yeah... I'm okay. I still tire easily. I don't know that I'd say that I've _bounced back_, but I'm improving."

"Sooo... have you spoken with Dr. Jeffries about some of the other drug therapies we discussed?" He playfully nudged my shoulder with his elbow as he chuckled.

I didn't think we'd get to that conversation so quickly. Suddenly my light-hearted mood was gone. "No, _Edward, _I haven't. I'm not ready for that yet." He seemed taken aback by my snappy reply and seemed sad when our eyes met.

Barely above a whisper, he questioned, "Why aren't you ready? What are you waiting for? Are you going to wait till it gets so bad that you can no longer walk?" I shrugged my shoulders; I really had no idea why I was putting it off. "You realize it'll be too late then." It didn't fail to escape me that he wasn't asking, but stating what he knew to be true.

"I'm scared. There's so much to consider. It's a big decision."

He smiled, softly. "It's not _that_ big of a decision, Bella. It's a matter of doing what you have to do. Sometimes our choices are taken away from us. We just have to pick the lesser evil. You have advantages with these therapies that patients didn't have twenty years ago. You're at liberty to choose."

"If I decide I want to explore it, I'll talk to you about it then, okay? Please understand." I didn't want him to think I didn't care about my health, or that I was taking my disease lightly.

"Bella, just please don't wait too long. You can walk, write, dress yourself, feed yourself. Don't take those things for granted. _Some_ _people _don't get to choose. Right now_ you_ can choose whether you want to be walking in five or ten years." When he put it this way, I realized that he was talking about his own situation and just how precious those liberties were.

"I understand."

Apparently trying to lighten the mood, Edward switched gears. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."

I frowned. I didn't really want him to realize just how exhausting even a short walk was for me right now. "Umm, we don't have to. We can hang out here. I know you're trying to make me feel better. It's okay."

"Bella, I want to show you something. Hop on my wheelie bars and hold onto the hand grips. Come on, grab your coat!" I noticed a hoodie had materialized out of nowhere and was now lying across his lap.

I stood and pulled my coat off the back of the chair I'd been sitting in. I started to put it on, but Edward told me to wait. I glanced down at his legs. "Do you need a blanket or something?"

"Nah, come on. The casts keep me warm." His feet had purple non-skid slipper socks stretched over them. Gingerly, I took hold of the hand grips and stepped up onto the wheelie bars. "Hang on, Bella! Here we go." He switched on the electric wheelchair and turned towards the open doorway.

We whizzed down the hallway to the elevator. "Maybe you should get off here and let me back into the elevator. I don't want to hurt you." I stepped down and waited for him to back in and get situated, and then I stepped in behind him, holding on to the handgrips. I didn't like this elevator. He hit the button for the ninth floor and the elevator jerked to life.

"What's on the ninth floor?"

He just shook his head and chuckled. "Not tellin'. You'll see."

We exited the elevator and Edward told me to get my coat on and hop back on the chair. He maneuvered us through a corridor to an exit. "You'll have to open that." he said, pointing to the exit in front of us. I opened the door and bright light filtered in. I stepped aside, holding the door open as I watched Edward carefully maneuver through it. Turning, I looked out into a rooftop garden. It almost reminded me of a secluded meadow. Who knew something so breathtaking existed here? Obviously Edward did.

"Wow. Has this always been here?" I didn't have a clue something like this even existed here.

"Not _always_, but it's been here a while; I think five or six years. Maybe longer. It will be much prettier in a month or two. I just wanted to bring you up here to see the city. I love the fresh air. When I first came to Harborview, three or four years ago, I came up here all the time to relax.

They won't let me go outside, just yet, but Carlisle convinced my attending physician that it would be beneficial for me to be allowed to come up here, accompanied, for short periods of time. It's peaceful."

"Is this here for the patients? Staff?" I asked.

"Well, everyone, I suppose, but see those windows off to your left?" He turned his chair to the left and pointed.

"Stop pointing!" I whispered loudly, as I tried to push his arm down. I could see people sitting in recliners, facing in our direction. Suddenly, I felt self conscious. "Someone will see you!"

He ignored me and kept looking at the window. "That room is where the chemo patients receive their treatments. This whole area was designed with them in mind. That whole floor houses the cancer treatment center; no matter which window you look out of, you have a view of this garden."

There was a large fountain in the middle. I could imagine the soothing sounds it made during warmer weather. All the plants bore delicate buds, just waiting to spring to life. I could picture beautiful plants and flowers in bloom. I could almost hear the birds singing and the sounds of the fountain babbling like a small brook. I'd have to coax Edward into bringing me up here in warmer weather. If he was still here, I don't think it would be a problem to get him to take me back to the garden. It was breathtaking.

I had heard that Harborview practiced a holistic philosophy of healing, but this was over the top. "So they can look out the window while they are getting chemo?"

"Yeah, some of them clock many hours in that room. I'd imagine it's a pleasant distraction compared to the monotony of staring at the walls."

He turned his chair and made his way through the garden pathway. "You can see everything from here." he said as he pointed. "There's Elliot Bay... Puget Sound... Mount Rainier."

"This is simply breathtaking. Thanks for bringing me up here, Edward." He grinned at me like a little boy.

"It's my pleasure, Bella." He shivered as he said it. I could see our breath in the air.

"Come on, let's go back inside. We've both been sick; don't want to tempt fate too much." I really couldn't afford another stay in the hospital.

A deep sigh escaped Edward's lips. "I suppose you're right. I just hate to go back. Coming up here like this with you... well... this is the first time I've been outside since the night of the accident."

The words hung heavy as we zipped back to Edward's fourth floor room. I wasn't sure how I should feel about the fact that he was sharing such a moment with me. We were supposed to be trying out the friendship thing, but this was somehow so much more intimate. I felt all squishy inside, knowing he shared it with me.

When we made it back to his room, I helped him out of his hoodie. It was exciting to see him so much more self sufficient. It depressed me each time I had seen him in the body cast. I knew it had to be uncomfortable and I could only imagine how it affected his self esteem. I knew he had been a very independent person. It made me sad because there was nothing I could do to make it any easier for him.

He motioned to a chair that sat close to his window. "Here, take a load off. Thanks for humoring me. I haven't been to the garden in a few years; I didn't realize how much I had missed it. I'd gotten so busy with everything before the accident that I forgot to just enjoy the things around me. Even barren like this in winter, the garden is beautiful."

I could imagine how it would look when the sun warmed the soil and caused to buds to burst into leaf. "I can't wait until it's warmer. The fountain is beautiful."

The fountain was a huge marble bowl, with a smaller bowl above it. It appeared old, but that seemed odd, if the garden was only a few years old.

"The fountain has some history behind it. It's quite old."

I quirked and eyebrow and tilted my head as I waited for him to elaborate.

"Back at the turn of the century, perhaps earlier, that fountain sat in the hub of the surgical department. It's actually the surgical scrub sink that was used here. The water that flowed was warm. Hands were washed... scrubbed... in the large basin on the bottom and then the clean water continuously flowed from the top for rinsing, so clean hands never touched anything dirty. Now we simply have a foot switch."

"I knew it was old. I had no idea it had been a fixture here for so long."

"It was in storage someplace, but someone had the foresight to hold onto it when the hospital evolved time and again into the facility that it is today." He looked almost smug. He should. It _was _interesting information and... it was a gorgeous antique.

"Speaking of old sinks; I've been to dinner with Carlisle and Esme several times. Their kitchen is to die for." I secretly hoped I'd have the opportunity to cook in that kitchen; it was like a cook's wet dream.

"Oh, yeah, she remodeled the kitchen with me in mind. Unfortunately, my cooking skills did _not_ improve." Esme had explained that eating something Edward cooked could quite possibly send me to the emergency room. I hoped she was exaggerating when she said it… maybe not.

"She told me they moved here to Seattle when you had the accident. They seem to be dedicated parents." I knew now that they weren't _really_ his parents, but I understood that it didn't really matter that Esme didn't carry Edward in her own belly, nor did it matter that he wasn't borne of Carlisle's seed. Their family dynamic transcended the norm.

"When I lost my parents, they stepped up to the plate without being asked. They fulfilled all my needs, medically, physically, emotionally. It's a shame really, that they never had their own children. Esme was born to be someone's mother. I feel fortunate that she's mine. While they've never tried to replace what I've lost, I don't know that I'd be here today without them. I owe them everything." There was so much love and dedication behind his words. He truly was fortunate to not only have experienced one incredible set of parents, but to have surrogate parents who stepped in immediately and put his needs first... it just blew me away.

"Can I ask about your accidents? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to." I didn't want to push, but I realized while we were away from each other that a huge part of what had transpired between us did so because of our pasts. We were trying to be friends, and currently that friendship revolved more around our physical conditions than anything else.

"What would you like to know, Bella?" He didn't seem the least bit put off. Edward always seemed so forthcoming. I think it was one of the reasons why he had such a good rapport with patients. The man had quite a reputation for having an awesome bedside manner.

"Was one worse than the other?" I figured if I was going to ask, might as well just jump right in.

"What do you mean? Physically, emotionally?" I wasn't sure how to answer him. What _did_ I mean? They were both traumatic accidents. When I was sitting alone at home, I had a million things running through my mind when it came to Edward. Suddenly, I was at a loss for words.

"Um, in general?" _Way to go, Bella. You're a teacher for crying out loud... Can you be any less specific?_

He didn't seem bothered at all by my inability to respond decisively. "Let's see... there are so many ways I could answer that. For many reasons, the first one was more traumatic; however, the loss of the use of my legs was overshadowed by the loss of my parents.

Adapting to the wheelchair was a huge adjustment. I didn't have a ton of friends here; I was out of school and by the time I went to college I used the chair proficiently. When I got to college, no one had any reason to think I hadn't been disabled for a long time. So there wasn't a lot of attention from my peers.

I'm glad the first accident happened after I graduated high school. My classmates in high school were cruel sometimes if someone was different. I'd have been much more self conscious if I was still a student when it happened. I was very young and I was angry at God for a long time. Not about the disability... my mother was the love of my life and my father was my best friend."

"Healing?"

"Hmm... neurologically, I was in much worse shape the first time. This time, the damage was mostly orthopedic."

"Have you had a lot of pain? I mean, you were paralyzed the first time..."

"There was a lot of pain the first time, and emotional trauma sometimes manifests itself as physical pain, so I'm sure some of that had to do with the big picture. I was hurting much more for my parents. I couldn't even go to their funerals and give them a proper goodbye."

I reached out and took his hand. I didn't think about how sad my questions might make him. "I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to ask such callous questions."

"No, I'm alright. It was a very long time ago. It took a long time, but I'm at peace with it."

He was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke again. "When the car hit me, I felt more pain than I have felt since I first became paralyzed. They say sometimes sudden trauma can cause something like that to happen. My body felt like it was on fire. I'm happy _that_ sensation has since gone away. The nerves weren't completely severed after the first accident; for a while they thought I might walk again. I tried all sorts of experimental procedures, but it just wasn't meant to be. The nerves still fire impulses. I have a certain amount of sensation and some movement— just not enough to walk. I can transfer independently in and out of my chair, or at least I could in October. I can drive, although I don't have a modified vehicle at the time. I have an incredible amount of work ahead of me if I want to be as independent as I was before I got hit."

I couldn't help but wonder what kind of long lasting effect the most recent accident had on Edward's body. "Do you think you'll have a lot of trouble recuperating? When will you know how much mobility you've lost?"

He smiled, wistfully. "When I was out of the body cast my neurosurgeon did several stimulation tests, much like we do with your MS— the tuning fork, the babinski test on the sole of the foot... I was responsive to stimuli. I still have sensation. I have very little movement, but my legs have been immobilized in the same position for months. I could easily require physical therapy for a year or more. I want my life back, Bella; I'll do anything I have to in order to regain everything I possibly can."

"Do you have much physical therapy now? I mean... I saw you in the gym..." I knew he was there for _something_, but I wasn't sure what exactly he would have accomplished in the full body cast.

"When you saw me in the gym, Emmett was working on loosening up my hands and wrists. When I was incoherent for so many weeks, my hands naturally went into a closed position. There were so many other concerns, no one thought about them. When I first started going to the gym my arms had pulled into my body and my hands would barely open. When muscles stay at rest in the same position for a long time, they get contractures, meaning the muscles shorten. I've worked with Emmett and an occupational therapist to regain the use of my hands and fingers. I lift weights; Emmett has a special machine he designed for people on stretchers or wheelchairs. Now that my torso is free, I do core exercises. I need to strengthen my core muscles so I can support my trunk independently. I put in several hours per day in the gym now."

I had noticed he was wearing some type of harness, but I hadn't been sure what it was for; now I understood. He would fall over without it.

"How about you, Bella? When we met, you were going home in a wheelchair. You're walking now. What do _you _do to keep _yourself_ moving?"

I frowned. I loathed PT. "Well, I live in an apartment with a few steps, so it was hard at first with the wheelchair. My place is small; we had to move my bed into the living room because I couldn't get down the hallway to the bedroom. I went to PT daily; my attendant would ride the bus with me. By the time I went back to work, I was walking, not well— but walking none-the-less. I walk every day. I don't drive right now. The DMV took my license. My dad is the Chief of Police in Forks, so there was no way of me slipping past with no one learning about it. He took my truck back to Forks. As for exercise, I get down on the floor before I go to bed and do a bunch of range of motion exercises. I hope the wheelchair stays in the closet."

"So you still live in the place with steps? Have you considered something that is completely accessible? I mean, MS has its ups and downs."

"I just signed a one year lease when I had my first episode. It just went to a month to month commitment this past November. I think once it gets warmer and travel is easier I'll look for another apartment. It's much more comfortable riding the bus in nice weather."

"I know you only went to my support group a few times... " I frowned; _of course_ he knew.

"We support the philosophy of "Concrete Change." They are a group that fights for accessible housing to be built. Housing with at least one no-step entrance, apartments that are accessible. They've been working with a developer in Seattle. They just recently renovated a church into accessible apartments. It's called "the Sanctuary" or something like that. You should check it out. I hear it's really quite classy, and not terribly expensive."

"I've had some interaction with the organization through my involvement with the CIL, but I don't know… "

While I appreciated his concern, I'd feel funny living in a place that was segregated. "Uh... I'd feel funny— living in a _disability community_. People look at me like I'm a criminal if I use my parking placard when I'm out with someone. Just because they can't _see_ anything wrong with me."

"No, Bella, you misunderstand. It's not a _disability community_; it's a housing complex that is accessible for _everyone_. Mother's with strollers and old women with shopping carts benefit from no step entrances just as much as you and me. I'm sure if you wanted to ride over there, Esme would love to drive you. I could ask her... "

I cut him off, "I'll think about it, but really, I want to wait until it's a little warmer to look for a place. Thank you." I quickly turned the conversation around.

"How about you? Where will you go when you leave here? Your aunt Esme said you had to give up your share of the apartment you lived in off campus. Do you have plans?"

"I have no idea what's in store for me. I won't be going home for a while. I'll most likely end up staying with Carlisle and Esme for a while; even though that is the last thing I want. I may enlist the help of my attendant to locate something suitable before I leave rehab." He looked at the floor as he said it, and I felt bad that his life was so uncertain right now. I reached over and squeezed his hand.

"Hey, it won't be that long, eh? You're on the mend." I wanted to be positive, not patronizing.

We were interrupted by a tap on the door. A young girl I recognized from the dietary department stepped into the room carrying a tray that exuded an aroma one could only recognize as hospital fare. It didn't seem to ever matter _what_ it was, it all smelled the same. She sat it on his bedside table and lifted the lid with a flourish. I half expected her to say "ta-da!".

Edward groaned. "Jane. Please cover that." He looked at me. "I loathe to eat another bite of hospital macaroni and cheese."

I had to laugh. "On that note, I really need to go. _Try_ to enjoy your dinner."

"Are you sure you won't indulge in some takeout with me? I can call the Mexican place." I shook my head. "Hoagies?" I shook again. "_Pizza?_" He was getting desperate.

"Sorry, Edward. I have a few other things to do today. I'll be back again, if you'd like." Much more of his pleading and I'd end up here all day— and _that_ wasn't conducive to my plan to maintain a healthy distance from the good doctor.

"Let me at least walk you to the elevator, _Bella_." I smiled a little inside each time he said my name. I hung my head to hide the blush.

"No, eat. I'll be fine. I really _do_ have to go. We'll talk soon, okay?" I needed to leave before I changed my mind. I gathered my coat and purse as I headed toward the door.

"Can I call you later?" I knew he was getting desperate. His voice sounded fearful like that of a little boy being dropped off at school on the first day.

I sighed. So much for maintaining a safe distance. "I'll be home this evening. Talk to you later." I rushed through the door and onto the elevator before he followed me and convinced me to go back.

The ride to the grocery store took forever, but getting off the bus I couldn't help but notice the sun shining, the clean aroma of the air surrounding me as snow melted, birds chirping. Spring was in the air. I felt revived, exhilarated. I suspected the rush I was feeling had more to do with where I had just come from and little to do with where I was headed.

I. Was. Fucked.

* * *

Thanks for reading, and reviewing. I read treasure every one of them.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixteen

~Bella~

I'd just trudged into Edward's room carrying two cups of Seattle's Best Coffee. For some reason, the dietary department at the hospital only sent decaf on his tray and he was convinced that his aunt had gone behind the scenes and pulled some sort of imaginary strings to keep him from receiving his morning buzz. After learning of his dilemma, I appointed myself as his supplier and brought his fix a few times a week for him.

_Bella to the rescue._

I sat the cups on his bedside table and shed my jacket. He was sitting up in his chair again today. He looked good. It hadn't eluded me that he was looking healthier each time I visited. We weren't back to the daily visits we shared after the holidays, but I was here a few times a week and I tried to spend part of each Saturday with him. We had become much closer and I truly enjoyed spending time with him. Not to sound selfish, but I almost dreaded the day he left here. He was a busy doctor and student. He would go back to his old life, with his _real_ friends, and he wouldn't need me anymore. I'd miss spending time with him. Soft music pulled me out of my internal dilemma.

"Do you hear that?" he asked, as Brahms Lullaby played over the hospital PA system.

I did. In fact, I'd heard it numerous times when I was an inpatient here, although I had no idea why it played.

"I do, but I don't understand. Why does it play so sporadically? It seems like there's no rhyme or reason to the timing."

He looked wistful, suddenly, and I didn't understand why. "It's a blessing."

_Huh? Was I missing the obvious?_ "_What's_ a blessing? The fact they play it sporadically?"

"They are announcing the arrival of a new little someone here at the hospital. Every time a baby comes into the world, Harborview plays Brahms Lullaby."

"Oh, wow. I never realized. That's such a _cool_ thing to do. Kinda like 'when a bell rings, an angel gets its wings'."

"Yeah, exactly like that," And then so quietly that I could barely hear him, he muttered, "_not like it'll ever play for me_."

"Why? I'm sure they'd be happy to play it for you too." I teased as I nudged him with my shoulder.

He gripped the armrest of his chair until his knuckles were white, his eyes on the floor. "I'm almost certain I'll never have that. _Look at me._"

Well damn... I _was_ looking at him and if he wanted to have children, I knew plenty of girls who would die trying to help him with that. I told him as much.

"I'm not destined for that kind of a future, Bella."

"Um, not to pry, but you _did_ bring it up. Have you actually tested that theory in order to come to this conclusion?"

He _was_ a doctor, I'm sure he was careful about having safe sex. A creature as breathtaking as Edward certainly wasn't celibate.

It wasn't that I was so shallow as to think one had to be beautiful to be in a physical relationship or anything like that, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I heard the nurses talk about him when I was in the hospital. I heard the patients when I'd sit in his waiting room before an appointment with Dr. Jeffries. It was a fact... Edward Cullen was a hottie, and plenty of women knew it.

"No, not exactly. I can't exactly... you know... make love to a woman." He was looking away from me now; an imaginary speck on the floor had become interesting to him.

Not trying to sound obtuse, but I was sure I didn't understand. "Why? Since the accident? How do you know? Have you tried?" Of course he wasn't having sexual encounters in his hospital room. _That would be a little risqué, Bella_.

"Yeah. Well not since the first one." His voice faltered, and he barely got it all out. _The first one what? The first accident?_

Was he trying to tell me he didn't engage in..._ no way_.

"But that was a long time ago, certainly you've..."

He shook his head.

"Never?"

"Not since I was eighteen." A blush had crept up his neck and had colored his cheeks. "I haven't dated since just after I left the hospital in 1991."

"But _why_? Look at you!"

"Exactly." He had suddenly gotten very loud and looked agitated. "_Why_ would anyone _want _me?"

Suddenly I found myself pacing, pulling a fistful of hair near my scalp. I turned and marched right up to him. "Wait, wait... _wait!_ Let's back up here. Back in January this was what you had alluded to. You said something about how you could never be a real man, and that you'd never be able to offer me what I deserved. Your uncle said something about you being self deprecating and not even trying. Do you _care_ to explain?"

He sighed. I looked at his face and he appeared heartbroken. A man so handsome should never look so desolate. "I had a steady girl before the accident. We were young, but what we had... it was real... we were in love... well, at least I was. I thought we were happy. We'd been together for a couple of years. She stuck around after the accident... all through rehab... She didn't even run away screaming when I pulled out the books about sexuality and the disabled. I honestly believed she was going to stick by me the way she kept telling me she would..."

His head was in his hands, now _his_ fingers were gripping _his_ hair.

Pulling.

Painfully.

Another sigh.

"After I finally got home, she offered to stay with me one weekend so Carlisle and Esme would feel confident going away and leaving me alone for a few days. Esme had been by my side 24/7 since the day I'd come home. I could do almost everything for myself once I was in my wheelchair. A lot of preparation went into the weekend before they agreed to go, but we all needed the break from one another. They didn't go far away, just to a hotel in a nearby city. They trusted Tanya, and knew if I had any trouble she'd act responsibly. I don't think they actually believed we'd try to be intimate while they were gone."

He looked at me, tears streaks on his face. "We _tried Bella_. I wasn't man enough to even get it up enough for us to do _anything_ with it. Can you imagine how embarrassing that was? To be eighteen years old and have ED...

I thought maybe it was just stage fright or something. It had been... a while... my body was different. It responded and reacted differently. But we tried... several times. When I told her there were other ways... I offered her the books again and tried to show her things that _could_ be done... She just got out of bed and left me lying there. I was crying. She was crying. Then she said the words I expected her to utter since the day I woke up from the coma.

'I love you, I really do. But, I'm _seventeen_ Edward; I love having sex with you, or I did... before. But, I need a whole man. I _want_ kids someday. I just... I can't do _this_.' She motioned towards my body sprawled lifelessly across the bed.

She picked up her clothes and clutched them in front of her naked body. Before I knew what had happened, she was out of my room and I couldn't move. After the bathroom door slammed a few times, I heard her let herself out and then I heard the gravel under her tires as she drove away. I wasn't even man enough to go after her. Carlisle and Esme found me there in the middle of the bed, nude the next morning. I was like a fish out of water. I couldn't even get close enough to the edge of the bed to transfer into my chair. Instead I laid in my own filth all that time. I'll never put myself in a position like that ever again. _That_... is why I don't engage in sexual encounters and its how I _know_ this hospital will never play Brahms to welcome _my_ child into the world."

At some point, I don't know when, I had moved against to Edward. I didn't even realize that I was standing next to him, rubbing circles on his back as he choked out the broken words between sobs. I let him have his little tirade. I wiped my face; it was wet with tears I wasn't even aware that I had shed. Damn the girl who left him broken like this. What a horrible burden to bear. To lose his parents, his independence even his home... and then to lose the one person you loved more than anything, too.

"I hope she's a very lonely person. I'm _glad_ she's not with you, because you deserve so much better. You'll have that some day. You'll find your happiness."

"No, Bella. I gave up trying years ago. I. Don't. Date. _Period._ I'm ok with it. I get in moods like this sometimes, but seriously, I learned a long time ago it's safer to just not put myself out there. And Tanya? I don't think she's lonely. One of my former high school classmates was here a few weeks ago. She said Tanya is in Alaska with her husband. He's a very prominent plastic surgeon. They have a passel of kids. She got her happily ever after."

I could almost see the wall going up that he had surrounded himself with back in January. I _wasn't_ about to lose him again. I walked over and grabbed our coffee, thrusting one at him as I sat on the edge of his bed. He looked like he could use something and it was all I had to offer.

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I don't date either. But that doesn't mean I'd wall myself up to avoid having a future with someone. Someday the right person will come along..."

"And if he doesn't Bella? You're setting yourself up for a fall..." How did this sweet conversation about babies turn into a frustrating discussion about unrequited love?

"No, Edward, if they don't... I'm a good person, I have a full life. I don't _need_ another person to signify who I am. I'm happy and living a solitary life won't change that.

You know, I went to your support group and through that I ended up involved with another organization that provides services to people with disabilities. I've met some really great people. There are lots of people with spinal cord injuries who have healthy sex lives. They have kids, too. Gawd, _you're_ a doctor. You have to say things like this to your patients all the time."

"Sure I do, doesn't mean I always believe it."

"So are you saying you lie to your patients? How can you give them advice you don't believe yourself?"

"I believe it, for _them_. Just not for _myself_. I guess I don't handle rejection well. It's easier to just stay in my bubble. I'm happy, well-adjusted even. I just... I don't know. I was content before I got hit. Lately, I've just had a lot of idle time to ponder over all this stuff. When I'm working I have little to no free time. I work at the office, I'm active at the hospital and several times a week I work in the lab. Most days I'd eat dinner when normal people were heading off to bed. All this free time has made me wonder what my life could have been if so many things hadn't happened."

"Just don't shut yourself off from the world. You shouldn't let what's happened in your past determine your future. You're far too pretty to remove yourself from the dating pool." I winked at him, hoping to lighten the suddenly oppressive mood in the room.

"I'm _pretty_? You're not really helping my broken ego here, Bella. Thanks."

I nudged his shoulder. "_Really_, broken ego? Are you kidding? Surely you jest! Do you not see how all the nurses here salivate over you? What are you- _blind_?"

He laughed. "Oh sure, I see how they _look_ at me, but I'm certain that if any of them tried to get into my pants, they'd run for the hills screaming. I have that affect on women."

"That would be their loss then wouldn't it? I think you're quite the catch." Oh geeze, I _didn't_ just say that, did I?

"Don't blow smoke up my skirt, Bella. I know what I am. I look in the mirror every day."

"Then I think your self image is a little warped. You're a very attractive man, Edward. I find you attractive. It's not just something physical either, the entire package is attractive." Oh, great, maybe I _was_ trying to 'blow smoke' up his skirt, but he had to hear this. "The first time we met you made an impression on me. I was so mad at you, and then when I looked up into those green eyes and at your beautiful face, I was blown away. But it was your attitude that made a lasting impression on me. Ever since that day I've thought about how comfortable you seem to be in your skin, you always seem so happy, so accepting. I like your self confidence. It's empowering."

His head was tilted, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Bella, would you like to go on a non-date?"

"Trying to test my theory Cullen? You want to see if I'll put my money where my mouth is. I guess you've got me stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't really say no, can I?"

He chuckled lightly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I can understand why you wouldn't. I was wrong to presume..."

I smacked his shoulder. Hard. He grimaced. "Edward! Stop it! Sure, I'll go on a non-date with you. What _aren't_ we going to do?" I laughed. What _would_ we do? He couldn't bend his legs and I didn't drive.

"Let me worry about that, do you think you could come to me? I don't think I'll have any trouble getting a temporary leave for a few hours. I just can't go anywhere that involves getting into a vehicle."

The afternoon sped by and finally I left to go home. I was a little nervous about our impending date. It didn't matter what you called it, it was still a date. I avoided dating for many of the same reasons, as he did. I'd thrown myself into my teaching and avoided a personal life… because it was _easier _to blame it on work than to face rejection. I liked Edward but I didn't want to put us in a position where our friendship would end if it didn't work. While Tanya's rejection broke Edward, his rejection had broken a part of me. It took me a long time to feel comfortable putting myself back into a situation with him. No matter how innocent.

As I walked through the hospital to leave, I realized I was near the emergency room and Carlisle's office. The door was closed, but when I got closer, I heard him talking softly. I almost turned to leave, but decided I'd ask if he'd be around to talk when he was done. There was a desk for a receptionist, but it was unoccupied. It was Saturday, she was probably off. I tapped softly on the door and waited. I heard Carlisle stop talking and soon the door opened. When he saw it was me, he smiled handsomely. "Bella, please, come in."

"I heard you talking, am I interrupting?"

"Oh, no... I was just dictating a few notes for my secretary to type up. I'm done, how can I help you?" He seemed genuinely interested and immediately I felt welcome.

"I was wondering if we could talk about Edward." He moved a stack of folders off of the chair next to his desk and patted it for me. He slipped behind the desk and sat in his chair.

"Did you have a nice visit? He seems to be in good spirits, doesn't he?" I could tell this pleased him. I was sure it was a relief for them to see Edward cheery; it was a complete 360 from a few weeks ago.

"Mmhmmm, he does, and yes, we had a very pleasant visit."

He seemed concerned suddenly. "But... ? What did you want to talk about, dear, is everything alright?"

"I just... we talked about Tanya. I just... I feel so badly for him. I don't want him to think I pity him, it's not that, I just don't understand how someone could be so cold hearted, so cruel."

"I don't know if it's my story to tell, but if he already shared it with you... what did he tell you?"

"He told me she stuck with him all through his recovery, and then when he got home, they tried to be intimate, and when he couldn't perform, she deserted him."

"She didn't just desert him Bella, not only did she verbally emasculate him, she abandoned him. She neglected him with no regard for his safety or comfort."

"He said she left him in a position where he couldn't call for help. He said it was a day or two."

"If I ever see that girl again, I swear I'll kick her ass. It's been over fifteen years and I'm still furious over what we found. Esme needed a break. We could have gotten a private nurse, but she refused to allow anyone to help her care for Edward. She was running herself ragged and I feared for her health. I finally got her to leave by stressing that if she made herself sick, there would be no one to care for Edward."

Edward had alluded to that fact that Esme was making herself sick because of her self sacrificing nature. "He said she refused to allow anyone to care for him. He thinks she was trying to make up for the parents he lost."

"I think so too. Anyway, I booked a room in a hotel across town, and we promised Edward we wouldn't call and check up on him. Edward was fairly self sufficient when he came home from the rehab center, and Tanya spent a week watching Esme do Edward's routine so she could help him without assistance while we were away." He shook his head and smiled. "I remember Esme made lists, and put all of his pills in Ziploc baggies with the dates and time on them. It was like trying to get a mother with a newborn to go out for an evening. She was a nervous wreck. After we left, she begged me to let her call and check in; I finally threatened to have the phone disconnected in the room. Tanya promised she'd call if there were _any_ problems, when she didn't... well, we thought everything was alright."

"We finally were able to relax and have some fun. We ate out, went dancing and out for quiet walks." He ran his hands through his hair and tugged on it the same way I've seen Edward do so many times. When we went home on Sunday evening, Tanya's car was gone. We didn't think a lot of it, her sister Irina had a fiancé in Seattle, and the sisters shared a car. We thought Irina had the car. When we got inside, the house was dark, the silence deafening. Immediately Esme went to Edward's room. I heard her suitcase hit the hardwood floor before she screamed my name." Even though Edward had glossed over the story and I knew what had happened, it shocked me to hear Carlisle's version of the story.

"The stench hit me before I got anywhere near his room, all sorts of scenarios ran through my head, I truly wondered if he had died and she had panicked and left. We found Edward, nude, in a fetal position in the middle of the guest room king-sized bed. Tanya had used the mechanical lift to get him into bed on his sling, but he was in the middle of the bed. There was no bed rail to grab and it was so much bigger than the hospital bed he was accustomed to transferring out of, he couldn't get himself close enough to the edge of the bed to transfer into his chair. At the time he hadn't mastered crawling or rolling over, so he was stuck in that spot. He was lying in urine soaked sheets with feces caked all over himself. In that short amount of time his skin had broken down to the point that he ended up with stage three skin ulcers. The bedsores got so badly infected that he had to be admitted to the hospital to get the infection under control. You know, Christopher Reeve died of a heart attack that was brought on by an infection from a pressure sore that wouldn't heal and had turned septic."

That was really scary, disabled people got bedsores all the time. "I didn't know a bedsore could become life threatening."

"When we asked him what happened, he refused to tell us. Finally Esme got it out of him, she begged me to let her press charges against Tanya. She wanted to charge her with neglect or reckless endangerment, but because she was a minor, she walked away with a slap on the wrist. Edward still carries the emotional scars."

I looked up at Carlisle and he had tears in his eyes, mirroring my own. I couldn't imagine how anyone could be so absolutely horrible to Edward. His story was devastating, and I had heard it second hand- fifteen years after the fact. I'd gladly help Carlisle or Esme kick her ass for her. She deserved so much worse.

"Wow, that's just... I don't know what to say. I really like him, and I think he likes me too. I know he thinks he was protecting me from something when he pushed me away, but seriously, Carlisle, I don't know that I'm ready for a relationship, either. I would just like to enjoy his friendship and see what comes of it. Even if we were to become more than friends, there's so much more to it than sex. Don't get me wrong... sex is great, but there are lots of ways to share intimacy with someone."

Carlisle was smiling, "Thank you Bella. Please share that with him one day."

"Yeah, I will. No matter who he ends up with, I think he needs to look at the big picture. As a doctor, he should understand better than anyone."

Carlisle held his side as he laughed, "Oh, Bella, ask Esme, we doctors are the worst patients! We never take anyone's advice." I shared his laughter, but when I looked up and saw the darkening sky, I realized it was getting late.

"I need to get home before it gets dark, thanks for taking the time to talk with me. I appreciate it."

"Hey no problem, Bella. Safe travels- and have a pleasant evening."

"You too. Please tell Esme hello for me."

"I will, goodnight, Bella."

I left the hospital through the emergency room, calling a cab from the bench that sat near a small flower bed. I'd had a long day and decided to forego supper and take a long soak in the tub, instead.

I crawled into bed that night, mentally exhausted. I was going to worry myself into a tizzy. There were so many things going through my head, and then there was the 'non-date'. I didn't know how I'd deal until we just got _that_ over with. After we had it behind us, I'd be able to relax. It was nothing different than all the afternoons we'd spent together at the hospital. Right?

Just as I finally drifted off, my phone chirped. Edward was the only one who texted me this late, and on weekends, we often had exchanges like this. Normally, I wasn't so tired so soon.

_**Are you busy tomorrow? -E**_

_Tomorrow? _I gulped. True, I wanted to get it behind us, but _so soon_?

**Um... no? Isn't that your family day? -B**

_**Not this week. Plans changed. Would you like to go bowling?**_** -E**

**Like **_**bowling,**_** bowling? -B**

_**That's what I said. -E**_

**You bowl? -B**

_**Sure. :-) -E**_

**Seriously? -B**

_**Yes. Are you game? I think bowling is definitely considered a 'non-date'. -E**_

**Is it far? How will we get there? -B**

_**I have the electric wheelchair. If you don't mind riding on my wheelie bars, **_

_**I'll drive. :-) -E**_

**Can you do that? Will they let you leave the hospital? -B**

_**Carlisle vouched for me. I think it helps that I'm a doctor, too. They know I'll behave. Can you be here at noon? -E**_

**I'll Cya then, Edward. -B**

_**Goodnight, Bella. Sweet dreams. -E**_

**You too. 'Nite. -B**

I tucked my phone under my pillow and went to sleep with a smile on my face.

I was bowling.

On a non-date.

With Edward Cullen.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Seventeen

~Edward~

_She said she'd go!_

_She'd go out._

_On a non-date. _

_With me! _

I giggled. _I am such a girl! _

Did I dare to hope that one day it could be something more?

Maggie came in at eleven o'clock to help me get turned onto my side. "Hi Sweetie! What's got you so happy tonight?"

I wasn't ready to divulge my little secret. "No reason." I couldn't help feeling smug, I hoped it didn't show.

"You can't hide anything from me, mister."

I sighed as I wiped my hand across my face. No, I was never able to keep a secret from Maggie. But, if I told Maggie, my parents would know.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Cross my heart hon." She took a hold of my hand and put it on the bed rail, grabbing my shoulder as she pulled me towards her.

"You can't tell Esme... or Carlisle."

"I won't." _Yeah right._

"I may or may not be going out tomorrow."

"Oh that's nice, dear." Maggie picked up a pillow and gently put it between my knees.

"With a girl."

That got her full attention. "Do I know her?"

"Mmhmm." She set the pillow that always got tucked behind my back onto the foot of the bed and she pulled a chair over, it felt good to be able to hold myself up while she was momentarily distracted, even a few weeks ago, I'd have toppled over face first, into the railing, if I wasn't padded.

"Do you remember Bella Swan?"

She put a hand over her mouth, "Oh she's such a sweet girl! I knew she had been visiting you again. Oh honey, she's perfect for you!"

I could tell by the look on her face that she was thinking weddings and babies and everything else. I needed to nip _that _in the bud right away.

"Mags, it's _just _a little bowling. _Nothing_ romantic. You_ know_ I don't date." She stood up and tried to look busy. I could see the smirk on her face. She forced the pillow in behind me so roughly I grunted.

"I'm happy you've made a new friend, hon. She's a nice girl. I don't care what you say. I can tell you're excited about getting out of here with her."

She covered me with the blanket and reached up to pull the string on the fluorescent light above my head.

Maggie reached out and patted my cheek. "It's nice to see a smile on your face. I've missed that. Ring the buzzer if you need me."

"See you in a few hours, Maggie."

Sleep evaded me. For the first time in over fifteen years, I missed having the ability to just toss and turn. I was restless. I wasn't comfortable and there was nothing I could really do about it. I wasn't going to whine to Maggie about it. No matter what she did, no amount of repositioning would make the butterflies in my stomach go away.

At 2am, Maggie came in and rolled me onto my back, propping and positioning me with the appropriate pillows. Once I was comfortable, she handed me a urinal and a straight catheter so I could empty my bladder. She went to the other side of the room and busied herself with something to give me privacy.

The strangest things came to mind when sleep evaded me. I thought back to when I first became disabled, how I'd get several rubber catheters a month. It made me feel fortunate to have access to a new, sterile, lubricated catheter every single time now. In the past, each time I had to use a tube of lube so that it would slide into place without hurting me. It had to be washed after I used it each time and then soaked in alcohol before it was dried for the next time. It was such a bothersome process. I'm thankful someone finally decided it was simpler and more hygenic to have a new one each time. They were prepackaged and portable. Medicine had come a long way in fifteen years.

When I was done, I called Maggie and she took everything away and went to dump the urinal. It would be nice when I could stretch and reach farther to be able to do these things when I wanted to, without having to ask. I think that was the worst part of my situation, the having to ask for assistance with _everything_ I did.

Once again I was tucked in and left to my own devices. Sometimes it was so demeaning to have someone else have to do something as simple as cover me with a blanket, but this was Maggie and I knew- beyond a shadow of a doubt that she did it with love. Some of the nurses treated me like everything I asked for was an inconvenience. It was increasingly difficult to separate my status as a patient from that of my occupation. I entered the field I had because of the calling to assist others. Nursing is much the same, but in my mind, I always pictured the nursing profession as nurturers. Being here for so long had opened my eyes, and once again, I had that all-consuming urge to want to fix the staff at Harborview.

At three, I was still awake. I think I had counted all the holes in the ceiling tile directly above my head, and I honestly perked up each time I heard footsteps in the corridor. I'd welcome a procedure of some sort if it meant having someone to talk to. My thoughts skittered away from me and as hard as I tried to concentrate, I couldn't rein myself in. Never in my life had a girl made me become so un-nerved. I could hear each tick of the clock on my wall. At four am, I finally pushed my call bell. I needed to get some sleep and it was obvious I couldn't do it on my own.

Maggie came quickly, a worried expression clouding her normally happy face. "What's wrong dearie? What do you need?" She looked me over trying to see the offending culprit that would cause me to call her in the middle of the night. I rarely, if ever rang my bell on the night shift. She knew I was in some sort of distress to summon her.

I felt like I'd found my own personal genie in a bottle. I rubbed it and she materialized to grant my wish. _God, I was strange when I was tired._

"I can't sleep. I can't get comfortable."

She smoothed my hair, "Do you need repositioned? How can I help Edward? Where does it hurt?"

"No, it's not physical... it's just, the date... but it's not really a date... and I don't know how I'm supposed to act or feel. While we both agreed we _don't_ date... _it's a date_... and I'm just... so... tired. Help me?"

She smiled. "You've really gotten yourself worked up. Why didn't you say something sooner. I'd have brought you an Ambien. It's a little late for that, you'll sleep right through your... " she cleared her throat, "what did you call it? A non-date?"

"I have tried everything to distract myself. I've counted sheep and the ceiling tiles, I've even come up with the outline to a sensitivity training for the nursing staff to attend." She found humor in that and chuckled.

She clicked the mouse a few times as she looked through my digital chart. "There's an order here for something to help with anxiety. All these doctors would rather leave an order for anti- anxiety meds and sleeping pills in every chart rather than be awakened in the middle of the night for a restless patient. I swear they teach you that in medical school."

"They do and that's exactly what they tell you." I laughed. "I could give you an order if there's not one in my chart. I have privileges at this hospital, you know." I winked, but she didn't seem to find the humor in that.

"You know that's not permissible. _You can't treat yourself. _I'll see what I can do."

Soon she came back carrying a paper pill cup and a drink. "Here, it's an Ativan. It should let you calm down and make you a little drowsy without you feeling all hung over in a few hours."

I swallowed the tiny white pill and took a deep breath. Maggie leaned me ahead and fluffed my pillow. She tidied up my blankets again, but then she put her hands on her hips, surveying me... for... what?

"I don't want to disrupt you, but lets get you rolled onto your side, that way I'm not in here jostling you about in an hour. I wasn't even thinking, but if you're trying to go to sleep, I don't want to wake you in an hour. Would you like the urinal again?"

"No, I'll be ok till around seven when they come in with morning meds."

Ever so gently, she helped me roll to my other side and get repositioned. Once again I was tucked in. Maggie leaned in close and stroked my cheek. "Sweet dreams, son. Have a wonderful day tomorrow. Don't over think it, just have fun. Relax. Tell Miss Bella I said hello."

'Thanks, I will, Maggie. Have a wonderful day off."

She snorted at me, "Yeah, sure. I'm going to go home and sleep, and then I have to be back at seven tomorrow night." Without another word, she was out the door.

I took a few deep cleansing breaths and closed my eyes. I walked myself through the relaxation techniques my massage therapist taught me years ago, picturing each limb relaxing and getting heavy. I started with my feet, and by the time I got to my hands I had lost track. Soon I was lost in some far away land.

I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me, and calling my name almost like it was a question. I opened my eyes to come face to face with someone new. She was young- fresh out of college young, and she appeared to be a little unsure of herself. She was a thin girl, and was almost gangly, with dirty blonde hair, and a pretty face.

"Hi, Dr. Cullen, I'm Gianna. I'm your nurse for the day." She held out her hand, the hint of a smile on her lips.

I wiped my mouth, knowing there was a thread of drool stretching from my face to my pillow, and then wiped it on my blanket. Ew.

She giggled, as I shook my head. "I don't think you want to shake my hand right now. Nice to meet you Gianna. Please, call me Edward. Dr. Cullen is my uncle."

"I see you had some anxiety meds in the middle of the night. Are you feeling ok? Why were you anxious?" I didn't want her to be concerned or think I had some episode that might cause me to be stuck inside when I was so excited about going out.

"I was just having a restless night, I couldn't get comfortable and by the time I realized I needed help getting to sleep, it was really too late to take a heavy sleeping pill. I have a big day planned today and I guess I was sort of nervous."

"Did you get some sleep then?" _Oh, I slept. Like a rock, Gianna._

"Actually yeah, I feel well rested. I'm almost surprised, it was so late when I finally crashed."

"I'm glad you got some rest, then. I know you get a bed bath, do you have any special routine? I know some people with SCI have very strict schedules they have to adhere to."

"Well, if you get me the urinal and a catheter, I can take care of my bladder care. I took care of my bowel plan yesterday so I won't do that again for two more days. Other than that I don't really have a schedule, being here for... " I counted them off on my fingers, "five months... really has had a way of messing up any other schedule I had."

"I'll be right back." She went into the bathroom and returned with the supplies I needed. She pulled me towards her as she removed the pillow from behind me and gently eased me onto my back. She pulled the pillow from between my legs, and put a smaller one beneath them. I raised the head of my bed into a sitting position. Once I was all situated she set everything on the bed for me.

"Here you go, is there anything you need me to do, or do you have this ok? I don't want to be pushy, but if you need help, I'm here."

"Nope, I've got it. If you could hand me a blue pad for under the urinal, I'll be fine. I'll call when I'm done."

"No problem, I'll go get everything ready for your bath."

Gianna was efficient and got my personal care done quickly. I couldn't wait until I could take showers. I'd be in there until they turned the water off and dragged me away.

"Edward?"

She was standing at my closet holding two long sleeved tee shirts. "Do you want one of these? If you wear this you won't need to carry a jacket."

"I like the one that's cut like a henley. The buttons make it a little dressier. I hate wearing it with shorts, though. I wish I could get into a pair of pants." It was always one of my favorite shirts, I remember I _almost _wore it the day of the accident. I'm glad I didn't, I would have missed it. They cut all those clothes off of me. I shuddered at the memory.

"What's wrong with these? Can you wear them?" Gianna held up the pants Alice had gottn for me for Christmas.

"Oh, I forgot all about those. They do have a lot of Velcro. It'll take some amount of work to get me into them, though. Are you sure we can do it?"

"If you don't mind me wrestling you around a bit, I think I can get them on you. They look nice." They were distressed and looked well worn, comfortable. No one would know they were _special_ pants, and I wanted to look nice for Bella.

"Okay, let's do it." While I didn't know Gianna, she had a matter-of-fact attitude and made me feel very comfortable in her care. I was confident that she could tackle the task at hand.

In about fifteen minutes, not only was I dressed in street clothes and sitting in my wheelchair, but Gianna had helped me shave and had even scared up a bottle of cologne with a subtle scent from somewhere behind the nurse's station.

She set me up with the mirror inside my bedside table and a comb. The more I fought with my hair, the more it protested. "Gianna, there's a knit beenie in my closet, would you get it?"

"What do you need a beenie for? I told you it was warm outside."

"Look at this hair; I can't do anythign with it." To say I was frustrated was an understatement, my hair was normally unruly, but today it was a chaotic mess. I seriously needed Alice to give me another trim.

Gianna came up behind me and put her fingers in my hair ruffling it in all directions. She put her hands on her hips, and I could see her smiling behind me in the mirror. "There. You've got sex hair Edward. Just work it. She'll love it. You look... hot." She touched my shoulder and made a hissing sound, as she laughed.

My hair was worse now than when I started. I pounded my head on the table.

"Don't do that, you'll get a concussion and then you'll have to go to the ER, instead of on your date."

"Who said it was a date? I never mentioned a _her _to you." Apparently _someone_ had a big mouth.

"Your friend Maggie may or may not have told me you had something special planned. Don't worry Edward, it's all good. I won't say anything to anyone."

_It's not _you_ I'm worried about. _I banged my head on the tray again, if this girl knew, the whole hospital probably did, too. I remembered Esme's reaction when she found about Bella at Christmas. I didn't want to give her more ammunition.

Gianna leaned against the radiator, "So, where you goin'?"

"Just down the street to the bowling alley. There's one on Broadway. It's only a few blocks away." It had been more than a year since I'd been there, but I called them last night to make sure they were still at the same location. I didn't want to drag Bella all over Seattle just to find an abandoned building.

Gianna nodded, "I've been there before, it's a nice place. Do they have ramps?"

"Yeah, a few of us would go over there after work to unwind. We'd have a few beers, eat a burger. I like bowling there, not everyone has the ramps, but they do. I don't use the bumpers, I want to win on my own merit. When I have my normal chair, I can shoot pool and throw darts. Won't be able to do that this time, but it'll still be a good time. Normally I can pull in behind the ramp and line up my shot, should be interesting today, with my legs sticking out like this, I'll have to do everything from the side."

"I'm sure you're up for the challenge. Well, I've got other patients to attend to, is there anything else you needed? Breakfast should be here any minute."

"No, I'm good. Thanks for everything. It was nice meeting you, Gianna."

"Likewise Edward. See ya 'round." She gave a little wave as she bounced out the door.

I looked at the clock and sighed. It was only eight. I had four hours to burn before Bella would be here. I opened my bedside table and took out my wallet. I opened it to make sure I had enough cash on me. Esme brought me money every Monday when she stopped by, but I never kept more than about fifty bucks on me. The staff here was honest for the most part, but there was no reason to have much cash. It was nice to be able to buy the occasional magazine or order takeout if I was alone for the evening.

I had two twenties, which would be more than enough to pay for a few games and to rent Bella's shoes. We could grab a pizza or something while we were there.

I opened the mirror and looked at my crazy hair again; I smirked at the guy looking back at me. _Gianna say's you're hot, buddy, lets hope Bella thinks so too._

I rolled down to the nurse's station to see if anyone was taking a break soon. I could go to the roof for a distraction. Gianna said was a gorgeous day.

Jessica Stanley had just finished with paperwork, I was certain Maggie had already left. I recognized the charge nurse, but she was an old battle axe, there was no way I was asking her to go out on the roof with me. With a sigh, I turned around and rolled myself to the end of the hallway. The door to fourth floor waiting room was open. I decided to people watch for a while. Breakfast would be here soon, but I had only ordered a muffin and coffee. The coffee tasted like dirty dishwater and the muffins were so dry and hard you could use them for hockey pucks. Hopefully there'd be some sort of fresh fruit. If I wasn't there, they'd just leave the fruit and muffin on my table.

I watched a young couple sitting in the corner. She was hugely pregnant. He was holding a pair of crutches and had a large brace on his knee. I recognized them. He was the Washington Huskies quarterback last fall. He took a hard hit and his knee was trashed. Bob Harrison did the reconstruction on it. Bob was a jerk, but he was good at what he did. I was shocked when I learned how hard he fought the trauma team- trying to convince them to amputate my legs. Thank God he was replaced by Carey that night. Harrison would never work on me again.

An older couple sat at a round table working a jigsaw puzzle. The girl sitting next to them in a wheelchair was wearing a SOMI brace; properly know as a Sternal Occipital Mandibular Immobilizer. It immobilized her neck by holding it in a straight line with her spine. By preventing movement it protected the neck from further injury as it healed. She was in an automobile accident and had a cervical spinal cord injury. I remember when she came in a few weeks ago. We'd talked a few times in the rehab gym. Luckily for her, the spine was only bruised and not severed. She had broken vertebrae in her neck, but she had told me there wouldn't be any permanent damage. One day soon she'd be able to bend and she could join her family in activities like the one they were quietly enjoying- rather than simply sitting and observing.

Another family came in to huddle in the corner where two couches intersected. It appeared that they had someone in surgery. The room was filling up. Not wanting to create an obstacle, I wheeled myself back towards my room.

It was going on nine o'clock, my tray was gone, but I spied something on my table. There was a pint of chocolate milk and a home made brownie wrapped in cellophane, a fresh banana lay next to it. I picked up the brownie and had to smile at the note that had been hastily scribbled on the napkin.

_Don't over think it Edward. Have fun! Love ya! Mags_

The girl had my back. I was saved, once again, from the horrors of hospital food.

The brownie was to die for, the chocolate milk- not so much. While I loved chocolate milk, I don't think Maggie knew that I had an aversion to warm milk. If it wasn't ice cold-directly from the fridge- chocolate heaven… I couldn't force myself to choke it down. I quickly maneuvered over to my sink and poured it down the drain, turning on the water to remove any evidence. It was the thought that counted. I thought back, with a smile, to the night before Christmas when she went all the way to the cafeteria to get milk for my cookies. Maggie was one of the closest friends I had. She was a real treasure, and I cherished her. She was almost fifty, and I wondered sadly if she had ever wanted children. She was such a nurturing soul... like Esme. I wonder why women like that never had kids. Was there some demon in her closet, like mine, that had prevented her from ever being able to have a family, or was she like so many of my co-workers who put career ahead of family… and one day realized it was too late? Was it the longing for children that caused them to be so loving, or was it the other way around? Hmm.

I picked up a medical journal that Carlisle had dropped off; it contained an article he thought I would find interest in. It compared the advantages of cord blood over the use of adult stem cells. There was also an article discussing the introduction of menstrual blood into stem cell research. Preliminary findings were favorable; the hope was that it held more promise than any other adult stem cell for regeneration.

I sat with it in my lap for over an hour, but couldn't seem to make heads nor tails of the information. As interested as I was in the new findings, I couldn't stay on task, my thoughts skittering all over. I finally threw it down in frustration.

In the end, I put my ear buds in and pulled up my classical list on my iPod. I leaned my head back and shut my eyes, shutting out the rest of the world.

I was a million miles away. A tiny hand shook my shoulder. I could smell her strawberry scent. I knew who it was without opening my eyes. I felt her take the ear bud out before she got so close I could feel her breath on my face. "Edward?" she whispered.

"What?" I heard her sudden intake of air. It was cruel to let her think I was sleeping.

"Are you ready to go?"

I yawned, loudly, and stretched as much as I possibly could. "Sure, hop on. You are on door detail, you'll have to open each of them as we come to them, I'm sorry you have to get on and off the wheelie bars so many times."

"It's ok, let's go." Bella climbed on and from the corner of my eye I could see that she was holding onto the hand grip of my chair.

I whipped the chair around in a circle and she squealed. An unexpected smack to the back of my head told me she didn't like spinning in circles.

We made our way through the maze of hospital corridors and soon we were at the exit. We went through the doors, headed towards Jefferson Street. Suddenly my chest felt tight and I left go of the joystick.

I couldn't do this.

While I was making my grand plans, it escaped me that I'd be driving, unprotected, in traffic... and with a passenger no less.

_Why had I thought this was a good idea?_

Bella sensed my hesitation and was suddenly standing in front of me. "What's wrong? Edward?"

I couldn't even form words. I just stared out at the busy street.

Bella cleared her throat, and I looked up at her. It was clear that she understood the problem. "Is this your first time? Being on the street that is?"

I nodded and swallowed. "I'm sorry; I don't think I can do this."

"Nonsense, Cullen. Do you intend to be a hermit the rest of your life?"

I shook my head. I didn't, I just hadn't put a lot of thought into this, apparently.

"So, come on, let's go. Is there sidewalk the entire way?"

I had to stop and think, it had been a long time. "Yes, I'm pretty sure there is."

"So we won't be playing in traffic, as long as we cross at the crosswalks, we'll be alright. I risk my life like this everyday."

She was joking, but it was no joking matter, she _was_ risking her life everyday. I knew better than anyone what a busy street meant for a person with a disability.

Bella rubbed my shoulder, trying, I'm sure, to reassure me.

"You eventually have to face your demons. I'm here with you; I won't let anything happen to you." I knew she was right. It was just taking that leap of faith. In reality I knew we'd both be fine. It was just my nagging subconscious who was trying to play games with me.

I nodded and she clambered back onto my chair, when I was sure she was holding on, I turned the chair on and carefully began to move forward. Slowly, I headed towards Broadway. Seattle had put in new curb cuts, so the ride was smooth sailing. As I drove, I remembered that it hadn't always been an easy ride. I remember times when I'd go for a walk and one curb would be cut out with a ramp and the other would not. Sometimes I'd have to ride an entire block in the street until I found a curb cut on the opposite side of the street. Now, all the streets near the hospital had been modified. This would certainly make my life easier when I came back. I often moved between the different buildings that made up the Harborview campus.

Bella was right, once I got out here on the sidewalk, I calmed down. She got off the chair and crossed _with_ me the first few times to be sure I was alright. Before long, I realized how inconvenient that was for her, and the next time she attempted to climb off I stopped her. "Bella, I'm ok, just hang on and ride across the street with me. It's ok." The next time I stopped for a traffic light, she grabbed my shoulders and gave them a squeeze. She leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I'm proud of you Edward." I smiled like some sort of nut, as I pulled out into the crosswalk.

I could see the bowling alley just down the street. I pulled up to the brightly colored building that sat amongst several other store fronts. It had been recently painted, and I could hear the pounding bass of the sound system. It had been ages since I'd been in this kind of atmosphere. This was... exciting.

"Here we are Bella, can you open the door for us?"

She hopped down and grabbed the door, but then held her hand up and said, "Wait!" She walked to the other side of the entrance and hit a silver button with the blue wheelchair dude in the center. Automatic doors. _Sweet!_ I had to remember to acknowledge the change to the manager. Sometimes, I knew, they didn't think anyone appreciated renovations. I wanted to make sure they knew I'd be utilizing the new electric door. I wasn't surprised though, they were the first place in town to offer ramps and bumpers for people in wheelchairs and they had put in a lowered section at the bar so you could roll right up to it to get your order.

I guess Bella was learning while volunteering at the Center for Independent Living. She nudged me and said, "I've got a tape measure in my purse, you want me to go check the restroom and see if it complies with the ADA?"

I laughed. "Sure, that's a great idea. Maybe I'll borrow it from you later."

I paid for our game and her shoes; all she had to do was ask for the appropriate size. She returned from the bathroom with a wide grin on her face. "I _love_ this place. You should _see_ the restroom. I think it had stalls, but they were all removed and the entire thing is one huge room. It's incredible. The grab bars are at a good height, the sink is accessible, and the baby change station doesn't sit directly on the grab bar."

_That_ made me laugh. It used to be that they only had them in women's bathrooms, but a bunch of single father's protested and now they cropped up in the men's room frequently, too. For some reason, just like Bella said, they wanted to install them on top of the grab bar and then you couldn't use the bar to transfer. The darn changing table stuck out so much you couldn't get a wheelchair in far enough to transfer safely. It was a _huge_ pet peeve for me.

I'd have to visit the bathroom before I left- not to use it, but to peruse it. Who knew? Bella had become an undercover accessibility inspector. That shit was cool.

I looked over to the lane that the attendant said he'd put us on and they were just placing the ramp near the line for us. Bella cocked her head and then looked at me, confusion written all over her face.

"It's a ramp. I use it to bowl. It's very easy to move out of the way. We need to set up our machine; can you type our names into the computer? I won't be able to get close enough to it." I pointed to my perfectly straight legs. They certainly would pose a challenge for the next month.

I looked up on the screen and couldn't help but smile; there in big letters were our names. The attendant had entered CULLEN into the computer, to indicate our lane when I'd rented it. Under Cullen, Bella had entered our names. Like I said, it made me smile. I felt a little warm and fuzzy.

Bella seemed reluctant. _Why?_

"Is everything ok? Did you pick a ball?" She looked down at her colorful shoes and acted all bashful. "What's wrong, Bella?"

"I've never done this before."

"Never?"

"No, not ever."

"Come on, I'll help you. I'll need help picking out a ball too; I don't think I can get close enough to the rack." I led the way to the back, and took Bella over to one of the racks where the bowling balls were kept. They were supposed to be organized by weight, but no one ever put them away on the proper shelves.

"Why don't you get one for me first, I know what I need, I just need you to find it and set it on my lap."

"Ok, what do I look for?"

"See that little number stamped on the ball? That's the weight. If I were bowling without the ramp, I'd have you try to find one with the proper size finger holes as well, but that's irrelevant where I'm concerned. You'll want yours to have the proper finger holes."

"I understand. What size do you need?"

"First of all, open my backpack, there's a small pillow in there. Can you hand that to me?" I placed it on my thighs up close to my crotch. I knew if I laid the ball on my casts, it would probably just roll down my legs. "Now, I think I can handle about fifteen pounds. So just look for the number fifteen, when you find one, I'll get close so you don't have to carry it too far."

Bella turned the ball carousel. She smiled and reached down to the bottom shelf. She made a grunting noise and she lifted the ball- _I_ grunted when she dropped the black Brunswick ball into my lap. Thank God for pillows and fiberglass casts. The girl's aim was perfect… if she _intended_ to incapacitate me.

She blushed and giggled softly. "Sorry Edward."

"Come on; let's find a ball for you. Why don't you look for an eight pounder? You have tiny hands, so you want one with smaller openings for your fingers. You want it snug, but not so tight that your fingers stick in the holes, got it?"

"Yes sir!" She smiled as she saluted me. Damn, I wasn't trying to be a drill sergeant.

Bella walked around from one rack to the next, eventually I spotted her with a purple swirled Columbia. "Is this ok, Edward, it's the only eight that I could find." The holes were a little big, but it should be ok.

"Do you want to go first?" I asked her. She quickly shook her head.

I rolled myself over to the ramp, and lined myself up alongside it. I was used to pulling up head on, but not being able to bend my legs made that impossible. I reached out to my right and set the ball at the top of the ramp. I looked at the front of the ramp and saw it wasn't lined up very well. I wasn't trying to impress the girl, but a gutter ball on the first roll would be embarrassing.

Once I was certain everything was lined up to my liking, I gave the ball a push and away it went. I turned around towards Bella, not even watching my ball as I heard it hit the pins. Bella began clapping and I looked at the monitor when I'd gotten back to the ball return. I got a six the first roll. The four pins were split, I'd never hit them all, but then this wasn't about scoring, it was about having fun. My ball came back up the ball return and Bella reached for it while it was still moving.

"Bella! Stop! Don't ever do that!" Before I realized how harshly the words had come out, she looked like I'd slapped her. I needed to think before I reacted around her. I was so out of my league. "I'm sorry, come here. Please?" She shuffled over to me, her head hanging in embarrassment. I took her hand and squeezed. I turned her palm up and laid my right hand on top of it face up. With my left index finger, I traced the long scar that ran the length of my right ring finger.

"I'm not mad at you; I didn't mean to react so harshly. See this?" She nodded her head, still not talking to me. "I used to work in a bowling alley when I was about fourteen, one night when we were hurrying to clean everything up, I reached in between two balls as one came up from the ball return, my finger got smashed between two balls and it split open from end to end. I didn't want you to hurt yourself."

She fingered the scar and traced it with her fingertip. "I understand. I've never done this before, perhaps you could explain _before_ you freak out next time, ok?"

"Touché' Bella."

I reached over and got my own ball. The pillow was only so thick.

My next roll netted me two more pins. It was Bella's turn.

"Do you understand what to do? The shoes are slippery; you _want_ to be able to slide in them."

"I've been watching, but I'm not really sure what I do."

"Ok, first, pick up your ball. Are you right handed?" She nodded.

"So place your middle and ring finger of your right hand into the double hole at the top. Next place your thumb into the single hole." When she was cradling the ball to her chest, I asked her to follow me. I nudged the ramp out of her way. I placed her at the back of the approach. "When you start, you want to visualize the pins. Hold the ball up in front of your chest with both hands. When you're ready, bring the ball down to your right side. You want to take four steps to the line. Step one- lead off with the back foot on the ball side. Push the ball straight in front of you until your arms are extended and level with the floor. Your opposite hand should be helping to support the ball in front of you."

"Okay, anything else?"

"Yes, step two, swing the ball straight back. Step three, swing the ball forward. Your last step is your ball release. You want your feet to slide forward, your left foot will be behind you. Do you think you've got it?"

She looked baffled. "Can't I just push it down your ramp? I feel like I've got the handicap here, pardon the pun. It looks like I have to do all the work."

"I have the ultimate faith in you Bella. Just take your time, you don't need to hurry, just walk up to the approach. Use the arrows on the floor to line up your shot. You don't even have to look at the pins; in fact it's easier if you don't."

Bella grabbed her ball and followed my instructions to the tee, _except,_ on the backswing, she must have loosened her grip, I sat dumbfounded as her ball flew in my direction instead of rolling down the alley. I juked out of the way as it narrowly missed me.

Bella turned and gave me an embarrassed look. "Oops! I think the holes are too big." She walked over to retrieve her ball and apologized before she tried to take another swing. She left the ball go like a pro and turned around to walk towards me. I watched as the ball made its way down the center, closer and closer to the center pin.

"Bella, turn around!" She spun around, just in time to see her ball make purchase on the center pin. The remaining nine pins fell in its wake. _"Strike!" _When she walked over to me, she high-fived me. "That was an awesome throw for a beginner!"

Bella blushed, deep crimson. I felt bad that she was embarrassed, she should be proud.

I had to explain to her how scoring worked, even though the computer did it for us, I wanted her to _understand_ how the game was played.

I retrieved my ball and proceeded to roll two gutter balls.

Round after round, Bella and I played and laughed. We were having a blast. Bella had the last throw of the second game and we were going to go find dinner. She picked up her ball, lifted it to her chest and walked to the lane. She swung and followed through, but she had been a little too enthusiastic and when she slid, she landed on her behind with an "Oof!" That had to hurt; she had no padding on her butt.

"You ok Bella, are you hurt?" I wanted to rush over and frisk her, make sure she hadn't hurt anything.

She shook her head, "No, nothing hurt, just my pride." She got up gingerly and looked around to be sure no one had seen her fall. "You know, that's a tell tale sign that you've fallen." I laughed. She blushed and walked over to the ball return.

Bella went about finishing her game. In the end, I had a 63 from my first game and an 82 the second game. Bella broke a hundred with each of her games. "Not bad for a beginner. Did you have fun?"

She giggled, "Yeah, it was great. I've seen people bowl on TV, it just never looked that interesting. But this was fun."

"Are you hungry? We could get something here, or go grab something on the way back."

"I'm ok with it if you want to just grab something here. Did you want anything in particular?"

"Let's go see what they have." We looked up at the menu board and there were so many choices- all of them finger foods.

"I used to get the deep fried shrimp here, it's pretty good, and I haven't had seafood in ages. What are you hungry for, Bella?"

Bella ended up ordering a chicken finger basket and I got the shrimp. It wasn't great quality seafood, but it was good. It was hot and greasy and had breading. The steak fries were to die for- they had the skins still on them with just the perfect amount of salt. I covered them in malt vinegar. I had been in the hospital so long that I forgot how good _real_ food tasted.

"How are the chicken fingers?" Bella smiled with a mouthful and held one out in offering.

"I don't want to eat your dinner. I'm quite happy with this." I said, looking down at the bounty in the plastic basket in front of me. "Would you like to try the shrimp?"

She swallowed. "No, I really don't like seafood all that well. I'm good. Thanks anyway."

As we ate, we watched other people bowl. It had been a carefree afternoon. It was such a nice break from the hospital. I knew this would improve my mood, but I dreaded the longing I knew I'd feel once the euphoria of my outing had worn off.

I hadn't realized we were done; I'd been so lost in my thoughts, until Bella started clearing the table and cleaning up our mess. She came back with two more cokes. "Here, yours was gone. I thought you could use a refill."

I took a deep draw on the straw. "Thanks." I didn't normally enjoy fountain soda, usually it tasted a little off... sometimes it had a mildewy tinge to it, or the mix wasn't right and it was weak. This was the perfect balance of soda water and syrup. I took a few more deep pulls on the straw as I watched Bella. She was so pretty, in a bashful, awkward sort of way. She was humble and reserved, and extremely polite. My parents would have loved her. Esme adored her, and I knew she held a soft spot in Carlisle's heart, as well. I really wanted to spend time with her, lots of time. I wanted to get to know her so much better. _Did I dare to hope she'd want that too?_

I felt eyes on me and snapped out of my daze.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I felt the corners of my mouth lift into a smile. "I was just thinking, Miss Swan, that I'd love to do something like this with you again if you'd be interested. I can't remember when I've had this much fun."

"It hasn't been that long since you've been laid up, but I'm glad I amuse you."

"No, it hasn't been that long since the accident, but coming here with a bunch of guys from the ER or the stem cell lab isn't nearly as entertaining as coming here with you has been. I've never done anything like this with a girl."

"Really?" She sounded shocked.

"Really. I know I mentioned it, but life really was full before my accident. I worked four days a week with Jeff- your Dr. Jeffries.", I corrected. "I have to do at least one ER rotation a week, and normally I do several so Jeff can be home with his wife. Two days a week I work at the lab playing with DNA. I squeeze more lab time in where I can, between patients at our office; it helps get my student loans paid off."

Her eyes got huge. "When do you sleep?"

"Actually, it's not all that bad. All my office time is during the day. I have weekend hours alternating Saturday mornings with Jeff. My ER rotations, I don't actually have to be present in the ER, I just have to be on the premises. Normally I'm holed up in my office catching up on notes, reading new information in journals, or catching a snooze. The lab, I love. There is someone there 24/7, even if it's only security, so aside from my normal hours, I can sneak in whenever there's a decent break in my schedule. Several of us do that. I guess most scientists have non-existent social lives."

"It doesn't seem like you're in the lab a lot, isn't that your career goal? I remember you saying something about your desire to work in stem cell research, I'd think you'd designate more of your time there."

"I do have to put in a specific number of hours to retain my fellowship, but they've been extremely generous, and allow me to log my hours whenever I can. I guess it helps that my last name is Cullen. At least that's why Carlisle said he convinced me to change my name. Personally, I think he gets satisfaction in knowing he's passed on his last name to the next generation. Who knows, maybe one day science will take pity on me and I'll be able to pass that name on to a future generation." I sighed; I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.

"What was your last name before the accident?" She looked hesitant, but, really, I was ok with it.

"I was Edward Masen Jr." Bella smiled, she said it fit me somehow and that it amused her that I really _was_ a junior, because she always sort of thought of Carlisle and I as Dr. Cullen Sr. & Dr. Cullen Jr., even though we didn't bear the same first name.

"Well, hello Edward Masen. So nice to make your acquaintance." She giggled, as she shook my outstretched hand. I smiled, giving her hand a squeeze. She was adorable.

"My parents were Ed and Elizabeth Masen. Mom and Esme were sisters. It was just the two of them, and Dad was an only child. I'm the end of the bloodline, for both families."

"Yeah, me too. I mean there's my honorary step brother and sister, they aren't Swan's, heck our parents aren't even married, but they've been close for so long, I don't think of them as anything other than family. God help us all if Renee procreates, again. She was a sorry excuse for a mother the first time around. You haven't had the pleasure of meeting her." She laughed nervously, and I remembered hearing Carlisle's first impression of Bella's mother. No, I didn't think I'd enjoy meeting her. It would be difficult for me to keep my thoughts in check.

"No, I just met with your dad that one time. He seemed ok; it's obvious he thinks the world of you."

"Yeah, we're close, in our own way. He's not overly affectionate, but I know he loves me."

"That's nice," and it was. I was happy for her that she had at least one parent to go to for support. I'm sure the past year wasn't easy for her.

Bella stood up and smoothed her hands down her pant leg. "So, should we blow this popsicle joint? Do you have a curfew Dr. Cullen?"

"No, but I said I'd only be gone a few hours. Technically, you're completely responsible for me, you know." She giggled at the smirk on my face.

"Nothing like putting pressure on a girl. If I'd known that, we would have found an accessible bus."

"You're perfectly safe, Bella. No worries."

While Bella visited the restroom, I sought out the manager and congratulated him on all of the changes he had recently made in regards to accessible accommodations. I gave him a card for my support group, explaining that we provided technical support to businesses and organizations in the greater Seattle area as a public service. I also promised to add his business to a database we were compiling. When completed, it would be a website listing of local establishments that were wheelchair friendly. He was a nice guy and seemed genuinely interested in making his business accessible to everyone. I told him we'd most definitely be back.

Just as Bella came out of the restroom, he waved me over to the counter. "Edward, here, please take these for the members of your support group. We'd love to have you come back." I looked down at the booklet he had put in my hand. They were tickets for two free games and a free shoe rental for each person. There must have been fifty of them.

"Wow, thanks Felix. I'll be sure to spread the word. We love to support businesses that make an effort like you have to welcome us."

"Any time, Edward. Have a safe trip back to the hospital. Come see us again. If you'd like to use them for a large group outing, we could give you an evening of private bowing. Just give me a call."

"We will. Thanks again."

"Bye now. Take care."

"See ya later, Felix."

Bella looked confused. "What was that about? Did I miss something?"

"Well, yeah, sort of. The guy who owns the place gave us a huge stack of coupons for free bowling and shoes. He more or less invited the entire support group to come over and bowl on the house."

"That was really nice of him."

"Yeah, it was. I wanted to acknowledge the splendid job they did when they renovated. I've always liked this place, but this makes it even more inviting. He said I was the first person who even mentioned anything about all the accessible changes. I didn't tell him my friend was wielding a tape measure in the ladies restroom as we spoke. That might have freaked him out."

We both laughed as she came over and climbed onto the wheelie bars. With a lurch we took off. I came close to doing a little wheelie. It was hard to accomplish with the wheelie bars on, when I was a kid, I always removed them. I knew it was dangerous, but hey... I was young and dumb. I never did flip it over, though.

As we rode, it began to rain. By the time we got back we had to shake the rain off our jackets in the ER entrance way. We were both laughing like a couple of kids. We passed the good Dr. Cullen as he made his way out of his office with a huge grin on his face. I returned it. I felt the same way.

Bella hung our jackets over the chairs in my room. "I had a really nice time, Edward. Thanks for taking me. It was a new experience and I was a little apprehensive, but it was a lot of fun."

"You're welcome, Bella. I enjoyed myself, too. I'd love to do something like that again, but only if you want to."

"Yeah, me too, I'll let you know, ok?"

I smiled to myself; it was as if our roles were reversed. Bella came and picked me up, now she was delivering me safely to my doorstep. I saw a few of the nurses watching from their station in the center of the corridor. Bella leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks for dinner."

I reached up and put my hand over the spot where her lips had just been. I was _such_ a girl.

"Thanks for going out on my first adventure."

"Goodnight Edward." With that she turned and walked back to the elevator, leaving me sitting there by my room with my hand still on my cheek and a goofy grin on my face.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Eighteen

~Edward~

When Esme came in to see me she was bubbling over with excitement. The orderly from PT was assisting my nurse to lift me into bed, and I was afraid my aunt would explode. She was bouncing around like Alice.

Finally, when I was positioned and the last of the hospital staff exited my room, she left out a huge gust of air.

I couldn't help but laugh at her impatience; it was so out of character for her.

"What's got you so excited this morning, Mom? You gonna be ok?" Not even bothering to say hello before she launched into her story she broke into a huge smile as she relayed her news.

"I went to a Concrete Change meeting last night, Edward."

"And this is exciting news? Has your life really gotten _that_ boring? I think you hang around here too much, you need to get a life!" I couldn't contain my humor; she seemed excited over something so trivial.

The expression she wore was one of exasperation. "No, my life is _not_ that boring, and yes, it's _very_ exciting news. There was a developer at the meeting who specializes in accessible housing. A large tract of land was donated to the city for a housing development that utilizes universal design. It's only a few miles from our house, hon. He's got a number of multi-level homes completed, and he's at the rough-in stage of three single level units. If you want to, we could drive over there and look at them. You could be a part of the interior design portion of the job, if you like one of them." She took in a huge gulp of air. I don't think she had taken in a breath since she'd started.

"I'd love to Esme, but," I motioned to my legs, "it would be far too difficult for you to get me there. I don't fancy the idea of another setback."

My mother was crest-fallen. "But... I really want you to see them... before you make a decision. What if we wait too long and they are all gone before you have a chance to see them? Don't you see... this... is serendipity? The perfect home will be ready for you to move into just as you're getting out of the last of the casts." I knew she meant well, but getting into the back of someone's vehicle didn't seem like a great idea, no matter what the reason was.

"Maybe you could videotape a walk through for me. Honestly, in something like this, I trust your judgment explicably. If you wanted to just choose the one you thought was most suited to my needs, I'd be fine with it."

"You know I'd never agree to that though, don't you?"

I sighed, "Yes, and I understand. Look, video tape the housing development, and record a walk through of each of the houses. Can you get a print out of the floor plan? I would have a few stipulations. They are transporting me to rehab in a week or so, perhaps we can get them to at least do a drive through the development. I'll already be in a transport van."

She had a shit eating grin on her face and I knew I'd gotten to her. "I'll call him now, and maybe I can make an appointment for today, yet." Before I could say anything else, she was rushing out the door. "I'm going to Carlisle's office, be right back."

While she was gone, a girl from dietary brought my lunch. I don't think I ever knew her name, for some reason she really irritated me and at some point early on, I decided her name was irrelevant to me. I called her Suzy. I knew she didn't like it, but after a while, she quit trying to correct me.

I picked up the greasy hamburger she brought me, flicking the wilted lettuce onto the tray. I squirted catsup and mustard onto the dry bun, thinking all the while that even a cheeseburger from McDonalds would taste like gourmet food compared to this. I took a few bites, hoping Esme had thought to bring me something edible, even though I'd never ask.

If I did, she'd run out to find me something. I refused to do that to her, she'd spent months hanging around here doing anything and everything she could to make me comfortable. I knew she was trying to compensate for what she felt I was missing out on.

She was still reeling from almost losing me again, and I hoped progressing to rehab would allow her to relax a little. I refused to let her run herself ragged over me like she had after my first accident. She and Carlisle had made so many sacrifices over the years on my behalf, and sometimes the guilt was all-consuming.

I hated being so needy, but I also knew that no amount of protest on my part would make them change their ways. They were, by far, the most self sacrificing people I'd ever known. While it made me uncomfortable at times, I was extremely grateful to have them.

I trudged through the burger hoping I wouldn't have to purge my system and regurgitate it later. At least the potato chips were prepackaged, a well known brand in the area and I could eat them without fear of food poisoning. As I opened the bag, Esme burst through the door, squealing in excitement. I jerked, the bag tore completely open and my chips, which looked like a steam roller had run over the bag, flew through the air like confetti before they landed on my bed strewn from one end to the other.

Esme had her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh, "Oh honey let me help you with that." I threw the empty bag down on my tray. _So much for having chips. _

"There's no point. Please just get someone to help me get out of bed so they can clean this mess up." I didn't mean to appear rude, I was just so frustrated.

Esme hit the buzzer to summon the nurse, and then she turned to me. "Once they get you up we'll go down to the snack shop. They've got chips and there's always some kind of fresh fruit. I'm sorry; I was so excited about the houses that I forgot to stop for your lunch." She was trying to brush the chip crumbs off my casts and my shirt. They were everywhere. She snickered as she flicked chip particles from my hair while she ruffled it with her fingers.

I loved the fact that the hospital staff had finally allowed me some independence and I was leaving the floor on a regular basis now. Even a few weeks ago, that hadn't been permissible. The change was very liberating.

Once I was situated, we went down to the snack shop and snagged a few things that appeared edible. Esme was tapping her foot as she waited for the elderly volunteer running the cash register to quit flirting with the customer ahead of us. Finally we were on our way out the door, our prize in a paper sack. "Blue hairs!" she huffed. "I swear! God help us all if your uncle ever gets like that."

"Hey, lets go for a walk." I'd never shown her the garden, and being on the board of directors, I imagined she'd been there before, but today I wanted to share the tranquility of it with her. We just needed some quiet time to talk. "Have you ever been to the garden?" I asked her.

She nodded while taking a sip of her coffee. "Once after it was first designed, Carlisle and I went up, but it's been a long time."

"Come. It's such a quiet spot." She nodded again, silently following as I headed down the corridor to the elevator that would take us to the ninth floor. Since the day I'd first shared it with Bella, I tried to indulge myself for a short period of time each day. The only way I could get there was to catch a nurse on her break and try to dazzle her into going to the rooftop. I couldn't navigate the doors alone... _if only they were all automatic. _Even Jessica Stanley went with me one day. "You know, you don't have to try and charm me, Edward." she said. "All you had to do was ask. I'd have taken you."

I tried to joke about it. "Charm you? I'm not capable of charming anyone." I put on my best disarming smile. I knew the things they said behind my back, but I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think I was interested. The only girl who held my interest was a particular brunette I'd taken an unexpected liking to. The feeling was so foreign to me. I still feared she would never reciprocate my growing feelings, so I tried to squash them whenever they crossed my mind. I was a glutton for punishment though, some days I felt like I should have never tried to lure her back into my life, but I couldn't seem to help myself. Recently though, I had become hopeful. Bella was receptive to spending time with me outside of the hospital. It felt like we were more than friends, but I didn't want to pressure her. She agreed to another non-date in the future. That was enough for me.

Jessica's nasally voice pulled me out of my daydream. "Edward Cullen, you've got to be kidding me, you could charm the stripes off a tiger."

We joked and laughed the entire way to the rooftop that day, and I was actually able to enjoy her company. She wasn't trying to paw at me and it was an easy conversation. Although I could only imagine the gossip she'd spread when she had gone back to the unit. I was desperate though, it was late in the day, and I hadn't had my daily fix of fresh air, so even she would do. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Going somewhere secluded with Jessica Stanley, when no one else was aware, was about as desperate as a guy could get.

Esme, I knew, would take any time she could get with me outside the hospital environment. She wanted me home nearly as much as I wanted it.

Home would be a new adventure this time. Even a few weeks ago, I had thought I'd have to impose on my aunt's hospitality again, but once I'd made the decision to get my own place, I embraced it.

I wouldn't be going back to Esme and Carlisle's home to recuperate. The first time we were forced into that situation, Esme nearly ran herself to death trying to juggle my care, the paperwork, and fighting with the insurance company for the logging company. She even found herself fighting with the billing department at the hospital on a nearly daily basis as well. All the while trying _so desperately_ to console an eighteen year old boy who got emotional each time he looked at her, because she bore such a close resemblance to the mother he was still mourning.

This time, I was determined to remain in a rehabilitation setting until I was capable of caring for myself independently. As long as my home plan didn't include a family member or care giver, they wouldn't send me back until I was fairly self-sufficient. I intended to push the envelope as far as possible; it helped that I would be paying for my rehab costs out of pocket as my insurance didn't deem it medically necessary for me to remain in the hospital for an undetermined amount of time. I had only tapped into the trust fund from my parent's wrongful death award for the bare necessities, but I refused to allow Esme to kill herself caring for me. It would be money well spent. My aunt was fifteen years older than the last time, and while she looked incredible for her age, I could see the little signs... the crow's feet and the touches of gray at her temples.

Esme had garden clubs and ladies aid meetings to go to. I wouldn't have her wiping my butt or dragging me to appointments in the old Ford Econoline van that still sat in their garage. No, that wouldn't do. Esme deserved better than that. While I had to live this nightmare more than once, my family did not, and I was determined to ensure that they didn't.

While I had Alice, and she'd live in if I asked, I longed for independence and I'd never have it unless I pushed myself to be as physically fit as I had been before I got hit.

By helping me find my own home, Esme was ensuring that things fell into place, just as I'd like them to. It pleased me that she wasn't hurt or upset because I chose not to live with them. I didn't want her to ever think I didn't appreciate every single thing she's ever done for me... anything _either_ of them had done. Carlisle was my mentor, my confidant... they both meant so much to me. They gave constantly without expecting anything in return, and just like I would have with my mom and dad, I felt I owed it to them to be the very best man I could be.

The ding of the elevator signaled the ninth floor and it brought me out of my musings. Suddenly the hospital felt stifling and I couldn't wait till we broke through that last door onto my rooftop and got outside. _My rooftop? I wonder when I suddenly became so possessive._

She followed along as I navigated the corridor, more sure of myself with each passing day. I couldn't wait to get rid of these long casts. When I was free of them, and my legs could bend, I'd be able to come and go by myself. Freedom was just beyond my grasp and it was all I thought about when I was alone. I could taste it!

As Esme opened the door, the rays of sunshine burst through into the pale yellow corridor that had previously been illuminated with the fake brightness of fluorescent lighting. Stepping out onto the rooftop was like entering another world. Birds were happily singing, the fountain was babbling full force and many of the flowers were in full bloom. I inhaled deeply and left the breath out. The feeling was cathartic.

We wound our way through the garden past a couple sitting near the doorway. They were elderly, and the man was oblivious to everything but his beloved whose hand he gripped as if it were a lifeline. Sitting on a concrete bench near a sky blue hydrangea bush, he gazed at her with his undivided attention. Bundled in a blanket, she sat in one of the bulky, old hospital issued wheelchairs as an IV pole hung above her dripping some chemical poison into her veins. She was rail thin and deathly pale, her skin was like fragile parchment, and her once full head of silver grey hair was now covered with a silk scarf. I noticed that she was wearing the standard, hospital issued, non-skid slippers that all patients wore. Her eyes were closed but a smile graced her delicate features as she hummed a tune from a time long ago.

Esme smiled and dipped her head in their direction as we passed. The old man smiled and tipped his hat in response.

A few nurses were scattered here and there, but the best seats were unoccupied and there were a few private places where we could have a conversation.

I could tell Esme was bubbling again as she picked a place to sit. It made me laugh to see her so happy. It had been such a rare sight since Halloween and I had just recently realized how much I missed seeing her that way.

As soon as I shut off my chair she sat down and grabbed my hand. I looked down where our hands were joined. She laughed nervously and pulled hers away. "It's ok, Esme, I was chuckling at your enthusiasm. I've missed it. So... before you explode- please tell me what you've found out."

"I know I said I wanted to talk about the house, but before we do, you have _got_ to tell me about your date with Bella." Her eyes twinkled, and it broke my heart to burst her bubble, but I needed to make sure she understood.

"Mom, Bella and I went bowling, _as friends_. It's nothing serious. I don't think either of us are looking for someone serious to date. We enjoy each other's company, and we seem to have a lot in common. Please don't pressure either of us about it. If you insist, I won't share any aspect of our friendship with you."

She cast her eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to offend you. I'll try to be more sensitive to your feelings." She looked devastated. I didn't mean to hurt her. I just didn't need her setting any of us up for a fall.

"Come on, you wanted to discuss the house. Please tell me about that. I really want to know what you found out!" She smiled slightly and held out the folder she'd been carrying.

"The builder is going to meet with me this Friday. He's more than happy for us to videotape the houses, and as I walk through, he'll narrate, explaining the proposed amenities of each home. He's sending home floor plans for each, and of course, you are free to choose anything you need or desire for your home. He's at the perfect stage for you to give him input. He'll send over samples of carpeting, cabinets and wood trim. I'll have everything so that we can go over it this weekend. I'm so excited for you!"

"I'm pleased that he wants to work with me. There are some things I'd really like to have in my home. If I'm going to build an accessible home, I'm almost guaranteed to live out my life there. I want to do this right the first time."

Esme was overjoyed to be involved with the whole project, and her time and experience would be invaluable to me.

We sat on the rooftop for a while, just reminiscing and enjoying each other's company. As I looked at my aunt, I couldn't help but wonder how my mom would look now. Even though she was several years Esme's junior, she'd be graying and showing some wrinkles too. There were days when I didn't even think about them, and then there were days like today, when something big occurred that I couldn't get them off my mind, even if I tried. I'd long since realized that there was nothing I could have done to prevent their deaths, even if I'd wanted to, but thinking of them always brought on a wave of sadness. I really needed to take that long overdue trip to Forks and say goodbye properly.

Esme pulled me out of my reflections of the past. "Hey, where did you go? It seemed like you were a million miles away, hon. Everything alright?"

I blinked my eyes and sighed as I tried to stretch. It was such a simple thing, stretching, but I learned it wasn't possible in a body cast. I was so relieved to be done with that. "I'm okay. I was just thinking."

She didn't push for further explanation, Esme was great like that. She'd sit and wait, never pushing or prodding. She knew if I needed something I'd come to her. "Do you have an exact date for the move to rehab? Are they waiting for anything special?"

"That… ", I pointed at the graft on my ankle- it had been months, but it was still open. "can't be open. It has to be healed completely, and they don't have a bed available yet."

"Is it normal for them to deny someone just because they have an open area? Is it that big a deal?" She seemed to be contemplating the situation. "Isn't it common for people in rehab to have pressure sores and healing incisions that are still open wounds?"

"It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't been a staph infection. There _are_ other people there with open areas. _That_ is the problem. I can't go over there and infect someone else. With a documented case of a antibiotic resistant staph infection, I can't get near the place until it's completely healed.""

She scrutinized my ankle, "How bad is it now? Can I see it when we go back to the room?"

"Sure. That's fine. It's not real bad; just a few open areas on it, but it must be healed completely. The wick has to come out, as well." Infection control and the wound healing center had worked together for months and the most recent attempt at healing my ankle was to put in a cotton wick to draw the infection out and to foster healing on the inside before the overlying skin closed up. Day by day the nurses pulled out a little of the wick and cut it off. Soon it would be removed and the wound would be permitted to heal naturally.

"I bet you're excited to get out of here." I knew _she_ was excited, but she didn't understand how little would change for me.

"I would be if this was it, but I'm just jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I'll still be staring at four walls; I'm going to be working harder than I have in years. I know I'm going to be in a lot of pain. But essentially I'll still be stuck in a facility with very few liberties." She hung her head, I'm sure she hadn't thought about it in this light.

Soon she squeezed my hand. "But, it_ is _one step closer to being home. That _has got_ to feel good."

"It does… it's just been such a long road. There have been so many setbacks and I get so easily frustrated. Things just aren't progressing as quickly as I'd like them to. I want to be doing more for myself." What I wanted most of all was to be able to bend. I had been straight and stiff for so long. With the limited sensation in my legs, there wasn't an incredible amount of pain, but the stiffness I felt all throughout my body.

"Come on, let's go back inside. I need to go run some errands soon. Will Alice be here this afternoon?" Esme stood and smoothed her trousers. She turned and looked at the spot where the old couple had been sitting when we came out onto the rooftop. "Do you remember them Edward? He was the pharmacist at the little independent pharmacy where I used to get all your supplies. Occasionally he'd drop something by the house. His wife always kept the books and handled all the general merchandise. She ran the register in the front of the store."

"I vaguely remember them. Don't forget, after I was doing better and getting out and about, I wasn't here long before I went to school. Has she had cancer long?"

"Different bouts over the years, she told me once that she'd had a hysterectomy at a very young age. They never had children, either. I found a kindred spirit in her. We've been friends a long time."

I was sad that she hadn't stopped to say hello to her friend. "Why didn't you take the time to visit? She doesn't look well." We both knew what I was alluding to. She sat back down and took my hand.

"She has dementia now. I doubt she'd remember me. She looked so at peace. I didn't want to intrude on their moment."

"I understand. She did look happy. He was watching her so reverently. It's like his world revolves around her." I couldn't help but smile, thinking of their gentle touches and quiet whispers.

"It probably does son, that's what happens when you're with someone you love for that long. You'll see. One day you'll see." She smiled whimsically.

"He makes your sun rise and set, doesn't he? Carlisle, I mean." I could see it every time they looked at one another… that intense connection, where their world just stopped for the moment.

"Your uncle _is_ more than my world. He's the sun, and my world revolves around him. You'll see. One day you'll find her." She looked like the Cheshire cat. There was no way she understood. _I can't bear to even have hopes like that._

I suddenly found the blanket covering my lap very interesting. I was picking at the edge of it as I whispered, "No, that's not for me. I had it once and you saw how that went." I doubt she even heard me. Even after all this time I was still so embarrassed about that traumatic weekend.

To add insult to injury, Esme started to laugh. "What, you mean _Tanya_? Puleeeze! Or… were you talking about Bella?"

"Yes, I meant Tanya. Bella has _nothing_ to do with this conversation." As much as I loved her, my mom could be a real pain when she was attempting to be a matchmaker. She had been none too subtle lately about Bella since they'd become friends of sorts.

"You can't tell me you honestly thought Tanya Denali was _the one_?" Esme seemed shocked.

I felt a little insulted. "Yeah, at the time, I _did_ think she was the one." I thought back to all the lazy Saturday afternoons when we lay in my bed snuggling and talking about our futures… where we'd live, how many kids we wanted, our careers… at the time it seemed like it would last forever.

"Edward, you were both _very_ young. She was your first serious relationship. Many people date for a number of _years_ before they find the right one. Love at first sight is very cliché." I knew she had a point. I had allowed Tanya's rejection to sully my future. I was so afraid they'd all be alike. I'd never left anyone else get that close to me again.

"The way Tanya abandoned you that day when you were still so vulnerable, that's not love. There's just no way that girl was ready, not for that kind of commitment. I'm not saying there _aren't_ young women out there who wouldn't have been able to deal with your situation, but no, I never thought she was the one. She would have found another high school aged boy when you left for college." She hugged me and gave me a big squeeze. "Now, Bella _that _girl is something else. I know there's something there."

I groaned. I should have seen it coming. "You don't know anything." I growled through gritted teeth.

"But I do, son. _I'm_ the one who picked up the pieces and put her back together after you forced her out of your room that day. It was me who held her as she sobbed in that filthy restroom. You have _no idea_ how broken she was. We had to call her work; she was so upset she couldn't even go back after lunch. I know you're attempting friendship. You should really apologize to her if you haven't."

My heart was beating in my chest like I'd just run a marathon. Bella had fought so hard before she agreed to coming back and visiting me. It took a while for me to understand just how deeply I'd hurt her. This only solidified it. I was no better than Tanya, even if I had done my fair share of groveling to Bella before we had tried to start our friendship over again.

"It's water under the bridge now. I just had no idea that she'd reacted that way… Do you really think she cares… you know… like _that_?" We'd gotten closer and shared so many conversations, I yearned to be closer to her, but I just had no idea how she felt. She'd kissed my cheek a few times, but the kisses were chaste and _friendly._

"I know she does. Just continue to do things as friends. If it's meant to blossom, it will." She gave me a knowing smile.

"Come one, let's get you back to your room. I need to start dinner soon. Carlisle asked me to make lasagna. I need to go to the store for cheese and makings for a salad."

She was holding the door open so that we could get back inside. As I wheeled through, I thought about that lasagna. I could practically taste it. I couldn't wait to eat another one of Esme's home cooked meals, even though she brought food from time to time, often she brought take out. "He's a smart man, your lasagna sounds incredible. Would you bring me some the next time you're here? You're making my mouth water."

"I'll bring it tomorrow."

When we got back to the room, Esme helped me get situated. There wasn't a nurse in sight. "If you come early enough tomorrow, you can see my ankle when they change the dressing. I know you have to get going."

She ruffled my hair and kissed my cheek. "Alright, I'll try to be here around eight. I love ya kid. I'd better get to the store."

"Love you too. Have a wonderful evening."

She gathered her things and left. As much as I loved her, she was frustrating when she got an idea in her head, especially if it involved me and a girl. I wanted to be able to spend time with Bella without the fear of my family meddling and putting her off. Only time would tell if a future with Bella was meant to be.

* * *

Thank you for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Nineteen

~Bella~

I finally met the elusive Alice a few days ago when I was leaving Edward after a late lunch. It was Good Friday and I didn't have to work again until Tuesday.

She breezed into Edward's room just as I was putting my coat on. "Hi Bella, I'm Alice. Edward's told me so much about you. I know we'll be great friends."

I looked at her, and shook my head. _Presumptuous much?_ It wasn't that I was opposed to becoming Alice's friend, from what I understood, she and Edward were close and when he went home, she would be very intimately involved in his care. She just seemed so effervescent compared to my quiet, almost backwards demeanor.

Edward smirked at me, as if he could read my mind. "Don't overwhelm her Alice. I'll kick your butt if you scare her away." He was laughing, but there was a serious tone to his comment and it made me feel all squishy inside. I really liked Edward, and to hear him make a comment that inferred he wanted me to stick around was rather... nice.

"I've got to get going, Edward. I'm going to Forks with my dad tomorrow, so have a nice Easter. I'll stop by on Monday, is that alright?"

He whined. _Whined_. _Playing on my sympathy will get you nowhere, bub._

"I guess... I wish you didn't have to go."

I walked over and gave him a peck on the cheek.

His frown turned into a grin.

"I'll see you on Monday, if you behave, I'll bring a surprise." I had seen these stickers in a medical supply store when I went in looking for a cane. _Yes, a cane. _I had a few balance issues and Dr. Jeffries suggested that my gait might be more stable with an adaptive device, so I broke down and got one. It was... pretty... girlie with flowers on it, and didn't look obtrusive like some medical devices did. I'd yet to break it out and actually use it. But it was there... in my closet... with the other _things..._ just in case. Anyway, Alice might be just the person to answer my question. I was going to ask Esme, but just hadn't gotten around to it.

"Alice, could you walk with me to the elevator? There's something I'd like to discuss with you." Edward perked up and whipped his chair around. "I'll walk you to the elevator, Bella!" He looked excited, like a little boy, and I hated to disappoint him. "Sorry, Edward, this is girl talk. Not happening, buddy. I'll see you on Monday." I grinned and walked out the door, hoping Alice would follow. I didn't get far before she bounced up to me.

_Was she always this energetic?_ "Did you need something Bella? What's up?" She was all smiles, and seriously, I guess she wasn't all that bad. I was sure I'd get used to her. I'd decided I wasn't going to let Edward just roll out of my life when he left this place, and if that were the case, I'd no doubt see her a lot.

"I was thinking... I was in this store, and I saw these things called Cast Tatts. I want to buy one for Edward, but I didn't know if that was something he'd take offense to. I mean people sign casts all the time, but I noticed I've never seen anything like that on his and I just didn't want to offend him if he wasn't into that kind of thing." I took a breath; it had all run out of my mouth like verbal diarrhea.

"Ooh! I've seen those online. They're like a sticker you put on a cast right?"

"Yeah, what do you think? Some of them are sort of juvenile, but others are pretty cool. I was thinking Chinese symbols. They have ones for strength, bravery... I don't know. He's been through so much... Would he be upset if I got something like that?"

"Oh, no, I don't think so. In all actuality, I believe he'd be flattered. He's quite taken with you Bella." She winked, and I had to smile. I was getting that vibe too, and spending time with him a few times a week; I had really come to enjoy him as well. He'd respected my wishes to take things at an easier pace, and honestly, I felt like I'd been taking the lead with our physical interaction. He'd mentally rushed into whatever it was he thought we were, only to freak out with where it was going. His mood swings were something I just couldn't deal with. After we found common ground and just concentrated on becoming friends, things began to naturally progress into something comfortable. He really was a sweet guy and I found myself looking forward to the time we spent together, now.

"He does have a fiberglass cast right? They don't work on plaster."

"Oh, yeah, they are fiberglass. He'll love it. I've never seen them in a store locally, where did you find them?" Edward has said she had a shopping addiction or something. I wasn't sure if Edward had told her anything about my background, but I figured she'd know eventually if she didn't already.

"I saw them in the Sunrise Medical Supply store."

"Oh, were you looking for them specifically? Most people don't go to a medical supply store to just 'shop'." She made little quotes with her fingers.

"No, I was actually buying a cane for myself when I saw them. Some of the canes had similar artwork."

She didn't bat an eyelash, either she knew, or she was being polite by not being nosy. Either way, it was a relief. "Did you find a nice one? You said they had artwork."

"Yeah, I did get a nice one. It's lavender with violets all over it. And it's lightweight, aluminum."

She smiled. "Ooh, I bet it's pretty. It's amazing what they've come up with lately."

"Yeah, I can deal with it, it's girlie, but not too girlie." The elevator dinged. "Well, have a nice Easter, Alice; I really need to get going."

"You too Bella, nice meeting you."

I got in the elevator and left.

On my way home I stopped and picked out several tatts for the casts. I spent more than a little bit of time looking them over. Many were either too girlie or were geared for children, where others were themed like superheroes, cars, and Disney characters. Then I saw it, a single peg which held some Chinese symbols. These were by far, the classiest and most mature. I pulled out one for each cast. One stood for strength, and the other meant hope. As I turned to leave, a tatt that I hadn't seen before caught my eye and I put down my first choices. I knew I was smiling when I walked up to the register; I was smiling on the inside, too. It was... simply... perfect.

I waited in line, looking at different medical equipment. Some of the things I saw were very common, other things I recognized, but had never really spent much time around. I thought about Edward and how his life revolved around this stuff. All this equipment. I wondered briefly about his daily life. How did he get into the shower? Did he have a shower chair? Did he use a transfer board, or did he stand up to pivot? I didn't think he did that, or could, with Alice... she was so tiny. I also wondered if he would sleep in a hospital bed at home. Could he sit on a commode? I realized that I had no idea what home life was like for him... or what it would be since his accident.

He lived off campus in an apartment before he got hit, with other guys, so I doubt he had too many contraptions. Most apartments geared towards college kids were fairly cramped.

"Miss? Can I help you?" The older woman standing behind the register asked.

"Mmm, yes, I'm sorry, I was just thinking about something. I'd like to buy this." I handed her the tatt, she rang it up and put it in a small paper bag. "Now be sure to follow the directions carefully, and it will go on real easy."

"Thanks." She waved as I left. Pleasant woman.

I decided to take the tatt to my dad's, if he got wrapped up in a game with Billy or went to bed early, reading the directions would give me something to do for a little while. I was sort of excited about checking it out. I hoped Edward would like it and not be offended, or think it was juvenile.

I went home and finished packing my overnight bag, then took a short nap until I heard Charlie knock on the door. I always knew it was him, he knocked confidently. Must have been all those years as a cop.

Riding home was always quiet and seemed to take forever. Charlie was a man of few words, but the silence was nice. It gave me time to get into a different frame of mind. I considered telling him about Edward but I didn't want him to misunderstand my intentions. We were still technically just friends, and I was afraid either he'd make too much out of it in hopes that I _was _dating, or... he'd make too much out of it and freak out _because_ he thought I was dating, no guy would ever be good enough. I'd just wait and see how things went. No point rushing into it now and being stuck three hours away from Seattle while he was in a bad mood all weekend.

I felt myself drifting off as I left my mind wander. The radio played in the background as Charlie hummed some seventies love song. Before I knew it, he was nudging my shoulder. "Come on Bells, we're here."

I stretched and yawned loudly. When I opened the door, the smell of Forks hit me. It smelled like grass and rain and as much as I hated to admit it, I missed it. I opened the back door of the cruiser to grab my bag but Charlie already had it. "Forget it kiddo, you're a guest for the weekend."

When I got to the porch I looked around, the place looked a little shabby. "Hey Charlie, you need to fix this porch before someone breaks their neck and sues you."

"Yeah, yeah... I'll get to it one of these days."

"You said that the last time I was here." We both laughed. It was the story of his life. Fishing trumped everything on a weekend. It would be a real sacrifice for him to stay home and fix the porch.

"I was actually thinking about seeing if any of the boys over at the res would be interested in making some money this summer. You know, clean the place up a bit."

"Sounds like a plan, cuz we both know _you're_ never gonna do it."

We went inside and Charlie took my bag upstairs. I followed him. While up there I decided to freshen up as well as put everything away. I'd considered bringing the cane, but didn't want to freak him out or worse yet have him hound me with questions I wasn't ready to answer. I was okay, I was just unsteady _sometimes_. In the end, I had decided that the railings in the stairway would suffice to keep me upright. I'd just be extra careful.

Charlie surprised me; he stayed home for the afternoon and refrained from fishing. "So, I wanted to talk to you Bells. I was thinking about retiring next spring. What do you think?"

_Retire? My Dad? Wow, I never thought I'd see the day. But what would he _do_ with himself all day? Sit around and fish, and drink beer? _

"Uh, yeah, sure Dad. It'll give you time to do things around the house." I snickered, but the more I thought about it I considered all the times I had laid awake upstairs while he was out patrolling. I'd be awake all night, fearful because I'd heard on the news that there was a hold-up at the liquor store or the convenience mart. Maybe it was a good idea for him to retire.

"Aren't you kind of young to retire, though? You're not even fifty."

"No, I'll be fifty in January, and I've already got 30 years on the force. I was a fulltime deputy before I found out Renee was pregnant with you. I can retire with full benefits at fifty. Deputy Mark is a good guy who'd love to fill my shoes. He could use the money, his wife is expecting. It's time for the old man to step down and let some young blood get in there and fight crime. I'm ready Bells."

Charlie reached in the freezer and pulled a two foot long foil wrapped package out and laid it on the counter to thaw. _Great, Northern Pike for dinner._ "So, how about you, Bella? Anything new going on in your life?"

"No, not really. I'm thinking about looking for another place this summer. Other than that, same old- same old."

"No new guy in your life?"

_Did I really want to go there? Don't do it Bella! At least wait till you're on the way home._ "Uh, no, not really. You know. School keeps me pretty busy."

"So... who's Edward?" I hung my head._ I was talking in my sleep, again._

"Oh, we're just friends. He's a guy I met during on of my hospital stays. We visit once in a while."

_Liar, liar, pants on fire! _

_Once in a while... Hah! Like daily... _

"You picking up guys at the hospital now?"

"It's not like that. We get along well, and he's there for an extended stay. I'm sure he gets lonely."

"Is he okay? I mean, well, will he be okay? Obviously, if he's there for an extended time, he's not _okay_."

"Really, he _is_ alright. He's recovering from a serious accident, but they're talking about releasing him soon. He's doing really well." I couldn't help but smile. I was happy for Edward; he'd worked diligently with his physical therapists to get stronger so he could go home.

I heard Charlie grunt out a "Hmph!", and I knew we weren't done with the subject, but for now it was laid to rest.

I went to the pantry and found a few potatoes. I wanted to make some sort of vegetable, but I didn't see anything worth attempting to ingest. "You need to go to the store later. I'll go with you, but we need groceries."

"Yeah, yeah... we have enough for dinner, though, right?"

"Yeah, dinner will be fine."

Charlie and I worked quietly together in the kitchen. Soon the pike filets were breaded and frying in sunflower oil, and the potatoes were boiling in their skins. It had been so long since I'd eaten them like that. Simple- with their skins on in some salt water- smash them on your plate with some butter and we're all set. I always put a dollop of ketchup on them too. Call me weird, but I did it as a kid, and now it was a comfort food of sorts.

Dinner was nice. While I cleaned up, Charlie talked with someone on the phone. "I'm going over to Billy's Bella. Do you want to come along?"

I used to hang out with Jake a lot, but he was in Seattle now. _Hang out with Dad and Billy while they drank beer and watched TV? No thanks._

"Nah, I think I'll make it an early night. Have fun."

"You too Bells, get some rest. We'll shop tomorrow for Easter dinner. Goodnight, now."

I heard the cruiser tires in the gravel and then it was quiet. I turned off all the lights but the one in the kitchen and I headed up to my room. I didn't want to be vague with Charlie about Edward, but it wasn't a lie. I just wasn't sure how to discuss it with him. We didn't talk about things like that, but he seemed genuinely interested in my life and how I was doing. It wasn't that he didn't care, I knew he did, he was just... well... Charlie.

I showered and pulled on some sweats and an old Forks high tee shirt. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand where I'd left it before dinner. Seven missed texts. I decided I'd better address them now, so I didn't get awakened at some ungodly hour. Edward still didn't sleep well at night, and we talked... often.

_**Psst! Be-ll-a? You there? -E**_

_**Helloooooo? -E**_

_**Hey it's a Friday night. I'm bored. Where are you? -E**_

_**I know you're out there. Are you avoiding me? -E**_

_**Did you make it there ok? You never called me. -E**_

_**While I hope you're out having fun, I wish you'd let me know you're ok. -E**_

_**Bella, you're starting to worry me! -E**_

_**I'm going to sleep... I guess. Goodnight. :-( -E**_

The last one was left 20 minutes ago. He'd still be awake, if I knew Edward.

I was going to text, but I was too tired. I put my Bluetooth in my ear and called his phone. That way I could snuggle down into the covers. He picked up before I even heard it ring.

"Bella?"

"Yes, silly, who else would it be? What's up?"

"I was worried about you."

"What, here in Forks? It's rarely dangerous in Forks. _Now over in the town they call Spoons…_ I made myself laugh. It was tacky, but funny.

"I'm serious, Bella. It can be a long dangerous drive from Seattle to Forks, and it's been raining. It's still cold. I was afraid you'd had an accident or something. Those forest roads are deadly." _Seriously? He almost sounded panicked._

"Pfft! Are you serious? I'm fine; I was riding with my dad. Do you think he'd let anything happen to me?"

I could only think of one deadly accident in Forks, I'd heard the story over the years, but I lived in Phoenix when it had happened. It was the day Harry Clearwater died in the forest one rainy afternoon... I suppose things like that _did_ happen here occasionally.

"Not intentionally, but you know not even your dad can keep you 100% safe."

"Edward, hey, I'm calling to let you know I arrived safely. Okay? Can we drop it now? I'm fine."

"I'm glad to hear you're fine, Bella. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't."

I didn't know what to say... silence... cue the crickets... _Was I ready for him to rely on me so wholly?_

"Look Edward, I'm really tired and it's getting late. I'm gonna let you go so I can crash, alright?"

"Thanks for calling me back, Bella. I'm sorry I over-reacted."

"It's alright, I appreciate the concern. I'll talk to you sometime tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight."

We were comfortable with each other, and conversation was easy. I really liked the way it felt, where our friendship was headed, but sometimes he seemed so needy. I just wasn't sure how dependent I wanted him to be on me. I rolled over and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I saw my Bluetooth on the nightstand, but had no idea how it got there.

Saturday Charlie and I went to the store. I didn't want to do a huge ham with all the trimmings because I knew we'd only eat a little of it and the rest would go to waste. Charlie wouldn't cook leftovers after I went home, he'd just go to the diner.

I was thinking about a nice ham steak when Charlie walked off then returned holding a square can. "We can have this Bells, Grandma Swan used to love this stuff. She'd put it in a pan with some crushed pineapple and brown sugar. It'll make its own glaze, and none of it will go to waste."

"Really Charlie? _Spam?_ For Easter dinner? No way!"

"That's how I make it if I want ham. I don't see what's wrong with it." He was... seriously... pouting.

"I'll take care of dinner. If you can't behave, you're going to the car." He huffed, but put his hands on the cart and began pushing through the store. I got food for tonight and for Easter dinner. We went to the frozen food department and got frozen broccoli and cauliflower. I headed over to the frozen entrees and I picked a few out that didn't look too bad, thinking it would be something Charlie could cook.

"Thanks, Bells, some of them aren't too terrible."

I raised my eyebrow, well; at least he did some cooking, even if it only involved a microwave. "Well, I know you don't use the stove because there's about an inch of dust on the burners. At least you're eating. I wish you'd take better care of yourself. You're not getting any younger, you said so yourself."

We went back and put everything away then I made dinner. Charlie washed dishes saying I had slaved over the stove, and it was the least he could do. For once I was relieved; I didn't want him to see how tired I had become.

"I'm going to go up to my room and stretch out for a while, I'll probably be back down later."

"Alright, if not, sweet dreams, Bella."

"Yeah, thanks, you too." I struggled a little on the stairs, but I took my time and made it carefully to the top with no mishaps.

When I got to my room, I changed into something warm and comfy. I pulled out the little parcel that I'd carried in my bag from Seattle. I pulled the cast tatt out of the bag and read the instructions. I'd need to take scissors and my blow dryer to apply it to the cast. It was going to be so much fun. I carefully packed it away so it wouldn't get bent. It was the only one they had of the style I picked and I didn't want anything to happen to ruin it.

Easter was quiet. Billy came over and ate with us, but once we did the dishes Charlie and I loaded up the cruiser so he could take me back home. Like before, the drive was quiet. Shortly before we got to Seattle, I looked at my dad. He was starting to show his age, it would be nice for him to take it easy for a change. "I think it would be nice if you were able to retire. You deserve it Dad. You know I always worried when you'd pull a second shift then end up having to stay late for a crisis. I was afraid one night something bad would go down and you wouldn't come home to me. It will be nice to not have to worry about you. Take some time and enjoy yourself before you get too old to go out and have fun."

He smirked at me, "Don't you worry about me getting too old to enjoy my retirement." And then more quietly, "I'm sorry if I made you worry. I never knew. Was I a bad parent?"

I thought back over the few years we had together. Was he a bad parent? No, never. "No Dad, you were the best."

"Thanks, Bells. You're pretty great yourself, kid." I had to smile to myself; I hadn't considered myself a 'kid' in a very long time.

When he walked me in he looked around, "I'm surprised you haven't found something easier to get around in, you know, um, if you have another _episode_."

"I've actually been looking for something else. Rent's really high right now and the places I _can_ afford aren't in great neighborhoods."

"You know you could always come home with me. The school on the rez is always looking for teachers."

"No, Charlie, I like Seattle. I'll find something; I'm not in a big hurry."

He pulled me in for a hug. "See you soon kid. Love you."

"I love you too, Dad. Call me when you get home, please."

"I will."

I wasn't really tired, so I flipped around the channels on TV, trying to find something while I waited for Charlie to call. Eventually I settled on some old Lifetime movie. After Charlie called, I could feel myself drifting off. I didn't want to wake up in the morning a stiff and twisted mess. I headed off to bed, even if it was a little early. I hadn't heard from Edward, so I decided to text him.

_**Been home for a little while. I made it here safely. Really tired. Cya tomorrow? -B**_

_**Thanks for letting me know. Get some rest. Till tomorrow... -E**_

I snuggled into my covers and I was asleep almost immediately. When I opened my eyes, the sun was coming up. My clock read 5am. I had gotten a lot of sleep yesterday, between the ride home and a little nap in front of the TV, I felt energized for a change. I hopped into the shower quickly then dressed in jeans and a tee shirt. I pulled all the ingredients for blueberry muffins out onto the counter, and I made a batch of huge ones. I knew Edward liked muffins, but he hated the ones they had at the hospital. As soon as they were cool, I put them into individual zip lock bags. I lined a basket with a clean tea towel and arranged the muffins inside.

Realizing the challenge of juggling the basket, my backpack and coffee, I didn't stop at my normal coffee shop and opted for two cups from the hospital snack shop. I ran into Maggie on my way to fourth floor, she gave me a hurried hug saying she was on her way out, but stopped when she spied my basket.

"What do you have in your basket, dear? You look like little red riding hood." I looked down and laughed. I had thrown on a red hoodie before I left and was carrying a basket of goodies; I suppose I did look like her.

My hands were full, but I held the basket out. "Blueberry muffin? I made them a few hours ago."

"Really? Are you sure? I don't want to take away from my favorite patient. I know how he_ loves_ the breakfasts here." She rolled her eyes as she laughed.

"No, I made plenty. I can't think of anyone he'd rather I share with. We all know he adores you."

Maggie blushed as she reached into the basket. "I adore him too. But I can't wait for the day he leaves here, as a patient anyway."

"I understand. I hear that day is coming in the not too distant future."

I noticed that Maggie was checking the time. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hold you up. Enjoy the muffin."

Maggie gave me a quick squeeze. "I'm sure I will honey. Have a nice day."

"You too Maggie."

I had passed up an available elevator as we had quickly visited. So I found myself waiting for the next one. From the corner of my eye I saw a very tan hand creep into my basket. Had my other hand been empty, I would have smacked it.

"Ja-cob! Put it back!"

"Sorry Bells, no can do. I worked all night. I'm _hungry._" Well I suppose four muffins would be enough until I could make Edward more.

"Alright, but just one! Don't take advantage of my hospitality."

He went to reach for a coffee- that was going way too far. "No Jake- come on- that's for a friend of mine."

"You do have two." He said, stating the obvious. I growled at him. "You know how I can get before I have my caffeine, don't push it Jake!"

His pout rivaled that of a three year old. He was _nearly_ irresistible. The elevator dinged and I hopped inside before he made my resolve crumble. I didn't want to get to Edward's room empty handed.

"I see how you are, I love you too!" I heard him yell as the door closed. I just stood there shaking my head. Would he ever grow up?

I backed up and someone gently took my elbow as he cleared his throat. "Bella, good morning." It was Carlisle. I turned to face him. "Dr. Cullen, how are you?"

"Couldn't be better, the sun is shining, it's a beautiful spring day and my beautiful wife is meeting me for breakfast on the roof top."

I noticed he was holding a cup holder with two coffees as well. I'm surprised I didn't run into him at the snack shop. "Is that all you're having?" I nodded to his coffee. "It doesn't seem like a very filling breakfast."

"I wanted to get some sort of pastry, but things were really picked over. I figured a hot coffee was better than nothing."

I reached my arm out, holding the basket in front of him. "Go ahead."

"Pardon?"

"Go ahead. Breakfast. Take one for each of you."

"Are you sure?"

"I insist."

"Is this my nephew's breakfast?"

"It's fine, I have four."

"What did you _do_ Bella? Are these..."

"Blueberry muffins, fresh this morning... with a crumb topping and cream cheese filling."

"Oh my! Edward doesn't need an entire basket of these."

"As long as we each have one for breakfast..."

The elevator dinged for the fourth floor. It was becoming evident that none of the staff ate here. "Enjoy the muffins, please give Esme my best."

"I will, thanks Bella."

I got off the elevator and a maintenance man passed me. He smiled down at my basket as he passed.

_Don't even think about it buddy!_

I scurried into Edward's room and backed against the door, slamming it closed behind me.

Edward smirked at me. "Good morning Bella! You look like you're being chased by the devil, everything alright?"

"Aurgh! Don't any of you people eat in the cafeteria here? I swear it was like trying to fight off a pack of wolves!"

"Wow, what's got you so frazzled?"

"I brought us breakfast; in fact, I made enough muffins to last you several days. I narrowly escaped with one for each of us. Someone almost snagged my coffee, too. The maintenance man was looking at me like I was some sort of oasis in the middle of a desert. I made a run for it."

"So you came to save me from hospital breakfast?"

I nodded.

"Coffee too?"

"It's hospital coffee." He looked at my basket and raised an eyebrow.

"No, these are home made. I baked them a few hours ago."

"A few hours ago? Like... _this morning_?"

I nodded.

"When did you get up?"

"Early. I slept on the way home from Forks."

He seemed really excited. "So... you brought me something?"

Oh yeah... muffins. I rolled my eyes. "Here, take your pick."

He pulled them both out, opening one of the baggies and inhaling deeply. "I think I love you, Bella. This is heaven."

_What? _I wasn't anywhere near ready to share the L word with anyone. OK, I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind, I just wasn't _there_ yet. I wanted someone to share my days and nights with... someday.

I listened as he moaned and sighed his way through breakfast. When he finally stopped, I began to regale him with the tale of my adventure into the hospital with homemade food. _Next time it's going inside the backpack._

I had only eaten half of my muffin. He kept looking at it with those puppy dog eyes. I pushed it across the little table to him. "Go ahead. You know you want it. It's alright. They're almost too big for me."

"I don't want to steal your breakfast, baby."

_Baby? When did I become baby?_

Our relationship had been slowly shifting; I'd be blind not to notice it. He'd begun using little terms of endearment from time to time, often is was during an emotional moment and I had to wonder if it he was so excited that it just slipped out, or if it was intentional and he slipped it in so I wouldn't notice. Either way, I realized, it felt... nice.

"You're not stealing it, I offered."

"These are dewishus", he mumbled with a mouth full. "Quit your job and become my personal chef? I'll pay you well."

"How do you know I can even cook? Maybe I can only bake muffins. My cooking could be toxic." I laughed. "But no, I love my job, thank you very much."

He pouted. "I'm a terrible cook. I'll waste away when I go home."

"Liar! Esme would never allow you to waste away.!" We both laughed, and I remembered the gift in my backpack when he told me again how much he loved his surprise.

"Ooh, Edward, I brought you something else."

"What did you bring?"

"Do you trust me?"

His excited tone turned quiet and he swallowed. "Completely, Bella."

"Good, close your eyes, and don't move. I want to try something."

~Edward~

When she asked me to close my eyes, my heart began to pound. I had no idea what she had in store for me, but I wouldn't blink an eye until she said it was ok. I didn't want to ruin her surprise, and to be honest, I was a little apprehensive… and a lot excited. Bella had become more relaxed around me. It showed in her little touches and our easy conversations. I really liked the direction things were headed.

When she asked if I trusted her, I was completely honest. I trusted her explicably, and she could try anything, so I closed my eyes and relaxed. Honestly, what could she do to harm me?

I heard her rustling around in something, and the sounds of paper crinkling. What in the world was she _doing_? I almost expected a smooch but it was evident I wasn't getting that. _Don't let your disappointment show Cullen, Man Up!_

"Don't peek."

I shook my head. I wasn't gonna peek. I swallowed.

It sounded like she was... _cutting something?_ She was very close to me. I felt the warmth of her breath, and occasionally her hair would brush over my arm. She put pressure on my leg, I could feel the movement all the way up in my hip. What _was_ she doing?

I raised one eyebrow. "Bella?"

"Shh, I'm almost done. Don't move." She put her tiny hand on my arm for just a moment. "Are you sure you trust me? This is it. No turning back."

My heart was pounding, I had no idea what she was doing, and frankly, she could do anything she wanted at this point, and the mystery of this was killing me.

"I trust you Bella."

"Ok, here goes. I'm not going to be able to talk to you till I'm done. You're sure?"

I nodded my head.

She gave my hand a squeeze. "No matter what, don't move."

I held my breath in anticipation. The girl was building me up, and it seemed as if she was enjoying it.

I heard her fumble with something, and suddenly there was a loud noise and a rush of heat blowing over my legs. _A blow dryer? What in the world?_

Trust Cullen. She has a perfectly good explanation.

The heat was nice. It seemed I was always cold, but I could actually feel the warmth through the casts in some places where I had sensation. I noticed she was moving the dryer around, not staying in the same position for long. This felt foreign but really good. Once in a while a blast of hot air would go up my shorts; at least I didn't have to worry about the embarrassment of getting too excited.

I relaxed into my seat and just enjoyed the sensation of the warm air blowing all around me. I inhaled deeply and the scent of Bella, enhanced by the heat, swirled and settled in my soul. Then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped. She had turned the blow dryer off.

My eyes snapped open and I looked at her in shock. "Why did you stop, that felt incredible!"

"Don't fret Cullen, I'm all done now."

"I'm not fretting. I liked it."

I looked down and there was a towel across my lap and down my legs. "Aren't you curious about what I was doing?"

"Mmhmm, I am, but I got caught up in the warmth. I've been cold for so long." She picked up a blanket that was folded over the end of my bed.

"Why is this on the bed, if you're cold?"

"The cold, it's just one of those annoyances you get used to I suppose, my circulation has been poor for years. I just didn't realize _how much_ I enjoyed heat until you started blow drying me..." I reached for the towel. "May I?"

"Not yet. Let me explain." Was she uncomfortable? She seemed almost embarrassed.

I cocked my head.

"I noticed there was nothing on your casts, no graffiti or anything, and you just... I don't know, you are so outgoing and positive, and it felt like you needed something fun."

"Ok, you've piqued my curiosity."

"I hope you aren't mad at me. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds. These are permanent until the casts come off." She was blushing and nervously toeing the floor with her foot.

I took her hand and pulled slightly, "Hey, I'm sure it's fine. You couldn't overstep your bounds. Can I see?"

She hesitantly pulled the towel back to reveal a red and yellow triangle that was rimmed in blue, with a big "S" in the center. There was a cartoon "Superman" in flight, along with other artwork from the 1940's cartoon.

"Superman, Bella?" I was in awe. As a kid, my dad and I watched Superman. We also watched the old black and white Batman series with Adam West, as well The Green Hornet and Kato... the thought brought back a rush of pleasant memories.

"Are you angry? I, um, I didn't know. They had other things, there were Chinese symbols, but I don't know I saw him and I just thought of you."

"You thought about me when you saw Superman?" I had to hear this theory.

"Well, I think about how he goes from this mild mannered guy to a guy who can take on the world. I think of you- how compassionate you were when you met me, all serious Mr. Doctor, and then you have this accident and it seems like you've taken on the world, like you could conquer anything. When you sit and talk to me about my health problems, it's as if you're trying to save me- at least that's how it feels. _And_ isn't Superman the man of steel?"

I snickered, "So they say."

"Umm, well, aren't you full of stainless steel plates and screws?"

"Yeah, and titanium."

She mock gasped, "I got the wrong super hero!"

"No," I laughed. "Superman is perfect. I don't think there is a man of titanium. The artwork is actually really cool. Where did you _get_ these?"

"Oh, I saw them at a medical supply store and I just couldn't help myself."

"It almost sounds like you were shopping. Do you often shop in medical supply stores?" I couldn't resist teasing her.

"No, silly, I was buying a cane. I saw them while I was at the register paying. They're called Cast Tatts. I thought they were pretty cool."

I considered asking about the cane, but decided that if she was having trouble and she wanted me to know, she'd tell me.

"They are _very _cool. They remind me of my dad, we always watched Superman if it was on. They are good memories that I haven't visited in so long. I can't thank you for giving me that." I thought about what she said about the bare casts. It wasn't like I was a party pooper or anything. "Nobody has ever asked if they could write on my casts. It's not like I would have minded."

Grinning, she pulled out a sharpie marker and sat next to my leg rests. Leaning over my leg she began doodling. "There. I added my name."

She had angled it so I could read it. _Superman is my hero. _I couldn't help the goofy grin on my face. _Maybe she'd be my Lois Lane._

She sat up and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks for being a good sport."

"Thank _you..._ for everything."

"Hey, I'm sorry it's been a short visit, but I can't stay real long. I have stuff to do for school tomorrow. It was a long weekend and I should have gotten it done at my Dad's, but we don't see each other enough. I couldn't bring myself to do it then. The one night I was alone, I couldn't keep my eyes open."

"It's okay, I understand. Thanks for breakfast. It was incredible. Probably a good thing the others hit you up before you got here, I'd be stuffed right now."

"I won't advertise that I have goodies with a basket next time. I'll smuggle them in secretly."

"Mmmm. Thanks, Bella."

"I'll call you later, okay?"

"Alright, it's not like I'm going anyplace. Travel safe."

"Thanks. See you tomorrow."

"So long, Bella."

The door closed and she was gone. It was a good day. I laid the blanket back on the foot of my bed. There was _no way_ I was covering up the tatts, she as much as called me her _hero_.

_Wow… just... wow._

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty

~Bella~

I heard the yelling before I turned the corner to his room. I couldn't imagine... it _sounded_ like Carlisle, but I'd _never_ heard him utter anything but a kind word. He sounded... pissed.

"Rosalie, that's ridiculous. _**No, **_we're_** not **_going to drop this!"

"You don't understand, Carlisle, if you go through with this he's going to be found completely at fault."

"But she nearly _killed_ him. She should have stopped, there was plenty of time, and she didn't even _attempt_ to stop."

"Do I even have any say in this? I don't think..."

At the same time two voices yelled, "Shut up Edward!"

_Good lord, what was I walking into?_ Best to go find a safe place to hang out for a while. There was _no way_ I was interrupting this discussion.

I headed down the corridor to the 4th floor solarium. Looking through the little window in the door, I could see it was nearly empty.

I leaned up against the wall after I made it safely inside-undetected. I breathed a deep sigh of relief before scanning the room for a seat. I saw a woman in the corner, her shoulders were hunched and she was sitting with her back to the door. I'd recognize her anywhere, and I thought back to that day when she rescued me in the restroom, it appeared that it was time for me to return the favor. I made my way over to her chair and placed my hand on my shoulder.

"You look like you could use a friend. Can I sit down, Esme?" She looked at me, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. She was torturing a tissue in her hands.

"Bella," she nodded and gestured to the chair next to her.

"Is everything okay? I was coming to see Edward, but his room sounds like the last place I belong right now."

"Everything is okay, they are discussing his case. Rosalie is his attorney. She learned some disturbing information today and we're all rather distraught. Carlisle is beside himself right now." She stared out the window, but it seemed her mind was miles away. She turned and took my hand. "I don't know if I've ever seen him so angry. It's very intimidating."

I nodded my head; I didn't know how to respond. Of course, I hadn't known him very long so I had no idea if he had a temper, but this woman had known him for nearly forty years. If she was upset, I didn't want any part of it. I was ready to turn tail and go home, and I would have, if it weren't for her.

"You don't have to tell me any details, but is it going to be okay? His case, I mean?"

"I don't know all the details, but you know it's not my story to tell. No, I don't think _anything_ will be _okay_. I'm sure when he's ready he'll explain."

I knew they had gone out for a re-enactment of that night, on Thursday. Edward was forced to go; Carlisle had picked him and Alice up in the old van they bought for Edward before he went to college. He was on edge all evening, and we talked until they picked him up. I received a text when he came back saying he was too tired to talk about it. Last night his phone was turned off. It went directly to voice mail.

"Does this have anything to do with the re-enactment?"

"It has _everything_ to do with it, Bella."

"You know I haven't talked to him since he came back."

"Yesterday was a very difficult day for him. The news this morning has made everything one hundred percent worse."

_Oh my, I should just go home now._ I stood to go. "I don't think I should stay..."

Esme reached up and grabbed my hand. "Please, don't go yet, Bella. Stay here until they're done. Edward may need you. He'll be hurt if you go. Spending time with you might be just what he needs today."

I sat back down. I didn't want to desert him if he wanted me here. I reached for a magazine and began flipping through it, not really doing any more than scanning the pictures.

Esme cleared her throat before she spoke. "Edward says you've been spending a lot of time together. I see such a huge difference in him, Bella. He's so _alive_ now. More than he's ever been since his parents died."

I thought about the Edward I met that first day. His personality was energetic, he was full of life, and funny, happy... _no she was wrong_. I told her so.

"Bella, that's _Doctor _Edward, the one he _wants_ patients to see. He _wants_ them to be hopeful, even if he doesn't believe in that for himself. He's a lost soul on the inside. He tries to hide it, but a mother _knows_ these things. There's always been this air of sadness about him."

"Surely you don't think I'm the responsible party. I haven't..."

"Yes, Bella, you _have. _You've changed _everything_."

"It's easy to be around him. He's warm, and funny, and he really likes to tease and joke around. We have a lot of fun together."

"Do you see it going anyplace? I know I've got no right to ask, I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry."

"It's ok. I really like him a lot, yeah; I'd like to try dating him. He says he doesn't..., heck I told him I don't, but all these little outings certainly _feel_ like dates."

"You've been really good for him." She leaned over and pulled me into a one armed hug. "Come on, the yelling has died down, let's go see if there is anything left of the room. There was a huge crash shortly before you came in here. I was afraid to look."

Esme stood up and offered me her hand. I took it and stood up. She held my hand as we made our way through the solarium, it was a little awkward, but, in the same sense... it was... _nice_. It was motherly. I hadn't been mothered in a long time.

When we got to his room the door was closed, but it was quiet. Esme knocked quietly on the door and Alice opened it. Carlisle was gone, a very pretty blonde sat next to Edward. She wore a crisp navy colored, pin-striped suit. _That must be his attorney._

She turned and smiled at Esme then reached over and took Edward's hand, whispering something in his ear. He nodded his head and she stood up. "I'll call you on Monday Edward. I'm sorry. I really am. Get some rest, and don't worry, Carlisle will come around." She leaned down and hugged him, he kissed her cheek. A feeling I wasn't accustomed to squeezed my chest. _Was I jealous?_

"I was just leaving, Esme. I'll be in touch. We've got some things to work out, but it'll be ok."

Esme turned to me, "Rosalie, this is Bella Swan, she's a friend of Edward's... and mine too; Bella, this is Rosalie Hale, she's not only Edward's attorney, but a family friend." Well, at least that explained the kiss.

Rosalie sauntered across the room effortlessly. She was stunning, and for an instant I entertained the thought that _she_ was the kind of woman that was destined to live out her life with Edward Cullen.

When she left I turned my attention to Edward.

He seemed sad, but I was surprised that he also appeared to be calm and collected. There was an air about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Bella, Esme, sit down." He gestured to the chairs on either side of where he sat. Alice was perched on the edge of his bed. She seemed a little out of sorts.

"Please don't ask, I really don't want to discuss it right now." I nodded. I understood. It was none of my business what had gone down before I got here.

He turned to his aunt, "Esme, I'm sure your husband will fill you in. When he does, please understand, I love my uncle like a father, and I respect him. I know he thinks he knows what's best for me but in this, I can't agree with him. We've come to an impasse. He may be my Power of Attorney, but I'm _not_ mentally incompetent, and I won't allow him to make this decision in some warped idea of what's in my best interest. I'll rescind the POA if he pushes this."

"I should go to him."

Edward nodded, "That might be wise. I believe he went to his office to cool off. Did you know they sent security to tone us down? It was actually quite funny."

Esme hung her head. "This is so embarrassing."

Edward laughed. "_You're_ embarrassed? I'm _stuck_ here. You know how they all talk, the rumors spread like wild fire around here. I wish I was leaving with you."

Esme stood up and hugged Edward; she smoothed his hair back and kissed his forehead, his face still in her hands. "I love you, son. He'll come around. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Thanks Mom, I love you too." His voice was soft, so quiet I could barely hear him.

She turned to me and took my hand. "Thanks for being here today Bella, maybe we could get together some afternoon? Have a coffee or something?"

"I'd like that, thanks. I'll call you." She gave my hand a squeeze. "Until then, dear."

She turned to leave, Alice followed her.

I started to say something, "Busy place..."

He started at the same time, "You missed the show..."

We both started laughing. I looked at him, at least he was smiling. "Go ahead."

"It got pretty rowdy in here this morning. Rose came to discuss a turn of events in my case. I understand her one hundred percent, and while I'm _not_ happy about it, I agree with her. My uncle... is _livid_. I'm afraid I've done irreparable damage to our relationship. I actually asked Rose, in front of him, if I could take away his POA."

I squeezed his hand, "You don't have to explain. I heard the yelling so I went to the waiting room, Esme was already there. She was concerned so I sat with her, but we just hung out, she didn't tell me anything private."

"Even if she had, she doesn't know much. She left when her husband got belligerent. I just want to forget about it for now. Can we talk about something else?"

Spying his iPod on the table, I stood up and got it, bringing it over to where he sat. "May I?"

He nodded. I turned it on and scrolled through some of his play lists. I found one that looked appealing, they were all classical pieces. _Good, something to just chill with._ We didn't need words today.

His headphones were the ones that had a loop that went over the top of the shell of your ear. _I hated those._ But this wasn't about me. I looped one over his left ear and sat down next to him, pulling my chair over as close as it would go. I looped the other one over my right ear and settled down into my chair. I pulled my sweatshirt across the front of myself like a blanket and closed my eyes. This was nice.

A song or two played and a warm hand found its way under my makeshift blanket, grasping my fingers and warming them. Soon they were woven between mine. It was almost like they were made to fit together so perfectly. I didn't need to look. I just smiled and snuggled into the chair a little more. We'd touched each other before and had minimal physical contact, I'd even given him a peck on the cheek a few times, but this was the first conscious interaction he'd made like this. I kept hoping, as we seemed to become closer and closer, that he'd let me in like that. My views on dating were changing since I'd really gotten to know Edward. Exploring a relationship with him might not be that bad, in fact, it _might_ be really nice. I thought back to all my lonely evenings and weekends before getting close to Edward. Since we'd begin talking again in March, there was hardly a night where we didn't at least text each other. We'd spent nearly every Saturday together, and we were back to daily lunches. This was more than _just_ friendship, already.

We must have listened in silence for an hour or more. Our hands were still clasped and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I peeked out of one eye; he was watching me, a sheepish smile on his face. "Hey."

He let go of my hand, looking down to where they'd been joined. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

I stretched and yawned. I hadn't slept, but I was so relaxed. I hope he'd been able to just relax, as well. He needed it. "It's ok. You're warm and toasty. It was... nice."

A big grin was on the face smiling down at me. "Really? I was afraid you'd get upset at me for being too forward."

"It wasn't like you groped me. We held hands, Edward. It's fine."

"So if I were to do it again..."

"It would be fine."

"And if I did _accidentally _grope you?" He was smirking now. I loved Happy-ward.

"We'd _both_ know it wasn't _accidental_, and I'd have to kick your butt. Injured or not. Capiche?"

He laughed, deep and hearty. _What a pleasant sound. _He held his hands up in surrender. "I get it. I get it!"

"I'm going down to the drink machine, can I get you anything?" I stood up and smoothed my clothes. I heard about the rumor mill, and didn't want to give the gossiping staff any ammunition.

"I'll go along, if you don't mind getting the doors?" I don't know why he always asked. It was a given.

"Come on!" I held the door as he made his way through. We went down the solarium where Esme and I had hung out and rolled over to the window, looking out over the city.

I bought a root beer for myself. "Edward? Do you want something? Root beer… cola?"

"Definitely _not_ root beer. Something with some _zing_ please."

I laughed, he wanted caffeine. Of course he did. "So Coke? Or do you want a Mountain Dew?"

"Mmm, Dew sounds great."

I carried our bottles over to where he was sitting. I opened mine and took a sip. I held his out to him. He looked up to me, just staring for what seemed like forever. "What?"

"Would you like to go up to our roof for a while? It should be in bloom." We hadn't been in a few weeks, and while I liked our weekend outings, I had wanted to see our roof in full bloom. _Our roof._ I liked the way that sounded.

"Sure."

He took the sodas and stuffed them in the sides of his chair. "After you." He gave a flourish with his hands.

I led the way through the doors and into the maze that were the halls of this place. I remembered not all that long ago when I had no idea how to get through here. If he'd left me behind, I'd probably still be trying to find my way out. But not now! Now I had become an expert at navigating the halls.

When I opened the door, I gasped in surprise. It was breathtaking. Immediately, my senses were bombarded; the scents, the sounds, the warmth. So, I said the one thing any teacher with an undergrad in the English language would say... "Wow."

"Pretty awesome, isn't it."

I nodded. As I walked through the paths, I stopped to dip my head and smell flowers along the way. Roses, lilies, beautiful vines on trellises covered in morning glories. It was simply amazing. The mesmerizing sounds of the fountain could be heard from one end of the garden to the other. Like a child in some magical garden, I caught myself twirling around with my closed my eyes and my arms open wide.

I heard Edward drive up behind me. He held out his hand, "Come?" I walked alongside him to a raised bed of flowers. Like the rest of the garden it was beautifully manicured. "Does this look alright? I mean... I don't know. We've gotten so much enjoyment out of this garden, at least... I have anyway... I thought maybe you enjoyed it here as well. I thought I could do something that would benefit everyone."

I didn't quite understand. He pointed to a brass plaque that had been mounted on a small granite rock. _In loving memory of Ed and Liz Masen._

"You did this? It's lovely."

He looked at the ground, almost as if he were embarrassed. "Yeah, they take donations each year to pay for perpetual care of sections of the garden. At some point it'll all be adopted then the hospital won't have to foot the bill. It sort of ensures that it will be cared for long term. If there are budgetary cutbacks, or even if the novelty wears off, I know it will still be here, being cared for."

"That's so cool. I didn't know they did that."

He looked across the rooftop to a wooden bench that sat next to a blue hydrangea bush. "That bench over there just got a plaque, as well. They were friends of my aunt, much older friends; they used to own a pharmacy out close to Carlisle and Esme's home. She had cancer, I heard she was improving, but I don't know... something obviously went wrong."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. It happens to the best of us, though. We're all terminal... from the day we take our first breath."

That was an interesting theory, _interesting_... but true.

I walked over and ran my fingers over the name on the bench. I didn't recognize her name, but she was someone's soul mate. I never thought I'd have that, but I was beginning to hope. Life was short, and it would be much more fulfilling having someone to share it with. _Was that person up here with me on the rooftop?_

I sat on the bench and closed my eyes, allowing the warm sunshine to bathe me. Edward pulled up next to me. We were quiet for a long time. I was relaxed before we came outside, but this felt so good. I could feel myself getting drowsy when he began talking.

"Rose wants to drop my case."

That jerked me out of my haze. I spluttered as I tried to talk. "_What? WHY?_"

"It was my fault. I broke the law and I caused the accident. My insurance company is within their legal rights to come after me for damages- make me reimburse them for her car." He was holding his head, pulling his hair in that gesture I'd seen him use time and again.

"How can that even be _possible_? I don't understand. Didn't _she _hit _you?_"

"Yes, but the law is very clear. I'm sure you've heard the saying; ignorance of the law is no excuse. It's quite fitting in this situation."

"But what law? What could _you_ have possibly done wrong?"

"When I came here from Pitt, the department of student services assigned a mentor. All students with disabilities get them for the first year, someone to assist them with any hurdle that might come along. One of the things these _mentors _do is teach you how to navigate campus. I was taught by my mentor, who followed the institution's protocol- I might add- to always travel against traffic like a pedestrian if I was forced to drive my wheelchair in the roadway. Most places have curb cuts, but do you remember when we went to the bowling alley and I told you about how some of the streets would have one curb cut but nothing on the other side? That's fairly common, many people in wheelchairs travel in the street because they can't get on and off the sidewalk."

"I never realized it was like that. I still don't understand your responsibility in this whole mess."

"We did depositions on Thursday afternoon at the courthouse and then we went to get some dinner. After it got dark, they took me to the scene of the accident, and we had to re-enact the accident." He half smirked. "I was sort of proud of myself, I didn't freak out or cry like a little girl when they drove a car towards me."

"They drove a _car? At you?_ What the hell, Edward? _Why?_"

"They wanted to see how close the driver got before they could see me in the road. There was plenty of stopping distance."

"Rose was certain the case was in the bag. It was obvious the driver should have seen me and wasn't paying attention."

"Thursday night was bad, Bella, really bad. I woke up screaming so many times that they sedated me. I couldn't stop the nightmares, and I was disturbing everyone."

"Friday Rose made the discovery that changed everything. In the state of Washington, the definition of a vehicle in the motor vehicle code is anything that is self propelled and has wheels. The law was written roughly seventy years ago. It's antiquated and should be changed. An electric scooter that kids stand on fits that definition, so does a _Power Wheels_ toy that kids ride on. They certainly don't mean that those things should be on the highway. They are toys."

"But what does that mean _for you_? I'm being really dense here, aren't I?"

"No, Bella, you're not being dense. It's confusing. The way the law is written, my electric wheelchair is considered a motor vehicle. I was on the far left of the road, facing traffic as I was told to do by the college. _Like a pedestrian._"

Realization hit me like a brick wall." You were in the wrong lane of traffic." Now I understood what I'd overheard earlier. In the eyes of the law, he was completely responsible for causing the accident. Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.

"Oh, God, Edward. I'm so sorry."

"I've been carrying this chip on my shoulder, this hatred for the woman who hit me, when it was _all my fault._ I caused the accident, I nearly killed myself, and I destroyed her car. Suppose there was someone in the other lane and she swerved and caused a head on accident? Someone could have been killed because of me."

His breaths were coming in pants. His head was in his hands and I didn't know what to do or say to help him. So I did the only thing I knew... I stood up and reached out to him. When he pulled me in, I held him until he weathered the storm of his emotions and pulled himself together. When he had calmed, I sat next to him and held his hand in mine.

"Your uncle took the news very hard, didn't he? This is why he was so upset this morning?"

"I've never seen him so mad as he was when I told Rose to close the case. I'm not going to pursue it, there's no point. I'm the guilty party, and it will be up to the insurance companies to hammer it all out and decide what my liability is in the whole mess. Carlisle wants her held accountable- at the very least he feels she should be charged with reckless endangerment. He feels that since we now know she should have seen me, she should still bear some of the responsibility, because she had time to stop. He wants to go after the college for teaching me to travel on the wrong side of the road... He wants to place the blame anywhere except where it rightfully belongs."

"He has a point though; there were extenuating circumstances that should be taken into consideration. But, it was an accident. I'm sure she didn't mean to deliberately hurt you. The same way you had no idea you had been instructed to do something so wrong."

"I look at it this way... the damage is done, I'm recovering. Even if I pursued it and she was found negligent in some way- which she wouldn't be- it wouldn't benefit Carlisle in any way. Even as my POA, he couldn't touch any settlement. I don't _need_ the money. I have the settlement from my parent's accident. I'm a doctor, even after paying on my student loans and my malpractice insurance, I'm comfortable. I don't _need_ to sue anyone and I don't want to get a bad reputation."

"I guess I can see both sides of the story. Maybe Carlisle will soften up once he has time to think about it?"

"I don't know Bella; I've never seen him so angry. He threatened to have me declared incompetent so that he could abuse the POA and file a suit on my behalf. That's when I threatened to take it away. Rose told him he couldn't do that, because she could prove I was more than competent to make my own decisions. Then she witnessed my statement declaring that I didn't want to continue with the lawsuit. He was very upset when he left here."

"Wow."

"I think Esme will be able to unruffle his feathers, but the next few days are going to be uncomfortable for all of us."

"I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you."

"Don't you see, Bella? You already have." He reached up towards my face, and I leaned in. His palm touched my cheek and I leaned into the warmth of it. I placed my hands on the arm rests of his chair so I could support myself. He pulled me closer so that we were eye level. "May I kiss you Bella?"

I swallowed and nodded my head. My throat was suddenly dry and I couldn't find words. I let him guide me closer, my eyes fluttered shut. My position was awkward; his legs were sticking straight ahead so I was off to his side. I felt like I was playing a game of twister. I felt his breath on my face, his aroma was delicious. His soft lips brushed over mine, ever so lightly. I opened my eyes and his beautiful face was right there. He had the face of an angel and I'd never seen him look so happy, so at peace. I wondered if I looked that way too, I certainly felt like that. Leaning closer, he gave me another kiss before he released me, breaking the spell.

I took a deep breath, and a chill made me shiver. I'd been kissed before, but it was never anything like that. Edward chuckled. "That was... nice."

"I think I'd like to try that again, Dr. Cullen."

"That could be arranged, Miss Swan."

He reached out and took my hand. "Come on, let's go inside." I looked at my watch and was surprised to see we'd been outside nearly three hours.

I led Edward through the corridors and back to his room. Alice was sitting in the corner reading a magazine. She smiled when we came in, but went back to her magazine.

"I wanted to share the garden with you one last time, Bella this may have been my last visit _as a patient_." It took a minute for me to realize he was emphasizing the word patient. _Oh my Gosh! He was getting out!_

"What do you mean? You're getting released?"

He nodded, grinning.

"You're getting released! Oh my Gosh! That's incredible. When?"

"As soon as my bed is free. There is someone going this week sometime. Their infection control person was here and he feels my ankle is healed to their satisfaction, so... barring any setbacks between now and the time the bed opens up, I'm outta here."

I wanted to jump around and celebrate, I felt like a little kid at Christmas. "Do your parents know?"

"I told Esme, Carlisle will find out through the grapevine, but no, I didn't tell him. Once he settles down I'll tell him, if he still doesn't know."

"So what does this mean for you? How much longer till you can go home?"

"They say six to eight weeks; it'll depend on my legs. I get the long casts off in less than two weeks. I wish I'd be able to lose them before I get transferred, but that's doubtful. Once they come off, then about six weeks of therapy, if all goes well. My goal is to be home by my birthday."

"When's your birthday?"

Alice piped up, "June 20th. He'll be 34. Please plan on coming to his party."

"No parties Alice." She laughed... evilly. "I mean it, Alice."

Alice ignored him and went back to her reading.

"Wow, for a day that started out so crappy, it's really turned out pretty good." He still had a goofy smile on his face.

"Yeah, it has."

"Where do you go from here? Where's rehab?"

I was surprised when he told me, the neighborhood he'd be going to was closer to my apartment and school than he was now. I was afraid it would be more difficult to see him but this was going to be so much easier.

"It's a great facility; I can come and go whenever I want to. However, the food probably isn't any better."

We all laughed, it was common knowledge that he hated hospital food.

"Speaking of which, I should go. I have to take the bus to the grocery store, if I don't leave soon I'll be riding home in the dark." I knew he'd beg me to stay, but he didn't like me riding the bus after dark, we'd already had that conversation... several times.

He sighed. "I understand. Can I walk you to the elevator?"

"Sure."

I stood to go, and Alice excused herself and went into Edward's bathroom. I heard her turn on the water.

"Come here." He took my hand and pulled me down towards his face. "I'm going to kiss you again, Miss Swan, is that alright?"

I giggled and nodded my head. He reached out and took my face, pulling me in for a soft kiss. It was sweet and chaste, but it made my heart pound and my head spin. He left go quickly.

"Okay, we were walking you to the elevator, if I remember correctly."

He turned on his chair and headed towards the door. I followed until we were in the corridor, and then we walked side by side. I pushed the button for the elevator and he took my hand. "Thank you for today. It had the potential for disaster, but it didn't turn out that way. I had a really _great_ day."

"I did too. Thanks." My elevator dinged and the door opened. I stepped inside and pushed the button. Edward was still sitting there when the door closed.

When I was safely closed inside the empty elevator, I squealed. If smooching him on the lips left me feeling like this, I didn't know if I could handle anything more. For someone who was so sexually repressed, he was an amazing kisser.

As I sat waiting under the bus shelter, my phone chirped. I had a text.

_**Tomorrow? -E**_

**We'll see. -B**

I was such a goner.

* * *

This is the part where I thank my support system. Since it's a new year, I want to do something a little different. I'd like to reflect over the past year and acknowledge the people who have made this happen.

Thanks you to every single person who has read, reviewed, recc'd fav'd Impact over the past year... I thank you!

Because, on my own, this story would have never gotten this far… writing Impact has turned into much more than a story with an author and a beta. On a regular basis Alexa, Anna, Debbie P and Debbie S pre-read. Jeanne betas. At one point Project Team Beta was involved with Impact, as was Aleisha P.

Debbie P is my right hand man when it comes to all things technical in the medical world. I've been involved in this profession my entire adult life, but I still have a lot to learn. Debbie thanks. You know what it means to me.

To the golden gals- You know who you are! I thought I had wings before, but you girls take the cake. You make me soar!

Pimping- Alexa, you've been such an awesome cheering squad, and become such a good friend. Jeanne, Susan, LadyExcaliber2010, Coldplaywhore, Nilla79 (I see your tweets-thanks!), I wouldn't be here without you guys. In October I was at 55 reviews. There are so many of you who keep reccing it. If I've not mentioned you by name, my apologies, it doesn't mean I love you any less.

Bronze beta'd the first five or six chapters of Impact. In addition, Bronze and Leon both assisted with plot development, characterization and so much more. This story would have never gotten past the original one shot, without either of your involvement. I know you both sacrificed a huge amount of time to help me make this possible. Even though I don't see you around, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you offered. I'm thankful as well, for food that I can eat without pain. It's an interesting concept, one that I've come to appreciate and enjoy. Thanks for sharing ;-)

So many people have made this bigger than I could have imagined- even in my wildest dreams. Thank you so much for your encouragement, friendship and fellowship. I heart each and every one of you hard!

Finally, thanks to my number one fan. I love you to pieces, Patti, and without you none of this would have happened.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-one

~Bella~

I crawled into bed, exhausted from an emotionally charged day. I quickly fell into a restless sleep, but was awakened by the ringing of my cell phone. It was late in the night when Edward called asking for a Sunday visit. Esme and Carlisle weren't visiting the hospital because the two guys were still butting heads. So, I agreed to spend Sunday with Edward.

Sleep evaded me, and after what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, I finally succumbed to slumber, but it didn't come without a price.

I found myself wandering along a dark and deserted street. The clouds were dense and only a few stars lit the night. In the distance I could see something making its way towards me on the sidewalk. As it got closer I made out a wheelchair. It was Edward, in all his glory. He wore dress clothes and a leather jacket. He sat tall in his chair, legs bent without casts, humming along to his iPod. He looked like he had the first time we encountered one another. He smiled as he passed, but his face bore no recognition when he glanced at me.

I called out to him... tried to follow him even, but it was as if he had no idea who I was. I frantically tried to get his attention. He left the curb cut to cross, but there was none on the opposite side, so he pulled into the street and continued on his way, oblivious to my despair.

I heard a noise ahead of us and turned sharply to see what it was. A car traveling much to fast careened towards the place where Edward drove. He buzzed along, directly in its line of fire. Like witnessing a train wreck, I watched in shock and disbelief as the car came closer and closer to Edward. I could see him jerk to the far left pushing as close to the guard rail as he could after he realized he was in its path. The car would stop... it _had _to. History couldn't repeat itself again. _Could it?_

I screamed a bloodcurdling scream just as the car made impact. As they collided, I watched his body wrap up around the bumper of the black SUV before Edward was thrown past me like a rag doll. I could hear his screams and anguished cries as the vehicle continued down the road as if nothing at all had happened.

He needed an ambulance! Fumbling with the zipper, I reached into my coat pocket for my cell phone, but the pocket was empty. I pushed my hand down deeper but there was a huge hole in my pocket. Reaching into my other pocket, it was the same._ That can't be right._

I tried to run to Edward, but it felt like I was in slow motion. He was crumpled on the ground in a heap, the metal frame of his wheelchair strewn all about. I tried to touch him to help him as he screamed and cried. He looked towards me with unseeing eyes. His limbs were contorted in all directions at unnatural angles. Everywhere there was blood, so much blood. I knelt in a rapidly growing puddle as I tried to calm him. Taking his face in my hands, I looked into his green eyes which were huge with fear. I begged him to hold on.

Frantically I looked around for someone who could help us. I couldn't leave him. And the blood, oh God, there was so much blood. It covered my hands and my clothes. With no other way to save his life, I did the only thing I could. I screamed and screamed until it jolted me out of my tortured sleep.

I clutched my hand to my chest trying to stop my pounding heart. Leaning over the side of my bed, I grabbed my trash can just in time to catch the contents of my stomach. Still gasping for air, I laid back and tried to calm down.

_It was only a dream, get a grip Bella! Only a dream…_

My breathing finally slowed as I talked myself down from the full blown panic attack. I rubbed my face with my clammy hands. I was covered in sweat and tears, and my hair was plastered to my face. Placing my hand on my chest, I could feel the steady thump, thump, thump of my heart as it slowed its rhythm.

Looking at the clock, I realized it was 3am. I had gone to bed early, but I had hours before it was time to get up. There was no way I'd get any sleep after the horror I had just witnessed. What I _needed _was Edward. I knew it was entirely too late to call his parents, or the hospital.

With shaking hands, I pulled out my phone and typed up a quick text. I punched in his cell number, sending it off to a hospital room several miles away from where I resided and prayed that he was awake.

**Psst! You awake? -B**

_**No, I'm sleeping, silly girl. Are you awake? -E**_

**Unfortunately, yes! I need to hear your voice. Call me? -B**

My phone began ringing almost immediately. I answered it and before I could say hello, he spoke. "Bella? What's wrong?"

My name sounded rich and silky coming from his lips. Breathlessly, I tried to tell him. "Dreams. Bad dreams. _Nightmares._" I shuddered as I imagined the bloody scene again.

"Are you alright now?"

I realized the images my mind had conjured up were probably closer to real life than I'd ever want to come. _Was _I alright? It didn't feel like it.

"Yeah, I just needed to hear your voice." There was no way I'd _ever_ tell him what I'd seen. He'd be horrified. At least my heart was no longer hammering away in my chest. The images had been so real… and the blood. My fingers felt sticky from it, and almost compulsively, I wanted nothing more than to wash my hands, even though I knew they were clean.

"Goodnight Edward, I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Night, Bella. It's alright. You could never be a bother. I'm glad you texted me. Get some sleep."

"I think I'll just get up. There's no way I'll ever get back to sleep."

"Put your headphones in and listen to your iPod. Put something classical on."

I realized when he said it, that my little friend was completely dead. "Can't battery died."

"How about I sing to you? Are you back in bed?"

"Yes."

"Lay back and put the phone to your ear."

"I'm too tired to hold it, let me get my Bluetooth."

"Okay."

When I stuck the little device in my ear and turned it on, I could hear him already humming a tune. Listening, it was hauntingly familiar. As I drifted off, I recognized it as the piece he'd been humming as he passed me on the street in my dream.

Little by little, I had come to realize that I was falling and there was no point in fighting it. I had been so stubborn, and it took me so long to see what was right in front of me. Suddenly, I understood just how much Edward Cullen had come to mean to me. The nightmare shook me to my core and I could still feel its effects. It scared the hell out of me. To see him like that, so vulnerable and broken was something I'd never be able to get out of my head, even if it was a nightmare.

The thought of losing Edward was incomprehensible.

It was late when I woke up, and I felt like I'd never gone to bed. I stumbled to the shower to try and wake up, by the time I made it to the hospital, it was after noon.

It was by far, the worst night's sleep I'd had in years. It still felt so very real. I feared I'd get to the hospital and we'd be on day one of Edward's hospitalization. When I turned the corner and walked through his door my breath caught at seeing him sitting up in his wheelchair looking happy and healthy.

He had become like a drug, pumping through my veins. Being around him was a rush I could feel washing over me every time I entered the hospital and made my way to the fourth floor. Being away from him left me, painfully, craving more. Unexpected as it was, the handholding was sweet, but being kissed by Edward the way I was yesterday, was hot! I walked away yesterday in a cloud. I decided I wanted to share the kind of relationship with Edward that would result in more of that. We both had been hurt and had endured painful breakups, but it was time to leave the past where it belonged and move into the future. I was more than prepared to take the initiative today, if I needed to.

He had a laptop set up, and a stack of paperwork on his over the bed table. I felt like I was entering a presentation.

"Come in Bella. Good _afternoon_." He smirked. He was happy, jovial even. It was a pleasant change from his recent up and down emotions. It seemed that the decision to not go to court was cleansing in some way for him. The change in him was palpable.

I walked in and sat down close to him. I pointed to his table. "What's all this?"

"_This_ is why I asked you here today. I wanted to ask you about this sooner, but I don't know, I wasn't sure how receptive you'd be to the idea, but I can't really wait any longer."

"Longer for what? What would you like to ask?"

"Well, for starters, how is the apartment hunting going? Are you still hoping to move?"

Suddenly my good mood deflated. "The hunting isn't going very well- either it's nice, but too expensive, or... it's affordable and it's a real dive. I'd like to move, but it isn't looking so great right now."

"That's actually a good thing... I think."

"Good, _how_ can that be _good_? It's horrible. It's extremely frustrating."

"I'd like to ask you something, but please just hear me out before you say anything, ok?"

I nodded. "I'm listening."

"I bought a house. It's in a great neighborhood. It's all new construction, and it's completely handicapped accessible."

"Oh, Edward, I'm so happy for you, that's awesome." Before I could say anything else, he began talking again.

"I was wondering if you'd be interested in moving in with me." I know I gasped. My mouth was hanging open like a fish out of water.

_What?_ "I, uhh, I couldn't impose like that."

He put his finger to my lips. "Bella... shh... let me finish. There are things I won't be able to do for myself. Alice has offered to do live in care, but she has a life. She's just started seeing Jasper seriously and although I know she'd do it, she wouldn't be happy for long."

That name sounded so familiar, it was unusual. "Why do I know that name? Does Jasper work here or something?"

"Actually, he does, he's an EMT here." _That's_ where I recognized the name; he brought me in when I was paralyzed.

"He brought me in. Man- he's cute. _Way to go Alice_." Edward's jaw clenched and he didn't say much. Was he jealous? I felt bad that I'd let myself get distracted. "Sorry, continue your story."

"Where was I?"

"You were right at the part where you try to convince me that it would be a huge favor on my part if I move in, so I believe that I'm not inconveniencing you and I go along with your extremely generous but impossible offer."

"Right." He chuckled and ran his hands through his hair. "Was I really that transparent?"

"Uh, ... yeah." He hung his head, but smiled when he picked it up and looked in my direction.

"Look, I have a brand new house that is more than large enough for two people. You'd have your own room. I'm not so dumb as to think you'd jump into bed with me after a few kisses, that's not what this is about. You said yourself that you wanted to move into something more accessible... It's in a great neighborhood, in a gated community. You could bring your own stuff, whatever you want to. It would be cheaper in the long run than renting. Would you please just _consider_ it?"

I was squirming in my seat. I'd love to not have to worry about housing, especially if I had another set back. It would be interesting to live with Edward, to say the least. I'm sure our friendship would continue to grow, and blossom. But what if we had an argument or something; would I be out on the street? Then there was the issue concerning the fact that his partner was my neurologist. Was it ethical for him to be living with me? And what if he wanted to bring some random girl home? Could _I_ handle _that_? What if _I_ wanted to bring a date home? We were, after all, just friends.

"I don't know. It's a huge step, there's a lot to consider."

"Like what? I'd think it would solve so many problems for you." He acted like it was such a simple solution. I explained my concerns and he seemed to be lost in thought for some time. He rested his elbows on the arms of his chair, and clasped his hands in front of his face. He steepled his fingers and pressed them to his lips. He left out a breath and began to talk.

"I'm _not_ your doctor, and I think the situation _would_ be uncomfortable _if I were_. If you had a bad spell, I'd offer you advice, perhaps, but that's all, I won't stick my nose in your business. As far as whether your housing situation would be stable if we had a disagreement... we could sign a lease for a predetermined length of time. I won't throw you out if we argue... and you don't have to worry about random girls. That's never occurred before, and it's not going to start now. I told you _I don't date_. If I were to make an exception, it would be with you- no one else. I promise not to pressure you into anything either. Please just consider the offer. The house is being finished up and should be done in time for me to move in after rehab. While you're thinking about it, would you like to at least _see_ where I'll be living?"

"Sure, I'd love to. That I can agree to."

Edward pulled out brochures from the developer explaining the homes they were building in the development. I was surprised to see that they had all been endorsed by Concrete Change as visitable homes. I mean, it made sense Edward would know about them because of the support group, but it never crossed my mind when we first started talking about his new home. He showed me on a map which lot was his, and explained that the house was a sprawling one level home. He laid out the floor plan and told me about the changes he'd made to a few things so it would better suit his needs.

When we had looked at all the paperwork, he moved the mouse on his laptop and it came to life. A YouTube video was paused on the screen. Edward clicked the little arrow and the recording began. It was obvious Esme was filming, she was asking questions and the gentleman with her would respond and offer information as they drove along. The homes were nice, the neighborhood well kept. It was near Bainbridge Island. I knew that was a nice neighborhood, although I'd never been there.

The video went blank for a minute, but I heard the two of them talking, and keys jingling. Soon the camera panned across the front of a gorgeous home. The bottom half of the exterior wall was mountain stone, and the upper half was a lighter gray siding. The trim looked like redwood. It had a lot of rustic charm and I could see Edward living here. The sidewalk rolled right up to the front door with a no step entrance. When the door opened, the interior was spacious. I immediately thought _art gallery_. It was amazing. The walls were still white plaster board, and the floors were plywood.

As they walked past certain rooms, Edward would tell me what they were. He didn't hesitate to say "your room." as we passed one of the bedrooms. I wasn't sold on moving in with him yet, that was a _really_ big step, but my heart sped up when I realized he had already set aside space in his home for me.

I gasped when I saw the kitchen. The linoleum was down, and the cupboards were in.

"The countertops are all gray granite, they're coming next week. The cupboards that are going on the upper half are on tracks. All I have to do is push a button and they come down the track and sit on the counter top so I can get inside. The only downfall is that I can't have anything on the counter."

"Gorgeous. I'll at least agree to come over and cook so you don't starve. What an amazing kitchen."

"Thanks. Wait till you see the appliances I want to order. They're pretty awesome."

"Well, if Esme had anything to do with ordering them, I can only imagine."

Edward started the video again, and it took us out onto a concrete patio and panned the back yard before it ended.

"I don't know, Edward, there's a lot to consider. I promise I'll think about it, just... please don't harass me."

"I'll try not to. Although I can't make any promises."

"Assuming I did agree to this, how would expenses work?"

"Simple, you wouldn't have any."

"Wrong, Cullen! That's a deal breaker. You've gotta do better than that. I'm not a kept woman. I've been completely self sufficient for nearly ten years. I'd have to pay my own way if I were to accept your offer."

"How about I pay the mortgage and we spilt the other expenses?"

"We split the mortgage in half."

"No way Bella. It's my house and I refuse to allow you to invest in my mortgage. "

"Well, I refuse to stay with you for free."

"What if I paid the mortgage, and we split the utilities equally? It's going to be more expensive to run an entire house and it makes sense that equal shares of the utilities are going to be more than it costs you now for your apartment."

"I can't let you pay the entire mortgage, and don't forget groceries. Do we just each get our own food and keep it separate, or do we split them and take turns cooking?"

He snorted. "Not if you value your life! You _don't_ want me to cook. How about I pay the mortgage, and you buy our food and cook it? As we agreed, utilities would be split equally. Deal?"

"Deal!"

_Wait! _

_No! _

_What have I done?_

Edward's smile lit the room.

"Hey _no fair_! You tricked me! I didn't agree to anything!"

He chuckled evilly. "Oh, but you _did_, Bella, or should I call you roomie?"

"You can't hold me to it. I need time to think it over. This is a big step for me."

He held his stomach as deep belly laughs rang out around us. "No, I wouldn't try to push you into anything you're not comfortable with, but I think it would be a blast. I'd love to have the companionship. You're fun to be around and I can't think of anyone I'd rather share my home with. I don't need much, you might have to help me put on a pair of socks, or pick up the TV remote from time to time. I just don't want to bother Alice for something trivial. She will come each day and help me get up- and ready for work when the time comes and she'll be there at bedtime to get me around. I _won't _have you do personal care for me. I have an aide for that for a reason. That could be nice for you too, if you ever needed anything, say you have another setback, she'd already be there. I know she'd never hesitate to help you."

"I'll think about it. Really, I will." I knew tonight would be another sleepless night. So many things ran through my mind. Hopefully if my mind was still running rampant, I'd at least have more pleasant things to think about. The house was gorgeous. Having a room mate wouldn't be terrible. I loved to cook, and he apparently couldn't, so that beautiful kitchen would be my territory. It would get me into a safer neighborhood and out of a place with steps. No matter what condition I was in due to my MS, I'd be able to navigate the house easily.

And the downside of this was... I couldn't think of one.

The only thing that worried me was that kiss. We crossed a line yesterday, and while we hadn't had any other physical contact today, if I had anything to do with it, we'd kiss before I left. That was the only thing I could see that would make things awkward. There was no way we were ready to jump into living together _as a couple_.

It was as if he could read my mind.

"Look, I can understand if yesterday has made you uncomfortable, or if you think I decided this because of it. I wanted to ask you this last week, but I didn't have all the information. Esme dropped this stuff and my new laptop off this morning. I'm not trying to push you into a physical relationship, or lure you into a bad situation. I'm trying to offer you something that I see only as a win-win situation. Please just think about it. I don't need your answer right away."

"Would you be willing to give me the week to decide? I'll let you know by next Saturday."

"That's fine, I promise not to pressure you while you're deciding."

I stood up. "I've got homework to grade and a lesson plan to write for this week. I really should go."

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me down to his level. He looked up and winked at me. I leaned in and we kissed. Our lips smacked, once twice, the third time we lingered a little longer and when he hesitated, I licked over his lower lip with my tongue. It was plump and soft and soon the soft silky flesh of his tongue was caressing mine as we melted into one another. My hand snaked into his hair, and his was on my waist, his thumb caressed the sliver of skin just above the waist of my jeans.

"I can't wait till we're living together." The smile lit up his entire face.

"No pressure, Edward! Please. No. Pressure."

I went home and tried to concentrate on my school work to no avail. I took a shower and sat down to grade the homework. I was in no way ready for the morning. I decided to make it an early night and look over the lesson plan while I ate breakfast.

As I was futilely trying to count sheep, my phone buzzed.

_**Have you decided yet? I haven't bugged you for HOURS! -E**_

**No, I have NOT. You agreed to a week. -B**

_**I know, but I don't know if I can wait a whole week. I could die of anticipation. -E**_

**You could… but you won't. –B**

_**I just wish you'd decide already. -E**_

**Okay. -B**

_**Okay? Okay what? -E**_

**I'll do it. -B**

_**Really? -E**_

**Yes, really. Can I **_**please**_** go to sleep now? -B**

_**Absolutely! :-) -E**_

**Good night, Edward. -B**

_**Goodnight roomie! -E**_

I groaned. What have I gotten myself into?

But then, I remembered the kiss, the kiss was incredible! I went to sleep with a smile on my face. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all...

* * *

So, moving forward. Slowly but surely.

A huge thanks to my partners in crime… to the Debbies for pre-reading and offering advice, and to Jeanne for betaing, despite her injured back. What an awesome support system I have! You girls own me, truly you do.

My review reply for the previous chapter was the same for everyone. I felt the easiest way to explain the outcome of the last chapter was to send a cookie cutter reply to everyone. And no, I wasn't angry at anyone's review. I want you to be incensed. It is a miscarriage of justice when an antiquated law is the sole factor in deciding a case of such magnitude. One little person can change the law if she is persistent. Don't ever think you're not capable of making a change. You are.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty- two

~Edward~

_**Mid-April, 2008**_

It was the day I had anticipated since I'd awakened in ICU. After nearly six months, I was leaving Harborview. It wasn't that I hated being there, nor that I was ungrateful in any way, because when I had my emergency, it was _the_ place I needed to be, if I were to remain alive. The endless months of lying in a bed, experiencing the same faces day after day, wearing their patronizing smiles, and knowing that my stay was open-ended began to bring on a bout of depression and self deprecation that left me emotional and difficult to deal with. I knew I wasn't my normal pleasant self most days.

Bella had become the light at the end of my tunnel, and when my fears got the best of me I convinced myself that she too would realize what a poor excuse of a person I had become. Inwardly, I feared that she would eventually move on to someone who could love her and care for her in the way she deserved. Because Bella was someone worthy of being cherished and loved.

I would have laughed, had anyone told me after that first meeting that we would become whatever it was we have become. Not only was she cute and snarky and sweet, but I was _the_ confirmed bachelor who had _no intention_ of ever becoming distracted by the wiles of a woman.

What started out as friendship had brewed into something more. I quickly came to depend on Bella for companionship, camaraderie and affection. My only hope was that she would find those things in me, and that one day soon I could be her knight in shining armor; even if that suit of armor came with wheels and a joystick. I'd willingly go into battle for her, in front of her, or if she chose along side her. She had become my everything.

She wasn't ready to put a label on what we shared, and that was ok. I've proven that I'm a patient man. For her, I'd wait forever, the same way she waited on me, with patience and anticipation. She was _worth _waiting for.

Today, the next leg of our journey took me to a rehabilitation center for six weeks; when I was ready to leave rehab, my goal was to have regained enough function to be self sufficient at home and within the community. Not only had my body stiffened from months of non-use, I'd have to re-learn the basic necessities such as grooming and dressing. Another goal of mine was to learn how to navigate a vehicle around the city so that I could provide safe, reliable transportation for Bella and myself.

I'm not that twenty year old guy anymore who could sit out in all types of weather getting soaked to the bone or who could scoot in and out of traffic as if he were on foot. I'm older, arthritic and my bones are not nearly as durable as they once were. I learned with this accident how truly blessed I am, in all things, but above all, I'm blessed to be alive and well and on my way to recovery, even if it was a slow and arduous road.

Pain became my constant companion now. He's not very friendly. But, I'd endure whatever I needed to if it meant having Bella by my side and being able to give her the kind of life she deserved.

Alice had everything packed and it sat in a cart awaiting my transport. I was all decked out in a new sweat suit courtesy of Alice as well. Little did she know that I'd secretly concealed my 'Don't feed the crocodiles' tee shirt underneath. She thought it was crass and tacky. It made me think of my friend Emmett and his penchant for living life to its fullest. It was my way of declaring to the world that I was ready to burst out of my bubble and feel alive again! It was bound to be a conversation piece.

I sat waiting in the used electric wheelchair that Harborview provided when my body cast came off. Since they normally only have one or two available, they're only offered to seasoned drivers. The likelihood of self inflicted injury is too great to hand them out to novices. Garrett, in the seating clinic at Harborview's rehab gym, did my fitting for the new Permobil wheelchair the day my body cast came off. It took weeks to be delivered, as each one is custom made. Had I not had to fight with the logging company's insurance provider, I'd have had my chair even sooner. I was hard on my wheelchairs and by the time I was done with one, it no longer kept up the rigors of my daily needs. A Permobil is designed in a manner that it could be recycled and restored in order to service another person. Each Permobil is actually designed to last the lifetime of several individuals. I've had several, and always turned in the former chair so that it could be refurbished and donated to someone less fortunate. With that philosophy in mind, the logging company and their insurance carrier felt that four years was too soon to provide me with a new chair. When it was disclosed that the chair was destroyed beyond repair in an accident, they wanted to reject my claim for a new chair.

The attorney who represented me against the logging company in 1991 had long since retired, so Rosalie agreed to, in her words, _straighten out the insurance company_. At the time of the settlement, my attorney was able to leave the medical portion of my settlement open, meaning the logging company agreed to cover any and all future medical expenses I would incur. They settled monetarily to compensate for potential loss of income, as well as home health care expenses. Carlisle's attorney also filed a wrongful death suit, which the insurance company offered to settle, however the amount they came back with was so low that my attorney refused to settle. The judgment I was awarded was put into a trust and I had enough money in the bank to live comfortably for the rest of my life… if I was careful… but I was ambitious and I was determined to return to my job and pay my own way.

Even though the trust was fully funded, I had rarely ever dipped into it. I didn't want for anything when I lived with Carlisle and Esme, and college was paid for with loans… because that's the American way. My student debt had been heavy when I got my MD, and in total I had amassed nearly $300,000.00 in loans. By working in a public hospital, in a clinical research fellowship, I was able to get a National Institute of Health refund that would equal nearly half that amount in the end. I owed the NIH another 20 months of work in a public facility, but had no intention of leaving Harborview even after my obligation was fulfilled. My fellowship at the Institute of Stem Cell Research paid very little, but in the end, it eradicated enough of my debt to make monthly loan payments affordable.

In the past month I'd called Carlisle and asked him to go before the trust department at his bank on my behalf several times. I was relying on the money from the trust more than I'd ever had to depend on it in my life.

Because I hadn't used the trust for anything other than necessities over the years, it was no trouble getting them to release the funds to pay for the time I'd be in this rehab facility. With that money I was able to build my house and purchase a vehicle, which included the modifications it would require. When I'd leave rehab it would be in a new set of wheels-my first car since my parent's gave me the old Volvo wagon, and I'd be moving into my new home with Bella. I had a lot to be thankful for and I was determined to work harder than I ever had before to prove my gratitude.

Harborview's transport van was scheduled to take me to the rehabilitation facility, but since Esme and Carlisle had a mechanic go over my old lift van that sat in their garage so that I could go to my deposition and the accident re-enactment, it made more sense for my family to just take me. I was relieved that Carlisle and I had come to an understanding since the day I decided to drop the case and now, everyone avoided the topic as much as possible. Aside from Rosalie, I didn't really discuss it with anyone else.

Esme had been determined to get me inside the new house, and Bob, the builder, (_yes that _really _was _his name) had been more than accommodating. He had the concrete pad poured for my driveway, as well as the sidewalk before I went to the deposition, but the day had been so full that we couldn't in fit a trip to the house. Not that I minded, I didn't want my first impression of the house to be tainted or overshadowed by the accident drama. It turned out my instincts were right, I don't think any of us would soon forget _that_ day.

After loading me, my luggage, and Alice into the van, Carlisle and Esme drove to the new neighborhood. The excitement was palpable.

Turning onto my street for the first time, I swelled with pride. Esme and the gatekeeper had become quick friends. He waved as we drove through.

"There's a code to enter if he's not here, but they provided you with a garage door opener type remote. They weren't sure if you could access the panel." She said.

"That's really nice. I appreciate the fact that they are so welcoming."

"I think you'll find that they are very accommodating. The security is very tight too, which makes me feel good." She said.

"Well, that's a plus. I'll feel better knowing that when I work late nights- Bella will be safe when she's here alone."

Esme beamed and I knew it was because she was so certain Bella and I would soon be more than friends.

The homes in the neighborhood were very diverse. I was pleased that they didn't all look like cookie-cutter copies of one another. My house sat between a two-story and a multi-level home. When I first imagined the development, my biggest concern was very much the same as Bella's- I feared that all the homes would look alike and that it would just be a neighborhood full of gimps that had been segregated within the Seattle suburbs. I never imagined what sat in front of me. Even having seen it on video- nothing could have prepared me for this.

Alice was nearly as bad; as she smacked her face into the window, I had a flashback of watching Edward Scissor-hands. She oohed and ahhed as we passed each house. When we slowed down in front of the one I knew was mine, she began to scream and squeal unexpectedly.

"Oh, Edward, it's beautiful!" She gasped. I simply nodded. I couldn't seem to find words.

The video didn't do my home justice. It was rustic and manly, and it truly looked like it was designed for the area. I was almost sad that it wasn't nestled into a mountainside someplace, but that wouldn't have been practical... not for me.

I sat, shocked into silence. Carlisle cleared his throat. "Son, would you like to get out? You're sitting there looking all gob smacked, and I understand, really I do, but we need to get you over to the rehab facility so that you can get settled in."

"Yes, I know. Let's go inside."

Alice went through the motions of taking the tie downs off my chair and freeing me of my trappings. Carlisle was working the lift and had it ready for me to drive onto before she was done. Esme stood next to her husband with a huge smile on her face. There was only one person missing, and it felt wrong to be doing this without her. Bella.

I pulled my phone out and called her, even though I knew she was working. It rang twice and she picked up, whispering. "Edward?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"What are you doing? What's wrong?"

"I'm at the house, well, actually I'm sitting in the van. I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what? Go to rehab? You _need_ to do it."

"No, not that. I don't know if I can go into the house right now. You should be here, too. This feels wrong."

She raised her voice slightly. "Edward... hon, you need to just do it. I'm sorry I can't be there, but you know I couldn't take off work. I'm so sorry."

"I could just go to rehab and we could get Alice or someone to bring us over this weekend."

"Listen- it's ok. It's _your_ house. Why don't you go check it out, but don't tell me any details? Then on Saturday- maybe that could be our outing if someone will drive us."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Alright. I wish you were here."

"Me too, Edward. Me too. I really have to get back to my class, though. Talk to you later?"

"Alright."

I closed my phone and nodded to Alice. She helped me maneuver the wheelchair onto the lift. It would be so much easier to do this once I could bend my legs, but the way they were sticking out in front of me caused such a visual obstruction that it was nearly impossible to get situated in such tight quarters. Getting in and out of the van was nothing like zipping through a wide corridor in the hospital.

Soon I found myself sitting on the concrete driveway which seamlessly spanned from the street and turned into my sidewalk allowing me to glide right through the front door with so little as a threshold. I noted that the garage doors were taller than was normal, in order to compensate for a raised roof van. I had to smile, Esme thought of everything. She didn't know that I had already opted for a smaller vehicle with a lowered floor, but it was good to plan ahead, one never knew what the future held.

Esme opened the door and stepped aside so I could go into the house first. What had simply been a three-dimensional computer layout suddenly came to life. I rolled through my home, speechless. I think I swallowed a few times, and I knew my face was wet with tears. There were just no words to express my awe. This was mine. This was _home. _It had been so long since I'd felt like I had a home. After my parents were gone I recovered in the home Carlisle and Esme made for us, but I wasn't there long. Then I filled my life with college. I took on whatever shifts I could to fill my waking hours. The dorms and apartments I'd lived in were never home to me and the long string of roommates were never quite like family.

For the first time since I left Carlisle and Esme's at twenty, I felt like I truly was someplace where I belonged.

I was _home._

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. "She did a great job didn't she? Is this what you anticipated?"

"I'm not even sure _what_ I expected. This is beyond my wildest dreams."

Esme took my hand and pulled on me, motioning for me to move. "Come on, hon, I want to see what you think. You need to look over the bathrooms, the cabinets haven't been set and I need your opinion."

Carlisle laughed, "Give the boy a few minutes, Es. He's overwhelmed. Just let him bask in this for a little bit. We have an hour until we have to leave."

Alice came in from outside. "Pizza will be here soon. You'll miss lunch at rehab... and I'm starving. So I thought we could eat here. Come on, let's explore!"

She reminded me of the young raven haired girl who loved an adventure when I was a kid. I spun around in the living room, taking in the mountain stone fireplace with a huge cherry book case built beside it. I stopped and pondered... There was a beautiful window in the little alcove next to it and I could just picture putting a chair there to sit and read in the afternoon sun. I think I knew just the chair.

"Hey Esme, is my furniture still in storage? We still have it, right?"

She came in from somewhere, and smiled. "Of course, I wouldn't dream of getting rid of your things. It's all there."

"I know you always liked Mom's chair, but I was thinking... "

" ...that it would look perfect next to the fireplace? Me too, in fact, I designed that little alcove just for that chair. I really do love Liz's chair, but I have too many memories of her sitting in it reading- I just don't know that I could sit in it and enjoy myself. You know?"

"Mmhmm... I was thinking it would be perfect for Bella."

"Me too. I think all your living room furniture will fit in here. What do you think?"

"Oh, yeah. It's a perfect fit. It's almost like the room was designed around my things." I looked up at her smiling face.

"It _was_, wasn't it?"

She looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I drove past her and gave her hand a squeeze. "It's perfect. I love it."

I passed what I knew was the dining room, my bedroom, Bella's room and the study, but I wanted to see the kitchen. Bella would be utilizing this room and I wanted to be sure it was perfect for her. It was huge, and roomy. There was a place to sit and eat, a huge island, and ample counter space. I liked the fact that I could easily maneuver a wheelchair _and pass someone _the entire way around the workspace and dining area. It was, I imagined, a cooks dream.

"I want good appliances. Commercial grade. And make certain she has a huge sink- a deep one like yours. Don't worry about me being able to roll under it, I'll be able to stand up in my new chair. For now we'll install something that Bella can comfortably use standing, she's not real tall. If her condition ever gets so that she needs to use a wheelchair, we'll deal with that at the time."

Esme had her notebook out- taking shorthand I imagined, since I was firing off demands.

"The counter tops are gorgeous." There was a copper colored vein that ran through the gray granite here and there. It made the granite almost look rusted in spots. It tied in well with the cupboards and the rest of the room.

Esme didn't say much, she just let me take everything in. I reached over and pressed the button for the top cupboard, it smoothly rolled down the track and rested on the counter. I was able to access everything but the top shelf sitting sideways as I was. I didn't think I could reach the top shelf even if my knees were bent and I rolled up straight on, but standing, I'd have access to it. When I got my new Permobil, the lift mechanism would raise my seat platform eight to ten inches. The cupboards were incredible, as was the rest of the kitchen.

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Ooh, Edward! I _need_ those in my kitchen! I have to practically get a step ladder out to get into my upper cupboards." I knew she had a reputation for scaling the front of her cupboards to get to the top... and falling. Carlisle had stitched her up several times.

Alice spun around in circles, her hands out like a little girl trying to get dizzy. "This is just so perfect for you. It's so roomy! I can't imagine what it'll look like painted with all the appliances installed. Wow!"

"Yeah, it is pretty amazing, isn't it? It's certainly a lot different from the paper floor plan; even the 3-D CAD program didn't do it justice."

"So have you seen the rest? Pizza should be here soon and we have to get you settled in. You might want to go look at the bathrooms with Esme. I know she wants your input."

I left the kitchen and went to find Mom. She was standing in what I thought was my study smooching with a handsome blonde man. "Don't you two ever take a break? That's almost sickening, it's so sweet." My parents laughed and gave each other a hug. "Come on Esme, we'll finish this later." He winked at her and I groaned. "I do _not_ want to know."

She led me down the hall to a doorway, still laughing to herself. There wasn't a door; there wasn't even a door frame. "The bedrooms will all get pocket doors. You'll just push a button and they'll roll inside the wall so your path of travel will never be hampered. Bob said it would give you almost three more inches."

I had forgotten about the pocket doors, I'd even requested them, but life had been so full of late, that I hadn't put much thought into it. Seeing them in action was pretty cool.

"I really like that concept. I've seen manual ones but I've never seen automatic ones. What if there's a power outage, though?"

"There's an emergency generator which switches on in less than a minute. I knew you had to have power for your bed and air mattress. I don't want you to have a catastrophe because you lose power. I also have you registered with the power company as a priority. If there's a large scale problem, they will automatically come to ensure your power is on first."

"Wow, you thought of everything didn't you?"

"No- I just registered you. It was your father's idea. Carlisle was concerned that a loss of power could create a medical emergency. He was most concerned about Bella needing the air-conditioning. He actually completed all the paperwork with the utility companies since a doctor had to submit the forms. I hope you're not offended; he did a form for each of you. You'd said Bella was moving in with you, and he hoped that they'd give you more consideration if they new both of you had disabling conditions."

"I'm not offended at all. Thank you. You said utility _companies_... who else did you call?"

"The telephone company, because you should have a landline phone, and your heating company. He also arranged for your landscaper to get out here and clear out the driveway and sidewalk when it snows."

"I'm just so overwhelmed. Thank you."

"He's actually pretty proud of himself over the whole thing. You should be thanking him." We both laughed. Carlisle could be so serious; I could see him putting a lot of consideration into the kinds of things we'd need to make priorities when we came to live here.

I rolled through another doorway and I knew I was in my bathroom. The fiberglass pan for the shower laid on the floor, but other than that the room was bare. "This is a nice sized room. I should have no trouble maneuvering."

"If you look on the plywood flooring, Bob laid out the diagram for the fixtures and your vanity, but he wanted to know if that would give you enough room before he installed everything. The shower pan isn't installed yet, but that is where he intended to put it. None of the plumbing is installed either."

I looked at the sketches and notations on the floor and things looked really good, but... "Could he switch around the vanity and the toilet? I don't think I like the toilet in the corner. I'd like to get swing-away grab bars so I can access it from either side. I've always gone from left to right, but I don't know how I'll maneuver now. I may have to change my routine. I won't know until the casts come off. I'd like to leave my options open."

"Bella's bathroom is the same layout, should we do the same with hers?"

"Yes, I think that would be wise. Where is the guest bathroom? Can I see it?"

"I think you'll like the layout, but let's go look."

The guest bathroom was just a toilet and a sink, but the room was spacious enough that a visitor with a wheelchair could easily access everything and not have to use one of our private bathrooms. "Yes, I like this. See he did that with this bathroom. This is great. Please tell him I'm quite happy with it."

We perused a few closets and just wandered about until lunch came.

Alice put the pizzas on the counter and handed us each a bottle of water out of a cooler that had mysteriously appeared.

I ate several pieces, relishing in the fact that there was no longer a limit on how much I could intake. I patted my stomach, feeling pleasantly satisfied but not uncomfortable. "Is there a back porch yet? I'd love to see the back yard."

"Sure, come on, let's look." Esme led the way through the back door onto a huge porch. A slight incline led to a large patio area with stone benches that encircled a large fire pit. A new stainless steel gas grill sat next to a brushed concrete tabletop which rested on stone pillars.

"I hope you don't mind, I went ahead and got the grill so that I could cook for the workers. It's nice for them to have a hot meal a few times during the week, don't you think?"

Carlisle laughed. "She rushes over here about ten o'clock every morning to start grilling for the guys. Haven't you noticed she comes later to the hospital now?"

I _had_ noticed, but I never knew why. I sat and shook my head, of course my mother wanted to be hospitable. I wouldn't have expected any less from her.

The yard was huge and a nice wide sidewalk meandered through the back yard. Esme had designed a garden with the landscaper, after learning how much time I spent on the rooftop. It would be beautiful when it was completed. While it was simply mud now, I had seen the diagrams and could picture it in my head.

"They've accomplished a lot since you made the video." It amazed me how quickly things had progressed.

I knew Esme was proud, she had a huge hand in all of this and every little detail showed how committed she was to making sure I had not only a beautiful home, but one that was safe and functional as well.

"They have, and they've been so accommodating. I even made changes after some things had been completed because it wasn't as functional as possible. I was thinking you should have him do a presentation for your support group."

"I think it would be a much better idea to just have a huge bar-b-que here after we get settled in. Everyone can walk through, try things hands on. I don't mind using the house as a model home for an afternoon."

Carlisle had walked up behind Esme and had his arms around her from behind, his cheek leaning against the side of her head. I don't know that I'd ever seem him look so content. Esme smiled, "I think that would be a great way to spread the word. Carlisle and I will provide the food. Maybe we can get some of our friends over here to help set things up so it all runs smoothly."

Carlisle spoke up then, "Anything you need son. I love the idea. Maybe Emmett could come over, he's a strapping guy, I could use his help setting up tables and chairs. We'll have to talk about this later though; we have to leave very soon."

Alice touched my arm, "I'm sure Jasper would be more than happy to pitch in with whatever you needed. Just let us know, we'll be glad to help."

I turned and headed back to the house, deciding to take a few minutes to just stroll through. It was so much more than I had imagined it would be and I didn't know if I could quell the excitement I felt. Alice came in and walked along behind me. "This is really nice, Edward. I'm so happy for you."

"It is incredible, isn't it? I'm so happy I decided to do this. Oh my gosh, Bella is gonna freak out. You don't think it's too ostentatious do you?"

"No, I think she'll love it. Who wouldn't? You built your dream home, and it was built to suit your needs. She won't hold that against you."

"I wish I had put in a guest room. I only have three bedrooms; I wanted the common areas to be roomy. One of the bedrooms is going to be my study. If Bella and I each have a room, there's no room for guests."

"Actually, talk to your mom, I believe she was going to discuss putting a bedroom in the basement. They laid out a large rec. room and a full bathroom."

"Oh, I hadn't even considered something like that, I was thinking about sticking a pull-out futon in my study. The basement is a great idea. I can't wait until I can get down there."

"How _will_ you get down there? I haven't seen any stairs, just an outside entrance."

"They are going to install a small elevator inside one of the closets just off the kitchen, it was an afterthought. I want to be able to utilize my basement and I don't want to enter from the outside in bad weather."

"That's pretty cool. You're really state-of-the-art here aren't you?"

"Yeah, it's pretty strange. Hey Alice, do you remember those cartoons we used to watch as kids? You know, _The Farm of the Future_ and _The House of the Future..._ they come to mind when I think of this house."

Alice giggled, "Oh my, I haven't seen those in _for-ev-er!_ You're right, it does. Do you remember the chicken with a dozen drumsticks? They were so funny! You have _got_ to get the cartoon channel. We have to have a cartoon-fest some night!"

"Give me about six weeks, Alice. It'll be great!"

"So Bella accepted your offer to move in?"

I couldn't help the silly grin that spread across my face. "Yes... I think she accepted under duress, but once she gets settled in I know she'll love it."

"Are you sure about this, you haven't known her for long? I mean- I know I told you to get your act together and go for the girl, and I really do like her, I just... this is what _you_ want right? We're not pressuring you into anything, are we?"

"Yes Alice, this is most definitely what I want. We're not a 'couple'," I made quotation marks in the air, "but we've kissed a few times and I promised her I wasn't interested in anyone else."

"I'm really happy for you, Edward. I know you've shied away from women, and with good reason, I guess, but she seems like an awesome person. I look forward to spending time with her and getting to know her better."

"I'd like that, Alice. I hope you don't mind, I told her she could ask you for help if she ever needed anything, you know- when you're working for me. I suppose I should have asked you first."

"What, you mean like _personal care_ stuff?"

I nodded my head.

"Sure, that's fine. I'd be on your clock, anyway. I don't mind giving her a hand."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Should we go get the old folks? Did you know I caught them making out in my study?"

"Ew, and you want me to go looking for them, knowing this?"

I laughed. "Please?" She walked away shaking her head. I made a final spin around my living room. _My living room_. It felt incredible to say that. I couldn't wait to move in here.

They got me loaded into the van and went to the rehab. I knew today would be getting settled in, but tomorrow the work would begin. I was looking forward to it, to be honest. Freedom and independence were so close, I could taste them. I wanted nothing more than to move into my new house and to build my relationship with Bella. I looked forward to returning to work. I had so many wonderful things within my grasp. Life was looking good.

I spent almost an hour with the intake nurse. We went over everything from my current injuries, to medicinal allergies to hobbies I was interested in. I was exhausted by the time we were done. When I came down from the excitement of visiting the house, my energy crashed quickly. Suddenly, I looked forward to just finding a bed and taking a nap.

When the inquisition was over, a nurse came to escort me to my room. I didn't currently have a room mate, she explained, but a young boy who had been in a motorcycle accident would be sharing my room in a few days.

Alice unpacked my things while Esme and Carlisle accompanied the nurse and me on a short tour of the facility. When we went into the rehab gym, one of the physical therapists stood with her hands on her hips watching me from across the room. I cocked my head. I _knew_ her, but how? She looked so familiar; however I couldn't place the face. As she got closer, I smiled. She was fifteen years older, and her hair wasn't styled in the same way, but I don't know why I didn't know her right away. She had spent so much time with me after I had first become paralyzed.

With a huge smile she came over and bent to give me a hug. "Edward Masen! What in the world brings you _here_?" I cringed when she said my name. It had been years since anyone called me by my _real_ name. I wasn't a Cullen when she last saw me.

"I had a little accident?"

Carlisle snorted. "_Little?_ Hah! He was playing chicken in traffic in his electric wheelchair."

I hung my head. "I lost."

My old friend Jillian had the same reaction most people had after learning the details of the accident. First she gasped, then the "Oh my gosh, are you ok?" and then "I'm so sorry!"

"I've improved greatly. I was very fortunate. Hell, I'm lucky to be alive."

"I knew we were getting a new patient who had been in a wheelchair and collided with a car. I read that the patient was a doctor, and a research scientist... I just never dreamed..." She put her hands on her hips. "You know I didn't put you back together so you could go out and play in traffic."

It was almost a relief to be able to joke about it now. My situation had been gloom and doom for so long. I was ready to get past this and reclaim my life. "I know you didn't, trust me, I tried to get out of her way."

I was hit with a barrage of questions. "So, a _doctor_ huh? What are you doing with yourself? What's with the name? I think that's what threw me off. Did ya marry some girl and take her last name?" She was laughing, I'm sure she knew it was Carlisle's last name, although it made sense their paths rarely crossed. Most people here had recovered from something serious, and would not have come directly from Carlisle's ER.

"I'm a third year neurology resident at Harborview. I share a private office with Dr. Jeffries and several days a week I'm a research fellow at the Washington U Institute for Stem Cell and Regenerative Medicine."

"Okay, I'm feeling really insignificant now." She smirked. "I guess you didn't waste my time after all."

Esme piped in then, "He also has a support group at Harborview for patients who are newly disabled."

"Oh really? That's _you?_ I've sent people to the gym at Harborview to your group then. I usually talk to some girl named Carmen, or a guy named Emmett."

"My mom helped me form the group when I started my residency; there was nothing for people with newly acquired disabilities. No place to go for information or referrals to agencies that could help them get the equipment and services they needed. I went through it myself and understood what it was like. Fortunately, I had Esme to help fight my battles. Most of those patients have no one."

"Wow, I'm really impressed. You've done good, kid." She patted my shoulder. "Would you like a tour of my gym?"

"Sure, how long have you been here?" We began walking around. I took in the various contraptions and tables that would be used daily so that I could once again be a free man.

"I left Harborview around 1998, I think."

"I was at A & M working towards my MD in '98."

"That's great, when you left and went to Chuck Johnson's facility, you were undecided. I followed your progress while you were there. I was so disappointed that they couldn't do more for you. I was so hopeful..."

"They _did_ do a lot for me. I might not be able to walk, but some of the pathways were regenerated. I gained some sensation and movement that I didn't have before, and I learned to accept my disability."

"Were you able to get your driver's license? I forget. I saw driver's education on your intake paperwork."

"I did, but it's been a long time since I've been behind a wheel. When I was in school it was always just easier to buzz across campus in my chair, since the accident though, I think I'd prefer to be better protected. I just need a refresher course. I don't think anyone notified the DMV that my disability has changed."

Carlisle spoke, "No, I checked, there are no stops on your license. You won't have to retest."

"I want to go through the motions as if I were though. I won't drive until I'm confident that I can operate a car safely."

"We'll get you back on the road."

"This is a really nice facility, Jillian. You referred to it as your gym earlier, so are you the gal in charge?"

"Actually, I got my doctorate in physical therapy while I was still at Harborview. Yeah, I'm running the facility. That doesn't mean I'm too good to get down and dirty in the gym though. I work the same as everyone else. This just means you have to answer to me." Everyone laughed at that. She was a slave driver when I was a kid, if anything she was probably even more aggressive now.

"I can't wait to get my new Permobil. I guess they are delivering it here?" I wasn't sure, but that was the impression the hospital had given me.

"Oh! Didn't they _tell_ you? It's _already_ here. I didn't know if you wanted to be fit for it now, or wait till the casts come off? It's a Permobil Stander, right?"

"Yes, the C-500 Stander. I know I can't stand yet, but I'd really love to be using it. I can tilt and recline. I know I'll be more comfortable. The tilt in space feature lets me get the pressure off my butt. I can't tell you how much I've missed it."

"I'm on the late shift tonight. Once everyone has had their dinner break, I'll get two of the guys to help transfer you into it and we'll get you situated. Once you're bending, we can make additional adjustments, if needed."

"That would be awesome. Once these casts come off I'll be able to do so much more."

"I think Carey does a visit here on Monday, he'll probably X-ray you and change you into a short leg cast then. We have the equipment to do it here; it's just easier than transporting the patients back and forth. He does a clinic every Monday morning."

My heart pounded, and I was overwhelmed, almost to the point of tears. It had been so long since I'd experienced the freedom short casts would provide me. I choked the words out. "Really? I could possibly be free of these in just a few days?"

"I don't want to give you false hope, but based on the X-rays that came with you from the hospital, I can almost guarantee they'll come off then."

I sucked in a shaky breath. This was it, in a few days I'd be able to begin the final part of this horrendously long journey and put it behind myself.

"Look, Edward, I've got a few things to take care of before dinner. It's great seeing all of you again, even though I'm sorry it's under these circumstances. I'll come get you when we're ready to get you situated in your new chair, ok? Please make yourselves at home. This isn't a hospital. Feel free to go outside, go to the rec. room, you're free to do whatever you want, within reason." She winked at me.

"If you are leaving the premises, you need to let the receptionist know, and sign the book. Other than that, if you're scheduled for PT or driving, it's your responsibility to get yourself there on time. The rest of your day is free time. I encourage you to socialize and take advantage of the occupational therapy sessions in the cafeteria, although it's not mandatory. Enjoy dinner. I'll be up to get you in a few hours."

Jill left us in the gym. Carlisle had been occupied with the equipment for a long time. His fingers ghosted over one of the machines. "Come on old man; let's go check out my room. Alice has been up there unsupervised for an awfully long time."

We made our way back to my room to find all my things unpacked, and a colorful comforter on my bed. Alice sat in a chair next to the window, painting her nails.

"I was wondering when you were coming back. Edward, I got you a new set of bedding. I washed it at home so it's nice and soft." I cocked an eyebrow at her; I refused to have the staff think I was _special_. "Don't worry, I called last week and asked what you were permitted to bring as well as a list of suggested items. A lot of people bring their own bedding."

I sighed. I was sure Alice would give the staff a run for their money. 'This pamphlet says dinner will be here in a half hour. I really need to get going, is there anything else you need before I go?" I forgot Jasper was collecting her after his shift.

"Nope, see you tomorrow?"

"I'll be here. Have a good night."

"You too Alice, tell Jazz he needs to come inside next time."

"He will. He just wanted to give you a chance to take care of whatever you needed to without interruption." She looked at my parents, "Goodnight guys, see you soon."

"Goodnight Alice." They both chimed in.

Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder. "Well son, we should get heading out too, is there anything else you need?"

"No, I'm good. I'll see you later, thanks for everything today."

"You're welcome, son."

Esme stood off to the side waiting, and then she came over and bent down, giving me a tight hug. "I love you. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you here today."

"Me too, Mom. The house is beautiful. I know thank you doesn't begin to cover it. I'm still speechless. You are the most amazing mother. Thanks."

"Oh, you're so welcome. It was my pleasure. I can't wait till the guys are done so I can get in there and put it all together." That was where she truly shined, and I could almost feel her anticipation in the air.

"Thanks for working my mom and dad's things into your design plans. I can't wait to see everything put together." It was weird referring to two women as "mom" in just a few breathes, but I didn't have to explain to her, she knew exactly what I meant.

"It'll be gorgeous. I look forward to getting it all together for you."

"Well, you better get going. Carlisle headed out to the parking lot without you. Love you."

She smooched me and was gone.

I considered sitting in my room and calling dietary to ask for my tray in my room. We had that option three evenings a week. They understood the need for solitude, but socialization was part of the rehabilitation process, so they tried to foster an environment where people would automatically come together and socialize. I decided to make my way to the dining room to meet some of the others.

Some of the patients who sat at my table were really intriguing. We had a comfortable conversation. There were people here from all walks of life, with one common goal in mind. Going home…

The most exciting part of going to dinner for me- being served food that was edible, no it was better than that, it was actually delicious. It was a pleasant change from the meals the hospital served.

True to her word, Jill sent someone to fetch me directly from the dining room. After a half hour or so in the gym, everything had been adjusted and I was sitting in my new wheelchair. I couldn't wait to get rid of these casts so I could get vertical. Jill told me Carey planned to have me begin standing and bearing weight soon. Suddenly, in the matter of one day, it seemed so many things had turned around.

I made my way back to my room. Two orderlies transferred me into bed and my nurse came in with evening my meds. I got my fentanyl patch replaced. It was a synthetic opiate patch for pain which was placed on my shoulder every three days. I was relieved; my dose had lowered from 100 micrograms per hour to 75 micrograms over the last few weeks in the hospital. My biggest concern was getting hooked on an opiate, even if it was synthetic.

When the hospital switched me from morphine, I was put on the patch. My doctor prescribed an even lower dosage with my discharge orders this morning, so beginning tonight I was going to 50 micrograms with a fentanyl _lollipop_ for breakthrough pain. _Seriously? A lollipop? _How did I not know about this? I was a doctor, but I'd never encountered such a thing. The whole concept was kind of scary, I shuddered at the thought- in my head it brought images of small children sucking on candy that had been drugged.

I called Carlisle for advice. He read the information from his _Physician's Desk Reference-_ A manual for prescribing medication. I know he was trying to be reassuring, but he didn't really alleviate my concerns. If anything, he gave me more to stew over. While I had been in a great deal of pain, especially from the pelvic break and reconstructed hip socket, the latter of which was right at the line where my paralysis began and my feeling ended, I hated taking medication. Prior to being hit by the car, it was abnormal to see my taking anything stronger than aspirin.

I understood the concept; the entire theory was for the medication to be absorbed in my mouth, where it would work almost instantly to eliminate my pain. I was on one of the lowest dosages, but it was much higher than the number of micrograms my patch contained. It concerned me even more to learn that it was much stronger than the morphine I had been on, and was nearly as addictive as heroin. Carlisle tried to reassure me that more than half of the medication that went through my digestive tract would be metabolized by my liver. It would never be utilized by my body, and I'd really only reap the benefits from the portion of the medication that was absorbed in my mouth.

The _lollipop_ was actually like hard candy on a plastic stick that the patient sucked on until it dissolved to get rid of immediate pain. I knew I was going to soon be participating in a lot of physical activity, so I wondered if this was really the proper time to lower my patch dosage. Hopefully my body would adjust to the new dosage before the long leg casts came off and I began bending my knees. I somehow anticipated consuming a lot of those lollipops, but after learning what I did from Carlisle, I was reluctant to use them. Maybe I could find a way to work through my pain… meditation… deep breathing…

After the nurse was done with me and I was situated, she left, closing my door. I pulled my cell phone off the bedside table and dialed Bella's number. She picked up on the first ring. "Edward."

"Hey Bella."

"How are you? Did you get settled?"

"I'm good. I made a few new friends and ran into an old one."

"Oh, that's cool. I hope the old friend isn't recuperating from an injury as well?"

"No, it was a funny thing... I recognized her, but couldn't remember from where. She was the Physical Therapist who worked with me when I first became paralyzed. She was really good to me all those weeks. She kept me focused when so many things were going wrong in my life. She's a doctor here, now- she manages the facility."

"Wow, it's pretty neat that she's there. I'm surprised you didn't run into her through your work."

"I know, ironically she's referred people to my rehab support group. She just didn't have a clue that I was the moderator. We had a nice visit. She had a little surprise for me after dinner."

"Really? What kind of surprise?"

"It's black and chrome and goes about five miles per hour. Unlike the one I've been borrowing, this one stands up… well… it will, once _I_ can stand up, that is."

"You got your new chair? _Really?_ Is it more comfortable?"

"I could have slept in it tonight; I've done that in the old one. But they made me get out of it until tomorrow. I can't wait to really put it through its paces."

"I'm really happy for you. It has to feel good to have your own chair again."

"Yeah, it's great; I'm really pleased with it. It's an upgrade from my old one; they've made some subtle changes. I'll be using it for a long time. At least five years before insurance will buy a new one for me."

"How was the house?"

"The house is _AWESOME!_ I can't wait till we can go over there. Alice is free both tomorrow and Sunday, if you'd still like to go."

"Sure, I'd like that. I can't wait to see it."

"I hope you love it as much as I do. I want you to be happy there. I think you'll love the kitchen. It's nearly twice as big as Esme's."

"Seriously? _No way!_"

"For serious, babe. It's _huge_. I can't wait till you see it."

She didn't make a comment about me referring to her as 'babe'. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside to get away with it and I secretly wished that after we got settled into the new house, our friendship would take a more romantic turn.

"I will, let's plan on tomorrow, that way if something would fall through, we always have Sunday."

"That sounds wonderful. I can't wait to go back."

I heard her chuckle. "Anything else happen? Was the rest of your day alright? Did you get settled in?

"Alice more or less unpacked me while Carlisle and Esme toured the facility with me. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you!"

"_What?_"

"It sounds like you'll have to get me a new superman."

"You're losing the casts?"

"They're hoping to have me in short leg casts next week. I may be able to begin standing. I can't wait. I haven't been vertical in months!"

"Wow, that's awesome. I hope everything goes well and you get them changed. Boy, Emmett will be over there all the time trying to whip you into shape!"

I groaned, "Yeah, I know. I hope it takes a little while for him to realize." I couldn't help the persistent yawning. "I'm really whooped, I better go. Do you know when you're coming tomorrow?"

"What's good for you?"

"Well, I have Physical therapy from 8-10am and then I have a meeting from 1-2pm. So either between ten and one, or after two."

"I like the idea of 10am, unless you'll be too whooped. I can bring us coffee."

"Alright, if you need a ride, call me; I'll have Alice collect you. And don't worry about the coffee, we'll stop somewhere on the way."

"Okay, goodnight Edward, pleasant dreams."

"Good night, Bella. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Impact now has a thread on Twilighted. The link can be found on my profile. I plan to pop in from time to time and answer questions, etc. I hope you visit too.

Thanks Patti, for starting the thread!

Thank you, for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-three

~Edward~

I think I was asleep before my head hit my pillow. Next thing I knew, a girl from dietary was shaking me at 7am with my breakfast tray.

It was food... actual food.

An ooey, gooey omelet, with toast... warm, _crisp_, buttery toast. And coffee. Real coffee... with _caffeine_.

_Oh my God, I think I've died and gone to heaven. _

My mother hadn't gotten her talons into some unsuspecting sap in dietary, yet. Having an _in_ with Jillian might just ensure that my coffee provided me with the energy I'd need to make it through my days.

Soon it was 8am and the real excitement began.

After I was done with breakfast, an aide came in and dressed me. She used a hydraulic lift- a Hoyer- to get me into the wheelchair, and then I tilted the chair so she could get me pulled up where she wanted me before I got belted in. It felt good to know I'd soon be using only a seatbelt again to keep me in position. The harness was restricting and uncomfortable. It chafed and rubbed my chest and underarms. It restricted my movement, and made me feel like a child in a giant stroller.

I wouldn't miss it... at all.

I made my way to the gym and found Jillian working on the mats with a kid who looked fresh out of high school. His knee looked like it had taken it tough. I wondered to myself if he was wrapping up basketball season when he got hurt, or if he did it warming up for baseball. Either way it appeared that his ball playing days were going to be seriously restricted for a while.

An older woman, who immediately reminded me of Olga, was following along side a man who appeared to be recovering from a stroke. Supporting himself with a walker, she held onto his gait belt from behind to make sure he didn't fall. At least her disposition seemed more pleasant than Olga's.

I noticed several other wheelchairs lined up along the wall, so I went to what appeared to be the end of the line... and I waited. Different therapists came over and collected their patients.

I watched Jillian's patient struggle, but eventually, pull himself up off the floor into his wheelchair, and then in the blink of an eye, he was gone. She wrote a few chart notes and, with a smile, made her way over to where I sat.

"Come on Cullen; let's see what you're made of." She pushed a hydraulic lift over next to one of the mat tables. "Over here, Edward, let's get you out of that chair." I made my way over to Jill and she hooked the chains up to the sling that was under me and in no time at all had me lying supine on the mat.

"So, I looked over your chart and I know what you've done, but fill me in... in your own words. How has rehab been so far? How much improvement have you seen? You're one patient I trust with knowing what he needs; I know you won't take the easy road. What do we need to do to get you back to where you need to be?"

"Well, you know I've been working with Emmett McCarty. He's been great with me. He actually did work with my hands that should have been Occupational Therapy."

"I don't see any contractures. The muscles are supple." She moved my hands up and down, back and forth. "Plenty of flexion and extension; can you make a fist?" I did so. "Good. Grip my hands." I squeezed as hard as I could. "The left seems a little weaker, but it's still good." She looked at the right one. "Is this your dominant hand?"

"Yeah, it is."

"How about your arms? I know you encountered contractures in your hands and wrists. Have you had any troubles with your arms?"

"My elbows were fixed in a bent state. They injected Botox into them to help loosen them up so I could benefit from the Range of Motion exercises. It helped dramatically, although I still can't reach behind my back, or all the way over my head. I'd really like to improve that. My shoulders are very tight. It's hampering my ability to dress myself. I have a lot to accomplish." I added with a sigh.

"We'll continue to fine tune those things. I think you should set time aside with an occupational therapist. I don't want to cut into your PT time; you need as many hours as you can tolerate working on your legs and your torso. Do you think you could spend an hour with the OT at some point during the day? She'll assist you with bathing and dressing yourself as well."

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks."

"We can use ultrasonic diathermy treatments on your elbows. That will help ease you into the exercises; you can get a better stretch that way.

"Now, tell me about the core exercises. Emmett has been making you do sit-ups of sorts. You're still wearing the chest harness, so I assume he felt you need improvement in that area?"

"I do fairly well holding myself up, it's most noticeable when I'm tired. I tend to lean a lot to one side or the other."

"Let's see about adjusting your arm rests to help you stay upright. The new seating system on your wheelchair will help as well. That old generic chair you came in from the hospital wasn't set up with you in mind, but you already know that. I really want to get you out of that harness soon. You can't wear it when we begin to do transfers."

"Transfers... It's been so long." I didn't know if my body remembered how to _do_ a transfer. I might have to completely re-learn to transfer. I held my head in my hands.

"Hey, now. _None of that!_ We did this before, we can do it again. But then- this is it. I don't want to see you back here again. You _understand_?"

I nodded, I knew she was just teasing, but the truth was, this was the last place I wanted to be. I'd do what ever it took to change my situation so I could get on with my life.

"Show me what you can do. Can you sit up independently?" This was always difficult for me, but even more-so now. I slowly pushed up with my elbows. I couldn't get anywhere near ninety degrees. "I don't have any sense of balance out of the chair though."

"This is good though, Edward, we'll get you more flexible. The balance will come as your core gets stronger and you spend more time out of the chair." She gave my knee a squeeze and smiled.

"How are you doing sit-ups?"

I groaned. "With assistance. I can't get any further than what you saw."

"How far do you have sensation? Your break was what? T-10?"

"No, T-12, I have complete sensation above my umbilicus, and then it gets sketchy. But from my groin down there's just some sensation here and there. I have minimal leg movement, or did before the accident."

"How's your muscle tone? Could you do a crunch if someone was holding the casts and someone else was behind you to support your torso?"

"I'm not sure. Possibly."

"I'd rather you do the work actively. We'll start with someone assisting with your torso and another supporting your legs; but, while passive exercises are great, we both know that the more_ you_ do actively, the more you'll regain."

I understood this. "Right."

Jill helped me through a series of core exercises, ones I'd done, others I hadn't. My stomach ached when we finished, but it was a good ache, one that reminded me I'd accomplished something. I hadn't worked that hard with Emmett. She rolled me back onto the sling and soon I had been lifted with the Hoyer back into my chair.

Once I was properly secured, but only with a seatbelt this time, she rolled the ultrasound machine over to our station. She put a tray across the front of my arm rests. It looked like the tray on a highchair, except it had a cutout for my joystick. She strapped it fast with Velcro. A firm pillow was placed under my elbow. Jillian squirted some blue conductor gel on the joint and turned on the ultrasound machine. "Have you used ultrasound on your joints before in rehab?"

I shook my head as I watched her begin to move the wand in little circles. "The deep heat will relax the muscles. We can get much more extensibility using this. When we do your knees, instead of just using a water based conductor, I'll use a medium with an anti-inflammatory in it. We can use the pulse setting and actually force the medicine into your tissues. We can use external heat and cold as well, but the ultrasound will probably be the most beneficial."

"Can you feel a difference?" "It's not getting hot is it? I can add more gel."

I nodded.

"It's not getting hot is it? I can add more gel."

For the first time, I almost felt like a rookie patient instead of the seasoned veteran that I was.

"No it's ok. I don't really feel anything. It's just relaxing. I could _almost_ go to sleep."

Jillian chuckled. "No sleeping in my gym- mister!"

After about ten minutes she turned the machine off then grasped my arm at the wrist and just above my elbow, flexing and extending it. She was able to flex it much further that I could on my own. "Now they say ultrasound doesn't work on shoulder injuries, but I don't believe it. We'll do this shoulder next. Does the elbow feel more relaxed?"

"It does, there's no pain when you flex it so far. I don't think I've ever had that much range before." I was rather surprised with the initial results. This was like some secret wonder drug. _How did I not know about this?_

"There are several aides who just work with ultrasound. They can come in to your room and do a session first, and then when you come to the gym you're ready to work with the OT or PT. It frees up the therapists time and allows them to spend more time working your joints and muscles."

"It sounds like you've got everything planned out very efficiently." I understood how important it was to have your support staff take care of the things they were trained to do. It freed up precious time, so that the professional who- sadly- never had enough time to devote to a patient, could accomplish more one-on-one interaction.

"We learned a long time ago that if everyone works together and we plan ahead, we can make it very efficient for the staff as well as the patient. I think you'll find this place runs like a well-oiled machine for the most part."

"It shows. I'm happy that I made the decision to come here. I have every confidence that you'll help me obtain my goals."

"We will Edward, I know you're a hard worker and that will make all the difference."

As we talked, she had managed to slip my arm out of my shirt and was working the wand over my shoulder in small circles. After wiping off the gel, Jill replaced my shirt then took the tray and pillow away before returning the padded chest bar to its rightful place on my chair. When I began standing, the chest bar would allow me to lean forward without the worry of toppling head long out of my chair. It was a wonderful invention. Today it supported me as I exercised.

Next she began gently pushing my bent arm back so my shoulder had to flex and extend. I thought, in my convoluted mind, that she reminded me of one of those guys you saw on ESPN during a lumberjack competition. There was always a competition where two guys worked the old crosscut saw back and forth through the log. I stifled a laugh.

Jill was getting more range of motion than I'd had since I had gotten hit. "See, using the ultrasound and immediately following it by exercise will allow you to loosen things up. Even after you leave here I'd like to see you do hand and arm exercises. We'll send you home with a whole packet of cartoon drawings of stick figures in various stages of physical therapy."

She had closed my fist, with my thumb up, soon my thumb was thrust into my arm pit and she had me _flapping my wing._ "This is a good one." We did it to a count of ten. Next she stood to my side and gripped my elbow and tricep as she pushed my slightly bent arm across my chest, until my elbow neared my sternum and my fist sat on my opposite shoulder.

"That one hurts. It pulls across my shoulder blade." She backed off on the pressure just a little, but continued to do them. There were ten of those as well.

With the harness still off, Jill leaned me forward until all the weight of my torso was leaning on the chest bar of my chair. Gently, she took me by the wrist and elbow and ever so slowly she brought my entire arm back and carefully brought my hand slightly behind my back. I could feel her bending it in a motion much like the police used to handcuff someone.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She released the pressure and brought it forward. "My shoulder really burns."

We did that exercise just a few times... gently. "So that seems to be the area we need to work on the most. I don't want to force it and tear anything. You and I both know slow but steady wins the race. Pushing too much, too soon will only cause damage and setbacks. Don't worry, I'm not going to be easy on you, but we're not going to force anything unnaturally."

She shook her head, "I wish I could get you into a whirlpool, but that's not possible until you're out of those casts. It would do your entire body a world of good." She sounded disappointed. "If you leave here before the short casts come off, will you continue to return for outpatient rehab? Or will you go elsewhere?"

"No, I intend to do any outpatient here- if you'll have me." I smiled; I knew she'd never turn a patient away.

"Good, you could do water therapy after you go home. Come in and do whirlpool, or you could even get into the heated pool. Lots of my paraplegic patients use the pool. With all the work Chuck Johnson did with you, I'm surprised they never tried to walk you in a pool."

"They didn't, but I get into the one in Emmett McCarty's gym from time to time. It's very freeing."

"Oh, good. I was hoping you might actually be able to do that. You said you have some leg motion?"

"I had _some_ before I got hit. I have no clue what shape my legs are in now. I know I still have some sensation, but that's the extent of it."

"We'll get you sorted out, Edward." She leaned me forward and pulled my shirt down behind me, smoothing it out. Letting me lean back, she straightened out my sleeves and put the harness back in place. She talked as she worked.

"Tomorrow we'll work the other arm. I'd like them to each have a day of rest. We'll alternate. I know your time is up, and I noticed that you already marked the book that you were leaving for a few hours. I don't want to hold you up. Just to reiterate, quickly before you go. We'll move your PT time back to 9am. The aide will come at eight-thirty and do ultrasound on your elbows and shoulders before you come to the gym. We'll work from 9-11 on a variety of exercises. You can do an hour with the OT, and then one of the PTs will work your hip adductors and abductors. When the casts come off, we'll have to add more PT time for your legs in the afternoon."

I had considered something that would free up some of my time, so I broached the subject wth Jill. "Counseling is taking a big chunk of time. I understand the need and I'm not asking to discontinue it, but perhaps we could move it to a different time?"

Jill seemed thoughtful; she cupped her chin with her hand and tapped her finger on her cheek.

"No, I like it from 1-2. That gives you a nice period of rest. I don't want your body in knots all day. You're going to be sore, stiff, agitated. I _know_ you're not going to be happy when we really begin working with you. You have a world of hard work ahead of you. Be prepared to come here after lunch and counseling for two hours on your core and hips. When your knees are exposed next week, we've got our work cut out for us. We won't concentrate so much on the core exercises and work your legs, instead."

"It's going to be a long six to eight weeks." I felt exhilarated and deflated at the same time. The obstacle in front of me seemed insurmountable.

"That it will, but we're here for you. Don't give up, and don't be afraid to share what you're experiencing to your counselor. She's very compassionate and will be a vital part of your rehabilitation. I want you with me 100%- body and soul, Edward."

"I understand." And I did. This would be a good experience for me.

"Now, go. Your mom might have mentioned the fact that you were taking your girl to see a new house you're building?"

I could feel my face light up, I couldn't help it. I was so happy I could _almost_ do cartwheels. "Yeah, I saw the house for the first time yesterday. I'm sure you'll meet Bella one day soon. We haven't declared ourselves, yet, but she's my cheering squad- she's the reason I want to do my best. She deserves a man who can be her equal. I'm determined to be that for her."

Jill gave my hand a squeeze. "You will, Edward, you will. Now get going. I'll see you later."

"Ok, thanks for everything. Take care, Jill. It's nice working with you again."

"You too. Bye now." She walked over to take care of the ultrasound machine.

I made my way back to my room and found two of my three favorite women sitting there.

Bella came over and gave me a hug. I_ really_ liked Bella's hugs. "I love the new chair. It looks very, um... high tech."

"Nah, it's really easy to operate. I feel at home in it. My body has _craved_ this." She cocked her one eyebrow, looking at me as if I was insane. I'm sure that sounded odd, knowing most people wouldn't feel at home in a wheelchair, but I'd been in this state for so long, and had sat in this particular model so long that this was a huge relief over the bed and wheelchair I'd been occupying while I was at Harborview. I put it through its paces for her, with the exception of standing or lowering my legs, which would come soon.

Alice sat, quietly, and watched us interact. I could tell by her smile that she was pleased with the progression of our friendship. She said she had a feeling Bella was the one for me. I had to agree. I hoped Bella would see this as something long-term. I noticed she was more affectionate and touched me more often as our friendship grew. They were just little gestures, but it felt so good, knowing she was initiating it.

"So, I talked with Esme last night. She said perhaps you had some news... is tomorrow a big day for you?"

I sighed, I had wanted to surprise her again. Guess the cat was out of the bag... or... the leg was out of the cast... so to speak. "Mmhmm, that's the rumor."

"Did I mention that the kids have off for parent/teacher conferences?"

"What exactly does that mean?" While I understood the concept, it almost seemed like she was saying she'd be here. Wasn't the teacher an integral part of a parent/_teacher_ conferences?

"Well, the parents come in and meet with me. We're doing them all this week, actually. School in the morning, conferences in the afternoon and evenings, but... we have the day off tomorrow and I don't have any conferences tomorrow until after dinner. I think the first one is at 5pm."

"_Oh_." I understood now.

"Would you like me to be here with you tomorrow? I know I haven't been in the past, but well, if you need me, I can be here."

"I'd really like that. I have to be at X-ray at 9am. My rehab schedule is all turned around tomorrow."

"When would you like me to be here?"

"Breakfast is at 8am, but I doubt I'll be able to eat. They are coming for me around 8:30, I believe."

"Can I come in as early as eight? Do they have set visiting hours or anything?"

"No, they like family members to be here as much as possible. The only restriction is that visitors have to leave by 9pm."

Alice looked up from the book she was reading. "I can pick you up, Bella. I have to run some errands for Edward. He needs more shorts, and I want to grab some more of those pants with the Velcro legs. Would that make your day easier? It's supposed to be rainy."

"Thanks, I don't really like the rain. Any cold, wet thing..." She shuddered.

"Hey Alice," I asked, "Could you grab me some personal products, as well? I don't have my own shampoo or soap, this Safeguard makes my skin dry and itchy. I'd like to smell like me as well. I can give you a list of things, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, I'd love to. Just let me know what you need."

"Thanks. Maybe you could grab some kind of snacks too? Energy bars, granola, trail mix would be good too. I haven't had anything like that in so long. You know- protein snacks. A few bottles of Gatorade would be nice too."

"Sure, that's no problem."

Bella was looking out my window at the view of the parking lot. It was weird being in a room on a ground level. I cleared my throat. "While I love visiting here with you ladies, it's going to take a while to get me loaded into the van and I need to be back for counseling at one. I don't want to be late for my first session."

Bella turned around. "You have counseling?" I had told her that, hadn't I? I wasn't trying to hide it.

"Yeah, didn't I tell you?" I was sure I had.

"Nope, you just said you had a meeting."

"Oh, Sorry, I wasn't trying to be deceptive. I'm sort of looking forward to it. It can't hurt, you know?"

"Yeah, I understand. I hope it's beneficial for you. I just never thought about that being an aspect of your rehab here, at this facility."

"They want the patient to go home rehabilitated physically, mentally, emotionally. It'll really benefit in every aspect of my life because of this experience. While I was well cared for at Harborview, and Emmett is an awesome PT, I felt like I was spinning my wheels. There were so many problems that weren't addressed. Much of that was due to the fact that I had been cooped up in the cumbersome casts so long. The parts of my body that needed the rehabilitation the most had been inaccessible. But, I had to initiate a lot of the things I needed because I _knew _I needed those things. It disappoints me that the lay person who isn't aware of what's available might have a less than favorable rehabilitation experience."

"Wow. I guess I understand. Your uncle was really great with me, and he worked with social services to make sure I got what I needed to go home independently." She commented, no doubt remembering her initial encounter with Carlisle. I don't think she realized I had been the one pulling those strings. There was no need for her to find out.

"Yeah, he's very well informed and he's a dedicated doctor. He works primarily in the ER; he loves working in the trenches. I hated ER, there were so many things going on. I like having a specialty. At least now when I do an ER rotation, it's specific for a patient in my specialty."

By now we were standing next to the old van, Alice was lowering the lift to the ground. Bella looked at me. "Is there anything I can do to help you guys? Just tell me what you need,"

"Nope, get inside, Alice and I've got it. It's really a one person job. I can't wait till I start driving and my car gets here. I won't have to deal with the tie down straps anymore. I'll have a lock in the floor, instead."

I backed onto the lift and began raising it as Bella and I continued our conversation. "I didn't know you were getting a car, will you have it modified after you buy it, or do they come that way? I'm sorry; I don't have too much experience in that area."

"Well, you can do it either way. I bought a PT Cruiser. It's being modified by a company here in Seattle. They get the car factory direct and when it comes to me, it'll be ready to drive. I know people who have bought them first and taken them someplace. This was easier and takes less time. Carlisle spoke with the representative over the phone and told them what I wanted, the vehicle was ordered, and when it gets here to me, we'll just have to have a few minor adjustments done, if anything."

"How soon will you have it? I didn't know you had your license, I mean I wondered, but you were hit by the car, while you were traveling like a pedestrian. I figured you'd have been driving around Seattle if you drove. I'm sorry- word vomit."

"No, I can understand how you'd be confused. I did have my license, but I never really drove a lot. Carlisle and Esme got this van when I first came home in 1991. As you can see, it's a full sized van. I started driving in a mini-van at the Johnson Institute. This one was just never comfortable for me to drive, it was too big. When I went off to college, I just always traveled campus in my wheelchair. It was easier."

"Didn't you lose your license when you had the accident? I lost mine when I was diagnosed with MS. I have to be tested. I haven't gone back, so my Dad has my vehicle."

"Somehow I slipped through without anyone noticing. There aren't any stops on my license at the DMV, but I really need to be retrained in a more modern vehicle. It's been so long I wouldn't be comfortable driving without some practice. I'm taking a modified driver's education course before I am discharged."

"That sounds like a good idea." I looked ahead and realized where we were.

"Up ahead on the right is the development. It's a gated community with a security guard. You just punch in your code if he's not here, when he's in, he normally just opens it for my mother. Since they didn't know if I could reach the key pad from the car, they gave me a remote. If you begin driving again, we'll get a second one for you."

The gate opened before us and Alice pulled through.

"Wow, this is really a nice neighborhood. It looks so normal... I mean... I knew about Concrete Change, but I've never seen an entire community utilizing their concept. All of these houses are visitable?"

I waved my hand towards the other houses in the neighborhood. "Yep, I can make my way into every house in the development, and get to all the vital parts of the guest areas. It's a nice mixture of visitable and completely accessible."

"Very cool. I'm impressed. Which one is yours?" She had seen it in the video, but it wasn't visible yet.

As she was asking, we turned the corner and Alice flipped on the turn signal, pulling into our driveway.

"This one is _ours_. It's your home too, Bella. I might own the house, but it's your _home_. That's how I want you to think of it."

She took off her seat belt and turned, her face bore a serious expression.

"But it's not... it's yours."

"Please don't argue with me about it. I don't ever want you to feel like an outsider. I want you to be comfortable. You can do anything you want here; I want you to be yourself."

"It might take me a while to grasp that concept, but I'll try. It's gorgeous." The way her eyes lit up told me she was as blown away as I had been.

Alice was going through the routine of getting me out of the van. After just three trips, she was already a pro. Of course she had driven other vehicles with hand controls. "It is. I was blown away yesterday."

Alice piped up. "Yeah and there were tears. Don't let him tell you otherwise."

I hung my head. "It was a very overwhelming experience for me." Alice ruffled my hair and Bella smiled. I took her hand and led her up the sidewalk.

I pulled up alongside the front door and punched in a code. A green light flashed and there was a beep, the tumbler turned in the lock. I pushed down on the lever and the door swung open.

Bella's gasp was much like my own had been. I let her walk around just looking and gawking as she went. Finally she turned around with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Edward..." she cried, "this is too much to take in. I don't feel like I belong here. This is... its... _way_ out of my league." I almost wondered if she was going to back out. _Think, Edward, say something-_ anything-_ make her understand._

"Bella, listen- you _do_ belong here. I can't wait till you're here. I don't want you to feel you're not contributing enough. It _is_ an incredible house, but you _need_ to understand- Carlisle has convinced me to pay for the house out of the wrongful death compensation I received from the logging company that was found responsible for my parents' deaths. My parents always tried to do their best when it came to raising me. I never questioned the fact that I was a priority in their lives. My parents would _want_ this for me; to be able to move about comfortably in my own home.

"They'd want me to realize my full potential and live independently. I have to believe that they would be happy about this. I've been very frugal my entire life, and up until a few weeks ago, I never touched the money in my trust. Nearly dying when I got hit has shown me that I need to begin embracing life and enjoying it, rather than just going through the motions. All that money is just sitting there growing. This is the one positive thing that came from that tragedy. I'm not going to feel guilty about using just a little bit of it to build a house that will be functional for me my entire life. You shouldn't feel guilty about living here. It's not like I'll be taking mortgage payments out of my monthly budget."

"Ed and Liz would have loved this, Edward. You know they'd be ecstatic. They were so full of life; they'd want that for you." Alice was rubbing my arm, but turned to Bella as she spoke. "And Bella, they would have loved you. They wouldn't want Edward to live here all alone. Liz would be plotting away with Esme to try and get the two of you together." I hung my head, embarrassed. When I looked over at Bella, she was blushing.

Wanting to change the subject, I grabbed Bella's hand. "Come on, let me show you around." The rooms were big and nondescript. I could tell by her expression she was trying to picture the finished project. I couldn't wait to see it either. Our home, full of furniture, looking lived in...

"I love all the dark woodwork. A fireplace? This stone is gorgeous. I like that they used the same stone from the front of the house in here. I don't know if I'll ever leave this room." _Oh just wait until you see what we have planned for the room, you _won't_ want to ever leave it._

We strolled down the foyer where I pointed out the study and our bedrooms. We entered the study first. "This was the third bedroom. I'm going to make it a home office. I'll get home from work later in the day most days, there's no reason we can't share the same office furniture. You can grade your papers and stuff in here if you like. Whatever you're comfortable with."

I pulled up next to Bella's bedroom and pointed to the little button. "Push that." She reached over, hesitantly. I laughed, "It won't bite you." She pushed the button and the door slid open. She gasped and stepped back like she'd been burned. "Go ahead, Bella, step inside."

She stepped inside, and the first thing she did was walk over and sit on the window seat. It was surrounded on either side by beautiful built in bookshelves. "These windows are great. You can see the mountains from here. And the bookshelves... I love this window seat; I could get lost here for hours." She sighed. "Oh, Edward, you have a _nice_ room."

Alice laughed; she knew it wasn't my room.

I pulled up next to Bella and leaned in close. "This is _your_ room, Bella. I knew you loved to read. I thought you'd like this little area to relax and just have a private place of your own. I won't ever come in here unless you ask me in. This is your sanctuary." She rubbed her face, roughly and sniffed. When she opened her mouth, a squeak came out. "Mine?"

"Yes, yours. Now who's sniffling? Shame on you for laughing at _me_." Like the mature person she was, she put her fists on her hips and stuck her tongue out at me. She was so cute. Living with her was going to be fun.

"Come on, let me show you your bathroom, I want your opinion."

"My _what_?" Her fists were still on her hips, but now she looked angry.

I held my hands up in surrender. "I didn't do it, it was on the floor plan when Esme brought the builder over. Please don't be a spoil sport. You'll grow to love it." There was _no way _I'd tell her that it had only been a half bath before Esme and I reworked the plans with Bob to make sure she had a full-sized, fully accessible bathroom identical to mine.

I showed her the markings on the floor where all the fixtures would be. I explained about the change I made with the placements of the toilets and vanities when I was here yesterday.

"This is just... wow, Edward. I don't know what to say."

"Are there any changes you want made? Is everything alright with the layout? I tried to take into consideration our disabilities and what that would mean a few years down the road. I'd rather be practical and make these decisions now, rather than have a major remodel in a few years."

"That makes sense, but I'm perfectly happy the way it is. You don't have to make any changes for me."

"Esme fought with the builder over the bathroom flooring. He wanted to use granite tiles or something like that. She convinced him it would be dangerous for me on anything but a linoleum floor. Is linoleum alright for yours too?"

"That's more than alright, why would he use granite, though?"

"The walls are all granite, the shower, the benches in the shower, not just the flooring."

"Wow, um, yeah... linoleum is fine for me."

We wandered back into the hallway. I pointed across to my room. "That one is mine; same sized room, same layout in the bath. But my window faces the street."

"You gave me the better view? But _why?_"

_Because I sense you're going to act more like a visitor in the beginning and you deserve to have an incredible place to call your own... a retreat for you to come to and just relax. _

I couldn't give her _that_ answer, so I shrugged. "I liked the one I have."

I think she growled. Before she was in a bad mood, I wanted to move things along. We didn't even go into my room. "Come on, I want to show you the kitchen. It's this way." I pointed in the general direction, but I wanted her to get the full effect, Alice and I stayed behind her.

When she stepped through the archway she gasped and held her trembling hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, this is beautiful!" She walked around the island, letting her fingers trail over the granite as she walked. "And _I'm_ the cook, right?"

I nodded.

"Is this like... my... area? I'm in charge of the kitchen? _This_ kitchen?" I could hear the excitement in her voice. She loved it. I felt myself relax.

"It's the only one we have, Bella." I couldn't help laughing. She was adorable. "You have free reign over the kitchen. Esme has already ordered the appliances; I think they will be in next week. Anything you need for this kitchen, you just let Esme know. She's going to go shopping with you and Alice one day to get everything we need."

"I don't need you to buy me anything. A few kitchen things maybe, I have a lot of my own gadgets. And you don't need to buy me anything personal for my room. I've got my own things- furniture, towels, bedding, you know..."

"I understand, it's just things like curtains and throw rugs, items to decorate with- please understand, Bella, I lived in either a dorm or a shared apartment for almost fifteen years. I had a miniature microwave, a Mr. Coffee Jr. and a TV. I had a twin bed too, but my replacement is sleeping in it. I have nothing like that to contribute. You'll have the advantage of knowing where your things will look good before you move in. I'm counting on Esme, well… and you girls as well, to make design decisions. Just make it comfortable, whatever is comfortable for you. I know I'll be happy with it." I'd have to have a discussion with Esme about these things, she'd make it happen. I wanted Bella's touch throughout our home. I wanted her to feel like a part of it. I didn't _ever_ want her to feel like an outsider.

"I don't want you to feel like you're only allowed to have your things in your room. You're not a boarder. This is your home, too. "

I took her hand. "Come on; check out the deck and patio. Esme is already cooking for the carpenters on the grill."

Alice nodded. "Esme is always the hostess. She's in her element, cooking for all these guys. She actually changed her visiting time with Edward so she could feed these guys."

"I feel like chopped liver." Everyone laughed. Bella walked down to the fire pit and sat on one of the benches.

"This is really nice," she said. "I can imagine spending evenings out here. Mmmm, and roasting marshmallows, Edward! We can make S'mores!" She was jumping around like a little girl. I pulled my chair in between the benches so I could sit next to her. It _was_ really nice, I realized the way Bob had planned the seating so that I could sit next to every single bench and have access to the fire pit. Not that I'd _ever_ play in the fire, but it was nice that I could interact with my guests.

Bella was still all smiles; I knew she was imagining all the possibilities. Those thoughts had been rushing through my mind for the past twenty-four hours.

I couldn't help but snicker at her. She was delightful. I'd never tire of her. I just wish I were brave enough to tell her how much she meant to me. I knew now that she was receptive to the idea, and our feelings weren't one sided. I wanted her to be comfortable in our home, yet I knew cohabitating with her had the potential of complicating our budding relationship. I'd rushed things once and almost ruined everything, I wouldn't do it again.

We'd mutually agreed that we didn't want to rush into a serious physical relationship _just because_ we were living together. We still needed to nurture our friendship. We needed to become acclimated to one another outside of an institutional setting. Real life would be very different.

We both had jobs. Soon I would have to return to work. My life had always revolved around my career. I was rarely home, because I had nothing _to go home to_. I couldn't even keep a goldfish alive. I might be a terrible boyfriend. I didn't know how to work a nine-to-five shift and just come home and hang out. In the past when I was done working, I _found _more things to do, at work.

Bella lived independently since she left home for college. She had been involved steadily with that guy, Tyler for a while, and she'd dated her friend Jake and a few random guys in college.

Neither of us had ever really put any effort into a relationship as adults. If anything she had far more experience than I did. This relationship stuff would be an adjustment... for both of us.

To make things even more difficult, we had pressure from outside forces… people who meant well and wanted us to experience what they had. They were trying to rush our relationship, pushing towards more. What they didn't understand was that neither of us was ready for fast and furious. A nice steady slow burn that would eventually catch flame was exactly what we both desired. Neither of us was ready for an inferno yet.

Our friendship had blossomed into more than I could have ever asked for. The little touches, the smooches had grown from the chaste pecks of just a week or so ago to something far more exciting. Things were, happily, moving forward. It felt good. She seemed happy too. We'd be okay. We'd be more than okay…

We sat on the benches for a little while, but soon it was time to head back to reality.

Just a few short weeks and we'd be here together, I had every intention of slowly and subtly showing Bella that I considered her as much more than just a friend and that I had changed my views on dating. I couldn't wait to get home.

_Home._

* * *

This chapter was pre-read by Alexa, the Debbie's, and Jeanne. It was also beta'd by Miss Jeanne. Thank you ladies…for everything. You make me all warm and fuzzy - I wouldn't trade you for the world.

If anyone is interested in other stories with an Edward or Bella who has a disability, I'm a member of a C2 my daughter recently started. Click on my 'community' to check it out. If you know a story that should be added, feel free to PM me.

I encourage you to come visit Gimpward over at the Twilighted forum. I stop in every few days to see if anyone new has joined us. Sometimes I post mini-teasers. I welcome questions and comments. Come on over…

And finally, I've added a link for a huge database with Service Dog information on the blogspot if anyone has a need for information, or if you're simply curious.

Thanks for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-four

~Bella~

Edward and I had a pretty remarkable weekend. I was a little disappointed that we didn't get to spend more time together, but I guess what they say is true... quality vs. quantity...

I was blown away by the house. Sure I'd seen the video and the plans on Edward's computer, but nothing could have prepared me for the real thing. As I walked through the house and envisioned all the possibilities, that niggling little voice in the back of my head kept saying _"You don't deserve this, this can't be for you... _he's_ too good for you._"

Ironically, it sounded vaguely like the voice of my mother. I tried to drown it out, but it was Edward who squashed that little bugger with his calm reassurances. The move _was_ a huge step, for both of us. But there were nothing but opportunities ahead of us.

I didn't want to be in a position where he was supporting me because he felt sorry for me or my situation. We both knew that his situation was static, where the future of my disability was a complete mystery that would unravel and manifest itself in a way neither of us could predict. Financially, I held my own- I worked, I had a decent apartment, and I was frugal, but life at the apartment was terribly lonely and over the past few months, I wondered more than once how I had filled my time before Edward.

I knew he wanted me here because he genuinely cared. I really, _really_ liked Edward. He was warm and compassionate and just so endearing. He'd look at me with that smile and I'd just melt. If he hadn't convinced me before he and Alice brought his parents up, that was the clincher. How could I tell him no? Any parent would want this for their child. He had been to hell and back, more than once. He deserved happiness. I only hoped I could live up to what the Masen's expectations would have been if they had been here.

Seeing the things that I _knew_ he did for my benefit just proved to me how much he cared and how much thought he put into providing me with a spot to call my own. That window seat in my room with all the bookshelves was incredible. I knew it had all been custom built. He didn't have anything like that in his room. The window seat had the most incredible view. I couldn't wait to fill it with pillows and snuggle in for a weekend long read.

I nearly went into cardiac arrest when I saw the kitchen. It was huge, and over the top. Esme's kitchen had nothing on mine... _mine. _I couldn't believe it. There were appliance garages in two corners. There was workspace everywhere. The island was huge. I didn't understand Edward's comments about his path of access until I was actually standing in the kitchen, there was a wide berth the entire way around the island. If I were cooking at the stove, washing at the sink, or working on the island, he could easily pass by without disturbing me in the least. At the window end of the kitchen there was room for a small table and chairs. The windows were huge and the view was the same as the one from my window seat. It would be a crime to cover them with curtains. Edward agreed when I suggested installing blinds for night time privacy, telling me the decision was up to me, but he had secretly hoped I'd opt for blinds.

The back yard was open and level. The bar-b-que pit looked like a summer gathering place and I could imagine snuggling up next to him in front of a warm fire on a cool autumn evening. Mmm, yeah, roasting marshmallows and feeding Edward s'mores while spending time with friends and family was my idea of the perfect evening.

Edward was so excited when he told me about the new car. I had no idea he still had a license. The subject had never come up, but seriously, there was no indication that he had been driving before the accident. He did, after all, get hit by a car walking home from work alone. Having a car at our disposal would make things so much simpler, and while I hadn't driven in nearly two years, Edward convinced me to be evaluated by my neurologist, submit the proper paperwork and test to get my own license reinstated. It was, he said, a safety net to ensure that my reaction time was sufficient, and that while it was humiliating and a bit degrading to have my license taken away, he had suffered the same thing after his first accident and if anything… it was to ensure _my safety_. I promised him I'd begin the process. Maybe that could be one of my goals for summer vacation. I'd have much more time to dedicate to it.

Esme had called me after they left Edward at rehab on Friday and told me it sounded like the casts might possibly be coming off on Monday. I was almost surprised that Edward hadn't told me, but I knew he had a lot on his mind. He said he'd been through a long therapy session before we arrived and I could tell he was ouchy by the faces he made when he tried to move and shift himself in the chair. Before we took our tour of the house, he put the new chair through its paces, showing me all the bells and whistles, aside from the standing feature which he promised to show me as soon as he was able to bear weight on his legs.

When I asked about the casts, he seemed disappointed that I knew. I think it was intended as a surprise, but I didn't want to forget to mention that I was free all day Monday. When I began explaining about the conferences, I thought he'd follow my train of thought, but he didn't, so I just came out and asked if he'd like me to be there. I didn't want to intrude on something that could possibly be painful or private for him, but if he could use the support, I'd gladly be there for him.

His face lit up when he grasped what I was trying to tell him and he thanked me for offering to be there.

Alice was her usual bubbly self when she practically pushed her way into my apartment asking to use the bathroom. She used the facilities, but I didn't fail to notice that she glanced over my surroundings as she made her way through.

When she came out, she made a face, wrinkling her nose. "This _is_ really tiny. How did you _manage_ when you were using a wheelchair, Bella?"

"Well, my dad stayed with me for a short while, so before I came home from the hospital, he and my friends, Seth and Jake came in and moved my bedroom into the living room, and put the sofa and end tables in the bedroom. He slept in there on the couch and I was able to access everything I needed. My aide was a big help keeping it neat and uncluttered so I could get around. But yeah, it was a tight squeeze. Edward's house is amazing. It's awesome that Concrete Change exists. So many more people like us will be able to access suitable housing and not have to just settle for what's out there."

Our conversation continued as we made our way out to Alice's car. It was a bright yellow Porsche and just so fitting for Alice. I buckled myself in and held onto the seat with a death grip as she raced through Seattle in the pouring rain.

"I heard the same contractor renovated an old church downtown into accessible apartments. I agree, it is quite incredible."

"Yes, it's called _The Sanctuary_, I had considered them, but for some reason it felt like they were segregating all the gimps in once complex and it just didn't feel right to me. I haven't checked them out, but I'm sort of glad now that I didn't make any commitments there."

"I'm glad you agreed to move into the new house. Everyone wants Edward to be independent, and he's a grown man, of course, but we've nearly lost him twice, and it's with a bit of trepidation that Esme agreed to help him find an accessible home. I suspect they were planning on him returning to their home, although they'd never tell anyone that. Even though you both have disabilities, they'll feel better knowing you each have each other to rely on."

"I can't begin to imagine how difficult all of this has been for them. He's a remarkable guy. I don't know that anyone else would have been able to persevere through something like this not once, but twice. I'm in awe of him... and the rest of the family. You've all been through quite the rollercoaster ride, I'm sure."

We pulled into the parking lot for rehab, and I breathed out a sign of relief when she put the car into first gear and turned off the key. It obviously had a standard transmission and she drove it like a professional Nascar driver, but I don't think I'd ever been so happy to exit a car.

"So, I'll be by in a little while Bella. Have a good morning."

I had considered having her pull into a fast food joint for some type of breakfast food, but it became evident when she began zipping through traffic that I'd rather just get there and get out.

My stomach growled. "Alright, see you later. Thanks for the ride." I shuddered as the words came out. Alice wasn't a bad driver per se; she was just... well... I don't know that I'd ever experienced anything like that before.

I didn't bother with my umbrella as I made my way across the wet parking lot. The rain had slowed to a drizzle now that I was out of the car. Days like that made me wish I had a little more spring in my step.

Edward was sitting in his chair, freshly bathed and shaved. He was fidgeting with his iPod and I could tell he was nervous. I gave him a hug. He smelled yummy.

I looked at the clock and it was barely quarter after eight. He didn't look like he'd be able to curb his anticipation for another hour. "Hey, you okay?"

"I will be. I'm a little nervous."

"Why ya nervous? You've done this before."

"I have, but I dunno, this is a big step. Losing the long casts will open up so many rehab opportunities. It's not that I'm afraid of the work. The busier I am here, the sooner I'll be able to go home."

"So what is it, is there something I can help with?"

"Nah, it's just, I've got myself so hyped up. What if Carey comes in this morning and takes a look at the x-rays and decides I'm not ready."

"Then we put the new set of Superman tatts on the casts they put back on no matter how long they are. Don't sit here and fret. If you're not ready, you're not ready. You don't want to do more damage to your legs. I don't think you'd be here for such extensive rehab if he anticipated leaving them on much longer. You said yourself you won't feel like you're getting the maximum benefit until they come off. It'll be fine."

I walked up alongside him and asked if he could lean forward. His new chair was so tall. The old one from the hospital had a back that stopped at his shoulder blades, but this new one had a full back and headrest. Edward explained it was because of the full tilt and recline, to protect his neck. I fully understood, but I wanted to rub his back and knew I'd never accomplish it like that. "You'll have to take my harness off. I can't reach the bottom connections."

He tilted the chair back showing me where to find the connectors. I could see how they'd be difficult to open, they wrapped around his seat belt. "Yes, they're that way on purpose. It's a safety feature." He said. "Many patients can't support their trunks. Say someone with dementia unhooked them, it could be tragic.

"I had a very good friend with Muscular Dystrophy. His name was Dave. Funny guy- he was an incredibly talented artist, too. I've got one of his oil paintings somewhere. Anyway... he wanted to paint and his sister had to go to the store. She left his seatbelt and harness off because he was working. Somehow he lost his balance, fell forward out of his chair. He couldn't roll himself over and suffocated face down in the carpet."

My stomach rolled, thinking about Edward and what could happen to him if he fell. I began to re-attach the harness to his seatbelt. He took my hand and stopped me. "No, Bella, it's okay. Dave didn't have the ability to roll himself over. My disability is much different." I cocked my eyebrow and gawked at him. Was he serious? After a story like that?

"Umm, I think I'll just... never mind, it was a silly idea."

"No, it's alright… really. What were you going to do?"

"I thought a backrub would distract you. I don't want to do something dangerous though. I never realized. I mean I knew the harness was to help support you, but it never occurred to me that it was more for safety than to ensure your positioning."

"A backrub would be incredible. Leave the harness off. I have a seatbelt and the safety bar. I'm not going anywhere. The harness is coming off soon anyway. I can't get myself out of the chair with it on."

I walked around to the side or his chair and began rubbing his neck, and worked my way down as low as I could go. I massaged back up to his shoulders and down his arm. When I made it down to his hand, I switched sides and repeated my motions. When I went back to his neck, I massaged up into his hairline and it sounded like he was purring. I rubbed the back of his head, and used my thumbs around his ears until I had made it all the way to his forehead. I looked down and he seemed to be in a completely other world.

When I stopped he groaned. "That felt incredible." I think he wiped drool from the corner of his mouth. Sitting in my chair, facing him I reached out and took his hand in mine, working his knuckles and fingers with lotion the way I'd seen Alice do. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. When the lotion was worked in, I took the other hand and repeated my actions. "You're incredibly talented Miss Swan. Thank you."

Just as I went to acknowledge him, my stomach growled loudly. "Oh, excuse me."

He began laughing, and I remembered the day we ate the burritos. "Still neglecting that thing, I see." He lifted several lids on his tray to reveal a virtually untouched breakfast. "Here, is there anything on here you'd like?"

"You didn't eat? _Why_ Edward? You've still got plenty of time."

"The last time I saw my X-rays, I puked. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't want to scar Carey." We both laughed, but I had to ask…

"It was the day I finally came out of the body cast. Oh, Bella, I've never seen anything like it. I don't have a weak stomach, but seeing those X-rays before they put me back together... I don't understand how I'm still alive to tell about it."

"Were either of your parents able to be there with you?" He shook his head and guilt washed over me when I realized he'd been all alone then and I'd been as much to blame for that as he was. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you. You're fortunate to have had such wonderful doctors."

"I am, Bella. Carey told me they did everything they could to help me. I know I couldn't have been in better hands. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the team who worked on me. And it was nothing short of a miracle that Carey was called in. If it had been up to the other ortho surgeon, I _wouldn't_ have my legs. I am _very_ fortunate."

I walked over to the sink and washed my hands, and then I picked up a muffin from his tray and cut it in half. I nibbled on one half, while I raised the other half to his mouth. He took a tentative bite and chewed. As I fed him, he continued to nibble. I was afraid if I set it down he'd stop eating, so I continued to feed him. When it was gone, I began pulling a small bunch of grapes apart. One by one he let me pop them into his mouth.

"Thanks for sharing your breakfast with me."

"Thanks for being here." He reached up with both hands, and I let him pull my face in for a kiss. He tasted sweet and fruity and I caught myself licking my lips when we were done. Someone coughed behind us, and I turned to see an orderly standing in the doorway. "Edward, they're ready for you."

I looked; it was about ten minutes before nine. "We were just getting ready to come down." Edward told him.

"You're not late. Carey got here early, but he's ready to start. I think he wanted to be able to give you extra time if it's necessary."

"Thanks. I'll be right there."

Edward waved his hand towards the door with a flourish. "After you, Bella."

I stepped through the door and stayed off to the left of the hallway. When Edward came out of the room, he took my right hand and we strolled along, swinging our hands between us like school kids. Words weren't necessary. We were both content. He'd be okay, no matter what happened.

When we made it to the treatment room, Edward tried to get me to go in first. "Oh no, let them get you situated first. I'll wait right over here."

I honestly didn't think they expected to have a spectator, the room was generously sized, but with the cast table and all of the equipment sitting around, not to mention a huge portable X-ray machine, or Edward's chair there wasn't a lot of space left.

Edward flattened his chair out and it looked like he was lying on a table. The orderly and two nurses gathered around him, the orderly at the top took him under his arms, and a nurse took each leg. They counted to three, and as smooth as a hot knife through butter, Edward was slid onto the cast table. The orderly fiddled with the joystick, returned the chair to its sitting position and hopped into it, zooming past me as I stepped out of his way. I looked down the corridor and noticed there were wheelchairs outside several of the rooms now- the hallway neatly littered with them. _This place fills up fast._

One of the nurses touched my arm. "I put a chair in the room for you, but unfortunately, it's not very close to him. I'm sorry. It's a crowded room. When they do the X-rays, you'll have to step outside."

"Thanks."

Edward turned his head in my direction. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"It feels like you're in Siberia. You wanna hang out with me till he gets in here?" _The nervous teenager had returned._ I got out of my chair and made it over to him as quickly as I could.

"Relax, it'll be okay." I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes were closed and he was quietly humming. I heard footsteps and looked up to see an attractive man in his mid-forties. He held his hand out. "I'm Doc Carey. You must be Bella." He winked at me and looked at Edward. "He sleeping?"

Edward opened his eyes. "Nah, just feigning sleep to see what you were gonna say behind my back." They both laughed. Edward's nervousness seemed to dissipate with the entrance of his physician. "So are we gonna do this Edward? I know you're ready to get rid of these. Once they're gone you won't have any excuse not to get down to business here."

"I guess, I thought I'd have them another two weeks. This was a surprise."

"To be perfectly honest, if I hadn't gone back into that ankle and done a bone graft to accelerate the healing process, we'd be removing them all together. But I'm just not comfortable with that, there have been too many setbacks."

"No there's no need to rush into anything."

Carey turned to me. "I understand you're the support system today. I apologize there's not room for you to sit here closer to him, if we could put you on one side it would be okay, but I've got to access both sides of the table..."

"I don't want to get in your way; I've got a nice little spot right over there out of your way." I said, pointing at my chair.

I leaned in, giving Edward a kiss on the forehead then whispered into his ear, "I'm just a few steps away. Good luck." I gave his hand a quick squeeze.

Carey spent some time asking Edward how he liked the rehab and seemed pleased that Jillian was someone who had worked with him in the past. There was some banter about who would keep who in line, but it was obvious they had a friendly relationship outside of their professional one. I could tell that he genuinely cared about Edward, as both a patient and a friend.

The room soon became a flurry of activity. The nurse who had made a place for me came in and stood across the table from the doctor, she reached over to the table and picked up several items, handing one to the doctor and placing one on Edward's face. When she looked up at the doctor, I could see that she was wearing safety glasses. _Ohhh! Of course._

She moved to the foot of the table and it looked like she was holding Edward's right leg to stabilize it. The doc said something to Edward, who nodded, but then the loud whir of the saw came on and it was all that could be heard. Edward had explained that it was a noisy process. There was a vacuum attached to the cast saw that kept the fiberglass particles from flying everywhere as Carey cut the cast open. Carey worked his way down one side, and then moved to the other side. Back and forth he moved and sawed. He'd stop for a minute to get repositioned and then went back to work. After nearly ten minutes he stopped sawing and picked a tool off the table that sat next to the bed. It looked like some kind of pliers, but as he began sticking the head of it in the space where he'd cut, he'd squeeze and the cast would _pop_. They were some type of spreaders. He moved from Edward's groin down his leg towards his foot. _Pop, pop, pop..._

Soon he traded sides with the nurse, as he did the same thing working from the opposite side of the table. Several more pops and I heard a few hoorays.

Edward was propping himself up with his elbows Carey hovered over him, all the while snipping and cutting. I heard him say, "As soon as I cut through the stockinette, we'll see how it looks." He lifted the long top half of the cast away from Edward and deposited it into the trash can. He worked some more from top to bottom and they were lifting Edward's leg, removing the bottom of the cast, and fluffy white chunks of padding. The nurse left and returned just as quickly with a basin. I watched from my perch as she washed Edward's leg and gently patted it dry. The garbage can and the instrument table were rolled out of the way, and a girl wearing a lead apron came over and situated Edward for various X-rays. I stepped out into the hallway for a few minutes. When she was done, the door opened and I found Edward covered with a blanket. The machine had been moved out of the way.

"Hey, you cold?"

He shook his head. "Nuh uh."

I took a hold of the top of the blanket and he grabbed it, holding on for dear life. "Why you all bundled up, Edward?"

"They're ugly. I don't want you to see."

_Huh? Seriously? _We'd have to broach that subject later, but I wasn't going to upset him when he was already antsy

He had turned away from me and was looking at the wall. I gently took his face and guided it towards me. He needed to know I was sincere.

"Okay."

"You're not mad?" _Mad... no. Disappointed that you aren't comfortable with me seeing... sorta. But it's okay._ Today wasn't about me.

"Hey," I said quietly, in an attempt to be soothing. "I'm here for you, to be whatever you need today. If you don't want me to see, I won't look."

We chit chatted about mindless stuff until Carey came back. He walked over to a light box that was situated on the wall, flipping the light on and clipping several X-rays up onto the box. The way he put them together, you could see Edward's leg from his foot to his hip. I could see every plate and pin. There were screws in his thigh and a rod in his lower leg. Edward's little toes were curled every which way and I had to wonder how he'd ever stand on them or how I'd never noticed them before.

"Alright, Edward. Short leg cast on this one for a few more weeks. I'll re-assess it in three and we'll decide. What color we going with?" Carey asked.

Edward looked at me and smiled. "Can we get another Superman?"

"Way ahead of ya. He's already in my backpack. I've got the blow-dryer too."

Edward looked at the rolls of tape and smiled turning to Carey. "Bright blue, please."

I went back to my perch in the corner and watched from across the room as they stretched stockinette over his leg from his toes to above his knee. He was wrapped with padding again and the stockinette was folded over the ends. Next came the process of wrapping it up in the blue fiberglass tape. I was almost sad he couldn't keep it off, but it made sense to let it get stronger.

Once they were done, Edward was left to _dry_ for a half hour, so we talked, I pulled a chair up next to the table he was laying on and we talked about the house, the new car, new adventures we both wanted to take- places we could explore together. Carey came in and put a hand on my shoulder. "Okay Bella, you gotta scoot so I can get this other cast off."

Edward put his glasses back on and I got out of the way while they set up the saw and got started again.

It didn't take _as long_ to get the second cast off, and I wondered if they had made the right one stronger because that leg was the one that he'd had so many problems with. I wasn't going to ask though. By the time the second cast came off, I was used to the noise of the saw. Soon I was hearing the _pop... pop... pop... _of the cast being spread open. They went through the entire ritual of snipping and cutting and washing the debris away. The X-ray girl came back in her apron and took another set of films and we waited. Edward was far more relaxed than he had been the first time. He actually looked like he might be sleeping. It was entirely possible that he had been mentally tossing and turning all night.

Carey came back and put the second set of X-ray films up on the wall. "This one looks about the same, I'm going to err on the side of caution and put a short cast on here too. Same as the other one, we'll recheck in three weeks."

I knew he was talking about the amount of healing, but seriously, they _did_ look about the same, in so many ways. They were like mirror images of one another, right down to the crooked little toes.

Edward groaned. "Alright."

Carey mentioned the toes to Edward and his concern about them becoming injured when Edward began standing. Edward explained that they weren't a result of this accident, and after he had a new pair of shoes, he'd be good to go. Carey patted his shoulder. "I will set up an appointment with our podiatrist if you like, or you can call one of your own. I don't want you standing on those toes without proper support. You need someone to come in and do an impression as soon as your feet are out of the casts. As you know it takes a little while for them to make the insoles. So, when we take the casts off in three weeks, I want a podiatrist on standby."

"Thanks, I don't have anyone in particular in mind. I got the last pair when I was away at college. They were easily four years old. It's not like I wear them out." Edward joked.

"I'll have Jill schedule our podiatrist for my next visit with you. If the casts go back on, there will be plenty of time for him to get shoes ordered. If they don't, you can continue to work on your flexion and extension- use the whirlpool, try ultrasound. You'll have plenty to do to while away the time before we attempt standing."

Carey went through the process of replacing the left cast while he discussed the next few weeks of rehab with Edward. I zoned out until he said something about the physical therapists being too overzealous and re-fracturing one of his legs. That got my attention.

Carey waved to me. "It was nice meeting you Bella. Please try to keep him out of trouble." He was laughing as he said it.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, too. Thanks for everything."

Edward chimed in "Bye Doc!"

I came over and sat in the chair they had placed next to the table. Edward's other cast was drying and then we'd be able to leave the tiny room.

"He's got ten more to see today. _Before _he goes off to his office."

"Wow, busy man. I can't imagine living like that. He probably has very little personal time."

"He has a wife and a brand new baby, too. This is what it's like Bella. I don't know how much we'll see each other. My schedule will be crazy too."

"You mentioned that, but I never put a lot of thought into it."

"I work with Jeff, but I have to pull a set number of hours in the lab each week to get my tuition assistance. The National Institute of Health is helping me to reduce my student loans greatly. I owe them more than two years at the Stem Cell Institute, on top of my regular job."

"We'll learn to adapt, I'm sure. Your aunt did it and lived to tell about it."

Edward was beaming and I realized I had more or less admitted that I was in it for the long haul.

"Yeah, she did. If you ever need someone to talk to, or to hang out with, she's pretty awesome."

"Yeah, she is. I like her- a lot. It sounds like we're going to be spending a lot of time together soon. We're going to look at furniture later in the week."

"I'd like for you to spend time with her and really get to know her. She's as close as you'll ever come to meeting my mother."

It was disheartening to know I'd never meet his parents. "I wish there was a way I could meet your parents. They sound like they were wonderful people."

"They were. I think there might be some video tapes somewhere at Carlisle and Esme's. They couldn't bear to pack them away, but I couldn't stand to watch them. I think Esme had them transferred to DVD so they wouldn't deteriorate. Perhaps one day that's something we could do together. If you want to..."

"I'd love to watch them with you- when you're ready."

I looked up to see the three people in the doorway that had lifted Edward onto the table. I stepped aside and made my way past them and went out into the corridor so they could work. In no time at all, the table was lowered, the wheelchair laid down and Edward was sitting in his chair. The staff was very efficient.

Edward got situated and we were soon making our way through the halls.

"I get a roomie tonight. I hear he's really young."

"You told me what happened to him, but I don't remember."

"Motorcycle accident. He's a T 7-8. He'll be okay once he learns how to function around his disability. I'm kind of glad he's going to be in my room. Maybe I can help him adapt."

"I think that's an awesome idea. I hope you become fast friends."

The smell of something Italian was wafting from the area I knew to be the dining room and I inhaled deeply.

"Would you like to grab some lunch with me? It's supposed to baked ziti and meatballs or something. I don't know..."

"I'd love to eat lunch with you, but it's not raining now. Once we're done I'm going to catch a bus and head on home. I need to get showered and dressed for tonight, and I need to look over my notes before I start meeting parents."

"I wish you'd let Alice take you home." He wore a worried expression.

"Edward, I've been navigating this city for years and for nearly two of those, I've been on foot. I'll get home safely. You realize you're now closer to my apartment and school than you were over at Harborview, don't you?"

"I didn't really pay attention."

We rolled into the dining room and Edward went over to pay for our meals while I loaded everything on a tray.

I heard someone roll up behind me and I turned to find Edward right there. "If you take the drinks off and carry them, I'll take the tray."

I was going to decline his offer, but he looked so determined. I held the tray out to him, and as soon as he had it securely in his hands, I lifted our Cokes off of it and headed towards a table near the windows. Edward followed along with the tray perched on his lap. It was then that I realized how much he truly seemed to enjoy doing things. I'd have to be more mindful in the future and not take things away from him just because it was easier.

I remembered a discussion at Partners where one of the guys said he had to fight to get people to let him pull his weight, but when he was out in public people had no problem walking through a door and letting it slam in his face when they entered an establishment ahead of him. It was sad that people were so inconsiderate… thoughtless.

Lunch was… edible, but just. The pasta and sauce were tasty, but the meatballs looked processed. When Edward saw me placing them off to the side, he asked if I wasn't going to eat them. I shook my head and he took a bite of one of his and muttered "Never mind." I had to laugh. He pushed his off to the side as well and we enjoyed our vegetarian meal.

It had begun to rain while w were eating, so to burn up some time I put the new tatts on Edward's casts. When we finished, Alice still hadn't returned, and Edward gave me a reluctant goodbye when I announced it was past time for me to go, wet weather or not.

He reminded me that he had counseling too, so I didn't feel terrible about going.

I grabbed a bus and got home with plenty of time to prepare myself for my evening.

Just as I was walking to school, my phone chimed with a text message.

_**What time are you done with your conferences? -E**_

**My last one is at 8:30pm. I should be done by nine. Why? -B**

_**My parents went out, I was wondering if you need a ride.- E**_

**No, but thanks. One of the other teachers is dropping me off. She lives close by. -B**

_**You wouldn't tell me that just to keep me from worrying would you? -E**_

**Maybe, but I really **_**do**_** have a ride. -B**

_**Really? -E**_

**Really. **_**-**_**B**

_**Okay. I'm sorry. -E**_

**Don't be sorry. Your chivalry is endearing. I'll call you when I get home. -B**

_**Thanks! -E**_

**U R Welcome. Talk later. And thanks! -B**

I walked into my classroom in a light mood. I had a nice day with Edward, I had slain his dragons. Now he wanted to protect me and keep me safe. There was a time in my life when I would have felt like he was being a little pushy. But it was sweet that he cared about me and wanted me to be safe. I think Charlie was the only person who had ever worried about me traveling the city alone at night. I found that it was nice to have someone who actually _wanted _to take care of me.

* * *

_**Fic Rec: **_I recently came across one of the most touching, beautifully written love scenes that I've ever read in my two years in fan fiction. Little Green and Easybella was written by BettiGefecht as a Cherry Exchange entry in December. It's now a multi-chaptered fic and continues to pawn me. Little Green seriously owns me.

Reading Little Green and Easybella led to perusing her other stories and well... at 4:30am, I'm knee deep in Your True Colors and it's just... wow. Yeah. Go read. You won't be sorry.

I've added Little Green and Your True Colors to the C2. Please leave Betti and Little Green some love. They deserves it.

A side note, someone commented in a review or pm, so I wanted to clarify… you'll see from time to time that I use the term _walking_ when it obviously refers to Edward and we know he rolls. Most of my friends who use wheelchairs go for _walks, _the same way my friends who are blind and visually impaired _watch_ movies, even though _to me_ it's listening. Since one of you mentioned that to me, thought I'd comment, it's not an oversight or a typo. As Edward gains more freedom, he'll no doubt spend leisure time going for walks with Bella.

Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-five

~Edward~

True to her word, Bella accompanied me to the appointment with Carey. After cutting the casts loose, X-rays were performed and I had another graduation of sorts. I went back to my room in short leg casts. While, technically, my legs knees were now free, they were far from bent.

As Carey re-casted my left leg, he discussed my options. "It's obvious, Edward, that immobilizing your knee joints for such an extended period of time has had a detrimental affect on them. There are adhesions on both knees. While I know you want to be done with all of this, and just get on with your life, we need to be careful how we handle the situation."

"What do you have in mind? I had suspected I'd lose a lot of flexion, but... I barely have… any."

"I'd like to start with ultrasound on your legs now. I know Jill is using it on your upper extremities. It'll loosen the muscles, get everything warmed up and supple so you can stretch. After these casts come off, I want you in the whirlpool. And I don't want anyone but Jill bending your knees- my big concern is with your paralysis- I'm a little worried about someone becoming a little overzealous and forcing the joint too far...you have no feeling... if you're not screaming in pain, they may have no idea they are hurting you. Before you realize what's happened, you could have another fracture."

At that point, Bella perked up- just in time for Carey to bid us goodbye before continuing on to his next case.

While we waited for the cast to dry, Bella sat with me. "What was he saying about you having _more fractures_? I'm sorry, I was trying to be polite and not listen in on your conversation." I could tell she was concerned and I needed to allay her fears.

"Carey said he doesn't want anyone but Jill working with my knees. Which means my rehab schedule will be at the mercy of her work schedule. He's afraid that someone less experienced may try to force them to bend, and if it's not causing me pain, they may injure them by being too overzealous."

She shuddered and looked at the floor. I barely heard her ask, "You mean someone could actually break your leg just by _bending_ it? What about the rods and plates? Won't they protect you?" Her face was a deathly pale, all the color washed away.

I reached over and touched her arm; it was all I could reach. I felt like a fish out of water splayed out on the table like this. "Hey, it _could_ happen, but I don't have to worry about that with Jill. And yeah, the metal will protect the long bones, but the problem would be a fracture at the end of the metal close to the joint where there is nothing to protect it."

I could tell when she understood, it was almost if a light bulb came on. "Ohhhh."

"It'll be okay, Bella."

I was thinking out loud when I commented that Carey had a number of patients to see at rehab before he went to the office. I realized that Bella probably didn't comprehend how little time I'd be home when I finally returned to my work schedule. Even though we hadn't really committed to one another, it was evident that our friendship was moving forward into something more. It made me sad to think that there would be huge chunks of time where we'd be apart.

It seemed like a good time to mention how my schedule would affect home life for me. There was a good probability that I'd be away from home a lot of the time. If we did become a couple, our life wouldn't be our own for a few years. Until my obligations were fulfilled, my schedule was at the mercy of someone else. It blew me away when Bella reassured me that she understood, and that she was okay with it. She said Esme did it and she would handle it too. It took a minute for realization to wash over me, but I couldn't wipe the silly grin off my face when I realized she had more or less just committed to our future.

It tugged at my heart when she said she wished she could meet my parents. I wished she could have met them too; Esme was so much like my mother. Bella becoming close to Esme was almost as good as Bella getting close to Mom.

There was one way she could get to know them a little… the only pieces I had of them… and it took everything I had to tell her about the videos. I hadn't ever sat and watched them after Mom and Dad were gone. I just couldn't, not even if I had wanted to, but being with Bella made me brave. Perhaps one day when we were closer we would watch them, because it would be the only way she would ever be able to know them. Alice was right, they _would_ have loved her.

It made me feel good to be able to carry our food to the table at lunchtime. It was something that might seem mundane to most people, but I can't describe the sense of accomplishment I felt over something simple like carrying a cafeteria tray. Being able to finally just do something _normal_ for a change felt so good. Any other guy would carry the tray of food for his girl, and for those few minutes, I _was_ just like any other guy. Bella was cool like that. She just had this sixth sense of knowing when to step back and let me do my thing without trying to smother me. She knew I'd let her know if I got in a bind.

I didn't know if it was the sense of accomplishment rehab afforded me or the decreased medication, but it seemed that ever since I was transferred a few days ago I had begun to feel more like my old self. I was afraid for a while that he had somehow become lost and I might never find him- myself that was, but I was starting to believe that I was going to soon be reacquainted with the old Edward. It felt good... to feel like the old me.

Before Bella had to leave to get ready for work, she took the time to replace my superman tatts. I always worried about her walking home from work or riding the bus after dark. I couldn't _help_ but worry about her, she was vulnerable, and I didn't know what I'd do if someone hurt her. But she reassured me that she had made arrangements for a ride home every evening this week since they would all be working late.

My worries about Bella became sidetracked much later in the day. After dinner, my room mate was expected to arrive and I couldn't wait to meet him. Jill had told me his name was Alec and that he was a T-7/8 meaning his SCI had occurred just four vertebrae higher than mine. Physically, we would have similar function. I knew he was young like I had been... in the beginning of this journey that had become my life.

I had started my support group because when I had my SCI, there was no one out there to provide support for a person with a newly acquired disability. There was just no information on services, durable medical equipment, housing, or transportation available to the lay person with a disability. We had successfully put an end to that in Seattle with our support group.

For many people, the denial and anger consumed their thoughts while they were becoming physically rehabilitated. By the time those feelings subsided, the individual was headed home and they had been distracted at a crucial time in their lives. When they got home, they floundered trying to get services set in place. Our group had the resources to set those things in motion before the patient ever left the hospital via a liaison in the rehab department and a hospital social worker. We also had peer volunteers who went out to different institutions and spent time with people who had recently become disabled. Not on a professional level, but just to connect, let them know they had a friend if need be.

As soon as I was done eating, later that evening, I made my way to the room we would share. I looked around to make sure my side of the room was clean and orderly. The staff didn't clean our rooms, other than a weekly dust and mop. It was our responsibility to keep it clean. I decided that I'd give Alec and his family time to get settled in before I introduced myself, but I didn't want him to have a bad first impression.

I smoothed out my bedspread and made to go to the lounge when Jill entered the room. She put a hand out to halt me and mouthed the word _wait_. Backing up to give them plenty of room, I took a place by the window until they made it in. It was my plan to go to the lounge to watch TV while he settled in and they did his intake and admission.

Two guys dressed in the familiar blue and white _Harborview Transport Team_ uniforms pushed in a gurney. They raised the bed to make a level transition and my roomie was transferred into his new world. The guys from transport left and Jill pulled up a chair next to my neighbor's bed. I looked around for his family.

_Where were they?_

He was... alone.

Jill walked around the bed. She raised it into a sitting position and moved the TV within reach. She pushed a bedside table up to the bed so Alec could get to it. Holding out her hand Jill introduced herself. "Hi Alec, I'm Jill. I'm a _Physiatrist. _In other words, I'm a rehab doc. I also manage the facility."

He took her and shook it halfheartedly. "Hey Jill." He mumbled, looking _everywhere_ but at her. _Oh brother, she'll be working to bring you out of _your_ shell._

I took a few minutes to appraise my neighbor. He was a little guy. He had dark hair and wore it long; well... it was longer than mine. Shoulder length. He had a baby face. His left arm was in a sling, but didn't appear to be casted. He seemed to be very introverted and I couldn't tell if it just came naturally, or if it was a result of recent events.

_Where is his family?_

I was lost in my own thoughts, wondering if his situation was more like my own than I had originally thought. I heard my name and it brought me back from a dark place that seemed to be an entire lifetime ago.

" ... your roommate for a few more weeks."

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention; I didn't want you to think I was eavesdropping."

Jill smiled her signature smile, "I was telling Alec that you've got some time under your belt and it he's fortunate to be rooming with you."

I chuckled, "Well, I don't know if he's fortunate to be rooming _with me._" I said looking in Jill's direction... then I turned to Alec. "But, you're _extremely_ fortunate to be getting your rehab _here_."

"I was heading down to the lounge for a while. Alec, do you have a chair yet?" I didn't know if he'd been fitted for one yet, if he was using a generic, or what his situation was. When I was at this point in the game, at eighteen years old, I was recovering from surgery to fuse my spine and was lying in a circ-o-lectric bed so they could change my position frequently without causing further injury.

"No, and I'm _not_ getting one. That's not why I'm here. I might not be ready yet, but I'm here to get better."

Jill spoke quietly and not at all condescendingly, "We're doing a fitting tomorrow, Edward, he's only been out of bed a few times. You'll be ripping and tearing with him soon enough."

I liked Jill's no nonsense approach to the denial he was living in. I felt sorry _for him_, he couldn't truly move forward until he accepted his situation. Hopefully, though, he'd work even harder if he thought he was doing it to get better. No one could convince him, and they shouldn't convince him to accept less, but the cold hard fact remained that his spine was severed and we didn't have the technology to just _fix_ that yet. At some point though, he'd realize that the doctors and therapists weren't lying to him, but there'd be no convincing him until that day came. It was time for me to take my leave and allow Jill to begin working her magic.

"I know you have intake stuff to take care of, I'm not going to sit here being nosy. C'ya later Alec, nice to meet you. See you tomorrow Jill."

"Bright and early Cullen. Don't be late!" I just waved as I made my way out the door. She knew I'd be there with bells on. I couldn't wait to get things moving and finally get home, now that I someplace to truly call home.

I turned around and pulled the door shut after me. Alec deserved to interact with Jill privately minus any prying eyes and ears that might cause him to hold back.

_This could very well be the most important day of his life._

When I got to the lounge, there was nothing _at all_ on TV. I saw a teenaged girl sitting off by herself, I hadn't met her yet, she wore a rigid back brace and her arms were both casted perfectly straight. She looked as bored as I felt. Perhaps she could use a friend.

I buzzed over to where she sat. "Hi, I'm Edward."

Her face broke into a beautiful smile. "Hey Edward, I'm Jane. Nice to meet you."

"What are you doing in the corner all by yourself?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "My laptop is charging, there's nothing on TV and the family is on vacation. Seemed like the logical choice."

There was a deck of cards in the center of the table, between meals it was used as a rec room, craft room, lounge...

"Do you play cards at all?"

She shrugged again. "Eh, sometimes. You?"

"It's been a while, but yeah. You wanna play a few hands of rummy or something?"

"As long as you don't want to play war or slapjack. You'd have me at a disadvantage with those." We both laughed at her joke. She was easy to share a conversation with and I liked her instantly.

I looked around and spied what we needed. I made my way to the game cupboard. The top was about chest high. On top of it sat about a dozen blocks of wood. I grabbed one and took it over to the table where Jane sat. "Here. Have you used one of these?"

She looked at it funny, squinting and cocking her head as she screwed up her face. "Um... no?"

"It's a card holder." I turned it so she could see the slots in it. I pulled a few cards off the top of the deck and stuck them in the holder for her to see.

"Ohh! _I _get it!""

I took the cards back and shuffled, dealing out seven cards to each of us. Jane very carefully and slowly stood each card into the holder.

As we played we talked a little bit about our situations. Jane won the first hand and she frowned looking at the pile of cards. She looked down at her hands. Putting her cards down had been a struggle for her. I knew what she was thinking before she said it, and I wasn't going to let that happen.

"I can't shuffle or deal, you'll have to do that."

"Uhn uh Jane- you're not getting out of it that easily. I'll shuffle, but I'm setting the stack on the table. You can deal one at a time."

She grinned over at me. "Alright, I guess maybe I _am_ being lazy. You shuffle. I'll deal."

Slowly and meticulously, she dealt out the fourteen cards and we began another hand. I got the impression that her parent's were no longer together. She lived with Mom, and Dad was always traveling for his work. She seemed like a well rounded, well adjusted kid, though.

I looked up at the clock when Jane yawned and saw it had been nearly two hours since I'd come down here. We decided to call it a night. It was time for the nurses to begin assisting people with night time routines and getting them situated for the evening. I didn't want my aide to have to come looking for me. That was inexcusable.

"I really had fun, thanks for coming over and introducing yourself, Edward."

"Yeah I had fun too. We'll have to do that again sometime."

Jane turned and made her way over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. She turned and saw me watching and set hers on the counter, opened the fridge and pulled out a second one. She got a few feet away from me and hollered, "Think quick, Edward." and threw it underhand in my direction. She had remarkably good aim. "Hey, thanks!"

She just laughed and walked over to talk with one of the occupational therapists. I started to head back to the room, but I'd seen them set out a couple boxes of pizza a short while ago. I heard they did that from time to time. I grabbed a tray and some napkins. I tucked the water in next to my body and went in search of food. Alec came from Harborview. I _knew_ what kind of food he'd been eating.

I grabbed us each two slices of pizza and I grabbed him a can of coke too. If he wanted the water, he could have that.

With everything strategically placed on my tray, I headed back to greet my new neighbor.

When I got back to the room, the lights were all off and Alec was lying on his side with his back to me. The sniffling noises coming from his side of the room were reminiscent of those first days so long ago, when I was the newbie... the one so full of hope, but terrified there would be none.

I flipped on the light over my bed and made my way over to a small table that sat near the window. I unloaded the food and drink before making my way over to the huddled trembling mass on the bed. My breath hitched when I caught a glimpse of his bare back. He skin bore several large bruises along one side of his ribs, presumably where he had made contact with pavement, or car, or whatever it was he had hit when he lost control of his bike. But it wasn't the bruises that drew me in... it was the scar, like a giant zipper that ran from his neck into the top of his boxers. Mine was no longer the angry red that his was, but this was the same scar I wore on my back. It was almost as if we belonged to the same club, a club of misfits, although I finally felt complete. Perhaps I could help him begin his journey on the right foot...

"Alec, I brought pizza. I thought you might be hungry."

_All teenage guys are hungry, right?_

"Yeah? Whatever."

"_Are_ you hungry?"

"No."

"I just... I was at Harborview too. I know the food they serve is terrible."

"Whatever, dude. Just leave it." I knew he wasn't transferring out of bed on his own yet, I might as well just pitch it.

I turned my TV on and popped open my Coke.

I had some time until bedtime and I refused to let his sour mood put _me_ in a rotten mood.

"There are always activities going on down in the lounge. We've got a teenaged girl or two..." I was thinking of Jane and how close in age they appeared to be.

He ignored me, pulling the blankets up around his shoulder.

_So this is how it's going to be._

We were going to be roomies for the foreseeable future. I really didn't want to start off on a bad foot.

From time to time, I could hear him sniffle and I knew he was going to have a rough first night. I don't think he was prepared for what he was invariably going to be thrust into tomorrow. It was going to be a rough couple of days until he got into a groove. Hopefully it wouldn't be too long before he figured it out. The last few weeks had no doubt been devastating for him. I'd never forget what it was like to be thrust into the unknown. Esme and Carlisle were right by my side, support me... encouraging me.

_Why was this kid all alone?_

I was working on my first slice of pizza when my phone rang. I'd have to put it on vibrate at night since I was sharing the room now.

"Alice."

_"Hey how's the roomie?"_ She screamed at such a high pitch I knew my new neighbor... and everyone else in the gym... could hear her.

"'It's all good, Alice." I answered with a grimace.

_"Oh, rough evening?"_

"Yeah, you could say that."

_"I saw Carlisle and Esme out and about, I just wondered if you ever asked Bella if she needed a ride tonight? They said something about offering to give her one."_

"No, she's getting a ride from a co-worker."

_"Oh good. Well I'll let you get back to your room mate and I'll see you in the morning. Okay?"_

"Mmkay, Alice. See you then."

I finished my pizza and made my way to the window. I sat, looking out at Seattle. My life was good. Yes, the wheelchair was an inconvenience, and I'd be lying if I said there weren't times that I thought this was the end of the world, but given time to adjust, I came to realize I had a good life. I still did, even after all this. I hoped I could be a positive role model to for my young room mate. He had his entire life ahead of him. It would be a shame for him to crawl in a hole and hide, when he needed to be proactive and prepare not only his body, but his mind as well, for the years that lay ahead of him.

The next day would be one of my most strenuous days here. I had an early morning ahead of me tomorrow-it would be the first day I dressed myself. With legs that were unbending, I wasn't sure how I'd accomplish that, but I wanted to try. I'd already begun washing myself and doing as much of my own personal hygiene as possible. I was finally doing all my own catheter care, and Alice was learning how I managed my bowel program. Thankfully the nurses at the hospital had been religious about keeping that on schedule as soon as I was stabilized. It was embarrassing that I could no longer take care of that aspect of my personal care on my own, but regaining the flexibility in my body to take care of it myself... _that _was one of my very first goals.

Though I only had a few days under my belt at this facility, I wasn't permitted to just sit back and idly watch the days pass by. Rehab was intense, and rightfully so…in order for me to get the maximum benefit from the short amount of time I'd be here.

After I was up and had an ultrasound treatment on my upper extremities, I was told my aide would assist me with dressing myself. My pants would go on in bed, and until I was more flexible, that would be difficult. I had begun rolling myself from side to side with the aid of the bed rails. Rolling would be only way I could get my pants on until I was able to stand. Once I could stand, dressing would become much simpler.

I had been receiving range of motion exercises all weekend and along with the ultrasound treatments, I had gained a noticeable level of flexibility in my arms and shoulders, even in just the few days since I'd come here. I hoped that tomorrow would include time on some of the machines. I knew they would help loosen me up, and rebuild the muscle tone I'd lost lying in bed.

Rehabilitating my legs would be so different this time. The first time I'd found myself in this situation, the exercises to keep me flexible and free of contractures had come easily once I learned how to avoid the severe muscle spasms that had almost immediately become my constant companion. Once I found the movements and positions that triggered them, I learned how to avoid them and found ways to use them to my advantage instead. My joints hadn't been injured in the accident, and exercise had come easily after a short amount of time. It wouldn't be so simple this time around. I had my work cut out for me.

I'd begin working relentlessly, and it wouldn't be pretty.

I decided now was as good a time as any to address the elephant in the room, so I made my way over to the far side of Alec's bed, facing him. I knew he heard me- he stiffened as I grew closer, his eyes squeezed tightly shut in mock sleep.

"Look, Alec, I don't know what the circumstances were which brought you here, but I just wanted to let you know I've been where you are right now. I know it's scary, and you feel alone, and no one in your old life at home could possible _begin_ to understand what you're going through, but I _do_. If you need anything, if you have questions... if I can help you in any way... just ask."

Without opening his eyes, he dismissed me. "Yeah, okay, whatever."

"This is the best rehab facility in Washington. If you take the weeks you have here seriously, and learn, you will get the best possible outcome for your disability. Once you get your own chair and you get accustomed to it, things will become much easier. I know how devastating this must be for you, but I guarantee it's _not_ the end of the world."

"You don't know _anything._" And again, almost desperately this time, he added. "I'm _not_ here to learn to use a chair. I'm here to _get better_. Now, _please_ just leave me be."

A girl named Leslie was entering the room as I turned to go back to my own side of the room. She smiled a knowing smile. I forgot that I had held a grudge like this during my first lifetime as a gimp. I suppose most of the newbie's who came here acted the same way.

"Edward, I was wondering if you'd like to try something new tonight. It will be a little extra work, but would you like to get a shower?"

I must have looked like an idiot. I hadn't heard that word, used in reference to my body in so long that I forgot what it felt like. I grinned up at her and asked "Shower?" Before I let myself get too excited, I needed to make sure when she used the term shower that I heard her right and she hadn't just misspoken and meant _bed bath._

Leslie laughed, "Yeah, shower. We'll have to strip you in bed and then get into the shower chair, and we'll have to wrap your legs to keep the casts dry, but I thought you might really enjoy it."

"Like a real... honest to God... hot water spraying all over my body... shower?"

It must have been funny, but I was dead serious. She was laughing even harder at me. She held her stomach and nodded. "Mmhmm."

"Oh God yes, please?"

"I'll be right back."

Leslie came back with an orderly pushing a shower chair and carrying several long clear pieces of plastic.

Leslie was a pro and it took her no time at all to get me in bed and have the bottom half of me stripped and ready to shower. She and the orderly gently lowered me into the shower chair, where she threw a towel over my lap; by the time she was done wrapping my casts, I looked like a leftover.

The shower was euphoric. I can't remember anything that topped it, aside from kissing Bella. Leslie let me revel in it for a long time and I enjoyed every minute of it. When it was over, she was quick to get me dry and threw a robe over the front of me. I quickly brushed my teeth and pulled a comb through my hair then was ready for bed. I left the bathroom feeling like a new man. I was warm, and clean... clean like I hadn't experienced in so long. I knew I would sleep soundly after the shower.

Alec was still in the dark with his back to me. I prayed that he would let someone in. If he spent his weeks here with a chip on his shoulder he would only be spiting himself. I didn't know how, but I wouldn't give up until I found a way to reach him. I understood better than he'd ever know.

It was still early and normally I'd stay awake late into the night, but today had been a long day and the shower had made my body feel like jello. I welcomed sleep for the first time in a long time. I knew Bella wouldn't be home yet, so I left her a quick text and told her I was tired and was actually going to try to get some sleep.

I quickly fell into the nightmare which had haunted me repeatedly for weeks. I awoke to the screams that had jerked me out of sleep so many nights; only once I was awake I realized they weren't coming from me. A nurse stood next to Alec, trying in vain to wake him. When he did wake up, his tortured expression was enough to tell exactly what had been going on in his mind. The nurse gave him something to help him sleep and I silently thanked her as he swallowed the pills. Slowly I drifted back into my own little world, and remained there until it was time for me to be repositioned.

Turning me onto my back caused repeated extensor spasms. They had occurred since I'd come out of the body cast, but not this severely. As soon as I was flat on my back, my legs became as stiff as boards, my entire body shuddered. I cried out, more in shock than in pain. The orderly who had positioned me came back to my room and moved me onto my other side. Back sleeping was out of the question for the rest of the night.

I awoke to the sound hushed voices. It was morning and one of the therapists had Alec balancing on the edge of his bed. His head rested on her shoulder and she was asking him if he still felt like he was going to pass out. He nodded his head, as he clung to her like his life depended on it. Oh how I remembered that feeling the first half dozen or so times I was lifted into my wheelchair after I'd graduated from the body cast. My blood pressure had to be raised medically and I wore a binder for a few weeks before I could be raised to a sitting position without losing consciousness. Eventually, as I was upright more and more, it went away and I didn't have a continued need for the medication, but it was a sensation one didn't soon forget.

I watched as they lowered Alec back to the bed and explained what was happening. His nurse gave him a pill that I assumed was ephedrine to raise his blood pressure. The therapist worked to wrap his legs with ace bandages, and another therapist prepared a belly binder. They rolled him back and forth until he was trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey and then left him to lay there for a little while.

While they were gone, my nurse had gotten my pants on- explaining that I'd begin doing the pants after my legs bent a little better, and then she got me into the chair so I could get arranged into a comfortable position. I ate another delicious breakfast as I waited for my OT to come in so we could get started.

PT returned to the room for Alec, and once again inched him to the edge of the bed. They slowly sat him up and he gave a thumbs up to the nurses who stood around waiting and watching. They got Alec situated in a manual wheelchair and pushed him out into the corridor. I wondered if he was having his session with Jill since her ball player had gone home.

My OT for the day was Daisy. She took her time working me over with the ultrasound and then made me go to my dresser and pick out the things I would need to finish dressing. Today it was a wife beater and a tee shirt. Not that I needed both, but she wanted me to go through the motions. It took me a minute or two to get the top done, but it wasn't too bad. Then I put on deodorant and brushed my teeth. Daisy put her hand on my shoulder. "Beginning tomorrow morning, I want to find you dressed when I get here. I'll do the ultrasound when I come to get you, but I want you to be up and dressed when I come. I see a marked improvement in your range of motion, even after just a few days."

"Okay, I'll be ready." Dressing myself shouldn't feel like a huge accomplishment, but like carrying the tray of food, it was just one more little facet of my life that I was beginning to regain... and it felt so good.

"I want you to wear something with buttons... _and_ I want it buttoned. If you don't have something, ask Jill, she has loaner items in a closet."

"I have a few nice shirts here."

"That's fine. Make sure you have one on." Daisy wanted to check my manual dexterity. Working buttons was a perfect way for me to practice. At least I wasn't playing with the Dapper Dan doll again. _That was humiliating._ I remember going through that at eighteen. Mortifying.

"What are we doing in the gym this morning?"

"Jill wants you on the machines."

I hadn't used the machines here, but had looked things over and it was very similar to Emmett's gym. I looked forward to getting my upper body back into shape. I relied heavily on my upper body strength and would never be truly independent until I could master the basic skills I needed to transfer _confidently_ on my own.

Alec had been playing catch when I first entered the gym, and later I saw him working half heartedly on one of the weight machines. He was complaining about his PT being a slave driver and he couldn't understand why he was lifting weights with his arms, when it was his legs that needed to be rehabilitated. Daisy just clucked and shook her head. "He'll learn."

I started out on the Game Cycle. It was a hand bike, meaning you pedaled with your hands, the pedaling motion ran a car chase video game. It was entertaining, I guess, it certainly gave me a good workout. My shoulders were aching after ten minutes.

Next, I moved on to the total gym and my body was strapped to the weight bench with several gait belts so I wouldn't fall off. I did a number of routines that involved lifting weights and working specific muscle groups. I think the butterfly curls were the most difficult. Many of the exercises were the upper torso ones I did with Emmett at Harborview, but he had taken it easy on me. I was still fragile, _then_. I wasn't getting any favors _here_.

Daisy announced that there was one more thing I had to do before lunch. I was exhausted and couldn't imagine how I'd handle any more. When she went to get my chair she came back with a lightweight manual wheelchair.

"Um... that's not mine." How could she mix up that tiny thing with my Permobil? There was no similarity what-so-ever.

"Oh, I'm _well_ aware of that, Edward. I'd like you to use this until you come back to see Jill for your leg exercises this afternoon. I put on a pair of extending footrests and a Jay seat; you'll be more than comfortable. You can have the Permobil back this afternoon."

Two of the orderlies lifted me into the chair, one under my armpits and the other supporting my casts. The manual chair was nothing like the loaner chair I had been using at Harborview. That had been in such deplorable condition. In most cases, a loaner was crap. This was nice. New.

"How do you have such nice chairs here when you've got so many patients using them? I'd think they'd be all worn out."

"One of the wheelchair companies provides us with prototypes and demonstrator chairs. In turn, we let our patients use them, which often results in the patient ordering one of their chairs. When they do become a little dilapidated, we give them to a ministry that recycles them for people who have no way of acquiring a wheelchair. It's a win/win situation."

"That is really cool."

"Edward, if you are really uncomfortable in this, let someone know and we'll take you out of the chair, but I'd like to see you attempt to use it until you come back."

"I'll be alright. Thanks."

It had been so long since I'd used a manual wheelchair. I hadn't propelled one since I'd gotten hit by the car. In the body cast I was always on a gurney. After the body cast was gone, I had been in a few during my stay at the hospital, but someone else was always pushing it. I never used one for school or work anymore.

More than fifteen years in a chair had damaged my rotator cuffs and I only used the manual now at home or if I went in someone's car. From time to time I'd take it out for leisure, but that was the extent of it. It was important to keep my upper body in shape, and that was the best way, in the controlled environment I had at home.

I needed to stand frequently at work and in the lab, not that Permobil didn't offer a manual stander- they did- but, I was on the move far too much at work to propel it all day.

When I left the gym, I tried to remember my wheelchair skills. I figured it was like riding a bike... but I had gotten a little rusty. I forgot about little things like holding onto the wheel that was on the side of the direction I needed to turn, while pushing forward with the opposite. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd done a wheelie to get over a hump or a curb. I left the gym looking like a beginner instead of the seasoned veteran I was.

My legs still stuck straight out in front of me, and that didn't make it any easier to travel.

_Oh Edward, you have so much work ahead of you!_

When I entered the cafeteria I spied Jane sitting at the end of a table by herself. I grabbed a sandwich and some fruit, before I headed over to where she was sitting. "Is this seat taken?"

She smiled warmly. "Hey stranger. Have a seat."

I pulled the chair out of the place where it had resided and slid it along the wall so I didn't block anyone's path of travel.

Jane and I talked about our mornings. She had spent her morning in the gym as well, doing exercises to strengthen her back muscles. I looked at my watch and realized I had to hurry, the manual wheelchair had slowed me down and I needed to get to counseling. I said my goodbyes and hurried off to my appointment.

I practically slept through therapy, I was so tired. Between my interrupted sleep and the new exercises Daisy had put me through; it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I all but bribed my counselor to let me leave early to get a cup of coffee. She seemed to ignore my requests, always changing the subject, but fifteen minutes before my session was due to end, she excused me and told me to go get my caffeine buzz.

Jill seemed pleased to see me in the manual chair. _I_ was pleased to see my beloved Permobil sitting in the corner of her station waiting for me. Jill pulled me over to the mat table; she locked the brakes on the chair and slid me forward in the chair so my feet drooped towards the floor, leaned me ahead a little and popped her head under my arm. A muffled "You ready, Edward?" and both of her hands slid under my butt, she rocked several times to get her bearings and on a count of three she had me standing and pivoted onto the table before I could blink. Jill isn't a little girl, she's stocky and solid- like a weightlifter, but it still surprised me that she could balance me so well without either of us crashing to the floor. She climbed above my head on the mat table and slid me up so the pit of my knees rested on the very edge of the table, my legs dangling in mid air. She put a wedge behind my shoulders and hopped off the table.

A goniometer appeared out of thin air. She held the instrument with the hinge at the side of my knee and measured the resting angle my knee was bending at. She used the tool to establish a baseline range of motion measurement before we began bending my joints. Every session with Jill from here on out would be in an effort to increase those numbers. "Fifteen degrees on this side, Edward." With just six words, she had initiated a goal.

She rolled her stool over to the other knee and repeated the process. "Eighteen here."

I nodded.

_Could be worse._

Jill grabbed a pair of ankle weights from a bin and began fastening them onto my ankles. She turned and walked to the corner where the ultrasound machine sat, grabbed it and rolled it over to the table. She sat on the stool next to me and spread the conducting gel on the lateral side of my knee.

"I'm using the anti-inflammatory on your knees, Edward. It'll help as we begin bending. I know this won't hurt, per se, but the pulsations will assist with the whole healing process as we try to break up the scar tissue and get you moving again."

Jill raised her stool so that my calf rested across her lap. She used a gentle downward pressure with her left arm as she worked the wand on my knee. "For a few days we're just going to let gravity work on bending you. The added weight of the casts will help."

"I can't wait to begin bending again. I can't tell you how I crave my independence."

Jill smiled and nodded, but changed the subject. "So you were exhausted this morning. Are you feeling a little better?"

_Did the woman not miss anything?_

"Didn't get much sleep... I didn't realize how much I was enjoying the private room until last night."

"You know, Edward, I had another bed, and I could have placed him with an older patient. But I thought you'd be good for each other. He's young, and impressionable. Right now he's feeling very alone and if anyone can show him how incredible life can still be, it's you."

"He can't stand me. I brought him food, and he was sullen and rude. I ended up throwing it in the trash. He's a spoiled brat."

"No... he's _not_ a brat. He's just a kid who is scared. He's terrified his life and all of the dreams he had are gone. His parents are blaming him for the accident, and the only time they've even been in to see him was the night of the accident, to make sure he made it through his surgery."

"I heard him crying after you were done with his intake. I tried to make small talk but he wasn't interested. He's never going to make any progress until he accepts his disability."

Jill smiled and squeezed my hand. "I remember when I worked at Harborview; one of my first patients out of school was a young man that was mad at the world. I'd go in to work with him and he'd push me away and tell me he wasn't learning how to be disabled because he was there to get better.

_You_ had such a huge chip on your shoulder, Edward. I'm proud of the man you've become, _so very proud_, but it took weeks for you to be receptive to the help I was offering you. I really think the turning point for you was when you accepted Chuck Johnson's invitation to become part of his study."

"With the way insurance companies want to rush things, Alec doesn't _have_ weeks to come to terms with this. I get it, and I'll try to be more understanding. He's a T 7-8, right? Complete?"

"You know as a therapist... talking to you- about a patient- is a blatant disregard of HIPPAA and I could get myself into a world of trouble, but as a therapist discussing a case with a doctor... well you know this must stay here. His spinal cord was completely severed. He's got nothing below his abdomen.

"He's stable and he's healing well. He'll be a fully functioning para when he leaves here if he would just expend the effort. You'd be a great asset to him, Edward. If you can get past the attitude, he's a nice kid."

"Where is he academically? Is he still in high school?"

"He graduates in a few weeks, but apparently he's met all his graduation requirements and they'll allow him to go in to take modified finals."

"Does he have a career goal? I mean, did he? Before..."

"His family owns Leonard Pacific Construction. He was going into bridge construction straight out of high school. Kinda blew the old man out of the water with his accident. Dad blames Alec for _ruining_ his life. I'd think he'd be more compassionate towards his only child, but he's still refusing contact with him several weeks later."

"Well, if I hadn't been so damn stubborn about the career choice I'd made, my parents might be here today. It's _my_ fault _they're_ gone."

Jill reached out and grabbed my hand, "Hey- none of that. We both know better. Your parents had an_ accident_."

I don't know what she'd said that had triggered it, but I couldn't let myself get into that sort of self destructive mind set again.

"I know you're right, there are just times when I wonder if things had been different if we hadn't been celebrating my birthday, or if he hadn't been distracted... if she'd had been wearing her seat belt. _Those_ things were my fault."

"It was an accident hon, and I don't care what you say, nothing you say could convince me otherwise."

"I know. I just can't tell you how much I wish things had been different." It was time to change the direction of the conversation before I lost ground.

Jill squirted more gel on the medial side of my knee and began rubbing her wand in tiny circles. I could actually feel her moving the wand and my leg jerked. The sensation was almost painful it was so intense. Jill chuckled; she knew what she was doing.

"Ow!"

"_Ow?_ Did I hurt you?"

"No... it was just... intense. You really hit a nerve!"

"Sorry, just trying to get you out of your snit."

"Don't play nice, do you?"

"Nope. Never have." She smirked.

"Sooo... Alec was going to build bridges and now he can't walk. His situation isn't really conducive to working heavy construction. Has he considered some alternative? I know you discussed his goals and outcomes during his intake last night."

"I asked if he had considered college. Obviously money isn't an issue for his parents. He didn't seem to think his parents would be receptive to the idea. I explained that even if he was going to go into construction, at some point he'd be called upon to make decisions within the company as the sole heir. A degree in business management, at the very least, would be beneficial to him. His father wanted him to start in the trenches and work his way up. I understand that was how the company was built and that he wants his son to experience the hard work he did, but physically that is no longer possible. There's no reason he can't earn his place in the family business by working intellectually rather than manually."

"I think a meeting with the parents is in order. They need to _understand_ that this isn't some temporary setback. They should be making these decisions with him; _someone_ here needs to be realistic. There needs to be a voice of reason that explains to them that it's necessary for him to make a different career choice. Someone needs to nudge him in the right direction about his disability."

"I've spoken with Mrs. Leonard on the phone. Her husband forbids her from visiting Alec. She says she understands the gravity of the situation and that her husband will come around. He's had several weeks, though. I don't know what he's waiting for."

I snorted; I knew the answer to that one. "A miracle."

Jill just nodded; she knew that was exactly what he was waiting for. It wasn't like Mr. Leonard could intimidate his son into walking again.

With my knee still resting on her lap, Jill held the goniometer against my thigh and centered the joint over my knee. Holding the lower portion of it against my cast, she gently bent my knee until there was resistance.

"Twenty-three degrees. No more propped up footrests, Edward, We need to keep them bent and I'd prefer you wear the weights as much as possible. Gentle stretching is the outcome we're looking for here."

"Would a rolled towel under my knees be beneficial?"

"You mean like a fulcrum? Yes, that's a good idea. I don't want you increasing the weights. I've only got a pound on here. It might not seem like much, but we don't want to cause stress on the joint."

The process on the opposite knee was the same. When she was done I had twenty four in the opposite knee. I was pleased to learn that I wasn't working with perfectly straight limbs, which was what it had seemed.

Jill worked my hips repeating the adductors and abductors I'd become so familiar with. She did leg lifts, keeping my leg straight and pushing towards my stomach. I could feel the pulling and burning in my abdomen and my lower back as she worked me over and over.

I was shocked to see that it was after four, we'd been working for more than two hours. While at Harborview throughout the healing process, my days dragged on forever and seemed to merge into one another. Here, they flew by, almost at an alarming rate and I wondered if the six weeks I had been approved for would be enough. _Would I be _ready_ when it came time to leave? _

It was as if Jill could read my mind. "You're doing a great job hon; you'll be ready when the time comes."

I went to the cafeteria after rehab. I missed Bella today. Her schedule was modified due to conferences and I wouldn't see her for the remainder of the week. It was going to be one long week. For both of us. I worried that the long hours would agitate her MS. She didn't need that. She seemed to be doing quite well, and if one didn't know, they would be hard pressed to pick up on her mobility issues.

I saw little Jane in the cafeteria, she was sitting by herself again. I wished she'd interact with some of the others, although I realized there was a huge age gap between her and most of the other patients. There were very few young people here right now.

I got my own tray and waited in line for my dinner. The staff made sure everyone got what they needed, and many trays were delivered to patients, but I was capable and since I'd had a little taste of independence, it was hard to be lazy. I _liked_ being productive. As I turned to go to Jane's table, I caught a glimpse of an attractive brunette sitting alone at the end of a table. She smiled and waved when she saw me. She wore a lovely sleeveless mint green dress that accentuated her curves in just the right way. Bella Swan was a sight for sore eyes. The past twenty-four hours had had my emotions all over the place.

I rolled back into line and grabbed a second sandwich and drink before going to pay the cashier. Patient meals were always free of charge, but visitor meals were self pay.

I hurried to the table where she sat, afraid to waste too much time. Before I knew it she'd be gone. I pulled up next to her chair, grabbing her face and kissing her hard before she could protest. "Well hello to you too." She giggled as our lips separated.. A bottle of water toppled to the floor, but I didn't care. She was here... _to see me_.

"Ah, Bella. I've been thinking about you all day, missing you. I had such a rough night and then today was just so... I feel like I've finally made some progress… and Jane... ", I sighed. It seemed like it had been a week since I'd seen her instead of just one day.

"Whoa, slow down. Why did you have a rough night? Were you in pain?"

"No, nightmares. And Alec couldn't sleep."

"Alec being the new roomie?"

I looked up from unwrapping my sandwich. "Yeah, he had nightmares and woke up screaming. Somehow I was in the midst of a nightmare, I thought it was me screaming. It was terrible."

"How do you like him? What's he like, what's his family like? It must be nice to have someone to talk to." She asked between bites.

I groaned. Leaning in I tried to share my thoughts quietly. "Quite the contrary. He's got a chip on his shoulder the size of the state of Washington. His family has practically disowned him because they think the accident was his fault, so this is some sort of misguided punishment or something. He doesn't talk. He whines. He complains. He's obnoxious."

Bella took a swallow of her drink and wiped her mouth. "Do you think he'll come around?"

"I hope so because he's only hurting himself by being stubborn, although I did see him playing catch and using the total gym this morning. There might be hope for him yet."

She reached over and took my hand, her thumb rubbing over my knuckles in a soothing pattern.

"How was _your_ day in rehab Edward?"

"I'm really tired and stiff. I worked hard. I'm used to the upper body and core exercises, but Jill worked my legs this afternoon." I pointed to the weights on my ankles.

"How did that go?"

"I've gained a few degrees using the ultrasound and weights."

Her hands went to cover her mouth in true Bella fashion. "Oh my _Gosh_! That's wonderful."

"I guess the weights are a permanent accessory now."

Bella laughed, "You realize Alice is going to have to come up with some way to make them more fashionable. I wouldn't be surprised if she sews up some sort of covers for them or something."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

I looked up to see an orderly pushing Alec into the cafeteria. He looked much better sitting upright in his chair. His posture was good and he looked comfortable. For once he didn't have a scowl on his face.

"Psst- that's _him._"

"That's _whom?_"

"Alec- my roommate."

"Well invite him over if you'd like." He was heading to an empty spot with no one in his immediate vicinity.

"Nah, leave him to his own devices for now. He'll come around. I don't want to push him."

Bella gave me a stern look. "The Edward Cullen I know and love would be over there pestering him until he relented."

_Did I just hear her right? Was that just a slip of the tongue, or did she know exactly what she said?_

"What?"

"Go- talk to him- before I do. He might not _want_ to sit with us, but he needs companionship. You had no trouble being in my face telling me it wasn't the end of the world. Where'd that guy go?" It didn't escape me that she had avoided using the "L" word when I asked her to repeat it.

I groaned, knowing there was no way I'd win this battle, because she was right. I went over to where Alec sat. He hadn't begun to eat; at least I wasn't interrupting his dinner.

"Hey, Alec, why don't you come over and sit with us? There's no reason to eat alone when there are so many people here."

"Yeah, whatever."

_Seriously, was that the only phrase the kid knew?_

"I can carry your tray. We've got plenty of room."

He pushed the tray towards the edge of the table so I could reach it. I took the tray and led the way over to where Bella sat. I put his tray across from Bella, with me on the end between them. Bella leaned past me, holding her hand out. "Hi Alec, I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze before letting it go. "Yeah, you too."

_What the hell?_

"So, first day, huh?"

"Yeah. It was alright."

"Where are you from?"

"Here in Seattle."

Bella bobbed her head, "That's cool."

He leaned in towards my girl... _my girl..._ and smiled. "Where are _you_ from, Bella?"

"Tiny little town called Forks. Have you ever heard of it?"

"Mmmmm... nope."

"I haven't lived there for years though. Not since I left for college. I'm an elementary school teacher... here in Seattle."

"Oh, cool. Do you like it? Molding little minds and what-not?"

Bella beamed. "I love working with kids. For the most part they are receptive. They're open to suggestion. They accept advice when it's offered. They are impressionable and it's very rewarding to mentor someone and know that you are helping to shape a young person's mind."

She winked at me. Apparently there was something interesting in Alec's lap, because he no longer made eye contact with either of us.

She pulled him back into the conversation. "So Alec, are you in still in school?"

"Yeah, I graduate in a few weeks."

"Are you going to college? What are your plans after graduation?"

He ran his hands through his hair, obviously frustrated. "My dad wants me to work for him. I've been working for him since I was a freshman."

"What does he do?"

"We own Leonard Pacific Construction, rather my parents do. We do most of the bridge and highway construction projects in the area. Obviously that's just a pipe dream now."

He was playing with the hem of his shorts, and I knew it was difficult, but it seemed that maybe he was beginning to see that his life had been irrevocably altered.

I felt like someone on the sidelines, so I stepped back into the game. "There are lots of things you could do and still contribute to your family's company. Have you considered something like engineering? I'm sure, deep down, it wouldn't matter to your dad what you do, so long as you contribute to the family business."

For the first time, he actually made eye contact with me. "You don't know my dad. He has a one track mind and if I can't do things his way, it's the highway. I made my bed when I got on that stupid bike and went joyriding. He hates me."

In an encouraging tone, I said, "He doesn't _hate_ you; he probably just needs time to accept all this."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Alec pushed away from the table so hard, he moved it. He turned to Bella, grasping her hand. "It was a pleasure, Bella. I hope to see _you_ around." He winked at her and turned away from us, making his way out of the room.

_Was he seriously hitting on _my girl_ again?_

I stared with my mouth gaping as he rolled away. Bella was snickering. "Well _he's_ sorta cute."

_Oh my God. Seriously, Bella?_

"He's a kid."

Bella took my hand, tugging on it to get my attention. "He's younger than my little brother, Seth. You aren't jealous are you?"

My eyes went to the floor.

"You've got to be kidding me! Edward!"

"He was hitting on you, and you flirted back." Suddenly I felt dejected and left out...

"No, I made conversation with him and tried to draw him out of his shell a little."

He wouldn't even talk to me.

_Jerk._

"He hasn't said ten words to me in twenty-four hours. You come in here, and suddenly he's a different guy."

"Hey, now don't be like that. I'm old enough to be his... well... to be his _older sister_."

"Still... "

"Hey, I didn't come here to see your roomie. I came here to see _you._"

"I missed you Bella. So much. It feels like forever since I've seen you. I can't wait till _you're_ my roomie."

"I'm sorry I missed our lunch. I'll be tied up all week during the day, but is this okay instead? I'll just stop on my way to conferences."

"Mmhmm..." I ran the tip of my finger over her knee and along the edge of her thigh under the edge of her skirt. "I like this dress. It's very pretty. Did you wear it to school today, Miss Swan?"

Her breath hitched and she blushed. "No, I wore a pant's suit for work. I wore _this_ for you."

I continued to make tiny circles on the outside of her knee. "I like it. It's very feminine."

"Alice helped me pick it out. It came from one of those vintage stores." I couldn't help thinking my mother's pearls would be the perfect compliment to the dress. She was a vision…

"I'll have to thank Alice." I leaned in towards her and she took my face gently between her hands. Her eyes were like melted chocolate before they fluttered shut and she kissed me softly. I heard a giggle behind me.

Bella smirked. "We have an audience. I have to go to work, Edward. Thanks for dinner."

"That's Jane. I think she'd be perfect for Alec. _More his age._"

"You matchmaker! I think you just want to keep him away from me."

"Yeah, that too." I smirked. No way was the little brat getting too close to _my _girl. She stood up and grabbed my hand.

"Walk me out, Edward."

"Let me clean this up quick, I'll meet you at the door, okay?"

She smoothed her dress and nodded. I took care of business and turned, just in time to see her talking with Jillian. I caught up as quickly as I could, she squealed and put her hand on her chest when she turned around and I was _right there_.

"Oh my gosh you scared me! Don't _do_ that!" she giggled, smacking my shoulder.

It was a gorgeous spring evening and the breeze rustled just enough to stir Bella's hair. When I stopped next to a bench, she leaned in and hugged me. "I wish I didn't have to go. Walk with me? It's only a couple of blocks."

A voice in the back of my mind whispered the words... _The book_... _the book_...would it really _hurt_ anything? I could mark it when I came back. Would anyone _really_ know? More importantly, would they _really _care? I looked back at the front of the building. What would Jill do? Throw me out? She couldn't really punish me...

"I'd love to..."

I was going to offer Bella a ride on the back of my chair, but she clasped hands with me and walked at my side. I was terrified of running over her tiny foot with my brute of a chair. Words weren't necessary. We just strolled along at a leisurely pace.

We turned a corner and there it was. Her school. One of her co-workers touched her arm and said hello. She looked at me and smiled, giving Bella a subtle _thumbs up_ as she turned and went inside.

Bella giggled.

"Who was that?"

"Bree. She's my student teacher. Apparently she approves."

"And what does this _Bree_ know about me, Bella?"

Bella blushed. "I may or may not have told her I was moving in with you in a few weeks."

"What else, Bella?"

She shook her head no, furiously. "Gotta get inside, I've got people coming soon." She was giggling as she backed away. "Bye Edward."

I chuckled. "Bye Bella."

The ride back to rehab flew by quickly and I decided to go straight to the desk and hit the book as soon as I got there...

I looked up as I pulled into the parking lot, Jillian sat on the very bench where Bella and I had been standing not fifteen minutes earlier... tapping her foot.

_Busted!_

My throat got dry and I felt like a kid who had gotten caught sneaking around. It was almost like those nights when I'd walk into my dark bedroom to find my dad waiting just when I thought the coast was clear and I had gotten away with something.

She stood up and headed towards me... with purpose. I wanted to find something, anything to hide under... behind... "Forget something Edward?"

I swallowed. "Hmm? I um... I walked Bella just down around the corner. It was only a few blocks..."

"Next time you go, please write it in the book. It's not to keep tabs on you. But darn it, if you get a phone call or someone has a few minutes to fit you in for therapy, whirlpool, massage... it's nice to know where you are. It irritates me when the patients waste the time of my staff."

"I'm really sorry." I felt thoroughly chastised. "I'll be more considerate in the future."

She smacked my arm. "Bella said she was going to ask you to walk with her. I knew you were going. It was a test. I am kinda excited knowing that you crossed a number of intersections on your own to get back here. You're well on the road to recovery, Edward, and not just in the physical sense. Just be a little more courteous next time."

I knew I was forgiven. "Yeah, I will."

My return to the room found my roommate with headphones blaring. I went in search of something to read, I'd go find a quiet corner someplace.

When I spun around to leave, Alec was sitting there, wearing a smirk, headphones removed.

"She's cute."

"Who?"

"Your Bella."

_Darn right she's _my_ Bella._

"Yeah, she is."

"You serious?" He cocked his head like he was considering whether that was even possible- someone like Bella being interested in someone… _like me._

We hadn't exactly declared ourselves, but based on the little incidents of the past few days, we were well on our way… to something more serious. I wasn't telling him we weren't there… yet. "Yeah, you could say so. We're building a house together."

His face fell. "Oh."

"Is she coming back tomorrow?" He looked hopeful again.

I suppressed a growl. "Maybe. _Why?_"

"No reason." He shrugged.

"You'll find a girl... or... are you already seeing someone?"

"Who, me? _Like this?_ What kind of girl would want someone like me... _like us?_"

"I thought like that for a long time, too. It didn't get me anywhere. You need to have more confidence."

I could tell he was getting frustrated. "You don't know anything. about. me."

"I think I do, I've driven hundreds of miles in your wheelchair." _I'd rather walk a mile in your moccasins. _"I know more than you think. You can sit around being pissed off, or you can _do_ something about it. Either way, life is going to keep going on around you. It would be a shame if you turned into a jaded shell of a person because of your disability."

"Whatever dude!"

He reached to put the headphones on and I put my hand out to stop him. "Look, I'd really like to help you, if you'll let me. You have to let _someone _in, Alec."

"How could you _possibly_ understand? Your family cares about you. Someone said they are here all the time, you must have a good job- you're building a new house, you have a pretty girlfriend... you've got the_ world_ in the palm of your hand. You sit here with broken legs telling me you understand. I'm paralyzed. I can't feel _anything_ from my stomach down, and you have the _nerve_ to say you understand? You haven't got a clue, dude." The headphones went back on and the walls went up.

I sighed. Why was it so hard trying to reach him? I was nothing but sincere. And Bella... he acted like he adored her. Why did life have to be so frustrating? Bella would be on my ass till I made friends with him. The Edward she _knew and loved_ would have reached Alec.

I chuckled... _The Edward she knew and loved._

That's right.

_Take that buddy_.

* * *

So… Alec isn't very receptive to Edward's desire to be helpful. The next few chapters should prove to be interesting. Did you like Jane? We'll see more of her too. I don't normally like Jane, but she's been fun to play with.

Think Bella's comment was a slip of the tongue, or is she trying to tell Edward something without actually coming out and telling him?

Till next time, here's something you might like to check out:

Story Rec: _**These Dreams**_ from moxieandmirth is an honest and raw account about learning to live again and heal. After suffering a violent attack her senior year, Bella goes to the vulnerable places that most people prefer to leave hidden in the shadows- at the precise time when she needs to be drawn out into the sunlight to heal. Real life is not a Lifetime movie folks. Depression and PTSD are very disabling conditions and finding love and friendship among the ruins is a haunting journey for Bella. James is her past and Edward is her future. Story is a work in progress and the author promises to take it home to the end. Fifteen chapters so far, and no where near the reviews this story deserves. Show her some love and tell her "nise" sent you. I've added it to the C2 Differently "Abled" fics on my profile.

Thanks for reading. Review if you please.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter 26

~Edward~

It had been four days since I met Alec, and between the two of us, little had changed. I felt like I had failed him every time Bella asked if I had begun to crack his carefully constructed shell. I knew how alone he felt, yet I couldn't help him until he let me in.

While our rapport with one another hadn't really improved, I noticed subtle changes _in him_.

I think the first thing that clued _him_ in on the fact that his life had taken a drastic turn was that first episode of orthostatic hypotension that left him swooning like a school girl. Day after day they trussed him up in the belly binder and the compression wraps; it always took several attempts to get him upright before he was confident he wouldn't pass out.

It had only been a few days in the gym and I noticed he was doing more. His wheelchair skills were improving, and I laughed at the teenager in him who attempted to do a wheelie when Jane walked by. He fell, and they picked him back up. She laughed as she walked away. He went to the X-ray room to have his spine evaluated. I saw him later with one of those _special _lollipops. He'd learn. _Show off._

Alec was going through two long series of workouts each day. I seriously didn't know how he did it, but every time I snuck a peek, he was still participating at what ever they had thrown at him. I wish I had half his energy. It freaked me out a little to realize I was old enough to be his dad. How was that even _possible_?

Last night I noticed they had him all strapped into the FES bike. I knew the greatest benefit of the cycle would be the reduced spasticity in his body, but I hoped he didn't find false hope simply because his body could go through the motions. Functional Electrical Stimulation entailed attaching small electrodes to his legs and his trunk which distributed electrical stimuli to his lower extremities, which in turn caused his body to pedal the bike as he sat in his wheelchair. I feared he would mistake it for re-growth of his spinal cord; I didn't want him to be misled only to be crushed later. The doctor in me wanted to explain, but I knew it would fall on deaf ears, or widen the already present rift between us. I wanted to reach out to him so badly, but it seemed every time I did he just pissed me off more. He was becoming very successful at deflecting me.

Alec seemed to enjoy the Game Cycle, and I caught him challenging another young guy, Demetri, to a round. At least he was attempting to make friends with someone.

I _missed_ my lunches with Bella and couldn't wait until the week was over. Dinner time was nice. Several times she brought a basketful of goodies. Sandwiches and drinks for our dinner, and always some snack for later. Nothing _too much_, but a little something to let me know she was thinking of me after she had gone. It was always a surprise, and I was never permitted to look until later. I was giddy like some fool the couple times I found an encouraging note. Something as simple as a sticky note with _I know you can do it!_ or _I believe in you! _made my entire day. The one with a smiley that simply said _35 more days! _made my heart swell. She was eagerly anticipating our move too. It made my days here all the more meaningful. I wanted to go home functioning and _able_; I didn't want to be a burden to her in any way shape or form. I wanted to be her counterpoint. Together we would compliment each other, bringing out the best in one another. I knew that being more than a roommate was possible. I wanted to be the best that I could be when I was ready to ask her to be my girl.

Walking with Bella to her place of work was so... normal. I always put my name in the book early, so I wouldn't get caught up in the moment and forget. I looked forward to the day we could go anyplace we desired, with no time constraints. Once I left this place, I vowed to spend as much time out of doors as I possibly could. Returning to work would have me inside an institution at least five days a week again. Spending months in the same room was enough to make even the sanest person a little buggy. The time between my release and my return to work would be a precious commodity. I intended to spend it wisely. It was a blessing that I was being released in June, neither Bella nor I would be working the entire summer. We'd have plenty of time to get adjusted in our new routines.

My rehab days repeated one after the next. Jillian finally felt confident getting me down on the floor mats, and exercise there was a totally other world. It was both physically and mentally stimulating to push my abilities. For one hour of my day, I was on the floor at various stations. I started out doing a wall routine, where I simply sat on the floor mat on top of a dyna disk; my legs were spread out in front of me while I balanced. The disk was a half sphere, filled with air. It was soft and cushy, and if I moved the wrong way, I fell over and had to start again.

I had Jane in hysterics the first time I tried it. It didn't take me long to figure out when to shift my weight to avoid toppling over. Once I gained a little confidence, Jill added additional tasks like catching a nerf ball, lifting hand weights or doing cherry pickers with my arms extended. Things _intended_ to throw off my balance and distract me.

I was on to her by Friday.

With my belly rested on something called a BOSU ball, and my legs resting in a beanbag out behind me I had begun doing back extensions and pushups. Life finally felt like it was moving forward. My arms burned constantly, but I knew I was getting stronger, it was a good pain and I welcomed it.

Alice came in _every_ day. She followed me from station to station in the gym, watching and learning. She did a lot of hands on, and I knew when I went home, we'd have to continue these things if I wanted to stay limber. I had seriously considered buying a total gym for in the basement. As long as we had some form of padding on the concrete floor in the event one of us fell, we'd be able to safely reap the benefits. It would certainly help Bella maintain proper range of motion as well, even if she added only the least amount of weight.

By the end of the week, Alec was getting a great workout as the therapists worked his legs to loosen everything up. Stretches, and circle rotations of both of his hips and ankles, as well as the abductors and adductors they did with my legs. Anything that didn't contort his back seemed to be fair game. He seemed to enjoy the total gym, and I watched as he did pull-ups, and leg presses. His competitive nature began to show when he interacted with Demetri and I could tell that he had become a little more determined. I still feared that he was under the misapprehension that this was all going to be just a distant memory in a few months.

Esme called on Thursday to set up a time for me to meet with our kitchen designer. She was an old friend of Esme's from design school and I trusted her to assist with the completion of Bella's kitchen. I was quite happy with Bob, but I was glad Esme insisted we bring Jeanne in for the kitchen design from day one. She was insightful and knowledgeable about things that would assist Bella to make her time in the kitchen more rewarding and less labor intensive. I knew she loved to cook, and if there was a way to make it less like work, I was all for it.

I was sold on Jeanne when she brought over a list of her favorite cabinet vendors. Every cabinet had an organizer of some sort, and would maximize every little bit of cupboard space. When I saw them on my first walk through, I was blown away. The things she had already done for us were amazing. Earlier in the week she had sent over a number of brochures chock full of additional ideas for us. They were all the little gadgets and contraptions that would make life easier and the kitchen more efficient.

I got a little excited about an appliance lifter she suggested for Bella's stand mixer. The very first brochure I looked at was for a lift which raised the mixer up out of the bottom cupboard where it was counter level for Bella to work. It also showed various pictures and explained exactly how to install into your existing cabinet. Then, when Bella was done baking, she'd be able to just push it back down and hide inside the cupboard until next time. It was perfect. Bella owned the largest Kitchen-Aide mixer made for home use, and she swore that if the house burned down, that was the first thing she was saving, even if she could barely lift it. I knew the mixer was ungodly heavy and I didn't think I'd be much help moving it about. Supposedly, finding a good place to store it where one didn't have to constantly lift it posed a challenge. It was almost too tall to fit under the top cupboard, and if you asked me it was God awful ugly. I'd never say that in front of Bella though. I was thankful that Jeanne had the perfect solution. I wouldn't have to lift it _or look at it._ Apparently the Kitchen-Aide was the only _required_ small appliance in her kitchen. Everything else was optional, although _I knew_ I couldn't live a day without a microwave or a coffee maker.

Jeanne was the one who turned Bob on to our top cupboards, as well. Bob had been using cupboards where the entire shelf lifted down out of the cabinet, but the mechanism wasn't smooth like ours. After installing mine, he switched vendors. She was also going to help Esme choose our appliances. I felt confident that she would know what the best choice for our needs was.

We set up a meeting for Saturday morning. I got permission from Jillian to skip my morning routine, with the agreement that I would sit in a manual wheelchair as long as I could tolerate it. The goal _in my head _was for the entire day. My shoulders had yet to bother me the few times I'd used the manual chair, so it was an easy trade off- it also afforded me an entire morning with Bella until 1:00pm.

Alec had another rough night on Friday and after he awoke screaming and sweating they knocked him out with something, but I couldn't sleep for the heavy snoring. I pulled the pillow over my head and tried to count sheep. It didn't work. I'm not sure when I drifted off, but I awoke with a start. Someone was giggling. I opened my eyes and big chocolate orbs hovered near mine.

I smiled and stretched. "You're here. What time is it?"

"Around seven. Alice is going to help you get up so we can go to breakfast. We cleared it with Jill yesterday."

I looked over; sleeping beauty was still lightly snoring. _Figures!_

"You look exhausted. Didn't you sleep?"

I groaned. "The kid had nightmares, and then they gave him some good shit to help _him_ sleep. He has snored _for hours_."

"Would you like us to come back in an hour? He seems quiet now. You could catch a little more rest."

"No, someone is going to come in and start getting him around and I'll be awake anyway. Breakfast with you sounds too good to pass up."

"I'm going to go find a seat in the reception area until Alice is done with you. I don't want to make Alec uncomfortable." I knew she was thinking _I don't want to make _you _uncomfortable. _Alec was out cold. _Thanks for understanding, Bella._

"Hey, thanks. We'll be as quick as we can." It was reassuring that she understood that there were some things I wasn't ready to share with her, my morning routine was one of those things. I was still uncomfortable with my body image, and I knew one day I'd have to get over that, but today wasn't that day.

Alice was quick with the Hoyer lift and helped me dress swiftly. No one had come in to start Alec, so we weren't tripping over the other staff as they tried to do their job.

As soon as I was put together, I rang the buzzer. Leslie was on again. She walked in to find me dressed and ready to go- in the manual wheelchair.

"Wow, you look great Edward. What do you need?"

"My meds, please. I'm going _out._"

"Oh, cool. I'll be right back."

Alice rooted around in my closet. "You don't have much for clothing here, even with the shopping I did. Where's all your stuff? You _did_ have clothing before the accident?"

I nodded.

"What happened to it after the accident? Do we need to get you new stuff?"

"Someone, _I think_ Angela Cheney, stopped by the apartment with her two brothers and picked everything up. It should be at Esme's. I'd look in the garage."

"I'll have to check. It'll all need to be washed. Maybe Bella and I can take everything to the cleaners sometime next week. Did you have anything else, furniture, appliances… electronics?"

"Nah, the furniture we had was crap, it was a bachelor pad and the two of them were hogs. I wasn't buying anything new just to have them trash it. The appliances were miniatures... microwave... coffee pot. Nothing I want back."

"What about work or school stuff? Text books... your laptop?"

"The computer was in my backpack when I got hit, and my cell phone was in the side pouch with my catheters. Everything was a total loss."

"Have you replaced those?"

"Carlisle did. He was just going to loan me an older laptop until I got home, but we looked at a bunch of them online and he got me the new one. Esme replaced my phone as soon as I was out of ICU."

I heard Alec stirring and looked over as he grumbled. "Do you guys have to be so loud? I'm _trying_ to get some sleep here."

_Oh PLEASE!_ I wanted to smack him, Alice giggled. "He's so _cute_, Edward."

Alec's attention turned to Alice. "Hey you're not Bella."

Alec looked at me with a sly grin. "You steppin' out on the little lady already, Edward? I know_ I_ can make her happy. I've got a soft spot for older women." He winked at Alice.

As I was considering giving him a piece of my mind, Leslie cleared her throat.

"Here's your muscle relaxer, Edward." She opened a little packet and dropped the pill into my hand. I popped it in my mouth and opened the bottle of water I'd pulled out of the space in the side of the chair.

She winked at me and said "Bella said to tell you and Alice to get a move on, she's hungry. She was heading outside."

I smirked- in Alec's direction. "Thanks Leslie." _Take that Alec. _I almost had a juvenile moment and stuck my tongue out at him. _Almost._

When we got to the parking lot, I saw Bella standing next to a sweet little ride. Where was the van? It took a moment for it to sink in, and when it did... I was ecstatic. I wheeled over to it and put both my hands on it. I rolled around it and looked and touched... touched and looked. I was speechless. It was a fine piece of machinery and I knew it would be a blast to drive. I finally had my new car!

Our new car was gun metal silver, there were little metallic flecks that sparkled as the sun hit it. Alice handed me a little keychain. I went to the rear of the car and held the magnet to a spot near the tail light. Silently the driver side gull wing door rose up out of the way. A ramp opened up, paving the way for me to get into the car. Alice moved the driver seat as far forward as it would go. With little effort, I rolled myself up into the space where the passenger seat would normally reside.

Once I began driving, I would be locked down in the empty driver's side and the large bucket seat that Alice was using today would be moved over into the passenger seat position. There was an E-Z lock down bracket on either floor pan so that seat could be moved from one side to the other. The same pin which was on the bottom of the passenger seat would be installed on both my wheelchairs as well, this way I could lock down independently. I had just recently learned that the lockdown accepted a universal pin. Apparently my girls had already made sure the chair I was sitting in today had a pin that my vehicle would accommodate so I could travel safely.

As long as Bella remained wheelchair free, the bucket seat would be her regular seat... on the passenger side of the car; however, if she ever needed to ride while sitting in a wheelchair, we could lock her down easily and leave the bucket seat in the garage. It was on tiny wheels and could be moved about quite easily. But, until I had spent some time in the car with the driver's ed people _and I could bend my legs_, Alice would be the DD. Once Bella got her license back, if she wanted to drive, we would reverse roles as simply as moving a seat.

I had considered ordering the car with no rear bench seat to allow more turning radius, but I'm glad we didn't do that. It would be impractical to have a car with only two seats.

Bella climbed in the back and got situated. I couldn't help but touch everything within my reach. I felt like a kid at Christmas and I really hoped that Alice would be receptive to taking her bucket seat out when we got to the house so I could pull up into the driver's position. Even if I wasn't ready to drive her... well... a guy can dream, right? It took everything in me to suppress the urge to reach over and try to beep the horn or just keep my hands to myself as Alice drove.

The Waffle house was five minutes away, and the ride didn't seem long enough. I couldn't wait to take this baby out on the road and see what she was capable of. This just opened up all kinds of recreational possibilities for me and Bella. I was pleased with the choice Carlisle and I had made when considering all my options.

I had to work to get into the restaurant. There was a high threshold and the sidewalk was less than desirable, but I managed to maneuver over the obstacles and found a real sense of accomplishment when I did. Breakfast was great and the girls chattered the entire time about the new house, meeting the kitchen designer, and getting furniture. The excitement in the air was palpable. Moving day was so close I could taste it, and while I feared I wouldn't be as ready as I'd hoped to be, I knew I could go back to rehab as an out patient to fine tune my skills. If I bought a few pieces of equipment, I knew I could count on Emmett to help me stay in shape once I got home.

I realized, sadly, that the first time I had gotten hurt I was young. Now, I was only in my mid-thirties, but in a decade aging issues would be setting in for me sooner than it would for my peers. I already dealt with osteoarthritis, bladder and constipation issues, bedsores...those things would only continue to get worse. The more proactive I was about remaining flexible, the better all of those things would be.

I was glad for a change that my accident had occurred on the outside of a car. If I'd been inside a car during the accident, I would be in the throes of a panic attack as Alice zipped in and out of traffic like a mad woman. As it was, I held onto the frame of my wheelchair like it was a lifeline. "Alice, I swear... if you so much as put a scratch on my car... "

"I'm not going to hurt your precious car, Edward. Just sit back and relax. This car is meant to be _driven._ She's got a lot of get up and go. Did you feel how smoothly this thing accelerates? You're going to love driving her..."

"How about you just get us there in one piece, Al?"

Alice didn't slow until we approached the security guard booth. I couldn't see Bella from my chair. She'd been quiet the entire trip. When we stopped in the driveway, she hopped out of the seat behind me and walked around to the driver's side of the car. The mechanics of the door and ramp were as quiet on the inside as they had been on the outside.

It was as if Alice could read my mind. I disengaged my chair, backed up and turned. As soon as I was out of the car, Alice disengaged the bucket seat and rolled it down the ramp and onto the driveway. "Go ahead. You know you want to... "

I pulled up into the position that would soon be mine. My hands ghosted over the steering wheel, the hand controls, across the dashboard. I turned the key in the ignition and she purred to life. I used the hand control to accelerate, revving the engine a few times. _Oh, how I loved that sound._ The stereo rocked and I was pleased to see that there was a place to plug in my IPod. Esme's car didn't even have that. I sat beeping the horn, revving the engine, flipping the lights on and off... I was totally engrossed and didn't realize I had an audience until I heard snickering behind me. "He's been like this since we got here. Do you think you can get him out of there so we can go inside?"

My dad laughed, "Come on son, let's not keep your mother and Jeanne waiting."

I hung my head. I felt like I'd just gotten caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I got out of the car and Alice rolled the seat back in and locked it in position. It was reassuring that little Alice could maneuver it so easily. If Bella ever needed to move it, she should be able to without much trouble.

The door was ajar, when I got to the porch. I pushed through and followed the sounds of my mom and Jeanne talking in the kitchen, Alice and Bella were long gone. Jeanne turned and smiled when my wheels squeaked on the linoleum. "Hello Edward, how are you?"

"Getting stronger every day, thanks."

"We're working hard to have it all ready for you. What did you think of the information I sent over to you?"

I turned to make sure we were alone before lowering my voice and saying "I loved it. I really want that lifter installed for Bella's Kitchen-Aide."

"There are several cabinets that it would be appropriate for, but I think we need Bella's input on the location."

I could hear the girls talking as they came down the hallway so I didn't say anything else. I briefly wondered what was keeping them. _What _were_ they doing? _Bella hadn't seen the lift for the mixer and I sorta wanted to keep it a surprise. I hoped Jeanne would follow along, since I hadn't thought to tell her to keep it under wraps. "Bella, love, Jeanne was asking if you knew where you might be keeping your mixer. You know- the big monstrosity..."

Bella seemed to take offense at my description of her beloved appliance, but she didn't seem too angry. "Hey don't hate on the mixer. Just because you can't cook..."

Jeanne winked at me. Some how, she _knew._ "We're doing the finish work on the kitchen over the next few days. I was wondering if you thought you'd use it on the island. I can have the guys mount a few more outlets into the cabinets, so you have electricity here on this work space."

Bella was deep in thought. Her face was scrunched up and she was scratching her head. "Hmm... I hadn't thought a whole lot about it. I figured I'd use it over here along the wall because it seemed the best place to store it. I love using it, but I hate having it sit out getting dusty and taking up counter space. It would be really _nice_ to use it on the island, but I don't want to lug it over there every time I want to use it."

"Would you like a set of outlets installed on the island cabinet for any other purpose? I was thinking an outlet on each end." Jeanne asked.

"Now that _would_ be convenient. Sure, thanks."

Jeanne had laid a bunch of brochures out on the counter for us to look at.

"Edward wanted to install commercial grade appliances. I wanted you to look these over and see what you'd like. We have plenty of room for whatever stove you want. I designated this entire end of the kitchen for your stove. After you decide what you want, we'll put a cabinet on either end to complete the area."

"I'd like a side by side fridge, with water and ice on the door. And I'd like everything to be stainless steel or black, please. I love this gray granite. My small appliances are all black. You know... microwave, toaster, coffee maker..." She looked pointedly at me and I laughed when she continued, "the monstrosity of a mixer..."

Jeanne sold us on Viking appliances, and by the time we were done we had ordered a cook top, an oven, a warming drawer, range hood, dishwasher, garbage disposal and Bella's side by side refrigerator... with a beverage dispenser. After a long discussion with both my mother and her friend, Bella and I chose to install a cook top instead of a full range. A long countertop would span the end of the room and a custom built oven cabinet on one end, with a small desk and an enclosed bookcase for Bella's cookbooks at the opposite end, would complete the room. This would give us a small area to do grocery lists, maintain a calendar and whatever business type things people did in their kitchens. The area between the desk base and the oven cabinet would be completely open aside from the cook top and the decorative legs for additional support. It gave us a long work area that I could roll up under, and if I chose to roll under the stove to attempt cooking, I would be able. No one said it, but I could tell that Jeanne and my mother were thinking about Bella and her condition as well. There were also cabinets that would go above. We would never want for cupboard space.

I wasn't a cook, and I'd never pretend to be, but for my entire life our kitchen was the heart of our home. Cooking and sampling, easy conversation and big family meals were some of my fondest memories. Most informal gatherings occurred in the kitchen. I'd like our home to have that feel too. I couldn't wait to sit around the island with our family and friends and just hang out.

Jeanne wanted to see the bathrooms, so I gave her the guided tour. I hadn't been in either of them since they began installing the fixtures. We went into my room first, and the walls had been painted a beautiful shade of tan, but my bathroom was inaccessible, there were tools and materials littering the floor. We made our way across the hallway to Bella's room.

Bella's room was completely done, and it really looked nice. Jeanne looked appreciatively at the bookshelves surrounding Bella's window seat. They were a beautiful maple and really complimented the rest of the room. Her walls had been painted a light blue, and I was washed in calm as I went inside. The cushion and pillows for the window seat were in place, everything was a color scheme of light blues, turquoises and pale greens. It reminded me of the ocean. The curtains which spanned above the window seat matched the cushions and they had been hung, as well.

Jeanne was smiling warmly. "I like your Bella, she's someone special to you. I can tell."

"Yeah, she _is_ pretty special."

"I thought rumor had it that you were the confirmed bachelor type. This is a pleasant surprise."

"_She_ is a pleasant surprise. I don't know... I never imagined myself with anyone, but meeting her, getting close to her... she's changed my outlook a little." Then I shook my head. "No, she's changed my outlook completely."

Jeanne stammered a little, she seemed afraid to ask, but I think her curiosity had gotten the best of her. "So... I know you're calling her your _roommate_... do you think... you know... Is she _the_ one?"

"She's the only one for me. She's smart and fun, and so compassionate. She seems to always take my needs into consideration. Yeah, I can definitely see this blooming into our once in a lifetime. We've both dropped hints, but we're still skirting around what we're calling this. But, there's no rush. Neither of us is looking elsewhere."

"It seems like you do the same things for her. You compliment each other well. I notice you really made a huge effort to make her comfortable." She gestured around the room.

"I just want her to have her own space, somewhere to call her own where she can be comfortable... I don't want her to feel like an outsider. This is her home too."

"I don't see how she could ever feel like an outsider. You've made a huge effort to include her in the decision making process. This room is really cozy. I take it she likes to read?"

"Yes, she says it's one of her greatest pleasures. My mom really loved to read..." Jeanne looked at me sadly and smiled.

"I remember. This will be perfect for her, Edward. You've created her own little oasis, I'm sure it will be a great way to wind down after a long day at work. She's a lucky girl."

"No, I'm the lucky one here."

I got to the bathroom and Jeanne flicked on the lights as soon as I was through the entrance. Beautiful light colored the granite covered walls of her shower and the countertop. The toilet had been installed, as per our specs, the grab bars just as they should be. Bella's bathroom seemed to be finished with the exception of a few small details.

Her garden tub was deep and had jets, but unlike mine, hers wouldn't have the contraption I needed to lower me into the water so that I could reap the benefits of the hot frothy water.

The shower was sleek and smooth and big enough for several people. I needed enough room in mine to wheel into the shower with my wheelchair, and there had to be room for an attendant. The shower was ramped so I could roll down into it and transfer out of the wheelchair onto the bench. Bella's was nearly identical to how mine would be, however the granite on the walls of her shower, and on top of her vanity were a sandy color with a snow white vein that ran through it and almost sparkled like fresh snow. I had seen the large crates of granite in the garage when we arrived, but it wasn't until I saw my incomplete bathroom that I realized what it was for. Mine was a darker tan with rusty streaks and it would look great with the paint in my bedroom.

It took a minute to realize that Bella's bathroom was missing the granite walls that had originally been specked. In their stead, the top half of the walls had been painted a pale, cool blue just a shade or two lighter than the bedroom. The bottom half was a beautiful sand shade of ceramic tile, that reminded you of the sand on a beach if you looked at it just right, and seamlessly joining the two was a foot high strip of glass tiles in brilliant shades of blue, green, turquoise. Even though this wasn't nearly the grand scale that I had envisioned for Bella's bathroom, it was perfectly... _her_.

I was speechless. I turned around in my chair several times. The house was turning out better than anything I could have imagined.

I wiped my cheeks and didn't even care if Jeanne noticed my happy tears. "Wow." was all I could choke out. I looked up at Jeanne and she was wiping her face too. "I'm so happy for you sweetie. I'm sure you'll both love it here. You have so many wonderful memories to make." She handed me a tissue and dabbed at the corner of her eye.

I turned- ready to go look for Bella. "Come on, let's find the others." As I went back through Bella's room, I couldn't help but smile. I knew there was bedding to match the window treatments. She'd probably be furious, but Esme was able to get coordinating material when she found the bedding, and had the accessories for the window seat custom made by a local upholsterer. We ordered several sets of sheets, bed spreads, pillow shams. Some were solids, some were prints, but the complimented one another perfectly.

Jeanne stepped out of the room and I spun around one more time. I was so excited with the end result and it wasn't even my space. I hoped she liked it as much as I did. Just as I was turning into the hallway, Bella practically fell into my lap. Thank God I didn't have the electric wheelchair, she would have gotten hurt. I reached out and grabbed her waist and steadied her.

"Hey, take it easy there Bella. You okay?" I looked over her making sure she wasn't hurt at all by our collision.

She straightened and situated her top where it had slid up when I grabbed her. "Yeah, I'm good."

I knew she had wandered around when we first got here. _Had she seen her rooms?_

"What where you doing while I was catching up with Jeanne earlier?"

She looked at the floor, and toed her shoe on the hardwood floor. When she looked up, she had her bottom lip in her teeth, looking nervous. "I um... it _is_ okay that I was checking out my room, right?" She squeaked.

I grabbed her hand, "Hey, don't be shy. It's fine. What do you think?"

I backed into the bedroom, pulling her with me. "The bedroom is really nice... I um, I love the window seat. It's gorgeous. I can't wait to snuggle up with a good book."

I was headed towards the bathroom, when I heard her gasp, I looked up at her, and again she looked like she had gotten caught doing something she shouldn't have.

"Bella, what's _wrong_?" I couldn't imagine why she seemed so uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Wait, don't go in there yet. Have you _seen_ my bathroom?" I nodded. _I have, it's lovely_ "Yes, are you the one responsible?"

She began to stammer and stutter, and I suppose it was cruel to let her go on without reassuring her, but she was so cute. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I hope its okay. I, um... I knew you wanted granite walls. But well, Esme and Alice had me here, we were measuring for curtains and you know... we, well anyway, she asked me what _I_ wanted in the bathroom and said I could make it anyway I wanted. It just seemed natural to take the ocean theme in there as well."

"Sweetheart, it's fine. I gave Esme free rein and well, I suppose mine will be pretty ostentatious. She's only going to get to do this once for me. Your bedroom and bathroom are very calming and serene. Coming in here will be a wonderful way to wind down after a long day." I almost launched into telling her that it was a known fact that blues and greens actually lower blood pressure, calm anxiety, promote serenity... but I had left Dr. Cullen back at rehab. I was just _Edward_ today.

"Come here, Bella." I reached my hand out and she took it, letting me pull her close to me. I locked my brakes. "Turn around." I murmured softly. When she turned her back to me, I put my hands on her hips. "Gently... back up to me. Careful... that's it." I was guiding her slowly onto my lap. "Now sit, you won't hurt me."

Bella gasped and turned, looking at me like I had lost my mind. "But..."

"No buts, it's alright, just be careful."

Gingerly, she lowered herself onto my lap. As she sat, I turned her a little so her legs hung off to the side.

"That's better. You were too far away." She sighed and I could feel her body relax into me when she realized I was alright. I dipped my face in close to her and she took the lead, putting her hand on my cheek and leaning in until our lips met. Softly she explored my lips, deepening the kiss as I shifted her hips so she was nearly facing me, her legs still hung over the low armrest of the super sport wheelchair I was using.

I pulled back and looked at her. "Are you comfortable baby?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Mmhmm."

My hands ghosted up until they came to the soft skin above her jeans. Her breath hitched when my thumbs touched her, moving in circles over her baby soft skin.

Bella leaned in and hugged me, nuzzling my neck. She inhaled deeply and I snickered when it tickled the hairs on my neck. I felt her tongue, moving up under my earlobe and I shuddered. "Baby, that tickles." I couldn't help but laugh.

I pushed back on her just enough so I could see her face. She licked her lips and almost seemed embarrassed. _We can't have that._

I leaned in closer to her mouth wanting to kiss her again. Her eyes drifted shut and she brought her mouth back to mine. Her tiny fingers trailed over the spot where she had tickled my neck and I couldn't help myself. _Turnabout is fair play, Bella._

I ever so gently began to tease and tickle the bare skin where my hands rested. Bella stopped kissing me and began to giggle.

A cough from the doorway halted us in our tracks.

"It's nearly time to head back. Are you two lovebirds ready?"

I rested my forehead against Bella's and groaned. Cock blocked by Alice.

Bella blushed the loveliest shade of pink as she tried to scramble off my lap. I squeezed her harder. "Careful baby. Don't fall. Everything's okay, don't let _Alice_ embarrass you."

She began shifting her weight to get her feet under her, so I lifted, helping her to right herself. I didn't want her to trip. "I want to go say goodbye to your mom and her friend. We have time don't we?"

I looked at my watch, we had plenty of time. I could have gotten a few more smooches in there if it hadn't been for Alice. "Sure. I'd like to say goodbye, too. Is there anything else we need to discuss with Jeanne about the kitchen? The walk through is soon, they want to wrap up all the loose ends."

"No, I think we're good. The kitchen is out of this world, Edward." Bella headed off for the kitchen with me in tow. Esme was leaning against the counter looking through her project notebook. I didn't see Jeanne.

"Where's Jeanne?" I wondered out loud.

"Oh, she had to go. She said to let you know she'd be over some night for dinner."

Bella took my hand in hers. "I can't wait to cook our first meal here, Edward. This kitchen is to die for." She looked like a little girl, so full of excitement.

"It is lovely, but it could be lethal in the wrong hands." I chuckled.

"Oh Bella, you _don't_ want him to cook- not if you value your life." Alice chimed in from somewhere behind me.

"Hey Ma, we're gonna go. I have to go see my _counselor_ in a half hour." I said dramatically. "Is there anything else you need from us before we go?"

"Nope, go be counseled, and act your age. Put forth a little effort. It'll do you good."

"Yeah, yeah... I know. I'm just _so_ ready to come home." I think we were _all _ready for me to come home, to move on to the next stage of our lives. It was just as difficult for them, coming to a facility to visit, paying my bills, running my errands... designing my home. I couldn't wait to be self-sufficient again.

"I know you are. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She said, coming over and leaning down to give me a hug.

"Mmhmm. I love ya." I breathed into her shoulder as we said our goodbyes. Her smell always reminded me of my mom, my Elizabeth; it was comforting and made me sad all at the same time.

"Bella...," Esme said, pulling her into a warm embrace. "I'll see you soon, my dear. Let me know when we can get together to look at furniture. We don't have much time."

"Okay, I will. I can take a personal day. I'll let you know after I check my schedule. We have a science fair coming up, I can't let it interfere with that, otherwise, I should be free. I'll put in for a day off the beginning of the week."

I followed Bella outside. I heard someone making a noise, and I poked my head in the garage, Carlisle was the one making the racket. "I thought I heard you in here Dad, what are you doing?" He had what looked like shelving spread all across the floor.

"I got these shelving units, I thought I'd put them together. They look a little more complicated than I had anticipated. I'm going to have to get your mother to help me. Far be it for me to put them together wrong and suffer her wrath."

"Probably a wise idea, old man."

He laughed, "I'll give you _old man_."

"Bye Dad, thanks for everything. I wouldn't ever have been able to do this without you."

"I'm glad we could help, son. I can't wait until you're home."

The horn beeped- my cue that it was past time to go. "The little twerp is getting impatient. Gotta go!"

"See you tomorrow!" Carlisle waved as I left him standing amidst his shelving nightmare in the garage. _Good luck with that, Dad._

Bella was unusually quiet on the way back to rehab, and I couldn't help but wonder if everything was alright. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable in front of Alice, so it would have to wait until later.

I wheeled my chair out and off the ramp with ten minutes to spare. A smiling Jillian was getting into her car when I rolled past her. "Nice ride Cullen, we gotta get you in shape so you can start driving it. I'll see you after lunch, gotta go!" And with that, she had her door closed and was starting her car.

The girls followed me inside. I was relieved to see Alec was gone. Perhaps he was at lunch. I didn't know if I could handle more of his pathetic attempts to woo my girl._ Mine._

I spun around looking for Bella. "When will I see you again? Tomorrow?"

"No, I have lesson plans to write tomorrow, but I'm not leaving yet. Alice and I are going to hang out during your appointment... if that's okay?" She asked hesitantly.

"Oh, that's even better. Alright. I have to hurry. I'll be back in an hour. Stay out of trouble, okay?"

She giggled as she smacked my shoulder. "Go. You're gonna be late."

~Alice~

I could tell Bella had something on her mind. As soon as Edward left the room to see his counselor, I approached her. I didn't want to pry, but she really just gave off the vibe that she wanted to talk. "Hey Bella, it's beautiful outside, let's go out to the garden and hang out. It's been so rainy. We might actually get some sun today." I thought it would be more secluded, and there would be less chance of someone disturbing us, or making her uncomfortable.

Bella stood and made her way down the corridor, turning and waiting for the automatic door to glide open. Silently, we walked side by side down the path to the garden. Bella stopped at a bench, sat on it and turned sideways, so her back was leaning against the armrest and pulled her knees to her chest. Her arms wrapped around her knees and she laid her head down. I sat at the other end, mimicking her movements so we were facing one another.

"Bella, you seem to have something on your mind. I'm a good listener, _is_ something wrong?"

"Wrong?" She picked up her head. "No... not _wrong_, I'm just curious and I don't know how to talk to Edward. I don't know..." She trailed off.

"What are you curious about? Can I help?" Bella blushed crimson, and I had a pretty good idea what it was she was curious about.

She laid her head back down, facing away from me, and I waited.

After a few minutes, I decided to jump in and see where things went. "I'm really sorry for walking in on you guys. I didn't know... "

"It's okay Alice. I'm not really sure what to do with him. I was so afraid of hurting him, you know, sitting on his legs like that."

"You have to know he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his health when he's so close to coming home. He wouldn't encourage anything that would hurt _either_ one of you."

"I'm just not sure what to do, how to touch him. I don't know what feels good to him, or if he can even feel certain things. I feel like I'm at such a loss here, Alice. Tell me what to do?"

"It looked like you were doing fine on your own, but I'll see if I can put you at ease. Let's see... he's a T-12, do you know what that means?"

"It's the level of his injury. I know it stands for his twelfth thoracic vertebrae, right?"

"Exactly. Do you know how much he can feel?"

"No, I want to ask, but I'm afraid of upsetting him."

"Oh, don't worry about that, you'd never offend Edward by being curious. If anything he'd be hurt if he knew you were asking me instead of him, but my lips are sealed." I put my hands on my own hips at the top of my thighs. "He can feel to about here, and if I'm not mistaken, there are areas on his legs that have some sensation and movement as well, but those spots are few and far between."

"So sitting on his lap, I wasn't _hurting_ him?" I shook my head. "And he couldn't feel me sitting on... "

"Nope- didn't he tell you _Fred's dead_?"

"Yeah, something like that." Her blush was a furious shade of crimson now.

"Bella, don't be embarrassed. I'm a nurse. Maybe it would be easier to think of me that way; it's more clinical, less personal. Don't think of me as a family member, okay?"

Bella nodded, her head still lying on her knees. "I just don't have much experience with guys. I was with one guy, but he was all _wham bam thank you ma'am, _and he was out the door before I could get my clothes back on. He wasn't affectionate like Edward is. Edward's all soft touches and caresses. I'm not used to... I've just never... experienced this."

"Never?" I must have misunderstood. She shook her head again.

"Not like this Alice. It's very overwhelming and um... stimulating." Her voice cracked as she forced the words out. "Is this what it's like when you're with Jasper? I'm tingly all over, he feels so good in my arms... I just don't want to let him go." She hid her face behind her hands and continued. "I've only really been involved with two guys. The other one was like kissing my brother. He seemed into it and was all tongue and paws. I just couldn't do it. He's my best friend and I've known him since I was like two. Eww." She shuddered at the memory.

"Did it ruin your friendship? Sometimes those things make for awkward relationships afterwards."

"Nah, we're too close. He's seeing some girl now. We're good."

"Oh, that's good."

Bella picked her head up, looking directly at me. "So Edward really can't... um... you know." I didn't think the girl would ever stop blushing.

"What, get it up?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"I've helped him get washed up, and there are erections that happen when a penis is touched. It's not something he can control. It's not like he sees a pretty girl and he pitches a tent, _that_ type of reaction is gone. But a reflex erection isn't something that would last long enough to satisfy either of you. They don't get very hard either."

"Oh." She laid her head back down. "Are there other things we can do? I mean I know there's like... oral stimulation and stuff. Can he even feel something like that?"

"Well, even if he can't feel it, he can watch, the visual is enough to turn him on. You don't have to ejaculate to have an orgasm. It's hard to explain, but people with injuries like Edward's can experience the same type of euphoria that accompanies an orgasm."

"Can we still... um… this is so embarrassing, Alice. Can we have intercourse? How's that even possible?"

I didn't want her to be discouraged. "There are ways. If you want to learn more, there are books we could get. Or we can talk to Carlisle. Or... you _could_ just talk to Edward about it."

"Oh, God, Alice. I'd be mortified. What if he doesn't want... you know, something like that... with me?"

"Oh, honey, that should be the least of your worries. You have to understand, you're the first woman he's ever opened up to after Tanya. You're dealing with eighteen year old hormones in a thirty-four year old body. That man is so full of pent up frustration. I'm not trying to push you, but I know he's smitten with you."

"Really? I mean it's one thing to snuggle and smooch, but you and I are talking about things that spell commitment to me, how can I be sure we're both on the same page? This isn't something to take lightly. I'm not _that girl_, I never have been."

"Bella honey, just be honest with him. He adores you, and I know you feel something or we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"I'm in too deep now. He's sorta stolen my heart. I _tried_ not to fall for him. I was trying to be careful after New Years, after he pushed me away. I can't ever live through heartache like that again. But it's nearly impossible to not fall for his charms. He's just _such_ a special guy. I really believe he's not going to hurt me. I feel safe with him."

I got up and wrapped my arms around her. "You're his whole world Bella. Please don't ever hurt him. I don't think his heart could take it either."

"No, I won't, I promise."

"Promise _what_ Swan?"

Bella gasped and I whipped around. "Talk about the devil himself! Don't sneak up on a girl like that, Edward. You darn near gave me heart failure."

"I wanna know what Bella was promising you." He had that teasing look on his face he wore as a kid when he and one of his friends played monkey in the middle with something of mine... and I was the monkey.

Bella blushed and shook her head.

"Come on Swan; tell me, I know you're ticklish now. I have ways of getting it out of you."

Bella giggled and tried to run. She tripped on the curb and in slow motion I watched her begin to go down, putting her hands out in front of her to break her fall. _Well, crisis averted, but at what cost? _I grabbed at her as she tumbled, but I wasn't strong enough, or quick enough, to break her fall. We were both in the gravel.

I touched her shoulder gently. "Bella? Are you okay?" I asked.

I glanced at Edward; he was literally pulling his hair out. He was freaking out above us and yelling for me to get her up.

"I'm okay, just help me get up."

I got under her arm and helped her stand. Her jeans were torn at her knees and the heels of her hands were scraped up. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I wasn't looking, didn't see the curb." Her hands were trembling.

"Calm down, Edward, she's okay. Just a few brush burns." He was practically on top of us.

"Bella, can you sit on my lap again?"

She shook her head stubbornly. "I don't want to hurt you, I'm too heavy. I can walk."

"Pfft! There's nothing to you. Come on, humor me. Let me be your knight in shining armor."

She nodded and limped towards him. She turned, taking my hand and I helped her sit down. She hissed when she bent her knees and I knew they were torn up under her jeans. I could see a red patch on each side, and knew they needed some attention.

"Let's get you inside and we'll get you all fixed up." Edward was in full on doctor mode now. Might as well just make the best of it.

"Really, it's nothing Edward. I can just go home and change. I'll get a few Band-Aids and take care of it."

He started wheeling towards the entrance. I could tell by the rigid set of his jaw that he blamed himself. It was all in fun, and she'd had an accident. _No one_ was at fault.

When we got to his room, Alec was watching TV. "What did ya do to her? Beat her up already?" He looked pointedly at Bella. "I'd show you a good time without hurting you sweetheart." He waggled his eyebrows at her and Bella looked sick.

Bella _really_ looked sick.

I reached out and brushed the side of her face. "Bella, are you okay? You don't look so hot."

"It's the blood, I'm a little squeamish. I don't feel so good." Edward wrapped his arms around her, cradling her against his chest.

"Alice, would you go see if there is a first aid kit, or some gauze and maybe a bottle of peroxide?"

He looked at Alec. "You! Go find someone else to bother."

Alec gawped at Edward. "Now!" Edward bellowed.

Alec was out the door ahead of me.

~Edward~

"Bella, sweetie can you sit on the bed for me? I'll make it feel better. I promise."

She stiffened. "I'm okay, _really. _I am feeling better. Just let Alice take me home. Please?"

"I can't let you go until I'm sure you're okay. What if you damaged your knee joint, please humor me?"

Reluctantly, she nodded her head and I breathed a sigh of relief. I just needed to see for myself that she wasn't seriously injured.

I held her hand as she tentatively slid off my lap and sat on the edge of the bed, her knees dangling in front of me. The bloody patches were both larger, darker... both her knees were still bleeding. She went down hard. I just had to fool around and play games and she was the one who got hurt. _I'm such an idiot!_

She was looking at something over my head, worrying her lip. I could tell she was trying to distract herself.

Maybe_ I _could distract her. "Bella? What did you and Alice do while I was with Sasha?"

"We talked."

"About what? Can I ask?"

"Stuff."

It was like pulling teeth. Augh! "What kind of _stuff_?"

"Um, you know... just stuff."

I was getting ready to prod a little more, I was curious now; she didn't _want_ me to know. I knew I wouldn't get it out of Alice. Bella was the likely choice if I was going to get one of them to spill.

"I got a first aid kit!" Alice bounced into the room. If I didn't know better, I'd think she knew exactly what I was trying to accomplish before she made her grand entrance. Alice laid the kit on the bed next to Bella. In her other hand she carried a basin with a bottle of peroxide in it. She sat it next to the kit.

I opened the first aid kit, surveying its contents. I pulled out scissors, Band-Aids, triple antibiotic ointment, gauze and tape. I pushed the kit out of my way and placed the things I'd taken out of it, on my bedside table. Alice moved the table over to my right side so I could work.

"Bella, honey, the jeans are ruined. Can I cut them off? It's either that or pull them down. The cuffs are too tight to get to your knees."

Bella frowned. "I liked this pair." She took a deep breath and nodded. "Just go ahead and cut them."

Alice took the scissors from me and cut midline up the front of each pant leg. The jeans fell away from Bella's knees. There was a considerable amount of blood on each leg. The jeans had smeared it making it look worse than it probably was. She looked down and hissed. Biting her lip she looked away. I put my hands behind Bella's right calf, gently pulling it up onto my lap. "Is this alright? Does it hurt in this position?"

She continued to look at something behind me. "It's fine; just do what you need to do please."

I opened a piece of gauze, saturating it with peroxide over the basin. I gently dabbed at the blood on Bella's knee until I could see the injury. The scrapes were superficial, but I worried more about trauma to the joint itself

There didn't seem to be any debris embedded in the wound. I put antibiotic ointment on a clean piece of gauze, taped it over the injury and gently set it down. I repeated the process with the left knee.

Lifting her hands from her lap, one at a time I cleaned them. I used a pair of tweezers to remove a few tiny pieces of gravel... antibiotic ointment went on the Band-Aids and I taped them up fast... she was all done.

When I finished with the last Band-Aid, I looked up at Bella. "Bella, I'm going to move your knees and feel, just to make sure you didn't tear your ACL or your meniscus."

"My men-_who_?"

Alice snorted, and I couldn't contain my smirk. "Your meniscus. Your _cartilage_. I want to make sure you don't have any signs of a torn cartilage."

"Oh, okay." She was staring at the floor, obviously embarrassed.

"Hey, I'm sorry we laughed, it was cute. Seriously, though, when I'm done examining it, I want you to walk around to make sure it feels okay. I just want to be sure you didn't damage anything orthopedically." I wasn't above calling Carey at home on a weekend. Some might think I was abusing my professional relationship with him, but if Bella was hurt, it was an emergency.

She nodded her head as I prodded each knee. We went through the customary "_Does this hurt? Does that hurt?_" The answer was no each time. She limped a little when she walked, but assured me it wasn't any sort of deep pain, but rather from the abrasion itself.

Alice held up the scissors. "Hey Bella, come in the bathroom with me and we'll turn those jeans into a pair of shorts quick." The girls ducked into my bathroom and I cleaned everything up, throwing the trash away and rinsing out the basin in the sink the nurses used to wash their hands. I felt terrible that Bella had gotten hurt, and it was sad that I was reduced to doing first aid and _getting excited_ about treating some sort of injury or illness, even if it was just a scraped knee. No... it wasn't even that. It felt good to take care of _her_... to take care of Bella.

When she came out of the bathroom, Alice had cuffed her jeans into long shorts, and no one would be the wiser. Unless they took in the big gauze pads on each knee. At least she had managed to salvage her favorite pair of jeans in some form.

I could almost feel someone watching me. I looked up to see Jill standing in the doorway. "Everything okay, Edward?"

"Yeah, just a few abrasions, doesn't look like anything serious."

"You sure we don't need to X-ray it or anything?" She was smirking at my obvious over-reaction to a simple fall.

"Hey! Don't pick on me. I just wanted to make sure she's okay. It's my fault she got hurt."

"Nu uh, I saw it from my office. Clearly you guys were breaking the fun barrier, but it was an accident; you act like you intentionally hurt her."

Bella came over and ran her hands through the hair at the nape of my neck- it needed cut again, "It was an accident, so quit trying to take the blame. Don't you have some exercises to do or something?" Her hand was on her hip and she was trying-and failing- to look stern.

I sighed. They had ganged up on me.

"Come on Jill, might as well get this over with."

Bella leaned down and pecked me on the lips, her face was right there hovering in front of me. "Thanks for taking care of me. Call me later?"

"Okay." I reached up and pulled her in for another kiss. "I'll talk to you later. I had a nice day."

She stood, straightening the little cotton shirt that had ridden up. I noticed a few of the tiny buttons at the top were unbuttoned. Had she and Alice done that in the restroom? Was Bella intentionally _trying_ to give me a show? She seemed to be more and more comfortable around me each time we were together and... it was nice.

"I had a nice day too. Bye."

Alice gave my shoulders a squeeze on the way out. "See ya later. Have fun with Jill."

I heard Jill laughing maniacally from the door. _Oh brother, I was in trouble._

Alec was in the gym when I got there. Apparently he was just finishing up with his therapist. He came over close to me as he was leaving. "So what did you do to doll face? She was fine sitting out there on the bench with your pixie friend all that time. You go out there for five minutes and she comes back inside in tears. _I'd_ treat her like a Goddess. What'dja do, push her down so you had a _reason_ to kiss it and make it her better?"

I saw red, and for an instant I _almost_ considered giving _him_ a kiss with my fist, until I felt a firm grip on my shoulder.

"Alec, why don't you go find something to do? You're session is over, right?"

"Yes, Jill." He still sat there... taunting me.

_Just remember buddy, you sleep in my room all night unsupervised._

My therapist was visibly frustrated. "Why don't you get moving so someone else can get in here? You had your turn."

"Okay, later, Jill."

I growled when he was gone. Jill shoved my shoulder and started talking. "Why do you let him goad you like that? He's just a kid. Don't let him get to you. You know he's doing it because it makes him feel good about himself. He's picking on someone bigger, older, and much more comfortable in their skin. You're _everything_ he's not and fears he never will be. Don't buy into it."

"No, I'm not. I just...for him to suggest that I would deliberately hurt her... I'd rather die before I intentionally hurt her."

"I know you would, and so does he. That's one of the reasons he's the way he is. You've got it all, and he can't possibly imagine what this life holds for him. One day soon, he'll need you for something, and the tables will turn. The day he has to rely on you, trust you, you'll gain his respect. He's just acting out."

"It doesn't make me feel any better."

"Nope, it doesn't... Now, how has your day been in the manual wheelchair? This one is incredibly light. It's a sports edition, so it's light and fast for things like basketball. Are you getting a manual wheelchair as well?"

"Uh, mine is a little dilapidated. I don't know if I'm eligible for a new one yet. I'll have to call my insurance company. I really like this chair." The last statement really translated into... _I really like the fact that this chair has no armrests and Bella can sit in my lap._ We _could_ both sit in it, we could dance in it... the possibilities were endless. Yes, I wanted this chair.

"I'll see what we can rectify with your insurance company. You realize that when your physical abilities change, we can ask the insurance to over-ride it and make an exception based on your current needs, rather than the needs you had when that chair was purchased for you. Were you in better shape five years ago?"

I snorted. "Yes."

"Let me see what I can do. Now come on, let's get busy. I have something for you."

Jill walked across the room and came back with a new transfer board. "We're going to start working on transfers this afternoon. This is for you, it's brand new."

I groaned. _That's something I lost in the accident. My transfer board._

"I don't even want to think about breaking a new one of these in."

"Have your old one a long time?"

"_You_ gave me my last one. It was fifteen years old and I could scoot across it like greased lightening."

"Oh man, I'm really sorry, Edward. I know what it's like for people when they get attached to something like this."

"I wish you could go out and buy them used. You know, already broken in, nice and smooth... That would be great."

She snickered, "I don't see many used transfer boards advertised. Come on, get on my mat. We're wasting time."

I placed the board carefully across the gap between my chair and the mat table. I hadn't been on one in so long. Tucking it under my butt, I put my weight on it and inched my way over to the mat. I breathed a sigh of relief when I was once again on stable territory.

"That was good Edward."

Jill ran me through my mat routine, range of motion and core exercises before she used the Hoyer to get me on the floor. "Are you going to be able to help me re-learn how to get down on the floor without the lift?"

"Do you _want_ to be able to get on the floor?"

"I think I do… what if I have kids one day? I'd like to at least have that option. I need to be able to get back in if I fall anyway. You know, I went home from the Johnson institute unable to even roll over or crawl?"

"I had no idea."

"There's a story behind that, but it's definitely for another time. I don't want to ever get myself into a situation I can't get out of." My mind drifted back to the weekend in hell where Tanya left me. No, never again... No matter what the circumstances, I'd never be stranded again if I could help it.

I balanced on the dyna disk and did my wall routine. It was getting easier every day. Once in a while I had moments of doubt, but for the most part I felt confident that I'd be leaving here a new man. Everything was so tangible now, not just my wheelchair or my recovery, but the house, the car, Bella. I could reach out and touch the things in my life.

When Jill was ready to get me off the floor, I asked to get back into the manual chair. It felt good, it was so light and smooth to propel. I didn't want to get out of it. My Permobile had magically appeared while I was on the floor, and I noticed that now the orderly who had driven it the day of my re-casting was recklessly buzzing down the corridor like he was in the Indy 500. I'd have to talk to Jill about that.

When I rolled myself into the room, Alice sat on my bed. "What are _you_ doing here? I thought you went home."

"Yeah, I did, but I thought I'd come and help you shower. You know, get the hang of it."

"We'll need help to get in the shower chair. I have been stripping on the bed, and then the orderlies put me in the chair."

"Alright, you lead me and tell me what to do, we'll get it. Leslie was in here earlier. She's helping another patient, and she said she'd be back to help."

"Okay, cool. We can manage it. She'll get some muscle in here for the lifting when we're ready for the shower chair."

"So, um, Bella wanted some advice. I uh, I took her to a book store." Alice shifted from foot to foot, was she nervous?

"What _kind_ of advice, Alice?"

"Um, we got some books. I got you the same ones. I was going to go rummage in Esme's garage, but well, I didn't want them to want to help, and I didn't want to make either of you uncomfortable, so I just got new ones. I knew you had them from _before_."

"_Before_? Before _what_?"

"Before, when you went to rehab. Oh, here." She thrust a brown paper bag in my hands. I cocked my eyebrow. "Alice?"

I looked inside the bag and came face to face with the book that had mocked me in my youth. _Sexuality and the SCI individual._

Bella was asking _Alice_ about _sex_? "Alice? This is what you were talking and laughing about when I made her fall?"

"Well, yeah, sorta. Please don't tell her I told you. I don't want her to think she can't trust me. I just... I guess I wanted to give you something to hope for."

"Wow, thanks. I think we're progressing naturally, but it's nice to know that I'm reading the signs right."

"Just so you know, I'm not telling you to intentionally betray a confidence. She didn't ask me not to tell, and I suspect she is secretly hoping I'll mention it to you, so that you'll bring it up. I just really thought this was something important to share with you. I know how upset you were, how unsure of yourself when you first met."

"I understand, I won't tell her you brought it up. I'll find a way to broach the subject. Does she know you got books for me?"

"Yeah, but I told her I got them to encourage you to explore your options. She seemed okay with that. I got you a few really current books. There are a lot of new therapies out there for men with ED. You should check it out."

"Thanks, Al, I will. Thank you for caring enough about us- both of us, to answer her questions and direct her to information that's appropriate for our situation."

"Sure thing kid."

Leslie came into my room and pulled the curtain around my bed. "Okay Edward, Jill says you can use this to get into bed, she also said you forgot it in the gym, and that you need to have it with you at all times."

"Yeah, yeah... I get it." I winked at Leslie; she knew I was joking and that Jill and I went way back. I hadn't even thought about transferring into bed, they had been lifting me or using the Hoyer.

"Let's see what you can do, Edward." Leslie encouraged me.

I put the board across the gap, and the two of them patiently watched me work my way across. "Jill said you aren't to do this alone yet. So you can tell her you got the memo. K?"

"Got it."

I scooted onto the bed, and slowly lifted myself back from the edge of the bed by making fists and pushing up to lift my butt off the bed to shift further back from the edge. Leslie swung my legs up onto the bed and removed my pants by rolling me from one side to the other. She covered my goods with a towel and rang the buzzer.

The two guys who had lifted me before got me into the shower chair and Alice threw a robe over me, taking me into the bathroom. She rolled her pant legs up a few times and turned on the water, filling the room with steam.

I felt refreshed and renewed when we were done. I took care of my oral hygiene and brushed my hair before she took me to the bed, and the guys deposited me. Alice slid a pair of boxers on me and we left it at that. I was warm and comfortable without anything else.

I don't remember Alice leaving or telling me goodnight. I never heard them put the kid to bed, and I never heard him crying out in his sleep. I'd had a long day and for once sheer exhaustion was enough to let me reap the benefits of a full night's sleep. At some point I must have texted Bella.

The evidence was there on my open phone when I woke up.

_**Are you awake? -E**_

**Sorta, you? -B**

_**Yeah, kinda, but I'm tired. -E**_

**We had a long day. -B**

_**We did. How do you feel? Are you okay? -E**_

**Yeah, the one knee is a little tender... -B**

_**Should I call my dad? He might still be awake. -E**_

**EDWARD! It's two am. You will NOT call Carlisle. It's just bruised. -B**

_**You promise you'll say something if -E**_

**If what? -B**

**Edward? -B**

**Are you still awake? –B**

**Hello? -B**

**Sweet dreams, Edward. -B**

Shit, I fell asleep on her. That was reprehensible.

It was early. Only 6am. She was still talking to me four hours ago. I'd let her get some beauty sleep. Not that she needed it...

* * *

Some really awesome accessible vehicles are up on the blogspot, including the accessible PT Cruisers.

There is an awesome neurological rehab in Texas that has videos showing the routines they use for patients with varying degrees of Spinal Cord Injury. They were the basis for the rehab Edward and Alec are experiencing. I posted a link to them on the blog. You'll have to choose the degree of injury you want to view. I couldn't link them individually. FAIL.

A special thanks to the "Guys on the ward" who chose the PT Cruiser for Edward, almost exactly one year ago. It was a bad night for me, but you turned it around. I wonder and pray all is well... as well as it can be. Somewhere... out there. Thanks, and God Bless.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-seven

~Edward~

I'd just begun my third week of rehab, and while I knew I wasn't ready to go home yet, I'd been doing things outside of the center several times a week. Jillian wanted me to start going out with family and friends to get acclimated back into real life.

While the rehab setting was completely different from the hospital setting, in that I could come and go without seeking permission, it was still surreal for me to just roll away every time I left. The trips out were short, a few hours here or there.

I'd gone on a few shopping trips with Alice for things I'd need at home. I'd ventured out with Bella a few times as well, but only to places we could travel to on foot. Before the accident I had entertained thoughts of getting a car because I could transfer fairly easily in and out of Emmett's, and had I not gotten hit, I would have. But, I had given up on that while I was lying in Harborview staring at the ceiling.

A modified vehicle that I could enter while in my chair was the way I decided to go. My body had changed drastically, and while I wanted to think I'd get everything back that I'd lost, the fact of the matter was that I didn't know, even now, just how great that loss was. After months of working my hands and arms, I still couldn't reach behind me to get something as trivial as my transfer board out of my backpack, how would I ever lift a manual wheelchair in and out of the car?

I _was_ almost surprised with the ease of propelling a manual wheelchair when Jill suggested I get back in one. I had no idea before I did it if I'd be able to anymore. It almost felt like a cop-out when I decided to get an adapted vehicle for my day to day car. I had always prided myself on pushing myself as far as I could physically. The idealist still wanted to buy the sporty little silver Volvo sedan I'd seen. It fondly reminded me of my first car. The realist in me nudged me into the decision to go with the drive in vehicle and then he slapped me and said karma is a bitch and I should be happy I was alive. _I was._

I hated the look of the typical raised roof van, and for years, it was one of the reasons I didn't drive around in one; I was pleasantly surprised a few years ago when some of the vehicle modification vendors started to venture into modifying vehicles which were a little more classier. Vehicles that didn't scream _handicapped driver._ Carlisle and I pulled a bunch of stuff up on his laptop months ago, while I was still flat on my back at Harborview and eventually, I chose a modified PT Cruiser. They weren't one of my favorite cars on the road, but I heard they were fun to drive and the girl from my support group that I'd paired Bella with had gotten one the summer before I got hit. Robin had hers modified and then had a custom paintjob done as well. It was a hot little car. _For a handicapped vehicle._ I couldn't wait to break free of that stigma.

When the girls surprised me with it almost a week ago I was elated. It was a sweet ride and I'd drive it proudly. No _mom van_ for me! It got here just in time for me to be able to get comfortable again behind the wheel. I felt like a little kid on Christmas Eve, the anticipation was killing me. If I could only get my body to cooperate, it would be perfect. As soon as my legs bent just a wee bit further, I'd be driving!

After the little altercation with Alec in the gym, the night after Bella had fallen and hurt herself, we had gone out of our way to avoid one another. He had quit taunting me and I just ignored him. I watched him from time to time in the gym, and truly wished that I could have been the one who helped him come to terms with the hand life had dealt him, but the verbal assaults had nearly become physical ones. I had never experienced anger like that before, and it was unsettling. I know Jill saw me as some kind of possible mentor for him, but he had made something like that impossible. I felt like I had failed him, but he had never been receptive to my attempts to interact with him, unless he was saying something rude or inappropriate. The best thing was to just let him be. He'd figure this out eventually. We all did.

Jane and I played cards from time to time and I really enjoyed her company. The girl seemed starved for attention and my heart went out to her. Like Alec, she was missing her family, and I could relate in a sense. However, I never _ever_ doubted the love of my family nor did they desert me in my time of need. I knew Jane's mother called her regularly, but I hadn't ever seen Jane with a visitor. I had every intention of asking Jill if it was permissible for Alice and Bella to take her out some afternoon for some girl time. I thought it would do her a world of good to just do something teenaged girls do like go to the mall or watch a sappy movie.

I'd had my breakfast and the little ultrasound tech had come and worked on my knees with her machine. I noticed a difference almost immediately, when Jill had begun using the ultrasound with medicated gel to break up the small adhesions that had formed around my knees. The daily ultrasound treatments allowed extended range of motion, and the medicated gel allowed Jill to lower my patch to 25 mcg. The medication I'd feared taking when I first came here had been reduced to a dosage safe for a two year old child. At least I no longer had to fear becoming addicted to a powerful pain relieving narcotic anymore.

The scar tissue wasn't so bad that surgery was required to remove it, but the massive trauma, combined with being immobilized for so long, had created a touchy situation. I was afraid of another fracture and ultimately a huge setback. There was a fine line between bending my knee as far as possible to gain maximum flexion and forcing it too far, possibly causing a fracture to my already weakened bones. Over the past week, Jill had exercised caution and proved to me once again that she could get the results I needed to function properly, without hurting me.

As my legs were flexed and extended, adhesions would pop here and there as pressure was applied to my knee. For the first time in my life, I was thankful that I had so little feeling in my lower extremities. Ideally, my knee should bend well past ninety degrees and currently I was only getting in the mid-forties on the goniometer. A normal, healthy knee could easily get 130 degrees. Jill would be happy with ninety, she said. I wanted to get as much flexion as I possibly could before I left, and I had made a commitment to myself to continue with physical therapy as long as it was necessary. The logging company was still paying all of my medical bills. I had been fully prepared to pay for my stay in rehab because it wasn't deemed medically necessary by the hospital for me to be inpatient so long. But either way, in the end the money was coming from my parent's accident, so essentially, it was the same funding stream. Maybe it was wrong to get as much rehab as I possibly could on the logging company's dime, but I figured I would have not been driving a wheelchair in the street had I not been paralyzed by one of their workers.

Transferring with my board again was one more step towards freedom, but it took oh-so-long to get from one place to another. Before I got hit, it was nothing to whip the board out and just scoot across it. In a matter of seconds, I was out of the chair. In many situations, I didn't even need the board. Years ago I had conquered transferring in and out of bed or a sofa without it. Now, it seemed like it took me forever. It was like I was starting over from scratch. Every single nuance of my disability had created a challenge for me. I needed the board every time now and it _really_ irritated me that I couldn't retrieve my board from my back pack yet. Carrying it on my lap sucked. Big time.

While I sat in the rehab gym waiting for Jill, I figured I'd get ready... to save time. If I wasn't slightly afraid of the wrath of Jillian, I'd just transfer onto the mat table myself today, but I feared the consequences too greatly to attempt that again. I had backed my chair in next to the mat table then laid my board on the mat. Unhooking my seat belt, I turned my torso towards the mat and lifted my armrest so it would be out of my way. I reached out and got my board so it spanned the cavern between my chair and the mat table. Out of nowhere, I got a firm smack to the back of my head. I knew immediately who it was; she'd _never_ smack any other patient. But with me, it was _anything goes._ It was almost funny. Almost.

"Don't even _think_ about it Cullen! You know what happens when you get impatient!" And I did... this past Monday morning, my second day of transferring; I decided to _surprise_ Jill while she was finishing up with another patient on his last session before his release. I'd been doing transfers my entire adult life and figured it would be okay to try unassisted. I wasn't a novice. It was like riding a bike- you never forget, right? I had parked close to the mat table, but apparently not close enough. I spread my board across the span between the two surfaces, but when my weight hit it, the board slipped and fell, leaving me pinned between my chair and the mat table. The board clattered loudly to the floor as I swore loudly and flagrantly. Soon the entire rehab staff was bustling to get me back into my chair, and I spent the day in bed, wearing ice packs and sucking fentanyl lollipops for the pain I was in. Yes, I learned that lesson the hard way. Maybe I was more like Alec than I wanted to admit.

"Just getting ready for you Jill."

"Yeah, right. _Always in such a hurry._ One would think you don't want to be here."

"Well... you know I love you, but seriously, I can think of a million other things I'd rather be doing."

"Okay hotstuff, how 'bout you show me what you're made of."

Under Jill's watchful eye, I slowly but surely scooted across the board. For a moment I felt like an errant child. I _wanted_ to be able to do this alone. It was really bugging me that I couldn't. I had to have permission to do something that I should have been able to do_ repeatedly_, on my own, _without supervision_... it just really pissed me off. Definitely something to discuss with the counselor.

Ever patient, Jill stood next to me and watched, ensuring that I bridged the gap without incident and I felt guilty almost immediately. Rehab was most certainly more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. In many ways, this was so much more difficult than the repercussions of the first accident had been. The first time around my legs bent, my body, in general, was in much better physical condition. This current situation really sucked some days, but my mood swings-even though I kept them to myself, weren't fair to Jill and her dedication to me.

She helped swing my legs up onto the mat by holding onto the casts, but I did most of the actual work. Once I got myself situated, Jill got down to business. She placed a large wedge behind my shoulders so I was nearly sitting up on the mat. I reached my hands behind my knee and pulled up as far as I could, holding it while Jill counted.

"How about the other one?"

I nodded and switched sides. I pulled it as far as I could grunting and groaning in the process. I'd never worked as hard for anything as I had the past three weeks.

"Okay, Edward, that's good. Let me do some range of motion and then we'll measure." Putting a hand behind my knee and the other on my cast, over my calf, she pushed my knee towards my torso with all her might. I could tell she was straining, but she didn't stop. On the count of ten she let my leg go, and it slid back down onto the mat. Over and over she did it. After fifteen reps, she switched legs.

Sometimes she acted like a drill sergeant, other times she was sweeter than Esme. Today she was somewhere in between.

Jill extended my legs out to the side as far as she could, and it looked like I was doing a split. I wondered briefly if this was how a cheerleader prepared her body for that type of abuse. Jill snapped her fingers, "Cullen, pay attention. Where'd you go?" I shook my head. "Nowhere. I'm here."

Next came lifts. These were going very well. Jill could bend my straightened leg to ninety degrees at the hip with no trouble at all. But she was getting more of a workout than I was; she was huffing and puffing a little as she wrapped things up. "Didn't you say that girl of yours has MS?"

"Well, she's not really _my girl..._ not yet anyway, but yeah she does."

Jill laughed as she shook her head. "I'm not blind, Edward. I see how you look at each other. It's only a matter of time."

"Why did you ask... you know about her disability?"

Jill put her arm under my legs and swung them both over the side of the mat leaving them hang. Her other arm was behind me supporting me helping me to get into a sitting position. I grabbed the wooden frame of the mat table to steady myself. My balance and strength had improved greatly thanks to continued core exercises. I just wasn't quite _there_ yet. _There_ being the point where I could do it independently _every time_ without falling over backwards. I reached over and set my board in place.

"Oh, I was just going to tell you that it would be best for your aide to do your range of motion with you, this will wear your girl out. I guess she's the one who told me she has MS, when I asked her how the two of you met. She seems to be getting around well, once you're in the same house she'll no doubt want to help you with things."

"Yeah, I've been told before that my legs are like lead weights. But don't worry, I'm not anywhere _near_ letting Bella do anything like that for me. I don't want her to feel like I brought her there just to take care of me. I _won't_ be a burden for her."

"You know, Edward, you have to let her in. If you get together, she'll _want_ to do things for you. It's human nature. You'll make her feel insignificant if you let others help you, but you won't accept help from her."

"I suppose you're right, I just don't want to be a burden to her, and I refuse to let her do something that might injure her. I know I'm a big guy."

I checked to make sure the _traction_ part of the board was under my behind, and began scooting over.

"Just remember to choose your battles wisely. _Let_ her do the things you know she can do safely, don't shut her out."

"Yeah, yeah. Let her get moved into the house first, okay?"

"I want to see this house once you get moved in. Your Mom said there's an entire community of accessible homes. That's incredible."

As we talked, I worked to get my legs situated. Jill didn't do any of this unless I ran into a snag. Finally satisfied it was as good as it would get this way; I flipped the toggle switch and tilted myself back. Then, pushing up with my arms, I slid my butt back in place and buckled my seatbelt. I sat myself up and straightened my shirt.

"I'm getting pretty excited about moving in. Bella was a really hard sell at first, but I pestered her. She actually gave in later that same day. I thought she'd hold out longer. I just... I love doing things with her. She's so easy to get along with... she _gets_ me."

"How long have you been seeing each other?"

"That's the thing, we're _not_ really. Not yet... but I'd like to be. We both had issues we had to work through. We're on the same page now. We've been friends a few months. We're doing some of the things couples do. It's weird. I'm sure things will come more naturally when we're in a more normal setting. I can't wait to get home and just live a normal life.

"Speaking of which, how would you like to try an overnight at home this weekend?"

"Seriously? For how long? The entire weekend? Are you sure I'm ready?" I was as overwhelmed with fear nearly as much as I was overwhelmed with excitement. My heart was pounding so hard I was afraid she'd hear it.

"I'm serious. Just one night this time, to see how it goes. I don't want you to miss two entire days of therapy either. You'll need your aide to stay with you overnight, or a member of your family."

"I can't go to my home yet, so I'd have to stay with my parents. I'll have to see if they can get a bed for me. Their house is completely accessible. You're not joking with me... I can really get out of here?"

"Do you have everything you need at home?"

"I'd need personal supplies, but I suppose it's time to be getting those anyway. I can have Alice get my medical supplies. I have a hydraulic lift, and we have the car to get back and forth. I really won't need much else. Not for an overnight."

"After your last session Friday afternoon, sign out and you're free until Saturday evening. I'd like you to at the very least get in a short session with some range of motion before you go to bed. Be back by seven."

"Isn't that a little late for me to be doing therapy? Aren't the therapists all out of here early on the weekend?"

"_They_ are, but I'm on second shift all weekend. We'll work it out. While I think it's important that you start getting acclimated with the outside world again, it's important that you don't miss a lot of therapy. You're going to have to be religious about it for a long time, you know."

"Yeah, I understand. That won't be a problem. I'm determined to get back everything I lost."

"I know you are, it's just easy to get lax about things when real life hits. You'll have other things to think about... school, work... your girl... you won't want to think like a patient anymore and that's good, to an extent."

"I know, I'll be okay."

"I do too. You're one of the few patients who will continue to work towards their goals once they go home. One of the guys will do your range of motion this afternoon; I've got a new admission coming in just a bit. I'm not sure how long I'll be."

"Thanks Jill."

"See ya later."

I buzzed back to my room as swiftly as my chair would carry me. I narrowly missed a corner, but if I was quick, I could get Bella during her morning break.

I punched in her number and listened to it ring. Once. Twice. _Don't go to voice mail. _Three times. _It's gonna go to voice mail, I just _know_ it..._

"Edward." She said my name, and then I heard a child's squeal and laughter. Playground.

"Hey, am I interrupting?"

"No, it's okay. I'm on my break, I just came out with the kids, it's beautiful outside today. What's wrong? Do you have to change our lunch plans?"

I'd had a few times where Bella had come all the way from work for lunch, and I had gotten delayed in PT and instead of just coming into the gym to watch, she didn't want to intrude so she went back without seeing me. I knew it was frustrating, but she never complained. After it occurred a second time, I did my best to warn her early enough that she didn't make a special trip.

Suddenly, my enthusiasm to call was gone and instead I was filled with self doubt. "I'd love to see you at lunch time. I um, I have some good news," I stammered. "I don't know… I thought I'd share… I guess it can wait… " I wanted to ask her to join me at my parents. _Would she think that was too forward? _I didn't want to offend her, but it occurred to me that other than a few outings, we'd never interacted outside of an institutional setting.

I heard her laughing with someone, it sounded like a chick, and then it sounded like she was talking with a hand over the phone. "What? I'm sorry Edward; my student teacher had a question."

"I have a get out of jail pass for from Friday afternoon until after dinner on Saturday."

"What! You're getting out? Oh my gosh! Edward! That's wonderful!"

"I was wondering, would you want to sleep over at Carlisle and Esme's with me? You don't have to if you don't want to. They have a couple of guest rooms. I don't want you to be uncomfortable." I was rambling. I was afraid that as soon as I stopped talking she'd say no.

"Yeah, um I guess that would be okay. What would we do?"

"I don't know, hang out and watch movies? Eat real food, not that the food here is bad, but Esme's is better."

"Sure, I suppose, I have a bunch of reports to grade, but I can do that on Sunday. I'll need directions so I can get on the right bus. Esme has always driven me."

"We'll just stop by the school and get you when I leave here."

"Well, that would save me taking a bag to school... if we can go by my place on the way over?"

I heard a buzzer going off in the background. "Hey, Edward, I'm sorry- gotta go. I'll talk to you more about this in an hour or so, okay?"

"Sure, talk to ya later."

I headed past the cafeteria to see what was for lunch on my way to occupational therapy. Chicken Quesadillas. I snickered to myself as I remembered the burritos in the hospital. _That was fun._ It was our beginning, even if I was an idiot and nearly destroyed it a short time after.

My occupational therapist was beginning to work on my standing endurance, but I had a long way to go. It would be so much easier once I could bend my knees and didn't have casts on my lower legs. Most patients used a standing frame, but since my chair was a stander with a built in frame, it was just a matter of standing for several minutes at a time. We'd sit down, and then I'd do it all over again... until the timer went off and I'd go meet Bella at the entrance.

The few days before the weekend sped by for me. I felt like a little kid having a slumber party for the first time. I knew Esme was excited too. Alice was staying in the room closest to mine. It was the room Esme slept in all those months after I came home from Chuck Johnson's place. Bella would sleep at the end of the hall next to the bathroom. And me? I'd sleep in my old room, once again, in a rented hospital bed.

Esme talked every day about the snacks she'd bought and the movies Alice was bringing. It became apparent that Bella liked Mexican food. She had made a layered nacho dip and hand made chips. Just the thought of them made me salivate. Based on the few experiences I'd had, Bella was a wonderful cook. That thought alone made me inpatient for our impending weekend. Alice teased that I sounded like such a bachelor, but the truth was that once I had left Esme for college, the only good meals I got were when I went home. I lived in diners, and greasy spoons. If I wasn't working, I always tried to make it home for dinner on the weekend. Mom was an incredible cook, but I suspected Bella's skills could rival hers.

It was finally Friday. Jill let me skip out on my session with my counselor but that meant all my therapy sessions were back to back. It was a long day and I feared going home only to fall asleep from exhaustion. I _wanted_ to just have some fun. Alice had gone to the medical supply store and gotten everything I'd need for the weekend and to get started at home. There were creams and lotions, catheter supplies, prescriptions…the bag was huge. I dressed in sweats, figuring I could sleep in them if we had any problems. I had skipped my shower this morning so I could get one right before I left. It felt amazing to actually shower again, every time I was under the stream of hot water I thanked God, this was one of those wonderful things people took for granted. I felt euphoric the first time I had one. Simply. Amazing.

Alice collected me from the front desk. I had just signed out and could barely contain myself. "What if she doesn't have fun? What if after being together for so long she decides she doesn't _want_ to move in after all? Is this too soon? Oh, God, I hope no one embarrasses her." I was rambling, and Alice let me do it, to some extent. When we pulled up at a stop light, she turned in her seat.

"Edward, you're about as nervous as a virgin on prom night. _Will you_ _just relax?_ She won't change her mind. We're going to have a blast. You promised her no pressure. This is just a night to have fun and get to know each other. Please relax!"

A car behind us beeped, and Alice turned around. The van lurched ahead when she put it in gear and hit the gas. "Oops, sorry!" Ironically, I felt one hundred percent safe in my Permobil.

I tried to think of all the things we could do at home. Alice rented movies. Esme had pulled out a bunch of classic board games. I wondered if Carlisle would have some agenda too. Suddenly this whole thing seemed so complicated.

When we pulled up in front of the school, Bella was sitting on a bench. She seemed to be enjoying the sunny day but hopped up as soon as we pulled into the loop in front of the school entrance. Alice got out and opened the door for Bella; she had a briefcase in one hand and a computer bag in the other one. Alice took them both and stuck them in the trunk while Bella got in. Soon enough we were all settled and on our way to Bella's place.

I'd never been there before, and knew that I couldn't go inside. Her apartment building was respectable looking, although I knew this neighborhood left a little something to be desired. I would feel better when she was moved into the house. She was small, and due to her MS she wasn't always surefooted. I also worried about her fending for herself if someone hassled her.

She was in and out of the apartment in a snap and we were on our way to my parent's house. Saturday, on the way back to rehab, we were going to stop and do a final walkthrough on the house so I could sign off on everything for the builder. Carlisle still had to close with the attorney before I could take possession. There wasn't much time for my girls to pull it all together before the movers brought the furniture. Everyone was so excited. It was a joint effort and I couldn't wait to have some kind of celebration to acknowledge their hard work.

My parents were on the porch when we pulled up, and by the time Alice had turned off the ignition, they were standing outside my door waiting for me to get out. The air was filled with excited chatter as we got unloaded and carried our bags into the house. It was the first time I'd been here in seven months. Even when I was in Ohio or Texas, I didn't think I'd ever been away from home that long without a visit. I was so very happy to be here, yet the smells and sounds of home were so overwhelming, I found myself blubbering like an idiot over things like the same cinnamon potpourri Esme always set out, and the chiming of the grandfather clock in the hallway.

Bella wrapped me in a big hug and told me it was ok. "Hey, you just got here. You should save this for tomorrow when you have to go back." She was smirking as she wiped her own eyes. I took the tissue she held out and blew my nose loudly. I knew she was right. She smiled and took my hand. "Come on, show me around. I'm only familiar with the kitchen and dining room... well and the restroom." I showed Bella the living room and Carlisle's study. There was a library attached to the study that made Bella gasp. I had to promise her some free time to peruse the books tomorrow before I could get her away from the study.

We turned down the side hallway and I showed her the bedrooms and the bathroom. I opened the door to my room last. It had been years since I'd come in here, yet it remained exactly as I had left it. Once again, there was a single width hospital bed. I knew it was new, and in the background I could hear the gentle hum of the pump for my alternating air mattress. I drove over to my dresser and touched my things. _My things. _There was my photo album, and several framed family photos. My father's heavy cherry jewelry box sat in one corner of the dresser. My mom's sat in the other corner. I didn't think I was in any shape to open them. I knew what they held and there were times when I sat and reminisced, but this wasn't the weekend. I wasn't strong enough to go down that road right now.

From the corner of my eye I saw Bella reach towards the family portrait. When I stiffened, she stopped and looked at me. "May I?" I closed my eyes for a second and then nodded.

"She looks a lot like Esme." I was biting my lip between my teeth, not knowing if I could answer if I tried. It had been so long since I'd seen a picture of them. I had a copy of that very picture in my wallet, but I hadn't seen my wallet since before the accident. _Where _was_ my wallet? Did they take it from my personal effects that night?_ I shuddered as I thought about that.

Returning the picture to its place, she reached out and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. Leaning in close she whispered. "Hey is this okay? I don't want to overstep my boundaries."

I studied her face and saw nothing but sincerity. I nodded, the words still escaped me.

She ran her fingertips from my temple down across my cheek and stopped when her hand rested on the side of my neck. Leaning in she gave me a soft peck on the lips. "Thanks for letting me into your world."

Her other hand touched the opposite cheek as her thumbs rubbed across under my eyes, softly wiping away tears I didn't realize I had shed. I grasped both of her wrists, keeping her hands there. "Thank _you_ Bella, for not giving up on me."

"Never, Edward, you're worth it." She leaned in and snagged another kiss before she let go. Looking back at the family portrait, she said, "You're like... a perfect blend of your parents. Your dad was an extremely handsome man. I see so much of him in your features, but your hair and eyes, those are your mother's... and that softness... your mom looks gentle... nurturing... you have that, too. You're such an attractive man, Edward." She sighed.

Her hands dropped when she stood up, she took a hold of my free hand, giving it a tug. I think she was trying to avoid any sort of breakdown. "Come on, show me around."

She started walking, but I grasped her hand and jerked her to a stop. "Wait."

She turned around. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You think I'm attractive?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Edward, you're a_ very _handsome man. I've told you that before."

"_No_, you've said I was _pretty_. Not handsome, or attractive." I was smiling now, she thinks I'm handsome. Me... _handsome_. That made me feel all sorts of squishy inside.

"Hmm, maybe you're right, but you are, you know. Handsome, that is... as well as attractive and sort of pretty too, in a manly sort of way." She was smirking now.

"Don't patronize me Miss Swan."

She cocked one eyebrow. "Would I lie to you to get in your pants?"

I didn't expect that one. I started coughing; I had been sipping on a bottle of coke that I'd managed to keep hidden from Esme down in the side of my chair. It burned my nose. Bella was in fine form today. She was playful. I was beginning to see more and more of this side of her, and I really liked it.

I was trying to think of a playful response to her comment when there was a quiet knock on my door. It had to be my dad.

"Son, is it okay if I bring your things in? I don't mean to intrude. Alice said something about wanting to get your supplies situated."

"Sure, just set it on the bed, if you would. Please let Alice know I've got it. We'll be out in a minute."

He slipped inside and delivered my things, turning with a knowing smile on his face. "I'll just go see what Esme's up to. Bella, please make yourself at home."

We both thanked him at the same time as he retreated down the hallway.

I went over to my bag and pulled out a pair of sweats, boxers and a tee shirt. I sat them on a chair that was in the corner for morning. I didn't fail to notice the brand new and very comfortable looking recliner that sat along the opposite side of my bed. Was it for Alice? She'd sleep in her own room wouldn't she? I wondered if Bella would sneak in and visit with me.

She pulled me out of my musing. "Is there anything I can help you with? Where do the other bags go?"

"Oh, bathroom stuff. Yeah, I guess you could carry that in for me if you want."

Bella opened the door and the automatic light came on. "I like that, no fumbling in the dark for a light switch."

"I actually forgot about that. We should get them for the house. If you want to set those bags on the vanity we'll unpack them. I suspect I'll be spending my weekends at home from here on out, I'm going to leave everything here until we move into the house."

She pulled everything out of the bags and set it on the counter. There was a box of fifty catheters, a urinal, rubber gloves, betadine, baby wipes...

An internal battle raged in my head. _Perhaps this wasn't such a great idea. _But what do you have to hide?_ This is the real you, Edward._

I blanched when she pulled out a pack of adult diapers, K-Y jelly, a box of suppositories, lotion for my butt...

_Well, she won't be lying to get in your pants now, will she?_

"Okay, tell me where it goes, and we'll get it taken care of." She said it in such a no-nonsense sort of way, like she wasn't fazed in the least. Maybe I was wrong.

_You need to quit underestimating her, Edward._

"It all goes in the closet. The catheters, betadine swabs and blue pads have to be on the bottom shelf where I can reach them. The other stuff can go on the next shelf up. The um, urinal can go on the back of the toilet. Can you pull the top off the catheter box for me?" I could felt my face warming as I blushed, but she never said a thing to embarrass me.

She got right down to business putting everything away. "Do you need any of these left out?" She had a handful of catheters as she asked.

I swallowed hard and I took a deep breath. I wanted to crawl under the vanity, or maybe take up residence in the closet. I was _so_ embarrassed. I hung my head. "No." I squeaked. "I'll just get one out of the closet when I need it."

I had been talking to the floor when her voice got softer. She was gently coaxing information out of me. Things she'd never asked before. Personal things. But I wanted her to know me, Jill just told me today to pick my battles. Bella was simply curious. I could do this.

"Does it hurt?"

I jerked my head up. "What?"

"The catheter, does it hurt? You know, to use one?"

"Oh, no, not really. I can feel it deep inside sometimes, but I can't really feel much, you know, down there."

"Not at all?"

"No, not really."

Her head was cocked to the side as if she was deep in thought. "How much _can_ you feel?"

"Come here, Bella."

Very carefully I switched the toggle switch that would let me stand. I had only done this with supervision and if I hurt myself, Jill would have my ass. Or what was left of it after Dad got through with me.

Slowly I raised myself to a standing position. I heard Bella gasp as I ascended. When I was standing as fully as I could, I looked into her eyes. We were nearly the same height. When the day came that I could stand straight and tall, she'd have to look up. Bella couldn't be more than about five-three. Standing tall, I'd tower over her by about a foot, I imagined.

With my left hand gripping the safety bar in front of me, I took her left hand in my right one and put it on my side just below my ribs. She put her right one on the opposite side. "I have full feeling there."

She moved her hands down a few inches. "Here?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Keep going."

Her hands gripped my waist. "Do you feel here?"

I nodded.

I giggled when her hands glanced over the flesh that covered my hips bones. _Very ticklish._

"Well that was interesting."

"That's a very sensitive spot."

"Good to know." She smirked, before she continued her exploration of my body.

When her hands rested on my hips I whispered, "Now it's getting fuzzy. I can feel some sensation and pressure but not as much."

Her hands moved down a little more. When her thumbs rested over the ball and socket of my hips I put my hands over hers. "That's it."

Suddenly she seemed sad. "Nothing more?"

"From my pubic bone down, there are a few spots that have sensation. It's mostly on the front of my legs. I had some movement before the accident as well, I still don't know if I've retained that."

She moved her hands up just a fraction of an inch and tweaked the top of my butt. "Can you feel that?" Finally she was the one blushing.

"Yep, I can feel that."

She giggled. "Hmm, I think I like this chair."

"I think there are a lot of things you _might _like about the chair."

"Are you propositioning me, Cullen?"

I frowned. I wish I could. "Nah, just wishful thinking."

"So you really can't..." She glanced at my crotch. "You know..."

I had to laugh at her hesitancy to just come out and ask. "Raise the dead?"

She nodded.

"I haven't figured that one out yet. I'll let you know if there are any developments."

"O- _kay_ then."

I could tell it embarrassed her to ask. But I was trying to be as honest as possible. At least now I knew she was interested. I was so pleased that she felt comfortable enough with Alice that she'd approach her about what she could expect concerning the physical aspects of our relationship. It was reassuring that Alice took the initiative to introduce Bella to information that was educational and factual. I wasn't sure that I was ready to have that conversation yet. I needed to explore my options. Apparently a discussion with my father was in order.

Carlisle had broached the sexuality for gimps conversation more than a few times over the years. I always got the same lecture... I was attractive, I was young, there were ways I could have a healthy sex life... I always put him off before it got too in-depth. It hurt too much to think about it, and it was so much easier to just ignore my non-existent sex life, my non-existent love life... I could live a life of love without sex, but what girl would want something like that? After so long, it was just a dull ache that tugged at me when I saw someone I knew in a healthy relationship because I knew that could never be me.

_But Bella..._ Bella gave me something I'd never had before. Bella gave me _hope_.

"I can do this, though."

When I put my hands on her hips to pull her in closer, her breath hitched, but she allowed me to guide her to me. Our faces were so close I could feel her breath on my neck. She blinked, and when her tongue slid over her lips I put my hand behind her neck and gently ran my fingers through her hair. I couldn't help but caress her soft skin. I nipped her bottom lip with my teeth before running my tongue over it. Her tongue caressed mine and we deepened the kiss. We both laughed when our teeth bumped together. It was sweet and awkward and perfect all at once. Her eyes closed, she left out another contented sigh and I knew she wanted this as much as I did. I continued to kiss her neck and nuzzle under her ear. One of her hands was gripping my hair, the other dug into my hip while she held on as if I were her lifeline. Suddenly she pulled my mouth to hers and we kissed a second time before she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against mine.

"Thank you, Edward."

She went to step away from my chair and swayed slightly. _I know exactly how you feel, Bella. _I reached out to steady her; her fingers were intertwined with mine. She stepped off to the side of the chair and watched as I very gingerly lowered it to the sitting position, unbuckled my belt and tilted it back. Using my arms, I shimmied myself back as far as I could and got situated in the correct spot.

Bella had seen me put the chair through its paces a handful of times, yet today when I caught her watching she blushed and I knew what she was thinking. I hoped one day I could give her reason to explore the things that could probably be done in this chair… on this chair. With so many years to think about it, my thoughts had become rather creative about all the positions I could utilize this chair in, but I had no one to share those ideas with. Suddenly my life had shifted in this new direction. It was a promising thought.

"Come on, let's go see what's cooking. It won't be long before someone else comes back to check on us and see what we're doing. I feel like a teenager again."

She laughed as she took my hand. After we were through the doorway, we were able to walk hand in hand down the hallway. I loved this house. The man who designed it had an SCI as well. It was the first house he had built after his accident and it was his own personal residence for a number of years. There were some major modifications that were done before I came here from Chuck Johnson's place to live, but the open floor plan and the wide doorways were all original. The man was designing accessible homes before organizations like Concrete Change existed.

I could smell food, and the aroma of it owned me. Food wasn't bad at rehab, but this was home cooked Esme-style food. I knew she'd made some of my favorite things and I couldn't wait to indulge. It was a blessing that I was in the body cast while I was at Harborview. At least then I had a reason not to eat the horrid food they served.

"Oh honey, I was just getting ready to send Alice in to get you. Everything is ready to eat. Come sit down and I'll make you a plate. What are you hungry for?"

It all looked and smelled so good. "A little of everything. Please?"

It was an Italian feast fit for a king. She had hand rolled gnocchi, and I knew the sauce was home made. There were meatballs. Great big meatballs- not the little things they had at the hospital. And these were made with real beef, not the stuff that made you wonder if someone soaked really big chunks of dog food in canned sauce. Esme hated it when I talked like that, but eh, if the shoe fits...

She even made lasagna, a small pan with red sauce, and another one with white sauce. I knew there were buried treasures in the one with red sauce... chunks of smoked sausage, chorizo, mini meatballs, and vegetables. But then, the white one was a treasure in itself.

I leaned into Bella. "If you like seafood, try the lasagna with the white sauce. It has shrimp and lobster. It's to die for." She wrinkled her face up and I remembered the night at the bowling alley. "Or maybe not... I forgot."

She smiled, "Its okay. I see lots of things I _will_ try."

I saw calamari in sauce, and there was a plate of fried smelts. Esme always made these Christmas Eve. In fact, this was our traditional Christmas Eve dinner whenever I was home for the holidays. A beautiful salad resided in Grandma Platt's huge salad bowl.

Esme set a plate down in front of me and I inhaled, long and deep. Incredible. The aroma alone had me drooling like Pavlov's dog.

Bella went and got a plate full of food, but not nearly as full as mine. It had been a long time since I'd consumed this much food. I hoped my eyes weren't bigger than my stomach.

For the longest time, all you could hear was the clinking of silverware against the plates.

Alice elbowed me. "Hey, I'll go take care of your medical supplies after we eat and if you want, I can get you all ready for bed, so all you have to do later is transfer. We can have an easy evening then."

"You're going to have an easy evening. I showered and dressed in clean sweats before you picked me up. I fully intend to sleep in these. We'll change in the morning."

"Okay, well I'll just run in and get your supplies put away, then."

"Wrong. You can relax; we're _all_ going to have a stress-free evening. Bella and I put everything away a little bit ago. It's all situated the way I want it."

I don't think she expected that. "Oh. Well then..." Little Alice seemed at a loss for words.

"Don't worry; there will be plenty of organizing when we move into the house." And there would be. This was just a little taste of the medical supplies and contraptions I required for my day to day activities.

Dinner was delicious, and from time to time I caught myself watching Bella. She was so pretty. I could barely contain myself when she'd lick her lips or moan when she bit into something new. I was so happy she agreed to spend the weekend here. I knew she had things to do. The reports were detailed; she had explained that they were the written descriptions of her student's upcoming science fair projects. It would take her a while to go through them and I understood the sacrifice she was making for me by putting them off until Sunday. As I swallowed the last bite of my garlic bread, a light bulb came on.

"Hey Bella, I don't want to intrude, but could I help you at all with your homework on Sunday? I know I can't _grade_ the papers, but you said it was science. I was AP science all through high school, and my bachelor's degree was in science."

Her expression went from one that was deep in thought to beaming. "Well, they don't really _need_ to be graded, I'm just reading over them for composition, and then I need to decide whether the science project is something they could actually do at a science fair. Some of the ideas are really outlandish, some of the students don't put forth any effort and some are downright dangerous. Some of those kids have to redo their report and pick another goal. Sure, I could bring them over to rehab on Sunday, I suppose. Thanks."

I never imagined I'd be able to help Bella with something like school work. Knowing that I could do something constructive which would simplify her life made me feel like someone of importance. I hadn't felt like that in a very long time.

I noticed everyone else was done and they were all sitting around the table talking. The coffee maker had clicked on and was brewing. No one seemed to pay attention as I went to that familiar cupboard and took out my dishpan. I loved the fact that Esme was so predictable and all the things I needed were right where they belonged. I rolled up next to Bella first. "Are you all done, Bella?"

Her eyes got big when she realized what I was doing. It had been so long, yet it felt good to just do something normal. "Oh, yes, it was very good. Thanks." She handed me her plate and silverware and I lowered everything into the dishpan.

Esme shot up, "Oh, honey, let me get that, you just got home."

Carlisle put a hand on her arm and I heard him quietly say, "Let him do this. It's important to him." She sat back down and nodded. _Thanks Dad. _He knew I needed this.

I buzzed over to my spot and grabbed my dishes then continued to make my way around the table. After I gathered everyone's dirty dishes, I made my way to the sink.

"Esme, your coffee is done. Could you pour a cup for me so it starts to cool?" I hated decaf, even if hers was some of the best you could buy, but with her distracted, I could start on the dishes. I knew Carlisle would run interference for me.

Esme gave everyone a cup and I could hear the clinking of spoons against ceramic as they added various things to flavor their coffee.

I heard the scraping of several chairs. I turned and looked over my shoulder to see my family quietly making their way out of the kitchen with their coffee. Esme had those ceramic coffee cups that looked like Starbucks cups; they even had the soft plastic lid that made it look like a disposable cup. My coffee was in one of those. "Bella, could you throw a shot of milk into my coffee and put the lid on quickly?" Even though I fought decaf, the smell was intoxicating. Bella handed me my cup and I took a swallow. Mmm, it _was_ good. I was sticking to my guns though, at home, we would _not_ be drinking decaf. I needed the buzz I got from the caffeine to function.

"Thanks."

She curtsied and said, "You're welcome kind sir." before she started giggling.

I reached over and opened the dishwasher. It was just as I knew it would be- empty. I loved that about Esme. My college room mates would run the dishwasher in the apartment and just live out of it. When the dishes were dirty, they went into the sink until it was full, and the dishwasher was empty. Then someone would load it and run it. I don't know that they ever actually used the cupboards for dishes.

I turned on the hot water and made sure the little screen was in the drain in the rinse side of the sink. I rinsed each plate and utensil, putting them neatly in the dishwasher so Esme's OCD wouldn't force her to rearrange it after I was through. Bella snuck up behind me and leaned over my shoulder. From time to time she'd point out a spot I missed. After several comments about my dish rinsing skills, I turned the sprayer over my shoulder and gave it a squirt causing her to let out a squeal. She backed off a little, but continued to tease me about my dishwashing abilities. I reminded her to be nice, maybe I couldn't cook, but I promised I'd be in the kitchen washing dishes every night I was home. I stuck a tablet into the machine, but didn't turn it on yet. After we snacked later, I'd turn it on and run a full load.

Backing up, I maneuvered my chair under the wash side of the sink and began washing the pots and pans. It was the least I could do after the spectacular dinner Esme made. If I knew my mom, she was up at four or five in the morning simmering her home made sauce and rolling her own pasta. There was no way I was letting her clean up too.

I heard footsteps to my left, and just as I was getting ready to tell my mom to go sit down, Bella cleared her throat and smiled the most endearing smile. "I know you want to do this on your own, but if you'd like some company I can rinse and dry as you wash?" I couldn't help but stare at her shirt. The thin cotton stretched over her breasts, and after it had gotten wet, I could see her nipples right there at eye level. _Oh my._

I coughed a few times, trying to pull myself together and look anywhere but her chest. She must've thought I was a cad.

I hesitated to answer her, I didn't want her to have to do _anything_ while she was here, but it might be nice to do something domestic together. Hopefully it would be like this in a few weeks. Us, sharing the responsibilities...

"That would be nice Bella, thanks."

I picked up the first lasagna pan and lifted it into the sink, just as it hovered over the water, I felt a tiny hand tickle that spot above my hip and I juked, dropping the pan and making soapy water splash everywhere. The front of my shirt was soaked. I looked up and she stood with her hand over her mouth. She gasped a fake gasp, before she began to giggle.

I couldn't help but growl, "Bel-lah!"

She giggled until I reminded her about the casts that I needed to keep dry at all costs. I had never seen her let loose it like this before. It made me love being with her even more. For a while we worked in companionable silence. When she went to rinse the big pasta pot with the sprayer, a shot of water hit my chest. "Oops!" She squealed. It was the last piece and apparently she anticipated a reaction from me. As soon as she finished rinsing, she turned to make a hasty get away but slipped on the wet floor.

I watched her lose her balance and reached out to steady her before she fell. "Careful there, Bella. Wet tile is slippery. It's all fun and games till someone gets hurt."

She smiled and chimed in, "and then it's freakin' hilarious!" We both laughed, but as it died down, she got serious all of a sudden. Bella backed up so that her hips were resting on the edge of the table. She was looking down at the floor. _Was she embarrassed for some reason?_

"What is it Bella?"

"I'm sorry if I was too pushy... you know... earlier. I just, I've been wondering what home life is like for you. I realized the day I bought the cast tatts that I had no idea how things are for you outside of a hospital setting."

I took her hand and squeezed it. "Hey, it's okay. I know you're curious, and we're about to embark on an adventure together where it might be necessary for you to know this stuff anyway. I'm not offended. This is my life."

I went to the small closet that housed the cleaning supplies and pulled the mop off its hook. I buzzed over to the puddle on the floor and wiped it up. It wasn't enough to even warrant wringing out the mop, but I didn't want anyone to fall and get hurt. I was a little shy of the tile floors, and knew I'd never be in the kitchen without a seatbelt... just in case.

"Come on; let's go see what kind of movies Alice is going to torture us with."

She looked down at her shirt. "I need to find something dry. Would anyone be offended if just changed into my pajamas quick?"

"Not at all. I really need to grab a dry shirt, too. Come on." We headed back to our rooms, and before I knew it, Bella was standing in my doorway.

"I'm done." She was fresh faced, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like a teenager in her pajamas.

When we made our way to the living room, everyone was sitting around talking quietly. Their coffee cups were abandoned on the coffee table. Alice stood up, gathered the three cups and headed to the kitchen.

"Alice, we just got in here, where are you going?"

"We have to have popcorn, and something to drink. I'll just be a minute, go get comfy."

I rolled over to the firmer of the two couches. I sunk too low in the other one, and after getting stuck in it when I was here alone, we bought a similar one that I could maneuver out of independently. I pulled up, perpendicular to it and stopped my chair. After I undid the safety bar, and my seatbelt I looked at Carlisle. "Would you mind getting my board for me and spotting?"

He looked at me like I had cured cancer or found the solution for world peace. He hadn't seen me transfer in nearly a year. "Not at all son, I'd be delighted."

Bella stood off to the side and watched, her hand was over her mouth and I was sure she was holding her breath. She'd seen this a few times in rehab, but this was the first time I'd transferred into a couch. I hoped I wasn't making a mistake.

I flipped up my arm rest and got my board situated before beginning the long arduous task of going from one place to the other. Inch by inch I worked my way over. When I slid down into the leather sofa, I left out the breath I was holding. A sound that mirrored my own came from Bella. Carlisle slipped a child-sized beanbag chair under my legs, it was perfect.

Patting the space beside me, I silently asked Bella to sit down. She scooted in next to me and curled up under my arm, pulling her feet up onto the couch. I laid my arm across her shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze. Alice came back carrying a big tray of goodies. After setting it on the coffee table, she pulled my folding table from behind the couch, set it up, and slid it up against the arm of the couch so I could reach whatever she put there.

Grabbing a few things from the tray, she filled my table with two large paper cups of popcorn, a box of Swedish fish, and a box of Raisinettes. I was surprised she remembered my favorites. She handed Bella a bag of Peanut M & Ms. I noticed that she set two small bottles of root beer on the tray, as well. I groaned. _Esme and her root beer._

Apparently this was "Eighties movie night." Our choices were Revenge of the Nerds, The Breakfast Club, the very first Nightmare on Elm Street, and Grease.

I already knew Alice would push for Grease. Everyone looked at me. Alice raised one eyebrow. "Edward?"

"I'd like Bella to choose. I know I'm only good for one or two movies."

Bella looked up at me and blushed. "Grease?" Internally I groaned. _ANYTHING but Grease. AUGH!_

I smiled down at her. "Sure, that's fine. Do you want to pick the other one?"

"Nah, I'm good. What do _you_ want to watch, Edward?"

I looked at Alice, her smile was triumphant. "Bella already picked my favorite, it's up to you."

I didn't really care; I'd seen them all numerous times. _I wonder what Bella would like. _My inner teenager kept whispering 'The scary one... the scary one!' Of course- if she was scared, she'd snuggle closer.

"Elm Street."

Bella looked up at me, her eyes big. I gave her shoulders a squeeze. "I'll protect you, Bella." I felt her shudder. _I don't think she likes scary movies. _

We watched Grease first. Bella and Alice sang along, as Alice recited most of the words too. Every once in a while Bella would put a piece of popcorn or candy against my lips, and I'd take it from her. My arm had slipped from her shoulder and was now down behind her back. My hand rested on her side, under her arm, and when no one was looking I'd rub little circles with my thumb on the side of her breast. I wondered if it was too much, but she snuggled in closer and took a deep contented breath. _She was comfortable like this._

When it was time to swap movies, Bella hopped up to use the bathroom. I realized I hadn't done that since I left rehab hours ago. That was a bad practice to get into so early in the game. I tried not to slack when it came to bowel and bladder care. It was difficult sometimes when I was working to stay on a rigid schedule, but there was no excuse to neglect my bladder while I was relaxing at home.

"Alice, could you grab my urinal and a catheter? It's been a while since I've taken care of business."

Alice and Bella came back down the hallway together. Bella made an excuse and went to the kitchen to see Esme, giving me privacy to do what I needed to do. I finished quickly then called Bella as I took off my gloves and handed them and the urinal to Alice.

In no time, we were all settled again and as soon as the credits began to roll Alice turned off the lights. Bella had my arm over her shoulder, with a death grip on my fingers. As soon as something scary happened, she got impossibly closer. I thought she had drifted off, but when Johnny Depp got sucked into the bed, Alice shrieked and Bella jerked up off the couch. Wiping her mouth, she looked around to make sure no one noticed she'd been asleep. "Come here, honey, its okay." I whispered. She smiled and scooted back under my arm. We both drifted off and I woke up to Carlisle shaking me gently.

"Son, wake up. The movie is over."

I yawned and stretched. Bella had scooted down so that her head was resting on my lap. Each time she snored, her little lips would blow out, and then suck back in. Someone had covered her with a blanket.

I looked up at a smiling Carlisle. "We missed the movie."

He chuckled, "Yeah, most of it. You fell asleep right after you got Bella back to sleep."

I motioned to Bella. "How did we end up like this?"

"She just kept scooting down. You didn't seem to mind." He gave me a knowing smile.

I reached out and shook her. "Bella... hey, Bella... wake up it's time for bed."

She rolled over and pulled her arms into her chest. She was facing my crotch and when she opened her eyes, she gasped and sat up so quickly that she nearly fell off the sofa. I grabbed her arm so she wouldn't fall.

"Oh God! I am _so _sorry!"

"Hey, it's okay. Come on, it's time for bed."

She looked around, and realization dawned on her. "You're waiting on me. I'm sorry." She fumbled with the blanket and righted herself.

"Please stop apologizing. It's fine. I woke up just a minute or two before you did."

She stood up and folded the blanket, watching as Carlisle helped to get everything lined up so I could move over. I must have gotten stiff on the couch, it was difficult to move back to my chair, but I wouldn't have traded my night for the world. It was monumental. We had both let down some walls, and we'd had _a lot_ of fun. I couldn't help smiling.

Slowly I got situated in the wheelchair and we headed back down the hallway. Alice waited in my room, the blankets were turned back and a few extra pillows for positioning filled the recliner. Alice laid two self contained catheter bags on my nightstand. They not only had a pre-lubed cath tube, but a sealed bag was attached. It was fully self-contained and I could use them myself. Alice would empty them in the morning. All too often I'd had mishaps in bed using the urinal. After I found those, I never went back.

I buzzed into the bathroom and saw my pills laid out on the counter. Taking them before brushing my teeth, I then cathed one more time and washed my hands. Now, I was ready for bed. I laughed when I saw the wet tee shirt hanging over the towel bar. I'd have to get something from Carlisle in the morning to wear.

When I came out, Alice was patiently waiting. She was flipping though my photo album. "Do you think about them much anymore?" She seemed sad. We spent so much time together as kids, even though she was older. They were like her second family.

"Every day Alice, every day." She nodded a few times and closed the book. She understood.

I backed up to the head of the bed and readied my board. After everything was set, I inched my way into bed. Alice reached down to swing my legs around for me. "No, let me. I have to do this. Just spot me."

"Okay."

I made fists and pushed them down into the mattress. I straightened my arms, locking my elbows and lifted my behind off the mattress. Little by little, I moved my butt back as far as I could before hooking my hands behind my right knee. In one fluid movement, I leaned back and swung my leg up on the bed. Once I braced my heel on the bed, I hooked my hands behind the left knee and swung it up onto the bed as well. I moved them around until I got them where I needed them then I turned onto my right side, facing the recliner. It was the first time I had been able to keep myself balanced enough to do it completely by myself. Jill would have been proud. Alice flitted around putting pillows between my knees and between my ankles, and then rolled and pushed more firmly behind my back. Once I was all done, she covered me and got ready to leave me. It was as if she was contemplating something serious, as she stood with her hands on her hips. "Should I leave your bathroom light on and leave the door ajar?"

"It's not like I'm gonna get out of bed. You can turn it off."

"I better leave it on, that way I won't need the overhead light when I turn you."

I huffed, "Fine, leave it."

As I lay in bed, a million things ran through my mind. There were kisses and hand holding and not-so-innocent touches. We had a water battle and Bella let me hold her when she was scared. I never imagined the tides would turn so quickly and we'd be moving forward. There were so many things to think about, I'd never get to sleep. The last time I felt like this I was waiting for Santa to come.

Just as I was drifting off, I hear the shuffling of feet then checked my watch. It was far too early for Alice to turn me. My door creaked open and a tiny voice called my name. "Edward? I'm scared."

Did Alice know I'd be getting company? It was almost as if she was psychic some days. "Can you sleep in the recliner? I don't know how comfortable it is."

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Well then, come on." She shuffled across my room and got onto the recliner. It was so close to my bed that when she reclined it, she was only inches from my face.

She covered herself with an afghan that had been slung over the back before she rolled onto her side. Reaching out, we joined hands.

Bella yawned a big yawn. "G'nite Edward."

"Nite hon, get some sleep."

I barely uttered the words and she was snoring softly. Giving her hand a squeeze, I snuggled down into my pillow. I don't know how long I watched her before I drifted off myself. I woke to Alice shaking me and whispering. Edward, it's time to roll over. Bella never stirred as Alice moved and then replaced my pillows. Once I was all situated, I took care of my bladder and got all snuggled back under my blankets. Bella was still snoring. This was nice. I wondered if I could get her to come here each weekend until we moved. _Would that be asking too much?_

I must have gone back to sleep as my mind was wandering. I barely remember Alice turning me the rest of the way over, but she must have. I awoke to sunshine filtering in through the windows, Bella was behind me now. That was one thing that would really stink. If Bella and I ever got to the point where we shared a bed, at some point every night I'd be forced to sleep with my back to her unless I wanted to risk a bedsore.

Carlisle had taken the weekend off as soon as he learned I'd be home. It must've been early because I didn't hear the sounds of anyone moving about yet. If I were at rehab, they'd be dragging me out of bed soon, and if I were back to work, it would be time to get up, but this was some lazy daisy Saturday morning and it was the first time I'd slept at home in forever. I heard Bella sit the recliner up behind me and she yawned, I knew she was stretching. _I'd_ be stretching if I could. In my head I pictured her as she stretched and yawned eyes squeezed shut, reaching for the sky as her little tee shirt crept up her belly. I couldn't help but smile thinking about it.

"Be right back." She muttered and I heard her slippers shuffle across the floor. The bathroom door closed I heard her flush and run water in the sink. As quickly as she left, Bella was making her way back across my room. She plopped down on the edge of my bed and yawned again, rubbing her eyes. Her hair was sticking up everywhere and her Hello Kitty jammies were rumpled. She looked more like a little girl than the teacher she was. She was endearing.

"What are we doing today? Do we have plans?" She wanted to know.

What _would_ we do? "Dunno. Is there something you'd like to do? I'm not the social butterfly I used to be. I feel more like a hermit. We have to leave early enough to stop by the house and do the final walk through. So we have to eat early enough that we're not rushed. I have a seven pm curfew."

"Would you like to go over to Pikes Place? We could eat there; maybe Carlisle could just drive over and meet us at the house around five."

I hadn't been to the market in a long time. I used to go on Saturday mornings with Esme, and the one thing I remembered was how crowded it was. But there were plenty of places we could walk outside, and restaurants where we could eat on the sidewalk. The forecast was for a beautiful, sunny day in the seventies. Perfect.

"Alice would love going with us, as long as you don't let her tire you out, even the most formidable shopper would have trouble keeping up with Alice."

Bella giggled. "It's okay Edward, I've shopped with her before, and I'll be alright. She's actually very mindful of my situation."

"Should we go get some breakfast then?" It would take Alice and I a good half hour to get me ready, if not longer. I wouldn't die if I didn't shower, and I didn't feel like lying around for a bed bath. We could wash over the important parts to hurry things along.

Bella looked like she was in shock when she gasped. "Oh, God. I'm on breakfast detail. I better get to the kitchen!" Before I knew what hit me, she was gone.

I put my headphones in and hit play on my iPod. I'd listen to some tunes while I waited for Alice. It would take her a little time to get around, and I was more than happy just chilling out for the time being.

I must have laid there for a good half hour before the smells of food and coffee began wafting from the kitchen. _I swear I'd died and gone to heaven._ If I woke up to smells like this every morning, oh my...

Alice bopped into my room in a cute little outfit that reminded me of a sailor suit, minus the wide collar on the back of the shirt. She had on white pants, the short skinny kind that looked like waders... they had a proper name, but I'm a guy, I never paid attention to things like that, and a navy blue shirt with big gold buttons that had anchors stamped onto them. She was in a cheery mood and I feared Bella and I were taking on something totally out of our league by inviting her along.

I made a comment about skipping a shower and Alice looked at me like I had quite possibly lost my mind. "Ew, you are _not_ going out with Bella and me if you don't shower. You've got bed head. Come on, I'll help you." She coaxed.

After much of Alice's prodding I gave up and Carlisle helped me into the shower. They wrapped me in garbage bags and propped my feet on a small foot stool. Dressing was a challenge, and we ended up turning my wheelchair in every direction but upside down before I was fully clothed. In rehab I was getting back in bed to dress, but Alice wanted no part of that.

A good forty-five minutes later, we strolled into the kitchen. Alice in her sailor suit, and me in my sweat pants with a Harborview tee shirt that Carlisle had gotten by participating in some 5K marathon when the hospital dedicated its new pediatric wing.

Bella stood in her PJs covered head to toe in flour, as bacon sizzled in the frying pan. A huge bowl of fried potatoes sat on the table, and between pouring and plating waffles, which looked delightfully like homemade, Bella was cracking a dozen eggs into a bowl. The aroma of coffee filled the air, and I inhaled, _deeply and loudly_. I couldn't remember when I'd smelled anything so wonderful.

Walking over to me, Bella whispered softly in my ear while handing me a cup of coffee. "Here, ours has caffeine. After Carlisle and Esme each had a cup of decaf, I snuck a baggie full of regular into the machine." I looked up at her, dumbstruck. Once again I marveled about how utterly perfect this girl was.

I pulled up to my usual spot at the table and Bella set a plate in front of me before scooting right in next to me. Alice had set the potatoes and scrambled eggs in the center of the table, and Esme gave us each a small glass of orange juice, except me-I got cranberry juice. It had been a long time since I'd had it. Cran juice used to be a daily ritual for me at breakfast and bedtime. I cocked an eyebrow and said "No fair!"

"Listen up, Mister; I see what you drink at rehab. You need to think of your bladder. I got several single serving bottles for you to take back with you. Your bladder needs the acid." She was right, and I had been slacking. I couldn't adhere to the 'no caffeine' rule but I did enjoy cran juice, and it was helpful in preventing bacteria. I sighed; I really wanted OJ this morning.

"Yes mother." Everyone laughed, and I was glad none of my friends were here. I'd never live it down.

Bella's waffles were to die for. I ate four... or maybe five of them... all crispy and full of butter and syrup. They were perfect, and the syrup was thick and sweet. It was so good that I caught myself dipping my slices of bacon into the remaining puddle after the waffles were gone. Mmm.

"Oh Bella, I'm so glad you enjoy cooking. I'll buy anything you want for the kitchen, just let me know what we need."

Carlisle laughed, but I thought I heard him say something about visiting often. Esme smacked him on the arm and feigned shock. Carlisle always raved about the breakfasts Esme put on. To say something like that even if it was under his breath was quite the compliment for Bella.

I held my stomach when I left the table to get my dishpan. Carlisle reached out and grabbed my arm to stop me. "Go son, have some fun with your girl. I've got the kitchen."

"Are you sure, I don't mind cleaning up quick, Bella still needs to get dressed."

"Positive. Go do whatever you want till she's ready. I've got this covered."

I wandered through the house for a little while then went to my room and gathered my dirty clothing into my small duffle bag. I could have left them here for Esme, but rehab had a laundry facility and we were all expected to take care of our own. I wasn't one to shirk my responsibilities. I wanted to take everything with us when we went, so we could leave the market and go straight to the house.

Setting the duffle bag on the foot of my bed, I looked around. I hadn't even gone back to rehab and I already anticipated my next furlough. I rolled to my dresser and took dad's jewelry box down onto my lap. I opened it and looked at his things.

When I was a kid, Dad and I would sit and marvel over his treasures. Cufflinks that belonged to Grandpa Masen, a gold watch Mom bought for him that never did keep time very well, and various tie tacks and other trinkets. In the bottom, buried from sight was his wedding band. The funeral home gave Esme two tiny black velvet bags. One representing each of them. Dad's had only his wedding band and a money clip. He had been traveling and never wore anything with sentimental or monetary value. Mom's held her engagement ring and wedding band, a pair of emerald drop earrings, and a necklace with a matching emerald pendant. Those things were in her jewelry box. I didn't think I could open hers.

The one and only time I looked at them, I noticed a smudge of blood on the white gold chain of her necklace and I ended up in hysterics. Even though Esme had them cleaned after my meltdown, I just wasn't ready- today wasn't the day for that. Setting the box back in its rightful place, I reached for the portrait of my family and studied their faces. I couldn't remember the sound of their voices anymore. I never wanted to forget what they looked like. I rubbed my fingers over their faces. It seemed like a million years ago since I'd seen them. Seven months ago, I was certain I was going to see them again, but now I was glad that I'd been blessed with more time. My reason to make the very most of the life they gave me was at the end of the hallway taking a shower.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up just as my aunt leaned in to give me a kiss. "I miss them too kiddo. We all do. They would be so proud of you, of what you've become."

"Thanks, Esme. I haven't seen them in so long. Maybe you could get me another copy of this picture?"

"I think there's a copy in my purse. I don't really need it. I've just never taken it out. I'll look while you're out."

I couldn't bear to ask about my wallet. That might be too much for either of us. "Thanks Esme. I appreciate it."

"Come on, your girl is going to be ready soon. I wanted to show you a few things."

Esme took me to her room where she pulled out a large bag. "I got these things for you a few weeks ago. I know Alice did some shopping but I thought you'd like to take these back with you. Had I realized you got wet last night, I'd have given them to you sooner." She was smirking like she knew exactly what happened last night. _Were they watching us?_

She reached into the bag and brought out several pair of cargo pants, sweats, jeans. "I got you a pair of sneakers too. The same kind you used to wear… I thought you'd need them soon." She had no ideas my toes had become even more deformed after the accident, I wouldn't be wearing those sneakers without a special orthotic inside of them.

"They're great. Thanks. Alice was asking about my things. Is my stuff from the apartment in the garage?"

"No, not any more. I took them to the storage unit, but we can get whatever you need when we go to inspect the furniture. Alice voiced an interest in getting everything cleaned and unpacked for you. We'll look."

She sat down on the edge of my bed. "It was really nice having everyone here this weekend. Bella's a nice girl."

"She is. Do you think I'm making a mistake by moving her in with me? Am I rushing into things too soon?" I felt more like the teenaged boy than my 35 year old doctor self. Uncertainty was my middle name anymore.

"No, think you should do what feels right to you. It's your house, and it would be a very lonely place to be in all by yourself. I'm pleased that you won't be all alone. Bella is a very nice young lady and I can see you both have feelings for each other. I hope your friendship continues to grow. I loved watching the two of you interact this weekend."

"Thanks Esme, sometimes I worry what other people will think, not about me, but well... I don't want her to have a negative stigma attached to her because she's living with me. You know... guilty by association and all that."

"What in the world are you talking about? What negative stigma? You can't tell me you think you're not good enough for Bella because you can't _walk_? I thought we had all that behind ourselves."

"No, we do. I'm very comfortable in my own skin and while it might have been a bump in the road, I'm alright. I just don't want people to look at her like she's getting the short end of the stick."

"When I met Bella, I thought she was a quiet, shy girl who needed someone to fight her battles for her. Now that I have had the opportunity to get to know her, I realize that isn't the case at all. I suspect that she would put anyone in their place that made any negative reference to her friendship with you. Frankly, she's a big girl and it's none of anyone's business what the two of you do."

"I know you're right. I can't help myself, when I look at her, I want to take care of her, protect her... I just can't help myself."

"That's a good quality. I just... in this case, I don't think it's something you need to worry about."

"I guess your right. I want to thank you for putting up with all of us. It's sad that you have to entertain an entire entourage just to get your son to visit. I hope we weren't too much of an imposition. I suspect that I'll be coming home regularly to become acclimated to world on the outside of a facility. Do you mind that I sorta planned to come here each weekend until the house is ready?"

"Edward Cullen! If you ever say anything like that again, I'll beat you! You know we loved having you here. Bella is family, the same as Alice. Of course we didn't mind everyone being here. Your father hasn't had a weekend off since New Years, and it was nice that he had a reason to stay home. Will Bella be here too? She's more than welcome."

"I'm not sure, I'll ask her. I think she has something planned next weekend."

"What are you doing today?"

"I thought we'd go over to Pike's Place, walk around where we can. I know it'll be difficult with the wheelchair. I always have trouble because it's so crowded, so I was thinking about just grabbing some lunch at one of the markets outside."

"Don't you have a whole day until you go back though? Surely you won't stay at the market all day."

I considered just spending the day on the waterfront. Bella would enjoy that; there was the park and the fountain. "I'm not sure what we'll do. I imagine we can find something to do. I just really want to get out there and interact with people. See what's new in the world."

"I hope you don't mind my making a suggestion, but you have a lot of things you're going to need for the new house, things Bella may not feel completely comfortable purchasing on her own without you. You want the house to be fully functional when you get there, and I can understand that, but maybe you should go window shopping at the very least to get the things you'll need."

I rubbed my face. I wasn't sure shopping was what I had in mind- not that kind of shopping, but it made sense. Time was against us. "I suppose you're right. I'll have to suggest it to Bella."

I never heard her sneak through the doorway. "Suggest what to Bella?"

Esme gasped and put her hand over her heart. "You just gave me heart failure. I was just suggesting that perhaps you and Edward should go shopping for some of the things you'll need for the house, since there's so little time left. He wanted to get out and people watch."

"Oh, that's a good idea. I really don't enjoy shopping all that much, but your mom's right. There are things we need and I don't know what your preferences are. We can go to the waterfront first, and then perhaps we can go get some of the things we need and drop them off at the house when we meet your contractor."

I groaned and hung my head. I wondered, was it a bad, bad thing? So early in the game...Bella and my mother..._agreeing?_

But for the first time in a long while, there was an ache in my heart that neither Esme nor Bella could fill. For so many years I had lived a mundane life: school, work, and roommates who never could've been a substitute for the family I missed. Yet, while there was an occasional pang of loneliness it didn't hit me until I began experiencing these firsts...the truly good things in my life where I realized just how deeply I missed them. How I wished my _mom_ could have been here with Bella and Esme to help me set up my first home. I discovered that this was just one of many times where I'd long for her to be a part of the new adventures I was now experiencing for the first time myself.

* * *

Have you read Thicker Than Blood by JD909626? I've been betaing this awesome little piece and it quite literally _exploded _last chapter. It's an E/B story that starts in the most unconventional settings for a Twi-fic (yeah, I know we've see it all) and it's just… wow. I love the Bella/Jasper interaction- too funny, and I find it refreshing to see a Bella who is so young but who exudes such grace and maturity under fire. If you haven't read it. Go check it out.

I love to hear from you. I read every review as they come in & squee like the fan girl that I am. You people seriously own me. If you have a specific question, I promise I'll address it. Otherwise, I'll cya on the weekend.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-eight

~Edward~

Apparently the entire populace of Seattle had the same idea as I had. I swear, they were all there, at Pike's Place... at the fountain... in the park. The ones who weren't outside enjoying the waterfront area of the city were in the mall Alice chose to begin our quest for house wares and white goods.

Navigating the crowds was difficult. I had people stepping in front of me, pushing into me, women bumping me in the head with their heavy purses. What do they carry in those things? _I swear some of them were packing rocks._ Thank God, Bella carried a little leather thing with long skinny straps. I don't think she could put more than a few credit cards and perhaps a checkbook inside of it. I hadn't ever seen her with anything else.

Alice seemed to have a real fascination with Pier One, and we spent an ungodly amount of time in there. Apparently the glassware was to die for, and we needed glasses in every size, shape and color. A woman with a screaming child was determined to hover about 6 feet from us. It was like we were on this axis. As we moved, she moved... this occurred our entire visit.

We did find a nice set of lamps for my bedroom and some other things I didn't really think we _needed,_ but Alice assured me that I had no clue what I was talking about. I shut my mouth, handed over the Amex card and allowed them to load me up like a pack mule. Alice had to push me to the car; I couldn't find the hand rims to propel the wheels on the chair.

By the time we left, quiet, even-tempered Bella had enough of the screaming kid and asked quietly if it was against the law to stuff a sock in the little bugger's mouth. Seeing how she was a teacher and trained to tolerate outbursts like this, it scared me a little.

A kitchen store had a dozen flour sack towels. I know because we bought every one. We got a digital meat thermometer and silicone egg poaching cups, too. I got a little excited when they let me pick out an electric peppermill. At least that was something I would use.

King sized sheets were expensive. _Expensive. _Alice talked me into an insanely high thread count, explaining that they would be much better for my skin. She also mentioned that they felt wonderful against naked skin. I _didn't_ want to know how she knew, but I filed that information away for later. _Good to know, Alice. _We bought four pair.

I had no towels or washcloths. We bought a complete set in a very dark chocolate brown and a set in brick colored rust. They were a very soft cotton and I had to agree with the girls, they'd be perfect for my bath room. I could never understand why hospitals had white towels. They stained easily, and I was constantly staining mine with something... betadine, iodine, numerous other things we won't mention. _It happened._

We even filled a cart with trash cans in various shapes and sizes. How many people buy a cart_ full _of trash cans? Apparently we needed them.

I had never been so happy to get out of a store, and I realized, sadly, that I'd almost prefer rehab to this excursion.

We did have a great time sitting on the rim of the fountain as we people watched and ate ham and potato chowder from one of the restaurants at the market. Alice carried the bag full of chowder and fresh baked croissants. Drinks were in my backpack, and Bella walked alongside Alice carrying a HUGE golf umbrella that Esme insisted we take, even if there was no sign of rain in the forecast. "It is Seattle after all", she said.

I was pleasantly exhausted when we got back to the car, and I dreaded the deal I'd made with Jill to put in my PT time in the evening.

Meeting with Bob and Carlisle later, we signed off on the house, and while I was with Bob and Dad, the girls unloaded our purchases into the garage. The trust department had one more inspection to do before releasing the final payment. There were a few cosmetic items to wrap up, and Bob assured me they would continue to work until everything was just right. He also offered to come back after I'd moved in and make adjustments to anything that needed attention- I was pleased with his attentiveness. Because of that, I couldn't wait to begin attending support group meetings and Concrete Change meetings to praise his work and encourage others to meet with him. Our closing was on Monday afternoon and Carlisle would pick me up at rehab so we could meet Rose at the bank to and complete the paperwork.

I signed back into _the book_ more than twenty minutes early, so we hung out in the garden until Jill's shift started. I knew she couldn't wait to get her hooks into me. Physical therapy was more of the same routines, but I was so tired that Jill had to constantly harp on me about staying on task. I was cranky and she was persistent. It wasn't pretty. We finally agreed to call it a night and I went to my room to wait for my nurse.

The nurse was a new girl named Tia. I wasn't going to get a shower, but she convinced me that it would wash away all my troubles, aches and pains. She was right, it was just what I needed, I was warm and my muscles no longer ached. I was so groggy when I got into bed; I knew it would only be a matter of a few minutes before I succumbed. I settled in for a long night of sleep and she bid me goodbye.

Just about the time I began to drift off, Alec began sniffling, and snuffling and then he was blowing his nose. It was after ten and I was _so tired_. I think I had gotten one full night of sleep since he arrived. After a while it sounded like he was snoring peacefully. I pulled the blankets up to my neck and waited for sleep to claim me.

In my dreams, Alec was calling me, begging me to wake up. I couldn't imagine why he'd want me to awaken and do _anything_ with him. During every encounter I'd had with him, he acted like I was the bane of his existence.

After trying to get comfortable several times, I realized I hadn't dreamt it and he really _was_ calling my name, begging me to help him. _What in the world?_

"Alec? What's the problem? Aren't you tired?"

"My head hurts."

"You sound like shit. Do you have a cold?"

"I don't think."

"How long have you been congested?"

"I don't know. Since just after bedtime? I feel like my head is going to explode. I can hear the blood rushing through my head. Please, do _something_, it hurts so bad."

Something just didn't sound _right_. I reached for my call bell but I couldn't find it, anywhere. Damn new nurse. It was always clipped to my blanket. Of all nights to be without it. I didn't want to start screaming like an idiot and wake the entire place.

_I could do this._ It took me a few minutes to get the bedrail down. I reached out to grab my chair and groaned when I realized Tia had left the tiny manual chair next to my bed. The Permobil would have been much more stable to transfer into on my first solo attempt. This was no time to be picky though.

I was able to pull myself up until I was sitting. Carefully, I slid one leg at a time off the bed. Thank God my transfer board was on the seat of the chair where I had left it. Making sure that the brakes were locked, I laid the board across the span between bed and chair. Leslie's words rang loud and clear in my head as I slowly but surely worked my way into my chair. 'Jill said you aren't to do this _alone_ yet'. _Alone._ What_ was_ I doing? The kid had treated me like garbage since he arrived, yet here I was risking life, limb, and quite possibly a severe thrashing because of him. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. He would never ask _me _to help him. Not if I was the last person on earth. Not unless it was a true emergency.

I could easily get to him and check on him, in the amount of time it took to conjure up a nurse. I knew the night staff was just a skeleton crew; it took forever to get a response at night, so I wheeled the loaner manual chair to his bed.

Pulling on the cord for the light over Alec's head, he moaned painfully. "God, that light is stabbing through my head. Can't you _please_ turn it off?" I would have, but one look at him told me the kid was in some serious distress. I didn't want it to be so, but I knew he was in a life threatening situation. I pulled the blankets back to assess him.

"Sorry buddy, just close your eyes and let me take a look."

Alec's face was covered in red blotches, and his tee shirt was soaked with sweat. Reaching out, I took his wrist in my hand and counted…his pulse was so slow… _way too slow_.

"Alec, look at me, can you tell me what's wrong?" Immediately his hands went to his hair- pulling, gripping it.

"My head, oh god, my head… it feels like it's going to explode."

"Is your stomach upset?"

"Yeah, I feel like I could hurl."

As I was questioning him, I was visually inspecting him, looking for the offending object I knew was the culprit. It could be anything, any place. There wasn't time to waste.

"I'm gonna set you up, Buddy. Let me know if it helps. I have to figure out what's making you sick. It'll be okay."

I elevated the bed as far as it would go. The most common cause was the catheter. Looking down I noticed the overnight collection bag for Alec's catheter. Empty. He had been in bed for several hours. _Something_ would have collected in that amount of time. I found the culprit; now to solve the problem. I followed the tubing up to the edge of Alec's shorts, and nothing was kinked. I reached into Alec's boxers and found the tube. It was folded in half and bunched under his thigh. _BINGO! _Someone was going to be in a heap of trouble. I quickly straightened out the tubing and a rush of urine flowed through the tube.

"What the hell man? Leave my junk alone!" I sat back and waited a few moments. Suddenly, the look of distress was replaced by one of utter disbelief. "The pain. It's gone. _What did you do to me_?"

"I just took care of the problem. How's the headache?"

He reached up and scratched his head, obviously puzzled. "Almost gone?"

It was all I could do to reach the blood pressure cuff from the wall above his head, and put it on his arm. It was second nature to reach to my neck for my stethoscope. I sighed when I realized it wasn't there. I wasn't a doctor in the hospital. I was no one, just another patient among the masses.

"You feeling better then?"

He nodded. "Yeah." It was barely a whisper, but I heard him.

"Good. Let's get someone in here to check you out."

Alec grabbed the blankets and pulled them up, appearing embarrassed; he clutched them to his chest. "I'm telling them you were all up in my junk. That shit's not right man."

I shrugged my shoulders. It was my turn to say it; because it was the only retort I could come up with, "Whatever, Dude."

I saw his call bell hanging over the far side of his bed, and used the reacher he had lying on his wheelchair to reach across him and grab it and pull it over within my grasp. I pushed the button and breathed a sigh of relief.

Alec was still clammy, but a quick check of his pulse confirmed that his heart rate was coming back to a normal level. He tried to jerk his wrist away when I grasped it, but relented when he realized I wasn't playing with him. The ruddy blotches on his face were fading and with no warning at all, he was snoring softly as if nothing had happened.

Leslie rushed in the room, looking startled to find me out of bed and the lights on. "What the...?

"Edward? How did you get out of bed? You didn't?" I followed her gaze as she looked to the floor. My blankets were half off the bed. My transfer board lay on the floor.

I looked down at myself, wearing boxers and barefoot.

"Uh yeah, he was in distress. I think he'll be okay, but someone should look over him." Leslie began assessing Alec as she talked.

Shaking him to rouse him she asked, "Alec. How do you feel?"

"Better now." He answered groggily. "But my roommate is a perv."

Leslie laughed and looked at me. "_What in the world?_"

"He had his hand in my pants, dude. That shit's _not_ cool." Leslie cocked her eyebrow asking me silently what my deal was. She took out _her_ stethoscope and finished the process of taking his blood pressure. "It's slightly elevated, but nothing serious, what gives?"

"The catheter tube was kinked and pinched off under his thigh." I retorted. I suppose I was acting a bit smug. First aid yesterday, life saving intervention today. _The doc is on his game._

She turned to me. "You realize that most _normal_ patients would just use the call button. Only _you_ would drag yourself out of bed. You are aware that Jill isn't going to be happy with you, don't you?" I rolled over to my drawer and pulled on a tee shirt. _Please don't feed the crocodiles... _I rolled back over to Alec's side of the room.

"I didn't have the call bell, and neither did he. He woke me, complaining of a severe headache. His head was congested, he was sweating profusely, and his face and chest were covered in red blotches... "

She turned looking at me questioningly. "Autonomic Dysreflexia?"

"Yeah. He was in the midst of a life threatening situation. Imagine what would have happened if I didn't wake up." I realized suddenly what I had done. Without really putting too much conscious thought into it, I had reacted. I got myself out of bed and to Alec. I assessed his condition, and solved the problem.

She stuck her thermometer in his mouth. When it beeped she flicked the plastic sheath into the trash. "Who put you to bed?"

I rubbed my eyes. "Tia, is she new? I didn't recognize her."

"Yeah, she's only been here a week or so."

"She was very nice, attentive..."

"She's not any too attentive if she missed something like giving you guys the call bells, and left Alec lying on a kinked catheter tube."

"We both know this conversation isn't appropriate in front of a patient. I'd like to talk to Jill about how this will be handled."

"I'll say something to her."

She took Alec's wrist, checking his heart rate again. "How are you feeling Alec?"

He shivered. "Alright, I think. My head still hurts a little, but not like it did."

"Let's get you into a dry shirt; the one you're in is drenched." I rolled back away so Leslie could do what she needed to.

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway and I knew it was time to face the music.

"Cullen?"

"Jill."

"Do you mind telling me why I have the distinct feeling you've been up to no good?"

"Um, can I plead the fifth and just say that I was working towards my occupational goals?"

"I was just leaving and saw all the lights on in here. What's up?" She asked, motioning to Alec. Leslie was just pulling a shirt over his head and getting him situated.

"Autonomic Dysreflexia. He had an episode. The catheter was kinked. I couldn't get to my call button, so I did the next best thing. Look, I'm sorry if you think I acted rashly, but there was no way I could ignore him."

She walked over and picked up my blankets, smoothing things out, and then sat down on the foot of my bed. Sighing, Jill ran her hands through her hair. "Look, I understand, and you did do the right thing, given the circumstance. It's surreal having a patient here who actually knows what's going on. I think this is a first in my career. But, I have to ask you to refrain from treating the patients. You know... insurance liability and whatnot.

Then she grinned at me. "Does it feel good to be getting your feet wet?"

I sorta puffed up in my chair. "Yeah. It feels really good. I didn't even truly realize that I was acting on instinct until I reached for my stethoscope and it wasn't there."

"I heard him say something about you getting friendly with him? He's not going to sue or something is he? What did you _do?_"

"I um, I sorta just reached in his boxers and took care of business. The problem was inside his pants. I didn't mean to freak him out."

"From now on, stay in bed, Edward. I'm not ready for you to fall and break something. Not in my facility. You got it?"

"Mmhmm. I hear ya."

"I mean it."

"I understand, Jill. Scout's honor?" I held my fingers up trying to remember if it was two or three fingers.

"Were you even a scout, Edward?" _Busted._

I hung my head. "Uh... _no._"

"Didn't think so. I suppose I should go call Alec's family."

"Can I talk to you about Tia?"

"She's gone for the evening. We'll talk tomorrow. In my office."

"I just don't want you to be too hard on her."

"I'll listen to what you have to say, but she's going to be reprimanded at the very least. She could lose her job over this. We'll talk."

Jill stood up and quietly left the room. I wondered if the phone call to Alec's family would fall on deaf ears.

Leslie was taking Alec's blood pressure again. "This is still a little high. I'm going to get you a pill to lower your blood pressure. I'll be back, okay?"

Alec nodded and leaned his head back against his pillow. He turned his head in my direction. "I suppose I should be thanking you. Leslie told me I could have died if you hadn't helped me."

"You could have. It's a fairly common occurrence in people with spinal cord injuries. It's more common in the first six months or so."

His eyes got great big. "Will it happen again?"

"It's possible. Some people have frequent episodes. Other's hardly ever. It happens most commonly in individuals with injuries above T-6, but it can happen with lower injuries."

"But why? What happened? How do you know all this?"

"It's because the part of your body below your injury encounters something that is an irritant, a stimuli, if you will. Because your nerves can't send the impulse to your brain, your whole body sort of goes into overload. Your blood vessels constrict, blood pressure rises. That's why you had the headache."

"What kind of things set it off? What kind of irritant?"

"Hmm, let's see. A backed up catheter is probably the most common. Being constipated can cause it, or a bladder infection. Pressure sores, something as simple as a bruise, a stone in your shoe, or even an ingrown toenail. For a woman, it could be menstrual cramps, or going into labor. If it happens a few times, you'll learn to recognize the symptoms soon enough to call for help. Sometimes you can find the trigger and fix it yourself, like the catheter tube tonight, although you should always call someone to check you over, monitor your blood pressure. If your blood pressure is too high for too long you could suffer a stroke."

"How do you know all this? Has it happened to you before?"

"No, my injury is at T-12. It would be rare for me to have an episode like yours. Not entirely impossible, but it would be uncommon for me to encounter something like that. I'm actually surprised that you had an episode at T-7/8"

"What do you mean your's is at T-12? I mean, you've got casts on your legs. I didn't think you... "

"You never asked. I've been in a chair for a while. I did tell you I understood, you just weren't listening."

He looked down, obviously embarrassed. "Man, I'm so sorry. I just... I don't know how people can say they understand when they have no idea. My entire life has changed."

"Yeah, mine too. More than you'll ever know kid."

A small brunette rushed into the room wearing a pair of sweat pants and looking slightly disheveled. I... knew her.

"Alec? Oh baby, I'm so sorry." She was all over him, touching his face, his arms, like she couldn't believe he was in front of her. "I've missed you so much."

They were both sobbing and I didn't want to interrupt their reunion. I turned toward the window and watched out over the Seattle skyline.

"Mom? What are you doing here? How... " He began to ask, but she interrupted him.

"They called and said you suffered some kind of episode, and that you could have died. I didn't even wake your father. I had to see for myself that you were okay."

"Yeah, I think I'm alright. You can thank Edward. He's my roommate. He really helped me out tonight."

Not wanting to appear rude, I turned to meet Alec's mother. A warm smile graced her features, and I knew her right away. Charlotte Leonard. She was a patient in our office.

"Dr. Cullen, I heard you were under the weather. How nice to see you again."

I extended my hand. "Mrs. Leonard. It's nice to see you too. Alec and I have been roomies since he was admitted here. I'm sorry I never made the connection." I knew her husband was in construction. Coming face to face with her now made me feel like an idiot.

I heard movement from the bed, and saw Alec had buried his face in his hands. His ears were red. Was he okay?

I hurried to his side, reaching out to pull his hands from his face. Frantically I tried to discover the nature of his discomfort. "Alec? What's wrong? Is it happening again?"

Slowly he shook his head. He groaned and lowered his hands. "This just gets better and better. You're a _doctor_, too?"

I didn't want him to feel worse. I hadn't told him I was a doctor because I didn't want him to think I felt superior to him. In here, I was just another patient. Nothing more.

"Yeah, I _was..._ before my accident. Right now, I'm just your roommate."

Charlotte beamed like a proud mother. "Dr. Cullen is a neurologist. He's a scientist too. Works in stem cell research. He's living proof that you can be anything you want to be kiddo." She ruffled her son's hair and put a kiss on top of his head.

"He, um, he tried to take me under his wing. I haven't really been very receptive." He leaned forward to look around his mother at me. "I really owe you a huge apology man. I just don't know how to channel my anger and you're just so... perfect."

It was my turn to laugh. "Perfect? Hah! You've got to be kidding. I'm far from it."

"But I've acted like such a jerk. I really don't know what to say."

"Look, I understand where you're coming from, I understand your anger. Jill reminded me none to subtly that I was very much like you at 18."

"Eighteen?" He choked out. "But I thought... I guess it's true what they say about assuming things."

"Yeah, well... Look we can talk about it some other time. That is if you still want to talk. I'm going to see if I can find someone to get me back in bed. I know you want to visit with your Mom for a while."

I looked at them longingly; to have had my parents when I went through that, even if they had all but disowned me and blamed me for the accident...would have been so soothing. What I wouldn't have done for just a few minutes with my mom after I was so broken. I owed my life to Carlisle and Esme, but there simply was no substitute for a mother's love.

I headed out into the corridor and met Leslie on her way in. She was carrying an irrigation kit under one arm, a bottle of spring water and a bottle of saline irrigation under the other arm, _plus _she had a pill cup in her hand. The girl could multi-task.

"What can I do for you, Edward?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if I could get back in bed after I use the restroom."

"Sure, just let me get Alec's cath irrigated and taken care of here quick and I'll spot you."

"Thanks."

As I was dumping the urinal into the toilet I heard Alec yelling. _Now what? _I washed up quickly and swung the door open and rolled right into a confrontation.

"_Seriously_, Mom. Please? She's taking care of my _catheter_. She'll be done _soon_." He was red with embarrassment. _Oh..._

"Charlotte, would you like to come down to the solarium with me for a few minutes while Leslie finishes up with Alec? I don't know if I can open the door, but I could really use a cold drink."

I winked at Alec as she went out the door ahead of me.

"Thanks, Man."

I just nodded.

We were quiet as I led the way to the small room off the foyer. She opened the door and I went through. "There's a light switch off to the right. I don't think I can reach it." I wasn't going to get my bare toes that close to a wall in the dark. I'd taken enough chances for one night. It would be something dumb like a few broken toes that would prevent me from getting fitted for shoes and extending my stay. _Nope, not gonna happen._ The fluorescents flickered and hummed while the room came to life. We walked over to the corner and I motioned to a couch.

"Why don't you sit down? It's late, you look exhausted."

"The last few weeks have been tough. I don't think I've had a good night's sleep since his accident."

"Is your husband coming around at all? I guess, from what I've heard, he blames Alec for the accident?"

"Yes, he still does. He's just such a stubborn man. He doesn't know I'm here tonight."

"How did you get away?"

"Well, like I said, _I_ haven't really slept since that night. He was sleeping so soundly... he never even heard the phone ring... I don't think he knows I left."

Charlotte had suffered debilitating migraines which brought her to our office after a referral from the ER doc. "You need to take care of yourself Charlotte, the migraines will come back. If I remember correctly, relaxation techniques were part of your treatment."

She hung her head but nodded. "Yes, you're right."

"Please take care of yourself. Alec will be okay. I've been trying to spend time with him, but until tonight, he always pushed me away. I'm hoping in the light of day he'll still be receptive to interacting with me. He doesn't realize how much potential he has."

Her puzzled eyes bore into mine, "What do you mean he _pushed you away_?"

"He's got quite the chip on his shoulder, that one. I tried to reach out to him; he's an angry young man. But, rehab is going pretty well for him from what I've seen."

Charlotte wrung her hands in frustration. "He's his father's son. He has his temper, and it doesn't help that he's terribly spoiled. My husband rules with an iron thumb, but he has always tried to show his affection through grand gestures with him. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yeah, I think it does."

"Peter and Alec went everywhere together. Long trips over school breaks, white water rafting, sky diving, hang gliding, trips to Canada to hunt big game. They even went skiing in Vail and to sailing school last summer in British Columbia. I think that has a lot to do with his attitude. He'd never admit it, but since Alec became a teenager they have been nearly inseparable."

"That explains a _whole lot_ about your son's attitude. I think Alec feels like he's let his father down. He mentioned your family business and the fact that there was no way he could fulfill his father's dreams of one day filling his shoes. Have they even talked since the accident?"

Her shoulders shook as she choked out her account of the night of Alec's emergency. "My husband came to the hospital as soon as they brought Alec in. I was in Oregon taking care of my mother. They gave him a few minutes with Alec after he came back from an MRI. When he found out what happened he was livid. I know one of the nurses who was working the ER that night; she said he told our son that he disowned him and that he crushed our dreams... he was a disappointment. Our boy went into surgery thinking we hated him. Oh, God, Edward, what if he had died in surgery?" She sat on the edge of her seat, her arms wrapped around her torso as she crumbled. I got as close as I could to her and reached out to her. She fell to her knees and sobbed into my chest as I held her.

I rubbed her back as I held her and eventually her sobbing was reduced to hiccups and sniffles. "I'm so sorry; I've ruined your shirt." Suddenly she smiled up at me with watery eyes. "That's really funny. Sick, but funny." Puzzled, I looked at her, not comprehending what had struck her as funny all of a sudden.

"Your shirt."

I looked down and couldn't help but chuckle. "My friend Emmett- he's probably one of my best friends, he's a physical therapist. It was my Christmas present; he was trying to cheer me up. He's got a sick sense of humor, but I wouldn't trade him for the world."

"I can understand why."

"So, Jill has kept you informed of Alec's progress?"

"When the social worker at Harborview called, she described several facilities but told me this one was the best suited to Alec's needs. I had to sign the paperwork for him to be moved, he was having a procedure that day and I couldn't see him. But, yes, Jill calls my cell phone. I try to stay in touch as much as I can."

"It would do him a world of good to have the support of his family. You know, I was just eighteen when I became paralyzed. It was the love and support of my family that helped me to accomplish everything. I thought my world had come to an end too."

"I've just never seen my husband so lost. He hasn't been able to control his anger, but deep down, I can see how broken he is. He almost acts as if... ", She shuddered before continuing. " ...it's almost as if Alec has died."

I held my head between my hands, tugging at my hair as I tried to understand. I remember that first night when like a mantra my mind kept chanting... _where is his family? _"Your husband can't be completely unfeeling. It sounds as if they were close. Doesn't he... how could he not be pacing the floor with worry? If he were my son... some people aren't as fortunate as you are. To have a child, and nearly lose him... But you _haven't _lost him, you're shutting him out. It's hurting Alec's progress. If he cares at all, he'll make an effort."

"They had a huge argument. Alec saved his pay for over a year. As soon as he got his driver's license he came to me and asked if he could get his motorcycle license. I didn't _like_ the idea, but he had done his homework and applied to take a course to learn how to drive safely. I went with him and met with the instructor, Alec's very mature for his age. I trusted that he could handle it. We both knew his Dad would have a fit, but I thought it would blow over in time."

"So what happened?"

"He took the knowledge test and passed it. On his own. But, a parent had to give him permission to apply for his permit. I went with him to apply for the permit, and I gave permission for him to take the classes. He was using his friend Jared's bike. When he passed the course, my husband, Peter was in Oregon on a bridge project; we hadn't seen him for several weeks. Edward, he was so proud of himself. He'd been careful. I talked to the instructor. In fact, it was his instructor who went with us to get the bike.

"His Dad came home a little over a week later and..."

She held her head in her hands and began sobbing as she choked out the words. "When he saw the bike in the driveway... he was livid. They fought and Alec took off... It's my fault! I wasn't even there to help smooth things over when I knew how my husband would react. Oh, God! I did this to my baby. He's our only child. My husband is devastated, but he's too stubborn to just come in here and see our Alec. This is the first time I've seen my boy awake since before the accident. Oh, Edward, what have I _done_?"

"Come on, let's go back." I tugged on Charlotte's hand and she stood. I gave it a squeeze before I let go. "Say goodnight to your boy before you go. He's had a rough night. I'm sure he's tired."

We walked back to the room and just the light over the sink was on. Alec was snoring lightly and all was quiet. "I'm not going to wake him Edward." She dug around in her purse and pulled something out. "Here, would you give him this tomorrow? He was so upset when they fought he left the house without his phone. His friends have been asking about him. Could you tell him I love him and ask him to call me?"

"Yeah, sure." I went over to my bedside table and grabbed Alice's notebook, writing my number on a page and tearing it out. "Call me sometime and we'll talk more. Maybe we can think of a way to reunite your family."

"You're a good man, Edward Cullen. I'm glad he's got you."

I looked over at the kid who had tested every last one of my nerves since he'd arrived and turned my peaceful rehab experience on end. "I'll try to look out for him. Please be careful driving home."

"I will thanks." She patted the side of my face, and while it felt like a motherly gesture, I couldn't help but think that she wasn't so much older than me. I felt that familiar tug again when I realized that I could have had a child nearly this old, if life hadn't been so cruel. I hoped that _her_ family soon would have the peaceful resolution they needed to start putting the pieces of their lives back together.

She went over to her son's bed and ever so gently leaned in and kissed his face, brushing the air out of his face. "I love you son." She whispered. He mumbled something in his sleep.

"Bye Edward."

"Goodnight."

I looked over at my bed. Someone had re-made it and folded the blankets back. I noted that the cord for the call bell was stretched across the bed and was clipped to the sheet just within my reach. I hit the button and waited. I pulled out my cell phone and noticed that it was after 1am. Stifling a yawn I laid both mine and his on my table, I set his charger next to them. I was tired. I'd had a long weekend and Bella was coming for the afternoon to work on her paperwork. I almost considered texting her and asking if I could bow out, but I'd offered because I wanted to be a part of her life- to be included in her daily activities.

Randall, one of the orderlies, came in. "You ready to get back in bed, doc?"

I groaned. "My secret's out huh?"

"Mmhmm. You betcha. Everyone's talking about what you did tonight. Not many would have done that."

"I never had any choice. I'd never turn my back on someone, patient or not."

"I gotta ask what you did to get on Jill's good side. She's strutting around here like some proud mother."

I could picture the same expression she wore when one of her patients made some profound accomplishment. "Yeah, we um, we go way back."

"You... and _Jill_?" He asked, disbelief lacing his tone.

"Oh God, not like _that. _She was my therapist almost twenty years ago when I first became disabled."

He laughed nervously and rubbed his face with his hands. "Gotcha. I just, I've never pictured her with anyone. She's married to her job." He laughed. "Okay doc, I can stand pivot you, we can use the board, or I can get another set of hands. Take your pick."

"I'm tired. Can you just pivot me into bed? I've had a long day."

"Here we go."

I considered calling Bella, but it was late. If I texted her and she was sleeping, the chirp wouldn't wake her.

_**Hey, you awake? -E**_

**Yeah, what time is it? -B**

_**Late. -E**_

**I figured you'd be sleeping by now. You wheeled yourself all over today. -B**

_**Long story. I **_**was**_** sleeping, but Alec had an emergency. -E**_

**Oh no! Is he okay? -B**

_**Yeah, I got out of bed to help him, he'll be fine. -E**_

**YOU got out of bed? Are YOU okay? -B**

_**Yeah, I think Jill wanted to hand me my ass, but it's all good. -E**_

**So, you were playing Superman. -B**

_**I guess you could say that. -Rolls eyes- -E**_

**You can be **_**my**_** Superman, doc. -B**

_**Yeah? -E**_

**Yeah. Get some sleep Edward. It'll be tomorrow before you know it. -B**

_**Goodnight Lois. -E**_

**GOODNIGHT Edward. -B**

I closed my phone and snuggled down into my bed. _Superman_... yeah, I could be her superman.

~ooo000ooo~

Randall came in and shook me. "Hey, time to get up Edward."

I rubbed my eyes and looked around. It was, in fact, morning. Augh! It felt like I'd just drifted off. "What time is it?"

"Six-thirty. Someone called in sick, so they asked me help get a few of you guys out of bed before I go. They're short staffed this morning."

"Of all mornings to have to get up early."

"Sorry man. Once you get in your chair, you could always recline for a while."

I'd spent hours reclining in the on-call room in my last Permobil. I'd yet to crash in this one -and shook my head at the pun. Yes, I could go back to sleep.

Randall wrestled to get my legs into a pair of pants and put a pair of non-skid socks over my toes. "Now, you're transferring into the chair this morning, yes?"

"I am."

"What else do you need me to do?"

"Just spot me into my chair. I can do the rest."

"Good deal, man. You ready?" I nodded and he swapped the manual chair for the Permobil. I reached for my board and traversed the small space. I thought once again how simple it would be if I could begin transferring without the board again. _Little steps, Edward._ Gotta learn to walk before you can run.

"Alright Edward, I'll see you later. I've got a few more to get moving before I go. Have a good day."

"You too Randall. See you later."

"Bye."

I went to my dresser and found a shirt and my travel kit. I pulled my shirt over my head and threw on some deodorant. The dirty shirt went into my hamper before I went to the restroom. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair and took care of business. It was Alec's _bowel training day_, I had been in here yesterday for that. I didn't want to tie up the facility when he needed it. I thought back to the days of my bowel and bladder training. I was at Chuck Johnson's place and there were four of us guys in a room. They'd give us each a suppository, slap a diaper on us and come back a half hour later. By the time we were all done, you almost had to open the windows to clear the place out.

I felt fortunate that I had always been able to take care of that aspect of my care independently, once I learned how. It was the one thing that would have made me dependent on _someone _on a regular basis. For fifteen years I was able to care for myself completely free of dependence on others. And now, it felt like I was back at square one. People had no idea the simple things they took for granted.

I left the bathroom and looked over to the other bed.

"Hey man." Alec smiled hesitantly.

"Hey, how do you feel? You alright this morning?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

"Good, I'm sure it was frightening."

"Yeah." he shuddered. "It was, and it happened so fast."

I reached over to my table and grabbed his stuff. "Here your mom left this. She said you're friends have been calling... and she loves you. She asked you to call her."

"Yeah, my ma. She's great. I'll have to wait to call her till tomorrow. I don't want to cause her any upset. He'll be home today. It's Sunday."

"She's really worried about you. Why haven't you called _her_?" I backed carefully towards the door as he answered me, thankful that these rooms were so spacious.

"I dunno, I just didn't want to cause her any more upset. When she gets stressed out she gets physically sick. Migraines, high blood pressure, stomach problems. I know how difficult my Dad can be to live with." I stopped in the doorway. There was something that needed to be said. He'd spend the rest of his life living in regret if he didn't make amends with his parents.

"She told me a little bit about that. Look, I know he's being a jerk right now, but I know he cares about you, just don't shut your old man out. Life is way to short to hold grudges. I'm just saying that when he does make an effort, and he will, don't push him away."

I turned around, leaving him to think about his family. I headed to the dining room for breakfast. Little Jane was sitting there alongside the table slurping a smoothie out of a Styrofoam cup. It looked uncomfortable leaning off to the side like she did to drink. A Danish lay on a plate in front of her.

I grabbed a tray and two rolls of utensils, a bagel, a cream cheese and a cup of coffee then drove over to Jane. "Is this seat taken?"

She laughed, "That sounded like some cheesy pick-up line. How are you, Edward?"

"I'm great. You?"

"I'm pretty good. But it's early."

"Is that your Danish?" I gestured to the pastry in front of her and she frowned.

"Yeah, the aide who feeds me brought it, but she hasn't come back. I'm at their mercy. They felt I was too thin for my age and height, so I have a smoothie with each meal. If it weren't for the smoothies, I'd probably starve."

I was appalled. "Do they _really_ forget to feed you?"

She laughed. "Occasionally. Not all the time. It's not like I'm missing much nourishment if I skip a Danish."

I held up a packet of silverware, "Would you be offended if I fed you? I didn't see any utensils on your tray. Kinda clued me in that you needed a hand."

She cocked her head and half of her mouth lifted up into a smile. "I guess that would be okay. You sure you don't mind?"

"Nope, not at all. That's part of the beauty of being in a setting like this with other people; it fosters the desire to help others. When I first went to college, we had a seminar at a local hospital. The one workshop was titled _Caring. _The speaker told about an experiment where a room of people who had their arms splinted straight just like yours are casted. They were brought in to this lavish dinner. The food looked mouthwatering, it smelled incredible, and not one of the people in the room could feed themselves. The people who provided the dinner left and went to watch the participants to see what they would do.

For the longest time, they just sat there and looked at the food, and then one by one they began feeding the person across the table from them. It was an exercise to foster caring about one another."

I was cutting the Danish into bite sized pieces while we talked. "Can I hold your drink for you? I feel like you'll get a stiff neck."

"No, I've got it. But thanks. I've sort of gotten used to drinking this way. It's been eight weeks." Between bites we talked.

"So you should be shedding your casts soon?"

"Actually, the doc sees me tomorrow. I have to keep the back brace longer, but I hope I'm done with the casts. It would be incredible to do something like scratch my nose, you know?"

"I understand all too well. It would be great if they can come off. I'm really excited for you."

"Yeah, but then the work really begins."

"And the sooner you'll be able to go home."

She moved her right index finger around in a circle. "Oo-oohh! There's nobody home right now, Mom's on vacation and Daddy is away somewhere for work."

She looked at my legs. "So, how long you got left?"

"I'm thinking a week. I can't wait to get out of these things. It's been forever since I've seen my feet. I just want to look and make sure they really ARE there."

Jane giggled. "Was there ever any question?"

"Oh yeah."

"Wow, can I ask what you did? Is that too personal?"

"Nope I'll show you mine, if you show me yours."

She snorted. "Okay, who's first?"

"I'll go. I've used a wheelchair since I was 18. I got hit by a car last October."

"Wait! You got hit while you were in your chair?"

I nodded slowly. "Yep."

Cue the gasp and the hand over the open mouth.

"Wow, that's really messed up."

"Yeah it is. I felt like I had the world in the palm of my hand. And it was gone in the blink of an eye. I'm lucky to be alive."

"You're quite a guy, Edward. I know a lot of people who would be pretty jaded to end up back here after going through something like this a second time. You've got a great attitude."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Thanks, but I'm nothing special. I'm just being me."

"Well, I disagree. I think you're pretty cool, from what I've seen of you."

"Thanks. I've got a great support system. I think it helps me take things in stride. What about you?"

"My accident, or my family?"

"Either, you pick."

"Hmm... accident is easier."

_Interesting, but not entirely surprising._

"Go ahead."

"Okay, well, it started with the scoliosis. A couple of years ago they found a curvature in my spine when I had a school physical. It wasn't very bad, just maybe 15 degrees. But in a year it had changed considerably, like an additional 8 degrees, so they decided I should start wearing the back brace. I've been wearing it since I've been 13."

"But scoliosis isn't an _accident_. What happened to bring you _here_?"

Her breath hitched and she shuddered a little. "Well, my doctor wanted me to start doing physical therapy to improve my balance and co-ordination. I thought maybe he wanted me to do yoga, or Pilates or something, but instead, he suggested I take a gymnastics class. My mom was all for it, you know, a reason to get me out of the house several days a week so she can have her _boyfriend_ over."

"Go on." I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious.

"I wasn't supposed to be doing anything hardcore, just things like walking on balance beam, using the parallel bars, stuff like that. There are these girls there- you know, 'Barbie doll types' who think they're all that and a box of chocolates." She air quoted.

"They kept taunting me, just little digs here and there about the brace, and the scoliosis, how I'd never have a boyfriend because I looked like Quasimodo. They teased me about my lack of ability, you know... I couldn't even get gymnastics right. So they were working on the uneven bars and I heard one of them bet the others I couldn't do it. I know now they just said it to get a rise out of me, but I was so mad. There wasn't a spotter or anyone there; everyone was changing in the locker room. I figured I'd try it when no one was there to make fun of me, you know, just to see if I could do it."

"You didn't."

"Oh, I _did. _I thought I could just use the springboard to get a hold on the high bar and I'd just try a swing, just to see if I could do it. My upper body strength isn't too bad. I was doing okay, swinging several times then I figured I'd just sneak in from time to time in the future and try more. I was watching everyone each session, I thought I could sorta... you know... self teach or whatever. I swung to dismount and somehow I got tangle up with the springboard and all my weight came down on my arms. Broke the radius and ulna in both arms, just below the elbow, did extensive ligament damage. Four hours in an OR suite with Dr. Carey and here I am, eight weeks later. That's about it."

"And the family?"

"My dad is awesome, but he doesn't live with us anymore, obviously. Mom has custody, but only because Dad travels so much for his work. He's a marketing manager for a big online marketing company. He's overseas a lot. Mom, is... well, mom. She has a boyfriend, and he's okay. I just don't think he digs kids. Or maybe he just has an aversion to teenagers. I dunno. He's just sort of distant. I don't see us ever being close."

I had a fleeting thought about how similar she was to Bella's mom. "Where's home?"

"Olympia."

"So you're about an hour from home."

"Yeah, give or take a few minutes."

"So your mom doesn't see you a lot?"

"She was here the first weekend, since then we just talk on the phone. She's coming next weekend, I believe."

"Oh, I'm glad."

I popped the last bite of Danish into her mouth and she chewed thoughtfully. "Eh, its okay I guess. My dad is coming home just about the time I get out of here. I'm going to go home with him for a few weeks. He planned his vacation so that I could spend over a month with him. _That_ is something to get excited about."

She was almost bouncing in her chair and I had a momentary flashback of Alice. Yes, the two of them would get along, and it really did sound like she could use some girl time.

I looked at the clock and realized it was time for me to meet Daisy for some ultrasound and range of motion.

"Hey, is there anything else I can get for you before I go? I've gotta meet Daisy in about fifteen minutes."

"No, I'm good. Thanks for helping me with my Danish. I just met Daisy; she's going to be the OT working on my arms."

"You'll like her. She keeps you moving, but she's really nice. I'll see you later." Then I had a thought. "Would you like to eat lunch with Bella and me?"

"I'm not sure, we'll see."

Buzzing back to the room, I quickly grabbed a jacket. Daisy and I were working on taking a jacket on and off. I heard laughing when I turned the corner and entered our room. Alec was in his chair, dressed and talking on his cell phone.

"Hey Edward."

"Alec."

"Yeah, I love you too, Mom. I'll see you later."

I couldn't help the smile or the warm fuzzy feeling hearing the end of his conversation. Maybe there was hope yet. "She's coming over?"

"Yeah, she called while you were out. We're having lunch together. It's Mother's Day."

_Mother's Day- how did I not realize this? _"So, maybe the little, er, situation last night was a blessing in disguise."

"Yeah maybe, I hope I'm never _blessed_ like _that_ again."

"Yeah, me too."

"Well, gotta go, therapy awaits."

"Later."

As soon as Daisy was done contorting me, I called Bella and conned her into grabbing some flowers and chocolates for Esme. I'd never forgotten a Mother's Day since she had stepped into that role, and I wasn't going to start this year.

At 1pm, Alice pulled up in her little yellow Porsche and Bella hopped out. I went over to meet her and help carry her things. She handed me her laptop and a canvas messenger bag. Then reaching in, she grabbed a bouquet of pink roses with baby's breath and a box of chocolates from a local chocolatier. "Don't drop the messenger bag, there's a vase inside." _The girl was good._

"I spoke with one of the nurses, there's a conference room with a nice sized table, a Xerox machine and a coffee maker next to the office. It's free all day if you want to work in there,"

"Oh, that would be great. I was a little afraid of distraction and getting sidetracked."

"How do you want to do this?" I wondered, would we both read the reports? I wasn't sure how it would work, but I knew I wanted to be a part of her daily activities and this was something I'd encounter.

"I thought we'd split the stack in half. You skim over them and decide if it's something that can feasibly and safely be done in a school full of children. It can't be something hugely messy, nothing involving electricity- unless it comes from a battery, nothing involving fire, and no caustic chemical reactions."

"Gotcha, teach, anything else I should watch for?"

"Nope, you're my scientific consultant. Science only. I'll read for grammar and content. Just set the questionable ones aside and we'll try to find an alternative... or something."

I read through the projects and everything was pretty much science fair typical. A battery made from citrus fruit, a camera made from a paper milk carton, volcanoes made with baking soda and vinegar... I did find one that involved the use of a Bunsen burner, and another which required putting water and drain cleaner into a soda bottle and adding foil balls to cause a reaction. It seemed dangerous, and I added a sticky note for Bella suggesting Mentos and cola to cause a soda geyser. It would need to be done outside but it was kid safe.

Bella vetoed several of her reports, and then realized she was trying to do it all and put them back into her pile. Half way through we swapped. For every project that was potentially dangerous, I was able to offer a kid safe alternative. Bella packed her messenger bag up a few hours later. She beamed when she read my suggestions. "You know, I would have made these kids completely change the focus of their projects. Thanks to you, they can still do it; they'll just have to make a few changes. I've never _ever_ approved every student's project. Thank you, Edward."

"Oh, you're welcome Miss Swan."

"I'm serious, I owe you big time. I can't thank you enough."

"Actually, I have a favor to ask you. There's this girl here, Jane."

"Yes, I met her, remember?"

I rubbed my face, so much had happened in the last 24 hours that my head was spinning. "I guess you did. We had breakfast together. Her Mom is over an hour away. I really think she would benefit from some girl time. I'd have to get permission; Jill could probably call her Mom to get verbal permission but she'll be coming here next weekend, so we could ask then. I just feel like she's this lost soul. She's been bullied at school, I think."

"So you would like me to take her out?"

"I was thinking that you and Alice could take her shopping, maybe get a manicure, or a haircut, or whatever you girls do when you go out."

"I'm sure it would be fun. I'd love to. Perhaps we could spend some time and get to know each other a little better while we're waiting for permission."

"That's a great idea; she's probably in the lounge... that is if you'd like to go see her now."

"Sure, but then I want to go home and call my mom, and I've got laundry and stuff to do before tomorrow."

We went in search of Jane, only to find out she was occupied. Bella texted Alice as we waited out front until she arrived. Bella was once again sitting on my lap. It was almost impossible to describe the way it felt, knowing that she was becoming so much more comfortable with me. Alice pulled in right behind Carlisle and Esme. I almost wondered if they didn't have some hidden agenda, but Bella gave me a kiss on the lips, stopping long enough to hug both Esme and Carlisle before she hopped into Alice's car. Alice beeped twice and pulled away.

Esme was all smiles when she came over and hugged me. I pulled her close and whispered, "Happy Mother's Day." She squeezed me tight and thanked me.

I held my hand out for Carlisle and he pulled me in for a hug too. We strolled along at an easy pace, they appeared to be headed to the lounge, but I stopped near my room. "I um, I've got something for you Mom. Would you want to stop by my room?"

Esme tugged on Carlisle's hand and wordlessly headed towards my room with him in tow. I wondered if Bella and I could have that down the road... so blissfully happy and quietly secure in one another. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that neither of them questioned the other's love. They had that deep seated faith in one another. I could see them, in their golden years, just as in love, if not more so.

I followed along and into the room I shared with Alec. Esme gasped and said "_Oh, Edward._" as she leaned in to smell the roses. "The chocolates are for you too, although I suppose you could share them with the old man if you want."

She pointed a finger at me, "You just keep calling him an old man and I'm gong to have to defend his honor and tell you just how hot a mature man can be."

I began singing "La la la la la la... I do _not_ want to hear that."

"Then quit calling my man old. He's anything but. He might have a tiny bit of snow on the roof but that's the only part of him that's old." She winked at him and he chuckled. I decided then and there to only pick on him when he was alone. I didn't think I could handle thoughts like the ones she was trying to instill in my head.

We stood around my room and visited until Carlisle stood up and took her hand. "Your mother and I are going out to eat. We really should be going."

Esme hugged me again. "Could we leave the roses until after dinner and we'll just poke out heads in and grab them in an hour or so?"

"Sure, that's fine."

"I love you sweetheart. Thanks for remembering." I almost fessed up and told her that if it weren't for the twerp in the bed next to me, I'd be completely ignorant of the date. I owed him one.

"You're welcome, thanks for loving me all these years when she couldn't." We were both a little teary when they headed out the door.

Carlisle ruffled my hair. "Take care son, we'll see you later."

Before I knew it, they were gone. My head was full of so many things, it was almost spinning.

I went to the lounge to watch some mindless chatter on TV, and had to smile at the sight in front of me. Alec and Jane were sitting across from one another at the very end of a table, laughing noisily. There were two ice cream sundaes in front of Alec. They had the works- syrup, fruit, nuts, and whipped cream. Each of them had a spoon. Alec would scoop out a bite and feed it to Jane, and then he'd angle the other bowl so she could scoop a spoonful out and feed it to him. _Who knew?_ I had hoped to introduce them to one another, but this was better, they had found friendship all by themselves. I laughed to myself; they were both wearing hot fudge and melted ice cream on their shirts. Too funny. He called her doll face and she hung her head and blushed. Cute.

That kid just might be okay after all.

* * *

So Alec had a defining moment this chapter. I know some of you have voiced distaste over his behavior. His actions are fairly normal behavior for a seventeen year old boy whose life has been turned upside down. He's alone and scared and has no idea what lies ahead of him. He's not really a jerk, he's simply acting out.


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Twenty-nine

~Edward~

I was right about Alec and Jane finding friendship here, even if I wasn't the one to actually get them together. Young people were usually a minority in rehab, and it was obvious they were both searching for companionship. It was sad that it took a life threatening situation to knock Alec down a few pegs, but I was glad to see that he was finally reachable. That afternoon, when I found them feeding each other ice cream, I knew they would have a special bond, no matter where it led them.

I'd had the privilege of visiting with Charlotte several times during the week while Alec was in the gym. She could have gone and watched- participated in his therapy even, but she asked if we could talk, and I knew, from talks with Alec, that she lived a sheltered life and didn't have a very strong support system. By the time I met Charlotte last weekend, the Leonard's had already fought for nearly a month over the situation, particularly about Peter's stubborn refusal to make amends with his son after the abhorrent way he had addressed him in his greatest time of need. Charlotte had been desperate to find a way to reach her husband.

The night Alec had the autonomic dysreflexia episode, everything came to a head and she got her opportunity. She had come home and he was waiting for her. Pacing back and forth when she arrived, he accused her of all sorts of indiscretions before she finally broke down and told him where she had gone and what happened. She confessed to me that she had given him an ultimatum that night, saying when they fought over Alec she threatened to leave if he didn't find a way to put aside his selfishness.

Though he continued to refuse to visit, he had lowered some walls after learning about Alec's emergency that night. At least he was now asking for updates on how their son was progressing. I guess it's tough admitting you're wrong, but this was his son.

Even though Peter told everyone it was his son's own defiance that caused the accident, it was by her husband's own admission that his cruel words were what had caused their son to take off in anger. I suspected that his reluctance to visit their son culminated from the feeling that the accident had been his fault.

I knew Alec didn't feel that way. He saw the accident for what it was, an unfortunate chain of events that brought him to his current situation. He didn't blame his father; if anything he harbored his own dose of guilt.

Alec and I had both gotten back from rehab one morning when he approached me. "Um, I was wondering... you told me something right after I got here and... well, I was being an ass and I was wondering if you could help me... look into some things."

Most people would be spiteful and make him eat crow because of the way he acted, but I couldn't be like that. I was an educated professional, and even if the human side had considered lashing out each time he was rude or ignorant, it was that educated professional who won out and made me do the right thing, the thing that was expected of me. I was a role model, and as such, I was expected to act like one. Thankfully I had.

"What did I tell you, Alec?"

"You said that just because I couldn't physically build bridges, there were other options that would allow me to still pursue a career with my parent's company. I just wondered if you could help me. I know you have a laptop. Can we get on the internet here?"

"Yeah, sure. There are a few quiet places around here where we could go explore a little. Why don't you go ask Jill if we can use the conference room?" I told him, "Explain what we're doing, I'm sure she'll be fine with it if no one is using it. I've got to use the restroom and I'll get my computer and come find you. She was in headed to her office, I believe."

"Hey, thanks. I appreciate it."

"No problem."

I found Jill and Alec talking about his parents near her office. Alec went into the conference room but, Jill pulled me aside. "I'm really pleased that he's a little more receptive to spending time with you. See if you can help him look into some schools, he wants to approach his dad about it. I'll talk to Sasha and tell her that neither of you will be coming in to see her today."

"Hey, thanks, Jill."

"You're welcome, I'm pleased that you aren't the type to hold a grudge. He really needs someone like you in his life. I can't think of a better role model for a young man, disabled or not. Go make me proud, Cullen."

"I'll do my best."

"I know you will." Jill patted me on the back as she walked away, leaving me and Alec to explore the net.

"What are you thinking about pursuing, Alec? Have you thought much about it?"

"Oh, man, it's the _only_ thing I've thought about. I'd really like to look into a degree in engineering. Civil engineering. But, can I do that from a wheelchair?" He asked. "I don't want to be too far from home, but if I started the application process when I get out of here I could be ready for next year, couldn't I? Does that sound feasible?"

"Yeah, of course you can do that from a chair, and you _should_ be ready in a year." I hit him with a barrage of questions. "There are some things to consider; such as are you going to get a driver's license? If so, you should take driver's ed here. Are you going to live on your own? Will you need an attendant? The list goes on and on, but if you're interested when the time comes, I can help you. I started a support group for people with newly acquired disabilities. It's a great place to make friends who understand what you're going through, but if you're uncomfortable with participating, I can still provide all kinds of valuable information for you."

"I talked to Jill about driving, I want to learn but it will have to be in their car. I obviously don't have anything to drive and I spent all my money on that damn bike." He hung his head, but I wasn't his dad, and he didn't have to give me explanations. "My parents are never going to provide me with a car."

"Your insurance company should reimburse you for the bike. You should check with your parents on that. Pre-owned modified vans are fairly reasonable. There's not a huge market for them in the general public and most dealers have trouble moving them. You should look into that or you could probably get away with having a car modified with hand controls. You can transfer in and out of a car, or you will be able to soon enough. Now, where were you thinking of applying for college?"

"Does the University of Washington have an engineering program?"

"They do, and the campus is very accessible."

"I think my mom would prefer that I stay close to home."

We pulled up the website and Alec learned that he had to take a pre-engineering program first, but he said he had been a good student when it came to math and chemistry; he would need to take some courses in physics. I was sure there were placement tests as the pre-engineering program was from one to three years depending on a student's grades.

It turned out that Seattle University and Edmonds College also had engineering programs with similar pre-requisites. Alec asked if I'd help him apply to the three colleges. He knew he wasn't eligible for financial aid because he lived at home and his parent's income would be assessed.

He seemed a little fearful of his father and I considered going to visit the man on Alec's behalf, but I worried my interference might make things worse.

"I wish my Dad could meet you. My mom thinks he feels my life ended the day I got in the wreck, I think seeing you, and realizing that you haven't let things get to you might make him think a little more open-mindedly. You said you were like me at eighteen and you became a doctor from a wheelchair, wasn't that difficult? Why did you decide to become a doctor? Is that what you always wanted to do?"

"Whoa. Slow down buddy. Perhaps we can find a way for me to discuss this with your Dad without him taking it the wrong way. I don't want to push him further away from you. It was difficult doing all the hands on things I needed to do with patients in a regular wheelchair. That is why I have the electric wheelchair that I have." I flipped a switch and demonstrated the stand feature as he looked on in awe. "I've always had a stander, I'm really not any different than an able-bodied person, I have a few limitations, I can't get as close to things as I could if I was just standing on my own two feet and there's the safety bar so I don't fall out, but it's so much more liberating than a regular chair. I can even drive it standing up, although I only do that on even surfaces... I've always had a fear of tipping over.

"My parents are the reason I'm a doctor. I was interested in becoming a mortician but they were so dead set against that, well my father was, Mom would have been happy no matter what I did. After I lost them, I felt I almost owed it to them to pursue a career in medicine. The two years of recovery I needed gave me time to mull everything over; I knew it was the right decision."

I could see it on his face, the all consuming desire to ask about Carlisle and Esme, it was obvious we were related, Esme couldn't deny me if she wanted to, no one ever questioned my parentage. "Carlisle and Esme are my aunt and uncle. Esme was my mom's younger sister." I shied away from bringing it up normally, but I suspected it would benefit Alec, maybe make him see me as someone who had persevered past the odds to obtain a better life, despite my circumstances. I hated the looks of pity that always came with it, but this was for him.

"Coming home from my eighteenth birthday celebration, we were on a back road in the forest just a few miles from home. A log truck went out of control, the dirt road was narrow, and there was no way to get out of his way. My dad and I had been fighting, I was leaving soon for mortician school and he felt that I wasn't living up to my potential- he begged me to become a doctor. Dad was distracted, there was no time to swerve- no place to go… it all happened so fast. They died in the front seat while I watched, pinned in the back of the car."

"Man, I'm so sorry. I _really _feel like an ass now for the way I treated you. I don't wanna know what brought you here _now_, do I?"

"Uh, probably not." I rubbed my face, but since I had opened up to Bella and began seeing Sasha, it got easier and easier to tell the story. "I was coming home from work last October, just off the University of Washington campus when I was hit by a car."

Alec's face was ashen and suddenly I wondered if it had been such a good idea to tell him. He almost looked like he was going to be sick. "Do you need a trash can?"

He took a big gulp of air. "Nah, just give me a minute."

He stared at my legs, looked up at my face, back down at my legs and finally... "You were in _only_ the chair? Like... _not_ in a car or anything."

"No, no car. I was walking home from the hospital."

"So you got hit like a pedestrian?" I laughed sarcastically at that, and he looked at me questioningly. "_That_ is a very sore subject that we'll save for another time, but yeah I was traveling on the berm of the road like a pedestrian would."

"Damn man, you're lucky to be alive to talk about it."

"You have no idea."

"I don't think I can ever apologize enough for my actions. I am mortified at my behavior. Why are you even wasting your time helping me?"

"It wouldn't help anyone if I held a grudge. I'm a doctor, I help people every day; they don't always want my help." I thought back fondly to the day I met Bella. Yeah, she was pretty pissed. I'd have to remember that when we were living together. I wouldn't want to bring on the ire of an angry Bella.

"You're a bigger man that I'll ever be." It was weird to see the cocky kid acting a little vulnerable. I didn't want him to stew over it, but it would do him some good to think about his actions. Not everyone was as resilient or as forgiving as I was. I understood where his hostility was coming from. Someone else might not.

"You'll grow, one day you'll take someone under your wing. You'll get there kid. You can't change this, but you can learn in time to accept it, and to adjust. Life's not easy this way, but it could be so very much worse. I have a wonderful life, and you can too, if that's what you want for yourself." I said, and tried to change the subject to something less upsetting.

"Come on, we never had lunch, let's go see what they've got left in the cafeteria. Can you hang my computer bag on the back of my chair? I can't reach it, but if we worked together..."

"Sure, man, whatever you need."

I had to shake my head and clear it; it was almost unbelievable that this was the same kid from just a few days ago. I wasn't trying to be smug, but if I hadn't helped him the night he'd had his emergency he'd still be walking all over me, or trying to, and he'd have made no personal progress at all. Someone was watching over him, he really needed that emergency to grow.

Cold sandwiches were the most appetizing thing on the menu, so we each grabbed one along with a drink and some chips. Alec struggled to balance a tray and drive the wheelchair, so I stopped him and rearranged his load until it sat just right. I looked around for Jane, who'd been sans casts for only a few days. I knew that they didn't intentionally forget about her, but sadly, it was common, in institutions, for people who needed assistance with their meal to be overlooked. I wanted to make sure they were seeing to her needs, but I didn't see her anywhere.

I noticed Alec surveying the lunchroom too. So I nudged him with my elbow. "So, little Jane, eh? I thought you liked _older_ women."

"Jane's pretty sweet. You know, _for a kid_."

"Sorta convenient that you're a_ kid _too."

He smirked, "Yeah, something like that."

"I saw you helping her out the other day."

"Yeah, that was... we had fun."

"She's a really nice girl, and I like her a lot Alec, so don't make me have to hunt ya down and kick your butt. Got it?"

Alec swallowed and nodded. "Yep, she's a nice girl and you feel a little protective of her. I got it."

"_Do_ you like her?" I thought of Bella and her dad, and wondered when _he'd_ get around to giving _me_ the inquisition. At least Alec didn't have to worry about me carrying a gun.

"Yeah, I think I do. She's cute."

"Good."

Alec looked down at his watch. It looked expensive, but I noticed the crystal bore scrape marks that I was more than familiar with.

_Road rash._

"We need to get to PT," he grumbled.

"Yeah, Jill will come looking for me if I'm not on time. Let's go."

I gathered all my trash and took it to the recycle bin. Alec followed along behind, not saying too much after his admission about Jane.

It pleased me that I was in a facility which utilized fully biodegradable or recyclable products in the cafeteria. The plates and utensils were made from potato starch and corn starch. The clear 'plastic' cups were biodegradable, as was the wrap on the sandwiches and the napkins we wiped our mouths with. The few exceptions to the rule were the cups they served smoothies in to a small number of patients, and the condiments they offered. Even our straws were 100% biodegradable. I needed to remember to commend Jill on their efforts to cut down on post consumer trash. I was impressed that such a small facility would make such a huge effort.

As we were on our way to the gym, I had a brainstorm. "Hey Alec?"

"Yeah"

"My friends and I play basketball a few times a month over at the hospital. Well, _we did_, before I got hit. Usually Sundays, when the gym is closed, if you ever want to come, I could pick you up."

"Are they, you know... like _us_?"

"You mean, do they have disabilities?"

"Yeah."

"No, Emmett is a physical therapist, he has his own gym; he set it up so it's completely accessible for people with disabilities. Jasper is an EMT, he's dating my attendant, Alice. There are always sport model chairs in the gym, we all play in chairs."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. We have a lot of fun. It would be fun to actually be able to team up. Normally we just throw the ball around, or play some one on one and take turns. I think you need to see that there is still a great big world out there just waiting for you. Your mind is your biggest limitation, you know."

"Yeah, I believe Jill has told that me a few times."

"She's a good teacher."

"So you guys seem pretty thick, what's with that? You her favorite or something?"

"I don't think Jill has it in her to play favorites. I was one of her first patients fresh out of college. She was my first physical therapist. We go back about 15 years."

"Dude, you're old enough to be my dad."

"Yeah, mebbe... you're dad's a lucky guy. I hope you guys figure out your crap before it tears you apart. I can see both sides you know. I know what it's like to not have a dad, and I understand how it feels to long for children and not have them, either. I'm extremely fortunate to have my aunt and uncle. Don't waste your relationship with your family when it's something you can prevent. Please."

"No, I promise I'm going to make an effort."

I got on the mat table, with no assistance and Jill put me through my paces.

"So, your time here is half over, Edward. I'm gonna miss you when you're gone."

"Yeah, I'll miss you too. I feel fortunate that I ended up in your care again."

"You are still planning on out patient too, yes?"

"Yeah, Carey said he definitely wants me in the whirlpool as soon as the casts come off."

"Monday, right?"

"Yep, less than a week."

"Unless there's something terribly wrong, he's not going to recast you."

"Yeah, that's what he told me."

"So I was wondering, you've got this support group and all. The local CIL approached me to participate in an annual fundraiser. I wanted to talk to you about that."

"The support group always has a booth and tries to help raise money. Sometimes we do a bake sale or a burger burn. You know Bella is a peer counselor and a volunteer at the CIL as well?"

"No I didn't realize."

"Yeah, she does quite a few things with them, and meets with several students after school… kids with IEPs who need peer counseling. She has a satellite office at school."

"That's awesome, so she's working with school aged kids?"

"Yeah for the most part, although she's gotten involved in several advocacy issues as well."

"So, an annual fundraiser, how long have they been doing these?"

"Since they opened, 1995 maybe? They have to raise fifty-one percent of their income to receive state and federal funding. A certain percentage of the staff must have disabilities as well."

"I didn't know that. Interesting."

"So what were you thinking of doing for the fundraiser? Just a tent with info about your rehab?"

"Actually, that's what I wanted to discuss with you. I was thinking about doing a disability awareness day, and was wondering if we could brainstorm on a few ways to make it fun but educational."

"Oh, that sounds like a blast, count me in."

Jill grunted as she pushed my leg towards my chest. There was a loud pop, and the knee moved a few degrees.

Jill's eyes got big. "Didn't feel that, did you?"

I shook my head. "Adhesion?"

"Yep. I don't think we did any damage. I just haven't heard that loud a one. Nothing feels out of place when I bend it."

She reached out onto the table and grabbed the goniometer. "Sixty-three degrees, Cullen. We're getting there!"

Slowly but surely, I was making strides. I couldn't wait to get home, but I knew I had to be ready for all that it entailed, and I wasn't quite ready. Rediscovering my friendship with Jill, meeting Jane and later Alec gave me other things to think about and my days were never monotonous.

After helping Alec that night, I was constantly thinking about work, about the things I had been working on before the accident, the things I hoped to accomplish in the lab. My mind had always been like a sponge and I loved to learn and discover new things. I couldn't wait to get back to work, to begin living life fully again. It would only get better, and I had Bella in my life this time around.

Once Dr. Edward had breathed new life, it was difficult to keep him under wraps. He had a couple things on his mind that needed to be taken care of.

I scratched my head, I wasn't sure how to approach the things on my mind, but I knew that if I ignored them, they'd continue to bug me. "Jill?"

"Hmmm?"

"Someone said you gave Tia an unpaid vacation after the incident on Sunday night. What's going to happen to her?"

"I gave her an unpaid suspension. She's off for two weeks. I've spoken with Alec and his mother because I couldn't let them think I'd allow someone to treat one of the patients negligently and get a slap on the hand. Had they requested her dismissal, I would have fired her."

"So what are you doing?"

"When she comes back, I'm going to have someone shadow her for a few days to make sure she isn't making more mistakes or purposely cutting corners. We'll keep an eye on her job performance then providing she doesn't mess up, she'll keep her job. I was surprised, for as abrasive as Alec was in the beginning, he was the compassionate one who said she deserved a second chance."

"That is a little surprising. Seems that little situation was the attitude adjustment he needed."

"I think he just needed a friend who understood."

"He's found a few of them this week."

"Thank you for being so patient with his poor disposition. Not everyone could have endured that without lashing out. I knew I could count on you to bring out the best in him, even if he hadn't had an emergency, you would've brought him around eventually. Thank you Edward."

"I would have done the same thing for anyone. I hope I've been a benefit to him."

"We both know you have. I knew he was going to be a challenge when I met him at the hospital, and decided he was going to be your roommate immediately."

"Don't think I haven't been watching you with Jane, either. I know I asked you to keep an eye on her, but it's as if you anticipate what she needs before she even realizes. I'll see her coming to sit down with food, and you've already noticed she needs utensils, and have them waiting when she gets to the table to sit down."

I didn't know how to broach the next subject without upsetting Jill. If I were any other patient, I suspect she'd be much less receptive to my comments. She had a wonderful team here, and while the majority of them went above and beyond the call of duty, there were always a few who took shortcuts, shirked responsibilities, and simply didn't belong in a setting where _people_ were depending on them. Not just any people, but injured people who couldn't fend for themselves.

"I wanted to talk with you about that, too, Jill. Are you aware that there are times that no one feeds Jane? I was appalled when I learned that she sometimes sits alone with no assistance, her food ignored, and eventually she just goes back to her room."

Jill looked devastated. "No, I wasn't aware. She's never complained, and while I try to keep an eye on everything and everyone, it's impossible. There are always aides in the dining room to help anyone who needs assistance, but none of them are assigned to any one particular patient. Most people need very little." She rubbed her head as if she was deep in thought. "Do you think you can find out if Jane has any favorites? I'd like to assign someone she's comfortable to work with her. I have no way of knowing what days she did or did not eat, so trying to figure out who shirked their responsibilities would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. I'll make sure there is an aide available to her three meals a day."

"I'll talk to her and see if she'll say anything, she was very reluctant to admit there was a problem, and I knew she'd never come to you. Now that I'm aware, I'm keeping an eye on her myself. I don't mind helping her. In fact, if you want to assign me several meals a week while I'm here, I'll gladly assist. She tends to let her walls down during mealtime."

"I don't mean to minimalize the situation but part of the problem is the fact that she never said anything. I had no way of knowing there was a problem. You know this would have been addressed immediately. Thank you for befriending these kids, Edward. You have no idea how important it is for them to have someone they feel comfortable with. Are you sure you want to go back to that hospital in a few months? You'd be an incredible rehab counselor."

"No, I'm very happy with my line of work. I know she should've spoken up, Jill. I expressed that to Jane as well. She's shy and demure and would never dream of doing something to get someone into trouble. I tried to remind her that her body can't heal properly if she isn't properly nourished. I think she understands."

"Good, we'll get it taken care of today."

~Bella~

I've been spending an enormous amount of time with Esme and Alice in preparation for the big day. While Edward has worked very hard to wrap up his time in rehab, we girls had been working daily to get our home in order. Very soon we'd begin a completely new life together. Edward was coming home.

_Home._

What a simple word. It seems getting here has been a tremendous struggle for both of us.

I didn't know that I'd felt at home in any place since I left the warm embrace of the house in Forks. Charlie's home. It's been over ten years. Each place I'd lived in has seemed like just another stop along the journey. I've never known where this journey would take me… until now.

Esme said Edward hadn't been _"home"_ since he lost his parents. Months in a hospital were followed by more months with her and Carlisle, until Edward moved into a dorm on the first stop along his academic path. Years living in college dorms and off campus apartments with various friends and room mates had just been temporary stops for years and years. The accident in October even ripped that shred of normalcy from him as he lost his share of the apartment with Eric and Mike. At the time, no one knew if he would live, and if he did- they wondered, would he ever resume his campus life? Eric and Mike had no choice but to find a new roommate.

We decided several weeks ago, as our friendship began to really blossom, that we both desired something more permanent in our lives. We've both been through such chaos with our illnesses and injuries and became a wonderful support system for each other. Edward asked if I'd consider living with him. He said he didn't want to pressure me, and I knew he was in no position to force me into anything physical I didn't want, not that I thought he ever would. It didn't feel awkward to entertain the prospect of sharing a home with him in that aspect.

My greatest concern was whether he would let me pull my own weight. My hesitance never had anything to do with Edward, personally. Once he addressed my concerns about how the arrangement would be handled I was comfortable with it. I asked for time to decide, but I'd already decided in my head before I was even home from my visit at the hospital that day. Thinking back over the previous months, I'd always known that he made me feel safe, he was gentle and compassionate. He had a wonderful sense of humor. With everything life had thrown at him, he amazed me with his positive attitude and the ability to persevere.

I had been considering a change of residence since I had first learned of my MS. Ever since Edward had rolled into my life. It still blew me away some days to realize all of _this_ had really begun on the day that felt like the end of the world to me. I never would have believed in a million years that being diagnosed with a neurological disease would open so many doors and change my life so drastically... for the better.

It didn't take much encouragement for Edward to convince Esme to help him find an accessible home. He wanted three bedrooms, with an open floor plan, and it needed to be completely accessible. He didn't care if he bought or built, but he was absolute on his needs. The man who ended up building the house had a sibling with a disability and embraced the visitability philosophy of making all newly constructed homes accessible. There was much enthusiasm from the community when he committed to build an entire development of homes that were 'visitable' by anyone.

Edward and I were appalled when several neighbors came to municipal zoning meetings and argued that the builder was creating a segregated community, but eventually, even the locals became taken with his enthusiasm. This was the first community of its kind in the state of Washington, where any differently-abled person could visit or live without barriers. The homes were equally as convenient for a new mother pushing a stroller, as they were for a Washington Huskies football player recovering from knee surgery. There was no disadvantage.

A visitable home had at least one no step entrance, wider doorways, hand rails in the bathrooms, and in the few that were completely handicap accessible, there were also roll-in showers as well as lower counters in the kitchen. While they truly were homes anyone could live in, one of these was perfect for Edward's needs. The one story homes blended in well with the surrounding homes and by the final phase of the project, a total of fifteen 'visitable' homes were built here. Ten two story homes were visitable on the first floor. Five of them would be completely accessible homes like the one Bob built for Edward. When he chose the house, I had no idea he'd ever offer to let me live there and had been blindsided when he asked. At that point, our relationship was that of friends, but I think, deep down we both knew from the day he asked, that the situation was more than one of two friends merely sharing expenses.

I was vehemently against Edward's offer for me to live there rent free, but after I learned how he was paying for the house I was a little more comfortable with the agreement we came to. Since Carlisle invested well on Edward's behalf, the purchase of a new home was exactly the sort of thing he had hoped Edward would do with a portion of the money.

We finally agreed that in lieu of me making monthly payments to him for my room, I would pay for food and cook. Esme testified that anything Edward cooked had the potential for being toxic, thus eating his cooking was literally taking my life into my own hands. That was when it was decided, unanimously that I was in charge of the kitchen.

Edward gave the three of us girls' free rein over the purchase of our furnishings, and decorating the house. He only had a few stipulations.

There had to be an unobstructed path of travel throughout the entire house. Edward often came in at all hours and wanted to be free to move about without having to worry about physical barriers.

I was to bring anything I wanted into the house, and place it wherever I saw fit. He wanted me to feel like it was my home as well, which was really cool of him. Originally I was a little intimidated. I wasn't sure if he'd want me to have my things anywhere but my room. I hated putting them into storage, but I had too much for just one room. It was welcoming to be able to weave the things that made me feel comfortable in with those of his.

I was not to cut corners on things I felt we needed to make our house a home. I was only uncomfortable when it came to spending his money without him. Edward admonished me though, reminding me that he didn't want to have to worry about home furnishings after months in institutions. He just wanted to be able to come home and feel comfortable. I suppose some people would think he was putting a lot of responsibility on me, but I had the help of his family one-hundred and ten percent, and it was the least we could do to ensure he had somewhere safe and comfortable to go upon his release.

Edward told Alice he had very few personal belongings from his apartment at college. But Esme said what they had was pathetic, and aside from personal things like clothing, they had left the lot of it.

I thought our first stop would be at a furniture store; however Esme took me and Alice to a storage unit a few miles from the home she shared with Carlisle. It was huge. I felt like I was entering a home furnishing warehouse when she lifted the door and we walked inside.

"Bella, before we buy anything, I'd like you to look around and see if there's anything here you like." She began taking large blankets and furniture covers off of pieces of furniture. After revealing a few beautiful pieces, she pulled out a huge overstuffed leather chair and ottoman. "This is just what I was looking for. Bella dear, come here and sit down, please." It didn't really sound like a request, so I submitted without arguing. The chair looked heavenly and I was really hoping this was one of my choices. I walked over and literally sank into the most comfortable seat I'd ever encountered. The ottoman magically appeared under my feet.

"Alice, would you help me with these?" Alice danced to where Esme stood. Reaching up, they uncovered different items. Many of the pieces looked like family heirlooms. Some were more modern than others, yet they were all gorgeous. Everything had that solid sturdy look without being overly imposing. All the colors were rich, warm tones. The dark burgundies and browns were masculine, but not too much so. The greens were warm and inviting and made me think of Edward's beautiful, expressive eyes. The pieces all seemed to compliment one other. I didn't know how many choices I could make, but so many of the things she revealed seemed like they were made for Edward.

_What _was_ all this?_

After what seemed like forever, Esme came back out of the labyrinth she had been maneuvering through and took my hand. "Come Bella, let's see what you think." It took a minute for me to get to my feet. The chair had literally swallowed me up. It felt incredible, like a cocoon. I could see myself spending endless hours in that chair reading or grading papers. I sighed. I almost hated to leave it.

Esme looked at the chair. "That was always one of my favorites, as well. I have spent hours sitting in it. I've missed it so."

"The leather is so soft and inviting. It's beautiful, Esme."

"I was thinking it would look great in your living room. I designed that little alcove next to the fireplace with that chair in mind. I can't imagine a nicer place to snuggle with a book when it's cold and rainy outside."

My breath caught as I tried to speak. "I love it, are you sure? You said it was one of your favorites."

Looking choked up, she wiped her cheeks. "This was my sister's favorite chair. It sat next to the fireplace in her home. I couldn't find it in my heart to take it into my house. It would have felt like I was taking something from Edward. At the time, it would have been so hard for him. He had already lost so much that day. Taking these things to our new home would have been like a slap in the face every time he set eyes on them. He's ready now."

The day Edward and I met, he had told me about the accident that stole the use of his legs from him. It was more than a year later that he revealed to me that Esme and Carlisle had taken him in when he had lost his parents in the accident, as well.

I thought my heart would break for him. He had lost so much, yet he was always in such an uplifting mood. I still had trouble grasping his attitude. I'd lost so much less when I acquired my disability, yet I was often bitter and angry when I was having a bad day. I felt guilty for taking so much for granted, like having two parents who loved me, even if my mother was unorthodox in the way she showed her affections, I was still blessed.

I must have mentally drifted off for a few minutes. I heard Esme and Alice asking me things. I shook myself out of it. "Excuse me?"

"I was asking Alice about the bedroom furniture. Edward wants an adjustable bed. This bed was Ed's parents. It's heavy and masculine. I'd love to put it in Edward's room. We'll need to find out if an adjustable bed can be adapted to accommodate the bed frame."

I ran my hand over the smooth cherry headboard. Yes, this would be perfect for Edward. "Wait, you said it was in _Ed's_ family. Is all this stuff…" She interrupted before I had the chance to finish my question.

"Yes, dear, it's all Edward's. He has known we saved things for him. He'd have had a fit if he knew how much. When his parents died, Carlisle and I couldn't bring ourselves to pack things up and close up the house. We had a company come in and just pack everything."

"So it's all here?"

"Yes Bella, one day Edward will have to come here and make some decisions, but for now, I think he'd be delighted to have some of these things in your new home."

I was amazed. "I think we can utilize a lot of it. I was uncomfortable with him paying to furnish all the common areas of the house anyway. He keeps saying it's 'our' home, but I don't feel like I'm contributing enough. I like this idea much more."

"If there's anything you don't want, we won't take it. You can always come here after and go through more things. All the decisions needn't be made this minute."

I nodded, deep in thought. I really loved everything. If things worked the way I thought they might, we'd only have to buy bedding, curtains and things to decorate with. This was a real treasure trove. I couldn't wait till Edward came home.

"Does he know we are using his parents stuff? I don't want to offend him."

"He's the one who asked me to bring you here. He wanted to come along, but as you can see, there isn't enough room for him to get the chair through. We rented the largest unit we could at the time, but we put both homes on the market almost immediately after the accident."

"Edward told me you sold your as well. Why did you go to Seattle, Esme?" I thought back to the day I had met Esme in January. The day I was certain I'd lost Edward forever. She had commented that day that the accessible home was designed and renovated for Edward to come home to after his accident.

"Carlisle and I tried to have children. After several pregnancies that ended in heartbreak, we learned I'd never carry a child to term. Edward is the closest either of us will come to having a child of our own.

Neither our home, nor Edward's parent's would have accommodated Edward's needs when he was ready to come home from the hospital. As you can imagine, even after his discharge, Edward spent a lot of time at the hospital and with his specialists. We moved from a tiny rural town to Seattle before he was discharged from the hospital. Carlisle found work at Harborview. I tended to Edward's needs until he was ready to go off to college. We love him like our own, Bella. There was never any question when we learned what his needs would be."

I was moved to hear her speak with such devotion for the man I was certain I was falling in love with. Charlie had made such an effort when I came home from the hospital, and I know he'd have done anything he had to, to help me. He'd have made any sacrifice.

My mother was a different story. It was so easy for her to distance herself from me when I needed her most. Our mother/daughter relationship was nearly non-existent, which was probably for the best. I suppose not all mothers could be nurturing like Esme.

I looked around the storage area. Walking through the furniture and larger items, I let my fingers trail over the smooth wood and upholstered pieces. Everything was wood or leather, or rich brocades. These were things I could never dream of buying on my teaching salary. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a large dark piece. _Perfect_.

On closer inspection, it was just the thing I wanted for Edward. Esme explained this was Ed Sr.'s office furniture. We labeled the mahogany desk and several large book cases with glass doors. The desk was ornately carved and extremely heavy. The leather chair that accompanied it had the same deep carvings. Edward wanted to use one of the bedrooms for a study. The room had been painted a warm, inviting beige with dark wooden panels on the bottom half of the wall. This would most definitely complete the room,

Alice and Esme helped me choose a few lamps and other decorative pieces. After pulling out a few boxes, Esme explained that they were personal and had Alice lug them to the car. They were framed family portraits and other items she thought Edward might like to have at home. She said she'd discuss it with him, which was fine. I didn't want to overstep any boundaries.

As soon as I realized what we were doing, I decided not to open any boxes. I knew they held the more personal mementos, and I felt like I'd be rooting through things I had no business looking at. I refused to desecrate Edward's memories. Esme said after we were moved in, if Edward wanted to begin looking through things, she'd bring a few boxes at a time to the house for him to look through. That sounded like the best plan.

As we continued through, we made choices and selections with Esme leaving a trail of neon colored stickers on each piece of furniture we'd be taking. She explained that a local moving company would come tomorrow and take them to the garage of the house. Esme would have the cleaning crew that was coming to vacuum and wash windows during the week also clean all the things from storage as well.

Several of the Cullen's friends would come and move the items into the proper rooms before Charlie and I began moving my things in. I knew Jasper to some extent from doing things with Alice, and I had met Rosalie, Edward's lawyer. I was surprised to learn she was Jasper's sister. They seemed as different as night and day.

Another friend of Edward's was Emmett who worked in the Harborview rehab gym. For such a big man, he was a gentle giant with a heart of gold and an awesome his sense of humor. I owed him a lot; he was the guy who got me walking well enough to leave the wheelchair in the closet.

When we left the storage unit, we went to buy more things for the house. Everything was coming together quickly. I had to hand it to Esme and Alice; they both had quite the knack for finding items which would go together well.

I couldn't wait to see the house when we were done. I was really getting excited. Alice said she'd take everything to the house, and start washing the bedding and hanging the curtains we had purchased on our shopping spree with Edward.

The adjustable bed people were coming to look at Edward's mid-week. Hopefully they would be able to outfit the frame with an adjustable unit for Edward.

Luckily, as soon as my science fair students were on the right track, Mr. Banner agreed to let me take a week off to help with the house. It gave me about a week to pack what little I had after school, and then an entire week instead of a weekend to get moved in. We didn't have much time to pull everything together, but thankfully Edward and I both were nearly empty handed when it came to personal items and small things that needed boxed up. At least there wasn't a lot to pack up before the move.

Our final stop was at a kitchen store. Esme told me she was to let me have free rein over anything I wanted. I quietly informed her that I was buying the kitchen items I needed and wanted, and that if Edward had a problem with that, he would have to discuss it with me.

I had a set of hand me down pots and pans from Grandma Swan, but they were dilapidated and mismatched. I had hung onto them for years- purely for sentimental reasons. It was time to let them go. I decided to pass them on to good will and buy something more suitable. I found a wonderful price on a stainless steel set which looked like they might even endure Edward's toxic cooking if he wanted to try. I didn't need a lot of kitchen gadgets, as the ones I had were favorites, friends if you will, and while they were old, they were well broken in. I knew them intimately. Those things I refused to replace.

The rehab center where Edward was a patient was close to my apartment, and just a few blocks from my job, spring brought with it beautiful days and cool evenings. I loved walking; it had become my newest addiction since my diagnosis with MS. If the weather was nice, I tried to walk every day.

Gone were the days of taking things in my life for granted. Sometimes it took a long time and I'd get tired. I tried to pace myself and get in a good walk, but if I felt fatigue, I rested. Soon it would be warm and I'd have to spend more time inside on hot days, but for now I was able to enjoy what nature had to offer. I intended to ask Edward if I could have a treadmill, so I could walk no matter what the weather was like.

I spent as much time as I could over mealtime with Edward. I felt guilty today, knowing we'd missed lunch, but he knew and insisted that he'd be fine. Since that day I found him in the rehab gym, I had only missed seeing him when I was so sick with the flu in January. I knew he would get sick if I went to see him, so I stayed away. Then there were the few weeks when he had pushed me away, telling me he was no good for me. Trying to convince me he was less than a man because of the things he wasn't capable of…

When we had first met, that day he sealed my fate with the MS diagnosis, he was so sure of himself. I wouldn't say he was smug or cocky, but he had an air of confidence about him that amazed me for someone in his situation. He was definitely a _glass half full_ kind of guy.

I wasn't used to being around people with disabilities, and back then I had some preconceived notions that people _like Edward_ would be vulnerable or weak. I've learned so many things since I became a person with a disability. Then, when I found him after his second accident, I couldn't get over how emotionally broken he seemed. My heart prickled with a new emotion and I knew I couldn't turn my back on him. He needed a friend, I just never realized, until after the fact how much I needed him, too.

Today took its toll on me, and I voiced my disappointment that I wouldn't be able to walk to the rehab for dinner because I was so exhausted. I didn't even think I could make it to and from the bus stop unassisted. Esme offered to drive me to see Edward.

"Would you like to stop for some takeout, and then we'll go see Edward? I'm sure he'd welcome something different." I'd been eating whatever they served in the cafeteria at the rehab with him and while some of the meals weren't anything to write home about, they were, for all intents and purposes, _edible_. At least they were better than the fare in the cafeteria at Harborview.

Esme pulled up in front of a sandwich shop and came back out with a large paper bag and a two liter bottle of soda. We stopped at my apartment to pick up my cane as well. It had been a long time since I felt this wobbly, but I realized I needed a little extra help.

When we entered the cafeteria, Edward was playing a hand of cards with a young girl who I recognized as Jane. He had told me about her circumstances and was excited that Alec seemed to be interested in her. She might have been sixteen or seventeen. The girl was in a brace which looked almost like a turtle shell.

Edward seemed genuinely excited when he called and told me that she had gotten her casts taken off and was able to begin exercises to learn how to bend her arms again. She seemed to have difficulty reaching very far and Edward had pulled his wheelchair right up to her knees. She was sitting in a hard cafeteria chair and Edward had a meal tray on his lap between them. Always so compassionate, Edward had adapted so his young friend could participate in their game.

Looking up as we walked into the large social area, a huge smile crossed his face. "Esme this is Jane!" Esme smiled and gave her a hug. We visited for a few minutes before Jane excused herself. "My mom will be expecting a phone call soon. I better go take care of it before she calls the nurse's station checking up on me." She smiled at Edward, "Thanks for playing cards with me, Edward. My skills are really improving."

"You're welcome. I can't wait till you're ready for slapjack."

She stood stiffly, her arms hanging awkwardly, before walking off in the direction of the patient rooms. We could hear her laughing as she went down the hallway.

"Private joke?" Esme asked.

"Not really, when we first started playing cards, she said she'd play anything but War or Slapjack because she had to slap the cards and was afraid she couldn't do that, so now it's sort of a goal between us, we're working towards the day when she can do that."

"She seems like a really nice girl."

"Yeah, she is."

Reaching out, Edward took my free hand. I hadn't failed to notice that he had looked at my cane several times, but as yet hadn't said anything. I could tell that it worried him, and wanted to dissuade any fears he might have. "I just over did it a little today. A lot of walking and I'm tired. That's all." I said casually.

He visibly relaxed. "I can't help but worry about you. I don't want you to over do it because of me. Are you sure you're okay to pack and move your things? I can round up some muscle to help you."

"I want to do this with my dad, but if I find that Charlie and I need help, I'll let you know. Alright?"

"Sure. All you need do is ask."

"I know, thanks." Charlie wasn't happy that I was moving in with a guy, even if he was a doctor. I wanted to spend some alone time with him, when I moved in so I could reassure him that things were on the up and up. He'd accept the situation, but that didn't mean he'd ever like it. I could only hope Edward would grow on him if our friendship continued to evolve. Since he moved to rehab, Edward and I have been move and more daring. Moving my things would give me the perfect opportunity to spend time some alone with my dad.

Jane came back into the common room we were still conversing in. Before I could ask about her, Edward spoke quietly. "I am almost sad I'll be leaving so soon. Jill really liked my idea to have her do some things with you girls, in fact, her mother signed a waiver that Jill faxed to her stating that she is permitted to leave the premises if Jill approves the outing. Her mother was supposed to come up to visit, but she still hasn't done so. I know Jane is disappointed. I can only hope her father is a better parent."

I bristled, thinking of Renee. Mother's are supposed to be nurturing, they should smell like sugar cookies and be soft and warm…they should be like Esme. "If she's still here after you leave, we can come back and visit, Edward. I walk here each day."

Edward and Esme both chuckled. "Bella dear, soon you won't be walking here anymore. Before long, you'll live more than a few blocks away." Edward said, pulling me into a hug. "But we can drive over. Yes, I agree Jane needs some friends right now. Her family isn't from Seattle, but this was the best place for her rehab. Hopefully she'll only be here a short while. She has no friends her age nearby. I did catch her and Alec sharing ice cream sundaes on Mother's Day. I suspect a romance might be budding there."

Esme acted all sentimental. "Oh, that's so sweet. It would be nice if they ended up together."

Edward knew his mother was the consummate matchmaker; he threw his head back and laughed at her comment.

"So did you bring dinner, Mom? I'm starving!"

"Oh, gosh! Yes!" Esme stood up and offered me her hand. I took it, still feeling whooped from earlier. We walked over to one of the round dining tables were scattered over more than half the room and began pulling sandwiches out of the bag. I didn't know why she had bought so much, but when it was all out of the bag, an idea struck me. I walked over to where Jane sat, watching TV.

"Jane, would you like to join us? Somehow we ended up with too many sandwiches, they'll go to waste. Did you eat yet?"

She looked up startled. "Um…sure, Bella, if you are certain you don't mind."

"Not at all, come eat with us."

I turned around and wasn't quite sure what Edward was doing. He had a sandwich on a plate and he had begun cutting it into bite-sized pieces with a steak knife. I knew better than to try and figure him out.

I reached out to steady Jane, and almost lost my own footing. I looked around embarrassed, but Edward and Esme seemed to be lost in conversation. Jane and I shuffled across the room, we were quite a pair. By the time we made it to the table, Esme was getting some paper cups from the cupboard, and Edward had finished cutting the sandwich, someone had given us each a small cup of fresh fruit cup.

I pulled a chair out for Jane next to Edward then I took the one on his opposite side. Esme came back and poured us each a root beer. Edward groaned. "Esme, you do realize the only time I don't drink caffeine is when you're present?" She just shook her head, not responding to his comment. I learned early on that the caffeine war was an ongoing battle between the two of them. I was a smart girl and knew enough to stay out of it.

Edward smiled at Jane. "You ready?"

She looked up at him, almost seeming relieved, "Yep. Thanks."

Edward poked a bite of the sandwich with the fork and held it out for Jane. Esme misted up and I could see the pride shining in her eyes. It was one of those moments when you wanted to say "Awwwww... ", but I knew that would embarrass Jane, and I didn't want her to be embarrassed or shy away from letting him help her again because someone made a big deal out of it.

Knowing what to do and acting upon it came so naturally to him and as soon as he realized I was inviting Jane to join us, he did it without missing a beat. Once again, he didn't have to _do_ anything to remind me what an incredibly wonderful person he was. I suspected this was a regular occurrence for them, and it made me all warm and fuzzy to know that this girl had him in her life.

There was no doubt in my mind that little Jane would become ingrained in our future in some way. This was a place to forge friendships, and I thought back to most of the people connected to Edward in some way... most of them were in situations like this. He came into my life at one of my worst moments and my life was changed irrevocably.

For several hours we talked, ate, and played cards. It was a fun evening, but I was becoming quite tired. I stifled a yawn, not wanting to be the cause of the little party breaking up.

"Bella, go home and get some sleep. It's been a long day for you. You've got to finish packing your apartment while you're off work. I feel terrible I can't get inside to help you."

I knew it was bothering him, the fact that there were steps leading into my building and several more inside leading to my apartment. When I came home in the manual wheelchair, I could only go out if I had some burly guy lined up to get me out of the place, and back inside when I returned. I only went out when necessary. Once I had gone out and the person who was supposed to take me back in had forgotten. I sat out in the February cold, until someone walking by took pity on me and assisted to get me inside. It was fortunate for me that I was walking again before I'd returned to work.

I stood and leaned into Edward, kissing him, before he pulled me onto his lap. Once he managed to get me on his lap that first time, it had become a regular occurrence. I can't say I minded, I was just so afraid of hurting his legs. Any day the casts were coming off and soon the prison he'd been entrapped in for 8 months would just be a memory.

He hugged me tightly, rubbing my back and nuzzling his nose in my hair. He kissed me lightly on the mouth and helped me step off his lap steadying me with his hands on my waist.

"Please walk her inside Esme." I growled at him, he smirked, and Jane laughed. _I could walk myself inside._

Esme gave him a quick hug. "I'll see that she gets inside safely, son."

I'd finally gotten used to the way they threw around names. Sometimes he called them Mom and Dad, other times, just Esme and Carlisle. Sometimes he introduced them as his parents, and other times as his aunt and uncle. They often introduced him as their nephew, yet both of them lovingly addressed him as son. It took me quite a while to figure it all out, but once I had, I realized it didn't really matter anyway, they were a family and it didn't matter how you tried to define what they were to one another, they loved each other deeply.

"There's something I need to talk to you about, Bella. Can I call you in a while, or are you too tired?"

"I'll be awake for a while. Give me a half hour, okay?"

"Sure. Goodnight, love." _There he goes making me feel all warm and fuzzy again._

"Night Edward. Nice to see you again Jane, I'll see you on Saturday morning."

"I can't wait, Bella. It'll be a blast."

"Me either, see you soon."

I was deep in thought on the way home, so many things to think about. I pondered the young girl Edward had befriended and the relationship she shared with her mother, one so much like the one I shared with my own. I thought about all the things that I had to accomplish in the coming weeks. Cancelling my utilities, changing my address, moving my belongings and sending the rest to Goodwill, oh, there was so much to do.

I wondered what Edward wanted to talk to me about. I'd know soon enough.

I must have drifted off in the car. I awoke to Esme gently shaking my shoulder and shouty-whispering, "Bel-lah... wake up dear. Bella?"

I reached up and wiped the corner of my mouth. I was embarrassed to realize I was drooling.

"Are we here yet?"

"Yes, you're home dear. Come on let me help you get inside."

"No, I'm okay."

"I was wondering if you would show me what you have to move."

I knew it was a losing battle, but I couldn't be rude to Esme. She genuinely cared about my well-being and I'd be lying if I said I felt sure footed tonight. "Alright, come on." I sighed.

Esme came around to my side of the car and offered her hand to me. I wasn't so stubborn that I'd push her away. I reached out and she pulled me out of the car. I stumbled into her and we grabbed each other so we didn't end up in a heap on the sidewalk. We were laughing like a couple of school girls and I realized how much I'd come to appreciate her friendship.

Arm in arm we walked up to the apartment. When she asked, I explained how I'd had to find someone to bounce me up and down the steps each time I'd gone out in the wheelchair. "I'm so...", she started, but I put my hand up and stopped her.

"Don't say you're sorry. You had nothing to do with it, and I managed. I'm okay, Esme. I'm better than okay."

"You're right, dear. Come on show me your place." I was relieved that she dropped it and moved on to another subject.

I unlocked and flipped on lights as we walked through. "This is a cute little building. It has a lot of charm."

"Edward is right though, Esme, the neighborhood leaves something to be desired, and the place isn't accessible, at all. I know you're not blind. There are days when I struggle to get inside."

"I'm glad that you've found each other. You bring the best out in each other."

"Yeah, I think we do. I'm excited about the move."

"He is too. So, what all are we moving?"

"The living room furniture is from my first place, it was bought new, but it was cheap at the time. I'm having Goodwill come and pick them up on moving day. I've got a lot of small things to box up. I have my bedroom furniture and a small secretary type desk." I led her into my room and showed her what I had.

"Oh, Bella this will look wonderful with the paint you chose and all the coordinates. Very nice."

"It's older, but it was my grandmother's it's that sturdy stuff that lasts forever."

"It's perfect."

"Yeah, I think so too."

"I have a lot of stuff in the kitchen. The small dinette set might be nice in the little dining area of the kitchen. I don't have a whole lot of stuff."

"I understand now why you said you didn't think you needed a lot of help. I want you to promise that you'll let us know if you need us. Even I could come over and help."

"Really, once we take the bed apart, the only really heavy parts are the dressers."

"Is there anything Carlisle and I could move for you? We do have that big cargo van. Edward will never use it now that he has the new car."

"The only other things I have are the things in the closet. Over there."

"What's in there?"

"I'm not exactly certain what _all_ is in there, but there are some things I don't really like to look at. I haven't had it open in a very long time."

Esme walked over to the closet and with a small amount of trepidation, opened the door and peered inside. The wheelchair, walker, shower chair and toilet bars were in there. "I should probably keep them in case I ever need them again. I vowed never to open it again, but some of it was expensive. My insurance didn't cover much of it. Charlie's co-workers took up a collection and bought some of the things for me. We had no idea if I'd ever return to work, or what my future held.

"Do you know Carlisle set up attendant care and several other social services for me before I left the hospital? I don't know what I'd have done if I hadn't had all those things in place for me. It was what kept me in my home and out of a nursing home. I could have never lived in Charlie's house."

A soft smile graced her face, "Sweetheart, it wasn't Carlisle who set those things up for you. Edward made those arrangements when he began looking for the most appropriate person in the support group to mentor you."

I had another one of those moments where I felt overwhelmed, and awestruck, and just wowed. We didn't even know one another and he was working his magic in my life. Was I surprised? _Nope._ _Not a chance. _

"I don't even know how to respond to that. Your son is the perfect man."

"He _is_ pretty perfect isn't he? He's had some excellent role models. Ed was just as fine a man as Carlisle is. Edward didn't stand a chance."

With that she made her way to the door. "My own perfect man should be home soon. His dinner is in the Crockpot, but I'd like to have it ready when he gets home. Anything you need, Bella, just call me. Promise me, please?"

I gave her a big hug. "I promise. Go feed your husband."

I locked the deadbolt behind Esme and went to take a shower and get ready for bed. It was still fairly early, but I knew my own limitations, and if I didn't rest, I'd be useless in the morning.

When I came out of the bathroom, my phone was blinking. _Edward._

I dialed his number and listened to it ring, once, twice... "Bella?"

"Silly boy, you always ask if it's me, when we both know you have caller ID. What was it you wanted to talk about earlier?"

"Jill and I were discussing the fundraiser for the CIL and she'd like to set up a disability awareness day for her portion of the fundraiser. People could pay a small fee to become disabled and spend a short amount of time experiencing what some of us live with every day. I was wondering if you'd like to participate?"

"Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun."

"I thought we could get some of the CIL staff involved, I'm sure my parents, Alice, Jasper, even Emmett would be willing volunteers."

"That sounds like an awesome idea. I'd love to be a part of it, although I'd have to volunteer most of the event, so I'm not sure what else I'll be doing."

I tried to suppress another yawn before he heard me, but there was no such luck. "Bella, you should go to sleep, I know you had a long day. I can talk to you about the other stuff tomorrow."

"_No_, we need to talk about the weekend. I don't want to put that off."

"Okay, we can run through some things quickly. Before I forget, thanks for going with Esme to look over the furniture. Is everything okay? Will we be able to use some of it?"

I thought over all the wonderful things we had chosen for the house. "Yeah, it's great, everything is in wonderful condition. Thank you, Edward. Everything will look perfect. I think it's being moved to the house tomorrow, and then the cleaning crew will go over it all. I'm really getting excited. I haven't seen my dad since Easter, and he'll be here so soon. I really am tired though, what's the plan for the weekend?"

"Alice is going to pick you up at your place on Saturday afternoon. The two of you are going to come and get Jane. I believe Alice is taking you girls to the spa, since Jane is free of her casts. You girls are going to stay over at Alice's apartment. Emmett and Jasper are going to come and get me with the PT Cruiser."

"What are you guys doing?"

"Oh I dunno, the guys said they wanted to take me out for a while, maybe shoot some pool, throw some darts. They'll take me back to Carlisle and Esme's when we're done. I haven't hung out with both of them together for a long time, we used to play basketball, shoot some pool. They're the only friends I really hung out with, outside of a few of the guys I went to school with."

"I hope you have a blast. It's gotta feel good to be doing some of the things you used to do."

"Yeah, I miss the guys. This could be fun. I'm looking forward to it."

I yawned a big yawn, and the words came out as garbled gibberish "ou boys are dunna hab so much fun."

"Go to sleep Bella. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Nite Edward."

I barely registered crawling into bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. It was the most peaceful night's sleep I've had in months.


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty

~Edward~

It would be stretching things to say that I was enjoying my time in rehab, but I had to admit that my time here was flying. I couldn't begin to verbalize how it felt when Jill acknowledged that my time here was half over. A year ago, my life was full of work at the hospital and my fellowship in the lab, but it wasn't a full life. It took a near death experience to show me that while I filled my life with activities to take up the time, my life wasn't truly fulfilling.

My injuries, and the time I spent recuperating, caused me to really take a look at how I had been living. Bella stumbling into my life made me realize what I had been missing. Little by little, I'd been venturing out into the world with newborn eyes, experiencing it as a participant rather than a bystander. I never realized so many things had been absent from my life.

Some of those things were family and friends. While I had a wonderful family and numerous friends, I spent my time in Seattle distancing myself from personal interactions, preferring instead to spend my free time peering into the eyepiece of a microscope.

When my closest friends realized how close I had come to knocking on heaven's door, they vowed to force me back into life if I chose to once again become an unwilling participant. Cue Emmett and Jasper. When I was at Harborview, short visits were convenient and both stopped in from time to time for a visit. Moving to the rehab had given Emmett an excuse to regularly call and check on my progress, I rarely saw him. Since Christmas, Alice was practically living with Jasper, yet it seemed he was rarely free either. As soon as I received my first furlough to go home, Alice spilled the beans to Jasper and it was only a matter of hours before they had concocted a plan to get me out on the town for a boy's night of fun.

I felt guilty being away from rehab and not spending the time with Bella, but it turned out that Jane had permission to go with the girls for a spa weekend and we made both events coincide. The guys told me I was pussy whipped, even though I denied any sort of romantic involvement with Bella to get them off my back. When I told them I wanted to spend time with her to get to know her better, Emmett's retort was that it was good for couples to spend time apart and she would be fine. I couldn't really argue the point, and my lost weekend was planned.

Jane, bless her heart, was so excited to be going out with the girls. I gave Alice money and told her to treat them to whatever they deemed necessary at the spa. I pitched for refreshments and whatever else went into a _girl's night_ as Alice so aptly referred to it. I hated the fact that I wouldn't get to see Bella until Sunday afternoon. She had school work to complete before picking Jane up, and by the time they arrived, I had already left with the boys.

Our first stop was _The Central Saloon._ It was Seattle's first saloon and was drenched in local history. Jasper, being born and bred in Houston, insisted that our adventure begin in an authentic saloon. _The Saloon_ was his favorite watering hole. Mike and Eric had agreed to join us. I was perversely curious about the status of Eric's fling with Dr. Miller and couldn't wait to indulge my curiosity in a setting that was more appropriate than the last place the subject had come up. Then there was Mike. Mike had his hands on more girls than I'd ever know what to do with. He was perverted and treated his girls with zero respect, but he was still my friend. I volunteered to be the designated driver, but Eric denied me the job- arguing that I needed to loosen up and just have a little fun. While it was true that I _hadn't_ driven in a very long time and my legs were casted, there was nothing wrong with my hands. I was certain that I could get us home more safely than one of them could under the influence.

Eric's was the voice that kept plaguing the thoughts in the back of my mind. I _did _need to loosen up, but drinking was off the table for me. I was wearing a fresh fentanyl patch and could only imagine the drunk-on I'd have if I indulged. While we awaited their arrival, Emmett ordered the first round of drinks. The little waitress, who was wearing a tiny cow hide vest and even tinier denim shorts, sat a tall cold bottle in front of each of us. I looked pointedly at Emmett who shrugged and told me to live a little. I was hesitant and a little fearful of the repercussions because I was a lightweight. While I occasionally met the guys from work for a beer at the bowling alley, I was not a regular customer, nor did I drink anything very strong.

I knew, wearing the patch, I would get drunk more quickly than the rest of my crew. Could I rely on them to take care of me if I let loose? I must have voiced my fears aloud; Emmett clapped me on the shoulder. "Come on Eddie, loosen up, I'll take care of you."

"I'm medicated, I have to be careful."

"When did you take your medicine?"

"I'm wearing a patch. It's a constant supply."

"Oh. You need to have a little fun. You should be okay if you don't _over_-indulge. I promise I'll get you home safely."

"I don't know..." I hesitated. While I had never consumed alcohol while taking something as strong as the patch I was on, I knew it would accelerate and magnify the effects of the alcohol. "I don't think this is a good idea at all. What if I have some kind of reaction?"

Jasper leaned in, his top lip curling into a sneer. "Come on cowboy, don't be a sissy. It's only one beer." Then he whispered, "You know it'll be okay. We'd never let anything happen to you. What's the worst thing that could happen?" My conscience was tapping me on the shoulder and muttering something about _famous last words._ The little demon on my other shoulder echoed Jasper's thoughts. _What _is_ the worst thing that can happen?_ I could think of a handful of worst case scenarios.

There was an internal battle warring in my head. Common sense said to refuse, and if my friend's couldn't respect me, call my Mom and tell her my friends were trying to pressure me into getting drunk. _Yeah right. _

The part of me that had been imprisoned in an institution for over eight months told me to just let go for once and have a little fun.

I had seen first hand, as I lay on that road near death last October that I _could_ trust Jasper with my life. He had literally scooped my lifeless body up off the highway and transported me to safety. I don't know that I could have been that cool under fire if it were a complete stranger, let alone someone I was close to. Hell, I trusted both my friends; we were all medical professionals. What _was_ the worst that could happen?

I sat and watched as the condensation beaded up into droplets and rolled down the bottle every few minutes. Finally, unable to resist any longer, I picked up my beer and took a swig. It was deliciously cold and as soon as it hit my tongue I had trouble remembering why exactly I had fought this with such determination. It had been almost a year since I'd sat at a table surrounded by my friends and just relaxed and shot the breeze.

Jasper got real close again and reached inside my shirt, pulling on my patch. "Here, lets get this off of you, buddy." The patch pulled on my skin then I felt it come loose. Jasper rolled it up in a napkin and pushed it down inside his empty beer bottle. "Now you won't have to worry."

That first beer went down smoothly and soon, Jasper was waving his hand and yelling across the bar. "Darlin' another round over here." I shook my head vigorously. I'd had one beer, I had come out with the guys to loosen up and relax. My goal had been accomplished, and there was no need to tempt fate. I was a little buzzed, but I didn't feel impaired.

_Darlin'_ set another bottle in front of me and I watched as she walked away. When I looked back at the table, it was still sitting there, taunting me. Emmett was slouched in his chair grilling Jasper about his twin. _Don't go there Emmett, she'll rip you a new one if you ever piss her off._

I heard a cell phone ringing and realized with embarrassment whose it was. _She thinks my tractor's sexy... it really turns her on... _I noticed several people watching us.

I looked at Jasper and he shrugged his shoulders before he answered. He hung up with a frown.

"Mike's girlfriend is sick- food poisoning or something. He's not gonna make it."

"What are we gonna do now?

"Eric is gonna meet us over at Doc's."

"I've heard that before," and I thought back to the last time Eric made me a promise. _No thank you_. "I think if we stop drinking now, get a late dinner and just people watch for a while, we'll be okay to drive in a few hours."

Jasper shook his head. "Doc's is only a few blocks away, we'll just walk over."

"We're not leaving my new car here... and... you're not... you're not driving it drunk." I stammered.

Emmett's big head was in my face. "Ed, look, The Saloon has the best parking lot. We'll go out and move it to the far corner of the lot. Take up two spaces if you want. It'll be less conspicuous farther away. They aren't gonna care. Tomorrow is Sunday, it's not gonna get towed."

Jasper was grinning, that boyish look on his face. "He's right, buddy, it'll be fine here, and like you said, we'll just walk down to Doc's and get a bite to eat. Play some pool, shoot a few darts. By the time Eric gets there, we'll be good to go. We can just walk back for the car. It's only a few blocks."

I looked at my watch, surprised to see it was already after eight. "Hey Jasper, can you hand me my backpack? I need to empty my bladder before we move on to Doc's. I don't want to forget if I get drunk or sick because of that patch."

Emmett laughed. "Dude, I'm not doing _that_ for you- drunk _or_ sober- we'll wait for you."

"I'd never ask you to." I shuddered at the thought. Emmett and I weren't that close.

I was pleasantly surprised to see an accessible restroom. I had no trouble taking care of what I had to and getting washed up. I pulled back into my seat and shut off the chair.

Emmett nudged me with his elbow. "Come on, someone told us there's a band tonight, it'll be great, when's the last time you saw a live band?"

"It's been a while." We all knew how long it had been.

Jasper stood up and moved towards the exit. "So come on, it's only four blocks away. It's still early; we can get a good table. We'll look for something near the back so the crowd isn't right on top of us."

And so our escapade began...

Doc's was relatively deserted when we arrived. True to his word, Em found us something close to the back exit where we had easy access to the pool table and dart board, yet we could see the stage from where we sat. A waitress came over for our drink order, but I shook my head. "I'd like something to eat. An order of plain wings please?" I figured that if a reaction between my medication and the alcohol I'd recently consumed became imminent, I'd much prefer plain chicken to meat covered in something called _Dante's Inferno._ The thought alone made me shudder.

"Yeah, me too, only I'm no sissy- make mine hot. I'll take two orders, and we need a basket of those home made sweet potato fries you all are famous for." Emmett was appreciatively admiring our waitress as she took down his order.

Jasper turned on the southern charm and flirted when it was his turn to order. "Hey sweetheart, I'd like an order of the hot wings- just one." He laughed, "And I think we could use three shots of tequila."

My head jerked up and I began shaking it. "No, no, no, no... we're here for food and a little fun. I don't think this is a good idea at all."

Jasper nudged me with his elbow. "Lighten up Edward; we won't let anything happen to ya. If anything _does _happen, we have one of Seattle's best ER docs in our back pocket. You know your dad would want you to loosen up and have a little fun after what you've been through."

"I'm not drinking anything else. I can have fun without getting hammered. I never understood what people got out of poisoning their system and then purging for hours afterward. Getting trashed and all hung over isn't exactly convenient for a dude in a chair."

Emmett gave me an innocent look. "It's all good, I'll drink yours. Don't worry, we won't pressure ya man."

I closed my eyes and thanked God for someone who understood the voice of reason. _Sweetheart_ set a shot of tequila in front of each of us and left quietly.

Em leaned forward in his seat and looked past me. "So Jasper, tell me about the infamous Rosalie Hale. You're twin is quite the bombshell. You get the short end of the stick?" he laughed.

"Very funny, Emmett. You should leave Rose alone. She's had a rough year and she can be a real bitch."

"Whoa! That's not a nice thing to say about your only sibling."

"Dude, it's true. She just came off a bad relationship. The girl wants nothing to do with the male population."

Emmett had a determined look on his face. "I like a challenge. Feisty is good, sometimes a woman is like a horse, all you have to do is break them, you know, train 'em up and show 'em who's boss."

Jasper was squirming in his seat, and I knew he wanted to just explain as badly as I did, knowing it would put an end to the conversation, but we both respected her too much to spill her private heartache in a dirty Seattle bar.

I grabbed Emmett's wrist and gripped it a little harder than was polite. "Don't. You have _no idea_ what you're talking about. Leave. Her. Be."

"Hey there, Ed, no reason to go getting all possessive there. You've got a girl. Miss Hale looks lonely. Didn't you notice that haunted look in her eyes that day I first spied her at the hospital? She just needs a good man in her life."

"Em, with all due respect, if you mess with Rose, I'll kick your ass. I can't tell you why she feels the way she does, it's none of your business- but I have no trouble defending her honor if I need to."

"What do you mean _defending her honor_? Come on man you sound like something out of _Gone with The Wind_ or some shit. I just wanna have a little fun with her."

"There are beautiful women all over Seattle. Why waste your time with the one woman who has no interest?"

"Dude! She's gay, isn't she? She hasn't come out and she doesn't want anyone to know! _I _knew

_she had something to hide!_"

"Em, she's not gay. _Please_ just drop it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever dude!"

It suddenly occurred to me that my friend had the same teenaged mentality as my roommate, but in Alec's case it was justified.

Em slammed his tequila before he turned his attention back to Jasper, "So, you and Alice? How many times does this make?"

"Mmm dunno, five, mebbe six... over about ten years. We're in a better spot now. I want her to move into my place when her lease runs out."

I looked at him, startled, wasn't she living in with _me_ for a while? Jasper put a reassuring hand on my arm. "Hey buddy, don't sweat it. I work nights, too. She'll be at your place whenever you need her. You're not going to need someone 24/7. I'm not trying to take her away from you."

I sunk down into my chair feeling relieved, for a minute my mind had been scrambling to reach a solution at this late stage in the game.

Jasper took his shot as our waitress was setting the food down. With a concerned expression on her face she asked me, "Honey, what's the matter, don't you like your drink?"

"I'm sure it's fine. I think I've had enough to drink already tonight."

"Well if you change your mind, sugar, you just let me know I can bring you something else." And then addressing all of us, she said, "Enjoy your meal, if you need anything I'll be back around in a little while."

"Thanks Darlin'," Jasper drawled.

Like everything I'd eaten on the _outside, _the wings were exquisite. It appeared that a small band was setting up in the front, but the entertainment had already begun in the back. Emmett was plowing through his food like a man eating his last meal. His lips were ringed in orange sauce and it made my lips burn just thinking about it. He looked a little like Bozo the clown minus the red wig.

Jasper was methodically dissecting his wings, slipping an entire wing into his mouth and pulling the succulent meat off before extracting a perfectly clean bone. Jasper nudged me and pointed at Emmett who now had a long stick of celery hanging down from each corner of his upper lip.

"Hey, what am I?"

I just shock my head, I wasn't buying into his nonsense. Jasper, however, had no qualms about egging him on. "No clue Em, what are you?"

Unexpectedly, he broke into a strain of that old Beatles song. "I am the Walrus. Goo goo ga choob..."

Just as he began singing something about Semolina Pilcher, my silent prayers were answered and the band on the small makeshift stage broke into a loud song that I recognized as a Nirvana cover.

It wasn't good, by any means, but it was better than Emmett's rendition of the Beatles. As they sang a horrendous rendition of _Come as You Are _my mind drifted to the band that became so big during the Seattle grunge days.

_They_ played in small bars like this back in the day. Someone had given me a copy of _Nevermind _on CD when I was recouping at Carlisle and Esme's back in 1991, it was strange to realize that there were other fledgling bands playing their covers while Nirvana was now a thing of the past.

Even with as loud as the music was, my belly was full and I realized I was comfortably drowsy. Not tired, just that warm fuzzy state where you want to snuggle into a comfy seat and pull up something warm to cover yourself while you watch everyone else in rapt fascination. That's where I was.

Emmett was getting boisterous, and Jasper was still trying to woo our server. If Alice knew she'd have his ass. As I let the music wash over me, I took everything in. After the band got warmed up, they weren't too bad and I found myself starting to finally loosen up and relax. I had been so uptight when I got here, fearful of the guys expectations for our night on the town, but this was nice. At some point, another round of drinks had appeared. The guys made theirs disappear quickly, but mine were beginning to accumulate.

I was happy just chilling in my own little world when Jasper handed me a shot. "Come on buddy, you'll like it. I swear it's the best. This isn't like the tequila of our youth, this stuff is _smoooooth_. Hell, sip it if you want. No one will care."

My hand shook as I took it. It would be worse to be branded a thirty-five year old momma's boy than it would to have just one shot. I could do this. I took a small sip. It wasn't bad. At all. In fact... it was kind of nice.

"Has a good flavor don't it?"

"Mm, yeah, it's okay."

I sipped on my drink and watched _Sweetheart_ set a plate of appetizers on our table. I looked at Jazz and he reached for a saucer. "You won't get too drunk if you eat some more." He filled the small plate with munchable items and set it within my reach. "There, that should do ya."

I set my empty glass down and picked up an onion ring. It was one of those big thick ones that had been sliced from a real onion and not some pulverized onion-flavored mush that was formed into a ring and frozen.

I began sipping my second shot, and realized it wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought it would be. Before long, it was gone too. I ate a few mozzarella sticks, minus the sauce- just in case I got sick. And then, I discovered the potato skins. The loaded potato skins were to die for and I had several. A third round of drinks appeared and I took _Sweetheart_ by the arm.

"I've had enough; I can't possibly drink any more."

"Honey, those girls over by the pool table bought a round for ya. These are expensive; you should show your gratitude by accepting it graciously, even if you don't finish it." She winked at me.

I raised the shot glass towards the ladies and took sip. It seemed that each sip went down easier. I felt surprisingly more confident. _I could do this._ We were here to have fun, who was _I_ to be the wet blanket? My friends brought me here to celebrate life. _My life_.

I shuddered, thinking about the scare I must have given Jasper that night last October. In all the times he'd stopped by to visit, he'd never once mentioned that night. I was relieved that it was Jasper and not Emmett who had cared for me that night. Calm, cool, collected... Jasper. Emmett would have flipped his shit and been useless to me.

I realized I was staring at the girls, not really seeing, I shook my head and broke my trance. Jasper got up and walked over to where they sat, and I watched as he talked with animated gestures. Soon he was motioning for Emmett and I to come to where he stood. I threw a wad of bills on the table for _Sweetheart_. She had been very attentive while serving us, I always made sure to tip nicely for good service, and she had earned it.

"Boys, I'd like to introduce Lisa, and Jamie and Kim. I came over to thank them for buying our round of drinks; they'd like to shoot some pool with us."

We all shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. I was never fond of pool, but I had pretty good aim when it came to throwing darts. Jasper, Lisa, Kim and Emmett had already begun to set up the table. There really wasn't room for all of us to play pool at one time, but the pool table and the dart board were close enough to one another that we were all still hanging out together. Jamie was smiling shyly at me, and it surprised me how much she resembled Bella. _I wish Bella was here._ It would be so much more fun with her.

This was okay though, wasn't it? We were together as a group and it wasn't like I'd be going home with Jamie or anything.

"Do you want to play a round of darts, Jamie?"

"Sure. That's cool."

I went over to the dartboard and raised my chair. My standing endurance was improving and I had recently graduated to driving my chair in the standing position. I heard the intake of breath that usually occurred when I stood up for the first time in front of someone, and I smiled to myself. _Yeah, I can be like any other guy._ I pulled the darts off the board and took them back to where Jamie stood waiting.

"So, what's a nice guy like you doing in a dive like this?" She asked. I had to laugh at the cliché.

"I had a serious accident and I've been out of commission for a long time. My buddies decided to take me out to celebrate my recovery, while our girls have a night of their own."

"You're seeing someone?"

I nodded, "She actually looks a little like you."

"Have you been together long?"

"Um... yeah. We've been seeing each other exclusively since January." Technically, I wasn't lying. Even though we weren't dating we _were_ a couple in every sense of the word. Neither of us was seeing anyone else, so we _were_ exclusive. Everyone seemed to see that but us._ We were going to have to discuss that._

"Too bad, I'd love to get to know you better, Edward."

"I'm sorry, I'm very happy."

"She's a lucky girl."

That was ironic; I thought it was the other way around. "I'm the lucky one."

"Awww... that's sweet."

I handed Jamie three darts. She looked down at her hand and then back to my face. Embarrassed, she said, "I, uh... I don't know how to play Edward."

"You've _never_ played darts?"

"Not unless you count throwing the dart at a balloon to win a prize at the carnival."

"Uh, no. You need a little more skill than that. Did you at least hit the balloon?"

"Not often. Those things are rigged, ya know." She giggled as I tried to determine her level of skill, which was, apparently non-existent.

"You can't rig a balloon."

"I think they file off the point on the dart so it bounces off."

"_No_ they _don't!_"

I took the darts and moved over behind the oche. "Come here, Jamie. Stand in front of me." She stood in front of me, but she was on the wrong side of the line.

I backed up some. "You need to stand behind the oche."

"The who?"

"Not whom. What. The oche." Then I pronounced it. "_Oh-kee_. It's the line on the floor."

"Speak English then. Why didn't you just tell me to get behind the line?"

I laughed; I suppose that _would_ have been simpler.

I tried to explain how to play 501, but we both kept laughing.

I handed her the three darts and told her to throw one of hers first. She threw and her dart bounced off the board onto the floor.

"See, I told you, this game is rigged!" I cocked my eyebrow and looked over at her, which sent her into a fit of giggles.

"No it's _not._ Here, watch. You want to throw straight from eye level. Hold it like this with your index finger and your thumb. And you let it go like this..."

I threw my first dart and landed it in the bulls-eye.

She looked at me in wonderment. "How did you _do_ that?"

I aimed the next one and landed it next to the first one. "It's all about lining up your shot. It's kinda like giving an injection with a hypodermic, you just aim and shoot."

"Huh?"

"I learned to play darts in medical school, when they teach you how to give an injection, they use the same analogy." I threw my final dart to demonstrate.

"So you're a doctor?"

"Yeah." I gestured to my legs. "But I'm outta commission right now."

I didn't want to dwell on that though, so I redirected the conversation to the game at hand. I went over and retrieved my darts. "Come on try again."

She threw a bunch of practice shots, and finally got the hang of it. When she hit the bull's-eye and I declared it time to play the game she jumped up and down in an action that mimicked something Alice would do.

I found it difficult to try and explain to her how the object of the game was to get down to zero from a starting score of 501, especially when each throw had a point value, and she laughed when I stumbled over my thoughts. Another shot and a pretty, mixed drink had appeared on the table next to where we stood. Augh, not again. I refused to drink it, I didn't care who bought it.

Emmett and Lisa came over to watch, finding a spot to lean against the wall and converse. Every time Jamie got a point, Emmett would let out a whoop, and soon a small crowd had gathered.

Jasper came over and said "Hey, we're gonna walk over to the Irish pub. Lisa invited us and Emmett is all for it. They have karaoke tonight."

"We can't leave here, Yorkie is meeting us soon. He'll never find us."

"Nah, man, he stood us up. We're on foot tonight. If you want we'll call one of those wheelchair cabs or something."

"They don't run this late. I _knew_ this was gonna happen." I'd had that sick feeling earlier, but after a few drinks, my worries had been at the back of my mind. Now, they were front and center again.

"Go on, finish your game. We'll worry about this when the time comes."

I turned back to Jamie and my round of darts. "Alright, where were we? I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You were trying to teach me how to add or subtract, or something like that."

"Whose turn is it?"

She giggled and put her fingers over her mouth, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I dunno."

She whispered loudly, "I gotta pee!" and turned around and walked away. I looked at the clock, surprised it was after eleven, and decided that perhaps that it would be a good idea for me to hit the men's room.

Emmett and Lisa had disappeared and Jasper and Kim were standing talking to a few other people. I sat my chair down and decided I could get my bag off my chair by myself. I'd been working on the task with Daisy, and as long as I was flexible enough to get turned part way, I could ease the straps off the push handles.

Once I got the pack off in the restroom, I was home free. I put a blue pad on my lap and cleaned myself off. I had a little trouble getting the tube lined up with the hole and was glad I used the disposable pad. _Then _I didn't get the tube into the urinal as quickly as I normally did and there was pee all over the pad. At least it wouldn't look like I peed my pants. Just as I was pulling the catheter out I heard a drunken voice behind me. "Well, well, well, I didn't know they let cripples in this bar."

I could feel my face getting red, but I was determined to ignore him. I wasn't going to let some jerk ruin our evening. We were all leaving in a few minutes anyway, so I dumped the urinal and threw away my trash before turning to wash my hands. I quickly, and carelessly, shoved everything into my backpack and left it on my lap.

Hurrying out of the restroom, I drove over to the little table we had our drinks sitting on. I thought I could get a little closer, but I bumped into the table, shaking our drinks and spilling Jamie's a little.

Grabbing a napkin, I began to clean up the spill when I felt someone roughly shove into my shoulder. "I was talkin' 'bout you pretty boy. You come here to pick up chicks?" My backpack fell to the floor as I grabbed a hold of my arm rests.

"No, I... um..." I stammered.

"Look at you, sitting there like a re-_tard_. Drinking a _fufu_ drink."

I looked down at Jamie's drink, and over at my shot. I picked the shot up and slammed it. I wiped my mouth and attempted to look smug.

"Ooh, aren't you a tough guy."

Behind him I could see an embarrassed looking Jamie; he followed my gaze and sneered. Almost immediately he was in her face. "Hey baby, wanna come back to my place?"

"Eww, Tim, you're drunk. Go home." Wait... she _knew_ him?

He took her arm, pulling her towards the door. "Come on Jamie, let's go have a little fun. You know you wanna."

"Leave. Me. Alone! Don't _touch_ me!" She was loud enough to turn heads. I was praying Emmett would appear. _Any time now would be nice._

Jasper came up behind _Tim_ and drawled "Hey cowboy, I believe the little lady said no. Where I come from, no means _no. _Why don't you get a move on before someone gets hurt."

The jerk walked away from us like he was leaving, but as soon as Jasper left- hopefully to find Emmett- Tim was back in full force.

Immediately he was in Jamie's face. "What's the matter with you baby? You so desperate all you can get is some _crip_?"

I was now seeing deep crimson, and for the first time in my life I was just _looking _for a reason to brawl. He grabbed her jaw and pulled her into his body, kissing her roughly on the mouth. As soon as he let go of her, a resounding crack filled the air when her hand made contact with the side of his face. "I _said_ don't touch me!"

"He's not even a whole man. Bet he can't even get it up."

_That _did it. It was one thing for a disappointed, inexperienced ex-girlfriend to say it. It was a completely other thing for this jerk who had no clue, to emasculate me in front of a crowd of people. I stood my chair up and drove my chair right into him, pinning him in the corner. I felt ten feet tall and bullet-proof.

I didn't even know this girl, but I had an inexplicable urge to protect her virtue. "If you _ever_ touch her against her will again..." before I finished, my fist came out of nowhere and struck his jaw. I had never punched anyone before and it really fucking _hurt! _

I tried to shake it off, but he grabbed my shirt by the collar and was in my face, screaming, droplets of spit spraying across my face. "She's not sure _what_ she wants." I felt like we were spinning on a carousel, the room twirling around us.

Jamie stood off to the side, red-faced and holding her hand to her chest. Her face was stained with tears. "Let me give you a clue... wait for her to say the words."

"And she will."

From a distance she made herself clear. "_No_, I won't. You're a creep Tim, stay away from me."

I chuckled a little too close to his face. "Like I said..." _Well, _that_ pissed him off._

My head slammed back into the headrest on my chair before I felt the pain of my teeth splitting my lip. I pushed my joystick, forcing him further into the corner. I tried to hit him again and he punched me... _hard_, almost simultaneously, one first connected with my ribs while the other hit me in the eye making my head spin. He pushed hard on my chest, and I was afraid he would actually tip my chair over. I backed up a few feet and before he could lunge at me again- a bartender wearing a Doc's shirt grabbed him from behind, around the chest.

"Let's go big guy. Don't be giving the little lady a bunch of trouble."

I saw Tim's friend's waiting by the door. "Come on, dude, she's not worth it." I heard one of them say. Tim jerked his arm away from his buddy and stormed outside.

I turned to a crying Jamie; her friends had appeared out of nowhere. I moved to her, taking her hand in mine and looking it over. "Does it hurt?"

"No, I'm fine." She looked up at me and gasped. "Oh Edward, you're _bleeding_. I'm so sorry."

I reached up and touched my mouth. Pulling my hand away I realized that I _was_ bleeding. It didn't hurt. "So I am."

Jasper and Emmett stood behind the girls, and of course it was Emmett who had to make a spectacle out of me. "_Dude_, who kicked _your_ ass?"

Lisa answered him. "His name is Tim, he and his bunch of buddies give us a hard time every time we come here. He's got some sick idea that she's interested in him." She said, motioning to Jamie. "The guy's a first class jerk. Edward held his own; he got a few good punches in."

Kim spoke up, "Tim gives me the creeps. By the time we realized what was happening, it was all over. Thanks for keeping him away from her, Edward. Those were some sneaky moves with the wheelchair, by the way."

I couldn't help but feel a little smug. I had physically defended someone. I'd never been in a situation like that before, and it felt good that I held my own, even if I was emboldened by the alcohol.

Geez, it had felt like I was fighting him forever.

Lisa bent down and picked up my backpack. She came over and hooked it over my push handles and patted me on the shoulder.

Soon my boys were clapping me on the shoulder and congratulating me. I really didn't _do_ anything but defend myself and stick up for the poor girl, but for the first time since I'd been stuck in this chair, I felt like I was the same as everybody else. It felt... _good_.

"Come on is everyone ready to go over to the pub?" Emmett bellowed. He was definitely getting tanked. "I want corned beef and cabbage. It's been _years_ since my ma made it for me."

Jasper tried to quiet him. "Em, _shhhhhhhhhh_! We just ate, you _can't_ be hungry already."

Em rubbed his stomach convincingly. "I'm powerful hungry Jasper. Let's go!" He turned and headed for the door.

Lisa put her hand on my forearm. "Hey Edward, we're not going to go to the pub. Jamie is upset and she's ready to head home."

"We understand. It was nice meeting you girls. We had fun."

"The guys told us this was the first time you had been able to get out in a long time. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening."

"Thanks. I'm ready to go home too." I looked towards Emmett, frowning.

She giggled at that. "Good luck with that. Thank you for sticking up for her. I'm sorry you got hurt. "

"It's okay, I'm glad _she_ didn't get hurt by that jerk. Please have a safe trip home."

"Yes, and you as well."

We all shuffled out behind the bar. Emmett had suddenly found everything anyone said hilarious. He became annoying, quickly. It was Jasper who was quiet, introspective.

"Hey, Edward. Do you think our girls are gonna be upset with us? I feel like we were stepping out on them or something. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

I patted his hand. "Aww, it's okay Jazzy, I don't think they'd mind at all if we made some new friends."

I heard someone growl and out of nowhere Tim slammed into Emmett like he was a linebacker. _Bad move buddy._

Emmett grunted upon impact and the two of them hit the ground. They rolled around behind the bar, getting in a punch here and there. The two guys who had been with Tim held him back, watching as if they were waiting for something. Emmett pushed up off the parking lot with his hands. He stumbled before he righted himself. Soon Tim was on the ground holding his stomach.

My big teddy bear of a friend walked up to Tim's crew and warned them to take their friend home, to keep him under control. I'd never seen Emmett in a brawl before; he was always so easy going. It didn't take much to know he was upset about the way a defenseless girl had been treated. One of Emmett's sister's had been assaulted when they were younger, he didn't stand for stuff like that.

It was nearly midnight and I didn't feel very good. It was hard to concentrate, and driving my wheelchair was a challenge.

We made it out of the alley and onto First Ave. It was our goal to walk the two blocks to Fado's Pub. It wasn't that far. The night air would sober us up a little. Karaoke would be fun and Emmett could have his corned beef and cabbage if he wanted. Just the thought of it made my stomach roll.

Tim's group followed us out onto the sidewalk and began to loudly taunt us, using disability related slurs that I found to be very offensive. Once in a while either Em or Jazz would spit out a retort. When we were a block from the pub, a police cruiser passed us and slowed down when they heard the expletives being volleyed back and forth. Luckily they kept going and I was relieved to see that Tim and his band of idiots had disappeared.

A very loud Jasper told us we should keep moving so we didn't get stopped by Seattle's finest, and I was never so relieved to see the front of Emmett's favorite haunt. We needed to cross Columbus at the corner, and even though there was traffic, it was a one way street, we'd be okay. It was just the issue that traffic still made me queasy, and I'd feel much better once we were inside.

Fado's was brightly lit and I could see people sitting around bistro tables in the small outdoor dining area. Celtic music could be heard coming from inside the lively establishment. When we got to the corner, Emmett stepped out into the middle of the street and put his hand up. "Stop, stop, _stop_, _STOP!_" Jasper and I stopped on the curb. There was a light and we had the green light. The light turned to red and Emmett began directing the traffic on Columbus Street, yelling loudly and belligerently when they wouldn't come to a halt.

Some of the patrons who were sitting outside began to laugh at his antics. Jasper leaned down and whispered. "When the light turns green, we're makin' a break for it. Okay, buddy?"

I nodded. Suddenly I didn't feel so confident about getting across. What if Emmett told the wrong person to go, when we were in the crosswalk. I wanted to be sick. The light changed and we made a run for it. I tried to find the curb cut, but kept running into the curb itself. Out of nowhere I heard the unmistakable wail of a police siren.

_Busted._

I sat in the street, while two officers had my friends pinned to the ground. A second car pulled up and two officers got out, heading in my direction. I hung my head in shame. _This couldn't be happening._

When one of them came towards me, I panicked. Frantically trying to work my joystick to get away from him, I fumbled and panicked while he walked around my chair asking me how to turn it off. When I stopped with the joystick, realizing my attempts at fleeing were futile, I tried to flip the switch as I told him how to shut it off.

"Keep your hands where I can see them, buddy."

Instead of flipping the switch, like I told him, he pulled two cable connectors apart and the onboard lights flickered off.

_Trapped._

It seemed like they were all talking at once. Emmett was sitting on the curb, hands cuffed behind his back singing "_I'm Henry the Eighth I am..._" as the bystanders watched and laughed. The cop who was with me was talking like he was in the bottom of a jar or something. His words were loud and confusing, and while the words were in my head, I couldn't seem to figure out how to work them out.

I felt the cold pressure of the handcuffs on my wrist as my other arm was wrenched behind my back, I cried out in pain at the unexpected contortion of my still tender shoulders. A big hand pushed me back into my seat further contorting me.

Poor Jasper, the most passive soul I'd ever met, lay squirming and swearing face down on the pavement. One of the officers rifled through his pockets, turning them inside out.

An officer walked over to me and introduced himself as Officer Smith. He looked like a kid off the streets, not a city police officer. His blonde hair was stringy and dirty, his face covered in stubble. "Are you armed?"

"Huh?"

"Do you have any _weapons_ in your _possession_?" He loudly annunciated the words.

I shook my head.

"Illegal drugs?"

"No sir."

"Are you intoxicated?"

"Yes sir."

"What's your name?"

"Edward."

"Edward what?"

"Edward Masen... "

That didn't sound right.

"_Noooooooo_... wait... no... I'm _not_ him anymore."

I scratched my head, trying to think. "I'm Edward Cullen. Yep. That's me."

I leaned my head back against the chair. I wanted to lie down.

He shook me. "I'm awake." I told him, while peering out of one eye and trying to look convincing.

"Do you have identification, Mr. Cullen?"

"Yeeup!" I smiled up at him. _If I'm happy, maybe he'll see I'm happy and he'll be happy too._

"I need to see your ID."

"I can't reach it."

"Where is it?"

"It's in my backpack with the John."

"The John?"

"Yes, John, they are in the pack together."

"I'm looking in your backpack now. Is there anything sharp in there? You don't have any needles or anything do you?"

"Noooope!"

I heard him open my pack but he dropped it on the sidewalk and jumped back. I didn't understand why.

"Oh my God! That's disgusting! Now I've got piss all over my hands! Get me a pair of gloves!"

"I got gloves in there too. That's my bag of tricks. You wanna see some of my tricks?"

"No, buddy, we'll just leave that well enough alone. I just need to run your ID."

"Mmkay."

Officer Smith put everything back in my bag and zipped it up. "Someone is gonna have fun with that tomorrow."

I closed my eyes again. I didn't like the red and blue lights. They made my tummy all squishy.

He shook me again. "Your ID checks out, Mr. Cullen, we're going to play a few games and then we're going to go for a ride."

I looked over towards Emmett and laughed as he tried to walk on the crack in the sidewalk. I kinda remembered singing some kiddy song that went something like... _step on the crack; break your mother's back... _

Officer Smith shook me. "Hey, pay attention. Look up here." He was pointing at his two eyes with his first two fingers.

"Well, I guess _you_ can't walk a straight line."

"_Yes I can_, you turned my chair off. Come on, _plug it in,_ I'll show you what I can do."

He snapped his fingers to bring my attention back to the task at hand. "Pay attention, I'm going to uncuff you." I was relieved when my arms were suddenly freed.

"Arms straight out to your sides. Okay, now, one hand at a time, bring your index finger in and touch your nose." The closer I got to my eyes, the bigger my finger got. I giggled as I tried to touch my nose. "Other hand." It seemed my left hand was as uncoordinated as the right one had been. I snorted as I slapped myself in the face. "_Touched it!_"

Officer Smith yelled for his partner. "Hey! A hand here?"

The other cop came over. "What do you need?" He peered at me real close like he had never seen a gimp like me before.

Smith was fumbling with my belts. "How do we get him out of here?"

The other guy was scratching his head like this was some equation that needed to be worked out. "I dunno, why don't you ask _him_?"

Smith got real close and yelled in my ear. I wasn't deaf. "Sir- how do I get you out of this chair?"

I giggled, _he couldn't get me out_, I left my board in the car. "Na na na na... you need a bo-ard... and _you_ don't _have one._" I said in my very best sing-song voice.

"Come on buddy, we don't want to hurt you, or your chair, but we have to take you in and we can't take the chair in the car."

"_Ohhhhhh..._ " I pushed the button on my seat belt and swung my bar out of the way. "There."

Someone pulled a car right next to my wheelchair and I wanted to be sick. The running car was too, _too_ close.

Smith and the other cop each took me under the arm and tried to stand me. Someone hit my tickle spot and I began to squirm and giggle. "_That tickles!_"

"Whoa, buddy, we don't wanna drop you. We gotta take you back to the station and get you sobered up."

"Okay, can Jazzy and Emmy come too?"

"Yeah, sure buddy, whatever."

They picked me up and tried to drag me to the car, my casts bumped along the ground. "Oww, owww, OOUUCCHH!"

They stopped walking. "What's wrong? Did we hurt you?" Officer Smith asked?

_I made a joke._ "Gotcha!"

"Okay, enough fun and games from you."

They put me in the car, and laid me down across the seat. Someone pulled my casts up on the seat.

When we started moving, I was rocking back and forth and then it came out. _Bbblllaaaeecchh!_

"Ewww, Jim, he's puking back there !"

"Oh, God! I'm not cleaning that up!"

"God, open some windows."

I could smell puke, it didn't smell good and there were pieces in my mouth. It tasted bad. I let out another shuddering round on the back of their seats and I watched as the pieces slid down the back of the seat. The windows open made it smell better. But, it made me cold, and I was shivering.

I didn't feel good. _I want to go home._ _I get a phone call. I remember this! It was on TV. Don't I get a phone call?_

"Can I call my Mom?"

"Not right now, buddy. You can call your mom after you're booked."

"I like books."

Someone in the front was laughing at me. "Always entertaining aren't they."

"Until they get sick. That's just... gross."

I think I fell asleep in the car. I woke up when they took me from the car and three or four of them carried me inside and set me on a wooden swivel chair.

They took Jasper and Em away, and then I was all alone in the room with all the desks. It was noisy and bright and I wanted to sleep. _Please let me sleep._

Someone came over with some kind of electronic device and took my fingerprints. I kept looking at my fingers for ink. _No ink._ _Where is the ink? _They gave me a card with numbers and took my picture. Right there in that chair. One of them teased that I was _special._ I didn't like that much. I knew what they were implying.

"Hey can I have my backpack, I need to pee."

"Sorry buddy, I think you already used it for that."

"Come on, it's time to pee."

"Here, pee in a cup."

"I can't pee in a cup. I need my special bag."

"No special treatment buddy, pee in the cup."

I slumped back into my chair. I was too tired to argue.

I slept until a door slammed. I jerked awake. _Why am I cuffed to this chair?_

"Hey, can I call my mom?"

"You're a big boy, I think you can wait till you sober up."

"No, you said I could make a phone call. The criminals on TV get phone calls. I'm a criminal now too, I want my phone call."

"Everyone will be asleep. It's 4am. You don't want to wake your mom at 4am."

"_Noooo_, don't wake mom. _I know! _Let's call Rose."

"Rose is sleeping too."

"I want to go home. I don't like this chair."

"Sit still, we'll call someone in the morning."

What is the magic word on TV that they use? _Lawyer! _"I want to call my lawyer."

"You're gonna _need_ a lawyer."

"I'm not talking anymore until I get a lawyer." That's what they always say.

"Good. Go back to sleep."

"I'm telling my lawyer you wouldn't let me wake her up. She'll be pissed."

"Fine. Call your lawyer and wake her. She won't be happy."

* * *

Uh-oh, theguys got into some trouble. Have faith, there's a reason for everything. While I don't drink, and I don't condone what the guys did, I ask that you trust me to handle this hurdle in the same manner I've handled the rest of the story.

While some of the incidents that occurred in this chapter were eye-opening, they do happen in rare instances. Our law enforcement officials are there to ensure everyone's safety. But just like everything else in life, there are those few individuals who make even their profession look bad.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-one

~Edward~

I could hear her. My own personal savior. Rose was here.

"Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies... Rosie, I know you're here."

The click, click, click on the floor was getting louder and it hurt my head. When it stopped, I saw shoes… and she was there.

"Oh, Edward. _Are you okay? _Sweetie, what did they _do_ to you?"

I felt like puffing up. I felt good. I gave her my best smile. "I had a fight!"

"_You_ fought?"

I nodded my head. "Mmhmm."

She leaned in, and gently took my chin in her hand. She turned my head from side to side, looking me over, inspecting… "Great, who did you fight with?"

"Tim."

"_Jim_? Like Jim _the cop_?"

I was getting frustrated. She just didn't _get_ it. "_Nooooooooooooooo._"

Rose pursed her lips, she was frustrated too. I could tell.

"_Look, look, LOOK! Over here Rose!" _I pointed to my eyes like the cop did; it worked to get my attention when _he_ did it.

"I fought with _Tim. Ta-im! Tim._"

"Okay, Tim, I gotcha."

"Okay."

"We'll get this all taken care of so we can get you home. Carlisle is going to shit a brick."

"Ooouuuch! That will hurt!"

Rose laughed at me and started to walk away.

"Psst! Rose! I hafta pee."

"You do?"

"U-huh, I'll blow up." I pointed at my cop. "He won't let me pee. I asked for my special bag so I can pee. But he says someone already peed in it."

"_Good lord._ Hold on okay?"

"Okay."

Rose was my friend. She'd fix this.

I needed another nap. I leaned my head back against the desk and closed my eyes. I felt like I was riding the merry-go-round.

When I woke up, someone had lifted some of the fog. I could hear every little noise and feel every little vibration. It made my head hurt and my stomach roll.

I sat, holding my head, while Rose spoke quietly with my arresting officer. Apparently they were acquainted with one another; and like most men, he appeared to be captivated by her.

"James, I'm requesting a reduction in charges for my client from a DUI to a Public Drunkenness charge. While Dr. Cullen admits he was operating his wheelchair while under the influence, a criminal DUI charge seems ludicrous. The gentlemen who were accompanying him were both charged with disturbing the peace and public drunkenness."

I still hadn't seen either of the guys since we had been brought in, although I had heard Emmett's drunken singing and Jasper's hooting and hollering in an exaggerated southern drawl off and on for what seemed like hours. As the sun came up, the noise had diminished some.

"Miss Hale, you know I could have charged him with a DUI for riding a _donkey_ in the streets of Seattle while intoxicated. It _is_ in the books."

Rose leaned in close, her elbows on the counter, and I watched as her fingers toyed with the lace trim on her low cut top. It hugged her body in all the right places, and I hoped that the officer who had man-handled me the night before, was receptive to her womanly wiles. When _I_ tried to get him to reconsider the charges, he laughed in my face.

Officer_ Smith,_ as he called himself, followed Rose's fingertips with his eyes as they got closer and closer to her cleavage. In that instant, I hoped beyond hope that he was a boob man. The nightmare I found myself in just continued to get worse. When we were brought in, the police station was very busy. I wasn't sure how long I was there before they took my fingerprints and my picture, I think it was a while. I was so tired and had drifted in and out of sleep. I remembered using the restroom right before we left Doc's and we had only gone a few blocks to get to Fado's. It seemed like I should go again, but I couldn't find my watch. I knew there were things that needed attention such as my bladder and my behind. After several thwarted attempts, it became apparent that those things were out of my control until I was permitted to call my attorney.

If I was found guilty of a DUI, I would lose my operator's license, I could go to jail for up to a year, and if those things happened, I would lose my job. The good officer had relished in repeating these facts so often that I had memorized the statistics, even in my hung-over state.

If the charges stuck, and he assured me they would, my entire adult life would have been wasted just as surely as if I'd died in that accident.

I didn't know how, but Rose knew Smith. She called him by name, and he didn't seem to take offense. Perhaps they had worked on the same case. She knew quite a few of the officers in Seattle's numerous precincts.

"I understand, James, but it _wasn't_ a donkey or a vehicle, it was an electric wheelchair."

"He could have hurt someone."

"Who would he have hurt? It's not a lethal weapon. It's a mobility aid."

"It's self propelled and he was driving it in the street."

"Would you have given him a DUI if he were on one of those little scooters the kids ride? Some of those are gas powered."

"Well, _no,_ of course not, that would fall under drunk and disorderly."

"Suppose he were riding a bicycle?"

"Now Miss Hale, you and I both know that I can't charge him with a DUI for riding a bicycle."

"Would you give him a DUI if he was using a wheelchair he can propel with his hands?"

"No, that's the same as a bicycle; you know the charge would have been public drunkenness- drunk and disorderly."

"So in other words, the only thing you can use to make the charge stick is the battery on his chair."

"Well... yes."

"Officer Smith, while Dr. Cullen's companions both failed field sobriety tests, none of the gentlemen were given a portable breathalyzer test on site, nor were they given breathalyzer tests here at the precinct. Dr. Cullen requested a blood alcohol test when he was brought in, but one was never performed."

Officer Smith blanched, apparently realizing he was caught in his own web. "We've been jumping through hoops all evening. A number of the officers are out in the field. It's been a crazy night here."

"How can you charge my client when it was never confirmed that his blood alcohol level was over the legal limit?"

"He was swerving, bumping the curb. His friends were directing traffic in a major intersection when we caught them."

"You are still required to do a breathalyzer test at the very least."

"You know that we can charge him with driving under the influence if he is impaired to the degree that he cannot safely operate said vehicle. Check the motor vehicle code, counselor, he can be charged without being tested if he's visibly impaired.

Do you realize how much work it was to get your _handicapped_ client into a squad car and then into the precinct here? I had to arrange for a van to transport the wheelchair. That man put me through all sorts of extra work. I had to get two officers to help carry him."

"I want to know what he's doing sitting handcuffed to a desk chair, instead in of the wheelchair that was designed to care for his specialized medical needs. Dr. Cullen's body is prone to developing skin breakdown and pressure sores." She looked over at me and smiled sadly. I knew she was disappointed in me, and I almost welcomed the tongue lashing that was certain to occur when we left this place in contrast to the disappointment I knew she felt.

She continued to berate Officer Smith, "Where is the chair, James?"

"You know I couldn't transport him in that _thing._ And it had all these little pouches attached to the arm rests. I had no idea if he had a concealed weapon, or something that looks innocent and could be used as a weapon. As it is, I was contaminated by urine trying to find his identification. That's a health hazard you know. Who knows what kind of diseases your client has."

"_WHERE. IS. THE. CHAIR?_" Rose growled.

Smith gave Rose a smug look. "Don't get your panties in a twist Miss Hale. It's over at impound. You can get it back first thing Monday morning."

"James, we both know all you have to do it make a phone call. My client can't leave here without that wheelchair; it's an eleven thousand dollar piece of medical equipment."

He shrugged. "_He_ could stay here till Monday morning, too, as for the value of the chair, it's really no different than any other _motor vehicle_... there is still the matter of the impound fee."

"You and I both know you're not equipped to keep my client here any longer than you already have. He shouldn't be here in the first place." She was tapping her foot, and looked like a pressure cooker... pressure... tension... building and building... ready to explode.

_"How much?"_

"Two hundred bucks and I'll have it returned to the precinct."

"And the DUI charge?"

"Well, here's the thing- I'm up for a promotion, I just don't know that it would be in my best interest if the good people of Seattle were to learn that I turned a drunk driver back out onto the street instead of charging him."

"It would look good if you acted like you had a heart and consider the special circumstances surrounding my client. Dr. Cullen is an upstanding citizen. He puts in long hours over at the university hospital; he spends his free time in the stem call lab. He's never been charged with so little as a fine for jaywalking."

"Yes, but there is the little issue of driving on the wrong side of the road and causing a serious accident where he not only caused serious bodily injury to himself, but he also caused considerable damage to the other driver's property."

"The circumstances surrounding his accident were a huge miscarriage of justice. Had he been in a manual wheelchair there would be no question of liability and I'd be settling a multimillion dollar lawsuit right now instead of waiting to see if I need to defend him.

"James, do you go out and toss a few back when you're at the end of a rough day? Hang out with the guys and just wash your troubles away with a few beers and camaraderie of your friends?"

He nodded, but didn't really say much. "Do you realize that my client has been in a facility 24/7 since October of last year? This is the first time he's been able to leave the facility and was celebrating his life with his friends. He's been under a tremendous amount of stress, and just really needed a few hours of recreation. Is it so difficult to just declare this a misunderstanding? He's a promising doctor. His entire career is at stake. There may be a day when he saves someone you love. It would be a shame if that opportunity was taken away over something like this."

Then like a brainstorm had hit her, Rose addressed me for the second time since she walked through the door. "Edward, you've been here more than a few hours, when is the last time they offered you the restroom?"

I just shook my head. My distended bladder was the least of my concerns; I wasn't sure where it was leading but I decided I should answer her, she knew what she was doing. "I haven't gone since I was in the bar."

"Do you remember what time that was?"

"No, maybe eleven or twelve?"

Rose leaned in real close to Officer Smith again, "You realize my client can suffer life threatening complications if he doesn't have access to proper medical care, prescription medication, and the use of a urinal? Do you realize he requires specialized medical supplies to be able to relieve his bladder?"

"I had no idea he had special toileting needs! He told me a few times that he needed the bathroom, but he refused to go without his wheelchair. I offered him a Styrofoam cup as a reasonable accommodation, it was a new cup. I know my rights!"

"Apparently, you've overlooked _his_. Have you offered him medical treatment? Are you aware that he is currently receiving care at an inpatient rehabilitation center? Have you contacted them to verify his medical needs? Both his legs are broken and need to be supported; they can't just be hanging there like that. Do you have any idea what kind of risk you've subjected him to by not contacting someone about his condition?"

"How was I supposed to know?"

"It's not rocket science. Your prisoner was arrested in an electric wheelchair. It never occurred to you that he might have special circumstances that needed to be addressed? Proper protocol would have been to call an ambulance and have them transport him safely to a hospital where he could be assessed and released when he was sober."

"We don't just release DUIs when they are sober; we only do that for drunk and disorderlies. Speaking of which, you realize your brother is here as well."

"My brother is one of the reasons this man is here in this state. What did you charge _him_ with?"

"Just a drunk and disorderly, same as that other guy."

"I'll worry about the two of them later." She paused. "I think we could overlook some of your _errors in judgment _concerning your handling of my client, if you'd be willing to acknowledge your error in charging Dr. Cullen with a DUI."

The officer who had arrested me looked like he was contemplating something. "I suppose we could work something out."

"And the wheelchair?"

"I'll call the impound lot now."

"Good. I would appreciate it if you'd prepare the citations for my clients. I'll be taking care of their fines, along with the impound fees."

"All three gentlemen?"

"Yes, all three, and the cuffs?" she asked.

"Oh yeah. Sure. He won't get far on foot, _will he_?" If looks could kill, Smith would be dead. Rose did not look happy. At all."

"The paperwork will be ready by the time the wheelchair is returned." He stood up and walked over to where I sat. A few clicks and the cuffs fell away.

"Thank you James."

"Rose."

Rose pulled a chair over next to me. "Do you need to use the restroom, Edward?" She spoke softly, and it made my head feel better.

"What time is it? I keep falling asleep." I realized whispering back to her didn't hurt as much either.

She patted my knee. "I know you do. It's after 4:30."

"How long till we go?"

"I don't think very long now."

"I've gone longer than this working the ER. Should be okay, but thanks for sticking up for me with your _buddy._"

She looked around and leaned in close, "He is a jerk, isn't he?"

"How do you know someone like _him_?"

"He was the arresting officer in a domestic abuse case just a few months ago. The victim was my client. He's an ass, but he was able to keep the guy locked up until the wife could get some things from the house and get her kids to a safe location."

"He's been a jerk all night. I don't like him." I couldn't imagine him making an abused woman feel comfortable in his presence.

"I don't really like him, either, but I am glad someone was here that I knew. Your condition was the best leverage I had to get the charges reduced. You know how I feel about that motor vehicle definition. I'm going to do my best to get the charges dropped completely, but for now I just want to get you mobile so we can get you home.

"How did you get to the bar, Edward? Did the three of you walk?"

"We took the new car." _Oh God! My car! _I wanted to pull my hair, but I was so tired.

"But you weren't arrested with a car, hon."

"When Mike didn't meet us, we decided to leave it in a parking lot where it was safe. The guys each had a couple of beers. So we left it parked and went to Doc's to throw some darts."

"Do you know the name of the bar where you parked it?"

"It's over on First, _The Saloon_. Alice knows. We started out there, you know your brother, we had to go to a _cowboy_ bar. It got a little rowdy. So we walked up to _Doc Maynard's_. That's were we got roughed up. This guy was giving this girl a bad time. We were shooting darts, and one of them kept saying degrading things to her. One of them got a little handsy... she was quiet and shy like Bella and I snapped. I pushed him into a corner with my chair and he got a little handsy with me."

"You're sporting a pretty good shiner there _Doc_. I think you might need that split lip stitched, too. Carlisle is going to have a fit. Oh God! I forgot to call your parents back, I promised to call them as soon as I got here. They are beside themselves. I was so distracted when I saw you here like this." She waved her arm up and down the length of my body. I was sprawled awkwardly in the desk chair. If I could feel the lower half of my body, I was sure it would be screaming in pain.

Rose pulled her phone out, looking around before calling. She was staring at a sign that clearly read _No Cell Phone usage!_

"I'm with him." She whispered. "No, he's safe. He needs some attention. Can you please meet me with the van? West Precinct…DUI.. No, I got them reduced...Yes, the other two are here, someplace. They're the least of my concern. We'll be out when we're done. Bring Esme, we need to pick up the car. Yes, I'll tell him. Thanks."

"Carlisle said to tell you he's glad you're okay, but he's gonna kick your ass when he gets you home."

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this mess. It was just supposed to be a night out with the guys. I never intended... "

She cut me off. "Edward, we all understand. But your parents were frantic. When you hadn't come home, they tried to call your phone, although now I realize you were already in custody when they expected you a few hours ago. They've been up all night waiting for you to come home."

"But Jasper called Alice after Eric cancelled on us. It was almost twelve, I think." Alice had agreed to get a cab to the saloon to get the car and then come pick us up when we called her. We never made it.

"I know, I've spoken with her. The girls spent the entire evening working on stuff at your new house. Apparently they were already sleeping when you called. She fell back to sleep. She feels terrible."

Frustrated, tired, uncomfortable, _ashamed_... the nausea began to rise in my throat, without warning I violently exploded all over my clothing, the chair, everything that sat in my vicinity. I sat, slumped in the chair, too tired to sit up, and also covered in vomit.

Smith stuttered out a few expletives as he barked into the phone for someone to bring a bucket of hot water and a mop. I could feel the vomit soaking through my shirt, and the smell alone brought on another round.

Rose, bless her heart, acquired a roll of paper towels and a trash bag and began cleaning me up. I heard a scuffling sound off to the side, and looked to see Em and Jazz standing at a counter under a sign that read _watch commander. _The man behind the counter handed them each a clear zip lock bag with what looked like their personal effects.

When Rose was finished with me, she opened her purse and pulled out a pack of tissues. "Here, let me get your face, Edward. These are soft."

With tenderness I didn't realize she possessed, Rose wiped my chin and my lips, I jerked when she touched the corner of my lower lip. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts." She looked down at my wet shirt. "I wish we could get you a clean shirt before they have to move you."

She looked over to where Smith stood. "I'll be right back. Sit tight." I rolled my eyes, and she snickered a little. "I'm sorry. Pardon the pun."

"A pun is always intended, Rose."

"You're right, and I'm not sorry. You earned it." She and Smith spoke momentarily, before he disappeared. He returned carrying a piece of clothing and handed it to Rose."

I looked up at him and asked if he could please get someone to help pull me up in the chair so Rose could assist me. One of the guys who helped carry me in from the cruiser came over, they each took me under an arm and lifted me up. "Thank you."

He nodded and went to the restroom. He came back wiping his hands on his pant leg.

Rose knelt down and pulled my shirt over my head. She folded the wet part inside and used the dry back of it to dry off my chest. Silently, she worked to put the dry shirt on me and leaned me into her stomach while pulling the shirt down behind me. I looked down at the logo- _Seattle PD. _Reaching onto the desk where I sat, she picked up a Ziploc bag, and handed it to me. I fumbled with it as I pulled out my watch, ring, wallet and cell phone.

When it was empty, she put my soiled shirt inside. I looked down at the phone. Five missed calls, and several text messages. I held my head and groaned. It wasn't something I could even begin to worry about right now.

A man wearing coveralls pushed my Permobil into the room I was being held in. He wrinkled up his nose when he passed me. I'm sure I smelled like a bed of roses.

I watched as Rose silently wrote a check and tore it out of her checkbook, she handed it to the man from impound. He tipped his hat and left. "James, can you get a few guys to put Dr. Cullen back into his chair, please?"

Smith picked up the phone and grunted a few orders into it. Two men came out and rolled me, none too gently, on the desk chair until it sat perpendicular to my Permobil. They took me under the arms, pivoting me into my seat. Rose fastened my seatbelt. When I tried to take control of my joystick, it hung off the side of the mount, which was bent and broken. I looked up at Rose. _We didn't do this_. I _know_ we didn't. I was driving when they stopped me. She shook her head, telling me to keep quiet.

My beautiful chair. I waited seven _long_ months for this chair. Seven long months to regain my independence. How did this happen?

Rose escorted me out of the room; she walked next to me, holding the joystick and driving my chair. It was as if she knew exactly what I was stewing over. "We'll get it taken care of. They are responsible for any valuables in their possession. Right now, I just want to get you home."

We turned into a corridor where Emmett and Jasper sat on a wooden bench with their heads in their hands. When they heard us come through the door they both jerked up. Emmett had a badly bruised nose and a set of raccoon eyes, Jasper had a fat lip and a bruise on his forehead. I remembered watching him flopping around on the street while they were cuffing him. I could only imagine how I looked.

I looked up, it was almost 5am. I was surprised that Rose had only been there an hour with me. A door opened at the end of the corridor and bright light shone in. Any other day it would be gray and rainy. I looked up and saw Esme walk through the door. She looked ethereal. I don't remember her ever looking more beautiful than she did in that moment.

When she saw Rose driving my chair, she looked at me and let out a strangled cry. "_Oh, my God! Look at you._"

She knelt down touching my hands, my face... I winced and she pulled back. Then, her expression changed to one I had rarely ever experienced. She lookedfurious. She grabbed me by both biceps and shook me. "If you _ever_ scare me like that again, I'll... " she stammered. "I'll..." A big sigh. "Oh Edward, how _could_ you? We were worried sick!"

I don't ever remember feeling more embarrassed or ashamed. This woman had given me everything, and to do what we did, after everything she'd recently gone through, was so much more than disrespectful.

"I'm sorry. When things got all messed up with Eric, Alice said she'd come when we were ready. We were going to go to karaoke first. We got arrested and they had our phones."

I could hear Rose talking softly with Carlisle. I looked up and he stood staring at me grimly and shaking his head. If I could just make myself disappear, this would be an opportune time.

Emmett walked over to Esme, digging in his pocket as he approached her. He pulled out the key to my car and it dangled in the sunshine. As she reached for it, he spoke. "Don't be mad at him, Mama Cullen. It's our fault. He told us he was medicated. We encouraged him to let loose. He seemed okay until we left the bar to go to karaoke. He only had a few drinks."

"I hold all three of you equally responsible, Emmett. He's a big boy and there's nothing wrong with his sense of judgment. Every one of you should have known better. He really shouldn't have been drinking. I'm very disappointed with all three of you."

Emmett hung his head. "Yes, ma'am. I understand."

Jasper stood. "I'm sorry too. We all know he would have never done something like this on his own."

Carlisle came over. "Let's get you boys home."

Rose helped Carlisle back me onto the lift and get parked in the van. I heard Carlisle tell her the broken piece was a universal part, and he'd call Jill to get it fixed Monday, while Esme was tying me down. "I'm sorry mom, I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. It'll be okay."

"Does Bella know?"

"She's not very happy. Neither is Alice."

Jasper groaned from someplace behind me. "The sprite's gonna have my ass in a sling."

Emmett laughed. "At least I don't have a chick to answer to."

Rose stuck her head through the opening in the door. She pointed to the back of the van. "_You! Hey!_ What's your name Hercules?"

He snorted at her, which maybe wasn't a good idea. "Name's Emmett ma'am... at your service."

I could just see his blue eyes twinkling as he tried to impress her.

"Emmett, I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning. Understand?" She… wasn't impressed.

"Yep!"

"And _you, _little brother. You'd better have your ass there too. Got it?"

"Yes Rose."

"Good!"

Rose closed the doors and I heard her say goodbye to mom. "You alright if I go?"

"Actually, I wondered if you could follow us?"

"Sure, do you need a hand with something?"

"I need to make a stop at my office for a few things, and someone should stay in the vehicle with Edward. I'm dropping Esme off at the new car and to take the boys home."

"Sure, we can do that. I'll follow you."

"You haven't been to the house for a long time, after we get Edward situated, I was hoping to discuss what your plans are for tomorrow morning."

"That's no problem. I don't really have anything planned."

"Do you need to see Edward in the office tomorrow, as well?"

"No, he's all taken care of. I paid their fines. The other two though... I could just..."

I heard Carlisle say, "I know Rose, I know..."

The van jerked when we pulled out, and my stomach lurched. Something came up, but I swallowed… quickly.

Emmett was talking in the back. "I thought you were twins, Jasper. Why'd she call you _little _brother?"

"She's always acted like the one in charge."

"But you're twins right?"

"_Yeah..._"

"So _is_ she older?"

"Yes..."

"_But, how_?"

Carlisle turned in his seat. "For heaven's sake Emmett they didn't come out at the same time! Can you _please_ stop?"

Carlisle never lost his temper.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." I heard him mutter something that sounded like _refusing to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person,_ and I snickered.

It didn't take long to get to the saloon. Esme got out and went to leave, but Carlisle reached for her.

"Es, are you sure you don't mind dropping those two hooligans off? I need to get Edward home and check him over."

"Not at all, I'll see you at home."

Mom opened the side door and stepped aside so Jasper and Emmett could get out. They both mumbled a "See you later." as they passed me. I felt like a kid who had gotten caught doing something wrong and was going to get punished.

We pulled out into the parking lot and I looked at the place where Emmett had fought with Tim. None of us would soon forget last night, I was sure.

"How do you feel?"

He had to know I was miserable. "Sick."

"Does anything hurt?"

"My head."

He chuckled as he looked at me in the rearview mirror. "What I meant was, does anything _else_ hurt. I was pretty certain you have a headache."

"Side hurts." I remembered Tim's fist in my ribs, and wondered if it was bruised.

"Edward, son, how much have you had to drink?"

"A beer and a few shots. Less than anyone else."

"Why would you do that to yourself? You're still taking pain medication."

"I know, but the dose is so low that I thought I'd be okay. I didn't intend for it to happen. It's been so long since we did anything together… I just wanted to have a normal night for a change. I just wanted to be normal."

"Rose said you've vomited several times. We need to be careful you don't get dehydrated."

"I need to pee soon, too."

"We'll get that taken care of." I noticed we were slowing down, and when we pulled into the parking lot of Carlisle's work, I looked up to see him watching me in the rearview mirror. I stiffened. This was the last place I wanted to be.

"We need to stop at the hospital."

"No, no hospital. I wanna go home, Dad." I was ready to plead. I wasn't going to my hospital looking and smelling like this. Even hung over and still feeling drunk I had a little self-respect.

"I was going to leave you in the car."

"Huh?"

"Look, I know you're hurt. You're going to need sutures. I wasn't bringing you here to embarrass you. I just need to get some things from my office. I'm not afraid to take you home to sober up in your own bed, but I won't do that unprepared, either."

"I understand, thanks. But can you park in the shade? The sun is killing my head."

"Yes, Rose is going to sit here with you and then she'll follow us home. I want to discuss these charges with her."

He had barely finished explaining and Rose opened the passenger side door.

It was getting a little warm in the van and he hadn't come back yet. It made me nauseas sitting here like this. "I'm too hot."

I heaved and was immediately covered in bile. My mouth and nose burned. I wiped them with my hand and wiped my hand on my pants. I had no way to clean up. My shirt was soaked, again.

Rose pulled the roll of towels out of a grocery bag and got out of the van, coming around to the side door. "Here, hon, let's wipe that off. I know it's uncomfortable, but it's just wet." She wiped me down as best she could and then pushed a wad of dry towels inside my shirt. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I needed a drink. My mouth tasted like a dry sponge. I knew I had to be dehydrated.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I counted my breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth. It wasn't working. I could feel the sweat on my hands, my face was flushed. I could taste my putrid saliva and when it pooled in my mouth, it was everything I could do to not throw up again.

Just when I thought I couldn't sit here anymore, the door opened and Rose climbed back into the front seat.

She started the van and switched on the air. "That might help."

I sat in the back, taking big gulps like a fish out of water. Soon the air in the van was cold. I couldn't get enough of it. It was clearing my head and almost settling my stomach.

I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye, and the driver's door opened. Carlisle leaned in, placing his medical bag and a small cardboard box between the front seats.

"I'm sorry it took so long. I didn't have everything I needed in the office. I had to go to the hospital pharmacy. We'll have to call Jill, too, what time are you supposed to be back?"

"Later."

"We'll see."

"Huh?"

"If you're not well enough, I'll take you back tomorrow." Even in my post-alcohol addled state, I wasn't surprised that Carlisle felt more confident taking me home and caring for me himself.

I felt panic begin to set in. No, tomorrow wouldn't do. I was seeing Carey at 7am.

"No, casts. I hafta go back tonight!"

"We'll see."

I knew there was no point arguing. I wasn't up to it.

Rose opened her door to get out. "I'll see both of you at the house in about an hour. I've got another stop or two to make, and then I'll be over."

I leaned forward as far as I could in my chair so I could see her. "Thank you, Rose, for everything."

"It's no problem. Get some rest." She slammed the door and I watched as she walked to the vintage corvette that she drove everywhere.

We pulled in at my parent's home, and I was surprised that Alice's bright yellow car wasn't in the driveway. My car was there, Esme was home. As soon as we were parked, she opened the door and lowered the lift.

Carlisle was removing my tie-downs and stepped in around my chair. Lifting the broken joystick, he slowly and carefully drove my chair onto the lift.

When the platform touched down on the pavement, she was there. My heart sunk. She had been crying, her eyes were red and puffy- her face all blotchy. _I did this to her._

"Oh Edward, what are we going to do with you?" She reached out and touched my face where Tim had split it open.

"Let's get him inside. I'm going to need help getting him into bed. We can drag him across with the chair laid flat, but he's in no condition to help."

"Alice is on her way with the girls."

Girls. _Girls. _Shit, Jane was with them. Little Jane. I didn't want her to see me like this.

"Please can we go to my room now?"

Carlisle struggled to get my chair through the doorway. "I'm thiiiiirsty."

"How about a cup of ice chips first."

"Mmkay." I was so tired, and my head felt like there was a battle raging inside of it.

Carlisle went to the refrigerator and got a cup of crushed ice and a spoon. He came over to where I sat and spooned an ice cube into my mouth. "More." I swear he was doling them out with an eye-dropper.

"Take it easy there. A little at a time."

I winced as he lifted the next bite into my mouth and I opened too wide. "You're bleeding again. We need to take care of that."

I tried not to talk too loud, it hurt my head. "I know."

"Let me get my bag from the van. I'd rather fix it while you're sitting up."

As soon as he left and my mom came back in the kitchen I asked her. "Water?"

"Are you thirsty?"

I nodded carefully.

"I'll get you a bottle."

She handed me a bottle and I began slugging it. Carlisle came back into the kitchen and frowned. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"But he was so thirsty, Carlisle."

"I don't know if his stomach can... "

I interrupted him when I vomited loudly down the front of myself and all over my chair.

"...handle it."

Esme rushed to the utility room and grabbed a small bucket, handing it to Carlisle. She turned again and left, and when she returned I could see she had a bunch of older towels and a basin. Water sloshed out of the basin as she hurried over to where I sat. Carlisle took a rag and began wiping the vomit off my chair. He wiped mucous off my shirt the best he could. Handing the basin back to Esme he said "_Nothing_ else by mouth. His system can't handle it. If he vomits in his sleep he could aspirate and die choking on his own vomit."

Esme was in tears again as she took away the basin with shaky hands.

~Carlisle~

As angry and disappointed as I was, it was heartbreaking to see Edward injured and so ill. I found irony in the fact that he had been so sick for so long, and when he was finally recovering and went out for a little recreation, he was the only one who was truly suffering. I suspected that his buddies were a little more conditioned to outings like that than he was.

The guys hadn't done anything together in almost a year and I knew Edward was itching for a taste of freedom, but I had hoped they'd wait until he was home. It would have only been a few more weeks.

I expected them home late, but when they didn't come home and two o'clock and then three o'clock passed, I became concerned. Most places closed around two. We had been awake all night, waiting for them to come home, and then later waiting for news of their whereabouts. Esme feared the worst and was beside herself when none of them answered their phones.

When I called Alice at 3:30am, she sounded disoriented but assured me she had heard from them and that the guys were going to karaoke. Everything was okay when Jasper called, but he and Emmett had both had several drinks and their backup plan had fallen through. They would need a ride later, and she had agreed to meet them. She was upset that she had fallen asleep waiting for their call and I could sense her panic when I told her how late it was and I hadn't been able to reach any of them.

Ever since Edward had come back to Seattle a few years ago, the three boys had made a point to all do something together every month or so. Their plans almost always included finding a local band or two. When they made plans to take him out this time, I knew they would be bringing him home late, I just never imagined it would be this late or that he would be intoxicated like this.

Even though he was receiving the lowest dose of fentanyl, and I knew he wasn't the first person to drink wearing one… he should have abstained. Edward was becoming increasingly frustrated with life in an institution, and while I knew he had regular visits with a rehab counselor, I could see signs of depression. The evening out with his friends was like a double-edged sword.

I suspected a night out would include letting loose to a degree. But, it was against my better judgment and he knew that. He was a grown man though, and all I could do was offer my advice and hope that he would heed it. He knew that while his medication would have increased the effects of the alcohol, his body would be able to tolerate it. He had reminded me when I suggested he wait to begin driving until he was off narcotic pain meds, that the dose he was being prescribed was a safe method of pain management for a two year old child. I had no valid argument against that- it was true, and when this outing was mentioned- had I feared he was truly putting his life in jeopardy, I would have gone to Emmett and Jasper and put a stop to it. I didn't fear for his life, but I didn't relish cleaning up the aftermath either.

It was hard sometimes to convince Edward, and the fact that he was educated in medicine meant that although he understood the consequences, he also knew how far he could push his body. He knew his body better than anyone and he knew what his limits were. Sometimes I wondered if it wasn't some sort of rebellion against his situation. He was an excellent doctor, but I learned when he came back home that the rules he gave his patients didn't apply when it came to his own situation. He tried so hard to be _normal_.

Normally that didn't include something like this, but being a resident at a big hospital meant making personal sacrifices and he pushed his limits- he always promised us he was religious about his own self care, but I knew he was guilty of drinking excess amounts of caffeine, not getting enough water, not regularly adhering to his bladder program, sitting for excess periods of time in the same position… and he had suffered the consequences over the years with occasional urinary tract infections and bedsores. He and Esme fought constantly over those things.

The boys picked Edward up late Saturday afternoon and neither Esme nor I had heard from them since. Rose called around four am and told us she had found them, they were safe, but in police custody.

When she told me they had charged him with a DUI, I was livid. Edward hadn't driven a vehicle in years and he had no business driving under the influence. When I though he was driving under the influence of narcotics _and _alcohol, I nearly snapped.

When Rose later explained they had tried to charge him with a DUI while operating his wheelchair, I was even angrier. The entire situation was ironic. I don't know how Rose convinced the officer to reduce the charges, but we were seriously indebted to her for what she accomplished.

A DUI for alcohol _and_ narcotics would seriously jeopardize Edward's career, not to mention his standing with the stem cell institute, even if the law concerning the electric wheelchair in reference to the motor vehicle definition was ludicrous. Due to the nature of their research, he couldn't work there with a blemish on his record. He nearly threw it all away.

Esme sobbed the minute I explained Rose's phone call. But, when we got to the precinct, I was proud of her. She was nurturing, and left no doubt that he was loved. Still, I was glad it wasn't me who would be on the receiving end of her wrath tomorrow when he was sobered up. She might look like a pushover, but I knew better than anyone else that she wasn't.

I was assaulted with so many emotions when I saw the pathetic mess my boy was in. I was angry, so very angry- with him for acting so irresponsibly when he knew better than anyone what the repercussions would be, I was angry with Em and Jasper for allowing this to happen, and for the officers of the law who were hired to protect all the citizens, including my son whose health was jeopardized while in their custody.

Yet, when Rose rushed to me and explained the situation she had found him in, I was livid. Originally, I planned to take him home, let him sleep it off and then lecture him. However, that all changed with her interpretation of what had occurred since he'd been picked up.

I was appalled to learn that not only had they removed him from his chair, and broken it while it was in their care, but they had hand-cuffed him to a wooden chair and while he told her he had emptied his bladder before he was picked up I had no idea how long it had been. While it was unlikely- I always feared he'd encounter autonomic dysreflexia one day due to ignoring a religious bowel and bladder regimen. That immediately came to mind when I heard about the situation at the police station along with things like kidney infection, pressure sores, and dehydration. There were so many things to consider.

Even though he had been in much better health since he'd graduated to rehab, a few hours in police custody had put him in a situation where he was once again medically fragile. Being in custody and the things that occurred during that time were actually more harmful to him than the drinking alone would have been. While he brought this on himself, I was infuriated at the lack of professionalism that surrounded his arrest.

It took everything I had to maintain my composure long enough to go to my place of work and gather the supplies I suspected would be necessary to care for him if I were to care for him at home safely. Admittedly, I should have just admitted him, his pride be damned, but I understood that going back to the hospital as a patient was one of his greatest fears, and I simply couldn't do that to him. If I'd had a shadow of a doubt that we couldn't care for him at home, I'd have already arranged a bed for him.

I was inside longer than I had anticipated, I was going to grab my bag and a simple suture set, but the more I thought about it, the more I became concerned about dehydration. He had already vomited several times, and I doubted he'd be able to keep fluids down orally. His body was purging itself of poison and until his stomach settled, the vomiting would continue.

I'd take whatever I could get my hands on, because I was in a hurry. A suture kit, sterile drapes, gloves, gauze and saline went into my bag. Those were things I always had in my office. I wrote several prescriptions for the things I needed and would have to purchase at the hospital pharmacy. The pharmacy was always staffed in order to provide supplies to the floors. However, had I not been a physician, I would have had to wait several hours for service. I rushed over to the pharmacy and was pleased to see it was someone I knew.

"Hi Carol"

"Carlisle, how are you?"

"I'm fine. Hey Edward needs a few supplies, he is home for the weekend unexpectedly, and well, you know how it is..."

"Sure, what do you need?"

"Here are the scripts."

Carol went into the back and came out with catheter supplies, infusion supplies and an antiemetic for nausea. She loaded everything into a small box.

I pulled out my wallet and paid her the cost after insurance. "I don't mean to rush, but he's not feeling well, so I don't want to make him wait."

"Tell everyone I said hello and I hope Edward feels better soon."

"I will Carol, I will."

"Bye now."

I pulled the box under my arm and grabbed my bag from the counter. Luckily no one stopped me to chit chat on my way back to the van. Even still, nearly a half hour had elapsed. Had I known, I would have called ahead to the pharmacy.

I opened the van to the unmistakable stench of vomit. Edward sat in his chair, with a death grip in the arm rests. His eyes were closed. I could tell he was in distress. Rose didn't look like she was feeling very well either.

I noticed Rose had started the van and had the air running. She was a smart girl, knowing it would help with the nausea. I remembered a few drunken nights of my own where the only thing that prevented me from vomiting all over the back of someone's car was hanging my head out the window as I gulped for air.

Knowing he had gotten sick again, I was glad that I had asked her to sit with him while I went into the hospital.

After Rose got out and we pulled into traffic, little was said in transit. Edward looked like he was asleep and my mind was mentally checking off the things that needed to be done for him and prioritizing their order.

Never had I been more grateful to have a weekend off. It was going to be a long day.

When I pulled in, Esme was there waiting for us. Rose pulled in right behind us. I had no doubt that she waited by the door watching for us to arrive. Before I had the ignition turned off, she had already opened the doors and was opening the lift.

We got him into the house with little trouble despite the broken joystick bracket. Rose suspected that the police had damaged it, but she told me she was happy that she had gotten the charges modified and didn't want to rock the boat. I was inclined to agree with her.

Once again, I assessed Edward's condition. His vitals had been good when I'd first checked him and that had reassured me. But looking at him now that I had time to really see everything, I realized just how broken Edward was. His face was dirty and bruised. His lip was split wide open and I knew there was no way to repair it without a scar. He had vomited all over himself in the van and I had no idea what I'd find under his clothing.

While it wasn't customary for the police to bring a person who was inebriated into the hospital, there were so many factors with Edward that his condition really warranted medical attention. Even if they were extremely busy, there wasn't any excuse for being negligent. Now though, my concern was making sure that Edward was safe and his condition was stable.

I was glad that Alice was a nurse. She would prove valuable as an assistant. We'd be monitoring him for hours and she had promised to be here for whatever I needed her for.

There were so many things to consider that I wasn't sure where I wanted to start. His lip began to bleed every time he talked or vomited, but it was the least of my concerns. However, I needed assistance moving him and undressing him. When he begged me to wait for Alice rather than have Esme help change him. I agreed to respect his dignity.

I decided to fix his lip while I waited Alice.

He was so thirsty and I knew he was dehydrated. When he begged for a drink, I decided to try a few ice chips. I was never happier that we had a refrigerator with that little extravagance. I'd never get an entire ice cube into his sore mouth.

I gave him two tiny pieces of ice and went to retrieve my supplies. In the few minutes I was gone, he had convinced Esme to give him a bottle of water. I tried to warn her, but before I could spit out the entire sentence, his stomach recoiled and he vomited again. I decided then and there that hydrating him intravenously was the only way he was going to tolerate fluids and I let them both know that.

"I'm going to put a catheter in for now. I'm sure he'd want you to step out of the room, Es. Would you watch the door so we don't get surprised by the girls?"

Going to the utility room, I got a tub of Lysol wipes out. Washing down the end of the table, I then scrubbed my hands with antibacterial soap. I needed to set up a work station. The light in the kitchen was much better for the suturing I needed to do, but there was zero privacy if anyone walked in.

"Edward, I'm going to give you a Foley so we can keep your bladder emptied. Do you understand?"

"Yes. I understand, but do you _have_ to?"

"We need to push fluids. Are you well enough to take care of business yourself?"

"I don't think so."

"I didn't think so either. I'm going to start."

He sighed. "Okay."

I wanted to repair his lip, but my greatest concern was making sure his bladder was emptied. The lip was really nothing compared to the repercussions of going too long with an overfull bladder. I took out a catheter and an insertion kit, along with a collection bag and set them on the now sanitized table.

I assembled everything I'd need, leaving the sterile sheath of plastic on the catheter. Wearing gloves, I unzipped his jeans and reached inside grabbing him and pulling his penis out of his clothing. Very quickly I cleaned him off and got the catheter inserted. Immediately there was a rush of urine. 650ml ran into the bag before the trickle stopped. The fact that he waited so long and was visibly distended concerned me greatly. The return I got was very dark and cloudy, not healthy and clear as it should be. I knew he hadn't been drinking sufficient water and whether he wanted it or not, pushing fluids and inserting the Foley catheter was the right decision.

After cleaning everything up, I began systematically pulling everything I'd need from my bag to suture his mouth. Esme came back into the room when I told her I was done with the catheter and she found a spot to stand several feet from us against the wall. She looked nearly as green as Edward did and I was almost afraid she'd faint if she didn't sit down.

"Esme, love, you're making me nervous. Can you sit down?"

"No, I'm okay. I'll just set up the coffee pot and get things ready to make everyone breakfast."

"Please wait to cook or start the coffee until I get him out of the kitchen. I don't want him getting sick again."

"Yes, I'll wait, it's just busy work, getting it all prepared. I'm okay- really. Don't mind me."

I went back to work, wanting to be done when Alice arrived so we could get him to bed. I pulled on a set of sterile gloves and opened a sterile drape out of my bag. Laying it across the end of the table, I created a sterile field for my instruments and set to work. Once I had everything prepared, I removed my gloves and broke the seal on the bottle of saline, setting the lid aside.

I tipped Edward's chair back so the headrest was resting on my lap. I was right above Edward's face and could easily work.

I pulled an alcohol prep out of the packet and cleaned the skin around the injury and injected Lidocaine to numb it. Edward lay perfectly still with his eyes closed as I began to work. After several minutes, I touched his lip with my gloved finger. "Can you feel that?"

He took a deep breath and relaxed his body. "Nope, my face is numb."

"Good." With sterile gauze and saline I cleaned the wound. "I'm going to begin suturing now. Don't move. Did you hear me?"

Edward opened his eyes, squinting from the overhead light. "Yes I heard you; I won't move or talk. Go ahead." He closed his eyes and clasped his hands together on his lap. I laid a sterile drape across his chest and began the process of suturing the lip back together. I had grabbed a cosmetic suture which would self-absorb and that had been treated with an antibacterial product. Even before I began to work, I heard his respirations slow and watched his body relax in sleep. I didn't want him to be startled and wake up unaware of his surroundings while I was suturing. I heard the back door open and close. The girls were here. I stopped as soon as I tied the knot.

"Would you girls mind going to the living room until we finish here?" I wasn't normally nervous, but most of my suture jobs weren't on faces. This was _my son's_ face. It was a large split and he would carry a visible scar his entire life. I needed to keep it as minimal as possible. I couldn't afford to make a mistake.

They quietly made their way past us, and I heard someone gasp when they did. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Esme follow them in and as I worked I could hear her telling them what we knew. Even in hushed tones, I could tell none of them were very happy about the situation.

I finally tied my last knot and with shaking hands, I laid the needle holder on the table.

I cleaned up my mess and got the remaining supplies out of the box. I wanted to make sure we had everything I had requested. In my rush to get back to the van, I didn't double check to be certain Carol gave us everything on my list. I laid several bags of saline on the table, as well as the packages with tubing and several IV catheters. Pleased with the contents, I called to Bella, I knew she was terribly worried and I didn't want to upset her further.

I sat Edward's chair up, and as I went to pick up the infusion supplies, he grabbed my wrist. His green eyes were as big as saucers as he said "Bucket!" I got it under his chin just in time. Bella came into the kitchen timidly and made her way over to the wheelchair. I was gently wiping his face.

She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry we fell asleep. Alice was waiting for a phone call, but we knew it would be a while. We put in a movie and didn't wake up until we got that phone call saying you were at the jail. I just know Charlie is going to be all over me about this."

She started to say something else, but when she took in the items on the table and got a good look at his disheveled appearance and broken, bloodied face, the gravity of the situation set in and she crumpled.

"_Oh Edward._"

I took a hold of her shoulders as she swayed.

"Maybe you should sit down, Bella."

She pushed away from me and dropped to her knees next to Edward's chair. She pressed her face to his soiled shirt and fisted both sides of it with her hands.

"_AUUGH!_ Let go, let go. Please." Edward was screaming in pain, poor Bella was sobbing into his shirt. She backed away stricken with her own anguish.

"Son, what hurts?"

"Ribs. Oh God, make it go away."

"What happened to your ribs? Did it happen while you were in custody?"

Bella's hand went to her mouth. "Should we take him for X-Rays? What if they're broken?"

His hands reached out for her. "Bella, please." He couldn't say any more, but he didn't need to, she understood. Gently she took his hand while she made an assessment of his body. Her eyes met mine and they were so full of sadness.

"No, _they_ didn't hurt me. That Tim guy got a few good punches in. I know my ribs are just bruised. Although I do suspect Jasper got hurt when we were taken into custody. He didn't fight with anyone."

I reassured her. "I don't think an X-Ray is necessary, there wouldn't have been enough trauma from a fist to cause a break."

He reached out and pulled her head in towards his chest. She snuggled in and I heard her whisper. "I was so afraid after we found out what happened; you can't do things like this ever again. You have to listen to the voice of reason instead of taking things into your own hands."

A garbled "I'm sorry", came from Edward. He was running his fingers through her hair and for the first time I notices the cuts on his hands. I didn't think there was any part of him that got away unscathed.

Bella backed away from him and he opened his eyes. "God you reek!"

He chuckled quietly, but I could see the exhaustion. "Bella, sweetheart, I really need to get some fluids into him and we need to get him cleaned up. Do you think you and Jane would like visit with Esme for a little while? When I'm done, I promise if you want to spend the rest of the day with him you may."

"Sure, we can do that."

Alice spoke up then. "Maybe it would be appropriate to take Jane back to rehab, I'll just explain Edward is sick and we'll be in touch if anyone asks. Please."

"That's probably a good idea. We can do that."

Oh so gently, Bella cradled Edward's face between her hands. "I'll be back soon. Please let them help you."

He opened his eyes and looked around, then closed them again.

Bella got up and started to leave and I put a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you for not giving up on him."

"I'm not happy about this situation at all, but for now I'm just happy that he's here and in capable hands. I do think we have some boundaries to establish, but that's not for today."

"I understand completely, and agree wholeheartedly. Will you come back with Esme, or do you need to go home?"

"I'll come back and sit with him, I still adore him, but that doesn't mean I can't be angry. We'll be back shortly."

Alice was in the kitchen before I called her.

"What a nightmare. He looks terrible."

"I'm very concerned Alice. He's very dehydrated and he went for hours without relieving his bladder. Look how dark and cloudy his urine is."

"Is that all he's put out?"

"He said he went a few times while they were out, but I have no way of knowing for sure."

"Well someone really let him have it."

"They did, Bella barely touched his ribs and he cried out in pain. We need to get him into bed and clean him up. We'll have to begin to rehydrate him, and he cannot be alone at all over night. I don't want him to vomit and aspirate."

"I'll spend the night, we're all tired, but we can each take a shift. Many hands make light work. We'll be alright."

I drove the wheelchair and thanked God for this house and its wide hallways. I had enough room to walk alongside the chair without being crowded. Getting through a doorway was a challenge, but Alice went in ahead of Edward, and was able to take over the controller.

We got him inside and adjusted the bed to the proper height. I laid the chair out flat and removed the armrest closest to the bed. Alice rolled him towards herself and we put a draw sheet under him. Then she rolled him away from her just a fraction and was able to pull the end out.

I climbed onto the bed and grabbed the sheet. On the count of three we had him on the bed.

I cut the shirt and jeans off of him. He was dead weight and out cold. There was no point wrestling with his broken body when he was so miserable. When we were done, I rolled him to the side, and Alice gathered the ruined clothing and threw it on a garbage bag I hadn't even realized she had prepared. I threw a light blanket over him; Alice was already in the bathroom preparing a basin of water.

"I'm going to try this no-rinse soap. It seems like the perfect time for that."

"That's fine Alice. Let's get him cleaned up."

Alice started with his face, gently patting and rinsing until she removed all traces of blood. Systematically she worked her way down his body. I looked at his chest. There was a huge bruise. If he was still so touchy tomorrow, we'd get it X-Rayed then.

Rolling him to clean him had upset his stomach, he vomited again and we had to stop to clean up that mess.

His backside was very red and irritated, and it pleased me that he was finally on his air-mattress. Alice massaged lotion into his skin while I kept him rolled up on his side.

Once we finally got him cleaned up, we covered him. I didn't see any point in trying to dress him, so we left him as he was. If he vomited again, it would make cleanup simpler, and the room was a comfortable temperature.

I was satisfied that his vitals were still stable and hoped that he'd be alright, without lasting side effects from this whole debacle.

While Alice was finishing up with him, I went out to the kitchen and grabbed my bag and the IV supplies. After he was all finished up, I laid his arm on top of the blankets and started the IV. I had some trouble, and knew it was because he was so dehydrated. His veins weren't as plump and visible as they could be due to the lack of fluids in his system. I tried to start it a few times before finding a good site on his forearm for the IV. Once I had it running at a satisfactory rate, I added the antiemetic to ease his nausea.

Alice and I had worked efficiently in near silence. I didn't' want to wake him, and realized, sadly, that there was little chance of that. He was out cold. I had looked his body over; the fentanyl patch was nowhere to be found. I couldn't imagine the police would have removed it, and I wondered if he removed it himself, or if he they had left it off knowing he was planning to go out. That little mystery would have to wait until he awoke and could tell us.

Because it was a controlled substance, there was no way I was comfortable getting another patch for him at the hospital. It was being administered at rehab, and he would have to go without until he returned. He had said they were weaning him off of it and onto an NSAID soon. There was a good possibility they wouldn't give him another one.

The medication was probably nearly out of his system now. It was a very low dosage with a short half-life and being on it long-term, he had no doubt built up a tolerance to it. We'd have to find a way to manage his pain as best we could at home, without it.

"Carlisle, is he going to be alright?"

I look up into Alice's earnest face. It amazed me how this incident had stripped us of our professional personas and had turned us into lay people with worries and fears that didn't have concrete answers. "I'm not sure, Alice, there could be long-term repercussions that could occur as a result of this. The possible kidney damage, bed sores, urinary tract infections. But, I think as long as we keep him hydrated and we're flushing his system, he'll be alright in a day or two."

"I know you're right. I've never just seen him this sick before. He was doing fairly well when I learned about the accident." Alice said.

Edward wasn't the only person I was worried about. "I'm almost more concerned about Bella. She's hanging on by a thread. Esme offered to help when Bella's father is here, but Bella has asked Esme to allow her father to help her get moved because she needs the alone time with him. They rarely see one another from what I understand. I just worry that she's taking on too much."

Alice confirmed my suspicions with her own observations. "We were over at the new house very late, and then when we got home, we fell asleep watching movies. We never expected to come over here this early. We planned to sleep in and then go to the spa. Now she's stressing about short changing Jane on top of everything else. She asked me if we could do something with Jane later on, because she feels like we let her down. I just don't know that Bella's up to it after last night. This would be a prime time for an exacerbation."

"I really worry about her. I suspected she was stretching herself too thin, I'm going to try to convince her to stay here today, we can take care of her; make sure she is well rested. She won't have to cook or clean up- just make it an easy day for her."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea."

Edward stirred and asked for Bella. When I told him she'd be back, he was silent again and I had no idea if he even heard me.

"Why don't you get some pillows in behind him? I'll roll him my way. I don't want him to vomit and aspirate."

Once he was on his side, I elevated the head of the bed and we tucked him in. In his slumber, his face was relaxed and he looked so innocent and young. If you could get past the bruises and broken lip.

I heard footsteps in the hallway and a quiet tap on the door. "Come in."

Bella stood in the hallway and pushed the door open enough to enter. She peered in timidly. "Is… is he okay?"

"We're done. He needs to rest, but I don't want him alone today. Would you like to sit with him for a while? I don't think he'll be very good company."

"That's alright; I don't think I will be either. I am so angry and frustrated. I want to be mad at him, but seeing him all broken makes my heart hurt, and I don't have it in me to be angry. I think I'd feel better if I just broke something to let my frustrations out. I need to channel some of this pent up energy."

"I understand, Bella. I know it doesn't help how you're feeling, but I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this."

"But, see, you shouldn't have to apologize. Even though much of it was just the result of a series of unfortunate events, _this_ could have been prevented. You're an innocent bystander the same as I am, and I've seen the concern etched all over your face. This is upsetting you too."

"It is," I said, "and I'm sure it'll hit me later, once I've had time to digest all of this."

She gave my arm a little squeeze. "I think Esme is working on some breakfast. Why don't you go eat? I'll sit with him for the time being."

"Aren't you hungry, dear? I'm concerned that you're not taking care of yourself."

"I know I'm overdoing it, and I can feel it catching up with me, but for now, I think I'm okay."

"You'll let us know if you're getting in over your head with all of this?"

"I promise. Thanks for caring so much."

"You're part of this family, sweetheart. How could I help but care about you?"

She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me close. "Thank you." She whispered into my chest. I rubbed her back a few times before pulling away.

"It'll all be okay, Bella. I promise. Just give him a few days."

"I know. We'll be alright, but that doesn't mean I'm letting him off easy."

"No, none of us should."

"I might be a sucker for a pretty face, even if it is all busted up, but he's going to have to grovel a little to get back in my good graces. I don't think I was this _angry_ in January. I was hurt and rejected, but at least now that I understand what was behind that, it seems like it was inevitable. This could have been prevented. It makes me mad that they all acted so carelessly. This could have turned out so much worse."

"Good girl, Bella, stick to your guns."

"I plan to get to the bottom of the situation with the Seattle PD, too. I don't want to drag my dad into it, but I need to have a sit down with Rose. The CIL has an attorney that deals with civil rights violations that happen to people with disabilities. I really think I need to discuss this with him. If this has happened to Edward, and he is _obviously_ disabled, imagine what could happen to someone else. We've had other consumers with hidden disabilities who had had issues with that same department. This isn't the first time something they've treated a disabled person inappropriately."

"I'm not happy with them at all. Thank you for promising to follow-up on it. Please let me know if there's anything I can do, and what your attorney has to say."

"I will, go comfort your wife. She needs to know he's alright. She's very concerned."

"Thanks Bella. Sit down and rest, okay?"

Alice, Esme and I ate a quiet breakfast and decided over our meal that I would call Jill and extend Edward's stay at home. I was prepared to sit up with him all night, and after the issue that had recently occurred with Edward's roommate, I wasn't comfortable sending him back to rehab to fend for himself all night.

He was so adamant that he needed to be back before 7am to have his cast appointment, and as much as he had his heart set on it, he'd have to reschedule. He made this decision, and as his doctor, I couldn't in good conscience let him go back until I was comfortable with it.

I called the hospital and took a personal day for Monday. I knew we were going to have another long night and I'd need to rest tomorrow at some point.

I called and spoke with Jill. Since I had called rehab late last night to see if Edward had gone back there unexpectedly, she was paged. When she returned my call, the frantic tone of her voice mirrored what I was feeling. She was relieved that he was in my care, and told me she would prefer he stay here until he was feeling better as she wasn't really equipped to care for his needs if he were this sick. If I didn't feel comfortable keeping him at home, she requested a temporary admission at the hospital.

I assured her that I had things under control, but it was mutually agreed that it was necessary to cancel the cast removal for tomorrow. When he was up to it, and only then, he could call Carey and make an appointment to see him at the orthopedic department at the hospital... or wait a full week till Carey came back to rehab, although we both regretted hindering his progress by an entire week. Carey was a busy orthopedist, and it would have been wrong to expect him to change his schedule for something like this. I refused to ask him to make a special trip on Edward's behalf, given the circumstances.

Alice had taken Bella a tray, but returned with it minutes later, saying that Bella had fallen asleep in the recliner, and was gripping Edward's hand in her sleep. Esme took a folding chair in and took up residence on the other side of the bed to watch over both of them. When I questioned her comfort, she replied that the padded folding chair which came from the set we had bought to play bridge with our friends was a far sight more comfortable than the hard metal ones in the ER at Harborview, and she had spent hours on some of those. I loved my wife; somehow she always found the silver lining.

After resting a few hours, Bella shuffled out to the living room and asked Alice to take her home.

"Will you come back later, dear?" I needed to know what to tell him when he woke up.

"No, I'm so tired and I really feel like I need a little distance right now. I'm going to go home and eat, maybe take a warm bath and just relax. I have to pack _and_ work this week, so I need to pace myself. Tell him I'll call him later or something. I can't make this easy on him. I hope you understand. I can't let his actions take a toll on my health."

"I agree completely. Please, Bella, if you need anything, Esme and I are here for you. We love you sweetheart as if you were our own."

She came over and gave me a big hug. "Thanks. You're too good to me. Please keep me posted on how he's doing."

I heard Esme clear her throat behind me. "I'm sorry you're leaving Bella, would you like me to take you home?"

"I was going to ask Alice, but yes, I'd enjoy spending some time with you."

"Farewell, Bella. I'll tell Alice you're going with Esme. I heard her one the phone, I suspect she's talking with Jasper. The conversation was rather noisy."

"No, she's getting details from Rose."

"Ahhh."

I looked at my beautiful, tired wife. "Drive careful, my love."

She smooched me on the cheek. "I'll be back soon."

Esme was gone nearly an hour. I had begun to worry; she had been so tired when she left. I called her phone; she picked up immediately and explained that Bella needed some mothering so they had gone to the park for short time. Bella was tucked safely in her apartment and Esme was nearly home.

We spent the afternoon taking turns sleeping and watching over Edward. Thankfully the antiemetic had worked expediently and he had only vomited a few times after I put it in his IV. He was able to rest undisturbed.

I was on the phone with the hospital checking on a patient when Esme came to tell me he was awake.

I walked in to find him looking around. He was taking everything in, wearing an expression of disbelief. "Was all this really necessary? Don't you think you went a little overboard, Dad?"

"No son, I didn't. You were severely dehydrated. You put yourself at risk for all sorts of potential emergencies. I couldn't stop the vomiting. I was very concerned."

"Do you think you can get me undone and dressed here so I can get back to rehab? I have an appointment in the morning."

"_No_, you don't. Jill doesn't want you to come back until I assure her you're well enough."

"What have you _done?_"

"Obviously, when you disappeared, I called to see if you had gone back to rehab. It was only common courtesy for me to call Jill today and let her know you were okay. She had to be made aware of the situation because you obviously were not well enough to return when you were supposed to today. She instructed me to care for you at home if I was comfortable with that, or admit you to the hospital."

"I just don't understand why you think you need to keep me here. I'm fine now. I'd like to get up for a while."

"I think you're making a mistake. You should be resting. Your body is still recovering."

"Get me up and then we'll decide if I'm alright."

I knew that if I didn't at least make the attempt to get him up, he'd pester all of us until he got what he wanted. He was so stubborn sometimes. Since he had left the hospital and began making strides in rehab, I saw more and more of the spirited side of him. While I welcomed it, I was too tired today to deal with it. I grabbed a pair of boxers and a tee shirt out of his bag. I pulled the blankets back and picked up the urine collection bag, feeding it through his pant leg before putting his shorts on.

"What the _hell_, Carlisle? A foley? Really? Over-react much?"

"No, I did what was necessary, you needed fluids pushed. I wasn't going to ask Alice to cath you every few hours, and you admitted yourself that you were in no shape to care for your bladder. You know I needed to do it to keep you from retaining urine."

"Yeah, whatever. _Dad._"

He couldn't have cut me deeper if he'd used a knife. Something needed to be said, and I needed to be the one to say it. "You have two choices, son. Either you can act your _age_ and treat the people who love and care about you with respect _or_ I'll call the transport from Harborview and you can go back to the hospital and they can manage your care until you're healthy enough to leave. You won't treat me with disrespect because of circumstances that occurred when you refused to use a little common sense. Do. You. Understand?"

He hung his head in remorse, "Look, I'm sorry. I know I screwed up. I'm sore, and I feel like shit and I know I have no right to take this out on you."

"Apology accepted. We'll discuss this when you're in a better frame of mind."

"I understand."

"It appears you have a lot of apologizing to do."

"I know." he whispered. His eyes welled up, and I thought his overwhelming day might bring him to tears, but he surprised me and held it all together.

"I'm going to try to move you now." I swung his legs gently over the side of the bed. I didn't think we'd get much further than the edge of the bed, but I wanted to make it look good. I straddled his casts and grasped both his hands, swiftly pulling him into a sitting position. As soon as I did, he swooned and I nearly lost him on the floor. "_Whoa!_ Put me down, put me down."

"I thought you wanted to get out of bed?" I couldn't help the smug feeling of satisfaction that washed over me. He was orthostatic, and there was no way he could accuse me of forcing this decision on him.

"Changed my mind."

"Wise choice." I put my arm under his legs and swung them back into bed. "I was going to unhook everything this evening, but I think we'll wait until morning."

I'd discontinue the antiemetic when the small bag had emptied. I got him comfortable and decided to leave his shirt off.

"When you are feeling better, and during his office hours, you are to call Carey. He will make an appointment for you to come in to the office to have the casts removed. It will be impossible for you to be dressed and get there before 7am. Jill has already changed the appointment. She'll call tomorrow for a progress report."

"Alright." he sighed.

"Look, I know you're not feeling the greatest and I promised I wouldn't but son, I just have to say I don't really understand. I know you believe strongly in the whole independent living philosophy, but do you see where your misguided attempt to be independent was a huge error in judgment instead?"

He let out a frustrated sigh and moved his hands up to his face. He placed them on his cheeks, and pulled down, distorting them. I vaguely remember a similar habit from his childhood. "I didn't think I'd get this sick. I never meant to inconvenience you, I didn't mean to ruin anyone's weekend and I never meant to worry any of you. Never in a million years did I think a few drinks would get this out of control.

"The three of us have been to those particular bars so many times over the years. Every month or so we go out, enjoy the music, play pool, watch other people sing karaoke. It's always been our thing. We never have more than a few drinks, we've always walked it, and we've never had a problem. I just never imagined that I'd get quite that sick or act so drunk."

"What made tonight any different, other than the obvious?"

"The guys in the bar. I've never seen them before. I don't know why I snapped, I've had people make snide remarks before, but something he said really struck a chord with me and I just flipped. When we left the bar, they were outside waiting for us. One of them jumped Emmett and they fought. After we walked away they followed us, I remember then screaming obscenities at us. Emmett couldn't keep his mouth shut."

I couldn't help but interject. "And someone called the police."

"No, I don't think they did. I think it was just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. When the cruiser drove by the first time, the other guys took off. They came back around the block and stopped us. If we'd made it inside Fado's we'd have probably been fine."

"You'd have probably been more intoxicated."

"No, I only had two shots at the second bar, and someone bought me a third but I only took a sip of it. I was done for the evening. Like I said, I thought I'd be okay."

"So you only had two drinks? You were so sick. I can't imagine that patch would make you this sick combined with just two drinks."

"No, I didn't explain right, and I didn't get to finish."

"Maybe you should."

"I had a beer at the first place, we were there a few hours. Then when we went to the second place. I had two shots, but I ate quite a bit and we were there for several hours. I didn't drink the third shot, and I wasn't going to have any more. Someone, I think one of those girls, bought me another shot. It sat there for a while when I played darts and I wasn't going to drink it, but when that guy kept taunting me, I snapped and I slammed the last shot."

"What kind of alcohol was it?"

"Tequila. I've never had tequila, I knew it had a nasty reputation, but Jasper said this was some of the best so I tried it. I wasn't slamming them all evening. I pretty much nursed the first two for hours. I think it was that last one that did me in."

"Obviously. I'll bet you don't do something like this again anytime soon."

"Uh, no."

"I think you need to explain some of this to Bella. I know she's trying to understand everything that happened. She's upset about several aspects of this who situation. I know it'll ease her mind to talk to you."

"Could you hand me my phone, I'd like to call her."

"Um... "

Edward's eyes got as big as saucers. "_What_?"

"She, uh, said she'd call you tomorrow. She'd prefer you give her some time."

His lip trembled, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, but the tears leaked out anyway. "I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

"You certainly _have_ messed up. Your mother took her home; they stopped for a coffee and talked for a long time in the park. Bella may or may not have mentioned something about ground rules and boundaries. If there's one thing you need to learn about women, it's that when you do something stupid... well… paybacks are a bitch. She was really worried about you. I think some serious groveling is in order."

"I just didn't think... "

I held my hand up. "That says it all right there. You didn't."

"It started out innocent enough." He sniffled and wiped his nose on his sheet. "The guys tried to guilt me into having a beer, but don't be mad at them, they didn't force me. It was _my decision,_ completely. I'm a big boy and I think sometimes people forget that fact because of my condition. I just wanted to be able to do something without someone else giving me permission. Do you have any idea how difficult the past eight months have been for me? Until I got to rehab I had no control over my life what-so-ever."

"I can't even begin to imagine being in your shoes, son."

"Jasper pulled the patch off, I knew it would still be in my system, but I didn't think a beer or two would be too serious."

"And it probably wouldn't have been... "

"But, I think that one beer combined with the patch was enough to get rid of my inhibitions. After that, I just… I dunno."

"I'm not even going to ask how your face got all broken up, or how you got the bruised ribs. Do I want to know how you came to scuffle with this Tim?"

"There was this girl... "

"Stop right there. I think you need to think long and hard about how you're going to explain that one to Bella. Do _not_ lie to her or try to cover anything up, it'll only make things worse, and I guarantee she'll find out and assume the worst."

"Nothing happened, it wasn't like _that. _I taught her how to play darts, and this Tim guy was hassling her, but then he started to say a lot of derogatory things about disabilities. _My_ disability in particular. I just snapped."

"Well, just be honest with her… and soon. The longer you wait, the bigger the elephant will get. You're just starting a journey with her; you don't want to start it with lies."

"I know. I won't. I've done enough damage."

"You have, and when it comes to Bella, you really need to be mindful of your decisions. She is under an extreme amount of pressure. She's helping put _your_ new house together so it's ready when you get out of rehab. She is packing up her home, _and_ she's working. The stress from this situation could take a real toll on her. You don't want something like this to push her into an exacerbation."

His hands went to his hair as he tugged and pulled at it. "Can I please call her? I need to apologize, and I need to know _she's_ alright. I can't wait until tomorrow, even if it does make her angry."

"I'll have Alice bring your phone in."

"Didn't she go home?"

"No, she's staying the night."

He nodded his head; I could tell he was deep in thought. He needed that- to reflect on how their little escapade impacted everyone who cared about them.

Alice delivered the phone and I went to check on Esme.

When I walked past Edward's room, I felt my heart breaking when I heard him sobbing uncontrollably... begging Bella to forgive him.

I wasn't going to eavesdrop. This was his problem, and I knew she'd hold him accountable. I thought back to some of the things Esme had told me while Bella was sleeping in Edward's room.

Esme and Bella had gone out for coffee after they returned Jane. Bella told Esme that while she was very upset at Edward for risking his health and jeopardizing everything he'd worked so hard for, she could also empathize- probably better than any of us could- with his desire to just be like everyone else. They talked about the months that Bella had to rely on someone else for all her needs, and how drastically it had impacted her life.

She said the entire reason she got involved with Robin and her co-workers was so that she could push her limits and be as independent as possible, while she didn't think she'd ever be irresponsible like Edward had just been, she compelled Esme to see both sides of the situation.

Most of her anger was directed at Edward's disregard for his health, but again used her own personal circumstances to try to find a way to understand. She compared his actions to her refusal to begin taking the medication that could slow the effects of her MS because it wasn't something _she_ was ready to do yet, even though Edward had repeatedly encouraged her to consider the long lasting benefits to her health. No, the situations weren't anywhere near the same, but she was right, she was making a conscious decision to do something that was putting her wellbeing at risk.

I was a little surprised at the way she viewed the situation, but hoped that she didn't just let this blow over without addressing it.

The last thing she said was the one that warmed Esme's heart. Bella told Esme that while she loved Edward and she was fully prepared to enter into a romantic relationship with him, there would have to be ground rules.

A relationship between two people who were simply roommates wouldn't require more boundaries than common courtesy to one another, but as a couple, she felt that she was entitled to expect a modicum of respect from him. I wholeheartedly agreed. Esme expected the same from me.

Esme was in our room watching TV when I found her. "How is he Carlisle? He looks a little better."

"I think he's feeling better. I wanted to check on you, I know you're tired. I'm going to go make him something to eat."

"Good."

"He was very upset with me after he woke up."

"I heard yelling. What happened?"

"He wanted to go back tonight. When he found out I cancelled he had a fit. He said something disrespectful and I told him he could shape up or ship out. I was ready to call the hospital and have him picked up. I don't think I've ever been so mad at him."

"Are you two okay?"

"Yes, we will be. I just… I feel like he's having growing pains at thirty-five. It caught me off guard. All of this has caught me off guard. I think it would have been easier at eighteen. At least I would have been younger and been better prepared."

"Is Alice in with him now?"

"No, she's going to sleep in the recliner tonight, but she stepped out to give him some privacy. He was calling Bella."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, do you think she's gonna slip and tell him what she told you today?"

"No, not all of it. She's not ready. She will, when the time is right."

* * *

A huge thanks to my crew, for assisting, supporting and understanding that sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

Although I've removed many author's note from the story, in an effort to clean it up, I decided to leave the following one. There were a lot of comments about Chapter 30, some of them very vocal and opinionated, so I thought I'd explain Edward's side of the story.

I've certainly stirred up a hornet's nest. Because a few people have requested that I explain my reasoning… here goes…

This is the longest A/N in the history of fanfiction, I'm sure. My apologies.

I want to thank everyone for sharing their thoughts, fears, concerns and opinions. I've been inundated with PMs from so many of you who have never contacted me or reviewed before. I knew before I ever posted that there would be a mixed response to this chapter.

It humbles me that so many of you have enough faith in this story, and in me as a writer to have entrusted me with your support even when I've introduced something that I knew would be controversial and not popular with everyone. You have shown me that you are a passionate bunch when it comes to my characters, and it blows me away that you love them enough to stick up for them when you fear I've wronged them.

I have to start by saying that I have never been in this for the popularity. This isn't a popularity contest, nor did I write this chapter to garner reviews. I'm writing this story for purely personal reasons that no one here will ever be privy to. I just ask that you trust that I will take it where it needs to go and in the end, you won't feel that you've wasted your time by reading it. If you find it's too unbelievable, I can't make you stay.

I have reasons for every single thing I do with this story. My choice to write this chapter in the manner that I did was not a matter of _I'm doing this because it's my story and I can do what I want_, but rather a matter of _This is what I need to do to take the story where it needs to go. _

I worked very hard on this chapter, for a very long time. A lot of thought went into how it would be received, and how it would affect my characters. I felt prepared to deal with the concerns I KNEW would be voiced, and that has not changed. Since I feel that you deserve some explanation on my part, I've done my best to do so.

Consuming alcohol removes inhibitions and clouds judgment. I need you to remember that Edward is _not_ perfect and that he is, in fact, human. For a character to grow, it's necessary sometimes for them to do something unexpected and out of character. This will be a learning experience for more than just Edward. Even though he is a medical professional and he was with others who should have known better, the inherent need to just be _normal_ for a change played a huge part in this situation. There is not one single perfect human on this earth, and every single one of us has done something totally out of character at least once in our life.

If you go back and read chapter 30, without judgment, I did drop breadcrumbs throughout the chapter for you to find... the removal of the patch, (which I admit, still would have affected him for some time after its removal) the food, the fact that the drinking escapade spanned a period of more than 8 hours from late afternoon until after midnight are all things that would have slowed the absorption of the alcohol and the effects on his system, even with the medication in his system. Only one reader noticed that he only drank _some_ of the drinks. Go ahead, look and see.

I whole-heartedly agree that the actions of my characters were irresponsible and potentially dangerous. But, I ask that you remember that Edward is a grown man, who acknowledged more than once in his head that he _could_ have put an end to it if he wanted to. Edward also knew what his risks were before he took that first drink. While he _is_ on a narcotic patch for pain, his dosage is very low and is one approved safe for a two year old child. We would assume that Edward is somewhere between 175 and 200 pounds. While combining the medication with alcohol would have caused him to become intoxicated sooner, a dosage that low, even combined with alcohol wouldn't have caused a life threatening situation.

A little tidbit I might add- I research everything I write, even when I know the answers. The effects of this particular medication, at the dosage I've described _could have_ made Edward very sick, but it wasn't anywhere near a lethal mixture. This coming from several medical professions and a licensed pharmacist.

He is not stupid. He did it with his eyes wide open and decided to say "what the fuck", possibly for the first time in his life. I think Edward knew in the back of his mind that he had an ace in the hole and that was Carlisle. Not that Carlisle would have condoned it, but what 35 year old man asks his dad if he should go out drinking with his buddies? We know Carlisle was aware he had plans with the boys, and he would never allow any irreparable damage to happen to him.

Edward knows in his own mind exactly the amount of alcohol that he could drink to either risk dying vs being very sick and dehydrated, even though he couldn't possibly have factored in Tim, his friends or the police.

There has been concern about the guys interacting with girls they didn't know when _their_ girls were at home. While some of you were upset that I dared to go there, from the very beginning, Edward made it crystal clear that he was in a committed relationship and he was off the market. (Even though neither of them has ever declared themselves to the other in so many words.) A round of pool and a game of darts would have only taken up a very short amount of time. There was no physical interaction other than looking at her hand and asking if she was hurt.

Bella is a mature woman, if they were fifteen years younger and she were as shallow as Tanya had been, I'm sure she would have felt threatened however, I don't think that my Bella is so insecure that she will feel threatened by a game of darts. Emmett is not involved with anyone and was the only one who left the group to go off privately with one of the girls, and Jasper… while Jasper has a bad habit of using terms of endearment with all the ladies… I think we'll find that he's never actually been unfaithful in the physical sense of the word.

Finally, the way things were handled with the police. While I agree that it could have... should have been handled differently, there are reasons for that as well.

For starters, a lot of people questioned whether they were advised of their Miranda rights. Miranda was designed so that a suspect doesn't incriminate themselves during questioning. We would assume that it happened without needing a play by play account, but the guys weren't arrested for a crime where they were being questioned. Failure to advise a person of the Miranda rights typically does not result in dismissal of the case. The remedy is suppression or exclusion of evidence obtained after the violation of the suspect's rights has occurred- up to the point in time that the officer complies with the rule by advising the person of the Miranda rights.

A public drunkenness charge (disturbing the peace) is a class c misdemeanor in Washington State. The volleying of expletives being hollered back and forth across the street at midnight would have warranted that charge. Most drunks are picked up and held until someone comes for them or they sober up. In Washington, you do not have to be "drunk" to be guilty of DUI. To be guilty of DUI you must simply have a breath or blood alcohol concentration of .08 or more or your ability to drive must be lessened to an appreciable degree. I'm going to ask you to allow me to take creative license here and assume that Edward was impaired enough that his wheelchair driving skills were compromised enough to warrant the DUI arrest. He doesn't have to fail the breathalyzer or a blood alcohol test to be charged or held until he sobers up or someone comes and takes responsibility for him.

Many people have no clue how to interact with a person with a disability, and I think the situation with "Officer Smith" is one where he was simply ignorant of the severity of Edward's condition- remember Alec assuming his legs were simply broken. He did, in his defense, offer Edward a reasonable, albeit less than ideal accommodation with the Styrofoam cup. Even though there was a dirty, wet urinal in the bag, Edward's supplies may have been in a special compartment or container and not openly visible. He would have had no idea Edward couldn't simply urinate in a container.

Although we know that Edward was skittish about the whereabouts of his wallet, I think it's safe to assume that in preparation for a night out with the guys which we know had been planned more than a week in advance, he would have asked one of his parents what happened to it.

At the very least it would have been appropriate for him to have identification to prove ownership and responsibility for the vehicle if they had been stopped. (Never once did I imply that they were going to drive themselves home.)

He's been receiving medical treatment at two different facilities, prescriptions, medical supplies- my guess is that Esme has had the wallet all along due to the need for his insurance cards. The hospital would have given anything of value to his family on admission; they don't want the liability of theft or loss. Being a doctor, Edward would have had money, credit cards, and other things of value on his person when he was hit. I don't think the whereabouts of the wallet is a major plot point, but several of you have asked, so I felt it deserved comment.

Finally, I write from a variety of first hand experiences not only as a primary caregiver, but also as the emergency contact of over ten years to a disability rights advocate. I was NEVER once called when she was arrested, and in her line of work, it was a frequent occurrence.

She and her fellow cohorts were lifted into cruisers, her chair (along with a dozen others) was transported by van to the arresting precinct, and she was held until she made bail. I never got the call until it was time to pick her up. Chairs have been damaged while in the possession of the police department.

I know people who have been arrested, removed from their wheelchairs, with the chair was left on the street to be picked up where it has been stolen, or taken for a joyride and damaged. Disabled people get arrested everyday, people. I've had the pleasure of being right there in the dirt of it with a bunch of very vocal, fearless individuals who thrive for the exposure of being arrested because sometimes that is what it takes for us "normal" people to sit up and take notice of issues that are absurd, but very real.

Now that you've read both halves of this epic chapter, I hope that I've redeemed myself for those of you who may have had doubts.

PrincessKris and Danigoose from the Twigirls next door blog recc'd Impact as part of Must Read Monday today, 2/28/11. The link is in my profile. Ladies, I am honored and humbled that you want to rec Impact and that you've shown your support, especially after reading a chapter that had such a mixed response.

I was absolutely blown away when I read it. I feel so humble. Thank you.

Thank you for continuing to believe in my ability to handle this story in a responsible manner and thank you again, everyone, for your passionate response.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-two

~Bella~

What everyone envisioned as a fun filled weekend turned into something unexpected. When I fell asleep after spending hours with Alice and Jane, I felt good. I was exhausted, but it was a good tired. One of those healthy exhaustions that happened after having a productive day, where you just wanted to get into a cozy bed and sleep until you emerged rested and refreshed.

Decorating our new home was exciting, I couldn't remember being more excited about an event than I was becoming with our impending move. I had approached the whole invitation to move into Edward's home with a small amount of trepidation, but that was due to my own insecurities.

When he _duped_ me into agreeing I knew he was simply trying to lighten what must have been, for him, a long considered and slightly uncomfortable proposition. Edward feared rejection and I knew first hand how he allowed that to sometimes govern his impulses.

I realized that it took a lot for him to extend the offer. Even though he presented it as a business prospect, I suspected from the beginning that it was more than that. I had planned when I left him that day, to drag it out, weigh the pros and cons, talk to a few other friends and ask their opinions. But his enthusiasm was childlike and I already knew there were very few disadvantages. I didn't even last an entire 24 hours before I relented. When it came to Edward, I was a push-over.

One of the qualities I found most appealing about Edward was his honest and frank attitude. He was a pretty straight forward guy. When he said living together as roommates would be handled like a business relationship unless we mutually chose to explore something more, I was relieved. I thought spending more time with him would be an enlightening experience.

I just didn't want to enter into a situation where things got uncomfortable due to some personal conflict. The more we talked about it, the more comfortable I became with the idea. After all these weeks, I was at the point, with everything falling into place like they had that I could hardly contain my enthusiasm.

I hadn't joined Edward for dinner in nearly a week, our lunchtime consisting of a walk through the small garden at the facility and a few minutes sitting on the bench, or sometimes on Edward's lap. I guess Alec was nearly as disappointed as Edward was at my lack of dinner hour visits. I had begun bringing him goodies as well. I couldn't give Edward brownies and muffins while Alec sat in the room without. Maybe it was the teacher in me, that old adage echoing in my mind... _If you don't have enough to share with the entire class, you shouldn't eat it in front of them._

I was finding myself spending nearly all my free time at the house doing little things. Bree had given me a ride several times, transporting small boxes from my apartment into the garage. I tried to fit everything I could into evenings, saving at least part of the weekend for Edward. The benefit of that was two-fold. Not only was I getting to spend time with him and getting to know him better, I was forcing myself to take a break and get re-energized for the next week. The weekend with Jane and our impending trip to the spa was intended to be another re-energizing weekend

Unfortunately, the restful slumber that should have segued into a relaxing morning got turned topsy-turvy about the time I found myself lost in a dream. When a frantic Carlisle called at 3:30am, Alice shook me awake after I'd had just a few hours of sleep.

We had taken Jane to see the house. She oohed and ahhed, as we walked through, pointing out aspects that she really liked, and some that she did not. The movers had placed all of the freshly cleaned furniture where it belonged and it had immediately transformed the house into a home. As soon as Jane and Alice saw it, they insisted on spending our Friday evening there instead of in front of Alice's big TV.

We started in my room, hanging pictures and little treasures I'd accumulated throughout my life, but soon we ran out of places to put things until my furniture arrived. I still had more than a week until I could begin moving the big stuff, as I was still using it at the apartment.

Jane wasn't able to do too much, but she did the things that she could. In the kitchen, setting a box on a chair next to a drawer allowed her to sort cooking utensils into said drawer. I helped Alice drag Carlisle's big ladder from the garage and we hung curtains and paintings while Jane sat in my big leather chair, supervising.

Jane began to yawn, and soon it had a domino effect. We were all joking about just stretching out on the existing furniture and calling it a night, but Alice piled us all into her little car and we went to her house.

When we got there, I ordered pizza while Alice helped Jane get into something comfortable to sleep in. We pulled a queen sized air mattress out on the floor and turned it sideways, pushing it back into the couch so we had something to lean against. Alice grabbed a bunch of big fluffy comforters and pillows and soon we were all settled in for a movie. Jane made us feel comfortable joking about her inability to do certain things for herself and telling us some of the situations she had gotten herself into.

Soon, the three of us were all laughing at her story about the morning she decided to be independent and thought she'd dress herself before her aide got to her room at rehab. The plan backfired, and instead of being dressed, she had gotten the shirt over her head but couldn't get her arms out, so she was walking around like she was in a straight jacket when the aide arrived.

Early on, I had learned through my friends at the CIL, that some people with disabilities were very self sufficient and almost took offense to someone helping them, or even offering to. Other individuals were at the other end of the spectrum and almost expected other people to just jump in and take over. Neither of them were wrong, per se, I just always feared offending someone. I didn't want to assume anything when it came to Jane's needs; I was relieved when she was straight forward about the issues she needed assistance with.

Jane wanted to eat pizza, and while the casts were gone, and she was bending her arms to some extent, she wasn't able to feed herself, yet. Propped between us, Alice and I took turns feeding her and holding her can of coke. From time to time one of us would drop something on her, and I was thankful that we had the good sense to put a towel over her. It was reminiscent of the days when Edward was in the body cast. After a slice or two we were winding down.

Jasper called Alice around midnight and admitted that they had had a few drinks- all of them, and were going to another bar just down the street for karaoke and... corned beef and cabbage? Alice wanted to know if they were okay and acted a little un-nerved about Edward being out so late. She stepped out of the room and I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation.

I understood the desire to protect him, but when it came to Edward, it seemed he and his entire family shared one big co-dependent relationship. In just a few months I had witnessed various times when they had not only tried to protect him from harm but still almost treated him like a child. Not only was he one to not make waves, but I sometimes suspected he only went along with things out of love and gratitude for his surrogate parents. There was never any doubt in my mind about their love for one another, but I sometimes worried a little about their family dynamic.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely adored Edward's family, they were compassionate, loving, giving... They encouraged him and did everything they possibly could to help him get the most out of every day. But there were other little niggling things that I knew bothered Edward, things I knew would bother me if I were wearing his shoes.

I noticed the little things like Esme trying to curtail his access to caffeine or asking him numerous times last weekend if he had used his catheter recently, as well as the big things like Carlisle trying to force his hand over the potential lawsuit against the woman who hit him which almost resulted in Edward revoking Carlisle's POA. I couldn't even begin to imagine how I'd react to Charlie trying to circumvent my access to coffee or asking me when I'd peed last. I'd take great offense.

I tried not to think about Alice chastising Jasper because it was past Edward's bedtime, or her foretelling some sort of disaster. When she came back in, she was visibly calmer and said simply that they had come to some sort of arrangement and after the boys had eaten and watched the _drunks sing karaoke_ they were going to call for a ride when the bar closed around 2am. I felt bad that I couldn't help her with the driving, but she assured me she would simply take a cab over to where the car was parked, and then get the guys a few blocks away. She'd take them all home and Carlisle and Esme could decide how to get the car in the morning.

_What do they say about the best laid plans?_

I grabbed a few cans of Coke; in hopes that we'd last until the end, but when we awoke to the phone ringing at 3:30am, the half eaten box of pizza sat on the coffee table and the menu screen for the movie was running on repeat.

Calm, cool Carlisle was in panic mode. He and Esme had stayed up to put Edward to bed when he came home. They expected him around 2am, but didn't begin to really worry until he wasn't home at 3, and neither he nor either Emmett or Jasper could be reached via their cell phones.

When everyone started freaking out because the guys had _gone missing_, my only concern was for his well-being. Was he safe? Had something happened? Had he gotten hurt somehow? Boys will be boys and they all liked to horse around from what I'd heard. I remembered the broken body cast. But, immediately everyone was talking about irresponsibility and disrespect. Why hadn't they called? They should have never taken him drinking. Where were they? Immediately their thoughts went to worst case scenarios.

Knowing that they had been drinking, and wondering if they had purposely severed the lines of communication- I fed into Carlisle's frenzy and it wasn't long before I feared the worst, too. Those thoughts just didn't make sense though. Edward was the epitome of responsible, and he wouldn't purposely cause his family to agonize over his whereabouts after everything they had been through over the past year. I knew they weren't _purposely_ avoiding us.

As soon as we got the phone call from Carlisle, we were up and pacing. I just knew, in my gut that something wasn't right, and maybe Alice _wasn't _wrong. I didn't know either of the other guys well at all. I'd had encounters with both, but they were in professional settings. Yeah, I spent a number of weeks letting Emmett bend and contort my limbs so that I could get on the road to recovery, but we had no personal interaction at all. Jasper was the same, I'd spoken with him a few times in passing but I didn't _know him_- know him, either. I suspected that was about to change. Edward explained that they had all been friends for years and they were some of the few people who treated him like one of the guys. I understood how much that meant to him. If they were his friends, they would be welcome in his home, and if they were there, I'd encounter them as well.

When Rose called, sometime after four, I felt a mixture of relief... anger... frustration... sadness... I was relieved to learn that they were all accounted for. It was a relief to learn that no one was seriously hurt, a few bumps and bruises from some altercation. They had been drinking, and according to her story- all were intoxicated, had gotten arrested- Edward for a DUI. I had a _What the hell? _moment. I didn't understand how or why he would get into the car and drive drunk. I didn't understand how he could drive now, even sober. He didn't have enough range of motion in his legs to be locked down properly. He admitted that he hadn't driven in years. I just couldn't begin to understand how that was even possible or what would ever possess him to put himself into a situation like that. I just wasn't sure how I felt about any of it. Drinking was one thing, driving a car while intoxicated was another thing completely.

Rose explained that she had gone to the police barracks to pay their fines, get some details, and get them released as soon as possible. I'm not sure when Carlisle found out, but they met Rose and the boys at the police station to help get everyone home. Being the chief's daughter, I knew that the only one the police might be able to hold was Edward with the DUI, but because of his special circumstances, I didn't see how they could possibly be equipped to hold him for anything more than a very short amount of time.

When Alice and I began to put the pieces together after receiving numerous phone calls, and I learned about the events which occurred in the few hours that I was sleeping, I lost it. My mind went to the people Robin had told me about, some of the ones I'd encountered at Partners... advocates and activists. Arrested at peaceful protests and what did they call them? _Special Events... _where they were treated in a less than dignified manner.

I had a few mentally retarded consumers who were mishandled because they had a hidden disability. I had heard horror stories, and while most officers of the law were courteous and compassionate, every once in a while there was an individual who was ignorant and had no clue how to deal with the situation. Often times it was the frustration that stemmed from that type of situation where misunderstandings occurred and people with disabilities got injured. It wasn't abusive behavior, it was negligence, and ignorance, and fear... of the unknown.

My chest bubbled over with anger. I didn't even know why. I was mad at the police department for their ignorant handling of Edward and his property. I was angry with Edward for putting himself into this situation, I was angry with his friends for allowing it to happen. I was angry at myself... and Alice, too.

Even Alice and I had failed him. Had we not fallen asleep, we would have known almost a full two hours earlier that something was wrong.

I was just so frustrated; the lack of sleep and the stress had taken a marked toll on me. My mind was working overtime, and I suppose my only true fear was if something like this would happen again and if I'd be able to help him if he was in a bad way.

I realized, as this all unfolded, that Edward and I belonged together. I'd known for a while, but those moments when no one knew where he was, or if he was safe caused my heart to clench in a way I'd never experienced before. I was on the verge of a full-fledged panic attack before Rose called and said she had found the boys and all three were safe. He and I needed to define our relationship and discuss where we stood on various issues... such as the weekend out with the boys. We had a lot of things to discuss. I was relieved that we were living as friends in his house. While we were already a couple in my head, I thought it would be wise for us to each have our own space as we learned to interact with each other outside of the hospital.

Edward was a big boy, and while I knew he was taking meds for pain, he knew what he was able to handle. I wasn't sure how alcohol would affect his system, not just because of the meds, but he had other issues like the ones with his bladder, and I worried that he might be putting himself at risk for other issues.

But, he was a doctor. It was time to put my trust in his ability. I understood his desire to be like everyone else, to be able to just do what everyone else could do without consequences. I suspected that his actions backfired on him. I heard him telling Carlisle that he had simply gotten caught up in the moment, finally able to unwind again with his buddies after so long ... a moment which spiraled out of control. He apologized several times for causing the family fear and inconvenience over the decision he made, and really wasn't that what it really came down to?

As far as the weekend's festivities were concerned, I wasn't against alcohol or anything. Charlie came home every day from work and had a beer before dinner, before showering, before _anything_...

But on the other hand, I had dated someone who _couldn't_ handle his alcohol and I'd had a few very scary physical encounters with him. Every person's body and how they processed intoxicants were different. Therefore, I did need to know what to expect.

I wanted to talk with Edward about those things. I wondered if this was a regular occurrence for him. Did I have a reason to be concerned? Alice said they went out regularly, did they always drink? I was realizing little by little how many things we'd never touched on.

Sharing the house as roommates could be good in that it would give us a chance to get to know one another in a private setting where we could converse without having the eyes and ears of the world upon us. Oh how I longed for quiet time with him...

It was everything Alice could do to get me to sit tight and wait for the call from Esme. Through no small miracle, Jane had slept through all the drama, Alice and I woke her as soon as we got the phone call several hours after the call from Rose. Till we all got dressed and made it to Carlisle and Esme's house, it was around seven, I think. It seemed like it took forever for Rose to get everything taken care of, and for them to stop at the hospital pharmacy for supplies. We waited for Carlisle to get Edward home and in the house before they finally called. Alice took her good old time helping Jane gather her things and pack them in the trunk of her car.

When we got to the door, Esme answered quickly, saying Edward needed sutures and Carlisle was working on him. However, he had fallen asleep. Carlisle didn't want any sudden noises to startle him, so she asked us to quietly pass through to the living room until they were finished. I was okay until I looked down and saw his broken face, I couldn't stop the emotion that flooded my soul. I gasped, before the tears began, and it took everything in me to walk away and let Carlisle work. I'm not sure how it had happened, but in that moment I realized how inexplicably this man had wound his way into my life. Seeing him, with his vulnerability so exposed, I wondered how I could ever live without him now that our lives had become so entwined.

I paced the floor while Carlisle worked. Even in my state of exhaustion, I couldn't sit still. When I heard Edward retching, I simply couldn't wait anymore. I poked my head into the kitchen just as Carlisle was cleaning his face. Edward's eyes were open, and he looked at me warily. I wanted to be angry, really I did, but when I saw his face, and the bag of urine, and what I knew were IV supplies, I fell apart. The gravity of the situation got the best of me. How could a few hours of fun turn into something so serious?

_I mean IVs and catheters were serious, right? _

The room spun and I felt like the world was going to drop out from under me, but Carlisle righted me long enough to gather my bearings. I fell to my knees and thanked God. Thanked God that Edward was here, that he was safe, and that what ever he needed he could find at home under the watchful eye of his father. They _might be_ overprotective, but they were also fiercely loyal, and I knew there was no doubt he'd be safe under Carlisle's supervision.

When I hugged Edward and he cried out that I had hurt him, I thought my heart would break in two. I was afraid I had hurt him more- creating damage of my own. He assured me that his pain was a result of the bar brawl with the guy who had split his lip and permanently marked him. Carlisle promised to take him for an X-Ray the next morning if he was still in pain.

When Carlisle asked me to give them some time to assess his injuries and get him settled, Esme and I took Jane back to rehab. I walked Jane in and spoke quietly with Jill, letting her know that Edward was, in fact, safe and that someone would be in touch with her. Esme and I carried Jane's things back to her room for her. I think Esme really liked her, and I suspected we'd be seeing a lot of Jane for the next few weeks. She would be ready to go home about the same time as Edward, if I understood correctly.

It was heartbreaking when she confessed to Esme that she'd rather stay at rehab than go home. I didn't think anything was amiss at home, it wasn't anything like that, but she alluded to the fact that _Mom_ wasn't quite sure how to deal with a teenage daughter who had physical limitations. I wished there was a way to get _Mom_ to sit down with a peer counselor of her own, so she could address her feelings about dealing with her child's disability.

Hopefully, after Jane's stay in rehab was finished, she would go home without any trace of her previous injuries. As we were working at the new house, Jane expressed her apprehension about returning to school in the fall with the girls whose taunting had precipitated her accident. Alice tried to rationalize with her that since some of the girls who had bullied her were seniors, perhaps the others would have moved on. It seemed to appease her, but both Alice and I encouraged her to discuss her fears with her counselor.

As I spent my afternoon in the big recliner in Edward's room, I spent a lot of time thinking; mulling over all of the thoughts that flittered around my mind. I had no intention of walking away from Edward. I knew I wanted to be with him; I had never come right out and said that I was ready to be a couple. Neither had he. But, people would automatically assume that was the case because we were co-habitating; neither of us was ready to jump from where we were now to being a couple who _lived together_ in every sense of the word.

We had a lot of things to learn about one another, a lot of things to discuss. We were on the right track, but the weekend was another reminder that we didn't know each other as well as we should before jumping into something more serious. We had only ever shared tiny bits of our pasts, and we both had baggage. There were times last weekend when he talked about his parents, that I wondered if he had ever truly dealt with losing his family. I was certain I had never dealt with my mother's attitude about my disability. I even avoided talking to her on the phone, it was too emotionally draining. I didn't look forward to sharing any of that with Edward. We both had pasts we needed to discuss openly.

If I was going to have a relationship with this man, I didn't want it to end prematurely because we had rushed into anything. So many things went through my mind as I watched him lay sleeping.

The thing that originally drew me to Edward was his attitude, his positive outlook. When we first met, it was unbelievable how he was so well adjusted, so completely comfortable. I remembered once again how, when I first saw him, I wondered if he was faking the disability. He was so perfect, it was as if he didn't _have_ a disability, and I truly believed from everything everyone has told me about the old Edward that he _was _that man. I think that for those fifteen years between accidents he had found his normal and was at peace with it.

It wasn't until I had curled up in that recliner, and before sleep took me that it hit me. He begged me to understand that he just wanted to be normal and instead of condemning him for his crime, I tried to look at this whole thing through his eyes and I realized that maybe- just maybe, he had lost _his_ normal the night that car hit him. He'd had the world in the palm of his hand and suddenly it was ripped out of his grasp and he was no longer in control. Yes, he probably _did _want to be normal again. Becoming a patient again had placed him back in a position where every choice was dictated by someone else. I don't think the _normal_ he was longing for was the desire to go out and get drunk, but rather being able to _choose._

The events of the weekend weren't quite so unsettling to me when I looked at it that way.

I think, for fifteen years, he felt invincible. Mentally and emotionally he had built a strong foundation. He was sure of himself, comfortable in his skin, reassured that he had seen the worst he'd ever have to go through in life. I mean, how could anything else ever be worse? He had lost it all, and climbed up out of the trenches, shook himself off and built a new life for himself. He _should_ feel invincible. Who would ever think that fate could deal him such a shitty hand not once, but twice in his life? I think maybe he was just beginning to find himself again.

Since I'd had time to process some of the things that had occurred the night before, I tried to process my feelings as well... why was I angry? There was the insecurity... I had heard bits and pieces about the girl Edward defended in the bar. That was something we needed to discuss, _after_ he had his wits about him. I wasn't upset that he had spent twenty minutes teaching a girl how to play a game, and I was sort of proud of him for defending someone when by all rights most people would consider him the underdog. I was pretty secure in his feelings for me, he hadn't come right out and addressed them, and that was something that had to be part of our discussion... I needed to know we were both headed in the same direction with this.

Emmett and Jasper... I was really frustrated with that whole situation... I knew they meant well, and I think they all just got caught up in the moment, but I was concerned that they had misguidedly encouraged him when they should have been exercising a little more impulse control. Alice was furious when she found out that _Mike and Eric _had both backed out when the guys were clearly depending on them. I didn't realize they were the friends who were absent the night of Edward's accident. The ones who might have been able to prevent it from happening in the first place. It _wasn't_ like Edward could just call _anybody_ for a ride.

The entire evening spiraled out of control, and so many variables affected the outcome. But in the end, it was over and done with. Now it was time to move on.

As I laid in that recliner, trying to make sense of it all, I thought about Edward's words he had muttered. "I'm so sorry, for just once I wanted to be _normal_." Normal- what a loaded word. Normal was relevant, no two people had the same _normal_, but compared to his peers, Edward _wasn't_ normal. I think this last accident affirmed something he may have never admitted to anyone before, not even himself.

For in as much as he strived to lead a normal life, he would always be different, I needed to open his eyes and make him see that we all were. I thought about the kids who came to me for peer support. That was the heaviest word in their vocabulary. _Normal. _I spent hours with each of them trying to break down that biggest barrier, the one that was in their head.

I had a boy who was in a fulltime learning support program, he had more friends than he knew what to do with until some school psychologist stuck that label on him. At seven years old, his friends had deserted him and he had become a second grade pariah. Elementary school rites of passage were replaced with rejection. All he wanted was for everyone to treat him like they used to, like he was _normal. _

I thought about my little buddy Willy, born with a metabolic disorder called PKU, who was forbidden from eating nearly any sort of protein. Eating proteins with high concentrations of the amino acid Phenylalanine would cause him to suffer brain damage. He had always been a scrawny boy, but as he and his peers began to near middle school he was physically lagging behind. As his peers began to take on a leaner and more defined look, he was still gangly and rail thin.

His school mates knew he was different, but as they grew older their verbal taunts turned into physical altercations. They taunted him because of his size, and the foods he ate. When the school nurse asked him about the special _formula_ that he drank several times a day, another student overheard and soon they were making fun of him for that. They didn't understand the repercussions of eating like everyone else.

Willy's metabolic team attempted to take him off his special diet at six and again at eight, but his PKU levels spiked and his family, dietician and doctor mutually agreed to extend the diet throughout his teen years. All the kid wanted was to go to McDonald's and order a hamburger that had a slab of meat and cheese on it. I could see a boy like Willy making a conscious effort to defy what he knew was necessary in an attempt to just be like everyone else.

And finally, I thought about myself. Here I was, hiding things from the people I hoped would become my future family... why... because I didn't want to be treated differently. I wanted to be able to walk through life without them looking at me and wondering if I was getting too hot, too stressed, or if I needed to lie down... and finally it all clicked. Yes, I knew better than anyone what it was like to _not_ be normal.

I had plenty of time to mull things over before sleep took me, and even after it did, a monologue continued inside my head. We all tend to get mental blocks sometimes. We need to find a way to get unblocked. Whether it is our behavior or our thoughts, the way to get unblocked is to lose our inhibitions and stop worrying about being right all the time.

You are no longer trying to be infallible and you feel less pressure… You're in the unknown. There's no way of knowing what can happen, but there's more chance of it being amazing than if you try to be right. Of course, being wrong is a risk. Risks are a measure of people. People who won't take them are trying to preserve what they have, what they know to be safe. Predictable.

People who do take risks often end up encountering more. Some risks have a future, and some people call them wrong. But being right may be like walking backwards, proving where you've been. The person who doesn't make mistakes it's unlikely to succeed at anything. We don't see things as they are; we see them as _we_ are. Those who lack courage will always find a philosophy to justify it. Being wrong isn't in the future, or in the past. Being wrong isn't anywhere but being here.

I wasn't sure when I became so philosophical. I awoke to snoring and looked over at this man who had made me so happy and had turned my world upside down too. I needed more time to think about everything. How was I going to approach him about how he viewed our status as a couple? I needed to know what to expect when he had _guy time,_ if we were a couple. Would I wait up all night to be sure he was home safe or would he be responsible because there was someone at home who loved him? The realization that I was prepared to give this man my heart didn't surprise me.

I told Carlisle I wasn't in over my head yet, but my health issues scared me more than I was prepared to admit to anyone. I had been teetering on a slippery slope for a few weeks. I was tired constantly, dead tired. I wasn't sure on my feet and had fallen a few times- thus the sporadic emergence of my recent friend, the cane. The stress of the past twenty-four hours had set in and I suddenly felt all out of sorts. I needed to distance myself from everything and get my bearings and I just didn't know how. I had the inane urge to go home, crawl into bed and turn off my phone until I was ready to crawl out. I had said that I would call Edward when I was ready, but I knew I needed to leave the line of communication open, because if I knew Edward, when he awoke and was feeling more like himself, his self-deprecating tendencies would kick in.

I left their home thinking that I was prepared to let him grovel, but by the time we finally talked later that night, I really just needed the reassurance that would only come when we defined our relationship with one another. Chastising a nearly thirty-five year old man for something that was already said and done wasn't the proper way to begin a relationship.

Esme took me home, and for the first there was no pleading and no pressure from her. I suspected that Carlisle was on to me and had shared his suspicions with the rest of the family, the rest of them, minus Edward, that is.

I crawled into my bed for the afternoon and got some much needed rest. After getting up, I had just finished eating a frozen meal when my phone began to ring. By the time I got to it, the ringing stopped and it went to voicemail. I pulled up the menu and saw what I already knew... _Edward._

I took the phone and made my way back to my bedroom.

_Might as well get comfortable before I call back_.

Before my head hit the pillow, it was ringing again. He was nothing if not thorough.

As soon as I answered he launched into an apology. Like the Edward I was accustomed to, the conversation was self-deprecating, yet frank and without pretense. Sobbing, he begged my forgiveness and tried, with broken words to tell me what I already knew in my head... and in my heart. In the heat of the moment everyone was so ready to place blame... Edward was irresponsible; his friends were thoughtless, they all deserved to be punished. I laughed... yes laughed... when Edward told me his dad had tried to circumvent his possible attempts at coercion with scheduling another appointment with Carey. Apparently Carlisle was trying to teach his son a lesson in being considerate of others, but Edward admitted that there had been a time in his life where he _would have_ called a colleague and requested special consideration as a professional favor, and his father knew that. I knew Edward was earnest, and I could tell he was being consumed with remorse for causing his loved ones so much inconvenience.

I let him ramble until he was spent, knowing it was fruitless to interrupt. When he had purged himself and it became my turn, there were a few things I had to know, and since I wasn't going to be able to just crawl into a hole and pull the hole inside with me, I decided I might as well face this head on so I could rest when it was over. Maybe by addressing some of the things that had remained unresolved, we'd be able to move forward in a healthy manner. Maybe I could rest without tossing and turning while I pondered the unknown.

I didn't know where to begin with him, there was so much I wanted to say, so many things that were suddenly burning questions in my mind. But, the one question hanging over my head, the one I needed clarified was where our future was headed. We'd both addressed each other with pet names, we'd kissed and a fair amount of groping had occurred. While these certainly weren't the actions of people who were _just friends, _there was still a little confusion over what, exactly, we were.

I finally felt like I was ready to put a label on this... on us.

"...and I'm so sorry Bella." came rolling from his lips one more time. I finally interrupted him, knowing from the way he was forming his words that his mouth was bothering him. I decided it was time for him to sit back and listen to me for a while, and possibly just interject answers in the appropriate places.

"Edward, I've had so much time to think this afternoon, and while I accept your apology for what it's worth, I think we'll all feel better when we move past this. I'm a big girl, and maybe I'm able to look at this a little more objectively than your family has. While this entire escapade had something to do with spreading your wings and just letting loose, I think you need to think of the ramifications that have had a domino effect and touched the people who care about you the most. That's where all the upset is coming from with your family, you know. If they didn't care so deeply about your well-being, I don't think this would have been such a big deal."

He cleared his throat and his voice cracked, "I know, Bella."

"I overheard your dad talking while he and Alice were getting you all situated. I sat on the floor outside your door for a while after we took Jane back. He was so worried about your kidneys and the ramifications of the alcohol, the dehydration, the fact that you hadn't emptied your bladder in so long... "

"I understand, and I agree, to some extent. I didn't think things would get out of control, I thought we had a back up plan, those things were unexpected. But, in my own defense... it hadn't been that long since I'd taken care of my bladder and that seems to be the big issue with everyone here. I don't know that I've ever asked either of my parents when they used the toilet last. I know they worry, but seriously, Bella. I'm not five."

I couldn't help but smile, I understood exactly what he meant- it was exactly what I had been thinking myself.

"I guess for my own peace of mind I need to know, since we're growing closer, if this is something that will be a regular occurrence. How do_ I_ factor into your life? As your _roommat_e, as long as your actions don't cause upheaval or a dangerous situation that will affect me- I guess what you do is none of my business and I have no right to get upset."

The air hung pregnant with unspoken words. The only sound in the room was the ticking of a clock and I wondered if I had just ruined everything.

Finally, he spoke, his voice barely audible. "I, um, I _thought_ we were becoming _much_ more than roommates. If that's what you want, of course. I thought you were my _girl. _I think I love you, Bella."

I forged ahead, not allowing myself to get hung up on the admission that meant everything to me. "You need to understand then, that I can't handle upheaval like this on a regular basis. I've had some time to think about all this, and the thing that really concerns me is what another situation like this could do to both of us. I can't, and won't sit all night and worry about you while you're out having fun with your friends. There are so many healthy ways you could have chosen to blow off some steam. I guess I need you to promise that our future isn't going to be filled with nights like last night. We both understand that stressors cause upheavals with my MS. I can't afford to have an exacerbation right now. We both have too much at stake."

When he started to interrupt, I stopped him. "Please let me finish, Edward."

"Okay. Sorry."

"I'm not trying to accuse you of having your family on the edge of their seats the entire time you were gone. No one even knew to worry until 2am, because it was after closing time. It's just all this drama that has followed your escapade is what's stressing me out."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I never thought about how this would impact everyone, I certainly never wanted to cause you undue stress. I know this has affected everyone. Carlisle and I had a _huge_ fight. I just, I'm not myself tonight and I feel terrible for the thoughtless way I've treated all of you. I promise you this will _never_ happen again."

"Never say never, Edward, you can't make a promise like that, a lot of this was a series of unfortunate events. But please promise me that you won't take chances that will endanger your health or get you in trouble with the law. Okay?"

"I promise. Forgive me, Bella?"

I wanted to say there was nothing to forgive, but he had caused me all sorts of emotional turmoil, and to hold onto it and not forgive him would just allow it to fester and cause resentment. I didn't want to feel suspicious of him every time he went out with his friends or came home late. The latter being an occupational hazard I had no say in what-so-ever. We'd have to learn to trust one another. One thing I learned from my parents was that a lack of trust was a sure fire way to destroy a relationship and break up a family.

"I forgive you, but I think we need to discuss this further when we're not both so emotional... when you're not hung over anymore."

"Maybe you can come over some evening and we can borrow the conference room to talk."

"Perhaps, once you're feeling a little better we can have Alice drop us off someplace more private. I don't want to air our dirty laundry in front of people you may encounter in a professional capacity."

"Thank you." He sighed, sounding almost relieved.

"I do want to ask you some things about your time at the police station..."

We talked for a short while about Edward's arrest experience. I asked for permission to pursue filing a grievance against the police officers who had mishandled him, in the hopes that something good could come of the situation, perhaps we'd have the opportunity to educate them on more appropriate interaction with people who have disabilities.

Edward wished me a quiet goodnight, no terms of endearment, just a desolate acknowledgement of the conclusion of our conversation. My heart hurt when we said our goodbyes, but I knew we'd be okay. I felt like my heart would be alright if I let him in. Yes, we'd talk, and I knew there would be things he'd ask of me as well. We'd cross those bridges when we could sit down and have a mature conversation, when we were both feeling stronger and life had gotten back on track.

Before I went to sleep, I made one more phone call. Edward had provided me with Rose's phone number so I called and explained my idea with her. By the time we hung up a half hour later, we had shared a conference call with another professional advocate. I was meeting Rose and the advocacy attorney who did pro bono work on behalf of the CIL. I had never met her, but Opal Tanner and her service dog, Henry, had quite a reputation and I couldn't wait to finally put a face with her name.

I slept hard. I didn't remember moving from the spot where I fell asleep in my bed, and I awoke with the worst Charlie horse I'd ever encountered. Trying to walk it off, a second one began in my opposite thigh. It was going to be one of those days. Edward had suggested a skeletal muscle relaxer for me, but I was afraid to take it. I was someone who didn't swallow an aspirin unless it was absolutely necessary. Maybe it was time to start thinking about that though.

My morning went fast and it was Monday- gym day- so my students were gone nearly two hours, a span of time which was perfect for me to meet with Rose and Opal. Rose had given Opal a preliminary run down of what had occurred. She had met simultaneously with her brother and Emmett earlier in the morning, along with Carlisle as well. Opal agreed that while situations like the one we had all described were extremely rare, they did occur. Because Edward had not incurred any physical harm, and the damages to the wheelchair would be reimbursed, there weren't really any grounds for a lawsuit. Unfortunately, because they had all been intoxicated, their statements wouldn't hold a lot of water. Opal suggested we take the higher road and offer our services to the city. Our office offered _Sensitivity Trainings_ as something an organization could request on a fee for service basis.

We had already provided training to the transportation authority, and it had ensured safer and more comprehensive handling of disabled bus riders who needed assistance on and off the busses, as well as better educating them on the basics of securing a person with a disability so they could be transported safely.

Rose took it a step further and agreed that her office would waive the fee and drop the complaint, if they agreed to make the trainings mandatory for each staff member. When she called the West Precinct, she was referred to the Office of Professional Accountability (OPA), the officer who took the call agreed to look into our claim and accepted Rose's complaint on Edward's behalf. She assured Rose that out of thousands of police response calls they had a very small percentage of complaints.

We knew that Seattle had received several other complaints within the past year concerning people with disabilities. By the time I went back to work, I was actually looking forward to discussing this with Charlie. I wondered if Charlie or Officer Mark had ever arrested anyone who was as profoundly disabled as Edward, and what their protocol was for handling such a suspect. I had to remember to call Charlie and firm up our upcoming plans for my move.

Alice and Jane came by my house that night and offered to help me pack. I was too tired to participate, but they sat me down, put my feet up, and I supervised while they packed everything but one dish, one plate, one glass and one set of silverware. I had a handful of frozen meals I had gotten for the time before the move, so the pots and pans got packed and by the time they left, my kitchen was completely packed up into boxes.

They offered to come back the following night and help pack my clothing and other non-essentials. I was going to decline, but in the end, I realized they were trying to help me, and something I needed to learn to do was accept help when it was offered. By the time Jane was ready to go back, we had made a date for the following night.

I rode along to take Jane back, and walked quietly to Edward's room. He was deep in conversation with Alec, both sat by the window, their backs to the doorway as they looked out over the skyline while the sun went down. It was the first time I'd seen him since Sunday afternoon. My heart tugged at the sight of him. _Oh, my pretty, pretty man... _

I heard Alec refer to Edward's weekend as _cool_ and I watched as Edward bristled before he responded.

"Alec, what I did _wasn't_ cool. It was impulsive, and irresponsible. I hurt my family and I can't begin to tell you the remorse I feel for upsetting Bella. Everyone was so angry with me, but I can't begin to tell you the depths of the despair I felt when I wondered if Bella would push me away. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her."

I could feel my face heating up, I felt guilty eavesdropping, and I was terrified that someone who knew me would say something and expose my presence.

Alec looked down, picking at something on his lap. "Jane said you were pretty sick. How much did you drink?"

"It doesn't matter. I did... when I shouldn't have. I was still taking medication and I, of all people, should know better. Yeah, it made me very sick, I thought I knew what my body could safely handle and I'm a doctor. By all rights, I should have been taken to the hospital. I became very dehydrated and set myself up for all kinds of potential problems. I guess I'm lucky that Carlisle is a doctor and cared enough about me to monitor me at home. I owe him... I owe _them..._ everything, and I was horrible to them. I'm not sure how I'll ever make it right. Just goes to show you that we all make mistakes. Take this as a learning experience. It _so_ wasn't worth it."

"It almost sounds like the learning experience I had, huh?" It took me a minute before I realized he was talking about the altercation with his dad before he trashed his motorcycle.

"Uh, yeah, in a much less drastic way. Gotta admit that you have me beat in that aspect."

"So you and your girl... are you okay then? You said she was upset."

"Yeah. She was. It wasn't so much not knowing what had gone down as it was the few hours where we were unaccounted for and the time that I was stuck at the precinct. The stress of everything is really bad for her health."

"Why, is something wrong with her?"

"Wrong? _No_, not wrong, not right now anyway, but she has some special medical concerns. That's not something I'm comfortable disclosing about her. No offense, but that is her business."

"It's all good man, I understand. You're still together, though right? There's no opportunity for me to step in and take your place?" Alec was laughing and I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing myself when Edward smacked him in the back of the head. It was nice to see both of them acting lighthearted. It had become a common occurrence for Alec to flirt shamelessly to get Edward's goat, now we knew he was doing it in fun. I don't think it made either of us uncomfortable. He was a nice kid, and it was refreshing to see him in a _good_ mood finally. At least now we were able to laugh about it.

"No, not a chance pal! She's the first _real _girlfriend I've ever had, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure she's the last."

"Dude! How old _are_ you?"

"I'm thirty-five; or rather I will be in a few weeks. Why?"

"What have you been doing all these years? Living in a cave? How is it possible that she's your first girlfriend? Don't tell me I'm going to have to wait that long for a girl." He held his head in his hands. "I just _knew_ my situation was hopeless."

"I've been going to school. I went to college for four years, then I went to medical school, did my internship. I wrapped up my residency, took a job as a neurologist and a few days a week, I worked as a fellow in the stem cell lab to work off some of my student loan debt."

"So, what, no time for a girl until you had an accident and you were forced to sit still or what? You _did_ say you met in the hospital."

"Yes, we met in the hospital. She was a patient and we had met before- almost two years ago. She was at PT and saw me there, so she approached me."

"And she's the first girlfriend you've _ever_ had? No offense, Dude, but you're one hell of a late bloomer."

I could see it, the slump of Edward's shoulders, I knew where he was going to go, and I had to save him. He had enough upheaval this week, and I wasn't going to let him revisit _that _if I could help it. I knocked loudly on the door and Edward jumped. He turned towards the door; Alec was peering around from behind Edward.

"Bella!" They said in unison, however relief was written all over Edward's face. I had given him the opportunity to think about what Alec was asking him, an opportunity to not be blindsided, but to think about how to answer the question. If I knew Edward the way I thought I did- Alec would go away from the conversation, when it did occur, having learned something.

I walked over to Edward and ever so gently place a hand on each cheek, lifting his face so that I could assess it. His eye was a rainbow of color, from vibrant purple mixed with bright red to brown and greenish yellow around the edges. His eyelid was black as night. He watched, not taking a breath as I looked over the rest of his face. His eyes opened wide when I lowered my eyes to his lips, I frowned. Right next to the corner of his mouth was the split Carlisle had closed.

"May I?"

He muttered, "Mmhmm.", so quietly I could barely hear it.

Even more gently than I had taken his face, I slipped my thumb just inside the front of his lip, pulling it down carefully so that I could see the rest. His teeth had left some nasty marks on the inside, but Carlisle had meticulously repaired it. I hadn't noticed before how fine the suture thread was. Each stitch had been carefully and evenly placed. Slowly, but surely I lowered my face until we were even... eye to eye. He tried to smile that lopsided smile of his as I moved in for the kill. I placed butterfly kisses across his mouth, not wanting to hurt him. He moaned a little and I heard Alec pretending to gag. I pulled away and we both began to laugh. One of Edward's hands went to his ribs, and the other pressed against the corner of his mouth.

Note to self- keep the funny business to a minimum.

"To what do I owe this occasion Miss Swan? I thought you'd be packing your little heart out all this week."

"Oh, I've _been_ packing. Alice and Jane helped. We were just returning Jane."

"Ahhhh... and is the house becoming a home?"

I was overcome with sadness, he really should be around for these things, it was, by his own admission, the only house he'd ever build, and it seemed so unfair that he couldn't be in on the decorating process.

"The house is incredible Edward. The curtains are up, there is artwork on the walls and the cupboards will soon be outfitted with all of my kitchen _things_."

"What kinds of _things_, Bella? _Food?_"

"Oh, no, Edward, _you're_ taking me to the store to buy food. I'll cook it, but you're picking out your own stuff."

I thought he'd argue, but he got a devilish smile. "I can hardly wait." I didn't think about the fact that it had been so long since he'd been in a food store. Sad that an outing like the grocery store was something to look forward to. Without even trying to, he made me feel so fortunate. I felt a twinge of guilt, thinking about all of the things I took for granted on a daily basis. I could wake up, and those things could all be gone. I lived that nightmare once and it had only been temporary, thank God. It might not be next time.

"It could be fun. It'll be an outing."

I watched Alice walk past the door, but she didn't say anything. I reached down and took Edward's hand. "Walk with me." Suddenly, I realized he was sitting in the Permobil. "Hey you got it fixed!"

He walked alongside me as we went down the corridor towards the exit. "Yes, Jill had the guys take care of it when I got back. It was a tiny bracket that held my controller that was snapped, they may have bumped it when they lifted it into their van, who knows. It's fixed and they agreed to pay for it. I'm fortunate it was nothing serious. Had it been something like a joystick module, or something electronic instead of mechanical, it would be a long time until it was repaired."

I remembered sitting on his lap in the manual chair, it was really nice; we were able to get much closer. "I like that manual chair you've been using too."

He smirked a devilish smirk, "Yes, I do too; I am ordering one of those by the way. Alec has to order his chair as well. I think they are doing that later in the week. Neither of us needs a highly specialized manual chair."

"Oh, is he going to get one of those little sport models too?"

Edward shook his head, "No, I think he's getting a Permobil stander."

"I thought you said he was getting a manual chair."

"He is, Permobil makes a manual stander. He likes using a manual, and his upper body is pretty built, _but_ he likes the stand function of my chair and thinks it would be a good thing for work and college."

"Oh, that's really cool. I had no idea." I wondered if they had a website and hoped I'd remember to look into it when I got home. I was curious.

"Jill is fitting him for it the day I order mine. I think the Permobil rep is coming that day too so he can try out a demonstrator model before he orders it. It would be a shame if he got it and didn't like it. I try to have my consumers at the support group get a loaner for a week just to be sure. It saves a lot of headache later."

I looked down and saw the blue fiberglass sticking out of the bottom of his jogging pants, his bare toes pointed in odd directions. "So... you've still got them?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. I have to go over to the orthopedic department at Harborview."

"Good luck. Do you think he'll put them back on?"

"No, he wants to get me into the whirlpool. I haven't really gotten any more flexion. My legs aren't functional yet. I need to be self sufficient before I leave here. I've got less than two weeks to get bending."

"And then you'll be home."

"Yes, then I'll be home... and you're still planning to be there too? I haven't scared you away with my idiocy?"

"Yes, I'll be there. We'll talk about the idiocy soon, okay?"

I leaned down and gave him another kiss when we had approached Alice's car.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight."

* * *

I'm reading Feral by Opal aline.

Summary is short and sweet: While exploring a cave, Bella runs across something she never expects.

I'm intrigued. Go check it out. I'm really enjoying it. Can't wait for more.

~nise


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-three

~Edward~

When I awoke on Sunday afternoon, Bella was nowhere to be found, and I wasn't surprised to learn that she had gone home _to_ _think_. As the fog lifted, it didn't take a college degree to realize I had screwed up royally. I wouldn't be surprised if this were the final straw. From the day she came back to me, my greatest fear was that she would leave again. Go running and screaming... and never come back. While Bella deserved the benefit of the doubt, and I _knew_ she was a 'one in a million', there was always that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that _I_ wouldn't be _enough_ to hold onto her forever. When I uttered those five words and they went unacknowledged, I just knew it was a matter of time... I didn't deserve her love. She was too good, and I had destroyed the most perfect thing to enter my life.

I had told her that I thought I loved her and she didn't bat an eye. Well, we were talking on the phone... maybe _she didn't say a word_, would be a more appropriate analogy. I knew she feared that this was going to be a frequent occurrence, and that couldn't be further from the truth. I'd never had such a drama filled weekend in my life, and I didn't hope to ever have another like that, _again_.

I did like to go out with the guys and tip back a few brews, but I never imbibed with narcotics in my system and I learned the hard way that my body wasn't capable of processing both at once. Had I not been paralyzed when I got hit, I might be on long-term pain management, but thanks to my already present paralysis, once my body was back in shape, I didn't think I'd have any trouble.

I met with the pain management specialist as soon as I returned Monday, I had taken ibuprofen in the morning and I was doing alright. Neither Carlisle nor I thought I really needed the fentanyl anymore. When I had first begun doing the arm and shoulder work, and then transferring into the chair, I had a lot of back and shoulder pain, but it had gradually subsided. The pain management doc agreed and I was officially off of the pain medication that I'd been relying on for eight long months. After just a few days without it, my mental clarity was amazing, I hadn't realized just how clouded I'd been through my entire rehabilitation.

A few hours later, Jill welcomed me back with open arms and cluck clucked over my broken face, but never said another word about my weekend from hell. Professionalism was her middle name, and she wore it well. I almost expected her to take a few jabs at my already wounded ego, but she left me to lick my wounds in peace, and I was never more grateful.

Bella had come by to drop off Jane shortly before bedtime, Monday. I don't know how long she was there, or how much she heard...

Alec had been giving me a _You're the man! _props and I had to set him straight. Little Jane had confided in him that I'd had a wild weekend, and when I arrived late Monday morning, beaten and bruised, it only served to confirm her story.

I was explaining to Alec that Bella was my life and I was terrified that I had thrown it all away. I told him, without thinking, that Bella was my first real girlfriend, and he'd gotten in a few jabs before it got the best of him. I think he feared that his life in a chair would close him off to the possibility of a relationship with members of the fairer gender.

I didn't want him to think that his disability would preclude him from finding a soul mate. He came here thinking his world had ended, and he was finally making progress which left me feeling that the kid had opportunities that I'd never allowed myself to have. The worst thing I could have ever done was close myself off the way I had.

His line of questioning took me back to one of those places I really didn't like to visit. _Tanya._

I had spent weeks reading _those books_, and they gave me hope that something was possible. Hope that I could give Tanya enough physical attention that she'd stay like she'd promised all that summer. After a botched attempt to make love with her...that hope was dashed to the rocks and Tanya was gone. If the girl I had known for ages and been intimate with for more than a year, ran for the hills after one encounter with my broken body, what kind of reception could I expect from a someone who didn't know me so intimately? Avoidance was easier than living that kind of rejection ever again. There were points, as I lay there alone and broken after Tanya had made her exodus _that _weekend, where I wondered if I wouldn't have been far better off following my parents, than living the life I was left with. _If only I had known Bella way back then..._

Months of therapy, for my body and my mind helped to ease my loss and as my academic plans solidified, I found something new to concentrate on... something to take my mind off the things I decided I was better off without. It wasn't like I hadn't been approached over the years, I had, some of them were subtle hints, others blatant offers. I was flattered, but I suspected some of it stemmed from the curiosity about the freak show that was my body, I just wasn't prepared for the rejection I knew would follow as soon as they realized what I _wasn't _capable of under the sheets.

It was easy to throw myself into my college career. My four years of pre-med went quickly. I was a quick study and truly enjoyed the material. While my buddies were off pursuing drink and debauchery at party after party, I could be found at the Health Sciences Library with my nose pressed in a book or at home, studying in my room at Carlisle and Esme's. My four years at A & M- followed by a year long internship at Pitt, allowed me to get swallowed up in the course load I needed to carry in order to secure a position in the program for Genetic Therapy Research at University of Washington. When they became a federally funded _Center of Excellence_ in December of 2000, Carlisle launched his campaign to steer me back to U of W for my residency. Just months after graduating from Pitt, in September of 2002, the University of Washington genetics department proved that gene therapy could reverse Muscular Dystrophy in mice and my fate was sealed. Carlisle began setting in motion the things that would secure my place in a human trial, _not if, but when_ it happened.

I completed my specialty in neurology in the spring of 2005, and less than a year later I was one of the first students to begin studies at the newly established Institute for Stem Cell and Regenerative Medicine. Prior to my accident, every ounce of free time was spent in the Horner Lab studying discoveries in neural regeneration in spinal cord injuries. I had set up my life in such a manner that left little time for socialization aside from having a few beers at the bowling alley with a few co-workers, or my occasional free weekends out with Jazz and Emmett.

In essence, Alec was right, it did take the accident to put me in a position where I had time to reassess my life, and before that first afternoon spent with Bella, I hadn't realized what I'd been missing.

When Alec pressed the issue about my lack of female companionship, I was prepared to blurt out the words and tell him about Tanya. Bella coughed and saved me from what she knew to be a painful and sensitive subject. Had I jumped into that, I could have caused Alec more harm than good right now, too. Somehow she always knew how to save the day.

At some point, I wanted to have a talk with Alec about not short changing himself because of his disability. I had shut myself off from socializing all those years. I believed that fate had brought Bella into my life, but I didn't want him to suffer the same fate as I had by being stubborn. One _is_ a lonely number. I decided it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about his love life. He seemed to think it was over, and I was learning that mine was about to begin.

Time to break out those books Alice bought for me.

Bella gave my face a cursory examination, and gently reassured me that we _would_ be okay. She didn't need words to let me know that we would find a way to work this out. When she told me goodnight, I felt secure in the fact that she was telling me, in her own way that we still had a future.

Alec had left the room while we were gone, and when he came back and looked up at me. His face flushed and he stammered before he spit out a greeting. "Hh-hey, Edward."

"Hey yourself. What's up?"

"Nothin' much, why?"

"You just look like you got caught with your hand in a cookie jar, that's all."

"I was hanging out with Jane. We, um, yeah... she's a sweet girl."

"She is, remember what I told ya right?"

"Don't know how I could forget."

"Good."

They were both okay kids, and it would be nice if they found friendship here. I knew teenaged boys, though. I was one... once. He was hesitant to admit he liked her, but I had seen the way they looked at each other... and the way they both got embarrassed when they got caught.

I alluded to the fact that Jane seemed to have taken a shine to Alec, but he was concerned, she was younger, had a year of school to complete and lived an hour away. I reminded him that many high school couples went off to college in differing parts of the country and lived to tell about it. Being an hour away wasn't so bad.

He wasn't going off to school right away. He wanted to get adjusted to life in a chair, make amends with his parents and do the things he needed to be ready for college in a year. I reminded him that by the time he was ready for college, Jane would have just graduated as well and who knew where they would end up? A year was a long time away.

After seeing Bella, I went to sleep Monday night with a much lighter heart.

Carey removed my casts on Tuesday. He was extremely happy with the range of motion I had gained, and had added whirlpool therapy in addition to the ultrasound I'd been receiving. We continued the anti-inflammatory medication with the ultrasound as he felt it would ease any discomfort or inflammation I might have as a result of the adhesions. Every time I thought about the severity of my accident, I shuddered. I had sensation on the front of my legs; it wasn't bone deep _feeling_ but rather superficial sensations... I could have been in so much agonizing pain all these months, yet somehow I had been spared. That first accident, which had altered my life in so many ways, truly was a blessing in disguise this time.

I looked down at my legs in awe. They were ugly, scaly, red, scarred and emaciated. But... _they were still there._ Every other time the casts had been removed I was lying on my back. I had been able to push myself up with my elbows, but this was the first time I was able to just sit and look at them. I couldn't help myself.

I think the nurse who assisted Carey was getting a laugh at my expense, she caught me touching them in awe, but when Carey told her it had been almost a year since I'd seen them, she gave me a sympathetic smile and set about washing and lotioning them.

When I transferred to my chair I leaned forward and just kept _touching _them. Carey laughed at me then pointed to my toes while we waited for the orthotics specialist to come down. "You know I could straighten them all out for you. Make them nice and pretty." I wasn't sure if he was joking or serious.

"Uh... ", I hesitated.

"No?"

"No." I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"Because I'd rather live with them all bent and gnarly before I have another surgery. I'm not ready to be set back another eight weeks."

"They bother me. I'm afraid you're going to break them. _Then what_?"

"I won't break them, but if I do, we'll deal with it when the time comes. Okay?"

Someone tapped on the door to the treatment room, before it opened and a little man walked in carrying a cardboard box that was stamped on the front like a package you would mail.

"Hello Edward, my name is Frank. Dr. Carey told me you need a new set of custom shoes. I brought the catalog along as well as the material to get a cast of your foot."

The last time I'd had a fitting; they set my foot in plaster and made a cast. It was messy and had been difficult to get off my toes. I wasn't looking forward to this.

Frank took the information from my chart and filled my name and address in on the shipping label on the front of the box. Then he set the box on the floor and opened it. The inside was lined with a thick piece of foam.

"I need you to remove your seat belt and slide as far out to the edge of your seat as possible, can you do that?"

"Yes." I unlocked and scooted one side and then the other until my feet were on the floor. It would have been more ideal if I had been able to bend more.

"That's good. May I?" He asked, pointing to my gnarled foot.

I leaned back enough to take the pressure off the floor. He lifted my foot and slid the box under, setting my foot on the foam, he pressed down and when he lifted up, I had left an exact impression of my foot in the foam.

"And again?" He had a hold on my opposite ankle and lifted it onto the foam repeating the process.

"Okay, all done. We need to order you a pair of shoes and we'll be finished. I can have them here to you by the end of the week. I used a local lab to have the insoles done."

I was surprised that both of my feet had gotten smaller. The right one was a full two sizes smaller than it had been the left only half a size. Carey joked with me that because I wore custom made diabetic shoes- due to my poor circulation and propensity for pressure sores, I would be saved from having to buy two different pair of shoes. If I bought them _off the rack_ as Alice would say, the store would not mix and match sizes.

I ended up ordering the same pair of black leather dress shoes that I'd lost in the accident. They had Velcro and I could open them with my reacher, allowing me to independently take them on and off. I also ordered a pair of sneakers. They were Velcro as well. I couldn't wait to get them; it would mean being permitted to stand and weight bear.

Carey put cast shoes on my feet that looked like big flippers, they extended beyond the end of my feet, but he wanted to protect them in case someone ran my feet into something. He made a modified memory foam pad and glued it into the insole to protect my toes. "There, that ought to do ya until the shoes come on Friday. Please be careful."

"I will. Thank you."

I went back to rehab and called Alice that afternoon. "I need a shower. Can you get me a loofah or one of those pouffy fu-fu things you girls use?"

She laughed, "Yessss. _Why_?"

"This dead skin is making me crazy." And it was true, for all that my legs had been through, the one sensation that finally registered was the fact that the skin on the front of my legs was crawling, "Lotion, I need lotion too."

"We have cocoa butter in your cupboard there, Edward. I'll be over soon."

Alice showered me, and fought to put me in shorts. Though it was nearly summer, and I'd been wearing shorts for months, I suddenly now wanted to wear sweat pants. She finally acquiesced when I said being without the casts made me cold.

I noticed that Alice looked troubled; I wondered if it was Jasper. The two of them had been on the outs since our guy weekend, and while I tried to defend him, it was by his own admission, that she said she'd _walked away from him for flirting with the ladies... for the time being_.

"What is it Alice?"

My tiny cousin seemed to be mulling over something, and I couldn't imagine what could have her so out of sorts. Finally she looked at me, through eyes so piercing they almost looked black. "Is Bella okay?"

_Sure she is. _Isn't she?_ Did Alice know something I did not?_ Panic set in.

"Do you know something Alice? Is she leaving me? She promised we'd work this out. Oh God, I told her I loved her." I began tugging at my hair when she pulled on my hands to stop me.

"Edward, stop! It's _nothing_ like that at all, she just seems... under the weather. I called her school this morning because her phone went to voicemail, but they said she took a sick day. I'm sort of worried about her."

Suddenly, I was too. I had worried incessantly about the stress of the move, her work, the past weekend... if I did this to her, I'd never forgive myself.

Alice went home, promising to let me know if she heard from Bella. I tried several times to call, but she never did pick up. Alice called me after eleven to say she _had_ spoken with Bella, but Bella thought she had the flu and was going back to bed, but promised to call me in the morning.

Early Wednesday morning, she did call me. When I looked down and saw her name on the display, I was relieved beyond words. I didn't care where she'd been, or what she was doing as long as she was alright.

"Bella." It came out barely above a whisper. My roomie was still asleep, and I wanted to have a private conversation with her before he had a chance to wake up and question me about it later.

"Hey." She sounded tired. Did she not sleep well?

"You okay? You sound exhausted."

"I _am_ exhausted."

"Didn't you sleep?" If her sleep was broken and disturbed like mine had been, it was no surprise that she was tired.

My girl let out a stuttering sigh. "I slept, I just don't feel rested. I'm not... the past few days have been rough. I think today will be a better day."

"Alice said you took yesterday off. I tried to call you. I was worried sick."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone. I was just so tired when I got up; I thought I was coming down with something. So I called work and went back to bed. I hadn't realized my phone was dead. I would've called when it was done charging, but I felt so terrible when Alice called... I just wanted to go back to sleep."

"s'okay… I just… I'm afraid you're taking on too much. I'd die if anything happened to you."

She chuckled quietly into the phone. "You wouldn't _die_ without me, don't be over dramatic, Edward." And then, barely above a whisper she said, "I'll be fine."

"Well, I should let you get ready for work; will I see you at lunch time?" I hadn't seen her at lunch yet this week; in fact, the only time I _had_ seen her was Monday night.

The phone was quiet for a long time. Finally she sighed again. "I'm not sure. I took today off too. I think I just need to take a little time to rest up before the big move, you know?"

I did know, and I was glad she was taking some time for herself, but I still worried. "Good for you, stretch out and read a book. Just do something for you, okay?"

"Yeah, I will. I promise. I'm sorry I worried you."

"It's okay. I'm glad you're alright."

"I'll talk to you later Edward."

"Okay, take care love."

"I will, I'll call you later." And the line went dead.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but something about Bella seemed off. I called Alice and asked her if she might be able to swing by Bella's apartment later, maybe the two of them could come over for a visit this evening. I knew they'd had plans last night to do more packing, and obviously that hadn't happened.

Wednesday was my first day of whirlpool therapy. As I sat in the little pool on my sling, I tried to flex and extend my leg. I was getting a fair amount of flexion before the casts came off, I was nearing 75 degrees. Jill wasn't getting the resistance that she had been when I first went to the shorter casts, and seemed to be relieved that we had worked through most of the adhesions. After I had been in for ten or fifteen minutes, Jill came in and did range of motion while I was still in the pool.

Getting out of the pool was a process. I had to go into a shower chair, get stripped down, dried and dressed before I could get back into my wheelchair. It was time consuming,

This was like starting over from scratch. I was back on the mat tables working with Jill, but the exercises were all completely new. We went through my regular routine, but added hip rotations with my knee bents and ankle rotations on each leg. My ankles had been suspended in time the longest and were in a nearly fixed state and I started receiving ultrasound there as well. Next week, if all went well, I'd begin using the FES bike, and start doing things like squats and leg presses on the total gym. I was going to begin my driver's education next week as well. I couldn't wait.

When my day had begun to slow down, I asked Alice to bring Bella over for dinner. I called her and after a little prodding, she said she was up to it. I'd had a good day and I hoped that my mood might rub off on her and put her in better spirits. I knew the move was getting to her and I wanted to discuss my thoughts on a way to make it a little less stressful for her. Alice was stopping at our favorite Mexican restaurant and getting a bag of burritos from my buddy, Pete. We both agreed he had the best Mexican in town. Perhaps this time, I could feed Bella.

I asked Jill if I could use the conference room for an hour, that I had some personal stuff to discuss with Bella. I knew she wasn't up to finishing our discussion about the weekend, but I had hopes that I'd be able to find out what it was that was bothering her. I could read my girl like a book, and something was definitely amiss.

I was reading a medical journal that Jeff had dropped off for me. It had a startling article on the prevalence of pediatric MS. I was accustomed to seeing teenagers with the disease, but I'd never had an MS patient younger than sixteen. The journal article spotlighted patients as young as nine years old with the disease. It was very disheartening. Jeff considered creating a pediatric neurologist position in our office, but refused to make a decision until I was able to give him my input. I whole-heartedly agreed.

Once I was home, I agreed to come into the office and help him screen the resumes and choose a doctor. We had enough room to add an office without any major renovations, and we'd be able to cater to a demographic group that we hadn't tapped into. While I liked the prospect of our office growing, I couldn't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking it would be to care for a small child with MS.

I heard voices in the corridor and looked up just as Alice and Bella walked into our room. Bella looked terrible, she was deathly pale. She glanced up from the floor with sad eyes and it was then that I noticed Alice's arm linked through hers, not in a friendly gesture but one of support. In the other hand, Bella gripped her cane.

"Bella? Baby, what's wrong?" She was swimming in a hoodie that looked to be about two sizes too large. It hung to her knees and even though she had the sleeves bunched up, but her little hands were barely visible. When she got closer, I noticed the Forks PD insignia on the upper left side. It must have been her dad's.

I hurried over to her and motioned for her to sit on the bed. Alice carefully guided her across my side of the room and helped her sit down.

"I'm going to go check in on Jane, text me if you need me." Our eyes met and she glanced over at Bella. "Either of you- for whatever reason. Okay?"

She gave my hand a squeeze and turned to go. "Thanks Alice."

Bella motioned to a bag on the foot of the bed. "I brought dinner, and I'm as hungry as a horse. Can we please go eat?"

"Sure, can I please give you a ride?"

"I'd like that." Again with the small sad smile, I couldn't wait until we were alone. On the inside I was freaking out, but I knew that if I did that in front of Alec, I'd only upset Bella and I didn't want to make her feel worse.

I took both of her hands and helped her to stand. "Can you turn around and sit down on my lap?"

"Yes, just let me take it slow."

Ever so slowly she turned and sat down. "You won't hurt me. Just watch the toes."

Bella nodded and turned herself like she usually did so that I could hold onto her and access my joystick as well. I really didn't know if I could wait the five minutes it would take to get her safely tucked away in the conference room. I grabbed the bag of food, although I didn't know how I could eat, all twisted up inside like I was.

"Bella, you have to tell me what's wrong. I'm going out of my mind here."

"Let's just go some place private, okay?"

_Yep, I'm gonna lose my mind._

"Sure. Hang on."

I reached across her lap, my arm holding onto both of her legs, while she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. Alec looked at her, and then back at me, his brown eyes huge. He looked as puzzled as I felt.

I drove as quickly as I could safely go. Thankfully the conference room was unlocked. I swung the door open and reached inside to turn on the light.

I drove over to a loveseat that sat in a far corner and deposited the bag of food. I stopped and let go of Bella. She turned slightly and I took a hold of her waist to steady her while she stood up.

When she lost her balance, I grabbed her wrist and made her hiss in pain. I felt something under her shirt sleeve, and as soon as I tried to pull it up, Bella moved away from me, pulling the sleeve down over her hand.

"Baby?"

"It's alright, I can explain. I was going to tell you when we were here... alone."

She sat and pulled her leg up underneath her, turning so she was facing my end of the small sofa. I backed up to where she sat and without even having to ask, she pulled my board from my pack, handing it to me.

Flipping my armrest up, I aligned my chair and laid out my board. Being extremely careful of my very vulnerable toes, I worked my way onto the love seat and turned as far as I could to face Bella. I reached out and took her hand.

Before I lifted her sleeve she stopped me, pulling her hand out of my grasp. "I went to Dr. Jeffries this morning." she blurted out, "I'm not trying to hide anything from you. This has been the day from hell." and then she began to cry.

It was all I could do to get the words out. I had been seeing all the little signs and I wanted to ignore them. I didn't want her to be sick again. "What's wrong Bella? You're having an exacerbation aren't you?" My insides were churning. This was the last thing she needed right now. She'd been taking so much on by herself, even though she had help.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve and in the moment she looked like a scared little girl. "He called it a... _pseudo flare_?"

"Alright, it's not actually a full fledged exacerbation. Tell me about your appointment, what's going on?"

"Um, I woke up yesterday and I didn't have any feeling in the soles of my feet. It was like walking when your foot's asleep. Only... they didn't wake up. I was just so tired... dead tired. I slept almost the whole day."

It was taking everything I had to not freak out. _Why didn't she call me_?

I was devastated that she'd kept this from me, and I'm sure it was evident in my voice. "I wish you would have told me."

Her hand went on her hip, she pointed at me with an accusing index finger. "I _know_ how you get. You'd get into this self-deprecating mood and I'd have trouble pulling you out. I can't afford that right now. I wanted to talk to Dr. Jeffries today and find out what we were dealing with. I had _every intention _of telling you as soon as I got home. I had to pee as soon as I walked through the door. My phone was ringing off the hook... it was Alice."

I thought back over the little things I had pushed aside hoping I was wrong, the balance issues, the fatigue, her shaking hands, the way she rubbed her eyes when she tried to read something, the cane she bought on Good Friday... Little things that nagged at me here and there, but not all at once...

I looked at her face, really _looked _at her. Her cheeks were bright red, but the rest of her was so cold and pale. The pupils of her eyes were dilated. She was on some sort of therapy. I could tell.

She picked up the bag that sat between us, "Can we please eat while we talk? I'm starving."

"Can I see your arm first? I need to make sure I didn't hurt you."

She held her arm out to me and I gently rolled the huge sleeve up her arm, revealing an IV catheter. I looked over the infusion site, there was no blood. I hadn't dislodged the catheter, or blown the vein when I grabbed her arm. Everything appeared to be okay.

"What are you taking, love?"

"A three day steroid. I um, I had the first one in the office. I'm doing the other two at home."

"How do you feel?"

She crumbled and the tears started running again. "Mis... mis-erable."

"Come here, baby." I tugged on her hand and she sort of drizzled into the side of me, curling up under my arm and snuggling in. "Crawl right up on my lap. You won't hurt me." She hesitantly crawled up onto me.

"That's better isn't it?" She nodded, but seemed to be deep in thought. "Bella, sweetheart, can you be more specific?"

"All of it?"

"Yep, _all of it_. I just want to know how you're tolerating everything."

"I'm exhausted, and I'm hungry... no_ starving_, but when I eat I'm nauseas. I have terrible heartburn and my mouth tastes funny."

"Like metal?"

"Yeah, that's what it is. Metallic. Oh! I'm peeing like crazy too."

"Do you go into the office, or does a nurse come tomorrow and hook it up for you?"

"No, I'm on my own. I don't get a bag tomorrow; I get one of the little balls."

"Like an i-flow?"

"Yeah, that's the name of it. I have two of them at home in my fridge."

"I hate for you to be alone while you're taking it. Would you like Alice to stay with you? I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"I don't know. I feel bad inconveniencing her. She's been working so hard helping me with the house, running errands... "

"Bella, she might be family, but she's getting _paid_ to do those things, so don't feel like you're inconveniencing her. I can ask her if you like."

"No, I think I'll be okay, but I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest when I was getting the bag. Maybe she could come over tomorrow morning while it's hooked up? Just in case I have any problems."

"She wouldn't mind at all. I'll ask her to make sure she doesn't have any plans. Have you had this medication before?"

"No, I had ACTH treatments several times. I told him I didn't have time to do a seven to ten day stint. I didn't plan on taking time off this week; I'm off all _next_ week."

"I'd plan on taking the rest of the week off, Bella. I doubt you'll sleep much tonight and even though you're exhausted, you'll probably feel like running a marathon tomorrow. The day after you come off of can be pretty bad. You'll crash hard if you don't taper off. Did Jeff prescribe any oral steroids?"

"Yes, along with something for my stomach, and a sleep aid. I was only going to get the oral steroid. I never have trouble sleeping and I don't usually get heartburn but it's started today." She dropped her head in her hands and moaned. "I'm just not myself."

"Please, love, get the sleep aid and the antacid. You'll feel much better if you have both of them. Get some kind of hard candy too; it'll help with the bad taste. Something minty, I've heard root beer barrels are good, too. Buy something that has a stronger flavor."

Then I wondered if her insurance was going to pay for any of this, especially the home infusion. "You do have insurance to cover it, yes?" We'd never discussed things like insurance or well... anything financial… other than how I was going to pay for the house. If her insurance wouldn't pay it, I wanted to make sure it was taken care of. Her access to proper healthcare was paramount.

"Yeah, it's all covered except a small deductible."

"Good then, but get them even if you don't need them. You'll be glad to have it in the middle of the night when no one is open."

"Okay, I will. Do you think Alice would mind stopping at the drug store?"

"Not at all. Are you sure you don't want her to stay over?"

"No, I'm a big girl. I can handle this."

"Are you still hungry?"

"Oh God, I'm famished... and I ate just before I came here."

"Uh, yeah." I laughed, "it can make you ravenous." She reached into the bag and pulled out a Mountain Dew. "Um, you _might_ not want to drink that right now." Bella growled at me. Seriously, she _growled_.

"And _why_ shouldn't I drink this? I thought you were all about drinking caffeine even when _you_ know it's bad for you. Please don't tell me what to do."

"Uh, it's full of caffeine and you're already amped up on all kinds of steroids. You'll never get any sleep." She gave me the evil eye, and I decided that I knew when it was time to shut my mouth, and right then was the perfect time. _She'd learn_. I held my hands up in surrender.

_Moving on to dinner_...

I opened the bag and laid a burrito out on the couch, it wasn't an ideal place to put food, but at least it had the wrapper between the couch and the food. Using one hand, I unwrapped the paper and then peeled the burrito open.

"Bella, can you hand me the condiments one at a time?"

"Mmhmm." She had a familiar look on her face, and I remembered that day, my favorite meal ever shared with Bella. I ran a strip of each condiment on the burrito and carefully flipped the flour tortilla closed.

I lifted it to her mouth and touched her lips. Bella opened and I stuck the burrito in. She took a healthy bite. Today it was my turn to feed her. I'd never done this before and watching her tongue sweep over her lips to pick up the tiny morsels there was just so damn hot. If she wasn't so miserable, my mind would have gone straight to the gutter. I had never felt this kind of overwhelming devotion to anyone before and it was just so... _wow_.

To say Bella was ravenous was an understatement. She finished her burrito in a few bites and waited impatiently for me to get mine down so I could feed her another one. It was shocking to see such a little girl put away so much food. I_ swear_ I didn't say it out loud, but it was as if she could read my mind.

"Oh my God, You're not going to want me if I keep eating like this. I'm going to be as big as a whale before the weekend is over!" Her breath hitched and I feared the waterworks were right around the corner, but she recovered herself.

"Bella, sweetheart, you're _not_ going to be as big as a whale. There's _nothing_ in this world that could make me _not_ want you." I reached out and put my hand to her cheek softly pulling her in for a kiss. "I love you Bella."

And then it started, she got really quiet, and closed her eyes, and I felt the trembling before the sobbing began, and as her breath hitched between sobs, she uttered those words right back to me. "I... " sniff "I... love... " sniff "I love you too."

That's how Alice found us almost a half hour later. Hugging and kissing and sobbing and sniffling... a big, blubbering, ecstatic mess.

Alice got us tissues although Bella had used her sweatshirt sleeves more than once, but she had taken it off when the restlessness and the sweating got the best of her. Her tee shirt was soaked through and I asked Alice to go get a tee shirt from my dresser. It would be huge on her, but she'd be dry.

Bella's restlessness became obvious when Alice returned with a shirt, and Bella took it out of her hands and stripped the wet one off right there on my lap. My mouth hung open and I didn't say a thing as she wriggled into my crocodile shirt. She dug her elbow into my sternum as she reached behind herself and up under the shirt. I didn't understand until she reached into one sleeve and then the next... and like magic, her bra came out of that sleeve... like a rabbit from a magic hat.

I think I was still gawping when she rolled the bra up inside of the shirt. She looked up at my face and said simply, "Shut your mouth, Cullen."

I was speechless, so it really wasn't a problem.

I glanced down at my watch and saw that they only had about a half hour till the pharmacy closed.

"Alice, could you run Bella past the pharmacy on your way home? She can tell you which one."

"Sure no trouble at all."

"They close soon, you girls should get moving."

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck suddenly, nearly cutting off my air supply. "Bella... " I gasped.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." The girl didn't know her own strength.

"It's okay." And then, because I really wanted to hear it again I whispered, "I love you Bella."

With watery eyes, she gazed into mine. "I love you too, Cullen. Thanks for taking care of me tonight."

It was my turn to give her a crushing hug; I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want her to be alone, to go through this with no one there. I knew this was just the beginning of the rollercoaster ride and before the meds made her feel better; they would most likely make her feel terrible. "You're welcome love. Please, promise you'll call me if you need _anything._ I'm here for you. I don't care what time it is. Understand? I can't come to you, but Carlisle can... and will, you know you only need ask."

She nodded and answered quietly. "I understand. Thank you."

"Alice," I asked, "could you ask someone at the desk to come help me out of this couch? I just need a spotter, but you have _got_ to go. She needs those scripts filled."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Call me when you get home. I have a favor to ask you." I'd wait till she was home and then ask her to go to Bella's first thing in the morning. I wanted to have a contingency plan though if the effects of the medication got the best of Bella through the night. I was positive she wouldn't be sleeping.

"Why don't _you_ call me once you're out of the shower and transferred into bed? I'll be up."

"Thanks, I will. Goodnight girls."

In unison they chimed, "Goodnight Edward." They were becoming like two peas in a pod, and I felt fortunate that Bella had Alice right now while I had to be away from her.

~ooo000ooo~

I got showered and called Alice as we agreed, after I was all tucked in for the night. This was the first night that it really bothered me being here. I couldn't wait to be home to care for Bella... as I knew she'd care for me. Physically we might not be able to do a lot for one another, but the security was in knowing someone was there if the other needed something...

"Hey, Alice."

"Hey, what's up? Bella hasn't said anything. She's on infusion meds for the MS, I take it. I saw the line. Exacerbation?"

"No, it's not a true flare-up but he put her on a heavy steroid because she was in such bad shape. Do you know she can't feel the bottoms of her feet?"

"Noooo!" She practically screamed into the phone.

"I need your help. I asked Bella if she needed someone to stay over night with her and she flat refused. I'm sorry to volunteer your services without asking. I didn't know if you and Jazz..."

"We're not really _together_ right now."

"Ooh-kay then."

"So do you just want me to go over and invite myself in or what?"

"No, it's the first night, she's really tired. I'm hoping she sleeps. She asked if you could hook everything up and stay with her while the bag runs tomorrow. If you think she needs someone to stay with her and you don't mind, I'll leave it up to you."

"Okay, if you talk to her, let her know I'll be over around nine. She gave me a key a few nights ago so I could drop by and move some of the small boxes over to the house. She said she was really tired, I'm not going to call and wake her. I walked her inside- made sure she got into the apartment. I thought you'd want to know she's safe. I can just let myself in tomorrow morning. If you talk with her tonight, please let her know."

"I will, thanks. I appreciate it."

"Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight Ali. Talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Yeppers, if you need me before, just call. I can be over there in less than ten minutes if she needs something. Anything- okay?"

"Thanks, I owe you one."

"No you don't- I _like_ her. What's _not_ to like? She_ loves_ your sorry ass. You've got no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you guys say that."

I was grinning like an ape, even thought there was no one to see it. "Goodnight dear cousin."

She was laughing as the call ended. "Goodnight... "

I got to sleep before ten, and by midnight, my phone was vibrating. She was too hot, sweating profusely, had soaked several tee shirts and threatened to strip and _sleep_ _naked_. Good lord.

I talked her down off her ledge after more than an hour of trying to reassure her that it wouldn't go on forever.

At two she called and said she had tossed and turned and had counted sheep then all but stood on her head... _she couldn't sleep_.

By three the itching began. I told her to take an antihistamine, hoping it would help with the insomnia, too, since she refused to take the sleep aid. _Stubborn woman._

She called back around four and said she was exhausted, but she couldn't shut her body or her mind down. Her thoughts were all over the place, and she couldn't stop fidgeting. "Oh God Edward, _PLEASE do something!_"

She never took the antihistamine.

_Finally,_ she took the sleep aid. I hoped that it kept her asleep all day. Apparently she had given Alice a key. _Smart girl._

Alice called at eight-thirty. Bella was dead to the world. "Should I just hook up the IV without waking her?"

"No, let her sleep a while. The heart palpitations will wake her, they were horrible yesterday. She needs to rest."

At some point, I realized that _Dr. Cullen on Fentanyl_ would not have been as high functioning as I was now. Suddenly the effects of my mind on drugs came into sharp perspective.

Another call at ten... I was in the gym. Jill answered my phone and handed it to me. Bella was awake and they were hooking up the ball. _Good._ _Get it over with as soon as you can._

At noon it was the hiccups, they started over an hour before. Alice scared her, made her hold her breath and gave her countless spoonfuls of sugar... _Oh God, not sugar, this drug makes a patient's blood sugar go through the roof. Keep an eye on her she might need insulin if it gets too high. _

The ball had emptied, and was disconnected.

Two o'clock... she's had a rush of energy. Alice couldn't rein her in. The apartment was spic and span clean. Boxes were all packed. _Would it be okay for Bella to sleep in my bed at the new house until her dad moves her furniture? _

_Move her in Alice._

By four she's eaten several meals that would put a lumberjack to shame. _Just leave her do her thing, Alice, she's bound to wind down soon._

At six, they packed a bag for Bella then stopped to get a bag from Alice's place. _They are sleeping in my new bed_.

Bella was asleep and snoring by nine. Alice was exhausted. _It's been a long, tiring day. _

I was nearly as tired as Alice sounded. I've never been on the phone so much in one day... well not for a very long time... not since I had patients that I was keeping tabs on. _Not since I was Dr. Cullen._ I've missed him.

I put my phone under my pillow. I was out before ten, but I knew the phone would buzz at some point, I'd hoped I wouldn't be too tired to hear it. Bella didn't disappoint. Around three she called, sweat-soaked and starving. She threatened to strip and cook naked if Alice wouldn't wake up. I asked her to shake Alice and give her the phone. _Sorry Alice, it's gonna be a long night._

She was back out before five, and I got to sleep through until Leslie came and helped spot me as I got into the shower. The shower was rejuvenating. I almost forgot how tired I was. _Almost._

I fell asleep in the whirlpool. I didn't hear from Alice or Bella until lunchtime. The second ball was finished and the catheter was out of her arm- the nightmare was coming to a close. But- they've bickered all morning.

_Bella says Alice is the anti-Christ and Alice is waiting for Bella to do her best Linda Blair impression spewing pea soup and channeling her inner demon._

I called at seven. It had been _a long time_ since either of them called me. Bella was ecstatic. She said she's walking so much better, and can feel every little thing she steps on. However, she's exhausted and her stomach was upset. If it wasn't the heartburn, it was the hiccups. She burst into tears when I told her Mrs. Cope had them once for two weeks. _Bad idea, Cullen! _They got so bad she put Alice on the phone. Bella couldn't talk anymore. I made a few suggestions... nothing that was proven, mind you, but when Bella sucked on a big spoonful of peanut butter and held her breath as she worked it around in her mouth with her tongue, they finally went away.

"_You are the man!_", she said and I fist pumped. _Yes! _

Alice called at nine and said Bella had worn herself out, asked for the sleep aid, and was sleeping soundly. _I suspect the crash is coming._

I call at eight in the morning on Saturday morning. Bella was still sound asleep. She staggered to the bathroom with Alice in tow- two or three times, but was out immediately. Alice would love to sleep on mother's couch, but she wouldn't leave all Bella alone.

_Apparently, Bella snores like a freight train. _

It was finally Saturday. I began an early morning. Jill promised to have me ready to go before lunch and Esme was coming to get me with the old van. I was going to _my house _for the day. After my slow start at the beginning of the week because of last weekend, I'd only get a day pass; I needed to be back by seven for another PT session. _I need it. I agree._

When Esme picked me up, we stopped at the store. Bella's mouth was sore and she had Charlie horses throughout the night. I bought Gatorade, 100% fruit sorbet pops and bananas to restore some potassium she'd depleted. When Bella finally woke up, she complained of being sensitive to light and having a headache. Alice helped her get a warm shower and after the bed has been stripped and the sheets were replaced, I gave her a Tylenol, and Alice slipped a sleep mask over her eyes so she could get some more rest. I transferred into my bed and curled up next to Bella, pulling her to me.

Later, I tried to get Bella to eat, but she refused. The taste in her mouth was worse, and her stomach was upset. Before long, she had drifted back off to sleep.

I made Bella push fluids and threatened to wake her at regular intervals so she wouldn't get dehydrated. It's surreal how my mind drifted back to my last weekend, and I knew I'd been responsible for some part of this downward spiral.

Through the day she awoke and drifted off. She slept like someone who had been sedated, yet she had moments where she woke from a sound sleep trying to convince us of the reality of a dream she had. When we told her it was a dream, she spewed some choice words and went back to sleep. Every time I woke her, she bit my head off. At one point, Carlisle had stopped and tried to explain the effects of _roid rage._ We didn't _need_ it explained. _We were well aware._ Alice was a seasoned veteran after three days around the clock with Bella.

Bella would jerk out of a sound sleep, frantic to get to the toilet, but barely able to hold herself up. She cried from the pain in her neck and shoulders. Walking was nearly impossible, and Alice drove to the apartment to get the dreaded wheelchair. Bella screamed at her, but turned into a blubbering mess and crawled into it to get to the toilet the rest of the day.

When it was time to go back, I was torn. She really needed me there, and I hated to go. In the same sense, she was in more than capable hands with Alice, and Carlisle was close by _and_ I had a job to do. I wasn't ready to come home, and time had clipped by faster than I had realized. I kissed her and promised to come back for the day on Sunday.

Alice got another sleeping pill into her at bedtime, and Bella slept through the night. I, however, tossed and turned. I had been getting periodic phone calls for so many nights that there was no way I could stay asleep. When I did drift off, I'd have a dream that my phone had vibrated, and there weren't any calls in the call log. Poor Alec was almost as exhausted as Alice and I were.

I spent Sunday at the house, Bella was less foggy and we spent the day hanging out on the couch listening to music and watching TV. The mood swings weren't so bad and we had a pleasant albeit quiet day.

Monday, I went back into the whirlpool and bent and bent and bent. I was on the mat getting my hamstrings stretched and doing sit-ups and crunches with minimal assistance. It was a lot of upper body work, but I pushed as hard as I could. The finish line was within my grasp, and I needed to be 100% when I got to it.

My new shoes came on Tuesday. They were four days late, but I wasn't going to complain. As soon as Jill got me in her clutches, I was standing in the bathroom at the grab bar, relearning to stand pivot onto the toilet. I hadn't stood on my own in so very long. There was some laughter and a few tears were shed.

On Wednesday, Bella walked into my room at rehab. I didn't know that I'd ever seen her look stronger or stand taller. She relied on no devices and her gait was perfect. It seemed maybe this was worth her week in hell.

When she saw me she practically lunged at me. I'd never gotten a reception quite like that before and it caught me off guard. My chair was standing and for a split second, I feared we were going to topple over she hit me so hard.

She took my face in her hands and stared at me like a parched man at an oasis. Hands and lips were all over me. "Oh my god, Edward! I'm so sorry. I feel terrible. I was so horrible to everyone.

"Bella, its okay, we all understand. It wasn't you, it was the meds."

"Ohhhh no, it was _all_ me. I knew what I was saying, but I had no control to stop myself. God, I feel like an idiot! How could you possibly love a harpy like me?"

"Oh, Bella. How could I not love you?" Then I kissed her.

* * *

Okay, before everyone gets the pitchforks after Edward and his entourage, (or me) this situation has been spiraling for a long time. Since Good Friday, if anyone cares to go back and look, perhaps longer. All those little pieces contributed to the big picture. While _Drunkgate 2008_ was a conscious decision... Bella's not entirely innocent here either... _Roid Rage 2008_… I think this just might have affirmed for our Edward that what goes around comes around, and around, and around...

The best team a girl could ever ask for worked on this with me. You know who you are, and you know I adore ya! I heart you hard my BBs. Thank you!

A belated Happy Birthday to a special someone. I hope your little surprise was _everything_ you dreamed for… and more.


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-four

~Bella~

Chapter thirty-four spans nearly two weeks, BPOV from the day after Edward's wild weekend, through the steroid therapy and into the weekend when Charlie comes to move her into the house. Since it covers such a long stretch, I thought an explanation was in order. Enjoy.

*Impact*~

I began my week being upset and frustrated by the debacle that was Edward's night out with the guys… the night that turned into two and a half days of stress for me. I'd be lying if I tried to place all the blame on him and his friends. I wanted so badly to be mad at him... to be mad at all three of them... but in the end, I knew my desire to make them _pay_ for messing up our girl's weekend, to pay for stressing all of us out over a few drinks... was unfair and nearly as childish as what they had done.

I really wanted to take Jane out and do something to make up for it on Sunday, but to be perfectly honest, I was relieved when Alice said she thought we should make plans for another time. Jane was a sweetheart and said it was no problem. Monday night, Jane and Alice were at the apartment when I got home from work, and they forced me to relax while they packed more of my stuff.

I was a little apprehensive about the upcoming sensitivity training with the police department, it wasn't the entire police department, but the cop who roughed up Edward was another story. I didn't know if I could face him and not say something to make things worse. I didn't want give him a bad impression of people with disabilities. He already had a biased mindset and I didn't want to blurt something out in anger or frustration that would make the disability community, as a whole, look exactly how he already envisioned us.

Edward... Edward was repentant... and his friends did not answer to me. What they allowed to happen was disrespectful to their friend, and they really let him down, however it wasn't entirely their fault that things didn't work out the way they had originally planned. Edward and I had yet to go out someplace private and discuss what was going to happen with us, how things needed to be if we were going to succeed at being a couple. I couldn't live with someone... give my heart over completely to someone... if he was in the habit of doing whatever he felt like with no regard for who he was hurting or worrying. He had never been anything but attentive, but I had no idea what life would be like when he was no longer under the care of a facility… when he was free to hang out with his friends during his free time… I only _knew_ the Edward who was a patient…

I knew I had abandonment issues. My mother had turned her back on me every time I needed a mother the most... Putting my trust... _my faith_... in one person to be there for me, truly shook my foundation. I was a strong person- I thought- and I was at a point where I refrained from counting on anyone but myself for the things in life that truly mattered. It was just safer that way. If I didn't count on someone to be there for me, I wouldn't be crushed when they let me down. So... this _boyfriend_ stuff was a huge leap of faith.

Relationships took work; my parent's failed marriage scared the hell out of me. Edward himself had a broken relationship in his own past and I had my failed experiences with Tyler… and we both had major medical issues- ones that affected us both physically, and as much as we wanted to deny it, mentally… that were a part of the whole scenario. We both had baggage… I guess that's true of any new relationship. Sometimes it's hard to separate the 'normal' baggage from the 'disability' baggage.

"You're saying that because I'm in a wheelchair?"

"No I'm saying it cos you're talking shit."

But I was hopeful that I could learn something from my parents, and our pasts and I couldn't help but look to Carlisle and Esme as positive role models. Their romance was classic, the kind Hollywood was made of in the early days. If I was going to have a relationship, and I could choose, _that_ was the kind I wanted.

I saw Edward on Monday night, and _I_ felt terrible. He still wasn't quite up to par from his weekend, and I didn't want to add to everything he had just gone through. Unlike the exacerbations I'd experienced before, this incident was almost like having an out of body experience.

I watched it... _the_ _pseudo flare-up_... happen, like I was watching a train wreck, but was powerless to stop it. I'd been edging closer and closer to my medical condition getting out of hand, but if I took a nap here, walked with a cane there... I was able to hold the symptoms at bay. I really _thought _I _was_ doing the right things. Dr. Jeffries, as well as both Edward and Carlisle had previously told me... _if you get tired, rest. If you're too hot, get cool. Just take it easy and pace yourself._

I did everything everybody advised me to do in order to manage my disease on a daily basis. Apparently, it wasn't enough.

The symptoms had started out slow and seldom, but like a train wreck, the closer and closer the whole mess got to making impact, the faster it barreled out of control.

I'd been using my cane for several weeks, the warm weather made it increasingly difficult to put one foot in front of the other. A few days before the guys went out; I began to have issues with my feet. I first noticed it when I stubbed a toe- kicked right into a piece of furniture and didn't have a clue- until I saw the blood from the toenail I'd decimated.

After I had seen Edward on Monday, I noticed that my feet no longer hurt from standing off and on all day when I knew they should... they were numb. That was the night the girls helped me pack and really, there was nothing I could do about the way I felt except go to the emergency room, and I wasn't ready for that yet. I'd been there several times in the past six months and I wasn't in the mind set where I was ready to once again relinquish complete control of my body to someone else; and that was how it always happened.

Poking, prodding, tests and treatments that yes, I gave consent for and I knew they should help, but if I hadn't consented I would have felt like a jerk for wasting everyone's time. It was an exercise in trust and I just wasn't feeling _that _bad... yet. I knew that I would trust Edward with my life and I _should_ have asked him for advice, but in the back of my mind, a little voice kept taunting me.

_He can't be your boyfriend _and_ your doctor. You're the one who has the draw the line._ _You have to choose Bella._

So I did…

As soon as I was awake, I called off work... I had _every_ intention of calling Dr. Jeffries office when they opened a few hours later. But, I laid back down and didn't wake up until very late in the day.

Normally, I'd plug my phone in at work while my purse sat on the counter next to my desk, but since I didn't go and my day got all messed up, it never got charged and I wasn't well enough to worry about it. I ended up plugging in at bedtime. When I saw all the missed calls, I decided to call Alice to ease her mind, and Edward's, and whoever else was out of sorts by my absence.

But, Tuesday when I awoke- nearly 24 hours later, I knew in my heart it was time to make a phone call… to Dr. Jeffries. When I explained what was happening to Dr. Jeffries nurse, she set up an appointment right away that morning. I knew Alice would be helping Edward, and when Bree offered to drop me off, I readily accepted. Bree left while her kids were at recess and took her lunch early to make sure I got there. When they told us it would be several hours until I went home, I had her leave me and promised I'd take a cab home.

I had never before taken the steroid Dr. J. wanted me to try, and I wanted to ask Edward, but it all happened so fast. One minute I was walking across the room, doing something very similar to a sobriety test, and the next minute the nurse was escorting me to the hospital infusion center. I barely had time to make sense of what was happening. Yet, I trusted Dr. J. He was Edward's partner, and I knew that he and Edward would most likely have the same views on the treatment he felt would have the quickest and most beneficial results for me.

I _didn't_ want to discuss this with Edward _over the phone_.

The first dose barely hit my system and my heart was galloping like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. As the steroids dripped into my arm and took over my system, I began to feel crappy. I was so restless, and my mouth... Oh my God... the taste was terrible.

When she came in to check on me part way through the first bag, the nurse assured me that it was a fairly common reaction, and to expect it off and on for the next few days- even when I wasn't hooked up to the IV, my heart could race, and I'd feel like this.

_Oh Joy!_ _I couldn't wait. _

She did give me a peppermint candy to suck on, and it helped mask the taste, but after it was done, I was hit with the worst case of heartburn I'd ever experienced. I didn't really have any idea what to expect at home. They gave me a small pamphlet explaining the normal side effects, as well as what to look for in an emergency. It also said no one had the same reaction to the steroids. An infusion nurse spent some time with me, showing me how I would have to hook up the ball the next two days; I picked up my supplies at the hospital pharmacy on my way home.

The first thing I noticed was that I was ice cold. Even though it was the beginning of June, I was frozen. I grabbed some sweats, and climbed into an old hoodie that Charlie had gotten Jake back a few years, I ended up with that after a weekend of cliff jumping went terribly wrong and I nearly drowned. I forgot how utterly _huge _it was_._ Not only was it warm, but in it I found comfort and security... it made me think of my dad- just what I needed right now.

The IV made me have to pee. I'd been in the bathroom at the hospital a couple times, and as soon as I put the key in the doorknob of my apartment, I had to go _again_. I needed to call Edward to make arrangements to go see him and talk to him about everything that had happened, but I barely got inside and my phone began to ring.

_Alice._

I answered it on the way to the bathroom. She no sooner hung up and Edward called asking me to eat dinner with him. I relented and agreed to let Alice come get me and take me by Pete's for some food.

Edward was so very perceptive- he _knew_. How did he know? He took one look at me as I trudged in the door on Alice's arm, and when his voice got all soft and concerned, everything that had been building up inside me just let loose and I fell apart. Edward was incredible with me, and after I got home, even though I felt like I had been hit with a Mack truck, I was relieved. Relieved that he knew, relieved that when I told him I wanted to be alone that first night he understood, but he still made certain I had options if it got to be too much for me... I was relieved that he gave me Alice to help me get through the rollercoaster ride from hell. Dips and drops; crests and valleys. I'd gone from the greatest high only to be plummeted to the depths of hell. He knew what to expect, and he held out a safety net to catch me when he knew I'd fall.

I had no idea it would be like this. On the ACTH, it was a nice slow build, and by the time I went home, I was feeling relatively good, but not all strung out on steroids. This new med hit me fast and furious with no hint of letting go.

I felt like there was a battle raging inside my body. I had absolutely no control of the situation what-so-ever. Once those drugs hit my system, I was at someone else's mercy. I was insane to think that I could- or would- want to get through this alone. I was euphoric... and I was despondent. I went from wide awake to so exhausted I could barely lift my head... and I was starving, and eating like there was no tomorrow... but I was so sick to my stomach I couldn't keep it down.

When I agreed to _try _this, Dr. J. told me he had patients who did this every single month and since I wasn't taking the CRAB drugs, I should consider monthly infusions. He also said there were people who didn't like the side effects and only saved this particular drug for times of absolute necessity. I got about eight hours into the series of IVs when I decided which route I'd be taking. If it wasn't already coursing through my veins, and if I wasn't afraid of doing more harm than good, I'd have washed my hands of the whole thing, thrown the other two bags in the trash and pulled out the needle.

_It couldn't be that complicated to unhook the IV, could it?_

But what would happen if I didn't finish?

_Would I get worse?_

I was terrified of having an exacerbation and being totally dependent on others. However, in the end, I found myself totally dependent on them anyway, not just physically, but emotionally as well. During my waking hours, I remembered Edward, in bed with me, holding me when I was cold, and running a small tabletop fan when I was too warm. He helped me to sit when I needed a drink, and held the basin when I got sick. I don't know how he got there, but when I needed him he was, gently reassuring me that this wasn't a mistake and I'd be okay. I remembered him chuckling when I said the steroids were poison and I knew I was dying.

"Oh, Baby, it'll be over soon." Suddenly I realized _why_ people did this as an inpatient... So their loved ones could be spared the ugly repercussions...

Carlisle was there late in the night when Alice was afraid that... I don't know what she was afraid of... but she called him and he came. Gentle hands so soft and cool, touching my face, taking my pulse, I remember his kind face as he sat on the edge of the bed and gently prodded. "How do you feel, Bella? What hurts? Are you thirsty?" He was so attentive, quiet, compassionate... and even though I wasn't myself, I knew he was there to reassure my _boyfriend_, as much as he was there for me.

Esme sat with me while Alice napped, washing my face with a cool cloth and holding my hand while I lay there with my eyes closed. I had no idea if it was night or day. But they were there, making sure I was comfortable, safe. Loved.

Alice was... I don't even know where to begin. I needed her and she was there. I didn't have to ask for a thing, it was as if she was a mind reader. She anticipated my needs and she never complained. I could sense the frustration, she didn't get any sleep, my moods were all over, but she made me her first priority.

When I began to feel better, I realized that _this_ was what a family felt like. This was so very different from my own broken family. My mother didn't have any common sense as a parent, and I was left to fend for myself when I lived with her. If I got sick, I was on my own. Instead of mothering me like I so desperately needed, she'd tell me to quit being over-dramatic and get ready for school because I wasn't _that_ sick.

I remembered one time, during a terrible bout with a stomach bug; my dad sat a cup of water next to me before he went to work, leaving me on the bathroom floor next to the porcelain god. I love Charlie, but he was a full time working, male parent who doesn't have a clue how to be a mom _and_ a dad. We didn't have an overly affectionate relationship… we didn't snuggle… he wasn't the warm and fuzzy type but he has been my source of strength more times than I could count. Charlie gave me security.

I didn't know that I'd ever been loved or _nurtured_ like this, and my heart warmed when I realized that not only Edward, but his entire family loved and cared about me. It was so surreal... in all my life, I'd never felt so anything like it.

After the IVs were over, I was dead tired. I crashed hard. For as quickly as the steroids began reeking havoc on my system, they exited just as rapidly. It was like someone pulled the floor out from under me. I couldn't function. Friday and Saturday I felt like I was dead. By Sunday, the oral steroids had kicked in and I was feeling somewhat better, it was nice to be able to just hang out with Edward. He sat next to me and curled me into him on his parent's huge couch and we watched movies and listened to his iPod. We didn't do anything strenuous, just hung out, and I realized this was how our future could be. Just quietly sharing one another's company. I never knew what I was missing.

Carlisle was the one who convinced me to take it easy for a few days. When I jerked up off the couch and told Alice we had to get to my house and pack, they all laughed and reminded me I had done the rest of it on the second day, during my burst of energy. I didn't remember the packing so much as I remembered Edward telling me that first night to pace myself so I didn't wear myself out. There hadn't been much left to pack, but I was surprised to learn I had done it single-handedly.

Officially, aside from my stuff being physically moved, I was in the new house. It would be weird being there a full week earlier than planned, but Alice offered to stay with me so I wouldn't be alone. And then, when my Dad arrived at the end of the week to move me, we'd be able to have an easier weekend. Since Alice would be moving in with Edward and me for a few months until he was ready to do things on his own, she'd be able to pack her apartment while Charlie and I visited. While I wasn't looking forward to her staying with us all the time, I remembered months ago before Edward offered me the room, that he had made arrangements for Alice to be a live-in caregiver until he could get through an entire night without assistance.

Edward had gotten his casts off while I was lost in my own little world, well Tuesday actually, but I didn't even realize until almost a week later. I had expended every _ounce_ of energy to get through that ugly treatment, but in the end, when I awoke on Wednesday, I felt like a new woman. I was steady on my feet, my hands were calm, and my vision... it was like seeing through different eyes. I didn't realize until after the fact, just how much this disease had affected my body. It was such a slow and gradual slide. Like specks of sand accumulating in the bottom of an hourglass… just one grain at a time didn't seem like so much, but suddenly time had slipped through my hands... I didn't even know how I had gotten there. The effects of my MS were eye-opening, _suddenly_.

On Thursday, I sat at Ed Sr.'s desk looking over my lesson plan for the following week. Alice had gone to run errands and I was in a blissful state of solitude. I loved Alice, truly I did, but she was noisy, and talkative, and _so terribly distracting_... I had lived a life of solitude... it was going to be _enlightening_ to have someone as lively as Alice around all the time. I thanked God... and Edward... for the oasis that they had created for me, in the form of my own bedroom.

As my mind was wandering away from where my focus needed to be, I heard the electronic lock open. "I'm in the study Alice." I hollered. She didn't answer me, and I went back to work, slipping my ear buds in my ears to effectively shut the world out. I could work while she was here if I was in my own little happy place. Surely she would understand.

It wasn't that long before I had that feeling that someone was watching me. I was jerked back into reality when I looked up into Edward's smiling face. _Edward!_

"What are you doing here? How... "

He tried to suppress his smile, but it wasn't working. "I drove." He said, and he was beaming.

"Seriously?"

"For serious, Babe."

"Has this been happening much… this driving thing?"

"Only for the past week or so."

"Did you come alone?"

"No, Jill is here, she's out back with Alice."

"Does she like the house?"

"So much so, that I'm afraid I'll have to put my foot down to make her refrain from bring every newly disabled patient here for a tour. I think I've created a monster by bringing her here."

"Oh." That _could_ constitute a problem.

"You look very hot in glasses, Miss Swan. Almost makes me wish I were ten years old again. I bet all the little boys in your class have crushes on you."

I hung my head and blushed. "They're too young to think like that."

"Oh, contraire, Miss Swan... I remember getting a little _chubby_ over a particular teacher when I was about their age."

I gasped, "Eww. Seriously? That's just... _wrong_."

He chuckled and came over as close as he could get to me. Turning his father's big leather chair by the arms, he guided it so his footrest fit perfectly between the legs coming off the base. We were, surprisingly, very close...

He leaned in, putting his hand behind my head, and pulled me in so his mouth was next to my ear, then he oh so quietly murmured, "Oh how I _wish_ I was able to have that kind of reaction, now. Because believe me, Bella, if my body was capable of expressing its feelings like that, I'd be having a real problem right now. Oh the things you do to me, Miss Swan."

I could feel my blush creeping up across my chest. We'd had little conversations about what lay ahead of us in regards to a physical relationship, but this was the first time he had ever verbalized it in such a blatantly sexual manner... it was _hot._

"You look like you _belong_ behind my father's desk. I don't know if we can both work in this study at the same time. You're very distracting Miss Swan."

I could see I would have to be the voice of reason here. "You seem to forget, Mr. Cullen that we have some other things to discuss first. Let's not put the cart before the horse." He frowned, but nodded.

"Yes, you're right, we do. I promise we will. Would you like to go out for dinner this evening? I know this quiet place... "

"How will we get there?"

"I'm not comfortable driving on my own, yet. Jill's van has dual controls, so if I have a problem while I'm driving with her, she can take over. I'm sure Alice would be willing to provide transport tonight."

"Okay."

This was it, the make it or break it conversation we should have had over a week ago, had I not been in such sorry shape.

He was grasping both my hands in his, and pulled me forward again. "We'll be okay baby. I'd do anything to make you happy. Anything... " His face was in my hair, nuzzling my neck. "I'm never letting you go." He whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him with a strength I didn't know I possessed. "Thank you. I don't know that I could live a life without you in it... and that scares me to death... to be so dependent on another person."

"I understand Bella. I'm a little anxious; too, I've never experienced feelings so overwhelming. But I have experienced losing someone, and I _know_ I can't live without you."

He backed up a little, "Come on let's go see what the girls are getting into. If we're going out, I have to make sure I get a session with Jill in early enough. This driving stuff takes a big chunk out of my daily schedule. Normally someone else goes out with me, but she couldn't wait another day to see the house."

We wandered through the house, and he stopped in the living room. Turning to face me, apparently deep in thought over something, he said, "I was thinking... I know your father is coming soon."

"Saturday. I pushed it back a day. I was feeling so terrible... " I wasn't sure how to say this without sounding terribly deceptive. "I um, I didn't want him to know how bad things had gotten... I wanted to give my body time to get back on track."

"You should be honest with him, Bella."

"I just want to have a nice peaceful weekend with him not worrying every time I pick something up that I'm overdoing it. I don't want him to coddle me. If he knows how bad it was, he won't let me lift a finger."

"That's not entirely fair to him, Bella."

"I don't want him to treat me like an invalid, I feel great now. I feel like I could move mountains, it's been soooo long since I felt this good. I didn't realize how run down I was until yesterday when I began feeling so good." I realized suddenly that I had interrupted him. "I'm sorry, you started to say something. What is it, Edward?"

"Well, I was thinking that if you weren't too terribly mad at them, perhaps you'd let my friends move your things before your father comes."

Oh, no, this wasn't happening. I needed to do this on my own. "Nope, can't go there, Cullen."

"_Why?_" He appeared slightly offended. "You know they feel terrible about what happened."

"It's nothing personal, and honestly, it's got nothing to do with that. It's just... well, my dad is coming here_ specifically _to move me. What's he going to think if my stuff is already moved in?"

"That he's got a nice quiet weekend to spend with his daughter? Look Bella, you've had a rough week or two. Let me do this for you. The guys can have your stuff in here in a few hours... you and your dad can unpack your personal stuff... but you could save him the strenuous work. Emmett and Jasper could move the heavy stuff, set up your bed, carry in your dresser and whatever else you have. You were going to use the van anyway."

"I don't know... " I didn't want to inconvenience anyone, but it _would_ be nice to just chill out with my dad and enjoy his company. "I suppose... it wouldn't hurt. When?"

"Tomorrow morning? I already took the liberty of asking both of them if they were free..."

"Augh, Cullen, you're incorrigible."

He was grinning from ear to ear. "I know."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"So tomorrow is moving day. Wow. I can't believe it's here already."

"I know," Edward looked crestfallen. "I wish it was moving day for me, too."

"Eight days," I whispered.

His mood changed immediately. "_You're_ counting the days?"

"Have been since the beginning." Now it was my turn to grin. I couldn't help myself. I'd been so caught up in this mood the past few days.

_Edward was coming home!_

"Wow. Here I thought I was the only one."

"So what's left of rehab? Do you have goals that you need to accomplish?"

"Dressing independently, driving, and I need to get a few more degrees of bend. Today is a novelty- taking time off like this. You wouldn't believe how hard I'm working. I've been in the whirlpool every day, working out on the machines... "

"Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?"

"I think you just did."

At some point, I wasn't even sure when... or how... I had ended up on Edward's lap. I snaked my arms up around his neck, tipping my face up towards his, I closed my eyes and kissed him. Softly at first, but he pulled me in tighter to his body and intensified the kiss.

Somewhere in the distance a throat was cleared. "Time to get back to work, Cullen."

He groaned, pressing our foreheads together. "My own personal slave driver. I tell you she has a whip. She's a sadist."

She laughed, almost maniacally. "Let's go, you've got work to do yet today!"

He brought his hands up to my face, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. "Tonight, Bella. Wear something comfortable, causal."

I leaned in and pecked his lips a few times. "Okay."

He patted me on the rump a few times, "Up you go then." Holding onto my hand, he steadied me as I climbed off of his lap.

"I'll see you later."

"Why don't you call your Dad and ask him to be here sometime Friday afternoon? He's leaving Sunday, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Good, that'll give you the entire weekend to just take it easy. Please think about it. I'd love to do this for you."

"Thanks, I'll call him. We don't spend enough time together."

Charlie wasn't getting any younger, and I thought back to Easter weekend when he told me he was considering an early retirement. Yeah, it was a nice idea to just have the entire weekend with him.

Everyone began talking about different things, and Edward and Jill gravitated towards the door. Soon they were gone and I didn't know that we even said goodbye.

Alice popped her head in the study right after I had hung up with Charlie. "So, you're okay with Em and Jasper moving your stuff?"

"Yeah, it's kinda nice, actually. I guess, they're okay guys. I'm still not ready to just forget about what happened, but I'm not one to hold grudges, they aren't healthy. I'm ready to move on."

"And Edward? Have you forgiven him?"

"We're going out tonight; I guess he asked you for a ride?" She nodded her head. "We're talking tonight. He's been forgiven from the beginning, I just... I need to know that I'm not going to be one of those girlfriends who's sitting by the phone while her guy is out carousing with his friends till all hours. I... I can't do that. When I lived at home, and my dad worked, I never knew if he was safe. I'd sleep with the phone while he patrolled 11-7. I'm not saying he has to report his every move to me, but its common courtesy when you're in a relationship to let your significant other know you're safe."

"I understand, Bella. Really I do." It was with a wistful and far away gaze, which reminded me just how much she understood. Her relationship didn't make it through that weekend unscathed, and I wondered if she and Jasper would ever make amends.

"Are _you_ going to be okay with the guys moving my things, Alice?"

"Yeah, um, I'll be okay. I'm a big girl Bella." Her mouth might be saying the words, but the way her lip trembled and her eyes welled up, I could tell she wasn't.

"Oh Alice." I pulled her in close to me and squeezed her tight as she sobbed.

As suddenly as it started, she pushed away from me. "That's enough of that. I'm not going to mourn a romance that wasn't meant to be. He's always been a flirt, and I've ignored it all these years, but when he came clean about _everything_ that weekend... he admitted that while he hadn't been physically _unfaithful_ to me, mentally, well you know... I just really need to assess our relationship. I'm not ready to be committed if he isn't 100%."

"Maybe you should go somewhere else tomorrow. You don't need to be here."

"What and give him the impression that I'm all broken hearted? No way Bella; I'm a strong woman, I'll suck it up and help. I'm not letting _any_ man affect me like that."

"You are a strong woman, Alice. I don't know if I'd have that much resolve."

She chuckled sardonically, "The man has given me ten years of experience. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I think it's time for me to see what else is out there. It's not like I'm stringing him along. He knows we're separated. I haven't given him any reason to hang on to false hope."

"I think you should consider dating other guys. At the very least it will show him that you're not sitting around waiting for him to come crawling back to you."

"There is this single doctor I know ... "

I was really nervous when we went to pick up Edward. Alice had offered to do my hair and makeup, but this wasn't a date where I was trying to impress him. We had things to discuss, and I just wanted to get it over with so we could move on. In my head it was the one thing that was holding me back. I didn't want to go into this with Edward with anything hanging over us, and the fact was, the clock was no longer ticking, its hands were spinning.

The late spring weather was warm and I didn't want to get too hot, so I dressed in a little button down shirt and a pair of cotton slacks. I also pulled my hair up off my neck into a ponytail and wore my favorite pair of chucks. He said to dress comfortably!

When we pulled in, Edward was waiting outside wearing his trademark smile. I had been seeing more and more of it as he got closer to his release date. I could remember a day when he wasn't nearly as happy. He had grown so much since our beginning six months ago.

_This_ man_, this_ Edward, is the one I remembered meeting when I had first gotten sick. The one who spoke so openly with me about disability, and tests- those horrible bladder function tests- the guy who accompanied me to that first support group meeting. He was back, and oh how I looked forward to spending time with _him_. I was committed to being with Edward, to sharing a relationship, a romance... and it didn't matter if he was in a grand mood or a sour one, I was in. But I'd never truly spent any quality time with him when he was in this new and improved state of mind. It was a little exciting... exhilarating, even. I remembered thinking way back when we first met that he was such an incredible man- inside and out- and how I had longed for someone like that, even though I knew he was so far out of my league... how a man like him couldn't possibly want someone as broken as me. I didn't think I could ever measure up...

Eighteen months ago, when we met, I wouldn't have given this a chance. Something so surreal could only end in heartbreak. I would've never given him the time of day... It's amazing how fate sometimes steps in and drops exactly what you need into your lap. I felt so fortunate that all these things had happened to bring him into my life, for in as much as I loathed my disability and all the headaches that came with it, I would have never crossed his path. It took me a long time, but I finally felt it... that things my support group peers wore on their sleeves... disability pride.

I owed my transformation to this wonderful man... and his transformation... My Edward had been transformed from a caterpillar in a cocoon... and I laughed a little at my analogy- thinking of the body cast... into the most beautiful butterfly. I couldn't wait to see him testing his wings and soaring back into life.

I stepped out of the car so he could get in, and Alice lowered the ramp. With no effort at all he slipped into the car and pulled in over his lockdown. Alice looked at him earnestly, "Do you want to drive? I can move the seat."

I hesitated, wanting to give him a minute to decide before I got back in. "No way, Alice, not with you and Bella in the car. I'm not ready yet." He looked out through the opening at me. "Its okay, Bella, get in. I'm just here for the ride."

I got back in and fastened my seat belt. Alice started the car and pulled out into traffic.

I leaned up between their seats. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to drive. I didn't want you to decline on my account."

"No, I'm not comfortable driving with a passenger yet. I'm just getting used to this. Jill can control the car if I have a problem. Alice can't."

"So, when _will_ you drive your car?"

"Next week, in fact, we're going to move it to rehab this weekend, and I'll drive it the rest of the time I'm there. I _know_ how to drive, and I have a license, but it's been so long since I have, I just want to be safe. I'm still a little anxious about being out in traffic."

"I can sort of relate to that. I can't imagine driving now, and it hasn't quite been two years."

"We have to work on getting your license re-instated, Bella. There's no reason for you not to be driving. You're capable."

"When they took it, they said my reaction time was slow, Dr. Gerandy reported it to the DMV."

"At the time, it was an appropriate thing to do and by law, if a doctor doesn't feel a patient can drive safely, it's his legal responsibility to report it. They give the patient every opportunity to appeal it and test immediately."

"I wasn't ready to drive then. I couldn't even walk." My voice was barely a whisper.

"I know baby, but it's not like that now. You're strong and healthy. You could get it back."

"I wasn't that strong or healthy last week."

"I suggest that during a period where you're well, you get your license. You could go years without another setback. If the day comes where you feel that you're not able to drive, exercise caution and let other people transport you."

"I don't think I could go out on the road with someone like that guy who arrested you. Someone like that would just be waiting for me to make a mistake; I'd be under so much scrutiny I'd fail." I shuddered, just thinking about it.

"I think you should discuss it with your Dad. You could test at any state license center. Perhaps there is one close to Forks."

"I'd almost feel like I was putting my dad on the spot, isn't that a conflict of interest?"

"Not if you don't ask your dad to test you. Just think about it Bella."

"I will."

"So, how is it that no one called and reported _your_ license, Edward?" He looked over his shoulder at me wearing his signature smirk.

"Conflict of interest, Bella."

Alice began to slow down and I looked out the window. I hadn't been paying attention to my where abouts… we appeared to be in a rural area, a park or something.

Pulling into a parking space, Alice opened up the vehicle so we could get out. I stepped out first so Edward's path was unobstructed. Alice walked around to the trunk and pulled out a picnic basket and a jacket for each of us. As soon as Edward was out, she touched the magnet to the tail light and everything closed up automatically, then the car beeped letting us know it had locked.

We strolled up a secluded path and stepped into an open area with a little gazebo. The gazebo was ramped and had a small round table with three small benches and an opening for a wheelchair.

Edward looked at me hesitantly. "I hope this is okay. You asked for something private, and mom put together a nice picnic for us. I haven't been here for a few years, but it's peaceful."

"Its fine, Edward. What a beautiful spot!"

Alice covered the table with a paper table cloth and set out two divided plastic dishes, plastic utensils, napkins, bottles of water. She laid the jackets over the railing and picked up the basket.

"Esme said to tell you everything is disposable. I'm taking the basket with me. Just call me when you want picked up, okay?"

Edward seemed to be mulling something over. "Let's plan on 7:30 back here at the gazebo, in case I don't have service, or whatever?" He looked at me, "Better safe than sorry," I think we were both remembering _that_ weekend.

"Seven thirty is fine with me. See you in a bit."

"You want to eat first, or talk, Bella?"

"I think the eating part will come easier after we talk, I sort of have butterflies right now." They were fluttering inside of me so frantically that I feared one would come out each time I opened my mouth. My hand was on my stomach and suddenly, this didn't seem like such a brave idea.

He held his hand out, "Come on, sit on my lap, we'll go for a little stroll. We can talk while we're on the move."

Hesitantly, I climbed up onto his lap. He helped me get situated so that he could reach the joystick.

I felt a jerk and the chair tipped back, I let out a squeal and grabbed a hold of his arm. "It is okay, Bella. I won't drop you. I just wanted to tilt you into me so you'd be more secure if we hit a bump." I looked up to find him peering down at me, concern etched on his face.

"I'm not afraid."

"Good."

We traveled down the path a short ways in silence; finally he was the first to address the elephant in the room. "So, you wanted to talk... presumably about... _us_?"

I tried to get it out, but I just couldn't form the words. I didn't want him to think I didn't trust him; there were areas like with my health, where I would trust him with my life...

He stopped driving and looked at me, patience written all over his face, waiting until I was ready.

_I could do this._

"You know," I began. "A week ago when you had your illustrious weekend with the boys, I was prepared to make you grovel for my affections." I tugged on the button on his shirt. "I was so frustrated, and when I left you sleeping in that bed, all I wanted to do was make you feel as desperate as I did watching you while you were so sick. My gut instinct told me to leave you stewing, let you wonder if the whole situation was the straw that would break the camel's back." I looked up into his worried green eyes. "But, I'd spent my afternoon in that recliner just thinking, trying to understand why I was mad. And even though I wanted to dish out some punishment to make you really think about how I felt, in the end, I realized that my anger stemmed from the frustration of the entire situation, and I couldn't truly be mad at you for _everything_ that happened."

Edward tentatively stroked my knuckles. "When I woke up and you were gone, and Carlisle told me to give you some space, my heart was shattered when I heard I wasn't supposed to call you...I was sure I had lost you forever..." It gripped my heart to see him looking so tortured. "I don't know that I can live without you Bella."

He tipped us back again then strolled further down the trail, going slow enough that we could continue talking, but still moving along the scenic route.

I didn't know how to confirm the overwhelming feelings _I had_, while still driving my point home. Hoping for the best, I just jumped in with both feet. "I'm beginning to feel the same way, and it scares the hell out of me. I know that you used to go out after work from time to time, but I need to know if this is a common occurrence. Will you be going out like this once you get out of rehab because I need to know if I'm going to be up waiting and wondering every weekend if you're alright?" He opened his mouth and I shook my head, putting my fingers over his lips. "Please, Edward, let me get this out first. I promise to give you my undivided attention."

Suddenly Edward's calm facade cracked and the chair lurched ahead before coming to a complete rest. Taking his hand off the joystick, he reached down and flipped the power switch off.

"Okay."

"There's some things I need to share with you which I hope will help you understand why this entire incident was so stressful for me. Since you were able to confide in me what happened with Tanya, I am able to disclose this with you." I took a steadying breath. I didn't want to share this, but I needed to.

"My life has changed so much from a year and a half ago. I see life differently now, and I can't, I won't, take things for granted." I began worrying the hem of my shirt. "A couple years ago I dated someone who drank and was unpredictable. Being with Tyler was like being with a ticking time bomb, and he roughed me up a few times. I know that the circumstances surrounding what happened last weekend were extenuating and magnified because of your medications, but I can't live like that again, Edward."

I watched as Edward's knuckles turned white on the hand that wasn't resting on the joystick.

"What do you mean by _roughed you up_?" A dark cloud passed over his expression.

"He took a hold of me a few times and left handprints on my arms. I got pushed around a few times too."

"I'd like to leave a handprint on him..." he grumbled under his breath. "Bella, you gotta know I'd never hurt you baby."

"I know you'd never_ mean to _hurt me, but now that I'm living with MS and have endured the stress of what this weekend has created, well," I took a haggard breath, "I need to know that I can count on you to be there for me. Edward, seeing you injured and dehydrated... it all had an affect on my well-being. You know I can't handle stress and I wouldn't be able to take care of you if you came home sick like that again."

A bluebird swooped down from a tree, momentarily catching my eye.

"Edward, I know you'd never intentionally do anything negligent, and this probably sounds so far-fetched, but it still gives me the chills, last weekend really shook my resolve. You have to know that ideally, I want to be able to trust you, as my significant other. I want to rely on you to take care of me if I need you, if I'm no longer able to take care of myself." A tremor rippled through me, causing me to rub my hand up and down my arm. "Even if you're only able to monitor me or make a phone call if I get into trouble; I know that your physical limitations will make it impossible for you to provide any sort of personal care for me, but in all reality, I know that I will probably deteriorate more rapidly than you will." I swallowed a lump, saying that out loud was harder than I thought it would be. "A week from now an exacerbation could hit and I might be blind, or unable to talk, or swallow, or walk. As long as your condition remains static and you don't have some secondary condition that flares up, you could remain as healthy as you are now for a very long time."

Searching his eyes, I continued. "I'm scared, Edward. I don't know what my future holds, and it's terrifying to put all my trust in another person, even if he is a promising neurologist and a whiz-kid scientist. But you're still human, and as we experienced last weekend, you make human mistakes."

"I, uh..." He began to interject, but I had to drive my point home before my train of thought got derailed.

"Please, hon, just let me say my peace, I need to do this." He nodded his head stoically. "I want to share a story with you. Just give me a few minutes without interrupting so I can get it all out."

"I have a friend from Partners. Let's call her _Mary_. Two years ago, Mary was a 911 dispatcher. The stress of her job caused her to become so debilitated she had to crawl out of the basement of the courthouse she worked in, practically on her hands and knees. Finally, after being rushed to the hospital, she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Today, she uses a wheelchair fulltime. She can't even do something as simple as hold a drinking glass. She got hit really hard with it- Chronic Progressive MS. Her husband _John_ provides nearly all her personal care. She is homebound, and has just begun to tap into the resources of her local CIL. Her mother brings her to the Partners meetings and the agency that sponsors it provides an aide so she can participate. She is on a waiting list for attendant services and has to rely solely on family members to provide interim care." I trembled, understanding that one day, this could be me.

"Her mother sits with her during the day, but her parents are elderly and most of the responsibility falls on the husband. John drinks to cope with the overwhelming responsibility of caring for her. The scary part is that he holds his liquor so well that she has no idea just how intoxicated he really is. She shared at this last meeting that she wishes she could give him an ultimatum, but she has no one else to care for her, and would end up in a nursing home. Even if he is an alcoholic, she loves him and wants him to be able to care for her.

"A few months ago," I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I hurt for Mary as she shared this, and I cleared my throat before I continued. "He took her into the bathroom and sat her on the toilet. He had already begun his after work boozing ritual, but by the time she was done in the bathroom he had passed out on their bed. She didn't have the phone with her, and sat on the toilet over eight hours before he woke up and found her. Another time, he took her to the local grocery store, and when he pivoted her out of the car, he got confused about what he was doing, pulled up her skirt and dropped her panties, thinking she needed to sit on the toilet." Now the tears flowed imagining the humiliation she endured.

Edward wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. "He shouldn't even be caring for her, let alone operating a car she's a passenger in." Edward softly spoke, easing the ache in my heart.

"No, he shouldn't, but right now he is the only person she has to rely on. I'm terrified of getting sick like that. I need to know that if I need you, even if it's just to make a phone call and tell someone I have to pee, that you'll be there for me, with your wits about you. John didn't used to drink, you know..."

"Bella, I'd never jeopardize your health like that. Hearing stories like that makes my blood boil. You can't honestly think I'd ever leave you in a situation like that. You know you can count on me!"

"No, I don't think you would. But even you said yourself that alcohol took away your inhibitions and allowed you to do things you would never do sober... I didn't think own my mother would abandon me like she has, or like she did when I was a small child..."

I had to make him understand how my past and its disappointments had shaped my life. "My mother is a recovering alcoholic. When I was a little girl, she left one day to buy a gallon of milk, and it was_ years_ before she came back for me. I am her _only_ child."

"You honestly don't think I'd leave... "

"No, I don't think you'd _intentionally_ leave me. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really freaked out when I found out what happened. Do you know that in the state of Washington a DUI carries a twelve month sentence for a first offender?"

"No. I didn't."

"I've come to rely on you, Edward, to depend on you in my life. I'd be lost without you for a year... and where would I go if you were locked away somewhere?"

"That charge was ludicrous, and you know it!"

"And Smith was also completely within the law to charge you. As long as the motor vehicle definition states that your wheelchair is a vehicle, the law is entirely enforceable."

He was looking off somewhere in the distance when he said, "We both know they don't have the facilities to... " and I interrupted him.

"You're right, the state of Washington _doesn't_ have facilities equipped to care for a paraplegic. However, there are _over three hundred _inmates currently incarcerated in Washington state penitentiaries, who are either paraplegics or quadriplegics. I can't imagine the care is any better than substandard."

He screwed his face up and I could tell he was thinking. "You would still live in the house. No one could take that away from me."

"I could never afford to live there alone."

He looked down at me, "You honestly think I'd allow you to be put out on the street?"

"No, I don't, but you have to understand you're not above the law. Your special circumstances and your hard as nails attorney saved your ass. You _know better_ now. They won't make an exception again."

"I don't ever plan on something like that happening again, Bella. Honest to God. I won't ever go out drinking again, if that's what you want. I'll stay home, I promise."

"That's not what I want, and it's not fair to you or your friends. I know that you've had a few beers with the guys at work in the past. I know you like to go to the bowling alley after a long day and wind down. I am not going to tell you that you aren't allowed to socialize with your friends, but I do expect to know what your plans are so I'm not at home worrying, _and_ I expect you to have a back-up plan if you need a ride. No more public drunkenness."

"I understand."

"I believe you do understand, Edward." I touched his arm.

"I know that seeing is believing," he twined his fingers with mine. "I've shown you that I can be irresponsible, but Bella, that wasn't me. I can be depended on and I want you to know that I can be trusted to be there for you. I promise. I know actions speak louder than words."

"I believe you, and I understand there are gonna be nights when you're working late. I guess I just need to know that you're safe. I lived with my mom for a while, and when I moved back in with Charlie, there were so many nights that I had no idea if he was okay. There'd be a hold-up someplace and I'd sit up all night by the phone. I just... I don't handle stress well anymore it seems."

"I promise baby, I'll be considerate."

"That's all I ask."

He looked like a little boy when he asked, "So, I'm still permitted to see my friends?"

"You're a grown man, Edward. I just ask that you act like one."

"I will. Is there anything else on your mind?"

"Actually, yeah, tell me about this girl Emmy. I heard that you got all busted up defending her honor. Your face looks great by the way." I had been in my own little world as it was healing; now the sutures were gone and the bruising had faded. There was a fine pink line that ran down about 1/2 an inch from the corner of his mouth. It almost pulled his lips down into a frown when he wasn't smiling. I knew, in time, it would fade and become a silvery line and I'd be the only one who even realized it was there.

Edward scratched his head. "Hmm... Emmy. That's not the entire story. The guys missed half of it. When we were in the bar, I had run into the restroom, and as I was cathing, this jerk came in and started making derogatory remarks about them letting people _like me_ into the bar."

"Oh Edward," I was beginning to see where this was leading, and I swear I saw red.

"I crammed everything back into my backpack. I didn't stop to rinse the urinal or anything. He was drunk and I was intimidated, what if he roughed me up or something? The things he was saying were truly hateful. I didn't want to be in there alone with him."

"That's why everything had urine all over it."

"Yes. Anyway, I went back out to where the pool table was, we had been right next to it playing darts. Someone had put two drinks on the table where we were hanging out, one of them had umbrellas and looked like a _feminine_ drink, for lack of a better term... "

"Anyway, he came out after me. He was taunting me about drinking sissy drinks. That was when I slammed the last tequila. When he said I probably couldn't get it up, after he'd seen me in the bathroom with the catheter, I lost it. He was trying to imply that I was there trying to pick her up. Apparently he and his band of idiots have harassed her and her two friends in the past. When he got rough with her I lost it and hit him. Bella, I swear, when I looked at her scared face, all I could think of was you. We only played one round of darts; I don't know we might have been talking a total of 15-20 minutes- tops. She knew I was committed to someone, nothing happened. You _have_ to believe me."

"No, I don't _have to_ do anything of the sort, but I _do_ believe you. You've been up front about that from the very beginning. I don't believe you'd be unfaithful. I'd like to think that the damage Tanya did to your psyche is so ingrained that you'd never consider hurting me like that. I know she didn't cheat on you, but it's really the only thing I have to use as a reference point."

"Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt. I know I don't deserve it. I'm so sorry about everything Bella."

He looked so sad, and so humble. I don't think the man was capable of lying to me. I'd know right away. "We'll be okay, Edward. I know we will. We're a team, we have to remember that."

"Bella? Why didn't you tell me how bad you were feeling? In a way, it's along the lines of what you just told me. We need to be honest with each other. Why didn't you tell me you were in trouble?"

He had me there. I did owe him an explanation, too. "I, um, hmm… where do I start? I didn't realize until the day you were sick in bed at Carlisle's that I was having some kind of episode. Both your dad and Alice commented that I didn't look well. I was off balance, and I was so tired. But, I really thought I'd be okay if I rested."

"But you weren't okay."

"No, I wasn't. I wanted to come to you, but I remembered something Carlisle said once, that I'd have to decide whether I wanted you to be my doctor, or my boyfriend. Because if anyone where you worked realized you were caring for me as a patient, and then we ended up in a relationship, you would end up in front of the ethics board and you could lose your license."

Edward's head dropped, as if he had never once considered the implications. "You're right. I probably would."

"Right now, there's no official record of you ever treating me as a patient. You ordered tests, and you came to talk with me, _unofficially,_ but you hadn't even _seen_ me as a patient since that was done. I knew that if I got you involved, especially right know while you're in such a visible medical setting, that you could get into trouble. You are my boyfriend. I _don't want_ you to be my doctor. I promise I'll come to you for advice, but I couldn't do it last week. Once I got in that office everything happened so fast- I blinked and was sitting in a recliner with a needle in my arm. I almost felt like that kid in the Christmas movie who went to see Santa hoping to convince him he needs a BB gun but ends up asking for a truck... I was so gob smacked that I didn't fully realize what I'd agreed to until it was already in motion."

"I can see your point, and I understand. It just hurts that you didn't tell me you were in trouble."

"I didn't really know that I was. I just thought I'd overdone it. I know better now what to look for. I promise not to let things get out of hand. Please tell me you're not going to get all over protective. Don't smother me. Okay?"

"I'll do my best to curb my _doctor tendencies_."

"Thanks." I looked up at him, and I couldn't help myself. I reached up and pulled his face down to mine for a kiss. Just as our lips connected, my stomach growled... and Edward threw his head back laughing.

"Come on Bella, let's get you fed."

When we pulled into the gazebo, everything was just as we'd left it. I was almost surprised. "No one bothered anything."

"No, it's fairly private. I wasn't overly concerned. If anyone had taken our dinner, I suppose it'd mean they needed it more than us."

He stopped a few feet from the table, and lowered the front of the chair. Always the gentleman, he helped me off his lap and held onto me until I was on my feet. I took the lids off our dishes. Esme had made several cold salads. There was antipasto with tons of fresh veggies, ham, cheeses, salami... there was some kind of salad with spaghetti, a light dressing, and pepperoni, and there was a salad with raw broccoli and cauliflower, bacon and cheese... There were also two fluffy, home made croissants and a fresh cup of fruit for each of us.

Edward looked at me and snorted. "So what does your dad think about us moving in together?"

"Um, he doesn't know the whole story?" I didn't sound very sure of myself. How was I ever going to convince Charlie that this was a good idea?

"What _does_ he know?"

"That I'm moving in with a disabled guy I met in the hospital. I explained that I was renting a room, and that your house was accessible and I couldn't beat the price. I reminded him how hard it was for me to get in and out of my house. And... I might have mentioned that it was a community where a lot of disabled people lived and our arrangement wasn't all that uncommon."

"So, in other words... "

I hung my head in shame. "I lied to him."

"Are you ashamed of me, Bella?" I jerked my head up to look at him, his eyes were sad. Pleading with me for reassurance.

"What? No! Of course not!"

"Is there any reason why you wouldn't tell him about us?"

"He questioned me about you at Easter."

"Easter?"

"Apparently I fell asleep in the car, I may have been talking about you in my sleep."

"You were dreaming about _me? Seriously?_"

"Yeah, so he said. He asked me who _Edward_ was."

"But he doesn't know we're a couple?"

"Uh, not yet. He doesn't know you're the doctor who diagnosed me, either. I mean, he knows who _that doctor_ is, but he doesn't know you're _that doctor._ Are you following me?"

"So how do you plan to explain things to him?"

I didn't _know_ how to explain it. "I'm not sure. I know I'm going to have to. He's just so gung-ho for me to move back home to Forks. I don't want to move back in with my Dad. If he knows I was having trouble last week, it'll just validate his argument. Everything I love is in Seattle. You... your family... my volunteer work at the CIL… my job... the kids I counsel. He doesn't understand. He thinks I should drop everything and come home, get a job on the reservation and teach the little Quileute kids all day. My dreams are bigger than that. I love Charlie- so very much- but I can't live in that house. If something were to happen, I just… the bedrooms and toilet are on the second floor. I couldn't do it when I first got sick and I can't do it now."

"Have you explained that to him?"

"I've tried."

"Bella, you need to be honest with him."

"I promise I'll explain this weekend. We've got plenty of time together, thanks to you and your friends. I really do appreciate that, by the way."

We heard the crunch of tires on gravel and Edward looked at his watch. "Alice. I suppose it's time to go back."

I sighed, "I guess so."

"Promise me you'll have a talk with your dad. It's important to be honest with him, Bella. You're not close to your mother; you don't want to alienate him. Life's short." He wore a pained expression, and I knew why, and I realized how truly fortunate I was.

Yes, I'd be talking about us with Charlie, but I suspected it wouldn't be pretty when I did.

Alice drove us to the old apartment on Friday morning, and I walked through to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I wasn't going to miss the place. I never realized how cramped or inaccessible it was, until I moved into the new house. I marveled over the fact that I had actually lived here for several months _in a wheelchair_.

I was checking the fridge to make sure I had a few drinks and snacks for the guys. Emmett's reputation preceded him, and I knew he had a gargantuan appetite. I figured a few hours of hossing my stuff around would cause him to be hungry. Alice and I had stopped and purchased a few hand tossed, pre-made pizzas which could be piping hot and ready to go for them in about ten minutes. I was also able to order a low salt personal pizza for myself. I was avoiding salt like the plague. While the week of oral steroids had tapered me off the meds gradually, it also caused me to bloat, horribly. I could barely button my pants, and my extremities were so puffy that my fingers felt like little sausages. Edward reassured me that it was a temporary side effect, and limiting my salt, while increasing my fluid intake would help to ease my discomfort in a few days. Thankfully the _moon face_ I'd been sporting ad finally subsided. At least my face looked normal.

Someone pounded loudly on the door and I hurried to open it. When I grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open, I looked up, expecting to see Emmett's huge form hovering over me. Instead I was graced with Edward's smiling face.

"How...? " I was suddenly dumbfounded. _Earth to Bella._ "You're _here_?"

"Uh, yeah." He stammered. "I hope its okay."

It was better than okay. It was _nice._ "Did you come to keep me occupied so I'd stay out of trouble?" I asked with my hands on my hips. This was a diversionary tactic, I was certain.

"Actually, you do realize we won't see each other again until Monday."

I hadn't realized. "Oh." My spirits fell. I suppose he was right, I had some explaining to do with Charlie, and I wasn't sure when or how I was going to tell him about Edward and me. He would hit the roof if he knew we were a couple now. He would totally get the wrong impression and I wasn't ready for that to happen. No, I wasn't ready to introduce my father to my boyfriend. But it was only a matter of time. Better he find out from me.

"Yeah. _Oh_. I'm really going to miss you, Bella."

I dropped my hands and moved from my spot in the doorway. "Come inside. There's not really anyplace for us to go. We can hang out in the kitchen, but it's really cramped. I'm sorry." I looked behind him into the hallway, but it was unoccupied. "Where are the guys?"

"Emmett was bringing me up the steps when the Goodwill truck pulled up. He and Jasper were talking with them, and then they were all going to come up here to formulate a plan."

"Oh, that's perfect timing. After they take the living room furniture out of here, we'll have so much more room to navigate the other things. As you can see, I don't have a lot of stuff."

My kitchen was little more than a galley, and there was very little room. Edward couldn't turn around in it that was for sure. "You'd better back in as far as you can go... "

He poked his head into the kitchen and shook his head. "When it's empty, and we're not in anyone's way, you have got to show me around. I can't imagine how you navigated this with a wheelchair... and an aide, how did you both manage without tripping over one another?"

"Oh, no, it was the most fun the few days my dad _and_ the aide were here. Waaay too much fun."

He turned around, and looking over his shoulder, I watched as Edward backed carefully into the kitchen. "Did you seriously wheel all the way in here to get to the fridge and then back out? This is testing my abilities, and no offense, I've got a few years of experience under my belt."

I was so embarrassed, and hung my head as I answered. "Uh, no. When I was in the chair, my friend Jake loaned me one of those dorm refrigerators and a pint-sized microwave. I kept them both on the table. My aide cooked meals for me and left portioned servings in little microwave dishes. There was enough room in there for a day of meals and snacks and enough space on the door for a days worth of bottled water. I kept a cup on the bathroom sink too. She forgot the bottles of water a few times."

I heard his sharp intake of breath at that. "She left you without a drink?"

"No... she left me without a _cold_ drink. I was fine Edward. Really."

"But... "

"But nothing. I had food, I had drink, and I had a way to serve myself. It was okay. I managed, Edward."

"But drinking out of the bathroom faucet..."

"I do it every day when I brush my teeth. Sad thing is, the bathroom is more accessible than the kitchen is."

"I'll have to see that." At least I had steered him away from the _drink_ conversation.

I heard Emmett's clumsy steps clomping down the hallway before I saw him, and I had to smile to myself. I think it was the first time _I_ ever referred to another human being as _clumsy_. I guess there was a first time for everything.

I turned around just as he grabbed me in a suffocating hug and picked me up off the ground. It was _strange._

"Hey Bella!

"Hey yourself you big oaf. Put me down please."

I had to snicker at his embarrassed expression. He gently lowered my feet to the floor. "Sorry. I just... you've always just been a patient. I've never known you as Eddie's girl. I've never known _anyone_ as Eddie's girl. You've completely changed his outlook on life."

"Yeah, well, I'm still mad at you so... just behave yourself okay? I don't want to be in a foul mood when my dad gets here in a few hours."

A voice from behind me quipped, "And quit calling me Eddie."

"You're entirely too stuffy, _Edward._"

On anyone else, the name might have been stuffy, but on Edward, _my_ Edward, I couldn't imagine ever wanting to call him anything else.

Jasper stood in the doorway, accompanied by two men wearing uniforms from Goodwill. "Hey Bella, these gentlemen are here for your _furniture_?"

I realized all of a sudden that he and Emmett might not be aware that I wasn't taking it all. I looked past him to the guys in the hallway.

"Hello. Come on in. Everything is in the living room." I walked the few steps it took into my largest room and pointed out the things that were going. Jasper smiled and looked around.

"It's much emptier than last time I was here." It took me a minute to follow... he was here during my first ill fated Christmas in the place. It was weird, even though I had been a resident here; I'd yet to spend a Christmas here. Hopefully, my next home wouldn't be so unlucky... or perhaps, it was just me... and then I realized the past two Christmases had been the same for Edward as well. Perhaps we were both unfortunate. Our luck had to improve... I certainly hoped our Christmases wouldn't all be cursed, I rather liked the holiday once upon a time. It would be nice to make some new memories.

"You remember coming here?"

"Oh yeah, I remember your dad barking out orders like a drill sergeant. I remember thinking the only reason he needed the EMTs was for our ambulance."

"Yeah, that would be my dad. I try not to think about that day too much."

"Makes sense."

I realized that poor Edward was still marooned in my tiny kitchen, and Alice... I couldn't be sure where she was, but she wasn't in sight. Poor Alice, I could only imagine how tough this must be for her.

"I could show you two the bedroom. The bed needs to come apart, and you'll probably want to take the drawers out of my dresser. It was my Gran's. It's, uh, it's made out of real wood. It's kinda heavy."

Emmett snorted. "Not a problem, little Bella. Lead the way."

I heard noises coming from the closet when I passed it. At least I knew where Alice had gotten to.

I showed them my room and once I knew they were occupied for a while, I went in search of her. I tapped on the closet door before I opened it, the door creaked open and the little raven haired girl reached out and grabbed me, yanking me inside the confined space with her.

"Oh, Bella, this is harder than I thought. Just seeing him makes me all befuddled. I want to stand my ground, but it would be so much easier to act like nothing ever happened. I thought I could do this."

I wanted to empathize, but I couldn't, I still had Edward, and I truly believed we could go no place but forward.

"What are you doing now? Here in my closet... "

"Oh," she smiled, "I was just sorting out the things you wouldn't need. You know Goodwill donates money to employment programs for the disabled, right?"

"I did know that, but I forgot. I was going to donate some things to the CIL, but I suppose, that either way, since it's helping people with disabilities... You're thinking they can just take it now?"

"Why not? What do you want to keep?"

"Definitely the wheelchair, um, probably the walker, maybe the bed rail thing? I won't need anything for the bathroom, Edward saw to that. It's all clean. I paid my old attendant to go over everything." I realized that I'd just put myself in Edward's hands. I wasn't going to give much of this stuff away yet, until I was sure of us. But I realized that I needed to put forth a show of faith. I needed to show him that I was committed. This was a beginning.

"Okay, so while the guys are in the bedroom working, I'll get things out of here. Maybe I can just stay out of their way. Busy work is a good distraction."

"I'm proud of you Alice. If it gets to be too much, just go for a walk or something. I'll sit here until you get back."

"Thanks, but you need my help today. I'll be alright. I just have to stand my ground. Jasper can be persuasive. It's hard to tell him no."

I leaned over and gave her a big hug. "Thanks for everything Alice. I can only imagine how hard this is for you."

"You're welcome, hon. It is, but come on, let's get busy. I'll be fine."

I stepped out of the closet and looked around. The Goodwill guys had a chair, and some accent tables to take. I peered into my bedroom and the bed was gone. My drawers were stacked in a corner. I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. I walked around, looking behind doors, in corners; I stepped past the small bar that divided my kitchen and living area and looked down. My heart dropped.

Exuding the patience of a saint, and still stuffed into my tiny kitchen sat Edward. Oh my God, I was a terrible girlfriend. I'd only been at this officially for a few days and I was already failing at it. God help me if I ever had pets or children. Scratch the children part; I'd better practice with a pet for a good long time.

I covered my face with my hands, peeking out from between my fingers. "Oh Edward. Why didn't you say something? I completely forgot you were even here. I got so caught up in the moment. Oh God... I'm a terrible girlfriend."

He reached out for my hand with a smile. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. I knew you'd be busy when I chose to come along; I just wanted to be a part of this in _some_ small way. It's not like you parked me and I couldn't move myself. I'll be fine until they get the big stuff out."

"I need to catch the Goodwill fellows when they come back in. I have some medical equipment I'd like to donate."

"Is that what Alice is doing?"

"Yeah, she's having a hard time being here with Jasper. I found her in there by herself."

"She'll be okay. As long as she stays busy. This isn't the first time this has happened. I just don't know how many times they can bounce back. He was going to ask her to move in with him when her lease is up at the end of the month."

"She told me, she's going to stay with us instead."

"Well, it _was_ the original plan. Not forever, just until I'm completely back on my feet. Is that going to be a problem? I should have discussed it with you first. I didn't even think."

"It's fine. I have known for some time that she was going to stay on as a live-in for a few months. It will give her time to find a nice place when you're ready for her to go."

"I hope I'm able to get my body back on track soon. I promise, I'm going to work every day to get better. I won't let you down Bella."

"I'm sure we'll be fine." And I knew we would be.

I saw one of the guys from Goodwill walk past with my shower chair. I guess Alice gave them the memo. When I looked into the living room, my TV sat on the floor with a few other electronics, and my wheelchair and other durable medical things were up against the wall next to them. The rest of the room was bare, save for the dust bunnies that were residing in the corners.

"Come on, I believe it's safe now. All the big stuff is out."

"I'm fine in the cubby hole here."

"I need to make some food for Brutus... and you're in my way."

We both laughed as Edward got out of my way. He narrowly missed getting smacked with a set of toilet safety rails. I wouldn't miss those. The grab bars in our bathrooms were really classy. Everything looked so natural, like it all just belonged. The equipment I had here stuck out like a sore thumb.

I watched as he turned into the living room, backing himself into a corner to stay out of the flow of traffic. Soon there would be nothing left to take.

I had preheated the oven earlier, so all I had to do was throw the pizzas in. Thankfully I'd pulled a few cookie sheets out of a box a few days before. I didn't have my pizza cutter, but a pair of kitchen shears would suffice.

I readied a bunch of paper plates and napkins then began setting bottles of water on the bar. One of the men taking the furniture handed me a slip of paper. "This is a list of the items you've donated. You can enter an amount you feel is appropriate for value to be used for tax purposes. Thank you for your donation."

"Oh thank _you_ for coming and taking it. I hope someone can get some use out of it."

"I'm sure they will Miss Swan. Best wishes in your new home."

_My new home._ That was the first time someone outside my little circle of friends and loved ones had said it and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I couldn't contain my smile. "Thanks."

The door wasn't closed and Emmett's booming voice could be heard throughout the tiny apartment. With hardwood floors and nothing in it to absorb the sound, I feared the neighbors would be pounding on the door to quiet us down. Thankfully I wouldn't have to face any of them again.

"Bella! Where's the food? We had a deal! You said you'd feed us and we're done!"

I smacked his bicep, and my hand stung a little. Geeze, the guy was solid.

"The food will be done when the timer goes off. Why don't you grab a bag of chips out of that basket on the counter?"

I checked... the pizza had about five minutes. Edward was looking a little dejected so I decided to go spend a little quality time with him.

I walked up to his chair and locked the brakes. "It appears all my furniture is missing Dr. Cullen. Would you care to help a girl out? I need someplace to sit."

Looking a little smug, he held out his hands. "It would be my pleasure, Miss Swan."

Thankful that his toes were safely encased in new sneakers, _one less thing to worry about_, I sat down sideways, swinging an arm up around his shoulder. We hadn't had any physical contact since the evening before and I was feeling a little needy. I took his face in my hands, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He opened his mouth and soon our tongues were wrestling with each other. It seemed like it had been forever since we'd kissed like this. I felt Edward's arm snake around behind me before he put his hand on my thigh and pulled my bottom in closer to him. I had just reached around his neck, playing with the hair on the back of his neck, when someone behind me cleared their throat.

_BUSTED!_

"Isabella?"

I pressed my forehead into Edward's. I guess we'd be having that conversation sooner than later.

"Dad."

* * *

A HUGE thanks to ms_ambrosia who surprised me one morning this week with an AWESOME Impact banner. Superman never looked so good. Thanks ambrosia, and Twificpics for doing this for us. I absolutely love it. It's linked up on my profile and on the blogspot as well.

Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews. I read every one. One day I hope to be able to respond to each of you like I have in the past. RL just continues to get crazier…


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-five

~Bella~

"Isabella?"

"Dad."

I _sooo_ wasn't ready to be having this conversation with Charlie.

Placing my lips next to Edward's ear, I muttered, "Just give us a few minutes, okay?"

He gave me a little nudge, encouraging me to stand. I didn't want to leave the comfort of his arms. "I'll ask Alice to check on the pizzas. Why don't you and your dad take a walk so you can talk? Are you up to it?"

I _was_ up to it. "I haven't felt this good in a while."

"I'll explain to the guys, once they eat, we'll go. We'll talk later, love, is that alright?"

"That might be best. Love ya."

"Love you too."

Always the cautious one, Edward held onto me until he was certain I was sure-footed.

My dad stood in the door wearing a scowl on his face. He wasn't one who liked surprises, and I'm sure this one really took the cake. Before things got out of hand and he said something hurtful, I wanted to give him the explanation he deserved. Edward was right; there was no reason for me to hide what we shared. We were both consenting adults. Edward's family was privy to our relationship before we ever even _had_ a relationship. I also knew that even if Charlie didn't like it, at the end of the day, Edward wasn't going anywhere, and neither was I.

In the back of my mind, I could already hear the upcoming conversation in my head. I knew Charlie would have reservations, and that was my only concern. My biggest fear was that my dad would underestimate Edward and his abilities. But, like Edward said to me, seeing _believes_, even if Charlie had to experience Edward to understand

When I walked over and put my arms around his waist, giving him a squeeze, he hugged me back. "Hi Dad."

"Hey Bella. You're looking good." He waved his arms around the interior of my apartment, and then asked a little more quietly, "What is all this? Who are these people and where's your stuff? I thought I came here to move you!"

"Come on, let's go for a walk. I know someplace quiet where we can visit for a while. It even has someplace to sit."

"Will your place be alright?"

"Oh, yeah, the boys are leaving shortly, but my friend Alice is here, she'll lock up if she leaves. It's all okay."

My dad and I walked the few blocks to my school, it felt weird sitting on the swings when my students were still all in school, but it was quiet and shady, and my dad always seemed to be calmer when he was outside.

_Calm..._ was good.

"So, you've got some explaining to do, Bells. Who were all those people? There had to be a dozen people in your apartment! I thought we were spending some time together. It doesn't look like you need me here."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Dad, I thought you knew I always need you. There were four other people there. Not counting you. They are all friends of mine. The blonde guy with the curly hair is Jasper. He's an EMT. I don't know if you remember him, but he's one of the two guys who came and took me to the hospital that Christmas."

"Now that you mention it, he did look sort of familiar, but I only saw him from a distance today."

"The big, burly guy who brings Paul Bunyan to mind is Emmett. He's a physical therapist. He works with me every time I'm in the hospital."

"I don't remember this Emmett."

"He's a nice guy, trust me."

Charlie let out a "Humph!", and crossed his arms over his chest.

"The little girl is Alice. She's a private nurse. We met through a mutual friend. I know you'll like Alice. She's really helped me out a lot."

"That's nice. I suppose it's good to have so many professional people around, you know... with your condition."

"Daddy, I don't have them around _because_ I've got a disability. They're here to help me move, and they did it so that I'd have the entire weekend to spend with you- alone in the new house."

"So you brought me up here under false pretenses? You didn't have any intention of having me help you move?"

"Augh! This conversation isn't going the way I intended for it to go, at all. I think we need to start at the beginning, _without_ the Spanish inquisition."

"Let's start with the fellow in the wheelchair who had his hands all over you. _Who is he_?"

_Nothing like getting straight to the point, Dad._

"That was Edward."

"This is the guy who had a serious accident that you 'picked up' at the hospital?" He asked, using air quotes.

Why, oh why, did he have to remember _that_ conversation? I had hoped my dad would have forgotten that tiny part of Easter weekend. Unfortunately, given his line of work, he was more prone to pay attention to the little details than I gave him credit for.

"I didn't actually _pick him up_ at the hospital. We've known each other a little while. We tend to run in the same circles."

"What do you mean?" He asked cocking his head as if he was trying to understand.

"He is involved in a lot of disability issues, the organizations we volunteer for, some of the places we receive services... we're both involved in a lot of the same things."

"So, you're really involved with this _Edward?_"

I sighed, there was no point hiding it. "Yeah, Dad, I'm _involved _with him. He's a great guy. I know you'll love him if you get to know him."

Charlie snorted, "I don't know about that."

"I'd like you to give him a chance, Dad."

"Maybe you can tell me about him so I can try to understand. I want you to be happy, and ever since you were so sick, I've wished you had someone to take care of you. I don't want you to be alone, but not knowing him- there are so many things going through my mind. I want you to be happy, but how's he ever going to be able to take care of you? How will you ever be able _to take care of him_? He looks like he needs a lot of help. I remember a time not all that long ago where you couldn't take care of yourself."

"Don't underestimate him, you'd be surprised." I knew my dad was one of those people who was in the mind set that if someone was in a wheelchair, they were dependent on others. All he knew about "crippled people" was what he had learned from being exposed to Billy and his situation. He and Billy were the best of friends. What he knew was that Billy was nearly always with someone. Someone drove him where he needed to go, someone cooked his meals, did his personal care, even pushed him around. Billy did require a lot of care, but I sensed that he _could have_ done more if he wanted to. Like Edward, he'd had some type of spinal cord injury. But he seemed to treat his caregivers more like an entitlement than a necessity.

"Bella, _I've_ seen you at your worst. There is going to be a time when you are going to have another episode. Then what?"

I had to laugh to myself- no, _Edward_ had seen me at my worst. Last week was hell. He'd ridden the rollercoaster with me like a trooper. The man deserved a medal.

"Okay, first of all, Edward has his own aide for personal care. He refuses to let me help him. Alice... the little girl back at my apartment... is his nurse. She helps him with everything.

"Secondly, he's more than capable of caring for me. You need to give him a little credit."

Charlie was staring off at Mt. Rainier. "Bells", he sighed. "I _saw_ him. You forget, I know a little something about people in wheelchairs. I can't fathom how he could ever physically care for anyone. Why couldn't you settle for a nice guy like Jake? He's a big strapping kid. He'd be able to take care of you when you're sick. We don't know what your future holds honey, it scares your old dad."

"Eww, Dad, really... Jake? He's like my little brother. That's disgusting." Jake and I _had_ gone out a few times, and I knew he had a crush on me, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I didn't look at Jake as anything more than a really good friend. While I missed him and we didn't see each other enough, it would never be anything more than a brotherly friendship for us.

Charlie had hinted before, not so subtly I might add, that he viewed Jake as potential son-in-law material. He had watched us spend hours together in our formative years, and while we _were_ extremely close, it was never meant to be. Not like _that_.

"He's always been a little sweet on you Bells. He'd make a wonderful son-in-law."

After I came home from the hospital that first time, the nagging had begun. Jacob and I both resided in Seattle, and when he helped rearrange my place to make it accessible, I think Charlie was thinking not only about the fact that Jake currently worked as an orderly at Harborview, but about all the years Jake had lovingly cared for his own father. Yes, he was strong, and yes he was experienced, but he wasn't the love of my life... he never would be, and nothing could change that fact. I had no intention of just _settling_.

If I had a desk, I'd be beating my head on it. "I'm seeing Edward, Dad, end of discussion. Please give him a chance... get to know him, but until you do, please don't make assumptions about things you don't understand."

"I'm sorry, I worry about you... you're so far away and you don't really have anyone to rely on if you get into trouble. Are you sure I can't convince you to come home?"

"Sorry, Charlie, can't do it. My job is here, the kids I counsel are here, I have friends, and I have a life. I _like_ living in a big city. It might not seem like it to you, but the city has so much to offer a person with a disability. I have public transportation, I have services I need, and I'm getting treatment when I need it, from a cutting edge hospital. Forks can't offer me that, and we both know it. If I ended up in a wheelchair like Billy, I'd be living like he is, dependant on everyone to care for me, not being able to enjoy the freedom I have here in Seattle. Forks is so rural... It would be nearly impossible for me to receive the services that allow me to live independently like I do now. Dad, I'm happy here."

"You can't blame me for trying. I'd even remodel the house if you'd come home. Make things easier for you. I'm so afraid this _thing_ will get worse and you won't be able to live on your own."

"Trust me to know what I need, and how to access services if I need them. I really appreciate your concern, but I'll be okay."

"But if you need me, you'll let me know?"

"I promise."

"So tell me about this Edward. Does this mean he's going to be a permanent fixture in our lives?"

"Oh, I hope so."

"You're really stuck on him, eh?"

"Yeah. He's it for me."

"You don't have a lot of experience with guys, how can you be sure this one is the one? I made that mistake, falling for your mom so young. We rushed into things and then she got pregnant with you."

I was momentarily crushed. "Are you saying _I_ was a mistake?"

He reached over and grabbed me by my biceps, stopping my gentle swinging. "No, Bells, never honey. I just wish we'd have known each other better before being forced into a lifelong commitment. I don't want you to rush into anything like we did. I don't think your mother and I were meant to be. We didn't have time to come to that realization before you were on the way. Kids are pretty permanent."

"I can't believe we're even having this conversation, but since we are... I don't think you need to worry about that. I'm almost thirty, I've always been responsible, and the possibility of getting pregnant would be a challenge for us, in the very least."

"What if you stay together and you want kids? What if he can't give them to you?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. That kind of conversation is a long way off." I hoped that I said it with enough finality that he'd drop it for now. He was concerned, and I'd give him that right, but our love life wasn't any of his business. I sensed that by the time he left on Sunday, he'd try to dredge it all out of me.

"So, I thought we'd be busy all weekend. What will we do now?"

"Well, the guys were going to load up the van and take Edward over to the house. They were going to unload everything and set up my bedroom furniture for me. I still have a ton of stuff to unpack."

"So you _do_ still need your old man?"

I pushed off with my feet and swung over into Charlie, nudging him hard with my shoulder.

"Of course I still need you. Come on, let's go grab some lunch."

When we got back, my apartment smelled of fresh baked pizza, but it was empty. There were two paper plates in the fridge, one with my low salt pizza and one with a few slices of the _good stuff_ for Charlie. The oven was still on, so I threw the pizza back in for a few minutes to get warm. I did a quick walk through and was surprised to see that Alice, or someone, had swept and swiffered all the wood floors. I suppose it wasn't all that surprising, she was trying to stay busy and I could see her being domestic over putting herself in an awkward social situation with Jasper.

I could actually drop my keys off at the office and sign the papers officially terminating my lease.

Using the bathroom for the last time, I quickly went through the closet and vanity. Alice had left no stone unturned, everything was pristine. Next, I stepped into my bedroom for the last time then finally went back to the main living area. There was nothing left behind except for the clean pan our pizza was on, a handful of napkins, and our food. Two bottles of water sat on the top shelf of the fridge.

Charlie ate his pizza, and even helped me finish mine- complaining about the lack of flavor the entire time he was eating- funny, it didn't seem to slow down his appetite. I was relieved that Alice and I had purchased the basics from the grocery store and stocked the new house. I'd go food shopping with Edward when he came home. Aside from his penchant for Mexican and Italian, I really didn't know a whole lot about his food preferences. Grocery shopping would be a good bonding exercise. We'd learn more about one another, and it _could_ be fun.

"We just need to drop off the keys and take the garbage to the dumpster, and we can go."

The pizza pan was cool. Wiping it off with the last of the napkins, I handed it to Charlie. Then I reached into the small kitchen closet to get the black bag of garbage that was the only evidence that I'd even inhabited the place.

"Hey, kid, you give me the garbage to carry, I'll swap you." He said, handing me the cookie sheet the pizza had been on.

It took no time to wrap up business with the apartment manager; he wished me luck in my new home and said my security deposit would be returned within thirty days. I thought about life since I'd come here. Apparently, I was sick when I arrived, the entire time I'd been here, I'd struggled off and on with mobility issues, but I was stuck in a situation where what I needed was more than I was comfortable spending and what I _could_ afford was substandard based on my needs. The only thing I would miss by not living here was my close proximity to work. With what I was saving in rent, I could afford to take the taxi until I began driving again. I wanted to begin saving money for a more practical car, too. One that I could have modified, if necessary.

I had been trudging along behind Charlie, and looked up when he stopped. I had to smile when I saw the blue police cruiser sitting in my parking lot. "Chief Swan, isn't this a gross mis-use of property belonging to the good people of Forks?"

"Actually, Bells, there's a drug case I'm investigating; the dealer is working out of Seattle. If I go check in with the Seattle PD sometime this weekend, I can justify it."

I rolled my eyes, it made sense that he'd want to drive this rather than fill up my old gas guzzler. "What? Big Red costing you too much in gasoline these days?"

Standing with his hand on the door handle, he shuffled his feet and looked off into the distance. "No, Bells. She went to the big junk yard in the sky."

"What? _When?_" My truck was big and ugly, but it had been mine. I learned to drive in that truck. Jake would be heartbroken, he'd put a lot of work into the truck for me. We had a lot of fun in that truck too, we took it hiking, cross country skiing, rock climbing, cliff diving... all the things I loved to do _before. _Losing that truck was like losing the last little piece of who I was before... before becoming _disabled_ Bella.

Charlie opened my door and I got in. After tossing the cookie sheet in the back, he went around to his side of the car. He started the cruiser and pulled out into traffic before he began talking again.

"I was driving up the 105 to go fishing, a month or so ago," he glanced at me. "I stepped down on it to pass an old geezer and she threw a rod. Black smoke everywhere, I left a trail of oil almost a quarter mile long. She went out in a blaze of glory, Bells." He smiled. "One of those younger boys from the rez bought her for a hundred bucks. Says he's gonna put another engine in her. I'm going to get a small 4X4, something a little easier on gas."

"Wow, that really stinks. I'm gonna miss that old truck."

"Me too, Bells. Me too."

I had to give my dad directions through town until we got to the development. He whistled under his breath when he pulled into the entrance. The gate keeper waved to him and opened the gate with no fanfare at all, apparently thinking my dad was on official police business. I hoped there was room to park the cruiser inside the garage. If not, we'd make room.

I let him drive around our little community, answering questions about the development as we did. Finally, I pointed to Edward's house. "It's that one with the stone front. You can park in the driveway for now and we'll see what's in the garage. Maybe we can park your cruiser inside."

"You're not embarrassed of your ole dad are you?" What _was_ it with these guys thinking I was embarrassed of them?

"No, Charlie, I'm not embarrassed of you, but the cruiser... do you have any idea what it was like to arrive at school every morning in a police cruiser?"

"That bad, huh?"

"Uh... Yeah. Hold on a sec, let me go check the garage, I'll be right back, okay?"

"Sure, sure, Bells. I'll be right here."

I ran inside and threw open the door to the garage. They had already taken Edward's car, possibly even before they came to the apartment, it made sense that they wouldn't have tied Edward down amidst my furniture.

There was plenty of room to pull Charlie's cruiser in. I hit the button for the door and it began to rise. I looked on the other side of the garage and recognized some of the boxes that had been at the storage unit. Charlie pulled in and shut the car off.

I watched as he looked around the garage. Carlisle had apparently gotten the shelves assembled, presumably with the help of his wife. They looked sturdy. Maybe Charlie could help me put the storage boxes up on the shelves. I wondered momentarily how the inside of the house looked. Nothing seemed amiss when I stepped through, but I hadn't really spent much time inside.

"Come on, I'll show you around."

We walked through the living room and it didn't escape me that the book shelves were now partially occupied. I wondered when that had happened. On the coffee table, I spied a small envelope lying on top of a well loved copy of Wuthering Heights. I slipped my finger under the flap and pulled out the enclosed card.

_Bella,_

_I asked Esme to dig out some of my mom's books. I know she'd be delighted if she knew I found someone who loved the classics as much as she did. I hope you find enjoyment in these and that they help you pass the time until I get home._

_Love, _

_Edward_

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and walked over to the bookshelves, fingering the spines of the books as I looked over them. I'd be whiling away the hours in Elizabeth's chair and I couldn't wait for the weather to get cold so I could enjoy the fireplace. But, that day was a long way coming. It wasn't even officially summer yet, and it was already getting warm.

I looked up to see Charlie watching me warily. "I'm sorry, it's okay. The books... they weren't here this morning when I left. Edward... he left them... for me."

Charlie's eyes darted around the room trying to take everything in. "Wow Bella, this place is really over the top. Are you sure he can afford this?" He whispered the last words loudly, as if anyone would hear him.

"We're alone Dad, you don't have to whisper, and _yes_, he can afford it."

"I worry about you kiddo. I know we didn't have a lot, but we were always happy weren't we? I can see why you wouldn't want to come home. This place is gorgeous." I'd never thought about it like that, my happiness had nothing to do with things and places, but rather the people who were a part of my life. I could live under a rock and be happy... if my loved ones were with me.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. "I had everything I ever needed when I lived with you. I have never thought I missed out on anything."

"My best friend is disabled and he can barely make ends meet. Bella, please don't be offended, but how is it possible that this guy can build a house like this? Did he get a big settlement from that accident he was in?"

I stepped back from Charlie and looked up at him, really looked. I'd have to be naive to think we wouldn't go there.

"I'm not offended, but I will only tell you a few things. I won't share Edward's personal business. I hope you understand. He didn't get _anything _from his accident. He was found completely at fault. He uses an electric wheelchair, and was operating it in the roadway. He was found completely at fault."

Charlie blanched and his face was awash with confusion. "Are you... are you... serious?" he stammered.

"Yeah. Check out the Washington state motor vehicle definition. _Anything that has wheels and is self-propelled is a motor vehicle_."

"Does he work? You know it's the cop in me, but I have to ask, he's not involved in anything illegal?" Okay, this I expected, and it was refreshing to know that we'd be having _this_ conversation about any boyfriend disabled or not.

I snorted. "Who? Edward? You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm sorry Bells, it's just... look around you... don't you feel like this is too good to be true?"

Before I answered him, I thought about the last six months of my life. The ups and downs, the insecurity and finally, the way Edward grounded me and made me feel wanted... loved... yes- it _was_ too good to be true. _He _was too good to be true.

"Every day Charlie. But... I understand how all this is possible, and all I can tell you about that this: the circumstances that made it possible for Edward to build and furnish this home, in the manner that he has, came with a great amount of loss and sacrifice on his part. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he would give it all up in a heartbeat to change the things that made all this possible. You have to trust my judgment on this Dad. He's everything I've ever wanted and he's _all _I need."

He inhaled deeply before he nodded. "I guess this means you're a permanent fixture in Seattle then. In the back of my mind, I secretly hoped one day you'd come home."

"Seattle is my home. I'm happy here. Now come on, let me give you the tour."

Before walking through the house, Charlie stopped at the massive book cases surrounding the fireplace, picking up little things he recognized. He smiled as he studied pictures of he and I on First Beach with Jake and Billy. One was taken before Billy's accident; he stood tall and proud- the next man in line to be chief of his tribe, but sadly, when Billy's father died, Billy denied his birthright, saying the Quileute were a strong people and a broken man couldn't be chief. He never saw himself clearly. He was still an imposing man; I didn't think he ever grasped that, though. It seemed like he had lost his self confidence when he lost his ability to walk. I was overjoyed to see that Edward, even though he wavered from time to time, had the self confidence in himself that he did.

Charlie picked up different pieces of sea glass that sat interspersed with pebbles in a heavy glass bowl. They were trinkets I'd picked up over the years combing First Beach as a kid.

There was a picture of his parents, Grandpa and Grandma Swan. It seemed like they had been gone so long.

He smiled when he picked up the ugly ash tray I made in first grade pottery for him. "Hey- you gave _this_ to me for Father's Day!"

Laughing I offered to give it back, but he shook his head. "Are you sure, it was a father's day gift?"

"No, it's okay. You made it. I've got others."

"I thought, perhaps, we could have a barbeque before you went home. Celebrate Father's day a week early. I'd love for you to meet Edward's family."

"I'd like that Bella. Sounds nice. If you're going to be spending time with them, I want to get to know them too."

His smile became sad, when Charlie came to the picture of he and Mom from Christmas eve- the night before I'd been rushed to the hospital. They were laughing and looked happy. It was the only picture I had of the two of them together. I remembered back to that night thinking how it would feel to get the two of them back together. Mom had only begun to date Phil at that point and I wondered if she and Dad would find whatever it was that they had lost while we were together that Christmas.

The mood was lost hours later when I woke up paralyzed.

Mom's been married to Phil a little over a year now, we've talked on the phone but there's always been animosity between us since my diagnosis and our relationship... it's easier with distance. It seemed that throughout my life our relationship fluctuated. Either she was my best friend, or my greatest source of contention. It was never easy for us. Charlie seemed to always make up for what was missing in my life, though. Calm and quiet, yet imposing and stable when I needed that. If only had have been a little more warm and fuzzy, that was my only regret, our fear of showing affection or emotion to one another. As I'd gotten older, I tried to remedy that, one touch... on hug... at a time.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie move to the fireplace. He picked up the photo of Edward and his parents, studying it before he replaced it on the mantle.

I didn't want to dwell on it, or have to field questions that weren't mine to answer. "Come see my kitchen Dad. It's to die for..." I took his hand and dragged him down the hallway. He laughed at my enthusiasm and I felt like a ten year old girl again. I'd show him the dining room, the study, and our rooms after he saw the main attributes of the house. My kitchen was quite the conversation piece, and I laughed to myself when I realized how possessive I'd suddenly become.

Charlie stood in awe. "This is beautiful Bella. I know you've always wanted a fancy kitchen... you've never needed it though, you're an incredible cook... even when you only have the bare minimum to work with." I thought back to Easter and smiled. Yes, I could do anything with just about nothing. I couldn't wait to shine in this kitchen, though.

"We'll have to test your theory tonight. I might have a fancy kitchen, but I'm still working with the bare minimum. I don't want to buy too many groceries until Edward is home and can be a part of it."

Charlie cocked his head off to the side. "What do you mean _home_?"

I motioned towards the small dinette set. "Why don't you sit down and I'll make us some coffee?"

I pulled two saucers out of the cupboard and set them on the island with silverware and a stack of napkins for the napkin holder. I lifted a box down from a shelf behind me and plated two pieces of chocolate cake. While I was returning the box to the shelf, Charlie took everything to the table. I hit a button on the coffee maker. I had set it up earlier so I wouldn't have to fuss while we were visiting.

While the coffee hissed and gurgled, I got two mugs out and put a healthy dose of sugar and creamer into mine. Charlie took his black.

I pulled the carafe out and the brew stopped while I filled our mugs. As I carried them to the table I thought back a week, I could barely walk, let alone carry something hot. I was really feeling fortunate today. Charlie reached out taking the mugs from me when I got to the table.

"Thanks Dad."

"Mmm, you're welcome. I saw the box, so I know you didn't make this, but it's still delicious."

"There's a bakery close by, Edward's mom stops there from time to time. She knows this is one of my favorites, so she bought a cake for us to make the weekend easier. She knew we were moving things."

"So she didn't know you were having your things moved before I got here either?" Smart alec was looking a little smug.

"It was a snap decision. Edward offered to let his friends help so we could spend time together. I was afraid if I told you I'd already moved, you might change your mind. I liked the idea of just having you to myself. It seems we don't get much chance to talk."

"No, you're right, we don't. I guess I should ask you to give my thanks to your friends. It was a kind gesture."

"Edward's always thoughtful like that. He wanted us to have quality time together."

"Tell me about him, we started to talk, but then we moved the conversation out here. What's he do, since you assure me he's not a criminal?"

I'm not sure why I had braced myself for this conversation. I guess mostly because Charlie and I weren't great conversationalists. Now that he was here, I wasn't suffering from the nerves I had anticipated when Edward was trying to convince me to be open with my dad.

"He's a doctor."

Charlie's wide eyes and shocked expression were priceless. "Like... a _doctor _doctor? Or do you mean he's a teacher, you know... like a doctor of education?"

"He's an MD. He works at Harborview, or he did before the accident. He'll be going back soon, I suspect."

"I can't shake feeling like I know him somehow and I just can't place it."

"Uh, he was the neurologist who diagnosed my MS."

I could almost see on his face the moment it all clicked. "Maybe that's it. That day was such a blur to me. It seemed like my world was turned on its axis when I learned you were so sick."

"Yeah, mine too. He's been really great though."

"That's why you said he's capable of taking care of you. He already does. Oh, Bella, is that even ethical? Can he treat you if you're a couple? Won't he get in trouble?"

"He's never _treated_ me. He doesn't treat me now. His uncle was the doctor who saw me initially in the ER. Because of the holiday they couldn't get anyone from neurology to order the tests I needed until after the holiday. He was a patient then too, and as a favor to his uncle, Edward called in the orders from his hospital bed so they could begin running tests the day after Christmas."

"I thought you said you met in the gym or something when you were home for Easter."

"Well, after he diagnosed me and got me to go to a support group meeting, we didn't see each other again. When I was there for treatment over Christmas, I ran into him at the gym and recognized him. We didn't really become friends until then." I wasn't going to bring up the span of time where Edward had pushed me away. That was behind us and would only further any doubt Charlie might have had.

"It looks a little more serious than friends." I could feel myself blushing. Yes, I suppose it did. I was looking for a witty comeback, but I don't know that I remembered him ever kissing a woman in my presence.

"Yeah. It is. I love him, Dad. It's like he's the half of my soul that was missing. I've never felt like this about anyone. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay... we'll be okay."

Charlie reached out and squeezed my hand. "That's all I've ever wanted for you. Will I get to know him a little better this weekend? Where will he be? You said you didn't want to really shop until he was home. You never did answer that question."

"I'm sorry, I got sidetracked. It seems like there's so much to talk about."

"It's okay, but how about you fill me in?"

"Well, Edward's been in a wheelchair for a long time, since he was a teenager, but this latest accident occurred when he was walking home from work one night in his wheelchair. He was struck by a car. There was no berm, so he had no way to get far enough off the road. The driver said she never saw him." I shook my head, still in disbelief.

"I still don't understand how she didn't get charged with something, reckless endangerment... something."

"Edward's parents wanted him to fight it, but when his attorney realized he was in the wrong, she advised him to drop the suit. He has the means to support himself and anything related to his disability is being paid for, the lawsuit wasn't about the money. It was more about bringing awareness to the public about what happened. Given the circumstances, that would have blown up in his face."

"I'm going to look into this when I get home. I still think the driver of the vehicle should be held responsible in some way. How badly was he hurt? When we discussed him back when you came home for Easter, you said he'd been hurt seriously, but he'd be released soon. That's been a couple of months."

"It has... and he _was_ released from the hospital... he's been going through rehab at a local facility. He's getting home in a few days," I said enthusiastically. "And he's doing great, but he wanted to be able to do most of his own care before he came home. He's a very independent man."

"I can't imagine what would happen if Billy would get hit by a car. That would be devastating. Edward's lucky to be alive."

I shivered and goose bumps stood up on my arms. Rubbing my hands over my arms to ease the chill, I continued. "He is lucky. They fought for days to keep him alive. He's a medical miracle." I whispered, thanking God that he _was_ still alive. I came so close to losing him before we ever even truly came to know one another.

"I suppose someone like that would appreciate life and those around him a lot more than someone who hasn't come so close to losing it all."

He had no idea how loaded that statement was. Edward _had_ lost it all, and made a new life for himself, only to have it all threatened a second time.

"I don't think he takes anything for granted anymore. He's truly blessed. We both are."

Charlie scooted his chair over and gave me a hug. I wasn't used to such affections from the chief and it warmed me, physically and emotionally. "I'm happy for you Bells. I look forward to getting to know him. Does he fish?"

"No such luck. Sorry."

"You know I had to ask."

"Come on, I want to show you the rest of the house, and I'm not sure what we have to do to get bedrooms ready for us for the weekend." I had been sleeping in Edward's bed, but got up early and made it with fresh bedding so Charlie could sleep there over the weekend.

Charlie got up and followed me down the hallway. I opened the door to the study and noticed several boxes on the floor that said _medical_. Apparently they had moved Edward's books or journals or whatever he referred to when he needed answers. "This is the study. We're going to share it. Edward is often tied up with work until after seven and I set aside a few hours each afternoon to correct papers and work on lesson plans, so we won't be in one another's way."

"This furniture is beautiful… it all is. Where did he find it?"

I was sure the cat would sneak out of the bag when Dad met Carlisle and Esme and realized they weren't the same people from the mantle picture, but it wasn't my story...

"Carlisle and Esme had it in storage for Edward. I suppose you could say they are family heirlooms in a sense." They weren't that old, but they were heirlooms as far as Edward was concerned. I knew these pieces meant far more to him than he let on, and I wondered how he'd cope being here with them all the time. If this was all I had left of Charlie, I don't know if I'd be comforted, or if the pain would be too much to bear.

"It's gorgeous."

I tugged on his hand, "Come on, I want to show you my room." I pulled him into my room and my breath caught when I saw Grandma Swan's bed all set up and made with my new linens. My dresser and nightstands were in their proper places. Alice must have made my bed while the guys moved the rest of my things.

"Mom's furniture looks great in here. I'm glad you kept it Bella."

"Yeah, me too. It does look pretty good, doesn't it?"

He smiled and nodded before looking out the window, his breath caught when he took in the view.

"Oh, this is breathtaking. I love this room. I've never been a reader, but this little spot couldn't be more perfect for you. I really like the window seat."

"Esme designed the room for me, with Edward's help of course." Even if I hit a rough patch and had to spend time in bed, it was set up so that I could always see the mountains. I was certain it was no coincidence. I'd wake up to them every morning in this room.

We walked into the bathroom and he looked around. I tried to picture all of this through Charlie's eyes. This bathroom was bigger than my bedroom at his house was. I still couldn't believe that this was my new home... and I wanted to pinch myself every time I thought about Edward living here with me.

As he stepped out of the bathroom he shook his head. "Wow, Bells, it looks like they've taken everything into consideration."

"The house is entirely accessible- one hundred percent- there isn't much Edward can't access from his wheelchair."

"I can understand now why you wouldn't want to live in a two story house. I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to be so pushy. I still miss you when you're not around."

"Well, let's try to make plans to see each other more often. We're not that far away from one another."

"It sounds like a plan."

I started back through my bedroom towards Edward's room. "It's up to you; you can sleep in either of our rooms. They both have fresh sheets. Edward's mattress is brand new." I left Charlie and made my way across the hallway to the room I'd been inhabiting for a week. It would be weird to begin sleeping across the hallway in my own room.

The contrast between our rooms was great, and this was by far the manlier of the two. I sat down on Edward's bed while Charlie looked around. He stepped inside Edward's bathroom and whistled. "Wow, this is really nice. I like your room better, though. The bookshelves and reading nook have your name written all over them."

"Well, it's up to you. I can sleep in either bed." He came in and sat down next to me. I picked up a pillow from the head of the bed and fiddled with the trim on the edge of it as I pulled my leg up under me and turned sideways to face him.

Charlie looked around the room again, his eyes settling on the pillow I was assaulting. "I hate to sleep in Edward's bed when he hasn't even had a chance to sleep in it. Don't you have a guest room?"

"The study was the guest room in the house plans. There's a bedroom and a bath in the basement, and we've finished the rest of the basement, but there's not a bed or anything in the basement yet. That will be Alice's room until Edward is able to take care of his overnight needs."

"Do you mind if I sleep in your room? I feel a little odd sleeping in Edward's room. He doesn't know me."

I nudged him with my shoulder. "I think you just like the view."

"Yeah, there's that too."

"You can sleep wherever you want. He won't be home until next week."

"Please thank him for his hospitality. I appreciate having the time to just enjoy your company, once or twice a year really isn't enough kid."

"No, it's not, we'll both have to make an effort to remedy that. I just get so busy. My life is really full Dad."

I put the throw pillow back and stood up. "I want to show you the back yard. You'll love it. It's gorgeous, they put in a big fire pit with benches. It's going to be awesome this fall when it begins to cool off."

My dad followed me out through the kitchen and I opened the back door. Taking his hand, I led him to the benches which circled the pit. We both took seats and struck up our conversation again. I realized that maybe he didn't know everything I was involved in. "Have I told you about my kids I have after school?"

"You said you counsel some of them, I didn't understand, and it didn't seem appropriate to pry."

"They are all school aged kids with disabilities. I'm a peer counselor. Because I also have a disability, I spend time with them, trying to help them cope with the aspects of their disabilities. Maybe I might help to find a creative way to keep a child with ADD on task so he can concentrate and learn. Or perhaps one of my kids has an issue where they need some sort of technology to be able to get the most out of their education... it might be helping their parents find funding to buy a laptop, or helping them access services so they can have an extended school year. Sometimes it's just sitting and listening while they vent their frustrations about another student who treats them differently because they are disabled."

"Well, it certainly seems like you have your plate full. Sounds like those kids are lucky to have you."

"Some of them don't have parents who are willing to devote the time they should. Some parents simply have no idea how to get the things their kids need. Because I volunteer at the CIL, I'm able to tap into resources that I wouldn't normally have access to as _just_ a teacher."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yes, it's a very good thing."

"The other kids really pick on the ones who have, um... problems? When I was growing up, you always looked out for the underdog."

"Do you remember when I was a kid, my teachers thought I was lazy and uncoordinated? I had two left feet. All the kids picked on me... relentlessly. Dr. Cullen thinks that I may have actually have been exhibiting signs of my MS even then. It's become alarmingly prevalent in children."

Charlie laughed before he asked, "It's _Dr. Cullen_ now?"

"Oh, no I didn't mean Edward. I was talking about Carlisle. Edward's dad." I thought he realized there were two of them.

"Carlisle Cullen? That name sounds so familiar."

"He was the doctor who admitted me at the emergency room. Tall, attractive blonde... you'll get to meet him this weekend."

"It's scary to think there are children getting MS. You never heard of things like that happening twenty years ago." He shuddered, suddenly looking grim.

"I don't think it's so much that it didn't happen, but more that people didn't _realize_ it was happening in children. There were signs, but they were attributed to other things, clumsiness, the need for glasses... no one knew. It was actually in the 1950's that childhood MS was acknowledged. It's not _common_, but it happens. Edward says two to five percent of all people with MS exhibited symptoms before they were 16. He was working on a project to link Epstein-Barr virus and MS, it seems there is some connection... kids who show MS symptoms often test positive for that virus as well."

"And Edward volunteers at this place too? This _sill_ place?"

"No, not at the CIL, Edward started that support group at Harborview which I attended when I was first diagnosed. When he came here from Pittsburgh he realized there was no support group for people who had recently become disabled. He wanted them to have some place to go to find the things they needed, to have peers to lean on. For me it was a stepping stone to my volunteer job at the CIL. They both offer similar services, but I felt like I could accomplish more at the CIL."

"Does he work fulltime? Isn't volunteering hard on him physically while holding down a job too?"

"He works in his own private practice with another neurologist, I don't think he works a full 40 hour week _there_, but he is on call for emergencies, plus he's working off his student loan and getting a degree of some type in stem cell research at the lab. That's where he's working on finding answers to MS _and_ other diseases. In the past he would go to the lab and work in the evenings, or during his free time. He never had anyone to go home to. You know… the old cliché, scientists that only have plants and small animals at home because they don't know how to have a healthy relationship with another person. I suspect, at one time, that might have been him. He was a little afraid of relationships when we first met; we've both grown a lot. He_ wants_ to spend his free time with me. He's hoping to modify his schedule a little."

"It sounds like you won't even see each other."

"There may be times we don't, but we're both secure in each another's independence. We'll be alright."

"This is really nice, not just the house, but the fact that you seem so happy. I'm happy for you kiddo. It doesn't sound like this is something you just jumped into."

"No, it's not, and we've still got a lot to learn about each other. I've never really known Edward as anything but a patient in a hospital. I've seen him sick, hurt, recovering, but it wasn't until just the past few weeks that I've really seen the go-getter I met nearly two years ago. It's almost like they have separate identities. We're not rushing into anything. We've got separate rooms, we're sharing expenses. We're not living here like a couple per se."

I hoped that would convey the relationship in a manner that would reassure him. We _were_ both consenting adults, but based on the circumstances we would always have loved ones sticking their noses into our business. I learned that sort of went with the territory for disabled folks, and we were no different. And I _wasn't_ ready to just hop into bed with a guy I didn't completely know. I loved him and trusted him, and for now that was all that mattered. I knew he felt the same way. The rest... we'd discover together... in our own way... in our own time.

"I'm happy for you Bells. Really I am. I hope you find everything you're looking for with this guy."

"Now that I've found him, I wouldn't trade him for anything."

"That's good, I hope he treats you right."

"He does. I haven't had a chance to tell you, I've been busy with packing and getting ready for the move. I know I probably should have called you... I had a flare-up recently. Edward was great. He took care of me when I was having trouble, when he couldn't be there for me, either Alice or one of his parents were. I'll be okay with him... with them. I'm in good hands here in Seattle."

Charlie looked troubled. "Was it another exacerbation?"

"No, not exactly. I think it was a little bit of everything, stress, being over-worked... it's getting warm outside. They put me on steroids for a week, IV and oral drugs. They resolved it quickly."

"Don't tell me you were in the hospital and kept it from me."

"No, I wouldn't do that. They started the IV in the office and then gave me supplies to care for it at home."

"So you're not having a bad spell _now_?"

"No, it's over, whatever it was. I'm feeling great, in fact, I haven't felt this good in a long time. My doctor says I may have to take the steroids more often, I'll do what I need to do."

"You said Edward is a neurologist? What does he think about all this?"

"There is medication he wants me to try, but I'm hesitant," I said softly. "I know he thinks I'm selling myself short. I don't know, maybe I'm still in denial a little bit. Most of the time, I feel really good. I just... taking a medication for this _every day_ makes it that much more real. There are days when I feel good, like today, where I can actually forget about it. I know that will all change if I'm relying on medication daily."

"Will it hurt you if you don't take it? I mean, will the disease get worse because of the delay?"

"I imagine it _could_. They are disease modifying drugs designed to slow the progression of the disease. But, I think every person is different though. I promised Edward I'd consider it. I've looked into it on the internet. Some of them have serious side effects, they can cause liver damage, they are _all _expensive, my insurance may not pay for it, and I'd have to stick myself every day." I shuddered at the thought. I didn't know if I could do that. I was an admitted needle phobe. Edward's response was that I'd eventually get over the fear, and that there were a lot of people who felt the same way.

"Well, if it's going to help you stay healthy, don't you think you owe it to yourself? If you and Edward are together, don't you feel you owe it _to him_ to be as healthy as you can be?"

"Yeah. I'll think about it." He raised an eyebrow like he didn't quite believe me. "I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that. At least make the effort of doing your homework and discussing it with your doctor. Then you can make an educated, informed decision."

"Alright." I knew this wouldn't be the last I heard of this conversation. Edward had promised he wouldn't hound me, and he hadn't, but it was bound to come up with him again, too.

Suddenly Charlie's stomach growled. I looked at my watch and was shocked to see it was almost six. We had sat talking all afternoon.

"Do you want a steak? I could just throw a few on the grill."

"That sounds great kid."

I pushed the igniter on the grill, and as soon as it lit I ran into the house. Pulling a few russet potatoes out, I scrubbed them then filled the sink with cold water and threw three ears of corn in to soak. Next, I poked the potatoes full of holes and micro waved them until they started to get soft. After pulling them out of the wave, I sliced up a sweet onion and made slits nearly the whole way through the potato so I could stick an onion slice in each slit. Then I added a few pats of butter inside and wrapped them in foil. Shaking the water out of the corn, I threw it all in a big metal dishpan and carried it to the door and backed out, letting it close behind me. Charlie was lying on a hammock with an arm across his eyes. One foot was resting on the ground, and he used it to push himself as he swung back and forth.

I opened the huge grill and sat the wrapped potatoes in the back where it was the hottest. When the corn hit the hot grates it snapped and crackled, hissing as the water began to heat inside the husks.

I closed everything up, lowering the cover. Hurrying back inside, I then began to season and tenderize the steaks. I cheated, and threw a bag of prepared salad into a big bowl, and added a cucumber, tomato and an onion.

Grabbing several sets of tongs, the meat and an extra platter, I headed back to the patio. The steaks smelled wonderful as they cooked. I turned the corn and potatoes a few times, and since I'd put the potatoes through the microwave, I knew they wouldn't take long at all to cook, as soon as the onions were tender, they'd be ready.

Afterwards, I set the table and had everything ready by the time dinner was done. I couldn't have timed it better, the potatoes were tender, the corn roasted golden brown and the steaks just a little pink but still juicy. Charlie wore a huge smile when he came and sat down.

"This looks wonderful. I don't know how you ever learned to cook like this. Neither your mother or I were very good cooks."

"And you _wonder_ how I learned... silly man."

Dinner was quiet. Charlie's hands and mouth were busy. I handed him a stack of napkins, remembering the last time we ate roast corn on the beach. We both had corn juice and butter up to our elbows, our hands smudged with soot from the coals. That's about as good as it gets, but this was mighty good, too.

After we were done, Charlie helped me carry everything to the kitchen and clean up. "Bells, would you mind terribly if I went over to the precinct? One of my friends works the night shift and I really need to look into this case I'm working. It should only take me a few hours."

I cringed, fearing his friend was the guy who was so hard on Edward, but when I asked he assured me it was a different precinct. "Wait, when you asked me what our protocol was regarding suspects who were in wheelchairs, you were talking about your boyfriend? He was the one they mistreated?"

I had given him the condensed version of what had happened.

"Oh they should have never treated him like that, but sadly, I've heard of it happening. I remember back about ten years ago, there was a man with a mobility impairment who was incarcerated in Dallas County, Texas. He sued the county under his eighth amendment rights, but the court threw his case out. His wheelchair wouldn't fit through the entrance to the holding cell, so the prison confiscated the wheelchair and forced him to sit on a concrete floor for three days. He couldn't move and developed pressure sores and a circulatory problem. The court decided that even though the prison officials had taken his wheelchair and the nursing staff was aware of his condition, it was not enough to state a claim under his eighth amendment rights. The court told him he should have repositioned himself on the floor. This was a person with a disability who could not move, he became very ill as a result of their negligence, but no one was ever held responsible."

I had to force my gaping mouth closed. I couldn't believe my ears.

"I'm sure I could find you the court dockets. It was a big attention getter as far as the media was concerned."

"Wow. That's just... insane."

"It is."

"Well, the CIL is going to do sensitivity trainings for the city. I don't know if I want to help or not. I don't think I could keep my mouth shut if I had to deal with the guys who arrested Edward."

"Well, just be happy that your lawyer got it reduced to a D & D, it really _could have _been worse."

"I know, Rose is a strong adversary, I wouldn't want to be on her bad side."

"Well, I'm glad you have someone you can count on if you need her. If you ever need an attorney, that's what you're looking for."

"Yeah, it is."

"Well, I better get going I'll be back in a few hours, will you be awake?"

"Yeah, I have some books and things to unpack. It'll take me some time to get it all organized."

"If you need help lifting things, wait for me, please don't be stubborn."

"Thanks, but I'll be okay. It's mostly small stuff."

"I'll see you shortly then."

As soon as Dad was gone, I grabbed a cool shower and changed into shorts and a tee shirt. I wanted to be comfortable and cool while I worked. There had been a breeze as we were finishing up dinner, so I opened both my and Edward's windows so I could get a cross draft. Popping my iPod into my subwoofer, I got some music going to work by. Before long, all my books were shelved. Thankfully I had been somewhat organized during my frenzied packing. All the books were grouped as they had been on my shelves at the apartment so they were already categorized into work topics and books for entertainment.

I had a few really nice editions that I decided to put out with Elizabeth's books. The Complete Sherlock Holmes, and David Copperfield soon graced the shelves with Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. I unpacked War and Peace, The Time Machine, and C. S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, they joined Oliver Twist and Madame Bovary. When my boxes were emptied, both sets of shelves had room for numerous books to be added.

I thought back to the note, Edward said these were _some_ of his mother's books, I wondered if there were many more that he intended to put out. I wanted to decorate the shelves in the living room with other curious items, as well. I set out a mason jar that had a wire bale and a glass lid. It was full of marbles that I had collected playing with neighbor kids, or ones I had simply found and took a fancy to. There might have been a few beloved aggies that had once belonged to Jake or Leah. I smiled thinking of some of those summers in Forks.

There were several vintage Fisher Price pull toys that had belonged to Charlie in one of the boxes. I sat them out on shelves that had room here or there. There was an old tin top that belonged to Grandma Swan and a tin piggy bank shaped like a globe of the world. The maps were so old some of the places could only be found in history books now.

I stood back and looked at my work with satisfaction. I had staggered the books so they weren't all in symmetrical lines, and set the toys and collectibles around them. It looked homey. I liked it.

Some of these antiques had remained in boxes after I had left home, and it was exciting to get my things out and be able to enjoy them again.

I came across a professionally taken family portrait of me and Charlie, so I set that on the mantle next to the Masens.

An old candy dish made of Italian glass was filled with Hershey kisses and became a resident on the coffee table. I was filling an antique gumball machine with gum when I heard someone come in the back door. I expected to see Charlie, but was surprised when Alice walked in carrying a large duffel bag.

"I was driving by and I saw the light on. I hope its okay I stopped. I just wanted to drop a few things off in the basement."

"Oh, that's fine Alice. I've been trying to get some things organized."

"Hey, this looks nice. Homey. Where's your dad? Is he sleeping already?"

"No, he had some," I put my hands up and made air quotes, "_'official business'_ to take care of, so he ran in to the one precincts to see an old crony of his. I thought you were him."

"Nope, sorry."

"Can I help you bring anything in?"

"No, it's just a few things, I had loaded them in my car for tomorrow, but when I saw the lights I figured I could make room to pack more tomorrow if I got rid of this stuff now."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am, go back to what you're doing."

I gathered up the empty boxes and nested them together so I could carry all of them out to the garage at once. I could barely see over the top when I tripped and fell, dropping the whole she-bang.

Alice must have heard the commotion. Before I realized it, I was on the ground and she was scooping me up. With my arm draped over her shoulder she limped me into the house. "You've got some scrapes. Do you want me to grab a first aid kit for you?"

I looked down, they weren't too bad, my knobby knees would be bruised tomorrow for sure, but they weren't really bleeding. "Nope, I'm a pro at this. I fall down... a lot. But thanks for asking. I'm going to go grab a washcloth and clean them up."

"Well, I brought in my last load for the night. I'm going to go. Will I interfere if I bring a few things by tomorrow?"

"No, I think Charlie might actually be reassured if he met you. I explained that Edward won't let me do anything for him, that you were his nurse. I think he'll feel better to know that if I get into trouble, I can come to you for help."

"You know you can come to any of us, right?"

"I explained that to him. I can tell he's a little hesitant. I want him to experience Edward in action. I'm planning an early father's day barbeque for Sunday if you'd like to come. I invited Carlisle and Esme, and Edward."

"I'd like that. Sounds like fun. What can I bring?"

"Well, if the weather is nice, I'm doing steaks on the grill." We talked about several different side dishes, and by the time Alice left, the menu was put together.

When Alice left, I went in and climbed into Elizabeth's chair and woke up to Charlie gently shaking me. "Bells, honey, I'm back. It's time to go to bed. Wake up."

I moaned and groaned and struggled to get out of the chair. Charlie grabbed my hands and pulled me out. "Off to bed you go." He gave me a push towards Edward's room.

"I'll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams, Dad."

"Same to you kiddo. Goodnight now."

I clambered up into Edward's bed, pulling his pillow down in front of me. I snuggled into it, but it didn't smell like him anymore. I was lonely, so I pulled out my phone.

**"You awake?" -B**

_**"Nope. Are you?" -E **_I stifled a laugh. Always the jokester.

**"Idiot! Yes, but barely. I miss you." -B**

_**"Miss you too, are you in bed already?" -E**_

**"Already? It's after midnight." -B**

_**"So it is." -E**_

**"Anything new and exciting happening?" -B**

_**"Yes! You'll never guess." -E**_

**"What?" -B**

_**"Never in a million years." -E**_

**"WHAT?" -B**

_**"Jane is going home on Wednesday." -E**_

**"Wednesday like four days from now- Wednesday?" -B**

_**"That would be the one." -E **_Oh no!

**"Oh, wow. I wanted to do something with her before she went." -B**

_**"I'll talk to my parents. I don't think they'd mind if Alec and Jane came to the Barbeque on Sunday. Would Charlie mind?" -E**_

**"I doubt it. Sounds like a plan." -B**

_**"I'll take care of the arrangements on my end. I'll ask Mom to help with food." -E**_

**"Hey thanks." -B**

I tried, unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.** "I'm so tired." -B**

_**"I'm going to let you go Bella. You're tired." -E**_

**"I am, you were just what I needed to get ready to sleep." -B**

_**"Oh, I see, I'm so boring I put you to sleep." -E**_

**"No, you're so relaxing you put me to sleep. I needed this." -B**

_**"Me too, get to sleep silly girl. I have work to do tomorrow." -E**_

**"Okay, goodnight." -B**

_**"Goodnight love, I'll talk to you soon." -E**_

**"Love you." -B**

_**"Love you too." -E**_

**"Love you more..." -B**

_**"Go to sleep!" -E**_

**"Alright." -B**

_**"NAOW!" -E**_

**"Don't yell, I'm going." -B**

_**"Love ya, B." -E**_

**"You too." -B**

I drifted off thinking about all the things that had happened today, it felt like it went on forever.

My morning had begun with a fair amount of trepidation, but ended on a good note.

I didn't know why I was so nervous about talking with my dad; I guess it was because our conversations had always been so awkward. Neither of us were very talkative when it came to the other. He had always been set in his ways and sort of acted like whatever he thought was right... that his opinion... was the way that it was.

I knew he'd immediately look at Edward as weak; his only true exposure to a person with a disability was Billy. While Billy was still able to fish, _he depended_ on others for all his basic needs. I think Charlie was of the mindset that disabled people sat around watching baseball on TV, fishing, or drinking beer. I don't think he truly comprehended the fact that many profoundly disabled individuals lived full, satisfy, stimulating lives.

The people I interacted with daily drove cars, worked jobs, went to college, participated in (_sometimes extreme)_ sporting activities, had spouses, raised children... just like everyone else. Unlike Billy who constantly relied on someone to cater to him... people like Edward had attendants who remained in the shadows, providing support services when needed, but when the bathing and dressing and toileting were done and the individual was ready for the day... the attendant disappeared until she was needed again. Charlie's perception of a paraplegic was a million times different than what I knew now to be true. There was a time when I was just like he was... ignorant. By becoming disabled myself, an entirely new world had been opened up for me... it took me a long time to realize it was a good thing.

Charlie would learn by example, and in time, as he would come to know Edward, he too would understand.

I awoke to the phone ringing. Fumbling with the bedding, I eventually found it just before it went to voice mail. We needed a landline phone.

"Good morning Bella, dear. Did you have a nice visit with your dad?"

"Hey Esme, we had a really nice day. I think he's going to help me unpack some things today, and maybe we'll go do something."

"Oh, that's nice. I wanted to talk to you about Sunday. I'd like to help you with food, if that's okay?"

"That would be really nice. What did you have in mind...?"

When Esme and I were done talking, we solidified the menu Alice and I came up with. It was agreed that Edward and I would provide the meat, and Alice and Esme would make the rest of the meal so I could spend time with Charlie. As much as I loved to cook, it was a relief to know that I wouldn't have to spend the entire evening cooking and cleaning up a huge mess while my dad was here. He was right; we didn't spend quality time together, even when I went home to Forks- he went to work, and spent his evenings watching TV with Billy.

It would be nice to have a few days alone with him before I embarked on a fulltime relationship with Edward. Today it would be just us.

I looked at my clock, it was early, but it was a sunny Saturday, and my guess was that Charlie was bright-eyed and bushy tailed. On a normal Saturday, he'd have been on a lake somewhere with Billy... hours ago.

I intended to make a quick stop in Edward's bathroom, but realized the only towel that was up was one I had used last night. I put out towels, filled a basket next to the toilet with extra toilet paper, opened a box of tissues and set them out. I spied a box on the floor of his closet so I pulled it out. I recognized the box as one from a local vendor of medical supplies, so I opened everything, setting the closet up in a manner that was nearly identical to the one at his parent's home. A box of new urinals still sat on the floor. I took one out to set on the toilet, and put the rest on the shelf within easy reach. I knew there could be nothing remaining on the closet floor; Edward needed a clear path of travel.

I looked around, satisfied that this room was ready for Edward, and when he was here tomorrow, everything he might need would be ready and waiting for him. This room was spacious big enough even for two people in wheelchairs to be able to pass one another without great difficulty. I knew Edward well enough now to know that nothing happened by chance. He was a very intuitive man, and had taken every possible scenario into consideration.

I had spent about twenty minutes organizing things, but it felt good to know that it was taken care of.

I found Charlie in Elizabeth's chair wearing a pair of sweats and a tee shirt. I couldn't remember when he'd looked so comfortable. His sock covered feet rested on the ottoman.

"Hey Bells. Did you sleep well?"

"Like a baby. You?"

"Yeah, it's a nice spot, I slept with the window open, and it was surprisingly quiet."

"Good. Are you hungry?"

"You don't have to go to any trouble. I picked up a dozen donuts last night while I was out. If you don't mind brewing some coffee, we'll be set."

"I don't know that I can get through the day on donuts. How about some French toast or something? I have some sausage I got over at Pike's Place from one of the butchers."

"Sounds better than yesterday's donuts."

"Alright let me make some coffee and I'll get started on food."

"I think I'll grab a quick shower if that's okay with you."

"It's fine. There are clean towels out in the bathroom, use whatever you need."

"Thanks, Bells."

I looked up to answer him, but he was already gone.

I set about making my French toast and poured some Maple syrup into a big measuring cup before heating it up in the microwave. My dad had an aversion to cold syrup on warm food. I had just gotten all the eggs cracked when my phone rang. It was Alice. She wanted to bring another car load of stuff over, and then she was getting the van from Esme so she could get her bed and a few other small pieces of furniture for her room. I wondered who was helping her, surely not Jasper; she'd barely held herself together yesterday.

I thought she was over-reacting when she decided to indefinitely delay her move into his place after hearing of the way he flirted when they had all went out. However, when she described the hurt and infidelity which occurred, more than once or twice in the ten years or so they'd attempted to be a couple, it was easy to see her side of things. She confessed that they had been closer than ever this last time around and truly thought they were meant for one another. But right now she wasn't so certain. Her faith had been shaken and she needed time to think. Rushing into a shared living arrangement wouldn't give her the time or space she needed to think clearly. Laughing sadly, she admitted that she'd never been able to stay away from him for very long, admitting that she feared it would only be a matter of time until succumbing to his charms again.

I decided she could use a distraction and invited her to join us for breakfast. I figured if anyone could steal Charlie's heart it would be Alice. She was already sitting on the island, Indian style when he walked into the kitchen. I think it would have been an understatement to say he was surprised by the elfin creature who had taken up residence on my counter top.

He made his way to the coffee maker, poured a cup, and went to sit at the table, warily keeping an eye on my little friend.

As lithely as she had gotten up there, Alice hopped down off the island, got herself a cup before settling at the table as well.

"Hi Charlie, I'm Alice. Bella has told me so much about you." She extended her little hand, and he took it with an amused expression.

"Er, nice to meet you Alice."

I smiled to myself as I cooked our breakfast; Alice and the chief were deep in conversation by the time everything was plated.

By the time breakfast was over, Charlie had volunteered to help move whatever Alice had in her car, he said he was determined to move _something_ this weekend. Yep, my dad was sold on Alice.

I watched as they carried boxes, neither willing to let me assist, so I carried some of my own boxes to their proper spots and began unpacking those items.

Anything for the kitchen either got a bath in the dishwasher or a cursory trip through my dish water in the sink before it went into the cupboards. I unpacked several boxes of staples, and arranged my spices in this wonderfully organized cabinet Jeanne had installed next to my stove, it wasn't in the original plan, but she included it in her price. It wasn't as big as the base cabinets, and sat closer to the wall behind the stove, giving Edward the ability to slide a plate or cutting board from the work space to the cooktop without having to lift it. The trim cabinet sat between the counter top and the upper cabinets. The way she had installed it, both ends of the cook top had the illusion of being enclosed.

I walked through and made an inventory of the things we still needed. I wanted to get new oven mitts, mine looked okay in my place, but in the bright light of the new kitchen, they looked well used, not even a trip through the washing machine could perk them up. Next, I made a list of the fresh foodstuffs I wanted to stock my kitchen with and texted Edward to remind him that he needed to make one too. His reply was that _real men don't make grocery lists, they ad lib._

The trip to the store would be enlightening... for both of us.

I heard Alice's car purr to life just as Charlie was coming through the back door.

"I like that Alice. She's a nice girl."

"Yeah, she is, a little exuberant sometimes, but she means well."

"So Bell's, when were you going to tell your old man there was a widescreen TV and a game room in the basement?"

"I _did_ say it was a finished basement, and I'm sorry if I was being greedy. I was afraid I'd have to watch baseball if I wanted to spend any time with you."

He chuckled but hung his head. "I'm sorry you'd think that kid, I came here to spend time with you."

I put a hand on his shoulder, "I was just teasing you. I hadn't really thought about it. Actually, the satellite guy has to come back and finish running cable for the basement. He ran out of supplies when he was here or something didn't work properly. It's not all hooked up yet. We do have a TV upstairs if you want to watch it."

"Nah, the Mariners don't have anything going on this weekend."

"Oh, is that how it is?"

He laughed, "Yeah, something like that."

Pulling up a stool at the bar, Charlie sat down, watching me as I finished putting things into the cupboard. I thought about hanging out here for the day, but it was gorgeous outside and I knew Charlie was a sucker for anything outdoors.

"You want to go do something outside today? It's not supposed to get too hot."

Charlie nodded and smiled. "I'd like that, did you have something in particular in mind?"

"Have you ever been to the ship locks?"

"Chittenden Locks?"

"Yeah, there are some great places where we could grab a bite to eat later, and you can watch the ships come in and out of the locks."

Charlie's smile grew significantly, "And there's always the salmon ladder. There ought to be fish to watch."

"Yes, there's _that_ too." I couldn't help but laugh. Even in the big city he had fish on his mind.

"Do you know how to get there? I've never been, but I've heard about it."

"Yeah, you take 54th Street, north west. It could be fun. Are you interested?" It occurred to me suddenly that this was Saturday in a big city, the traffic might be terrible. "Do you _mind_ driving?"

Next thing I knew, Charlie and I were at the visitor's center, getting brochures and watching videos. We passed a place that sold boxed lunches, Charlie bought two of them and we carried them to the botanical gardens. We sat for a long time and people watched. Children ran and played, couples walked hand in hand. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and it seemed all of Seattle had turned out to enjoy it.

"So, what's new in Forks? Any gossip I should know about?"

Charlie grew a little red as he tugged at the collar of his shirt. He coughed a few times and mumbled "I may or may not have invited Sue to live with me."

"Really? Oh Dad, I'm so happy for you." Dad and Sue had dated quietly and subtly for years. When Seth and Leah were younger, she refused to date publicly out of respect for their father, but they had always spent time with us. Aside from Billy, Harry Clearwater had been one of Dad's oldest and dearest friends. Sue's kids felt like siblings to me, even thought we'd been out of touch for some time. Sue had always been good to me when I was at home in Forks. When I was in Phoenix, it was often Sue who calmed my mood when my mother had pulled some hair-brained stunt. This was good news, happy news...

"Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it too. I enjoy her company, and she understands me." That translated into _she doesn't mind if I go off fishing every weekend with Billy._

I felt bad I had missed seeing them the last time I was home; Sue and Leah were in Vancouver visiting family for Easter.

Before we went to the locks, we found the fish ladder and Charlie was like a kid at Christmas watching the salmon through the underwater windows. We found a quiet place to sit and watch the boats come and go. They came in all shapes and sizes, from the little craft to magnificent yachts... Charlie pointed out a huge yacht- correction- _mega yacht_ that he said belonged to Paul Allen. He seemed excited about it for some reason which I clearly didn't understand. He explained that Paul Allen was co-founder of Microsoft. It was funny to hear Charlie rattling off facts about something so clearly out of our league.

"What's the big deal? It's rather ostentatious if you ask me."

"She's the second largest privately owned yacht in the world. She was constructed in Germany, but the interior was designed by a firm right here in Seattle. Do you know she's so big that she houses a ten person submarine, two helicopters, plus numerous personal watercrafts?"

Charlie leaned back with his hands behind his head and sighed deeply. "Ahhh, that must be the life. To be able to travel anywhere you want on the water like that."

"You should have gone into the service... Navy, Marines... you could have seen the world on the water."

"I'm too old to have dreams like that now. Billy and I go out in my boat."

I snorted, "You're not seriously comparing your 14 foot Starcraft to a four or five hundred foot long yacht? That thing would chew up your little boat and spit it out!"

We sat laughing, I held myself it hurt so much. I couldn't remember... ever... enjoying my dad so much. This was... nice. Unexpected, but nice.

Charlie looked down at his watch. "Bells, it's getting late. Let's go somewhere and get some dinner. My treat."

We took our time walking back to the car. Once in a while I'd catch him watching me, he tried to look nonchalant, but I knew he was trying to gauge my condition. Finally I had to acknowledge it.

"Dad, I'm fine, really. I'm better than I've been in months."

"Sorry, I can't help it."

"I can't always sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm not going to sit around being all gloom and doom. Life's short, ask Edward."

_Yeah, ask Edward. _Life _is_ short, and that was exactly why I decided I wasn't going to waste any more time trying to figure out what I felt for Edward, the reason I'd so willingly agreed to his proposal to move in.

"I'm sorry, I understand. I'm glad you have such a positive attitude."

"I'd miss out on so many things if I sat around waiting to have a relapse."

We got in the cruiser and Charlie drove through Seattle, taking me to an older neighborhood. We pulled up outside one of those old chrome diners from the fifties. _Rosie's._ I'd never been there, but he seemed to know the place.

When we went inside, the cook raised his spatula in welcome. "Hey Chief!"

"How are you Felix?"

"Doing great, how 'bout yourself?"

"Me too."

"Good."

A girl about my age in a retro restaurant uniform came over to our table. She pulled the pencil from behind her ear, and snapped her bubble gum a few times before she took our order for burgers and sweet potato fries. She was gone a few minutes and came back with two tall and frosty strawberry shakes. I had to hand it to Charlie, he knew his all-American diners.

When we finished talking and laughing over coffee, we crawled back into the cruiser and headed home. The traffic had died down significantly.

I was whooped when we got inside the house, and began getting ready for bed. I was too tired to text Edward and I was so tired I decided to forego a shower until morning. I was suddenly relieved beyond words to know I didn't have to cook a huge meal for everyone.

I awoke to my phone ringing, for the second time this weekend.

It was Edward. "Hey, I wanted to let you know Jane and Alec are both coming, Alice is going to pick them up with the van."

"Oh, good."

"Hey, I was wondering, would you mind if I offered to sell my lift van to Alec. He's going to need something when he leaves here, we don't really need it and well, he wants to go into construction. It is in fairly good mechanical shape."

"Doesn't it belong to Carlisle and Esme? Shouldn't you be asking them instead of me?"

"I already asked them and they said it was mine to do with as I pleased. Once we're all moved, I don't see a real reason to keep it now that we have something I can actually drive. _You_ don't want to drive it do you?"

"Who, me?" I squeaked. "Drive _that_ big thing? Hell no."

"I didn't think so. I just wanted to clear it with you before I offered."

"Well, it's got nothing to do with me, so no I don't mind."

"Thanks, Bella. I wanted to be considerate and include you in the decision. I've got to go do a whirlpool session, see you in a few hours."

"Alright, see you then."

I had to smile when we hung up, I _think_ we just made our first real joint decision as a couple. Wow...

Charlie and I opted for oatmeal and coffee... and stale donuts for breakfast since everyone would soon begin to descend on us. I had barely cleaned everything up when Esme and Carlisle came in.

Charlie looked at them warily, and then gave me a look that clearly said _we'll talk about this later. _I made a quick introduction. "Carlisle, Esme- this is my father, Charlie Swan, Charlie- this is Carlisle and Esme Cullen, they are Edward's parents."

A chorus of "Pleased to meet you's, and how do you dos..." echoed around the room, but suddenly over the cacophony, I heard it...

I made a beeline to the front door, and there he sat in all his glory. Alone. In his car.

I went out to the driveway to greet him.

"_You_ drove here."

"I did."

The aura of pride radiating off of him said it all, but I still had to ask. "How did it feel?"

"Oh Bella, it was liberating."

"First time?"

"On my own, yeah."

I leaned down for a quick kiss. I had been deprived since Charlie had arrived early on Friday. He framed my face with his two hands and kissed me back.

"I'm so excited for you." He let go of my face and patted my rump.

"We should go inside, who's here? Alice is coming as soon as Alec is done with his therapist."

I sucked in a deep breath. "I left our parents in the kitchen."

"Come, we should go inside."

When we went into the living room, they were all sitting around visiting quietly. Edward took my hand and pulled me down close. "This looks really nice. I'm proud of you... I was afraid you'd ignore me and only put your things out in your own room. I like this."

"Me too. I was hoping you might have treasures of your own to contribute."

I wasn't prepared for the sad look he gave me. "I may, we'll have to look. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet."

"It's okay. But we're supposed to be having fun today."

Everyone looked up from their conversation. Charlie's gaze went immediately to our joined hands. He stood and took a few steps in our direction before his face broke into a smile.

Edward fumbled with the switch on his chair, it was the first time I'd ever noticed him act so nervous. It was rather endearing. With a quiet whir and a few pops, the actuator on his chair began to turn and soon he was towering over Charlie. I'd never seen him stand so straight or so tall. He might not have been ten feet tall and bullet-proof, but he was _my_ Superman and I had never been happier or more sure of myself than I was at that moment.

My heart swelled with pride as he offered his hand to Charlie.

"Chief Swan, my name is Edward Cullen. I'm dating your daughter, Sir."

* * *

The usual characters were involved in the production of this chapter. Please give them a round of applause, for without them, none of this would be possible. Team Impact- you rock my sox.

A special thanks to ADarnell… You keep the forum alive darlin'. And I love ya for the superman panties!

Thank you to everyone who reads, reviews and recs Impact. Nearly every week I hear one of you is pimping my story. Thank you... from the bottom of my heart.


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty- six

~Edward~

I was so excited when I drove up to the house. Jill and I had worked every day on my driving skills and by Thursday, we both felt confident that I could get myself back and forth safely. I was a little anxious driving for the first time alone, but the excitement outweighed any anxiety I might have had.

The stereo in the car rocked and the weather was beautiful. I plugged my iPod into the sound system and cranked it up. It was a carefree spring day and I felt like a kid again. The windows and sunroof were open and the music wafted out of my car.

Jane had asked to borrow my iPod while I was in the whirlpool, and when I came back, it sat on my bed with a birthday card. She explained in the card that since she was leaving soon, she wanted to be sure to take care of her birthday gift to me while she had time. Little Jane had loaded a new play list onto my iPod, and I promised to listen to it before she went home.

I needed cruising music. I had made a comment in front of Jane that all my CDs had been packed up after the accident and we'd yet to locate them. The songs she uploaded for me weren't necessarily ones I was into, mostly all recent Billboard stuff, but the thought that she cared enough to take the time do something so personal for me was touching. I knew these songs were some of her favorites. She was a kid. I grew up in the eighties, but my parents were born out of the hippy era, so I cut my teeth on a very eclectic mix of music. I promised Jane I'd listen to her offering without passing judgment until I'd given it a chance.

There was music from Ashanti, Metro Station, Little Wayne, Akon and a singer named Ne-Yo. Apparently she really liked this girl called Katy Perry. She had loaded her brand new album as well. I had heard _I Kissed a Girl_ on the way over, and then _Hot and Cold_ played. Just as I pulled into the development, Justin Timberlake started singing _Sexy Back_. I laughed as I drove, Bella kept playing that song, telling me that _I_ was bringing sexy back. Silly girl. It was surreal to hear anyone call _me_ sexy, much less the girl of my dreams. How did I ever get so lucky?

When I pulled in, I hadn't even shut the car off and Bella was running down the sidewalk to meet me. I'm sure the entire neighborhood heard me drive up.

Bella stole a glance inside the car. "_You_ drove here." I felt myself puff up when she said it.

_Yes, I did drive here. _

"I did." I couldn't help the feeling of pride, the sense of accomplishment. All these weeks of grueling work were for this. This goal of getting better so I could come home. Home...to her. I wanted to get better... for her… for us.

_I'm doing it for both of us baby._

She smiled when she asked what it was like. "How did it feel?" She had to know. She always asked about my experiences, how it felt, did I like it, would I do it again... I loved her inquisitive side.

A million thoughts came to mind... terrifying, exhilarating, I felt like I had been soaring, my clipped wings finally restored. "Oh Bella, it was liberating."

"First time?"

"On my own, yeah."

She leaned down and kissed me. I had thirsted for this since Friday. She quenched me... refreshed me. When she let go of my arms, and I pulled my hands from her face, I inhaled deeply. I felt restored. I patted her and asked who had already arrived. I knew her father was working a case, and I didn't know if his cruiser was in the garage or if he was at the precinct with his friend.

Bella told me that our parents were all inside, and I didn't want to be rude. There would be all the time in the world for us to be together. This was family time. I was smiling inside at Bella's obvious concern that the three of them were inside alone. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little concerned about meeting Chief Swan for the first time. After my recent run-in with Seattle's finest, I was a little gun shy. But more important than his status as a civil servant was his opinion as a parent.

Nothing mattered more to me than his acceptance. It was my job to seal the deal... make the sale... if he didn't approve of our arrangement as room mates, how would he ever approve of my romantic interest in his daughter. What if he thought I was incapable of providing for his girl? I sensed from Bella's conversation that he didn't think I was able to care for her. I needed him to see that I could be everything she needed and more. I knew Rome wasn't built in a day, but for now, if I could reassure him enough that he would just give me the chance to prove myself, the rest would come... in time.

Best to get this behind us so we could, hopefully, enjoy the day. "Come, we should go inside."

Bella and I found the three parents engaged in what appeared to be a pleasant conversation. I sucked in a huge breath of air, closed my eyes and just centered myself for a moment. Grabbing Bella's hand I pulled her in next to me and told her my first impression of our main living area. I had been so afraid she'd keep her favorite things boxed up, or stashed in her room. We had gone round and round about the fact that it was _our_ home for however long she chose to be here.

_Forever_ wouldn't be long enough for me to have her under this roof... in my arms...

I was in awe - it looked like so much more than a new house... this was a home. She had personalized the room with her things; I noticed several more shelves had been filled with her books. Interspersed between them were personal treasures that screamed Bella. I couldn't wait to explore them, I'm sure there was so much to learn about my Bella just by investigating the bread crumbs she had left sprinkled about the room.

"This looks really nice. I'm proud of you... I was afraid you'd ignore me and only put your things out in your own room. I like this."

These were the things that left clues one didn't learn by just talking. We'd had hours and hours to _talk_, but these things showed a sentimental side to Bella I had never truly known. When I commented, she asked if I had things of my own to share.

"I like the way it turned out too. I was hoping you might have some treasures of your own to contribute."

It was as if she had known what I'd been thinking and I felt that sad tug at my heart, knowing what I'd invariably have to do. "I may, we'll have to look. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet."

I wanted to be open with her, to expose myself the same way she had, but I knew that going through things so personal would cause immeasurable pain. Pain I'd been able to avoid by filling my life with school, work, recovery... could she help me get through that? I knew she'd be there with me every step of the way, but would finding a new life with her-one with purpose... would I finally be able to free myself of the shackles I'd worn since that day?

She must have sensed my uncertainty. "It's okay. But we're supposed to be having fun today. We have plenty of time to work on that."

This, surely, was not the time to dwell upon it... I had a job to do. I was a little nervous about meeting Mr. Swan... _Chief Swan_... it wasn't every day you met the father of the girl you hoped to spend eternity with. Bella kept telling me to just be myself. That was easy enough. Right?

I felt secure in my bond with Bella, but I knew that first impressions were most important. Even though she said there were _times _when they weren't super-close, I knew he was very protective of his only child, and I suspected some of the rifts occurred when he tried to smother her out of concern for her well-being. If Bella's dad had reservations about us, it would cause an uncomfortable situation between her and her father. That simply wouldn't do. I couldn't have her stressing over whatever relationship grew between her father and me.

Just as Bella gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, everyone turned towards us. Chief Swan took one look at our hands before his gaze turned to me. My heart was pounding, the blood whooshing through my head. I felt little beads of sweat begin to form on my face. _He hates, me, I just know he hates me..._

The chief stood up and began making his way over to us. _This is it Edward..._ think_... this is the day you've been waiting for... to declare yourself to the one man who means as much, if not more, to your girl than you do..._

I reached for my toggle switch to raise my chair but I fumbled in my haste to find it... finally... my finger brushed over it recognizing the cold metal of the little switch. It seemed to take forever for my chair to stand as Chief Swan made strides to cross the room. Several steps from me he broke into a smile... it was the same smile that had stolen my heart... Bella looked so much like him.

I sucked in a deep breath and thrust out my hand.

"Chief Swan, my name is Edward Cullen. I'm dating your daughter, Sir."

He reached out and took my hand in both of his, gripping mine firmly. I squeezed right back, I might not be able to walk, but I didn't want him to think I was a wimp. My dad taught me as a young boy that a man should always offer a firm, confident handshake.

"It's nice to meet you Edward. I've heard nothing but good things about you this weekend."

"Thank you sir, it's a pleasure to meet you as well."

"Please, call me Charlie. You have a lovely home, thank you for your hospitality."

"You're welcome, thank you for coming and spending the weekend with Bella."

Bella pulled her dad into a tight embrace and whispered, "Thank you, Dad."

The chief... _Charlie_... made a sound similar to a grunt. "Welcome, Bells."

_Bells?_ I raised an eyebrow and Bella smirked at me and shook her head. I'd have to ask later.

It seemed that everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief. I wasn't sure what I should be doing; Charlie had been here several days, so it wasn't like he needed a tour. My family had brought the food, so there wasn't anything to do but make the steaks, and that would have to be someone else's job if they wanted to actually _eat_ them.

I looked around with pride. _This... this moment..._ was what dreams were made of. Six months ago, I didn't know if I'd live until the New Year. So many wonderful blessings had occurred in my life. I took a deep breath trying to comprehend this overwhelming feeling... It seemed since Bella had tripped into my life, my days were filled with joy, happiness... a sense of belonging I'd never before know.

_Would it always feel like this?_

I stood, looking over at my mother's chair. Wuthering Heights lay on the ottoman, and a soft, fuzzy looking afghan was stretched across the seat, traveling up and over the arm rest. I couldn't help but smile. She was using the chair... in just the manner that I'd hoped she would.

Warm arms snaked around my waist as she pulled me close. "I love this new and improved _standing_ Edward. I've never seen you stand up the whole way. You're so _tall._"

"This chair makes me taller. The platform raises me up several inches. I'm just an average guy."

"No Edward, nothing about you is _average._ You're awesome, incredible, handsome..."

"Shhh, stop," I laid my cheek on the top of her head, inhaling deeply before I squeezed her and relaxed as I let my breath out.

She looked up at me, and then into the little alcove. "I love your mom's chair. Thank you."

"I had hoped you would. I love it too."

Her tone turned seductive when she muttered. "I'd love to snuggle up with you, in that chair." If only I could get into that chair _safely_. I wasn't so sure it was a good idea.

"I spent many hours in that chair being read to as a child, but I don't know if I can still get into it. It could be a dangerous maneuver."

_Dangerous for me in more ways than one. But for her... I'd try._

"But let's see if Alice can spot me some dreary afternoon."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Mmmm, me too."

Bella pulled away from me and looked up. "It won't be long until everyone is here, we should start cooking, Charlie doesn't want to get a late start. He wants to make a stop or two on his way home."

"I think Carlisle offered to cook the meat on the grill."

"Yeah he did, it sounds like Charlie is going to help."

I looked over to where Carlisle sat, Charlie had returned to his former seat and I saw he was deep in conversation with Carlisle. "They seem to be comfortable conversing."

Bella followed me gaze and seemed to be pleased. "They do." Suddenly she appeared to be worried. "Edward, can I talk to you about something?"

What could she be afraid to ask? She needed reassurance. "Anything you need, what is it love?"

Taking my hand, she tugged gently. I turned on the chair and proceeded to follow her. I'd follow her anywhere...

When we got to the study, she turned on the light and groaned. There were boxes of books all over the floor, Emmett and Jasper had dropped them off on our way to her apartment on Friday, I hadn't come into the study. I was leaving Wuthering Heights for Bella while Esme unloaded a few boxes of my mom's novels onto the bookshelves. I was so wrapped up in Bella's surprise; I didn't think to check on the guys.

The boxes were scattered and not stacked. I could do this. I had learned years ago that the platform my feet sat on was almost like a cow catcher on a train, for lack of a better analogy. "Watch out love. Let me get in there."

Like the computerized problem solving game of _Sokoban_, I knew that I just needed to push the boxes in the correct order to get through the maze and make the room habitable. The only difference was that if I made a mistake, I couldn't reload a page and start over.

I drove up to the first box, and pushed it a few feet. Before long I had moved them this way and that so we could both get inside the room and close the door for privacy.

Bella had been leaning against the door frame, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as I worked to systematically pave the way for her. I reached out and motioned for her to sit on my lap, with her lip between her teeth, and her eyes wide, she shook her head.

I pushed a few more boxes away and made a path to Dad's desk chair so she could sit and I could sit next to her.

Bella pushed off the wall and walked slowly to the chair, her shoulders hung in defeat, and she turned and slumped into the chair. I noticed the blush on her chest, the way she fidgeted, she was nervous about something.

"Bella, what is it?"

"Um, Charlie was looking at all the mementos on the fireplace and bookshelves. He studied the photograph of your parents, and we talked about the house and the furniture and how you'd come to have all this," she stretched her arms out and gestured, "but when he met Carlisle and Esme, and I introduced them as your parents, it was obvious to him they aren't the same people."

I felt my heart pick up speed as it began to gallop in my chest. I knew this would be inevitable, who was I to kid myself and think I could do this and not be overcome with emotion?

I had trouble finding my voice to ask about the outcome, finally, barely above a whisper I was able to ask. "What did you say?"

"Well, I told him what I know- that your parents had made this possible, and that the furnishings had belonged to them. I told him the things had been put away in a storage facility for you, and that I couldn't really indulge him with any other information. Of course, he's curious, but it isn't my story to tell. I know the cop in Charlie is going to ask again. I didn't want him to blindside you, and I don't know what else to do if he asks me." She hung her head. "I won't betray your confidence."

Like the last time I was in the study, I inched my way forward so that my footrest sat between the legs of Dad's chair and my knees were between hers. I pulled her close with the arm rests. Inhaling as my breath stuttered. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to put you in a position where you felt like you had to betray either of us. I should have known this was bound to happen."

"Oh Edward, I can't imagine how hard all this is for you. I just, I don't want to make it worse. I know there's a reason you don't talk about it, and I respect that."

She was so close I could hear every breath... feel them on my face...

"I promise baby... I'm trying; it just hurts so much to think about them... Sasha and I have been discussing the accident." She looked up at me, with a surprised expression. We both knew which accident I meant.

"You don't have to tell me. I know you're not trying to hide anything," she said reassuringly. I let out the rush of air I'd been holding. "If Charlie asks anything else, what would you prefer I say? I know eventually his need to know is going to supersede his manners. I don't want him snooping around in your business."

"I don't mind if you tell him my birthparents died in an accident when I was a teenager. You can tell him what I've shared with you; Carlisle and Esme have been my parents in every sense of the word for a very long time. It's not some big mystery. It was a tragic, tragic accident that nearly destroyed everyone who was left behind. But by the grace of God we've all found a way to get past it. I promise Bella, I'll tell you everything when I'm able. I just... my coping mechanisms weren't as healthy as those of the rest of my family."

"I love you, I'm not asking for you to leave your comfort zone for me, I just didn't want Charlie to say something seemingly innocent and ruin such a beautiful day. This is a day for celebration for so many reasons."

She backed up and smoothed out her blouse. Reaching up she turned my collar down and patted it. Her hand rested on my neck for a moment before she pressed her lips to mine sweetly and gave me a soft kiss. "There, that's better; we should get back to everyone before Charlie gets antsy about what we're doing in here."

"Remind me I need to talk to you about Alec."

She pulled back, looking worried. "_Why?_ What's wrong?"

"Nothing is _wrong_, but Jane came to me. I was so busy working towards my release that I forgot about Alec's high school graduation. He chose not to walk with his class. His diploma came in the mail on Friday. I feel terrible; I can't believe it slipped my mind. I just got so wrapped up in things... I wanted to encourage him to go. He should have been there."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes before I continued. "Jane would like to do something small for him. Maybe have his parents over for dinner before her Mom comes for her on Wednesday morning. "Could we do that here?"

It wasn't much notice and I hated to spring this on her. I didn't want to create more stress. I hoped the next thing I had to say would make it easier for her. "I promise I'll be here to help you get it all ready."

"But you want to do it before Jane leaves; that's in three days..." I could tell, when she looked up at my grinning face that the pieces were falling together for her. Suddenly, she realized what I was telling her. I heard her sharp intake of breath, just before her eyes welled up and she launched herself at me.

"You'll _be here_?" I nodded. You couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face.

Right before her body slammed into mine, she squealed. She laughed, she cried. I nodded. I couldn't talk. Suddenly breathing was difficult. Trying to articulate words was impossible. I had wanted to surprise her, I wanted to come in shouting, I wanted to tell the world. But when she took my hand and led me away... I knew _she_ needed me... but now, I realized I'd have never been able to make that announcement in front of a room full of people. For in as much as they had all waited for this day... _she_ was the one who had taken this journey with me... she was the one I was coming home to and I wanted to share this moment with her alone.

I suddenly found my face in her hands as she tilted it and peered into my eyes.

She enunciated every word, as if in a state of disbelief.

"You're. Coming. Home?"

It was only one short word... three little letters, but it was all I could do to choke it out. "Yes."

"_When?_"

I swallowed. My mouth was so dry. I looked down at my lap and back up at Bella, her eyes danced with delight. "My stuff's in the car."

"How? Why? I thought you were staying till the end of the week."

"I've met most of my goals, and what I haven't accomplished, I can accomplish in outpatient. We've already had a team meeting, my home plan is complete. It might be different if everything wasn't already in place, but it is, and Jill knows me. She had my discharge paperwork ready to go yesterday, but she had some sort of family emergency with one of her parents and had to go unexpectedly. She came in on her own time this morning to complete my discharge. Jill says it's time to go. I think she's trying to push me out of the nest. My only regret is that Alec will be there most of the summer. He needs a role model; he needs someone to show him how great his life can still be."

"But you'll see him during the day when you're there, right?"

My shoulders slumped. "I will, but we see different therapists now, it won't be the same as talking late at night or hanging out at mealtime. I feel like I'm letting him down in some way."

Bella started laughing, big, deep belly laughs. "And to think when he arrived, you called him _the bane of your existence_. The two of you were like oil and water."

"It took someone who remembered _me_ at that stage of my life to _remind_ me that once upon a time, _I wasn't any different_... well, minus the shameless flirting."

Bella was thoughtful before she replied. "You know he only does that to make himself feel better, right? He needs to know that he hasn't lost it all. If he flirts with a girl and she blushes or makes a cute comment instead of slapping his face for being rude, he knows there's still a chance. He needs that now."

Sometimes I wanted to smack myself. The girl was extremely observant. While I was seeing red, she was quietly observing Alec and what he needed. I had let my own self-perceived inadequacies cloud my vision. I felt so stupid.

"He made me feel so possessive. Territorial. I saw red every time he flirted with you."

Bella smiled a knowing smile. "Mmhmm, I know... your jealousy was kind of a turn on... it told me things you weren't ready to."

Her arms went around my neck, tiny hands played with the hair on the back of my neck as her lips sought out my own. Her tongue, so soft and wet and sweet pressed against my lips sneaking into my mouth, I drew her inside. I ran my tongue over something sweet and minty. With a giggle that was muffled by the kiss she tried to pull back and take it with her, we fought and she lost. The crisp taste of the lifesaver almost burned the tip of my tongue as I pulled it into my mouth. Her little fists went to her hips.

"Hey! No fair!"

"Come on, we'll soon have visitors, and we're ignoring the ones we already have." Bella pushed off my lap and straightened her clothes. Digging around in her pocket, Bella pulled out the roll of Wint-o-green lifesavers then popped a fresh one in her mouth, laughing as she did.

When we came out, our dads were in the back yard and Esme was flitting around the kitchen, there were a half dozen big bowls of food on the island. I spied several cakes and a big bag of dinner rolls from her favorite bakery.

I stopped and stood my chair up, holding my finger to my lips so Bella would be quiet. I sneaked up behind Esme and put my arms around her waist pulling her back into an embrace. "Have I told you lately how much I love you, Mom?"

She turned in my arms and hugged me tight. "Oh Edward, I love you too, honey."

Bella began perusing the food, "Esme, it all looks delicious. Thank you for everything." I didn't let go of Esme right away, and she leaned so she could look out around me.

"It was my pleasure. You're welcome! Today is a day of celebration. We have so many things to be thankful for."

Bella looked at me pointedly and I nodded. I pushed back from Esme so I could look down at her. "I have one more."

The confusion was evident on her face. I didn't want to leave her hanging. "I'm coming home, Mom. I spend my last night in a facility for what will hopefully be a very long time." There were always little things that needed more attention than what I could receive at home, and inevitably I'd spend a few nights here or there, but I hoped that day wouldn't come for a very long time.

"Sweetheart, that's wonderful. Does anyone else know?"

"Just Bella. She needed to ask me a few things, and when I got her alone I couldn't wait to tell her, I hope you're not upset."

The corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled. "Why would I be upset? I think it's wonderful that you're putting that behind you. Look around you; you're starting a whole new life. Bella is your future. I'm so happy for you."

"I don't want to make a spectacle out of it, it was totally unexpected. Alec doesn't know yet and I need to talk to him. I'd like him to hear it from me. Will you ask Dad to call me later?"

"I understand. I'll have him call."

I heard doors slamming. Jane was laughing. We had guests. "Go ahead, let your friends in."

Bella followed me to the door. I yanked it open to find Jane and Alec holding hands. It was one of those moments when you wanted to go "_Aww... "_

Alec was all smiles. "Dude! This place rocks! You gonna show me around or what?"

Everyone laughed at his exuberance, "Come in! Follow me..." We went from room to room, he asked questions, made comments... and finally... "Dude, I'm _so_ moving in with you!"

"Uh, no... you're not," I laughed. "I've listened to you snore for the last eight weeks!"

_I never thought I'd say this, but I was going to miss the kid. _

We rough housed in the living room, throwing fake punches... mock fighting... I wondered briefly if this was what it would have been like to have had a younger sibling. For as abrasive as it had begun, we had found a camaraderie that just some how evolved. Our friendship had grown into something _meaningful_... I saw so much of my younger self in Alec and I vowed that I would encourage him to embrace life and to love... to encourage him to take life by the horns and not be afraid to live.

After Tanya, I was so afraid to open up to anyone, to let anyone in. I promised myself that I'd help him in any way I could to ensure that he didn't isolate himself to the lonely existence I had condemned myself to before Bella came along. I suspected that he was well on his way to _socializing _with Jane. She was a great girl, and she treated him in much the way Bella treated me. They were young, and who knew if it would ever work out, but she was giving him the self confidence he needed to be comfortable interacting with the opposite sex. Oh how I wish someone would have done that for me.

I promised Alec he could come over anytime; I even offered him the use of my home gym. We talked about the van, because after discussing it with Carlisle in great length, I chose to gift it to Alec. It was going to need some work, and he wanted his family's logo on it, so he would be investing in it. It was in good mechanical condition and the miles were very low. He could get a few years out of it if he took care of it. The only thing I asked was that if he got another vehicle while the van was still serviceable, that he do a good deed and pass it on to someone else who needed a van. Carlisle offered to meet us later in the week to transfer the title.

I could hear the girls giggling in the kitchen and wondered what they were doing. "Come on, let's go see what the guys are up to." Alec and I passed through the kitchen on our way out back and witnessed the girls sampling Esme's food as they wrapped silverware in napkins. Esme was pulling items out of the refrigerator.

"I want to show you the back yard, it's incredible." Alec wheeled himself out onto the patio behind me. Carlisle and Charlie were standing next to the obnoxiously huge gas grill Esme had bought when the construction crew was still here. A big tray of steaks sat on the concrete tabletop next to a tray containing spices for seasoning the meat, and long handled cooking utensils. I had never cooked on a grill, but the smoke billowing out of it told me that it was being pre-heated.

I showed Alec around, he was able to maneuver through the yard via the sidewalks that went everywhere. We circled the fire pit, making plans for when the weather became cool. Suddenly Charlie called me over. "Edward, are you cooking the steaks?"

Surely he had no idea what he was asking. Carlisle snorted and made a comment about taking his life into his own hands.

"I've never tried. I don't know that me cooking _with fire_ is such a great idea."

"Would you like to learn? I'm no cook, Bells can attest to that, but I grill a mean steak."

How could I say no to that? If I declined, would he think badly of me? Surely he wasn't setting me up for disaster. It was an opportunity to get to know Bella's father, he was making an effort... extending an olive branch.

I looked over towards Alec and felt a twinge of guilt. Just as I was about to tell Charlie no, Jane and Bella came out with plates and silverware. Bella looked over at me and whispered something into Jane's ear. Jane nodded her head and walked over to where Alec sat by the fire pit. Bella joined us. I looked to her for salvation. "Your dad wants to teach me to grill."

She nudged me with her elbow and whispered. "You'd be learning from the best."

Charlie didn't' seem to take compliments any better than his daughter. He blushed and tugged at his collar with his index finger. "Oh, I don't know about that."

"Don't worry, he promised me he wouldn't hurt you."

_You're supposed to be protecting me! _

"Gee thanks, babe."

She kissed me quickly and said, "Gotta help your mom inside. He loves me too much to hurt you, don't worry."

_I was sold out by my girlfriend!_

Bella left us and her father motioned me over. I stood my chair up, and moved next to him. He explained how to tenderize the meat by making slashes across it with the tip of a knife. After showing me on a few of them, he turned the implement over to me while he seasoned them and readied them for the fire. Next, he explained the importance of the proper temperature and other little secrets like not pressing the juices out of the meat and using a set of tongs rather than a fork, finally, he told me we were ready to put the meat on to cook.

Carlisle pulled a lawn chair over close to where we stood, and I hoped to God that he did it so he would be close enough to put me out if I caught fire. Visions of Dorothy's scarecrow came to mind, and I shuddered.

After Charlie had the meat on the grill the way he wanted it, he handed me a set of long handled tongs. "Once in a while gently lift it up and turn it over."

He put his hands in his pockets and stood watching. Once in a while, the wind would shift and smoke would blow my direction. I'd turn my face into my shoulder and cough. I'd catch Charlie with a smug look on his face. This wasn't nearly as easy as it looked.

I was starting to wonder if there was a purpose to this, or if Charlie had just palmed his grilling duties off on me so he could take it easy.

When I started turning the steaks, he stepped up beside me, watching as I flipped the first one. I did the one closest to me, and the flames burst up through the grill. I jerked back and Charlie chuckled. "Wait till it simmers down a little. Next time, turn the ones farthest from you first, then you're not reaching over a flare-up."

I turned a few more and he cleared his throat. I refused to ruin the meat, so I continued flipping until they were all turned over. When I turned to look, he was patiently watching.

"Son, you seem like a nice guy. It appears that you have your act together. I _want_ to like you."

"Thank you, sir."

"Understand that Bella is my little girl, and I love her. She's my only child."

"Yes sir, I understand."

"It will upset my daughter if I don't accept you as a part of her life, but it will upset me more if I put my trust in you and you hurt her. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir. I do."

"I just want to make my position clear so we're both on the same page. If you hurt my daughter, I have the ways and the means to make you disappear so that it appears to be an accident."

I laughed nervously. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm _prone_ to accidents, sir."

"Exactly."

I stood there with my mouth hanging open. I never had any intention of hurting Bella. I loved her. I had visions of him using my body for fish food if I messed up.

"Quit gawping at me and turn your steaks, son. There's nothing worse than someone taking a beautiful piece of beef and turning it into shoe leather."

I went back to cooking as Charlie stood in an authoritive pose with his arms crossed, scrutinizing. When they were all flipped, he took my hand and turned it into a supine position. _What in the world?_ He folded my fingers up and made it into a loose fist.

Poking the abductor muscle below my thumb, he explained. "Here, touch this."

I took my opposing index finger and poked the muscle as he had and he said, "Rare."

His hand under my fist squeezed mine a little tighter. He poked me again and looked up at me, waiting. I poked it again, it wasn't quite as soft. He said, "Medium."

Squeezing my fist much tighter, he looked at me expectantly. I poked it, it was much firmer; I knew the answer and blurted it out. "Well?"

"Good. Now take your tongs and press on those steaks."

"They feel rare sir."

"Good, we have a few minutes. I'd like to discuss something with you; I'd like your advice."

"_My_ advice? How can I help?"

"I appreciate everything you're doing for Bells. I never liked the fact that she was so far from home, but she's a big girl, and in case you haven't figured it out, when her mind is set on something, it's hard to sway her."

"I love her sir, I can't think of anyone I'd rather share my home with."

"I've tried to get her to come home since you diagnosed her with this disease, but she's stubborn. One of the biggest problems at home is... well, my home. I've lived there for years, and I'm not at a stage of my life to be doing something like this." He gestured towards the house. "Don't get me wrong son, I want to believe your intentions are honorable, really I do. But an opportunity has come along that I can't pass up, and the paperwork is already set in motion. Before I realized Bella was moving in with you, I had every intention of trying to give her some incentive to move home."

"I don't understand."

"I know this disease is unpredictable, and I understand that even though she _looks_ well, something devastating could be brewing under the surface that none of us knows is there. Before it reared its ugly head, I wanted to have a contingency plan, if you will, put in place for her. Even though I realize she's not going to come moving home if she gets sick, I wouldn't mind her coming home a little more often and I know she hesitates because of having to navigate a two story home."

"What can _I_ do to help? I don't know that I understand."

"Have you ever heard of an access grant?"

Ahhhhhhhh, now I knew where this was going. He wanted a safety net for Bella, whether she needed to be saved from her disease, or her boyfriend. He wanted to make a retreat so she had an accessible place to go. I nodded.

"I got the approval for the grant the same day she called to tell me about your arrangement. Naturally, I was disappointed."

_I bet you were. _"So now what?"

"There aren't a lot of families knocking each other out of the way to get funding. It's already June and the grant is for work begun in 2008 only. I had no problem getting funding to make home modifications so that Bella has an accessible living area. I need advice on the things I should be doing to get the most mileage for the money. I have five thousand dollars to work with, anything over that is a low interest loan."

"Most times you have to bring every thing up to code before you use money for modifications. Suppose your wiring is substandard, you'd have to have an electrician upgrade it so it meets building code regulations before you put in, say, an accessible shower."

"Right, they told me I had to install a new porch floor. Everything else passed."

"Good."

"If I do this, will you encourage her to come home a little to visit more often? There would be no reason you couldn't come as well."

He had no idea what he was asking me. I knew how it would look if I declined. He'd think I was purposely keeping his daughter from him. I didn't want him to mis-interpret my hesitancy. I swallowed; it felt like there was a lump the size of a softball in my throat.

_Could _I take her home? Could _I_ go home?

I'd do almost anything if it meant Bella's father accepted me. _This_ though, was stepping _wayyyy_ outside my comfort zone. But for her...

"Yes sir. I'll encourage it, but I hope you understand you're always welcome here, too."

"Son. Please stop calling me sir. How old are you?"

"Thirty five on Friday."

"I'm not quite fifteen years your senior. You're making me feel old calling me sir, but I suppose it would help if I stopped calling you son. I'd feel better if you call me Charlie." He was smiling, a little more at ease... I returned a smile of my own.

"Charlie."

"Thank you. Bella tells me you have quite a bit of experience with accessible housing. I was wondering if we could discuss some of the ideas I have before I hire a contractor or have work done."

"Did you want to discuss that now?"

"No, I'd prefer to discuss the matter privately with you, can I call one day next week?"

"Sure, that would be fine."

"How is your steak Edward?"

_Oh my gosh, I completely forgot about the steak._

I took my tongs and flipped them, poking each one in turn...

"Medium?"

We took a knife and cut into one of them, the meat was just pink, but not bloody.

"See how moist it is, but it's not bloody?" he asked and I nodded.

"That's medium/well, I normally shoot for medium to medium/well. Good job. It looks like the ladies have everything ready for us; let me get them on a platter for you."

Bella's dad carried the plate of meat to the table, while my own father followed along, chuckling from time to time. I think I had survived the inquisition. Bella sat at the far end of the table on the bench then patted the space next to her. Jane sat at the opposite end next to Alec. Everyone else settled into spaces as they arrived. I noticed that Bella was sitting in the shade. In stark contrast, Jane's end of the table was in the sun. I knew that Bella had once been a sun worshipper when she stayed from time to time in Phoenix. Today, she consciously chose a spot in the shade. It made me feel good when I saw her doing things she knew would keep herself well.

We all sat around and conversed, and the meal was incredible. When the day started, I had no clue that I'd be bonding with Bella's father over something he apparently considered to be a male rite of passage. I was sort of proud of myself for stepping outside of my comfort zone. It didn't hurt that _my dad_ sat five feet away from me with the fire extinguisher, either.

Bella leaned over and kissed my cheek before whispering, "The steak was delicious. Thanks for helping Charlie."

"He's an alright guy."

"Did he threaten to tear you into little pieces and bury you all over the forests of Forks?"

"Not in so many words."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you."

"Thanks."

We were interrupted by Carlisle tapping his spoon against his iced tea glass.

Everyone quieted, giving him their undivided attention. "I'd like to say a few words. Today is a wonderful day for so many reasons... for a number of reasons. A few months ago, I didn't know if I'd ever see this day. I'd like to welcome Edward home. Edward, I'm so proud of you son. Your mother and I love you." I could feel myself getting red, I hated being in the spotlight.

He turned to Bella and smiled warmly. "I'd like to thank Bella for coming into our lives. Bella, thank you for putting up with him. I hope your... " Carlisle coughed and raised his eyebrows. "_friendship_... continues to grow." Everyone at the table snickered. Alec let out a whistle.

He turned to Charlie. "Charlie, thank you for raising such a beautiful daughter. It's been a pleasure getting to know her, we consider her a part of our family. I can't think of any other young lady I'd rather see with my son. I hope, despite the distance, that we are able to spend more time like this with you."

And finally he turned to Alec and handed him an envelope that we had all put a little something in. I feared his graduation might have passed with little fanfare, and couldn't stand the thought of no one acknowledging it. "Alec, son, congratulations on your high school graduation. We wish you the best in your future endeavors. If there's anything we can do to help, please let us know."

Jane squeezed Alec's hand, beaming at him. He tore his gaze away from her and addressed my dad. "Thank you."

Bella released my hand and pushed herself up so she was standing. "And an early Happy Father's Day to two of the most wonderful dads in the world. Charlie, you've been the best father a girl could ever ask for, and I feel so fortunate to have Carlisle in my life as well."

I turned to where the dads were sitting. Looking first at my own and then addressing Bella's. "I couldn't have said that better. Charlie, I look forward to getting to know you much better."

She sat down and everyone echoed her thoughts.

Alice and Esme stood and began to clear the table. I reached out and caught Esme by the wrist. "Mom, let me, please?"

They sat back down, knowing the routine, while I went to the kitchen to find the dishpan. I set it on my lap and went back outside. I circled the table taking everyone's plate and utensils. Bella followed me back into the house. "The girls offered to help clean up, just set that next to the sink, we'll take care of it up after dessert."

"I can take care of it, I promised you I would."

"Don't you need to talk with Alec before he goes back?"

I had gotten so wrapped up in the moment that I had forgotten all about talking to Alec. He had been with his therapist when Jill discharged me, and once I'd gotten home things just kept happening to prevent it.

"Yeah, I guess I should do that now. Don't wait dessert on us. I know your dad wants to go soon."

"Thanks, we'll get started. Would you like me to send Alec inside?"

"Sure, thanks."

I went to my room to talk with Alec. The study would have been ideal, but with so many boxes lying around it was too crowded for two wheelchairs.

Soon enough I heard his wheels squeak on the hardwood floor. "In here, Alec."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Um, when you were at therapy I had a talk with Jill... "

How could I tell him I was deserting him?

"Yeah she told me."

"Huh?"

"Dude, I came back from therapy and all your stuff was gone. The bed had white bedding instead of that crazy bedspread Alice washes each weekend."

"I guess I'm sort of obtuse. I was trying to figure out how to break it to you."

"It's all good man; you're coming to outpatient, right?"

"Yeah I'll be there. I'm gonna miss your irritating ass, you know."

"Dude, I know I was a real jerk in the beginning. I'm sorry. I feel like I owe you so much."

"That's water under the bridge now. It's all good. I hope you know you can come to me if you need anything."

"Good to know and thanks, I'm gonna miss you, but I'm glad you get to be at home. This place is so cool!"

"Yeah, I can't imagine what it will feel like to sleep in a bed that isn't a hospital bed. Or to stay up late if I want to, even if I do have to be over there at the butt-crack of light. It'll so be worth it to be home."

He nodded in agreement, but I didn't miss the look of sadness. "Hopefully Jill will find you a decent roomy... you know not anyone _too_ old. Did you know she put us together _on purpose_? I wanted to throttle her."

He was laughing. "God I hated you. You were just so... perfect. You were so confident, and you knew _everything. _I was feeling so alone and scared, and it just seemed like none of this was a big deal to you. I didn't know until that night... " he stopped and fiddled with his pant leg for a while before he finished. His eyes met mine, "You know... the night you helped me... that you were actually _paralyzed_ too. I just thought you had broken your legs somehow."

I laughed... hard... till it hurt. "You were so mad at me for accosting you that night. I really wasn't trying to get fresh with you."

He blushed, crimson. "I know that now."

"You know that if it happens again, the headache, the sweating... check your bag, make sure it's not too full, the tube isn't kinked or pinched off... You'll remember right? I won't be there to save you. You need to learn these things so you can be independent. The more time that elapses after your injury, the less chance there is of another episode happening. You're below a T-6."

He hung his head and blushed further. Why was he embarrassed? "I, um, I wanted to ask you about that."

"The AD? Don't worry too much, just be mindful of the signs. It's not that common below a T-6, unless you're injury is _very_ recent."

He shook his head and muttered, "No that wasn't what I meant."

"What do you need, buddy? I told you could ask me anything and I'd try to help you."

"They took it out. The um... tube... yesterday."

"Oh that's great, you have less to worry about with things like AD, urinary tract infections... You have a better possibility of having kids too. When you have a Foley catheter all the time, you have more chance of infection and less chance of having motile sperm."

"They did something... to me. You know... right after the accident. My mom had to pay privately but they told her it was the best way."

"You mean they retrieved your sperm?" He nodded, obviously embarrassed. "That's wonderful! They do that fairly commonly now. I wish they'd have done something like that when I was younger. I've had a number of infections over the years, I don't know that I'll ever be able to father children. I think if Bella and I are ever _able_ to try, I'll have some frozen... just in case. You never know how many times you'll have to try, or if something like a killer infection will come along and ruin your chances. For the longest time it didn't matter to me, but now... "

"I'm sorry man."

"No don't be, it's simply a fact of my life, I'm glad you have options. Was that what you wanted talk about?"

"No, not exactly. I've... you know... done _it_ a few times, but what if I make a mistake? What if it's too late? What if I pee my pants? I don't know how to tell. Augh! This is coming out all wrong. I'm so embarrassed."

I smiled, remembering all too well the embarrassment, as an older, and very condescending female nurse tried to explain the mechanics of self- catheterizing 101. Luckily, Carlisle understood my mortification and shame and stepped in to help. He calmly, quietly and matter-of-factly showed me the ropes that day. Sadly, it was like being potty trained at eighteen.

"Do you understand the mechanics of getting the catheter all the way into your bladder?"

"It doesn't always work, but they said to wait a few minutes and try again."

"Might have been a spasm. That happens sometimes. Have you been able to get urine to flow each time you've tried?"

"No. Sometimes when I'm putting it in I hit something and it just... stops."

"That's the sphincter near your prostate gland. You just need to go slow. Sometimes you need to change position, pull your penis out straight, or up. Sometimes you just have to stop and take a deep breath. Don't be afraid to do it, trust me, you'll learn to know your body well. You _have_ to, for lots of reasons. Does it hurt... cathing yourself? Your injury is complete, isn't it? I never asked anyone about your history, but I'd just assumed from something I'd overheard."

"Yes, complete T- 7/8, and no there's no feeling at all."

"I've heard it's a little uncomfortable if you're not paralyzed. Maybe we're lucky in that aspect." I kind of chuckled, I think I'd be cringing _just thinking _about the topic of conversation if I could feel every little thing. "I remember being very sensitive... down there... before my accident."

He nodded, agreeing. "Yeah."

"Did I answer your questions? Is there anything else you wanted to ask? I don't mind, I'd rather you ask than ignore what your body needs out of fear or embarrassment. You need to be comfortable with this before you go home."

"I just... it was _Leslie_ who has been teaching me. It's so embarrassing. I get it in there and then I don't get the tube in the bottle soon enough, I soaked my clothes twice yesterday. How am I ever going to be able to do this? What about school? Going out places? I can't just schedule everything in four hour increments."

I decided it was time to take things into my own hands... well, maybe not literally...

"Come on."

"What? Why?"

"I'm going to show you."

He hung his head, looking mortified.

"We're both grownups, you have to learn, and you need to learn the _right way_. I never quite understood why they have girls teach this to guys anyway. That's something I should talk to Jill about... she has a ton of orderlies. They really need a model, too. They have them, you know, life-like practice models."

I drove into my bathroom and pulled out two of everything we'd need. Alec came in acting all nervous. I put a hand on his shoulder and he jumped. "Hey, relax, it's really not that big a deal. You can do it, but you need to be comfortable doing it. That'll only come with practice. You don't want to have to depend on someone else to help you pee.

"You want to stay on a schedule and you need to stay hydrated too, don't cut back on drinks in order to have to cath less. It's bad for your bladder and you'll make yourself sick, so don't go so long that your bladder becomes distended, although your's will probably empty itself when it's full where mine can't." I paused to catch a breath. "Because of the level of our injuries, our bladders probably function differently. Your's is probably spastic, where mine is flaccid. When I was in medical school, I'd go sometimes eight hours without urinating and over time, instead of having accidents, my bladder stretched. Now, if I don't cath I'd probably just keep retaining until my bladder ruptured. Every four hours or so is reasonable. You might want to try sooner than that while you're learning, so you don't get wet. They have these disposable pads, like a jock cup that you can set inside your underwear to catch anything that leaks.

"I try to drink every time I cath, it makes it easier to keep track of my drinks… I try to squeeze a few extras in if I can. I try to get in _at least_ eight drinks in a day. I cath about five times a day- during the day, and then once or twice at night. Are you waking up to use the catheter at night?"

"No, they gave me this condom thing that hooks to a nighttime bag. It sticks on the outside instead of going inside me."

"A Texas catheter. That makes it a little easier for you. My sphincter doesn't open, so I can't use one of those. One of those little differences between your T- 7/8 and my T-12, I have to do this around the clock."

I handed him a blue pad, and noticed he didn't have a backpack. "Did you bring supplies with you?"

"No, Leslie said I could probably go six hours so I thought I could wait till I went back, but I was afraid to have an accident. Sometimes it just _lets go_ with no warning and I'm soaked."

"You need a backpack anyway. Get one. My mom gets me these two gallon Ziploc bags; they are great for carrying a urinal in, keeps everything in the pack nice and dry. My new pack has a waterproof compartment in the front where I keep my supplies separate from my clothing. After 'drunk gate 2008' I learned the importance of using the Ziplocs." I shuddered and he laughed.

"I'll ask my mom to pick something up for me."

"You know what? Let's shop when we transfer your van title. Hopefully I'll be a little more confident about driving with a passenger. We'll go to the medical supply place and get one designed for on the back of a wheelchair. They are roomier and a little higher end than your mom will find. I know just the place."

"Oh, okay."

"I always start with a blue pad. Use the bigger ones till you get the hang of it, it'll protect your clothes if you have a spill. Nothing worse than having to call your mom to come to college and re-dress you. _TRUST_ me." I handed him a blue pad and he spread it out with nervous hands.

"Your lap is cleaner than any place in a public restroom, for the love of God, _don't_ _ever_ set your catheter supplies down in a restroom. I have this tray I got for Christmas, I'll have to show you sometime. In a restroom, you don't know what kind of germs you're coming into contact with. I used to use the handicapped stall, so I can hang my pack from the hook and dig out everything I'd need. The big _family restrooms _are awesome, they are huge with no stalls or anything to block your path."

"I use antibacterial hand sanitizer. Kills most germs in just a few seconds. I don't wear gloves, it's my body, I wash my hands afterwards, just make sure you hands are clean first. I put the urinal out here and sort of wedge it between my knees." I handed him the receptacle.

"These catheters are pre-lubed. They're more convenient." I handed him one.

I unzipped my pants and pulled myself out. "Watch," I grabbed my penis so there was nothing but the head showing and I wiped everything with the antiseptic wipe. "Don't use an alcohol wipe, they burn. I use betadine wipes." I handed him one and waited.

"Now?" he gasped.

"_Yes now_. I won't look if you're nervous. But you watch what I do."

"How did _you_ learn?"

"My dad taught me. He sat down and showed me how, and with trial and error I learned a routine that worked best for me."

"Did he... ?"

"Use a catheter on himself? Yeah, he did. He'd do anything to help me, and he knew how important this was to learn." I shrugged. "It was all sterile."

Alec tore the packet open and I turned my head. I didn't look to see if Alec was done wiping himself off. "Are you all clean?"

"Yeah."

I opened the end of my catheter packet and put the far end of the tube into the urinal first before I pulled my penis straight out from my body. "If you put the tube into the urinal first you don't get anxious and make a mistake." Alec watched as I worked the tube inside. When the flow stopped, I slowly pulled the tube out, stopping a few times to make sure I was empty, and laid it on the blue pad.

"You make it seem so easy." He said.

"It is, you'll get it." I could see him fumbling from the corner of my eye, but I promised not to look, so I didn't.

"After I dump the urinal, I snap the lid shut before I put it in my pack. I wipe myself off again, roll everything in the blue pad and throw it all away. When I go home at night, I rinse out the urinal with some bleach water and set it on the back of the toilet to dry. If I have one both at home _and_ in my pack, so one is always clean and dry."

"Are you done?" I heard the splash of water as he emptied into the toilet and then flushed. There was a bedpan faucet over my toilet to rinse with. I pointed to the fixture. "Use that to rinse with and then close the urinal up. There should be Ziploc bags in the closet. Take it back with you so you have two. You _need_ to begin carrying supplies with you everywhere you go. Always check before you leave. When I'm not being lazy I'll get the box of catheters out and count them out into bags of a half dozen. I put the betadine and packets of hand cleaner right in with the catheters. All you gotta do is throw a bag in your pack every other day or so. I put the blue pads into small Ziplocs individually. You can roll all the trash up into it and zip it closed before you put it in the trash. That way you're not putting unsealed biohazard waste into a trash public trash can."

"Thanks man. I'd be struggling forever."

"It's no problem," I reassured him. "Feel more confident now?" He nodded. "A word to the wise, choose one color of pants to wear, and wear them every day. I always wear black for work. I carry a pair of black pants in my bag. If I have an accident and someone has to come and change me, no one knows but me. I'm putting the same color back on. If I'm doing something casual I don't worry about it so much. I always carry an extra Ziploc bag or two as well. _GREAT_ invention."

I headed out into my room, Alec followed along. I spun around in a circle so I was facing him, "Look, I have a support group over at Harborview that meets weekly. Perhaps you'd like to come along sometime. It's for people with newly acquired disabilities. It would be good for you to meet other people. We participate to help each other out. Just like your catheter issue here today."

"I'd like that, you'll go with me?" I hadn't had a partner to mentor in a long time. Alec needed the one on one attention that he'd gain from a partner, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't benefited from knowing him. I'd grown, as well, during the time we were room mates.

"I'll pick you up every week and take you if you want to go. There was nothing like that when I was your age. So Esme and I changed that."

"Have I ever told you that you're kinda cool?" he smirked.

"Uh... no."

"Don't tell anybody, it'll ruin my reputation."

I had to laugh. I looked at my watch, "Hey it's getting late, how are you getting back? Do you have a curfew?"

"Alice said she'd take us. Jill wants us back by four. I have whirlpool."

"Have her take the new car when you go. You'll love it. I'd drive you, but I'm not comfortable with a passenger yet. Too much responsibility."

"No that's okay, I understand."

I handed him a slip of paper with my number on it. "It's my cell number, incase you need anything."

"Kay, thanks."

We rolled out to the living room, the girls were watching TV. "Where is everyone?" I asked no one in particular.

Bella looked up. "Your dad and Charlie are out in the garage unloading a batch of boxes from storage onto the shelves. Medical books and stuff. Esme is doing the dishes because she refused to wait till you and Alec were done and she wouldn't hear of me doing it. She has several cakes out there, one for father's day, one for graduation and one that says _Welcome Home_. She doesn't do anything half way does she?"

"Never has, get used to it. Hope you're hungry."

"If she leaves them here, I say we take the leftovers over to rehab and leave them out on the table."

"Great idea! I can take them in the morning."

Alice got up, yawning and stretching. "I ate too much and then I sat here watching TV. I'm so tired now. Care if I make us some coffee?" she asked as she headed towards the kitchen.

Bella followed. "Only if you make sure it has caffeine." I could hear Esme laughing.

We all sat around eating cake and drinking coffee. It was cute watching Alec and Jane navigate their fledgling romance. I wondered if that was what it was like for people watching Bella and me. I hoped that they could handle the hour separation when she was at home. Once Alec was driving, it would be easier, but it wouldn't be the same as it had been when they had every day together.

Soon the table was cleared and everyone was saying their goodbyes. Charlie came over and shook my hand, thanking me again _for inviting Bella to move in and share expenses_. We both knew there was more to it than that, but I respected the boundaries Bella had set, and I had no control over the ones my body had set for us. We'd navigate those waters when we were ready. We decided we were going to try this like a _normal_ couple, continuing to date and get to know one another, really get to know one another. There were so many things we had to learn about each other and I couldn't wait.

I promised Charlie I'd call him about the _favor_ he needed. "I'll take good care of her, I promise."

"I believe you, but remember what I told you."

_How could I forget?_ "I will. Thank you."

Within the matter of a few minutes the house was nearly empty. Bella had walked Charlie out, and Alice was taking _the kids_ back to rehab.

Carlisle clapped me on the shoulder. "We're going to head out too. I've got some charting to do. Is there anything you need before we go?"

"Could you just spot me onto the couch? I'd like to just chill out with Bella for a while."

"I can do that. Is there anything else you need?"

Esme came over, and I stood my chair to hug her. "Thanks for everything Mom. I love you."

"Love you too, honey. I'll see you tomorrow, maybe."

I turned my chair towards Carlisle and held out my hand, he went to shake it and I pulled him in to hug him, too. "Thanks Dad. I couldn't have done any of this without your help and support."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you're home, your mom told me. Congratulations. I'm proud of you son. I know how hard you worked to get here."

"I didn't really have any choice, did I?"

"You did good. I love ya, now get on the couch so I can go home and finish my work. I promised to spend some quality time with your mother this weekend." He wiggled his eyebrows and I knew _exactly _what type of _quality activity_ they had planned.

"Eww, eww, I didn't just hear you say that."

His shoulders shook with laughter. "She'll have my butt in a sling if I ignore her. Never forget to take time out for your woman. Number one rule of being a doctor!"

I backed over to the couch and parked. Reaching behind me to get my board, I noticed my dad reach behind the couch and pulled it out, handing it to me. I looked up at him and he was acting nervous. Looking down, I ran my hands over the smooth as silk birch laminated board. I flipped it over and found a few scratch marks on it, but the edges were perfectly tapered, perfectly... _undamaged_. My breath hitched when I realized what I held in my hands. It was my _first_ transfer board… the one Jill had given me all those years ago… the one I was sure had been destroyed beyond repair. I had used it daily until the night the car hit me. I could feel my lip tremble, and emotion like I hadn't felt in so long washed over me.

"How?" I whispered.

"It wasn't in bad shape. Alice knows someone with a skateboard shop. He smoothed the one edge out and recoated it. It might be just a hair shorter than it was before your accident."

"Oh my God, I don't know what to say. I can't tell you how many times I wished I had this."

"Thank Jill tomorrow. She said you wished you still had it and she asked me about it, so I went looking. It was stored away with your clothing, Rose told us not to discard anything because of the court case. I didn't know what sort of shape it would be in. One of the firemen gave it to Jasper when he said he knew you."

"Wow, thank you so much." I wiped my eyes with the heels of my hands. This had been an overwhelming day. When Alice returned, I'd be ready for bed.

I set my old friend down between me and the couch. Sliding onto the couch was as slick as ever.

_Oh how I've missed you my friend._

"We'll stop by soon, have a good night. If you need anything call."

"Alice will be here. We're fine. But thanks."

They hugged Bella as they left. It was nice to finally be here, alone, in the peaceful quiet.

When we were _finally_ alone, Bella came over and sat on the couch next to me. I looked around, and sighed.

_This... was home. _

It felt like home, and as hard as Esme and Carlisle had worked to make me feel welcome in the home we'd shared all those years ago, I hadn't felt _like this_ since I was 18, not since before I'd lost my parents.

At the time, when Carlisle came to me and said we had no option but selling the houses, I was young and in as much as I missed my parents, the house seemed like just an empty shell- devoid of life. It was no longer my home, nor would it ever be again, so I had agreed to let it go. Had it been practical to keep it, I know that Carlisle would have done anything in his power to find a way to both satisfy my growing debt, as well as keep my childhood home. I had no doubt that he and Esme would have first sacrificed their home in an effort to provide the normalcy they both knew I desperately needed and craved, but in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. They took what we had, and they molded it into something, some _place_ where I would be able to heal and grow; both my body and my mind and for several years, that's just what I did.

Esme nurtured me, and loved me in the way only my own mother could have rivaled. She was always a nurturer. It started with my mother, and continued to me, after Mom was gone. When Mom and Esme were young girls, Grandma Platt had a heart attack. She was young, early fifties. Esme was a young adult. She had just turned eighteen when Grandma had the second heart attack, the one that took her away from them. Mom was only twelve, yet she and Esme were always so close. Esme taught her all the important things a young girl needed to learn, from someone other than her daddy. It was Esme who taught her to cook and sew and care for a family. It was Esme who dressed her for her senior prom and scrutinized her date when he came to collect her. Grandpa Platt had died several years after Gram, Mom and Esme always attributed it to a broken heart. In any case, by the time Mom graduated high school, both of them were gone. It was Esme who encouraged Mom to go to college, and it was she who introduced my Mom to Carlisle's childhood friend, Ed.

Carlisle's parents didn't approve of Esme, for some reason they looked down on her, because of her circumstances. There was no shame in the life she had been forced into. Esme stepped up to the plate and took care of her family. She fed and clothed her family when there was no one else. When the time came, she encouraged Mom to go to college at the University of Washington. Mom studied literature and the degree she graduated with netted her a job at the college as a curator of rare and ancient books.

While Mom was studying lit, Esme was occupying the same campus getting her degree in architecture. I grew up hearing stories of double dates and romantic get-a-ways. Esme and Carlisle married while he was a resident in Seattle. Mom and Dad followed just a few years later.

Dad had never left Forks, and eventually the rest of the family found their way back home to settle. Mom set her career aside to concentrate on starting a family. They had one miscarriage early in their marriage. So when they decided to get serious about starting a family, she sacrificed her career to wait for me to arrive. My dad used to joke about the fact that once she got a taste of motherhood, he became solely responsible for supporting us, wild elephants couldn't drag her away from me for the first five years. After I started school, she got a job in the Forks library to burn up some of the time on her hands. She never failed to be waiting for me when I walked through the door, the aroma of something delicious hanging in the air of her kitchen.

Thinking back, living with Esme after the accident was more an extension of being raised by Mom. I didn't know if it was because Mom learned to be a mother from Esme, but they both loved me and cared for me, reverently... like I was the single most important thing in their lives. Esme still made me feel that way. I came second only to her husband.

Dad never went to college. In high school he concentrated on business, and while Carlisle teased him about plotting to be a kept man, it was all in fun. Dad managed the Forks Inn for several years, and while Carlisle was in college, he introduced Dad to a medical supplier who was looking to open a franchise in the Port Angeles area. It was an inside scoop, and before the plans were made public, Dad had secured a loan and a small store front in Port Angeles. Dad was away a lot in those early years. It was Mom and Esme who designed our home and oversaw its construction. The joke was that Dad quit traveling right after Mom and the movers had moved everything into the new house and gotten it settled. The house in Forks, _our_ house was nearly identical to Carlisle and Esme's, with the exception of the office Esme had added for Dr. Cullen to hang his shingle from after he graduated with his MD.

Carlisle and Esme tried to have babies, and after several years of heartache, they made the decision to stop. Carlisle wanted to adopt, but Esme hid in her shell... lost in herself. She had always handled the billing and made appointments with the patients, but eventually, her depression made it impossible for her to cope with all of it. After some counseling and joining a bereavement group, Esme slowly became more like her old self again. During her bout with depression, Carlisle hired Maggie to assist him in the office as a receptionist and a nurse, she was fresh out of college, and they described her entering our lives like a breath of fresh air. Having her around was good for all of us, and she became a close confidant for Esme.

I remembered, fondly, the way Maggie cared for me as a little fellow. When I went to Uncle Carlisle for a check up, it was Maggie who reassured me and gave me stickers when I was all done. As a babysitter, while all the grownups went out, it was Maggie who sat on the floor playing with the latest action figures, or beating me at Atari. She never failed to leave me an Easter basket, help me carve a pumpkin, or bring me Christmas cookies. She treated me as if I were her own.

The sisterly bond she shared with Esme was nearly as close as the one Esme shared with my mother, and when my parents were lost, it was Maggie who held Esme together. All my life, she cared for me, I couldn't wait for her to come here and share this part of our lives with us. I'd love for Bella and Maggie to become close friends. Bella really liked her, but spending time with her as a family member, I knew she'd grow to love her like the rest of us had.

~ooo000ooo~

Wheeling through my new house brought back so many memories of my childhood. Memories that remained dormant for so many years, that is, until I began talking with Sasha. Sitting on my parent's Italian leather sofa, I reminisced while taking in the sights that surrounded me…

My mother's chair evoked such strong emotion within me. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to sit in it again due to my condition, and I wanted to. I remembered sitting in that chair, cuddled up next to my mom on many occasions- mesmerized by some tale that she chose to share with me. Seeing the evidence that Bella was already appreciating that chair made my decision to move it here worth the initial discomfort I thought these items would bring.

It didn't surprise me to learn that Bella was enamored with Mom's collection of books. I knew she was a teacher, but I learned on one of our non-dates, that she was a book worm as well. Esme was so proud of herself for putting not one, but two reading areas in the house to make Bella feel at home. How could she not? She connected with Bella early on, and I believe she innately perceived that Bella would be in my life from there on out. And since Bella was a book worm, it made me feel all squishy to know that she would care for my mother's precious books with the love and reverence that they deserved. While these mementos reminded me of all the things I'd lost in life, they also represented all that I had gained.

_I had an entirely new life now. _

The photos of my family, sitting next to the one of Bella with her parents on the mantle of my fireplace made me happy and melancholy at the same time. Esme had hopes of placing the large family portrait she'd pulled out of storage over the fireplace. As a kid it seemed a little ostentatious- but looking at it now, all cleaned and polished... it wasn't so terrible. My parents had proudly hung it in a place of honor in their home, and now it was my turn to honor them. It would be a bit creepy with the two of them, and my seventeen year old self staring down on my every move. But, for all intents and purposes, those three individuals no longer existed.

When Esme and I originally discussed everything that was in the storage unit, I was afraid that I would be overwhelmed with emotion when I actually _saw_ the things from my childhood home, but after seeing it all here, in my home, I felt more at ease than I had in years.

However, the room that evoked the most emotion, for some reason, was my study.

My breath caught the first time I rolled in and laid eyes on my dad's furniture. I remembered sitting across from him at that very desk so many times, not only for advice, but when he doled out what he felt the appropriate punishment for some infraction of one of his rules. There weren't many, he wasn't a strict parent. Honesty and trust were paramount, and they went hand in hand. I could honestly say I never lied to him- stretched the truth on several occasions, but never blatantly lied.

I got into trouble a few times for fighting when I was younger, I didn't like to share, and there were several occasions when the note from the teacher stated that I didn't work and play well with others.

Memories of borrowing the car several times without permission, leaving Mom stranded when she needed to be somewhere, prickled at me. And how after I met Tanya, there were numerous times I had snuck in past curfew... and had gotten caught. Usually, I'd walk into my room to find Dad sitting at my desk in the dark waiting for me. My heart always stopped in that instant when I flicked on the light and found him sitting there, motionless. I was grounded a lot, that last year they were alive. Yet, I can honestly say that for the most part I was a respectful son, and I never regretted anything I'd done. My parents treated me like a peer for a number of years, and I returned that respect.

Sitting quietly next to me, Bella absent-mindedly made little circles on the palm of my hand with her index finger. Leaning in, she kissed the corner of my mouth and whispered, "Penny for your thoughts? You've been gone a long time Edward. Where were you?"

"Ah, just strolling down memory lane. Thinking about all these beautiful things, the legacy my parents left for me." Without realizing it, a stray tear trickled down my cheek. I non-chalantly wiped it away, or so I thought, but Bella caught me.

"What's wrong, Edward?"

Could I tell her? Was I ready to let her enter this cavern where my past had been hidden away? Though I was finally bringing light to my past with Sasha, and I was becoming more and more at peace with the events that brought me here, could I share it with Bella yet?

I wasn't sure, but I could try…focusing on the joy I felt after seeing Mom's china proudly displayed in her china cabinet, I decided to tell Bella that story.

"Our dining room furniture," I looked into Bella's inviting brown eyes. "Um, my dad bought the dining room suit shortly after Thanksgiving," Bella smiled. "I remember that he had the furniture store hold the china cabinet until Christmas Eve, and just after dinner it was delivered. Dad even had a big red bow placed on it."

I was smiling and fighting back the tears at the same time. "Mom kept going on about how she had nothing pretty to put inside it, and dad was telling her that our set of stoneware dishes would look just fine, but he knew all along what was waiting for her under the tree."

Bella giggled, I think she figured out what I was about to say.

"Dad also bought her the china set she wanted," I sighed; the tears of joy in my mother's eyes that Christmas sent a wave of longing through me. I recalled that those were the only gifts she received that year, though they cost Dad a pretty penny, Mom loved them and was immensely happy. They were perfect, and they're perfect now.

Looking at Bella, I realized that I wanted to be able to bring her such joy.

"It's such a beautiful collection of furniture, Edward. I fell in love with it myself the first time I saw it, and after Esme placed all the dishes inside the China cabinet, I began imaging us having a dinner party with our family and friends eating in there." I could see the hope and life circling in her chocolate orbs.

"Then we'll have to do that," I sat up taller in the sofa, excited with the promise of living again. "You're a great cook and all those appliances and gadgets you own Bella, you'll make an amazing feast!"

Then I laughed. Bella wasn't lying when she said she had quite a few small appliances. They littered the countertops. Earlier, as I strolled through, I fingered things, wondering what other items were. Some of the drawers had been open; I was mesmerized and looked at each gadget and gizmo. While cooking on the grill with Charlie hadn't been so bad, I realized that I'd never do it alone, but it felt good to know that I _could_ do it. Maybe, just maybe Bella would teach me how to help her in the kitchen, as well.

Interrupting me from my reverie, Bella snuggled against my chest, her hair tickling my cheek and chin.

"I really love this sofa, the leather is soft and inviting," she purred and the sound did fuzzy things inside of me.

"Well," I pondered a moment-trying to put some perspective on all of this, "if my parents wouldn't have died the way they had, we'd be sitting on your plaid couch in a cheap apartment, trying to pay off my student loans as I struggled as a mortician. Amazing how so much can change in the blink of an eye, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Bella gently pushed off my chest and sat up. "But we seriously would not be sitting on Grandma Swan's old couch." She laughed while telling me of a contest she heard about.

Bella was describing an ugly couch contest that one of the local furniture stores was holding when Alice walked in on us. We were laughing about the old furniture and she said that they did it annually-ridding Seattle of ugly furniture one sofa at a time…

Alice helped me get out of the couch. I felt confident that in no time at all, I'd feel comfortable doing it on my own. Bella wandered off to do a few things, and I decided it was time to begin my routine. Wheeling myself back into the hallway, I rolled past Bella's room. The door was closed, but I could see a strip of light at the bottom. I could hear her quietly talking to someone. I felt a pang of sadness that she was holed up in her room, but she needed her privacy and that was something I had to learn to respect.

After getting me all situated, Alice pulled out an intercom that Carlisle had sent over from when I'd first come home from the hospital at eighteen. "Should I plug this in case you need something in the night?"

"You sleep with your phone?" I asked.

"Always."

"If I need you, I'll call. No intercoms."

"Alright. I'm heading downstairs to watch some TV. Goodnight Edward. I'll see you in a few hours."

My bedroom was huge, Esme made a point to ensure that I had ample space to move around freely with no barriers. My parent's huge cherry bed sat on the largest wall. Esme had gotten the adjustable bed people to retrofit a frame for a king sized mattress and platform so I could utilize my own headboard and footboard. The antique wooden pieces originally included wooden side rails, but they weren't useable with the new bed. Even though it was king-sized, it seemed dwarfed by the size of the room. The matching pieces complimented the room. I'd looked at furniture while out shopping with Alice and Bella. Furniture like this wasn't made anymore.

The dark tan walls were called Tuscan Sunset, at least that's what Esme had told me. I didn't really care what the name of it was-it was tastefully decorated and had a rich comforting feel to it. My bedding and the curtains were deep rich earth tones, browns and greens and rusts. The large comfortable chair my Dad had read his paper in each morning sat in the corner next to a heavy brass and stained glass floor lamp. In fact, looking around the room, the similarities to my parent's old room were almost startling. Yet, somehow it felt homey and didn't leave me feeling melancholy, as I had expected it to.

My bathroom... Oh my God! My bathroom was incredible. My shower was everything I could have asked for and more. The builder wanted to install a number of shower heads on the wall, as well as one overhead, but Esme had found the perfect fixture for my shower at a trade show hosted by Concrete Change, and in the end, she somehow had the builder so wrapped around her finger that he has decided to only use that fixture from now on.

The Aquatower 3000 was an ADA approved fixture. The entire unit moved vertically on a track, so that it could be adjusted at the perfect height. It offered a head above me, a hand held unit for when Alice was assisting me, and for hard to reach places- as well as four spray jets that hung vertically. There were valves that I could reach to control flow and temperature. While it was still considered water saver efficient, it boasted an 80psi maximum spray. I knew it would be invigorating and I couldn't wait to get inside. The shower commanded a large corner of the room; two walls were made of glass, and I could roll right in and transfer onto the bench. Once there, everything was situated so that I could be self sufficient. The floor was fiberglass, and sloped down away from the entrance.

Then of course, there was _that issue_ of the floors which Esme had to convey, repeatedly, to Bob why granite flooring would not be appropriate for this home. Esme still laughed about him telling her she was defiling his incredible bathroom with a wooden floor covered in vinyl. Eventually, they came to a mutual understanding. The flooring they chose was tasteful, and to be perfectly honest, I couldn't tell what it was made of. As far as I was concerned, safety from falls was paramount.

While it was an exact mirror of my own, Bella's room was so different from not only my room, but the rest of the house as well. All of my parent's things were dark, heavy wood, deep rich fabrics. In contrast, Esme had chosen paint and accessories to complement the things I already had throughout the rest of the house. Bella's room was bright and cheery and so alive.

_So Bella._

I hadn't been_ inside_ Bella's room since she'd moved in; she was still a little pissed about the matching bathrooms. Originally, the only room with a private bath was the master bathroom; we altered the blueprints to add a second one. I wanted her to have the same conveniences that I had, although I'd never told her it was my decision to add the second bathroom, she somehow drew that conclusion and I was in the dog house. I refused to admit it, but she knew.

This afternoon I peeked inside her room, but since it was her space, I didn't want to invade it. I loved the contrast between the soft blue walls and her light colored maple furniture. Her bedroom suit consisted of a bed, dresser, vanity and night stands. Already, her bookcases were overflowing with books. Her furniture, while older than mine by a few decades still looked decent and I knew it held fond memories of Bella's grandmother. While Esme had been itching to buy her something new to surprise her with, Alice and I had convinced her that the bedroom suit held sentimental value to Bella and she would be hurt if it was replaced without her knowledge.

I told Bella she could bring anything and everything that she wanted to, this was her home too. I still felt bad that she had given most of her things to goodwill. It saddened me that she felt her things weren't worthy enough to grace my rooms. She could have brought anything she wanted here. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or unequal; she was so much more to me than a tenant.

Alice turned my light off, and suddenly I felt very alone. I was rolled facing the door, and I watched that door until my eyes grew heavy. As the darkness claimed me, I heard the noise I'd been waiting for. She crept in, feeling her way along in the dark until she was next to me. I felt the mattress dip as she sat down in the dark next to me. Her hand found mine under the blanket and she caressed my knuckles as she spoke softly.

"I'm sorry, I called my Mom, I haven't talked to her in months. Charlie thought it was _prudent_ that I call and explain to her that I had moved. I couldn't get her off the phone."

I yawned. "It's okay Bella. I understand."

"I hope you know I couldn't go to sleep without telling you I love you, and goodnight. It's surreal being able to do this in person."

"It is," I tried unsuccessfully to stifle another yawn.

"You've had a long day. I love you. Get some sleep." She leaned down to kiss me and I put my hand behind her head, pulling her closer. We kissed several times, it was nice to finally be able to do this without someone intruding on a private moment, but I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open.

She pulled away and sat up, her hand lingering on my bare chest. It was so soft and warm, and I couldn't remember when I'd ever been touched like that. Her hand ghosted down over my side to my waist. She leaned in once more and gave me a quick peck. "I love you. I'll be up at six to make breakfast. It'll be ready when you've showered. Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight love. Thank you for such a wonderful day. I love you too."

As quickly as she had snuck into my room, she had disappeared.

Suddenly my phone chimed. The silly girl was texting me. I opened it up and had to laugh. It wasn't Bella…

_**Hey Doc, I miss your snoring... well and you too a little bit. Cya in the AM.- Alec**_

**Miss you too. Sleep well. Your tube isn't kinked is it?- E**

_**Nope, I checked... and double checked. Liquid gold is in the bag where it belongs. -Alec**_

**Good deal. See ya in the morning. -E**

_**Is Bella sending muffins?- Alec**_

**You have no shame. -E**

_**Who? Moi? You're right, I don't. Your girl is an excellent cook. Treat her good or I'll steal her out from under you.- Alec**_

**Hah! Only in your dreams... -E**

**Hey Bella- Alec wants to know if you're baking muffins. -E**

_**Dunno. Tell him it's past his bedtime and he should be sleeping.- B**_

**Okay, Goodnight Maryellen. -E**

_**Goodnight John boy. -B**_

**Alec, she says you should be sleeping and you'll find out tomorrow.-E**

_**Le sigh. Alright... -Alec**_

**Go to sleep. Goodnight Jim Bob -E**

_**Goodnight John boy -Alec**_

Bella had started the Walton's routine one night as we texted, and eventually, Alec got pulled into it as well. I laughed to think we were still doing something so silly and lighthearted.

I'd actually miss the kid...

* * *

Thanks to my team… wow, another chapter. Alexa and Debbie- you girls are awesome and consistently give this story 150%. Jeanne, my beta-love, thank you for all the extra work that went into this chapter.

A/N: In a normal situation, the team that began working with Edward when he was admitted would have a huge meeting before his discharge. Most people don't get surprised, out of the blue, that they are being discharged. However, since we knew that Edward was being discharged at the end of the week, and it's only a few days early, we'll assume that he already had the meeting, and given the fact that Jill has been to his home, has watched his paid caregiver work with him, and knows his family and career background, there's no reason why she couldn't make the executive decision to send him home several days early.

I have to comment, my favorite one shot has become a multi-chaptered story. If you haven't checked out Little Green and Easybella by BettiGefecht, go do it now. You won't be sorry. I know I've recc'd it before, but this is one of those stories that deserves another shout out. Thanks Betti for continuing Little Green for us. You made my weekend!

As always your thoughts and questions are welcome. I apologize that I haven't been able to respond personally to everyone's reviews and PMs. Welcome to the HUGE influx of new readers this week, my inbox runneth over. Has someone been reccing Impact again? If you know who… do tell. I'm always grateful.

Reviews are lovely. I read every single one. Thank you!


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-seven

~Edward~

After Bella, Alec and I said goodnight, I fell into what had to be the best sleep I've had... in ages. The bed was... quite literally... the things dreams were made of. I was out as soon as I put my phone under my pillow. I didn't remember Alice coming in to help me cath, or to roll me... either time, although I was on my side facing the opposite direction I had started out in. I had decided that if I always started my night facing the door, I'd know if Bella came in- for whatever reason, and chances were that would happen earlier than later.

I awoke to the sound of my bedroom door opening. Reaching to my side, I pulled on one of the leather dog leashes I'd had Alice rig to the side of my bed, and pulled myself onto my back. When I took that first morning stretch... an extensor spasm took over my body... legs stiff and straight... my body rigid... I clenched my teeth as it shook my body and I waited for it to subside before I slumped in relaxation.

I inhaled deeply. Mmm breakfast... and I smelled coffee.

Bella waited for me to relax before she sat next to me on the bed. I felt under the blankets for the wireless bed remote, and hit the button to raise the head of the bed. She reached over and ran her fingers through my hair, ruffling it up and smiling before she leaned in for a kiss.

"Mmm morning," I looked at my clock, it was only five-thirty, but I was refreshed. I hadn't spent a night in my own bed in _forever,_ but that old adage about there being nothing like waking up in your own bed... so true. This was simply wonderful. The beautiful woman smiling next to me... priceless. I couldn't put a value on this if I wanted to.

I stifled a yawn. "It's early."

"It is. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah. I smell coffee. Please tell me it's got caffeine?"

"Sure does. Do you want breakfast in bed?"

"Will you join me?"

"Absolutely." With a smile, she hopped off the bed and disappeared just as quickly as she had appeared. I used the remote to raise the foot of the bed a little to break up my tone. The spasms happened mostly when I first stretched out at night, but I found that as long as I kept my legs and hips bent, to some degree, they stayed at bay. Over the years I learned little tricks to avoid them when I transferred. They could be dangerous in the wrong situations. I began having them a lot immediately after coming out of the casts.

All the months my legs were immobile inside of casts, I didn't encounter the triggers I did once they were finally free. Thankfully, with the medication I'd recently begun taking for spasticity, and the unlimited range of motion exercises I was doing, they seemed to be coming less frequently.

When she returned, I realized what she was wearing and started to laugh. "Oh, Bella, I love your pajamas."

She looked up from the tray she was carrying. "I got them when you were still in the hospital. When I stared comparing you to Superman. I just couldn't resist. They... made me feel closer to you."

I took her in, from top to bottom. Her sleep pants were blue; they were covered in Superman symbols and cartoons of the _Man of Steel_ flying through the air- cape fluttering out behind him, his left arm outstretched. Her tiny tank top was the same brilliant blue with the superman symbol firmly planted on the chest.

"They are kinda _hot_, Miss Swan. It's not every day your girl gets PJs because they remind her of you. I'm humbled."

Bella carried the tray over to the nightstand and set it down. There was barely enough room for it to sit in front of the light, and I was afraid of it spilling and making a mess. I didn't want her crawling around on the floor before six in the morning because we'd had a catastrophe. I lowered the foot end of my bed, hoping I wouldn't set off another spasm and slide to the foot of the bed.

I patted the spot next to me. "Why don't you set that here, there isn't much room on the nightstand."

Bella pushed the leash off the bed, raising her eyebrow and looking at me questioningly.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"It is if you think it's a leash."

"I saw them there, I thought there was side to you I didn't know about." She snickered, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed.

I coughed, failing to stifle my laugh. "No... Nothing like that, Bella. I was looking for something I could use to pull myself over onto my side to make it easier on Alice. Dog leashes are sturdy... strong and secure. But I can only seem to get the top half of my body to cooperate. Until I can roll myself and get positioned every time, I need to rely on someone to do it for me."

"Do you often improvise like this? It's rather creative."

"Actually, an MS patient of mine told me about it, and it turned out to be a fool-proof solution. Her MS is very advanced; she can't do much more than feed herself and brush her teeth… " Bella's eyes got great big and she began fumbling with her fingers in her lap. I put my hand on top of hers. "Hey, look here," Bella raised her gaze to my eye level. "Her MS is _very _advanced and it is a progressive form of the disease. Every exacerbation leaves her feeling worse. She can't recover like you do. Even though you both have the _same disease_, they are very different forms. You know that _no two_ individuals have the same outcome."

Nodding, she forced her lips into a smile. "Tell me about this patient."

"Janet is her name. Her husband is a logger who leaves the house at 4am or some ungodly hour. Her attendant care only covers six hours per day and she needs more assistance later in the day, so he leaves her in bed when he goes to work. She doesn't use a catheter, so naturally she has to have a way of relieving herself. When she goes to bed at night, she leaves a bedpan sitting on her wheelchair within her reach. Around 8am, when she needs to void, she reaches out and lifts the bedpan across herself and puts it on the bed at her right side. Her left arm is practically immobile. With her right hand, she grabs the leash lying along her left side and pulls on loops her husband has knotted into it, until she is up on her left side. She reaches behind her back and pushes the pan under herself and rolls back onto it."

"Wow. That sounds like it would be taxing."

I simply nodded and put my finger to my lips, silently asking her to let me continue. "When she's done, she uses her toilet paper, pulls herself back up on her left side, and carefully slides the pan out from behind herself and out of the way. Once she is flat on her back, she lifts the _full_ bedpan up and across her torso and sets it back on the wheelchair until her attendant comes at 11 am. I am absolutely in awe of her."

Bella's stared at me with wide eyes, she seemed totally astounded by my story. "That has to require some amount of talent. I'd never be steady enough to attempt it."

"It is a very complex and time consuming process. She demonstrated a dry run one time I made a home visit. In our world, you'll find, necessity is the mother of invention. All this wonderful assistive technology was born of someone's frustration- the need for a product that didn't exist until someone had an unmet need."

I pointed to the foot of the bed where the bed ladder came up over the covers and laid within my reach. "A friend of my mom and dad ran into Carlisle at a medical convention. He sent that home with Carlisle for me at Christmas. It's not on the market yet, this is a prototype. His son was in a bad accident a few years ago and couldn't find a suitable product, so he designed it."

"That's pretty cool. I totally understand the AT creation process. That thing… " She said, pointing to the end of the bed. "It's to sit up in bed with, right? You were telling me about it, you called it a _bed ladder_?" I nodded as she reached for a toasted bagel. "Cream cheese?"

"Sure, what kind of bagel?"

"Plain? Is that okay? The cream cheese has fruit in it."

"Sounds good, what else do we have?" From the way I was sitting I could see strawberries, and I smelled bacon. Bella confirmed my suspicions, as she handed me a perfect cup of coffee.

I took a big swig. I loved these ceramic cups my mom got us for Christmas. The rubber top kept it all where it belonged. "Mmm, delicious." The girl had perfected making my coffee so well that I liked her version better than my own.

Bella reached out holding the bagel, so I took a bite. She picked up the other half and began eating. So much better... we were _sharing _breakfast in bed. "I like this breakfast in bed stuff. Breakfast in bed was never like this in the hospital."

Bella sniggered. "Don't get used to it buddy. When I'm working during the school year, a pop tart and a travel mug of coffee is the best I can do. If you don't like it, you're on your own for breakfast."

"I guess I better enjoy your summer vacation then, huh?"

"This is kind of nice... actually; it's _really _nice being able to spend our first few months together like this. Once we're both back to work, we won't have moments like this."

"I only have a few weeks of rehab, and then I'm meeting with Sasha twice a week. Perhaps we could go somewhere... do something... before you go back in the fall."

She reached over with another bite of bagel. "Yeah, that would be nice. I'd like that."

I thought for a few minutes, and wondered if she'd be interested in doing something totally different. "You know, Carlisle and Esme have a cabin. It's along one of the trails that are maintained by the state. The hiking path is actually wheelchair accessible. We could stay for a weekend if you'd like. The cabin is fairly accessible. Jasper and Emmett and I used to go up there for a weekend once or twice a year."

"But it'll be hot, and I don't know that I'll be able to hike very far. I'm almost afraid to overdo it."

"We could get you a scooter, they aren't that expensive. I've got a friend who refurbishes them and sells used ones."

"I don't know, I hate the thought of relying on something like that again."

I leaned forward and removed the bagel from her hand, setting it on the small plate. Taking both her hands in mine, I said, "Bella, I didn't suggest it to question your ability. But if you're afraid of getting too tired, I understand," I paused, a bit disappointed, but not ready to give up. "Just think about it, it could be fun. We'll be able to go off on our own, and not have to worry about overdoing it; and you could keep up with me..." I smiled optimistically. "I'm not saying you're not capable, but it would allow you to conserve your energy. The weather is always beautiful, I don't think I've ever seen it above seventy-five degrees."

Bella nodded. "Alright, I'll think about it. Is a scooter expensive? I don't want you investing a ton of money in it. If _we_ buy it, I'm helping foot the bill, mister."

"My friend, Ben Cheney, and his wife Angela are great people. I know they would sell us something safe and affordable. In fact, maybe we should see if he has any rentals right now. I was thinking that we could invite them over some evening to visit. I haven't seen them in forever, although I guess she spent a lot of time with Esme last fall while I was critical."

"I'd love to meet some of your friends_,_ that sounds like fun."

"They were some of the only friends I had in high school, I wasn't _Mr. Popular_. I was reclusive; I kind of stuck to myself and did my own thing." A memory caused me to chuckle, "I remember handing in a report to one of my teachers and she was so happy with it that she told the class she wished they were more like me. Then I got dubbed _Mr. Perfect_. Aside from a few seasons of football, I avoided most of the student body. Ben and Angela though, had been friends since elementary school. We always stayed close."

Bella worried her lip for a while, lost in thought, before looking up at me with big fearful eyes. "Were they friends with her? With... Tanya?"

"Don't worry. They never understood what I saw in Tanya. Trust me, you'll love them. Angela was always the studious type. She's an ordained minister now."

Bella nodded, seeming satisfied with my response. I reached over and lifted a strawberry from the bowl which was now sitting on my lap. Bella had put a dollop of whipped cream in the center of the bowl, the berry tips all pointing to the center so the tops were easy to grasp. "Come here baby," I whispered while dipping the berry into the cream.

Bella's eyes lit up as she leaned closer so she was within reach. "Closer. Can you get up on your knees? We're going to eat this and then I want to kiss you."

When Bella got up on her knees, the dishes on the tray clanked together as it shifted on the bed. I reached for her mouth, as she crawled closer. I wanted to tease her lips with berries and cream before I kissed it off. Just when she got close, the mattress under her hand sunk and she ended up with cream all over her nose. We both laughed as I kissed it off, we'd both missed out on moments like this in our previous lives, and the only sense I could make of it, was that we were meant to be sharing these things with each other, now.

_Serendipity_... that's what this was.

Reaching down, Bella lifted the plates with our partially eaten bagels onto the night stand. Since my bacon was long gone, she set that plate aside as well, before dropping the tray to the floor. She came a little closer and sat back on her heels. Reaching into the bowl of berries she pulled one of her own out, bit the end off, and while she chewed, she was dipping the berry back into the cream. Biting her lip, she brought the berry to my lips, as I opened my mouth she pulled it away, giggling. I leaned forward anticipating more torment. The berry came back to my lips, but as I opened my mouth, she smeared it on my lips, the taste of juice and sweetened cream assaulting my senses. When I brought my tongue out to lick it off, Bella's joined mine. I felt the cold wet of the berry as she slid it down the length of my neck.

"Oh Dr. Cullen, I made a mess, would you like me to clean that off for you?"

I barked out a cough. "Yes?"

"We're fresh out of washcloths, but, I think I can come up with a suitable solution."

She put a hand on either side of my head, her entire torso straddling me. I took her hips in my hands- I didn't want her to fall in this awkward position. Slowly and carefully, she straddled my legs. Her hair brushed my chest as her tongue began its trip from the corner of my mouth... down my neck... to my collar bone. We both started when my alarm clock began screeching. Bella sat back up on her haunches leaning in for one smoldering kiss, before she got down off the bed. We both knew Alice would be there soon, and although she'd never poke fun or purposely embarrass us, Bella seemed to shy away from public displays of affection.

"Do you want any more of your bagel?" She asked, nibbling on the edge of hers. Bella's little display barely whet my appetite, but it wasn't food I was hungry for, and I understood her need for an excuse... "I'd love to finish my bagel. Thanks love." I winked at her just as the door to my bedroom slid open and I was popping the last bite into my mouth.

"There you are, Bella. Thanks for the coffee, it's delicious."

She looked at me and frowned. "I was going to make you breakfast for your first morning home." Her shoulders slumped a little as she _"Hmmphed"_ before she left the room.

Sitting at the foot of my bed, Bella dipped her berries into the cream then alternated between lifting the bowl back over where I could get one of my own. I cocked my eyebrow as she licked the tip off suggestively. She was trying to kill me... one berry at a time. Just as we were finishing them, Alice returned.

She reached in and stole the last berry. Ali popped the whole thing into her mouth, puling out just the stem and nothing else. Bella laughed and said "Well that was a big bite for such a little person."

"I didn't want to see the two of you fighting over it."

Pulling the blankets back, Alice put her hands on her hips. "Hey... you two were up to no good."

I didn't understand until I transferred out of bed and onto my chair, plain as day, on the right side of where my head had been was a bright red handprint. Another one graced my chest just under my nipple. I shrugged. "Breakfast in bed."

Because Bella had come in so early with breakfast, we had plenty of time to enjoy a lazy morning before I left. After Alice had showered the remains of _breakfast_ off of me, and I had dressed in gym clothes, we had another cup of coffee and discussed plans for Tuesday night's dinner. I waited until just before leaving for rehab to call Charlotte. I hoped that her husband would be at work, and she'd have a few minutes to have a relaxed conversation with me.

Answering on the first ring, she sounded delighted at the prospect of coming to our house to celebrate Alec's graduation. She said she and the mister had been seeking therapy and things were steadily improving. I didn't think Mr. Leonard had been in to see his son, but I wasn't sure. I had been in and out so much over the past few weeks, engaging in Jill's plan to _acclimate_ me to life outside a hospital. In any case, she assured me that Alec's father would be there to help celebrate.

I went to therapy with a light heart. So many times I ached for Alec... his sadness and self loathing were a direct result of his father's refusal to make amends so they could put this behind themselves and rebuild their relationship. I think Alec finally understood just how precious life was, and how important it was to establish some sort of relationship with his parents.

That night that Alec was so sick, after Charlotte explained some of the things Alec and his father had enjoyed together... the hiking, camping, mountain climbing... sailing, I began looking through some of the recreation information I had on a database I'd compiled for the support group. The members of the disability community might look vulnerable, but looks could be deceiving. I don't think a lot of able-bodied people realized the types of extreme sports some of us participated in. I still hadn't shared this with Alec but decided today would be a good day to leave my laptop with him so he could explore some of the activities our members had enjoyed over the years.

Since Alec's father was coming to dinner, I wanted to share some of this stuff with Alec beforehand. My line of thinking was that one of the easiest ways to re-establish their line of communication was to give them something to talk about... a common thread... a way for Alec to show to his father that he not only still _wanted_ to participate in the things they loved, but with a little patience and creativity he still _could_ participate in those things with his dad.

Alice rode to therapy with me. After whirlpool, I was going to begin a new series of range of motion exercises. The most beneficial exercises I could do at home in my bed, or on my bedroom floor. While I'd soon have a home gym set up, courtesy of Emmett and his need for the newest state of the art machines- it wasn't ready _yet_. As soon as his gym was outfitted with a new total gym and a more modern FES bike, the old ones were coming here. Emmett was a gadget whore and would take advantage of any reason he could to justify an upgrade.

Today, Alice needed to learn what we'd be doing, passively, to keep my muscles supple and to keep those terrible spasms at bay.

When I buzzed up to the door of our old room, I stopped short. Did I just go in? Should I knock first? Alice rapped on the door frame before walking past me. The girl had no shame.

"Edward! Alice! Hey!"

I jerked my head up when I realized it wasn't Alec greeting us. "Demetri! They moved you?"

"Yeah, some old geezer fell and broke his hip. Jill thought my old roommate would prefer someone closer to his own age."

"I'm sure Alec is excited to be rooming with someone _his_ own age."

Demetri shrugged his shoulders. "He's all Edward... Edward... _Edward_... seriously, I thought the two of you had some sort of bromance going on or something."

Alice snorted. "We had him over at Edward's house all afternoon."

"Oh I know..." He looked directly at me, "I think he's almost as smitten with your house as he is your girl."

_Oh don't I know it._ I laughed. "He's got a girl of his own now. I think mine is safe."

"Yeah figures, the only girl here our age and she falls for _him_."

I patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry buddy, if I can find the girl of my dreams, there's hope for everyone."

I looked around, "Where _is_ Alec?"

"Alec... is in the cafeteria eating breakfast with Miss Jane. I suspect he's nearly done, you guys have therapy in like... five minutes."

I looked at the clock, "Yeah, I better get down to the whirlpool. Bye Demetri."

"See ya 'round, Edward."

When we got to the whirlpool room, I pulled next to my tub and waited for Alice to pull the curtains around my cubicle. I'd yet to wear short pants in front of Bella, and it made Alice crazy to have to dress me more than once when I could have made things simpler. My body image was something I'd battled with for months, even casted up to my chest, I knew that my legs had been mangled and mutilated... that they'd permanently looked bruised and battered. I vowed then that I'd never wear shorts again. I wasn't ready to show them to Bella and watch her try to hide her revulsion or worse yet- become the object of her pity.

In rehab it was simpler to participate in shorts, and I had…for a while, during the entire time that I wore the casts that covered my shame. Now, free of that camouflage, I wore lounge pants or sweats. At home, I had Alice dress me in swim shorts and cover them with sweats. Laying my chair flat, Alice could work the pants down off of me and with the help of an aide or orderly; they got the sling under me to be lowered into the tub. After I was done, the lift held me suspended in air, while Alice dried everything she possibly could, before returning me to my towel protected chair. Getting dressed afterwards was a little trickier and more time consuming, but Alice was a pro and got it done.

By the time Jill had walked Alice through the range of motion exercises we'd be doing at home daily, my nurse looked a little frazzled. She was flushed, and sweaty, and her hair clung to her forehead and her neck where she was wet with perspiration.

I had an hour with Sasha and then I wanted to spend some time with Alec before he went out driving. Alice wiped her brow with the back of her hand. "I haven't had a workout like that since Alex Paige was alive. You gonna be okay here if I go home and shower?"

I rolled my eyes at her silly question. "I've been fine here for seven weeks. I'm sure I can handle a few hours on my own. I'm gonna go to the cafeteria and see if there's anything good to eat, I've got a half hour till my appointment."

"What time do you want me to come back?"

"I think Alec drives at four. Maybe four-thirty? I can hang out with Jane, see if there's anything else we need for the party."

"Okay, see you then." I watched as my normally exuberant cousin trudged out the door. She didn't seem the same since her most recent split with Jasper, I worried about her. Today though, she simply looked spent. I knew my legs were like lead weights. Poor girl.

When I pulled into the cafeteria, everyone was there. I got in line with a tray when I spied Alec, Jane and Demetri sitting together. Alec raised his hand high and waved. I waved back to let him know I saw them. There were about 25 other people sitting around the tables. Someone squeezed my shoulder from behind. I looked up into Sasha's kind face. She was a compassionate person, much like Carlisle. It was amazing how some people were so suited for their jobs, and others were so... _not_.

"I'm running a few minutes late Edward, my last session ran over. Are you okay if we start about fifteen minutes later than normal?"

I looked at my watch. "Yeah, that's fine. I need to talk to Alec about something, but it appears I'm eating lunch with him, so maybe we can do that now."

"I don't have anyone after you, do you want to make it a half hour later, since I'm cutting into your afternoon?"

That _would_ be better, I wouldn't be having some disjointed conversation with him and could actually spend a little more time since Sasha's schedule had changed. "That's great. See you a little later then."

Sasha smiled and left with her tray. I watched as she grabbed a salad and headed for the cashier.

I could smell pizza, and it was usually pretty good, so I got a personal pizza and grabbed a bottle of lemonade. I could hear Alec laughing at something someone had said and I thought back to his attitude a few short weeks ago. He had grown so much from the scared sullen soul who had been thrust into my world. I was proud of him; hopefully what I wanted to share with him today would put him in an even better mood.

I rolled under the edge of the table, and it was immediately apparent that I was the topic of conversation. Alec was chattering away about my awesome house as Demetri asked questions.

"Dude, you have so gotta take Demetri over to your house. He won't believe it."

"Alec, it's just a house. It's not that big a deal."

Demetri looking a little dejected said, "I'd still like to see it."

"You'll have to work it out with Jill. She'll get you a release to leave with one of us, unless you have someone from here transport you."

Alec elbowed him, "Just get your mom to sign a permission slip for you, and then we can all go on a field trip to the good Dr. Cullen's house."

He looked at me and winked. "You know I love ya man."

Jane was laughing.

Demetri held himself as he, too, laughed at my expense. "I told you it was a bromance."

"No, it's not me he loves, it's my house."

"And your girl's cooking. Bella can cook for me any day. Dude! You are _so_ lucky." Alec chimed in.

I smirked to myself._ Why yes, yes I am._

I turned my chair so Alec could get to my backpack. "Can you grab my laptop out of there? I can't quite get it, and I don't want to drop it."

"Sure man. What's up?"

"I wanted to show you something."

"What do you have there?"

"I put a bunch of links in this email. You've gotta check some of these things out. I talked to your mom this morning, by the way."

"Yeah, she told me."

"She did?" I was surprised they had spoken.

"Yeah she called, she said both she _and_ my dad are coming to your house."

"All the more reason to check this stuff out. I thought these were some things you might like to explore. We'll check some of them out now, but I thought I'd leave my laptop here for you to use tonight. You can just bring it over tomorrow night, or I can get it when I go."

"Really?" he squeaked. "What if something happens to it?"

"It's covered, theft, damage, water... I know you're not gonna let anything happen to it. This is important."

"I don't even know what to say to my old man."

"Exactly. This will be perfect. Check _this_ out." I turned the computer so he and Demetri could see. It was the page for _Canadian Forces Sailing Association. _"Your mom said you and your dad had taken sailing courses in British Columbia. Did you know they have a Disabled Sailing Association in Vancouver? There is a lift- like a Hoyer, that they can use to set you right in the seat on the boat so you can sail?"

"Are you _serious? _Dude! That's awesome. I had no idea."

"I'm serious!"

"_Whoa!_"

I pulled up another page and showed him links for biking, hiking, canoeing, whitewater rafting, scuba diving, snorkeling, and water skiing.

"There are people like _us_ that do this kind of stuff?"

"Yeah, I've been snowboarding and downhill skiing. Do you realize there is a Paralympic division of the Olympics?"

"_Nooooo_. Why did I not know about these things?"

"Because when I tried to tell you there was a whole big world out there, you had your hands over your ears."

Demitri elbowed him in the ribs, "And your head up your ass."

"You know, no matter how long I live, I'm never gonna live that down. All you ever tried to do was help me... I was such a jerk."

"You're learning."

"I'm so sorry Edward. Really I am, I was such a butthead."

"Perhaps one day there will be some young kid who crosses your path, all alone and scared and you'll remember me... you can do your penance then."

"I'll never forget what you've done for me. I didn't think anyone cared. You've been nothing but supportive. Thanks man, I owe ya."

"Like I said...you know how to repay it."

The alarm on my phone rang, it was time to go to therapy. "Hey, I gotta go see Sasha. Keep the laptop. I'll get it from you later. The email I sent you has all the links in it. I thought if you were familiar with everything, you could tell your dad about all the things you can do together. Maybe use it for an ice breaker."

"Mebbe."

I buzzed down to Sasha's office and tapped on the doorframe. She stood behind her desk and motioned me in. "Please close the door behind you, Edward."

I shut the door and went over to my usual spot in front of the desk. Before I was even fully parked or had my chair turned off, Sasha had come around and perched herself on the edge of the desk.

"I hear congratulations are in order. A little bird told me you may have slept in your own bed last night. How was it?"

Just thinking about it made me smile. I inhaled deeply, my arms stretched out at my sides. "It was _incredible._"

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. I have to tell you, how proud I am of you, Edward, the fact that you've come _to me_ requesting to continue your sessions as an outpatient tells me you've grown. I'm more than happy to see you on an outpatient basis while you finish your therapy here, and if you wish to continue, I have a private practice close by. I'm pleased to see that you're finally realizing how important it is to face these feelings you have, rather than sweep them under the rug and hope they'll just disappear. We both know that isn't going to happen."

"I agree, my coping mechanism has always been to fill my life as full as I possibly can in order to push my past into a nice neat little package I can ignore. Once in a while the box rattles, but as long as I ignore it, I'm alright."

"I have to commend you, when you first began meeting with me, you told me about your decision to drop your lawsuit against the driver who caused your accident. In the beginning I thought perhaps you were doing in as an avoidance tactic."

I shook my head, for once in my life I wasn't deflecting. "When I learned how my wheelchair was considered in regards to the law, it seemed masochistic to drag myself through such a potentially painful experience. I've already faced what happened once. I have no intention of reliving it through a lengthy court battle. I couldn't see any benefit of following through with a legal battle I had no hope of winning."

"Do you feel that the accident was your fault? Do you think it's fair that the law says it was entirely your fault?"

"_No,_ I don't think it was my fault. I've always used my wheelchair or public transportation to get around. It's time consuming to get in and out of a vehicle. Most of the big hospitals I've worked in have shuttle services for the patients and staff much like Harborview does, but if it was after hours, which was often the case, I'd drive it in my wheelchair. In most cases I've lived very close to the campus where I've worked and studied. I've always been taught to travel against traffic in my chair... _to travel like a pedestrian..._ to the far left facing traffic. In some of the states I've lived in, it may have been perfectly legal."

"Are you _sure_ that was what you were taught here? Perhaps you just behaved in the manner you'd become accustomed to someplace else."

I tugged at my collar, this was the first time Sasha had truly put me in the hot seat. The depositions had felt like this... putting me on the spot... making me own up to my actions, as if I could have prevented this, but _chose_ to act in a dangerous manner... "_No,_ the University of Washington was the _only_ campus where I was taken out by a student advisor and _shown _how and where to best navigate the campus. I didn't imagine this."

"How long had you lived here when the accident happened?"

"I was in the third year of my residency."

"Surely you didn't travel all over Seattle in your wheelchair. This is a large city to navigate on foot... or in a wheelchair."

"Of course not. Because all of the aspects of my work and education are all under the same big Harborview umbrella, it's always been convenient to utilize the shuttle service. I lived close to the campus where I spent the most hours. The shuttle would get me back and forth between the other facilities."

"What do you remember Edward, from that night? Can you tell me?"

My stomach clenched and churned. Today had started out favorably; I didn't want to leave with this on my mind.

While I knew Sasha was just trying to help me deal with the past in a healthy manner, I didn't know that I wanted to go there right now. We'd discussed how I'd progressed throughout my recovery, Bella, my family- the one I had now... but never before had she asked me about that night. I could taste the saliva pooling in my mouth. It was salty and metallic, and immediately I wanted to expel it. I reached out for my bottle of lemonade and took a swallow. It was now warm, but it took the taste from my mouth.

I thought back to the afternoon that Alice had come careening back onto our lives. I hadn't seen her for a while. She was attempting to help Rose put the pieces of her broken life back together, on the other side of the globe, when the accident happened. I remembered that afternoon well... it was the first day after the accident that I could recall with clarity.

It had been several weeks since that fateful night when I had collided with an SUV on my way home from dinner. I spent the better part of those weeks drifting in and out of consciousness. Almost three weeks after I'd been hit, Carlisle's cousin, Alice came to visit me. The normally bubbly outgoing girl was visibly shaken by my situation, and we spent a quiet afternoon together. She was the first person that I'd actually shared the events of that night with. After Alice went home, I mulled over the events of that day... the last time I practiced medicine... the last patient I'd seen, my dear friend, Mrs. Cope.

Hesitating, I looked at Sasha, gathering my words before I began.

"I'd spent an exhaustive day at the University of Washington's Institute for Stem Cell & Regenerative Medicine, before catching the shuttle to the university's medical center to check on one of my favorite patients…" I told Sasha the story. "Mrs. Cope had known me my entire life. I owed this to her- the final visit I'd share with her as her doctor, before the hospice people began managing her care and the hospice doctor took my place."

Unknowingly, my hands began to wring themselves.

"A neurologist was no longer what she needed, and frankly, had we not been close friends, her care would have been turned over to someone else sooner. I felt like I had failed her by letting her go. It was surreal to see this strong and sometimes commanding woman, who I had always looked up to and see her as she was now-frail, weak, a shell of the person I had known and loved most of my life…"

I shared memories with Sasha as a little boy growing up, riding past the Cope's house on my way to Fred's Market in Forks, for an ice cream cone or a can of pop. She was often outside tending to her flowers, which looked like a professional landscaper had toiled over them for hours. Brilliant gladiolas and dahlias in every shape, size and color splashed the front of their house with vibrant color. Vast beds of roses overflowed into the yard, their aroma filling the air. I often wondered if my friend missed her calling when she chose to work with high school kids, many of whom took her for granted and failed to realize the asset she was to each and every student whether they approached her for assistance or not. Yet I knew, she had so much to give and her career choice was perfectly suited to her.

Mr. Cope was nearby, usually sitting on the porch glider reading his newspaper and smoking a pipe. His position as president of Forks Savings and Loan, afforded him plenty of time to spend with his wife. They could have been the perfect Norman Rockwell couple, sitting on the perfect porch of that all American home which graced the cover of the Saturday Evening Post.

I chuckled, as I continued to share my memories with Sasha.

"He always gave me a wave and a _"Hello Edward"_ as I rode by. Their daughters were grown and had left home to raise families of their own. Even though they were only in Seattle, it was obvious the Copes didn't see their grandchildren as much as they'd like to. Mr. Cope's persona seemed gruff until you got to know him, but he had a heart of gold and you could tell he loved children; almost as much as his wife did…!"

My mind continued to wander along as the words flowed freely from my lips.

One summer afternoon, on my way home from First Beach my bike suffered a flat tire. I stopped by Black's service station to pump it up, but the station had already closed, I could see the air hose through the glass paneled garage door, just out of my reach. I walked, downtrodden, as I pushed my bike. It looked like I'd be walking the four miles home. When I passed the Cope's house, Mr. Cope inquired as to why I was walking rather than riding my bike. Looking down, he understood my dilemma, I was led back to the garage, the tire was dismantled, and the inner tube was patched with one of those old tire patches you set on fire in order to seal the hole shut. In no time my bike was as good as new and I was peddling through the forest on my way home.

After that afternoon, I was often called up on the porch to eat sugar cookies and sip lemonade as Mr. Cope regaled me with stories of the good old days. He had fond memories of the fifties, and beamed as he told me about how he raced various Forks residents in his 1957 Chevy Belair. We both shed a tear or two when he told me about the first date he shared with Mrs. Cope; someone stole the Belair from the Forks Diner parking lot as they ate. It was rumored that some greaser named James from Port Angeles fancied the car. After she disappeared, James did as well, confirming Mr. Cope's suspicion that James stole the car. Sadly, it never was recovered.

"The keys to that car reside in my jewelry box to this day!" I declared rather boisterously, before continuing with my audible thoughts.

The following summer, Mr. Cope offered me my very first job. I spent Saturday afternoons under his watchful eye while I mowed the lawns and trimmed the shrubbery around their home. Mrs. Cope continued to treat me to her wonderful cookies and hand-squeezed lemonade, as I toiled around the property doing whatever it was that needed to be done. In the winter, I shoveled and salted the walks before school, and sometimes after as well, if more came down. I was rewarded with hot cocoa and gingerbread when it was cold.

When I graduated middle school and I was anxious about moving on to high school, it was my dear friend who tried to calm my nerves. I remembered her comparing my time in high school to a job. "This is your career Edward. Currently your most important job is to excel as a student. Make me proud, son."

When I became a high school student, it was Mrs. Cope who always had my back. If I had trouble with another student, or a particular teacher, she would do her best to assist in whatever way she could to smooth over the situation so that everyone involved could benefit from their education at Forks High. Her solutions always helped everyone, not just one particular student or staff member. Mrs. Cope was a diplomat.

She told me once that it was a crime for a child to be un-educated or restricted from achieving their full potential. She felt every child was entitled to a proper education, I know that it upset her greatly when someone threw that opportunity away. It was Mrs. Cope who processed the paperwork of the students who dropped out of school for whatever reason. In my head I could see her waging a battle with said student, doing everything in her power to change their mind. I'm sure she succeeded on more than one occasion.

The Copes attended my high school graduation, and as she hugged me that night, in my cap and gown, she slipped a card into my hand. Later when I opened it, I found a crisp, new one hundred dollar bill. It was the largest monetary gift anyone had ever given to me. I remember writing her thank you card and promising to always work my hardest and do my best. I_ wanted_ to make her proud.

"Then my world fell apart," I silently professed, feeling the oppression of those days trying to weigh me down.

My eighteenth birthday party ended in a devastating twist of fate and I found myself alone- my parents taken from me in a heart wrenching accident and my ability to walk forever gone.

After my parents had died, and I was being rehabilitated at Chuck Johnson's facility, she traveled to Vancouver with Esme to visit me. She cheered me on, telling me that while my body might not work the way it had before the accident, the only thing that could hamper my future was my unwillingness to rise above my circumstances. She told me I was the one who had to decide whether I was going to spend the rest of my life wallowing in self pity, expecting the system to care for my basic needs and nothing more, or whether I was going to take control of my life and make something of myself. I had the tools at my finger tips to control my own destiny. It was up to me to decide. I knew she was right. That was the day I decided to continue my education as soon my body was able.

When I came home and was living with Carlisle and Esme, the Copes came to visit several times. They always made an afternoon of it, often joining us for dinner. Cathy Cope never failed to remind me how important it was to further my education, to be all that I could be in life. She was always supportive, they both were. They always told me how proud they were of me; and became the grandparents I'd never had. After my accident she encouraged me to follow my dreams and not lose sight of them. The woman was an incredible role model.

Never in a million years could I have imagined that one of the benefits of that education she had relentlessly encouraged me to pursue, the one she felt was so important, would allow me the opportunity to spend so much time by her side as the chapters of her life came to a close.

While I was away at college, both in Ohio and in Texas, the Copes always remembered me at Christmas or the holidays with some small token. Those gifts usually came as phone cards, or restaurant gift certificates, even movie tickets... something small to remind me of home or to make life on campus easier. At some point, during those years, the Copes moved to Seattle to be closer to their children. Kevin Cope had suffered several heart attacks, and Cathy had finally retired, so they sold the big old farmhouse in Forks and moved into an in-law apartment attached to their oldest daughter's home...

"When I began working in Dr. Jeffries office," I continued. "He shadowed me for the first few months before permitting me to see patients alone. One of the first patients I saw was Mrs. Cope," I looked up into Sasha's patient eyes, and told her how Mrs. Cope complained of being stiff all the time. She had originally gone to her general practitioner for a physical because she thought the stiffness was arthritis, however, her doctor suspected a neurological condition as soon as he saw her. The tell-tale tremor of her hand, her rigidity, the way she had physically slowed down along with excess salivation were all things she had swept under the rug as symptoms of aging, he saw them for what they were- signs of Parkinson's disease. Immediately he referred her to a neurologist.

When I rolled into that exam room and saw her sitting on the exam table the reality of what I had just read in her chart hit me and my heart clenched. _Not this woman. Anyone else but her._ I didn't want to doom her to this fate. She shouldn't spend her golden years dealing with a disease like Parkinson's.

As Jeff observed from the corner, I walked her through a basic neurological examination. I asked her to stand and sit back down. I had her walk across the room, my heart sinking as she shuffled her feet. When I pulled on her shoulders from behind, she lost her balance and I had to right her before she toppled over backwards. I could barely choke out the words as I old her I believed she did, in fact, have Parkinson's disease. The only test we had, to distinguish it from similar disorders, was a PET scan which could show us the dopamine levels in her brain, but it was expensive and her insurance wouldn't pay for it when the answer was already clear. I wrote her a prescription for levodopa, a Parkinson's medication. If her symptoms improved, we wouldn't need to do further testing, because my diagnosis, sadly, was accurate. I looked to Jeff, praying that he'd tell me I was mistaken, that my diagnosis was incorrect. Instead he nodded his head; his eyes told me everything I already knew to be true.

Mr. Cope walked out of the room, his shoulders slumped, looking ten years older than he had a half hour before. Mrs. Cope hugged me and thanked me for taking the time to see her, when all I wanted to do was rush off to the break room and take a moment for myself. If this was some sick test for me, it had been the most stressful of my fledgling career. I understood now why doctors rarely cared for their loved ones in a professional setting. Seeing her here today, giving her the news that I had, nearly broke my heart.

Every few months I'd see Mrs. Cope again. Over time, her disease manifested itself in different ways. After several minor traffic accidents, the Copes asked me to help them have Mrs. Cope's driving privileges revoked. I sat Cathy down and explained to her that her family was concerned- afraid that her reaction time wasn't as good as it should be and that she would hurt herself. She held her head and sobbed, explaining that she knew she _shouldn't_ be driving, but she was afraid her husband was counting on her to pull her weight, and she didn't want him to have to chauffer her all over Seattle. She was so afraid of hurting another driver, but didn't want to burden her family. She said she understood, and almost seemed relieved when I told her I was obligated by the state of Washington to report her medical condition to the DMV. She agreed to voluntarily relinquish the license.

As the Parkinson's related dementia reared its ugly head, I encouraged her family to try different regimens of medication to help ease the symptoms. I was faced with a very angry Mr. Cope one Monday morning after prescribing a medication that was originally formulated to combat the symptoms of influenza. She had begun taking it on a Friday, and right on track, it began to take effect some seventy-two hours later. He said Mrs. Cope had spent her Sunday night "pacing the halls like a crack head looking for a fix". He was beside himself. Poor Mrs. Cope was exhausted. "I just couldn't turn it off Edward." she said. I immediately took her off of that medication. We tried another medication used to treat restless leg syndrome, but as the dosage increased, so did her agitation and confusion. I wanted her to have the best results with her medication, I didn't want to destroy her quality of life, I was _trying_ to improve it.

The visiting nurse agency sent a cognitive therapist to work help improve her problem solving skills and her memory. At the end of her Medicare certification, she came in for cognitive testing. Her cognition had improved from forty-five percent to ninety-six percent. For a number of months, the mental aspect of the disease improved. Mr. Cope said it was like living with a different person. When her confusion returned, I'd send another referral for the cognitive therapist to work with her.

A little over a year after I diagnosed her, Mrs. Cope's speech was nearly non-existent. If you weren't sitting right next to her, you couldn't hear her speak. Dr. Jeffries approved my request for the home care department to send a speech therapist to work with her, in hopes of teaching her how to project her voice.

He taught her how to do exercises with her tongue and lips that would not only make swallowing easier, but help control the drooling she experienced. She had cried at her last appointment that the embarrassment of not being able to control the drool was worse than anything the disease had robbed from her. I vowed to do whatever I could to help her find some kind of solution. I reminded her that swallowing was involuntary like blinking her eyes, and when she noticed drool pooling in her mouth, she needed to voluntarily swallow. It was something I reminded one of my patients who had Cerebral Palsy about rather frequently.

Working with the therapist and continuing the exercises on her own seemed to provide her some level of comfort. I knew as well as anyone how discouraging it could be when your body didn't cooperate the way you expected it to.

When Mrs. Cope's rigidity kept her from sleeping, I prescribed a mild muscle relaxer and increased the levodopa because it seemed to be the one medication she responded best to, without serious side effects. Poor Mr. Cope even asked for sleeping pills for himself, because he wasn't getting any sleep. The Mrs. had mentioned to me that she had experienced vivid nightmares. However, I didn't realize how much it affected Kevin until he was the recipient of a black eye when she had lashed out at some invisible assailant. He said the bloodcurdling screams from her nightmares gave him nightmares of his own. My heart broke when he pulled me aside and asked, with misty eyes, if it would be wrong for Mrs. Cope to sleep in a bed of her own in a separate room because her nocturnal outbursts were disturbing his sleep patterns in a detrimental way…

Taking a deep breath, I looked out the window and continued. "I remember squeezing his shoulder and asking him to give me a minute to discuss it with his wife…."

I had asked Mrs. Cope if her husband was getting enough sleep, he looked tired. She looked up at me with glistening eyes and said_, "Edward, I know I keep him awake at night. I wonder... do you think he'd be mad if I slept in the spare bedroom?_" I smiled and said, _"Sweetheart, I'm sure he'll understand." _

Several weeks later, a well-rested Mr. Cope ran into me at the grocery store. He agreed that it was bittersweet sleeping without his wife of so many years, but he was better able to manage her care when he had gotten enough sleep.

Occasionally, Mrs. Cope would end up in the hospital. One of the latter admissions was responsible; I was sure, for the rapid spiral of her disease process. Jeff and I were at a neurology conference in Portland when she was admitted.

She came in with a bowel obstruction due to constipation. It was a common occurrence with the progression of the disease. After being inpatient for several days while the staff got her straightened out, she was discharged. I was infuriated upon my return to learn that in the four days she had been in the hospital, she had never had any physical therapy, nor had she left the confines of her bed.

The on-call neurologist took her off of her levodopa and her arthritis medication without consulting anyone, because he decided that a small amount of blood in her stool was due to internal bleeding, rather than the possibility that her impaction caused irritation and removing it had caused a slight tear. She spent her time in the hospital in a great amount of pain- stiff as a board, and her arthritic knee looked like an angry red grapefruit. When she left, she couldn't stand pivot, let alone take a step. The most effective form of physical therapy she could engage in was walking and she had, until her admission, walked one quarter of a mile per day…

"She was sent home in a wheelchair," I expelled with a shake of my head before continuing with my story...

When I called the Cope's home, her daughter gave me the sad news that because of her stiffness and poor balance, they could no longer even stand pivot her out of bed. They were relying completely on a hydraulic lift and a wheelchair to move her from room to room. I knew, at this point, there would be little turning back.

I visited Mr. and Mrs. Cope at home. This time, I was the one who brought the sugar cookies and lemonade, courtesy of Esme. My dear friend often choked, so a thickener was stirred into the lemonade, she had some difficulty with the cookies, but she nibbled and sipped carefully and we visited like we had in the good old days. It saddened me to witness my friend's slow but steady decline. She still smiled and shared her stories, but she had lost her spunk.

Visit after visit, her voice became quieter and quieter, until I could barely hear her. She was no longer able to master simple tasks such as brushing her teeth nor could she hold a utensil or drink from a glass. She choked on her own saliva, and the least little bit of excitement caused the tremor in her hands to be so violent it shook the upper half of her body.

She spent her days sitting restlessly in a recliner. Mr. Cope had to unplug it after his daughter got her comfortable, if he didn't, Mrs. Cope spent her day mindlessly standing the lift chair up, and setting it down, attempting, I was sure, to relieve the spasms in her legs. Not only did it get on Mr. Cope's nerves, he was terrified she'd raise it too far and topple out.

I pulled up next to her chair and held her tiny hand in mine. "_Hello Cathy. How are you this afternoon?"_ I leaned in close in anticipation of her response.

She smiled a broken smile and whispered. _"I hate this Edward; I wish you could make it go away."_

_"Me too, dear. Me too. I'm so sorry there isn't more I can do. I feel like I've failed you."_

_"Tell me about stem cells,"_ she whispered. So I told her what I knew. She had known some years ago that Carlisle's greatest desire in life was to ensure that I got into a human study in an effort to repair my spinal cord injury. How ironic that she could remember something muttered in passing at a Sunday brunch years before, yet she couldn't remember what she'd had to eat mere hours ago.

_"You should go into research, dear boy. You are so smart; promise me you'll do what you can to bring an end to this disease._"

Five months later, I was a fellow at the University of Washington's stem cell regeneration program, working in the Environmental Health department doing what I could to fulfill my promise.

Over the next seven months, I made many stops at the Cope's home as her friend. There was no point of dragging her into the office. We filled her prescriptions, but she really no longer needed a neurologist.

When Mrs. Cope was admitted to the hospital to treat a urinary tract infection, she became very confused. Whether the confusion was from the infection itself, or due to the change of environment I never knew but she began trying to climb out of bed. Before she went home, she fell out of bed and had broken her hip. It was a crushing blow to see my friend not only confined to a chest restraint, but wearing a bed alarm.

_Oh sweetheart, you're breaking my heart here. I wish there was something I could do to ease your suffering. _

She whispered to me that we were "gonna make a break for it", and told me about the special _swimming suit_ they put on her to keep her in bed. She had no idea it was a restraint. "I set the smoke alarm off last night trying to get away. Beep... beep... beep..." _The bed alarm. _The poor girl had no clue.

Mrs. Cope went home that time and I wondered each time we visited if it would be our last. Yet, her condition remained static and I once again marveled at this lady. She showed her gratitude for her caregivers, and always had something kind to say. She was a joy to be around and everyone loved her. I would miss her sorely when she was gone.

Cathy's daughter called and said they were having trouble keeping her in bed after the cast came off her leg. They were still using the bed alarm with her, and attaching it to the back of her collar when she went to bed. She had learned how to slip down out of her nightgown and slide out of bed, ending up on the floor, not remembering she could no longer walk. The nights she didn't get out of bed, she screamed every few minutes all night long. Even in his own room with the door closed, Mr. Cope was once again awake around the clock. He feared for her safety, so he was at her beck and call every time she yelled. Half the time she would be back to sleep before he could turn the light on.

I remember prescribing a sleeping pill for her. In the beginning a quarter of a pill had her out like a light. Eventually it took an entire pill to knock her out and keep her asleep, but they worked and Mr. Cope was again sleeping through the night as well. Their daughter sat up all night with a baby monitor, monitoring the noises that came from her room.

Several times a night she rolled her from side to side to prevent pressure sores. She said she slept during the day, but I didn't know how. During the day she was bathing and feeding Mrs. Cope. It was a never ending cycle and the daughter compared it to running on a hamster wheel. There just was no end...

I knew the family struggled, and even though it went against everything I believed in, I asked how they were coping. Would they be able to continue to do this? It would only get more and more difficult. Mr. Cope vehemently refused to put his wife in a facility, saying he had promised to keep her at home for the duration... no matter how long that might be.

I tried to discuss hospice with them at that point, but I couldn't convince them that the end was very near. Any patient that was expected to live less than six months was eligible for services at no cost to the family. They flatly refused and for the first time Mr. Cope said that he questioned my ability as a doctor, he knew she wasn't _that close_ to the end. I knew as the end grew closer, they would be run even more ragged, and after suffering several heart attacks already, it could very well be detrimental to Kevin's well-being.

As I looked around the room, I saw the exhaustion on the faces of her family members, and had to ask myself if this was right. I could say that they we not able to properly care for her, and fight to have her placed in a facility, but I knew she'd never receive the level of care in a facility that she was getting at home, even if her caregivers were exhausted.

Nursing homes are understaffed and overworked and industry finances govern the quality of care a patient receives. I knew it was wrong to try to force their hands, her family agreed that they were in this for the long haul and they fully intended to honor her wishes. I would be doing her a disservice by suggesting to social services that she belonged in a nursing home instead of being with her family in her own bed.

I took a cleansing breath, "Just four weeks later, my dear Mrs. Cope was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. When her general practitioner suggested hospice care to Mr. Cope, he requested the nursing staff call _Dr. Edward. _They found me in the research lab, and I promised to come by the hospital as soon as my shift was done. Convincing her family that she was ready for hospice services broke my heart, but at the same time, I knew that they were exhausted and they truly needed the extra assistance as well as the guidance through the process of her dying."

I was mentally exhausted, that night. I had just come off a twelve hour shift at 6pm and wanted nothing more than to grab a bite to eat and head off to bed, but I couldn't put off meeting with the Copes to explain the process of hospice and how the organization would ease the burden to some extent. I wanted her family to have the comfort and reassurance of a hospice nurse when Mrs. Cope passed on. They would provide bereavement counseling and follow-ups for a year after her death, as well.

When I got to her room, the privacy curtain was pulled around her bed so I said "Knock, knock" and waited for a response. Another life-long friend, Maggie, was her nurse that evening. "Come in Edward, I want to show you something."

Maggie was gently rubbing lotion into Cathy's skin after a bath. "What can we do for this?" She removed Cathy's sock and a gauze bandage to reveal a deep ulcer on her foot.

"The wound healing people won't touch it because she is being released tomorrow and she'll become a hospice admission. They refuse to treat the wound because she isn't going home to _recover_, but she's in so much pain."

While I understood the philosophy that the hospice people would treat it for comfort and not for wound healing, the fact remained that it appeared to be painful and something needed to be done _now_. I fully supported hospice, they were an incredibly special group of people who provided more loving care than any individuals who worked in our hospital system. It was difficult, though, to explain to a family why certain treatments were being terminated.

I went to the head of her bed and got as close to her face as I could. She lay on her side, staring off into space. _"Cathy, sweetie, can you hear me?"_ She continued to stare- her gaze vacant, as if I wasn't even there. But when Maggie attempted to cover it, she moaned loudly and flinched. I took her hand and squeezed, I didn't know if she could hear me, but I reassured her anyway. _"Don't worry, Cathy, I'll make it go away. I'll make it stop hurting." _

Looking over her, I assessed her condition. I was saddened to see how rapidly she had declined. Even wearing oxygen, her breaths were sparse and shallow. I could easily count twenty seconds between each breath. I knew the end couldn't be more than a few short days away. She had lost so much weight that I barely recognized her. Her body so rigid, she whimpered in her sleep as I watched, and when she coughed it wracked her tiny body and caused her to cry out. I had seen her only four weeks before, but in that short span of time, her condition had deteriorated rapidly.

I turned to Maggie. "Start putting morphine gel directly on the wound to keep her comfortable." I wrote prescriptions to go home with her discharge orders. One for the morphine gel and another one for a _comfort pack_ to be kept on hand in case she was in distress and needed something immediately. The hospice team would instruct her family how to use the various medications for pain, nausea, fever or difficult breathing that came at the end of life. The tiny box contained everything they might possibly need at their disposal to keep her comfortable during her final hours.

I also wrote an order for an injection port to be inserted into her belly to administer pain medication. It had a small subcutaneous catheter that would stay under her skin, allowing pain meds to be administered into the port without constantly sticking her. It would be one stick, instead of many. Maggie would insert that now and it would be good for a number of days. Later in the week it would be changed, if she was still with us. Maggie nodded and left the room.

At some point while I was talking to Cathy, Kevin and his daughter had snuck in and sat down quietly. I recognized the little blue books that hospice handed out, as well as a card for the hospice coordinator lying on her bedside table. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. _This can't be happening._ I picked the items up and set them on my lap.

Pulling up next to the seats where Mrs. Cope's family sat, I began to explain how hospice worked. They would send an aide three days a week to bathe Cathy. They would provide any supplies, as well as durable medical equipment or prescriptions that were needed to keep her comfortable and manage her pain; a hospice nurse would come several days a week to check on her. As the time drew nearer, the visits would be closer together and for a longer period of time. When it appeared that the end was near, they would stay with the family as long as she was needed.

I handed them card for the hospice coordinator and the blue books that described the steps in the dying process while I explained that most times, end of life happened nearly exactly as the book described. His daughter held Kevin as he sobbed and said he didn't understand... this was so unfair... it should have been him instead of her... she didn't deserve to suffer like that...

By the time Maggie returned with the gel and the I-port, all three of us were in tears. She set a box of tissues on my lap, and I passed them around as she went to work taking measures to ease Cathy of her pain. Cathy's daughter thanked me and introduced herself as Alexa. She appeared to be in her late forties and I recognized her as the younger of the two daughters, her sister Christy was the one who always accompanied the Copes to my office. Mr. Cope introduced me to her as _little Edward_ _who used to mow the lawn and come over to shoot the shit. _I think I blushed. Alexa gave me a hug and thanked me for being such a wonderful presence in her parent's lives. She had it all backwards, if anyone should be thankful, it should be me.

Cathy had not taken any food or hydration by mouth for several weeks, and while she was receiving nourishment intravenously, in the hospital, I explained that based on the information in Cathy's health care directive- hospice would encourage discontinuing that as well. She was, essentially, at the stage where most medication and nourishment would be withdrawn.

For nearly two hours we discussed the things the family should expect to happen over final days of Cathy's life. I didn't think it would be much longer than that- a matter of days. I gave them my cell number and told them I'd be there for them if they needed anything- as she had been there for me so many times throughout my life.

I wiped a tear that finally released. "Before I left for the night," I continued. "I returned to Cathy's bedside. I held her hand for a long time and talked about the good old days. I told her again how much she meant to me. She had been so instrumental in shaping my life; I vowed to never stop looking for a cure for her disease... And before I left, I prayed. I prayed that her final days would be more peaceful and that she could just slip away. I prayed that she would find peace from the monster that had stolen the very essence of her life from her. The monster that kept taking until there was nothing left...

I kissed her hand and whispered, _"I love you, my dear friend."_ As I pulled away she squeezed my hand and for just a second, our eyes met and I knew she understood.

There was no way I would ever tell her _goodbye,_ even though I knew that's what it was. She would go home, and soon, the seasons of her life would come to an end.

I uttered a goodbye to Alexa and Kevin as I made my way through. "If you need me don't hesitate to call, no matter the time."

I hastily made my way out of the room and into a dark waiting room at the end of the hallway. I had done my job and I had helped my friend, but even though I had done everything I could for her, it simply wasn't enough.

I had lost other patients, but never one that I knew so personally. My heart was breaking. I heard the door thud quietly as it closed, and warm arms encircled me. When Maggie took me in her arms I sobbed like a little boy. I had never felt so devastated... or so helpless as a doctor.

"Shhh, honey, it's alright. You've done everything you could. She knows that."

"But it wasn't enough, I couldn't help _her_."

"Sweetie, you're wrong. You did everything you could to make her comfortable. You're going to find that no matter how hard you work, you're going to lose some of them. You can't save them all."

I knew she was right, but it didn't make this any easier. Maggie reached over to a bookcase and grabbed a box of tissues, handing them to me.

I blew loudly. "Thanks Mags."

"Oh, you're welcome sweetie. This is the hardest part of the job. We're all going to miss her, but you know she isn't happy like this. She has no quality of life. She's ready to let go."

"I feel terrible for Kevin, he's not well either. They've been together forever."

"Fifty years. They celebrated their anniversary yesterday."

"Oh, I wish I had known; I'd have congratulated them."

Maggie smiled at me. "It wasn't their actual anniversary. It'll be fifty years in a few months, but Christy and Alexa wanted them to be able to celebrate it. They didn't want Kevin to miss celebrating such a milestone with his wife, and they didn't want her to miss out."

"That is really cool."

"One of the hospice nurses suggested it when she was here to do the assessment for services. A few family members came, they had cake and sodas, and they broke out the wedding album and passed pictures around. Cathy actually smiled a few times. We took pictures, too."

"Oh, I'm so happy they did that. Those hospice girls are amazing."

"That they are, Edward. It's like it comes naturally to them. I've seen them do all sorts of things. They have a choir that comes around and sings Christmas carols. There's a volunteer who comes around with a harp and plays for people. They truly _are_ amazing."

My stomach growled and I looked at the clock, it was getting late. "I need to get moving Maggie. It's past dinner time and there's a burger waiting for me over at Joes."

"Goodnight, enjoy your dinner."

"Thanks for everything. You've always been my voice of reason."

"You're welcome, hon. I'll see you soon."

"Not any too soon. Don't jinx me; I've got four days off." I could hear her laughing as I made my way to the elevators. It had been a terribly long day. I couldn't wait to hit the road and get away from here.

I looked up at Sasha as I ended my story. "Little did I know," a chill rippled through me, "that in a matter of hours, fate would drag me back there and I'd be fighting the greatest battle of _my_ life."

Fighting my own battle to stay alive...

I had lost all sense of time and place. I'd only shared the details of that day... the day that could have quite easily been the last of my life... with my elfin cousin and my attorney. Not even Carlisle and Esme had known all the events that led up to my accident. No, I hadn't _done_ anything out of character to cause the accident, but I'd allowed myself to be distracted.

I had conflicting emotions over the day's events. Prior to the call requesting that I stop to speak with the Copes, I had spent my day in not-so-quiet celebration with my stem cell colleagues over the prospect of newly appropriated funding for stem cell research with much less restriction on the lines of research.

I was excited about the prospect of calling my father to see if he'd heard the news about said funding. I remembered feeling a twinge of guilt over my excitement when Mrs. Copes life was coming to an end, Maggie had been right, it was simply the natural progression of life, but once again I was losing someone I loved and there was nothing I could do but sit back and watch it happen.

"It was my lack of concentration," I finally confessed, "that allowed the car to close the distance between us before I could do anything to prevent it from hitting me. In the blink of an eye my life had been irrevocably changed."

The gentle touch of a hand on my shoulder brought me out of my revelry. I had been unaware of the tears that wet my shirt, or the snot that ran down over my mouth.

"I think that's enough for today, Edward. You've made some real progress today. I'm proud of you." She rubbed my shoulder a few times while she held the box of tissues for me. I took a few minutes to clean myself up and try to get my bearings.

"For our next session, I'd like you to write down a list of all the positive things that have happened since the accident- this one you are recovering from... things that would have never happened if the course of that day hadn't been altered so radically."

I nodded my head. I understood, I just didn't think I could articulate any more conversation.

"Do you need to take a few minutes? Are you okay to get home?"

My voice cracked when I attempted to answer. "I have a ride."

"I think there's someone waiting out in the corridor for you. Would you like me to let her in?"

I nodded. I was a little embarrassed to see anyone, but we all came here to purge our souls on a daily basis. To witness a fellow patient's departure from Sasha's office with tear streaked cheeks was a fairly normal occurrence.

I expected to see Alice, and was confused when Jane stepped inside. One look at me and she was next to me, pulling me into her arms.

"Are you okay?"

I gave her a reassuring squeeze in return. "Yeah, just putting some demons to rest. I'll be alright." I whispered, hoarsely.

"Are you up to a party tomorrow night? I don't want to intrude."

"Seriously, I'm okay, but would it be okay if I let you and Bella hammer out the details a little later? I really think I should get home."

"Sure, it's no problem at all. Is she home? I can go call her."

I nodded.

Little Jane gave me another hug. "I'll see you later, Edward. I hope you feel better." I hoped I did too.

I went outside to wait for Alice, but she was in the lot, waiting for me. She stepped out of the car and activated the automatic ramp. There was a sharp intake of breath when she looked at me.

"You alright?"

I nodded.

"You don't _look_ alright."

I didn't want to talk about it, much less visit it in my head again when the wound was so exposed.

"I'm fine, let's go home."

I pulled into my lockdown on the passenger side of the car, I had no interest in driving right now. I reclined the back of my seat a little and closed my eyes. I heard Alice fumbling with the radio before a soothing jazz tune filled the air. A warm hand squeezed my own, "I'm not trying to pry, but if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Ali."

The car jerked slightly as she put it in gear. I spent the ride home in my own little world, images of _that day_ played in my head.

The ride was silent, but for the music coming from the stereo. Alice stepped out of the car and waited for me to get out. I went inside, wordlessly and went to my room. I pulled an afghan Esme had made for me off the back of Dad's arm chair and covered my arms and torso before tilting my chair back. I closed my eyes and covered my face, inhaling the comforting scents... my dad's leather chair and a trace of the leather preservative they cleaned it with... our home... this home- already it smelled like this... and Bella... there was a distinct trace of her aroma too. I snuggled down into my cocoon and took deep, calming breaths. I ignored the hushed voices in the hallway, concentrating only on centering myself... grounding myself so that I could get through the rest of this day without obsessing over things I had no control over.

The aroma of ham and cheese wafted into my refuge. I _was_ hungry.

The soft shuffling of footsteps caught my attention. _Bella._ I'd know the sound of her footsteps anywhere. I could feel her presence, even with my eyes closed. Oh so gently, her lips caressed mine after she carefully lifted the cover, exposing my face to hers.

They moved softly, sensuously. This was no invasive assault on my mouth, but a comforting welcome home. When she pulled away from the kiss, I took a hold of her hand. "Thanks for giving me a little time for myself."

"You're welcome. Are you hungry? Dinner is almost done. I just need to throw some buttermilk biscuits into the oven."

"I'll be right out."

"You know if you need anything I'm right here."

"Yep. Thanks."

She nodded before she left me to attend to dinner.

I went to my bathroom and washed my face, then tried to make sense of my hair... I changed into a clean tee shirt, too. Thinking back to my childhood, even though it was _so_ fifties, I reflected on when my mother insisted on getting _washed up_ for dinner. Just like _The Beav_, I was expected to come to dinner in clean clothes, hair combed... as if we were going to a fancy restaurant. It was one of those little habits, so embedded in my subconscious that I couldn't help but comply.

Bella had the table set, the food cooling in a large casserole. Ham, cheese and cauliflower bubbly and hot awaited our plates. My mouth watered, I could taste it already. Fresh biscuits were arranged in a wicker basket lined with a fluffy kitchen towel.

I went to the fridge and looked for drinks. "Is a bottle of water alright?" I didn't feel like dealing with glasses, and it would save clean up time.

Bella cleared her throat, "Yeah, I think that's fine. You need a hand?"

I put the bottles, one at a time, in the crook of my left arm. "I've got them."

I handed out the bottles and had just gotten situated at my spot when Alice slid into her seat. A smile graced her face.

"What's got you all smiles, Al?"

Bella grinned over at her. "Alice is sweet on a doctor of her own. She had a _phone call_ to take care of."

"Really Alice?" She nodded, looking like she could barely contain herself.

Bella giggled like a teenager. "_Dr. Amun_... he's soooooo dreamy..." She put the back of her hand to her forehead in a fake swoon.

Alice defended her actions by outlining his attributes. "He's Egyptian, he's got gorgeous olive colored skin and jet black hair. He's a beautiful man, Bella."

Bella laughed, "I'll take your word for it, I've got my own pretty man."

He was new, but I'd heard good things about him. "He's new doctor at Hospice?" I'd heard they hired a new geriatrician and palliative medicine doc.

"Mmhmm. We're going out for dinner tomorrow. I thought he could pick me up as soon as I help Bella get everything ready."

"You're part of the family Alice, you could stay."

"Nuh uh, this is for Alec. He hasn't seen his dad, and I won't intrude. Aside from that, he doesn't need to know you have a nurse living in right now, you want to show him how independent you are."

"Thanks Alice."

Bella elbowed Alice, "Like she _minds_ leaving... she's got a hot date."

We teased Alice gently about the new man in her life. I knew the girls would never pry, but it was nice that someone else was the topic of conversation.

We finished dinner quietly, when Bella offered me a cup of coffee and a piece of cake, I declined. Instead I directed the conversation towards Alice. "If it's all the same to you, I've had a long day and I'm _really _tired. Could you help me get ready for bed?"

Alice glanced at Bella and then back at me. "Sure. We can do that. Do you want me to turn on the water for a shower?"

"No, I'm really just... it's been a long day. I'm ready for bed. Shower in the morning like we did this morning, okay?"

"I'll go get everything ready."

"I'll be right in."

Bella picked up my hand and brought it to her mouth for a kiss. I closed my eyes relishing the moment, before I broke the spell by opening my mouth. "You don't mind if I go now do you?"

"No, I understand, would it be okay if I came in for a while so we can talk about Alec's dinner? It's tomorrow night."

It would be wonderful to curl up with Bella after a day like I'd had. "That would be great. I could stand to snuggle with you for a while."

"I'll put dinner away while you get ready for bed."

I reached over and grabbed her hand. I didn't want her to take on added responsibilities that were mine. "No, it's my job, I'll do it."

Bella put her hand on her hip. "Puleeze... three plates, and three sets of silverware? I can put the casserole away in the dish. Go get ready for bed; I've got this- silly man."

"Have I told you how much I love you lately Bella?"

"Yep, every few hours, but it never gets old. I love you too."

She gave my hand a squeeze before she stood up and began clearing the table. I chugged my water, and went to find Alice.

The bedtime routine went quick, and I was soon settled in my big bed. A soft, warm body spooned into my side and I was totally relaxed for the first time all day. I tightened my arm around her waist and pulled her in tighter to my body. Putting my face in her hair, I sniffed and kissed down her neck to her shoulder. She leaned back so she could turn her face up to me for a kiss.

"I. Love. You." I punctuated each word with a kiss. "Thanks for understanding and not prying. One day I know we need to talk about some things, but thank you for your patience with me."

"Love you too baby. I can't imagine anyone more worth waiting for."

I relaxed into her body, and loosened my grip on her, draping my arm across her. "Will you stay till I fall asleep?"

"Sure. Go to sleep, I'll see you in the morning."

I drifted off to some lullaby Bella was humming.

Images flashed behind my eye lids. I could see the things I'd shared with Sasha today in vibrant Technicolor. I went through that day as if I was watching a movie play out before my eyes.

At some point I realized that I'd never seen Mrs. Cope again, and by now, she must be gone. Snippets of my conversation with her family flickered through my mind. Soon enough, I was driving the streets of Seattle. I looked at the little deli I'd passed that night, but unlike the night of my accident, the building was ablaze with lights. The dining room was a busy place, the aroma of home made sauce and sautéed garlic hung heavy in the air. Passing the window of the banquet room where I'd enjoyed my last meal in the eatery, familiar faces caught my eye and I couldn't tear myself away as I watched my eighteen year old self stand and take a deep breath before the candles on the cake were snuffed out.

A blood curdling scream jerked me out of my nightmare.

Those of you who contributed to the Foxy Fics fundraiser for Parkinson's disease will recognize my submission to the compilation, although I've added more than 8000 words to the original document. "The Last Patient" was written in memory of my dad. A large portion of Impact was written while I lived with my parents, caring for Dad through the end stages of his battle with Parkinson's disease. Just over ten years from his diagnosis, he lost his fight to the disease.

I am humbled to have had the opportunity to donate a story for the fundraiser. Anyone who has a loved one with Parkinson's will tell you that a cure for the disease can't come soon enough. A huge thank you to Katbug86 for organizing the fundraiser, she too, has someone in her life battling the disease. It's exciting to announce that while the original goal was $2000.00, our fandom raised $4135.00, and the total continues to grow. I'm proud to be a part of something so awesome.

The following poem, The Day I Died is used, with permission from the author, my incredibly awesome beta, Jeanne, also known as Not4got10 in the world of fan fiction. Thank you Jeanne for allowing me to submit it with my donation piece, as well as with this chapter. It seemed a fitting accompaniment to Mrs. Cope's end of life story.

The Day I Died

by jeanne (not4got10)

Library of Congress copyright © 1997

I wasn't scared the day I died

when my breath escaped,

for at that moment I saw my Lord

standing at Heaven's gate.

There was no tunnel of bright light

no Angel held my hand,

Because,

my soul transcended eternity

and I was greeted by a Holy Band!

That's when I saw the light show

and I heard the Angel's sing!

I had to enter this unbelievable place

to which my soul it was beckoning.

I had no pain or turmoil,

no confusion filled my mind,

I felt a peace so indescribable

as if I'd been here all the time!

The deterioration of my body,

the weakness of each limb,

the endless throbbing disappeared

when my eyes fell upon Him!

So please don't mourn my death.

Don't shed another tear for me.

For now I'm home with my Savior!

And my spirit is running and free!

* * *

A huge thanks to the best team of helpers ever. You girls are incredible, I couldn't ask for nicer friends or better beta's, pre-readers, etc., you know mean so much more to me. As always, thank you. (A big thanks to Debbie for the shameless pimping.)

Amy, the PJs made me think of you.

I promise your contribution to the story is in the works. ;-)

Welcome to everyone who has alerted and favorited Impact since my last update. Thank you to Betti for pimping Impact. You rock girl! You know I'm gonna _forever_ love LG. What a beautiful character. He's just so… Mmm. ;-)


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-eight

~Edward~

Monday had started out incredibly with breakfast in bed. Bella was becoming more daring and I loved it when she wanted to be playful. I hadn't experienced her completely unguarded before and this free-spirited side of her was a welcome change.

Breakfast was a sensory experience like I'd never had before. It wasn't just taste and texture, but touch... tickling, teasing, tantalizing touch. Had I not needed to be somewhere, I wondered just how far it would have gone...

Bella had asked to set boundaries. While she had no aversion to telling me she loved me... freely and frequently, she wanted us to get to really know one another... to be friends before we were lovers. After she explained her previous experiences with the past men in her life and her abandonment issues with her mother... I respected her desire to take things slow, allowing things to progress naturally between us.

The first thing I wanted to do after Alec's party was behind us was to take her out on another date. When she agreed to move in, she agreed that she'd move in as a roommate... but we both wanted to do this the right way. Dating and becoming best friends was where we would start, we were well on our way with the best friends part of it. By the time I was confident that I could be the man she needed me to be, I hoped that she'd be ready to move our status to something more physical than the kissing and cuddling we'd been enjoying.

I had no qualms about meeting her needs, but I had things of my own that I had to conquer, and I wasn't ready to jump blindly into something so big. There were parts of me that I wanted to fix. I knew I was supposed to be taking care of those things for me, every therapist I'd ever seen had told me that... but in my head, the catalyst that fueled the desire to repair my psyche was Bella. I wanted to be a whole person for her, not just physically, but mentally too.

When I went to rehab that first day as an outpatient, I was relieved that Alec wasn't stuck with someone incompatible. I feared I'd be replaced by someone else with a chip on their shoulder who'd cause Alec to back slide and get into a rut, or even worse, someone who simply didn't or couldn't care about him.

I was a minority when I resided in Jill's rehab. I had been disabled when I arrived and had adjusted a long time ago. Someone with a newly acquired disability could be detrimental to his adjustment. I should have given Jill more credit. Teaming him up with Demitri was perfect and would be good for both of them.

Demetri was an easy going happy kid, and while I'm sure he _wasn't_ happy about being newly disabled, he didn't have a bad attitude, he wanted to learn new ways to adapt to life and I had no doubt he'd succeed. Alec and Demetri had formed a bond back when it seemed I brought out the worst in Alec. They were close in age, and I hoped they'd form a friendship that continued through adulthood. The two of them sharing a room was a good match.

Sasha... Sasha had warned me that she was going to begin pushing my limits. She had been subtly peeling back the layers of memories, and I understood that it was important for me to do things in a healthier manner. Until I'd gotten hit, I never realized how much I'd swept under the rug... but all these things... the loss of my parents... the loss of my mobility... the loss of my first girl... they had snowballed into this agonizing situation that I'd found a way to ignore by working myself crazy so I didn't have time or energy to think about them.

Since I'd been at rehab, most of the conversations I'd had with Sasha revolved around disability. How did I deal with my disability? Was I angry about my disability? Did I blame it on someone else? Even questions like _did I have needs that weren't being met_?, _were there services I needed to tap into_? She wanted to know about my home life, _what would be there waiting to greet me when I got home, who would be there..._

But when she told me she would help me dig deeper, I knew it would be painful and I knew it would dredge up demons from my past. I hadn't thought about Mrs. Cope in so long, she'd been such a dear friend, but until Sasha asked about that night in particular I hadn't paid her any mind. Suddenly I was fixated on her and what had happened. I knew she was close to the end when I had visited her that night. A phone call to Carlisle after I'd gotten home Monday confirmed that she had given up her fight just a few hours after my accident. She never made it home to be cared for by hospice, and it was with some amount of relief that I realized she died peacefully and without pain because I'd been there shortly before she had passed. I learned that Kevin now lived with Alexa, and I asked for his number, but didn't know if it was a call I'd ever be able to make. While he was my friend, like a surrogate grandfather, it was Cathy who tried to mentor me when it came to all things educational, especially after my parents were gone, and I was consumed with the guilt when I believed it was my fault and could have been prevented.

When I asked Bella to stay with me till I was asleep, she didn't hesitate to snuggle up and hold onto me tight. I felt safe and secure as I drifted off. I dreamed of that night... it wasn't the first time, and it surely wouldn't be the last. Sasha warned me that as we peeled away layer upon layer of memories, the dreams and flashbacks would come without warning. Anything could trigger them... a thought, a conversation... even a particular scent.

Seeing eighteen year old Edward stand up shocked my system as surely as if I'd been electrocuted. I was living in the moment, dreaming about that night nine months ago... peering into that window and suddenly it all shifted and I was seeing my youthful, gangly self stand... so happy and healthy... seeing my parents and my dear Mrs. Cope so full of life... Somehow my subconscious feared the worst. I didn't think I could get through the nightmare with my parents accident. They say you have the power to alter your dreams... placing a road sign or landmark if you're dream-self is lost... creating a hiding place if you're being chased... I guess my subconscious' manner of protecting me was to wake me before I began down that slippery slope that I knew would drag me under emotions I wasn't ready to face yet.

And I woke myself... screaming.

The girls were there, frantically trying to get me awake, to assure me it was only a dream. When I finally awoke completely, I realized that I was safe in my bed, with Bella still at my side... Sweat soaked and trying to catch my breath, I asked Alice to help me shower. It was only 4am, but there was no way I'd ever let myself fall back to sleep. When we came out of the bathroom, I could smell food cooking.

Bella looked like I felt, and I knew she didn't get a restful night's sleep. I was going to have to refrain from dragging her off to my bed, or she'd never get any rest. I watched as she went through the motions like a zombie, and once I had a decent breakfast and she was certain I'd be okay for the morning; she gave me a peck on the lips, hugged Alice as she walked past then went right to her room. An hour later, I could hear her snoring and sleep talking.

I had a few hours till I had to leave, and I realized I'd never done my homework for Sasha, it wasn't like I couldn't slap something together at lunch, or even tell her about the night before and pass the evening off as too stressful to concentrate, but I wouldn't have been just wasting my time- I'd have been wasting her time too.

I pulled out the journal Alice had given me for Christmas to chart my progress, I'd made a few entries, but had never been religious about utilizing it as Alice had suggested. She'd begun her notebook as soon as she'd begun caring for me so it seemed redundant to have two; hers was so in-depth and detailed...

The leather-bound volume would be an excellent place to begin saving assignments like this. I went into the study, which I'd already absent-mindedly begun to refer to as 'Dad's study' in my head.

Name the _good_ things that have happened since the accident. The obvious things came to mind quickly.

1) Bella.

2) Our new house. _Ours, _not mine.

3) Meeting Alec.

4) Meeting Jane.

5) Reconnecting with Jill.

6) Learning to drive... _confidently and safely_. Getting my car.

7)Life... for the first time since my parents died, I was truly _living_... happily.

As I wrote, I began to drift off, waking so early... the warm relaxing shower that seemed to wash my tension away... a warm and filling breakfast courtesy of Bella... all left me feeling sated and sleepy, in spite of my fears of what monsters I might encounter when I closed my eyes and allowed myself to let my guard down...

Hearing Bella's little snores and her rhythmic breathing just on the other side of the wall made sleep want to come. I finally relented and tipped my chair back, closing my eyes. I knew Alice wouldn't let me oversleep; she was punctual to a fault.

I awoke a short time later and looked at my watch; it was seven thirty. I had an hour until I needed to leave for therapy. Moving back over to the desk, I looked at my journal. In my sleep deprived state, I'd done a fairly decent job, but looking at it a second time, I realized that I had barely scratched the surface. I also realized that Sasha wanted to know about the real Edward. Not Doctor Edward who came off to everyone else as a nice, neat, confident package... not the man who lived a life packed full of events so he couldn't think or feel too much... she wanted to know about the real me. I hadn't truly been stripped bare until the night that car hit me... it had ultimately changed my life.

I knew Sasha expected something a little more in-depth from me. So I thought about the things I had written and about the things that weren't quite so obvious. I started right at the bottom of the first list and expanded my thoughts.

**These are the greatest things that have happened since October, 2007, since my most recent accident...**

1) Bella- When we met, I was terrified of women. I _yearned_ to have what so many other people in relationships had, but I was afraid to let anyone in. After losing my first girlfriend and truly believing it was my physical shortcomings that caused the breakup, I closed myself off to anything that involved romance. I chose a life of loneliness and celibacy over putting myself out there and risking the possibility of someone else having that much power over my heart again.

Yet, from that very first meal over burritos, I realized I wanted this... but I found myself wanting it so much... hoping for all the possibilities that were out there... that I panicked about the things I feared she'd expect me to be able to deliver... and I pushed her away.

It took almost losing Bella to realize that living life- truly living it- required taking chances... risks... if I wanted Bella, I'd have to take some chances with my heart and trust her not to break me. Letting Bella in has helped me find courage and inner strength I didn't even know I possessed, and I've finally allowed myself to start feeling like a sexual being. It didn't take long and instead of just _feeling_ like a sexual being... I was allowing physical contact... _enjoying it..._ instead of repressing those feelings, like I had in the past.

2) The house... _our home._ I had never felt at home, truly at ease... I always felt a little incomplete. This house gave me roots; it gave me security and a place to truly call my own. Once again I really had someplace where I belonged. By including Bella in this... I had taken another huge leap of faith, letting her in had helped us turn the house... into home.

3) Alec (and Jane and Demitri)... Hmm there were so many things here. My second accident gave me a new outlook on life. I could finally see what my opinions, my education, experiences and assistance can do to formulate someone else's life. Even though I started the support group after coming to Seattle to do my residency, I think it culminated more out of the need to provide a service to my patients. I never really got close to any of those individuals because I didn't allow myself to get personally involved with _anyone_. Especially not anyone vulnerable whom I might get close to... someone who might cause me to slip and open up. Having a professional relationship with someone and keeping it professional allowed me to keep them at a safe distance, while appearing like I truly had it all together.

Letting these people into my life... people outside my family and a handful of close friends... Bella and then the kids from rehab I'd befriended... caused me to let some of the walls crumble. For once in my life I truly cared, with a depth I hadn't before. I saw so much of myself in Alec... hurt... scared... separated from his parents... and I realized he had something I'd never have... a chance to get his parents back.

I'll never forget the night he arrived... it troubled me greatly that he had come alone... _where was his family..._ to learn that they had _chosen_ to allow him to deal with something like this _alone _was reprehensible. It might sound terrible... but I'm thankful too, that a nurse was negligent... that said nurse caused a life threatening situation... it was that event that allowed him to begin to heal... and mend his broken relationship with his parents. It was the first time in a while that I'd felt true gratification from helping someone else.

Esme and Carlisle have been the most loving, compassionate set of surrogate parents I could have ever asked for, and I knew that they were intent on guiding me and encouraging me in a manner that my parents would have as well. No one knew my parents better than the two of them had... yet for all their caring and love... it didn't negate the fact that my parents... my _mom and dad_... were gone forever, and they were quite simply, irreplaceable- no matter how much love Carlisle and Esme had shown me.

4) Jill... meeting Jill here... and having her back in my life as a _grown up_. She had been so good to me when I was a kid, and she found a way to allow me to focus on my needs and not dwell constantly on what I'd lost, but I wasn't the man I am today. Not only has she shown me respect, but she's encouraged me, as a colleague, as a doctor... and as a man worthy of a relationship with the woman I was sweet on.

Coming here to this rehab... Jill has put me in situations where I could foster relationships with others; she has encouraged me- not only as a patient, but as a doctor who is capable and can be trusted to make his own decisions, as a doctor/colleague who she has consulted in a few instances, she even cheered my self confidence when I assisted Alec, _before _reprimanding me for not minding my own business. Through this rehab experience I feel confident nearly all the time now. With everything that has happened since that car struck me, with everything I've endured... my self esteem has soared. I feel like the man I could have only hoped to be in the past.

5) Choosing to work with you, Sasha, making the decision to not only exist but to live. Knowing that to live life to it's fullest; I need to finally face the unresolved demons of my past. I know I would have never pursued additional psychological counseling if my life hadn't been so drastically changed with the accident. I was comfortable, but not truly happy, living in the safe little bubble I'd created where I never allowed anyone to come too close. It took getting hurt again, to discover how my actions and behavior impact other people

When I completed the second list, I actually felt a sense of accomplishment. I knew this exercise was intended for me to pull things out and look at them, positive things about my life and how it had changed, it had also caused me to make comparisons and see a lot of things I'd been purposely ignoring. I saw lots of areas that I needed to address. It appeared that I had learned some bad habits, coping mechanisms that perhaps I needed to attempt to improve.

Sasha didn't push me as much as she _led_ me. She made me work to pull things out of myself.

When I woke up this morning, as I ate breakfast, I had contemplated calling Jill when she got in at seven so I could request an earlier appointment with Sasha. But sitting here, working on this assignment, I realized that I was falling back into another habit... the one where I expected others to accommodate me because I was a doctor, a colleague... more than just a patient...

I felt grounded now, and after shaking off the initial shock of the nightmare, I actually felt surprisingly good.

I gathered my journal put it in my backpack and headed out to the living room to find Alice. The light on Bella's nightstand was on, and she sat up reading in bed, several pillows propped behind her.

She looked up when I stopped at her door. Smiling she asked, "Hey, you feel any better? You were pretty quiet at breakfast."

"About that... thanks for getting up and cooking. Between showering and eating something warm and filling, I was able to get a little more sleep. I'm sorry I woke you so early."

Bella pushed the blankets back and came over to my chair. I dropped my pack on the floor and stood up. She put her arms around my waist giving me a firm squeeze and snuggling into my chest. "Hey, I love you. Don't fret about it. I thought you could use a nice breakfast, I noticed that you seemed fairly collected by the time you were showered and dressed."

"Yeah, it helped- all of it. I completed an assignment for Sasha, too. It really grounded me. I think she intended for it to be more than it seemed when she gave it to me. I'd like you to read it sometime."

"I don't want to intrude on your sessions with her, that's private. I respect that."

"This assignment wasn't anything I wouldn't want you to read, in fact; I'm kind of excited about it. Maybe after Alec's dinner tonight you'd like to. I know I've told you I love you and tried to show you what you mean to me, but you've helped me make so many changes. Bella you're such a positive influence in my life. I can never thank you enough for giving me a chance. You've helped save me from my former self."

"I find that hard to believe. Your former self was rather endearing if I remember him correctly."

"Trust me, the wheelchair wasn't a prop, but I'm beginning to see just how much of my attitude was a facade. I think you should read it, if you're comfortable with that."

"Alright, tonight then, if you're sure."

"I am. I've got to go find Alice; it's nearly time to go. Either she needs to drive me, or help me rearrange the seats."

"She went outside to move her seat into the passenger side so it's all ready for you to drive. She's going to help you with your changing for the whirlpool, but once you're out, she's coming home. We're going shopping for things for dinner; I'm roasting a ham and doing a traditional ham dinner, mashed potatoes, perhaps some baked corn... Ooh and Grandma Swan's baked pineapple. You'll love it. Mmm, it's so good."

"Didn't we just have ham? Not that I mind, baked ham is delicious."

"I was going to make a beef roast, but I asked Alec when he was here for some ideas and he said his dad wasn't a huge roast beef fan. I wanted to make something that would fill the house with delicious smells, and with a ham I can freeze what's left over and we can make my gram's ham potpie sometime. Maybe I can teach you how to make noodles."

I wrinkled up my nose. I didn't think I'd want to learn how to make noodles. "Seriously, that doesn't sound like fun."

"The fun, my dear is interacting in the kitchen. You need to stop looking at the kitchen as some sort of clinical setting where food is made, and see it as a big homey atmosphere where people live and have fun."

I thought back to my original plan for a big kitchen... a place for warm family gatherings like the ones at home when I was a kid. She was right.

"Okay, I promise when you want to make it, I'll try. Who knows, maybe you can teach me something useful."

"I intend to."

Two short beeps from my car alerted me that Alice was done moving things around; it was time to go. I put a finger under Bella's chin and lifted her face so I could kiss her. "I love you baby. I'll see you this afternoon. I'll help you finish getting ready; I can set the table and help you get everything set up. Alice is picking Alec and Jane up at 5; his parents are coming around six."

Bella nodded then gave me two quick pecks on the lips followed by another tight hug, meant I was sure, to reassure me. "Have a good day Edward. Love ya!"

The ride to the center was quick; traffic was light for a Tuesday morning in Seattle.

I encountered Alec in the corridor on my way to the whirlpool gym. He was in a better mood than I think I'd ever seen.

He was all smiles. "Good morning, Edward. How ya doing today?"

"I'm doing okay," I laughed, "what's got you in such a great mood?"

"Well, I'm seeing my dad for the first time in over two months... and it actually sounds like he might be looking forward to seeing _me_, too."

"I'm really pleased that the two of you are working to repair your relationship. I know you've missed him, but you wouldn't truly understand where I'm coming from unless you lost them permanently with no hopes of ever getting them back. I'm truly happy for you that you have this opportunity. You have been given a chance some people never get. Please don't waste it."

"No, I don't plan to. Thank you for being open with me and encouraging me to make an attempt. I think we'll be okay."

"Does he know you've applied to college for Civil Engineering?"

"No, not yet, I haven't really said a lot to my mom either. I considered waiting until I got an acceptance letter back from one of them."

"I'm almost positive you'll get an acceptance back from one of them, if not all three, why don't you tell your Dad? Show him that you've taken an initiative to move forward with your life, perhaps it'll help him move forward as well."

"I'll think about that, thanks, and thanks for having the graduation party for me. I really appreciate it. Will you tell the girls?"

"You can tell them yourself, this evening. I'll see you later, I've gotta get to the whirlpool."

As the day grew closer to lunch, I began to think about the day before... my breakdown... and then the dream that haunted me deep in the night. I worked in the gym on the FES Bike instead of going to lunch, knowing that after last night, I probably wouldn't be great company. The day had passed quickly and I found myself pulling into Sasha's office.

"Hello Edward."

I turned as far in my chair as possible and reached behind myself. After several attempts, I snagged my backpack and pulled it around onto my lap. Pulling my journal out, I laid it on the edge of Sasha's desk.

"Hi Sasha. How are you today?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I had a rough evening, followed by a nightmare last night. Yesterday's session brought back a lot of memories; things that I'd forgotten. But I'm feeling a little better now."

"Do you want to tell me about the nightmare? What happened?"

"Well, it was more or less a recap of yesterday's session. I passed the restaurant where I had my eighteenth birthday party. The night I got hit I had gone past there for the first time since I became paralyzed. It wasn't the same restaurant anymore. It was a little bistro or deli. The night I got hit, it was all dark and closed up, but in my dream it was the same Italian restaurant where we celebrated my eighteenth birthday party. It was all lit up, and when I looked in the window where the banquet room was, I saw my family and friends, alive and well. Then I saw myself well... standing... I woke up screaming."

"So you're saying that the night you had this most recent accident, you actually visited the restaurant where you'd had your birthday party? Weren't you coming home _from_ that party when your parents were killed?"

"Yes, and it's rather ironic that I stopped there the night I got hit. I found myself traveling down that street, and the building drew me in like someone experiencing a train wreck. I couldn't pull myself away."

"You said yesterday that you felt like the distraction of thinking about that night... of thinking about the past fifteen years played some part in your getting hit. Why do you feel that way Edward?" Sasha leaned back in her desk chair and waited for me to gather my thoughts. When I began to talk, she leaned forward in her chair, hanging on my every word.

"I was distracted... I was distracted about a myriad of things... first there was my despair over losing Mrs. Cope, coupled with the knowledge that there was nothing I could do to prolong her life or improve its quality, I knew her death was imminent... then there were the memories of that night so long ago... and finally there were so many thoughts going through my head about the stem cell announcement... the hope that perhaps I could possibly be included in a study that would help my situation. There were just so many thoughts on my mind. I know I wasn't paying attention."

Sasha looked thoughtful for a few minutes before she sighed. "Let's look at this from a different perspective for a minute, if you will. While you know that you were distracted, it wasn't the only variable. I hope you don't truly believe that you are the reason you were involved in that accident."

"There are times... "

"Well, as I asked, let's consider all the variables. You're aware that your father and I discussed the accident and the recreation of the accident."

"Yes, I remember you asking for permission to discuss it with him."

"We know that the driver of the automobile that struck you was a nurse, who was running late for her shift at Harborview. She admitted that she was in a hurry and wasn't paying attention.

You were in the place you were told to be, and when they reconstructed your accident they deduced that you were in the middle of a very long stretch of roadway that had no berm. Distracted or not, you wouldn't have been able to get out of her way. There was nowhere for you to go."

"I know."

"It was dark. Visibility was poor, did you know the team who did the recreation of the accident pulled up the weather information for that night- it was overcast and had begun to lightly snow?"

"You know, I remember that... laying on the pavement and seeing the snow swirling in the headlights from the car that hit me. It was surreal. I thought I was in one of those snow globes that you shake up. "

"You do realize Edward that just because the law governing the motor vehicle definition is antiquated- doesn't mean that it's right. I simply means that it's the law."

"Yes, I've had this discussion with family and friends, I have just always felt like if I'd been paying better attention, if I'd been wearing lighter colored clothing, if I'd have had a horn on my chair or a brighter lighting system... it might not have happened."

"That sounds like a lot of '_what ifs'_ to me. You could beat yourself up till you're crazy and you'd still never be able to say with certainty what it was that caused that accident, Edward. You can't blame yourself. We both know deep down it wasn't your fault."

"I suppose your right. My father keeps telling me that."

"Your adopted father, Dr. Cullen."

"Yes. He was very angry that I dropped the lawsuit against the driver, but he didn't understand that I would have been reliving that night in my head for weeks or months... even years until I could put it behind me. I've tried to move on. Until yesterday, I almost thought I had."

"I don't want you to dwell on it. There are people who might say my theory is just a cliché, but I truly believe everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason. That was the reason for yesterday's assignment. Let's look over what your thoughts and see if there were positive things you were able to take from your accident."

I opened the book and handed it to Sasha. "There were a great many positive things, and I'm sure there are others I haven't even considered. These are the most obvious."

Sasha read down through the pages. She chuckled and handed it back to me. "I notice that you came up with a list, but then went back and made a second list. Do you want to tell me about that?"

"Well, like I said, some of them were blatantly obvious; my relationship with Bella for instance. But I realized it wasn't just Bella... so many things have happened since I've met her. I feel more secure, more confident, I feel like I'm finally allowing myself to get to know me... while letting Bella in. I thought I had it all together before the accident, but now I look back and I see how wrong I was. I appeared confident and self assured, because that was how I had to be to do my job. I didn't realize how much I was trying to hide, until I realized I wanted Bella to see the real me. I'm beginning to feel good about myself."

"Tell me about the house. You said you and Bella are room-mates, but you're also a couple? How is that working out?"

"After the accident, they didn't know if I'd even live. My former roommates needed someone to help carry the burden of the cost of the apartment, so Carlisle and Esme moved my things out of the apartment and into storage. The accident really shook them up, Esme especially. Not only had she almost lost me fifteen years ago, she lost her only sibling, my mom. Carlisle lost his best friend.

"When I began to improve last Christmas and it appeared that I was more or less out of the woods, Carlisle came to me and asked if I'd consider a more permanent home, since I was studying at the stem cell lab, it was a given that I'd be here at least a few years. I knew they wanted me to move into their house with them, but the last time... Esme nearly made herself sick caring for me... I couldn't do that to her again. But, I agreed to begin looking for a place, and then Esme found the development where my home is now built. I liked the idea of having a large spacious home. I'd always lived in a small apartment with a room mate or two; it had been part of my effective plan to distance myself from women."

"So how did Bella factor into this new plan?"

"I had mentioned a few weeks ago that she has a disability as well. Ironically, it was me who diagnosed her with MS. We hadn't seen each other for a very long time, and met in the rehab gym at Harborview after I got hit. When I diagnosed her, she was living in a one bedroom apartment that could be only accessed via a short set of steps. When her one year lease had matured, we had just begun our friendship. The more I got to know her, the more I wanted to do something to help her get out of that situation... into something more accessible for her... into a safer neighborhood... and into something more affordable. It sounded like she was working to pay the bills and little more. She's a teacher; a huge chunk of what she had left from each paycheck went back into things for her classroom. She is very dedicated to her students."

"Tell me about your set-up. Are you sharing a room now? Separate rooms? How are you doing it?"

"Bella was very hesitant; you and I talked in another session about how I had pushed Bella away in the beginning. After I did that, she wasn't overly anxious to just jump back into things with me. She's got some things in her own past that have made her skittish as well when it comes to a physical relationship. When I asked if she'd move in, she agreed, as long as we did it as room mates, as long as we split expenses... I did manage to talk her out of a written lease agreement."

Sasha laughed. "It sounds like your girl drives a hard bargain."

"She does, and she agreed to move in rather quickly, it didn't take long to make her crumble."

"So there's hope for you then?" She replied teasing me.

"Hope... yes. Hope for our relationship... hope for me... she gives me hope that I can have more than I've ever dared to dream for... and to think that she _wants _to be a part of that... it's incredible."

"Tell me about your relationship with Alec, Edward. You were like oil and water in the beginning... what changed that?"

"He used to infuriate me, especially when he hit on Bella. When I tried to speak to him, to offer advice, or even just to offer an ear if he needed one he was obnoxious, rude... I mean, I knew he was just acting out, he's a kid and it was obvious to me from the start that he was in this alone. I just wanted to help him, reach out to him, and he kept slamming the door in my face. But then he had an emergency... I'm a doctor first... I couldn't just lie there knowing he was in danger. Without thinking, I did what had to be done... and then things between us began to change.

"I see a lot of myself... _my young self_... in Alec. I've been trying to help him adjust... show him that his life isn't over before it's even really begun. I closed myself off to so many things after I became paralyzed. I could see him doing that... he was shutting everyone out."

"And now you've become friends."

"Yes! It's refreshing to have new friends... people who I've let in voluntarily... not colleagues I was expected to interact with socially, or fellow students... even if they were considerably younger, they were my friends. It began by letting Bella in, and after that... yeah. Jane wanted to have a graduation party for him, and it's a last hurrah for her as well, everyone is coming to my house in a few hours."

"You sound excited about that. This is all new to you isn't it, the entertaining, I mean?"

I nodded. It _was_ new to me. Entertaining for me in my past life was having a few guys over to our apartment to drink beer or play on Mike's Xbox. "Esme loves to entertain. She likes to cook elaborate dinners that are more like masterpieces. Her dinner parties are over the top, but yes, it's all new to me. Bella's dad taught me how to grill steaks on Sunday that was interesting."

"So this is the first time Alec has seen his dad in a very long time. Do you think it'll go smoothly?"

"Oh I hope so. He has so many great things to share with his parents. He'll be devastated if he doesn't have an opportunity to share those things with them. I've been trying to encourage this since I found out what had happened. Life is short; I'm a rolling poster child for that. I'm a little wary; I know I'm going to be thinking that I wish I had the same opportunity when I was his age. I know it'll bring back memories, it'll be difficult for me in some ways."

"Put yourself in his place, he needs to make this right with his family, in his own head to be able to move forward and really learn to embrace the life he's been given."

"I know he does, and even though it hurts that I'll never have that opportunity... I have the assurance of knowing that my parents would have never willingly allowed me to go through what he has alone. My mother would have never allowed my dad to delegate her visits to see me either. If she were alive, wild horses wouldn't have kept her away from me after that accident."

"It'll get easier Edward, one day you'll be able to move on. You need to give yourself that. Your guilt is what has kept you from being completely happy all these years. It wasn't your fault. It's time to move forward and find your happily ever after."

"Yes, I know. I owe it to not only Bella, but myself as well."

"Yes, you do. I just have one or two more questions then we'll break for the day. How did you feel when you woke up from the nightmare?"

"I don't know. It wasn't like some I've had that were filled with night terrors, the ones that are all blood and gore. It didn't really shake me up until I got to the end and I saw everyone there that I've lost. Mrs. Cope was at that party, and I think because so much of my last session opened that old wound... it was only natural to think about her the way I'd want to see her... to see all of them... alive, well, and happy."

"What happened when you woke up?"

"Bella was still in my bed next to me. I was wary about letting sleep come; I knew I'd be fighting some sort of personal demon. I asked her to stay with me till I was asleep. When I woke up screaming, I was in her arms, safe and secure."

"I'd like to meet your Bella. Perhaps you'd like to bring her to a few sessions. It might help her understand some of the things in your past... but that's only if you're comfortable with it. You have to heal and be honest with one another if your relationship is going to endure."

"I'd like that. I'm not uncomfortable with it in the least. I told her I'd like to share what I put into my journal with her. We agreed to spend some time together this evening discussing it. I want her to see how many ways my life has changed because of her."

"But you realize, _she_ hasn't changed your life... you have."

"I know, but she's made me want to and that is a first."

Sasha looked up at the clock before she reached out and squeezed my hand. "I'm proud of you Edward. Our time is up for today. No homework. I hope everyone has a nice evening."

"Thanks, Sasha; I think we'll be fine. All of us."

"See you tomorrow afternoon."

I hurried home to help Bella with whatever was left to do. When I opened the door, the aroma that wafted into the garage to greet me was reminiscent of Easter dinner. It smelled delicious.

"Bella?"

"In the kitchen, hon."

I followed my nose to what was quickly becoming one of my favorite rooms in the house. Bella was arranging a vase filled with fresh flowers. "Beautiful."

"They smell really good, too."

"Not the flowers, silly girl. You're beautiful."

She smacked my shoulder and went back to her task. "You're the silly one."

"What's left to do? Can I help set the table?"

Bella's face fell and avoided looking at me. "Bella?"

"My dishes are um... well; we don't have an entire set that matches."

"Do you want to use the china?"

"I wasn't sure if that was okay. I couldn't- not without discussing it with you first."

"I think she'd be delighted to know we're actually using it. You know, I only ever remember eating off of it a few times. She was so afraid of breaking something."

"I'd be devastated if I broke a piece of your mother's china. That was another reason I didn't get it out, I'm too clumsy."

I turned towards the dining room. I knew Esme had washed all of it before putting it away. "Come on, I'll get it out of the cabinet and hand it to you, you can set the table. If we break a piece, we break a piece. These things of my parents were put away so that I could use them. This isn't a shrine to my past life. We need to live a little, Bella."

I opened the cabinet and began handing Bella the place settings she needed for dinner, and then I helped her carry the serving pieces out to the island so they could be filled when dinner was ready.

Alice bopped into the kitchen as she exited the elevator closet. She wore a tailored black suit. The pants had sharp creases in them; the jacket was short and perfectly proportioned for Alice's petite build. A crisp white silk camisole peeked from the opening of the jacket. Her hair sprouted out all which ways, but on her it looked natural.

Bella let out a whistle and Alice did a pirouette before grabbing the van keys from the counter. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay, see you then."

I helped Bella by carving the ham, while she mashed potatoes and then whipped them with her mixer... the big ugly thing. She saw me smirking and shook her tiny fist at me. "Be nice to the mixer."

"Behemoth."

"Yeah, you go ahead and make fun of it now. Just you wait until Christmas cookie season. You won't be laughing then."

"There's a_ season_ for Christmas cookies?"

"Mmhmm..." She got a far away look in her eyes, and for a moment I was worried. Suddenly she smiled and her eyes snapped back to me. "It starts the day after Thanksgiving and runs until you can't stand the thought of baking anymore."

"So what- you bake for an entire month... or _until you've become tired of it_?"

Bella picked up a carrot stick from a bowl of them she'd cut earlier. "I bake mostly on weekends. Cookies, hundreds of dozens of cookies, for family friends, co-workers... I bake all of Thanksgiving break and when it gets really close to Christmas I switch from cookies, to rolls, breads, and whatever desserts the family wants me to bring for dinner."

"Wow, I'm going to get fat."

Bella giggled. "Oh no, Dr. Cullen, I hide the cookies. Don't worry, I'm very good."

"I can't wait to spend Christmas with you Bella." and I couldn't. I grasped her arm and pulled her into me, wanting to dream of the future... of future holidays filled with family and fun and festivities. We deserved this, the both of us and I couldn't wait.

"Oooh, me either. I've been in the hospital the past two Christmases... _you have too_! This_ has_ to be a good Christmas. I can't wait."

"The last two weren't all bad; we saw each other both times, at least."

"Yes, I guess." To be honest, seeing her was the highpoint, on both occasions.

I started to tell her some of the things I looked forward to, and the doorbell rang. I knew it had to be Alec's parents. I stood my chair up and straightened my clothing, making certain nothing looked disheveled.

Bella and I walked to the door together; she stood behind me when I opened the door. Charlotte smiled up at me and reached her hand out. "Dr. Edward, it's so nice to see you again."

"And you as well, Charlotte."

"This is my husband, Peter."

I reached out and gave him a firm handshake, smirking as I remembered my Dad's handshake lessons. Like my meeting with Bella's father, I wanted him to realize that disabled didn't have to mean weak; the goal tonight was to show him that his son could be like every other guy... with the right support and a little encouragement from his family.

"Won't you come in please?" Bella stepped off to the side so I could turn around. I waited for the Leonards to go ahead of us. "I'm glad that you were able to make it. This means a lot of Alec."

Alec's family sat together on the sofa. I lowered my chair to a sitting position and parked off to the side of Peter's seat. He turned and gave me his full attention. I expected him to be pompous, or condescending. I expected him to be a jerk, based on the things I'd heard from not only Alec and his mother, but from the staff at Harborview, my own father included.

"Dr. Cullen, it's nice to finally meet you. My wife has told me a lot about you. Thank you for taking our son under your wing."

"It's been a real pleasure getting to know him. He's a great kid with a lot of potential." For a moment he gave me a proud smile, but it was eclipsed by a troubled expression.

"I know my behavior has been deplorable. I was so angry with him; I thought the bike was stupid... I said some terrible things to my son... things I can never take back. He was so hurt when he took off. Then when I got to the hospital and they said they were certain he was paralyzed... I don't know, I just snapped. It was almost as if he rode off and did it on purpose. I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive me."

"He already has. You should be having _this_ conversation with him. He doesn't blame you, if anything he blames himself. I know he loves you and he misses you terribly. You have an opportunity to make things right with your son. They'll park out back when they get here. There's a beautiful spot to sit near the fireplace, why don't you go out and wait for him? The two of you can have some privacy and we'll eat when you guys are ready. Come on, I'll show you."

I stood my chair and lead the way out through the house; we left the kitchen and rolled onto the patio. Charlotte came over to stand next to me when I stopped moving. "Your home is beautiful Dr. Cullen. Alec says it's completely accessible."

I nodded my head to acknowledge her comment, as Peter began talking from his seat on one of the benches.

"I don't know how to thank you. You were good to my son when I was too stubborn to realize the damage I was doing. I wanted to apologize when he was in the hospital, and I dragged my feet. Then he went over to rehab, and it had been a few weeks. I didn't know what to say to him, I was embarrassed. The more time had elapsed, the harder it got to know what to say."

"I think for right now if you let him know that you love him, you'll be headed in the right direction. He's really looking forward to seeing you tonight. I know he misses you."

Peter wiped his eyes. "I've missed him terribly. He was my partner in crime from the time he was big enough to do fun things together. I guess I was so mad because I thought he just threw that all away. The night he got so sick there when you helped him out, my wife came home and we had it out, it was the first time she ever set me straight. She threatened to leave me if I didn't seek counseling."

The best thing she could have done for the entire family was to suggest counseling. I knew she was risking a lot when she said she was offering him an ultimatum when she went home, and honestly, I thought it would be the breaking point in their relationship. I was surprised when Charlotte told me they were seeing someone. "I see you're still together." I smiled.

"Yes, we go to see Sasha- you know the therapist from the rehab, but at her office in the city. She asked if we could come to Alec's sessions. I'm going to ask him about that tonight."

"Good." I heard a vehicle before I saw Alec pull the van into the space at the end of the back yard. I looked over at Peter while he watched, mesmerized, as Alec rolled himself out onto the ramp and lowered himself to the sidewalk. Jane stepped down out of the front seat wearing a cute white sundress that I'd seen Alice wear a few times. I smiled when I realized she was no longer wearing her brace.

Carey had told her she was at the higher end of the range where children wore braces to treat their scoliosis. He suggested she seek additional outpatient PT when she went home. She was excited when I'd run into her after therapy. And now, here she was looking all feminine and very grown up for her age.

She leaned down and kissed Alec on the cheek before stepping out of his way so he could close up the van. Peter wore a smile on his face that I could only describe as pride. "She's a cutie. You didn't tell me he met a girl, Char!"

I watched as Charlotte blushed, suddenly mesmerized by an imaginary piece of lint off her blouse. "He wanted to surprise you."

"I'm surprised, alright. Surprised by a lot of things."

When Alec approached his parents, Peter rushed to him, I watched as he fell to his knees and pulled Alec as close to him as he possibly could, holding him desperately as the father and son sobbed.

Slowly and quietly, Alice and Jane passed them and we all entered the house, giving the family the time that they needed to attempt to heal some of their wounds.

* * *

Thanks to go out to:

CullenSister for the awesome review on Wayward Pushers! It blew me away.

To chel for her mention of Impact on Perv Pack Smut Shack.

To Betti for just being super awesome. You pwn me girl!

To everyone who has recc'd, reviewed or mentioned Impact. You peeps are awesome!

Thank you so much to Debbie for all the help and support this chapter.

I apologize for not delivering a chapter last weekend. A houseful of sick people and some other RL stuff got in the way. My apologies. Thank you for your patience. If a chapter isn't here by any given weekend, check on the Twilighted thread for a message. Thanks AmyDee for posting my most recent message when I could not.

Happy Bday to my beloved beta- my partner in crime and I may or may not have been partially responsible for damaging her computer with a slightly smutty birthday surprise. But it was _so_ worth it. _Wait! Was it worth it? We didn't pay to fix the computer._ ;-) Hope your day was awesome BB!

As always thank you for reading.


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Thirty-nine

~Edward~

Alice pushed past me and walked over to where Bella was putting the finishing touches on dinner. "Aren't they cute together?" she gushed.

Bella shushed her as Jane came in behind me.

"I hope you guys don't mind that I came inside, I just... they need some alone time." For someone so young, she was very insightful. I was going to miss her when she left tomorrow.

"Yes, he does need to spend some time with them. They have some things to work on, but I think they'll be alright."

"I hope so. It's hard when the parents can't see eye to eye, and in the end it's the kid who gets the short end of the stick." Something flashed across Jane's face as she said it, and I recognized it as the expression she wore when she ended our card game for a phone call from her mother.

I knew without doubt she was talking about her own experience. "Would you mind keeping me company while Bella and Alice get dinner on the table? I know I'm just underfoot."

I purposely went into the study, thinking she'd be more inclined to open up in private.

"Care to share? Dinner is done and in the warming drawer, we have a few minutes until they come in."

She stood just inside the doorway. "Maybe later? I have a favor to ask, and I'm not sure if I know how." The nervousness was obvious as she worried the bracelet she wore around her wrist. She was visibly uncomfortable, and I hated to see her like this all evening. If she got whatever it was off her chest, I thought she'd enjoy herself much more.

I nudged her with my elbow in a joking manner hoping to lighten her mood. "Customarily, you just open your mouth... "

She looked a little dejected when she said "Ha ha... very funny Cullen."

"Jane? What's up? What do you need? Is it about leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes... and no."

"You know you can ask me anything, don't you? I can tell you're upset about something. What is it kiddo?"

I cocked my head to the side and gave her a questioning stare. I'd wait until she was ready...

"I'm not going."

"What do you _mean_ you're not going? Your discharge plan has been put together for some time; you're ready to go... when you leave you're just doing PT at home. _What am I missing?_"

"I'm doing outpatient physical therapy and I'm going to a weekly group therapy, as well. You know, on how to deal with kids who try to bully me. Sasha wants me to learn to use positive affirmation; she says I need to have a healthier self image. That way if I'm treated like I was in my former school, I'll already have the tools so that it won't affect me like it did before."

"She's right you know. I know it probably sounds cliché', but those girls probably have their own issues with self esteem. Usually you pick on someone quieter, smaller, more shy... because it makes you feel better about yourself."

"You sound like Sasha. I know it's true, and I do feel a lot better about myself than I used to. Alec... um, he makes me feel good about myself, he's constantly telling me I look nice, or I'm smart or funny. I never took compliments well before. He makes me feel like it's true."

"It_ is_ true, you're pretty and smart, and you're a really nice person... I could think of a dozen other ways to compliment you and boost your self-esteem, but before everyone gets inside, didn't we come in here to talk about something specific?"

Jane toed the floor with the tip of her sandal, while she studied some invisible spot. "Um, yeah. I guess."

"Is something wrong, Jane?"

"Maybe... I don't know. Perhaps it's a good thing?"

"Why don't you elaborate?"

"I'm getting discharged tomorrow, or I was supposed to be, but my mom is still out of town. She says there was some misunderstanding and supposedly they can't get here before I'm scheduled to leave."

"She should have known you were leaving tomorrow. She met with your team and was included in your discharge planning wasn't she? How could she have misunderstood that?"

"I don't know. I just wish she was more responsible."

"So what will you do? Can you stay at the rehab center till your mom gets home?"

"Not really, I've already been discharged; staying longer... it's not medically necessary. Unless my dad pays privately, which he said he'd do. I just wish he didn't have to. It's a _lot_ of money to shell out."

"Yeah, it is expensive. Why don't you come here? Your mom gave you permission to come here to stay over a weekend, I wonder if we could work something out with Jill?"

"I don't want to impose; you just got settled a few days ago."

"Let me talk to Bella. Would you be comfortable... you know, staying here?" I never considered the fact that she might not _want_ to stay.

"Oh, yeah, it's not that. All of you... your family... you have been nothing but good to me."

"I'll talk with Bella this evening, is there a number where I can reach your mom? We need to have permission from one of your parents."

Jane reached out and took a pen and paper from my desk and jotted down some numbers. "I put my Dad's number down too. He'll be home on Saturday. It sounds like I may be going to live with him, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up. That would be almost too good to be true."

"You would rather live with your dad, yes?"

"Very much so, he's... we're really close... he's just always been so busy."

"Does he live in Portland too? I can't remember if you said."

"No, that's the thing, he lives right here in Seattle... "

"That's why you don't want to get your hopes up."

Jane blushed as she nodded her head, not taking her eyes from the floor. "It would mean I could finish school here, and not back home where everything went so horribly wrong. I could see Alec if I wanted to, I could even finish my outpatient with Jill."

"Those are all positive things. It could be worse, right?"

Jane grimaced, "Yeah, it could... I could be going back to Portland."

I had heard voices a few moments earlier, but now it sounded like a conversation was in full swing. "Come on, let's not keep everyone waiting. I promise I'll discuss this with Bella, there's a solution. Don't stress about it, okay?"

I couldn't help but feel Jane's sadness, and hoped there was something we could do for her. She nodded and followed me as I went into the hallway.

"Edward," she whispered, "Alec knows, but I don't want his parent's to have a bad first impression. This is important for him tonight."

I nodded in understanding. I would never... "I wouldn't, Jane. We can talk later."

"Thanks." Jane stepped out in front of me, and when she turned, I watched with pride as she stood straight and tall and put a smile on her face. She was thinking of Alec, putting on her happy face for him... but then I realized with sadness, that this was something she was no doubt accustomed to doing. Appearing happy for everyone else, and not really doing things for Jane. It sounded like living with her Dad would be a positive in her life.

Jane and I followed the voices to the living room where everyone was sitting and conversing. Alec, with eyes that were red-rimmed and a face that was blotchy, beamed with happiness, and I saw something in him that I'd never seen before. I had an overwhelming feeling in my chest... a euphoric feeling that I'd never experienced.

Looking at Alec now, was like seeing a different person. There was a freedom there that I'd never witnessed and I understood... fully... the impact this had all had on him... I could suddenly empathize with the rotten attitude, the short sarcastic conversations we shared, and even the snark he used to deflect how he was truly hurting inside. When it was happening I _knew, _and I even _understood,_ but seeing him like this was still such a revelation.

When I was his age, and wearing the shoes he now wore, I'd dealt with my pain by putting on a happy face... I did what was expected of me so I could get home... thinking that even though home would never be the same, it would be better than the institution I'd been living in. When I got home, however, I realized how wrong I was... I was still dependent on others for everything- and to be honest, medicine had made huge advances in rehabilitation and services for newly disabled individuals in the fifteen years since I'd gone home that first time- my parents were still gone and my world had still fallen apart. From my bed and my wheelchair, I threw myself into preparing for college, and I filled my days with anything I could to staunch the pain... and I'd continued to do that for fifteen years. Until I met Sasha, I didn't realize how damaging that behavior had been.

When Alec's eyes finally met mine, he grinned with the excitement of a little kid at Christmas. "Edward! This is my dad!" Peter chuckled and stood up; he walked over to me and held out his hand. "Thank you, again. I can never thank you enough for what you've done. You've fixed something that... well, I wasn't even aware it had been broken until our lives were nearly destroyed."

That warm fuzzy feeling bubbled up inside of me again. I was nothing short of elated that Alec found his happy ending. "Truly, it's been my pleasure."

Bella came into the living room and cleared her throat. From behind her I saw Alice heading towards the door to the garage. As she grasped the handle, she gave me a smile... I gave her a thumbs up before she slipped through the doorway.

"Dinner's on the table if everyone wants to come out to the dining room."

I watched Bella as she turned and walked back towards the kitchen. I looked over towards Alec, who was holding Jane's hand as he introduced her to his parents. Charlotte gave her a gentle hug, while Peter smiled and extended his hand. I waved, hoping to get Alec's attention. He gave his head a nod, telling me he was listening.

"I'm going to go see if Bella needs my help. Please go ahead and sit down, we'll be right there."

I found Bella in the kitchen, humming some tune I'd never heard before, her happiness palpable. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

She jerked her head up, smiling. "Nope, I'm just giving this pitcher of lemonade a stir, and we can go in. If you want to help me pour, Alice set glasses and an ice bucket on the sideboard. Your mother's dining room is quite impressive Dr. Cullen."

I swelled with pride, it was... my mom had nice things, but now those things were ours. I wanted her to be comfortable using them, enjoying them. My mom was long gone, and I was certain she didn't care what we did with them. Bella, however, treated them with a reverence that blew me away.

"It's _your_ dining room, Miss Swan. I believe that the dining room is an extension of that fine kitchen you claimed. But you're right, it does look really nice. I'm glad you're here Bella. If it had just been me, the china would be for looks and we'd be eating pizza off paper plates."

I reached my hand out to her, pulling her to me, my hands resting on her hips, "Thank you Bella, for being so sensitive to everyone's needs. I can't begin to tell you how special you are. I know everyone feels comfortable, it's going to be a good evening, I can feel it."

She smiled as laughter carried into the kitchen from the adjoining room. "I think it already _is_ a good evening, Edward."

And so it was. "After we're done eating, I'm thinking of asking Peter if he'd start a fire in the pit so they can go out on the patio, evenings are still cool enough that it would be enjoyable. I'd like to talk with you about something."

Her smile turned to a look of concern. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh, everything is fine. It's nothing bad- I promise, but I would like to discuss it with you in private."

"O... kay." She didn't sound convinced. I reached down and tipped her face up to mine. I leaned down enough that we could kiss without her having to strain to reach me; I never noticed till I regained my full height that there was such a difference in our heights. Knowing what I was looking for- her lips sought out mine, and she kissed me, lingering for a moment, before pulling away.

"Guests," she whispered. "Come on."

I followed along as she carried the lemonade to the dining room. Several other pitchers sat on the sideboard as well, iced tea and a large pitcher of iced water. Peter stood and offered to help Bella pour everyone a drink. "Why don't you get situated Edward, we'll only be a minute."

I was almost surprised by this kind, considerate Peter; he was nothing at all like I'd envisioned him. I was suddenly very happy that we'd offered to do this for Alec.

I took the empty space at the head of the table; Bella's empty seat was to my left. I watched her interact with Alec's dad. Bella was so pretty, and so confident today. She literally shined in her kitchen, obviously in her element, and it pleased me that Esme and Jeanne went to such great lengths to ensure that it was incredible.

Bella brushed my hand with hers as she sat down. I noticed that everyone had drinks, I hadn't realized I'd zoned out. As we were eating, I noticed that Bella would cut up several pieces of her meat at one time, and then slip her right hand back into mine as she ate. When she caught me watching her, she gave me a sheepish smile and shrugged her shoulders. I couldn't resist winking to let her know I understood.

I heard Peter clear his throat, I looked up in his direction. "So, Edward, Alec tells me that you've given him your van? Is that correct?"

I finished chewing and took a sip of water. "Yes, I did. I don't like driving it, and Bella and I have no need for it. The only thing we really used it for was moving. I thought it would be something he could start out in."

"Are you sure we can't compensate you for it?"

I shook my head, I was adamant when I'd told Alec I wasn't going to sell it to him. "No sir, it was a gift. My only request was that Alec pass it on to someone else if there were any miles left on it when he got something nicer, and if he uses it till it's worn out, that's okay too."

"That's very kind of you."

"Thank you, but it really isn't a big deal. I'm only happy that he can get some use out of it. I thought that maybe when he starts college... "I gulped. I hadn't meant to let the cat out of the bag. I jerked my head in Alec's direction, but he was smiling.

"It's okay, I told him."

"I'm sorry man; I didn't mean to steal your thunder."

"No- you didn't. I told Dad I decided on University of Washington and he agrees it's the best program... if they'll have me."

I snorted, "They will, your grades are impressive. Give yourself some credit."

"Thanks."

Peter gave Alec a pointed look. "I was going to ask you earlier, is there some reason why you're not starting in the fall?"

Alec turned to me, floundering… I spoke up. "I actually suggested that he give himself a little time. He's doing great in an institution that's _designed for people in wheelchairs to excel in_, but it's a huge transition going back into the community. There are services he'll want to get into place; housing issues... it would be a lot of stress for him to be trying to begin his life in a wheelchair while he's trying to get acclimated to a school environment as well. He'll want to be confident in himself first."

Peter looked at Alec and then back at me. "I suppose that makes sense. Were you... " He looked down at the table and seemed to be gathering his thoughts. "Were you _like Alec_ before you went to college?"

I took a deep breath, I really didn't want to go there tonight, but this was for Alec, and I promised to support him. "Yeah, I had my accident right out of high school. It took me several years to recuperate, actually. Then I got my bachelors here at University of Washington and then spent some time in Texas and out East before I came back here for my residency."

"So you went to college in a wheelchair, and you appear to be very successful." His eyes dropped again to the table, "I am so embarrassed by my actions," he muttered. Charlotte reached out and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "My wife has told me this isn't the end of the world, and you're living proof."

I smiled at Alec; he had such potential, now that he didn't have that huge chip on his shoulder. "It's _not_ the end of the world. _Alec_ is living proof of that. Your son is alive, and well, and he's healing... it won't be long and he'll be _ready_ to take on the world. I have a lot of confidence in him."

Alec blushed and muttered a "Thanks, man."

"Yes, thank you, Edward." Peter looked at his son with pride. "I'm proud of him, too. I know I haven't shown it properly, I'm sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my behind. This was just so life altering and I thought all my dreams for my son were down the drain. Alec reminded me that had he not had the accident, he'd be working as a grunt for my construction company for a number of years until I felt he was ready to move up the ranks and take responsibility- thanks to your encouragement, he's going to school for a degree that at one time I could have only hoped he'd pursue."

"Sometimes fate has a way of stepping in, causing things we don't always expect, but creating a situation that opens bigger doors. It's not always obvious at the time, but in the end... "

Peter's gaze was thoughtful. "You're a wise man, Edward Cullen; I hope you are a friend of my son's for a long time. You're a good influence."

"It's my pleasure. I consider Alec a good friend, as well."

Peter smiled over at Jane. "So Jane, what are your plans, Alec says you're a high school senior now?"

"Yes, in August I start my senior year. I've been taking mostly business courses. I'd like to attend Foster Business School. My Dad graduated from there when it was the University Of Washington School Of Business."

"What does your father do?"

"Oh, he's the senior product marketing management at Amazon here in Seattle. He really loves his job, but he has to travel a lot. It sounds like he's planning on being home more now, though. That'll be nice, I miss him."

Bella and Charlotte began talking with Jane; Bella was telling her about living with her Mom for a few years in Phoenix while Charlie was here. You could tell she was feeling a little nostalgic. I knew she missed him, I had to make good on my promise to get her down to Forks, I needed to discuss that one with Sasha. I had some demons to put to rest, and the fact of the matter was... I didn't know how.

"Hey Edward, would it be okay if I use your laptop in a bit to show my dad some of those things you showed me?"

"Absolutely, feel free, it's in the study, but we can bring it out here if you want. Maybe your Mom and Jane would like to see too."

I smiled at Jane, I'd witnessed her transformation from a caterpillar to a butterfly. She was such a sweet girl, it seemed like she has become so much more confident since she and Alec started spending time together... then I looked over at Bella. Yeah, having someone return my feelings had made _me_ feel much more confident, too. I wondered if she had any idea how strong she made me feel... strong, confident... nearly invincible. _Ten feet tall and bullet proof._

Bella and Charlotte stood up and looked like they were going to clear the table. When Bella caught my eye, she winked at me and took Charlotte by her wrist. "Charlotte, if you could help me carry the food to the kitchen that would be great."

I followed along and got my dishpan, I knew the girls were completely capable, but I wanted to reinforce to Peter that I did normal things, like normal people did. I had responsibilities and no one coddled me just because I used a wheelchair. He seemed surprised when I began to move around the table collecting plates and silverware. I had an extra firm grip on the dishpan, I'd feel bad if I dropped Mom's china, because I knew Bella would feel guilty for using it, and I couldn't have that.

Charlotte put the stopper in the sink and began running water, but Bella stopped her. "Edward and I will do the dishes, why don't you go in and spend some time with your family. It'll only take us a little while."

"Thank you, both of you, for everything. We truly appreciate it."

Her gratitude was hard to miss. I was happiest for Alec, he needed this. They were the missing pieces to his puzzle. Just looking at him, one could tell how happy he was. "It's no problem, you're very welcome."

Bella and I listened to Alec's family as they talked and laughed. Happy sounds were coming from the living room and it was music to my ears. Alec had been so vulnerable, lashing out at everyone he could... then that night... seeing him with his mother was like watching him transform into someone else right before my eyes. Seeing him like this, watching them interact as a family was incredibly satisfying. The fact that the Leonard's had welcomed Jane was just icing on the cake. Speaking of Jane... it was time to have that conversation.

I washed dishes and Bella rinsed and dried, putting things away where she wanted them. She already had everything organized; it all had a place and far be it from me to upset the cart. I'd wash, dry or rinse anything she could dirty, but it was dangerous to come between a woman and her kitchen. I didn't know if she was territorial about it, but I didn't want to find out.

Before I could bring it up, Bella touched my arm. "So you said you wanted to talk about something. They're engaged in conversation. Is this a good time?"

It was a perfect time, I wanted to be able to reassure Jane that she didn't need to stress about anything in the morning. But, in the same sense, I didn't want to add to Bella's stress. I needed to make sure she was comfortable with it.

"Yeah, this is as good a time as any. Did you hear Jane mention that her Dad is going to be working from Seattle regularly now?"

Bella looked at me like I'd taken leave of my senses. "I don't understand how that has anything to do with our conversation."

"Baby, Jane has a problem. I had to drag it out of her."

"I noticed she seemed troubled when she got here. She seems in a better mood now, did _you_ have something to do with that?" She smirked.

I chuckled, "I think so. I just reassured her that things always have a way of working themselves out."

"So what is it that needs to be 'worked out'?" she asked using air quotes.

"Do you remember when we first met her and she explained how inattentive her mother was? How she had a boyfriend and liked to travel with him more than she liked to stay home with Jane?"

"Yeah, when Jill got permission for her to run around with me and Alice, we spent a lot of time comparing mothers. Jane's mother and my own sound like they were separated at birth. I think they're cut from the same cloth... Too busy with the boy toy to pay attention to the kid, always out being wined and dined while someone else babysits, no time to help with school work or in Jane's case... fend off the bullies. Yes, we've talked." She answered with distaste.

"Well, it appears that she called Jane and told her she can't come get her tomorrow, something happened with her travel plans and she's still out of the country."

Bella sucked in a ragged breath. "Oh, poor girl! That's terrible. I'd love to just slap some sense into that woman. Can't she see what she's doing to her daughter?" I smiled inside when I recognized the teacher/advocate in her getting riled up.

"Jane was very upset, her father offered to pay for her to stay at the facility until the weekend, but the fee is exorbitant, Bella. Her discharge plan is put in place, medically she doesn't need to be there fulltime. Insurance isn't going to cover it. Babe, would it be okay if she bunked with us for a few days? Her Dad will be back by Sunday at the latest. Apparently, it sounds like she'll be moving in with him permanently. As soon as he found out, he made the appropriate arrangements... but that doesn't solve her immediate dilemma."

"Edward Cullen!" she mock yelled. "You're not trying to convince me to let you have a puppy. There's no need to sell me on this. It's your house, just tell her to plan on coming here tomorrow. Do we have to get any special permission?"

"I suspect Jill would release her to me, if one of her parents gives verbal permission. I told her I'd discuss it with you. I just hate for her to go back tonight with no idea what's to become of her."

"Why don't you call Jill, can you do that yet tonight? Let's get the ball rolling." I expected her to be agreeable to my idea, but her enthusiasm was refreshing. Something I loved about her was the way she always put everyone's feelings first. She was such a caring soul.

Bella went to the coffeemaker and switched it on. I'd watched her get it all ready earlier, and now, as it brewed, she readied dessert plates with a delicious looking chocolate cake. After the cake was plated, she put a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on the plate and drizzled it with some sort of red sauce. It reminded me of a cake they served at Canlis, a restaurant that Esme loved- famous for its delectable desserts. My mouth watered just trying to imagine how it would taste. Bella gave me a knowing smile. "Do you need a napkin to wipe that drool?"

I shook my head. Before attempting to snag a piece and get into trouble with the chef, I turned tail and went back to my study. I paged Jill and she called right back, she was aware of Jane's dilemma and was pleased that we wanted to help. She was adamant though when she said she could not, under any circumstances, release her to me without parental consent. A weekend pass was one thing, but releasing a minor child to go home with a man neither of her parents had met was something she wouldn't chance no matter what sort of reputation I had. I figured as much, but at least now Jane had a solution. If her parents didn't agree, or couldn't be reached, she would stay at the facility until her father came to collect her. At least we had offered them a solution, the ball was in their court.

I heard people talking from different parts of the house. I found Jane sitting on the counter, swinging her feet as she chatted away with Bella. Both of them were smiling and laughing. Bella raised an eyebrow as soon as I came into the room. "She'll try to get parental permission." I turned to Jane who had suddenly grown quiet. "She's going to speak with your parents. If they give her verbal permission and fax her something in writing, she'll discharge you to me. If not, you'll have to stay where you are till someone comes for you."

She just shrugged. "It's not that I mind staying there. I've been in much worse company, but, I didn't want my dad to have to pay all that money out of pocket. It's nearly $2000.00 a week. I know it'll work out somehow."

Everyone 'oohed' and 'aahed' over dessert, myself included, and soon it was time for them to go.

Alec's dad talked non-stop about the things he wanted to do with his son, showing Alec around some of the recreational websites that catered to disabled people was a great idea. They were talking about scuba diving in the fall, going back to Vancouver to take more sailing lessons and learning how to ski at Vail. It seemed that actually seeing that he and his son could continue to do some of the things they'd always loved to do had really set his mind at ease.

As everyone said their goodnights, Peter approached me. I stood off to the side, holding hands with my girl. Bella stepped away and went over to Jane, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in for a one armed hug.

"She's a nice girl," he said.

"Hmm?"

"Jane... she seems like a nice girl. She makes Alec happy."

I understood happiness now. "Yeah, she does, and he makes her happy. They compliment each other don't they?"

He smiled and nodded. He reached out, offering his hand, so I took it. "It appears I'm greatly in your debt. Please, despite what you might think of me, know that I love my son more than anyone or thing in this world, aside from my wife. It means a lot to me that he has someone so admirable to look up to. Thank you again for befriending our son, and thank you for acting like a father figure when I was being too stupid to pull my head out of my ass."

"It was my pleasure." Then I thought about how rotten he'd been all that time. "Well, for the most part." I could hear Bella laughing from across the room. She knew

Charlotte and the kids were talking about who would ride in which vehicle. Charlotte had promised Alec that she'd drive the van back after dinner so Alice didn't have to worry about being back early.

"Jane, would you do me the honor of riding with me?" Jane looked at Peter, and then to Alec, who nodded.

Jane smiled hesitantly at Peter. "Uh, yeah... okay."

She sounded nervous, but followed Peter to his car. Alec and his mother went out the back. As he pushed through the back door he hollered over his shoulder, "See ya in the morning Cullen!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Bella clamber up onto the counter. She sat there drinking a glass of lemonade. Every time I looked at her in this house... our home... I just swelled with pride. I never imagined being this happy. The conversations with Alec's parents just reinforced those feelings.

I loved her so much. Slowly... carefully, I pulled my chair up close to where she sat. Standing it up, I moved in between her knees. Her hands were occupied with that glass, too occupied. I had to remedy the situation. I took the glass from her hands and set it on the counter a safe distance away. Automatically, her hands settled above my waist, gripping the sides of my shirt.

Bella breathed a sigh of relief when both cars had pulled away. "I think that went well. They seemed to have a good time."

"Yeah they did. Alec's father seems repentant. I think they'll be okay."

"Me too. It was nice of you to give him your van. I heard him telling his dad he's having the company logo put on it."

"Yeah, I gave it to him so he can use it to go to construction sites. He wants to work for his father part-time while he's doing his 'pre-engineering' courses next year."

"Wonder what his dad wanted with Jane. She seemed a little reluctant to go with him."

"He's not a predator or anything. _Jim Bob_ will be texting me soon, I'll see if he knows."

She giggled at the nickname.

She lifted her face up to me and closed her eyes, as I leaned down and touched her lips with mine. The kiss was soft and sweet and sensual. She pulled back, then leaned in for another. Two or three times we kissed. I worked my way over to the soft place on her neck just below her ear. She giggled and tilted her had to try and stop me. I licked up under her ear, making tiny circuits with the tip of my tongue. Her grip tightened on my shirt as she moaned my name quietly. I nipped her ear before I pulled away from her and stood watching. She peered up at me, awash with disappointment.

I reached down and put my hand behind her right knee. "Bend your knee baby." I lifted her foot up onto my arm rest. Tapping her other knee with my hand, she raised the other one. I put my hands behind her and slid her right to the edge of the counter... tight against me. "Do you have any idea what we could do on your lovely granite countertop like this, Miss Swan?"

She gasped. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, baby, I would. Rather, I _really_ wish I _could._ I think I'd like to talk to my dad... about some things."

She looked pointedly to the place where our hips were nestled together, biting her bottom lip and pulling it inside her mouth. She closed her eyes and shivered. "I think I'd like it if you talked to your dad, too."

"Yeah?"

Her eyes sparkled as she grinned up at me. "Yeah, maybe you should talk to your dad."

Almost as an after thought she asked, "Do you want me to come along?"

"Would you be upset if I did this on my own? It's something I've wrestled with my whole life and I've still not quite come to terms with it."

"No, I understand. Just don't shut me out, okay?"

"I won't. Promise," and I sealed it with a kiss.

"Help me down so we can go in the living room and chill for a while?"

I backed up far enough for her to have a place to land her feet, but close enough to set her down. I put my hands under her arms and she giggled. Gently, I lifted her down and waited to be sure she was steady before I backed away.

Grabbing my hand, we walked to the living room... and life felt _normal. _

_The things people take for granted._

Bella flopped down on the couch, patting the seat next to her. "Come snuggle with me till Alice gets here?"

I parked my chair and got myself onto the couch, as I was transferring I noticed that something that had taken me great pains not all that long ago, was becoming second nature again. There were still times when I felt like a toddler learning how to walk, but these skills that had become so deeply ingrained over the years were coming back naturally. Once again I marveled over my good fortune. I was so very blessed.

Once it was apparent that I was situated, Bella scooted over next to me. She wasn't close enough for my liking. "Why don't you climb up on my lap, love?"

It didn't take her any time to scramble up onto my thighs. I turned her slightly so we were facing each other. Putting a hand behind her head I brought her face to mine and peppered her lips with butterfly kisses. She giggled as her arms wrapped around my neck and she snuggled into me. It tickled when her fingers played with the little hairs on the back of my neck.

I felt her tongue trace over my lips. Smiling, I let her set the pace exploring with hands and lips and tongue. When she stopped for a breather I asked if I might take her out on another date.

"Actually, I was wondering if I might take _you _out. You have a birthday this weekend... "

I groaned. My birthday was something I'd sooner just forget even existed. Celebrating was something I didn't want to do. "Bella, please, no."

I'm sure there was a look of horror on my face. She knew... she _knew. _Anything... I'd do anything with her, but not that... I didn't want to burst her balloon, I just... couldn't.

"Nothing major. I planned something simple, fun. Just you and me. I promise. I understand that you don't celebrate and why."

I shook my head as "no, no, no, no..." echoed around inside.

"My birthday is cursed. Something could happen to you." I felt that suffocating emotion creeping up into my chest. I could never live without her.

"You know that's a load of bull puckey. I promise no fanfare. You _trust me_ don't you?"

And there it was... I _did_ trust her... and her judgment. How could I put my trust in her hands, and say no at the same time? The answer was simple. I couldn't.

I relented, bringing our foreheads together. "Yes," I whispered. "I trust you... with my life."

She whispered her response. "Thank you." and that's how they found us when they came in. Alice and Amun. _Dr._ Amun. Alice giggled, and he smiled warmly. Bella scooted off my lap, and I automatically reached for my board so I could get into my chair and greet him properly.

"Dr. Cullen, don't get up." He extended his hand and gave mine a firm shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Omar Amun. I've heard a lot of wonderful things about you from your colleagues. _Our _colleagues... "

"And you as well, Dr. Amun." Dr Nesbit had left hospice in a hurry and the department had scrambled to find a replacement. Dr. Amun was as good as they came and his reputation preceded him. Harborview was fortunate to have him.

"Just Omar, please."

Bella stood and shook hands with him. "It's nice to meet you Omar. I'm Bella."

"Hello Bella."

I smiled at Alice, who positively glowed, her hand intertwined with his. It was weird to see her with someone other than Jasper, but she was obviously happy.

"We were going to go down and watch a movie, if that's okay. When did you want to go to bed?"

It was still early. "Do you want to get me around after your movie?"

"Sure. I didn't think you'd be ready yet, but it's been a long week, whatever works best for you." She looked from my face to Bella's. "Do you guys want to join us?"

Bella shook her head. "No, go ahead. Would you like dessert? There's a ton of cake left. I could put some on plates quick."

Alice rubbed her tummy. "None for me thanks. I'm still stuffed from dinner."

Amun nodded in agreement. "Me neither, thank you."

"I'll be up in a bit. Thanks guys." Alice and Omar walked away holding hands and talking, I couldn't help the warm fuzzy feeling I got when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. Sweet. It was nice seeing Alice so content.

Bella sat worrying that lip again. I'd give anything to know what was going on inside that head of hers. "Penny for your thoughts, Bella?"

"I was just thinking. No biggie." I didn't miss the blush that graced her cheeks. Something was definitely on her mind.

She snuggled into my chest, and in no time at all I could hear her snoring softly.

Around 10:30, I heard the back door close, and Alice came into the living room shortly after.

"Where is Omar?"

"He's on call tonight. He had to be home before 11pm." Alice nodded towards Bella. "She was tired."

I nodded. "Yes, I think she wore herself out. I wish she'd slow down. Sometimes she doesn't know how to say no. I'm afraid she'll hurt herself... make herself sick."

"She's okay Edward."

"I know she is, but I still worry about her."

"I'm glad you found her. She's really made your life complete hasn't she."

I couldn't help the cheesy grin. "I never imagined life could be like this. I'm glad we found each other, too."

"Did it go well with Alec's parents?"

"Unbelievably so. His dad is really coming around. They seem to have come to an understanding. I think they'll be alright."

"Can I ask you a favor, Alice, I'm sorry this is kind of impromptu, but a decision had to be made quickly. Would you mind if Jane bunked with you for a few days if she needs to?"

"No, what's up? I thought she was going to Portland tomorrow."

"Her mother bailed on her, and her Dad is out of town till the weekend. I told her she could stay until he got home; it sounds like she may be moving in with him permanently."

"She can sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch in the game room."

"You don't have to do that, she's young, I don't think she'd mind the couch. You know it does pull out into a bed."

"I know it does, but she has scoliosis, and even though she's not wearing a brace anymore, it's still there. I don't want her to be uncomfortable. I could sleep standing up. Believe me, I've done it before."

"So you don't mind?"

"Nope not at all." Alice sat across from me, wearing a perpetual smile. "So what did you do this evening Ali?"

"I don't know if you've ever heard of it, it's relatively new. There's this restaurant called Olivia's. It's a jazz bar. Very classy."

"No, I don't think I have. Was it nice?"

"Very much so. It's Omar's brother-in-law's place. He and his daughter, Willow, run it. It's named after Omar's oldest sister. She was pregnant with their daughter Willow when they found a mass. They removed it, but she refused to undergo any treatment while she was pregnant. Willow was two when Olivia died."

"She had cancer?"

Alice nodded. "She was very young, in her early twenties."

"That's a real shame. How old is the little girl now?"

Alice held her side and began laughing. "I asked Omar that, right before she came out with the wine list. She's in _her_ early twenties. "

"Ohhhh... so it was a while ago." Alice nodded her head.

"What did you have?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure, some Mediterranean dish I can't pronounce, with baklava for dessert. The phyllo was paper thin, all made on the premises, hand rolled. It was to die for. We had some kind of Egyptian tea too. It was very black, and strong, but not in a bad way. I really enjoyed myself."

"So, you said it was a Jazz club, was there live music?"

Alice perked up, "Oh yes! They were incredible. I had a really nice time."

"I'm happy for you Alice."

"Yeah, I think I am too. Thanks. Were you ready to go to bed?"

I looked down, I wouldn't be going anyplace until Bella got up.

"Think you can help her get off to bed?"

"Yeah, but you have to wake her."

I began shaking her, and whispering her name. She put her arm up around my neck and snuggled in tighter. Eventually, between the two of us harassing her, Bella finally sat up. I could see that she was disoriented. I kept an arm around her while she rubbed her eyes. When she looked down and saw the wet spot on my shirt, she was mortified.

Bella patted it with a tissue. "Oh God, I drooled on you." She hung her head, "I'm _so_ embarrassed. I'm sorry."

I just laughed. _Seriously? You're worried about a little spittle? _"Bella, I'm a doctor. Trust me, a little drool is nothing. I could tell you stories that would make you want to chuck your cookies."

"Ewww. I _don't_ wanna know. Do I?"

"Uh... _no_."

Alice snickered, "Yeah, let's not talk about that." She looked back and forth between the two of us. "Are you guys ready? I'm kinda tired."

Bella's eyes got big. "Oh no, I did it again! I'm holding you up."

"Hey, relax. It's fine. Alice and I were talking about her big date."

I held her hand while she scrambled off my lap. She stood and stretched, when she stretched backwards, her back popped a few times. It sounded like it felt pretty good and judging by her smile, it must have.

"Did you have a nice time, Alice?" Bella asked as she adjusted her top and covered up the tiny sliver of belly and hipbone that I had been admiring. I hadn't realized how low her jeans were, until she stretched. My mind drifted to the conversation we had in the kitchen earlier, yeah, I really needed to talk to Carlisle.

"Extremely." I didn't think you'd be able to wipe the smile off Alice's face if you tried.

"You'll have to tell me tomorrow when we're both more awake."

Alice shook her head. "No, I'll stop by your room before I go downstairs."

It pleased me that they were getting on so well. "I'm gonna go grab a shower and cool off a little while you're helping Edward." It had gotten warmer the past few days. It was hard to believe June was more than half way over.

Bella left and in no time I was headed off to bed. Every day got easier. There were bad days... when it seemed like nothing went right. But for the most part the worst of it was behind me; I finally felt like I was getting my life back in order.

Alice left me with a medical journal article on pediatric MS and a big bottle of water while she headed off in search of Bella.

I heard Alice sit on the bed, it was very noisy, and I wondered how good it really was for her back. I wish we'd gotten Bella a new mattress too. She insisted it was fine though, and I didn't want to upset the cart and made her angry.

"Do you want me to braid your hair, Bella? It's gotten so long." I heard them shuffling around and could picture Alice climbing in behind Bella to brush and braid her locks. Her hair was getting very long. It was nearly down to her waist. What I heard next kind of stung, but knowing Bella it made perfect sense.

"One of my consumers at the CIL has cancer. She's in remission right now and doing really well. The last time she came in, she asked if anyone wanted to participate in Locks of Love. So I'm letting it grow."

"That's really neat. I'd love to do something like that, but I don't think I could handle long hair. I've had it long a few times, but I like it short and simple. It bugs me when it starts to get too long."

They chattered back and forth about Alice's evening, and Bella 'oohed' and 'aahed' at the appropriate places when Alice told her what she'd eaten, the music they enjoyed, and about the family that owned the restaurant. I heard her giggle when Alice told her Omar was a good kisser, and Alice remarked that she hoped it would be a long-term relationship.

I realized when she made the comment that she'd never really _had_ any kind of permanent relationship with anyone. She and Jasper dabbled, but they were never really _together _together for more than a few months at a time. It was time for her to find her _Happy Ever After_, like we had.

I was in the middle of taking a big slug of my water when Bella asked Alice if she might have time to answer some questions about something she'd read in a book she had picked up earlier. I heard the bag crinkling and Alice laughed. "_Is Fred Dead?_" As soon as the words left her mouth, I coughed and inhaled a huge gulp of water. To add insult to injury, the water Alice gave me was not only flavored but carbonated, as well. I dropped the bottle on the bed, pounding my chest and trying to get my breath. It was up my nose, it filled my lungs... My nose burned, my eyes were watering. I spit and sputtered while both girls rushed in to make sure I wasn't dying. Alice jumped up on the bed and pulled my arms up over my head, insisting that it would help. Poor Bella stood next to me rubbing my leg and muttering reassurances that I'd be okay.

When the pounding in my head stopped, and I could suck in a breath, I realized I was so busted. They had to know I was eavesdropping. I was going to just fess up and address the elephant in the room, but I was so embarrassed because I was caught red-handed. So I deflected and blamed Alice instead.

"The next time you give me a bottle of water, just plain water, _please._ I didn't know it was carbonated or sweetened. I took a big slam and it went down the wrong way." _There, I saved face._

Bella wasn't buying it. I thought it would be Alice who called me out. "You sure you weren't sandbagging our conversation there Cullen? You didn't start choking till Alice let the book out of the bag."

"Book? What book?" I tried to act nonchalant. Apparently it wasn't working.

"Give it up, buddy, you're redder now than you were when you were choking."

Alice laughed. "I'm going down to bed. If you wanna talk about that book, you know where to find me."

"Nah, it's okay. Another time perhaps."

_Busted. If I'd only kept quiet..._

* * *

Thank you everyone- for your kind thoughts and prayers. I appreciate your understanding and thank you again for your patience. Mom's surgery went well to the extent that she didn't take even a single Tylenol for pain. Amazing…

If things continue to go well, I'll be back to my regular weekly schedule. If you don't get a chapter update, check the Twilighted thread for info. It's the best way to find out what's going on in my world. I can't promise what RL will bring in future weeks.

Thanks to the Team Impact girls for talking me down off the ledge, encouraging me and for holding my hand when I needed it.

I've had some reviews and PMs suggesting this story isn't canon enough, it's too long, too detailed… to medical… not moving quickly enough… maybe the lack of lemons put some of you off.

In the very beginning I warned anyone who was brave enough to invest the time in this story that it was going to be medically technical, detailed, and downright wordy. That being said, if this isn't your cup of tea, thank you for investing the time that you have in my work. I understand this isn't for everyone, I'd never ask you to suffer through.

Lemons… well, they are one of this Edward's greatest conflicts. I suppose at some point this will happen, don't you? Otherwise, what would be the point of that portion of the plot? I get a little excited when someone who normally only reviews citrusy fics mentions Impact and comments that this story isn't about that, but they're okay with it. Trust me, Impact is a love story, with a promised HEA. We'll get around to a more physical relationship, but there are some very real _physical reasons_ why we're not there yet.

If you're waiting for smut, you may never find it. Not in the sense some people are thinking anyway.

That being said... I _can_ promise you a lemony future-take that you won't read anywhere else. It was a _For Your Eyes Only_ birthday collab, written with Deleepowman for Impact's beta, Jeanne, who chose unselfishly to allow us to donate it to the Fandoms4Tsunami fundraiser. A reliable source says it's fuckhawt, and so worth the read. You'll have to donate to find out. I'm excited to join so many other awesome authors in this endeavor.

Thank you to those of you who participated, either by donating your writing time, or contributing monetarily.


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty

~Bella~

After I was sure that Edward was, in fact, alright, I crawled into my bed and tried to get comfortable. I didn't mean to tease him, but it was so blatantly obvious that he'd been caught with his ear to the door. Following the conversation in the kitchen, I realized, with certainty, that Edward and I were both on the same page.

I was pleasantly surprised when he pulled me to him on the counter and threatened to defile my granite countertop. When he said he thought maybe it was time to talk to Carlisle, a million thoughts surged through my mind, the greatest one being that we were finally there. In reality, I knew that we were far from the finish line; our situation would require some thoughtful planning and probable experimentation before we were able to just jump into the deep end.

My entire body buzzed with energy when we sat together in the living room. He'd never said he didn't want a physical relationship with me, but rather that he feared we couldn't have one. No matter how much the people around him tried to convince him that making love was so much more than putting tab A into slot B, he let his doubt keep him from getting his hopes up. To be completely honest, while I might be a little disappointed if we were never able to actually engage in the act of sex, if it meant having Edward, and loving him completely sans intercourse, I'd take what Mother Nature gave us. I'd love him and worship his body, no matter what it was capable of.

I pulled the morning's purchase out of the paper bag again, and looked at the cover. I read the author's bio on the back of the book before I began reading _Is Fred Dead? _and I was relieved to see that it was written by a man with a SCI. There was nothing more frustrating, since I'd learned that I had a disability, than to encounter someone who was talking the talk, but not walking the walk, pardon the pun. I found it was much easier to accept advice from someone who could relate.

The beginning of the book explained all aspects of spinal cord injuries, and I found myself intrigued by the information that I'd found there. I knew the mechanics of a SCI, and the level and severity of Edward's, but the book explained it in a manner in which I could gain more knowledge. I began to yawn and the letters all began to run together as I read through the section on male erogenous zones, and I was bummed when I had to put the book down and mark my spot.

I still felt bad that Edward had overheard our conversation and nearly choked on his drink, but in another way, I was relieved that he'd been privy to our conversation, because it meant he was aware that I was thinking about him _that way _before the fact, and not just because he initiated something in the kitchen. He knew now, without a doubt, that I was thinking about these things too.

Perhaps that would ignite the fire that had been flickering in the kitchen earlier and he'd follow through with Carlisle. I knew he'd never intentionally break his promise, but I also knew he was scared. He was afraid it wouldn't work, he was afraid that he wouldn't be enough for me, he was afraid that once I realized he wasn't up to it, I'd leave.

I'd do anything to make him understand that I wasn't going anyplace. At some point, my heart and mind had decided for me that this was it for us. I couldn't imagine ever feeling like this about anyone else, and it was reassuring to know that his heart was in the same place.

I woke up to the hushed tones of Edward and Alice in the kitchen; and almost expected to hear pots and pans... or some sign that breakfast was in the works. Instead I heard the microwave ding, twice, and found them each eating a bowl of oatmeal that I knew came from a packet. I felt guilty sending them off to rehab on such a little breakfast.

Edward reassured me that he was fine; he had a bunch of grapes and a cup of coffee. He'd be good till lunch and had subsisted on much less before I came along. Alice nodded her head before agreeing that, she too, fared much better in my kitchen than she ever had at her place. I just shook my head. These people were going to go hungry without me...

I envisioned constructing lots of breakfast casseroles that could be put together the night before and baked or reheated a second morning. When I lived at home with my dad, I'd cook an entire box of pancakes for Charlie, fry a few pounds of sausage links and package them in individual Ziplocs so he could just dump them on a plate and cook for a minute in the wave. Going back to work in the fall would be a challenge.

After they left, I called Edward's pal Emmett, barely containing my excitement when I asked if Edward's birthday gift was ready. He laughed at my excitement, telling me that he'd drop by later with my package...

We'd gotten past the debauched weekend and had found a kinship of sorts since then. He was working directly with both Edward and I on plans for the disability awareness day we were organizing in a few weeks, so we spent a few hours each week either on the phone or in person. One day I muttered that I knew Edward was having a birthday soon and that because of the sadness I knew would cloud his day, I felt it was important to do something simple but meaningful. I didn't want to make a spectacle out of the day- he wouldn't want that. But it wouldn't do to let it pass under the guise that it was simply any other day, either.

Immediately, Emmett told me he had an idea and from that, plans for Edward's birthday were born. Simple, but subtle, something we could both enjoy, and it was something that Edward had been trying to get me to indulge in anyway, for myself, because he knew it would be a beneficial form of rehab to help alleviate the symptoms of my MS.

There were some special items Edward would need in order for our plans to go off without a hitch. I wanted to do something fun with him, without the need to have someone constantly hovering over us to make sure we were safe. Emmett was my go to guy, and if everything went off as scheduled, I'd have everything I'd need to make my plans become reality. He understood the desire to have a fun afternoon while remaining safe but independent. Our first conversation on the subject surprised me.

"...so I want to be able to keep it fun and free, but the most important part is keeping him 100% safe... "

"But you don't want a bunch of spectators... I can clear the place out for a few hours," he replied. "I figured you might want some quiet time alone with him. I'm happy that I can help with your plans."

I hadn't even thought about doing this privately, but it would be so much more meaningful, to just be able to be us and see what transpired. "I think we'd really like that, Emmett. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. His birthday is on a Friday; I close at noon on Fridays. I don't seem to have as many clients who want to be here on a Friday afternoon in the summer when they could be out beginning their weekend early. It's actually perfect timing."

"But if you have a half day, won't you want to be enjoying your afternoon, as well?"

"Nah, doing this for the two of you, that's worth it. He'll love this. He's been trying to get me to coerce you into it anyway. And once we get him situated, I can go do my normal Friday routine. I go around and check all the equipment, do safety checks, my staff wipes everything down, we do a little preventative maintenance... I'll be here in case you run into a snag, so you don't need to worry about safety, but you'll have your privacy, too.

"I have special clientele who can't afford to get injured on a piece of my machinery. I mean, no client should get hurt in a gym, but someone who just spent eight weeks in a cast doesn't want to get hurt and need another one."

I had no idea that things like that went on behind the scenes, but it made sense. Of course his equipment would need regular checks and service.

"So...?"

"So… I'll call him and tell him I've got something new that I need a guinea pig gimp for. I use him every time I get something new, he's used to it." Emmett laughed. "Just make sure you tag along. Maybe I'll tell him I have something low impact that would be perfect for you. I'll order everything you need, and I'll let you know as soon as it comes in."

"You know, I love your idea, but think I'd rather give him a gift certificate or something, something that shows I'm buying him a series of sessions, so he'll know I set this time aside for the two of us."

"Okay little Bell, I can do that. We have gift cards. I'll print something off for you, and if you find you like Fridays, I've got no problem accommodating you on a regular basis. Eddie and I go way back, he's been one of my very best friends since I was barely out of college. I sort of feel like I still owe you penance for that weekend, none of us ever meant for it to get so out of control."

"That's water under the bridge, Emmett; I told you it was forgiven."

"I know you did, I just want you to understand how it happened. I've never taken the time to explain to you. He was always so independent, and even though he was so driven, he kept himself stuck in work mode almost constantly, he tried to make time to go out with Jazz and I. It was the one time when he let his guard down and he was just Edward. To walk into that hospital after he got hit and see him clinging to life like that. It really messes with your head, ya know? I thought we lost him."

I nodded, I_ did_ know, although he was in much better shape when I'd seen him than I suspected he was for Emmett's first visit.

"Then, when he started getting better, you came along. It was like you breathed life into his long dead soul. There was always something missing in his life before you came along. Now, when he smiles, the happiness just radiates off of him, I could tell he was never genuinely happy before. But I could tell he was getting antsy after being in a hospital so long. He was so tired of feeling like a patient. He's always craved his independence, and it's a hard pill to swallow when you're used to telling your patients how to live their lives then all of a sudden, _you're_ the patient and someone is suddenly dictating every aspect of _your_ life." A wistful look washed across his face. "When he said he just wanted to bust out and do something fun, a guy's night seemed like the perfect way to get him out of the clink and just let loose. We were wrong, we were _all three _wrong. I feel terrible about the whole situation, still. Of all of us, Jasper is the one who really lost out. He was ready to move Alice in with him. He's still pretty busted up over her. I don't see her much, how is she?"

"She's good, but Jasper really hurt her, even though she has been with him long enough to know he's a perpetual flirt... I think it was the fact that he was having a drink and playing pool with a strange girl while she sat at home with us. It shook her up and made her really look at her future plans I think. I'm sorry she and Jasper split up, but I think she needs this space to see things clearly. I don't think she's ever really been involved with anyone long-term."

I knew Alice still had feelings for Jasper. I could see it in the way she perked up if she knew Edward was talking to him, and by the sad expression she wore when someone reminisced. It took a huge amount of courage to try to move on, but she seemed genuinely happy with her new beau last night, and I hoped that she would find a man who was not only loyal and honest, but one she could grow to love. Alice and I had a few heated discussions over the months we'd known each other, but we'd grown close and I cared about her. She had become like a sister to me. I only wanted to see her happy, and I told Emmett as much.

It had been a few weeks since that first conversation with Emmett, and things had begun to change for Alice. I hoped that she could find true happiness like we had. Her date with Omar was the first step towards a new life. Hopefully she'd find something meaningful with him.

I had barely hung up with Emmett and the phone rang again. Looking at the caller ID, I realized it was someone at rehab, although in the past I only received calls from Edward coming from this phone number, they now came from Edward, Alice, Alec, Jill, Jane... I think I'd even taken a call from Demitri. It could have been anyone.

"Hello?"

"Bella? It's Jane." I could make out the excited undertones in her voice, and I knew things had worked out.

"Hey, what's up? Did Edward talk with your dad?"

"No, Jill did, but he faxed her everything she needs and I'll be coming home with Edward and Alice. I um... well, he said it was okay, but I just wanted to call and let you know I'd be there. I didn't want to seem rude. I really appreciate everything."

"Well, thanks for calling, but Edward was right, I wouldn't have thought badly of you if you'd just shown up when they came home. It's all good."

She sighed deeply, "It's a real relief knowing I've got some place to go."

"We'll be happy to have you here."

"I had a really nice conversation with Alec's dad last night."

My ears perked up when she mention it. I was dying to know what had transpired in the car, and for a few minutes I feared that he pulled her off to the side to give her a hard time, or to try and discourage her from seeing his son. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't imagine that he'd jeopardize the tenuous relationship he'd begun to rebuild with Alec. I didn't feel comfortable initiating a conversation about Peter's motives though, and was kind of excited when she brought it up.

"Oh, I'm glad; he seems like a nice enough guy. I think his fears got the best of him and he lashed out because he was hurting. It looks like they'll be okay."

"Yeah, me too. He took the scenic route back to rehab, and I was sort of anxious, I'd never heard much about him, other than how he'd hurt Alec. He told me he's really proud of Alec, and that he was surprised he'd taken the initiative to go to college for engineering, especially after the accident. He seems really excited that he and Alec are getting along."

"I'm really happy for them. You know what my relationship was like with my mother, much like your's with your mother. It's hard to grow emotionally when your parent is the one hurting you and beating you down."

Jane laughed sardonically, "Oh yeah, I know all about that."

"It seemed like he was on a mission when he offered to give you a ride."

I could hear the excitement in her voice when she told me what had happened. "Oh, he _was_. I didn't get to the best part yet. Do you remember when he asked me what my plans were for school?"

I nodded, before I realized she couldn't see me. "Mmhmm. I do."

"He's offered me an internship with his company. He said they get several high school seniors each year, and if I'll be around, he'd love to offer me an internship. If I like working with the company, and Alec and I are still seeing each other, he said maybe I could come to work with them permanently after I graduate college."

"Wow! Wouldn't that be nice, a job straight out of college, especially the way our economy is. I never expected _that_ from him."

"No me either, I was bowled over by the offer. But he assured me that he would do whatever it took to get back on track with Alec, and he felt this was an olive branch he could extend."

It certainly was an olive branch and suddenly in that moment, I prayed that the two kids would remain together. It would be nice for them to be able to work together, and it was really nice that Peter was so welcoming towards Jane as a part of their lives.

"Oh my gosh! That's really pretty amazing, Jane."

"Yeah, I know. I told Alec as soon as they left last night, but I haven't said anything to anyone else. I really hope I'm able to stay with my dad here in Seattle. It seems like an answer to all my prayers. I told Alec's dad I'd have to have a little time to think it over. I just want to make sure I'll be staying here. No sense making any plans if I'm going back to Portland."

"I hope you get things settled with your parents soon."

"Me too. Well, I shouldn't tie up this phone. I'll see you in a few hours. Thanks again, Bella, for your hospitality. I really appreciate it."

"Hey no problem, I'll see you soon."

I went to the basement with bedding and made up Alice's bed for Jane, and since Alice insisted on sleeping on the futon couch, I laid it down and made it up for her as well. Someone was relentlessly knocking on the door just as I got back into the kitchen.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming. _I'm_ _coming_." I hollered.

I yanked the door open and there stood Emmett with the biggest grin on his face. "Hey Em. That was fast." I looked at the boxes he was holding. "Is that all for me?"

"Yeah, little B, it's the vest and I took the liberty to order something else too. Let's just keep it between you and me."

"Well come in and set that stuff down."

"It's not heavy, just a little awkward." I looked at his bulging biceps and figured he could be standing there holding something considerably larger and still not think it was heavy.

He carried everything over to the coffee table and began opening the boxes. "Okay, like we agreed, I got the vest from Body Glove. It's not a vest designed for swimmers with disabilities, per se, but Edward doesn't need a device to hold his head out of water, he's a strong swimmer." He looked up at me and I briefly wondered if this was a mistake, if he'd already done this, why would he want to do it with me?

"Hey, now, I know that look. No second guessing. He's been trying to get you into my rehab pool for almost six months. To be in there with you... swimming is fun, it's refreshing and relaxing, and I dare say that Edward is able to maneuver around quite well. You'll be able to experience things with him in the pool that you never would on land."

I cocked an eyebrow when I looked at him. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. It's been a long time since he's been in the pool, he'll love this."

"So you said you brought something else. What'd ya get?"

"Well, the vest is very trim, it's not big and bulky, but it'll still tend to make him float horizontally. I got a set of vertical traction ankle weights. They're just a few pounds each, not a lot, but enough to counter-balance the vest to keep him upright. They're light enough that if he wants to swim, they won't bog him down too much."

"I really appreciate everything, are you sure I can't pay you for the weights as well?"

This time when he smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkled and his cheeks dimpled. "Nope."

"But... ", I sputtered.

"No buts, if you don't want to accept them as a gift, please consider them my gift to Edward."

The way he smiled, there was no way I could turn him down. "Well thank you."

"Oh, hey, I almost forgot!" He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a plastic gift card. I laughed when I saw the caricature on the front, and recognized it as the artwork Edward had given him for Christmas. I'd been to Emmett's gym a few times with either Edward or Alice, and the original drawing hung, proudly, behind the counter. I laughed each time I saw it, not because it was silly, but because the artist seemed to really capture Emmett's personality. It was priceless.

"Wow, this is pretty high-tech. You don't just write out gift certificates?"

"Nope, we just got these a week or so ago, but I didn't have the machine set up yet. It's for the amount we agreed upon, if for some reason Eddie's card doesn't work, I'll make it right. Better his card than a strangers, if I made a mistake."

I slipped the card into my jeans. I'd have to find a nice birthday card to put it in.

Emmett stood and stretched. "Well, I don't mean to rush, but I need to get back. I'll plan on you Friday around noon?"

"Okay, thanks again. I really appreciate everything." I got my pocketbook from the coffee table and handed him a check I'd written out that morning.

"Hey, it's no trouble, I was happy that I could help you out with this. I'll see you in a few days," and with that he was out the door.

Wrapping the gifts proved to be a challenge and in the end, I put everything into the shipping box that the vest came in. I thought about giving them to him the night before his birthday, but decided to wait and surprise him when we got together Friday instead. He cancelled his rehab for the afternoon at Emmett's request, but he had no idea what I'd planned. I hoped it was enough. Now I was second guessing myself. Hopefully the other gift I had in mind would make it a memorable birthday for him. He needed to begin making new birthday memories, and I had every intention of sharing them with him.

I put together a batch of Spanish rice following a recipe Grandma Swan had created. It was simple to make and once it was all in the pot, it took care of itself. Exactly what I had in mind for today. I wanted to be able to help Jane get settled in without a bunch of distractions. Edward would clean up, so once I had it on the table, my job was done.

I grabbed my laptop and pulled up my Etsy account and checked on the status of an order I'd placed. With some help from Alice, I'd found just the thing I needed to make the birthday surprise complete. I clicked the order history link and was pleased to note my package was currently in Washington and was set to be delivered today. I'd have to remain on my toes to keep everyone else from getting the door. This was one surprise I didn't want to spoil for him. I knew he'd love it. That was all that mattered.

I'd lost track of time plotting and planning Edward's birthday, and was drawn out of my thoughts by the beeping of the keypad on the front door. My man was home.

Everyone was laughing and talking as they came inside. It was nice to see them so happy.

They each had a duffle bag. Alice and Jane made a beeline for the basement. Edward set the one he was carrying on the sofa and made his way to where I was sitting in his mom's chair. With a smile, he used his chair to push the ottoman out of the way. When he held his hand out, I closed the laptop and let him pull me out of the deep cushion. He stood his chair up and pulled me in close to his body.

I relished the feeling of being wrapped in his arms. He was solid and strong, his embrace made me feel secure... _safe_. He nuzzled my neck as he kissed and hummed his way along my ear. "Mmm, I'm so happy to be home. You've given my days new meaning."

I thought back to our conversation where he admitted working long hours followed by filling his nights in the lab, because there was no _reason_ to come home. Then I thought about the way I'd lived a similar existence. Yes, my days had new meaning as well. It would be challenging to change other people's expectations as we continued this journey we'd embarked on. But, I'd give it all up for him; there was no sacrifice too great.

"I'm happy that you're home too. How was your day?"

Edward smirked, "Oh you know, a little of this, a little of that."

"Yeah, yeah, another day at the rehab gym, I get it. Did Jane tell you her news?"

"Ha! Did she _tell_ me?" he laughed, "She bombarded me as soon as I got there. It's pretty extraordinary. Based on what I'd heard about Peter, I was a little surprised that he was so eager to do something like that. I suspect that he offered so he can get to know her better, you know, see if she's everything he wants for his son."

"You think he feels Alec could do better?"

"No, I didn't necessarily mean _that_, but I think he wants to size her up, make sure she's ambitious, self-motivated. He wants his son to be with a girl who wants to do more than sit home and spend his paychecks. When Alec graduates college in a few years and goes to work for his dad, he'll be making a nice salary. I think he wants to get to know her, too. I don't think he has any ulterior motives. Jane's a sweet girl with a lot of endearing qualities, when he gets to know her, he won't be able to help but love her."

I agreed with that assumption. "She is a sweet kid, and you'd have to be blind to miss the effect she has on Alec. She's really good for him."

Edward looked toward the kitchen. "Something sure smells wonderful. What's cooking for dinner?"

"Something yummy."

"Yeah?" He tickled my sides and I began giggling, trying to pull away, but he held me tight with his left arm, continuing to tickle with the right one.

"Yeah." I giggled again.

"It's a surprise?"

I shook my head, unable to talk I was laughing so hard. "Uncle! Uncle!"

Edward stopped the assault on my ribs, but didn't let go of my hand. "Careful, baby. I don't want you to fall. I won't do it anymore."

I reached up, pulling him down so I could kiss him. He took the bait and leaned in close as I ran my nose up along his jaw line. "It's Spanish rice." I giggled before I backed away. I picked up Jane's bag and went down the hallway. Edward followed close behind.

"That wasn't very nice. Teasing me like that. I'd hoped for a kiss instead."

"Come here silly man." I waited for him to get to me and turn off the chair. This time he sat down and patted his lap. I took Jane's things to the basement door, and went back to Edward. After our exchange in the living room, and the little innuendos from the evening before, I decided to try something a little more daring.

I sauntered up to his chair, trying to look sexy and probably failing... I stopped when I was facing Edward head on.

"Can you take off the safety bar, Edward?"

He swallowed and nodded, releasing the bar and letting it fall to the floor with a clatter.

I reached behind him with both hands so I was grasping the back of the chair at his shoulder and gingerly put a knee up on the seat of his chair. Holding on for dear life, I pulled my other knee up so I was straddling him. His arm wrapped around me when I brought my mouth to his. "Is this okay?" I whispered.

"Mmm, yeah, more than okay baby."

"I'm not hurting you am I?"

He shook his head, "Nuh, uh. I'm fine."

Suddenly several things happened, his grip on my waist tightened, the chair jerked to life and began tilting backwards, and I squealed.

"Hold on baby, don't let go. I just want to try something." _Oh, I won't let go._ I was hanging on for dear life!

Back, back, back we went, until we were practically lying down, the tilting action of the chair along with gravity caused my knees to slide further back along his thighs and suddenly, we were nestled closer to one another than we'd ever been.

"This," he whispered, "is more what I had in mind when you were teasing me earlier. It's much more conducive for necking."

We kissed and nibbled as his hands slid up under the back of my shirt, rubbing soothingly and sensuously in soft circles on my back. I was in a position where I had to use my elbows to support myself, but my hands had easy access to his hair, his face. His tongue, velvety soft, tasted of mint and Edward as it tangled and teased with my own.

Out of breath and more than a little frustrated when I pulled away, he looked more than a little pleased with himself.

"Uh, nice chair, Edward."

"I tried to sell you before on its attributes. I think we might be able to find quite a few_ recreational_ uses for this chair."

"Um, yeah. I think you're right."

Right that moment I could think of all kinds of things we could be doing with it. My imagination wandered and I wondered briefly if the manufacturers of the chair had any clue what we were considering. We couldn't be the first disabled couple who found multiple uses for such a fine piece of medical equipment. 'Cause right then and there... I thought the chair was a mighty fine invention.

Edward sat the chair back up and patted my behind. "Come on, before we embarrass our house guests, let's get dinner finished up. I promise I'm gonna call my dad... _tonight._"

He took my hand and helped me off of his lap. I always felt all warm and fuzzy when he did that, always grasping my hand or arm to steady me. There might be ways that he was at a physical disadvantage compared to his peers, but I'd never met a more sincere gentleman, he always made me feel secure...protected. He'd never let me fall.

I giggled when I looked down. "Oops. You better cover that up if you don't want to be embarrassed."

Edward looked down, and blushed. "If I _wanted_ that to happen it wouldn't. Damn, it's frustrating."

It wasn't the first time his body had responded to mine, and I wondered if that wouldn't be enough, but before I could entertain the thought, he answered for me. "It won't last, and it's not hard enough for anyone to enjoy. I think the thing that sucks the most is the fact that I can't even enjoy it."

"You can't tell?"

"You'd be surprised how many paraplegics go driving around in their chair with boners; Other than a little sensation here and there, I have no feeling. I usually don't have a clue. I'm sorry Bella."

I couldn't let him spend his evening in a funk.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm kinda flattered that I got that kind of response out of touching you."

I gave him another kiss. "We'll figure this out Edward. Together... "

Curling up on the sofa with him next to me, we talked about his journal entries from Monday night. I was humbled, _awed_, and lost for words all at the same time. I felt pretty much the same way. I'd allowed life to just pass me by for so many years, and all of a sudden, with him I found myself here... loved and in love, happy, and secure in his wonderful home. And yes, finally, I felt like I was capable of giving and receiving love. It hadn't come as an epiphany, but rather a slow and steady burning desire to throw caution to the wind and love this man, simply because I couldn't imagine the alternative. Without even realizing it was happening, he became my 'everything', and I would risk it all for him... to be with him... only somewhere, somehow I realized that with Edward it would never be a risk...

I think he sensed I'd balk at joining him for some of his sessions with Sasha, but I felt like I owed her so much. I'm not sure how, or why, but his soul had finally been freed, and I couldn't help but believe that she was responsible for some of it. Of course I'd go along, for him... I'd do anything, it wasn't as if I had any choice or say in the matter, if that's what we needed, I'd be there by his side, it just wasn't optional.

Edward called his dad on Wednesday night and then again on Thursday. He'd been working in the ER both nights, and apparently, not wanting to wake everyone up, he hadn't returned the calls. From the trite comments Edward had made, I could tell that he was more than a little frustrated.

Friday morning rolled around and the girls had left far earlier than normal for rehab. When I wandered into the kitchen, a freshly showered and shaved Edward sat waiting for me, a cup of coffee in his hand- a second cup sat on the counter. I knew that my creamer and sugar was already inside waiting for me to pour my morning buzz.

"Good morning, beautiful." I turned around, looking behind me; certain he was addressing someone behind me.

He laughed, "You know I was talking to you. Come here, Bella." He sat his cup on the table and turned the chair in my direction.

He reached up and pulled me down for a kiss, and I stumbled onto his lap, the safety bar nowhere to be seen. "I've been waiting for you."

"Mmm, Happy Birthday, baby." I muttered against his lips.

"It is now that you're here."

I pulled out a slice of ham and warmed it while our eggs poached; three minutes later we were both eating Eggs Benedict and consuming our second cup of java.

"Oh, baby, this is delicious. I almost don't wanna go to rehab."

"You need to go."

"But I want to stay here with you," he complained.

I had to laugh; he looked more like a pouting little boy than his thirty-four year old self.

"If you don't go, I won't be able to put the finishing touches on your surprise." I leaned over and gave him another smooch and encouraged him to go. With his head hanging dramatically, he headed out the door. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter. He was such a poor actor.

"I'll see you at noon." I hollered as he closed the door.

As soon as he was gone, I scurried to gather everything we'd need. Beach towels and Edward's swim trunks went into a beach bag. The box with his gift, and the card that went with it sat next to the bag. Everything sat on my bed, waiting for Alice to return and gather me in a few hours.

I had pulled out the suit I bought from the Etsy vendor, and had hand-washed it as soon as it arrived the day before. I swear, when I looked at it again, I wondered if it had shrunk. Itsy bitsy, teeny weeny had nothing on this swimsuit. If that was what you could call the tiny scrap of material I held in my hands. I turned it over and looked at the seat and smiled.

The girl who made these custom suits used screen printed tees to make all sorts of one-of –a-kind suits. When I found this one, I knew it was perfect. Superward was going to flip his shit when he saw it, and I wondered briefly if thirty-four was too young for him to die of heart failure.

_I feared for his life. _

It was going to take a lot of nerve to expose this much of myself, and if it was anyone other than Edward, it would never happen... but this... this idea was too good to pass up... and it was my way of showing him that he was my superman, strong, invincible, and yes, _ten feet tall and bullet proof_.

When I showed it to Alice, she picked up her phone and made a frantic call, letting me know her friend could fit me in... _right away_... I had no clue what spurned the call... her actions made no sense.

She had made it sound like an emergency, and I still didn't understand until she looked at me like I'd lost my mind. With hands on her hips, she cluck clucked... "Bella, you're obviously not thinking. You can't possibly wear _that_ without waxing."

_Point taken, Alice. _I suppose I couldn't. The barely there suit covered little more than my _assets, _and I wondered again why I'd done this...

_To see the goofy grin on his face, silly._

Yes, that would be worth everything it took to pull this off.

Several hours later I was smooth as silk and wishing I had a bit of a tan. I chuckled, remembering my mother's comment. "People in Washington don't tan, Bella, they rust."

As soon as Edward was out the door, I packed the appropriate things for the second part of my surprise. Taking a deep breath and feeling more than a little sneaky, I entered Edward's room and rummaged in his closet until I pulled out a pair of jeans and a button down shirt. Alice promised to dress him to go out when she helped him after our swim and the gym clothes he left in just wouldn't do. I grabbed his new orthopedic shoes and stuffed them in the bottom of the bag so everything was ready to go.

I put the suit on again. Standing in front of the mirror, I turned this way and that and couldn't help feeling more than a little smug. The bottom was barely more than a scrap of material, and when I looked at my reflection, I was glad that I'd let Alice have her way.

I turned again and smiled at the giant S that graced my behind. A thin red strap on either side of that triangle of material was all that held the bottom together. The top was no better. The cups to the bra were blue, red and yellow, held together by the finest yellow cord. One false move and I'd be fighting to preserve what little modesty I had left.

I knew he'd love it, but I was pretty proud myself. It fit like it was made for me and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. It was going to take some amount of self confidence to drop that towel when the time came, but the outcome would be worth it.

Waiting for Alice to arrive, I grabbed a shower and dressed. I chose a simple blue dress that was smart but simple and it covered my suit so no one would be the wiser. Feeling a case of the nerves setting in, I called Emmett to make sure his plans hadn't changed. He laughed at me and asked if I wasn't calling in hopes that he'd cancel. He encouraged me, reminding me again that this was the perfect gift before he hung up.

He hadn't seen the suit, and I sort of hoped it stayed that way. I could only imagine the ribbing I'd get from him.

I paced the floor like a caged animal until Alice arrived, she grabbed the big box while I got my bag, and when I looked at the clock on the dash in her car, I let out a sigh of relief seeing it read 10:30. An hour... just over an hour... and we'd be together...

Alice and I were going to meet him at rehab, and we were all going to go from there. He'd gotten to the point where he needed her less and less, but for things like this, he couldn't manage on his own.

We needed to burn up some time so Alice drove us to Olivia's. We went inside and Alice introduced me to Willow. We walked through the dining room into the lounge. It was a huge room with a fireplace and big cozy seats. There was a small stage area in the center of the room. I could imagine sitting in this grand room, listening to the music while sipping a glass of wine. It was incredibly cozy. _Perfect._

An older gentleman smiled when he saw us and walked over, Alice returned his smile and introduced me. "Michael… hello. This is my friend Bella."

She held her hand out in greeting; he pulled it up to his face and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "Miss Alice. So nice to see you again." He extended his hand towards me, and I giggled when he kissed mine as well. "What a pleasure, Miss Bella. Willow tells me you'll be joining us this evening."

"Yes, we will, I'm so happy that she suggested this. Your place is beautiful. It has such a cozy atmosphere."

"We're really happy with the reception we've gotten from everyone."

My eyes scanned the room again. It was warm and romantic "I can't wait until this evening. I'm sure we'll both love it."

"Alice told us a little about the birthday boy, it would be an honor if you'd dine this evening with our compliments."

The offer was sweet and generous, but this was the first time I'd ever been able to do something special like this for Edward, and I told him so.

"I understand, Bella." he said, his voice caressing every syllable. His voice was soft and warm. "I hope you have a wonderful evening. Please if there is anything you need while you are here, don't be afraid to ask."

"Thank you Michael, that's very kind."

Alice interrupted our conversation. "It's time to go Bella. _Show time,_" she said just a little too suggestively. I could feel the blush creeping up over my cheeks.

"It was so nice meeting you, Bella. Alice, tell that brother-in-law of mine to bring you back again soon."

Alice giggled, "I will, thanks!"

We hurried to the car, I was unaware that time had sped by so quickly. I'd heard every tick of the clock all morning, and suddenly, it was time, and my heart was in my throat.

I fidgeted with the hem of my dress as Alice zipped through Seattle's busy streets.

"Will you calm down, Bella? You're making me nervous."

I stilled my hand. "I'm sorry; I've never done anything like this before. What if he doesn't like it? What if it's not enough?"

"Bella, it'll be fine. He didn't want anyone to do _anything_. This is exactly what you promised him... simple... no fuss. To even acknowledge this day is a huge step for him. He hasn't celebrated a birthday since... well, yeah. He just doesn't."

Her admission tugged at my heart, and more than a little. I'd always suspected he felt it was his fault somehow... that they were gone... and I knew from the conversation we'd shared about his journal, that he finally grasped the idea that there _was_ nothing he could have done to prevent what had happened to his family.

"I'm sorry for freaking out, Alice. I'm okay. I can do this, for him I can."

"I think it's a pretty fuckhawt idea Bella. This is a great way to get his motor running."

I giggled at her comment, attributing it to my nerves and her play on words. "There were some things you wanted to talk about Bella. You know, anytime you want, just pull me aside."

"I just, there are some things I was wondering about and well, this is all new to me, I mean, I understand the mechanics of everything, but this is completely different. For one, I've never been in the position to take charge, and it kinda looks like that's how it has to be."

"Oh, Bella, we'll talk, but don't worry, when the time comes, he'll meet you half way. This is all new for him too you know. In this aspect you're both rather virginal. It's been so long since he's been in a relationship, and from what he's told me, he's never actually had a sexual encounter since his accident. Trial and error till you figure it out, and you'll have fun experimenting along the way. There isn't a _wrong_ way to love somebody."

I nodded, deep in thought. _Could I be enough for him?_ I had my own shortcomings, suppose I got too tired, what if it was too strenuous? What if I got one of those terrible Charlie horses in my legs and I couldn't function at all? Oh lord. Yes, Alice, trial and error.

We pulled into the familiar parking lot, and I smiled when I saw Edward, Alec and Demitri throwing baskets into a hoop in the side lot. When Alice parked, Edward turned his head and smiled at us. Throwing the ball to Alec, he pushed off and rolled the manual wheelchair he was in over to the car. He had my door opened and he was reaching for me before I had my seatbelt off.

He was a little sweaty from the exertion, and his hair was tousled and sexy. The light breeze mussing it up.

"Bella... "

"We interrupted your game. We can wait."

"No, Alec and Demitri are trying out some sports chairs." I noticed the angled wheels; I'd seen these before on the Paralympic games. "And, I'm putting my new chair through its paces."

"Your's?" I remembered fondly riding on his lap in this chair, well one just like it, when he told me this was his choice for a manual- his preference for scooting around the house to keep his upper body toned.

"It finally came in. It's great!"

"Sweet. I like it. Does it feel as good as the Permobil?"

"It does in its own way. Different chairs for different purposes."

I nodded. Made sense.

Edward ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back out of his face. It was thick and full again, I remembered sadly when we'd begun talking again the first time I'd realized, with horror, that he was nearly bald in back.

"You sure I'm not underdressed?" He teased. I looked down at my dress and over to his gym clothes.

"Nope, you're perfect. Absolutely perfect."

"Let me just go log out of the book then."

He turned to Alice. "Jane was considering staying until bedtime. Can you come back and pick her up? If it's an inconvenience, I'll let her know."

"Nope, not at all. I rented a few chick flicks, but if she has plans, that's fine. I've got some things to take care of anyway. Don't worry about Jane."

Simultaneously we both said "Thanks Alice." and then started laughing.

Edward reached up for me with both hands, and I leaned down to give him a kiss as he cradled my face in his hands. "I'll be right back, baby."

Alice reached into the back of the car and grabbed the bag, fumbling with the big box. "Let's get these into your car while he's inside. I'm going to leave my car here. I've got to move the seat quick. Grab my purse; I have a silk scarf in there for you."

I looked at her like she'd lost her mind, whatever did I need a silk scarf for? Was my dress too plain? I didn't plan to have it on for long. She smirked and said, "For his eyes, silly. Otherwise he'll figure out your secret right away."

"Oh, gotcha." The girl was good; I had to give her that.

Edward scooted out to the car in his Permobil, pushing the manual chair ahead of him by one push handle. "Can you help me get this in the trunk Ali?" I opened the trunk while Edward eyed the gift and the duffle bag.

"Don't even think about it buddy, no hints." He gave me his best pouty face, and I remembered experiencing that before today. "The pout doesn't work with me Cullen. You forget that I've seen it all. I've got a whole classroom of world class pouters. I don't succumb to the pressure."

His head hung as he said "You can't blame me for trying."

_I suppose not._

Edward pulled a bracket loose from the bottom of the chair, and it folded in half with ease. Alice pulled the foot rests off and I held my breath while Edward lifted the _whole chair_ into the car by himself. He took the footrests from Alice, and reached up high to grab the loop, pulling the trunk lid down within his reach while he maneuvered far enough away to close it.

"You're pretty smooth there, Edward."

"I'm nothing if I'm not thorough."

He opened the driver's door and his mouth dropped open when he saw we'd moved the seats. "I thought I was driving us someplace." He whined.

"Just get into the car, Edward. Sit back and enjoy the ride." Alice commanded. Looking a little forlorn, he did what he was told. I got in behind him and leaned up close, putting my lips to his ear.

"Do you trust me baby?"

I watched his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed. "Uh huh."

"Thank you. Just sit back and relax till we get there, okay?"

He nodded, without uttering a word. But he gasped when I slipped the scarf down over his eyes.

"Trust baby, remember?"

"I trust you, Bella."

I leaned over the back of his chair and turned his head slightly, seeking out his lips. "I love you, Happy Birthday."

Alice watched until I buckled my belt, and we were off, headed to the commercial district where Emmett had his gym. My mind wandered to the first time I'd visited; I had been taken by surprise, I expected him to be in some sort of medical complex or something, and didn't expect the warehouse facade we pulled up in front of. Thinking back over it though, it was perfectly Emmett.

He explained that the old building had been a textile mill. Historic pictures graced the walls, and the old hardwood floors in the reception area remained intact. The workout areas were all covered in carpet, no doubt for safety reasons. Through a glass wall that ran the length of the workout room, I could see the pool. Crisp and clear and as blue as Emmett's eyes.

Emmett demonstrated the lift he'd be using to put Edward into the pool, and showed me the ramps that eased down in from the opposite end. A grab bar ran the entire circumference of the pool, ensuring that there was always something to hold onto. Next to the rehab pool was a smaller, one person pool Emmett described as an _Endless Pool_. The water ran in a specific direction, the current constantly in motion. He explained that was the pool Edward usually used to exercise his trunk and his torso. Soon, hopefully, he'd be ready to utilize this pool again.

When Alice slowed down, I was pulled back to the present. Normally the place was all lit up. It seemed weird coming here, now. The front of the gym was dark. The _Closed_ sign gracing the door. When Alice parked and we began to get out, I saw him come through the door, stopping to stand in the entranceway watching with a smile as Alice struggled to drive the chair with the joystick. After smacking Edward into the doorway more than once, I put a hand on her wrist. "Stop Alice. This is fine."

I leaned down and ran my nose along his cheek while whispering, "Happy Birthday baby, I hope you enjoy your gift." The silk scarf fell from his face and fluttered to the floor as Edward blinked and tried to let his eyes adjust to the bright June afternoon.

He pulled out of the car and spun around once he was on the street. Emmett smiled a lazy smile and waved at him.

He looked up at me, a puzzled look on his face. "The gym?"

"Mmhmm... would you like to come inside and open your gifts?"

He sounded a little unsure of himself when he answered. "Yes?"

I grabbed his free hand and tugged. "Come on. This is exciting. You ready?"

He gave me that sweet half smile. "Okay, bring it on baby, I'm ready."

I couldn't wait to get him inside. There were so many reasons for wanting to do this with him. It would be some great one on one time, it was not only fun, but recreational as well, it was something we could do together, but it didn't require someone to assist us once we were situated in the pool, and I was hoping that if he saw me set aside my fears and put on that scanty bikini for him, that he'd maybe just maybe lose some of his body image fears and let me in a little more too.

Edward followed along behind Alice and I. When he rolled through the doors of the gym, Emmett clapped him on the back. "Happy birthday buddy!"

"Hey thanks, Emmett. I don't even want to know what part you're playing in this do I?" he snickered.

Emmett feigned insult as he put a hand to his chest. "You're breaking my heart here, buddy. I've been nothing but a gentleman. I figured I owed it to little Bell for forgiving us for that lost weekend we spent together." He leaned down to Edward's ear and whispered so loudly I could hear him anyway, "This was her idea though, just go with it."

Edward looked a little less fearful, but followed along quietly. I set the packages down on a little table near the juice bar and realized that Emmett and Alice had disappeared.

"They um, sort of go together. I don't know. I hope you like them."

He reached for the card and opened it. He laughed loud belly laughs when he saw the gift card with Emmett's cartoon on the front. "Oh my God, these are great! That drawing is the best gift I've ever given, hands down! What am I going to do with it? Anything special?"

"Actually, you keep wanting me to come here and do aqua therapy, and since I know you swim too, I bought us three months in the pool. We're both covered." I bit my lip, suddenly worried that he wouldn't like the idea. "That is if you want to."

He pulled on my arm, bringing my face down to his level. "I'd love to. Thank you, Bella." His other hand wrapped around the back of my head, holding me still while his tongue plundered my mouth. I was out of breath and swayed a little when he let go.

His eyes twinkled and I could tell he was mighty pleased with himself. "I see I haven't lost my touch."

"Uh, nope, your touch is just fine," I coughed. "Why don't you open the rest of your gift?"

I set the big box on his lap, and he tugged at the paper until it was all unwrapped. "Body Glove? Baby, this was expensive, you shouldn't have."

"Emmett and I looked long and hard before we found the right one. He told me you had to wear a vest in his pool unless he was in it with you. The others all had big headrests on them. I didn't think I'd be able to get very close to you if you were wearing one of those. I got you something else too."

He picked up the small package and grunted when he lifted it. In a high pitched voice he mocked me, sounding like he'd been mortally wounded. "Must be weights."

"Emmett called them vertical traction weights. He said they'd keep you from floating horizontally."

Edward motioned to the duffle bag. "Do I get anything special if I guess that we're swimming today?" He wagged his eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Would you _like_ to swim today?"

"Would you?"

"Mmhmm."

"Perhaps I should go find Ali... never mind." Alice giggled as he sat shaking his head; it seemed that her appearing out of nowhere surprised both of us.

"Come on Edward, I'll help you get ready."

"I, um... " He fingered the seam on his pants, and acted at a loss for words.

"What is it Edward?" Did he suddenly not want to do it? He looked down at his legs again.

"I don't know if I'm ready to... " His legs. I knew it was still an issue, but I'd hoped this would make it easier.

I reached out and squeezed his hand. "How about you go get ready, and once you're in the pool, Alice can come to the ladies locker room and get me?"

"Really, you aren't offended?"

"Whatever you need hon, whatever you need."

I sat in the locker room with a fitness magazine for nearly a half hour before Alice poked her head inside. "He's ready." I took a deep, stuttering breath. "But are _you_?"

"I think so?"

"Oh you two! Get moving Bella, he's waiting for you. I won't be out of ear shot, but I'm not going to disturb the two of you. If you need help, just holler, okay?"

I nodded.

"Do you need help with anything Bella?"

I undid the front of my dress and pulled it off, adjusting the swimsuit the best I could. No matter how I tugged on it, it only covered so much of me.

"No, I think I'm okay. Thanks, Alice."

"The suit is killer, Bella. He'll love it!"

I took one more look in the mirror, and decided it was now or never.

The ladies locker room was at the end of the pool with the ramp, so I walked right down the ramp. I heard Emmett clear his throat and Edward jerked his head in my direction. I thought the water would be cool, but it was a wonderful body temperature and felt so relaxing. The closer I got to Edward, the goofier his grin got. "I certainly hope _that_ is part of my gift."

"I thought you might like it."

"Oh, I like it. Please tell me you'll never wear that out in public."

I mock pouted, "Aww, you're no fun." and then I explained that it _was_ for his eyes only, and that Emmett had made arrangements for us to use the pool each Friday afternoon, privately, if he wanted to.

"Baby, I'm afraid I'd have heart failure if anyone else got to ogle you wearing that. I've never seen anything like it."

I explained how I'd found the suit on the internet, while Edward professed just how much he liked it. He looked pretty hot in his vest, too, I was pleased that we'd found something not only functional but comfortable for him to wear.

He stood in the corner of the pool and I stood right next to him. His fingers skimmed up and down my sides while he kissed my shoulders, neck… ears. Everything sensual was magnified, I don't know if it was the water, or the fact that other people were so close by. He bit his lip as his fingers slipped under the very edge of the bikini top and he fingered the delicate string that held everything together.

"You're absolutely delectable, Bella."

I laughed, he made it sound like I was something edible, but then, looking at him in the same manner... I understood perfectly, because he looked simply divine. His hair was damp from where he'd run his fingers through it, his face flushed. His words were breathy and laced with an endearing nervousness, and I couldn't believe I had done that to him.

_Mr. Calm-Cool-Collected._

Using the railing, Edward began pulling himself around the edge of the pool, and I walked alongside. Suddenly, I understood what all the fuss was about. I was walking along, but it was as if there was no gravity. _This must be what it's like for astronauts._

For the first time in our fledgling relationship we, he and I, were practically walking together and it was far more than a little surreal.

With no warning at all, Edward pushed off and swam across the pool. He was so graceful and lithe... it was beautiful to watch him... I always looked at his chair as a source of independence, but to see him, like this... I realized how much it encumbered him. The irony wasn't lost on me.

He came back to me wearing a huge grin. "I didn't realize how much I missed this... this freedom... oh Bella come swim with me."

We took slow lazy strokes, stopping every here or there to smooch. He asked more than once if I was tired, did I need to rest? I reassured him that I was fine. The water was refreshing and I was swimming with ease. Edward stopped in a corner, stretching his arms out and gripping the rail on either side. I parked myself right in front of him, holding onto the sides of his vest for balance.

He shook his hair and flipped it back, spraying us both with water... I couldn't help licking my lips as I watched a droplet of water slip down his neck and under the edge of that vest. Droplets of water clung to his lashes and I marveled over his beauty. I knew the first time I saw him a few years ago that he was drop dead gorgeous, but standing here like this, watching him so happy, so free... there was an inner beauty that I never experienced way back then. Love... happiness... contentment... did I look like that too? I certainly felt that way.

I looked down and something colorful caught my eye, I'd forgotten that Alice had gotten us diving sticks. I looked up at Edward and motioned to them, he smiled with a glint in his eye. Dipping out from under my arms, I watched him unzip the vest and slip out of it. He lifted it up out of the pool and laid it on the floor before pushing off and disappearing under the water. I watched with a hand over my mouth while he dipped to the bottom and grabbed one of the diving sticks. A second later he was breaking the surface of the water.

"Emmett said you had to have the vest to swim."

"It's okay baby, he knows I'm a strong swimmer. I'd never get to the bottom in that vest." He laid the neon green stick on the edge of the pool before taking my hand.

"Come on Bella, I'll race you!"

There were five more sticks on the floor of the pool, and he wanted to play. By leaving only five in the water, there would be no ties. One of us would be the winner. I dove under the water and went for a blue one, it was close and I knew I could get to it quickly. Something bumped into me and with no warning at all, a long, lithe, white arm reached past me and grabbed _my _stick.

_Oh! He wants to play dirty. I can play dirty._

I saw where he was headed next, so I scooted off in the opposite direction and by sheer luck there were two sticks relatively close to one another. While Edward set his sights on his next conquest, I snatched up two of the little buggers. It left just one, narrowing my eyes and searching the floor of the pool, I spied it under the ladder.

Just as I went to dip under the water, realization crossed Edward's face and he did the same. I was closer to the stick and as long as I didn't let him distract me, _it was mine_. Not taking my eyes from the prize I kicked as hard as my legs would allow me. Ducking below the ladder, I grabbed just as I saw Edwards hand sneak out. I shook my head and pushed off the bottom, when I broke the surface I started laughing as he closed in on me, hiding the stick behind my back and shaking my head. He swam right up against me, pinning me between his chest and the ladder. He wasn't hurting me, just exerting enough force that I couldn't escape. He reached behind my back, feeling his way down my arm... and I switched hands.

I giggled when he fingered my empty hand trying to find his prize. When he started working his fingers down the other arm I squealed and tried to switch off again. The stick was wet, my fingers slippery. When I laughed and tried to keep it from him, I felt it slip from my grasp and my heart sunk when I realized I'd lost it. I'd never seen him so carefree, and I wasn't ready for the game to end... just yet.

Realizing I had the advantage, because he clearly had no idea I'd lost the stick, I took a deep breath and dropped straight down, out of his grasp towards the floor of the pool... and that was when I felt it. A sharp tug as the string on the back of my suit was wrenched away.

_The ladder._

_Oh God, this can't be happening._

Covering myself, I broke the surface spitting and sputtering. The look on Edward's face was one of utter shock. "Bella, baby, oh God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean... "

I shook my head, trying to let him know it wasn't his fault, the face that had been boyish and free now wore a look of shame. "No, you didn't... I got caught... the ladder... "

I could feel Edward fiddling and fumbling behind my back and suddenly he gasped. He gawked in utter mortification as the scrap of material that had been my top floated further and further out of our grasp and sunk closer and closer to the drain of the pool. The man who had challenged my ability with such stealth just moments before, seemed frozen like a deer in a set of headlights.

"Edward, my top! Get it." He snapped out of the trance he seemed stuck in, and dipped under the water... I watched, in defeat as the tiny scrap of red and blue and yellow was sucked further and further into the depths of the pool until it disappeared. I stood, unable to move with my arms plastered across my chest. I was so embarrassed. What if Emmett came out right then? This had been such a good day. We'd been so free and for once it didn't feel like there was something overshadowing the mood, and I'd ruined it because I had to be competitive.

He was apologetic when he swam back to me. "I'm sorry baby. I wasn't fast enough."

I turned my back to him, shocked, embarrassed... _exposed_. Strong arms turned me around and pulled me to his chest. "Baby, hey, look up here."

His finger was under my chin nudging me to look up at his face. "We'll get you another top. I promise. That's the best gift anyone has ever given me."

"Really?" I had a hard time believing a bathing suit was the best gift a man of his age had received in a lifetime.

"Really. Right now though, we have to figure out how to get you to the locker room without an audience." He looked down smirking. "Seriously, you can't see anything." Under his breath I heard him mutter something that sounded like, "What a shame."

I looked down and you really _couldn't _tell anything was amiss.

"I feel like I ruined your day."

"Are you kidding me? This has been, by far, one of the most memorable days of my life... well as far as good memories go... "

His head swooped closer and I found myself lost in the kiss, as his lips and tongue explored my mouth, urging me to let them in. My arms slipped up around his neck of their own accord and I could feel his mouth turn up into a smile at the same time. I realized we were standing chest to chest... _skin to skin_.

His body felt like heaven and suddenly, figuring out how to get to the locker room wasn't such a pressing issue.

* * *

Jeanne beta'd this superfast. She's such an awesome friend and beta. It would be Sunday till you got this if it weren't for her super-awesome beta skills.

Lots happening next week, I can't promise a posting date. If you don't get a story alert, check the Twilighted thread for info.


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-one

~Edward~

It had been quite the week since I'd officially come home. So many things had happened. Meetings with Sasha, far more intense than I'd ever encountered... Alec's reunion with his father and his surprising offer of the internship... Jane coming to stay... transferring the van ownership and spending a day out and about with Alec, and then finally, it was my birthday.

My being suggestive with Bella the night of Alec's dinner spurned her to take things into her own hands. When she straddled me the following night a million things went through my mind. Excitement, desire, even lust... I was a little embarrassed when Little Eddie sprang to life of his own volition. Even more disheartening though, was the feelings I had knowing that it didn't happen out of desire, but rather only because he'd been touched and reacted accordingly. It wouldn't have mattered who had brushed against me, or with what. _That feeling,_ the disappointment, was what made me want to finally let down the walls and take the initiative with my love life. I was tired of letting circumstance dictate my existence. It was time to take the bull by the horns.

I promised Bella that I would explore my options by speaking with my dad, but no matter when I called, it seemed like he was working. Some days life was a bitch. Esme said he'd be home over the weekend, and when she offered to have us for dinner, I readily accepted.

Bella's encouragement that we'd figure it out together created an excitement in me that I didn't even know I was capable of. Talking of these things caused something to stir in me that I had thought I had successfully put out of my mind a long time ago. I felt a little smug when I realized that I hadn't really been all that successful...

Bella wanted to do something simple for my birthday, and as much as the idea made me cringe... I had made a promise to myself to move forward and use the tools Sasha had given me to put my past where it belonged. I decided to embrace my future with Bella and what remained of my family. I was surprised when I realized I didn't want to keep her from doing something nice with me on my day. Making happy memories on the day of my birth was actually something I thought I could look forward to.

It felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders when I shared what little bit I had with Bella. When Sasha and I talked about it the next afternoon, she assured me that it was okay, no matter how little or how much I disclosed to Bella... so long as I didn't shut down again and resort to my old habits. I just needed to be honest, not only with my girl, but with myself as well.

My birthday started with an incredible breakfast and the promise of a day filled with fun. I embraced that thought and went to spend the morning with the gang. Jill called me into her office and gave me a card that had been signed by the staff. She understood the significance of the day and promised that no one would make a spectacle of it. They just wanted to wish me well. I only had a short time left with them and would truly miss spending time with everyone.

The rehab had become more than a facility to repair my broken body. Jill had become a trusted friend and I was indebted to her for helping me find my independence, not once, but twice. Leaving would be bittersweet, and I vowed to maintain a professional relationship. I experienced first hand how dedicated she was, and how truly beneficial her facility was to her patients. I'd have no qualms sending my patients to her for a consultation.

When Bella and Alice collected me at noon, a thrill of excitement coursed through me. I couldn't remember ever actually having a birthday surprise. As much as I was sure I'd be glum- maybe even _wanted_ to be glum, the prospect of celebrating that day without my Mom and Dad seemed to be dispelled knowing Bella was planning the surprises. When I actually faced the day, I found a sense of anticipation that I wasn't prepared for, and discovered that I couldn't find a thing to be sad about.

Maybe Sasha was right, perhaps I could move forward. They had been gone a very long time and I finally understood, deep down, that my parents would be hurt if they knew I was still living so far in the past, in my head.

Bella blindfolding me was hot, and I knew that the surprise would be worth the wait, whatever it was. I had no clue that Alice was so terrible at driving my Permobil, and with her slamming me into the back of her seat and the rear passenger seat, I was never so happy to have Bella take charge and remove that blindfold so I could drive it myself.

When I realized that the place we had pulled up outside was actually Emmett's closed gym, I was a little confused. Why would we come here on the one day of the week that he closed to clean? A million thoughts went through my mind, and when she alluded to the possibility that Em had something to do with this, all sorts of scenarios went through my mind. My greatest fear was that she hadn't listened to me and had, in actuality, put together some grand gesture with family and friends. Were they hiding there in the back room, just waiting to jump out at me when the lights came on? As my heart pounded with anxiety, I considered turning and making a run for it, but where would I go? Emmett could out run my chair, and I'd only hurt Bella if she had planned something and I walked away.

_As if I could..._

I decided that for her, I'd try to forget about the huge lump in my stomach and just _trust_. She knew what I needed. She would never do something to make me feel uncomfortable. I'd always been one to imagine the worst when confronted with something a little uncomfortable. So, taking a deep breath, I headed across the street to greet my smiling friend.

After crossing the street, I looked up at Bella. "The gym?"

"Mmhmm... would you like to come inside and open your gifts?"

_You can do this Cullen. _

I had trouble finding the words and eventually choked out, "Yes?"

She took my hand enthusiastically and pulled. "Come on. This is exciting. You ready?"

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. Yes, I was ready. "Okay, bring it on baby, I'm ready."

I looked around when we crept inside and I didn't see any obvious signs that a party was in progress. Alice and Emmett disappeared as soon as we were situated, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I really needed to learn to just put my trust in Bella completely. _Blind trust._ I would have most certainly hurt her if I'd asked who else was there.

My heart swelled with pride when Bella gave me my gifts and I realized she _had_ been listening to me when I asked her if she might be willing to go to the gym and take swimming as a form of rehab. I didn't think she realized how soothing and comforting the water could be to her body. There were times when I watched her, and I could tell how tightly coiled her muscles were... the little twitches, or the times when a tonic spasm would repeatedly cause her foot to pull up as she tried to set it on the floor... the benefits of the water would be nearly instantaneous for her. We'd only lived in the same house for a handful of days, but the little things I'd never really noticed and now suddenly had were cause for concern, and one day soon, we'd have to talk about that. But that was for another day. I refused to ruin this for her.

I was excited to be getting back into the pool. Once I was in there, the playing field was leveled a little. I was much more self sufficient and could actually pull myself around by the railing, allowing me to_ walk_ with Bella. Something that would have never happened on land... and _swimming_... I was a good swimmer. Granted I hadn't been in the pool in nearly a year, but my arms and torso had regained much of their previous tone… the act of swimming would also benefit my under used, non-dominant hand. I looked forward to the prospect of an activity where I could be just as normal as anyone else.

I had to hand it to whoever decided Fridays would be a good time for us to swim. There would be staff standing by, but we wouldn't be surrounded by other people. A little private time with my girl in the pool could be fun. My last visit to this pool was predictable, and while I had gained the benefits from its intended purpose- the prospect of private swims with Bella over a course of three months was enticing.

I used to go to the gym on a regular basis, and tried to get at least one swim in each month. When my support group members elected that we do one meeting a month in the pool, the decision was unanimous. Most of the members had personal caregivers who did one on one with them at least some part of each day, so there were always extra sets of hands to help get people in and out, undressed and re-dressed. Using the pool was fun, for most of us it meant we got to be _almost_ like everyone else if only for one night a month. I remember looking around me that first night, from my vantage point in the corner of the pool and being pleased that we chose to bring our group there and that Emmett was so generous with his time and facility for the good of the group.

It seemed like a million years since I had been here...

I still had some body image hang-ups that I needed to get over if I was going to pursue a physical relationship with Bella. But knowing Bella, it would bother me far more than it could ever bother her, yet that didn't negate the fact that I was extremely self-conscious of my damaged body.

The fact that _she_ had no hang-ups about my body was comforting.

_Little steps, Edward._

Alice got me ready, and Bella had promised to stay in the dressing room while I got into the pool. I wasn't paying attention when Bella first came out to get in, but when I heard the locker room door gently bump closed behind her, I turned in the direction of the noise. I think my eyes bugged out when I saw her sporting that tiny bikini.

As she walked down the ramp into the pool, I could see her lip caught between her teeth in that nervous habit she had. She shouldn't be nervous... she looked incredible. My God, she was a beautiful woman! Her skin was alabaster; her body curved in all the right places. I couldn't tear my eyes away. I'd have been lying if I said I wasn't having thoughts that had nothing to do with a little rehab time in the pool. Oh the things I wanted to share with her on a more intimate level.

Our time in the pool brought with it a ton of emotion. The idea of spending the afternoon in the pool with Bella was exciting and fun. I had no idea what would happen and the unknown was refreshing.

I didn't know Bella was so competitive, when she threw those bright colored diving toys into the pool, I got to see a side to her I'd never experienced. Our play was fun and free... When it got to that last stick, Bella gave me a run for my money. Try as I might, Bella kept it away from me. I saw her drop it, but she was trying so hard to keep it out of my reach, that I decided to keep things competitive, while still allowing her to have her fun. She dropped to the bottom of the pool, and when she broke the surface, a shocked look crossed her face; immediately I thought she had hurt herself somehow.

"Bella, baby, oh God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean... "

"No, _you_ didn't... I got caught... the ladder... " Immediately I reached behind her feeling for a laceration, scanning the water for blood.

Pulling her to me, I was so focused on locating her _injury_ that I didn't react quickly enough to save her top. By the time I realized what had happened, it was too late and it had been sucked into the vortex of the drain. The pool cleaning crew would get quite an eyeful.

Bella covered herself, mortified. My heart broke when she turned her back to hide from me. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and it wouldn't do for her to be ashamed. I turned her around, careful not to expose or embarrass her, and pulled her tight to my chest so no one else could see. I'd do whatever I had to, in order to preserve her dignity.

I reassured her that this day was the best gift I'd ever received, I wasn't patronizing her; it was the absolute truth. No one had ever been so thoughtful towards my feelings about my birthday, not even Esme and Carlisle. Losing her top was the least of my concerns and I meant that in the most honorable way.

I was compelled to put her at ease; it was obvious she was shocked and surprised. I told her truthfully that I couldn't see anything, but I still couldn't contain my mirth. She was vulnerable and sweet and the entire situation made her even more endearing to me.

I couldn't stop the kiss, not even if I had wanted to; it was as if our bodies were on a collision course. I think we realized at the same time that we were standing skin to skin with no barriers between us. We'd never been in a situation like this one, and all I wanted to do was revel in it. I never wanted the moment to end.

She pulled me down for a kiss, and when she reached her arms up around my neck I got an eyeful of Bella. The kiss was full of passion and I felt emboldened holding her so close. I was hyperaware of her chest rubbing against mine with every breath. When it ended, I was shocked to see my baby staring at my chest, appearing totally captivated; her thumbs grazed over my nipples causing me to suck in a ragged breath. Before I could stop her, her lips latched onto my nipple, the tip of her tongue swirling round and round the sensitive flesh. She had no idea how sensitive my upper body had become after losing so much sensation elsewhere, and a million things went through my mind, none of them appropriate for the very public situation we found ourselves in.

The hands that had been steadying Bella at her waist moved up her sides, glancing over the swell of her breasts. I wrestled between the desire to be a gentleman and the urge to touch and tease, but after Bella had taken the initiative to touch me the way that she had, I couldn't help but reciprocate. When my thumbs rubbed over her nipples, she sucked her lip in between her teeth and closed her eyes, moaning softly. The noises she was making were such a turn on… we'd never been _here_ before.

_Oh how I'd love to continue to explore..._

I was all for a little harmless PDA, but I knew that if Emmett caught us, he would taunt us relentlessly and I wouldn't embarrass her like that. The situation we'd found ourselves in was no one's fault, and I wasn't going to have anyone sully the moment by poking fun. The gentleman in me took over and pulled Bella tight against my body.

"Bella... Bellla ...oh Bella what you do to me, we have to stop...Em... Alice."

Bella looked up at me, her eyes wide with shock. I wasn't the only one who had gotten caught up in the moment. "Oh, God! What will we do? I can't get out like this. Someone will see."

"Shh, baby, it's okay. We'll get Alice to help you."

Her face flamed red and she nuzzled into my chest so I couldn't see her. "This is so embarrassing."

I looked over my shoulder to see where they were, and instead, spied the vest.

_Of course, it was perfect._

Pulling it down between us I encouraged her to use it. "Here, Bella, slip this on and zipper it up, no one will have a clue."

Bella shook her head in defiance. "No, Em specifically told me that you _had_ to have it on if we're going to be alone in here. He won't let us do this again if he catches you out of it." Her lip trembled, and I couldn't tell if she was cold or nervous, she almost looked like she was ready to cry.

"Oh, baby, don't worry about Emmett. I'll talk to him."

"What if he kicks us out? This was so much fun."

"He won't. Now let me help you with that."

It was difficult to force the vest under water as Bella tried to get her tiny arms through the holes. Finally after several attempts and a bit of laughter, we finally had her all bundled up. She could get herself back to the locker room with her modesty intact and if she didn't want me to explain, no one would be the wiser.

Bella shocked me when she grabbed my arms and pulled me close for one last kiss before she left the pool. The kiss that started with my lips quickly descended across my jaw... down my neck... her tongue making swirls on my skin as it edged closer to my chest. I tipped my head back and bumped it on the lip of the pool, but I couldn't care less. Kisses and nips dragged across my collarbone before making their way one last time to my most sensitive place. Her lips teased and tugged first one nipple and then its twin, anyone who thought sex only happened below the belt was sorely missing out. I moaned when she pulled the second one into her mouth and she giggled. "Don't want anyone to feel left out."

"You better go before we get caught. He'll embarrass you. You'll never live this down. Go on baby, hurry."

Bella nodded slightly and began walking across the pool; I realized with surprise that I hadn't really seen her swim. She'd walked with me and treaded water, but I didn't even know if she _could_ swim. Looking over her shoulder and winking, she crooked her pinky and motioned for me to follow.

_How could I resist?_

When we got to the ramp, she turned one last time and smiled before she left the water. "Happy Birthday, Edward."

The vest was big on her and covered her entire top, but what peeked out from underneath made me laugh; plastered across her behind was the symbol that had become her trademark for me.

_Superman..._

I blinked and she was gone.

I put my fingers in the corner of my mouth and whistled; my signal for Emmett to hoist me out of the pool. When he found me alone without the vest, he chided me for being reckless and threatened to take away my pool privileges, but when I explained that Bella had an emergency and needed it to cover up, he snickered and shook his head. I could only imagine what he'd say when they cleaned the pool, but for now Bella's dignity remained intact, and I'd beseech him to treat her respectfully.

I had to make some plans for a surprise of some sort for Bella soon. The pool was insightful and relaxing, invigorating and sexy. It would be hard to top that.

It was nearly four till I was out of the pool and dried. I sat in my towel, waiting for Alice to bring my things. I was more than a little surprised when she pulled out the dress pants and instructed me to begin dressing myself in nice clothes. "What?"

"I know where you're going and what you're doing. Please don't ask me something that will spoil this day for Bella." Her eyes were pleading and I nodded my head. I understood.

I still fumbled with my lower things on a daily basis and after I'd had ample opportunity, but not a lot of success, Alice stepped in and assisted. Reaching and getting my feet into the proper holes was still difficult, but I was grateful that Alice always gave me the opportunity to attempt things on my own before she stepped in. Even times when my attempts were fruitless, at least I moved on knowing I'd tried and that the next time would be an opportunity to try again.

After my feet were in their respective pant legs and my nice shoes were on my feet, I stood and finished dressing. I pulled in front of the mirror and gave myself a once over. When I checked my watch, I was surprised to see it had taken us almost an hour. I went to grab my bag and Alice clucked, "Not dressed like that, I've got it. Come on." I stood my chair and we left the dressing room. I was going to be standing tall when I found my girl. She made me feel like this... tall, proud, comfortable in my skin... I was determined to show her just how good she made me feel.

We found Emmett and Bella deep in conversation and she looked more than a little serious. I wondered what had dampened her mood, but when she looked up and saw us, she was all smiles. _Hmmm... _

"Everything okay?" I pressed. Not wanting to seem too nosy, but I was. I didn't want her plastering a smile on for my benefit if something was bothering her.

Bella frowned and nodded. "Just talking shop. You ready?"

"Whenever you are."

At some point, Alice had moved the seats around in my car so that I would be back in the driver's seat, we dropped Alice off at the rehab so she could get her car, and finally Bella and I were alone, truly alone. I looked at Bella and asked for directions. I followed her lead and she told me where to take us. Soon we were sitting in a parking lot overlooking Elliot Bay. I didn't recognize the establishment. Bella took my hand and smiled.

"I promised you no grand gestures, just a simple evening... just you and I. Come on, I've got some people I'd like you to meet."

While Bella got out of the car and walked around to my side, I'd maneuvered around and had the door opened. As soon as my ramp was extended, I was good to go. Looking over at Bella, I saw that she was smiling and staring off at the entrance. I coughed and pulled her back from where ever she had gone.

Bella reached out for my hand and I shook my head. Standing in my chair, I straightened my clothing then asked, "Everything look okay? No toilet paper stuck to my wheel or anything?" I asked jokingly.

"No, no TP trailing behind you. You look, um..." She licked her lips. "Yeah... we better go inside." I reached out, ready now, and she put her hand in mine and together we walked to the restaurant. I'd had this chair, or some variation of it, all of my adult life but I never realized how perfect it was for courting. I was really enjoying this new found freedom.

I noticed when we got to the door just how very busy it was, in fact there was a crowd standing around outside. It appeared that we'd have a long wait. "Do we have a reservation?" I asked warily. It was on the warm side, and I feared Bella's reaction to the heat.

Bella snorted and pulled on my hand. "Come this way, birthday boy." She led me past the crowd and around to a side door that led straight into a large room. A live band was playing and a few people were dancing. "I've got connections," she whispered, with a wink.

A beautiful young lady with olive skin and jet black hair was walking towards us with purpose. A wide grin across her face, "Bella. Welcome."

She pulled Bella into a gentle hug, before stepping back and giving me the once over with a smile. "And this must be the birthday boy." I hung my head, knowing for a change that it was I who was wearing the blush.

Bella gave my hand a squeeze and grabbed my attention. "Edward, I'd like you to meet Willow. This is Omar's niece." Realization hit me and I couldn't help but smile.

I held out my hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you Willow. This place is gorgeous."

She looked around, scanning the room, with obvious pride. "Yeah, it is, isn't it? It was in sorry shape when we bought it. But I think it turned out beautifully. Mom would have loved it." She got a faraway look in her eyes that I understood all too well. She gave my hand a squeeze and smiled before she let go. Somehow I sensed perhaps she knew... _Alice, of course._

"Are you ready for dinner, or would you prefer to enjoy the music for a while? Your table is reserved, so there's no rush."

Bella looked thoughtful for a minute. "I think I'd like to sit here and enjoy a glass of wine and some music..." Obviously, she was waiting for my input. Was this a test? I thought back to a weekend not all that long ago. I was no longer on any medication. Yes, a glass of wine would be delicious.

"Yes, me too, please. Although I don't drink _all_ that often, is there something you'd suggest?"

"We have a house white that is light and just a little sweet."

I turned to Bella who was smiling and nodded slightly. "Sounds perfect."

Bella looked around the room, and Willow gestured to the seats. "Sit wherever you'd like. I'll have your drinks brought out, just let your server know when you're ready for your meal and we'll seat you."

Bella headed towards a few chairs that were scattered around, and I realized she was planning to sit _next_ to me. _That won't do._ I tugged on her hand towards a quiet corner. "Over here, baby." I found the perfect spot, secluded, out of foot traffic. I turned my chair and sat down, patting my lap. "Come here. I don't want you sitting so far away from me."

I unhooked the bar and set it off to the side of the chair within easy reach. I eased Bella onto my lap, and marveled at how easy things were becoming. She used to struggle a little to get comfortable, so afraid of hurting me, now she climbed up on my lap with little hesitation. Where it was hard for me to adjust her in the past, it had now become second nature to help her get situated with little exertion. I was getting stronger and healthier and Bella... Bella was becoming more comfortable. I think she finally realized I wasn't made of glass.

My girl relaxed into me, sitting at an angle so that her back was against half my chest and my left shoulder. It was easy for stealing kisses, but we were both able to enjoy our surroundings as well. The jazz band was soothing, comfortable. They were just loud enough to enjoy, but not so loud that they made it hard to have a conversation.

People speckled the room, and in the back ground you could just barely hear the unmistakable sounds of a busy restaurant. A young man came over with our drinks. He sat the tray down on a nearby table. "Just one moment please." He walked over to a small accent table and picked it up, delivering it along my right side. Surprisingly observant, he put everything within reach, "My name is Stefan, and I'll be your server this evening. Your table is ready whenever you are. I'll stop back shortly to see if you need anything." Then, with a curt nod he was gone.

I handed Bella her glass of wine, and picked up mine. Bella gave me a loving smile and gently tapped her glass to mine. "Happy Birthday, baby. Here's to many more."

Before I took a sip of wine, I leaned in and gave Bella a peck on the lips. There had been a time when I didn't want to ever celebrate another birthday, and times when I wasn't even so certain I wanted to stick around this earth to continue having them. So many things in my life had changed.

"Thank you Bella. If I'm spending them with you, I hope I have many more, too. Thank you again, for everything. This is really nice."

We sat comfortably, sipping our wine and listening to the band. With my free hand I was making gentle circles on her back. She was leaned in against me; it was so peaceful here in our own little world. So this is what love was about...

I had so much to learn...

Bella leaned forward and tried to put her glass on the table, but couldn't quite reach. I hadn't had nearly half of mine, but I was finished drinking it. I set my glass down, and relived Bella of hers as well. She eyed mine several times, and I finally offered it to her. She slowly sipped it like the first and when she was done, we sat snuggling and smooching. Several minutes after I had set her glass down, I looked up and noticed our server standing in the archway. He smiled when I noticed him, so I nodded and whispered in Bella's ear, "Are you ready for dinner, love?"

Bella nodded enthusiastically. "I forgot how hungry swimming makes me. I'm ready whenever you are."

Our table was in a quiet little corner, lit mostly with candle light it was a magical spot where the world just fell away and it was only us for more than an hour. Stefan suggested a sampler of grilled meats, succulent and moist, sitting on a bed of rice. Everything was tender and juicy. When I offered Bella a bite of lamb, she frowned and made some comment about "Fluffy", but a moment later, she smiled and snatched the last bite of lamb off my plate. Bella had just asked me if I'd like dessert when an older gentleman in a suit approached our table. Bella broke into a huge grin.

"Michael, this is my boyfriend, Edward." As we were shaking hands, Bella explained that this was Omar's brother-in-law. Michael asked if we enjoyed our evening.

"Everything was delicious, and I loved the way we were taken care of. Sometimes I go to restaurants and the entire experience is marred by lack of accessibility or thoughtless servers. This was such a pleasant experience."

Omar took a deep breath and seemed to relax. "Thank you. My wife was sick for a while, and had to rely on a wheelchair for mobility. When my daughter and I remodeled, we wanted to make the restaurant welcoming to everyone. I know we're still new; you're the first person who uses a wheelchair to visit us. I can't tell you how pleased I am that we met your expectations."

"Everything was perfect, thank you," and it was. I tried not to let past experiences cause me to be jaded, but sometimes it was unavoidable. I'd had some terrible experiences in inaccessible establishments. Throughout our visit to Olivia's, not once had I thought about my disability or how I was going to maneuver through a spot. Not once did someone ask Bella if I was "allowed" to have something, acting like I wasn't there or able to make a decision of my own. We had an enjoyable time being ourselves and it was a really good feeling.

"Willow and I would like to acknowledge your birthday with a complimentary dessert for each of you." I grimaced. This was the point where the staff came out singing and clapping, and the birthday boy hung his head in embarrassment.

"Uh, I don't... "

Michael laughed and put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. I promise no surprises. Just dessert... on the house."

I looked across the tiny table and Bella's eyes were twinkling with delight. My girl wanted dessert.

"Okay. Thank you."

"Would you like to look over the dessert menu?"

I looked back at Bella, and thought for a second. "No, surprise me." Bella began nodding her head. "Yes, me too, please. But, could I have something different from Edward's?" Then she looked at me deviously when she said, "Perhaps we can share."

"Certainly. Is there anything else I can do to make your evening more enjoyable?"

I thought for a minute, and really, it had already been a perfect evening. "No, thank you. I can't remember when I've had such a nice time going out."

"Thank you. Please, take your time and when you've finished dessert enjoy the band in the lounge if you like, there's no rush. I hope you visit us again."

That was something I could guarantee. "Oh, trust me, we'll be back, in fact, if you have some business cards, I'd love to hand them out to some the members of a disability support group I moderate. We're always sharing information on places that are welcoming to people with disabilities."

Accessibility was paramount for a person with a disability when navigating the community, but being welcomed like we had been left a lasting impression. It wasn't about just meeting the bare minimum required by law. Creating an atmosphere where _any individual _could relax without having to worry about anything but having a nice evening was still the exception rather than the rule.

"Thank you, I can't think of a higher compliment. Happy Birthday, and enjoy your evening. It was nice meeting both of you."

I reached out and shook his hand. "Thank you for such an enjoyable evening. I have no doubt you'll do well."

"I'll have Stefan bring your desserts right out."

Michael had barely walked away and Stefan cleared away our plates and returned with dessert. He set two dishes on the table. I recognized one as baklava. The other looked like a bird's nest and Stefan called it _kanafa_. There were chopped pistachios all over it. It was made of tiny strands of pastry and was drizzled with honey.

"Move a little closer, Bella." She scooted her chair over, but at an angle so that we were closer, but still almost facing one another. I cut a bit of the baklava off with my fork and offered it to her. But she shook her head. "It's still your day. You first."

I think I moaned when it hit my taste buds. I'd had baklava a number of times, but this was so flaky and perfect. It wasn't too sweet, it melted in my mouth. I looked over at Bella with a smirk; she was licking her lips in anticipation. She'd love it.

When I lifted the second bite to her mouth, she made noises similar to the ones I had... She closed her eyes and chewed. "Oh, my. That's exquisite."

Stefan appeared out of nowhere and set a tray containing two cups of coffee, and a small pitcher of creamer on our table. "Enjoy."

He disappeared as quickly as he had come.

Dessert was to die for, and the kafana was as delightful as the baklava had been. When we were finished, Stefan handled our check, when he returned Bella's credit card, he left a stack of business cards with a twenty percent discount on the back of each. Sweet.

I wasn't ready for the evening to end. We'd never been out like this before, and I wanted to relish it a little longer. "Would you mind terribly if we went back to the lounge for a while, or are you ready to go?"

Bella perked up, "You really want to go back and listen? I'd love to."

"Come here, love." I tugged on Bella's hand and she climbed onto my lap.

I drove us back into the lounge and past the dance area to a quiet spot that was still open and roomy. "Might I have the honor of a dance Miss Swan?"

Bella giggled and gave me a quick kiss. "I'd love to dance with you, but I have two left feet."

"I think I can accommodate you, my dear."

Making certain I wasn't too close to anyone, I began moving my chair in slow fluid movements, while Bella draped her arms over my shoulders and toyed with the hair on the back of my neck. I recognized the tune, and I hummed along, even though I had no idea what was playing. We went on like this for four or five songs, before Bella tried to stifle a yawn.

"Come on Bella, we can come back another time. You look sleepy."

"Mmm, I am a little tired, but I don't want to leave if you're enjoying yourself."

"I'm ready, let's go."

It was warm; we didn't have coats or anything to gather. I squeezed Bella tight and began driving towards the exit while Bella giggled. "I can walk you know."

"Oh, I'm quite aware of that fact. I rather like you on my lap and in my arms though."

As we neared the exit, Willow came over. "Happy Birthday Edward. My dad shared your compliments, I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves."

"We did. We had a wonderful evening. Thank you again. It was nice meeting both of you."

"And you as well. Travel safe."

She smiled at Bella and I followed her gaze. My girl was sound asleep. "Thanks. Goodnight now."

When we got outside it was warm, muggy even, and Bella began to stir as I crossed the parking lot. The little bumps and divots in the pavement were jarring enough to wake her; she sat up and slapped her hand to her mouth. "Oh my gosh! I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I drifted off."

"Relax babe, it was for like, five minutes. Are you okay to get in the car?"

"Mmhmm."

I drove around to her side and held her hand while she got down from my lap and stood for a minute getting her bearings. I'd always steadied her, but it was just a few days ago that she told me she'd been experiencing episodes of vertigo. We made an appointment for her to see Jeff, and I was thrilled when she asked if I'd go with her. She was letting me in. I understood the desire to keep private medical things private, but I felt like we were moving closer and closer when these appointments included both of us. This would be the first time I'd be able to accompany her.

She appeared ready to go home and relax, but I didn't want to assume anything. "Is there anyplace else we need to stop before we go home?"

She turned slightly in her seat so she was looking at me and snuggled her head into the seat. "Nope. Home would be nice, unless you need to stop someplace."

I shook my head.

"I'm tired and would like to relax a little bit before Alice puts me to bed, and I'd like to spend a little time with Jane if she's home yet. I want to see how things worked out for her with her parents. I'm a little concerned about her housing situation. It'll be nice for her if she goes to her dad's house."

Bella nodded. "Ummhmm, it will. I don't think her mom is very attentive. I can relate." I looked over- her face was awash with sadness. "I often wished my mom and I were closer, I don't know why she acts the way she does. We used to be really close, but since I got sick, I dunno... "

Maybe it wasn't Bella that was the cause. "Did you ever stop to think that she had just begun seeing Phil back then? Maybe it's your mother who has changed. You can't blame yourself for her ambivalence."

She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "No, I don't. I just... I wish things were different. That Christmas eve, we had so much fun and then the next day, it was like someone flipped a switch. It was almost like she couldn't cope because I was getting all the attention."

"All I can suggest is that you don't give up on your relationship with her. Keep reaching out to her."

"Yeah, I will." She muttered softly. The rest of the ride was silent.

The house was dark when we pulled up. Parking my car in the garage, I was thankful that everything had finally been put away where it belonged. I got out and Bella followed me inside.

"I'm gonna go grab a cool shower quick. Is there anything you need before I get in?" She asked.

"Nope, I'm good."

I reclined my chair back and thought over my day. I'd been so apprehensive, so afraid I'd dwell on things I wanted to keep buried... things that refused to remain hidden...

A quick session with Sasha had started my day. I was certain I'd never get through a celebration. She reminded me that the best way to get past my old memories was to make new ones. I couldn't wait to see her in the morning. She'd laugh at me if I burst into her office like a fifteen year old.

Knowing that Bella was in the shower, I decided to push myself a little further. I sat myself up and went to the place on the bookcase that I knew held some of my fondest memories. I pulled out the heavy leather bound photo album and carried it on my lap into the dining room. Sitting it on the table, I took a deep breath before opening it. It smelled like old books, a little musty, but it was a welcoming smell... not in the least bit offensive... and I found it evoked the happy feelings I'd had sharing mother's books with Bella. I owed it to her to sit and share this sometime soon.

Carefully... _reverently_, I turned the pages.

Smiling up at me were the faces of my family... young and happy, not a care in the world. Mom and Dad vacationing with Carlisle and Esme. Mom and Esme could have been twins. Without my permission, my hand ghosted over the page, my fingers tracing their faces as if to burn the memory into my mind... as if I could forget them...

There were pictures of Mom, heavily pregnant with me, and one I had forgotten of Mom and Esme, both visibly pregnant, belly to belly, grinning happily. If Esme had carried that baby to term, would my life have turned out differently after the accident? Would they have loved me the way they do now? As I pondered it, I knew it wouldn't have made a difference... Except, I'd have a sibling.

I studied picture after picture. The happiness that surrounded me during my formative years was evident in every single picture. I might have loved them, and lost them, but I knew they were mine... and I had no doubts in my mind of their love for me. Even though Dad and I were arguing passionately at the moment of the accident, I knew his insistence was born of the desire for me to have the very best life could offer, and clearly he felt I was missing my potential.

_I hope you're proud of me Dad._

I laughed at a picture of Maggie and I, one of the only ones I had. I had fallen and skinned myself up on my bike. Maggie sat next to me on the exam table in Carlisle's office with her arm around me in a hug. I was wearing shorts and a tee shirt, my knees and elbows covered in band aids. Maggie was always there to put me back together. Even all grown up, she was here for me. I decided we needed to take a current picture, we'd shared so many wonderful memories over the years, and she was always there for me when I needed her… sometimes, even when I didn't.

There was the picture of me all decked out for Halloween wearing the scrubs Carlisle had managed to nab for me in the OR. Carlisle wore scrubs that year and followed me from house to house while dad was in Canada at a conference. I laughed, remembering that it was I who had to reprimand him from eating candy till we got home and allowed Mom to check it for tampering. She was thorough like that. I always got a _safe_ candy bar to take in my pocket, I saved it until I couldn't wait any longer, and then ate it to tide myself over until I got home. Occasionally, I'd keep one of the little paper Halloween printed bags if it was from someone we knew was safe. The little fruit flavored tootsie rolls always came from the Weber's, and they were always hard. I put them in the pocket of my pants to make them soft and nibbled as I walked. The Weber's would never poison children or put pins or razor blades in their goodies. Sometimes mom would find the religious tract they stuffed in the top of the baggie in my jeans, and she'd admonish me for eating the candy- even though we both knew it was okay.

I came across the proofs for the family portraits that Esme had in my old bedroom, and well, the one that now sat above my fireplace. There were some great shots, and I decided that maybe I'd have some of them printed and put into a collage frame. There were ones of Mom and Dad together, and ones of me with each of them separately.

_Priceless._

When I got about 3/4 of the way through the book, I realized the end was near, and I steeled myself for what I knew I'd find at the turn of the next page. Someone, Esme I'm sure, had laid the clippings from the accident between the first of the blank pages. My parent's joint obituaries were under the clipping. One of the pictures from that final portrait shoot of my parents together was above the obits. It was the first time I'd actually looked at them, so I sat and read, not realizing that anyone had entered the room until Bella handed me a box of tissues. She took one to wipe her eyes; it was then that I noticed her tears as well. Carefully, I put the clippings back and closed the book.

"I should... I should put this away." My voice cracked and I didn't want to break. I had held it together so well all day.

"I've got it." She whispered. "Alice is on her way with Jane. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I just thought maybe you needed a minute before they arrived."

"Thanks." Was all I could get out.

I followed Bella to the living room and after she put the album back on the shelf, she came over to me. I put out my hands and she climbed onto my lap. When I took a hold of her waist to turn her, she cringed and put a hand on her stomach.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

"I have a problem. I was going to come out and ask you, but you were so engrossed... I didn't want to trouble you... I decided to wait and ask Alice."

"Ask Alice what, baby? What's wrong? Are you sick to your stomach?"

She blushed and shook her head.

"Do you feel okay?"

She shrugged, "I'm not sick from dinner."

"What's wrong? You're killing me here." A million scenarios were running through my mind, every one of them worthy of a call to my father or a trip to the ER.

"It really hurts, Edward." She cried. "This is so embarrassing."

"What is it, love?"

"I can't... I can't pee." She whispered.

"Has this happened before?"

She shook her head.

"Do you think you can lay down on your bed for me?"

She hesitated. "Okay."

I drove into Bella's room, and she slowly got off my lap and onto her bed. She was wearing a thin nightgown, and her bladder was visibly distended.

"When did you go last?"

"At the pool, after swimming."

I stood my chair and went to her bedside. Ever so gently I palpated her tummy, the outline of her distended bladder blatantly clear. When I exerted the slightest pressure, she cried out.

"That was hours ago. Oh baby, why didn't you say something earlier?"

"I was so excited about your day I didn't really think about it. I didn't have to go until we were done eating, and when I went in the restaurant, it was just a dribble and that was all there was. I figured my mind was playing tricks on me. But by the time I was fully awake and we got home, I really had to go, but nothing would come out. I even thought maybe standing in the hot water of the shower would relax me and I'd go."

"I thought you were taking a shower to _cool off_." I teased, trying to lighten the situation.

"I wasn't about to admit something I could fix on my own."

"You can hurt your bladder waiting too long to go."

I thought over our evening, and was almost certain the alcohol was the culprit. I had one MS patient who would retain copious amounts of urine after a single glass of wine or champagne. After intermittent cathing a few times, until the alcohol was out of her system, she was fine.

"Baby, I think the wine is what made you retain urine." I explained my former patient and the predicaments she got into over a minimal amount of alcohol.

"You have several choices. We could go to the Emergency room." She shook her head.

"We could call Carlisle and he can come over and help you with this." She vehemently shook her head, covering her face with her hands. "No, no way. I'd _die_ if Carlisle came over to fix this."

"You can let me help you, or we can wait for Alice, she'll be here shortly, right?"

"She said she was leaving rehab with Jane when she called."

"What do _you_ want to do, love? Someone has to relieve the pressure in your bladder with a catheter."

"Would it be okay to ask Alice? I'm, um..." She bit her lip and blushed trying to get the words out. "I don't want our first intimate encounter to be like this." The idea of seeing more of naked Bella was a turn on, but I didn't want to see her like that when she was hurting.

"I understand, if you change your mind, I can be objective. What ever you feel comfortable doing, is what we'll do."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like to ask Alice."

"Alright, I'll let her know as soon as she gets here. I'll just go grab a few things for Alice while we wait."

I hurried to my bathroom and got a sterile straight catheter set. While I normally did things as clean as possible, I didn't use a sterile technique unless I was collecting a sterile specimen for a surveillance culture, or if I had the signs and symptoms of a UTI. While I didn't regularly use them, I had enough sterile supplies on hand to cover just about any situation.

I wanted to have everything in Bella's room before the girls got here, that way Bella had all the privacy she needed. Had I thought, I'd have put her in my room, but since she was already in bed, I didn't want her to have to move. I knew she was uncomfortable. Taking everything across the hall, I sat next to Bella holding her hand and trying to talk in a soothing manner, while she lay on her side in a fetal position tenderly holding her belly. When we heard the girls in the kitchen, Bella sighed in relief.

"Soon baby. I'll go get her for you."

"Please don't... "

I squeezed her hand, I understood her embarrassment. "Don't worry; I won't say anything in front of Jane."

Jane was already in the basement when I found Alice, so I explained quickly what was wrong. Alice nodded and was gone before I could even finish. I sat outside Bella's room, rocking my chair back and forth with the joystick, in the confined space of the foyer. It was as close as I'd get to pacing. I could hear Alice talking to Bella in a reassuring tone while I heard the familiar sounds of packages being opened, and paper crinkling.

Suddenly Bella let out a loud "Ahhhhhhh... Oh my God, Alice!" and I couldn't help but chuckle, if she hadn't been feeling badly, it would have been funny. I could only imagine her relief. I didn't have the sensation that I was overly full, so I had to use the clock as an indicator when it was time to relieve myself. My crazy lifestyle had gotten me into trouble… more than once.

"Oh God, Thank you!" Alice was laughing and I could tell she was cleaning up.

"Drink plenty of water, Bella, and if you feel like you're having any more trouble, don't wait until you are in pain. This happens sometimes to MS patients who drink alcohol."

I heard Alice flush the toilet and Bella moving around in her room. My little cousin came out wearing a smile and patted me on the shoulder. "All better, and I don't think she'll die of mortification. You can go in now. Let me know if she gets in trouble in the night, okay?"

"I will, thanks Ali."

"No troubles. I'm gonna go watch a movie with Jane, mmkay?"

"Goodnight, Ali. See ya in the morning, are we sleeping in? It's Saturday, we don't have rehab tomorrow for a change."

"Sounds good. See you around ten or so?"

"Alight. See you then."

I knocked on Bella's door and she welcomed me inside. When I went through the door, I found her sitting Indian style in the center of the bed. She hung her head, a blush covered her face and she was looking more than a little embarrassed. Where was the girl who acted so matter-of-factly when she stocked my closets with incontinence supplies?

"Hey. You okay now?"

"I didn't have that much wine, it was kinda scary not being able to go, and knowing I had to. I'm really beginning to see some of the things I take for granted."

"We all do, you're not the only one."

"Thanks. You know... for Alice."

"You know she didn't mind helping you."

Bella's head bobbed when she nodded. "I know." she whispered.

I wondered if we were going to continue this way... the brazen girl who wore that barely there swim suit just a few hours ago... hiding behind the tresses of her long brown hair, suddenly embarrassed over a bodily function she'd had no control over.

"Are you alright?"

Her head lifted, embarrassed eyes met my own. "Yeah. All better, I think. Why did that happen? I've never had that happen before. I mean... I've had issues with my bladder, but I've always been able to _go_. In the past my issues were with incontinence."

"Well, you had some uro-dynamic testing, yes?" I thought back to that first day, when I assured her that the embarrassment far outweighed the discomfort of the tests she was waiting to have done.

"Yeah, they said my bladder was nuetro... ", she shook her head. "_No, neuro- neuro_genic. I have a _neurogenic_ bladder."

"The term neurogenic bladder typically means that your bladder is affected by a type of neurologic dysfunction. It can be caused by a number of things, in your case; the MS. Spastic bladder symptoms are very common in MS."

"But in the past, my problem has always been with _being able_ to hold my urine... not with involuntary retention."

"What happened tonight was something we refer to as acute urinary retention. It's a sudden inability to urinate and it usually occurs as a secondary issue from another diagnosis. Sometimes it's triggered by alcohol consumption, and while you didn't have a _lot_ to drink, you had nearly two glasses of wine. Apparently that was enough."

I'd had a patient a few years ago, one of my first MS patients who suffered from acute retention every time she consumed even the smallest amount of wine or champagne. She'd have a celebratory glass with friends to mark some occasion, and a few hours later she'd call my office begging me to call in an order with the visiting nurses for a straight cath. Eventually her spouse/caregiver learned how to do the procedure and the nurses were no longer needed. I explained her situation to Bella as it was the only reference point I had on acute retention in regards to alcohol.

"Did you know this would happen if I drank something alcoholic?" she asked, not meeting my eyes but looking past me at something on the wall.

"No baby, I had _no clue_. It's not very common for this to happen. I would have warned you."

She was quiet as I continued on. "There are two muscles that work in sync to allow proper bladder function. The detrusor muscle relaxes and allows your bladder to fill with urine, while the sphincter muscle remains contracted. When your brain sends the signal that it's time to void, the sphincter relaxes and the detrusor contracts. Sometimes in patients with MS, this signal gets muddled and in a case like you experienced tonight, both muscles contract at the same time. So the detrusor is trying to force the urine out, but the sphincter is squeezing shut, so nothing comes out even though you have the urge. Essentially your body got its wires crossed."

"I don't know that I understood half of that, but it's so sexy when you go all Doctor Cullen on me."

"Is that so Miss Swan?" My voice lowered as I leaned in towards her face.

"Yeah, I think so." She giggled, her embarrassment seemingly forgotten. "So, this means I can't drink anymore? What if I'm at a celebration and I want to toast some milestone?"

"Well," I kissed her cheek. "You could always just have a sip, or _pretend_ to have a sip as someone toasts; there are lots of people who cannot drink alcohol for a myriad of reasons... health issues, cultural and religious beliefs... alcoholism... no one treats them with a lack of respect, and oftentimes they are provided with something like non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or even apple juice. It's really no one's business but your own. You know, I've got no business drinking either. We could just agree that it's better for us not to, for health reasons, and support each other. I don't have to drink to have fun. In many cases, people mistake the socialization aspect with the alcohol aspect. I enjoy the socialization that comes with going out with my pals and drinking. In all honesty, I could socialize just as well with a glass of coke. You know?"

"Yeah, I guess so. It makes sense."

"If you have any problems during the night, you promise to let me know right away? We'll get Alice up here to help you again."

Bella blushed again, and nodded. "Um, Alice offered to teach me... tomorrow... she said we had all the supplies here, and that it's fairly common for MS patients to have to self cath for one reason or another, and if I knew how, I wouldn't get myself in a bind. So... "

"I think that's an excellent idea, Bella. It's a whole lot less embarrassing when you're doing it yourself, trust me."

Bella climbed down off the bed and came to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders in a tight embrace. "Thanks for everything. I know all this is old hat to you, but it's all new to me, and it's still a little overwhelming. I'm not used to my body turning traitor on me all the time."

"Anytime, Bella. I'll help with whatever I can. I just don't want to overstep my bounds."

"It's okay. I promise to tell you if something makes me uncomfortable. It's sort of nice having access to my own neurologist. I'm so glad you were never my doctor though."

"Yeah, me too, we wouldn't be here... "

I looked up at her and she leaned down for a kiss... or two... "I'm gonna get some sleep now, okay? It's been a long day. I hope nothing goes wrong tonight."

"Would you feel more comfortable sleeping in my bed?"

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

_Mind? Hell no!_

"No, babe, I don't mind at all."

"Okay then, that might be nice."

"Come on over, I'm gonna go do the things I can till Alice comes up to help me change and get into bed. Just feel free to come over and get settled when you're ready."

"Thanks."

I went back to my room, and laid out pajamas. Entering the bathroom, I voided and took care of my nightly routine. It was nice to be so independent again. Once I was done with everything, I threw on the clean tee shirt, and went back into my room to wait for Alice to help change my pants.

My breath caught when I was met with the vision of a goddess in my bed. My Bella laid on the side of the bed I never occupied, curled up on her side facing me. A delicate blue satin nightgown peeped out over the top of the blankets that landed just above her waist, her hands were tucked under her cheek as if in prayer and her lips were pursed as she snored softly. Sights like that were going to be the death of me.

I looked at my alarm clock, 9:50 pm; I had less than ten minutes until Alice would be ready to spot me into bed. Looking once again at Bella, and thinking about the long night that lay ahead of me as I tried to sleep with her next to me, I knew there was something I had to do... I didn't think it could wait any longer.

I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket in my chair and dialed that familiar number yet again, praying that I'd finally reach him.

"Edward?"

"Dad?"

"I'm sorry I keep missing you. Your mother said you had something to ask me, but it would wait till Sunday."

"I thought it would wait... "

"What is it son?"

"I'm ready to have that talk with you."

I thought I heard him chuckle softly before he responded. "I'm happy for you son. It sure took you long enough... "

* * *

A few short A/Ns…

My life's been crazy with medical things and it's been hard to concentrate when my mind was somewhere else and my day has been broken up with appointments. My apologies for the late chapter. While I'm feeling a bit better about things, this week holds more of the same, so no promises on the timing for the next update. Thanks for understanding.

Thanks to opal aline and KrazyK85 for reccing Impact. If you haven't read their stuff, you should go check it out. For reals people.

One of my readers asked me to show some love for a fellow author and her story. I have not read the fic, so I can't vouch for what you'll find, but I'm learning that many of you have discerning taste when it comes to what you read, so I'll let you be the judge. Dark Muse by Alby Mangroves. This fic rec is brought to you by Pyejammies. Thank you Pye for the rec. I've added it to my list of fics to check out, how can I not? Not only was it recc'd by one of my readers, but it's also beta'd by my pal msambrosia, the awesome banner artist who gave Superward his incredible banner!

And finally… a fic rec of my own. This one is near and dear to my heart. My friend, Debra Anastasia, formerly known as MrsTheKing, here in the world of ffn, has recently released her story Crushed Seraphim through Omnific. I'll always fondly think of Debra as MTK, even though she's now moved on to the world of original fics. If you loved the original version of Crushed Seraphim, you'll love the polished and published version even more. It's absolutely beautiful, what an awesome feeling to actually hold it in my hands. I had a little fangirl moment today when I opened my mailbox. My all time favorite fic, Poughkeepsie will be available in book form Autumn, 2011. Thank you MTK! I love ya hon!

I. Can't. Wait. You and Homeward will always pawn me!


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-two

~Edward~

_"Edward?"_

_"Dad?"_

_"I'm sorry I keep missing you. Your mother said you had something to ask me, but it would wait till Sunday."_

_"I thought it _would _wait... "_

_"What is it son?"_

_"I'm ready to have that talk with you."_

Alice came in to help me finish my bedtime routine just as I was finishing my conversation with Carlisle... well our conversation _about _the upcoming conversation.

The exchange with Alice as we finished up was encouraging; I had come so far in such a short amount of time. Alice and I discussed my progress at length, it wouldn't be long and I'd only need her to get into bed and to get ready for work in the mornings. I didn't think I'd ever feel comfortable showering alone, and I was too heavy to rely on Bella for assistance in the shower. In fact, I still vehemently refused to allow Bella to care for me.

I'd seen too many couples with a disabled partner... they fell apart because the responsibilities and sacrifices were far too great, with no respite for the caregiver. Bella had her own issues, and I refused to stress her out by saddling her with the responsibility of my care.

Alice told me I was selling my girl short and that she seemed almost hurt, when it came up between them, because I wouldn't let her shoulder some of the responsibility. Apparently she thought I didn't trust her, which couldn't have been further from the truth. A conversation I had with Jill in the very beginning came to mind... pick your battles... let her do the things she is _able_ to do... she _needs_ to be able to care for you...

Jill was right, people had an inherent need to help their loved ones, I felt the same way about Bella. I wanted to take care of her every need... I wanted to _fix_ her neurological issues, even though I knew I couldn't... I had been wrong and I _was_ selling Bella short. I needed to start thinking like half of a couple, rather than the independent single guy I used to be. Because the truth was, I _needed_ Bella and she needed me.

It was a little scary, thinking about being on my own independently without Alice. Since she'd signed on back before Christmas, the little notebook toting slave driver had had her hand in almost every aspect of my recovery. It was going to feel like the first day of school when she finally stepped back and let me go off into the world on my own again.

Alice and I agreed she'd work for me full-time until I was done with rehab. When outpatient was finished, she decided that she was going to begin another job, and just cover for me at bedtime and early morning. At the most, it would be ten to fifteen hours per week. Her absence would be strange, although, I realized happily, this accident had given us the opportunity to get close in a way we'd never been before, _and _her moving on would allow Bella and I more couple time.

I really admired and trusted Alice in ways I'd never had the opportunity to before. I was going to sorely miss her... but having some alone time with Bella would be refreshing. We needed to begin our life together as a couple without so many outside interferences. While I was recovering, we had little choice, but thankfully, that was slowly changing.

Bella didn't even realize I'd gotten into bed. She continued to snore softly, and I drifted off listening to the rhythmic sounds of her breathing. I awoke hearing her fumble in the bathroom.

"Baby?"

"I'm okay."

"Any trouble?"

"Nope, I'm fine. I'll be right out."

I looked at my clock, it was around nine in the morning. I couldn't believe I'd slept that long. I realized that the last time I'd slept with Bella I had crashed hard as well. Sleep with a partner was surprisingly refreshing.

When Bella came out she sat on the edge of the bed, gingerly, almost as if she was afraid she'd hurt me. Through regular turning in the night to avoid pressure, I was turned in completely the opposite direction of the way I was when I got in bed. I vaguely remembered her snuggled up behind me a short time ago, her thin arms wrapped around my torso.

"I suppose I should go to my own room and get dressed. I'm sorry I woke you."

I tried and failed to stifle a yawn. "No, it's okay, and you can stay till Alice comes, if you like. It's not like I'm going anywhere," I joked.

In the back of my mind, I could hear Jill's voice again... taunting me. _Choose your battles, Edward... let her do what she can... _I knew eventually I'd have to give in, I might as well get used to it.

"Can you help me roll onto my back? I think I'll be more comfortable." The fact that I still wasn't turning myself was extremely frustrating for me. My legs had always been limber, supple. I could throw them around and roll all over the bed, once I'd finally mastered it. This time though... it was so slow coming. I was just so _stiff_.

The expression that graced Bella's features was priceless, excitement, relief and possibly even a little trepidation, all rolled into the perfect package that was my girl. "_Really?_ What do I do?"

"Can you just push on my shoulder? My top will fall back, and then you'll have to adjust my legs."

Bella nodded with her lip in her mouth, concentrating hard. When my top was flat, she pushed on my hip bone and then uncrossed my legs.

"I'm sorry they are so heavy... dead weight." I said with regret.

"No, I'm okay. I've got this." She huffed and puffed a little, but didn't let it get the best of her and in no time she'd gotten everything situated.

I had her hand me the dog leash that was attached to the side of the bed; I pulled on it to get my hips over into place.

"Okay, all done." I raised the head of the bed and patted the spot next to me. "Now, come talk to me. I wanted to ask you about something yesterday, but the day was so perfect, I didn't want to spoil it for you. I just wondered if you'd hang out with me now, for a bit, so we could talk."

She nodded, but seemed almost afraid of what was on my mind. I shouldn't have worded things the way I had. I needed to cut to the chase so she didn't think it was anything bad.

"You looked so serious when you were with Emmett before we left yesterday, is everything okay?"

She got a far away look, as if she was deep in thought. "I don't... Oh! You mean while you were getting dressed?"

"Yeah, you were deep in conversation when I came out; he didn't give you a hard time about me not wearing the vest or anything?"

She looked relieved, and chuckled. "Oh, no, nothing like that. I have a situation with a consumer. Your friend is _actually_ part of his team."

"Is this a physical therapy case?"

"Nooo... he just... not actually, but he's perfect for the job. I have this kid, his name is _Guy_, he's seventeen and has Down Syndrome, he's just awesome. I've been working with him for about six months, he's my favorite consumer. I know we're not supposed to get attached, but you know as well as I do that it's impossible not to. Right now he's in a situation that is precarious, at best. I'm really worried about him." she said, wringing her hands, her distress obvious.

"Is there some way I can help?"

"I think I've got everything worked out... _now_. His dad is a single parent... rather, _was_ a single parent. His mom and dad were older when he was born, you know-_ change of life_ baby. They'd both be in their very early their sixties now. His mother died some time ago, I think she might have had cancer or something. Guy was just a little boy when it happened. His dad has had heart problems for a while. Last week when Guy didn't show up at the sheltered workshop where he is employed and his dad didn't answer the phone his caseworker stopped by the house. They found Guy there with his dad's body, the coroner ruled it a massive coronary."

"Oh, my, that's so sad. Is he high functioning? Did he realize what was going on?"

"I suspect he understands part of it, but I know it's really been a lot for him to comprehend. His entire life has been turned upside down. Emmett met him when he had a broken arm a few months ago and they became close. Guy has a little trouble with his weight, and he also has some congenital heart issues, so Emmett had offered to do things with him to help him stay fit. He took such an interest in Guy that when his dad began having a lot of problems, he appointed Emmett as Guy's social guardian."

"_Social Guardian_? I've never heard that term before. Does he have any legal rights to the boy?"

"No, it's more of an honorary term. Essentially, Emmett's agreed to take Guy out into the community and do interactive things with him. I'm sure you understand how important social skills are for any child, but they're especially important for a special needs child, all too often they are labeled by their peers in a negative way. One of the programs Emmett is involved in is geared towards helping to get rid of the stigma attached to having a disability. Kids can be cruel sometimes, especially young teenagers."

"How did I not know this about my friend?"

"I suspect you were out of the loop. This all happened while you were... ", she looked up at me with uncertainty, "_under the weather_?"

"It's okay Bella. I'm over it. I am okay, you know." I said, bumping shoulders with hers, teasing her. Sometimes she was so afraid of saying something to upset me, and she walked on egg shells. I didn't want that. I was coming to terms with everything. In fact, I was coping better than I ever had before.

"So, essentially, Emmett is acting like a big brother? That's kinda cool."

"That's exactly what he's doing. Right now though, there are a bunch of issues. There really is no one to care for Guy, there aren't family members willing to take him, his grandparents are all long gone, so he's in the foster care system. Even though he's nearly an adult, he'll need to live with someone for the rest of his life. Currently there is a local professional who volunteers now for the CIL who is working to become approved as a foster parent, she'd really like to become involved with him. I knew she was considering foster parenting, and I _might_ have put a little bug in her ear when Guy's situation came up."

"You _might have_ put a bug in her ear, Bella? Did you purposely get her involved?"

Bella blushed and chewed on her thumb nail, avoiding my gaze. "I hoped that she'd jump on the bandwagon to help him, when she laid eyes on him I could see her crumble, I knew she'd never be able to say no. I know her from her involvement with the CIL. I trust that she'll be a great foster mother for him. I just worry that she and Emmett may have a personality clash in the beginning. They've encountered one another in the past and I don't imagine it was pleasant for either of them. She's sort of... particular... about things and he's... well... Emmett." I nodded, understanding what she meant. My friend was one in a million, but he took some getting used to, he was slightly immature, even if he did have a heart of gold.

"This is all pretty amazing. I hope it works out, and they can get past their differences. Guy is the one who matters, right?"

"We don't want him to fall through the cracks. Often kids end up in less that ideal situations, perhaps the kid and the foster family aren't a good fit... maybe the kid needs too much... Guy is a wonderful kid, but he has a lot of special needs that have to be addressed. I don't want to see anything happen to him. He needs some stability in his life. He's lost too much for someone so young. I think if Emmett and the mother spent time together, they'd become good friends. He's such a likeable person."

My friend _was_ a likeable fellow, once you got to know him. In fact he had a charisma that was nearly irresistible. "So, what does my buddy do with his _little brother_?"

"Oh, they have all kinds of fun. He takes him to play basketball, they go to the arcade, the movies, and they go out to eat... Emmett has even been known to take him to church a few times. They are building social skills in all sorts of settings. Your friend is really pretty amazing."

"Yeah, he is." My friend _was _amazing. There were so many times he had been there for me. No matter what it was I needed. He'd even hopped a plane and flown to Texas once when I'd fallen out of my chair and had gotten hurt. Carlisle and Esme were in Europe, and because of my disability- student services insisted on calling someone because the accident had occurred on campus and I'd been physically injured. I'd smacked my head off the pavement and had a mild concussion. I woke up the next morning to find Emmett sitting next to my hospital bed, completely forgetting that I had given him as a contact person so they wouldn't disturb my parents. I never imagined he'd come to make sure I was alright.

"But, yeah, he wanted to know how Guy was doing. He hasn't been able to do anything with him since he's entered foster care, and I don't think they'll let him take him until he's settled with a foster family and they can work out the details with Emmett. It's been hard for both of them."

"Wow, I can imagine, that's really sad. I'd think spending time with someone he's close to would be a benefit to someone like Guy."

"It would be; it's just that they are hesitant to send him off alone with someone who has no legal responsibilities to the child, and rightfully so. They don't know what kind of person he is. There would be all sorts of repercussions if something were to happen. His case manager has just agreed to let them have supervised visits at the facility where he's residing temporarily. At least that is something, I was glad to be able to share that with Emmett. Hopefully it'll all be worked out soon."

"Sometimes I forget how involved you are with your kids, Bella. This is pretty amazing. I'm glad the girl I fell in love with has such a big heart."

Bella hung her head and blushed. "Thanks," she whispered.

I took her hand and began to say something else when there was a soft knock on my door. I hollered "Come in." and Jane poked her head inside.

"Hey, do you guys have a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"I'm gonna just hang around here today if that's okay. My, uh, Dad is stopping sometime this afternoon to get me."

"Are you going to live with him?" I asked.

Jane flashed an excited smile at me. "Yeah, he and my mom worked out a mutual custody agreement."

"That's good. I'm happy for you, Jane."

"Yeah, it's really cool. I get to stay here, graduate, I can do the internship if my dad approves, and hopefully I'll be allowed to see Alec."

"Oh, how nice, Jane." Bella cooed. "We'll get to see more of you too."

"Anyway, my dad would like to meet you, I was wondering if you guys would be around?"

"Neither of us have anything planned. Just a lazy day around the house. We'd love to meet him."

"Thanks. Alice said to tell you she'd be up in a few minutes, she was grabbing a shower. Is it okay if I make breakfast for everyone?"

I nodded emphatically and Bella lit up, "Sure, do you need some help?"

"I'm not sure, maybe just finding things around the kitchen."

"Go find us some food woman." I growled. Bella just giggled and gave me a quick kiss, before hopping off my bed.

"I've gotta go help Jane. I'll see you in a bit, okay? We can talk more about this later if you want. Unfortunately, Guy's not going anywhere," she said over her shoulder.

I laughed at her enthusiasm. Bella loved to cook. I'd get fat if I wasn't careful. "I'll be out as soon as I'm showered and dressed. Thanks, girls!"

Before I could blink they were down the hall and Alice was rummaging in my drawers for the days outfit.

Heavenly smells assaulted my senses when I left the bedroom. There was music and laughter coming from the kitchen, and I wasn't at all surprised when my zany cousin jumped right in and joined them. Bella was just setting a huge plate of fruit on the island, while little Jane stood next to Bella's Belgian waffle maker, flipping every few minutes. That was the one kitchen appliance that I did recognize. Bella and Belgian waffles were just... _yeah_.

"Last one Alice." Jane yelled, and Alice skipped over and threw a handful of something into the bowl. Jane stirred and dumped the concoction into the iron.

I rolled over to the cupboard and got glasses for everyone, pouring juice while Alice carried the glasses to the table. Everyone pitched in and we all worked in sync. Jane set the platter of waffles on the bar next to the plate of fruit and a plate of bacon. I had spied whipped cream and syrup on the table. Mmm mmm mmm...

"Go ahead Edward, dig in." Bella nudged me with a smirk; she knew how I felt about her waffles.

"Thanks!" I replied, and couldn't wipe the goofy grin off my face. Weekend breakfasts had become a favorite of mine, and it looked like this morning would be no exception.

I plated a waffle and piled it high with berries and whipped cream, snatching a few slices of bacon on my way past. I set the plate on my lap, and headed for the table. By the time I was situated, everyone else was sitting down. When I looked over at Alice, she was drizzling something brown over her strawberry covered waffle. _What the...?_

Jane poked me with her elbow. "Stop gawking. It's just a little chocolate syrup."

"Eww, chocolate, on your waffles Alice?"

Alice laughed before she cut a bite and picked it up. There was... chocolate... _inside_ too.

_That was what Alice threw in!_

"Hey, no fair! I didn't get chocolate chips in my waffles!" I whined.

Jane just laughed and playfully smacked my arm, "First you dissed her waffles, and now you're complaining because you didn't get the same thing! Grow up Cullen!"

"But... ", I pouted. Then I looked down, and my mouth began watering. Alice's _special_ waffles were nearly forgotten...

Breakfast was great, and I cleaned up while the girls went down to help Jane pack up her little bit of stuff.

When they came upstairs, Jane plopped down on the couch next to me, her bare feet propped on the edge of the coffee table. She bumped her shoulder into mine playfully. "I really wanted to thank you for befriending me, Edward. I was so alone there at rehab, and the staff really tried to pull me out of my shell, but I don't know that I've ever had a friend quite like you. I owe you a lot, and I, well... I wanted you to know."

That worked both ways. "This whole experience has been good for me too. I've really made some good friends, and found some old ones. I hope you can take some of the things you've learned about yourself and apply them in the real world. You know, don't be so hard on yourself, and don't let the things other people say and do affect you to the point where you're the one who gets hurt."

"No, don't worry. After letting other people in, I began to see in myself some of the things they claim to see. I got hurt because I didn't see myself clearly. I thought I needed to try and be someone I'm not to make my peers like me... or at least to get them off my back."

"Those girls who bullied you, they probably have their own issues. I think we talked about this. I'm not saying you should empathize, I'm just saying that they probably didn't pick on you because of your shortcomings, but because they have their own."

Jane nodded, deep in thought. Finally she looked up and smiled. "Yeah, we've talked about this before. How'd you get to be so philosophical?"

I just laughed and shook my head.

Jane continued. "Anyway... I just wanted you to know that I realize life's short and people take too many things for granted. I think the only sure thing I've ever experienced in my life is my dad, and he's always been so busy... you know, career driven. You and your family have been really good to me. I've never experienced something like that before from complete strangers. I'm really glad I met all of you."

"I feel fortunate to have met you, as well. All of you. This has been nothing but a positive experience for me, and I've grown so much since I got hurt."

"Well, I didn't want to turn this into one of Sasha's group sessions or anything, but I just wanted you to know that I truly appreciate your efforts. I don't know how many times you saw me in the cafeteria and just came over and gave me a hand. The staff wasn't nearly as attentive to my needs as you were. You're a good man, you always put others first. It's no wonder you're a doctor. I bet your patients adore you."

I looked away, I could feel myself blushing, people didn't usually praise me like that, and while I knew it was true that I did put my patients first, I didn't feel I deserved any accolades. I was doing what anyone would have done... _should_ have done...

"I didn't do anything special; I was just doing what anyone else would have."

"Yeah, you did cuz we both know they _didn't_. So, just... thank you. Okay?"

"Okay, you're welcome." I couldn't help smiling she was so much happier than the lonely girl I'd met all those weeks ago.

"So, what are you and Bella doing this weekend?"

"Well, tomorrow we're going to my parents for dinner, but sometime today we're going for the whole... ", I held up my fingers to make air quotes. "'_shopping_' experience. Apparently Bella thinks she can teach me to cook, and she says the first step is grocery shopping. She said something about assessing my skills. Should I be scared?"

Jane snorted, "Yeah, I'd most definitely be scared. Lucky you. I hate food shopping. But I do love to cook, so it's sort of a necessity. I think my dad has a cook and a cleaning lady when he's home. I know _he_ can't boil a pot of water without burning it. You don't wanna end up like that. Do you?"

"No, I guess not. I'm used to just buying frozen pizza and yogurt and I do make a mean Hot Pocket! I don't know if I've actually even gone to a real grocery store, I just always looked for a corner store that I could get inside of and maneuver through enough to get the bare essentials so I wouldn't starve." I lowered my voice, "And I eat out- _a lot_."

"Well, I've had a few meals here; I think it's safe to say that your days of food foraging as a bachelor are coming to an end."

"I think we're having ham potpie soon, Bella froze the ham from Alec's dinner with his parents so she could teach me to make it. Apparently it's a Swan family specialty. Maybe you and your dad would like to come over and join us or something."

"Well, it sounds really good, but I don't want to intrude. It seems you've had an endless stream of visitors since you've gotten home. I can't imagine how nice it'll be for you to just relax and really get to know one another."

"Yeah, it will." Bella replied from behind me just as she reached her arms around me from the back of the couch and nuzzled her face into my neck. "But, we'll really miss you Jane. I'm so happy that you'll get this chance to get to know your dad better. You know if you ever need anything we're just a phone call away, right?"

"Thanks, that means a lot." She answered as she stood up from the couch. "I've gotta go get dressed before my dad comes, and I should probably call my mom and thank her for agreeing to let me stay here in Seattle. She'd never let me move in with my dad, and I know he was away for work all the time, but I think he'd have found a way to stay home if I was with him, I think Mom was afraid she'd lose those big support checks he sent each month if I moved out, now, it's kinda inevitable anyway, it won't be long till I'm eighteen."

"You all packed?" Bella asked.

"Yep! I have a few boxes from rehab down in the basement, but I just lived out of a duffle bag this week. I'm all ready."

After Jane left, Bella sat down next to me, taking my hand in her own. "Are you worried about going to see your dad?"

I drew in a hitched breath. I wasn't worried per se. "I'm, just... I guess I'm afraid of failure." I allowed my last sexual encounter to completely dictate my life for so long. It didn't work then, what's to say that now, all these years later anything would be different? I couldn't even look at her I was so embarrassed. My hands got clammy and my heart pounded just thinking about how devastating it would be to live through that again. "What if I can't...?"

Bella climbed right up in my lap and straddled me. She took my head in her hands and tilted my face so that I couldn't avoid her eyes. "Hey now, none of that. We're in this together. No matter what happens, right?"

I nodded in response, but my mind was somewhere else. My mind wandered to the endless doctors visits I anticipated in my future. While Reilly had broached the subject of intimacy with me in the past, I'd been a little uncomfortable discussing something that felt so very private. My preference was to go to my father for advice, and once I'd made a decision on what was out there, then I'd go to Reilly for treatment of my problem.

However, if for whatever reason, my father changed our plans for Sunday dinner, I'd have to bite the bullet and just go have a sit down with my urologist. I shouldn't have been embarrassed, he'd had hands on contact with my most intimate parts on numerous occasions, but it was one thing not being able to pee, it was another to admit that you couldn't get it up for your girl.

"Baby? Where did you go? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

"So, what do you think will happen? Are you gonna ask him for advice? Will he give you medicine? Will he send you to another doctor?"

"Whoa... slow down there Bella. I'm not sure what he'll suggest, I just want to get some ideas from him. I think I'll probably have to go to my urologist, I'd just feel more comfortable talking to Carlisle about what's out there now, you know have some ideas to explore before I go to my doctor... Dad's been trying for years to encourage me... every time a new drug comes out on the market he sends me samples. I've never taken them."

"You never even _tried_?"

"_Why?_" I cried, "What good would it have done? I wasn't in a committed relationship with anyone."

"But still, you didn't want to just try it and find out? Haven't you ever been _curious_?"

"I... if it didn't work... the disappointment would have been crippling. You have to understand, I've spent most of my adult life finding things to keep me busy so _that _void was filled. It was my way of deflecting, I know now that it was an unhealthy coping mechanism. None of my problems went away, and they're still here haunting me."

"I'll do whatever I need to do to help you. You need to understand that I refuse to let you push me away if you can't find a therapy you're satisfied with. You don't have to get erections to have a fulfilling love life, and I'll prove it to you if I have to. I won't leave you, no matter what happens." I was shocked to hear her speak with such resolve and determination... _and love_.

"I promise not to push you away, Bella. I'll need you more than ever. But, please, give me some time to work this out on my own. I need to find some self confidence, and I'm trying, really I am. Can you be patient with me?"

"We've got all the time in the world to explore our life together, this really is just a tiny aspect of it, love. Please promise me that you won't let it consume you... us..."

I pulled her tightly to my chest in a crushing embrace. I didn't know what I did to make her love me, or how I became so fortunate, but I'd do anything, absolutely anything to keep her in my life. We could handle this...

"I promise."

The ringing doorbell pulled us out of our bubble. Bella pushed off of me then stood up. Leaning down, she gave me another kiss before she left to answer the door.

I heard Bella talking with someone who had a deep voice, I could only assume to be Jane's father. As he came into view, all doubt was removed. His daughter's resemblance to him was uncanny. He wore a sharp gray suit and carried a briefcase. The epitome of a successful businessman.

He walked pointedly to where I sat on the couch, and I was ashamed that I couldn't stand and greet him properly.

"Hello, I'm Aro Denali. Thank you for the kindness you've bestowed on my daughter. I greatly appreciate it."

"She's a joy to be around; it was no trouble, no trouble at all. Please, have a seat."

Suddenly I heard rapid footsteps coming from behind me, and Jane screaming, "Daddy!" as she grabbed him in a choking embrace. "Oh, God, I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too kiddo." He held her away from himself to get a better look at her. "You look great!"

"Yeah, a lot better than I did last time you saw me wearing that brace with my arms in casts. I felt like a zombie in some twisted horror movie." She held her arms out in front of her, and took a few stiff-legged, staggered steps, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

Bella, whose hostess skills were beginning to rival Esme's, asked if they'd like to join us for lunch. I rubbed my stomach, not because I was the least bit hungry, but because I was still stuffed to the gills. I sighed in relief when Aro admitted he needed to get home but he'd love to take her up on a rain check.

Jane looked at me and laughed, before she whispered, "I'm still full too. Couldn't eat another bite if you paid me."

I got myself into my chair while the girls took Aro to the basement to collect Jane's things. Once I was situated, I went looking for them, hoping to be able to be of some assistance. Everyone had something in their hands, and when they refused to let me carry anything, I begged Bella to let me carry _something._ She backed up and plopped down on my lap, giggling and pulled Jane's duffle bag tight to her chest.

"Okay, do you feel like you're contributing now?"

"Yep, this is even better than what I imagined."

We got everything out to Aro's car in one trip and soon the girls were hugging and sniffling like they'd never see her again. I stood off to the side next to Aro, who again thanked me again for our hospitality and for befriending Jane. Apparently she'd shared our short history. Finally Jane turned and looked at me, her eyes all misty and suddenly it felt like I'd been transported back to that scene in the Wizard of Oz, where Dorothy is saying goodbye to everyone before she is supposed to leave her friends behind. She came over and squeezed me hard for such a little girl. "I think I'll miss you most of all. Thank you," she muttered into my chest. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome Jane." I said rubbing her head, and mussing her hair. "See ya Monday! You girls act like you'll never see each other again."

As she walked to the car, with her dad, their hands clasped and swinging between them, I heard her say, "I'm so happy you're home, I'm missed you so much, Dad." I was still smiling when I went into the house.

I found Bella in the kitchen at her little desk with this little box. She'd hit a button and said the name of a grocery item. This occurred over and over. It almost seemed as if she was recording the list. "Whatcha doin' _Bel-la_?" I teased.

"Makin a grocery list _Ed-ward_." She chimed back in a sing-song voice.

"That doesn't _look_ like a grocery list."

"Oh, but it is." She picked up the device and said flour, and then onions. "Come here, Edward. Do you want to add to my list?"

I scoffed at her. "I don't _do_ grocery lists, Bella."

She kind of snickered, "Okay, whatever you say."

"So are you taking that little box to the grocery store? That seems kinda cumbersome." I teased.

She began laughing at me. "Here," she said, thrusting the little box into my hands. Taking my index finger, Bella poked the tip into a button on the box. It made a groaning noise and started to come to life in my hands. I looked up at Bella, who was wearing a knowing grin.

When I looked back down, a slip of paper like a register receipt was coming out of the box. When it stopped, she pulled it off and took the box away from me, putting the slip of paper in my hand. There in front of me lay a categorized shopping list. It even had notes at the bottom to stop at the bank ATM and the video store.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, dropping the list in my lap. Where had I been and when did people begin using things like this?

Bella just snatched it from me and said, "Come on doc, give me a ride to the store."

When we got to the store, Bella asked what kinds of things I wanted to get.

"Can I just get my own cart?" I was a little excited when I saw these tiny carts that almost looked like someone had invented them simply to appease children tagging along at the store.

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes, "Go ahead."

I stood my chair up and followed Bella and her huge cart through the produce section. She got a bunch of things that I knew were perishable, and I wondered how we would ever eat it all before it spoiled. The next aisle contained condiments and salad dressings and it looked downright boring. When I saw a Pop Tarts on sale I got a little excited and wandered off. "I'll be right back, okay?" I yelled over my shoulder. Bella laughed and nodded before heading off after whatever it was she needed.

I grabbed a few boxes of Pop Tarts, these things had a shelf life that was... well, probably forever. I had had them in my dresser at the dorms forever and as long as the wrapper remained sealed, I suspected they'd never spoil, instant breakfast powder, and a box of lucky charms joined the toaster pastries. The chip aisle was next. When I spied the salsa and cheese sauce, I got a little excited, throwing them in with other goodies. Soon frozen pizzas, mozzarella sticks, several boxes of Hot Pockets and a six pack of coke filled the top of my tiny cart. I cursed myself for not having the foresight to get something huge like Bella had. The possibilities in the grocery store were endless!

I turned the next corner and I was in the dairy department. I squeezed little tubs of yogurt in the nooks and crannies around my other finds. I sat down and put a dozen eggs and a half gallon of orange juice on my lap. I forgot to get some cold meat and cheese so I whipped around, running smack into Bella who took one look at my cart and began laughing.

"Edward, _what _did you get?"

"Only the bare necessities." These _were _necessities, I knew they were. I was counting on Bella for the essentials.

"Necessities?" She scoffed. "Edward, are you sure you're a doctor? Cuz the only healthy things I see are the eggs and juice on your lap. That stuff in your cart will kill you!"

"Nu uh." I pouted. "I haven't had any of this stuff in so long... You just buy the groceries for meals, I don't expect you to pay for this."

"Do you trust me, Edward?" she asked. She was pressuring me, this couldn't end well. Of course I did.

"You know I do."

"Let me help you out a little here. Let's put the OJ in my cart, and we'll take a look at what you have in here."

The eggs followed the OJ and some of my frozen stuff. "Do you like a particular brand of pizza?"

I shook my head. Frozen pizza was frozen pizza. "Let's put that back. I have cheese at home; we'll make our own pizza. You'll like it much better."

As we walked through the store, certain items went into Bella's cart, and certain ones went back on the shelves, like the cheese sauce. "That stuff is full of salt and fat, we can make our own and it'll taste better and be better for us."

I kept all my frozen goodies, proclaiming that a man had to have snack food in the event his buddies came over for an evening of cards or to watch a game. When Bella looked into my nearly bare cart, she covered her mouth with her hand as she began laughing at me. "Seriously, Edward? Do we really need _six_ boxes of Pop Tarts?"

Okay maybe it was a_ little_ excessive. "I want the chocolate chip ones." I said, thinking back to Alice's waffles.

We left the store with Bella muttering something under he breath about talking to Esme about how her failure to teach me proper grocery shopping skills.

When we got home, we got everything put away while Alice flitted around getting ready for another date with Omar. She came up from the basement looking smart in a pair of black jeans and a shiny little top. Bella oohed and awed over her shoes and bag, and before I knew it, my little cousin was out the door and buzzing down the street in her little Porsche.

Bella mixed something up in her big old mixer and covered it with a damp towel, she told me we'd come back to it in a while.

"Wanna play Monopoly?" she asked hesitantly.

"Wow, I haven't played that in like... forever."

Bella opened the bottom of my mother's hutch and pulled the monopoly game out from where it had always been kept. I think I heard myself gasp. "Is that... is that _mine_?"

"Is it okay? I didn't know Esme hadn't told you. Everything in the bottom of the hutch is untouched."

"Wow. Yeah. It's great, actually."

We played with my childhood game, and I vaguely remembered playing with Angela and Ben one night not long before graduation. It was the night that they confessed that they were going to share an apartment in Seattle, but the Weber's didn't know yet. They had been engaged for over a year, and planned to have a simple civil ceremony in lieu of a large wedding officiated over by Reverend Weber. Not long after they went to Seattle they had been married, and they were together still. They were one of those couples who tried and tried to get pregnant; finally traveling to china and adopting a little boy. Six months after little Ben became a member of the family, they got pregnant with twins.

After we finished, and Bella beat me- _badly_, we went to the kitchen. Throwing a handful of flour onto the counter, she then pulled the dough from her mixer. She showed me how to knead and went on to her own pile of flour and began working on hers. When it wasn't sticky anymore we stretched them out onto pans and put sauce and veggies all over them before topping them with cheese she had grated. She threw them in the oven and hit the timer.

We made some lemonade and by the time we cleaned up, the timer was going off. The pizza was a gooey bubbly mess that looked mouthwatering and tasted absolutely incredible. Point taken, Bella, no more frozen pizza.

Our evening was spent exploring the contents of the hutch. I had a bunch of "_Oh my gosh I haven't seen that in forever!_" moments. We played a round of Yahtzee, and laughed at old Spirograph drawings Alice and I made when we were kids. A broken Etch-a-Sketch went into the garbage, and a coloring book with a number of Elizabeth Masen originals brought a few tears. Opening a drawer that had always been designated as Dad's, I reverently pulled out a box that I knew held Grandpa Masen's pocket watch. I lifted the lid and rubbed my finger over the crystal, trying and failing to remember what grandpa was like. I found a deck of cards, and as I pulled them out and laid the stacks on the table, I realized what they were. My dad had been playing solitaire, one of his favorite past times when he was relaxing on the weekend. Instead of shuffling the deck when he had finished, he'd picked up each stack and return them to the box. I was able to recreate his entire game... it was, quite simply, surreal.

We continued chatting away about all the little treasures of my past life when a little after nine, while we were putting things away, I heard the door close.

Alice popped her head into the dining room and stated simply that she was going to her room, and I should call her when I was ready. She looked... deflated.

"Everything okay, Al?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you were going to the movies after dinner."

"We were… we _did_... but he got a page. One of his patients is actively dying. He had to go to the hospice."

"Ah... ", I said, nodding in understanding. I looked pointedly at Bella. "That will be us one day soon. I love my job, but I'll hate it when I have to leave in the middle of an outing, or miss an important event. It's funny, until this moment, I never thought about the disadvantages to my job."

I thought back to the day when I had my casts removed and we had the conversation about doctor/spouse relationships. I think it was the first time Bella actually verbalized how invested she was in our future. I felt like soaring that day.

She bent down wrapped her arms around me. "We'll get through it, it isn't forever." Her lips sought mine and soon she was sitting on my lap. I pulled her in close and circled her with my free arm. I tilted us back a little and she yelped with a start. I just chuckled and tipped us a little further. An oldies station was playing in the living room. Terry Jacks was singing Seasons in the Sun and we sang along.

It continued to amaze me how things fell into place so easily... _comfortably_.

When she pulled that Monopoly game out of the hutch, I think my heart stopped, and when it began to beat again, it was racing furiously. Bella gave me a choice though. She'd have put it away and moved on to something else if that was what I wanted, leaving my things enshrined just as they'd been since 1991, but what I wanted was to share some of my memories with her. Finding everything just as we'd left them in 1991 blew me away. It was like stumbling onto an unknown treasure trove. It really was a good day and when Alice appeared in the doorway, I realized how lost I'd been in my thoughts.

Bella asked Alice if she could help her with something, and when I told them it was fine, they both went into Bella's room and closed the door. I went off to my room to do my thing. Alice was only gone a few minutes when she found me parked next to the bed with my board out and at the ready. My sleep pants were on, perhaps a little twisted or crooked, but for the first time, I'd done it all but making the transfer into bed.

"Go ahead, don't let me stop you." Alice said as she stepped past me and set my night time supplies next to the bed. I thought I'd gotten it all, but I forgot about catheter supplies for overnight and the dishpan to put them in. The girls teased that I had dish pans for everything, but I found they were sturdy, easy to hold onto and they held a large volume of liquid if something were to spill. I considered them the most invaluable pieces of assistive technology I owned. Well... next to my wheelchairs... and perhaps my car.

I could hear Alice washing her hands as I was pulling one leg at a time up onto the bed. I had to pull the leg lifter out of my backpack and loop it over my foot to get my leg up onto the bed, but with a little perseverance, and perhaps a few dirty words, both feet were on the bed. I got situated and before covering me with my blankets and comforter, Alice smoothed out my clothing and the bedding under me making sure there were no wrinkles to cause pressure sores.

I loved sleeping in a cocoon of blankets with the air on full blast. I knew the girls didn't like it that cold, but I'd turned my thermostat down fairly low and I was happy. Bella teased me the night before that she'd been watching for the little man with the snow shovel to come out.

Alice bid me goodnight and Bella slipped inside my room. I wanted to ask her to stay and snuggle, but I knew she had paperwork to do for the disability awareness day we were all working on. She had permits to apply for as we were doing it in a city owned park, and she was putting together a PowerPoint presentation for the CIL's vendor stand.

We'd spent the day having fun, but I understood when she apologized and trudged off to her room. We hadn't yet made it past the point where we sleeping in the same room unless there was some _reason_ to justify it. I promised we'd move at a slow pace, and we'd only been here a short time. I didn't want to push her past her comfort zone. Bella was still having equality issues over who was putting how much towards what. I knew she felt the scale was tipped unfairly, and I sensed that her biggest fear was that someone... her family or her friends perhaps... would think that she felt obligated to jump into my bed because I was keeping her. It couldn't have been farther from the truth, but she had to feel comfortable with the situation.

We lived in a day and age where couples cohabitated almost immediately after they met, and where the divorce rates were higher than ever. If my girl wanted to take her time and date and continue to live like roommates, I was okay with it. I had enough of my own issues to sort out, and when the day came that we were ready to move further forward I knew we'd be fine. I suspected that day was closer than either of us had originally suspected... and I couldn't wait for it to get here.

I fell asleep, and dreamt vividly.

Flashes of my parents and my childhood; laughter and fun...combined with a certain degree of sadness. At one point I imagined Bella curled into me whispering softly, caressing my face and telling me it was okay. But when I awoke in the morning, my bed was cold and I was alone. Even when she wasn't right there with me physically, she had become such a great source of comfort for me. I just never imagined that I'd be able to rely on another person like that. When I needed her, she was there for me, even if it were only in spirit.

I considered attempting to get out of bed on my own; however, a catheter bag ruptured and flooded my bed, then I dropped the TV remote on the floor. It was then that I realized we somehow forgot to plug my chair in to charge, so I'd have to use the manual chair, and it seemed that attempting something new might be pushing things a little.

Alice got everything cleaned up and squared away before I was out of bed and it didn't take too long to get showered and dressed. We talked a little bit about Omar's job, and Alice's concern that she would always take a back seat to his patients. Jasper had worked crazy shifts at the hospital, but they had made it work. I wasn't sure if she was less tolerant this time around, or if Omar truly did make her feel like she was second fiddle. In either case, she was distressed over her date. I tried to be reassuring; reminding her of what life had been like for Carlisle and Esme for a number of years. He'd been at the hospital long enough now that he could more or less pick and choose his shifts, but there had been a day where he was more absent than present.

I was nervous about the meeting with Carlisle, and I fumbled with every thing I tried to accomplish. My toothbrush ended up on my clean pants, and I knew it would be impossible to get tooth paste to come out of my dark clothing, so a change was in order before we finished. After what seemed like forever, we were in the kitchen. My stomach was grumbling at me, but at the same time it felt topsy turvy and I didn't want to aggravate it. I knew it was nerves and I'd feel fine once we'd addressed the elephant in the room, but I asked Alice to help me make a smoothie because I didn't think I could handle any more for breakfast.

Bella bounded into the kitchen looking like the cat that got the cream when she announced that Emmett had called. He was ecstatic because Guy's social-worker had called him and assured him that Guy had been tentatively placed and would be moving in with his foster family in the morning. The new foster mother would call him in the next few days to set up a time and place for them to meet and discuss Guy's recreation plan. It sounded like things had finally fallen into place for the boy. I just hoped that Em hadn't gotten too attached. If he and the foster parents clashed, it could create a nightmare for everyone involved, especially the kid. There were times where it was better to accept defeat and move on than to be in the middle of a battle ground over a child. Bottom line, it was the child who suffered.

When everything was cleaned up from breakfast, Bella showered and came back looking like an angel in a white sundress, we decided it was time to make the trip to my parents. We hadn't planned on arriving until lunch, but hopefully, they wouldn't feel pressured if we dropped in earlier. The waiting was killing me and I was afraid I'd explode if I had to wait through dinner to address this with him.

_Best to arrive early and talk first..._

When we pulled up to Carlisle and Esme's there was a new, black Mercedes sedan in the driveway. I couldn't imagine that my father had bought another car; the one he was driving was just a few years old. We went in through the kitchen and I immediately heard a familiar voice, bubbling over with excitement... telling my parents that she'd gotten approved and would be picking up her foster child in the morning.

Bella looked at me a little sheepishly, and the pieces all fell into place as Rose and my mother walked into the kitchen.

Foster child... CIL volunteer... _Guy! _and as realization hit me I groaned... _personality clash… _with _Emmett_!

Rose... and Emmett were like oil and water.

My baby knew Emmett was enamored with Rose... and that Rose wanted nothing to do with the big oaf. Rose still blamed Emmett and Jasper for our lost weekend, and his relentless flirting did nothing but tick her off.

She was right, their meeting would be interesting, to say the least.

Something else she'd said came to mind... and I wondered if Bella hadn't taken leave of her faculties.

_She put a bug in the mother's ear, hoping she'd foster the boy... knowing she couldn't say no._

_She hoped that Emmett and the mother would become close... _

My girl thought she was a match maker. She didn't know Rose the way I did.

_Oh Bella, what have you done?_

* * *

A huge thanks to Pyejammies for the awesome rec last chapter. Alby Mangroves weaves an intriguing tale of suspense with Dark Muse. I read every chapter, and squeed like a fangirl when it updated just as I'd run out of chapters. Alby's story is well written and under-appreciated. If you didn't read last time, go check it out. Well worth the time invested. I can't wait to see where she takes it. There are only a few chapters left and so many things to resolve. Can't wait to see how she wraps it up.

Thanks, as always to Team Impact. The usual characters devoted 110% for your reading enjoyment. Don't be disillusioned, this is a group effort and wouldn't happen without them.

And to my dear, dear Golden Girls- thanks a mill for… well, you know… all of it. (It works both ways you know.) You're the best- always. I can't wait for October. Cleveland or bust!


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-three

~Edward~

"Mom... Dad... _hello_?"

I didn't want to barge in on Rose's private moment, and I wasn't quite sure how I was going to mask my knowledge of the situation. I was feeling a little awkward, but at the same time, I had an overwhelming urge to pull Rose into a crushing hug and congratulate her, she sounded truly happy... God knows she deserved a little happiness in her life.

Rose was a lot like me in the aspect that happiness always seemed to elude her. When the going got tough, she buckled down and worked harder, I saw being a workaholic for what it was now, a plausible excuse to push the people who knew me... the ones who could see through my facade... as far away as possible so they wouldn't try to push their happy off on me when I couldn't possibly find any of my own.

My job always made me happy, leaving me feeling a sense of accomplishment. I excelled in my career... my work was the one place I truly shined. I never realized the personal fulfillment I was missing out on by not allowing someone else to get close to me... by not allowing myself to be loved... I allowed Carlisle and Esme in, they loved me and I reciprocated... but it wasn't the same thing...

I knew Rose hadn't allowed anyone into her heart since Royce had hardened it... and I wondered if she ever would. I wasn't so sure that Emmett was up for the challenge. I feared that Rose might unintentionally punish Emmett for Royce's transgressions. But I knew that he was a glutton for punishment and I suspected he could give as good as he got... He had the idea in his head that he wanted Rose... and if anyone was going to squelch that idea... it would be Rose.

However, when she turned that corner and came into my parent's kitchen, I could see the change in her. She glowed with a happiness that I'd never experienced in her and when she saw Bella, she made a beeline for her, yanking her into a crushing hug. "Oh God Bella, we did it. We _DID_ it. Oh God, thank you for all your help." The girls were hugging and laughing, crying and smiling.

"I can't believe it! I got the phone call a little while ago. I never expected it on a weekend. I'm going to pick him up in the morning. Oh God! I'm taking a week off. I have so much to do." It was obvious that her emotions were all over the place, she couldn't contain her excitement.

Bella took Rose's face in her hands and made her focus. "Rose, calm down. Breathe! It's going to be okay. Take things one day at a time."

Rose gave Bella another hug. She came over and kissed me and did the same with Carlisle and Esme.

Rose's eyes got big and slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, Edward... Did Bella tell you I'm going to be a foster mother? I'm finally going to be a mom!"

"In a round about way... She told me the story of a special consumer who was hoping to go to a particular foster parent, but she wouldn't disclose exactly who the parties were." I looked at Bella who was blushing and I couldn't help but return Rose's smile. "It all clicked when we walked in here and I heard your voice. But, yeah, she explained the situation. Congratulations Rose, I'm so happy for you. Are you going to have the time for a child with special needs? I'm not implying you're not capable, but I know you work so much."

"Actually, I was up for partner, but since I learned about Guy and I made the decision to foster him, I decided to cut back on my work load." Her hand went to her chest and she fingered the locket that hung from her neck, a constant reminder of what she'd lost... or if you were an optimist- what she'd _had_ even if only for a short time... _Emily._

"Sometimes there are things in life that are more important than money. It's pretty obvious that I'm not the only one who's realized that recently," she looked at me pointedly with a smile. "I made a commitment when I completed my paperwork to foster him. Guy is my priority, we'll be alright."

"If you need anything, you'll let us know, right?"

"I will thanks. I'm sorry, I don't mean to rush, but I've got to go. I just wanted to drop by for a minute. Bye everyone."

Before anyone could say anything else, the whirlwind that was Rose rushed out the door, her heels clicking on the pavement as she hurried to her car.

"Well, that was interesting." Carlisle said, shaking his head as if he hadn't quite comprehended the entire conversation. "She had only been here a few minutes before you arrived."

Bella and Esme were quietly chatting when Carlisle rested a hand on my shoulder. "Son, since you're early, I was wondering if you had a minute or two, I could use your input on a case I've been working on. We don't have long; I think dinner is almost ready."

I nodded my head, realizing the moment of truth had arrived. Carlisle smiled at our girls. "Ladies, would you excuse us for a short time? I promise we won't talk shop all day." I couldn't help the snicker that escaped me when he winked at Bella.

Mom put an arm around Bella and said, "Not at all, we'll finish up in here and then we need to talk about the Fourth of July anyway. Should we have a picnic next weekend, Bella?" she asked, giving her shoulder a squeeze. We weren't even out of the room and the girls were chatting about the upcoming holiday.

Dad motioned for me to follow him and headed off to his office.

He entered and waited for me to come in before closing the door behind me. Pulling up a chair he sat down, facing me. "So... "

I opened my mouth and try as I might, nothing would come out. I looked at the floor and gathered my thoughts. How did one even begin a conversation like this? My _dad_ had the birds and bees talk with me when I was about fourteen, and then he hit on the finer points again when I'd begun dating Tanya. _Always wrap it up... never sleep with a girl you wouldn't want to marry... sex creates babies- no matter how careful you are... I don't care what pill she's on- birth control isn't just her responsibility... the pill doesn't prevent STDs..._

All sage advice, but nothing he'd ever told me prepared me for the situation which had brought me to Carlisle. Apparently sensing my apprehension, he jumped right in.

"You wanted to have a talk with me. I'm praying the color of your face and your inability to speak is due to embarrassment and not a medical emergency?"

I laughed, shakily and nodded my head. "I'm okay."

"Am I correct to assume that this talk you wanted to have has something to do with your budding relationship with Bella?"

I nodded.

"Son? You have to talk to me."

I fought to force the words out... "I don't know where to begin."

"Are you and Bella on the same page with this? She knows what we're discussing?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah. She knows." I croaked out, feeling more like a teenager, than confident, middle-aged doctor I used to be. Then realization hit me, and I must have worn a horror-struck expression on my face. _Mom._

Carlisle, concerned, asked what was wrong.

I could barely spit out the words. "Mom knows, doesn't she?"

My dad gave me a small frown and spoke, carefully choosing his words. "Son, first and foremost, you know as well as I do that I'd never divulge a patient's personal information to anyone, not even your mother. This conversation is something that borders on a fine line between father/son and doctor/patient, and we've worn both hats. As a father, unless it was a true emergency or I felt you were attempting to deceive your mother, I would never share something that you came to me with in confidence. Most father-son conversations of this manner _are_ held privately. I would never turn her loose on you like that anyway. In her mind, sex would equate babies, and I don't think you're ready to have _that_ talk with her just yet." And then he added. "_Are you?_"

_Oh God, no, I wasn't ready for that kind of pressure. _

"No," I whispered, "not yet."

"Son, I've watched you grow from a shy, awkward boy into a strong, confident man. I don't think words could ever express how utterly proud I am of you. It makes me feel that I've done a decent job as a father, knowing that you trust me enough to ask for advice on something I know is a little uncomfortable for you. I was there, I remember what you went through, and it broke my heart to see you shut yourself off to such an important aspect of life at such a young age. This adventure you've embarked on with Bella pleases your mother and I greatly, and we couldn't be happier for either of you."

I was still feeling a little dumbfounded, and when he continued, I didn't interrupt.

"You've spent your entire adult life cheating yourself out of one of life's greatest pleasures by using your disability as an excuse for not expressing your sexuality. I can't tell you how happy I am that you're ready to explore an intimate relationship with Bella."

If his words hadn't made an impression on me, his expressions and body language would have. This man, whom I'd called father for more years than I could remember, was the best role model a confused and broken young man could have ever had. There was never a time that he'd turned me away or made me feel like what I had to say wasn't worth giving me his full attention, and I trusted him with every aspect of my life.

His words were encouraging and I suddenly felt the need to explain myself. "It never seemed all that important; it was a part of life that I was willing to forego to avoid that kind of rejection ever again. It was _only sex_. But, now, I realize that I should have maybe been a little more invested in pursuing my options. I just couldn't see the point. It was easier to close myself off than to live with that fear. Nothing like that will ever happen with Bella. No matter what we can or can't accomplish, she's assured me she's in this for the duration. I have no reason to not believe every one of her words. I love her so much, Dad. I know I could never live without her."

"It's a wonderful feeling isn't it? Once you've found her...," His smile was genuine and I realized he wasn't just talking about me and Bella. "I knew Esme was the one for me, right away. The odds were stacked against us in the beginning as well. She was raising her baby sister, your mother. She helped put her through college. I was a struggling young doctor working the worst shifts... You know what it's like. Then we lost the babies. Life wasn't always easy. It ebbs and flows, you'll see. But it's worth every precious second. The best advice I could ever give you are these words- never go to sleep angry, tell her you love her everyday- even if that's the only thing you have time for; never ever let her doubt your love for her, and finally... life is entirely too short, sadly, you learned that lesson entirely too young."

Suddenly I realized during those moments... listening to the calm, reassuring sounds of his voice... I'd somehow found my courage and I was ready to talk about the future of my love life. "Thanks, Dad, that seems like sound advice, but I think the advice I'm seeking today is a little more technical in nature. I promised Bella that I'd talk to you about this. I wondered if you would give me your opinion, you know, about what kind of therapy might be appropriate for my situation."

"Have you talked to Dr. Reilly about it? What does he have to say?"

"No, not yet. I fully intend to, I just wanted to talk with you first. I know it's not all that uncommon, but it's still embarrassing. If I can't talk to you, how could I talk to him? I barely know him."

"You might be surprised, it just _might_ be easier to talk to someone you barely know than it is to talk to someone so close to you."

"It's just something I've shut off for so long. I know I've been almost rude with you in the past, even when I knew you had nothing but my best interests at heart. I'm sorry. It was just so... disheartening... to feel like no matter what I tried, I would fail."

"I thought that if I sent you samples as they hit the market that eventually they'd get the better of you, and you wouldn't be able to help yourself. However, when you started refusing delivery and writing _Return To Sender_ on the boxes, I got the picture." He laughed and added, "You know, I almost wrote _Satisfaction Guaranteed_ on the packages_._" We both laughed at his attempt at humor, it really would have been funny, despite my misgivings about the situation.

I realized then, that perhaps I should be explaining that I _had_ made one or two feeble attempts. "When I was twenty-four or twenty-five, and Viagra first hit the market, you sent me several samples. I did try it a few times, but nothing much happened... in the erection department. I did however have issues with low blood pressure. I was already dealing with the effects of low blood pressure as a result of the Baclofen I was taking for muscle spasms. The Viagra caused it to drop dangerously low and the doctor I was seeing while a student at A & M recommended that I discontinue taking it."

I ran my hands through my hair, remembering the dizziness and fatigue I felt after taking them. "The little bit of a rise I got from it wasn't worth the risk, so I didn't take it again. He offered several alternatives, but I told him there was no need because I had no one to share it with. After a few attempts, he gave up as well. I can be pretty persuasive."

"I'm glad I didn't write that now that I know you were having low blood pressure issues with it. _Why didn't you tell me?_ I would have been less enthusiastic."

"I don't know, it just felt like another failure. It was easier to push you away. I'm sorry, Dad."

"No, _I'm _sorry Edward. I wish I'd have known. I do think that your hypotension was a dual effect of taking the Viagra and Baclofen too close together; they both have similar side effects. I wouldn't give up on it immediately if Reilly suggests you try it again, be open-minded but cautious. Take the two medications as far apart as possible. Increasing your fluid intake would help raise your blood pressure as well."

I knew these things, and I also knew that the blood pressure issue had been an excellent excuse, in my mind, to give up on exploring my options. "Those are good points. But, to be perfectly honest, even if it hadn't made me feel the way it did, I probably wouldn't have actively pursued it." I drove my chair over and looked out the window with my back to him.

"It was discouraging when I didn't get a rise out of it, I didn't have a partner and frankly, it was depressing to fight so hard for something that most men have trouble keeping in check. It should be such a natural part of life- not a huge struggle. The whole thing was just a reminder of what I couldn't have... what I truly thought I'd never have."

I remembered something I'd heard once that really had rung true in my mind. "Some of the members had a discussion one night at support group and someone commented that many disabled people feel like they'd been neutered when they acquired their disability. They really weren't that far off, were they?" I chuckled sardonically.

"Son."

I turned around to face him. He was shaking his head sadly, and in that moment I realized that it pained him _almost_ as much as it had pained me to discuss some of the fundamental things I'd lost in life.

"Dad, it was easier to just shut that part of my life off, work hard, find my satisfaction in my work... I _was_ okay with it. I really didn't sit around and pine over my lost love life. I had so many things to be thankful for. Even though there were times when I was terribly lonely, my life has always been full. I just never realized I could be _this_ happy."

He smiled suddenly and clasped his hands together in his lap. "Well, now you have a wonderful reason to actively explore this. It's not all about medication, either. There's a lot you need to learn by way of self-exploration, as well, I suspect. You need to let Bella in, truly let her in and share all of this with her. I've got no doubt there is something out there that will work for you medically, and I have no doubt that you'll find it is _much_ more satisfying to explore this with a partner... you have the partner, now you just need to find the right combination of drugs... one that works best for you. You realize some men with SCI use several medications together? I don't know that I agree, personally, I believe simplicity is best. Do you have any idea what's out there? Surely you've had this conversation with some of your male patients. What do you tell them?"

I shook my head and chuckled. "I tell them to make an appointment with a reputable urologist."

"Good advice, son... You really should see him, have a check up... ask him what's promising. He will have access to more advanced therapies than what I get from the pharmaceutical companies, simply because of his specialty. Have you tried _anything_?"

I simply shook my head. _No, I hadn't tried anything else._

"Oral meds are still first-line treatment. They are often effective, so Reilly will probably suggest that you re-visit them again, you know Viagra isn't the only one. If they are ineffective or unsafe for you, then he'll no doubt suggest intraurethral suppositories or intercavernosal medications. There is also vacuum therapy, and as a last resort, penile implants."

"The last time I was in this position I was a fumbling teenager in the back of the old Volvo. I'm no suave, debonair Don Juan, and I'm no more of a man in this aspect than I was at seventeen. I don't even know where to begin with approaching intimacy with her, it seems so overwhelming." I gestured towards myself. "How do I overcome _that _while dealing with _this_ body?"

"You seem close to one another. Don't think I haven't seen the way you look at her, the way you light up when she enters a room... or the protective way you care for her... I've seen the gentle touches... your soft words... it's a natural progression... I can understand being overwhelmed, but really just keep loving her the way you're loving her now. Your love will continue to evolve and grow on its own. I think you'll soon come to realize that your fears are empty in regards to your manhood and your ability to perform. An intimate relationship can take on many forms; it's not just about intercourse."

"You sound an awful lot like your wife, Dr. Cullen."

"My wife... is a very wise woman."

"Hmm... that she is."

"I think even more important than finding a suitable medication to assist you it's imperative for you to let go of your past and truly make a commitment to move forward and let Bella in. She's your future. Your past is gone, it's time to leave it behind you."

Speaking so quietly and cautiously that I barely heard him, he asked, "Have you been with anyone since... the _Tanya_ incident... you know... like _that_?"

I felt my blush creeping up my neck as I hung my head. I was embarrassed to admit that I'd been so paralyzed by my fear of failing again, that I'd been celibate since I was eighteen. "No," I whispered. "I've never been with anyone _but_ Tanya."

"Have you tried pleasuring yourself?" I truly wanted to crawl under my chair.

_Tell me again why I thought this was a good idea. _

I could feel the heat of my blush creeping up my neck and was certain I resembled a tomato.

"Um... "

"Do you get erections?"

I nodded.

"Are they a result of physical contact with your genitals, or can you get one if you think of something... see someone... that excites you? Your injury borders right on that fine line where you could get one or the other… or perhaps even both."

"No, it only happens when I touch myself… if I'm showering, or if I'm using the catheter. It's not a psychogenic erection, it's reflexive."

With a reflexive erection, any sort of physical contact could cause me to stir to life, and it was _something_, but I lamented the loss of psychogenic erections… What I wouldn't do to be able to show Bella my excitement from visual stimulation, provocative talk, fantasies, seductive music…

I had lost the ability to generate erections mentally, yet I hoped that with the proper medication, I could find a way to generate something in a physical way that would be pleasurable for both of us.

While my injury was in the area that determined which kind of erection an individual could experience, I wasn't one of the lucky men who had retained both. I suppose I should be happy I could still get him up at all.

Carlisle's firm hand grasped my bicep. "Edward, the act of masturbation isn't dirty, or immature. It's a healthy way to explore your own body so that you can understand what brings you pleasure. It can encompass other parts of your body as well, not strictly your genitals. You need to learn what parts of your body feel pleasure, and concentrate on those areas through touch… learn what types of touch are pleasant. Including Bella in your experimentation would be a great source of pleasure for both of you. However, I'd be telling you this even if you were alone. Masturbating helps keep desire alive and it's a great way to preserve the integrity of your sexual functioning."

As awkward as it was to discuss this with Carlisle, my embarrassment was overridden by my desire to show Bella that I wanted to be with her and that I was committed to our relationship. Carlisle had always been in my corner since I was a small boy. It seemed to be effortless for him to slip from his role as my father, into the role of the respected Dr. Cullen, and back again. He was always so capable of balancing his career life and his family life.

"I know, I just... "

"This is something you need to share with Bella. Most people who have disabilities experience sexuality in a different manner than what some people would consider to be the norm. They are creative... inventive... and they seek out what works _for them_. I think it's time that you allow yourself to get closer physically... cuddle... touch... tease... taste... you need to learn each other's bodies... shower together… wash her, let her wash you… skin on skin contact is an incredible sensation.

"Remember that she also has neurological issues. She may be reluctant to let go for her own reasons. Just take things at a pace that is comfortable for the two of you. The outside world has no place in any of this. Snuggle, cuddle, touch each other and _tell her _what feels good, let her tell you what feels good to her. This is a partnership. Good communication skills are important and you'll strengthen your relationship through experiences that are satisfying to both of you."

I couldn't help blushing again; this was still awkward, even though we were so close. My mind drifted to my birthday surprise and the even bigger surprise when Bella had lost her top... "We've been exploring a little. It's been... um... satisfying."

"And you've made the commitment to move forward together."

"Mmhmm."

"You know there's nothing wrong with planning an evening together. Most people with disabilities have to forfeit spontaneity. Arousal begins long before the act of sexual intercourse. Talking and touching, dancing and cuddling... all these things set the mood, stroking and holding enhance intimacy without it feeling _pre-planned_. I've watched her sitting on your lap as you feed each other... you're on the right track. I think you just have to allow yourself to enjoy this and not get hung up on past situations. Take whatever pleasure you can from your body; don't fixate on what you can no longer accomplish."

"It's getting easier to take small liberties with one another. I guess you're right; maybe I have been too fixated on what I think I can't do, to truly enjoy the things I can. She makes me feel loved. There aren't any doubts about our future anymore. I want the whole fairy tale with her. I intend to make her my wife, Dad. One day I will." In this I was confident, and I felt myself straighten up proudly when I made that announcement.

"I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that," he said warmly. "I know she feels the same way about you son, it's obvious. This journey you're sharing with her might seem insurmountable at times, but together you can conquer it as a team. There are literally hundreds of ways to express yourself sexually, none of them are right or wrong. It takes some practice to let your mind take over the sensations your body can no longer experience. We've talked about this; your mind is your most powerful sex organ."

"You've given me a lot of things to think about that I never allowed myself before. She means too much to me to risk failure."

"Just because intercourse is the most common sex act, it isn't necessarily the most satisfying, sadly, too many people put emphasis on that one aspect of their physical relationship at the expense of other intimate gestures... touching... kissing... fondling."

I had just taken a big slam of water from the bottle I had in my cup holder when he said "Your mouth is as important a sex organ as your genitals are. The taste of one another's skin, her distinct aroma, the texture of it her skin against your tongue all heighten pleasure for both of you." I began choking on my water, and in two steps he was standing beside me, rubbing circles on my back and encouraging me to breathe.

"I'm sorry Edward." he sounded a little smug and when I looked up I didn't miss the unmistakable smile on his face. "I thought you knew that men with spinal cord injuries had a reputation for being talented with their mouths."

"I um... "I didn't know if my loss for words stemmed from being blindsided by my father's comment, or the visual that flashed through my mind of Bella as I imagined her splayed out on that granite countertop... her chest heaving... her beautiful breasts flushed... her belly fluttering with each flick of my tongue as she moaned my name.

I coughed out, "Yeah." I didn't have any other response for his comment; I feared I'd spend the rest of the day trying to get that visual out of my mind.

Still smirking, Carlisle nudged my shoulder. "Maybe we should go see what plans our girls have cooked up for the holiday. Have we addressed your concerns?"

"Yeah, I guess." I hesitated. "I still want to learn more about the newer therapies that are out there." I suspected that I wasn't successfully masking the disappointment that was no doubt written all over my face.

He pulled his seat over, right in front of my chair, and sat facing me, giving my knee a squeeze. "Son, there's nothing I'd rather do than fix this for you, I don't have a lot of use for information on erectile dysfunction in the ER. I've had to deal with a few cases of priapism after someone's experimentation with Viagra went terribly wrong, but I don't have information that will be helpful to you. Your urologist is much more suited to answer those questions. But, as your father, I'm here for you if you need me."

I nodded, I understood, but would Bella? Would she feel like I'd failed? I had envisioned going home with answers. _Medical answers._ But everything he said was so sensible...

"Come on son, we promised your mother we wouldn't hold up her dinner. Let me know what Reilly has to say after you talk with him, okay? Then we'll talk again if you like." I realized then that our conversation was over. This was his subtle way of letting me know the ball was in my court.

I stood my chair and followed him as he got up and took several strides towards the door. With his hand on the partially open door, he turned to face me. "Just love her, and don't push her away. You're not going to make this all better in the first attempt. We both know there will be some trial and error. Don't get discouraged... and remember to have a sense of humor. A romantic relationship should have some element of fun and you'll have a better response to the medicine if you include your partner in your experimentation with different therapies. Please think about some of the things we talked about."

"I will."

We followed the sounds of quiet laughter. Entering the kitchen it became obvious that they were talking about Rose and Guy. Bella was smiling as she described some of his antics.

The conversation was easy between the four of us and we had a wonderful afternoon. After we ate, we spent the rest of our day lazing away in the living room. Mom asked about Alec and Jane and seemed genuinely happy to learn that Jane was staying in Seattle with her father. I remembered a tidbit of news that I'd forgotten to share with Bella.

"Alec and Demitri are going to be released from rehab at practically the same time. They signed a year lease over at the Sanctuary Apartments. I forgot to tell you."

Bella let out a little squeal and bounced in her seat. "Oh, I'm so happy for them, that's wonderful!"

I was happy that Alec had let people in. I often thought back to his early days in rehab and thought about how miserable he'd be right now if he hadn't been scared half to death that night in our room. It truly was the turning point for him. Now, he had a future, one that was made brighter by the inclusion of family and friends... and maybe even a little romance. I hoped that he didn't close himself off like I had. Life was meant to be embraced. It took a long time for me to make that realization. Once I figured it out, I wanted to share my revelation with anyone who would listen.

Bella came over and sat on my lap, sighing as she snuggled in. My parents shared a knowing smile. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in a little closer, and Bella leaned her head against my chest, nuzzling into me and inhaling none too subtly. I had to really scramble to get myself back on track with the conversation.

"Alec's parents were really impressed with our home. When they began working on Alec's discharge plan, Peter wanted him to come home, but Alec insisted that he wanted to be independent. Alec and I drove by the Sanctuary when we transferred the van title. He signed the lease on the spot. I was surprised how spacious they are... I mean... for apartments. They are just as nice as our house, on a smaller scale."

Bella smiled and said, "I'm glad they found something functional and attractive. I've heard they are very nice... those apartments."

"Mmm, they are. I promised to take them by the rehab gym one day next week to get information on attendant care. I'd like to take them to a few support group meetings. I was trying to think of suitable partners to pair each of them up with, but they have already created a support system for one another, and honestly, I couldn't find a better match for either of them."

"What does Demitri's family think about the move? Have you ever met them? Do they like Alec?" Esme was full of questions, but I knew she wasn't asking to be nosy... she'd mother anyone who she felt needed her, almost to a fault at times.

I thought about Demitri's family and how completely different they were from Alec's. The boys came from completely different worlds. Where Alec had been privileged his entire life, Demitri came from a blue collar family. Both his parents worked in a factory in a tiny town to the east of Seattle... _Gold Bar_... the place was a prospector's camp back in the late 1800's. While Alec became disabled running from his father on an expensive toy, Demitri... barely eighteen, had gotten hurt in a freak accident working at the local logging mill one Saturday morning, helping his family make ends meet. Demographically, they were complete opposites.

"Yeah, Demitri's family is very nice, down to earth. He comes from a large family with a bunch of siblings. They are quite different from the Leonards- bubbly, lively, not at all restrained. You'd like them. There's no pretense there, what you see is what you get. I suspect they'd like their boy to be closer to home, but they realize that he may need more specialized medical care than he can get in the little town he grew up in." Demitri's injury was higher than the ones either Alec or I had sustained. He had already encountered respiratory issues, and it was almost a certainty that he'd encounter other problems.

Bella turned in my lap and looked up at me. "You know a lot of my consumers share attendants. The whole disability network thing comes into play. If someone has a good attendant and another person is looking for someone reliable and it's not going to interfere with anyone's schedule, they often share. Many attendants work for multiple consumers. It's very difficult to find a reliable, dependable and trustworthy person. When you're inviting someone into your home they have access to your personal information, banking, money, people don't lock things like their checkbook away, they want to have easy access to their things in their own home and they want to be able to have someone they can trust not to rip them off or spill their private business. They want someone tried and true who will show up when they are scheduled so they don't end up spending the night in their wheelchair."

I felt like I was missing something obvious, and I cocked my eyebrow, waiting for her to enlighten me. "Edward, silly, Alice is looking for a day job. She's already in the system for the agency that provides your PAS services; couldn't they request her as an attendant?"

"Well... yeah." It _could_ work that way. "As long as they were receiving services from that specific agency. Why didn't I think of that? I'll mention it to them." For a second I felt a twinge of jealousy. Alice was _my_ attendant, what if _someone else _needed her at the same time _I _did? Would she still be there for me? Was there some hierarchy when it came to putting the needs of one consumer above the other? Prior to Alice I'd never used an attendant unless I was sick while I was away at college, and then I called an agency and someone came out to help me.

Bella put her lips to my ear and whispered, "Hey, I can see the wheels turning, _don't_ stress it. She'll be there for you when you need her, and if she can't we'll make it work. You've got a great support system.", and I did... not only did I have my parents, but I had people like Jasper and Emmett who both had offered to assist me anytime I got into a bind. Then I thought about the guys. Between the four of them, not one of their parents had a clue what their kid might need; Demitri's parents had younger children to care for...

I knew Charlotte had been spending time at rehab with Alec, learning how to assist him and what things he'd need to have in place before he left, but in the short amount of time she had till he went home, there was no way she'd have the insight that a seasoned attendant could offer either of them. They were going to need help so that they didn't flounder. I smiled when I thought about the notebook toting pixie.

I hadn't realized that Esme had left the room until she returned with four bowls of strawberry shortcake on a tray. "I hope you're ready for dessert." It looked mouthwatering and I could smell the fresh berries even though the coffee table they were sitting on was a few feet away.

Bella inhaled and stood up. "Oh, I'm ready, how could I resist an aroma like that?" She squeezed my hand, "Do you want some hon?"

"Mmhmm. Please?"

I watched as everyone grabbed a bowl. Bella came back to me with one in each hand, she started to hand it to me, but then began looking around for the best place to set them instead. She was going to sit on my lap again. "Here babe, let me hold them while you get settled." She had become comfortable enough that I was beginning to wonder if we even needed furniture at home anymore.

Oh, it had been a few years since my mother had made shortcake for me. I looked down at the cake- light and crumbly and the halved berries deep red and shiny, they smelled like heaven. I knew Esme bought these from a local farmer, and they were always so much better than the ones you could get in a store. A huge Strawberry still adorned with its stem sat atop a mountain of freshly whipped cream as a garnish. Eating here was always like eating at a fine restaurant. Bella carefully took her bowl out of my hands, then she looked down at mine and began laughing.

"What?"

"How do you expect to eat that?" she asked.

She was right, one of my hands rested on her hip, the other held my bowl. Hmm... Bella reached across me to the end table and sat one bowl down.

"I could always feed you," she cooed, and so it began... we argued over who got the first bite. Neither of us wanting to take that big beautiful berry from the top. Bella reached in with her finger and pulled it out by its stem. I watched in fascination as she plunged it back into the cream and raised it to my mouth, tracing my lips with the sweet creamy topping. I opened my mouth in anticipation, but she nibbled the tip off the berry and sighed before she traced my lips with the sweet juice. I think I moaned... just about the time Carlisle chuckled and said "I meant you should explore _after_ you went home, son."

My mother was biting her lips together trying to stifle her humor. Yeah- my father _so_ wasn't sharing today's _private_ conversation with my mom. They were probably just waiting to push us out the door... I had been so lost in the moment, the world had fallen away and it was only Bella and I.

_Oh my..._

I licked my lips of the sweet goodness and took my bowl back from Bella. "Maybe you'd better let me do that myself, baby, before I embarrass both of us."

"Mmm'kay."

My girl left me for a seat on the sofa and I ate, savoring every bite.

When we left, shortly after dessert, Esme was cleaning up after dessert and Carlisle said something about finishing up some yard work. I was lost in thought during the ride home...

~Carlisle~

After they left, I tried to lose myself in weeding the flowerbeds. Esme was a first class gardener, and usually she did this sort of thing, but getting my hands dirty always had a way of calming me, letting me get lost in my thoughts... I needed that somehow today. I was happy that Edward was finally moving forward, but disheartened when he confirmed what I'd always expected. He had shut himself off from everyone to avoid any sort of close human contact. As a parent, it was heartbreaking to learn these things about the child you loved.

When I got tired of weeding, I sought out the swing that hung from the old oak tree which shaded our yard. That was where she found me an hour later, deep in thought...

I'd had a really good conversation with Edward, and while I wanted nothing more than to help him in a more medical sense, it wasn't my field of expertise, being a father to him came easy though, and the advice I gave him came from the heart. I wanted nothing more than to see him in a healthy relationship with the girl that he loved.

_I knew they were in love, it was written all over their faces._

Poor Esme could hardly contain herself as she watched their relationship bloom. Today she was bubbling over with excitement and I suspected she got some sort of admission out of Bella while they were alone. Esme's little boy had finally found happiness. It was all she'd ever wanted for him, and I knew her heart broke a little each time she'd tried to set him up with a _nice girl _in hopes that she'd be _the one_. Bella was perfect, and from the moment she stumbled into our lives, I suspected there was something special there.

Today I felt that I'd accomplished one of my most important jobs as a father. We'd finally had _the talk_. Any time I'd proffered any sort of information on sexuality in the past, he'd nipped it in the bud, telling me he wasn't relationship material, he was married to his job, he was content... satisfied... fulfilled... Now I understood why.

Esme and I were so happy in our life together, that we prayed for a young lady to fall into his life so that he could understand true happiness as well. He had merely been _existing_ where our dream was for him to be _living._

My afternoon with Edward, talking so frankly about something so personal took me back to my unconventional introduction to fatherhood...

I'll never forget the evening of Edward's eighteenth birthday celebration.

For all intents and purposes... it was the night I became a father.

Edward's birthday had passed quietly, celebrated only with a small dinner attended by Edward, Liz, Esme and I. Ed was stuck in Europe at a medical supply convention and simply couldn't get away. I knew it broke his heart to miss the boy's birthday. While they fought passionately over Edward's career choice, they loved each just as fiercely... nothing could negate the hurt I heard in my friend's voice, when he realized we'd had a small gathering in his absence.

I spoke to Ed several times while he was away on that trip. Missing the conference wasn't an option- so many advances had been made in medical supplies that he would have been a fool not to attend. His business was built on providing cutting edge equipment to his customers. During the short period of the Persian Gulf War, Ed had managed to snag a small government supply contract. The days of the MASH unit were numbered as our military began utilizing smaller surgical hospitals close to the front. Somehow Ed managed to be in the right place at the right time, and after much negotiation he was awarded the contract for a small, virtually unknown product to be supplied for use in the military hospital supply packages. Had he lived longer, the opportunity would have changed his life.

Once again, Ed confronted me about my encouragement of Edward, to follow his heart and pursue a career that he would not only excel at, but one that he would enjoy as well. While Ed grumbled about how wrong his son's choice had been, and how he held me responsible because I'd encouraged him... my mind drifted back to the days when Edward came to me as an adolescent and begged me to take him to work on _Career Day_. It was the one day each year when I allowed myself to feel like a parent. I knew at the time that Ed was always a little irked that Edward didn't ask to go with him, but after spending the day selling boxes of abdominal pads, and rolls of surgical tape, Edward asked if he could go with me the following year, instead. Thus began the annual ritual that continued for seven years.

It didn't take me long to realize how difficult it would be to plan a day with a young Edward, around the unpredictability of the emergency department. There was no way I could foresee what the day would hold, nor could I truly do my job with a child shadowing me. While Edward's visits occurred before the HIPPAA laws were in effect, it was still considered unethical to divulge a patient's confidential medical information. In an emergency situation, it would be impossible to ensure my patient's privacy, and there was no way he could remain present during any sort of true trauma, I couldn't afford to be distracted wondering where he was or if he was okay, nor could I expect my staff to babysit. Even though he was nearly eleven years old, he was still a child and he was my responsibility.

I attempted to call in some favors... hoping to shadow Edward in another department, but in the end, my supervisor suggested that I take a personal day... parade Edward around to _safe_ departments of the hospital, (meaning ones where I could control the outcome of what he was exposed to) and follow-up with previous ER patients whom I had admitted. In this manner, I could choose the cases, and then, after speaking privately with the patient, I could get their permission for Edward to come into the room and observe my interaction them while allowing him to watch simple procedures.

If something came into the ER that wasn't too ghastly, they'd page me and after getting the patient's consent, Edward was called in to observe wounds being sutured, bones being set, anything that didn't readily expose him to a known communicable disease, or compromise the patient's privacy.

The first year or two were relatively quiet, and we found our way to places like Central Supply, where Carol, the Sterile Processing Manager explained different surgical packs that were made for specific surgeons based on their preferences. She showed Edward how to put together various surgical packs, and even sent him home with a manual she provided new employees with pictures and drawings explaining each specific pack they were expected to put together _with their eyes closed. _

We also went to X-ray, and ironically there was a close family friend who had a fractured finger. We were able to let Edward help set up the X-rays and push the button to take the images. Much to Edward's delight, the X-ray technician was so taken with his curiosity, that he even did a film of Edward's hand and allowed him to take it home. It hung on his bedroom wall for years.

Each time we shared _Career Day_ in subsequent years, some colleague of mine would go out of their way to do something special for him. One year, I remembered touring the operating room suites, and he was bowled over when we allowed him to go home with a set of scrubs, rubber gloves, shoe covers, and a surgical mask. That year he was a surgeon for Halloween, and the envy of his classmates at school.

During his second _Career Day_, after we'd spent a few hours with Carol- Edward actually packed supplies under her careful supervision, and sealed them for processing in the autoclave. Then we sat in the hospital cafeteria and discussed our day. When I asked if there was anything Edward wanted to see, he looked at the floor, embarrassed while I watched his neck and ears flush a bright red.

_What did he want that was so embarrassing?_

Immediately my mind went to something inappropriate like Labor and Delivery, he was after all, a young boy... what else would make him react like that?

"Edward? What's wrong son? You can tell me."

He looked up and took a stuttering breath. "I um, I was wondering if you would show me the morgue?"

_What? _

"Whatever _for_ son? It's kind of creepy... even for me."

Edward pulled himself up in his seat with an air of confidence that was surprising for someone so young, took a deep breath, and said, "I'm not afraid. I've never seen a dead person before, and well... it's something I'd like to see." His matter-of-fact attitude made me chuckle. He'd always been extremely inquisitive, and to be honest I wasn't completely surprised.

The morgue was a department where we could visit without intruding, and as long a procedure on a body wasn't being performed; I decided it wouldn't be all together inappropriate.

I'll never forget the look of excitement on his face when I opened the door to the hospital's eerie underbelly, and flipped the light switch.

The fluorescents hummed as we walked into the cold, lifeless room filled with stainless steel tables and glass enclosed cabinets. The boy looked around, and wrinkled his nose, but didn't say a word.

He looked up at me and I was at a complete loss for words. "So it's pretty boring, huh?"

"What all do they do here?"

"Not a whole lot. Mostly just hold the bodies until the mortician arrives."

"Do you do autopsies here?"

"No, autopsies are done at the Clallam County Medical examiner's office. Our facility isn't approved for something like that."

He looked around the large room, his eyes settling on large walk-in cooler where the bodies were held under refrigeration until they were claimed. Barely above a whisper, he finally asked the burning question... "Is there anyone here... today?"

"I'm not sure, let me look. Promise you won't touch anything?" He nodded his head.

I opened the walk-in and looked around. I knew that one of the large roll out bins held an accident victim, but I refused to let Edward see, he'd have had nightmares for a month and his mother would have killed me. Looking for name tags, I located a bin that was occupied. Peeking inside, I came face to face with a man who had presented last night in my ER with a stroke. This was safe... I knew he hadn't died of a communicable illness... nor would seeing him cause relentless nightmares. Death after all was a part of life. It was just another aspect of my career, even if it was one no one wanted to talk about.

After that day, each career day we visited the morgue as part of our rounds, Edward even became friends with the department head... the only actual person employed to work in the Forks Community Hospital morgue. As the years progressed, Edward became more and more inquisitive, his questions more detailed.

Eventually, at sixteen, I took Edward to the Clallam County medical examiner's office to visit an old colleague of mine. He had just been elected as the ME and agreed to allow us to shadow him throughout his entire day. By the time I took Edward home, he had made the decision to become a mortician. I argued that he should at the very least consider a career in forensic pathology, but Edward had no aspirations to leave Forks, and unless he chose to live in a more metropolitan area like Seattle, there would be no place to utilize his degree. His reasoning that everyone dies and needs a good mortician made sense, even if it wasn't popular with his parents. The idea made about as much sense to Ed and Liz as a screen door would make in a submarine. They fought him on that decision until the day they died...

Liz, Edward, Esme and I packed into Edward's Volvo and drove to Sea-Tac. We arrived early, and waited a short while for Ed's plane to land. He was one of the last passengers to come through the gate, Liz rushed to him- hurtling herself into his arms. We all laughed and chatted through the airport until it was time to separate and get the two cars. Ed's Mercedes was parked in the long-term parking lot, while Edward's car was parked in hourly. As soon as Esme and I got to the restaurant, she scurried to put the finishing touches on the room, hanging decorations and throwing confetti on the tables. A disposable helium tank provided enough lift for a roomful of balloons that were weighted and arranged in the corners of the room.

Just as she finished, everyone began to arrive. As I was uncovering the sheet cake that bore an airbrushed version of Edward's baby picture, I heard Alice let out a high-pitched whistle, and everyone began clapping. I turned in time to see Edward come through the door, flanked by Ed and Liz. He hung his head, blushing as he made his way through family and friends, shaking hands and giving hugs. Eventually everyone settled down and took seats around the large table the wait staff had pushed together to accommodate our party.

Dinner was a joyous affair, everyone ate too much, and we were loud and rowdy. At one point the waitress assigned to our group closed the doors so we wouldn't bother the other patrons. After opening gifts, Liz and Esme carried the huge cake, alight with candles and set it directly in front of Edward. We all sang Happy Birthday and as we finished, Edward stood and blew them all out!

With the gifts all stowed in the trunk of Edward's Volvo, Esme and I started the three hour journey home. Liz and Ed followed in his Mercedes, but we became separated shortly after getting on the highway. I didn't worry, I knew we'd meet up with them when we delivered the car and picked up mine. After waiting and wondering where they were for nearly an hour, Esme and I unlocked the garage and parked the Volvo inside. We left a quick note on the kitchen table asking Liz to call when she got home and we went home in my Mercedes. Little did we know that our family members were several miles away fighting for their lives... and losing.

The phone was ringing when we walked through the door, and Esme rushed to grab it. I watched in horror as the smile washed off her face, replaced by an expression of disbelief just before she screamed and crumpled to the floor in a heap. My mind was going in a million different directions in that split second. I rushed to her, laying her gently to the floor before picking up the phone receiver from where it dangled in mid-air. Gripping the counter for support, it was all I could do to keep myself upright when I got the news. My heart broke a little more with each of the caller's stuttered words. An accident... Ed's Mercedes... Liz... Edward...

I dropped the receiver, needing to tend to my wife. I heard the constant chatter coming from the phone... then silence when she must have realized I was gone.

Carolyn Stanley was a busybody, one of the nosiest women in Forks. Why she saw fit to call Esme and blurt everything out was beyond me.

I didn't think Esme had hurt herself when she fell, but I gave her a cursory exam while calling her name. I grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen cupboard, waving an ammonia inhalant under her nose. She took a deep breath, and I rolled her to her side as she began to cough. She looked up at me, her eyes huge, as she bit her lip and shook her head chanting, "No, no, no, no..."

In the background I heard the recording... _If you'd like to make a call, please hang up... beep, beep, beep, beep... _I blocked out the incessant noise, my thoughts only for my wife.

I pulled her close to me and squeezed her as if my life depended upon it. She continued to cry softly. Lifting her into my arms, I placed her on the sofa and sat next to her, clutching her hand. I tried to be reassuring, but we both knew somehow that it was true...

"We don't know _anything_... she's a nosy busybody." Esme's eyes met mine, and I knew she didn't believe my words any more than I did.

I had to make some phone calls and get the truth. Stanley wasn't a reliable source for factual information, but too many things clicked for it to be coincidence. Ed was so tired, they should have been home almost two hours ago, and they hadn't called... that _wasn't_ like them. I knew something was amiss, but I prayed that the story Carolyn blurted out was nothing more than an exaggeration. Perhaps there _was_ an accident, but surely not as devastating as the account I'd just heard…

"I need to make some phone calls and then I'm going to the hospital. I'll get answers there." She nodded her head, her eyes vacant... lost. "Do you want to go with me?"

Finally she spoke, as little as it was, at least it was something. "No. I..." She choked on the words, and began to hiccup between them trying to speak. "I... I... can't..." Pulling my body to hers, she clutched my chest as she sobbed into my shirt.

"I'm calling Mags; I don't want you here alone. You know I have to go." She nodded her head as tears continued to course down her cheeks while she tugged on her hair in frustration. She understood, I'd been called away to the hospital innumerable times during my career as a doctor in Forks, this was no different... _but we both knew it was_...

I dialed the number while Esme stood and walked to the large picture window, her palm flat against the glass. I watched as she pressed her cheek to the window then closed her eyes. I didn't explain to Maggie, just that there was an emergency and I had to leave. I couldn't do that to her over the phone, not what Stanley had done to us just minutes before. She loved Ed, Liz and Edward as fiercely as we did. I avoided her questions, but she knew this was personal. When we hung up, I went to my wife and wrapped her in the cocoon of my arms, offering her solace the only way I knew how.

"Maggie should be here any minute, I need to get something from my office and then I have to go. Will you be okay till she gets here?"

Esme nodded. She looked so broken, so small. "I'll be right back baby. Why don't you sit down?" I kissed her cheek and sprinted up the stairs. Pulling open the safe, I grabbed the envelope that contained items I hoped I'd never need to use.

_Health care directives, powers of attorney and living wills…_

I stopped abruptly at the bottom of the steps, an attempt to gather my emotions. Esme paced the living room like a caged animal. I grabbed her and kissed her one final time before leaving. "I'll call you as soon as I have news. We don't know _anything._"

Maggie pulled in front of the house, parking with one of her tires up on the curb. She was running up the sidewalk as soon as the car stopped and she was out of it. She grabbed my face in her hands and demanded answers. "Carlisle! What is it? Who? What's wrong?"

The only thing I could choke out was, "It's my family. Esme needs you."

I knew the exact moment it registered. She gasped, covering her mouth, as she stumbled over the words. "Oh my God... _it was them..._ I... I passed it... the accident on my way home from the party. Oh God, Carlisle!" She sobbed. "Go! Call as soon as you know something."

I could go to the scene, but I knew that as soon as the emergency personnel recognized me, they'd keep me away from the accident. I could do the most good at my hospital. Hopefully they would bring them there first. If it was serious, they would be life-flighted to Port Angeles or Seattle.

When I got to the ER, all I could do was pace the floor. My supervisor had confirmed that the accident victims matched the information I'd provided based on gender and approximate age. He refused to give me more information than that. Currently, we were waiting for the victims to be extricated from the wreckage. The driver of the other vehicle, a logging truck filled with timber, had been pronounced dead at the scene by the Clallam County Coroner and was enroute to the hospital morgue. Based on what I already knew in my heart, I couldn't find it in me to care...

The minutes seemed like hours as I waited for news. I didn't want to call Esme until I had information, but I wanted to call her as soon as possible with any shred of hope I could muster. I continued pacing the floor, I pulled my hair, I tugged at my tie... I walked over to the counter and laid my head on the cool Formica and sobbed. Someone stood next to me and rubbed my shoulders, uttering kind words, although I couldn't decipher what they were... just soft words meant to be soothing... but failing miserably...

After what seemed like forever, I heard sirens in the distance. When I lifted my head, the nurse who had been trying to comfort me, handed me a box of tissues. "They're here, Carlisle." She whispered.

I wiped my face and the counter, in an attempt to act busy. My heart pounded in my chest, and the noise in my head sounded like a rushing freight train. I knew that I had to maintain my composure or I'd find myself exiled to the waiting room. They were my family. I had to be there.

It took a moment to register that only one ambulance had come in. I listened to the rhythmic beeps as it backed into place and a flurry of activity took over the small emergency department.

_Where were the rest?_

I watched as the doors were thrown open, the gurney lifted down to the pavement. I'd recognize his crazy red hair anywhere... _Edward._ Perhaps the accident wasn't as bad as we'd heard. I grappled for something... hope...

Emergency personnel surrounded the gurney as the EMTs shouted out information. He was on a backboard, his neck in a brace- nearly standard procedure for a motor vehicle accident. Portable equipment covered the stretcher. They pushed him into a cubicle that was reserved for the most severe trauma.

_Oh Edward_.

It was obvious he was unconscious, and they were bagging him, apparently he'd been intubated on the scene. I watched as they drew blood, took pictures with the portable X-ray machine, and inserted a catheter. My world spun off its axis when I saw the neurosurgery team enter the cubicle. No one had given me any information, but my presence here was sketchy at best. I wasn't on duty, and I was personally involved with a patient. I could be forced to leave at any moment. I stayed on the fringe, just close enough to see what was going on, but not underfoot.

I had to grip the counter when I saw my supervisor, George Miller, walking towards me with purpose.

_He was sending me home._

"Carlisle, can we talk privately?"

_Yes, this is it._

Perhaps I could find out where they had taken Liz and Ed. Maybe Clallam County medical center. Since I didn't work there, I wouldn't be able to go behind the scenes until they were stable, but maybe I could get some information.

_Answer him... keep your composure... it's the only thing keeping you here..._

"Sure. Where would you like to go?" I had a hard time dragging my eyes away from Edward's cubicle.

_Why had they called a neurosurgeon in for a consult?_

"I need to find out what's happening with my nephew. Where are his parents, why haven't they been brought in?"

"Come with me Carlisle, let's go talk, privately."

I followed George to a family room. "Have a seat, Carlisle."

I was getting frantic and it was very difficult to maintain any sort of composure. "My sister-in-law, and her husband? I thought they'd be brought in, but they haven't arrived. Were they taken elsewhere? Clallam County?"

George didn't meet my eyes, looking at a spot past me on the wall. "No, they're here."

"_Here?_" No, they weren't here, _I was here_ waiting and watching the whole time.

"I really think you should sit down, Carlisle." His words made no sense to me.

"Someone needs to identify them. I'm so sorry, Carlisle, it was too late. They were already gone."

The room spun at the same time, it felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. I fell to my knees, screaming "No, no, no," over and over as George droned on. They were just words, broken sentences... massive head and chest trauma... nothing they could do... dead at the scene...

And then he began talking about Edward.

Spinal cord injury... paralyzed... ventilator... unconscious... pinned in the wreckage... Jaws of Life... The words churned around me, confusing and foreign. For an educated professional, suddenly I could barely form coherent sentences.

"Is there someone I can call? Your wife, perhaps?"

_Oh God no, not Esme. _

She'd practically raised her baby sister, what would she do? How could I tell her?

_Oh, Edward... _

He'd be devastated. If he lived through this, how would we tell him?

The thoughts bombarded me relentlessly. So many decisions...

But, I had to be strong. I couldn't leave this to Esme and there was no one else.

"No. There is no one else."

George put his hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Come on; let's go see your nephew."

When we entered the cubicle that had recently been a flurry of activity, I was shocked to see the lights dimmed with only a nurse in the room checking his vitals. She smiled a weak smile and greeted us, "Doctors," and then she stepped aside. "They'll be coming to take him to ICU in a few minutes."

George put a hand on my shoulder. "Take as long as you need. I'll be right back."

Seeing Edward like that ripped my heart out. Contusions and lacerations covered the parts of his body that were exposed. I lifted the blankets back and gasped when I saw his chest. The evidence that he had been pinned between the seats was blatantly obvious. I laid my head down on his shoulder and sobbed like a baby.

George and several of my co-workers came back and explained his status, whispering in hushed tones. Edward hadn't regained consciousness yet, and needed the vent to assist with his breathing. Six ribs were broken, his lungs bruised. He had suffered a spinal cord injury, the vertebrae at T-12 crushed, an accurate prognosis was impossible until surgery had been performed and the swelling subsided. Immediately, I wanted to call my old med school crony, Glenn Ecker. He was a spinal surgical specialist, and if anyone was going to work on something as sensitive as Edward's spine, it would be Glenn; anything else would be simply unacceptable.

An orderly coughed, observing our conversation from the doorway. George nodded to the orderly before speaking to me. "Let's let him get settled in ICU. I can go downstairs with you if you like."

"Thank you."

While I'd agreed to go, and it appeared the time had come... it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other. The corridor seemed to get longer with each step. Without George, I'd never have had the strength to go alone. As I shuffled through the catacombs of the hospital basement, I thought back to the happy days when Edward and I would roam these halls on our way to his favorite place. It was ironic that now, his parents lay in that very same room. Somehow I imagined this experience would forever change his views on a career as a mortician.

George took me to the viewing room and tapped on the window. Edward's friend, who still remained the only employee of the morgue, pulled up the blind giving me a clear view of the room. I took a deep breath and forced myself to look. When I saw the mutilated faces of my family members, it felt like someone kicked my legs out from under me.

My worst nightmare had come true.

Retching, I looked frantically for something, anything to throw up in. A trash can appeared out of nowhere, and George rubbed my shoulders while I heaved. I tried to stand up and step away from the glass, but the room spun. My friend guided me into a chair and pushed my head between my knees as I gulped air. Covering my face with my hands, I sobbed.

I didn't know how I could do this.

How could I tell them? What would I say?

No matter what it was, it would be _my_ words that devastated them.

How did I tell my wife that her only sibling was gone?

How did I tell my nephew that his parents were gone?

We could never begin to fill their shoes.

I had begged God to give us a child... for years I begged, and he never answered our prayers. Never in my life had I imagined that it would happen like this. I dreamt of the day that a doctor handed me a son, pink and soft and swaddled in a blanket. Not the day when someone led me to a broken and battered boy and proclaimed that I now was his father.

_It wasn't supposed to happen this way…_

In the blink of an eye, I was thrust into parenthood and I had no idea how we would ever begin to fill their shoes.

How would we ever be able to fill the hole in his heart?

How would we ever be able to give him the things he would need?

How would we ever be enough?

But somehow, we mustered the courage to do what we had to do. Edward gave us the will to go forward, when all we wanted to do was mourn our losses. While Esme struggled with it the most, she found the courage to throw herself into his care.

We made a home for him and took him there, and together we learned how to be a family who had a member with a disability. We learned how to navigate insurance and durable medical providers. We learned about barriers, and we fought to give him a normal life… and when he healed… he chose to follow in my footsteps, making me the proudest father alive.

Today wasn't unlike any other since the day he'd become my son. I supported him, and reassured him… and once again, I prayed that he'd find the best life had to give, but I sensed that he already had…

_Bella…_

A soft, warm hand reached around me from behind the swing, caressing my cheek. Esme leaned around and whispered "Penny for your thoughts? You've been out here an awfully long time. Is everything okay with Edward and Bella?"

That pulled me back to reality. I didn't want her to worry... nothing was wrong. "Yes, I'm sure they'll be fine. I was just thinking."

"Are you worried about your case?"

"No, I'm okay; it was just something I wanted to run by Edward. You know he'll be going back to work soon. It's been nearly a year. He should be doing little things to gear up for his return. I was thinking maybe he should go back to the office an afternoon each week, just to get back in the groove. The first few weeks are going to be grueling... "

"I can only imagine. I've caught him napping quite a few times since he's been home."

"He's still healing; his body sustained so much trauma. He's getting stronger every day."

~Edward~

Even though things didn't go exactly as I'd planned, and I didn't know much more about prescription drugs for ED than I did when I left this morning, I was armed with reassurances that made me feel more confident.

I took a little longer driving home, choosing a scenic route outside the city. I don't know where the day had gone, I only had a short amount of time and Alice would be home and it would be time to get ready for bed, not nearly enough time for Bella and I to share the discussion I'd had with my dad. Maybe that was why I'd dragged my feet getting us home. There were so many things to talk about...

During our ride home I was absorbed in thought. I'd avoided the conversation I knew was imminent. I was oh so tired, having not slept well the night before and then it had been such a long day. It wasn't that I didn't want to share with her, I was still a little embarrassed, and I just wasn't sure where to begin.

I thought back to the one point recently where I had actually entertained thoughts of going through all of this alone until I found the right therapy, so I could let her go if it wasn't meant to be. Somehow she saw through me, and told me point blank that it wasn't acceptable to push her away if it didn't work.

She wanted to be a team, and I'd agreed, but when I woke up this morning, nothing at all went right and I feared the rest of the day would follow suit.

When we got inside, Alice sat flipping through the channels with the remote. She was wearing a pair of scrubs and her crocks. Comfy clothing for her... _No Omar?_

"Alice?"

"Oh, hey guys, would you mind if we make it an early night?"

"No, that's fine, everything okay?"

"Yeah, just tired. Lots on my mind."

I yawned a big yawn, yes I was tired too. "You sure that's all?"

"Yep, come on..."

I went over to Bella and wrapped my arms around her. "I'm gonna shower. You wanna come find me later?" I leaned down and kissed her softly.

"Sure, once Alice is done. I'll be in for a bit."

Alice was a flurry of activity when I got to my room. She had all the necessary things laid out on the nightstand and it reminded me of a point Carlisle had made earlier... he suggested removing the things that reminded us both of my disability... putting away bottles of pills, stashing the catheter bags I used during the night under the bed, removing the obvious signs so we could be in the proper mindset instead of allowing my shortcomings to push their way into our encounter like unwanted visitors. He had really thought of all kinds of things I'd never considered, but he was right, atmosphere was a huge part of the experience...

I went about my routine while she worked, and waited next to the shower until she was ready to spot me. "What's wrong Ali? You seem upset."

She sighed and hopped up on the vanity. "I don't know, I've been seeing Omar for a few weeks, and he's a really great guy. He's considerate, and articulate, he seems to sense my needs before I do... "

"But?"

"But, I don't know... he doesn't seem so invested... I take the backseat to his patients, a lot. I know they need him, but there are times that it seems almost too convenient." We'd had this conversation the night before, but apparently something was still bothering her.

"Well, you know there are only a few palliative care docs over at Hospice. We both know what it's like when a patient is in need of comfort. It's not like you can just shut that off at five o'clock and go home for the day."

"No, you're right, and I'm not trying to be insensitive to his responsibilities, but it's when we're together too. I know it's wrong to compare, but Jasper always seemed to appreciate my exuberant personality, Omar seems to want to subdue it." She rubbed her eyes and took a wad of toilet tissue, blowing her nose and pitching it into the nearby toilet.

"He's a nice guy, but he's so reserved, almost like he's afraid to have fun. I just don't know if he wants to be invested in something long term, or if he only has me around because he needs someone pretty to wear on his arm for hospital functions. When I told him that you really didn't need me to live in since you had progressed faster than anyone had anticipated, I mentioned looking for a monthly lease for a while, and he suggested that I buy a house."

"That's a great idea, Alice. Why _don't_ you? Put down some roots, buy something you can call your own."

"It is a great idea, but that's what tells me _he's_ not invested in a long term relationship. He already owns his own place. He's got a big beautiful house, if he thought we had a future, why would he try to persuade me to buy? The way the housing market is now, it would be foolish for us to both own a house."

_Oh._

"I don't know, Alice, I don't know. That's something you should ask him."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't know if I want to hear his answer... "

"Don't give up on him Ali, he's a nice guy. Perhaps he's just not used to being in a relationship. Maybe he's spent his life building his career and devoting all his time to it like I did. He's worth the investment. Just don't jump to conclusions, okay?"

Alice nodded and slid down off the countertop. Silently we went through the motions of finishing up my night. I showered with minimal assistance. She followed me quietly into my bedroom. I was someplace else as I set out my board and scooted into bed. It took less effort each time I lifted my legs up into bed. I was beginning to get some of my flexibility back. When she handed me a tee shirt to put on, I shook my head. I was going to begin putting some of my dad's advice into practice.

_Skin on skin contact is an incredible sensation..._ Oh Dad, you have no idea...

Bella said she'd come back to my room so we could talk... She needed Alice's help and she'd be in...

She always wore tiny sleep shorts and those little tank tops now... tiny, little, soft and snug... accentuating her every curve.

So much nicer than those old holey tee-shirts she used to wear to bed.

I was so lost in my thoughts I missed her entrance into the room. The bed dipped and she slid in under the covers. Into my cocoon, under the fluffy down comforter. She snuggled into my body and we fit together _just so..._

I nuzzled her neck and inhaled deeply. Her hair was damp and smelled fresh and floral. She'd showered too...

When I kissed her neck, I thought about the talk... _your mouth... the taste of her skin... the texture on my tongue... her aroma... _

_Oh yes, she smells so good... _and she was softly snoring.

I'd avoided it all this time... and now… tomorrow... we'd talk tomorrow...

* * *

A/N- Many thanks to Skelley62 for sharing the one shot she snagged for being my 1000th reviewer. She wanted more back story from the night Edward's parent's died in Carlisle's POV, and it seemed fitting to incorporate it into this chapter. Thanks Sally for sharing the milestone with me, it rocked my world.

**Another special O/S will be written for my 2000th reviewer. I get literally thousands of visitors with each chapter that posts, but normally only about 40 of you review a chapter. I'd love to see just how many of you there are who are actually reading, even if you only hit that little button to review and leave a smiley.**

Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews, you're all simply the best.

Sherryola has joined Team Impact and will be betaing for us. Jeanne is taking a break.

I have heard nothing but rave reviews for Sherry's 'Seeing Bella'. I haven't read it yet, but it's been on my must read list for quite some time. Welcome, Sherry and thanks for everything!

Thanks to my other co-conspirators for their assistance. It wouldn't be the same without you.


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-four

**_Independence Day, 2008_**

~Bella~

After the chat we'd shared Monday morning, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this relationship was it for both of us. We awoke in each other's arms, and I felt guilty for falling asleep on him. He reassured me that it was almost a relief, because he had been trying all evening to gather his thoughts after he'd been with Carlisle anyway. It was so like him to try and make me feel better.

I thought back to that morning with a smile as we drove to his parent's home to celebrate the holiday.

He gripped my waist, rolling me towards him, so that I was on my side and we were face to face... and then... he'd promised me the moon and the stars. It was no saucy, romantic, fall to your knees on the floor and promise forever gesture, and it might not be today, or tomorrow, but he wanted to be my forever and never in my life had I been more touched than the moment he uttered those words. There was nothing I wanted more, than to share forever with him.

We had discussed our future on more than one past occasion, but that morning, before he'd tell me anything he had discussed with Carlisle, he said there was something more important _we_ had to discuss.

_More important?_

"Bella, baby, I know it hasn't been all that long that we've been together, but I know with certainty that I'd feel the same way I do right this minute, even if we were together a million years. You've given me reason to hope for things that I didn't think I'd dare dream of in my life."

My hand went over my mouth as he searched for just the right words. Was this a proposal? _What was he asking?_

"I want nothing more than to take things between us a step further. I don't know what's possible, but there's no one else I'd want to explore this with. I promise you I won't give up on us baby. I'm putting my past behind me- I refuse to allow it to influence my life with you. You're my present and I'd like you to be my future. You're it for me. It might not be right away, but I'd like for you to be my wife someday." Suddenly my self-assured man faltered and looked away from me. "Am I... am I... _enough_?"

I snuggled in as tight as I could, and kissed him. His face, his neck, his lips, his cheeks.

_Enough?_

"Oh my God, Edward. Of course you're enough. You're so much _more_ than _enough_. I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I'd love to share my future with you."

"One day soon, I'll make it official and put a ring on your finger, but I wanted you to know that I'm totally invested in this _before_ we took things any further, and I... well... I guess I needed to be sure you were too." I could almost feel his pain as he asked for my promise, and I understood _why_ he had to ask. He needed to know that I wouldn't let him down.

"Oh absolutely, hon. We've talked about it, but it's nice to _know_ we're both on the same page. I meant what I said before you talked to your dad. I'm in this for the duration. I love you- you can't get rid of me that easily."

I rubbed against him, and gripping his shoulder, I pushed him over onto his back. He rolled so quickly and with such force that I was pulled right over with him.

Kissing and nipping and nibbling quickly turned into grazing and ghosting over places we'd not explored before. Not really... not like _this... _When I reached for the waistband, of his sleep pants he grabbed my wrist, stopping me. "Not yet," his expression wary. _"Please."_

"No? There's nothing that will change how I feel about you, ya know."

"I know. Just give me a little time to explore some of my options, okay?"

Not taking my eyes off of him, I lifted my leg over him and settled down over his lap, straddling him. His eyes got big, and his hands gripped my waist, he was silently asking me to behave.

"Will you tell me what you and your dad talked about now?"

He nodded, looking more than a little guilty. "I haven't been completely honest with you. I told you I hadn't ever taken any of the oral meds he sent me. I did try the Viagra once or twice, but it caused some issues with low blood pressure. It didn't help the ED, and my doctor suggested I not take it anymore. I could have tried other things on the market, but well... I would have had the same problem, most likely... I just couldn't face the disappointment over and over. So I didn't pursue it."

"So what now? What did your dad say?"

"That I should see my urologist, that I should pursue whatever he suggests... that_ we_ experiment with each medication because it's not _just _about taking the medicine, it's about engaging my mind and body in the experience." His thumbs were under the edge of my tee shirt as he absently rubbed little circles against my skin.

"I'd be more than happy to help you with that Dr. Cullen."

He smiled half a smile. "You would, would you?"

"Mmhmm... very much so."

He looked away from me, off towards the corner of the ceiling. "I had hoped for a more medical conversation with Carlisle. He is always so technical, and that's what I expected, but we had more of a father/son discussion. I should have been having that talk with him years ago, Bella. Not at almost forty years old."

I frowned; I couldn't imagine Carlisle ever intentionally treating him like an adolescent. He treated Edward with the utmost respect. In fact, I don't know that I'd ever experienced any father and son that treated each other with the level of respect and reverence that they shared with one another. "Did he make you feel that way?"

"No. Not at all. He was nothing short of incredible; he knew it was a sensitive subject for me and he had lots of good advice... things I _should have known_ if I hadn't shut myself off to the whole concept all this time. I think I've been doing a huge disservice to everyone, my patients, the members of my support group, not to mention you and me. I'm so sorry Bella. I'm sorry... for being such a coward."

"Hey, none of that. You're one of the bravest people I know. Tell me about the advice he shared with you..."

He began telling me about the long conversation they shared. There were points where we laughed, and points where my heart hurt at some of the things he admitted. Some of the things he said were so sexy and at other points his innocence showed through. I realized there were going to be times where I'd have to initiate things if they were going to happen, and if he was unsure... I'd have to reassure him... we'd get through this journey together.

When he mentioned skin on skin contact being a turn on, he raised my tee shirt the tiniest bit and asked me silently if he could remove it. I raised my arms and he pushed it up as far as he could reach. When I pulled it the rest of the way off, his hands slid down my torso to my waist.

He stared up, seeming mesmerized by my breasts. "May I?" he asked. I shivered as his soft hands ghosted light as a feather, up my sides until his hands cupped the outer edge of my breasts. I felt him tremble as his thumbs glanced over my nipples, and I remembered the rush of emotion I felt when I had him in this position in Emmett's pool. If he wasn't afraid of getting caught, who knew how far things would have gone that day. He stared at them, in awe as they hardened at his touch. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, in contemplation... it was almost as if he was trying to stop himself from going any further, so I spurred him on, not ready for him to lose his new-found confidence...

"What else did he tell you?" I whispered.

His eyes snapped up to mine. "He said that the taste and texture of a lover's skin can heighten arousal."

"Did he now?"

He pulled me towards him and I leaned in, lost in sensation as his lips and tongue sought out nipples... breasts... collarbones... that spot on my neck under my ear that made me shudder every time- before I couldn't help giggling.

"Mmhmm... and humor is a great aspect of love-making." he breathed into my ear.

I righted myself so I was looking down into his beautiful, hopeful face... "Humor is important in any relationship."

Not breaking eye contact, and appearing much more at ease he continued. "He said there's no right or wrong way to love someone... and that sensual gestures such as touching..." his thumb grazed back over my nipples.

"and fondling... " his entire hand cradled each breast, as his thumbs continued to stroke the peaks which were almost painfully hard.

"and kissing... " he pulled me down towards him, pulling my nipple into his mouth and gently sucking and caressing with his tongue before he released it. "shouldn't be neglected... he says too many people put too much emphasis on intercourse alone."

I leaned closer as he attempted to reach the other side with his mouth before stuttering out, "I have to agree with your father's advice." But I don't know if he heard me...

Rosalie and I were helping Carlisle open folding chairs in the back yard, in anticipation of the evening's fireworks display. I'd never experienced Rose so carefree. She went on and on about all Guy's funny little idiosyncrasies.

He was a great kid, and was currently bending Edward's ear over a game of Connect Four at the picnic table. Every once in a while I'd look over at Edward who was fully engaged in the conversation.

Guy had moved in four days prior to Independence Day and Carlisle wondered how he was settling in. Rose looked over at her boy and smiled. "I don't know. He's such a good kid. His manners are impeccable. He's incredibly inquisitive, he asks all sorts of questions and he's easy to engage in activities. He's a happy boy... "

I detected an air of uncertainty. "But... "

She toed the grass nervously with her tennis shoe. "I can't help but think that he feels like he's only staying temporarily. There isn't any other family. I'd like to make this permanent."

Carlisle took Rose's hand and led her over to a chair, he patted the seat before taking a second one and turning it to face her. "Have you talked to him about it? Does he understand?"

Rose sat down, and motioned me over. "I don't know if he can comprehend the entire situation. He keeps packing his suitcase and taking it to the front door. I feel like I'm failing him somehow."

Carlisle addressed me next. "How were things before his father passed?"

I spoke up, hoping I could fill in some of the blanks for both of them. "The state closed a number of facilities a few years back and there were a lot of people with MR who had no place to go. The sheltered workshop he attends started a program for developmentally disabled adults and adolescents, where the employees and some members of the advisory board opened their homes to consumers who needed a place to stay. As long as they were able to perform their own basic independent living skills, they qualified." I explained. "When his dad got sick for a little while, they were able to place him with a several different families temporarily until his dad came home. His father utilized the program several times over the course of a few months for respite-type care."

Carlisle scratched his head before looking in Guy's direction. "I think he's been shuffled around so much, it's what he expects. I'd keep reassuring him that he's not going anywhere, help him put things back in _his _dresser. Remind him that it's his room, his dresser... Perhaps you can get some things from his parent's house to help him feel more at home. Maybe you want to see about getting his own bed, dresser... "

"His case manager suggested that we go by and get any personal belongings he needed. The bank is handling everything in a trust for him, I have a phone number to call to arrange for someone to accompany us. As soon as I can hire someone with a truck, Jasper and I will run over there and get some of his things. Technically everything in the house belongs to him now."

I offered to watch Guy so Rose could go by and look things over and make a list of the things he would need.

Carlisle squeezed her knee. "Don't give up on him, he'll be fine. This is new to both of you. Bringing parts of his old life into his new one might give him some stability, permanence. _Seeing is believing_... I think that might help him understand."

We heard a car pull in and all eyes turned to the driveway to see who it was. Alice was joining us, and Guy had invited Emmett against Rose's better judgment. She'd shared her distaste for him on more than one occasion, but she was tolerating him for Guy's sake. He was the one person Guy was really close to, and I encouraged her to be tolerant of him for Guy's benefit. There was no way he'd ever be able to comprehend the animosity she held for Emmett, and he shouldn't have to. Any differences they had were between each other and had nothing at all to do with the boy.

I heard her groan just as I was opening another chair. "Well, Paul Bunyan is here. I was really hoping something would come up to deter him."

I caught Carlisle as he smirked, clearly amused by her comment. I tried to remind her that this wasn't about her...

"You know, he's really a great guy. Please remember what we talked about. This is important to your kiddo. There's no way you could ever make him understand why you're alienating Emmett. He's a great role model."

"Yeah... I think back to what he did to Edward a few weeks ago... He's not _that_ great a role model."

"You mean what _Edward_ did to Edward?" I emphasized as I nudged her ribs, teasingly.

"Yeah, whatever, I still think he went along with it under duress."

"When will you learn he's not perfect? Take him down off that pedestal. I love him, but he's human. They were just trying to give him the normalcy he craved. If it was only your brother who had gotten drunk, it would have never been an issue. You'd be mad at Jasper, not the people he was with." I wasn't angry, but she seemed to be the only one who was still blaming them for something they were all three a party to.

Her determined expression faltered and she sighed. "Yeah, I know. But it _was _Edward and I can't help but be protective."

I didn't want to seem rude, but I needed to steer her away from the subject, Edward and I had both agreed to put behind us so we could move on. "So Opal and Robin did the sensitivity trainings for the Seattle PD last week. I wanted to thank you on behalf of the CIL for your contribution. Fee for service is what keeps their programs solvent. It's one of the ways they raise their annual funding."

"It was my pleasure, you know I've been close to Edward and his family for years, but I was never involved in anything like this before. I'd like to help out in a professional capacity when I can. It feels good to do little things for an agency that helps people the way they do."

"Yeah, it does. More than half the staff has a disability of some nature. We take care of each other. They're a great group of people. You'll see... having Guy with you... we have different functions for teens, he seems to really enjoy himself, especially if it involves music or dancing." I lifted my hair off my neck and twisted it into a loose bun. It was beginning to get warm, I could feel it. Pulling a ponytail holder off my wrist, I snapped the elastic around the bundle of hair and looked over at Edward. "I'm hoping to get more involved in the advocacy aspect of the CIL, now that Edward's home and settled. I didn't want to take on anything else while he was in rehab full-time. It was more important to be there for him."

"You're really good together Bella. I've never seen him this happy. Ever. Just look at him." She gestured to where Edward sat. I looked up in time to see Guy take off while Edward laughed a deep belly laugh, and held his stomach. Guy ran towards Emmett, his gait uncoordinated and his arms flapping animatedly. "Emmy! I fly, I fly!"

Guy was short and chubby, and ran up to Emmett awkwardly. Emmett grabbed him in a one armed bear hug and gave the top of his blonde head a noogie. "Hey Buddy, how are you?"

Guy laughed and looking up at Emmett he squinted. "Playing a game with Edward."

"Are you beating the pants off him?"

Guy gave him a confused look before he peeked under the table to see if Edward was, in fact, wearing pants. "Huh?"

"I meant, are you having fun?"

"Yes! We're having fireworks tonight!"

Guy tugged on Emmett's hand, dragging him towards the picnic table.

I watched with a smile as the two joined Edward again. Edward was clearing up the game, and soon Guy grabbed another board game from a stack Esme had set out for him. Emmett and Edward chatted away as Guy pulled out the board for Chutes and Ladders and gave each of the guys a playing piece. Every so often I'd glance over. They were all three deep in conversation as they played and I wondered if we'd ever have moments like that with a child of our own. Even though physically he was a young adult, Guy functioned on a pre-teen level. His child-like personality was endearing, and it wasn't hard to see that Edward had quickly become smitten with him.

Things had heated up between us markedly, and suddenly I was thinking about things that I'd never put serious thought into. I mean I'd entertained the idea a few times, but who knew what we were actually capable of? I had the most wonderful man, it would truly be a blessing to share a child with him. If not one of our own... we'd find another way. Adoption had worked for Esme and Carlisle, and fostering Guy, even though it had been only a matter of a few days, had already changed Rose irrevocably. I was open to whatever options we needed to pursue, and Edward had admitted as much on several occasions.

Emmett pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Guy who broke into a dazzling smile. I watched as he unwound the ear buds and placed them gently in Guy's ears. Soon Guy was dancing and humming to some unknown tune. I heard Rose huff and head off towards the kitchen. I began to follow along, but a hand reached out and grabbed me, and suddenly I found myself being pulled onto Edward's lap. I giggled as he teased and tickled.

"Hey baby, you're awfully warm. Why don't we go inside for a while?"

He had wanted to use the manual chair today, so I tried to get up. I didn't want him to have the added work of propelling us both all the way into the house, but he just pulled me tighter. "It's okay, I've got ya, love. Sit back and enjoy the ride."

When we were heading through the kitchen, I caught part of Rose's conversation with Esme. She seemed distressed that Emmett knew just what Guy needed, when she hadn't figured it out yet. Edward leaned forward and whispered, "She'll figure it all out. Emmett has known him longer. I think she's afraid that Emmett will steal his heart, she doesn't realize he couldn't play favorites if he wanted to. Kids with Downs aren't like that."

He continued to wheel us through the house and I whispered, "I knew she'd have issues with he and Emmett being so close, but I had hoped maybe she'd begin to see Emmett's redeeming qualities when she saw them interact, instead it seems to just make her more upset."

"Shhh, it'll be fine. They'll work it out amongst themselves. In the mean time, I want to show you something." When we reached his door, I leaned forward and opened it for him before he swept us both inside. There were items of clothing on the bed, and for a moment I thought of Charlie and his fishing gear. There was an off white vest with straps, a hat with a floppy brim, and a bandana... or... maybe it was a head band.

I had no idea what he had planned, so I decided to play along. "Are we going fishing?" I deadpanned.

"Nope, we don't have a pole." Oh, I couldn't resist... I wiggled my hips and tried to stifle a giggle. "I could help you with that."

He dropped his head forward till his forehead was against my shoulder. He just kept shaking his head.

"I'm sorry.", but I really wasn't. Today was a fun day, and I had gotten caught up in the atmosphere.

Edward, however, was Mr. Serious. The man was on a mission of some sort, so I tried to wipe the smirk off my face. He waited until I had settled down before he explained. "You've seen the bed ladder I use to pull up into a sitting position?"

I had, he used it a lot rather than sitting the head of his electric bed up, he wanted to keep his core strong... utilizing his abs instead of technology. I nodded. "Mmhmm."

"A friend of my Dad... my first dad... well, he's Carlisle's friend as well... Geeze. _I'm sorry_ this isn't coming out right."

"It's okay, I understand. Go ahead."

"Carlisle saw him last winter, and he sent me the bed ladder to try. It was a medical prototype he was fine tuning before it went on the market. He designs and markets innovative medical supplies, so I emailed him and asked him what he had to help keep people with MS cool and he sent me these things. I hope you aren't upset that I called him."

I didn't know what to say. I'd heard about some of these things, but I'd just muddled along and never really taken the time to explore anything like this. I was afraid they'd be big and bulky... too utilitarian for a girl... I didn't want to look like I was wearing a flack jacket, but these things were... interesting?

I reached out and fingered the vest, it was soft and lightweight. If I was wearing a tee shirt like today, maybe I could hide it. Edward had the same thought. "The vest is the smallest one he could find. It uses small ice packs, but it doesn't feel too heavy or cumbersome with them in it. My mom has them in the freezer if you'd like to try it." Then he frowned, "Or... you don't have to. If you don't like them, we'll donate them to the support group." He still looked unsure of himself, and I didn't want that. He was thoughtful and caring, and he did this out of love.

"Why don't I go try this on, and maybe you could get them from your Mom?" He smiled and nodded, while I went into his bathroom. I pulled off my tee shirt and put the vest on over my bra. It wasn't uncomfortable, but there were several Velcro straps and try as I might, I just couldn't get them quite right. A tap on the door frame got my attention.

He used my own words on me, but instead of my sarcasm, he was nothing short of sincere. "I can help you with that if you like." My first instinct was to be embarrassed to be standing here in my bra and little more, but he'd seen me in much less a few days ago.

"Thanks."

"Can you sit down on the toilet seat? I keep forgetting I can't stand up in this chair."

He followed me over and unstrapped the Velcro closures, exposing me further. With nimble fingers, he got everything situated. I looked up at him and he pulled a small icepack out of the box he was carrying. I almost suspected some sort of Tom Foolery... one of the tiny icepacks slipped inside my bra, or down over my tummy... but he was being completely professional.

"Here, it goes like this."

Systematically he went from pocket to pocket, undoing little Velcro flaps and slipping the tiny cool packets inside. He explained as he worked. "You can use all of the packets, or just some of them. People use these year round. It is supposed to be very comfortable."

I could feel my body cooling down almost immediately and I shivered. "Are you too cold?"

I didn't want him to worry. "I won't be outside. I think it's just the air-conditioning." We both looked up, there was a vent right above us.

He adjusted the straps, making certain that nothing was bunched or twisted. "I suppose it's not the most convenient thing, but it's supposed to keep you cool for four hours, perhaps even longer."

When I put my tee back on, I stood in front of the mirror- instead of looking bulky like I expected, the straps had allowed Edward to fit the vest to my body, and it didn't look too bad. He caught me watching and reassured me. "You look fine; you could use a little meat on your bones."

He was watching me closely as I smoothed my hands down over my sides, turning in one direction and then the other. "No, it's _not_ bad... at all. It feels good, and you can't tell that I'm wearing it... but I think I look a little bustier."

He blushed a little. "Uh, yeah. You could say that."

"So there were other things... "

My comment brought him out of where ever he'd gone in his head. "Oh, I almost forgot! You might not want them all at once, unless it's really hot. Come, let me show you."

He reached his hand out, and I followed him back to the bedroom. He explained that the bandana had a sleeve sewn into it that was filled with little water absorbing beads. When soaked in cool water for a few minutes, they swelled. The excess water was squeezed out of the cotton and it could be used as a bandana on your neck, or on your head to keep you cool. It could be re-submerged if it got too warm after a while, and when you were done, you rinsed it out and hung it up to dry. The little gel capsules would dry up and it could be put away till next time.

The hat was floppy like a garden hat, and it was made for a lady with a flowered headband and a delicate strap. "You can soak the entire hat in water and wring it out. it's got the gel caps inside as well. You know the old saying that you lose all your body heat through your head in winter?"

I nodded. I had heard that.

"Well, they say that if you can cool off your head and neck, your body cools off marginally as well. The wet things aren't as convenient as the vest- it stays dry. I had Dad's friend send an extra set of ice packs as well. They are in another little case like this in the fridge."

He pulled me back onto his lap, searching for a kiss. He tasted sweet and cinnamony when I ran my tongue over his lips. Everything seemed so much better... so much _more_ since we'd made a solid commitment to one another. I sighed and fell into the kiss, which turned into two and three... and soon, I'd lost count.

I shivered again and he pulled away. "Come on, let's get you outside before you freeze. Perhaps I should have only put in some of the ice packs." He frowned and seemed deep in thought. All I could think of was Frosty as he worried about Little Cindy getting too cold in the refrigerated boxcar.

"I'm okay. Let's try it for a while, and if I'm cold, we'll come back in and tweak it a little. Trial and error, right?" I reassured him. I didn't want him to be second guessing such a thoughtful gift.

When we got to the kitchen Esme looked me over before she said, "Come here, Bella dear. Let me take a look."

I got off Edward's lap and stood, turning one way, then the other.

"Oh sweetie! That's nice. It's discreet and... ", she smiled. "It accentuates your curves."

I felt a flood of heat as the blush crept out from under my shirt and up my neck. I guess the vest wouldn't help with _that_ problem. "Yeah, Edward said something like that too."

She mock-chastised him- "Edward, that's not very gentleman-like."

He didn't respond, just shrugged with that goofy smile on his face.

"Can I help you with anything?" I felt bad hanging out with him while everyone else was working on getting dinner ready.

"Nope, Carlisle is out finishing up burgers. The girls have the food outside, and Emmett and Guy are putting more drinks out. You two go get yourselves some food and enjoy your day. Everything is disposable, so no clean up, and I don't save picnic food after it's been sitting out."

Edward went to the cupboard and rattled around before pulling out a cafeteria type tray. "I'll carry the tray... if you'll fill our plates?"

He headed for the door and I followed along, making a mental note to find a big old tray like that for our house. We teased about his many dishpans, but honestly, they made his life simpler and allowed him to do things he couldn't without them. I grabbed us each a bottle of water and put them on the tray, he followed me around the table and I added picnic food to our plates. When we were done he wheeled away from the tables and chairs, away from everyone else... I followed him along a worn path to the far end of the yard under big old tree that held the swing. He went to the other side of the tree and stopped before a blanket that someone had laid out on the ground.

"Can you take the tray and set it on the very edge of the blanket over there?" He pointed to the farthest corner of the blanket. I wasn't sure what he had planned, so I quietly followed his directions, letting him take the lead. Clearly, he had a plan.

He looked up hesitantly, "Okay, promise me you won't panic... and no matter what happens, you won't go running off for my dad." I nodded.

He made me a little nervous.

Okay... a _lot_ nervous...

My hand went to my mouth, and soon, the tips of my fingers were between my teeth. I don't think I'd taken a breath since he'd asked me not to get his dad if there was a problem. "Don't worry, Bella. Emmett set this up for us, if there's a problem, just quietly let him know. But there won't be... okay?" He almost sounded like he was trying to convince both of us, but this seemed to be far too important _to him_ for me to allow myself to panic.

_Trust Bella_.

"Okay."

He wheeled over near the very edge of the blanket, close to the trunk of the tree. I watched with fascination and fear as he got himself situated.

It was like preparing to watch someone walk the tightrope at the circus, but he had no safety net.

After he put his brakes on, he scooted his butt to the edge of the chair and lifted each foot out of the rests and onto the ground. Leaning forward so that his torso laid across his lap, he made a fist and reached for the ground. In a split second I realized what he was going to do, and I gasped when his butt left the chair. For just a moment, he hung precariously in mid air, supported only by his two hands, before he gently lowered himself to the ground. He grasped his ankles on at a time, and pulled them up until he was sitting Indian-style.

I wanted to scream and shout and jump around... I wanted to smack him for scaring me to death and taking ten years off my life... but the look of sheer happiness and accomplishment on his face... How could I do anything other than show my pride for him? Obviously he'd been practicing, and he'd done well.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was on the ground with him... knocking him over... kissing... laughing... hugging...

"Careful baby," he chuckled, "don't spill our dinner." I hadn't realized how close I was to the blanket.

He pulled on his chair, but had a little trouble. "If you could reach in my backpack, there's a folding seat in there... could you help get it under me?" For the second time in just a few days, he _asked_ me to help him... it felt so good to know he entrusted me with his care... even if it were only a tiny aspect of it... if only I could find some way to convince him that he was _not_ the burden he thought he was.

"Sure."

I opened his bag and found two blue bundles. I lifted one out and held it up. "Yes. That's it, there's one in there for you too, if you'd like it."

He explained that since his balance wasn't one hundred percent yet, the seat would give him the stability he needed while it was thick enough to cushion and protect the delicate tissue of his behind. He was being proactive about sores.

The seat consisted of a rectangle of padding that folded in the middle. Once it was in place back against the trunk of the big old tree- using only his arms to lift himself off the ground, he scooted his butt over onto it and I connected a strap on either side of him that helped form it into a sturdy seat. When I finished with his, I got the other one set up next to him.

I spread the blanket out, and one at a time he reached under his knees and he lifted his feet up so I could put it under our legs, I watched as he carefully slipped each shoe and sock off. Grinning he exclaimed, "I haven't done that in almost twenty years, I bet. I can't remember the last time I was barefoot outside."

I looked down at his toes, all gnarled and misshapen and thanked God for the fact that he had every one of those lovely digits. Oh how he'd fought to keep them, and that fight might truly never be over... but he was careful and cautious and he'd do what he needed to in order to protect them. But today... today was for being carefree and relaxed, and I couldn't think of a better time to enjoy having bare toes in the cool grass. I slipped my shoes off and joined him. The grass was lush and soft in the shade of the old oak and it _was_ wonderful to be barefoot.

It was strange, sharing things so simple... things I'd never thought of sharing with him. For as much as I'd learned about people with disabilities... sometimes I was a little obtuse. I just never thought about him getting onto the ground. I worried momentarily about what it would take to get him back into the chair, but he had a plan, and I rested assured that he had put much thought and effort into this, b_efore_ he put it into action.

And it never occurred to me that he'd _want_ to be barefoot. He probably couldn't _feel_ the fact that they were bare... yet he reveled in the simple fact that they _were_. I still had so much to learn about taking things for granted.

There was a nice breeze... warm and dry, but I was pleasantly comfortable. We ate and chatted. We were close enough to everyone else to hear the buzz of conversation and an occasional laugh as they enjoyed themselves, but we were far enough away to enjoy our little bubble. We shared little tidbits of our childhoods; picnics in the summer... tire swings... lazy afternoons swimming. When the food was gone, he used his hands to scoot his behind off the seat and he stretched out onto the blanket, I lay next to him and he pulled out his iPod, handing me one ear bud like we'd done so long ago... that first time he held my hand. I giggled when I thought back to the conversation about accidental groping. His smile told me he was remembering that day too.

Oh we'd come so far...

I snuggled in next to him and he put his arm around me, resting my head on his chest as we watched the big fluffy clouds cross the sky... ever so slowly. It was a lazy afternoon and neither of us felt the need to fill it with a lot of conversation. It was nice to just enjoy one another.

After a few hours, Edward looked at his watch and frowned. "As much as I hate to say it, I really need to get back into my chair. The last thing I need is a pressure sore. I'll need a little help getting ready though. Do you mind?"

I had no idea what to do... and maybe the uncertainty showed on my face. "If you're afraid, you can just quietly get Emmett, but really, it's no big deal. Do you trust me?"

I swallowed. He had gotten himself down there, and I had no doubt he was ready to get himself back up. "No, I mean _yes,_ _I trust you_ and I _want_ to help you. Just tell me what to do. We don't need Emmett."

Grabbing onto his chair, he pulled himself into a sitting position. "If you could just clear up the paper plates and get them out of the way while I put my shoes on, then we need to move the seats and the blanket out of the way so I don't get tangled in anything."

When everything was cleared away, and he had his shoes back on, he tugged on the wheelchair until it was situated just so. He worked for a long time getting his legs just the way he wanted them, tucking his feet in next to the chair until they didn't move when he let go. He looked over at me before he said, "Sit back and spot me, baby. If I need help, I'll ask. If I fall, _don't _try to catch me, I'm too big, and you'll get hurt."

"Okay." I squeaked. Suddenly that vote of confidence was crumbling.

"Here goes nothing." He grabbed the frame of his chair with one arm, and like when he'd exited, he put his fist down on the ground and pushed, with a swing of his hips, he went up... up... up... and I let out a rush of air when his behind landed safely in the chair. His body was still folded in half, precariously, but he moved his hands, getting them in place, and suddenly, he was upright. His face was flushed from the exertion, but the air of satisfaction that surrounded him was unmistakable.

"Wow." Was all I could muster. Talk about suspense...

I pulled on my shoes and socks, gathering everything in my arms; Edward took the food tray. We strolled leisurely back to the house and found Emmett and Rose in a heated discussion. Had it not been a family function, I had no doubt screaming and swearing would have been involved. Rose was gritting her teeth and biting out the words, her fists clenched at her sides. Emmett was obviously frustrated, his face was flushed and he looked like he was about to spontaneously combust. Thank God, Guy was obliviously chatting away with Omar and a very concerned looking Carlisle. I couldn't help but hear the disagreement... _everyone_ heard it.

"You can't just ask him things like that without discussing it with _me_ first!"

"But he's_ always_ gone! Why _wouldn't _he go?"

"Because he just came into my life. It's _too far_ away!"

"Look, I told you I was volunteering the entire week. I'll be with him!"

"And that is supposed to _reassure_ me?"

"Look, I'm not trying to bribe him, or earn brownie points, but you need to realize that not everything revolves around you, Princess." He roughly scrubbed his face with his hands. "This is something he's used to doing. It's part of his summer. His _entire life_ has been turned upside down, this is one thing that he counts on that you can give him. He missed out last year because his dad wasn't well enough to go. How could you possibly even _consider_ taking that away from him this time?"

"I'll have to think about it, and there's _no way_ I'm letting you pay for him to go. If he goes, I'll pay."

Edward gently tugged on my hand and we went inside to stow the seats and blanket in a box near the front door.

"Where is he going?" he asked when we were safely inside and out of earshot.

"Camp PALs. It's a summer camp for kids with Downs. Guy has attended every year since he was just a little fellow. His dad always went along and volunteered, I'd heard that he asked Emmett to go in his place right before he died. I think Guy has his heart set on going, but I don't think Rose trusts Emmett with him for an entire week."

Edward snorted, "You _don't think_ she trusts Emmett to go with him? She wouldn't entrust Emmett with a goldfish, let alone her newly acquired son. There's no way she's gonna let Emmett go. How far away _is it_, exactly?"

"New Jersey."

Edward began laughing and shaking his head. "There's no way, there's just no way. That kid has already won her heart, she's not going to let him out of her sight... Jersey might as well be another country."

I had opened my mouth to tell him I'd suggested that Rose go too, when Alice came out of the bathroom and cocked an eyebrow when she spied us, her little fists rested on her hips. "And where did the two of you wander off to during dinner?"

She gestured to Edward's pant leg. There was a large grass stain on the khaki material. Edward winked at me and squeezed my hand. "We'll never tell."

She returned his grin. "So, did it work out the way you envisioned?" It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize she had been part of his little plan.

"Perfectly."

She looked at me, "No one got hurt, everything okay?"

"Yep, we're both fine."

"He's been working on that for weeks. Usually he lands with a bump, but the landings have gotten smoother."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Why would you risk hurting yourself? Is it that important to get down on the floor? I don't know that I've come across any of my other friends or consumers who do that."

"It's important _to me_. I need to be able to get back _into_ my chair if I ever fall out. It's important to me, to be able to be as self sufficient as possible."

"I suppose I can appreciate that." He pulled me down close and quietly murmured, "And... I was thinking that someday maybe we'll have kids, and it would be nice to be able to get down on the floor and play... like a _normal_ dad."

I took a deep stuttering breath. Leave it to him to say something that would not only disarm me, but totally blow me away in the process. Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking along those lines today. Of course he'd be planning ahead in case that time ever came for us... my beautiful, smart, capable over thinking boyfriend... future husband... possible baby daddy... His time with Carlisle on the weekend had given him the confidence he needed to reach for the stars... and I intended to be reaching as well... right there beside him... every step of the way.

Soon we found ourselves under the stars waiting for the show to begin, I noticed Emmett and Rosalie seemed to have come to some sort of understanding, and I was surprised to see them sitting together, flanking either side of Guy's chair as they watched the fireworks display. Every time Guy would ooh, or ahhh someone in the group would chuckle at his enthusiasm. When he tugged on Emmett's arm and yelled "Look Emmy, _LOOK_!" during the grand finale, Edward squeezed my hand and pulled me close.

"That kid has him wrapped around his little finger. If I called him an emasculating name, he'd clean my clock."

"You can't help but love him. I could tell Emmett was smitten with him the first time I saw them together."

Rose got up and folded her chair, and Guy's when he got up. I heard Emmett say something about stopping by with a truck, and Rose actually almost smiled in response. _Interesting._

I began folding the one I'd been sitting in before I ended up in Edward's lap for the fireworks, Edward took my hand and tugged. "Leave the chair, love. Emmett is going to come and get them tomorrow, they'll be fine."

Out of nowhere, Carlisle appeared. "Yes, he's coming to get the chairs and take them back to the gym, and then... " he whispered, "before he takes the truck back on Monday, he's going to help Rosalie and Jasper pick up Guy's bedroom furniture."

I was nearly speechless. Yes,_ interesting_ was what it was.

Esme came up behind Edward and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his cheek. "It was nice having you both here today. I hope you had a good time."

I started to respond, but had to stifle a yawn. so I nodded instead. I was very tired. "I'm sorry. I had a wonderful time, thank you for having us."

"Nonsense dear, thank you for coming."

A tiny hand took a hold of my arm to steady me as I rocked on my feet. "Hey guys, can I get a lift? I rode with Omar, but he got a page. He had to go... "

Esme was distressed, thinking that he had missed the show. "Oh no, did he miss the fireworks? They were spectacular. One of the nicest shows they've put on in years"

"No, the page came during the grand finale. He asked me to tell everyone goodnight. He said he had a very nice time."

Edward reached up and took my other hand. "Bella, you look like you're going to fall asleep standing up. Come on baby, let's head home."

I piled into the passenger seat while Edward got all hooked up in the driver's position. The air was on and by the time we were home, I was a little more alert. I showered and changed into a cool nightie waiting for Alice to finish with Edward. When I heard his bedroom door slide open and closed, I knew he was all situated. I padded towards his room and Alice whispered, "He's already out Bella. I think he was more tired than he realized." She headed towards the kitchen.

"He worked hard today, he used that manual chair all day, and he carted me all over the place. Then he was in and out of the chair. He exerted far more energy than I did."

"He was in such a good mood, I don't think he realized. He had a hot shower and got into bed, by the time I had the bathroom cleaned up, he was snoring."

"I'll sneak back in once I'm sure he's sound asleep. I don't want to disturb him."

"I'll be up to help you around three."

"Thanks, Alice." I followed Alice out to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of cranberry juice. "You want some?"

She shook her head, "Nah, I'm good, thanks. I see he's got you drinking it now too?"

I made a face, thinking about the tart drink I was about to experience. "He convinced me it would help prevent UTIs, but I don't really like the stuff he got."

I held up the bottle for her to see.

"Ew... no sugar, straight unsweetened, organic cranberry juice? What happened to cran-grape or cran-apple?" she asked.

"He assured me that they were full of high fructose sweeteners and cut with cheaper types of juice... and that 100 percent, unsweetened, organic juice is the way to go." I used air-quotes and mocked the stern doctor as he explained the _only_ healthy thing in his shopping cart when I had taken him shopping.

We were laughing so hard I thought for sure we'd wake him. I climbed up on the bar stool opposite Alice. "So, how's the house hunting going? Edward told me you're hoping to buy a place?"

"Yeah, I am. Esme and I looked at a bunch of places. There's actually a little bungalow just a few blocks away that I love. The couple who owned it went into a nursing home, and their kids are sorting through everything right now. I guess Carlisle and Esme knew them from church. The family wants to wrap things up this summer, but I wouldn't be able to move for a few months."

I remembered that work was being done at the only bungalow I could think of in the vicinity, most of the houses in our neighborhood were larger. "Oh, it's that little stone house, isn't it? There's a dumpster out front. I saw it one morning when I was out walking."

"That's the one. They were probably ripping up wall to wall carpeting. The house was retro seventies. All the appliances are drab green, the carpeting was this goldish sorta babyshit yellow color." Alice shuddered and I had to snicker when I thought about her sense of fashion. I'm sure she was appalled. "There are actually gorgeous hardwood floors throughout the house."

"It looks like something Hansel and Gretel would live in. It's lovely from the outside. I bet it's cute inside."

"It is. I haven't told Edward yet, but it appears that I'll be able to work with both Demitri and Alec, so I'm going to try to rent something close to the Sanctuary apartments for a little while. There's a nice little efficiency with a month to month lease right around the corner. I don't want to get tied into a long commitment. I should be in the house this fall if they accept my offer."

"That's great, Alice. I hope it works out for you."

"I think it will, they don't want to pay a commission to a realtor if they can sell it privately. But, I don't think Edward wants me to go... "

"He seems a little hesitant to be on his own again, but we'll be okay. We can watch out for each other. It's not like you won't be here to get him showered at night, and up and around in the morning."

"You guys will be fine. I wish he was a little more receptive to my suggestions to let you help him more. It wouldn't hurt for you to get comfortable doing more hands-on with him."

"He actually asked me to help him a few times today, they were little things, but he seems more trusting... "

Alice shook her head frantically, "Oh honey! You misunderstand. It's not that he doesn't _trust_ you, he is so afraid of being a burden to you. He's seen so many couples struggle when one of them has such a profound disability. Caring for Edward when he's having a rough day is a lot of work. It's physically exhausting and he doesn't want to burden you with that responsibility. There are days when we have both seen you struggle to just get through the day on your own. It's not that he doesn't think you're capable. He knows you are... "

"I can appreciate that. There are days when I can't take care of my own needs, let alone anyone else's, but I wish he could understand that I want to help him because I love him. It makes me feel good to be able to help him do little things. I'm not so naive that I think I could help him with everything he needs."

"Just keep trying. You'll find a balance... one where you can give him what he needs without him feeling like the scale is tipped so much that he's only taking. He likes to do things for you, too."

"And he doesn't usually take no for an answer."

"Oh that's not a disability thing, that's a man thing," she laughed.

I rinsed my glass in the sink and put it in the dishwasher. I smiled to myself, looking out the window into the dark back yard as I watched the fireflies dance in the darkness. "Oh, I know it is. I understand that having an attendant to do some of those things has to do with his need for independence. I realize his desire to come to the breakfast table dressed and showered- having taken care of that on his own, even if he had someone else help him do it... is all about the fact that I was able to cook and have his breakfast ready _because_ he had it covered and he didn't have to rely on me to do it. He's a very self sufficient man."

"There's an amount of pride there too. Knowing he doesn't have to bother you and he can take care of things. He's the epitome of the independent living philosophy."

"You know, he's gonna wake up some night and realize that you're not the one turning him in bed." I'd been turning him every night under Alice's supervision since just after he'd come home. Still he hadn't called us out on it yet...

"He vehemently refuses to let you get up in the night and help him. He's gonna have a kitten when he realizes," she giggled.

"I suspect he already knows. He told me one morning that he dreamt that I was there with him all night. I just narrowly escaped before he woke up that morning."

Alice came over washed her hands. "I'm going to head off to bed. Is there anything you need before I go down?"

"Nope, I'm just going to go do a little light reading. See you in the morning."

"'night Bella. See ya tomorrow."

I got in bed, with just the light on my nightstand illuminating the one side of my bed. It had been quite a day... I pulled out _Is Fred Dead_ and read the section on male erogenous zones, thinking I'd like to push him out of his comfort zone just a little bit.

Ever since the weekend, I'd watched as he grew more and more confident in the way he touched me, in the way he initiated our playful suggestive conversations...

... and my confidence had grown too. It had become second nature to shoot back a playful retort. I'd watch as he'd reach for me, no longer hesitant... his vulnerability waning. I didn't know if it was the promise I'd made, reassuring him I was going nowhere... if it was his promise to me that he was ready to step out of the shackles of his past and give our future a chance, no matter what it held.

Yes, mornings with Edward were becoming more and more interesting... it was like it ran on a constant loop whenever I allowed my mind to wander. His hands... his mouth... touching me reverently in a manner like I'd never been touched before...

I opened my nightstand and pulled out the little silicone friend Alice had dubbed _Mr. Lucky, _and smiled thinking about the night she dropped the little black bag from Lover's Lane onto my lap while he and I snuggled on the couch... it was just a few nights after poor Edward almost choked to death on his drink. He blushed crimson when she announced that she'd picked up a little something for me, and he hadn't even seen what was in the bag, yet it left little to the imagination. I was almost surprised he hadn't asked, since our banter had turned playful and teasing we'd both lightened up a lot.

I fumbled... trying to get comfortable... trying to get used to the rhythmic sensations... I'd played before, but not with something quite this intense. When I admitted to Alice that I had my own issues with sensation, she encouraged me to consider taking the time to explore my own body. The next day _Mr. Lucky _fell into my life.

Things were moving forward at an exciting pace... and it seemed to be all I had on my mind. Edward often referred to himself as a sexually stunted teenager... but suddenly that was how I felt- like a teenager... unable to curb my own desires...

I found myself responding to my new battery operated friend and bit my lip trying to remain silent. I learned the hard way how thin the walls were, the last thing I wanted was to upset him because I couldn't wait any longer and had taken things into my own hands. Yet, when my body crested and crashed with wave after wave of sensation... I must have lost the battle...

My bedroom door slid open loudly... a frantic Edward sat in the doorway, looking like someone had literally thrown him into his chair. Just as the light flipped on, I jerked up and reached for the covers... knowing how I must look... flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat, and just as disheveled as he, but for purely selfish reasons...

"Bella, baby! What's wrong?"

He came closer and I recoiled... falling out of bed with a thump. My little friend lay just out of my grasp, buzzing loudly against the beautiful hardwood floor. I flopped over onto my belly in an attempt to get to it in time... but time stood still as the claw of his reacher got closer and closer before picking it up. I pushed myself up on my elbows and there he sat with that damn smirk on his face- holding the toy just out of my grasp. Purple... silicone... still buzzing steadily away... the incessant hum seemed to be the only sound in the room...

Oh, he knew _exactly_ what had been going on. I hung my head in mortification as his voice broke the silence.

"Lose something, Bella?"

* * *

A/N: I'm donating an outtake in support of the Fandom for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The link can be found on my profile. If you're an author, please consider joining us, if you're a reader, for your minimum donation of $5 you'll get a copy of the fundraiser story compilation, but you'll be supporting a worthy cause.

S1203 left our 1800th review. She snagged an early pre-read. Thanks to everyone who came out last time to say hello. I knew you lurkers were out there. Hello to everyone who stopped by for the first time. I tried to respond to all of you, if I missed anyone, it was an oversight, my apologies.

Congrats to our beta, sherryola for winning the award for the best Charlie in the Avant Garde awards! If you're not reading her story, Seeing Bella, go read and leave her some love.

A very special thank you to the creator of one of my very favorite Edwards, who made sure that he came out to play on my special day. Thank you Sweetheart, I adored the birthday surprise and the sentiment behind it. You're one in a million.

Thanks to Team Impact for making my birthday one to remember, and to Jeanne for... well you know. ;-) You girls are the absolute best.


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-five

~Edward~

When we got home, it was all I could do to drag myself into the shower. I was tired... bone tired... but in a good way. I had one of those days where I physically exerted myself, and I could feel it all over. I had pushed myself to do more than I did most days, but we had a wonderful Fourth of July, filled with fun and family. It felt good to be tired from a day like that in contrast to those, mere months ago, where getting into the shower after a day of therapy was nearly impossible even with assistance.

The hot water felt wonderful, Esme had encouraged me to splurge on this unit and with tonight's shower alone, it's more than paid for itself. The jets were invigorating, spraying water at all angles. It pulsed and kneaded the sore muscles of my back and shoulders making my body feel limp as jello.

I had to ask Alice to stay close and spot me into bed; I could feel sleep coming fast and I didn't completely trust my ability to make it there safely. It didn't help that the bed looked so inviting. I think I was out before my head hit the pillow, I vaguely registered Alice bumping around in the bathroom, but I didn't remember her leaving the room or killing the light.

It felt like I was barely asleep and peals of laughter pulled me out of my slumber. Alice and Bella were both laughing hysterically about something. I grumbled and tried to get back to sleep, but once I'd awakened, I couldn't get back into that blissful cocoon of unconsciousness.

Eventually things settled down and I heard them say their goodnights. I was wishing Alice would have turned on the radio, or left my iPod close by... once the house got quiet, the silence became deafening. I longed for the repetitive ticking of the antique mantle clock on my dresser... apparently I forgot to wind it... so many nights the tick-tock-tick-tock like a metronome lulled me into slumber... and I missed it sorely, you could hear a pin drop. I heard the water running in Bella's bathroom... the flush of the toilet... the creak of her bed as she settled into it for the night... eventually I began to drift into oblivion.

Something woke me with a start, and I wondered if I had been dreaming, but a noise from Bella's room, her distressed calling out of my name- caused me to panic.

_I wasn't dreaming._

Much like the night Alec was sick, I was in motion without a second thought. I was in my chair, barefoot and shirtless before I heard it again, the transfer board clattering to the floor. In my sleep addled state, my only concern was getting to Bella. It took me forever to make it through my dark room and to her door.

Without stopping to knock, I slid the door open and flicked on the light. What I didn't expect was her expression of utter shock...

_What's wrong baby?_

I couldn't miss the shaking of her hands as she tried to pull up the covers. I looked closer... she was flushed... hair stuck to her forehead... her skin damp and clammy... _she was sick_.

_Panic set in._

"Bella, baby! What's wrong?"

I moved closer and she recoiled, as if she were afraid. Without warning, she slipped off the bed with a thud, taking the thin blanket she was tangled in with her. A familiar paperback book lay face down and open on the bed... and understanding dawned. She wasn't sick... she was...

I tried to wrap my head around what I'd just interrupted. _Oh..._

I felt myself blushing... but empowered by what I'd discovered.

She wasn't in trouble... she was in the middle of... apparently thinking about... _me..._

A sound came from where she had fallen, and in my mind, I could only liken it to the sound of my cell buzzing on my desk when it was set to... _vibrate._

Carlisle's words of wisdom flickered through my mind... "The act of masturbation isn't dirty or immature... explore your own body... learn what parts of your body feel pleasure... it's time that you allow yourself to get closer physically... cuddle... touch... tease... taste... you need to learn each other's bodies... "

Scooting around the foot of her bed, I was afraid she was hurt. She had fallen out of bed hard and landed with a squeak, the wind forced out of her on impact. She gave me a deer-in-the-headlights gaze, before making a dive towards a purple device that was slowly but surely buzzing its way across her bedroom floor.

With agility I didn't know I possessed, I pulled my reacher from behind my chair and snatched the wriggling little bugger out of her grasp. I couldn't help the feeling of victory or the smirk I wore on my face... not until I looked at her.

With a huff and a look of resignation she hung her head.

I felt bad suddenly, yet when I saw it lying there, so inviting... I simply couldn't resist... and she _had _agreed that humor was an important aspect of any relationship... _no_ I couldn't let her feel bad about this. She had courage I didn't possess... I was a thirty four year old man who was afraid of his own body... There was no way I was letting this end on a sour note.

I reached out to her with the toy in offering and trying to be cute, said the only thing that came to mind.

"Lose something, Bella?"

A million expressions crossed her features... before she snatched it from my grasp and made a beeline for her bathroom, slamming the door in her wake.

I listened as the water ran in her sink, the toilet flushed and she uttered all sorts of things under her breath. I had been content sitting and waiting, but the longer she took, the more concerned I became. Not wanting to upset her further, I tried to distract myself and reached for the book I hadn't laid eyes on for a very long time. It was open to the section on male erogenous zones, and my heart swelled when I realized she had been reading about ways to help me feel... _more_.

I didn't miss the neon colored sticky note that protruded from the top of another book, marking a page that she'd obviously wanted to revisit. Hesitantly, I lifted the book from her nightstand and opened it to her marked page. It was a section that dealt specifically with sexuality and women who have MS. Highlighted in yellow were passages that explained the almost anesthetic loss of sensation that sometimes accompanies the disease, and I wondered if my girl was having troubles I wasn't aware of.

I returned the books to where I'd found them, and wheeled over to the bathroom door. The anticipation was killing me, and I feared she was waiting for me to disappear before she came out. When I heard the water running in the sink yet again, I decided I couldn't let her avoid me any longer, and tapped gently on the door.

"Bella? Baby can we talk?"

I almost expected her to ignore me, but she returned a quiet, "It's not locked."

I took that as _Come In, _so I slid the door open. She patted her face with water before turning off the faucet and standing to dry off with a towel. The purple perpetrator lay on a towel next to the sink, obviously now squeaky clean... but hopefully not destined to a state of celibacy thanks to my intrusion. I had to make sure she knew I wasn't upset, because she clearly had been.

She spoke, the towel muffling her voice. "I'm sorry you had to experience that."

I could see the blush that covered her chest, neck... face. Still she was hidden behind the towel.

"Hey. None of that. It really isn't a big deal. It was actually... kinda hot." but then I faltered. I'd busted in here, into her private space, after I had promised her that was something I'd never do. She needed to know why. I needed her to understand. "I hope you know I'd never intentionally invade your privacy. I'm sorry Bella, I thought you were in trouble... I didn't mean... ", I stammered.

With an expression that nearly broke my heart she lifted her face and whispered, "It's okay Edward. It's just... a girl has needs, you know?"

My mood plummeted. That was my fault and we both knew it...

I reached for her, but instead of stepping away from me as I feared; she reached out to meet me and didn't hesitate when I pulled her over. Putting my hand on her hip, I guided her to my lap. Her arms came around my neck and I gave her a crushing hug, inhaling deeply and just relishing the fact that she was a part of my life. The love of my life. She'd awakened my physically and sexually stunted body in ways I didn't know were possible, each touch... each kiss... leaving a blazing path of sensation I'd never experienced before.

"Are you... okay... um...?" and I bit my lip. How to say it without sounding like an insensitive ass? "Have your... um... _needs_... been temporarily met?"

She nodded her head against my chest. "I uh, I was having some issues... asked Alice for some advice and she found _Mr. Lucky_ for me."

I think I was the one who snickered first... maybe it was her... we both did... "_Mr. Lucky_?"

"Yeah, silly, I know... "

I was momentarily jealous of Mr. Lucky.

But I sobered, she had given me an opportunity to ask about the passage I'd seen marked in her book and the doctor in me just couldn't let it go.

"What kind of issues baby?"

"I have some trouble... you know... God, it's embarrassing." Her forehead dug into my chest almost painfully in her attempt to hide her face.

I pushed her back away from me and cocked an eyebrow. She couldn't possibly think I, of all people, wouldn't understand.

Instead of making eye contact with me, she sighed and looked away before she whispered, "I have some issues with decreased sensation. Alice told me that's not all that uncommon with MS... "

"No, it's not... and it's not always a permanent thing. Just like other symptoms, it can come and go... "

"Anyway she found a special toy that's supposed to be a little more intense and maybe overcome my _issues_." She held up her fingers and made air quotes at the last word.

Hoping to recover that slight bit of earlier humor, I teased a little. Maybe it would lighten the mood. "You know, as a neurologic doctor I'm well aware of the sensory pathways in your body. Perhaps I can find a way to help you with that?" I couldn't help smirking as I said it, but didn't expect the playful punch in the arm or the "Smart ass!" that the comment earned me.

"Wow!" I said, rubbing my arm before I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a hug. When she yawned, I thought about the long day we'd had, and the roller coaster ride full of emotions that had come along with it.

"Come on baby; come snuggle with me in my bed. No pressure, just you and me, okay? I'm tired and I know you must be too, we have all the time in the world to talk about this, I just want to hold you and fall asleep next to you?"

I followed her gaze as she looked the vanity. "I need to... I need to put a few things away first."

No one would come in here and see it. "It can wait, come on love. We've had a long day."

She nodded, looking around. I spun us around and headed off to the room that I hoped would soon become _ours_... because _mine_ seemed like such a lonely word...

Bella picked my board off the floor and laid it on the edge of my bed. "You know, I don't know why I was surprised when you rushed in like a knight in shining armor, I heard something fall... but by that point... yeah... I should have known you'd hear me."

She stepped away and gave me room to get my chair situated at just the right angle. I flipped up my armrest and spread the board across the space.

"Wait."

I looked up, and there she stood, holding my slippers. She lowered herself to the floor and tenderly placed them on my feet. When she was satisfied that they were protected, she scooted out of the way and watched as I worked my way back into bed.

Once I was in my spot, she got up and came over to the opposite side of the bed; I held the blankets back welcoming her inside. She finally relaxed into me after we were nestled together like spoons in a drawer. The steady sounds of her breathing caused me to slip away with her and soon we were both sleeping soundly.

A gentle nudging pulled me far enough out of oblivion to clean my hands with hand sanitizer and to accomplish emptying my bladder. When I looked over at her turned back to thank _Alice_, I nearly fell out of bed. It wasn't Alice who had awakened me, or handed me the tools to get the job done, it was the girl who was supposed to be sleeping soundly by my side.

I found myself irritated at Alice, angry that she'd been the cause for Bella's wakeful state, but before I could complain Bella put a finger to her lips. "I woke up when she came in, but she wasn't feeling well, so I sent her back to bed. She was afraid you'd be upset, and you are. It's okay, we're all done, let's go back to sleep."

She took the bag full of liquid gold and put it into the dishpan for disposal in the morning and squirted a dab of sanitizer into her palm before going back to her side of the bed and scooting in next to me. Nothing else was said, and there really was no reason. She was right, it was done and we were tired. I reached down and kissed the top of her head. "I love you Bella. Thank you."

"I love you too, and you're more than welcome. See you in a few hours." She mumbled.

My phone ringing shrilly yanked me from dreamland and into reality. I muttered a gruff "Hello", noticing that the other half of my bed was vacant.

Emmett greeted me cheerily, as I heard my toilet flush and the sound of water running in the sink.

Bright eyed and bushy tailed, Bella perched next to me on the edge of the bed with a smile on her face, while my friend explained his need for my assistance. I put my hand over the phone and asked Bella if she minded my spending the morning at the gym. She surprised me by saying she'd love to take a dip in the pool and to tell Emmett we'd be there as soon as we could.

When I ended the call, I looked at her warily and asked if she was ready to get back into the pool. _That pool._ She laughed and assured me she had a _one piece_ suit.

Breakfast was simple- fruit and yogurt, and coffee on the go. Bella looked trim and healthy in just her suit and a pair of silky jogging pants and I was kicking myself for leaving my suit at home.

I pulled in behind the gym into the private lot that led directly into the gymnasium. I was a little surprised when I got inside. A large section of the basketball court's hardwood floor was covered with a thick blue tarp and wheelchairs littered the large open room in various states of repair. Even more surprising were Alec and Demitri sitting at a small table, adjusting some of the mechanics on a sports chair. In fact, looking more closely, I could see that the chairs were _all_ sport models and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on.

It blew me away when Bella began talking to the guys, and seemed to know _exactly _what was up. I felt a little out of the loop when I had no clue why I was even here. Why any of us were.

Suddenly she turned to me and began to explain.

"Emmett offered to sponsor a wheelchair basketball team, courtesy of his gym. He got these chairs at an auction for a fraction of their original price and I found someone else to donate the money to pay for parts. I got another individual who was willing to help absorb the cost of seating for the chairs. These belonged to a professional team, and were still serviceable when theirs were replaced."

I rolled around, looking them over. Most of the repairs were simple things, adjusting brakes; putting on new anti-tippers, a few new wheels... they'd need custom seats, no doubt.

I turned to Alec and Demitri, "How did he coerce the two of you into helping him?"

Alec laughed, "Dude! We _offered_ to help. He asked Jill for a few referrals for the team, and she hooked us up."

"_AND_... we get first dibs on the chairs." Demitri piped up excitedly, and I realized that once again Emmett had gone above and beyond.

Demitri would always have a sensible, appropriate chair, thanks to his insurance and Medicaid, no doubt, but a chair like this wasn't designed for everyday use and paying for one out of pocket was a luxury his parents could ill afford. This... this gesture my friend had made... made the dream of participating a reality, not just for Demitri, but for a handful of young men with disabilities who had more pressing financial things to worry about than a fancy wheelchair he could only use on the court. Any able bodied kid in America could play basketball simply by spending a few bucks on a ball and meeting his friend at the hoops. Those Quickie All Courts retailed close to four grand a piece, definitely not your standard basketball equipment, but a necessity no less, for a paraplegic who wanted to play.

"So," I asked, "how can I help?"

"An anonymous donor had all these McCarty's Gym stickers made. I got new seat backs for each chair. I thought perhaps you could put the decals on the backs for me?" He held one up, it was simple, just the name of the gym, but the decals were the same bright red as the frames of the chairs and really would stand out against the black.

"Demitri is checking out the anti-tipper on each chair, and Alec is putting new front casters on each chair." Emmett commented as he snapped the wheel off with the quick release on the chair in front of him.

Bella came over and leaned down for a kiss. "I'm getting in the pool, there's a water aerobics class this morning. Holler if you need anything."

She gave me another peck on the lips and turned, heading off towards the pool. I watched, mesmerized as she walked away from me. With no warning, Em let out a shrill whistle. Bella stopped in her tracks and turned around. She raised one eyebrow, and waited...

"Yo, Bella! I forgot to ask, didja lose something the last time you were here?"

She hung her head, blushing furiously.

"My pool boy damn near went into cardiac arrest."

"I hate you Emmett." She laughed, as she turned around and resumed her walk to the pool area, her right arm was held high in the air, the middle finger standing straight and tall.

I started to chew him out, but a laughing Alec interrupted, apparently Emmett wasn't very good about keeping his mouth shut. "When do these have to be done? You have a deadline, right?"

Emmett sobered a little. "Yeah, for the abilities expo that Bella's CIL is putting on. I've got a vendor space for the gym. I'm hoping to take the nicest chairs for under my tent. It would be nice if we could recruit enough guys for a team. I think I know a guy from the university who might be willing to coach for us."

We worked for a few hours on the chairs and by the time we finished we had ten chairs that were ready to roll and a few others that needed professional repairs. He explained that a member of the seating clinic at the Harborview gym would fit each team member and make the necessary adjustments to each person's unique center of gravity. He told the guys that the nicest thing about this particular chair was the versatility of being able to make adjustments without having to replace parts. He beamed with pride as he talked about the team. It was the stuff like this that really put my friend in his element.

I saw a few people leaving the pool area with wet hair and I expected to see Bella any moment. When she didn't come over right away, Emmett said, "She may have said something about bringing a suit along for you. Why don't you join her in the pool? I'll help you get ready."

I hesitated; it seemed like a lot of work to put him through, just so I could spend a little time in the water. "I hate to impose."

"Nonsense, Ed. If you want to get in, it's fine, but you've gotta keep it PG. Rose is dropping Guy off for a swim this afternoon."

"Hey, we both know that was an accident."

"Just sayin'," he smirked. "So... you getting in the pool or what?"

I waffled; maybe she was ready to get out. "I don't know. Maybe."

"You don't want to disappoint her; she _did_ bring you a pair of trunks and all."

We had nothing planned, and apparently she'd given it some thought. "Sure."

Emmett asked the guys if they were getting in, but they declined, saying they had to get back to rehab before Jill came looking for them. They were both in the home stretch and were working diligently towards meeting the goals of their home plans.

They said their goodbyes and then I saw them sitting next to the freshly painted, beige van that had the words Leonard Pacific Construction painted on the side. He'd had it painted, or his parents had. I watched as they took turns using the lift to get into the van.

"That's why I decided to sponsor the team. You almost forgot how good it feels, didn't you? Doing something kind for no other reason but to show kindness to another."

"It does feel good. It was no big deal, giving him the van. It was more about befriending him, and encouraging him when he felt like the entire world had turned their backs on him. He's come a long way, Em."

"Yeah, I may have heard that from someone else, too. He _is_ a good kid, they both are. The young adult team will be good for both of them they need to interact with other teens who have limitations. They need to see just how much they _can_ still do. Sometimes we get so hung up on our shortcomings that we forget all about our _abilities_. When these kids get lost in the moment, they'll forget all about the fact that they are sitting in a wheelchair and focus on the competition of the game. I hope we attract a bunch of new players. I have chairs, or will have once they are finished, for twelve players. I'd like to see every chair filled."

"I don't think you'll have a lot of trouble with that."

"No, me either. But come on; let's get you in the pool before Guy gets here. I sorta have to pay attention when he's here, he loves to do cannon balls, and use the diving board, but he doesn't always use the best judgment. I'd die if he fell and got hurt."

"And if you didn't, Rose would finish you off."

"Yeah, that too. She's a spitfire, that girl. I keep hoping one day she'll let me in. I just know she's a world of fun."

"She is. I hope she gives you the time of day, too. It's kind of nice that you both have a common connection through Guy."

I wheeled off in the direction of the locker room, and Emmett followed. Bella was floating in the middle of the pool, on her back, oblivious to the entire world.

Emmett offered to help me change, but I surprised both of us by doing it myself.

"She's pretty awesome, you know. I really like your Bella."

I beamed with pride. "Yeah, I know. I really like her too."

Emmett snorted, "I think there's a little more to it than that."

"There is."

"So you gonna make an honest woman out of her?"

"She's about as true as they come. But if you're asking if we're planning anything more permanent, yeah, it's headed in that direction. I've never felt like this about anyone else and I know I never will again. She's my world."

Suddenly I heard a loud splash and Bella shrieked. I whipped around and cursed when I had to fight to get out the door. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Guy bobbing in the water next to Bella, a noodle under his arms supporting him.

He was wearing a face splitting grin when I approached the pool. "Eddie!" I groaned. Oh how I loathed that name. Only Emmett insisted on referring to me as Eddie, I'd tried unsuccessfully to dissuade Guy from calling me that yesterday. Hopefully in time...

"Everything okay baby? I heard you scream."

Bella was treading water and smiled up at me. "Yeah, my buddy just caught me off guard. I didn't know he was here."

I saw her glance at my legs, but turned her head quickly, obviously trying not to stare. They were hideous, I knew they were. I'd hoped to sneak into the pool before she saw how ugly my body was.

"I'm just gonna have Em... "

"It's okay, I won't watch. Come find me when you're ready."

She motioned for Guy to follow her, and they began paddling towards the low end of the pool. Once I broke the water I was free. I flipped onto my stomach effortlessly and began to follow them. Suddenly I thought of something and stopped in mid stroke. "Hey Emmett, he can swim right?"

"Oh yeah, like a fish. I just don't want _anyone_ to slip and get hurt running on the concrete or on the diving board."

I slipped off under the water and was next to them in no time. When I broke through the surface Guy laughed and clapped.

Seeing how happy he was, I remembered a fun activity he might enjoy. "Bella, do we have the diving sticks with us?"

She lit up, "Yeah, I think they're in my bag. I handed it to Emmett with your suit in it."

I called Emmett over to the edge of the pool and asked him to go grab the toys for us. He threw them in from the edge and I watched as the neon colors drifted to the depths of the pool. Bella took off like a shot to go after one, and Guy followed, I watched in awe as she slowed down and allowed him to pass. He grabbed the stick and came back to the surface. Excitement was written all over his face.

"Ro, _RO_! _Look_!"

I followed his gaze to Rose who was stretched out on a chaise with a legal pad and a file folder. She gave him a thumbs up and yelled, "You did a great job Guy. Can you find another one?"

The three of us scooted around under the water for a while and I was more than a little surprised to see Emmett sit down at the foot of her chair, facing her and initiate a conversation. From time to time I'd look over and one or the other would nod or shake their head. Occasionally, she'd actually smile and seemed to enjoy conversing with him.

Bella came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I felt her tongue sweep across my skin in little designs and I coughed, remembering what Em had said, none to subtly, about keeping things PG. I put my hands over hers to still their wandering.

"Baby."

"Shhh... It's okay, he's under getting the last stick. I was just trying to get your attention."

_Oh, you have my attention, baby._

She leaned forward so she could peek around and see my face. "Are you about ready to go? All this swimming has made me _famished_."

I turned in her arms. "Yeah, as soon as Em is able to help me get out. Thanks for bringing my suit."

"I thought you might enjoy getting in for a while. How do the chairs look, did you guys make any progress?"

I explained that we had more or less pulled them all apart to make ten really great chairs, and then there were two that would have to be repaired. I told her about the decals that had been donated, and once again she managed to surprise me.

"Did you know that once the team is assembled that Jane's father, Aro, has agreed to pay for a specialized seat for each of the players?"

"Emmett said _someone_ was doing that, he realizes they could easily be hundreds of dollars each?"

"He knows. A Roho is about $450.00. But you know as well as I do that each player will have his own individual needs. The league has specific restrictions on seats too, so they have to fall within that category as well."

"This is all pretty amazing. Emmett keeps surprising me. I was so busy trying to hide from life all these years, he was right here under my nose yet I had no idea the impact he was making on the disability community."

"Yeah, he's really involved with the CIL."

"This whole team he's working on putting together is pretty exciting. We all played ball you know, before I got hit. He and Jazz would come over and pull ultra-light chairs out of the rehab closet and we'd play in the gym on Sundays. There were a few other guys too; we'd play three on three. But we never had chairs like these. Have you ever seen a professional team play?"

"I've seen the Mavs. Crazy. I watched guys change their tires while still sitting in their chairs, I've seen them practically do somersaults while still strapped in. They've flipped over and righted themselves. They might have physical disabilities, but they are incredibly fit."

"Yeah, they're a pretty good team. A lot of colleges have teams. This team Emmett is doing is a young adult league. I guess like fifteen to twenty-five."

"He told me that. It sounds like they're all going to have a lot of fun. Do you think he'll have trouble recruiting a team?"

"No way! He's provided the biggest obstacle. For a kid like Alec, it would be nothing for daddy to shell out four thousand bucks for a toy like that, but Demitri... it's not that they wouldn't want him to play, but they'd have no means to buy a chair without compromising the family budget greatly. I don't think he'll have any trouble finding kids wanting to play."

Emmett stood up and came over to the edge of the pool. "You ready to get out?"

"Yep. Bella has the munchies. We need to hit the road."

The lift lowered into the water, and when it was fully extended, Emmett jumped into the pool. He helped me get backed into the sling and when I was ready, he hooked the portion under my legs that created a sling under my behind so I could be lifted up.

Without another word, Bella swam away from me, and exited the pool via the ramp. Nothing could wipe away the view my mind conjured up the last time I watched her exit the pool. Mmm.

Emmett lifted himself up out of the pool and hollered over to Rose. "Hey Rose, I'm gonna get Ed out now, I'll be busy for a while, can you keep an eye on the little man?"

Rose stood up, laying her paperwork on the seat she'd been occupying.

"I'm on it. Do what you need to do. We're good" then she turned to me, "Edward, did you enjoy your swim?"

I had. "Yeah, it was great being able to stretch my legs." But, in fact, my entire body had relished the relaxation I usually found in the water. I was pleasantly limber.

The lift jerked suddenly, and I was moving upwards. When my body left the water it sounded like a faucet running as the water poured off my body and back into the pool. I hung, suspended, as Emmett laid out a waterproof pad and covered my chair with towels so it wouldn't get too wet.

Dressing after a swim was still a challenge but Emmett helped me transfer onto a bench so I could pivot back into the chair wearing dry clothing. I liked to shower afterwards, but it would have to wait till I got home to Alice. I hoped she was feeling better.

She worried me. She kept saying nothing was wrong, but I couldn't help picking up the little things, like the headaches I knew she had, it was hard for me to miss when she rubbed her temples throughout the day. I promised myself I was going to push her a little and encourage her to talk to someone about what was going on.

"That should just about do it, bud! Thanks for all of your work on the chairs. I really appreciate it." I looked down and realized he'd been working on getting my shoes back on while I was deep in thought about Alice.

"Hey, no problem. Glad I could help and thanks... for everything you're doing with Alec and Demitri."

I watched as he rolled everything up and threw it into a big laundry hamper. "They're great guys. I invited them over to use the gym, whenever. I heard one of them say they were leaving rehab soon, it's good for them to keep working out."

"It is," and I thought about the day before at my parents. I'd never have been able to wheel us both around without getting tired if I hadn't regained that upper body strength. Nor would I have ever gotten on the ground. "And it's nice to see them networking with new people outside of that rehab setting too. They need to both build relationships with people outside of their small circle of friends and family. One of the first things I learned when I became paralyzed was that you realize quickly who your real friends are."

"You do." Emmett put his hands on his hips and looked out at Guy. "It's even harder for kids like him. I know he's been the brunt of other kid's jokes in the past. Teenagers are cruel... and he's so innocent and _good._"

"Yeah he is, but he'll be okay. He has to find his own way. He's lucky to have you in his life."

Emmett shook his head vehemently, "No, no, I'm the lucky one. He's changed my perspective on so many things."

"I'm glad."

"Well, I don't mean to cut things short, but Rose is going over a bunch of things that pertain to Guy, medical records, information about his family. I want her to be able to concentrate, I knew you needed a hand, but I hate to pull her away from something so important. I really need to keep one eye on him when he's around the pool... he's just so enthusiastic about the water."

"Yeah we need to get going too. She seems to be lightening up a little," I said gesturing towards Rose.

"A little... she still won't let him out of her sight. I don't think she's gonna let him go to camp. He really needs that consistency, and it means a lot to him, he has friends there... ones he only sees at camp."

I thought about Bella's offhand comment. "Why don't you invite her along? It's probably the only way she's gonna let him go. Even if she stayed in a motel close by or something."

Emmett scoffed. "I can't _even_ imagine her at a camp in the forest. She's a city girl through and through."

I chuckled, "Yeah, I'll give you that. But give her the benefit of the doubt, ya know? She means well."

"I considered fostering him, when Bell told me what happened with his dad, but Rose had a way to rush the paperwork through, and well, he needed the stability she can give him. As long as she doesn't try to shut me out of his life... "

"She wouldn't do that to him... or to you. She might seem tough as nails, but she has a heart of gold and she's got a conscience. Just be yourself. She'll lighten up as she gets to know you."

"Thanks buddy. I hope to get to know her a little better, show her I can be trusted and that I'm really _not_ a bad guy."

"Deep down she knows."

He nodded his head, although I didn't know if he really believed me, he was deep in thought someplace.

I turned and began to roll out of the locker room, "Catch ya later Em. Have a great afternoon."

"Yeah, you too."

When I got to the chaise Rose had been sitting in, Bella was giving her a hug. Her papers had all been gathered neatly, and were peeking out of her briefcase. She was efficient and professional to a fault. It would be a blessing if she continued to let her walls down and let people in. She needed that in her life, much more than she needed to dominate the courtroom or send abusive husbands to prison to atone for their sins. I knew all too well how work-a-holics gained false satisfaction from their career as a means of shutting themselves off from the world. And... I knew how liberating it was when I realized that there was so much more out there for me. Yes, balancing my career and my home life would be challenging, but there was no other way for me now. Maybe she'd found that in her own life...

Guy was splashing away in the pool, but when I rolled by he waved and smiled. "Bye Eddie!" He yelled in his monotonous voice. Like many kids with Downs, his speech patterns lacked varying pitch and intonation commonly found in speech. I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, and realized that I was going to just have to get used to him calling me that. But maybe that was okay...

When we got home, Bella went searching for food and I went looking for Alice. I found her lying on the couch flipping through the channels on the TV. I hated to bother her, but I really needed a shower. So much so that I'd almost entertained asking Bella to help me... almost.

"Hey Alice, do you feel up to help me get into the shower? We were in the pool and I feel kinda... you know."

She sat up slowly and I thought, once again, that she just wasn't her normal bubbly self. "Yeah, let me go get a drink quick. I'll be right in if you want to start getting ready?"

"Okay, thanks. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just really tired."

I sighed. "Alright, I'll go get ready."

"Be right there."

I was able to get everything pushed down, but I couldn't for the life of me get my shoes undone, and if Emmett hadn't knotted them so tight, I would have gotten everything off. I sat up when Alice came into the bathroom. I had laid everything out that we'd need, and all she had to do was get my shoes off and spot me.

She bent down and untied them, tugging them off and setting them aside, when she stood up she turned white and grabbed the towel bar to steady herself. Immediately she looked up to see if I was watching. I bit my tongue, hoping that my time in the shower would give me a few uninterrupted minutes to put my words together before I began grilling her.

She gave me a sad smile. "I'm alright, just a little vertigo. I think I stood up too fast."

"You sure?"

"Yep, come on, shower time mister."

As soon as I was in the shower, Alice sat down in my chair. I couldn't help but notice how tired she looked, she had lost weight, I thought, and she was always rubbing her temples, her forehead, her tummy.

Did she know something I didn't?

Was she using Alec and Demitri as an excuse so that I wouldn't be exposed to her for such long periods of time, what was she hiding? I knew something was wrong.

So many things went through my head. Next to Bella, Alice was probably my best friend. She had gotten me through so much in such a short amount of time, and honestly, I don't know how I'd have ever done it without her. She was just what I needed to want to get back on the bike and try again after I'd fallen.

And Bella and I... no one was a bigger supporter than Alice, not even Carlisle. She'd spent countless hours with both of us separately in an attempt to encourage us...

_Oh Alice, what's wrong?_

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of color as Alice dashed across the room to my toilet and the unmistakable sound of retching filled the air. I hurried to finish and was rinsing my hair when the toilet flushed. When the water got exceptionally warm, I turned it off.

"Oh my God, Edward, I didn't burn you did I?" She exclaimed.

When she turned to face me her face was ashen, her eyes bloodshot. "Alice?"

She held a towel out in front of me, ignoring my question.

I dried my head as she laid a towel out on my chair and put one on my transfer board. I worked my way into my chair and rolled over to the back of the closet door to get my robe. I slipped it on backwards and spun around to face her.

"I think we need to talk."

Her eyes got great big right before the tears began to fall. She backed up to the toilet and sank down onto the seat. For the longest time, the only sound in the bathroom was her quiet sobs. Eventually, she balled up a wad of toilet tissue and blew her nose.

"You're obviously _not_ okay. What's up Alice?"

She just shrugged her shoulders and played with the hem on her tee shirt.

"I know you've been having headaches. You're dizzy... based on what I just witnessed, your stomach is upset... You weren't feeling good last night... "

Her head jerked up, "Oh God. About that... I'm so sorry... "

"It's fine Alice. I'm more concerned about your well-being. Please talk to me?"

I dragged my hand through my hair. I was becoming more frustrated by the minute and she wasn't giving me _anything_.

"I'm okay; it's just a bug or something. I'll be alright."

"Not buying it Alice. I can tell you've lost weight. Do I need to call Carlisle?"

She looked up at me her hand on her hip. "I'm a big girl Edward. You can't _make_ me go see Carlisle. He's my cousin anyway, eww."

"I thought we were friends, I'd think after all we've been through together that you'd come to me if you were in trouble. How can you take care of anyone else if you're sick? What about the guys? They're counting on you. How long have you been feeling this way?"

She looked at the floor, avoiding me completely.

"Alice? Come on honey, I'm worried about you. You're scaring me."

She looked up, her lip quivering. "I don't _know_ what's wrong. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I have trouble forcing food down. I feel like crap, and I don't know why. _Okay?_"

I thought about everything she'd just said, and everything I already knew... a light bulb came on.

"Alice... you're not... ", before I got the words out she began shaking her head. "You're not pregnant are you?"

"No. There's no way."

"There's no way you and Omar could have... ?"

She cut me off before I could finish. "No!"

"You're sure?"

I hardly heard her, she whispered so softly. "Positive. We haven't... there's no way."

"_Oh_."

"Yeah."

"I think you should talk to your doctor. We both know this isn't normal."

"I know. I'll call her."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

Taking in the big picture, I realized that Alice hadn't seemed quite right, for a little while. Her attention to detail wasn't quite as sharp, she certainly wasn't her normal bubbly self, and she just looked worn out. She had a lot on her plate, she'd been taking care of me for months, and there were times it was a round the clock job... she'd helped us move, she'd moved in herself- all her belongings now in a storage unit somewhere in Seattle. She was preparing to move again, more than once, and she was taking on a new job. I didn't know if she was truly ill, or if her stress was physically manifesting itself, but I was more than a little concerned about her well-being. I couldn't believe that I'd been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I hadn't noticed.

"I'm gonna go downstairs and relax for a bit, you got everything you need?"

"Yeah, I think I can get myself finished up."

She gave me a big hug. "Thanks for caring so much. Love you."

"Love you too, Al. Go lay down, I'll check on you in a little bit." She trudged off through the house and I set the alarm on my phone for two hours.

I struggled a little to get my pants on, but once I was presentable, I found Bella and she helped me finish.

We spent a lazy afternoon on the couch, talking about the abilities expo and how everything was progressing. The group from the CIL had lined up some great vendors and everyone was really excited. My support group members had been distributing flyers for weeks, and we'd tapped into some generous sponsors. It couldn't help but be a successful event. Jill's biggest contribution was the use of the rehab's grounds. When she'd committed to involving her facility, she convinced the board of directors to sponsor the event on the premises. By having it in-house per se, she was providing a plethora of invaluable information and much needed services to her patients, many of whom were unable to travel to another site. It was a win-win situation.

Bella was animatedly telling me about some of the activities the CIL had planned. They did little things to educate the public on things like proper disability etiquette, and people first language, there would be games and demonstrations. Everything was meant to be fun yet educational and I knew everyone would have a great time.

When my timer went off, I took a bottle of ginger ale and a sleeve of soda crackers to Alice. She had some color and appeared to have rested. I left her watching TV, with the promise that she'd let me know if she got into trouble.

Bella made a bowl of chicken salad and we threw it on a bed of tossed salad. Quick and cool. Perfect for a July afternoon. When bedtime came, Alice was perched on the edge of my bed waiting for me. She said she felt better, and I believed her- to an extent.

Bella came into my room and bid me a quick goodnight, but I could tell she was fighting to keep her eyes open. It had been a long day for us all, and she'd spent an extended amount of time in the pool. I always slept soundly after an afternoon of swimming.

Sunday Alice got me up early and announced that she was going to church with Omar and brunch at Olivia's. Bella and I had talked about going to the storage unit and going through a few things. Sasha had encouraged it after I'd told her about the day we found the games in the cupboard... and about how I'd found comfort, when I had expected an assault of unwelcome emotions instead... and they had never come.

We stopped by my parent's and Esme gave me the keys and the key code for the automatic gate. I'd never been there and wondered what the day would hold. I was surprised at how close the unit was to their house and had no trouble finding it.

I had a _moment _when we first opened the door and I realized that it was _all_ there in front of me. Every single thing my parents had owned was staring me in the face, minus what we'd already moved into our home. I was looking for a few things in particular and hoped that Bella could help me find them based on my descriptions since I couldn't get to a lot of it. There was just so much. It would take a lifetime to wade through it all, I should have begun as soon as I got home from rehab. Once I returned to work, it would be difficult to find time for normal day to day activities, I'd never have time to rummage through all of the things Carlisle and Esme saved. Looking around it was apparent that they literally saved everything when my parent's home was emptied. Bella confirmed as much when I must have said it out loud.

"Esme said they couldn't bear to throw anything away, not knowing what it meant to you. I don't think either of them were in the proper frame of mind either. She said the personal stuff was untouched, simply packed by the movers. They were dealing with so much then... "She trailed off.

_Yes they were, their family broken beyond repair, they'd inherited a miserable teenaged boy, and they had their own demons... created by losing the people they loved._

"I know... "

My parents had owned some artwork, nothing extremely valuable, but things I'd always loved. One painting in particular would look great in my room, there were some antiques I thought Bella might like to put out and I was ready to take a few of the boxes marked _personal _home as well. After looking for them in vain, I called Esme and she apologized, stating that they were stored in a closet in her home... I hadn't thought about the fact that they would never have placed them in an environment that wasn't climate controlled.

I was able to propel myself through the area that held what was left of the furniture after the moving company had delivered the nicer pieces to the new house. I was going to give these last few items away, but both Bella and Esme suggested I look at the items myself before I made any permanent decisions.

My childhood dresser was full of my teenaged self's clothing. We put them in a box for goodwill along with several boxes of clothing that Esme had told me she'd needed to remove from my parent's dressers so that they were empty for the movers. I was giving all the bedroom furniture I'd had as a kid to Demitri. He was going to be strapped for cash and they were things I'd never use again. By the time we were done, we'd scraped together a bedroom suit, a desk and a small oak dinette set with two chairs. I wondered where the other two chairs ended up, but it would be perfect for them, room for two wheelchairs and seats for two guests.

There were some boxes of kitchen items that Bella said she probably wouldn't need a set of corning ware dishes, some fairly nice pots and pans and stainless flatware that we wouldn't use. Bella assured me that they were perfect for two young men getting their first apartment. All of those items went onto the pile for the guys, and by the time we were through we'd found a handful of nice items that they could probably use. Bella said she could relate to how Demitri felt, coming into a situation like that with so little when his room mate had the potential to provide so much more. I reassured her that there was plenty that Demitri would bring to their friendship that had nothing to do with material things. Alec needed the fraternity he'd find living with another guy for a while. It would be good for him... for both of them.

Bella said that Emmett had told her he'd deliver the items with his truck, one day this week, but I worried that perhaps Alice wouldn't be able to do some of the things she'd committed to doing for them. If she continued to feel the way she did, she wouldn't be able to move their things as independently as she had anticipated.

Emmett had made quite a few commitments of late, and I wondered just how well I knew my friend, had he always been so giving? Was I completely oblivious to his benevolent side?

Seeing Rose warm up to him was the icing on the cake... if he could warm up her frosty exterior...

By nature, Rose was a warm and giving person. She was loyal to a fault, and that was where her flawed opinion of Emmett came into play. They say first impressions can be a bitch, and her first impression of Emmett was a doozy. I was still shocked that he'd even begun to chip away at her icy walls... if it weren't for a bubbly young boy and my loveable meddling girlfriend... he wouldn't stand a chance with her.

I couldn't wait to hear Bella's rendition of the tale after they went together to visit Guy's childhood home.

But, Monday morning came... and Bella could barely open her eyes...

~Jasper~

I pounded on my sister's door, anxious to be done with the commitment I'd made. While I loved my sister and knew how much this meant to her, time hadn't been good to me. Not since Alice was gone. I'd made some mistakes, but I never suspected that I'd lose her. I still spent all my free time licking my wounds; so I did everything in my power to ensure that free time was non-existent. It was just easier that way…

After our latest split, my first thought was to turn to alcohol and drown my sorrows, but that was what had gotten me into trouble in the first place. It had become common knowledge that after a few drinks I'd loosen up and my southern gent side would kick in. But, I'd never stepped out on Alice... there was a misunderstanding shortly after we'd first met and another a few years later. My sister was instrumental in convincing Alice that perhaps I wasn't the ideal partner, and at the time, I probably wasn't…

Alice and I weren't exactly exclusive, we'd date for a while and then we'd go our own separate ways. Friendship was never an issue; we were always close, no matter what our couple status was at the time. I met Alice and we just clicked. We had so many common interests, but neither of us was ready for a solid commitment. We were young and dumb, not realizing what we were allowing to flitter away… We could have been working harder towards what mattered, but we kept letting life get in the way.

A short time after Alice and I met, I'd gotten caught in a compromising position with a former girlfriend. It wasn't a sexual situation, and Alice and I weren't technically together at the time, but I'd hurt Alice none-the-less.

A lack of communication was our greatest downfall. Alice and I both worked hard, and were fairly independent individuals. Back then, our relationship was more physical… lacking that emotional, spiritual pull some couples share. When we were together, we were makin' love for fun and but then we could weeks at a time without seeing one another.

At the time neither of us was marriage material…

Several months after we'd gotten past the first incident, there was another. Maria's sisters had moved up here from Houston. There was an accident. The three sisters were hit head on by a drunk driver. It an emotionally charged situation, my unit was dispatched after returning from another call and we pulled in just as they were peeling the top off that car- my heart dropped when I saw who was inside. We'd all been friends in my former life. While Maria walked away from the accident with minimal injuries, Nettie and Lucy who were in the front of the car weren't so lucky.

Nettie was dead on the scene, and Lucy's life hung in the balance for weeks after the accident. My unit transported Maria to the hospital where she spent the night under observation. When she went home, she was a mess, her life had been shattered, and aside from her sisters, she wasn't terribly close to anyone in Seattle. For weeks after the accident she called me, and I took the calls. Alice and I were together then and I just didn't know how to tell Maria "No". I felt some sort of misguided responsibility for her… all alone and scared in a relatively strange place.

When Alice gave me an ultimatum, there was no choice for me. I kindly, but firmly told Maria that she needed to find her own support system. I couldn't be that for her anymore.

After that we were okay. Our relationship strengthened and over the years we grew as a individuals but being independent individuals with separate lives, really didn't work. I was certain I'd lost her when she went running off to Paris to see Rose. It was an open ended invitation and she had no concrete plans to return when she'd left. When she did come home, begging her to move in with me was my way of grasping at whatever I could to keep her. I saw it as a way of showing her I was ready to settle down. It was the first time we have ever really made a commitment to one another.

The episode in the bar was stupid. Stupid. I got a few drinks in my system and I couldn't seem to help calling a pretty girl 'sweetheart' or 'darling'. In the past, Alice always laughed it off, and had even done her fair share of reciprocal flirting on a few occasions.

But that night, the alcohol had lowered my inhibitions enough to make me think it would be harmless to shoot a game of pool with a stranger, as long as my bros were right there with me to vouch for my fidelity.

The weekend in question occurred just as we were on the cusp of Alice and I taking the biggest step of our lives. And it was my fault that it all fell apart.

She never said we were through, she said she needed _time_... she needed to think... But just a few weeks later, seeing her with that dark, handsome doctor on her arm in the hospital parking lot solidified things in my head. The light of my life had moved on.

The guys tried to find ways to cheer me, but I was in a spot in my life where I didn't want to be cheered. I'd done this to myself... I'd done this to us. And half _of us_ had moved on.

If I had one wish, it'd take me back to that final kiss. Back before our lives had changed. No matter how hard I'd tried, I just couldn't seem to live without her presence in my life. I don't know how we ever functioned as two separate halves of a whole in the past; it clearly wasn't working for me anymore. I was convinced we gave up too soon; I shouldn't have given up without a fight… after losing her- I had nothing left to lose. She was all that mattered and if I ever had the chance again, I spend my life trying to show her what she meant to me.

I found out too late… the most surefire way to realize what you had… was to try and go on after you'd lost it.

My coping mechanism for dealing with my broken heart was to thrust myself into my work and this time of year, there was no shortage of work. Summer was the time of family vacations, and weekend gatherings... of June weddings, and Fourth of July picnics... there was no shortage of unclaimed hours or people who wanted time off... So I did whatever any other self-sacrificing work-a-holic would do... I took on anything and everything available to fill my days and nights. I had no trouble forgetting when I was exhausted... until she haunted me in my dreams.

I raked my hand through my hair. It was long and scraggly and would earn a harsh reprimand from my sister, I knew. Personal hygiene wasn't high on my list of priorities, but as long as it was clean and I didn't smell on the days that I worked, everyone left me to my own devices. Rose wouldn't be so lenient. Her personal appearance was something she took pride in. The fact that her brother had become a slob wouldn't sit well with her.

I was a little excited about meeting the kid. I expected Rose to want to try again, and when she said she and Royce were through, I suspected she'd be scurrying to find someone who could help her build a nest before the alarm on her biological clock went off. I just never expected the ecstatic call I received telling me she was fostering a child with a disability, nor would I have ever imagined her wanting to adopt someone so... _grown up. _This man/boy...

I never meant to say that out loud, but she explained that while he was _technically_ a young man, he _was_ a boy at heart and always would be, and that he needed a safe and stable place to call home. That was something she had readily available and she was more than happy to open it up to him.

The door opened hesitantly, and I peered behind it, expecting to see a timid young man using it as a shield. When my eyes met with the watery, black orbs of my beloved, I grabbed the frame before I fell to my knees. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut, the wind knocked out of me... incapable of words.

I backed up to the wall in the foyer, and when I found the words, I excused myself. "I'll just wait out here."

I slid down the wall, unable to stand... unable to function. I was star struck, never imagining I'd see her this close.

Her voice broke the silence. "I'm sorry; there wasn't time to warn anyone. Bella woke up with a migraine, she took meds for it... she couldn't drive. I knew how important this was for Guy. I didn't know... "

"That I'd be here... ", I finished."I'm sorry Sprite. I wish someone had seen fit to warn you."

"I don't mind... if you come inside. We were moving some furniture; it might be nice to have a man to help. Emmett is running late."

My sister came down the steps of her townhouse, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. "Did the brute finally decide to grace us with his presence?" She joked with Alice, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw it was me. "Twin, you look like shit."

I shrugged. I certainly wasn't discussing my appearance nor my state of mind in front of the girl who still owned my heart.

_The girl whose heart I had broken._

"I'm okay. It's summer; you know what it's like. We're never busier nor more shorthanded." I begged with my eyes for her to understand and not press any further.

"Yes, I suppose." She walked over to the big picture window leaning forward to scan the street, presumably for the _brute_ who hadn't yet shown up with the truck. "Come on, you should meet Guy."

I followed my sister to her office where my eyes fell on a young man who was deep in concentration. I noticed he was reading a book, and on further inspection, saw that it was a copy of _Rascal_, the story of the boy who had a pet raccoon. It was worn and well loved, and I wondered when exactly she'd stolen it from the bookshelf in my childhood room.

"Guy, I'd like you to meet someone." She put a hand on his shoulder and he looked up.

"Hi!" He said with a smile.

"Hello, I'm Jasper, I'm Rose's brother."

"Hi!" he said again, and then he tilted his head from one side to the other before standing up and reaching hesitantly towards my hair. "Like your fuzzies..."

He fingered my hair with a snort, and sat back down absorbed in his book. "Fuzzy wuzzy." he said to no one in particular.

Alice and Rose stood trying to hide their laughter, both of them shaking in silence.

_Fuzzy wuzzy... _I could only imagine how they would try to work Jazz into that somehow. I cringed at the thought.

"Come on; let's see this furniture we're moving." I already knew it was a massive oak bed with matching dressers, might as well get started.

I laughed, for what felt like the first time in so long. "_What,_" I howled, "_is that?_" pointing at a crescent shaped hole in the wall.

Rose rubbed her rump. "Well, it's like this... I was trying to move the bed by myself, and I had these really slippy shoes on... "

"And she fell on her ass... "Alice cackled.

The girls were both holding themselves, Rose red with embarrassment.

"Is your um, _ass_, going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I just hurt my pride."

"I bet it _still_ hurts." Alice snickered.

"I'll never tell... " She grumbled, rubbing her behind a second time.

The girls had removed the bedding and it was standing against the wall. Rose commented that the mattress and foundation were practically new and she wanted to see what Guy had before she hauled it out of the room. The other pieces were going to a large storage area at the end of the hall. Thank God we weren't carrying them to the basement.

We made quick work of the pieces, which surprised me... they were so cumbersome.

With the room empty, it appeared quite large. "Suppose you don't like his stuff, or what if it's in bad shape?"

"Doesn't matter." Which shocked me, my sister had always been about appearances, and this kid must have been pretty special for him to have affected her like that. "It's what he needs. We'll deal. Once he's here for a while, and he feels secure that I won't send him away, maybe we'll try again. If he says no, it's okay too. This is his room. They are his things. I have no intention of attempting to change him."

A loud pounding broke the quiet and Alice spoke up. "I think _the brute_ is here now. Figures, now that we have the heavy stuff put away."

Alice hurried down the steps to let him in, and I couldn't help thinking that she couldn't get away fast enough.

Rose looked over nervously. "Sorry Jazz. It wasn't expected... I didn't know." Rose tried to explain.

"Hey," I said reaching out and putting a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. I'm more worried about her. Did you see how she looks?"

"Have you looked in a mirror?" She said over her shoulder as she headed for the stairs.

I listened as Rose rattled off a list of things in the fridge and activities he enjoyed to Alice. Finally Alice took her hand and reassured her. "Rose, we'll be fine. It's not like he's non-verbal. I'll call you if I need anything, _okay?_"

Rose blushed and nodded. "I'll go now; I know you're trying to get rid of me." We all laughed and followed her out to Em's truck.

She tried to get me to sit in the middle, but I coerced her to take the seat. I didn't want to straddle the gear shift, and her sitting there was conducive to Emmett's getting a little closer to her. He was obviously smitten.

We stopped at the courthouse long enough for her to meet the caseworker for the keys. But when Rose came out, it was with the news that someone from the trust department at the bank would meet us there so they could catalogue whatever we removed.

Guy grew up in a quiet neighborhood outside of Seattle. Emmett led us through twists and turns until we ended up at a cul-de-sac in front of an older brick split level home. He backed onto the concrete drive before turning off the truck. A woman with a tightly woven bun stepped out of a little black Cadillac carrying a clipboard. With a curt hello, she opened the door and stepped inside the foyer gesturing for us to go inside.

We walked through from room to room looking at things. I watched as Rose reached down with a smile and picked up an ancient cloth bodied Popeye doll. It had a plastic head and arms, and still bore the trademark sailor suit of the popular cartoon character. "He's been asking for this. I can't believe he didn't take it with him. I can't believe they didn't get it for him when they got his things!"

Miss Priss spoke up from her spot in the corner. "I was told to only remove the bare essentials. A _doll_," she emphasized with distaste, "for a young adult male, was _not _an essential item."

"Clearly you don't know your client." Rose bit out. "Not even a little."

My sister hugged Popeye to her chest. "We'll be taking the _doll._"

The house was neat and sparsely furnished. Many of the things were older, and well worn, but it was homey. We came to a door with a nameplate that read _Guy_; my sister pushed open the door. A collective gasp filled the air when we walked inside.

"_Whoa._"

"OCD much?" Emmett asked.

The room was pristine. While the furnishings were old and loved like the things throughout the rest of the house, Guy's room was meticulously organized. There were boxes of learning games, and puzzles. A Wii and a respectably sized flat screen TV occupied a corner. Guy had a small desk with a lamp, and an older model computer. Rose said something about upgrading the computer system and Emmett chuckled, "Not with these games. They don't make learning games like these anymore, but this stuff is older, it won't be compatible for something you can buy today. I know someone who builds computers. We can have them go over his system and make sure it's running properly."

Rose beamed up at him. "Really? That's really kind. Thanks."

Guy had lots of little trinkets, see through plastic boxes that housed toy prizes from fast food places, hand held electronic games, crayons, markers, paints...

Rose began boxing things in the order they came off his book shelves and desk, paying special attention to place them in the boxes the same way they were on the shelf. Emmett and I took apart his bed and began moving dresser drawers to the truck. Miss Priss stood with her clipboard and catalogued every piece of furniture. We ended up leaving an older soiled mattress and box spring.

It took a few hours to get everything boxed and loaded. By the time we were done with the heavy lifting, Rose had all the small stuff packed, and when we left, the only things still in the room was the mattress and box springs. Along with his hanging clothing, Rose found a second _doll_ that looked worse for the wear in the closet, but she refused to leave it behind. Further investigation in the living room netted a few photo albums, and some pictures of Guy's family. Rose perused the kitchen to learn a little more about the things the family ate. Just as we were walking out the door, I saw Emmett pick something off a table near the door with a smile.

"This is all he talks about. He'll be so happy to have it back." He held up a green iPod nano. "He loves to dance."

My sister smiled warmly. "Yeah, he does love to dance." and then with confusion, she looked up at Em, "_Wait, he talks to _you_ about that?_"

"Yep. He wore it constantly. He'll be happy to see it."

Rose asked Miss Priss about health documents, identification, other important papers and was told she could come into the bank to get everything one day later in the week.

Emmett looked down at his watch and groaned. "I'm starving. You guys want Pizza? I'll buy."

Rose frowned, "We could stop on the way if we knew what to get for Alice and Guy."

Emmett and I both spoke at the same time. "Bacon."

And a second time "Really?"

"Okay," Rose laughed, "we want bacon, I'd like a vegetarian, what else?"

"Pepperoni." Emmett and I said at the same time.

Rose called the number Emmett gave her, and by the time we pulled up out front, our food was waiting for us.

We parked the truck securely inside Rose's garage and headed for the house to eat.

When we walked in the door, Guy clapped as soon as he saw the boxes. "Yayyyyy!"

When she handed him his friend, Popeye, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Popeye sat in a place of honor at the table and shared pizza with Guy.

Everyone was talking and laughing when Guy began making funny noises. Rose asked him what was wrong, but he didn't answer. Emmett said something about him trying the pepperoni... I agreed, it _was_ very hot.

But, when Guy frantically raised his hands to his throat, I knew he was in trouble. I looked at Alice and we both stood at the same time. My sister and our friend both seemed paralyzed with fear.

Alice put a hand on Guy's shoulder and tried to get his attention. "Buddy, can you talk to me?" He kept trying to clear his throat it was obvious, but his little face was red and I knew he wasn't making any progress. "Can you cough?" Alice asked. Again no response, just the terrified look that a choking victim wore.

I couldn't wait any longer and snatched him out of his chair. Two upward thrusts were all it took to dislodge the piece of pizza crust he had choked on. As soon as it was out, he began to sob; he pulled away from me and went right to Alice. She consoled him while gently checking him over and observing his respirations without being obvious. A choking episode was traumatic for anyone, and I'm sure even more so for someone who might not understand what had happened. I was afraid I'd hurt him, it was so easy to exert too much force and cause bruising... even fracture a rib. He wouldn't answer when she asked if anything hurt. So Alice pulled his shirt up and we looked him over, I gently probed his ribs while she watched for a reaction. He appeared to be fine, just a little shaken. She smiled sadly and congratulated me on acting quickly. Even after being apart for so long, we made a good team. It wasn't the first time we'd worked together to help someone in trouble.

Emmett and Rose were both all over us with praise and thanks for intervening. Emmett was kicking himself for not jumping to action when he had a certification for CPR and first aid, too. We both reassured him that it's hard to act when it's someone you love. I think he was taking it hard that he had frozen up in fear. He relaxed visibly when Rose put a hand on his arm and told him she wasn't upset with him... it was okay, _Guy_ was okay..

She looked at me and asked if I'd give them a ride to the ER to have him checked over. Alice and I both reassured them that he was fine. "No harm done, Rose. He's fine."

I was even more shocked when she asked Em if he'd stay the night to make sure everything was alright. Alice rolled her eyes and left the room. Since dinner was officially over, we began cleaning up. Emmett, Rose and Guy were all three shaken, I could tell, and I wanted to give them some time. Guy clung to Rose, obviously still traumatized by not only the choking incident, but also by the rough manner in which I handled him. Sadly, there was no other way for me to have helped him.

I carried my plate to the kitchen and ran smack into little Alice.

"You look good." I lied. She looked like shit.

"You do too." she whispered. I looked just as bad.

"I've missed you Al." I barely choked the words out, but I had to tell her.

She misted up and shook her head, her hand covering her mouth as she whispered. "I'm sorry. I can't do this right now." She scurried past me and when I got back to the table, she was gone.

"What did you say to the Sprite?" Emmett scolded. "She was out of here so fast we didn't even get to say goodbye."

"That would have been because of me... I may have told her I missed her." My head hung in shame. We'd had a relatively civil afternoon, and I'd had to ruin it.

Rose stood up and rushed to me, pulling me roughly into a hug, she pushed me away, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Oh Jasper," she murmured. "You need a shower and a haircut."

"And a shave," Emmett interjected.

I hung my head. They were right, I looked like hell. At least someone around here was honest.

Emmett seemed to suddenly realize something important. "Before you go, you want to help me get this furniture in here? He doesn't have a bedroom."

"Oh, yeah. No problem at all, let's go."

He followed me to the garage and it didn't take long to get the bed and dressers moved in and set up. I reached for a box and he stopped me. "We'll get the rest. Go home Jazz."

"I'm going. Call me if you need me." I smiled at Guy. "You okay buddy? I didn't hurt you did I?"

He looked up, his eyes watery. "Choke," and he made a few coughing sounds, "cough." and held his hand to his throat.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"All better." he whispered.

"Good."

When I got home and crawled into bed, sleep didn't come easy. I tossed and turned, my mind rehashing the day over and over. How good it was to see her, but how literally exhausted she looked. Everything that had happened with Guy. Emmett and my sister... what did I think about _that?_ It was obvious _something_ was going on there. I didn't know what to call it... maybe they didn't either.

Finally, around five I couldn't stand it any longer. I showered and shaved, running my hands through my wet hair... that was a lost cause. For the first time I saw what everyone else did, a wasted shell of a man. I needed to get hold of myself and start living again.

When I opened the door of the donut shop around the corner I was assaulted with the aroma of warm yeast and sugar. I took a deep breath filling my lungs. The little old lady behind the counter laughed.

"What can I get ya Jasper?" She'd been here much longer than I'd lived in the neighborhood.

"A dozen stickies, and a large coffee. Black. Oh and can I have one of those frosted donuts?" The donuts in the case were frosted bright yellow with all kinds of wild colors drizzled across them. I immediately thought of Guy and smiled. He'd stolen my heart too. Funny how things like that happen when you're not paying attention.

Rose's house was dark, when I pulled up, so I used my key to let myself in. Leaving the pastries in the kitchen, I walked from room to room looking for my sister.

When I got to Guy's room, I had to smile. Guy was asleep in his bed, his arm around his beloved Popeye. My sister was lying next to him on top of the covers, and sitting right next to her and turned in her direction, Emmett was oozing out of chair that we'd taken from Guy's childhood bedroom. It was obviously made for a child. Guy was short enough to still sit in it, but Emmett's over-sized body was hanging out of the chair all which ways. What was even more surprising was the blanket that had been laid over him. It was obvious that _someone_ had covered him while he slept... unawares.

I coughed from the doorway. My sister stirred first. "How's Guy?" I whispered.

"Alright, he's pretty clingy. He had a few nightmares. He finally really got to sleep around three."

"Good. I brought breakfast. I wanted to check on him before I went in to work."

"_Shit_ work!" Emmett sat up with a start. He wiped a trail of drool from the corner of his mouth and smiled sheepishly.

Rose touched his arm. "Hey, it's still pretty early. When do you have to be there?"

He looked at his watch and relaxed. "Not till eight. It's Monday, right?"

"Tuesday, hon." Emmett and I looked at each other. _Hon?_

"I gotta go; I have to be there in... twenty minutes."

He reached out and snatched my coffee. "You drinking this?"

"Um, I... "

"Good, thanks bro! Rose, call me if you need anything. I'll come by after work, okay?"

He was out the door in a flash, and I stood there dumbfounded staring at my empty hand.

"Come on, I'll make us some." She gestured towards Guy. "I'm not gonna wake him up. He had a rough night."

I followed my sister to the kitchen and watched as she went through the motions of making coffee and plating two of the rolls. "There's a donut for Guy in that bag. It's colorful. I couldn't help myself. It looked... _happy._"

"A donut looked _happy_?" she smirked.

"Mmhmm."

She looked in the bag and smiled. "Yeah, I guess it does look happy. He'll love it."

She handed me a coffee. I took a deep breath and smiled, until I thought about the coffee I had been drinking. Damn Emmett.

When I looked over, she smiled back with watery eyes. "I've never been so scared Jasper." she said shakily. "You know I've faced my client's angry husbands in the courtroom who have later followed me, slashed my tires, called my private number threatening me... Nothing compares to the helpless feeling I experienced last night. Is this what it's like to be a parent?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Not all the time though, I don't think. It's supposed to be fun, rewarding... "

"Thanks for being there for us. I was... just... I couldn't move."

"That's my job ma'am."

"Well thanks. Tell Alice thanks too... " She looked up her eyes wide, mouth in the shape of an O. She dropped her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry Jazz. I just didn't think."

"It's okay. I do it a lot too."

"So you're not seeing anyone?"

"Nah... I'm not ready for that, but I'm okay."

"Yeah, you _look_ okay." She scoffed. "I see you took the time to shower and shave."

I chuckled and nodded.

"You miss her, I can tell." My sister knew me well. We'd known the sprite for years and years.

"Yeah. She's seeing someone; he seems like a nice guy."

"He does. He just... I don't know... he's terribly busy. I shouldn't be talking about her behind her back," she frowned.

"No we shouldn't." I agreed, ready to move on to something safer. "So what about you and Paul Bunyan? It looked like you are warming up to him a little." I nudged her with my elbow, playfully.

My sister blushed. "He's okay. He's good with Guy, and like Bella pointed out Guy needs him. I can't beat them, I might as well join them, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know. Just give him the benefit of the doubt. He's not the monster you think he is; he's just a down to earth guy."

"Yeah, I'm still pissed at both of you over that night. Bella gave me a hard time, apparently I put Edward on too much of a pedestal." She laughed quietly.

"You always played favorites with Edward."

"Yeah, I guess I did. He always seemed so vulnerable. I dunno, he was so quiet, just let everything roll off his back. He needed a protector."

"Well, you know, we might have gotten into some trouble that night, we probably should have put more thought into it, he was just so ready to bust out after being confined for so long. We just all kinda got caught up in the moment. We came so close to losing him this time. When I think about finding him that night... "

I could feel the bile rise in my throat as images of Edward sprawled out face down on the road in a pool of blood flashed before my eyes. I could hear the deafening screams of agony as we rode in the ambulance. I couldn't do anything but hold his hand. It was something I don't think I'd ever put to rest no matter how long I lived. "I don't ever want to see something like that again. I don't know how he ever lived through the night. He was in and out Rose, he never fully lost consciousness. Thank God he was already paralyzed."

My sister teared up and reached across the bar to grasp my hand. "I'm so glad you were there for him. If he had... " She shook her head, "I'm just glad he wasn't alone."

"Well, it still doesn't excuse what happened the night I had to bail the three of you out."

"No, it doesn't, and I'm sorry. Thank _you_ for being there for_ us_. It could have turned into a real nightmare. That cop was a jerk."

"Yeah he was. I guess he didn't like the mandatory sensitivity training. Keep your nose clean, you don't want to deal with him again."

"No, you're right, I don't." I shuddered, revisiting a night not too long ago when I'd had to encounter him at the scene of an accident. He was a jerk when he saw me, obviously he hadn't forgotten.

Leave it to my sister to hit me where it hurt. Her next question got my attention. "So what happened between you and Alice? I never heard the entire story. She alluded to the fact that you might have fooled around behind her back. How _could you_ Jasper?"

"I never intended to hurt her. I flirted with two of our servers that night, but I don't think that really bothered her as much as finding out that we played pool with those girls. Honestly though, I _never _touched anyone. We were in plain sight, and we all ended up at the pool table at once. Someone had the great idea that we should just play the game together. It all seemed perfectly innocent."

"Does she know that's what happened? Have you ever talked about it?"

"Not really, she was beside herself when Edward came home so sick, and then when the story unfolded I explained as well as I could. She asked me to give her some space, said she wasn't ready to move in with me. Next thing I knew she was dating this fancy doctor. From what I hear, he stands her up and deserts her more than he takes her out."

"Where did you hear that? Surely Edward didn't... "

"No, he_ never _would. We were together off and on for an awfully long time Rosalie. I still see some of our mutual friends."

"Maybe you should go out for coffee or something... talk."

"Nah, she's seeing someone. That's not my style."

"But you're both miserable."

"I'm sort of worried, Rose, she doesn't look good."

"She'll be okay. Edward won't let anything happen to her." She was right; he'd keep an eye on her if he thought anything was amiss. It was comforting to know they were in such close contact. She was like a sister to him.

"I know. Well look, I've got to get in to the hospital. I just wanted to check on Guy this morning. When do you go back to work?"

"I asked for vacation time, and they gave me two weeks. We're going to finish up his room. I want to learn about his things, learn about his interests. We're gonna have a lazy two weeks getting acquainted."

"That's great, sis."

I heard shuffling from behind and turned my stool. Guy stood in the doorway scratching his head. He was wearing a pair of plaid PJs and smiled when he saw me. "Fuzzy."

"Hey Guy. Good morning."

He waved but then hung his head, acting bashful.

"Do you feel okay this morning?" Rose asked him.

"Yes."

"Good. Jasper brought you something." She handed him the wax paper bag from the bakery and he peered inside.

"Pretty."

Rose helped him get it out and onto a saucer. It was funny watching her act so maternally. She poured him a glass of chocolate milk, and when she saw I was leaving, followed me to the door. "Thanks again for everything. I appreciate it."

I grabbed her in my arms and gave her a hug till she struggled. "Let go, you oaf."

"Love you, sis. Have a great day."

"Oh you too, Jazz. It'll be okay. You'll see. Promise me you won't give up just yet."

"She's not mine anymore, Rose."

"I know but... just remember what I said."

"Yeah, yeah, gotta go. Laters sis."

I was getting out of my car when my cell started ringing. I flipped it open when I saw my sister's name. "Long time no talk sis. _Wassup_?"

"How _COULD _you?" She screamed, her voice laced with venom.

"Whoa, sis, hold your horses. How could I _what_?"

"Your secret is out! Guy just handed me a sticky note. It says a-s-s-h-o-l-e and has an arrow on it. Apparently it was left by _someone; _it pointed to the hole in my wall."

"Wasn't me..." I chuckled. "Although, I may have shared how it got there when we were setting up Guy's furniture. Had to be Emmett."

My sister let out a frustrated growl and as she hung up her phone. I swear I heard her say "Game on McCarty!"

* * *

It's been a crazy week...

Welcome to our new readers, there are a bunch of you. Thanks to the ones who have stopped to say hello. HippieStarr was our 1900th reviewer & would have gotten the early pre-read, had I remembered to send it out. My Bad! Next chapter, I promise.

We're teetering extremely close to the 2000 mark. One Thousand reviews blew my mind. Two thousand? Incomprehensible. In thanks for your awesome reviews, I'm going to pull 5 random names out of the hat from the current chapter, each will get the early pre-read for the following chapter, and reviewer 2000 will get an Impact future shot. I'll provide details to #2000.

Mebbe we can hit 2000 this chapter? It's up to all of you. I can't make you review, and I won't grovel for them. I appreciate every single one, and I apologize that I am not able to reply to each one anymore. I miss the interaction with all of you, but time simply won't alow for me to both write and send review replies.

I'm so very humbled to be part of the street team supporting Debra Anastasia's October release of Poughkeepsie and can't wait to pimp Pough at Twitour in Parisppany next weekend. Is anyone goint to Parsippany? I actually got a Pough teeshirt to wear for the weekend. I'm so stoked. Pough is my all time favorite twi-fic turned original fiction. Debra, aka, MTK is such an awesome person to interact with, and has been so gracious to her readers. I can't wait to have Poughkeepsie in my hands, but until then, I'm happily pimping the story. Link to her website is in my profile.

To my buddy who is traveling... two WHOLE weeks? Oh I hope you enjoy yourself hon, you deserve it so, but boy am I gonna miss you like crazy.

Congrats to Babymama... you know who you are. I promised I wouldn't tell, but I still have to congratulate you and Daddy. Best wishes my dear. It's an incredible journey.

Finally, to my friend who is searching for answers. You're in my heart and in my prayers everyday. I luv ya bunches BB and wish for nothing but the best for you. I hope you find what you're looking for.

My heart is breaking at the news that Borders is closing its doors at all the remaining stores. Numerous chapters of Impact have been written in a Border's coffee shop during open mic night. They have filled my Friday night fix for some time now with caffeine and live music. I'm really going to miss the fun and comeraderie that occurred on those nights... and the Tom Foolery. We never got kicked out, but I know we came close. To my two partners in crime, we'll find a new Friday night spot- soonish. Promise.

Thanks for reading everyone. Hope you have an awesome weekend. I'll just go be quiet till next time...


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-six

~Edward~

Our Monday started with the aroma of eggs and bacon, preceded by Bella vomiting and begging for someone to shoot her. My first instincts told me that she and Alice were suffering from the same bug, but when she told me she had a migraine and went on to explain her sensitivity to light, motion, sound and smells... I realized my girl knew exactly what was wrong with her. I agreed that it was something altogether different, and while I was relieved that she wasn't infected with some sort of unknown illness, my concern for Alice continued.

Bella told me quietly that she was going to go take medication for her head and her stomach, and crawl into bed. I promised her I'd stay home with her while Alice helped Rose with Guy. Once she was assured that everything would be alright, she slipped into a fitful sleep. Thankfully, a few hours later she awoke, reassuring me that she did feel a lot better, and aside from feeling a little hung over, she'd be okay. She looked a little worse for the wear, and her last round of steroid therapy came to mind. It had come up a few times in conversation. As evil as she thought it was, she still thought it would be better than being committed to daily injections.

When she told me how concerned she was for Alice, and expressed her feelings that Alice should go to see her doctor about her symptoms so that she could begin to feel better. I reminded her that she soon had another appointment with _her_ doctor to discuss some of the most recent symptoms she'd been experiencing, as well. I knew it scared her, the uncertainty and the symptoms that came on unexpectedly and left sometimes just as quickly.

I was hoping that ever elusive conversation about CRAB drugs would be addressed... I worried that we weren't being proactive enough with her care. I didn't want her to lose even the tiniest ability, and I didn't think she understood how crucial it was to confront her disease as early as possible for the optimal benefit of the medications available to her.

As I sat back like a spectator in this life we've begun, I had to admit I have trouble reining in my concern for Bella.

I could only compare it to a parent watching a small child as they learned to walk. Wanting to swoop in each time she wavered or stumbled, wanting to catch her before she fell. It was difficult for me to refrain from slipping into 'doctor mode' sometimes. It was the little things that scared me, because I could see them for what they were. Bella saw them as the small annoyances of her disability. For me, they were warning signs for what could be lurking in the shadows.

Each time I saw her hand tremble as she poured a glass of water, each time a glass slipped through her fingers, there was a tug in the pit of my stomach. According to Bella, she hardly noticed it. Yet, often, after it has happened, she'd look to see if I'm watching. I wished she wouldn't try to downplay her symptoms or hide them from me. She forgets that it's second nature for me to watch for these things. When I sat with a patient, it was their body language... it was the way they hesitated or fidgeted that told me much more than they'd normally express verbally.

Bella did voice her concern about the tremor that made it difficult, almost impossible some days, for her to write. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to teach if she couldn't write... afraid they'd find some arbitrary reason to push her out of her position. She explained that the more she concentrated, the worse it would get and but was surprised when I explained that what she was experiencing was an _intentional__tremor._ Sometimes I think she's gotten so accustomed to _Edward,__the__disabled__guy,_ that she forgot that lurking under the surface just dying to come out was _Edward,__the__doctor._ I wanted her to become comfortable enough to tell me when something was wrong so I could help her. I knew that many of these symptoms were scary to experience. I wanted to help her through the maze that was her illness with education and information that would hopefully make it less daunting. I realized she had her own doctor, but it hurt when she intentionally hid things to keep me from obsessing. We've come so far and become so open with one another. I want her to be comfortable sharing anything with me.

I suggested experimenting with anti-seizure meds, I knew that meds like Topomax or Neurontin could halt the tremors for the time being, but they could be nothing more than a quick fix. She could, in time, still lose the small motor skills that would allow her to write or feed herself. It was times like that when I wished I were ignorant. When I wished I were the ordinary boyfriend or husband with some mundane blue collar job. I never realized how hard it would be to specialize in the type of disease process that affected someone I love. It was sometimes almost unbearable to watch the little things and know that it was possible they would get worse while there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. At least there wasn't anything yet. I'd begun working hard to change that long before I met Bella...

It felt like it took forever to get her there, but when she went to Jeff a few days after my birthday, she agreed to weekly sessions with my old occupational therapist, Cathy. They have begun practicing Bella's small motor skills for the last few weeks whenever Cathy had an opening. Bella always came home each time with something new in her motor skills box. It was nothing more than a little girl's purple fishing tackle box filled with small containers holding odd items that would help keep her skills intact... buttons, rubber bands, clothespins...

She's been working religiously and I could tell. She was still very self conscious though and hasn't even had the box out in Alice's presence. Just recently she began practicing in front of me. She didn't want anyone to pity her or feel sorry. I understood that feeling all too well...

I've watched some evenings as she pulled out each little box and cycled through several routines. Sometimes it was as simple as picking up each individual card from the deck and stacking them in another pile. Sometimes she used the clothes pins and picked up each individual dried bean or marble from one dish and placed them in another.

The most frustrating exercise for her was the rubber bands. Cathy made her pick one up with the clothes pin and stretch it over a cylinder she held with her other hand. Holding the cylinder forced her to only use the one hand with the rubber band, over and over she failed as the band popped off one side of the cylinder as she was stretching it across the other. Sometimes she'd finish nearly in tears, other times she was triumphant. Her last visit netted her a ball of Play Dough that had buttons hidden inside. With her index finger and her thumb she had to extract each button. I don't think she enjoyed that one either.

There were times when Cathy loaned one of her own toys for Bella to practice with. Each time she'd get something new, Bella was the guinea pig. A few weeks ago it was a doll like Dapper Dan and Dressy Bessie. Bella sat for hours and buttoned and buckled, zipped and tied. Last week it was the 'Lock Box'. This little treasure is a square wooden box with a carry handle on top. On each side, it is covered with latches, locks, hooks, anything that could be used to close a cabinet or a door. It helped to encourage manual dexterity using fine motor skills. It was a pretty awesome tool. I heard Bella tell Cathy she wanted one of her own, and i had to smile. I was so happy that she took the initiative to work on her fine motor skills and that she had agreed to continue working with Cathy.

From time to time, I'd mention the little things that concerned me to Jeff. I didn't discuss it with him to go behind her back, although I'm certain she'd see it that way if she knew. I'm scared she'll walk in and hear me discussing her case with him, but I ask his advice so I know how to approach her about it, it's was rare instance when she'd come to me about her health issues. I understood that she didn't want to blur the lines of personal vs. professional relationships, but sometimes it still hurt when I felt like she was afraid to let me in. Although I was just as qualified to discuss those things with a patient, Jeff had more experience under his belt and there _were_ times when he was much more creative when having discussions with his patients than I was with mine.

I didn't want to come off as being condescending... I wanted to be careful how I voiced my concerns, because I didn't _want_ her to be scared. Even though it scared the hell out of me.

Finally, after the discussion about Alice, Bella called Jeff and was scheduled for another MRI. Jeff convinced her that the 'little annoyances' _could_have been another exacerbation. There was no better test to map the progress of her disease, than an MRI. I knew Jeff would order them as often as her insurance would permit, if he deemed it to be medically necessary. For the most part, it was be a matter of watching the little things as they cropped up, but it was difficult to do that when Bella clammed up and hid things. Jeff voiced his frustration when I accompanied her to her appointment, and reminded her that the most important part of their relationship was honesty. And the most helpful part of her treatment was her disclosure of even the smallest of symptoms.

I couldn't help but wonder when the slumbering beast would rear its ugly head and once again steal away some facet of Bella's life. Some facet of _our_ life. I found it so hard to simply be a spectator when I wanted to constantly rush in and save the her.

I knew she was afraid, but I hoped that Jeff would continue to encourage her to re-consider some of the drugs that were available now for MS patients. They could almost halt the disease. I wanted that for her, a life that was as free of the symptoms of her disease as possible. I might not be able to make it go away, but I could help her fight it so it didn't impact our lives as drastically as it did for some families. I didn't feel comfortable pressing the issue before when I was dragging my feet about seeing Reilly about my ED issues, but now that we'd agreed to work towards _that_as a team... for the benefit of us _both_, I felt that it was acceptable to ask Bella to meet me part way with her issues. Her wellness was important to both of us as well but the only thing I could do was offer to support her every step of the way, and hope that she'd consider the possibilities.

I suspected that rather than a true exacerbation, she was suffering from a combination of the warm weather and the stressors in her life. She'd been working daily at the CIL while I was at rehab, and the Abilities Expo was in a matter of days. Once life settled down, I decided we're taking a vacation someplace quiet and carefree.

Even though my support group and Jill's rehab were both involved in the expo, I'd been wrapped up in completing outpatient, and I hadn't been as attentive as I could have been. I was surprised to learn about all the things that had been lined up. Not only had Emmett's Gym gotten a booth, Bella had helped arrange the company who modified my car, the Concrete Change group, Rose and Opal had an advocacy booth set up, there was a vendor who designed clothing for people who use wheelchairs, several vendors of assistive technology, and a very entertaining group of guys who made custom painted tee shirts by rolling their chairs through a trough of paint and then driving across the shirt in various designs.

Bella had come up with a bunch of games, and different activities for kids with disabilities. I was really impressed with what she had in her folder, and she was just one person. I couldn't wait to experience the actual expo and see what everyone else had been able to arrange, as well. It was going to be amazing. Bella told me about some of the things the others had arranged... a service dog training group, a travel agent that catered to people with disabilities, a group who organized sporting and recreational events for individuals and groups of people with disabilities... the list went on and on.

On Tuesday, Alice knocked on the door of my office as I was going over some paperwork Jeff needed filled out by Carey, my orthopedist. Shortly after the accident, Carlisle helped me apply for a year long leave of absence, and while it wasn't common, the board approved my leave based on the severity of my injury. It was hard to believe almost a year had passed since I'd gotten hit. My return to work loomed right around the corner, and it was hard to reconcile the feeling of trepidation I had with the work-a-holic I used to be. I'd spent a lot of time during my recovery contemplating how my return to work would affect our home life, I wasn't sure that I liked the reality I expected once our fairytale summer together was over.

Bella would return to work after summer vacation, it was true, but her hours were set and her evenings were free for the most part. My schedule would turn our lives topsy turvy.

"Come in Alice." She looked better today, a little more like herself. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay," she smiled. "I wanted to let you know I was going to be taking the last of my things over to the new apartment on Friday. I'll be spending the weekend at my new place."

"So this is it... you're really leaving me." I mumbled in mock disappointment. I'd miss Alice terribly, but I'd see her at least twice each day until I a little more sure on my feet. It would be really nice to be able to spend quiet, quality time without the presence of inquisitive eyes and ears. It wasn't that Alice bothered either of us, she gave us plenty of space, but it would be so liberating to be able to do whatever we wanted without having to take a house guest into consideration.

"You know I still love you. And I'll be here all the time anyway. Bella's a great cook, it sucks cooking for one." And then she said in mock-horror, "_I__might__starve._"

"You seem a little more like yourself. Are you feeling any better?"

She nodded.

"What did your doctor say?"

"That I needed to take more time out for myself, I needed to find a way to relieve stress, and I should consider taking a vacation."

"That's quite a prescription."

"She did a bunch of labs; I'll know what's going on in a few days. She asked about my personal life... I told her a little about Omar... and Jasper. She asked me to consider some counselling. I agreed when she suggested that perhaps I haven't gotten over Jasper. I thought I had until I saw him over at Rose's. It was just like old times, and that scares me." She wiped her eye with the back of her hand and sniffled.

"Why does it scare you Al?"

"It was so easy to just hang out with him. It was never that we didn't get along; we were the best of friends for so long, even when we weren't together/ together, but I've been seeing Omar, and we don't have a committed relationship yet, but he's a really _nice_ guy. He's a good man. I know I'd never wonder if I could trust him, and God knows that's crossed my mind with Jazz."

"Omar is a good man, and I know he really likes spending time with you Alice. Jasper is a good man too... ", I trailed off.

"I can't help but feel like Omar's pushing me away, putting distance between us. I told you what he said about buying the house. A man who wanted a long term commitment wouldn't suggest a permanent investment like that. He practically tried to discourage me from renting a house."

"What's it like when you're together? Do you enjoy each other's company?'

"I do... ", she hesitated.

"But?"

"But, he's very proper and would never do anything that would cast doubt on his values. He's a very cultured man. He enjoys the opera, and the symphony and eating in classy restaurants. He isn't really comfortable in my world, and that worries me. I don't know how compatible we truly are. He likes doing things that put him out there among his colleagues and he balks when I want to do something fun and spontaneous like go to a carnival, or run barefoot in the park, I suggested an arcade one night and he seemed mortified. It's almost as if he doesn't know how to enjoy the simple things in life. Sometimes I feel like I might lose a part of myself if we continue on this course."

I could see how that would bother her. Alice had an exuberant personality, and Jasper embraced her lively persona. I thought about the times I'd seen Jasper give her a piggy back ride through the park- both of them laughing like fools, or seeing them in a Friendly's sharing one of those huge Reese's Pieces Sundaes... both of them wearing smears of ice cream and hot fudge on their faces. No, I suppose I didn't picture Omar like that.

"And Jasper?"

"Walking away from Jasper makes me feel like I _have_ lost part of myself. He was my soul mate, and I let him go without even allowing him to explain. I heard bits and pieces from everyone else, but when he tried to explain I shut him out. I was just so furious over everything they allowed to happen to you. It sounded like they encouraged the whole fiasco, and then I heard about the girls and I lost my shit."

"You realize there are two sides to every story, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I know... _don't__believe__anything__you__hear__and__only__half__of__what__you__see_... "

"I know he still loves you. You still love him too, Al. I can tell."

"I don't know if I can trust him, it scares me because it wouldn't take much for me to go running back. When I saw him at his sister's, it was as if nothing had happened, yet it felt like we couldn't be any further apart."

_So__close,__but__yet__so__far__away...__yes,__I'd__been__there__once__not__so__long__ago..._ _even__if__our__situation__was__different._

"I remember when I was an idiot and I let Bella go. You supported me until I got my head screwed on right."

"Thankfully, it didn't take you too long."

"Yeah... "

She pulled a chair up and sat close to my desk, her face rested on her hands and she looked at me expectantly. "So, you want to tell me what _you_remember from that night, Edward?"

I spent the next hour with Alice, explaining what I remembered from earlier during the night we got busted. Jasper might have been a little generous with the compliments, and while I'd never address a server in a restaurant as "Sweetheart" or Darlin'", we all knew that was Jasper's way. In fact, I was pretty certain I'd even heard him address Esme in a similar fashion, it was just _Jasper_... "

Alice gave me a hug before she left to deliver another load to her new home. "You've given me food for thought. Thanks, Edward."

"Glad I could be of assistance ma'am." I pretended to tip my hat, and I jerked around when I heard Bella burst into laughter.

"Oh my God, Edward, I love the Jasper imitation." She held her tummy and continued to snicker. I didn't think it was all _that_ funny.

The week was a flurry of activity for all three of us. The expo was on Monday morning and Bella had been jumping through hoops at an alarming rate, yet even though I watched her like a hawk, I noticed that she appeared to do well under stress, and even though it was warm, Bella didn't exhibit any outward signs of it being too much.

Friday morning came and it meant so many things...

It was Alice's last morning to wake up as a guest in our home. Tonight she would sleep in her new apartment. It was also my final day of rehab. I was working on a few things that had eluded me, and one that actually scared me.

I still wasn't comfortable transferring onto the bench in the shower, and try as I might; I couldn't safely get myself transferred into a vehicle. The vehicle was optional, but I had loved the freedom of being able to go with a friend or colleague if it was necessary. I didn't want to be harnessed to a special vehicle, but in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. I couldn't safely get across the span between chair and car without some serious anxiety, and I finally conceded. Wasn't going to happen. If I decided later to pursue it, I'd enlist Emmett's assistance. Perhaps one day...

The shower... while I didn't _like_ doing it alone, I found that I _could,_and I suppose I would in an emergency. I simply didn't feel secure doing it without assistance. That wasn't a situation I felt comfortable placing myself and Bella in.

When I rolled into the lunchroom, the place burst into applause. A small group of my nearest and dearest sat around a large table in the corner. Everyone was bursting with happiness, and it made me all warm and fuzzy when I realized they were there for me.

I pulled up to the table and looked around me. These people were the epitome of true friendship. Jill sat next to me, and then Alec, Jane and Demitri. Next to Demitri sat Leslie, Daisy and Randall. One by one they handed me gifts. Most of the people from the facility handed me small pieces of assistive technology. Jill handed me something long and flat. I knew what it was immediately, despite the colorful wrapping paper. "I know you have your old friend back, but sometimes even our best friends can unintentionally let us down. This board was made by the same man that made your first one Edward. Seriously, I know you're attached, but the old one is beginning to separate, it's time to set it aside for nostalgia sake and move on to something new." I knew she was right, but I couldn't imagine letting it go. Maybe, though, if this one was made by the same man...

Leslie's package was small and light weight, and I was pleased that she didn't do anything over the top. Everyone watched, not understanding, but the significance wasn't lost on me. I smiled and thanked her. What I wouldn't have given for one the night Alec had his scare. "Every _doctor_ needs a stethoscope. It won't be long and you'll be needing that." It was such an insignificant moment... reaching for it, and realizing that I wasn't a doctor here... and I remember feeling like a _no__one_. But she knew that it was a turning point for me in so many ways. That weekend had been a much needed boost to my confidence. I was _almost_ surprised that she remembered such a inconsequential comment.

Daisy gave me a pair of leather racing gloves with the fingers cut off. She had admonished me, repeatedly, for not protecting my delicate _"White__Collar"_fingers. Every time we went for a walk around the grounds in the manual, she'd remind me that I should have gloves on my fingers.

Randy gave me a ten dollar gift card for Seattle's Best coffee in the Pike's Place Market. I remember him laughing as I explained my mother's mission to rid my life of caffeine. "The decaf is _almost_as good as the high test, Edward." he explained.

"I'll have to take your word for that one, but thanks for the gift, I'll put it to good use… with the _high__test_." Everyone laughed. They had all experienced my mother's ongoing battle to rid my life of caffeine.

And the kids... the kids handed me a large gift box, and I watched as they looked at each other with smiles. I almost suspected a gag gift of some sort, but my breath hitched when I lifted the long sleeved tee shirt out of the box. It was made by the same group of guys who were coming to the expo. Blazed all across the shirt in bright blue and turquoise paints was the unmistakable tread of a wheelchair tire, but it was the words on the shirt that meant the most to me. _Roll__Model._ We came together as an unconventional group of friends. There was a marked difference between our ages, but we'd become close despite that fact. It gave a real boost to my ego to think they looked up to me, but the play on words was just too much.

I gave them a sheepish grin, I was a little lost for words. Demetri spoke up. "There's this website."

"To honor people with disabilities who have made a difference in the lives of others." Alec interjected. "They are called Roll Models." he said making air quotes.

"And we added your name. Because we don't know anyone quite like you Edward." Jane finished.

"I don't know what to say. Thank you." I knew I was blushing. I was so humbled.

Jill looked over at me and raised her paper cup of cola. "Thank you, Edward. You're a role model to us all. I hope you come back and visit from time to time. You're an inspiration to all of us, and I don't know a more compelling success story than yours. If you can make it back from what you went through, anyone can. I hope you don't mind my making an example out of you."

Everyone raised their cup as Leslie said, "To Edward."

We tapped cups before we each took a drink. "There's a cake on the table over there. We had to fight off the lunch crowd, but they were promised that after you'd had a piece, they could come back and get one later. I'm sorry I have to get back to work. Please don't leave without saying goodbye." Jill reached over and gave me a bone crushing hug before she stood.

"Thanks for everything. You've given me back my life- more than once." I breathed into her shoulder.

"No, Edward, I just gave you the encouragement. You _took_it back. It was yours all along."

The others stood, and commented about getting back to work. Everyone shook my hand, and soon it was just me and the three kids. "Thanks guys, you don't know what this means to me. I'll wear it proudly."

"You're like the older brother none of us had. You're a good man, Edward. Thanks for befriending us." Demetri said.

Alec blushed as he fumbled with the keys in his hand. "You should have blown me off and treated me like the asshole I was. Instead you risked your own well-being and put my safety first. I'll never forget what you did for me that night, buddy."

"Even though you thought I was trying to cop a feel?" I snickered.

Alec hung his head, Demetri and Jane laughed.

"I'm trying to be serious here." He said, his head still bowed. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, for us. We've all three benefitted from your gift of the van, and we're all better people for knowing you. We've all changed in some way due to your presence in our lives."

"You saw me when I was invisible to everyone else, even the staff here." I knew Jane was referring to the times I rounded up a meal for her and made sure that she was fed, she didn't need to say it, I knew what she meant. "Thank you, Edward."

"Thank you, guys. I've gained as much from our friendships as you, maybe more. You're the best. Do you want to come over for pizza and a few games of pool? My dad coerced my buddies into bringing over a pool table one of his colleagues was selling. I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind."

Alec coughed. "I um, don't think she wants us all over there tonight. I suspect she has something planned. Maybe some other time?"

Our conversation was interrupted by the loud clearing of a throat. "Just because you're done with the physical stuff, Cullen, you still belong to me. You're late." Sasha laughed, winking at me.

"See ya later guys. Thanks again."

A chorus of goodbyes followed me into the corridor. "See ya Edward." "Take care, man." "Later dude."

I fell in next to Sasha as she headed towards her office. "So, this is it. You still planning to come and see me from time to time?"

"Yeah, I think that would be best."

Sasha unlocked the door to her office and ushered me inside. I followed her to her desk. She scanned the calendar. "How about 4pm on Mondays? We can meet here, or at my office downtown."

I still felt a little intimidated driving in the traffic in downtown Seattle. "I'd like to come here, if that's okay."

"It's fine Edward."

"Thanks."

"Should we have a seat?" She asked, gesturing towards the grouping of furniture that sat in the corner of her office.

I rolled over into the empty spot that was reserved for wheelchairs, but she raised her eyebrow expectantly. I took the new board I'd stood against my chair when I'd parked myself and used it to transfer into a chair. Sasha didn't say a word, but the look of satisfaction she gave me said it all. She expected me to use the skills I'd gained here- rightfully so.

Sasha asked me a few questions, and eventually the conversation gravitated to the conversation I'd had with my father, my fears of intimacy, and my relationship with Bella. Sasha encouraged me to just follow my heart, and Bella's lead. She said that she was certain we'd be fine. I had to agree... I was ready.

Our evening ended with a teary farewell dinner for Alice. When it was time for her to go, she smoothed the sheets under me and tucked me in before she leaned down and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I'll lock up on my way out. Bella's already in bed. She set her alarm for three hours. _Please_ promise me you'll let her help you get turned in the night. We both know she's capable." I saw Jill's face in my mind's eye... _Little__steps..._Yes, I'd try.

I nodded.

"Goodnight Edward, see you at eight."

"Night Al. See ya in the morning."

The rest of the weekend was the same, and while I was still hesitant about _using_ Bella as a helper, she turned me happily several times each night and seemed to be genuinely pleased that I had agreed to let her help with my personal care. I didn't want her to get to the point where she felt I was a burden… I didn't _ever_ want to be a burden to her…

Expo day dawned hazy and humid, thankfully there was a breeze. All I could do was sit back and hold my breath as Bella flitted around grabbing last minute items and gathering the plethora of sticky notes that seemed to reside all over the house. On the kitchen desk, in my office, on the calendar, even on the door of the fridge that was filled with various refreshments… they were everywhere. The CIL was going to sell the food at a bake sale and burger burn to help raise money for a family that needed a lift for a van they'd bought for a child with Duchene's Muscular Dystrophy.

Bella had explained that the father had been lifting the child, wheelchair and all, into the back of the van, then they proceeded to strap him down with ratchet straps to the anchors that normally secured the seats in the back of the van. Hopefully today they would meet their goal, and the family would have not only the convenience of a lift, but the peace of mind and security that could only come from knowing their child was traveling safely and securely. Sadly, there was always a legal implication in situations like that too. A family that didn't have money, made do with what they had access to, and that often meant improvising when it came to securing a wheelchair. Once a child was too big to lift into a car seat, or if their medical condition required that they remain in a specialized wheelchair, a family began to improvise. If there was ever an accident... I shuddered just thinking about the implications.

Bella had opened my eyes to situations I had been blissfully ignorant of. I knew some of my patients and support group members struggled financially, but the organization Bella volunteered for was grass roots involvement at its best. They worked with people who were truly in need on a daily basis. It was so easy to take things for granted when you had life in the palm of your hands. Sure, I'd struggled, and fought like hell to recover after both of my accidents, but I had the comfort of and accessibility to the things I needed thanks to the settlement from the insurance company. I rarely had to wait for more than a week or two for the items I requested.

While I showered and dressed, Bella was still trying to make sure she'd fulfilled all her obligations. I breathed a sigh of relief when she finally announced we were ready to go. I helped her carry box after box, which we haphazardly piled into the back of the car. Once I was locked down, she lifted a few more boxes in behind me before she slid into the seat next to me.

I cocked my eyebrow and asked her, "Sure we're ready to go?"

"Yep, we are now."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw her scooting around in her seat as I drove, and at one point she took off her seat belt. _What__the?_

At the next stop light, I took my eyes off the road and took in what she was doing. "You're wearing it on the _outside_ of your shirt today? Don't you want to cover it up?"

She tightened the straps of her cool vest like a pro. "For me, this is the most important piece of assistive technology I own. Today is all about awareness. The _last_ thing I want to do is cover it up."

I did a mental fist pump. "That really makes me feel good. I was so afraid you might not like it. Sometimes you still seem a little embarrassed about your disability."

"I'm not_embarrassed_ about my disability. Not anymore. This is my life now... But there are times that my disability causes me to be in embarrassing situations."

_Good girl._

I was so proud of her. We've both grown so much in the short amount of time since we'd known each other.

_Life sentence indeed..._

It wasn't quite 8am when we pulled into the rehab parking lot. Emmett had my doors opened and things cleared out while Bella got out of her seatbelt. Big white canopies covered the lot, and I noticed people of all walks of life, setting up their spaces. I looked up when someone knocked on my window. Jill's smiling face was on the other side of the glass. I lowered the window. "You can't park that here, Mister." She joked. "All vendors have to park behind the building." We both knew we were going to park it on the lawn and open it up so visitors could look it over for the duration of the expo. It was a fine piece of machinery.

"Well good morning to you too, Jill."

"I thought we got rid of you on Friday, yet here you are, bright and early. Don't you have a job to go back to or something?" she teased.

"Nah, not yet, soon enough though. I'll get this moved and I'll be back."

"How about you give me a ride. I'd like to talk to you for a minute."

"Sure."

Jill climbed in the seat Bella had vacated and turned towards me. "I should have thought about this earlier, since we're doing an open house of the facility, I was wondering if you'd mind giving a few testimonials for people who might have questions about what we do here."

I owed this woman so much, and she'd become such a dear and treasured friend. "I'd be honored."

"Not all day or anything. Feel free to mingle, hang out with your girl. If I need you, I'll call your cell?"

"Works for me."

"Thanks, Edward."

"Thank you, Jill. For so many reasons."

"It's been my pleasure. Now, go see if you can help your girl get set up. I'll talk to you in a bit, okay?"

At nine, everyone was in their place and the first of our guests began to trickle in. The sun was beating down and I was never so happy that I'd had the foresight to get Bella the vest. I scooted up next to her and took her hand. "You comfortable, Gorgeous?"

She smirked and replied with a confident, "Cool as a cucumber, Handsome."

Things had been busy in spurts and a while later, we found ourselves in the middle of a lull. No one was in the CIL tent, and I noticed Bella look around before she reached over and flipped my toggle switch. Next thing I knew, I was ascending and she was murmuring, "Mmm, nothing sexier than a tall, handsome man."

She stood on her tippy toes and reached up to put her arms around my neck. "Kiss me quick before things get busy again."

I reached for her and my fingers dug in to the sliver of skin that had become exposed when she reached up. So soft... so warm... "You are utterly delicious, my dear." My tongue travelled across her lips before her little mouth opened and her own tongue came out to play. She ended the kiss with a few lingering pecks on my lips. "You're pretty yummy yourself." She breathed.

I heard the unmistakable sound of wheels on gravel before someone said, "God, you two need to get a room."

I groaned and looked over at Alec who was waggling his eyebrows. "Emmett was burning some burgers down at the grill, and he wondered if you two were hungry. He asked me to offer to bring you a tray, but I see you're already _snacking_... ", Alec snickered.

Bella shook her head. "Please tell him thanks, but I'm done in about fifteen minutes and we'll be down when Robin and Kodi relieve me."

"Edward?" he asked, still smirking.

"I'll be down with Bella in a few minutes. How's it going down there?" I knew Alec and Demetri were manning Emmett's booth while he handled the burgers.

"That guy, Jasper, has been helping us out. Emmett got a few guys to join the team. Check out these cool shirts Alice got us!" Alec was beaming and when I looked over, Demetri wore the same excited expression.

"Sweet, that was really nice of her."

I had to laugh when I saw Emmett's caricature on the front of their matching shirts. They were bright red tees with black lettering and designs. Both of the guys wore black basketball shorts. It was the first time I'd seen Alec in shorts, in public. Unlike mine, the damage to his legs was superficial, but they bore angry red scars like mine did. I caught Bella watching me with interest and all I could do was shake my head. I wish I could be so brave. It was so hard for me to expose myself like that. I refused to sleep in boxers now that Bella was assisting me. I'm sure that my fears were unfounded, but I still found it hard to believe that I'd ever live up to her expectations, and my appearance… I felt like Frankenstein. I found myself having trouble paying attention to him. I hadn't meant to become distracted...

"I'm sorry, what?"

"She told Emmett she got the place that made his sweatshirt to sponsor us; they're donating uniforms and some other printed gear." Demetri added.

_Alice.__Snap__out__of__it__Cullen._"Oh, that's pretty awesome."

"Yeah, we got some other sponsors too. Emmett got them to buy advertising space on the back of the team brochure. We'll need money for transportation and things like that. He's really going to make this thing happen." Alec _almost_acted surprised that Em would work so hard to pull this off.

But him getting the team off the ground was one thing that I was certain about. "Oh, I'm sure he will. Don't worry, there isn't anyone so steadfast. Em will stand by you guys, don't worry, he won't let you down. This means nearly as much to him as it does to you."

I didn't feel at liberty discussing it, but I remembered the story Emmett once told me about his kid brother who'd had Cerebral Palsy. He'd suffered brain damaged during a botched delivery. The doctor didn't get him out quickly enough and he suffered from lack of oxygen. Emmett was in his teens when his little brother died as a result of complications from his disability. No amount of malpractice money could bring back someone you'd loved and lost.

_You simply couldn't put a value on human life. Each one was priceless..._

I was positive; Emmett would never intentionally let these kids down.

Bella gave them a tiny wave and told them, "We'll see you later then. I'll have to congratulate him on the great sponsors."

"Oh, sure, thanks guys. I better get back down there." Demetri said as he turned to go.

"You're welcome. We'll be there soon." I reached out for Bella as she walked past me, but she avoided me. Acting a little embarrassed at getting caught in the middle of some PDA, she walked around and straightened papers, and folded up several tee shirts that were askew thanks to curious hands. She refreshed a few stacks of brochures before she straightened up and put her hands on her hips, taking in the appearance of the tent. "There, that should about do it."

"It looks great, Babe."

I heard a dog whine behind me and turned to see a black and white ball of fur pulling his mistress along. "I swear Bella; he is always well behaved until you're around. You bring the worst out in my dog." Robin laughed.

Kodi stretched to the end of his leash, I braced myself for the lunge that never came. When he got to Bella, the big Siberian Husky sat down directly in front of her and looked up, expectantly. Bella looked at Robin before a command was given and I watched as the dog relaxed and began to wag his tail. I swear he was smiling. Bella got down on her knees and put her hands the fur on either side of his neck. "Oh, I've missed you too boy! How are you?"

Bella was smothered in kisses, and giggled like a little girl at the display of affection. I'd picked up a few brochures earlier on service animals, but I wondered if a dog would be too much responsibility for us. We'd never discussed having a pet, and while service animals were considered working animals, they were pets of the most loyal type. There were so many times I'd wished I had _someone_ to pick up something I'd dropped, or to help me take off a shoe, or remove my jacket. A service dog would be so wonderful for so many reasons...

After watching Bella interact with Kodi, I decided to go talk with the people I'd gotten the brochure from. I had learned earlier that they rescued pound puppies and then provided several dogs per year to a local prison that sponsored a service dog training program. It was a long process, and after the dog was trained, it was taken to a facility where prospective owners spent a short amount of time living in with the dog to get acclimated to see if they were compatible. I wanted to see if there was a waiting list and how long it took to get approved and get an animal placed. I'd never had a pet...

Bella finally stood and brushed herself off. I was mesmerized watching Kodi, after Robin had whispered her command releasing him from duty, he let go and played with Bella, but not once did he jump or do anything that might potentially hurt her. He was very well behaved. When Bella stood, he had dropped like a rock at Robin's feet.

"May I?" I was a little unsure of myself, I didn't interact with animals much. This was a little foreign to me.

"I don't usually release him in public, and normally if someone asks to pet him, I refuse politely, but since it's you... ", she smiled.

"He seems so well behaved... "

"He is. Go ahead."

I made a kissy sound and the black and white beast came over wagging his tail. I reached out and he gave my hand a nudge. I ran my fingers through his coat. "Are they usually so... _furry_?"

"It depends on the dog. Here, he likes these." she reached into a small pouch on her chair and pulled something out. "Many service animals are Labs, but any animal with exceptional temperament that passes the proper classes can become a canine Good Citizen and become a _therapy__dog_. Service animals come in all breeds." She teased me then and reminded me that there were also monkeys who were service animals as well. I suspected that Bella had told her I was a little shy around animals.

I took it from her hand and he immediately sat down, giving me his undivided attention.

I put my hand out and asked him if he could shake. Robin shook her head and pointed to a bottle of water someone had left on the table. "Go ahead, ask him."

I made another kissy sound and pointed at the bottle. "Get the water, boy?" It sounded more like a question, but he knew exactly what to do.

With more confidence than _I__had_ while I was interacting with him, he walked over to the bottle, and carefully reached up and grabbed it. He returned to me and held the bottle until I took it from him. He sat patiently while I offered him the treat. "Good boy." He munched on the treat, and then laid his head on my leg. I gave him a pat in thanks and he returned to Robin's side.

"Wow."

I heard Bella laugh, "Yeah."

Robin proceeded to share stories about several of the service dogs that worked with CIL employees and I was amazed to learn all that they did. _Betty__Boop_ was a dog that was trained specifically to alert not only her mistress, but others around her that she was about to have a seizure. Outside of the norm of typical service dogs, _Betty_ was a dachshund.

_Zipper_, a small terrier, was a service animal that was trained for an employee who was deaf. She knew to alert her mistress, by pawing at her leg, when the doorbell rang or if there was some other sound that signaled the need for her owner's attention. She was also trained to wake her owner in the event of an emergency such as a fire.

I suspected that Robin knew I was contemplating a dog. She explained the special low residue dog food Kodi was on so that he only had to go to the bathroom once a day, and a lot of other interesting tidbits. She really encouraged us to both consider looking into a service animal, and while I realized that the dog was trained to work with a specific person I was surprised when she suggested perhaps we would get to the point where we would consider looking into two.

Dogs are pack animals and crave socialization. She assured me that a properly trained service dog would already be socialized in order for him to safely be out in public. He'd have a quiet demeanor and would get along well with other dogs. It was a lot to take in and while I was mulling over all of the things I _didn't__know_ about service dogs, Robin and Bella discussed a few things for the booth, and then Bella motioned for me to follow her. We walked across the walkway to a booth manned by a group of young boys. I was surprised to see that they had visitors, young and old, engaged in conversation. It was a happening spot.

One of the boys spied Bella and nudged the boy standing next to him. "Miss Swan!"

"Hey Miss Swan!"

"This is a busy tent, I've been watching. You guys have had a lot of visitors."

"We've been pretty busy." The blonde boy said.

Another young man, who walked with a pair of crutches, came over to where we stood. "We've had a great time, thanks for inviting us to participate."

"Thank you guys for participating." Then she took my hand and squeezed. She wore a proud look on her face, these were her kids. It had taken me a few moments when we first entered the tent, but their reaction to her presence said it all. "Hey everyone, I'd like you to meet Edward."

"Oh, hey Edward. Nice to meet ya! I'm James." The blonde said.

The brunette introduced himself as Anthony. "How ya doin?"

"I'd love to see your presentation. Fill me in."

"We're handing out fliers for different summer camps for kids with disabilities, well camps for anyone actually, there are ones for grown-ups too. We've all attended different camps, and when Miss Swan told us about this project we asked what we could do."

"So how did you come to choose this topic?"

"Well, special needs camp was one thing we all have in common, and we all had positive experiences. So we sent away for brochures and information that we could share."

"Great topic!"

"They all concentrate on the things we _can_ do, not what we can't." He reminded me of Carlisle and _the__talk_ we had. Yes, we often put too much emphasis on our shortcomings.

Anthony, and James, and a small boy named Willy shared tales of summer camps past. The consensus was the same; they'd all had a blast, and were treated just like everyone else. Their stores cemented my feelings that Guy should be participating at a camp geared towards his own personal needs.

When Jill texted my phone again, I excused myself.

"Thanks, nice to meet you Edward, thanks for coming."

"My pleasure. It was nice meeting you too."

I whispered to Bella as I was leaving, "I think Rose needs to spend some time with these guys." Bella winked at me and said, "She already has."

About an hour after Alec and Demetri had come peddling burgers, we were finally free, Emmett gave us the _Emmett__Special_ he'd been giving to the staff and volunteers. The only positive thing I could say about it was that at least he was _giving_ them to the staff. The term _Burger__Burn_couldn't have rung more true. There was no amount of ketchup that could cover the taste and texture of charred beef. Bella quietly slipped her patty into the trash and sat eating the bun. Mmmm...

"These are just... ", I began.

Bella laughed. "_Terrible_. Come on, I think there's some other stuff here. Let's not hurt his feelings." Worst case scenario, the cafeteria was always serving food… it was still better than any I'd experienced while in the hospital.

We wandered around and visited booth after booth. When Jill sent a page to my phone, we went inside. She was seated with a middle aged couple who looked a little haggard. She introduced them as the Hermans. Their son, John had been in a crush accident working on a nearby farm. Not nearly as fortunate as I, he'd had an above the knee amputation and was looking for a facility to do his rehabilitation. I sat with them for quite some time sharing my time here, and even my experiences with Jill the first time around. They wore that horror-stricken expression I'd grown accustomed to when they realized I'd been through a traumatic injury more than once.

Jill thanked me after they left. "I really appreciate your taking the time with them. I guess he's still in denial. The hospital is ready to move him, but he refuses to discuss a placement. I think they are really overwhelmed. Even if he doesn't come here, I think they realize he'll find his way in life somehow. Thank you for being so positive and encouraging for them."

"Think nothing of it, Jill. I owe you so much. I think it's important to give something back. I hope they are able to convince him to come here. It _is_an awesome facility."

I saw Jill blush and I had to smile, she was always as tough as nails and didn't really show her soft side enough. "Thanks Cullen, I appreciate it."

"I could have gone anywhere. I was told repeatedly that this was where I needed to be if I wanted my life back. I had no idea you had anything to do with it when I made that decision. You were just the icing on the cake."

"Well, thanks. Really."

"You're welcome... really."

Jill's gaze flickered to the window, and I watched her smile grow. "Someone special just arrived. Would you like to meet another one of our vendors? They couldn't come until later in the day as they had other obligations earlier. This is someone you and Bella could both benefit from working with on a personal level."

How could I say no to that?

"Sure. Who is it?"

"You'll have to wait and see," she teased. I looked up and saw Bella walking over to us.

"Hey Jill, did you see?"

"Shh... He doesn't know yet. I think we should surprise him."

"Ohh, me too!"

"Come on Cullen, follow us."

Bella took my free hand and tugged, practically dragging me towards the door. We followed Jill down the sidewalk to the lawn and there stood a pair of beautiful chestnut colored horses.

With a confidence I didn't know she possessed, Bella walked right up to one of the horses and began stroking his face. "Hello Quinn. How are you buddy? Edward, meet Quinn." The huge animal nickered softly as she stroked him whispering sweet nothings to him.

"He's really, um... _big._"

"How would you like to ride him?" Bella pressed.

"Whoa! _Ride_ him? Uh, no, I don't think... "

Bella stepped away and a girl wearing a tee shirt that said Shady Brook Meadows across the front took the horse by his halter and said a few words. He quietly and carefully backed up into an open spot. Another few soft words and he knelt on the ground in front of me. Bella walked over to him and carefully swung her entire leg over the saddle.

"He's a therapy horse. I've always wanted to ride, and when we booked the vendors, I asked about lessons. Wouldn't it be _fun?_" I could tell she was excited at the prospect...

The girl holding the reins made a clicking noise with her tongue and Quinn stood back up with Bella on his back. The entire time, her eyes didn't leave my face. She was waiting for a response from me, and mine were locked on hers. But I wasn't sure if it would be _fun_ or not. I wondered, would my body even straddle something that big?

"Uh, yes?"

I heard Jill laughing heartily behind me. "You don't sound so sure of yourself, Edward."

"I'm _not_ so sure of myself, or this idea. It would really hurt to fall off of that."

"He's not a _that_," Bella giggled, "he's a... _he_..."

She leaned forward and rubbed his neck while she held onto the knob on the saddle. She was so comfortable sitting astride the gentle giant.

"Wow." I was in awe and more than a little intimidated. I knew about therapeutic riding, but I'd never experienced it firsthand. I'd never experienced a _horse_ first hand. Well not other than a stationary carousel horse during my childhood. I just didn't know if I could put that much trust in someone else. I'd be terrified of falling and breaking something.

Bella introduced the girls from the riding school as Melanie and Grace. I soon learned that the other horse was called Hunter. The girls explained that they really weren't trying to put me on the spot today, if I _wanted_ to ride, I'd have to be evaluated by one of the schools occupational as well as physical therapists before I could get on the horses. Due to my extensive skeletal fractures that also required Carey's approval.

A group had gathered around us and Grace explained a therapy session from the point where they assisted the rider onto the horse, whether it be steadying someone ambulatory like Bella, or having several therapists use a lift to get someone such as myself onto one of the animals, right up to the length of the trail and a description of the experience. Eventually, she gave Quinn the command and he knelt again, allowing Bella to dismount. She was wearing a shit-eating grin. She knew she had sold the deal. Lock, stock and barrel.

Apparently I'd never be alone, at least not for a long time. There was a prescribed trail, but before we could ride on that we'd spend weeks in the arena with two _sidewalkers_- volunteers who flanked the horse and rider for the duration of the ride to ensure their safety. I'd also have to wear a helmet and possible other protective gear. After I graduated from a rookie level, I could ride with Bella and her horse around a quarter mile path. Jill explained that most people began riding to strengthen their core and to improve their balance, hand/eye coordination, communication skills... The list of benefits seemed endless.

I was surprised to learn that certain riders had actually been _students_for as many as ten or fifteen years. I was impressed, and with a little more prodding, Bella and Jill convinced me to sign up for a fifteen week course with my girl. Hey, maybe it could be fun. Bella was too excited for me to tell her no. I'd face the challenge with her. She did admit that she'd ridden horses owned by some of the kids on the reservation in Forks.

Thinking about Forks sent a chill up my spine. It reminded me that I really needed to call the chief about his special project which could only serve to bring me closer to facing my personal demons. A trip to Forks was practically inevitable; Charlie had hinted that he'd love for us to come for a family Labor Day picnic and to celebrate Bella's birthday. There was a huge bonfire on the beach and everything. September was looming just around the corner, it seemed.

"Hey, you okay? Where did you go?"

"Hmm?"

"Edward, I asked if you were okay."

"Oh, yeah, I'm alright." I tried to smile when I answered Bella, but I don't think she quite believed me. I saw Emmett walking over with his arm around Guy- the two of them wearing matching smiles and McCarty Gymnasium tee shirts. I thanked God for the diversion.

Guy put his fist out and we bumped knuckles. "Eddie."

Bella walked over and rumpled Guy's hair. "Hey Buddy, how are you."

"Okay."

"Camp is soon, isn't it? I heard you are going."

"Yes!" Guy smiled and the corners of his eyes crinkled so he was nearly squinting. "Rose too!"

I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out. Oh yes, this was a trip I wanted to hear about after the fact. Rosalie in the mountains just outside of Pennsylvania... she _so_wasn't the wilderness type. I elbowed Em, "I want a full report and you'd _better_ take pictures!"

"He'd better _not_." Someone growled behind me.

"Well, speak of the devil." I joked, turning to see my friend. She was radiant in a crisp tee shirt and a pair of jeans. It seemed like she continued to blossom and grow in their presence. These boys were good for her.

"So you're really gonna do it?"

"It's what he wants. I can't take it from him. But I'm not ready to let him out of my sight. I know that sounds over-protective, but, well... if anyone understands, I know you do. So, yeah, Emmett and I both volunteered to help at camp as counselors. It might be fun."

I thought about the positive influence Guy'd had on Rose, an entire campful of kids might be just the thing she needed. "It might be." I agreed.

Emmett nudged me, "We didn't just come over to chitchat, Guy wanted to ask you and Bella a question."

Guy was smiling, but rocking back and forth nervously. "What is it buddy?"

"Go to the carnival?"

"The carnival?"

"Yes, with us?"

"You want Bella and I to go to the carnival with you?"

"Yes! Please!" He answered.

"We're not really doing anything, are we Bella?"

"Nope, not a thing. It sounds like fun." she replied.

"When are you going, Guy?"

He turned and looked at Rose. She smiled and looked down at her watch. "I was thinking around seven-ish? It doesn't even open till five. Once Emmett gets his booth closed up, I figured we'd all go grab showers and get ready. That would give everyone time to get around at a leisurely pace."

"We could get sandwiches or something there." I suggested to no one in particular, but Bella responded. "I like that idea; I don't really feel like cooking."

Emmett was acting as excited as Guy was. "So it's a date then?"

"Sounds like fun, we'll be there."

Emmett and Guy fist bumped and as they wandered off I heard Emmett regaling Guy with tales of pickles on a stick and cotton candy... It was fun to see him so happy and at ease with Guy, and I understood how he had come to love him. His brother would be about the same age if he were still alive. I'd never met him, but Emmett spoke reverently of him, and I could feel the love... and loss the few times he'd allowed himself to go there.

Before Jill had called me away, I had spied some familiar faces that I wanted to introduce to my girl. I stood up before I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle tug. "Walk with me? I saw someone I'd love for you to meet." I had no idea they would be at the event, but it didn't surprise me, either.

We strolled along, hand in hand passing people of all ages and abilities. It truly was a successful turnout. "This has really been a popular event. I'd say it went well."

Bella beamed at me. "Oh it has. We've had hundreds of people today. We're starting a few hours earlier tomorrow, since everyone is set up, it'll be an easier morning. It'll be a bear of a day till it's over. Longer day and then tearing it all down after everyone is already tired. I'll be dragging by the time it's over."

"Promise me you won't overdo it? I don't want you to make yourself sick."

"Actually, I was on the crew who set up, there's another bunch of volunteers who are tearing down. All I have to do is attend, but it will still be a long day." I knew she'd still be running around like crazy, even though she had promised she wouldn't. The girl didn't know when to stop. I knew I'd be here again, and I promised myself that I'd keep an eye out, not to mother hen her, but to ensure her safety...

We had stopped walking, and she started off again. I pulled her in the opposite direction. "This way, Bella."

When we got close, I saw that Ben was enthusiastically trying to sell a couple on a new scooter, and Angela appeared to be waiting on a customer. I rolled up to a tent that had a big cooler of drinks and grabbed us a bottle of green tea to share. "They're busy right now; let's cop a squat in the shade for a few minutes?"

Bella and I walked over to a big shade tree and I lowered myself before pulling her into my lap. She reached up and pulled me in for a smooch. We kissed a few times before opening our drink and sharing it. We sat and quietly people watched, and when our drink was gone, and the last of their customers walked away, I tipped the chair a little, grabbed hold of Bella and made my way to the booth on the end. When we scooted under the tent Angela looked up.

"Edward, how _are_ you?"

"I'm okay, getting better all the time. I'm home now."

"Yes, your mom and dad told us. I'm so happy for you."

"Angela, I'd love for you to meet my Bella."

Angela grinned as she reached out to shake Bella's hand. "I've heard so many wonderful things about you. I feel like I know you already."

"It's nice meeting you, too." Bella was acting a little bashful, and I wondered if she was thinking about the conversation we had when I asked her if she'd agree to me getting her a scooter so we could do more things together, or if she was trying to figure out how I knew Angela.

I rubbed her back as I explained, "Angela and Ben are my friends who sell the scooters and wheelchairs. Remember we talked about renting one to go camping at the cabin?"

"Oh! Yes, of course. I knew I recognized the name and I couldn't remember why."

Angela reached out and touched my shoulder. "I'm so glad to see you looking so well. The last time I saw you... ", she frowned and my heart stopped for a second. I knew…

"Was _that_ night?"

"Well, no, but it was shortly after. You look much better."

"Thank you for being such a good friend to Esme. Carlisle said you stayed with her that night so she wasn't alone."

"Yeah, I did. She was so scared, but he couldn't be there for her, it was far more important that he be there for you."

I shuddered to think what would have occurred in that operating room had my dad not been there to speak for me. "I don't think I can ever repay you for that."

Angela took my hand and squeezed it. "You know that's what friends are for. We've been through so much over the years, Edward Cullen, I'm offended to hear you say such a thing."

Ben stepped into the tent from someplace behind the van. "I thought I heard your voice, Edward. How the heck are ya?"

He clapped me on the back, enthusiastically. "Is this the lovely young lady your parent's are gushing over?"

Bella hung her head and blushed. I, however, was elated that my parents spoke so highly of her. I knew they loved her, but it was still nice hearing it from someone else.

"It is. Ben this is my Bella. Bella, this is my buddy Ben Cheney."

Bella took Ben's hand and shook it. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

He pulled her into a gentle hug. "Oh, no Bella. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. It's high time he met someone who might actually get him to relax and live a little."

I was looking over the scooters he had parked under the tent and I spied a zero degree radius wheelchair with rugged tires. It would be perfect for her, if she'd actually consent to using it.

"So Ben, Bella and I talked about going up the Old Loggers Path to the cabin in a few weeks but we could enjoy more of the trail if she had something to ride." I didn't want to divulge Bella's medical status; it was her place to do that, if she chose. "Do you still offer rentals?"

"We do. What are you thinking? Scooter? Wheelchair? Segway?" I didn't realize he had the Segway scooters, Bella might be more receptive to that, it didn't have the disability label attached to it.

"Tell us about the Segways."

Bella leaned away so she could turn and look at me. "Have you lost your mind, Cullen? I'd fall and kill myself. I have enough trouble putting one foot in front of the other." She looked at Ben. "I have MS. I don't think the Segway would be the appropriate application for what we have in mind."

"Would you like to test drive one of these? I have rental versions of everything we keep stocked at the store."

"Sure."

I watched as Bella left me and went directly to the little chair I'd been checking out. Ben got down on one knee and clutched the chair. Bella was watching curiously as he worked. He hit the power button and moved the joystick to make sure it worked. "When we do a show, I always take them out of gear. If a little one is too inquisitive and it gets turned on, I don't want anyone getting hurt."

"That's a good idea." Bella agreed.

"It's all ready to go, hop on and take it for a spin."

"Um... I don't know what to do?" Suddenly the girl, who was so confident with the horses and the dog, when I was acting like some city kid who'd never seen a real animal, seemed to be uncertain in my world.

"You'll do fine. It's programmed to the lowest settings."

I drove over to where Bella was sitting. "Come on, I'll walk along with you. It'll be fine."

"Okay." she squeaked.

"First put your seat belt on. And then just switch it on."

When she looked up, I took hold of my joystick. "Your controller is just like one for a video game. You push in the direction you want to go. If it feels like it's getting away from you, just let go."

"I've seen it done before, obviously, I've just never driven one, they seem so sensitive. I don't want to wreck it." She switched the chair on, and when she heard the familiar click, she hesitantly pushed on the joystick. It lurched ahead and she let go as if it were a hot potato. She jerked to a halt. She pushed on the joystick again and began to slowly move forward. It was almost difficult to keep her pace the chair was programmed down so slow. "You're doing great, just keep a wide berth."

We went side by side down the wide sidewalk. The farther she went, the more confident she became. When we got to the end, we turned around and as we returned to the tent, I suggested she try the scooter as well. After riding on several different mobility aids, she declared that she felt the most comfortable driving the wheelchair.

We chatted with Ben and Angela a while longer and before we left, we promised to get back to them with a date for our camping trip.

A very boisterous Alec interrupted our trip around the grounds. "Oh my gosh! Edward you have _got_ to see this!" Bella laughed at his enthusiasm and we followed him to the few booths on the far end that I hadn't been to.

When she realized where we were headed, a surprised expression crossed Bella's face.

"I never thought... I just... wow, I thought that would be the _last_ thing he'd get excited about."

When I turned to pull under the tent, I saw what it was that had caught his attention. I had to admit, I was a little surprised, myself. Sitting there in all its glory was chrome and black metallic paint... a screaming machine of epic proportions, and I wondered how Alec could be so excited about something that was so similar to his mode of self destruction.

While it wasn't anything like the motorcycle he'd nearly died on, it was, for all intents and purposes a motorcycle. Well... a tricycle if you wanted to get technical. It was a genius invention for a disabled individual who wanted to live life on the edge with the wind in their face. I myself could never do it. I played in traffic and lost. I still had moments, even inside the safe confines of my car, where I had to swallow down a panic attack.

"Well?" Alec's excitement broke me out of my moment.

"That's, um... terrifying."

"Huh?"

"I find it slightly ironic that you're excited about something that is so similar to the vehicle that nearly took your life."

"I... well... I loved riding. Even though I had an accident and got hurt, I'm not going to let that cripple my mind. I have been lamenting the fact that I'll never be able to ride again. I'd love to ride one of these babies. If you've never ridden... Oh man, Edward, the freedom... the wind in your face... I've never felt more alive."

I was having trouble reconciling the sullen kid who I first met, or even the snarky teen I'd gotten to know with this daredevil who sat in front of me salivating over a chrome and metal death trap. But as I listened to him asking the vendor about specs on the bike, and I watched as he sat simply glowing with excitement, I wondered if I truly knew Alec at all. This was the boy who had learned to ride safely, and who had loved every minute of the freedom he experienced. Even if a snap judgment had landed him in a life altering situation, this was an aspect of his life that he truly loved.

I suppose he was no different from the paraplegic mountain climbers who broke their back falling off a rock face. Right before my eyes, I metaphorically experienced Alec getting up and dusting himself off so he could get back on the horse and try it all over again. Suddenly, I realized how this kid had conquered his demons in a healthy way. He was a better man than I was.

"I don't think I could do it." I faltered.

"You already have."

"Huh?" Now it was my turn to be obtuse.

He pointed to my accessible PT cruiser, sitting on display in the lawn of the rehab, gull wing doors raised... shiny and silver... sparkling in the sun. Several people were standing around checking it out. "What do you call _that_?"

"A modified vehicle."

"That's what this is." he defended, gesturing to the bike.

"Yeah, but... "

"No offense dude, but didn't you lose the use of your legs in a _car_?"

I nodded, understanding suddenly what he was getting at.

"It's really no different. I don't want to spend my life being afraid. I want to live. I'm not even twenty years old yet. You told me once not to let my fears keep me from living. Obviously, there's no way that I can buy one of these, but it's nice to know that one day if I want to ride again, I have that option."

The vendor, who had been quietly listening to our exchange, came over to speak with us. When he learned that Alec had driven a cycle before, he encouraged his enthusiasm, offered him a business card explained some generous financing options and offered to take him for a ride some weekend.

I sat watching and pondering what Alec had said. I suppose it wasn't any different. I could still never do it. Perhaps if I hadn't gotten hit by a car... and I was ignorant about how truly vulnerable one would be in a set up like this... but no, I didn't think I could ever ride in anything that didn't have a roll cage safely protecting me. I was proud of him, and I was happy for him. He spoke animatedly, and by the time he was ready to leave the booth, he'd made arrangements for a weekend ride to Port Angeles. He seemed excited about the prospect that two could ride, one in a wheelchair and one not. I wasn't certain how that would work when the driver wasn't the one in the wheelchair, but the guy assured Alec that he had it covered.

"Oh, man, did you _hear_that? The first thing I'm gonna do when I leave here is buy a helmet." he said to Demetri. Bella laughed. His enthusiasm was catching.

Sasha would be in her glory if she were a fly on the wall. Either she'd feel that Alec was well on his way to recovery, or she'd think he'd completely taken leave of his senses. I still wasn't sure which way I leaned.

Bella snuck over and gave me that look. "Go ahead, hop on." I told her.

She spent a lot of time snuggling on my lap, and while I suppose other people would get tired of it, or think she was just being lazy... it affirmed her love for me, and the fact that she enjoyed the closeness we shared like this. Not many couples enjoyed closeness like we did.

She put her face close to my ear. "I thought he'd be running screaming from this tent when he stumbled upon it. He's really grown, Edward... from that angry boy who first came here."

"Yeah he has. I just... yeah, while I applaud his enthusiasm, _I'd_ be terrified."

"You mean you're not the least bit curious?"

I shuddered. _No,__not__at__all._"No, it wouldn't be much different than driving my Permobil at fifty-five miles an hour. I don't think I'd enjoy that... at all."

"Okay." she chuckled. "I guess I see your point. I see his too, though. Did I ever tell you Jake and I had mini-bikes?"

"Yeah, and I side with the chief on that one. They're death traps, I tell ya."

Bella looked down at her watch; still snickering over what she probably thought was unwarranted fear. "Wow, we've got less than an hour and it's time to close down. Do you want to help me go around and wrap things up with the vendors?"

"Sure."

Our last stop was at the CIL booth to inventory supplies for the following day. Everyone around us looked tired, but pleased. It had been a beautiful day, the turn out was far greater than anyone anticipated, and a generous amount of money had been made in support of the fundraiser.

Kodi came over and sat next to me as Robin and Bella discussed the morning shift. He nudged me with his nose before offering me his paw. It was as if he sensed that we were closing up shop.

Robin laughed and reminded him it was time to go. "Say your goodbyes, Kodi; we still have to stop at the office for a few things before we can go home."

He barked at me before he stood, wagged his tail, and went to stand resolutely next to his master.

Bella and I scurried home, and she grabbed a quick shower, suggesting that she would benefit from the cool water. I was worried that we'd been outside too long, but we were under canopies all day, and the temperature hadn't risen above 75. I realized that I over-reacted a lot of the time; it was so hard to bite my tongue and be an innocent bystander.

I freshened up, but I wouldn't see Alice until bedtime, so a shower was out of the picture for me.

Bella came out wearing shorts and a tee shirt. I looked down expecting sandals of some sort, but she had sensible shoes on her feet.

"You have everything you need?"

"Yep, all ready to go, if you are."

"Let's go then, I'm starving."

It was a short ride to the carnival, and we found everyone close to the carousel. Bella rode on my lap or the back of the chair most of the time. I could see the fatigue in her gait and the subtle slump of her shoulders, but she was chipper and seemed to be faring well. I wasn't going to open my mouth and put a damper on a lovely evening.

We'd just finished sharing a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken and fries when Guy asked if I would play some games with him. Rose gave him a spending limit and reminded him that his money had to last four more days. We went to the ball toss and Guy threw a wiffle ball on top of a goldfish bowl. Rose would probably have a fit when she learned they now had a pet, but chances were he wouldn't live the night. I didn't understand why people insisted on setting up a game like that, the fish were already sickly, add the hot weather and time in the sun, and they didn't stand much of a chance.

Guy asked if we could try throwing a ball at three stacked milk bottles. I was explaining that the game was practically rigged, in that the bottles were weighted and even someone with a good arm would have trouble knocking them all three down when I heard footsteps in the gravel. When they stopped right behind me, I thought it was Emmett come to prove my theory wrong. If anyone could knock down all three balls, it was Em.

Never in a million years did I expect to hear the voice that turned my stomach. Not here, not now… _not__with__Guy__present_.

"_Well, __well, __well__…_ Boys, look who we have here. And he's with one of his own kind this time. No one to protect you this time buddy?"

My mind reeled. How was I going to protect Guy from this creep? Even if it was only a verbal altercation, I didn't want to expose Guy to that, but I didn't know how we'd get away unscathed. Everyone was engaged in conversation several hundred yards away. The carnival music, the cacophony of voices... they would prevent anyone who could help us- from ever hearing my screams. I grabbed Guy's wrist and just as I went to jerk my chair away, hoping to make a peaceable exit, I heard it.

A loud crash, just before I heard Emmett's booming voice as it broke the sound barrier.

"_Oh __Hell __no!"_

* * *

Sooooooooooo our old buddy Tim is back...

Reviews are lovely. Please leave some love.


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-seven

~Rose~

After the choking incident with Guy, I was afraid to let him out of my sight. I knew parenting was like a rollercoaster ride with highs and lows, fear and joy... but I just had no clue that something as simple as dinner with friends could turn into a life threatening situation. In the blink of an eye he was in trouble, and I froze like a deer in the headlights. Conscious thought left me, and there I sat... paralyzed... watching as he turned red and reached for his throat. I did nothing...

I had some knowledge of basic first aid, but not enough... as an attorney we were taught sometimes it was worse to intervene and possibly hurt someone while trying to help and as such, I turned a deaf ear each time my brother invited me to a CPR training, hoping it wouldn't be me who found themselves in a position where another person needed me to render aid to them... and many people did just what I had done... sat and watched while someone struggled for their life. Only in my case it wasn't a complete stranger, it was someone I was growing to love... and it wasn't intentional... I was ignorant... totally oblivious as to how to assist him.

I had a restless night; I couldn't get past the look of panic in his eyes or the fear that was evident when my brother snatched him without warning from his seat. The poor kid was probably terrified, and I knew he had no idea that Jasper was trying to help him and not hurt him further. When it was all over he crumbled, and fell into Alice's arms, I couldn't even love him right. Jasper said I was in some sort of shock, but it just kept going through my mind that I had no idea how to be a parent. How could I do this? Could I be enough for him? I couldn't keep a house plant alive... maybe this was a bad idea.

When I looked at Emmett... well, he looked the same way I felt... and I did the only thing I could to reassure him... I echoed my brother's sentiments... Guy _was_ okay. He'd be alright... and first thing in the morning, I was signing up for that CPR/first aid course my brother had been nagging me about all the years since he'd been a first responder.

_"Everyone__should__know__basic__first__aid__and__CPR,__Rosie...__what__if__it__was__someone__you__love?_"

And it had been...

Thankfully, Emmett agreed to spend the night and help me keep an eye on Guy, even though Jasper and Alice both said it wasn't truly necessary. Guy's room got put together and we turned in a little early. It had been a traumatic incident for all three of us. Emmett might look big and tough, but the choking incident exposed a soft side I hadn't expected. Edward kept telling me it was there, but I'd never seen it for myself... he _was_ a good guy. He kept proving it with his actions rather than trying to dazzle me... and that made all the difference in the world.

By morning we were all back to normal, Emmett was his usual goofy self, stealing Jasper's coffee on his way out the door. After supplying my little brother with another cup and sharing some pastry with him, Guy and I got around to sign up for that class.

If the incident the night before hadn't done it, his rendition of what it was like to be one of the first on the scene at Edward's accident had... if I had come across the accident and medical help had been delayed, he'd have surely died... if I froze over someone choking on a piece of pizza... I probably wouldn't even be able to dial 911 if I stumbled upon something so horrific as what Edward had gone through...

After a visit to the Red Cross, we went in to Carlisle's office. I explained what had happened and he looked Guy over... after assuring me that he was in fact, fine. Carlisle tried to put me at ease by explaining that even trained professionals froze when it was someone they loved who was in trouble. He seemed pleased when I told him I'd just taken, what he said he considered one of the first responsible steps of being a parent.

Emmett stopped for dinner that night, and after watching a little TV with Guy, he said he had some things to take care of for the expo. It was hard to believe it was less than a week away.

After Guy was settled for bed, there was a knock on my door...

_Jasper_...

Jasper had sat there talking with me until well past bedtime... he came back under the pretense of checking on Guy, but I think he just craved the company of another person. He'd grudgingly admitted to shutting himself off from everyone by either working as much as they'd allow, or hiding out in his cave of a room in front of the TV. After spending a fair amount of time with Alice the day before, I could tell he needed to talk, so I sat silently and waited until it all came tumbling out. He wore his heart on his sleeve when he explained everything that had happened in his past with Alice. Misunderstandings, and errors in judgment, miscommunications and crossed wires... it seemed like each time they moved two steps forward, one of them would do something to cause them to slide a step back.

I knew my brother... my twin... better than I knew anyone else in this world; and if there was anyone he couldn't lie to, it was me. Throughout our entire life it felt as if we shared two halves of the same brain... finishing each other's sentences and answering each others unspoken thoughts. I had the added advantage of a career-long necessity to read the people I represented... it wasn't only their words, but their body language, that told their story. I prided myself on the ability to find the truth in a client's eyes and when I could not, it was my job to flesh it out. I had become so attuned to reading another's unspoken language... I could feel Jasper's pain, it was as palpable as the pain I'd felt when my life fell apart a year earlier.

I knew he was truly repentant.

He had broken down, begging me to help him find a way to reach Alice. I told him the only thing that I could... he needed to be saying all of this _to__her_. Admittedly, their biggest stumbling block had been communication. They'd both told me that, and while I loved them both, I didn't want to be put in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. The only way this situation could be rectified was if they communicated openly with one another.

Unable to keep my eyes open a moment longer, I threw my brother a pillow and blanket and told him he'd better be on the sofa when I got up in the morning. He was in no condition to drive, all one had to do was look at his haggard appearance... it was obvious that he wasn't managing his most basic needs. The last thing I wanted was to get a call in the middle of the night telling me he was smeared on a road somewhere because he'd driven his cycle into the path of oncoming traffic because he was exhausted. Only after he promised that he'd stay and sleep, did I make my way to my own room in a futile attempt to catch some sleep of my own.

But, sleep didn't come easily... my mind was invaded with uninvited thoughts of my brother and concern for one of my oldest girlfriends as they both wrestled with the pain of their broken relationship. It plagued me deep into the night.

When things were quiet and dark, my little friend Alice commanded my thoughts... for a couple who had separated, there was no mistaking that they were still two halves of a whole. She bore the same broken expression, and walked around morosely, looking like an empty shell. Edward had voiced his concerns over her loss of weight, and her tummy troubles, but even more disheartening was the missing spring in her step.

Alice was always like a breath of fresh air, so bubbly and happy, some days to a point that you almost wanted to take something to calm _yourself_ because the hyper wore off on _you_. However, this Alice was but a shell of the friend of my younger days... quiet and aloof... she was... well, not my Alice.

The girl who had come in Bella's stead and spent the morning with Guy so we could acquire his belongings was thin, her face drawn and pale... her hair, while clean- unlike my brother's, hung limp and lifeless mirroring her personality. While we moved the bedroom furniture around waiting for Emmett, I begged her to tell me what was wrong, but there wasn't time before Jasper arrived...

She was kind and attentive when it came to Guy, yet she was quiet and withdrawn around the rest of us. The only thing that seemed to remotely raise her spirits that day was the hole my behind had left in the wall. I had a difficult time setting aside my concern for Alice and allowing sleep to finally take me.

It felt like I'd barely fallen asleep when the shrilling ringtone of my cell ripped me from my slumber. Totally out of character for a working professional on a week day, I screamed into the phone that it had better be an emergency, or someone was going to die. The silence from the other end confirmed my suspicion that it was a casual caller and not my employer or a client... at least... I hoped it wasn't.

I couldn't help myself, as soon as my brother was out the door for work the next morning, I called my oldest girlfriend and begged her to come over for coffee and conversation, and when she refused, I put my contingency plan into action. The opportunity to visit her as she cleaned her new home was too great to pass up, so I arrived with reinforcements in the form of Ben and Jerry; and over matching tubs of Rocky Road, she tried to exorcise her demons, while I implored her to tell her concerns to _the__one__person_ who so desperately needed to hear it.

We worked side by side washing windows and wiping down counter tops and cupboards in anticipation of her belongings arrival via the local moving company later in the week. After a few hours, I convinced her that for her own peace of mind, she needed to sit down and actually _hear_ Jasper's side of the story.

She was still morose as we wrapped up our day of cleaning. Even Guy, who'd known her the length of an afternoon, had the insight to feel her pain. When Emmett dropped him off at Alice's apartment after a few hours of swimming, he walked determinedly to Alice and cupped her face in his stubby hands. "Sad." He said, patting her cheeks before he walked over to the window, lost in the tunes that played from his iPod.

Al promised me that she'd make an effort, when we shared a choked up goodbye, but she didn't want to enter into any sort of situation with Jasper as long as Omar was under the impression that she was his. While they'd really only dated casually, she felt a responsibility to either break it off with him, or put Jasper out of her mind and work to spice up her life with Omar. We both knew where her heart was...

The week passed by quickly. Guy had settled in smoothly, and it was reassuring to see him so comfortable in my home. Carlisle's suggestion that we bring his room to my house was genius. He quit bringing his packed suitcase to the front door after a day or two. When I asked where it was his reply was. "Guy stay here. Okay?"

"Of course you'll stay here. This is your home now."

"And Popeye?"

"Yes, it's Popeye's home now too."

Guy put his arms around my waist and hugged me, hard. "Okay. Guy stay."

I gave him a squeeze in return. "I'm glad. I'd like that."

On the day of the expo, I had a ton of things to do. Opal had approached me as soon as she'd committed to manning a booth on disability rights advocacy, and asked if I'd be willing to participate. I was delighted to donate my time, but when I'd committed, I didn't have Guy. I was concerned that it would be too hot for him to be out all day in the sun, and when I voiced my concerns to Emmett, he offered to take turns so that we could spend time fulfilling our commitments. In the end Esme invited Guy to spend part of the day with her as well. Her offer broke up what would have been a monotonous day for Guy, and allowed us to work the majority of the day without worrying about his whereabouts. Her timing was perfect.

Not thinking, Carlisle had asked Guy if we were taking him to the carnival before it left town. Esme apologized profusely when she dropped him off and he immediately asked if we were going to go.

"Its fine, Esme, I was hoping to take him anyway. Emmett and I talked about it yesterday. Don't worry about it at all. But you better tell that Carlisle that he needs to get into the practice of not blurting things out. That could cause some frustration when you have grandchildren."

She welled up, but smiled and nodded. "I can only hope that will happen one day."

"It will, have faith in him. If there's a will, there's a way. Don't give up. Your son is a living breathing miracle, has been for years. I have every confidence that he has everything he's ever dreamed of within his grasp."

She wiped under her eyes with her fingertips. "Yes, you're right. He does."

She reached up and gave me a hurried hug. "I need to go. Guy is welcome to come over anytime. He's a sweetheart, Rose. He sat and read almost the entire time he was with me."

"Yeah, he is pretty great, isn't he? It's really nice having someone else to share that big old house with."

"I hope one day you'll open your heart and your home to more than just Guy, sweetheart. You deserve to be happy too." I could feel myself blushing and didn't want to give myself away.

"Baby steps Esme. I know what you're getting at, but let's just let nature run its course. Okay?"

"Mmhmm. we'll see." She smiled and winked before she turned and left. Guy was sitting behind my table playing with his Nintendo DS.

"Guy, should we go ask Emmett if he'd like to go to the carnival with us tonight?"

"And Eddie?"

"You want to ask Edward and Bella as well?"

He gave me a toothy grin. "Yes." He stated enthusiastically.

When we found Emmett under his tent, he handed Guy a team shirt. The back of the shirt had his name on it. When he pulled it on over his tank top, the excitement was just oozing out of his pores. "Yay! Thanks!"

Emmett leaned in close and whispered, "I was thinking about asking him if he'd like to be our water boy, but I wanted to get your take on the idea first."

"Can we talk about that later?"

"Sure, just think about it, okay? There's no rush, I just want to include him, the entire team will be guys with disabilities, it would be a perfect environment for him."

I couldn't have agreed more, Guy needed a little boost to his self esteem, and while he might not be the most verbose young man, he was smart and funny and he loved to interact with other people. "I think you're absolutely right, but just give me some time to think about it. But if we decide to approach him about it, the decision to participate is completely up to him."

"Like he'd turn down the offer. He loves the guys."

"I promise I'll think about it, and I'll discuss it with Guy."

"Fair enough, thanks Rosie!" He continued to drop terms of endearment, and while I knew he was sincere, it was still a little odd to hear anyone talk to me so casually. Royce always paraded me about like a showpiece, and he impressed his friends with my career status, but he was stuffy and formal- obviously a product of the environment he was raised in. He'd have never dreamed of addressing me the way Emmett did. This was all kind of... nice. Emmett was a _sweet_ guy, and I was beginning to see that my preconceived notions about him were all wrong. He wasn't a bad guy; he'd made an error in judgment. I needed to just accept that and move on. I couldn't keep crucifying him for it, that wasn't fair to any of us.

In my mind, drunk men had always been... well... drunk men... unpredictable and untrustworthy... I had issues with drinking, but those were my issues. As long as he behaved responsibly in the future, I'd find a way to learn to accept that. My only real concern was how his actions affected Guy, but I was beginning to understand that my first impression might have been a bit skewed.

I realized too, that had the boys not gotten themselves into trouble, I wouldn't have met Opal or become involved with the people at the CIL. I might have eventually, but it was almost as if someone had a hand in planning this. Guy came into my life as a direct result of the entire situation. Timing was of the essence. Any later and who knew where he'd be in the foster care system. Granted he only had a few months until he was _technically_ an adult, but he didn't possess the skills to live independently, even at eighteen he'd still need someplace to call home. I felt so blessed that his home was now with me. I'd do everything in my power to ensure that it was permanent. He wasn't going back into the system.

I think what made Emmett the most endearing to me, was the manner in which he interacted with Guy. He didn't put on airs. It was so natural... watching that... that impressed me. If Guy wanted to be a part of that team, they_both_ deserved my blessing. I wouldn't use this as an opportunity to punish Emmett for something I really needed to get past, and I decided then and there I to just let it go.

I smiled at him, and it felt good to not have to force it. "You're welcome."

I handed Guy off to Emmett and left them so I could relieve Opal; the boys said they'd invite Edward and Bella along. Guy really seemed to enjoy both of them. Edward was so patient with him; he'd make a great father one day. I know my statement surprised Esme, but I just knew it... looking at him and the way he interacted with these kids... and the kids who were in rehab with him... they blossomed under his attention, but he had grown so much too. Yeah, my buddy was great father material. One day... one day he'd have that.

The last few hours of the day passed quickly, and I was looking forward to spending the evening with the guys, as well as Bella and Edward. We ran home long enough to shower and change before Emmett stopped to pick us up in his big truck. Guy insisted that he get to sit next to the window, which left me sitting between him and Emmett.

So close to Emmett._I__was__ready__to__let__our__past__go,__but__was__I__ready__to__let__him__in?_

The truck Emmett pulled up in was vintage with a manual transmission, and every time he shifted gears, his arm brushed over my leg. He apologized each time he invaded my space, but I couldn't help but notice the smug look on his face. If I didn't know better, he and Guy had orchestrated the seating arrangement while they'd been swimming at the gym. When I gave him a questioning look, he shrugged and told me that _Guy_ thought I'd enjoy riding in the antique vehicle. It was nice, an older Chevy with a step-side bed, that had obviously been restored.

"It was my Dad's truck. When I was a kid, he'd take us up in the mountains fishing, although back then it was perfectly legal for him to pile the whole passel of us into the back and go. We had no idea what a seat-belt was or what to do with one."

"Did you come from a big family, Emmett?"

"Not too, too big, but I had a bunch of cousins. My dad and his brothers were always big into taking us all out to fish and camp."

"Sounds like you had fun. Jasper and I moved here from Texas as teenagers. After we graduated high school, my dad's company relocated him again, taking my parents back home. Jasper and I, however, stayed in Seattle. My parents were city folks; we never did anything like that."

"So you really _will_ be out of your element when we take Guy to Jersey?" he asked.

"Well, _yeah_, but it's not like it's some sort of wilderness adventure. I've been to the website; Camp PALS is a modern camp. I don't think I could handle camping without running water and hot showers."

"If you enjoy yourself, Edward and Bella are camping up at Carlisle and Esme's cabin. Edward asked if I'd mind staying in a cabin close by, just in case he got in a bind. Maybe you and Guy would like to come along? I was hoping it would be alright to take Guy. It would be on a weekend, in the fall once it cools off. Bella can't handle hot weather, and there is no air conditioning, although it's unlikely she'd be too hot out in the forest. Sometimes, I think Ed's overly cautious with her, but I know it's because he loves her so much."

"Uh, I don't know. Guy can go if he likes, as long as he doesn't have to take time off school so early in the school year."

"No it would be Friday night until Sunday afternoon. They have hot running water, you know. It's not a primitive cabin. The Cullen's cabin is handicapped accessible. They bought it for a vacation home the summer Ed got hurt; he always came here to vacation during the summer." I knew that, but I'd completely forgotten.

"I'll think about it. Okay?"

"Sure."

Before I knew it we were pulling into the parking lot for the carnival, and Guy was clapping excitedly upon spying the Ferris wheel, it towered over the trees that separated the parking lot from the fairgrounds.

"Yay! Look Emmy!"

"I see it, Buddy. Are we going on that ride?"

"Yes!", Guy replied excitedly.

"Uh, I don't know... ", I hesitated. I remembered a litigation over haphazardly erected carnival rides where someone got hurt when the state inspector failed to ensure the safety of several rides at an event.

"Aw, come on Rosie, it'll be fun. It's perfectly safe. They have to pass inspections before they open up, you know."

It was true; they did after that terrible accident. A child was hurt critically. The media attention from the lawsuit spurred the state into action.

"Yeah, I know you're right."

"You coming with us on some rides?" He asked waggling his eyebrows.

"Nah, I'm not much of a rider. I'll walk around with you though. You know, Edward can't ride. Maybe Bella will want to ride and he'll want company."

"I doubt it, did you take a look at her? She's whooped. I'm almost surprised that they are joining us, over-protective as he is."

To tell the truth, I _hadn't_ noticed. While this world was relatively new to me, aside from knowing Edward, Emmett worked with people with disabilities on a daily basis and it made sense that he would recognize things like fatigue in a patient.

"No, was it wrong to invite them?"

"No way! If they couldn't handle it, they'd have told us." The way he said it assured me that we hadn't made a mistake by asking. I didn't want to exclude them, but I'd feel bad if they had only agreed because we had put them on the spot and they didn't want to disappoint Guy. "His dad was the one who opened this whole can of worms, ya know." Emmett teased.

"True."

Guy pointed at the carousel and gave me an endearing smile. "Ride with me Rose!"

"Alright, that is one thing I _will_ ride." As soon as I agreed, he began tugging on my hand. Emmett laughed as he followed along. Emmett had to help Guy to get onto his horse, we flanked him on either side and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was part of a family. As if he could read his mind, Emmett winked and smiled.

_Did he feel it too?_

After two rounds on the horses, Emmett pointed to the parking lot we'd come from and I watched as Edward closed up his car and waited for Bella to climb up on the back of his chair. She leaned down and put her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek and saying something to him before she stood and grabbed the seat of his chair. They looked so happy together, so in love. I didn't know Bella real well yet, but we were becoming friends. I was really pleased that he'd found a good woman. He deserved that. They both did.

When the music stopped and the carousel glided to a stop we got off and waited next to the ticket booth. Emmett and Edward were the ones who suggested fried chicken and French fries. Bella and I shared a laugh. A doctor and a personal trainer... and they chose the most grease laden items on the menu. I had to admit though, the chicken was incredibly tender and the fries were perfect with malt vinegar and a shake of salt.

Guy coerced an all too willing Edward into going off with him to play games. Bella said she wanted to just sit in the shade and relax on a bench, deciding to join her so she wasn't alone, I gave Guy a spending limit and implored Edward to respect it and not give him any more money than what he had. I wanted to teach him monetary skills, and blowing a ton of money at a carnival wasn't conducive to his learning to be thrifty. While he had his own money and would never need to spend it for shelter expenses, if I had anything to say about it, I wanted him to learn independent living skills. He was nearly an adult, and the time might come one day where he'd choose to move into a group home setting where he could live independently. I wouldn't hold him back if that was what he chose to do.

I watched as they walked off together, Guy was going on about his new sneakers. He was so proud. Edward had noticed them right away and had complimented him on them. Guy beamed and explained that he'd bought them with his own money. It didn't escape me that he had picked out Nikes that were identical to the ones Emmett wore.

Bella and I went in search of a restroom and when we came out, Emmett stood waiting for us. A group of guys around our age crowded past us, bumping roughly into Bella and nearly knocking her down. They laughed, almost as if they thought it was funny somehow.

Emmett looked pissed as he bit out the word, "Jerks!"

"Yeah they were." I added a little more loudly than was necessary.

"They're the guys from the bar that night," he explained. "The ones Ed and I fought with."

Bella looked a little shaken and said, "Oh, great. Way to ruin a nice time."

"We'll just stick close together. I'm sure they've got other people to terrorize tonight." I said.

They stood near a ride taunting a girl who looked surprisingly like Bella. I took in their appearance; they wore grungy clothes and acted like they'd already had a few drinks under their belts. The girl hurried off to two other girls and the guys laughed. The one guy nudged his friend. "Hey look, it's that wheelchair dude from the bar. Wanna have a little fun?" They hurried off in the direction our boys had headed. Bella's eyes got big and Emmett looked ferocious as he stormed off after them.

"_Oh__Hell__no_!" he bellowed, as he slammed into a food cart, knocking it and its vendor over in his haste.

Bella looked like she was going to follow Em, but I stopped her. "You call Jazz. He's working the first aid station with a few of the EMTs from the hospital; he'll know where to find security! I need to go make sure that guy's not hurt. They'll be alright. Emmett won't let anything happen to them." I wasn't completely convinced, but suspected that they guys from the bar would have been in a bad way if Emmett had completely had his faculties about himself the night of the other altercation.

The food vendor had gotten up and was brushing himself off, as I promised we'd pay for whatever product he'd lost. When I explained that there was an emergency, he nodded and set about to clean up the mess.

Jasper found us quickly and had two security officers with him.

I pointed in the direction they'd gone. I grabbed Bella's hand and at what seemed to be a snail's pace, followed Emmett's booming voice as he made his presence known.

~Edward~

I was never so happy to hear anything in my life, but I knew that there would be an altercation and that was something Guy shouldn't have to witness. He came from a home where things were probably settled with words and not fists. Many parents of kids with developmental disabilities worked hard to teach their child to use their words and not act out physically. It certainly wouldn't be a good example if he watched Emmett pummel Tim in anger.

"You really shouldn't have said that", he growled as he walked swiftly towards Tim and his friends, successfully stepping between them and us.

"What's it to you, big man? You having trouble finding normal people to hang out with?" Tim sneered.

"Now, that was uncalled for man, makes me wonder how normal it is for you to want to call so much attention to the size of your dick?"

I heard Guy giggle as Tim started toward Emmett like he intended to hit him. With a flash of his red McCarty gym tee-shirt, Tim found himself pinned against the back of a building in a choke hold.

"Someone like you needs some coaching on manners and proper etiquette. Maybe you want to take this to my gym and I'll demonstrate how people act nice around each other?"

Emmett began to tighten his hold on Tim, obviously hurting him. Tim, red in the face, was groaning and struggling to remove Em's arm from his neck. His friends were watching, rather taken aback by the whole situation.

"First, I think you owe my good friends an apology for your poor manners and I think that Edward and Guy here need to feel how sorry you feel for your bad behavior and poor choice of words." Emmett said, persuasively.

I looked up and saw Jasper and two security officers coming down the boardwalk towards us, Jasper pointed towards Tim and his friends as they hurried in our direction. A frantic looking Bella and Rose followed behind them.

Tim, apparently at a loss for words... or air, perhaps, hadn't really said anything else. So Emmett continued his one sided conversation with the bully. "I happen to know Guy's mom," he pointed to Guy, who was now looking very scared, "and she is a dynamo lawyer. I think that you better be re-thinking and using your pea sized brain on how you want to phrase your apology before his mom helps you out with that. I kind of think she might think a spell sitting in a jail cell might do the trick..."

Tim's friends started looking nervous and told Tim to knock it off and apologize, because they didn't want any trouble. They started clamoring around him and said, "We don't need any more trouble Tim, let it go. Say you are sorry dude, don't be an ass!"

I rolled over to where they stood and said what I wasn't able to express that night. "I may not be able to run and walk like you can, but I do know that it takes a pretty broken man to say the things you said. I'm sorry that you are so unhappy with your life, and that you feel the need to make it feel better trying to hurt others. Let him go, Em. He's got nothing."

I took Guy's hand and pulled, ready to leave the whole mess behind us, only to hear Emmett say, "No, wait! We aren't finished yet, Tim here has something to say, don't you Tim?"

Emmett released Tim and he looked from his friends to Emmett and then Guy and I. "Sorry man, I guess I had too much to drink".

Emmett coughed and said, "Not good enough."

Tim replied, "Hey look, I'm really sorry... I don't need the police getting involved, I've got a record"

As he was saying it, Jasper and the security officers hurried over to where we stood. Jasper put an arm around Guy and steered him towards Rose. "Go over with Rosie, buddy."

One of the officers looked at our small group and asked "Is there a problem, gentlemen?"

Emmett smiled and said, "Oh no problem officer... these guys were just discussing how they needed to get more involved in the community and help people a little less fortunate. They were just offering to volunteer at a disability expo tomorrow. _Right__Tim_?"

Tim nodded.

"Tim here has a heart of gold and he really wants to share his time and talents."

I could hear Rose and Bella snickering in the background. But Tim agreed. "Yeah, that's right officer. We're going to be helping out with the expo." Tim's friend's nodded in agreement.

The other officer looked knowingly at Emmett and then to me and Guy before he said, "Are you sure no one is hurt? I can't turn my back if that's the case." Tim and his friends shook their heads. I agreed, "No sir, it was just a misunderstanding. Everyone is alright."

"Well then, I've leave you all to the details."

The officers shook hands with Jazz and turned to leave. The older of the two walked over to Bella with his hand outstretched. "Hello Miss Swan, how's the chief?"

Bella smiled up at him. "My dad's great. He finally decided to retire. I think he's done in January."

"Tell him he'll love it. It'll give him plenty of free time to get out in that fishing boat he loves."

"I'll let him know I saw you, officer Krist."

"Tell him I said hello."

"I will."

He walked away, following the other officer. "Friend of yours?" I asked her.

"Yeah, someone my dad went to the academy with. They worked a few drug cases together over the years."

I heard Emmett say to Tim in the background, "Yeah, her dad's chief of police, it might benefit you to remember that little tidbit."

No one said anything in response, but I knew they were still behind me.

"This is my card, call me in the morning and I'll let you know where you need to be tomorrow. Okay?"

"Uh, yeah, you were serious?"

"Hell yes I was serious. Unless you'd like to go over to the security booth and see Bella's friend there."

I heard someone else say, "Come on man, we don't need any trouble. We'll help you out."

The other guy said, "I can't believe you're such a jerk, Tim. This has to stop, before we get into something we can't get out of."

Tim, obviously, had issues with alcohol, and I wasn't sure that interacting with a bunch of disabled people was going to make him any more tolerant of people who were different from him, but I suppose it couldn't hurt to expose him to some of my friends and acquaintances. I hoped it wasn't a mistake, but I suspected that Emmett's instincts were right, they wouldn't cause a scene at such a public event, and some good might come of it.

Jasper was looking Guy over, and I heard him assure Rose that he was alright. He was, no one had touched him, although I knew he was worked up over the whole ordeal.

Emmett clapped me on the back. "Thanks for watching out for the kiddo, Ed."

"Yeah, right, we both know I couldn't do a thing to protect him. It was all you, Em."

He shrugged. "You know I've always got your back, bro. I'm sorry I didn't intervene in time that night. I hope we're square now."

I never blamed him for what happened. It shouldn't have happened, but it had, and even though I'd gotten hurt, and it was my liquid courage that caused me to lash out when Tim hurt that girl, Emmy, I felt something I'd never experienced before. I'd never defended myself, even though I'd been bullied on occasion in the past. It felt good, at the time, to be able to stick up for myself. Although, if Emmett _hadn't_ intervened, Tim would have pulverized my ass.

"I never blamed either of you. It was a fun night that got out of hand. We were all equally culpable."

Rose snickered and said something to Bella about me using big words.

Bella looked exhausted and I realized that it was time for us to go. She needed to sit down before she fell over. "Come on baby; let me give you a lift."

"But we just got here."

"It's been a few hours. Come on, we have the expo and tomorrow it starts early."

She stifled a yawn, "Yeah, I s'pose you're right."

Emmett smiled, but looked like he understood. "You two heading out?"

"Yeah, I think we had enough excitement for one night."

"Alright, we'll see you tomorrow."

Guy gave Bella a big hug and began walking over to me. I stood my chair and gave him a big squeeze when he held his arms out to me. "You have fun with Emmett. We're going to go now."

"Okay. Bye Eddie."

I sat my chair back down and motioned for Bella. She was snickering as she climbed onto my lap. "You hate that name, don't you?"

I sighed. "I never had a nickname; my parent's called me Edward. Nothing else. My dad's name was Ed. It feels disrespectful to go by Ed, and Eddie is just so _immature_. Emmett knows it gets my goat, that's why he does it."

"Oh, I know that."

"But Guy, eh, it's sort of stuck now. He doesn't do it to give me a bad time."

"I think it's kinda sweet."

When we got to the car, I hit my remote and my door opened. Bella went around to her side and was climbing in when Tim walked over to the car, his hand outstretched. "Uh, I'm sorry man. I hope there aren't any hard feelings."

Well, there were; I was pissed. Not because he'd bullied me, but because he'd made Guy experience something hateful like that, but I was the bigger man here and I knew it.

_What could I say?_

"I'll see you at the expo tomorrow."

I rolled up my window and started the car. Bella leaned over and kissed me before putting on her seatbelt.

The sun was setting as we drove home; Bella said something about how pretty she thought it was and when I pulled up to the next stop light and looked over, she was snoring softly, her head against the window.

When we pulled into the driveway, I almost felt guilty waking her, but sleeping in the car couldn't be comfortable and she'd feel much better in her own bed. I shook her gently and she sat up, yawning and stretching.

"Sorry I fell asleep."

"It's okay, love, you were tired. Come on, let's go in so you can get ready for bed, we have another long day tomorrow."

We went in and I began to do what I could for myself before Alice came to help me shower. I felt grimy and had almost wished the shower was something Bella and I could tackle on our own safely. I was a little jealous when she came out of her room showered and looking refreshed before we left for the carnival, knowing it would be hours till I could have one of my own.

I laid out everything I'd need after my shower before I went into the bathroom and began my evening routine. I heard Alice talking with Bella for a good fifteen minutes before she came into my bathroom to help me get things taken care of and dressed for bed. When I left the bathroom and entered my room, Bella was perched on the edge of my bed, her little feet rested on the mattress, and knees drawn up to her chest as she hugged them. She'd slept in my bed every evening since Alice had moved out, and truth be told, I'd really be lost if she quit sleeping there. She looked nervous, and I was worried that was exactly what she had in mind. She loved her room, why would she want to sleep in mine? Hers was so light and airy, where mine was dark and most definitely more masculine.

"Um... ", she started, but faltered.

"What is it Bella?"

Alice butted in, impatiently, "Just ask him Bella. You know he won't mind."

Bella blushed and looked everywhere but at me.

"Mind what?"

"Well, I've been sleeping in here so much. Could I... "

_Yes, please. I wish you'd stay in here every night._

If I was reading her correctly, she'd been thinking the same thing I had. So I blurted it out.

"Would you like to just move your things in here Bella?"

"It would be nice to have a guest room on this floor." She said, avoiding my gaze.

It _was_ a lovely room... but on the other hand, it was hers.

"Are you sure? I want you to have your own space... "

She giggled, "Well if you piss me off, it's not like I can't still use it." Then her expression turned serious, "And if Charlie comes to visit or something, it would probably be good if it at least _looked_ like it was still my room."

"In this day and age, it's not all that uncommon for couples to sleep in the same bed. He probably suspects... Well, we _are_ both consenting adults."

"So... "

"So, I'd love to share my room with you, but only if that's what you want. I don't want you to do it just because it's more convenient."

"I really like waking up next to you."

"Oh, baby, I love waking up next to you, too."

"You've got the better bed, too." She giggled.

"You have the nicer view; do you want to move us into that room instead?"

"No, you like your room, and your furniture would be all wrong in my room. No, this is better."

"Okay, then. Maybe we can move some of your things in here as soon as the expo is over. Since I'm not going to rehab anymore we'd have some time. I've got plenty of room in my closet and my mother's dresser is completely empty. You're welcome to use it."

Bella was still in her clothing from the carnival. When she yawned again, I suggested a nice bath. "Why don't you go take a bath, love? I'll have Al help me get in bed, and then when you're done you can come get settled for the night. I'll be out of your way and you can get comfortable."

"Okay, Good night Alice. See you in the morning."

"'night Bella, sweet dreams." I watched her until the door to her room closed behind her. When I heard the shower come on, I pulled out my phone. "Just give me a minute Alice; do you have time for me to make a phone call?"

"Sure, do you want me to give you a few minutes?"

"No, it's fine. I just wanted to call Bella's dad and see if they were still coming up to surprise Bella. He's on the last phase of his project, and there might be some neat ideas for him to incorporate. He's at the point where it gets fun, you know, adding little gadgets and what-not. She's going to be so surprised when I take her home for her birthday."

"And you? How will you do? Can you handle it, or will it be too much?"

_Would it be too much?_

"Does it matter? This is for her. I wouldn't begrudge him this. What he doesn't know won't hurt... "

"Just don't get in over your head. Okay?"

"I'll be fine. Now let me make this phone call or she'll be back and I won't get the chance."

When I called the chief, he sounded pleased to hear from me. He affirmed that they would be coming up to surprise Bella the next afternoon, and when I offered dinner and a place to stay for the night, he hesitated. I heard Sue in the background, as she told him how much she missed Bella and how nice it would be to spend some time with her.

"I guess neither of us has to be up in the morning for anything. We'll stay. Thanks for offering."

"Good, we'll see you tomorrow then."

"Goodnight Edward." It was a relief to get off the phone, I didn't want to rush him, I really did enjoy our visits, but I knew Bella would be returning soon and I didn't want her to walk in on the conversation and for me to ruin Charlie's surprise for her. I knew she was clueless...

It seemed the more Charlie and I talked, the longer the conversations grew, which was a good thing. Charlie and I were becoming closer, he was an alright guy. A little gruff sometimes, but I was no longer intimidated like I was that afternoon at the grill.

I closed my phone just as I heard Bella moving about in her bathroom. She'd be in soon and the jig would be up. "Come on Alice!" I whisper-yelled.

I jumped when she touched my shoulder. "Right behind ya boss, get yourself parked and we'll get this show on the road."

In no time at all I was in bed, my board was on my chair and I was tucked in and comfortable. Alice was turning out my light as Bella was flushing her toilet. "Night Edward, see you tomorrow."

"Be safe, eh?"

"I try."

"Goodnight, Al."

I heard Alice tap on Bella's door and bid her goodnight before her retreating footsteps could be heard leaving us. Bella padded in barefoot and I hadn't even noticed until she was turning down the blankets.

"You have everything you need for the night? She have your dishpan all set up and everything?"

"Yep, I'm good. All set."

She climbed in and kissed me. "I'm proud of you Edward. You didn't let that guy get the best of you."

I frowned, I was in a good mood, I didn't want to revisit something so unpleasant right then. "He was trying."

"He was, and I'm so proud of the way you rose above his cruelty. You're a bigger man than he is, I know it made an impression on Guy."

I could feel myself blushing and was a little relieved she couldn't see. "Thank you."

"I'm not sure if you're even aware that you do it, but like tonight with Guy, you taught him an important lesson. And you showed me, again, that there's nothing wrong with having a disability. You always have this knack of always making me feel good about myself. I love you Edward." She leaned up and gave me a peck on the lips before settling into bed. She wiggled her behind up against me and I wished she could feel my reaction... I wished I _had_ a physical reaction... I didn't want her to think that I wasn't interested in her...

There were so many things I wanted to make her feel good about...

_Could I do that? Would she take offense if I was a little forward?_

I snaked my left hand under her at the curve of her waist. My right hand rested on her hip.

How could I resist? She had made me feel good about myself. I wasn't always this confident... but tonight...

"So, I have a knack of making you feel good?"

"Mmhmm."

"I think I could make you feel even better... if you'd let me."

She drew in a hitched breath before I felt her nod her head.

I caressed the soft skin of her belly as my hand made its way lower and lower. At some point I realized there was nothing under her little nightgown... no panties?

"Bella?"

She shrugged.

I thought back to the night I met _Mr.__Lucky_. She had told me a girl has needs. Oh, I'd kept her waiting... she sacrificed so much for me... no longer... I was going to Reilly in a few days... I was ready... for whatever life had to offer us...

"Is this okay?"

"Mmhmm."

I began kissing her neck, just behind her ear. Her little moans pushed me to the point of no return... once we went there there'd be no turning back... she promised to accept whatever it was I could give to her, no matter what that turned out to be.

_You can do this Edward... give the girl what it is she needs._

It had been so, so long since I'd touched a girl... like that. She was so soft, her hair short and silky. I worked my left hand up, so that it was cradling her left breast. My fingertips caressed her through the silky gown. She was making sweet little sounds as the fingers on my other hand slipped down into her wetness. Her body rocked gently as they worked their magic.

_You haven't lost your touch Cullen. _

When she reached her hand up behind my head and arched her back slightly, the movement pushed her further into my hand. "Does this feel good?"

She nodded... "We're all alone baby, you don't have to be quiet."

"Edward... Ohhhh... "

_Oh baby, I know I can make you feel good._

She shuddered as she came undone and this time...this time when I heard my name... there was no question what was happening... or why she was calling out at an hour when she should have been sleeping.

"Well, I didn't expect _that_when I crawled into bed." she giggled.

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint."

"Um, no, you certainly didn't disappoint." She turned in my arms and kissed me. My lips, my neck, my chest... her tongue lingered as it explored my nipple...

When she reached for my waistband, no doubt to reciprocate in kind, I stopped her. "Not tonight baby. This was all about you. Just a few more days till I see Reilly, I promise I won't shut you out."

"We're in this together."

"I know."

"No matter what happens, we can still have fun. You know... nighttime exploration is kinda like a playground."

I think I snorted. "Well, the main attraction on my playground is temporarily out of commission."

"Perhaps sometime soon you'll let me... ride on the ride?"

_Silly girl. _

"Soon baby, soon... ", She was right though... no matter what we could share... we would make the most of it and it would be enough.

She pulled away and I feared I'd done or said something wrong. "Baby?"

"Sorry, just wanted to get out of the wet spot."

"I didn't mean to make a mess. I know you just got out of the tub. I'm sorry; I wish I could go get something to clean you up."

She sounded sleepy when she said, "It's okay, I hafta pee anyway."

I laid there feeling pretty good about myself while she was gone. She was right, about feeling good... because even though she was the one on the receiving end... I felt good too. My heart had been pounding just as hard as hers had. I was flushed and nearly as excited as she was... I wonder if she could feel it...

I must have drifted off, I felt the bed dip when she got back in. "All better now." She took a warm wash cloth and wiped my hand with it and I snickered.

"What?"

"When I was in med school, one of my classmates had a habit of falling asleep during

A & P class. So a few of the guys waited till he was snoring, and they put his hand in an emesis basin of warm water. Worked like magic..."

"Seriously? I thought that was a bunch of BS."

"Well, it worked with him. He peed his pants."

She laughed, "Well, trust me; I'm not trying to make you pee the bed."

"That's probably a good thing," I said as she returned the washcloth to the bathroom.

When she climbed back into bed she faced me, putting her hand to my cheek. "Thanks for this evening. All of it," and she blushed. "I really did have a great time. I meant what I said too. I'm proud of you. You're a good man and I'm so glad you let me love you."

"I love you too, _thank__you_ for loving me." We kissed a few times before she nuzzled into my neck. I could feel her warm breath on my neck and soon realized that she'd drifted off. I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes. As I relished the feeling of having her in my arms, knowing it would be this way every night, I thought about what I had done... I'd invited her father to spend the night in our home... and I had no clue whether I'd be sleeping alone or not.

Morning came quick and Bella groaned and grumbled when Alice came in far too chipper for anyone at that hour. Bella trudged off to her bathroom so we could get around at the same time and I found her worshiping a cup of coffee when I entered the kitchen.

"Morning love."

"Mmhmm. Morning," she grumbled.

Alice giggled, "I think someone needs more caffeine."

"On my second cup already."

Oh boy, it was gonna be one of _those_ days. I hoped she was in a little bit better state when her father arrived.

We each ate a bowl of cereal in silence.

I noticed that Alice looked a little better. She wasn't so green around the gills anymore. "You feeling better Alice? _You're_ looking good this morning." She was eating too.

"Yeah, I do."

"And your labs all came back."

She looked at me before answering hesitantly. "Yeahh... "

Suddenly hand went to her hip. "Have you been snooping around the hospital server? I swear I'm gonna tell your father."

I shrugged; he'd been known to do it too. And he'd lived to tell... as long as my mother never found out.

Bella looked from Alice to me, not quite understanding. Alice explained. "Your _boyfriend_ usurped the hospital computer server to check up on me."

Bella gasped and turned to me. "Can you really _do_ that?"

"Well, technically... "Alice didn't let me finish.

"Technically, Bella, most doctors and nurses who work for the health system have access to medical records. When I worked as a visiting nurse, I could navigate the computer system and check labs, prescriptions, etcetera of any patient in the health system. Even if they weren't _technically_ one of my patients." Alice interrupted.

"You wouldn't." She was glaring at me, and like Alice, had one hand on her hip, her foot tapping.

I ducked my head. "I was worried about her?"

"I think that's abusing your authority, _Dr.__Cullen._"

I sighed. "It was. I'm sorry Al; I was just so worried about you."

"I understand, really I do, but please just ask me next time. I would have told you."

Then I remembered the thing that had caught me off guard, I'd been so certain… "And there's no bun in the oven."

She rolled her eyes and looked to the ceiling and sighed before giving me an icy glare. "I _told_ you there wasn't."

I hadn't meant to tick her off, but it _was_ an honest assumption. "Well, all the signs and symptoms _were_ there."

The expression that accompanied her retort wasn't a happy one. "Yes, and all the signs and symptoms of having too much stress were there too... Just think... leaving one job and starting a new one... ending one relationship and rebounding into one I wasn't truly ready for... moving in here less than two months ago and already moving out... buying a new house, knowing full well that I'll be moving _again_... "

She _had_ been under a tremendous amount of stress. She failed to mention catering to me all that time or helping my girlfriend move _us_ into a home while I couldn't be there for her… helping Bella through _her_ medical woes…

"I suppose you're right. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."

"You think I don't understand? I've been part of this family for nearly forty years. You doctor types are all the same... sticking your noses into other people's business... I swear... "

"Well, you can't fool me Alice. I know where your heart is at, and it's not with good Dr. Amun. I can see how you look at Jasper, and I can see how this has affected him too. Please just remember how short life is. I can tell you first hand."

"No, you're right. I know." She whispered; her eyes downcast. "I tried to move on. Really I did. I just... I've never stopped loving him. I can't walk away from the other half of my heart... "

"You have to be fair to Omar, too. You can't string him along if your heart isn't into it."

"I'm meeting with him later today. I decided last week I was going to make a decision and stick with it... I weighed all the pros and cons, but there truly never was any decision to make... it's always been Jasper."

"Does Jasper know this?"

She shook her head. "He tried to talk to me over at Rose's. I got out of there as fast as I could. I didn't want him to know how much he still affected me. I hadn't decided then what I was going to do, but I know now."

"You're going to have to work harder on your communication skills, or you'll be right back to square one in no time."

"Yes, you're right. I want to find someone to talk to about that. We are fine with the day to day stuff, but it's the big stuff where one of us panics and shuts down instead of sharing it like we should. We're both guilty of it, and it was our demise. Had I known before what I know now, I might not have jumped to conclusions the way I did. I have some trust issues I need to work on too... We have our work cut out for us, but I'd like to have him back in my life... I'd like to get to be friends first."

Bella squeezed my hand, apparently the fury had subsided a bit. "Friends is a good place to start," she said with a smile.

I had to agree. "It is." I couldn't help smiling... yes... it was a good start... look at how far we'd come.

I glanced at the clock with a start. "Uh, girls, we've gotta get moving. We're supposed to be there in a half hour. If traffic is busy... we're in trouble."

"I'm coming too. I need to spend a little time with my boys... but I'll drive myself. I've got other things to do."

Bella grabbed an armful of paperwork and headed off to the car. She was quiet as we zipped through the morning rush hour traffic. "Penny for your thoughts Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Where are you hon? You seem to be a million miles away."

"I tried to call my dad this morning, but he didn't answer the house phone. His cell must be shut off, it goes straight to voicemail and Deputy Mark is the only person working at the Forks PD. I bet he forgot all about the expo and went fishing with Billy."

"Oh."

"I had hoped he'd come to the expo." I knew she'd asked him, but to the best of my knowledge, he hadn't decided. At least, he hadn't confirmed with her. I drew her away from it, asking about the things that were happening today.

"Well, there is a woman who does raised gardening. She goes from nursing home to nursing home, teaching the elderly how to garden from a wheelchair. It's really caught on. She couldn't be here yesterday."

"That sounds interesting."

"Mmm, it is. She runs in the same circles as Esme. You may know her, I can't remember her name. It's on the tip of my tongue, but... brain fog."

"Is there anything else happening today? Anything different?"

"Yeah, Emmett is going to lead a three on three basketball game with Demetri and Alec. He wants to draw a little attention to his team, he has some more spots to fill and thought it might be a great way to do that. He took a couple portable hoops over last night and set them up. We've got a DJ for this evening too. We're going to have a dance competition and a big bar-be-que."

"I knew about the food, but didn't know about a dance competition. Can anyone sign up?"

"Sure. Why?"

"I was thinking it would be nice if you wanted to be my date, Miss Swan."

"I think I'd like that."

"Would it be considered a conflict of interest if we participated?" I couldn't help laughing.

She nudged me with her elbow. "Nah, I don't think so."

"Sounds like fun."

When I turned into the parking lot, it was already abuzz with activity. People were taking down the cloth walls on their tents and folding them up. Everyone was in various stages of set up, laying out papers and tidying up for the day. I saw Emmett and Tim unloading cases of bottled water and sodas from the back of Emmett's pick-up truck. I recognized his two friends as well. _Good._ It wouldn't hurt them to give a little back. It would do them some good to see how strong these people truly are. In the face of adversity, people with disabilities were some of the strongest, most determined people I knew.

_He had no clue._

Bella was watching the interaction and spoke, probably to take my attention off the obvious. "I think Robin is opening the booth, but I promised to be here early."

"That's fine, let's go see what we can do to help."

She took a hold of my arm. "It'll be okay, Edward. I think he needs to learn a little bit about sensitivity. This will be a humbling experience for him, and if it's not, he's unreachable, although I don't think I've ever met anyone who wasn't affected in an atmosphere like this. How could you not be?" This coming from the girl who had trouble dealing with her own situation not all that long ago. My girl was something else. Yeah, she was embracing it.

Bella went from tent to tent, checking to see if people needed assistance, she did lots of running around and an hour or so into her morning she already looked wiped out. That worried me; it was far too early for her to be tired. I also noticed that her vest was nowhere to be seen.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think I came out of the gate a little too fast. I'm trying to pace myself. I'm going to go take a break at ten. I asked Jill if she had a spare bed. She offered to let me crash in the simulated apartment for a while."

I was proud of her; she'd known her limits and taken control of the situation.

"Good girl. Thank you for taking care of yourself. Where's your vest? You wore it yesterday. It's supposed to be warmer today."

"It's gonna be a big day, if I don't pace myself, I'll be too tired for our date, and don't worry, it's in cold storage in the kitchen. It was a little too chilly to put it on just yet."

"Oh, yeah I suppose it was too cold. I wasn't thinking. I worry about you, can't help it. I'm sorry."

"It's nice to know you care so much." She leaned down and kissed me, patting my cheek. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"Not in the last hour or so."

I heard a throat clearing as she kissed me again and then someone giggled. "I thought I told you guys to get a room." and then the giggler said, "Yeah, room, Eddie." and I groaned. Now I was corrupting the innocent.

Bella giggled herself and pulled away. "Hey Fellas, how's it going?"

Alec and Guy were just a few feet away. Both of them wearing their red tee shirts. "We're good. Jill said to tell you that the cook made a ton of mini omelets and there are a bunch left. We're going around to see who wants some. They're pretty good."

Bella shook her head and rubbed her tummy. "Not me thanks, I'm good."

"Edward? How about you?"

"I might wander inside and partake of one."

"You both look good in your shirts. I hear you're gonna play some ball this afternoon."

"Yeah, it was just gonna be three of us, but a few of the guys from yesterday called Emmett back, so he's got a few groups of three. It'll be fun and Guy's mom said he can be our water boy. Didn't' she Guy?"

I loved the way he was interacting with Guy. The Alec I met in the beginning of his stint in rehab would have never taken to a kid with a developmental disability.

Guy wore an ear to ear grin. "Yeah my _mom_." I had to smile at the way he emphasized the word. I hadn't known if he'd tried it out on Rose yet, but her heart would probably burst when he did. I imagined he didn't remember ever having a mom, according to what Bella shared with me, he was just a little boy when he'd lost her.

"That's great, I'm sure you'll have a great time. It's a very important job."

The smile never left his face. "Yes, Emmett says so."

"I bet he does. He's very proud of you; I know he wanted you to be a part of the team. Congratulations."

"Thanks. Come on Ow-ec." He waved his arm gesturing for Alec to follow him.

"Guess it's time to move on. He's keeping me on task. More than a few minutes at each booth and he's nudging me on." Alec said with a chuckle.

"It's nice to see you hanging out with him, Alec." I felt like his kindness deserved notice.

"Oh, he's a great guy. We've eaten lunch together a few times. We uh, we went to school together. We didn't have any classes together or anything, but everyone knows Guy. We always tried to look out for him. He's a good kid."

_Well I didn't see that coming. Guess you can't judge a book by its cover._

I must not have had a very good poker face.

"What?" he smirked, "You don't think I was _always_ a jerk do you?"

"You surprise me sometimes kid. In a good way. For the record, you had a good reason for acting like a jerk. I'm glad you turned it around, you'd be missing out on a lot."

"Yeah, thanks for that."

Guy walked back over to Alec and taking his hand, tugged on it. "Come on Ow-ec, they're _wai_-ting."

"Let's go then. Bye Edward, Bella."

Bella was smiling and all I could do was shake my head and shrug. "Who knew? Do you have other obligations right now, baby?"

"I was actually gonna go talk to Jill about her student driver program. You want to come along?"

"I'd love to. Why don't you let me give you a lift? You look tired."

"Thanks. Don't mind if I do."

She climbed on my lap and in no time we were sitting in the simulated apartment room. Me with a paper plate and a miniature ham omelet on my lap tray, Bella perched on the bed, yawning.

"Why don't you crawl into bed, I'll wake you if you fall asleep."

"No, not before we talk."

_Stubborn girl_

Jill tapped on the door frame and I couldn't help but smirk. She couldn't have had more perfect timing.

"You look ready to fall over Bella, why don't you stretch out and we'll talk. This won't take long, I promise."

Bella groaned, but complied.

"So I spoke with someone over at the DMV and the process really isn't that difficult. You have to have your neurologist fill out a form stating that he feels you're competent to drive a motor vehicle."

"Well, that won't be difficult to fulfill," I said.

"Hey, no favoritism here Cullen, she needs to get it on her own merit."

I hung my head, feeling properly chastised. "Yeah, yeah... I know… "

Jill laughed and continued explaining to Bella. "We both know you won't have any trouble getting Dr. Jeffries to sign off on it. I already called him and told him we'd be working together, he's behind you a hundred percent. Now, your license wasn't cancelled, it was suspended for medical reasons. You need to have a physical exam, and because of the nature of your disability- seeing how MS can and _has_affected your eyesight, you'll have to pass an eye exam. Once you have the physical and vision reports completed, you'll have to take and pass a driver's exam. You won't need to pass the knowledge test. You didn't lose your license due to some sort of recklessness."

"It doesn't sound too difficult." Bella yawned.

"It's not, it won't be. We'll go out in the dual control car a few times to get you used to driving again, I'll put you through your paces and we'll practice anything that causes you difficulty."

"Mmkay."

"Bella, take a nap. We'll get things set up later in the week. I can have you ready to test in just a week or two; it won't be a long process. You have to get the medical forms completed, but Dr. J assured me that all you have to do is go into his office and pass the eye test. You just saw him in the office, so it's perfectly legal for him to fill out the physical report."

"Kay." Her eyes were drifting closed. I pulled an afghan off the back of the loveseat and draped it over her, kissing her cheek softly.

"Mmm, love you Edward. Just a little bit. I promise I only need a few minutes."

"I'll wake you in a little while, love. Get some rest."

Jill and I left Bella, pulling the door shut softly as we left. I'd let her sleep until she woke. Jill assured me there was nothing that couldn't be handled while she was out.

"Did I tell you the news?" Jill asked as we walked side by side down the corridor.

"Nu, uh, what news?"

"Your builder... he came here today to man the Concrete Change booth. He wants to build a small model home in your development, just a one bedroom open plan that shows many of the attributes of the homes they are building. He has offered it to us to use as our simulated home setting. So instead of the one room apartment within the rehab here, we could offer our patients an actual living, breathing one bedroom transitional house. And your builder would have a working model home that any potential buyer can come out and play in."

I was practically at a loss for words. What an impressive offer. "Wow, that's incredible. What an exciting prospect."

"It's pretty amazing isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's _really_ amazing."

"He's gotten commitment from the city on some sort of a community development block grant to defray the cost of the lot. It would be bought and paid for. The city has agreed to tax exempt status if we accept the offer, and Bob's company in conjunction with Habitat for Humanity has agreed to donate the labor and building supplies. He's going to try to get all of the assistive devices donated from various vendors who want to showcase their products in a residential setting. It's not only a very creative idea, but it's win-win for everyone involved."

"So the rehab will be _using_ it, or will you actually _own_ it?"

"If we agree to use it as a model home and permit them to show it for a period of five years, they will turn the deed over to us. There would of course, be some HIPAA considerations to take into account, but I think we could work that out."

"As long as the patient consented, it's not like anyone would know any of their personal information if a potential buyer wanted to visit. Or you could just schedule your placements around the scheduled showings."

"Exactly, we wouldn't be using it constantly."

"Congratulations, I assume you accepted?"

"It has to go before the board, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to stop it from happening. We'll have to hammer out the disclosure issues as far as how we'll deal with potential HIPAA complications. I'm almost certain it'll be approved. I suppose if a patient has an issue with disclosure, they can use the room here. We _could_ probably leave it as is."

"Wow, I'm really happy for you. What an offer. I'll have to go and convey my appreciation. The world needs more people like that."

"Agreed."

"Your friend Emmett asked me if you would consider taking that _volunteer_ he scared up on short notice around to see the facility. He wanted to do it himself, but wasn't sure what he could and couldn't share- you know more about patient privacy issues. I hope I didn't over-step my bounds, I suggested you'd know better than anyone what was acceptable."

"That guy has some issues. He's the one who roughed me up the night I got drunk, we had a little altercation last night, and Em coerced him into coming here this morning for a little exposure into our world in lieu of explaining to the authorities that he was harassing a couple of disabled guys. I don't really think he's a bad guy when he's sober, I suspect he has a problem holding his liquor. I guess I don't mind. So long as you don't hold me accountable if we brawl on the lawn or something." I added dryly.

I _really__didn't_ want to do it, but I needed to be the bigger man in this. Jill just smiled and shook her head.

And there was no time like the present; perhaps I could accomplish the task while Bella was asleep. She would stress over my well-being, perhaps I could avoid that. "I think I'll go see if he's busy right now then."

"Good man, I knew I could count on you."

"Gee, thanks."

"No problem, Cullen. Make me proud."

"Witch."

"Hah, all the weeks I tortured you and you choose now to call me names. I know you love me... ", She laughed over her shoulder as she walked away.

I noticed Tim was still doing manual work, carrying food to the tent where Em had burned the food the day before. Tim's two friends were behind the table setting up, and they appeared, surprisingly, to know what they were doing.

"Uh, Tim, the doctor who runs the facility asked me to take a few minutes to show you around. She thought your day here would mean more to you if you understood what they do here, the kinds of effort it takes for someone to get back on their feet after a serious accident or illness. I'd like to share it with you, if you're interested."

He seemed hesitant, but nodded. "Yeah, I guess that would be alright."

"It looks as though your buddies are comfortable behind the food counter. Perhaps the visitors today will have something edible for lunch."

"My one friend, Ryan, he's a short order cook at that bar where we ran into you. The other guy is his brother Vern. He cooks in a diner. You're visitors are probably safe from food poisoning. That girl said the big guy, uh Emmett, needed to improve his culinary skills before he served anything that wasn't pre-packaged."

"She's a smart girl. Jill is her name. She's the doctor I told you about."

I stood my chair up and we began walking towards the building. "When I first met Jill, I was fresh out of high school. I was in a serious car accident and was newly paralyzed. Thanks to her, I learned to live as a person with a disability. I had hopes and dreams like every other eighteen year old kid, but they were destroyed in a terrible twist of fate. I lost _everything_ the day I lost the use of my legs. She helped me get most of my life back, in a facility much like this one."

"Wow, man, I'm really sorry. I didn't know." He wore his shame, it was obvious, but I didn't expect what he said next. "I lost everything at about that stage in my life too. Not the same way, but yeah, I can relate."

"When I left the hospital, I went to a very intense rehab up north to try and regain the use of my legs. Instead, I learned more about acceptance of my disability and instead of being an angry young man, I realized that I had to make a choice to let my anger and frustration take everything I had left away from me, or I could act positively and find some sort of hope to cling to. It was while I was in a facility like this one that I decided to become a doctor."

"But you said it happened when you were a kid, either you have that aging disorder or I'm not doing the math properly. She, your Jill, she told me you just got out of here this summer. What did you do take a refresher course or something? You haven't been here since you were a kid. Why would you come back?"

"When we," I coughed, "met, I was wearing leg casts, I don't know if you remember. I was in another accident last fall, I came here to recover and get my life back."

I think Tim was lost for words at that point, he choked out an "Oh," but that was about it.

We were standing in the gym watching several of the patients go through their paces when I heard the squeak of tires on linoleum right behind us. "Don't worry he has that affect on a lot of people."

I had to smile. Tim turned to be greeted by Alec's outstretched hand. "I'm Alec. I heard you talking; I hope I'm not interrupting." Tim shook his head and Alec continued. "I'm a resident here right now. I'm leaving on Friday. If you are looking for a facility for someone you care about, you came to the right place. I owe these people my life, especially your new friend there. I might not be here if it weren't for him."

It was my turn to blush, and before I could respond, the kid was wheeling himself away.

"So, anyway, is there anything you'd _like_ to see, I'm sure Emmett coerced you into doing this. He's all about showing people so they understand."

"Well, his approach works. I um, I'm really sorry doc. I had a rough upbringing and I've allowed it to shape my life. I'm not proud of what I done. I don't know what I can do but say I'm sorry again. I grew up in a place where if you were the smallest or the weakest, you got picked on... I was that guy once, and I guess it made me feel bigger if I could pick on someone a little less fortunate. I never realized that I was still the less fortunate one. You've got everything, and me, I've still got nothing. You were right last night. I'm sorry."

Tim turned and walked away without another word, and I didn't follow him, but instead decided to check on Bella. He had some things to absorb, things to think about. I didn't need to cram my lifestyle down his throat. It's kinda like the old saying about being able to lead a horse to water, but not being able to make him drink. I suspected he'd reconsider his choices in the future. At least I hoped he would.

I tapped on the closed door and Bella told me to come in. I found her standing in front of the full-length mirror strapping her vest on over her top. She smiled when she saw me. "Oh, good, I was hoping it was you. Can you help me put the packets in? A couple of them kept falling out when I'd put it on so I removed them. It's easier putting them in after it's on."

"I'd love to help you baby."

I considered telling her how I'd spent my time during the hour while she was resting, but I caught a flash of light blue and chrome through the window, so I hurried her along instead. "Come on, I think maybe you have some company."

I tugged on her hand and pulled her into my lap. "Get on, I'll drive." She giggled as she got situated and we were off.

When we got outside, you couldn't miss the cruiser. Bella squealed and squirmed in my lap. "Baby sit still, you'll fall and get hurt."

"My dad's here! I thought he forgot about it."

"You don't honestly believe he'd forget something so important to you?"

"You _knew_ he was coming."

"I may have called and invited them to spend the night while you were taking your bath last night. I hope you don't mind."

_"Mind?_No, that's really cool. There are so many things I'd like to share with them. Sue will love the house! Oh I can't wait!"

"I thought maybe we could just get take-out or something. I didn't want to create more work for you, knowing it would be a long day."

"Actually, I have just the thing. I've got a few meals cooked and frozen. It won't be anything to just throw something in the oven when we get home. While everyone is freshening up it can cook. I'll ask Sue to help me put it all together. It's been a while since we've cooked a meal together. I miss doing things like that."

"Does she remind you of your mom?"

Bella snorted, "No! Definitely not. Sue is down to earth, sensible, warm, nurturing... and she's been a close companion to my dad for a number of years. My mother is just the opposite of all those things."

"Oh. I'm sorry; I hope I didn't just dredge up something uncomfortable." We really hadn't talked about her mom much, but she did talk about Sue a lot.

"No, it's okay. I suspect one day you'll have the _pleasure_ of meeting Mom. She's alright and I know she loves me, but she's a hard person to love, she frustrates me. I don't know, when I was a teenager, she was my best friend, but now, as I've gotten older and I can see things from an adult perspective... I can see her irresponsibility and immaturity. I've had a hard time coming to terms with her abandoning us when I was small, and even though I welcomed her back into my life when I was a teen, it's different now. I'm not wearing blinders. I was so happy to have _my__mom_ back, but I can see the whole picture now. I just don't want to open myself up to so much negativity, when I've got so many positive things in my life. My getting sick really brought out her true colors."

"Okay then." This was something we obviously needed to revisit, but not till she was ready. She'd shared bits and pieces, and when we struggled after that rough weekend she explained some of her past, but each piece, as it fell into place, explained more of the puzzle. I wanted to know Bella, all of her, the good _and__the__bad_, the same way she wanted to know all of me. We'd committed to sharing a life together; it was time to be more open with one another.

I thought about the day's schedule Bella had explained earlier. "Hey, didn't you say there was a bar-be-que planned for later?" I asked her.

"Oh, yeah... I completely spaced it. We can just eat here then. Charlie loves picnic food, they'll be fine with that."

"You know you can still spend quality time with Sue. It sounded like they are going to spend the day with us tomorrow before they go."

"Oh, _really?_I like that idea."

When I looked up, I had to smile. Emmett was introducing the chief to Tim and his friends. As far as I knew, Emmett had never met Charlie, unless of course, it when Bella was getting PT from him when she was first diagnosed and her dad was here helping her get settled back into her apartment.

_Way to be subtle, Em._

Bella put her hand on mine to still my joystick.

"Bella?"

"I was going to get down and walk over."

"Why? It's not like he hasn't seen this before." I smiled and she blushed as we both remembered my ill-fated first impression on her dad.

"True."

"You wanna drive?"

First her eyes got big and she looked scared but then she relaxed and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so, now that I know how. Might be fun." She turned in my lap so she could operate the controller and put her hand on the knob.

I realized she had no clue how sensitive my chair was. I drove fast and stopped on a dime. The first thing I'd done when I got home was hook up the computerized controller and turn up all the settings to where I liked them. Bella was n no way ready for that. The last thing I wanted was for it to get away from her and hurt someone. "Be careful, this one is tuned up for more _seasoned_ drivers."

I chuckled when she pulled her hand away from the controller. But I set it back down on the knob and put mine right on top to show her.

"Here, baby, like this." I put gentle pressure on her hand and guided the controller. We traveled smoothly and slowly across the lawn to her family.

"You have very experienced hands, Dr. Cullen."

Well that was a double entendre if I ever heard one. "Not that experienced my dear, unless you're talking about the chair. I'm a novice at other things."

"I refuse to believe _that_ was beginners luck."

"Shhh... you're gonna give away our secret. I thought you didn't want your dad to know yet." My lips were to her ear so she was the only one who could hear, and I felt her shiver when I spoke.

"Point taken."

Sue tugged on Charlie's hand and when he turned and saw us, his face broke into a huge smile. "Edward, Bella honey... it's good to see you."

I switched off the chair before Bella stood up and gave her dad a bear hug.

She turned and hugged Sue, who took her face in her hands and looked at her, like she hadn't seen her in so long. "You look so happy, my dear... so _well._ Is this the man who is responsible?"

I was standing as she asked and I offered my hand. "Edward Cullen. It's so nice to finally meet you, Sue." We'd talked on the phone on numerous occasions during the renovation project, but we'd yet to meet.

Something I couldn't place crossed her face... and before I could make sense of it, it was gone. "It's nice to meet you too, Edward. But a handshake won't do." She came over and put her arms around my shoulders and hugged me fiercely. "You look good. I can't tell you how good it is to _see_ that you've recovered from the accident."

"I am, it's really good to be home, although this is by far the finest rehab facility on the west coast if you ever needed one."

Somewhere a few booths over, I heard Jill laugh and say I was biased.

I promised to spend some time with them after Bella had given them the tour. I was certain her dad would wait until she was occupied before asking me about things he'd seen with her. In his line of work I knew he paid attention to detail, he wouldn't miss anything he felt was important. I was surprised when he walked over and asked me to show him around right away.

"Chief? I thought we'd wait till a little later to do this."

"Bella and Sue have been missing one another. It seems like every time Bella comes home or I come here, Sue has a family obligation or work. They've been playing hit and miss for a while. Well, since Bella got sick. Sue had a sick relative when Bells came home from the hospital that time, so I stayed here and she stayed where she was. Broke her heart that she couldn't be there for Bella and even more so when she found out what kind of mother Renee turned out to be." Charlie shook his head, obviously distressed.

"Hey, come on, tell me about this project. I've seen the pictures, and it looks great, but _how_ is it going? Any stumbling blocks? Everything almost wrapped up?"

"Well I want to be done before her birthday. Last year she was at that Partners thing. We always have a big Labor Day picnic with the Blacks- well, Jakes family, and some of the other guys from down at the rez. Sue and her kids come. Bella always gets out of it, blames it on back to school stuff, but I think she always suspects I'll try to sneak in a party while she's home. I'm kinda surprised she agreed this year.

What'd ya do to convince her?"

_Swallowed my fear and begged her to take me to her home town so I could see where she grew up... even if it was the source of my own personal boogey men?_

I shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe she's just homesick?"

"Yeah, yeah... sure she is. She hates that hick town I call home. Did you know she told me when she was home for Easter that she wouldn't move home because we were behind the times, didn't have the services she needs, so she couldn't?"

"Well, no offense, Charlie, but I can't see how a little town hospital could compare to the services she can get at Harborview."

"It can't. It's that simple. Never realized how far we're behind the times till I met you, son. A father hates to admit these things, especially to the man who's taking his daughter away from him, but you can take care of her better than I could ever hope to. I'm sorry I doubted you, Edward. I'd prefer to look at it as gaining a son rather than losing my little girl."

I don't think I took a solitary breath the entire time he spoke. Was I that transparent? "Well, one day sir, I have no intention of letting her go, but we're not_there_ yet."

"Her mother and I rushed into things and look where it got us. Perhaps if we'd been a little older, a little less stubborn... it might have worked out for us. When the time comes, I'm behind you, both of you. I want her to have what it took me years to find."

"You mean with Sue?"

"She's a good woman. Loyal to her family, loves hard. I'm very blessed son."

"I am too sir. I am too."

The heavy conversation behind us, Charlie and I bonded over grab bars, automatic faucets and extended door knobs. We discussed the attributes of the Aquatower. He admitted that he'd fallen in love with Bella's and wanted one for not only the guest bedroom, but also for his own on the second floor. We discussed the practicality of built in folding benches vs. roll-in shower chairs. He asked me a lot of personal questions I might normally take offense to, but didn't because I understood that he was trying to know me, and to understand my needs... needs that might one day be Bella's as well.

Our final stop was at the concrete change booth, where they provided information on specs for an ADA compliant wheelchair ramp. He said he'd had an offer on free labor to build it, and only had to say the word. Currently, Billy Black was being pushed up a very steep 8 foot long sheet of plywood to get into Charlie's home. Apparently it was getting entirely too difficult for Charlie to get him inside on a ramp with such a steep grade. I explained the inches to foot ratio, and he was shocked to learn that his porch floor which was three feet from the ground should have a 36 foot long ramp connecting it to his parking area.

"One foot of ramp for every inch of height, Charlie."

"And you could wheel yourself up a ramp with that amount of grade?"

"Absolutely. Your eight foot long sheet of plywood? Not a chance in hell. Not even with the electric, here." I said, patting the side of my chair.

"I just had no idea. Bella tried to explain when she was home, but I scoffed at her, I couldn't believe that was the formula for building such a thing. I owe her an apology."

"In my experience, actions speak louder than words. I think she'll understand when she sees your project."

"I'm pretty proud of it, if I do say so myself."

"Can't wait to see it Charlie."

"I can't wait either. It'll be nice to have her home."

Emmett asked for my help. Charlie and I were done discussing his renovations so I excused myself, "Hey Buddy, what's up?"

"I wanted to ask you about that camping trip. I know you asked me if I wanted to shadow you just in case you had a problem. I understand your desire to be independent, I know I'm probably not even gonna see you the entire time... so I was wondering, would you mind terribly if Rose and Guy joined me? I know you offered to pay for my cabin rental; I didn't want you to think I was taking advantage. If it's a problem... "

"_Problem?_ No man... not at all. That's a great idea. You know I'm going to start taking those horseback riding lessons with Bella. They are very close to the cabin, in fact, they use the loggers path, so we're gonna go down and ride a few times while we're up there. Perhaps that is something Guy would enjoy. You should take him down to see the horses."

"I would, but they aren't here today. That's a good idea though. He might be intimidated by them. He spooks easily."

"Oh, give the kid some credit. He'll love them."

"True, if a girlie boy like you isn't afraid to ride... "

"Hey, I resent that comment!"

Emmett guffawed. "You know I'm just giving you a bad time. So... the in-laws come to town? That should be interesting."

"I insisted. Charlie is a good guy. I never met his woman before, but she's pretty cool too. We've talked on the phone all summer."

"Whaddya mean you've talked all summer? I didn't get the impression Bella talked to her dad a lot."

"I didn't say _she_ spent the summer talking with them, I said _I_did."

"Why on earth would you do that? You trying to butter him up so he won't take the blow too hard when you tell him you're gonna marry his little girl?"

"No, not exactly. Although it's a pretty good idea. He's building an accessible addition on his house. He was going to surprise Bella and coerce her to move home over the summer, but he had no idea we were an item or that she'd already committed to move into my house. He'd already gotten the access grant, and technically, since they people on the council knew he was building a guest room so she could _visit_ it didn't disqualify him or anything."

"So let me get this right... you know about it, but _she_ doesn't."

"Correct."

"How's she gonna take that?"

I shrugged. I had no clue. Good, I'd hoped.

"Well, I promised to take her home for her birthday, so... I guess we'll see then."

"That's one helluva birthday gift."

"Sure is. She'll love it as long as he doesn't pressure her about moving home. They've emailed me pictures. It looks great. Jake Black has been kinda supervising the guys from the res. They have a whole construction crew working on it."

"Jake the nurse from the hospital? Works in the ER with Carlisle?"

"That'd be the one. He's pretty cool. I don't think Bella realizes we know each other yet. I'm kinda concerned about how she'll handle the collision of her past and her present."

"I was thinking the same thing about you. Does she know you're from Forks yet?"

"No, I never got around to it. I'm surprised either of my parents hasn't let the cat out of the bag."

"Oh man, you've got them covering for you? That's no good... no good at all. She'll tar and feather you when she realizes what you've done."

"No, I haven't asked anyone to lie for me. If it comes up before we go, I'll explain, if not, I suppose I'll end up letting my guard down while we're there and she'll figure it out. Who knows? I'm playing it by ear."

"I still think you should tell her. Didn't you promise no secrets?"

"We did, but she also said I should wait and tell her about my past when I was ready. I haven't been ready yet. I have to have faith in her that she'll understand."

"Well, good luck with that, buddy."

"Gee, thanks. Was that all you needed?"

"No, actually, there was a real reason for me to call you over. I didn't want to announce it to everyone, but I've got several thousand dollars in donations for the family who needs the van. Some of my clients are businessmen. They were all pretty generous. Anyway, it's both cash and checks, I am so afraid of losing something during the basketball games They're ready to play, I need to get my butt in a chair and get moving before they start without me. Anyhow, it's going to be a while till I can get to my car. Could you see that Jill gets these?" He asked, holding out a wad of paper and bills.

"Sure buddy, I'll take care of it right now."

When I couldn't find Jill, I took the money to her secretary, who counted it in front of me before locking it in Jill's desk. It would be safe there.

Bella was off talking to the kids at their booth, her kids, and seemed to be busy with a handful of guests, so I sat watching the guys shoot hoops. It wasn't an aggressive game, they were all trying to get accustomed to wheeling the chairs while dribbling and shooting. There was a lot of laughter and one could see how much fun they were having.

At some point, Alice brought me a bottle of water, dropping to the grass next to me. I took my hand and mussed her hair up. Her laughter was something I'd missed. "Did you see Omar was here earlier?" She asked.

"Huh uh, I was pretty busy with Bella and her family, seems like everyone wanted a piece of me today. I escorted Tim around the facility trying to expose him to my world... give him an immersion experience if you will. So… did you talk to him? Everything okay?"

"It's funny; I've really tried to keep my feelings in check. He was attentive when he knew I wasn't feeling well, but he didn't pry. He came here to tell me that he had realized that he just didn't have time for a relationship right now. He almost acted like it was a relief. He said he'd liked the idea of having a companion to go to hospital related functions to, but then he smiled and said that he didn't realize when he asked me just how _full__of__life_ I was. He's filled his life with quiet, subdued... dying people."

"And you, my dear, are so full of life."

"I'm a little too outspoken and forward, I suspect. It all made sense to me when he explained his cultural and religious beliefs. The women in his life have always been subdued, submissive... you know... following two steps behind, not leading the way."

I couldn't stifle my laugh, no, Alice was most certainly not subdued or submissive. I was beginning to get a lot more insight into their relationship. No wonder she was miserable. Even full of life, Alice was extremely sensitive to others needs as well. I couldn't begin to imagine how hard it would be for her to play the part of someone else to create a comfortable atmosphere for him.

"He said something about me being so exuberant and enthusiastic; he didn't know how to take me when I began to come out of my shell. I _was_ pretty broken when he met me. I was just going through the motions of life, not really living it."

"I suspect the Alice I know and love was a little more than he bargained for."

"Me too. We promised to remain friends, as cliché' as that might seem. We met due to the circles we run in. We'll encounter one another from time to time."

"So, what now? Have you decided to approach Jasper? I know he's alone. He didn't move forward like you attempted to."

"Um, eventually maybe? I think I need to start working on Alice. Take things nice and easy. I learned that I have co-dependency issues, that even though Jasper and I lived apart… when we're together, I don't function well on my own. I need to gain some independence. Buying this house will be a good experience for me."

"You have some remodeling to do as well, don't you?"

"Yes, there is a little work to do on the house. But I'm not gonna go move in with Jasper like we'd considered. I'm moving into my house, setting it up my way... Your dad said he'd teach me how to do some simple repairs. I think I need to learn some skills of self-sufficiency."

"That sounds like a plan, Al. Just don't string Jazz along, he's pretty miserable."

"I won't, I'll tell him I'm open to spending time with him. I think we need to start our relationship in a healthy way, everyone keeps telling me how important communication is, and that was our biggest obstacle. I'm not above seeing someone to help us learn to be a better couple. I won't make it an ultimatum, but you and I wouldn't even be having this conversation if he and I had talked to each other instead of everyone else."

"Good girl, Al. I'm proud of you."

The smell of bar-be-qued chicken filled the air. My stomach responded, letting me know it was ready for me to begin considering dinner options.

I'd been watching the DJ set up in the parking lot while we talked, and just after the air was filled with a loud crackle, he cleared his throat and announced that the wheelchair dance competition would begin as soon as dinner was done

A few people had already donned white paper squares with a number on them, and I wondered if that was all who would participate.

When the music started, I offered Alice my hand. She stood and I went in search of Bella. When I found her, she was smiling and swaying to the music.

"Hey baby, you still wanna do this?"

"I'm starving. I want to go see what they have set up in the garden before I do anything. The dancing won't start for a while."

"Do you still want to enter the competition? I should go get a number."

"I was thinking that maybe we could just hang out and dance with the music? I don't want to be here all evening watching a dance competition, it doesn't seem as appealing as it did this morning. I'm a little tired. I was thinking that since I don't have to close up and my parents are here, I'd kinda like to keep our options open."

"I'd like that."

Dinner was a lavish spread, catered by a local company. Bella was right when she said the chief enjoyed his picnic food, he filled several plates before going back for a big slab of cake. My stomach ached just thinking about all that he'd put away. For his age, he was still in relatively good shape.

After putting our paper plates in the garbage can, Bella climbed up on my lap. I drove us out front and we slow danced in the parking lot to the music, I found a nice spot full of early evening shade. There was a lovely breeze... it was perfect.

Things were winding down and a lot of the crowd had gone home. I spied Rose just a few feet away from us, dancing with Guy, spinning him and laughing when she dipped him, while Emmett watched. After a minute or two, he joined them, Guy smiled and stepped away, letting Emmett take his place. Instead of stepping away from Em, Rose let her arms rest at his waist. A fair amount of space remained between them, but they were both smiling and I suspected it wouldn't be long...

Across the lot, Alec's chair was standing... the first time I'd actually _seen_ him stand it up since he'd gotten it. His arms were wrapped around Jane's waist, her back to him, his face in her hair. She blushed and giggled when he nuzzled her neck. Demetri sat next to the park bench, laughing at something Alice said.

Charlie had his woman in his arms swaying to the music; Bella whispered something about never seeing her father look so serene. He did look happy... content... But, I couldn't take my eyes off the woman on my lap. She continued to watch her father with rapt fascination before she turned and her arms came up and wrapped around my neck unabashedly kissing me. I was oblivious to the world around me until I heard Guy snickering from a few feet away.

Ever so gently, I used the joystick to move us back and forth to the music. Bella hummed along to the tune, and we danced in our own little world. When the music stopped... Bella and I still were lost in the moment.

Until we heard Alec and Demetri snickering from several feet away.

Bella giggled and resumed our kiss as we watched the sun begin to set.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	48. Chapter 48

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Forty-eight

~Bella~

The final day of the expo was a great day… made even better by Charlie and Sue's surprise visit. We'd talked about it, and he had said he'd really try to make it... but that had been weeks before, and he hadn't mentioned it since. I just never... it was such an unexpected surprise.

We had a great time walking around and visiting with everyone, they both said they learned a lot and never realized just exactly what I did when I volunteered at the CIL. My dad said he walked away with a new sense of understanding... understanding why I'd want to live here with so many things at my disposal, in comparison to Forks... He also said he'd learned a few things he wanted to share with Billy.

_Good luck with that one Charlie..._

Poor Jake said he'd talked till he was blue in the face, about attendant care, accessible vehicles, one of the few accessible apartments in Forks that sat vacant because he refused to leave the rez... You couldn't always change mindsets, that was true, and I understood...

_Charlie had his work cut out for himself._

My heart swelled when I witnessed the exchange of affection between Sue and my father. I'd never seen he and Renee interact on such a personal level, and I'd never seen him so at ease with anyone else. I'd known for a long time that he and Sue were an item, and she mothered me for years to make up what I was missing from my own mother, but Sue refused to publicly show displays of affection while her kids were young. I suppose I understood. Still, it was so nice to see someone actually caring for my dad. I'd known he had feelings for her for so long, but it was rare to see him… well, either of them, so carefree.

The icing on the cake, at the end of the expo, was when our DJ, a CIL consumer named Rob, rolled out into the crowd and announced, "Thanks to all the participants in the event, as well as several anonymous donors, enough money has been raised to provide the beneficiaries of the fundraiser with a new van to transport their son Duncan in."

Our hopes had been to purchase a lift for the family's existing van, they had found one with low miles that could be adapted for their child by a local company, but as the expo went on, more and more donations came in. I had the privilege of helping to tally the proceeds and I had seen sizeable checks from several people I knew, it didn't take long to realize that a _new_ van for the family was a reality, instead. A number of checks that bore the surname Cullen on them had been donated.

Carlisle and Esme had both donated from separate accounts, Alice had donated and there was a fourth that I recognized as a check from a _particular__someone's_ trust fund... he hadn't said a word, but he'd recognize my writing on the thank you note. My heart swelled when I saw it, it wasn't that I was surprised, because that was _so_like him, but he was someone who regularly made random acts of kindness happen and was happiest when no one had any idea other than the recipient.

Not surprisingly, Jill had donated, as well as Drs. Jeffries and Birch, and there was a check from Omar Amun, too. I was a little surprised to see a thousand dollar check from the business account of Olivia's restaurant, but I remembered Edward's birthday and it didn't seem all that odd. Because they wished to remain anonymous, I couldn't really approach any of them and thank them, but I would have the satisfaction of acknowledging the donations on behalf of my organization.

The thing that made the purchase of a new van... one that would hopefully last much longer than an older model, even if it had been refurbished... even more appropriate was my knowledge of Duncan's baby brother's recent diagnosis with Duchennes, as well. Dylan was two, and though the family saw little signs, they were in no rush to seal the fate they already knew to be true. Before Dylan was born, Lisa's OB/gyn urged her to have a genetic study, before having another child with MD, but Lisa and her husband chose to accept what was... because it wouldn't change their love for the child they were expecting, and after birthing their second child... a second _boy_ child who would almost certainly be affected by the genetic mutation their mother carried, Lisa made the decision to ensure that Dylan would be the last to carry on the family name... or their genetic mutation... and underwent the surgery to guarantee that before she left the hospital with her newborn baby.

When I first met Duncan's family, I asked Edward about the prognosis for a child with DMD, the future he explained was bleak at best, but he seemed less troubled when he shared that DMD was one of the disorders his fellow scientists were researching, and while no one had found a way to prevent the mutation, or repair it, they had found a way to utilize stem cells that was promising in that it allowed children with the mutation to continue ambulating. Hopefully they would find a way to ensure that those kids lived beyond adolescence.

One of the best parts of the day was knowing others had volunteered and I didn't have to worry about tearing down, it was nice to be able to just go home and enjoy my parents for a while.

I gave Sue the grand tour of the house, and when I tried to take linens to the basement for her, she took them away, stating that while she and Charlie appreciated our hospitality, they did not want me to wait on them. We watched some classic cartoons on TV and it was time for bed. I could no longer stifle the yawns by the time Alice arrived. I'd had to laugh, as we surfed channels, Sue wanted to watch a medical drama and Edward and I both groaned. We had enough medical stuff in our daily lives; we didn't need to see someone pretend... so Edward asked Sue to stop so we could watch a crime drama. Sue and I burst out laughing and Charlie kidnapped the remote, switching us to old cartoons. Sue and Charlie eventually retired to the basement and I headed off to the shower while Alice was busy with Edward. We were both tired and I couldn't wait for my head to hit that pillow.

From the time we got home, it was obvious that Edward was stressing over our sleeping arrangement. I hadn't been sure how to broach the subject with my dad, so I was relieved while we were watching cartoons, when Charlie asked if the widescreen TV was finally hooked up and would it bother us if they watched some game before they turned in. When he asked if Alice was still using the guest room I told them they could sleep in the basement. I was even more relieved when they retired early. I had every intention of staying in Edward's room, for without me, he wouldn't be able to turn over, and since Alice no longer stayed here, he _needed_ me.

I heard my dad in the kitchen while Edward was in the shower, and he pointedly knocked on my door before bidding me goodnight. "Night Bells. I don't know if you'll be up when we go, we need to leave early."

"I know, I've talked with Sue, we'll be up."

"Alright, I'll see you in the morning then. Goodnight, kid."

"Goodnight Dad."

Suddenly, inspiration hit me and I followed him through the kitchen and grabbed a Coke before returning to my room. The caffeine would give me the added jolt I needed to remain alert, at least for a little while.

Just as I heard him heading off to the basement, I heard the door to Edward's bathroom open and close, while he told Alice he wasn't sure if I'd be in to roll him or not. I grabbed a few things I had picked up at the expo and threw them in a small tote bag. By the time he was refusing to allow her to sleep on our sofa in case I _wasn't_ going to come in, I had joined them, needing to put his concerns to rest.

"I'm here for you, babe. Go home Alice, I'll be here." and I reassured him, "Charlie is in bed."

"Okay guys, I'm outta here. Jane and I planned on taking some things over to the apartment for the guys after I was done, so... I'll see ya in the morning, okay?"

Edward and I both answered her at the same time. "Goodnight Alice."

I sat the bag on my nightstand and crawled in next to Edward. "So, what's in the bag, babe?"

_Always the observant one, aren't you Dr. Cullen?_

"Just a few things."

"What kinds of _things,_Bella?"

I tried to play coy, "Oh, just a few things I got at the expo."

"Oh yeah? What, pray tell, did you find at the expo, Bella? You're a teacher, love, certainly you realize it's not nice to bring things to class if you don't intend to share."

I couldn't contain the giggle that escaped, and I was never happier for the little burst of energy I got from the caffeine I'd just consumed. "Oh, I never said I_wasn't_ sharing... in fact, the things I got are for you."

"_Really?_"

"Oh yeah...," I replied, all the while trying to be a little creative with what I had on my mind and in the bag... "I got a few things from the Pediatric supply company... I was thinking maybe we could _play_ a little bit. Would you be opposed to that?"

He coughed, "What exactly did you have in mind, Bella?"

"Well, I was thinking it might please your Dr. Reilly if we did a little _homework_. And after last night, I thought a little reciprocation on my part might be in order."

"Uh, I'm not...," he faltered.

"Shhh... don't over think this. What are you wearing under those blankets, babe?"

"Scrubs."

"That's all?"

His breath hitched before he uttered "Uh huh."

"May I?" I asked, while reaching for the blankets. He nodded, wide-eyed.

He was already on his left side, facing me. I grabbed on the draw sheet and tugged, gently rolling him onto his back. I shuddered when I realized just how perilously close to the edge of the bed he slept while facing me. One false move on my part and he could end up on the floor. His eyes followed my every move, but he didn't say a word.

"Do you trust me?"

"Mhmm."

I climbed up on the bed with my bag of tricks and sat Indian style, facing him. "I promise I won't overstep any boundaries. I saw some things today, and it got me thinking about our... love life... "

"In the _pediatric_ toy tent?" he choked out.

"One thing I've learned about my disability is that I've become very creative... you know as well as I do... necessity is the mother of invention. We both have some... uh needs... and I thought maybe we could be a little creative addressing them."

"I trust you," he whispered.

"I asked an occupational therapist friend of mine for some suggestions for things we could do to enhance the effects of some of the medication you'll be trialing. He suggested perhaps doing some sensory enhancing exercises could be beneficial... to both of us. This doesn't have to be sexual... just sensual."

"Show... show me?" he stuttered. I couldn't begin to contain my smile.

His eyes fluttered closed and he lay perfectly still. A Greek god, frozen in time... chiseled with beautifully angled features... I had to watch closely to be sure he was still breathing.

I crawled across the big bed taking the dog leash with me... he might need it to help roll... and when I got to him, I tugged on the draw string at his waist, as sensually as I could.

His eyes jerked open and he gasped quietly. "Shh, it's okay, I'm just gonna roll these down a little bit, are you alright with that?" We'd yet to completely disrobe, and I treated his body image issues with respect and sensitivity. The last thing I wanted was for him to be uncomfortable.

He had his lip between his teeth, but nodded his head. I grasped the hem and began rolling the front down... down... down almost to the promised land, when I felt his hand on mine.

I pulled my hand out from under his and placed the loop of the leash over his hand. "Help me get you rolled?" He pulled against the leash as I lifted his hip. I finished rolling the scrubs to just the right place, and gently pressed on his hip rolling him back onto his back.

"After last night, I thought maybe you'd enjoy a little pleasure trip along highway 101. I'd love for you to help me learn what kinds of touch feel good for you. You sure you're okay with this?"

"Um... yes?" he squeaked.

"Close your eyes please? Or I can let you wear my sleep mask."

The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. "The pink one with Hello Kitty on it?"

"That's the one." I teased.

"I think I'd prefer to just close my eyes if that's alright?"

"That's fine." I had a little trouble suppressing my giggles; this was turning out to be fun, which was what I was going for. Something fun and stress free. I just wanted him to feel and let go of some of the tension over this. I knew he was stewing over it, I could feel it every time we got into bed and I let my hands wander. Teasing... when he had no idea what I had in mind... that was a good thing...

"I can't help but think like a teacher... and the one thing that pleases me most is when my students do their homework and come prepared for class... I think you're entirely too serious about this whole thing with Dr. Reilly. Remember what you said Carlisle told you about maintaining a sense of humor in love? Maybe you're spending too much time thinking with the head below your waist and not the one above your shoulders. I suspect Dr. Reilly would be really pleased if you came to him prepared for class... "

Checking to be sure he wasn't peeking, I pulled the first thing out of my bag. It looked so funny. It was called a Porcupine Glove, and it was designed to provide tactile stimulation for children who needed it, but it would be a great way to provide sensory stimulation for my man, too. I knew that certain portions of his body that weren't paralyzed had an exceptional level of sensation... my therapist friend suggested finding those triggers and learning how to use them to our advantage.

I slipped my hand into the glove and letting the silicone _quills_ just barely touch his skin, I trailed it down over his body... from his neck... across his pecs... smiling as I watched the little pink bumps tighten and peak. Dragging the glove down his side, I lingered over the curve of his hip just barely touching the dip in front of his hipbone until he began to squirm... and giggle.

"Shhh... Charlie and Sue are just underneath us. Perhaps this was a bad idea...," I began to retreat, with the glove and he grabbed my hand effectively stopping me.

He was staring up at me now, wearing an earnest expression. "I'll try to be quiet. I couldn't help it, you were tickling _that__spot._"

"_That__spot_, Dr Cullen, is an erogenous zone, and I'm hoping to find most of them before the night is through... but you have to be really quiet."

He tightened his lips, in an effort I believe, to convince me he'd be quiet.

"Eyes closed." He immediately squeezed them shut. My man was compliant... well, but for the giggling...

Putting a hand on either side of his pillow, I leaned in to his mouth and dragged my tongue over his lips, when his mouth opened and he began to kiss me, I pulled back, teasing. "Uh, uh, uh... still baby... please let me do this for you?"

I went back to his waiting mouth, running my tongue over his teeth, slick and smooth and tasting of cinnamon... he remained still until I began to explore his mouth with my tongue... and then he began to reciprocate. I pulled away teasing… before I moved on… lightly kissing over his eye lid and lashes... across his cheek and around to his ear. He was moaning softly as I licked and nibbled the shell of his ear.

"Shhh... remember... company."

He swallowed and nodded, his eyes still squeezed tightly shut. I bent down to his chest and took his right nipple between my teeth, nibbling as gently as I could. I circled it with my tongue and moved on to the other pulling it into my mouth as it stiffened. He whimpered as I pulled away. Teasing and torturing... building him up... but not too much...

I straddled his thighs before I reached into the bag and drew out a long frilly feather... dragging it across his skin as he tried not to make a sound. When I circled his nipples a snicker burst forth and we both erupted in laughter. I was trying so hard to be serious.

He peeked up at me, his eyes boring into my own, trying and failing to keep a straight face... "Titt for tatt Miss Swan... I think you should shed a little clothing as well. If I remember correctly, I'm not the only one with sensory issues."

"Um, I think I demonstrated that my sensory function was satisfactory last night... tonight, this is about you."

But, I laid the feather next to us on the bed, preparing to remove my top and even the playing field a little. You know- maybe heighten his senses a little with some visual stimulation... and he wanted this, who was I to deny him?

I crossed my arms and reached down, grabbing the hem of my shirt. Just as I pulled it up over my head, I felt it... He had taken that feather and ran it down over my breast. Involuntarily, I juked and giggled at the same time, pulling away from him, I lost my balance and in that split second while I was between the bed and the floor, I thought about how I had worried about Edward's proximity to the edge... the shirt was gone... my arms were flailing and grabbing for anything... him... the bed... the comforter... I made purchase with the nightstand... his parent's stained glass lamp hit the floor with a thud about the same time I did. Thankfully, it was leaded and didn't shatter creating a dangerous mess... but it did look a little worse for the wear. Actually, it looked pretty bad.

I thought about what had just happened... and how. I thought of the poor man in the bed above me, who couldn't even look over the edge of the bed to see if I was still breathing, and then... I remembered my father who lay just below us in bed, and I prayed for the first time in my life that he was getting a little something of his own and was so distracted that he didn't hear the commotion I'd just made.

Try as I might, I couldn't contain the noises that bubbled forth. I wasn't sure if I was laughing or sobbing, I had knocked the wind out of myself when I landed, and I was gasping for air. But I didn't miss the unmistakable sound of Edward's long, sharp intake of breath and I just knew he was going to do the only thing he could... yell for my dad. His right hand gripped the mattress, and I grabbed for it.

_"No!_" I hissed.

"Baby, I thought you were hurt."

"I'm okay, it's okay. Shh... God, please don't wake Char...," but before the words fully left my mouth, I realized my worst nightmare had come true, as I heard his footsteps coming down the hall.

"Bells? Edward? Is everything alright?"

My heart was pounding as I threw on my shirt, and I saw the flash of the blankets as Edward flipped them up over himself. My mouth opened and closed, but the words didn't come out. It was Edward who ended up saving the day... or the night, as it were.

"We're okay, Charlie." he said answered.

"Can I come in?"

"Uh... yes?" I squeaked.

"How do I... "

"Oh, push the button." Edward instructed as I pulled myself up by the edge of the nightstand. The lamp was a lost cause, I realized as I picked it up.

Charlie barged in, surveying the room, trying, I was sure to read the situation, and it looked just as he probably had imagined. "Bells, oh my gosh! Are you hurt? What happened? Have you cut yourself?"

"What? _No!_ I fell... um... trying to turn Edward. I'm sorry if we woke you."

"Um, do you always turn him with a feather?" my dad snorted, his eyes settling on our, sadly broken, new toy.

_Shit!_

"It really wasn't what you think it was... It was an exercise in sensory awareness..."

"Well, my sense of sound is quite aware... and my sense of sight tells me that your shirt is inside out... a father doesn't want to know these things about his little girl... I don't care how old you are."

"But...," I sputtered. I didn't want him to think he heard... well... what he had _heard._

He held his hand up to stop me. "Don't explain. I understand, really I do, I just don't want to _think_about it, okay?"

_No, I suppose he didn't._

"I'm going to make only one comment... How would you feel if it were Sue and I that you were hearing, knowing full well what was occurring?"

My stomach lurched in the worst kind of way. "Point taken Dad, thanks for that visual, by the way."

He just smiled and said "Thought you'd see things my way. I'm going to go down and _try_to get some sleep now."

I bit my lip to keep from having an outburst, while my calm, cool and collected boyfriend wished the parents goodnight... again.

As soon as the door slid shut, we both burst out laughing.

I climbed back into bed and Edward nudged me. "You know, there is a way to lock that, right?"

"Mmhmm. But I don't think he'll be back."

Edward laughed, "No, me either."

I looked at the broken lamp. "I think I killed your parent's lamp. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, it wasn't some priceless heirloom, it was just a lamp."

"I really liked that one though."

"We can get a new pair. Maybe you want to take the other one out next to your chair. It would be great for reading."

"True... we killed your new friend, too." I said holding up the broken feather.

"What a shame."

"I'll get us another."

"_Good._I think I feel worse about the feather than the lamp." and we both laughed again. Yes, a sense of humor _was_ good. I reached to clean things up, the party sadly over. I picked up the bag, stuffing the feather inside. As I turned to take everything back to my room, he grabbed my wrist.

"Wait."

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Putting this stuff away."

"_Nuh__uh._" he whined.

"But, my dad... "

"Has gone back downstairs, and is probably hiding his head under his pillow as we speak... just in case."

"You really..."

"...want to know what else is in the bag? _Absolutely!_" He finished with a grin as he flipped the blankets back revealing our play land.

"Okay, well, first things first...," I started, as I gripped the draw sheet, sliding his butt to the center of the bed. "Neither of us is going to risk falling on the floor again; not while my dad is right below us." I reached under his knees and slid his legs to the center, and he pulled on the leash aligning his torso.

"From now on I think I should be the one to undress you, Bella." He reached for the bag and I pulled it away playfully.

"Uh, uh, uh...," I teased, shaking my head.

"So, what else is in the bag, Bella?"

"You know the rule... eyes closed..._Oh!_ And keep your hands to yourself." I giggled. I reached inside the bag and felt around until soft bristles rubbed over my fingers.

_Perfect._

The sensory brush I'd gotten had fairly stiff, but flexible nylon bristles, but they weren't at all pain inducing. I began by rubbing it along his hairline and he purred. I switched hands and teased the other side. When I raked it down over his chest, he stiffened in anticipation. I teased spots on his sides, under his arms, his neck, his arms, his torso... before he could laugh, I moved on... lower and lower and as I hit each spot that made him gasp or jerk from my touch, I committed that little tidbit to memory. Because, one day I would worship his entire body, and I didn't want to forget one sensitive inch.

I set the brush on the bed and felt around for something else. The cool metallic links were at the bottom of the bag. I pulled it out and dangled it over him. "This might be a little cool." I dipped the metallic teardrop down until it hung just above his flesh. He gasped when it touched him, but lay still while I teased and tantalized him with the silver chain.

"That feels kinda nice." he whispered.

"Did you not like the last one?"

"I did... "

"But?"

"It was slightly abrasive... this is... cool and sensual... and nice."

_Hmm..._

"More?"

"Yes, but I really need to watch. Please?"

I nodded and waited while he raised the top of the bed slightly. I dragged the chain down his arm, following its path with my tongue, nipping and nibbling the crease of his elbow. His breathing picked up and his torso wouldn't remain still. I moved to his abs, worshipping them with my lips and tongue before I dipped into his navel and circled round and round, once twice, thrice. My tongue followed the path of his goody trail and I went as low as I could go without breaking my promise. "Oh God baby, you have to... I need to...," and I pulled away.

"And you were so afraid you'd never respond... I think you just needed the right teacher..."

"Oh, you're an excellent teacher, Miss Swan. I just wasn't aware you were so knowledgeable in anatomy and physiology." he teased.

I leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Ready for more?" making him shudder.

"Please?" he begged, sounding more than slightly desperate. He was enjoying our game as much as I was, and didn't want it to end.

_Good to know._

I watched him relax as his lids fluttered closed.

"Hmmm...," The next time I dipped my hand into the bag, my hand grasped something cylindrical and slightly fuzzy. I pulled it out with a smile. When I clicked it on, and the buzzing began I saw him flinch.

"Its okay baby, trust, remember? I promised not to step over any of your boundaries. I won't. No peeking," I whispered into his ear, smiling when he shivered...

~Edward~

_Trust._

"Okay... "

"No peeking." She whispered in my ear, and the buzzing continued... something soft and squishy tickled me... under my ear, along the path of my jaw... down my neck... I tried not to squirm. I couldn't control my head as it was pulled voluntarily into her touching and teasing...

"Ahh... and we have another one...," she marveled.

At her prompting, I placed my hands above my head. The tickly squishy _thing_ continued to buzz and wiggle as is made it's way from my fingers down the palm side of my wrist, as she neared my elbows again, I flinched and she giggled, then licked and nibbled and blew...,"_That_ was exactly the reaction I was looking for."

Her tongue trailed down my arm towards my axilla, followed by the toy. "It's called a vibrator tube, baby. Do you like it?"

"Mmhmm...,"

She began picking up the things that littered the bed, explaining as she straightened up.

"They're all tactile toys for children with sensory needs... my goal was to prove to you that a little foreplay game that combines all of your senses can lead you to pleasure, even if you don't come to a typical climax every time. Was it good, are you enjoying yourself?"

_Enjoying myself… was a gross understatement. _

"More than I ever thought possible."

"Lets roll you over love, I'm not quite done yet," she whispered.

_Oh baby. It's late and you've had such a long day._

Doctorward didn't want her to overdo it... "You've gone above and beyond baby; I don't want you getting tired."

But she knew when it was too much... "I'm fine, Edward, I know my limitations. _Trust._ Please?"

Oh, it was hard for me to just be the boyfriend and trust blindly when she said she wasn't in too deep...

"Alright, but just for a short while?"

She handed me the leash. "Help me roll you?"

_Gladly, baby._

I tugged with all my might while she pushed from the far side of the bed. I tucked my arms up to my chest, as I rolled, so I had a way to push off when she was done.

I heard the click of something opening. The scent of cinnamon and oranges filled the air. It was cold as she ran it all over my back. I squirmed, and giggled like a little kid, until she climbed onto me, straddling my hips and putting all her weight into her hands. Up and down she massaged, over and over, paying attention to my shoulder blades and my neck and then down over my obliques. Eventually, I felt her slide off and onto the bed next to me. I could feel her fiddling with my scrubs and remembered she had rolled them down. My body was limp... like jello. She leaned up and whispered in my ear that she was done, giving me butterfly kisses before she got off the bed. "Okay, I know you're all relaxed now, but can you help me get you back over?"

"Can't I just stay like this?" I whined.

"Nope, sorry mister."

"Awww... it feels so good."

She chuckled before she gave me a little smack on the ass.

She pushed the loop under me, but I refused it, explaining that I could do it from here. But when I was on my back, I was in the dead center of the bed.

"I don't...," I began.

_Where would she sleep?_

"Hey, it's okay. I was thinking that since we're sleeping together, and since I get up to help you with the catheter and to roll... I could just switch sides when you roll. For some of the night I can sleep facing you and some of the night, we can spoon with me behind you. I was worried about you falling out, but after tonight, I just wish... "

"We'll try it."

"Was tonight alright? I don't know... I uh...," she hesitated.

"It was perfect baby. You were so creative. Teachers know best... I loved your lesson plan. I'll do homework with you any night of the week." I waggled my eyebrows trying to be silly and she giggled.

"Just remember that when you go to see Dr. Reilly on Friday, okay?"

"Oh, no, I'm going to call Dr. Reilly's office tomorrow to see if they've had any cancellations."

She pulled the blankets up over us and got situated, facing me. "Edward, I think you are a great student and I will enjoy teaching you more about anatomy and physiology. Maybe you can teach me a few things as well."

"Bella, I'm sure a live specimen is much more receptive than a cadaver to learn on and I'm looking forward to it."

She punched my arm and I yelped, rubbing the spot. "Damn baby that hurt." The girl had a mean hook.

She leaned in and gave me a smooch. "Good night Edward. I love you."

My body felt like a lead weight that had sunk into the bed as I slept. Our little game had been invigorating, tantalizing and totally draining... in a wonderful kind of way. That coupled with the back rub I'd received left me in a state of relaxation that I don't think I've ever experienced before. When she shook my shoulder I opened my eyes with a start, finding it was Alice who was peering down at me.

The unmistakable aroma of a Bella created breakfast hung in the air and I wondered if we'd passed out and slept all night. But I was facing the opposite direction, and the dishpan was filled with the telltale bags of liquid gold. Well, I relieved myself, and I was rather surprised when I didn't even care how it had happened. Had Bella had to help me?

"Your girl is in the kitchen dodging questions as if they were bullets. Now that I'm in here, I understand... sort of... care to tell me what happened to your mom's lamp?"

"Nope. None of your bizz, same way it's none of Charlie's... or Sue's. It was all completely innocent, and no one got hurt. That's all you need to know."

"But... ", she sputtered.

"Need to know basis, Al. If we'd gotten into trouble, you'd be the first person I'd call... but we didn't. I appreciate everything you've done to encourage us both, but what goes on in here is between us. I won't sully any moment I share with her by telling someone else."

"Okay. I understand." she replied, but I could tell that she was feeling a little deflated. I didn't really think she understood… up to this point, she'd been an integral part of our day to day lives, and she knew how hard we'd fought for this. She was invested in our love life too, in a sense... so I gave her enough to ease the tension.

"She bought some things at the expo in order to show me that parts of my body I thought were long dead, really can respond to touch. It was very sweet and intimate, and while it _wasn't_ sexual in nature... it was quite possibly the most sexual experience I've ever had."

Her expression was one of confusion. "I'm not trying to be cryptic, Al, I've just...," I sighed rubbing my face. If we were any other couple, no one would care. "There are going to be times where you may have no choice but to know _exactly_ what has gone on, but I'm trying to maintain some modicum of discretion here. I promise I won't expose you to anything I can avoid, and I'll keep everything I can between just Bella and myself. There are going to be times when we need your help, I just don't want our relationship to be awkward or uncomfortable, not for any of us."

"No, its okay, I really do understand, and I respect that, but we better hurry so you can maybe relay some of that to her family. She was squirming when I came in."

We hurried through my routine and I decided to forego the shower until evening. When I skidded into the kitchen, Charlie sat at my table, back in the corner, with a mug of coffee, his face buried in the paper.

Bella and Sue appeared to be bonding over whatever it was that smelled so wonderful. On the counter was a bowl of something that resembled pancake batter and next to it a plate of apple rings. I went to the coffee maker and poured myself a cup of coffee. When I had it just right, I drove to the table and set it down at my spot. Just as I got situated soft hands snaked around my neck from behind. "Good morning love, I hope you're hungry."

"I wasn't until I got out here, what smells so wonderful?"

"Sue is teaching me how to make her mother's apple fritters. I've only ever had them a few times, but they are to die for. It might sound a little unorthodox, but I was hungry for corn fritters too, so we're making them since we have the hot fat frying."

The man in me cheered for something delicious and different and apparently sinful, while the doctor nudged me, reminding me that something so heart stoppingly delicious should be enjoyed in moderation.

_Shush you!_

"The apple fritters sound scrumptious, but the corn...," I shook my head, "I don't know about that one."

She leaned in close to my ear and whispered..., "_Trust._"

I shuddered, and the chief grimaced. If he only knew...

A plate with several slabs of apple which had been battered and fried sat in front of me. They'd been sprinkled with cinnamon and powdered sugar, and I wondered if this was what heaven looked like. "Careful, they're hot." Sue warned as she handed a matching plate to Charlie. Bella placed a bowl of cooked oatmeal in front of me, not the microwave kind, but the stuff mom used to make on the stove with brown sugar and raisins. A pitcher of milk sat between us.

As I started in on my oatmeal, Alice came in and excused herself, saying she'd see us at bedtime. When Bella offered her a plate, she declined, explaining she needed to head over to rehab to see her _boys_.

Why did that momentarily make me feel like chopped liver?

_Jealous much?_

I should feel ashamed of myself... and I did.

Bella put a stack of goodies on a paper plate and covered them with a sheet of foil.

"Here, make sure you share." Alice left out a maniacal laugh while shielding the plate with her body as she made her way out the door.

_Yeah,__they'd__be__gone__before__she__got__across__town._If she didn't have a blister later to prove it, I'd be surprised.

I was finishing my oatmeal as Bella finally sat down. She set down a plate of something that sort of _looked_ like pancakes, but certainly didn't smell like pancakes. I eyed them with a measure of distaste.

_Beware of food stuffs masquerading as other things..._

"Have you ever had a corn fritter?" She smiled.

I shook my head and swallowed. "No... no, I... don't think so."

"Oh, _but__you__must_!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.

I was still shaking my head as she tore one in half and the corn tumbled out, before dunking it in maple syrup. It made me shudder.

_Eww._

Dripping and greasy she held it in front of my mouth.

I shook my head, vehemently. _No,__I__didn't_want_to__try__it._

"Come on Edward, live a little."

"Nu uh."

She rubbed it on my lips and without permission, my tongue peeped out to clean it off.

"You don't know what you're missin' Edward. She makes them like Grandma Swan used to. They're the best." Charlie encouraged.

Somehow corn and flour and eggs and syrup just didn't seem appealing, at all.

_But, for her? _

Resigned, I nodded. The loveliest grin burst forth on her face before she shoved the sticky mess towards my mouth a second time. It hit my taste buds and I _wanted_to grimace on principal alone... but... I think I moaned instead.

Charlie clapped me on the back. "Told ya!"

I moaned my way through breakfast and when it was done, Bella stepped out so she could shower and dress. Sue and I visited a bit, she asked questions about the house and my job, and suddenly, when Bella reappeared, the chief announced that it was time for them to go.

"I have the evening shift, Bella. I need to be there to relieve Mark." he explained.

Sue wrapped Bella up in a bone crushing hug and rocked her back and forth. "You did good, sweetheart. He's gorgeous, and your home is lovely. I'm very happy for you." and looking over Bella's shoulder she grinned at me. "For both of you." I could feel myself blushing with embarrassment.

A moment later, I found myself in her embrace and she emphasized again how nice it was to finally meet me. We followed them out, and stood on the porch watching them as they pulled away.

I let out the breath I'd been holding.

"What was that all about?" she teased. "He's all bark, but no bite."

"He still intimidates me a little." I admitted. It was so much easier talking to him on the phone. "Especially after last night."

"He understands, and he'd never purposely embarrass you... he just doesn't want to think about his only daughter in those terms."

"Yeah, I get it. I'd probably go all cave man on any guy who tried to put the moves on my little girl."

"Yeah?" She had that contented, happy look that she wore when our future came up.

"It would be nice one day, wouldn't it?"

"I can't think of anything I'd rather share with you. You'll make a great dad."

"Speaking of which, I guess I have a phone call to make."

"I'm gonna just go down and strip the bed, make sure nothing else needs straightened in the guest room. Let me know if you need me for anything." Without stating the obvious, she had given me space to do what I needed to do, but still let me know she was here for me...

_How did I get so lucky?_

The call was over quickly, and when she came into the laundry room, I'd already started the washer and added the soap. "Hey, thanks. You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't mind."

"So, can you get in any sooner?"

I felt myself flush and I looked away. "Yeah, four o'clock."

"Hey, look here." She dropped the laundry and took my face in her hands and turned it up so I had to face her. "We're a team, Cullen, remember?"

"I know." I mumbled.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Would you be upset if I went alone?"

"Nope. But if you change your mind, I'd be more than happy to, even if you just want me to sit in the waiting room while you're inside. No pressure though. Whatever you need, okay?"

I reached up and took her hands in mine and pulled her to my face, kissing her softly.

"Thank you."

"I love you. You're welcome."

"I love you, too."

"It'll be okay, no matter what happens. We had fun last night, right?"

_We__did._I nodded.

"And the night before?"

_Mmhmm..._"Yes... "

"I rest my case. Nothing to worry about, _see_?"

"I know, I just... "

"Shh, none of that. I've got just the thing to distract you for a while." I wondered what was left in her bag or tricks...

"Oh yeah?" I couldn't help the smirk or the waggle of my eyebrows.

_"Oh__yeah,_we've got a kitchen to clean...," she giggled, slipping the laundry into the machine and then pulling on my hand as she led me towards the kitchen.

The girls had cleaned as they worked, so there wasn't a lot to do, but I grabbed my dishpan and cleared the table. "You weren't a busboy in a former life were you? You seem to have that down to a science," she teased. If Esme knew, she'd have a heart attack.

I started the water and wiped the sink out. When it was clean, I began to fill it with the things I'd gathered. "I bussed a few tables back in the day. When I first started college, money was tight. My case hadn't been settled, Esme hadn't worked for a few years because she'd been caring for me... I just couldn't ask them for money. So, till my medical expenses all got paid and the purse strings loosened up a little, I did what I needed to for extra cash." We talked as we washed and rinsed, it was a comfortable easy conversation.

"So you bussed tables from a chair? Was it hard? You know... keeping up?" she asked, earnestly.

"Nah, not too bad. It was a small mom and pop diner. They were good to me. I carried a pan a little bigger than a dishpan. After a few catastrophes, I learned how to maneuver around without dropping anything. I'd have never been able to work in a busy establishment." Truth be told, it was one of the first jobs I'd ever had, and I enjoyed it.

The owner was a grandfatherly type, they were good to me, and the food was a lot better than they served in the campus cafeteria. "I did it for a year or two, till I was so buried in studies that I couldn't possibly handle it all. By the time I had to quit working, the wrongful death and personal injury cases had been settled and I didn't feel so bad asking for the things I needed. They fed me till I graduated though. He died while I was at A & M, and she closed the place." I hadn't thought about them in so long. Bill and Peg were their names...

She frowned before she turned her attention to something out the window, "I see Demetri having to work to help put himself through school." I could tell she was worried and I reassured her the only way I knew how.

"He'll find his way in the world. Things are so much different for a kid with a disability now. When I had my accident, the ADA wasn't quite a year old. There were a lot of gray areas, places were non-compliant and got away with it. Things are much different now."

"I worry about him, his parents have all those kids and I know they are struggling."

"They are, but his medical expenses were paid for by the company he worked for, and I'm sure he's gotten or will receive some form of compensation for the accident. Don't worry love, I know you want to save the world, but he'll be okay."

"I just can't help but worry about him, he's just a kid." I knew she couldn't just turn the teacher in her off.

"He's the same age I was, and I turned out okay didn't I?" I slipped the last plate into the rinse side.

She dipped down for a kiss before she began drying the plate. "You turned out just fine, Cullen."

"Thanks, babe."

She hopped up onto the counter and I smiled at her agility. She appeared to be having a good day. "So, how hard do you think it'll be to get my license back? Think I'll have trouble?"

"No, not once you go out with Jill. She'll make sure you're comfortable. It's not like it's been all that long, only a few years." I took the dishcloth over to the table and wiped everything down. When I rinsed it, I began on the counter, nudging Bella out of the way when I got to her perch.

She hopped down and was chewing her nail as she stepped out of my way. "I'm just afraid I'll be nervous and screw up."

"And if you do, you'll retest. It isn't costing you anything, and when you're ready to test, you can drive our car." I reassured her. "Have Jill take you out in it, get used to it. I'll drive you over and hang out for a few hours while you're there. It's no biggie." That seemed to brighten her mood.

"You sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all, Bella. Maybe we can work it out for the times when I'm seeing my favorite head shrinker."

"Mmkay."

"I'm gonna go read over some stuff Jeff sent over. Do you need me for anything before I go check it out?"

"No, go ahead. I want to start dinner soon. I thought I'd roast some pork, and then we can make pulled pork barbeque with the leftovers some other night."

"Mmm, sounds delicious. I can't wait." I grabbed the folder off the kitchen desk and headed off to my study. It was a new trial they were using in pediatric MS. I couldn't wait to get back into the lab, and this information was so promising... It had been a long time since I'd had the urge, but suddenly I was missing my work, and I worried about how I'd be able to juggle all of it.

My career, my time in the lab working off my student debt, the hours I'd be expected to cover on call... where would Bella fit in? I felt sick suddenly, how was I ever going to be able to devote a satisfactory amount of time to each of the things I loved? How could I ever put anything above her? She'd become my life, but for all those years it had been my career that I'd lived for...

I pulled my dad's old desk phone onto my lap. It was crazy I still had the old thing, but I couldn't bring myself to replace it. The rotary dial took forever, and it still had the foam wedge on the receiver so it could be cradled hands free. Carlisle answered on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Uh... I...," I struggled.

"Edward?"

"_Dad._" I breathed out.

"What's wrong son? Is Bella okay?"

I tried to clear my thoughts before I answered.

"Son? Are you there?" and in the background I heard him say, no doubt to Esme, "I'm not sure, it's Edward."

"I... Jeff sent me some homework to read over and I was thinking... _what's__wrong__with__me__dad?_"

"What do you mean?" He sounded confused.

"I must be crazy to think I can have a job, and a fellowship in the lab, and a personal life... how am I going to ever begin to fit Bella into the equation?"

I could hear him laughing softly before he whispered, "Its okay dear, he'll be fine." and then he addressed me, "You'll learn how to prioritize. You've already accomplished the hard part. I'm sure that Jeff will be a little more understanding. He knew you covered more _family_ time before so he could be with his wife because you were single. He likes Bella, she's his patient, he'll be fair, and don't forget you have a third doc now. The two of them are handling the caseload at the office and they both have families."

"But the lab... I have an obligation there... I have a huge student debt to work off." Working in the lab has offset a huge amount of my monthly obligation. "I'm committed for nearly two more years. They aren't going to be nearly as understanding."

"No... but, you said yourself, it's not forever... two years isn't that long."

"It is when you're trying to build a solid foundation under a young relationship."

"Have you discussed this with Bella?" he asked, taking me back to that day when she went with me to have my casts removed.

"Yeah we did...,"

"But?"

"But, it's been a while... she said she understood, but I don't see how she possibly could."

"Give her some credit, son."

"But...," I stuttered.

"Edward, she lived with her father for a number of years."

"I don't see how...,"

"He was the chief of police. You said yourself there were times that she had to fend for herself, sometimes for several days at a time."

_And she had... _

"Edward, this summer has been a wonderful way for the two of you to bond without outside obligations, but she has a job to return to as well. She'll have lesson plans to write, homework to correct, and her volunteer work with her kids... I suspect she knows how to keep herself occupied."

"I guess you're right."

"Your mother would like nothing more than to spend time with her, as well. She'll be fine."

"You don't think we'll drift apart... I mean... "

"I think you should explain your concerns to Jeff, and I think you need to discuss it with Bella. Your schedule now is fairly stable... and if you find you simply can't spend that much time apart, you could always forfeit your position at the lab and just use some of the trust to pay down the loans."

"You fought so hard to help me keep my spot after the accident. I'd feel like I'm letting you down."

"You fought _harder_ to get in. But leaving isn't a decision to make lightly, if you leave when the going gets tough... well, it's a competitive program and they are very selective. I think you need to make that one together but don't rule it out as an option you could consider. Your mother and I are behind you either way."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Your welcome, Edward. I'll talk to you later."

I bid him farewell, and he was gone...

I picked up the manila folder and began to flip through it. It wasn't long and I was engrossed... yes, this was what I lived for. The first packet contained notes on a control study of children with MS and the presence of Epstein Barr virus. The antigens for the virus occurred in nearly eighty-five percent of the patients in the control group, suggesting a strong association between EBV and Pediatric onset MS. I found myself engrossed and soon I was reading other studies that suggested an association between Epstein Barr and the development of MS. I spent several hours reading over the reports, and pulling up others from the internet. There was an initiative to create a vaccine to protect against EBV, but none had yet been successful, and once the virus took up residency in a body, even though it often lay dormant as a latent infection, there were currently no measures available to eradicate it.

Our lab had received funding to begin work studying how EBV altered the DNA of B-cell lymphocytes, causing them to lose the genetic coding that allowed for the natural process of cell death, instead allowing the white blood cells to harbor the latent virus. We knew that the T-cell lymphocytes kept the B-cells with EBV in check, preventing them and proliferating... as a result, the virus usually never became strong enough to cause illness a second time... in most cases. When it did re-occur, it caused infectious mononucleosis, and certain lymphomas. Jeff was hoping to persuade me to become involved with the study when I returned to the lab. With a pediatric neurologist on our staff, it would be an asset to learn as much as we could concerning the correlation between the two.

The smell of Bella's roast had been wafting into the study forever, and when my stomach growled, I looked at the clock, surprised that several hours had passed, it was nearly two. Alice had agreed to shower me before my appointment and I knew she'd arrive before too long. I shut down the computer and went to my room to get what we'd need ready for her. I felt guilty taking her away from her free time for my personal stuff, but she insisted it wasn't a problem. Really, all I needed her to do was spot me, and reach a few places I couldn't on my own. I was surprised how quickly I'd begun to regain lost abilities, there was a point where the obstacles seemed insurmountable and now... life was really good.

I knew the appointment was pretty cut and dried, but I was still all sorts of nervous. I couldn't imagine how it felt to approach something like this for the first time... not knowing the doctor or what to expect... Reilly was my friend; he knew me and my situation...

When I heard Alice pull up, I turned the water on. I had laid everything out, choosing something I could get on and off unassisted. Alice knew where I was headed and her no-nonsense attitude was just what I needed. When I fumbled and dropped my scrubber, she made me stop and reminded that everything would be fine. I dressed in silence and when I was ready to go, I slipped out to the kitchen in search of my girl. I kinda felt like I was heading off to my own hanging... she'd be just what I needed.

She was lost in her own little world when I found her, and I yanked her out of the fridge and onto my lap without much warning. She let out a yelp before she began to laugh, smothering my face with kisses. And somehow, she knew just what I needed to hear... "Hey, don't sweat it. He's your friend, he's there for you. It'll be fine... we can _practice_ tonight if you like. The third time is supposed to be the charm you know... "

_So cliché._

"I know. I guess I'll see you in an hour or two, depending on how busy he is."

"A little word to the wise, if you want the quickest appointment, try for one of the first ones of the day. It gives you less time to sit and stress over it."

Alice began laughing behind us. "He shared that little tidbit with me not too long ago."

"It'll be fine. I know I'm stressing over nothing."

I heard her retreating footsteps before Alice yelled, "Bye guys, I need to go meet with my contractor."

Bella turned in my lap and peered out over my shoulder. "Hey how is that going? When will you be able to move in?"

Alice sighed... her _impatient__sigh_... "I'm not sure, they found some unexpected issues, but it sounds like they have a plan, that's why we're meeting today. I'll be happy once it's all done."

"Oh good," Bella replied. "Let us know if you need a hand with anything, painting, cleaning... Lord knows you helped us here."

"Yeah, Al, just let us know. We'll be glad to help." I added

"I will, thanks, guys. But I really do need to go, and if you two keep canoodling, you're gonna be late for your appointment."

Bella gave me another kiss before sliding off my lap. "You better go, Mister. I'll be here when you get back." She brought her lips to my ear, "I love you. Don't fret."

The drive over took forever, it was nearing rush hour and I hadn't taken that into account. I made it through the door by the skin of my teeth. Not a good example for a doctor to make, I'm sure."

Paybacks are a bitch, and I sat with my pants around my ankles and sheet over my lap for more than an hour. I'd been in this exam room numerous times, but this was the first time it had been so intimidating. It was old hat to come here for a check up in reference to my urinary health, but it seemed a totally different world when my entire love life was on the line. The longer I sat, the more the room seemed to close in on me. The walls mocked me, each of them reminding me of my misgivings. A brochure rack next to the desk, a poster of on the wall. The cut away model of a headless man mocked me from the corner. By the time the door swung open, I was a ball of nerves.

"So, you go and meet a pretty girl, and after all these years of trying to convince you... you're finally ready." He joked from the corner where he washed his hands.

"I, uh...," I grimaced.

He slapped me on the shoulder before he sat down on the stool and rolled over to face me. "I'm sorry Ed, I don't mean to tease... you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just, I feel like you're holding my life in your hands here. I just never thought we'd be having this talk. She was sort of unexpected, you know?"

"That's usually how it happens. Kinda why I tried to encourage you to work this stuff out before you had a girl... but experimenting will be more fun with a partner." he teased, and just like that, the tension left the room.

"We can forego most of the standard questions. We know this isn't caused by a psychological condition or an illness. We know your ED stems from your spinal cord injury, so we don't need to rule out an underlying condition. It'll be fairly cut and dried. I'll do a physical exam to see where you have sensation and it wouldn't be unwarranted to do an ultrasound to check for blood flow. Have you ever taken any oral meds for erectile dysfunction?"

I explained the incidents in college and he laughed when I told him about the plain brown wrapped packages from my dad. He laughed even harder when he learned I'd begun returning them. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, you've always been so _against_ this... I'm happy for you man, I can't think of anyone I'd rather see in a happy, healthy relationship. You deserve this; you've been through so much."

I nodded, the words stuck in my throat. Yes, this point in my life certainly was a long time coming, and more often than not, I was still awestruck that it had even happened.

"Lay your chair back and let's take a look, eh?"

I reclined the chair and he lowered the sheet, continuing the questions as he poked and prodded. "Let me know if you can feel what I'm doing."

"Okay." I squeaked.

"You're not taking nitrates for heart problems?" I shook my head. "Nothing for blood pressure?" I shook again. "No blood thinners."

I picked my head up and looked at him. "No, not since I'm transferring and moving on my own. It's been a few weeks."

"Good."

"Sorry, this might be a little cold." I watched the screen as he ran the transducer over me. "I don't see any blockages. You got hard as soon as I tried to manipulate your penis. The mechanics of getting an erection are there."

"But they don't last... "

"No, we want more than a reflexive erection. Trust me, we'll find the proper therapy. The last resort would be an implant, but I try to avoid them with my SCI patients. For one thing, you wouldn't even feel it if the implant broke through the tissue... The incidence of infection is greater, and there's a greater risk of failure. I just don't like to expose my SCI guys to that sort of risk if there's another way." He covered me and pulled off his gloves. I sat back up while he washed his hands.

"It's pretty much a one shot deal, too, and if you don't like it and have it removed, you won't be able to get an erection any longer." "I understand, I don't know that I'd want to go that route, anyway." I knew the surgery was rather complicated. He pushed the ultrasound machine out of the way while he continued to talk.

"Implants are a wonderful thing, for the right candidate, I just don't know that it's for you." I nodded again. I was beginning to feel like a bobble head. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so frequently at a loss for words.

"The low blood pressure issues could stem from a number of factors. Let's start at a low dose of Viagra and see what happens. I'd recommend taking it as far from when you take your muscle relaxer as possible, but it's going to be a balancing act for you. Too little Baclofen in your system and you have to worry about spasms, too much and they may interact. Increase your fluid intake before you take it, and we'll see what happens, that will help raise the blood pressure."

I knew everything he'd said made perfect sense. "Alright, thanks, Chris."

"If you don't get a satisfactory response, but tolerate it well, we'll increase the dosage. If you don't like the results, we'll try one of the others. They all act a bit differently, even though they all increase nitric oxide to allow an increase in blood flow. They just don't work for everyone. We'll trial different medications till you find the right fit. Do you have any questions?"

"I don't think so."

"An erection lasting... "

I had to smirk at the thought, _as__if_... I interrupted him before he could finish. "... longer than four hours... go to the ER. I know... But I don't think we'll have to worry about that one."

He pulled a couple boxes from a cabinet above the desk and put them in a small brown paper bag. "Here are a few samples. If you like the effects, I'll write you a script, if not, we'll adjust the dosage. It's time for a surveillance urinalysis too; it would be a good idea to make sure you're not brewing anything. You can pick up the order at the desk when you make your next appointment."

"Good idea." I didn't want to share any nasties with Bella. A urinary tract infection was no fun, and mine were monsters when they hit.

"Come see me in two weeks."

"Thanks buddy."

"No problem, man, it's my pleasure. I want to meet this lovely lady friend of yours one of these days. Good to include her on this stuff, ya know? Make her feel like part of the solution."

"I'm just so afraid to fail her... "

"This is a joint effort buddy. It'll happen easier if she's a part of it. It's not just the medication you know." He gave me a knowing look and I groaned. "I understand... "

"Okay, good luck. I'll see ya soon. Do you need any assistance getting dressed?"

"Nah, I've got it, as long as I don't lose the scrubs and have to fish for them."

"Ring the call bell if you get in a bind." He pointed to a string on the wall I hadn't even noticed.

"Thanks." I barely had the word out, and he was out the door leaving me to my own devices.

After I took care of my paperwork at Reilly's office, I went directly to the lab, might as well take care of that too.

When I opened the front door, I was hit with the most wondrous aromas... and the vision in the living room was even more enticing. My girl sat, curled up on my mother's chair. An open book lay face down on her lap, and the glow from the stained glass table lamp made a gold halo behind her, even minus its mate it was lovely... and perfect for the spot. Maybe the other one broke for a reason.

I pulled up to her chair and pushed the ottoman out of the way with my footrest. Closing in on Bella, I put a hand on either thigh and softly called her name. "_Bella...__Bella?_" She stretched and yawned not unlike a feline before she smiled and uttered my name like a prayer. "Edward..."

"Hey, it smells wonderful in here; do we have to do anything with it?"

"Hmm? _No_... the roast has about a half hour. I peeled the potatoes; we just need to turn them on. I didn't know how long you'd be...," She tried to stifle a yawn, but failed miserably.

I squeezed her knee, "You try to wake up, and I'll go turn on the taters, okay?"

"Mmhmm...," she mumbled, but suddenly sat up, "Hey. What happened? How did it go?"

I shook the little brown paper bag. "I've got something to experiment with; just... please don't get your hopes up. This didn't work before, and I don't know how I'll deal if we're both upset. Okay? I just...," How could I ask her to respect my need to try this on my own without upsetting her? If I took it and she sat and waited and waited for a reaction... it could be like watching a pot and waiting for it to boil...

She crawled out of her chair and came over to me, climbing up onto my lap. She took the bag from me and set it on the end table before she enveloped me in her arms. "I know how much you're stressing over this. I understand, well, I'm trying to... Maybe the best thing for _us_... would be to just do what we've been doing all this time... maybe you can try the medicine, when you're ready, and well... if it works...," She beamed up at me, and I wondered again how I ever deserved this... her.

"If it works, you want me to go all Neanderthal and snatch you up from whatever you're doing and drag you off to bed?" We were both laughing.

"Well, that wasn't _exactly_ what I had in mind, but, yeah... something like that."

I squeezed her till she squirmed. "Oh I love you so."

"I love you too. I'm here for you. We'll be okay, a team, remember?"

"How'd I ever get so lucky, baby?"

I thought she was gonna shush me, but instead of using words, she used her hands and her mouth to quiet me.

When the kiss came to an end, I wrapped my arm around her securely and began driving towards the kitchen. "Let's go check on dinner."

Dinner was quiet, and I could tell she had something on her mind. "Would you like to talk about it, love?"

"I was just wondering how it all works... the medicine... physical stimulation... mental stimulation... "

So I explained the best I could. "The site of my injury occurred at a point where... well it's sort of an imaginary dividing line between having a reflexive erection or a psychogenic one. I can explain if you'd like."

She nodded, seemingly deep in thought.

"Okay, um, a reflexive erection is the kind I have. If I touch myself to wash, or use a catheter, I get semi hard for a short period of time. Sometimes it happens and I have no idea. It's kinda embarrassing when I'm rolling around the lab sporting a woody and I don't even know it's there unless I look down."

She frowned and I continued. "The psychogenic type is where other things… environmental things, if you will, can stimulate a reaction... ones I'd conjure up in my head. I can't get those. Some guys with my level injury can have both kinds, some have neither. You could light all the candles in the world, slip into lovely lingerie, and put on an erotic DVD, and I still couldn't conjure up an erection. It's not that I wouldn't want to go all cave man, but even though my mind would want to interact, my penis would be completely ambivalent to the situation."

"But, if you get them from touch, wouldn't it just make sense to try and initiate a response that way? I don't understand why that wouldn't be enough."

I backed away from my spot and rolled over to her side of the table. I drew in a stuttered breath before taking her hand in mine and lowering it to my lap. Her eyes got wide and I could tell something was happening, and several minutes later, after stroking and touching, when understanding dawned on her face I could tell it had gone.

"Oh." _Anticlimactic,__isn't__it,__love?_

"Yeah… less than ten minutes and it's come and gone... it's not very hard either. I just... "

She nodded, sadly. "I understand."

"I need the medicine if I'm ever going to get hard enough to share that with you... you know... like that. It would never be hard enough or last long enough for penetrative sex."

"And if the medicine doesn't have the effect you're looking for? What then? You're ready to throw in the towel and write off our love life over such a small aspect of our relationship?"

"But if I can't give you... "

"We'll improvise and find other things to share. Remember what you told me... _This_," she said, tapping my forehead, "is your greatest sex organ. We've already proven we can have a great time. Let's not over think this okay? I didn't fall in love with Little Eddie, we haven't even been properly introduced," she giggled. "I fell in love with you. For better or worse. I'll take it all."

My chest swelled, and I could feel myself welling up. When I pulled her over onto my lap and clung to her, she "shh'd" and rubbed my back and peppered me with little kisses until I could give them back to her.

_No pressure..._

Alice found us in the living room on the couch, curled into one another talking about our future, our returns to work... me- voicing my concern that we'd never see one another... she- telling me we'd make it work- I was ensuring our future... it was only a few years...

"I'll just go take care of a few things. Let me know when you need me?" Before I could properly respond, Alice was gone.

Bella took her time getting off the couch. I watched as she stretched and made a face. "What's the matter love?"

"I wish they made _stretch__medicine_."

_Stretch medicine?_

"I don't know that I understand."

She looked thoughtful for a moment, but then explained. "You know, I'm all tight. I wish I could loosen up."

"Perhaps we should talk to Jeff about a muscle relaxer. I take Baclofen; it's a skeletal muscle relaxer. I prescribe it for a lot of my MS patients."

"I don't know... I don't need it all the time... just sometimes. I don't want to have to depend on it."

"Still you should at least talk to him about it, okay?

"Okay. I will."

"Give me a hand sitting up?" I watched as she took each leg and slid it towards the edge, and then she reached out and grabbed my wrists, pulling as I got into a sitting position.

"Thanks."

She was smiling like the cat that got the cream. "You're welcome. Thanks for asking."

She walked away with a spring in her step, and I watched until she disappeared into the bathroom down the hall. I pulled my old, beaten board from behind my seat and slid onto my chair. I had to smile when I put it back. I just couldn't bring myself to retire my old friend. It had been beaten and broken like me, but with a little TLC, it was good as new... and I would be too. I was beginning to believe we were both survivors.

My bedtime routine was quick and I soon found myself with Bella in my arms. As she lay snoring softly, I thought back over everything that had happened. Chris Reilly was a good friend, I found myself embarrassed by my situation, but everyone who knew about it treated me in a respectful and dignified manner. He encouraged me to do whatever I needed to do, and reminded me that if things didn't turn out exactly like I'd envisioned, it wasn't the end of the world. It was a stumbling block that we'd adapt to. He reminded me that life was an ever changing journey. Anyone could be living a healthy sex life with a partner and lose function with no warning. I wasn't the exception... for a change.

Bella's understanding and stoic support just meant everything to me. _Everything._

Her intuition that perhaps I needed to just take a pill and see where it took me without the pressure of someone peering over my shoulder, waiting for results was exactly the kind of quiet support I needed from her.

But she _did__understand_ how detrimental it could be... if she sat, waiting and watching for me to get a rise out of the meds... and she acknowledged her understanding that I would be devastated if, after all the pomp and circumstance... I had no reaction to the meds.

_She__understood..._ and she loved me...

I'd had nightmares where I popped the pill and Bella laid splayed across the bed, in the loveliest silk lingerie... waiting... as the clock ticked getting louder and louder... she twirled her hair in her fingers and beckoned me to play with her... when I shook Little Eddie to wake him... he ignored me and just like RIP Van Winkle, continued on with his nearly 20 year slumber...

Another time, I dreamt that I took the medicine... and I got hard... oh I got hard... but I was so lightheaded and dizzy that I couldn't even sit up. Both versions had me waking in a cold sweat, clutching the beautiful woman next to me and clinging for dear life...

I'd never tell her, but I'm sure she knew... too much failure would ruin me.

I didn't _want_ to give up.

I wanted _her_ to be my lovely wife and I wanted to love her properly. I didn't care _what_ I had to do to achieve that... I wanted the 2.5 children and I wanted to be the one to give those babies to her... call me stubborn... we could be happy with the love life we had now... it was blossoming and I knew it would continue to grow, even if we never achieved much more... and we could adopt, or get a sperm donor... but...

I wanted what everyone else_had_... the things everyone else took for granted... I wanted that for us... was that so wrong?

I was still wide awake when the alarm on her phone went off for her to turn me, and she fumbled before turning it off. I watched, with a twinge of sadness as she pulled her tired body from the bed. She gave me a little smile and said, "Let's get you turned." With a pull on the sheet and a push on my hips I was on my back. Without another word, she went into the bathroom and after she flushed, she returned still drying her hands. I'd never experienced this with her while I was fully awake and I watched with fascination as she pumped Germex into my palm and rubbed my hands between hers to ensure they were clean. She used the controller to raise the head of our bed, and laid everything within my easy reach. Without a word, she trudged to the chair in the corner and curled up. I reached into my boxers and grasped Little Eddie… and mocking me, he stood straight and tall.

I took care of business, pushing on my bladder to ensure I was well drained and I stuffed the little traitor back into my pants. Just as I reached to throw everything into the trash, the snooze on Bella's phone went off. She wandered sleepily back to my side, and pumped more Germex into my hands, rubbing gently but thoroughly.

She looked at me for a minute, while scratching her head. "Why are you awake, love? You're always as sleepy as I am."

"Just thinking."

"Well, turn it off and let's go to sleep. We need to do this again in a few hours." She smiled sleepily, before retrieving her pillow and switching sides. She crawled in where I'd been laying and I couldn't help snickering when I thought about the night her family had stayed.

"I wish you could have seen Charlie's face."

"I did, I think he was a little embarrassed."

"You think?" _Hah!__I__knew..._

"So Alice said you got the inquisition... "

"Nah, it wasn't too bad, he was just exerting his fatherly authority, reminding me that parents didn't want to have thoughts like that about their grown children... anymore than I wanted to think about him like that."

I shuddered when I thought about the day I'd found my parents in my study. Thank goodness, being away I'd been able to avoid a lot of the PDA between them, but it _was_ refreshing to know that they still loved each other like that after all this time... after all they'd gone through... their lives weren't without sacrifice, either... and they'd come through it with strength and dignity.

_That... that was what I wanted..._

She tucked herself into my side, and resting her head on my shoulder she nuzzled into my bare chest. After a few quick pecks she uttered a goodnight and was softly snoring again.

I woke to Alice bumping around in my bathroom... and like every other morning; I was again positioned on my side, with no recollection of how I'd gotten there. After the night before, I had a newfound respect for Bella... and Alice... and I vowed to tell them so. Ten minutes of near wakefulness twice a night, was enough to mess up anyone's sleep pattern... and to do it every night... for someone else... I guess I took a lot for granted, too.

I panicked when I looked at the clock next to the bed and found the red numbers flashing. We'd lost power during the night... and I had an appointment first thing.

"Alice?" I panicked. "What time is it?"

She poked her head into my room, "Hey, it's okay. It's early yet. _My__alarm__clock_ works just fine."

Because the expo had been such a busy time, there wasn't enough time for me to fit in a full session with Sasha during my normal slot on Monday, so she'd scheduled me for this morning. After my meeting with Reilly, spending some time with her would be a good idea.

Thanks to Alice, I was right on time.

It was weird rolling into the rehab for the third day in a row, without actually _participating._ When I rolled past Jill's office she waved and her voice trailed along behind me... "Miss us all ready? You've only been out of my clutches a week and you've been here nearly every day... "

I was still smiling when I rolled into Sasha's office.

"Well someone seems to be in a good mood this morning."

"Yeah, I am."

"Care to tell me about it?" she asked.

"Sure…," and I did. I told her about my appointment and about Bella's revelation that she wouldn't pressure me, but she wanted to be a part of the process.

"You know, there are occupational therapists who work with patients now to help regain sexual function after an injury. I don't know if you'd care to investigate it further... but this therapist set up office with our health system recently, maybe you'd like to have a consultation with him." She handed a business card across the desk.

I was squirming inside. I didn't _want_ to explain this to anyone else. I already had Bella, my parents, Alice, Reilly, and a few friends involved in my situation... I didn't think I could bear to tell anyone else.

"Nothing says you have to investigate it... when I heard about him, I thought of you and Bella. He's got access to lots of tools that the normal lay person can't just buy in stores... you mentioned once your desire to have children with her... you both have physical and neurological issues... at least consulting with him might be beneficial to you if you did decide you wanted to pursue... sex, with purpose... "

I laughed inside, at her comment, but I supposed she was right, yes... one day I hoped to share sex with the specific purpose of impregnating Bella, and we would... no doubt... need someone's help. And I wondered if this was the same occupational therapist Bella had gotten our _toys_ from… yes, perhaps a meeting was in order… one day soon.

"Thank you."

She let out a deep breath, "Well, that was easier than I had anticipated."

"Huh?"

She ran her hand through her short hair. "I fully expected you to refuse to take the card, or do it under duress. You've grown, Edward."

"I'm beginning to realize that accepting help when it's offered isn't admitting failure."

"No, it's showing personal growth. No one is trying to point out your shortcomings; we all want you to experience more than you think you're capable of. You'll find a way to achieve what you want; your mind is a bigger stumbling block than your disability sometimes. I truly believe your imagination is your only limitation. Aim high, Edward, and please, promise me you won't give up."

"I won't."

When she looked up at the clock, I knew our time was drawing to a close.

Jill was just ahead of me in the corridor and turned around when I got close. "Oh, hey Edward. How ya doing today?"

"Good." I _was_good. Better every day...

We talked about a few things, and I learned that my mother had volunteered her services to assist with the planning on the model home. I took a deep breath, full of pride. She was one of the most giving people I'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. I'd have to ask her about that, and why she'd never told me.

She asked me to let Bella know she was looking forward to driving with her later in the day, and after a quick goodbye, I was alone.

I didn't have anything pressing to do, so I dropped in on Esme before going home. Just a quick stop to tell her I loved her and to ask her if she'd accompany me on one of the most important shopping trips of my life.

"You know, your parent's rings are here... they're yours." I had known that, they were in their jewelry boxes, still sitting on the dresser in my old room.

A knot formed in my stomach, as nostalgic as it would be, I didn't think I could... they'd been wearing them when...

"I... uh... She had them on... I'm sorry, Esme."

She reached over and took my hand. "Hey, you don't have to explain. I just wanted you to know they were here."

"Thank you, I just don't think I can... "

"You know, your mother had a smaller, much less ostentatious diamond she wore for years until your father was able to afford the diamond you remember. It's still a lovely ring, he loved to smother her and give her the best, even if he couldn't always afford it. As much as she loved the diamond that matched her wedding band, I suspect the ring he proposed with meant much more to her."

I remembered it; she wore it sometimes, on her right hand. "Was she?" I couldn't even finish asking, but she knew...

"No, I promise she didn't have it on, would you like to see it?"

I nodded. _Yes,__yes__I__would._

She returned with a small black velvet box. Nestled inside was the ring I remembered. It was white gold, like the set they were married with, but it wasn't modern... this was old... charming...

"This is... "

"It's lovely, isn't it?"

"It's perfect. But... "

She got a far away look. "He bought it in an antique shoppe, knew she'd love it. It's about a half karat. We never had much growing up... she adored it."

"I can see why...," The ring was vintage. The band was filigreed, with tiny vines and leaves cut into it. I didn't know much about women's jewelry, but this was simple yet elegant. Bella would love it. She wore things that were classy, but not over the top, and like me, seemed to find the beauty in things from days past. "I wonder... why he replaced it." I hadn't even realized that I was thinking out loud.

"She wore that ring until the day he put a wedding ring on her hand, but the two just weren't compatible. She moved it to her right hand, and wore it that way for years. After business picked up, and he had money to spoil her, he had an engagement ring made to match their wedding bands."

"But... "

"When you love the way that they did, well... she knew how much it meant to _him_ to be able to give her a bigger ring. To a man sometimes, bigger seems better... that's not always true. He would have been hurt if she had said she didn't love it. She did, it just didn't carry the sentiment that the first one did."

What she said made sense, on so many levels...

"Thank you."

"So...," I knew what was on the tip of her tongue, how could it not be after the discussion we'd just had?

"So, I hear you're going to help design the new model home." I interrupted, quickly. She stood up and smacked me.

"Brat!"

I couldn't help feeling a little smug.

"Not yet, mom, I just want to have the ring, so when the time is right... well, you know. She's the one, I just feel like we're moving forward in such a positive way. I wanted to have it before I talk to Charlie about it."

"Does your father know?"

"I'm sure he suspects, but I really had no clue I was even going to stop until after my session with Sasha. It just sort of happened."

"I'll let you tell him."

"Thanks. So, the house?"

She smiled her Mom smile, the one she wore when she was feeling all sentimental. "They have given you so much. I really wanted to be involved in some small way. Working with Bob on your home, while there was still some wiggle room to help design was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed myself. This house hasn't even been to the drafting table yet. I look forward to getting my hands dirty, so to speak. I just really feel the need to give something back."

"You've been helping Alice too. Are you sure you're not taking on too much?" I considered reminding her she was no longer a spring chicken, but thought better of it, she'd already slapped me once... no point of bringing on the ire with comments about her age.

"I'm fine. Alice just needed a little advice. It's nice to feel needed."

Yes, I understood that feeling. It was a nice feeling.

I stood my chair and stretched. After a big yawn I apologized. "I hate to go so soon, but I didn't tell Bella I was stopping anyplace. I suppose..."

She gave me a big squeeze, and mumbled into my chest... "I love you, I'm so glad we had this talk. Please give Bella my love." She pulled away and picked the small box off the coffee table and pressed it into my hand.

I slipped it into my pocket, "Will do, Mom. Thanks, again."

"No, thank you. This is the kind of talk every mother dreams about. I can't tell you how happy I am." She didn't need to; it was written all over her face.

"We'll see you soon."

"Your father is off all weekend."

"Thanks. I'll let you know."

She walked me out, and stood in the doorway until I backed onto the street. My mind was all over the place when I got home. I hadn't realized how long I'd been at Esme's and it was time to take Bella for her driving lesson. I didn't have to stay; she was using the dual control vehicle with Jill for the first few times... I hurried home, to look for a hiding place, the ring still burning a hole in my pocket. In the end, I locked it in my dad's desk, knowing that Bella would never snoop in a locked drawer.

She was all excited when I went back for her, driving it seemed, wasn't as difficult to pick back up as she'd feared. Thursday and Friday flew by, Jeff dropped off more homework for me, and it seemed that I was reading constantly. Bella had spent several hours with Jill and was feeling quite confident. Life was just... normal... for a change. No visitors, no obligations, we just _were_. It was nice.

During dinner on Friday, the phone rang. I looked down and saw Emmett's number on the screen before I answered. "Hey Buddy, what's up?"

"Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, what can I do for you?" I popped the last bite in my mouth and chewed quietly as he explained that his ride to the airport had fallen through, and he wondered, could I run them to Sea-Tac in the morning? I'd all but forgotten they were leaving for Camp PALS.

"No problem, am I picking you up first?"

"Uh, yeah. That'd be great. Around five?" He sounded hesitant.

"I'll be there. When is your flight?"

"We board at seven."

"I'll be by at four-thirty." Bella's eyes got wide, but I put a finger up in the air to let her know I'd explain in a minute.

"You sure you don't mind?"

"I'll be there."

"I really appreciate it. Thanks Eddie!" and he hung up with a laugh.

I just shook my head, what else could I do?

Bella raised her eyebrows, in question.

"Em, they need a ride to the airport, theirs fell through at the last minute."

"But that's so early. Are you sure?"

"After everything he's done for me, yeah, I'm okay with it. Better get used to crazy hours. In a few weeks, who knows when I'll have to be up?"

"Will Alice?" She didn't have to finish, I knew...

"I think so, if not, I'll sleep in my chair."

"_Edward!_"

"I'm sure she'll be okay with it."

She would be... wouldn't she?

And she was...

But just before I crawled into bed, Emmett called to say that Rose had insisted on driving them, and that she wouldn't hear of dragging me out of bed at that _ungodly__hour_ to take them anywhere.

Something about the conversation made me wonder if they were getting closer... he sounded different, somehow. I tried to call him several times over the weekend, but continued to get a recording that the cellular customer was outside the service area. I didn't hear from either of them until Wednesday of the following week...

* * *

Next up, my contribution for the Fandom4LLS

"Welcome to Camp Pals!"


	49. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact*~

Chapter Forty-nine

_Welcome to Camp PALS!_

~Emmett~

As the day to leave for Camp PALS approached, not only did the excitement mount, but along with it came uncertainty and a terrible case of the nerves. The blonde bombshell I'd been pursuing _in my mind,_ practically since Edward had met his fate with the car, was finally warming up to me. We'd had our differences, but the lost weekend I'd shared with the boys had been the catalyst, albeit a painful learning experience for all of us that set everything in motion.

I understood that she was wary too. She'd been hurt, and in the worst kind of a way, and the night Guy had choked she told me a little bit about her former fiancé and the fact that they simply couldn't reconnect after some sort of personal tragedy. I tried to get answers out of both the boys, but they were tight lipped... encouraging me to create an environment where she felt comfortable sharing with me.

_Whatever the heck that meant._

Rose called the night before the trip and we talked for hours. Our flight was at the butt-crack of light and thankfully we didn't have a long ride to the airport. Once we were in the air, we'd be able to catch some shut-eye if we needed it. Because we'd signed on to volunteer, we were flying into Newark two days before camp began. We'd booked a hotel with adjoining rooms so that we could take a day and just get rested. Rose had been able to finagle a little extra time at work, but would have to go back almost immediately after our return, so she wanted to do as much as she could with our boy before she'd have to go back to the daily grind, and before he started his senior year of high school.

The flight was uneventful, Guy complained about his ears after we took off, but settled down when he chewed a piece of gum for a while. Then, he was happy with his iPod in his ears, and hummed along quietly as he read, his stuffed friend, Popeye sat in a place of honor next to him on the seat. I watched as Rose snored softly on the far side of him, her body turned, instinctively, in towards where he sat, as if to protect him. She was beautiful in her motherhood. This woman, the one who'd been a mother for a matter of mere days, had been transformed in a way I'd never imagined possible.

Gone were the sharp demeanor and the rigid set of her shoulders. The hesitant, forced smile had been replaced with one that was warm, genuine and nearly always present. It was as if some unknown presence had breathed life into her. If I thought she was beautiful before, she was simply lovely now. In every way. It was almost as if she'd been possessed by some ethereal being.

I could feel myself nodding off as I watched over them. When I awoke, Rose was shaking me, across Guy's sleeping form, telling me it was time to put my seatbelt on. Guy yawned and stretched, a big smile on his face as he uttered those famous vacation words... "Are we there yet?"

He was accustomed to going directly to camp from the airport, so we tried to prepare him before we left home that we weren't going to camp _right away._ He seemed a little somber when we'd boarded the plane, but the enthusiasm I'd expected was radiating from him when he awoke.

The airport was huge, and he grasped Rose's hand the minute we were inside. I was relieved. I didn't want him to get swept up in the crowd. He didn't need any frustration, it had been a hard summer for him, and he needed to just have some fun and be a kid. In the same sense, I didn't want to treat him like a two year old and _make_ him hold one of our hands. It was a little intimidating for me… so many gates… so many people to navigate through.

I'd been surprised when Rose picked me up, she popped the trunk for my duffle bag and where I expected there to be a trunk full of luggage, there were just two bright yellow suitcases, her laptop, and Guy's backpack. Her purse was next to her in the car. I knew she and Alice were friends, and I'd seen how _Little Alice_ packed for a weekend getaway.

Getting through the crowd at the airport was a breeze. I had laughed at Rose when I saw her luggage in the car, but when we went to collect their bags, they stuck out like a sore thumb and it was no trouble at all spotting them. She looked a little smug.

_Touché, honey, my bad!_

Once we were in the taxi, I let out a big breath.

"You okay there, Paul Bunyan?" she smirked.

"Hey, be nice! I was a little concerned about Guy getting lost. It was a big place. _I've_ never been in an airport so big."

"You're serious?"

"Yep." _Serious as a heart attack._

"Well, you can see... _Guy _is fine. We're _all_ fine now," she smirked.

My head fell back against the seat. This woman could see right through me, and she was thoroughly enjoying this. Guy turned and smiled at me. "Been here before Emmy! _It's okay,_" he said, patting my hand. Rose sat next to me, shoulders shaking. Oh yes, she was enjoying it.

The rest of the ride to our hotel was quiet. When we pulled to a stop, Rose thrust the bills into the cabbie's hand before I even had a chance to reach for my wallet. "Rose, let me... "

"I've got it."

While we were dickering over it, Guy, who had been in the front seat got out of the car and put his wings out, soaring through the parking lot. He came back to me with a big smile. "I fly Emmy, I fly!" We'd been through this particular conversation before. I knew from time spent with his dad that he loved to fly. It was certainly better than being afraid, which would have been much worse.

"Watch where you're going buddy, some of these cars fly too. We don't need to take a trip to the ER. Come on; let's help Rose get her things."

We each took a bright yellow bag, and I was feeling a little emasculated carrying it. At least Guy had one too. Rose carried her laptop and purse. If I didn't know better it was a set up, and had me thinking she wanted to take me down a few pegs...

When we got to our rooms, Guy bounced from room to room, bed to bed. I was just so tired; he however, had recharged his battery on the plane and had all kinds of energy. He got a few of his things out of his suitcase. It was than that I realized that she had given him the bigger bag. He had several card games, his Nintendo DS, and other things to remain occupied. She might have only been taking care of him a short time, but she had this Mom shit down to a science already.

While Rose showered, I went into my room and lay down. Just a few minutes of shut-eye and I knew I'd be good... I was on the plane, the turbulence was terrible, the rocking and bouncing. I was feeling a little green around the gills. I sat up with a jerk just before I yelled. Guy was laughing and bouncing on my side of the bed. I held my hand to my chest.

_It was only a nightmare._

"You gonna be okay, there, Emmett?" she teased.

I nodded. She laughed.

"We're done showering. I was thinking maybe we should go get a bite to eat? Orientation is tomorrow, we'll need to get up early."

It was late afternoon. She was right.

"Give me ten minutes."

When I came out of the bathroom and went back to Rose and Guy's room, he was chattering away about camp... _and Tracy and Kenny and Timmy. _He had a brochure that looked like it had seen better days; it was folded and creased, nearly to the breaking point. He motioned for me to sit, patting the spot on the bed next to him. Then he showed me, with pride, his friends and his camp. He showed me pictures of the dining hall, and a recording studio, and an auditorium and explained in his own way, how he'd enjoyed each of these things. It was the longest conversation he'd ever shared with me. Most of our exchanges consisted of partial sentences, leaving me to read between the lines. But this time, _this time_ he was passionate. Rose gave me a watery smile, and looked like she finally understood why he needed this so badly.

The rest of the day flew by. The restaurant had those little wooden puzzles with the golf tees on each table, provided, I was sure, to help you ignore your hunger pangs while you waited _forever_ for your order to arrive, and when Guy found out that he could buy a tin full of them at the counter, he was ecstatic.

Later, back at the hotel, he spent the rest of his evening playing with them, until just before bedtime when he pulled a black marker out and wrote his name on the back of each one. "Name goes on your stuff." He explained with a shrug. He had this camp stuff down pat. He packed them away in his bag, and went about getting clothing out for the next day. It didn't escape my notice that he laid out a blue shirt with the Camp PALS logo on it. The back was covered in signatures of his friends from previous years... but one name stuck out above all the rest. _Dad._

I hoped this year wasn't hard for him. Sometimes kids with less developed social skills lacked the tact to realize what was appropriate to ask. All the years before this, his dad had been along, and last year he couldn't go. It would be obvious this year that some things in his life were different. It was bound to raise questions. This was a place where he felt at home, and he'd been looking forward to it since his dad promised him that he could go with me in the future. I would have moved heaven and earth to ensure that promise was kept.

I was beat when my head hit my pillow, and it seemed that all I did was roll over and open my eyes, and it was morning. We ate a hurried breakfast, checked out of the hotel and took a cab to the car rental place. As soon as we had the car, we were off for the wilderness... as much wilderness as you could find _in Jersey_. Guy couldn't contain his excitement. He was bouncing around in the back seat, leading us in the singing of camp songs.

Only when we got there... it wasn't a wilderness...

Upon our arrival, we were introduced to one of the directors who led us to the dorms we'd be staying in. Each camper was paired up with a _pal,_ his or her own age, who shared similar interests. Assuming that Guy's dad was his partner, we were surprised to learn that it wasn't quite the way we envisioned it. Rose and I had both signed up as support staff volunteers. After we had a short amount of time to look around, the campers who had arrived with a volunteer a day early were ushered off for karaoke, while we learned the ins and outs of camp.

I went off to learn about the recreation aspect of the week, while Rose was herded off to the women's dorms to get her assignment for the week. Neither of us saw Guy, but at 4pm when we broke for the day he eagerly introduced us to several staff members he had known since he began coming at thirteen. I was impressed to learn that the camp was started by a few local kids as a social interaction project for teens both with and without disabilities in a high school setting.

The program was successful, but come the end of the school year, there was no continuity. After some creative marketing by the young man who introduced the program at his high school, it got some sponsors and became an annual summer camp program for teens with Down syndrome...

Set on a rural college campus, Camp PALS utilized the college's amenities to provide unique opportunities for campers and volunteers alike. All this time both Rose and I had envisioned a camp in the middle of nowhere, secluded from civilization fraught with man eating wild animals. What I didn't expect was a college campus, filled with air-conditioned dorm rooms or hot showers and coin-op laundry. Nor did I expect a recording studio, cooking classes with a renowned guest chef, a full service cafeteria, or a gym that rivaled my own. I was a little surprised to learn that we were taking an outing to Ocean City Maryland. Each day an off-site activity was planned as well. This just wasn't how I had pictured it.

_At all._

When we went into this venture, I was almost smug, thinking that Rose would spend her week being uncomfortable and hopefully a little intimidated by her surroundings... to a point where she actually needed me to be her white knight, slaying her dragons.

_She doesn't need me _here_._

I had envisioned her running to my cabin and begging me to kill a giant spider, or jumping into my arms when she saw a snake on a nature trail. I was certain this would be a bonding experience for the two of us. I suppose I was a little too confident that she would come to rely on me during this little adventure into the wilderness. I never imagined we'd be some place so... _civilized._

The best laid plans...

"So what do you think, Emmett? Would that be alright?"

I shook my head... "_What?_"

"Guy asked if we would swim with him. He has permission to go into the pool, but only if one of us goes with him. I thought maybe we could all go for a swim together. Some of the other kids are going to be there. He'd like us to meet his friends."

"Oh, sure, a swim sounds good."

Guy and I were bunking together for the night, but then when camp officially opened, he'd get his room assignment with another teen peer camper. Guy proudly led us to the rooms where we'd be sleeping and once we were changed, he showed us to the pool. His confidence was soaring, this was a place he knew, and he knew it well.

Rose lifted her shirt over her head to reveal a modest suit. She took off her shorts and folded them putting everything on a lounger and pulling a beach towel around her waist. Her body was long and sleek, with legs that went on forever. Why she was covering that up I'd never know.

_Lovely._

A loud squeal caught my attention, just as a teenaged girl slammed into Guy, nearly knocking them both into the water. She gave him a hug; he reciprocated, patting her back. "Tracy."

Rose flashed me a quick smile.

_Yes, this was why he was here._

"Where you go Guy?"

"My dad got sick."

"Where _IS_ your dad?"

"In heaven like mom." He answered matter-of-factly, and then, "I got a new mom." he said, pointing to Rose.

"Okay. Hi new mom." she answered with a small wave.

Rose didn't look like she was in any shape to initiate a conversation just then, so I jumped in. "Who is your friend, Guy?"

"This is _Tra-cy_," he emphasized, like I should have known all along.

"Hi Tracy, I'm Emmett. I'm volunteering this year."

Tracy came over and put her arms around my waist, giving me a hug. "Hi Emm... Emmett."

"You can call him _Emmy_." Guy explained while I groaned. I didn't know how I felt about a camp full of teenagers calling me Emmy. You know what they say about paybacks... If Edward only knew, he'd be loving every second of this.

Rose had collected herself and held out a hand. "I'm Rose." He hadn't used the _mom_ word on her before, I was sure of it. Tracy squeezed her hand, before fingering Rose's rings. "Pretty," she whispered.

"Thank you," Rose replied. Guy grabbed Tracy's free hand, tugging eagerly. "Come _on_ Tracy. Let's swim."

Guy did a cannonball and Tracy followed right after him. Two giant splashes covered us with water. Rose laughed and looked at me expectantly. "Well, come on, _Emmy_. We're already wet. Might as well get in."

_Oh, yeah, it would be impossible to live this down. Emmy… _

An hour of swimming and chatting with Rose, while keeping on eye on Guy and Tracy and I was ready for a nap. I thought I was in good shape, but the combination of the change in time zones, the day at camp and the laps I was doing with Rose had made me see that perhaps I wasn't as macho as I thought I was. I pulled myself up over the side of the pool and sat on the ledge.

Rose took the ladder, before grabbing her towel and wrapping up. She motioned towards the loungers and began walking.

I spread my towel out on the lounger next to her and sat down. There were so many things I wanted to ask her, but this didn't seem to be the appropriate atmosphere. In my mind I had hoped for a stolen walk through the woods off the beaten path, or a quiet moonlight swim where I convinced her that it was safe to let down some walls... that I could be entrusted with her secrets. I didn't see those things happening now, not like this. To say I was slightly disappointed would have been an understatement.

"Penny for your thoughts Emmett?" I looked at her; she was lying on her side with her arm tucked up under her head, watching me.

"Hmm?"

"You seemed so far away. Everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Just thinking... I hope this isn't a bad experience for him, he didn't make it last year, and the other three years his dad was with him. I just don't want anyone to upset him."

"We can't prevent someone from asking about his dad, they are kids, they're curious. Did you see him with Tracy? He'll be okay. Just give him a little credit."

"I want to protect him; he's such a great kid. I don't want him hurting while he's here, that's all."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I guess."

"Would you like to go back to your room? You look exhausted. I can keep an eye on things here."

"Nah, I'll be okay. Would you think me terribly rude if I just shut my eyes for a bit here?"

"Not at all, it's kinda neat watching him interact with his friends. Even if there are only a few here tonight. We'll wake you when he's ready to go."

"Mmkay. Thanks." I think I might have been asleep before I had the words out.

"_Emmy. Emmy! EMMY!_" I sat up so hard, I nearly head butted Guy. I rubbed my eyes, trying to get my bearings. Rose and Tracy sat on the lounger next to me; Rose was braiding Tracy's long red hair. "There you go Sweetie. All done."

"Thanks. Bye Guy!" She hopped up and began walking towards the woman Guy had explained earlier was her mother.

"Byeeeeeeeeeee!"

Rose extended a hand to me, and I took it as I got up off the lounge chair. "So, dinner?" She looked from me to Guy. Guy rubbed his stomach and said, "Pizza."

I watched as Rose paled. No, we wouldn't be having pizza this far from home. At least I _hoped_ we wouldn't be having it this week. And then common sense suggested it was a definite possibility at a kid's camp. But not tonight...

"How about Chinese? We could get several things and share." I suggested. This would be the last time we'd all go out together. Tomorrow everything would be different, especially the structure of our schedules. We might not even see each other.

"Chinese sounds good to me too," Rose added a little too eagerly. Apparently, she hadn't quite gotten over the pizza escapade either.

Guy nodded, looking a little forlorn.

"Hey buddy, it's camp, you know we'll have pizza here sometime this week."

He put his hand to his throat. "Choke," he reminded me softly.

"I know, I remember. We'll be careful, okay?"

"Okay." He whispered.

We sat around the table waiting for our food. When our server brought it out, and set everything on the table for us, Guy looked at my Lo Mein and snorted. "Worms." Then he pointed at Rose's fried rice and snickered. "Bugs." After the funny business was over, he seemed to enjoy his dinner, sampling a little of each but sticking to his order of chicken fingers. Every once in a while he'd chuckle under his breath.

After we were done, we walked back to the campus. It was dark, the sun setting earlier and earlier as the year went on. We walked Rose to her dorm room and Guy gave her a hug and wished her goodnight. It felt, remotely like a date... but not... seeing that there were three of us. But I didn't mind that either. It felt natural to include him. I looked at the floor, toeing it with my sneaker. "So... um, I guess we'll see each other in the morning?"

"Breakfast is at eight in the cafeteria for everyone who stayed tonight. Then we have a brief orientation and everyone gets paired up."

"Okay. We could meet back here?"

"Call me when you're awake."

I nodded and turned. "Hey Emmett?"

I looked back over my shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I'm glad we did this."

"Me too Rose." The color was rising to my cheeks and I felt like a teenaged boy.

Guy tugged on my hand at just the perfect moment. "Come on, Emmy. Lights Out!"

"See ya in the morning Rosie."

"Sweet dreams. _Emmy._" She replied with a laugh.

Guy woke up stuffy, with a red nose and flushed cheeks. Rose panicked and took him to the first aid room, where the camp nurse reassured her it was a common cold, perhaps compounded by allergies and the change in climate. She suggested a decongestant but declared him fit to interact with the other campers. I would have laughed at Rose's panic over something so simple, had I not had the same reaction as soon as I was awake.

I panicked when Guy looked over towards me with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead and croaked out, "Sick. Cough." until he made the most overly dramatic coughing sound I've ever heard. Rose hadn't been as easily convinced and nothing _I_ said put her at ease, not until she got the all clear from the nurse.

The first days of camp were busy. In the mornings I helped another girl teach a low impact aerobics class and in the afternoons, I life guarded the pool. I noticed that even though both my sessions were optional, Guy appeared each day...with his friends in tow. Tracy was a sweet girl and followed Guy around like a puppy. It was pretty obvious she was sweet on him.

Kenny and Timmy were polar opposites. Where Kenny was lean and lanky with platinum blonde hair and pale white skin, Timmy was short and stocky with dark olive skin and curly black hair. Kenny was painfully shy, almost to the point of being backwards, and Timmy was loud and boisterous. Truth be told, they kind of reminded me of Jasper and myself. And like us, they were all thick as thieves.

It surprised me that Rose was heading up an arts and crafts program, until she explained that had she not gone into law, she'd have majored in art and become an art teacher. I continued to find out little tidbits of this mystery woman who had enraptured me, and it just served to fuel the respect I had for this complex creature.

At some point on the third night Guy woke up sounding croupy with a bright pink nose and rosy cheeks. He was rooming just a few doors down from me, and his peer camper ran to get me in a state of panic.

"Emmett, you have to come quick. Guy's really sick!"

I hurried down the hall, texting Rose as I went. I snapped my phone shut and hurried into the room. I found him sitting on the edge of his bed, whimpering and sniffling complaining that he was sick. Rose came bursting into the room without knocking. She fell to her knees in front of him, her purse dropping to the floor with a thud. She cradled his face in her hands, all the while looking as if her heart was breaking... but it was obvious that he wasn't in a life threatening situation.

Kids got sick all the time.

_This was nothing, wasn't it?_

_"He's so hot."_

I shook her shoulder. "Let's take him to the camp nurse. He'll be okay. If she says it's necessary, I'll drive us to the ER."

I held a hand out and pulled her up. She leaned into me, so I put my arm around her and gave her a one armed hug. "He'll be fine. You'll see."

She sniffled and nodded, but I couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't more to this than just what Guy was going through.

"Come on buddy, let's go see the nurse. We'll help you feel better soon, you'll see." Guy took my hand and stood up; when we got to the door, Rose stooped and got his slippers, helping him slide each one on before we headed out the door. When we went past my room, I stepped inside and grabbed my wallet and keys, and a light jacket. It was chilly and if we needed to leave...

The camp nurse wasn't too happy about being rousted in the middle of the night, but she took us into the first aid room and patted a chair for Guy to sit in. She let out a loud hiss when she looked inside Guy's ears. "You need to go to the emergency room; he has a bilateral ear infection. He should probably be on an antibiotic, and unfortunately, I can't help you with that."

I felt terrible for Guy, he looked so forlorn and miserable sitting there. I held my hand out. "Come on buddy, we'll get you all fixed up." He stood, ignoring my hand and shuffled towards the door.

"I should go get his jacket. I know it's chilly." Rose muttered. Jaime, the nurse, handed Rose a white flannel blanket. "Here, put this around him, it's not that cold out. He'll be fine." Rose shook it out, and folded it in half, draping it over his shoulders before she took his hand.

When we got to the parking lot, Rose rubbed her hands over her arms and I remembered the jacket I'd grabbed. "Here, I thought you might need this." She looked up at me, almost as if she was unsure whether she should take it. "It's okay; I brought it for you... _Really._"

"Thanks."

"My pleasure."

She pulled my hoodie over her PJs and purse and zippered it up. She was swimming and I couldn't contain the chuckle that escaped me when she pushed the sleeves up. It completely dwarfed her. She gave me a sheepish grin.

"It's never looked that good on me."

Guy climbed into the back seat and slumped over like he wanted to sleep. I looked at him in the rearview mirror and couldn't even tell he was in the back. "Guy, seat belt please. I know you don't feel good, but we need to be safe. Please?"

He coughed a few times before he appeared in the rearview. I started the engine after I hear the familiar click.

"Thanks buddy."

When we got to the hospital, Rose became frustrated more than once at being questioned over her authority to give consent for treatment. She pulled out the temporary guardianship order more than once. Finally, we all three occupied a tiny exam room. Guy sat on the table, and Rose was slumped in a chair in the corner. I stood next to her. She looked... lost. Instinctively, I began rubbing her shoulder and she leaned her head into my side. After a while, I moved my hand up rubbing her neck and her ear. She didn't say anything, but I could feel her leaning her head into my touch.

After sitting for over an hour, I went to the desk and inquired about the wait. The waiting room was virtually empty and a number of the curtains in the emergency room were open, revealing empty cubicles.

_Why hadn't we been seen yet?_

When the doctor finally arrived, Rose was wound tighter than an eight day clock. Guy had faded after a short amount of time, and looked uncomfortable, but was napping on the exam table.

I shook Guy's shoulder and woke him. He sat, his eyes widening when he saw the doc. When the doctor looked first to Rose, and then to me before settling on Guy. I immediately knew what was going through his mind... I could see the wheels turning, and I didn't like it.

"I see from the nurse's notes that your friend here has an ear infection. Let's take a look." He completely overlooked Guy, addressing Rose.

Rose sighed and squeezed Guy's hand. "Can he see?"

Guy nodded, but remained silent. The doctor asked him to say ahhh; looked in his throat, and up his nose, felt the glands in his neck and finally looked in both ears.

He set the otoscope on the instrument tray and talked to Rose as he washed his hands. "He has bilateral otitis media. I'll leave a script for some drops at the desk. Please see the nurse before you go."

Rose looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "A double middle ear infection." he explained.

"Oh... "She nodded in understanding and then said, "The nurse at camp suggested we come here to get him on an antibiotic."

"With the high incidence of antibiotic resistant infections, I rarely prescribe antibiotics for an ear infection, unless the patient is an infant. I'll leave a fact sheet with some tips on things you can do to relieve some of the discomfort. The drops should help as well."

Before either of us could speak, the man was out the door, and Rose was fuming.

"Did you see that? He talked to me like Guy wasn't even here. And no antibiotics? What the hell!"

"Let's go talk to the nurse. Maybe she has a better bedside manner." I helped Guy get down off the table and Rose put the blanket back over his shoulders before she put an arm around him. Beyond tired, we trudged along like the three weary travelers we were. The nurse assured us that it was fairly common to treat an ear infection without antibiotics now and that if he wasn't feeling better in a few days we should come back.

_Like that would ever happen..._

We'd have been treated much differently at home, I was a more than a little upset with the reception we got at this tiny Podunk hospital, and knew that if Rose had had her wits about her, she'd have been firing with both barrels. He didn't come out and verbally make mention of Guy's disability, but in his mind he'd labeled him, and he treated him like he was nearly non-existent.

I drove us back and walked Rose to her room. She hugged Guy and looked at me with watery eyes. "Could he stay in your room? You've got two beds. I'm rooming with another mom."

"Why don't you come too? That way you can keep an eye on him."

Relief washed over her. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all, it just makes the most sense."

The three of us climbed the steps to the men's floor and I opened the door, ushering them into my room. I looked at the clock, it was three am… midnight in Seattle. While Rose tucked guy into the unused bed, I called home.

Someone picked up the phone, but I heard rustling before it hit the floor with a bang.

"Oh, no, no no... " She said. _Bella._

"Hello?" She whispered, sleepily.

"Bella? It's Emmett."

There was a sharp intake of breath before she asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Is Edward awake? I need to ask him a few questions."

"Let me give him the phone."

With her hand over the mouthpiece, no doubt, I heard her muffled explanation that I was on the phone and something must be wrong.

Edward sounded panicked when he got on the phone.

"Em, what's wrong?"

"Hey calm down bro, we're okay, but I need some advice. Guy has an ear infection, I was wondering if you could help us out."

"Um, yeah... he should _see_ a doctor though."

"Already been to the ER. Sore subject. The doc had zero bedside manner; and Rosie has a bee in her bonnet 'cause he talked over Guy. It almost seemed like he was uncomfortable with him, or didn't know how to talk to him... I don't know. We're all frustrated and tired."

"Tell me what happened, what did he say?"

I explained our brief encounter with the doc, along with what the camp nurse had suggested. "Did he do the wrong thing?" I wanted to know. "Not giving him an antibiotic, I mean, will the infection even go away?

"Well, he's right about antibiotic resistant infections, they are very common and difficult to treat. Many ear infections do clear up on their own, what is on the prescription?"

I spelled the name of the medicine and Edward explained that it was an analgesic drop to minimize the pain, and suggested we try both ibuprofen and Tylenol together until we could get it filled, but added, "The drops will numb the pain."

"But how did he even get an ear infection? Jaime, the camp nurse said she didn't think it was the pool, it's got so many chemicals in it..."

"Does he have any cold symptoms?"

"Yeah, he's had a cold for a few days. Ever since we got here."

"There's your answer, it's not uncommon for adults to get middle ear infections after flying, either."

"Oh." I was tired and at a loss for words. Edward, however, had sped right into professional mode as soon as he picked up the phone.

Ed explained how to put the drops in, and then explained that until we were able to get the drops in the morning, it might help to apply warm compresses to ease some of the pain.

"He's going to be upset if he can't swim."

"As long as he uses ear plugs, and I'd suggest not swimming under water, he would probably be okay. Just have him wait till he's feeling a little better. As the cold symptoms subside, the pressure in his ears will improve."

"Are you sure that's okay? He won't give it to someone else?"

"Yeah, it's okay. His cold is contagious, but he's probably just about over it. The ear infection isn't contagious, not the way you're thinking. But just make sure he uses disposable ear plugs, I'd use new ones each time, and make sure he doesn't share. No diving, and make sure he dries them off real well when he gets out. He'll be okay, Em."

"I know, he's just been so morose this evening. I knew he didn't feel good. This sucks, he's only here for a few more days and to be sick... "

"He's a kid, he'll bounce back quickly. Give him lots of fluids."

Suddenly something that had been prickling the back of my mind made itself known. "Are we gonna be able to fly home?"

"Ummmm, I _think_ so, but why don't you let me talk to Carlisle in the morning and I'll catch ya tomorrow, okay? Worst case scenario, you might have to wait a few days."

"I'm sorry for waking you Edward. I just... this is all new to both of us. He's so uncomfortable."

"It's fine, really. We just went to bed a little bit ago. I'm sure the nurse has over the counter meds to relieve the pain, go see her tonight, that's why she's there... and get the script filled as soon as you can tomorrow."

"Thanks, and please let Bella know everything is okay."

"I will, g'nite Em."

"Good night Edward."

I explained what Edward had said and went to get the pills while Rose made a warm compress with a washcloth.

After Guy was settled for the night, Rose pulled the plastic desk chair over next to his bed and wrapped up with my jacket. She looked entirely uncomfortable, and I knew she was already upset. Maybe I'd get to slay some dragons after all.

"There's not a lot of room, but do you wanna stretch out with me. I promise, no funny business."

"Are you sure?"

"If you're okay with it."

"I guess that would be okay."

I lay down next to the wall, and held the blankets up so she could get in next to me. She reached out and turned off the lamp that sat on the nightstand between the two twin beds. Once she was situated, I let my arm rest on her waist. There was just nowhere else to put it.

"Is this okay?" I whispered. With the lights turned off, it seemed infinitely quieter; you could have heard a pin drop.

She nodded before she said "Uh huh."

We laid there in silence for the longest time. Our staggered breaths somehow harmonizing with one another. She sniffled a few times before the waterworks began. She stuttered out the words, and when she'd stopped to collect herself, I rubbed her arm hoping to reassure her.

"I didn't... I didn't know... he was so sick." She hiccupped.

It wasn't like she had overlooked little signs that led up to some huge medical catastrophe. "It's an ear infection, hon. I didn't know he was getting sick either."

"I thought it was just a cold." she whispered.

"It was."

"But it could have been so much worse."

"But it wasn't."

She turned in my arms and raised herself up on her elbow. It was pitch black, but I could see her face just inches from mine. "What if he has some sort of hearing loss because of this?"

"He won't. Edward says he'll be fine."

"But... what about the antibiotics? Will it go away without them?"

"Ed says it's common to not prescribe them. We'll just watch him and make sure he's not getting any worse."

When I explained that it was probably a result of the cold he had, but flying could have caused it to happen she ran her hands back through her hair. "I just knew it was a mistake... "

"What, coming here?"

She nodded, worrying her lip with her teeth.

"You've seen him, he's shining here. Don't even entertain a thought like that. I'd like to consider this a family outing for the three of us from now on."

"Family?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, he needs stability, and family means all kinds of things to all kinds of people. This has kinda felt like a family vacation hasn't it?"

She nodded. "I guess you're right."

"Why don't you try to get some sleep, Rose. It's late and we have to be up in a few hours. I'll keep an eye on him."

"I just... I'm afraid to. What if he needs me?"

"Then I'll wake you. Okay?"

"Alright."

She snuggled in against me, tucking her hands under her chin, as if she were praying. Just when I thought she was asleep, she whispered. "Hey Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I've been so overprotective. You're really good with him. He needs you."

"It's okay, I get it."

"No, I don't think you do."

"You're a great mom, and my first impression was a lasting one. I get why you'd want to protect him from me."

"It's got nothing to do with you. It's just... I had a child before. I lost my daughter. I've fallen for him so quickly and so deeply. I just... I don't think I could live if anything happened to him." and she began to cry...

I held her and rubbed her back and whispered reassurances until she cried herself out. When her outburst was reduced to the occasional hiccup, I asked if she wanted to talk about it and it all came tumbling out.

What was it Edward had told me when I asked what her deal was?

_Create an environment where she feels comfortable sharing..._

Oh!

I was at a loss for words, and didn't know where to begin in an attempt to comfort her, so I continued to hold her and rub circles on her back reassuring her that it would all be okay. I was so angry at this Royce, even though Rose explained the loss of her daughter as an unfortunate accident, I couldn't help but hate him. God had a special place in hell for men like him and I had an immediate urge to want to defend her honor.

As the sun began peeking through the drapes, I felt her body relax into mine and her breathing slow into a steady rhythm. "Good night, Princess." I whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head. When I was sure she was sound asleep, and I wouldn't wake her, I pulled out my phone and called Jaime, explaining that they had just gotten to sleep and asking if she could let the appropriate staff know we were going to all try to sleep in. We'd check in once we were all awake and dressed. When she reassured me that everything would be fine and it was no problem, I finally allowed myself to drift off.

I awoke to a soft body in my arms, I pried open one eye and then the other, afraid that when I did, she'd be gone and it had all been a dream.

"Hey." she whispered.

I reached up and rubbed my face. "How is he?"

"Still sleeping. But it's been nearly four hours since he had the pills, I suspect he'll be hurting soon."

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Mmhmm. You?"

I couldn't help my shit-eating grin. "I can't remember the last time I slept that soundly."

"Must have been tired."

"Might have been the company."

"Ahhh... you think?" She was looking a bit smug.

"Mmhmm."

I watched as her tongue peeked out and wet her lips, and immediately I wished it were mine... doing that. They looked so soft and warm. I just knew they tasted like heaven. I'd been adoring this woman from afar for so long...

I reached up and tucked a whisp of hair behind her ear. Allowing my fingers to trail down across her cheek, until I was cupping her face in my palm.

"Do you have any idea how much I'd like to kiss you?"

She bit her lip and her eyes got wide... she shook her head, but her eyes didn't leave mine.

"May I kiss you Rosalie?"

"Ohhh-Okay." She stuttered out. That's how my heart felt... stuttering out an erratic pattern... This woman owned me and she had no clue.

I leaned in to her and she met me part way. Her lips moving over mine tentatively as she brought her hand up to cup my face. I rolled back and her body followed mine as we deepened the kiss. My hand slipped down across her shoulders to her waist, to her hips... just as I reached under her knee to hitch it up across me I heard it.

Two croupy coughs and then the drama as he said, "Cough... cough... sick." But I knew he didn't feel well, and I couldn't begrudge him a little self pity.

It didn't take him long to realize what was going on under the sheets... Er, I hoped he didn't realize _just exactly _what was going on under the sheets.

"Eww... you _guys_! Ewww... " He groaned. I knew he'd had the birds and bees talk with his dad, and I was sure he had some idea that things had heated up since he'd fallen asleep.

Rose giggled a little as she shimmied out from under the covers. I adjusted myself, hoping that I could hide my _feelings_ from prying eyes.

"I'll just... go back to my room and change. I'll be back in a half hour?"

"Uh yeah... sure." I laughed. She leaned back down and gave me a peck on the lips as Guy slapped his face and hid behind his fingers.

She walked over to the desk and tapped a couple pills into her hand and took them over to Guy's bed. "Can I sit down?" He smiled shyly and nodded. I watched as she felt his face and rubbed her hand over his forehead. "How do you feel, hon?"

"Hurts."

"I'm sorry. Can you take some pills for me? As soon as the pharmacy opens, Emmett is going to go get you some drops. They'll make it feel a lot better."

"Kay."

"Are you hungry?" He held his stomach and shook his head. "But you need to eat. Does your throat hurt?"

"No." he answered.

"That's good. I'm going to go shower and change and I'll be back. Then we'll find something you might like to eat. You just hang out with Emmett a bit okay?"

"Okay."

She looked back towards me and smiled. "I'll be back."

Rose was only gone a few minutes and there was a tap on my door. I opened it slightly to peer out and her hand snaked in through the crack. She handed me two small cartons of orange juice. "They were in the machine. Thought you boys could use something cold. See ya soon." and just like that she was gone.

I sat across from him on my bed and handed him a juice. I wasn't quite sure how to approach the elephant in the room, but I didn't think it was right to avoid it either.

"So... You saw Rose and I snuggling. Are you okay with that?"

"Rose Likes Emmy."

"Well I don't know about that, but I like Rose."

"No, she say so. Rose likes Emmy. You kissed Rose."

_I wonder where he picked up that little tidbit..._

"I did kiss Rose. Just a little. Are you angry?"

He shook his head, but looked at the floor, blushing. "No it's okay. Guy kissed Tracy."

_What?_

"When?"

"At camp."

"This year?"

He shook his head and I let out the breath I'd been holding. "Dad says Tracy might not like to kiss. So no more."

"Didn't she like it?"

"Don't know." He muttered.

"Did you ask?"

"No."

"Did _you_ like it?" I pressed.

"Makes Guy all squishy inside."

"Yeah, kissing makes me feel squishy inside too. I think that's a good thing, huh?"

Guy just shrugged and ignored me.

"Okay, no more kissing talk, but if you want to ask someone, you can, okay? Me or Rose... just ask. It's alright."

"Kay."

"Alright, I'm gonna go get ready. Drink your juice and I'll be back in a few minutes."

I showered and then I had Guy get in. I made him promise not to wash his hair. I didn't know if he could get his ears wet. Ed said something about ear plugs and swimming, but I was going to get them at the pharmacy in a while...

He was just coming out of the bathroom in his McCarty's Gym shirt and a pair of cargo shorts when Rose tapped on the door. "Rose," he croaked and cleared his throat, as I opened the door. She looked like a breath of fresh air. Nothing at all like the distraught woman who looked like she was gonna lose her shit all over the ER doc a few hours ago.

"I saw Jaime a few minutes ago, she suggested we go grab a bite to eat and come back after lunch. Everyone knows what's going on." Then she rubbed Guy's shoulder, "If you don't feel up to participating today, you can go to Jaime's office and hang out if you like... or just take it easy. No one expects you to participate if you don't feel well."

He screwed his face up, deep in thought. "Guy swim?"

"Are you sure you're up to it?" Rose asked, looking a little nervous.

"Edward said he could, but he has to wear ear plugs." and I looked Guy in the eye, "And you're not to go under the water, okay? It'll make them hurt more. We'll get a bag of ear plugs when we go get your medicine."

"O-_ kay_." he groaned.

Rose put an arm around him and ruffled his hair before grabbing her purse. "Come on boys, I'm hungry," and with that, we were in the car headed to the pancake house.

With bellies full and Guy's ears treated with drops, we joined the rest of the campers late in the afternoon. The gang rallied around the boy, making sure that we were taking care of him, I guess. Kenny and Timmy made him recount our trip to the hospital and I had to laugh when I heard Guy refer to Rose as a _grizzly bear_ and the doctor as _mean. _He was spot on.

With so much of our day already burned up before we got here, the remainder flew by. Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs and someone started singing _On Top of Spaghetti_... Once they got started, refrains could be heard off and on for almost an hour. For dessert, the ladies made a bunch of s'mores in the oven on big trays and we all sat around eating the ooey gooey messes with warm cocoa while watching _Finding Nemo_.

One of the leaders stood up and announced at nine o'clock that we should all get ready for bed early. We were taking two busses to Ocean City and leaving ridiculously early in the morning. Someone said it was a three hour drive. Rose mentioned something about heading back to her room to pack a bag. She walked back to the dorms between the two of us. One arm was around Guy's shoulder and the other one... brushed against mine with every step... our pinkies entwined. When we stopped at Guy's room he bumped knuckles with me and gave Rose a hug.

Rose squeezed his arm as he made to pull away. "Hey mister, we've got drops to do. Why don't you go in and ask your roomy if it's alright if Emmett helps you."

Guy stepped inside and Rose stole a quick kiss. "I'm gonna head off to my room. See you in the morning."

"Okay, g'night Rose."

Eric, the boy he roomed with, stepped out into the corridor. "Hey, it's okay if you come in and help him. Everything better this evening?"

I realized that perhaps he wasn't made aware of the situation even if the staff had been, so I sat down and explained while Guy got ready for bed. "It's an ear infection. He'll be okay, if he needs anything through the night you come get me alright?"

"Sure Emmett. No problem."

"Thanks for helping him out last night."

"He was in a lot of pain. I felt bad for him, and that's what this is all about, helping each other."

"Well thanks, I really felt for him last night too, but he's a lot better with the medicine, it's twice a day so he should be good till morning." I cleaned up and washed my hands when I was done. "I'll see you two in the morning. Get some sleep, alright?"

"We will." They both answered as I was closing the door. I really wanted to see if Rose had some free time to just... go for a walk or something, but I didn't want to disturb the other mother rooming with her. Just when I resigned myself to turning in early, my phone chirped.

_**Wanna grab some coffee?**_

**Sure. **I texted back.

_**Meet me the car?**_

**Be there in five.**

We weren't driving tomorrow and had a few hour ride on the bus to recharge. We weren't expected to be in bed at any specific time like the campers were. Our only restriction was that consumption of alcohol by any participant or volunteer was strictly prohibited and that wasn't something that would be a problem...

I jogged down to the car and there she sat on the hood of the rental... all soft and lovely and finally at ease...

I stepped between her knees and touched her face. Her head tilted up and her lips brushed mine... oh so gently.

_Delicious._

"Come on baby, let's go get that coffee." I took her hand and helped her down off the car. I noticed a small park on our way to the coffee shop and suggested we get our coffees to go. I drove us back to the park and pulled off at the most secluded part of the lot. I didn't say anything, just walked around and opened her door before I asked, "Walk with me?"

She took my hand and we walked down the trail, drinking our coffee... hands gently swinging between us. I heard water and followed the path to the edge of a small stream. A nearby park bench gave us a lovely view of the park in the moon bright night. I sat and pulled her down next to me. We sat like that forever, her leaned into me, my arm over her shoulder, fingering her hair, tracing the shell of her ear, my thumb caressing her soft neck.

She turned and gazed up at me. "You think we should head back? I wonder how late it is."

I pulled out my phone. "We haven't been gone an hour. It's just after ten. We can afford a few minutes. This," I motioned between us, "is nice."

"Yeah. It _is_ nice. A few more minutes... "

I leaned down for a kiss and she readily accepted, bringing her arms up around my neck. We were like that for a while. Partaking of each other... until a bright light shone on us and a loud voice barked, "You alright ma'am?"

Rose coughed and I stifled a laugh. _Busted... out parking... like a couple of kids._

"Yessir. I'm fine."

"Park closed at dusk, I suggest you move along then," he warned in a softer tone.

"Yessir, we weren't aware. We're not from around here."

"This is a family park. We tend to frown on _that sort of thing._"

"We understand, we're going now."

"Good night now. Don't make me come back."

"No sir. We won't."

The spotlight went out and we heard his tires in the gravel as he pulled out. Wonder why I didn't hear him pull up.

_Could have been cuz you were trying to cop a feel..._

Rose burst out laughing as soon as he pulled away. "Oh My God! Busted like a pair of horny teenagers!"

I got up, pulling her up a little roughly. She fell into me and I put an arm around her. "Come on Rosie, before we get ourselves into trouble."

She giggled and put her arm around my waist too. I couldn't help but smile when I felt her fingers wiggle down into my back pocket. We walked along, quiet but carefree. I can't remember when I last felt this light hearted.

She waited patiently when I opened her door, and I thought back to a day not that long ago where not only would she have refused, but she would have insisted on driving as well. It was surreal how much things had changed in a short amount of time.

We got back a little before midnight and after delivering Rose to her room and sharing a quiet kiss, I went down to the lounge for a cup of coffee and I called Edward. It wasn't 9pm in his world and I knew he'd be up. He answered on the first ring.

"Hey Em, how is he?"

"Much better with the drops. What did your dad say?"

"That you should see if the drops are helping. If you're not seeing any improvement in a few days, maybe you could find a local doc to see him. Aren't some of the advisors there locals? Maybe they know someone who would be willing to see him, based on the circumstances."

"I'm not taking him back to that ER doc. Rosie would have my balls in a sling if I did that. The guy was a jerk."

"Well," he said, "don't borrow trouble. Maybe he'll be fine. When were you coming home?"

"Camp is over on Saturday."

"This is only Wednesday. Just play it by ear. You're gonna know if he's still uncomfortable."

"Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Jasper needed to borrow Rose's car for some reason. He picked it up from the airport yesterday. Do you think…"

"We'd be more than happy to pick you up. I think the girls and Guy can squeeze in the back together."

"Okay, thanks, buddy."

"No problem. Bella sends everyone her love."

"We send ours too. You guys take care, ya hear?"

"Will do. Goodnight Em."

"G'nite."

When I crawled into my bed, it felt terribly empty. No matter how I bunched up the pillows from the other bed, I just couldn't shape them into anything remotely similar to Rose's warm, soft body. It took forever to find sleep and when I finally did... it was troubled at best.

When she got on the bus, Rose looked as bad as I felt and I found some satisfaction in the fact that it was obvious that she missed me as well. She stood next to my seat and when I stood to move over, she slid past me. I had visions of a quiet conversation during the three hour ride, but instead of talking, I watched as her face relaxed, and her head lolled off to the side in her slumber. Not wanting her to be uncomfortable when she awoke, I folded my jacket and slipped it between her head and the window. I snuck her hand into mine and threaded our fingers together. Now that I knew she wouldn't be upset, I didn't care what anyone else thought. The fact that it blossomed into something more after we arrived was no one else's business. We came here as a family unit, and as far as anyone knew that was what we were.

I woke up to Rose nudging me with her elbow and whispering for me to wake up. "Come on, we're here. I've never seen the Atlantic Ocean. _Wake up_, Emmett."

Once we were off the bus, we broke up into groups of eight. We didn't have a pre-determined schedule like we had at camp, as long as each group stayed within sight of one another. Guy and Eric joined our group, along with four other kids Guy said he had camped with in years past. They were a good natured group and everyone had a great time. Guy and Eric begged us to let them check out the Haunted House, and in the end we all went through. We spent a lot of time at Trimper's Rides and as we were leaving, got sucked in by a man selling tee-shirts with personal photos on them. He was young and likeable with a wide smile and a charismatic demeanor and an hour later we all had matching tee shirts. We all squeezed into the shot and when they were done, the frame was full of smiling faces. It was perfect.

Rose had a coffee mug made with a picture of the three of us, and I was feeling a little jealous when we left, until she thrust a bag at me, hitting me in the chest with a thud. "I got one for you too, Paul Bunyan. I wanted something to remember today with, I thought you might too."

"Aww, thanks Rose." I didn't know what to say. I'd never had a moment quite like it before.

A stop at Atlantic Stand and we got our fill of burgers and fries, smothered in ketchup and vinegar. Rose and Guy opted for veggie burgers, and I began to wonder if some of the times since I'd met her when she made a healthier food choice, if she was doing it for herself, or Guy. She often suggested the wiser choice, and Guy, a natural born follower usually went along with little prompting. I had to hand it to her, the girl was smooth.

We stopped along the boardwalk and watched a man making a sand sculpture. It was obviously spiritual in nature, and depicted the face of Christ. His work was meticulous and we sat in awe watching him for the longest time. When we finally left, with pictures, it was complete and we were shocked to learn that most of his sculptures were very short-lived, succumbing to Mother Nature and those that didn't were eventually smoothed out with a tractor and rakes, often before the sun was fully risen.

We later learned that the artist was an ordained minister who had become world renown for his constantly changing exhibit. I walked away feeling rather small and insignificant. What a powerful message!

Walking hand in hand with Rose felt so natural. I almost had trouble getting my mind around the fact that this was the same woman who ripped me a new one when I helped her friend to get drunk. Once Guy came into her life, the frosty exterior melted. I would have never imagined she was so down to earth. This... _thing_... we were sharing went against every pre-conceived notion I had about the woman... and I was never happier to be so wrong about something.

When it began to get dark, we began our return to the Ferris wheel. Everyone looked tired, especially Guy, and I wondered if it had been wrong to bring him, he'd had so much fun, but he was winding down and sounded a little cranky. Perhaps it _had_ been too much.

"Hey, none of that."

"Hmm?"

"Don't doubt the decision. We made it together, and in the end, the final say was mine. He had a great time. We'll sleep on the bus, and I bet he crawls right into bed when we get back."

"Yeah, I know, but he looks tired."

"Look around you big guy, they all do."

Each of us had to check in with our driver, and as soon as we were on the road, the bus rang out with rounds of John Jacob Jingle-heimer Schmidt and Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer. Rose and I got seats all the way in the back of the bus, and it was like a big sofa. She pulled her feet up next to her and laid her head on my chest before she began to softly snore. I awoke to Guy poking my chest. "Emmy. _Emmy_. Wake up!"

I looked around and noticed we had stopped, looking around, I could see we were back at the school. I nudged Rosie and she sat up, wiping a string of spittle from her mouth. She mumbled an apology while she straightened her clothing and patted her hair. "You look fine baby. We all look like we slept."

I stood to get my backpack as the lights came on and people began to stir. One by one they filed off the bus, offering words of thanks to the driver. Eric and Guy said goodnight, and I reminded them that I'd be right behind them with the ear drops. We'd had a great day, but there was no point in tempting fate. I stopped outside their door and Rose hesitated, looking at the floor and blushing. I lifted her chin and brought my mouth to hers seeking out one last kiss before retiring. They had been few and far between all day, sneaking stolen moments when no one was looking.

"Good night Rosie. I'll see you in the morning."

"Mmm, bright and early. I have a big day tomorrow."

From what I understood, Camp PALS technically concluded with the Friday night dance. On Saturday everyone would pack to go home and throughout the day, families would come and spend some time before heading home. The guys had been asked to bring dress slacks, a tie and a sport shirt for the event. Some of the girls brought their own dress, but because many kids came from homes with limited incomes, someone had the foresight to collect donated dresses after prom season ended, and every girl at camp would have something lovely to wear. The women were spending the afternoon setting the girl's hair, doing their nails and make-up and helping them dress before the big event. I sensed it would be a very long day.

"I'll see you at breakfast."

"Mmkay. Night."

She turned and trudged away, and I watched her until she entered the stairwell and disappeared. There was no way we were going to be able to keep a lid on this very long when we got home. No way at all... and once little Alice found out... everyone would know. I wasn't sure how Rose wanted to handle it, but I was ready to shout it from the rooftops.

I found myself looking at the lumpy bed and my sad attempt to get comfortable the night before. I knew this would be no different and crawled into bed with a huff.

Friday was a bustle of activity. Instead of leading aerobics, I found myself helping to decorate the gymnasium with a Hawaiian Luau theme. Guy came by with Eric at one point and they helped to tape grass skirts around all the tables. By the time we were done, it looked like some twisted episode of _Gilligan's Island. _

I hadn't seen Rose all day, but I remained busy. There was food and drink to tote around, a sound system to set up, all sorts of things to be done. We were also encouraged to help the guys get their things packed for the most part to make Saturday morning run smoothly. After the most physical day I'd had at camp, I went back to my room to shower and dress. When I was done, I went to the guy's room to assist, but they were both dressed and ready to go. Ties tied, shoes polished.

"You fellows look rather dapper. Shall we go find us some ladies?"

Eric blushed and Guy just laughed at me. "Emmy you are funny."

As we walked along, he'd have an outburst of giggles once in a while. I couldn't help but think that the night would be full of this. Young people, not necessarily socially confident... but wanting to interact.

When we walked into the room, Hawaiian music was playing and there were people everywhere. I looked around and realized that I was standing in a sea of beautiful young women, but I had eyes for only one of them. When Guy said, "_Wow_." I expected to turn and see Tracy. Instead Rosalie was a vision in a figure hugging blue gown. It was baby-blue with speckles or sparkles all over it. They glinted in the light with the least little bit of motion.

_Wow, indeed._

She sauntered over with a smile, and gave Guy a hug before leaning in and planting a kiss on my lips. "Dance with me big guy." She pulled me to the center of the room before draping her arms around my neck. She wanted to know how my day was and shared her own. We were beginning to sound like an old married couple.

Dancing with her like this... was like nothing I'd experienced. She was warm and soft, and her body moved effortlessly along with mine. I found myself having less than noble thoughts about fair Rosalie. In an afternoon, she had gone from beautiful to alluring... and I wasn't quite sure how to deal with all the things swirling around in my head.

"Let's go take a quiet walk," she whispered unexpectedly. "_Walk with me_ Emmett."

She wound her fingers through mine and tugged, pulling me along like a lost little puppy. She could lead me anywhere and I'd follow.

We walked the grounds, following the walkway that quietly weaved its way through a small park. "I just... we have the plane ride home... and then what? Where do we go from here? Do we go back to what we were... before?" She asked, sounding as devastated as I felt.

I didn't think that was possible. We were nothing, practically _less_ than nothing a few weeks ago. _No, _I couldn't go back to that.

"Would it be so terrible for everyone to know? It's bound to happen sooner than later anyway. Once your brother's girlfriend gets a hold of this... all of Seattle will know."

"No, I suppose not. We were just so incompatible before, and now... what will they think when we go home together after a week away?"

"I don't really care what they think. This is kinda like Vegas Rosie. What happens here, stays here. It's no one's business but ours and I don't care if anyone speculates... whatever. I'm proud to be with you, and I'd gladly tell the entire world, so unless you're embarrassed... "

I never got to finish before her mouth smashed into mine. "No, I guess I'm not embarrassed."

She was rubbing on me in all the right places, I was in physical pain and had to adjust myself before I acted on my feelings, and she looked far too lovely to sully the evening with some rushed and fumbling grope in a park. She deserved so much better than that.

"I can't believe this is our last night here. Unless, did you talk with Edward? _Should_ we wait till Sunday?"

"He said we should be okay to fly, but we needed to make sure his meds were right on schedule so he's get the maximum benefit. If he's feeling okay, which he seems to be, we can go tomorrow."

"So, we're cleared to fly."

"It appears so. Would it be too forward to ask you to spend the night with me? I mean... no one... " I stuttered to get the words out and not sound like I'd been plotting a way to get her alone all evening. But the fact of the matter was... I had been. I didn't think I could sleep one more night with the pillows. There just was no substitute. It had been far too long since I'd slept with a pretty girl in my arms.

"It's fine, you don't have to explain. I don't think we should get carried away, not here, not like this. But I'd love to spend the night with you."

I heard giggling and looked up to see another couple sitting on a bench kissing, it was obvious they had broken off from the group. I tugged on Rose's hand and we headed back, reminding the young couple that they were to remain with the others. No one wanted a prom night incident where someone ended up drunk or pregnant. _Not on my watch..._ We waited until they gathered themselves and then we followed them inside.

I danced a few times with Rose, and she even danced with Guy, but he only had eyes for Tracy, and I imagined helping him to set up a face book account or other social networking program so he could stay in touch with her. Hell, I'd buy him a new laptop. I knew what it felt like to be young and in love.

_Wait, _I didn't just use the_ L_ word...

We found Guy and Tracy dancing stiffly from side to side, their arms at each other's waists. Eventually the last dance came to a close and the group began to break up, locating their pal and heading off to their respective rooms. I followed Guy and Eric back to the room for drops, and when I got to my room, Rosie was coming down the corridor wearing a pair of sweats, her hair pulled back and her face freshly scrubbed. I unlocked my door and pulled her inside, as we giggled like a pair of kids. Like the night before we came to camp, we laid awake talking about anything and everything. There was no way we'd be able to keep up the facade of frenemies when we had gotten so close.

_No way in hell._

When several not so innocent kisses became heated, and hands began roaming, I had to cover her mouth with my own to stifle her noises...

I awoke to the sounds of her brushing her teeth and washing her face. "I gotta go before everyone is awake." She came over and kissed me. "This isn't gong to turn into some hurried surreptitious or clandestine affair. We'll see each other all the time when we get home." She kissed me a few more times before standing and fixing her top. "I'll see you in a few hours. Get some more sleep."

_As if I could sleep with my bed empty and cold..._

"Emmy! Take a picture!" Guy demanded. He had grabbed Tracy by the hand and dragged her to where I stood talking with a few of the parents.

"Oh, aren't they cute," one mother gushed.

"I'd never allow that," another replied. I shook my head, miffed at what I'd just heard.

Guy was patting my hand. "Tracy has to _go! _Her mom _said_."

"Okay buddy, let me have the camera." Just as I clicked the shutter, Guy smacked Tracy on the lips. Her eyes were wide with shock, but her lips, well what you could see of them, were curled in a smile. Guy's head was a little out of focus, but the picture was great and I could already see it sitting on Rose's desk in her office."

"I'd love a copy of that... if you don't mind... " Tracy's mom prodded.

"Sure, I'll email it to you. It's a great picture, isn't it?"

"Sure is, you know they've been friends from the beginning. I always wished they could be closer friends. My company just opened a division in Portland, Oregon. Who knows, perhaps one day... "

"That would be nice. Let us know if you ever come out our way."

"Thanks." We exchanged email addresses, and a handful of posed pictures were taken and suddenly they were gone... and so it happened with Kenny and Timmy, and even Eric. We walked through the dorms along with some of the other camp staff to ensure everything was as it should be before we departed. By early afternoon we were in Newark, and by eight we were touching down at Sea-Tac. Guy slept on the plane, and I was reassured that he wasn't in pain from the changes in cabin pressure. He chewed gum most of the ride, but since he didn't complain, neither of us asked. No point in putting ideas in his head.

We found our things at baggage claim, and were walking along hand in hand when I heard Edward holler my name. He wore a huge smile on his face, his eyes locked on our joined hands. Bella wore the same expression. _Yep, cat's out of the bag._

"So... " He questioned.

"So, where are you parked?"

Bella and Rose began walking, as the three of us tagged along behind.

"When?"

"It just happened... "

"They usually do."

"Are you happy?" He asked.

Rose didn't give me a chance to answer. "_Extremely._"

* * *

Camp PALS is a real place- an annual, week long summer camp for young people with Down Syndrome and meets in late June on the Cabrini College Campus in Radnor, PA. It is the brain child of Jason Toff, and was co-founded with Josh Stein and Jenni Newbury. More information can be found on my blog, lower right hand column.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to the Fandom4LLS fundraiser, whether it was by donating your words, your money or your time.


	50. Chapter 50

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty

~Bella~

It finally happened.

It didn't bother me... not in the least.

Edward, however, was in his study, frantically making call after call to try and rectify a situation that already had the perfect solution. It made me angry because he refused to just accept things for what they were.

_The man was so stubborn._ _Clearly, _I didn't understand.

Edward had gotten home less than an hour before after spending three hours at a seminar with Jeff. He was returning to work in November, after a year long leave of absence. We both knew his return to work was looming, but this class made it all the more real. We'd been living in this bubble since he came home, and we both knew that it wouldn't be long, but it suddenly seemed that the months we had to share had dwindled and one day soon we'd find ourselves counting the weeks and then days...

Just as I had continuing education requirements, Edward did as well, and one of those opportunities had presented itself just recently. I watched as he fiddled with his clothes and fought with his chaotic hair. He seemed a little nervous, which seemed such a dichotomy. Not Dr. Edward. My Edward, yes... but the professional version of my man was always just as calm, cool and collected as Cullen senior.

He'd been prepping for his return to work for a few weeks, spending his free time holed up in his study with numerous journals and packets of papers, but I had no idea what he'd been reading or studying. Just that it seemed to bring him great satisfaction. I could tell he missed it and was looking forward to returning, even if it meant we'd get to spend less time together.

When Edward came through the door, he looked beat. Gone was the nervous enthusiasm... which had been replaced by sheer exhaustion. I could see it in his eyes, and in his posture. I could just tell... the evening had been hard on him.

For most people, it would be no big deal, sitting quietly for several hours listening to a lecture, but Edward explained that he didn't want to disrupt his peers by raising and lowering his chair as he often did at home to get comfortable, instead opting to sit in the same position the entire seminar, with no relief from muscle spasms or pain. Standing and repositioning had become such a normal part of his day, that _I_ no longer even noticed him doing it. Apparently, he was afraid other people would.

Edward had no sooner made his way through the door and Alice called to say she wasn't working tonight.. Her car wouldn't start; she was at the mall waiting for a tow truck and a ride. She refused to leave her car in the mall parking lot over night. Who could blame her?

The little yellow Porsche was a sitting duck in that great big lot that sat along the freeway. She couldn't have picked something black or some other non-descript color, could she? Leaving it where it sat, was like putting a neon light next to it asking someone to take it. Alice had once told me she had been in love with the 911 since she was a little girl. She had always secretly coveted the one her neighbor owned. Today, a new one was a hundred and fifty thousand dollar car, but Alice's 1975 model cost her a third of the 2008 sticker price.

Still, the car was her baby. I understood where Alice was coming from; she couldn't just leave it sitting at the mall.

Edward, however, was livid.

He was of the mind-set that he had an attendant for a reason. He didn't want to be a burden to me or his family. He was determined to use said attendant for _all_ of his personal care needs. Edward's intention was to stroll into the kitchen every morning- fully dressed and ready to go. His bedtime plan was to for me to find him freshly showered, dressed and already in bed when I was ready to retire. Those plans revolved entirely around his attendant being present.

Tonight, the first time Alice didn't show, his entire plan came crashing down.

I think the thing that hurt the most was the fact that he _did_ allow his family to assist him. I understood that Alice was a paid employee and it was her job, but he had no qualms about asking Esme to come over and change his pants if he spilled the urinal, or had some wardrobe malfunction. There were several times when Carlisle stopped by around bedtime and said he needed some assistance brainstorming a case. I got a little frustrated when I learned he had taken it upon himself to relieve Alice of her duties for the evening.

It hurt knowing that other people were able to do all these things for Edward, when I hadn't been permitted to help. Just in the past few weeks, he'd agreed to let me help turn him during the night. Things _were_ better in that aspect, and we were finally getting closer physically.

Still, there were times when it felt like perhaps he thought I _wasn't_ capable. And it was at those times when I let my imagination get the best of me... causing me to wonder if he was letting my disability come between us.

After tonight's outburst, I immediately began to think the worst, all sorts of things ran through my mind... I wondered if it really was that he didn't want to burden me or _was_ it something else? I almost felt like he didn't or perhaps _couldn't_ trust me completely to care for him. After all- he _had_ trusted Tanya and she had neglected him terribly... she left him in a life threatening situation without a second thought. I tried to push those horrible images from my mind.

He'd never compare me to _her_, would he?

I mean, he had in the past, but it had tortured us both so deeply. He promised that part of his life was behind him, and I believed that he had put her out of his mind. I had dared to hope we were past that, _but were we_? He was so upset when he got Alice's call. The only other time I'd seen him so angry was the morning he and Carlisle fought over the lawsuit.

I wanted to help him because I cared about him. I wanted him to feel that he always had someone who would be there for him, and I wanted him to know that he'd _never_ be alone. I'd told him that, numerous times since we'd become a couple, but actions spoke louder than words. It was hard to prove myself to him, when his control of the situation made it impossible for me to ever _be_ in that sort of position.

After over a half hour of hearing hushed conversations, he came out of his study. I could tell he was frustrated, but he seemed nervous, as well. I needed to reassure him.

He didn't let me.

Immediately he explained his version of a solution. "Bella, I'm going to just sleep here in my chair. If you need anything, I'll be in the living room. I don't feel safe transferring without Alice to spot me; I'm too tired to attempt it alone tonight. The way I feel, I'd be asking for a disaster. So, I'm just going to tilt my chair and sleep in it."

I had hoped he'd come to his senses and realized I could do this for him. I had to at least try to convince him to let me help. Apparently, it was going to be necessary to take things into my own hands.

"Edward, we need to talk. Please?"

His response was curt and clipped, not at all like the Edward I'd come to know and love. "I'm really tired; I had a long, hard day. I'm sore and stiff. I'd just rather go to sleep so when I wake up, this will all be behind me. Can't it _please _wait until tomorrow?"

He knew what was coming, we'd had this argument before; but I wasn't about to give up without a fight. Not this time.

"I'd prefer to have this discussion now, please. It's important to me."

He sighed and turned his chair towards me. He looked exhausted, and deflated, as if he was out of options. "You have my full attention, Bella. What do you have on your mind that is _so pressing_?"

"I wish you'd allow me to help you."

He frowned and turned his chair in the direction of the living room. "You know I'm not comfortable with that."

_What! You're seriously just going to turn your back on me and leave?_

I stood, infuriated, my hands on my hips. He was so stubborn. This clearly looked like it was turning into our first real fight since we'd moved into the house. "Why? Are you afraid I'm not capable? I won't hurt you like Tanya did, you know."

Well _that_ got his attention.

When he whipped the chair around, his expression was heartbreaking.

He sat forward in his seat and grimaced. "I _never_ implied that you would. I don't want you to think you _have_ to help me dress and undress every day. I don't want to _burden_ you with my needs. You should be able to go about your day without having to plan around getting me up or putting me to bed. With an aide, we're capable of living a life that is nearly normal, where _I'm_ not inconveniencing _you _every day. You wouldn't have to help a _normal_ boyfriend in and out of the shower. You wouldn't have to dress him, and you certainly wouldn't have to clean him up if he messed himself. I'm trying to keep life _normal_ for you."

"Can I ask you something?"

He hesitated, I'm sure he knew where the conversation was headed. "Within reason, sure."

"If I needed something physically, and I couldn't do it for myself, would you _deny_ me because there was no one else here to help me? Would you feel I was a _burden_ to you?" I choked out. It was all I could do to contain my tears.

"_Of course not!_ Not in either case."

"Then how is this _any_ different? Don't you understand I _want_ to help you _because_ I love you? You could _never_ be a burden to me."

"You don't _understand_, Bella."

"So in other words... _you_ could help _me_, but I can't help you? Isn't that a double standard?"

"You know I'd do _anything_ for you Bella. Without a second thought."

"_Except this..._ Do you have any idea how deeply you've hurt me, every time you've refused to let me help you? I feel like you don't trust me, or you don't think I'm capable. How can we continue to move forward when you refuse to allow me to assist with your most basic needs?"

I turned and headed towards my old bedroom. I was hurt and angry, there had to be a reason he was acting like this. I knew it _had_ to have something to do with me. Hopefully tomorrow I'd wake up, Alice would be back and we'd go back to normal. I knew avoidance wasn't the answer, but I was frustrated and tired; and if I didn't go unwind, I'd say something we'd both regret. I _didn't_ want to hurt him; I just wanted to _help_ so we could both get a good night's sleep.

As I grasped the doorknob, I heard the rubber of his tires as they squeaked on the hardwood floor.

He spoke so quietly, I could barely hear him. "Bella, _please_... wait."

I faced him and replied, "I don't want to say something hurtful. I'm in a bad mood. It would be better if I just went to bed. If you need anything in the night, you know all you have to do is ask."

He rubbed his face before looking at me. I heard him mutter something under his breath so quietly, I wasn't sure what he said.

"Hmm?"

"I said I _do_ need your help. I'm sorry I was so stubborn. I do trust you... _with my life_. I'm just... well… this _isn't_ how I imagined tonight turning out- at all, and I'm a little embarrassed for you to see... the things you'll have to see if you help me."

"Why are you embarrassed? You need a little help, granted, it's a little more than I am accustomed to giving you, but that doesn't mean I can't or don't want to learn. You're getting stronger day by day. I don't think you're weak or needy. You know I don't see you that way."

"It's not that, it's just... my body... it looks like something out of a horror story. I'm not ready. I'm so sorry."

While dressing himself and showering himself were activities of daily living that he continued to work to regain every day, there were days where he still lacked the flexibility to do those things independently. Understandably, after sitting for several hours in the same position, he'd need more help...

The more I thought about how hard he struggled each day to regain the things most people took for granted, the more I became angry with myself for walking away from him. We _both_ needed to learn to give a little.

_Compromise..._

There was_ no reason_ why I couldn't help him get ready for bed. We were a couple, and even though we hadn't taken things to a very deep physical level yet, there was no reason what-so-ever that I could not help him. We were both mature adults. This situation created a necessity. There was absolutely no room for embarrassment.

I knew that if I needed him to do something- even if it was potentially embarrassing or uncomfortable for one of us, he would because I needed his help. I thought back to his birthday celebration and the way he handled the delicate manner of my bladder turning traitor and my need for a catheter. If it had been just the two of us, he would have helped me, and although embarrassing, I would have let him.

While I _didn't _trust myself to assist him in and out of the shower- a wet floor and a slippery Edward didn't make for a safe situation. I _could_ help him change clothes. He had admitted that Alice promised to help him get in and out of the shower the following morning.

"Hon, I realize how important it is for you to get out of the chair to prevent skin breakdown. I need you to let me help you. If you don't I'll never get any sleep, worrying about your well being. We'll both end up having a bad day tomorrow. You wouldn't want to deprive me of a good night's sleep, would you?"

At some point during our exchange, I realized it would be to my advantage for him to think about how his actions might have a negative effect on my well being. I wasn't above using what I had to, in order to get him safely in bed. Once he was situated in bed, I knew we'd be fine.

Alice's move out of the house and into her own home forced him into a situation where he had to come to rely on me to turn him, and he did it grudgingly... still, it was a small victory for me.

Eventually, as Edward and I grew closer, we began to really enjoy cuddling and snuggling. It was a concept that was, sadly, new to both of us. I ended up cuddling with him as he watched TV, after Alice went to the rec room in the basement one night, and I fell asleep. I awoke when she came to turn him, just as I did every night when she passed my room, while she made her way to his. The next day I had an idea.

As I explained to Alice, a huge smile crept onto her face. She had been gently nudging Edward, encouraging our relationship because he was still holding back. I was frustrated, I knew I wanted to be with him but he still seemed reluctant. We were getting closer physically, but it was at a snail's pace. Without ever consulting Edward, Alice explained how to turn and position him. She was certain that the pain meds and the sleep aid he took each night would leave him groggy enough that he wouldn't even realize it was me and not Alice turning him.

The next time I snuggled with him,_ I _woke him when it was time and in his tired state, he allowed me to assist him to roll and be positioned. After the second turn of the night, I slipped back into my own bed. In the morning, he told us about the dream he had, where he imagined I had helped him and spent the night snuggled in his arms.

Since my room had just recently become the guest bedroom, it still housed all my books, and I found I still enjoyed sitting in the window seat as I read... and on nights like tonight, it would provide me a refuge to escape to- so I could cool down, if I needed to.

Edward sighed. "Ok, so you'll spot while I transfer. That I can handle, but that's all. I'll get out of the chair for you."

_Baby steps, Bella, don't upset him and make him change his mind. Just get him into the bedroom. _

_First things first._

"Come on, I'll help you."

"Will you sleep in our room with me? _Please_?"

_This could work to your advantage, Bella._

I followed him down the hallway, standing back so he had room to navigate through the doorway without feeling rushed.

"On one condition."

He sighed again. I knew he was frustrated. I didn't want to add to it, but I _had_ to get him out of those clothes. Spending time alone with Alice was a good learning experience for me. As we'd spent an afternoon here or there, she'd share little tidbits that would educate me on Edward's care. Alice had once explained that the seams in his jeans, the ridges where his pockets were stitched on... all caused pressure areas, and if he laid on them for long periods of time, his skin would break down and become ulcerated. I was suddenly thankful for that conversation.

"I _know_ you need to shed the clothes to prevent pressure sores. Won't you _please_ let me help you? You promised me we were in this together. I don't want you to injure yourself because of your pride. _Nothing_ about you could offend me, baby. _Please_ let me help you. I know you say you're not ready, but really, when _will_ you be ready? There's no time like the present. How can we move forward with a sexual relationship if we remain covered up? You know I'll see eventually... "

He hung his head, and nodded slightly. "Can we just do it quickly? Promise not to stare at me?"

"No, no... I won't stare. You just need to tell me what to do. I know we can safely do this if we work together. We're a _team_, remember?"

"I wish I was sitting on a sling, we could use a hydraulic lift. I don't want you to get hurt. _I'm afraid,_ Bella."

"What are you afraid of? You support your own weight. I'm just spotting. If we have an emergency, we'll call someone."

"_Everyone_ is busy. I didn't even call Carlisle and Esme; I know they went out to dinner and a movie."

"We'll be fine. _Have some faith in us, _please. Come on; let's get started so we can get done."

"Alright, we have to get everything around, first. I guess if we're really going to do this, I should teach you properly, in case there is ever another _emergency_." He rolled his eyes, as he emphasized the word, but the playfulness ended and he got all serious again. "Are you sure it's not too late? You're not too tired?"

_He was stalling..._

"Nope, I'm fine." Even if I were exhausted, I'd never let on. We were finally making progress.

_Thank you Alice and your little yellow car._

"Show me what to do. I'm your beck and call girl."

I followed Edward to his dresser. There was a large box of catheter supplies in the drawer with his under things. He opened the box and removed two packages, and a handful of betadine prep pads. "You know what these are, and what I do with them." They got carried to the night stand. Edward laid them next to the dishpan on the stand. I knew they were the catheters he used throughout the night.

At least Alice wasn't afraid to share parts of the routine with me. She told me more than he ever would. I had seen him do it numerous times, but he was careful... guarded... when I helped him at night, so that I wouldn't see anything he didn't want me too. He took a hold of himself in a way that all I had ever seen was the tip that he wiped with the prep pad. It rather amazed me to watch him push and push what seemed like miles of tubing into the tiny hole. The whole process was over in a matter of seconds, and he never really exposed himself. He _was_ rather stealthy. He had asked me not to watch, but I'm sure he knew that I stole glances. So, maybe I _was_ taking advantage of his sleepy state... but how could I not?

I watched as Edward went back to the dresser and got a pair of cotton sleep pants, laying them on the foot of our bed.

I followed as he went in the bathroom and got a pill-minder tray out. Opening up the space for Friday night, he removed several pills. As he laid each one on the counter, he named it. The first pill was a white oval- "Baclofen- it's the muscle relaxer I'd like Jeff to prescribe for you." He pulled out a white tablet that I recognized, Tylenol, for pain." I simply nodded my head so he knew I was still paying attention. He pulled out a Centrum with iron, I knew that one, I took it as well. "I used to take a lot more; thankfully I can get by now with the bare minimum."

He scooped the pills up in one hand, and took a glass from the vanity and filled it with tap water. In one gulp, the pills were gone.

"Okay, normally, I shower, but since we're not doing that tonight, I'll just wash my face and hands, brush my teeth. If you don't' mind, you can go back to the bedroom and turn the bed down. I'll be right there."

I knew he wanted privacy, so I went to the bedroom and waited. I heard him flush; I knew he took care of his bladder needs. Before long he was in the bedroom, fresh faced and smiling. "Bella, I really was being selfish earlier. I'm sorry. I truly am grateful that you're here and that you're willing to help me. It _would_ be a bad idea for me to sleep in my clothing, even though I've done it before."

"I don't mind helping you, at all. Come on, let's get you into bed. It's been a long day."

He turned the chair to the foot of the bed and looked at me hesitantly. "I'm a little stiffer tonight than normal; I think it's this damp weather. Could you?"

"I told you I'd help you. It's okay Edward. We can do this."

I reached for his tee shirt, and helped him get his arms out of before I took it over his head. I knew his torso well, and it was covered in battle scars. I remember telling him I thought of them as proof of his victories, he'd been through all this, and even though he wore the proof, he'd come out on top. Tonight I didn't dwell on what I saw. Even though his bare chest was nothing new, he had been aggravated and I didn't want him to obsess on things he couldn't change.

I thought about the angry little marks I knew had been road debris they'd picked out of his skin after they had put him all back together. He had talked about those when he was in the body cast and I was visiting. There were several old scars, that weren't that prominent. I knew his legs were bad, but really... did it matter?

He seemed to be off in his own little world after I got his shirt off, "See, not bad at all. Are you okay?"

He looked up, seemingly distracted. "What?"

"I asked if you were okay."

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Let's get on with this."

"How do we do the pants? I'm sure the shirt was the easy part."

"Yeah, it was. I'll stand my chair up. I can unzip my jeans and push them down, but Alice normally takes it from there. I could use my reacher, but as tired and frustrated as I am, I know I'll end up fumbling and needing help anyway. Once they are down, I'll sit back down and you'll need to take my shoes off and then remove one pant leg at a time. Once they are off, put on the sleep pants and return my shoes to my feet. I'll stand and you'll have to pull them up until they are within my reach. I can completely dress myself, but by bedtime, especially if I'm tired, Alice still does a lot of the work."

It couldn't be _that_ hard. "Okay, I've got it. You ready?" He nodded, hesitantly, but reached for the switch and soon his chair was standing and he was undoing his pants. _You promised him, Bella. Don't look down. DON'T look down. _I reached out to help him, and in my clumsiness, my wrist grazed over the joystick of his wheelchair. It lurched backwards with a jerk, and Edward whimpered.

"Sorry."

"It's okay; I forgot to shut it off. My fault."

He hit the button and I heard the telltale click letting me know it was off this time. I'd have to be more mindful of that. I was used to hearing it every time the chair turned on or off and listened for it before I ever attempted to crawl into his lap. But, tonight I had allowed myself to get distracted. This wasn't the time. I knew the outcome would determine if I'd ever be trusted to assist him again.

Edward hitched his pants down over his behind and I bent down to help him. I caught a quick glimpse before his shirt fell. Thinking he was covered, I went to look up _at him_, but I came face to face with Little Eddie. I promised not to _stare_. I didn't say I wouldn't look.

_Come on, this _is _nekked Edward._

I half expected a partial salute... but, no. Yet, there it was, right in front of me... the object of contention for all this time... He may have hung limply, but what was there was nothing to snicker at.

My man was pleasantly endowed.

I realized I was ogling him, and involuntarily I licked my lips. Edward coughed and I looked up.

_Busted._

~Edward~

It took everything in me to allow Bella to help me. While I knew in my heart that she would never dream of hurting me, that she was insisting on helping because she knew it was the healthiest option for me, everything in me screamed that this was all wrong.

I hired Alice before Bella came into my life, yet I realized- after we had faltered and then found ourselves again, that Bella could possibly become a permanent fixture. I knew that I wanted my attendant to handle my personal care and I wanted Bella to be able to be my girl, if that was what she wanted, but without the added burden of being my caregiver.

The responsibility of being a round-the-clock caregiver for a person with a disability was daunting. Bella had a disease that was impacted by stress. I didn't want to cause her undue harm when I already had someone to care for me, someone who, in turn, was depending on me for a paycheck each week. It became apparent with the revelation of Alice's car breakdown, that Bella thought I was refusing her help because of my past with Tanya, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Bella's condition was my first concern, embarrassment over what resided under my clothing was the second.

I could never forgive myself, if I allowed Bella to care for me and her condition inadvertently worsened as a result. She could never be my sole care giver. I wouldn't budge on that, no matter how hard she fought the idea, no matter what kind of rift it created between us. I would have to find a way to make her understand.

As for my body..., I had seen my body; it was covered with nasty scars. My torso and arms were built, and everything from my waist down was... not. My legs had always been fairly toned, even if they were on the lean side. I didn't have huge muscles, but they were firm and I worked hard to keep them that way. I had consistently spent a few hours each week doing range of motion in a gym with a trainer, no matter where I lived. I had owned a Theracycle that allowed me to pedal through a remote controlled fitness program. I needed only to have a roommate present who could strap my legs in and then assist me to get undone when I finished. I was in relatively good condition... until I met my fate and the bumper of a car late that October night.

After I was hit, the months and months in casts had caused my leg muscles to atrophy. I was bony, my legs thin. My musculature looked more like it belonged to an eighty year old man, than my 34 year old self. Even though Emmett continued to work with me at home, and I had just completed outpatient rehab, I was embarrassed by my appearance. I had hoped I'd be in better physical condition before Bella ever saw me disrobed. Fate had a strange sense of humor.

_Damn Alice and that car!_

It really did make perfect sense for Bella to help me get into bed... and it made perfect sense for her to learn my routine so I always had a back-up plan. I just had a hard time reconciling that war in my head. I didn't want my girl to be my caregiver.

_I didn't want to be a burden._

I was too stubborn to realize how I had thoughtlessly hurt Bella, when I made her feel like I wasn't in capable hands with her. It was so very wrong of me to let her go to bed thinking that. I had to swallow my fear and make this right; and I had to do it before she walked through her bedroom door, or all the progress we'd made in our relationship would become lost. We had come so far... I needed to just bite the bullet and get over myself.

As she reached for the door knob, I knew it was now or never.

"Bella, please... wait."

I explained as best I could that my reluctance had nothing to do with her abilities, and everything to do with my own self image.

After calming her ruffled feathers, and being honest, we came to a compromise. She'd assist me, I'd teach her the proper way, even. She agreed not to make a spectacle out of the whole thing. And I agreed to put my trust in her... completely.

She knew my torso... intimately, and even though she'd seen me without a shirt in broad daylight, I tried not to make a habit out of it. Still, I was okay with her seeing that part of me. My day had been long, and I was so rigid, I was just so tired and defeated, and I apologized for needing her help with something I normally had no trouble with at all.

When she reached for my shirt, my breath hitched. I knew this was it, once the shirt was off, the rest would follow... Fear gripped me. I was terrified of the unknown. What would she do... say... when she saw my naked body. I wore my clothing like a suit of armor.

There was no reason for my panic, Bella removed my shirt like she was ripping off a Band-Aid, she didn't give me time to think about what was yet to come. After we finished, she reassured me. "See, not bad at all. Are you okay?"

I hadn't answered her. "What?"

"I asked if you were okay."

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Let's get on with this."

"How do we do the pants? I'm sure the shirt was the easy part."

_God, here goes nothing. You can do this, Edward. It's just you and Bella._

I explained how Alice and I handled undressing. Then, I stood my chair to begin undoing my pants, I felt like an animal headed to slaughter. I was distracted and forgot to turn it off... Bella, in her haste to get done quickly, bumped the joystick sending me backwards. I think I yelped as the chair jerked to a stop. My old chair automatically turned off when you placed it in the standing position, so I'd have to turn it on each time before I could drive it in the standing position. This one didn't have that feature and I was having a hard time remembering that.

I felt top heavy, and when the chair lurched back, my top fell forward. I knew I wouldn't tip over, but it still gave me a start.

It was all I could do to unzip my pants and push them down. I looked at Bella as she diverted her eyes. _Don't look Bella, please don't look. PLEASE don't look. _She turned as if to look up at me, when she realized she was face to face with my crotch.

I gasped, as I saw the blush begin to creep up over her cheeks. I reached to cover myself with something... anything... and she licked her lips.

With _yearning?_

_What the hell? _

_Please don't look like that at me, Bella; I'm not ready to have this discussion._

"Oh, God, Edward. I'm sorry. Please..." she stammered. "Please don't be offended." I felt bad that she was so out of sorts. She wasn't trying to intentionally make me uncomfortable. This was awkward for her, too.

"Bella. Come on let's just finish." I was totally caught off guard. I expected her to be disgusted by my body, and she looked intrigued. That wasn't the reaction I had prepared myself for. It was almost... exciting... to see my girl look at me so longingly. Maybe I _wasn't_ as grotesque as I had imagined? She was flushed _and _had licked her lips. She wasn't repulsed like I thought she'd be.

_Could_ she look at me like I was just another guy and not something out of a horror flick?

Bella pushed my pants down my legs, careful not to stare. I sat the chair down so she could get everything off over my feet. She sat Indian style, in front of my footrests, and attempted to pick my foot up onto her lap.

"Good Lord! That thing's made out of concrete. Holy cow, Edward. Your legs are so heavy. How does Alice lift them?"

I didn't think to warn her that I was dead weight, lifting my legs, from this position, would be like nothing else she'd ever experienced. This was a little different than sliding them across the smooth bed. "I can't help you much, they're dead weight, I'm sorry." I put both my hands behind my knee and lifted my bent leg as far as I could. Before the accident I could lift them in and out of bed... cars... and I had regained most of that... but tonight I felt so stiff and spastic.

Bella grimaced, and yanked. Soon my foot sat in her lap. She untied my shoe and pulled. My foot was swollen. The shoe didn't budge. She got up on her haunches, and began to pull. All of a sudden the shoe let loose, and Bella fell back on her butt with a thud. I couldn't help the belly laugh that came out of me, until I looked down at her and realized she wasn't finding any humor in it. It reminded me of the time she fell at the bowling alley. The first of many _non-dates_. I smiled at the memory. I didn't care if she was angry, I realized. It was cute.

"Quit laughing Cullen, you're at my mercy." I was... but I didn't know what she could actually do to make this any worse. I was currently in my birthday suit and more vulnerable in front of her than I'd ever been. If I could find humor at a time like this, she'd just have to deal with it. I stuck my tongue out at her. "I'm not afraid of you!" I smirked.

"And I have your pants!" She taunted, holding up the sleep pants.

Well _that _wiped the smirk off my face.

I wasn't ready to sleep in the buff- didn't know if I ever would be... but, it certainly wouldn't be tonight.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I'll behave."

She carefully set my leg down, running her hands over my foot, no doubt noticing how swollen it was. "They'll be okay after I'm in bed for a while." I reassured her. She frowned and nodded, as she moved on to the other shoe. She was prepared this time, and managed to remove it without hurting herself.

"Doesn't Alice put some kind of lotion on your scars to keep them from itching?"

"She does, _after_ my bath. No bath- _no lotion_. They don't itch."

"But what if they itch in the night?"

"I won't feel it."

"I thought you had some feeling on the fronts of your legs."

"I do, a little, here and there. If they itch, you can scratch them, okay?"

"Really?"

"No."

Bella huffed as she got my pants and carefully guided each foot into a leg opening. She pushed my pant legs up enough to get my shoes back on temporarily. I would have transferred bare foot, but I needed the protection of my orthopedic shoes. It was ironic- four hundred and fifty bucks for a pair of shoes and I'd never take a single step in them.

Bella got me all sorted out and stood up alongside my chair. I moved my joystick and was soon ascending into a standing position. Bella reached down and grabbed my waistband. Thinking she would pull them up to where I could reach them, we fumbled as she tried to pull them all the way up. In the confusion of hands and arms, she brushed against my penis and darned if he didn't twitch to life. If I _wanted_ an erection, I couldn't conjure one up to save my life. Let someone touch it by accident and _away we go_!

Bella was red-faced. I was certain I was, too.

My pants were up, but embarrassingly tented.

"I'm sorry... I didn't... you said you couldn't... Oh God... I didn't mean to... "She stammered and hung her head. Her hair hiding her face.

"It's ok, Bella, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I didn't mean to make that happen...," She continued to flush.

_So lovely_.

I smirked, "It's just the nature of the beast... it happens sometimes."

She nodded, but looked slightly confused. I suspected that our conversation about all things technical in regards to Little Edward had been more than a little overwhelming; even if she had reassured me she understood it all, so I reminded her... "Remember hon..., the nerve pathways to my groin are damaged, but the nerves in my penis are fine, if that makes sense to you. You didn't _do_ anything wrong."

Bella had the bed all turned down, it really _was_ time to get to bed. This conversation wasn't much different than the one we'd had after I saw Reilly, I just didn't expect anything like this after such a long day, or quite so soon. We'd been taking little steps all this time, and now, that it was upon us, it seemed it was all we talked about.

"Come on Bella, we've got a few more things to do yet. Aren't you tired?" She looked like I felt... like she could drop over. Putting me to bed every night would sap all of her energy.

This was, most certainly, an occasional thing only.

Bella followed me to the side of the bed where I parked. I explained how to plug the chair in and watch the needle on the meter drop to be certain the battery was charging, it never occurred to me that it was something she'd never done before. She pulled my transfer board from my backpack and handed it to me. It was nice that she did it for me, but even nicer that I _could_ finally do it myself.

I flipped my armrest up and bridged the gap from chair to bed with the transfer board. Slowly but surely I inched my way across the board. Lately I'd gotten a little cocky with Alice, but there was no one to help us if there was a mistake. I was careful.

When I got my behind onto the bed, I reached out for the dog leash I had secured to the opposite side of the bed frame. It was just long enough for me reach out and put my wrist through the loop and grab the leash. There was enough tension that when I pulled, my butt slid into place.

I leaned back onto my pillow and Bella had to lift each leg into bed tonight, it was par for the course that her first time helping me would be one where I needed the maximum assistance... She grunted and grimaced, but I had to hand it to her, she didn't give up. I'd never owned a leg lifter of my own, but I decided it was something I needed.

After I was in bed, she removed my shoes again, and rolled me facing her side of the bed. She put the pillows in the proper places... a king sized, rolled and tucked behind my back so I wouldn't roll backwards... a small one between my ankles... and another small one between my knees. She pulled the covers up to my shoulders and made her way over to the other side of the bed, slipping in alongside me.

Bella had made little fanfare about the whole getting me into bed thing. She almost seemed to _enjoy_ helping me, _but how could that be_? Living with a person like me could easily turn into a ball and chain for a family member. I didn't want her to feel like that. Yet, being a medical professional, I understood the rewarding feeling of assisting a patient.

_Was that how it was for her... helping me? _

Maybe we _could_ do this... occasionally. Alice kept bugging me to train a substitute, in the event of an emergency.

_Like this one._

I really shouldn't have my anger at Bella. I was irritated to have to hunt down a sub on such short notice, I was sore and tired… and cranky. I just wanted to get into bed. When I realized there was no one but Bella, panic set in. I'd have to grovel tomorrow with Alice to get back into her good graces, and I owed Bella a huge apology.

Bella crawled into bed and I clapped my hand, turning off the lights we'd gotten to replace my parent's lamps.

I pulled the covers up, creating a cocoon around us. Bella backed into me, rubbing her butt against my groin. I had aversions about her helping me get to bed tonight, and not just because of inconveniencing her, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been afraid of repulsing her and scaring her off. But like anything else one stressed over, it wasn't nearly as bad as the anticipation had built it up to be.

Instead of being repulsed, it was almost as if the whole situation had made Bella _more_ daring. I put my hand over myself, and damn if the little bugger hadn't gotten all responsive again. If this situation had made Bella a little brazen, was she just going to take the initiative now?

Bella leaned back into me, and with no warning what-so-ever, her little hand reached behind her and pulled mine out from where it rested. _Oh, God, did she think I was trying to feel her butt?_ I was momentarily horrified... until I realized what she was doing. Bella slid my hand up her side, under her shirt, until it gently cupped her bare breast. She left her hand on top of mine, and then wiggled back into me a little more and sighed. Not a word was spoken as her hand dropped from mine. Was it cliché to say she had left the ball in my court?

She was trying to tell me she wanted this. But... we were both tired. I could see she was exhausted. I wasn't ready. _Oh, baby, please don't test my resolve. Not tonight. _

I felt her harden and pebble under my hand, and my hand had a mind of its own, caressing the soft skin, skimming over the hard peak.

I thought back to all the times I'd pushed Bella away yet her advances had never been aggressive or grabby... they were loving touches to show me how much she cared. So much so that she pushed aside any hesitancy she might have had about helping me. She had to have been a little intimidated with my routine. Heck, I was, for a long time.

I needed to learn that she knew her body and what she was feeling up to, and if she was asking me to love her, that _meant_ she wasn't too tired... I'd learned some very important lessons over the span of a few hours... and my realization that I made a habit of wrongfully underestimating her abilities was no doubt the most important

After the loving way she cared for me, how could I deny her whatever it was she was asking for?

I skimmed my hand down across the soft skin of her flat belly. Leaning in, I kissed her neck just behind her ear. "Thank you for helping me tonight, baby. I'm sorry if I upset you. I never meant to insinuate that you weren't capable." I hoped I hadn't made her feel inadequate. She did a great job. I nuzzled behind her ear and felt her shiver. I continued to rub my hand in lazy circles across her tummy, getting closer and closer to the place I knew she wanted me.

"I told you I didn't mind. I'm in this for the long haul."

"I love that you're willing to help me, Bella. I just know how much of a strain it can put on a relationship when one individual is providing personal care for the other."

"We'll be okay. I want to help you because I love you. I agree it _is _nice that Alice is here every evening and we can both go about our business and do things our own way, but I like the having the satisfaction of knowing that if we want to have a quiet evening alone, we _can_ handle it privately... and safely."

I had completely overlooked that angle. The way things had been progressing physically with us, of course she'd be thinking about privacy, and longing for it. I was so used to having none, that I somehow forgot most people had the luxury of privacy whenever they desired it. This relationship stuff was a daily learning process, it seemed. How did my parents make it appear so effortless?

I gently nibbled my way down her neck towards her collarbone and she arched back into me with a soft moan. The unexpected movement pushed her mound into my palm and I couldn't help the urge to want to make her feel good.

"Lay on your back Bella." I whispered. I wanted to share this with her, she rolled over and our eyes locked. I wanted to watch her come undone.

Bella shifted her hips and rolled onto her back, before pushing herself up on her elbows and looking at me- her face full of wonder and excitement. I was sure her expression mirrored my own.

_Was that what I looked like?_

I reached for the hem of her nightshirt and she pulled her lip between her teeth. "Is this okay baby?" She nodded her head, never taking her eyes off of mine. She lifted up while we worked together to pull it over her head. Suddenly, I wasn't nearly as tired, or sore... and it all made sense...

Her skin was like porcelain, pale and smooth and free of blemishes. Her tiny pink buds were pert and puckered. As soon as I had touched them they had reacted. My eyes followed the contours of her flat stomach, and the dip between her hips. She was completely bare of clothing. "My God, you're breathtaking. Let me make you feel good baby, is that okay?"

"Please?" It came out as a whimper.

I placed open-mouthed kisses across her collarbones and down across the swell of her breasts. She shuddered and arched into me when I took her left nipple into my mouth, nipping and sucking lightly. My hand was on the right one, caressing gently. She was moaning and wiggling, as I continued to touch, and lick and nibble. My hand traveled lower and lower. Hers were in my hair, on my chest.

I was thoroughly enjoying myself, watching her like this... her breath hitched when I rested my hand between her thighs, but she opened them, welcoming my touch. She was so very wet, and my self deprecating self had to make a joke. "Well, one of us has no trouble with visual stimulation...," I had seen her sneak a peek. I knew she had seen me, how much, I wasn't sure. I couldn't bring myself to watch, I was so un-nerved.

I continued to touch and tease her, and when she began to get close, her fingers dug into the sheets and I understood... there _was _so much we could share, so much I could give her, even if I could never give her all of myself... but I was determined that I'd die trying. She rolled up onto her side, facing me, and gripped my bicep with her little fingers, digging in when her body went rigid... while she jerked and shuddered and whispered my name...

She reached for the waist band of my sleep pants and I stopped her.

"Not tonight love; tonight was about you." I took her hand from my waist before I spoke. "We have so far to go before we do anything with that... but I promise I'll try. For you, I'll do whatever is necessary. We're both tired; I don't want this to end in frustration. Let's go to sleep, I promise we'll do this again." The long dormant teenager in me was fist pumping and hooting, happy to be awakened after all these years.

I was sure Bella would argue with me, but she looked into my eyes and said, "Mmkay. I am tired." She sat up and reached her arms around my neck and gave me several kisses that made me feel re-energized, but I knew she needed sleep. "I love you Edward. Thank you for trusting me, and thank you for loving me." She snuggled in against my chest and wrapped her arm around my waist, and in a matter of moments, she was snoring.

I lay next to her for a long time, so many thoughts going through my mind. She had continued to show me through her actions that she had every intention of remaining by my side. It was time for me to let go of my inhibitions and do everything in my power to make her feel loved. Because I did love her, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing her as a result of my fears. Loving her had never come as some huge defining moment; I think I'd known all along, I was just so stubborn. So afraid to let anyone in...

What had occurred tonight made me realize how important it was that I explain my physical needs to Bella, not just in intimate situations, but also my attendant care needs. It _had been_ unfair of me to leave her in the dark. If I wanted her to remain a part of my life, she deserved to know what she was getting herself into and it was my responsibility to share that with her. Once again, I had tried to protect her by taking decisions away from her, and once again, she proved me wrong. It was wrong of me to expect her to walk into this blindly... so very wrong.

Our argument tonight showed me that she wasn't a meek quiet woman who was going to go along with all my opinions, but rather a strong adversary who was willing to stick up for what she believed in... And after the fact, I'm actually glad that she had. She was right, and I was so terribly wrong. I did understand why she wanted to be a part of my personal care, and I hoped that now she understood my feelings too... that I wasn't excluding her to hurt her. I knew caring for me could be both physically and emotionally demanding. My biggest fear was that one day she'd wake up and realize just how much work it was to be my girlfriend/fiancé/wife... I never wanted to be an obligation.

I drifted off with so many images and thoughts bombarding my mind. They followed me into dreamland. Just as I finally fell into a fitful sleep, the shrill beeping of the alarm clock jerked me awake.

Bella sleepily clambered out of bed and turned on the small bedside lamp. She rolled me onto my back and fumbled for a catheter bag. I raised the head of the bed and laid everything out next to me, she was exhausted, and I could take more initiative without it looking like I didn't want her help. Bella took the opportunity to go into the bathroom while I emptied my bladder and lifted the small bag into the dishpan on my nightstand. I only had 200 ccs out. I'd have to drink more water and less coffee tomorrow.

My girl crawled into bed, and snuggled into me. I snapped my fingers to turn off the light, and before I knew it, I finally felt like I could let sleep take me. I felt her snuggle in beside me once I was once again situated. On my last reposition of the night, she'd begun leaving the king size pillow from behind me on my father's old chair. Removing it gave her an unobstructed space where she could snuggle in behind me. When we were spooning like that, I didn't fall over.

Just as I was dozing off, I felt the unmistakable sensation of a tiny hand creeping down, slowly, under the waistband of my pants. Bella had never made such a bold advance and it jolted me awake. As soon as I tensed, she shushed me.

"I'm not going to hurt you baby. Relax. I promise not to go too far." Her hand rested softly amongst the hairs on my lower belly. Gently caressing, but not going any further. I slid my hand down and rested it on top of hers guiding her lower. I knew we had to start someplace, and _showing_ her was the best way I could think of to reassure her that this _was_ what I wanted, after my childish outburst that could have cost us everything.

I felt her arm brush the hairs on my belly, and I was sure she was gripping me, or stroking me... and it broke me to not be able to tell. She kept her hand there for the longest time...

I grabbed the pillow from under my head and covered my face with it before I muttered, "Just do it."

"Do what?" she smirked. She knew _exactly_ what I was giving her permission to do.

"Just go ahead and look."

"You trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Can I please turn on the light? I promise it won't be as bad as you think."

Lost for words, I nodded my assent.

I was a little surprised when she didn't go right for the prize. The first thing she did was remove the pillow. "I can't have you passing out on me from lack of oxygen now, can I?"

I didn't open my eyes, but I felt her lips caress my own, and then on to my neck... leaving a trail of little nibbles and pecks down across my chest. When she went for my navel again, I think I almost stopped breathing. My senses were so heightened, and now she knew just which places to concentrate on to bring me to the brink of insanity.

She pushed my waistband down over my hipbones, and I could feel it resting at the top of my pubic bone. With her hands on my hips, her thumbs caressed over that spot just inside my hipbones, and I could feel the muscle ripple and twitch under her touch.

"I'm going to pull them down now. Can you lift up?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and reached for the trapeze that hung over the bed. I'd only used it a few times, but I was pretty sure this would be the most memorable. Her hands slid the pants down over my behind, and the sensation... stopped.

"Lower yourself now, baby, it's okay."

Even though I couldn't exactly feel her touch, I knew she was lifting each leg and removing the pant leg in turn... and I knew the moment... the _exact_ moment when she looked and really saw. It wasn't the silence, but rather her sharp intake of breath just before she whispered, "_Oh_... I'm _so_ sorry, Edward."

Why was she sorry? Because she'd finally gotten a good look? Because Little Eddie was a lifeless wonder? Because I looked like Frankenstein? I warned her it wasn't pretty, and now... now she knew the truth...

I looked down to where she knelt next to my legs, and watched as she covered my pelvis with a portion of the sheet before her little fingers began tracing the scars... her tears silently running down her cheeks. "Oh baby, they look so, so sore."

Instead of the repulsion I had feared all these months, when the moment of truth was finally upon us... I watched in fascination as she lowered her lips to my body and gently... reverently... began covering me with kisses, interrupting her adoration of my body with the occasional question about a particular scar.

She never flinched or showed distaste as she worshipped each and every blemish, and pointed out the positives she found in them... from the permanently discolored skin on my chest where I was pinned between the seats... instead of thrown from the car; to my left hand, still not as limber or flexible as its mate which had begun to find flexibility in caressing her. The badly broken legs that were strong once again supported my trunk and allowed me to stand... and the foot that had miraculously survived after hanging on by a thread all those weeks... to every one of the gnarled toes on my feet.

Instead of running in disgust, like the Bella in my nightmares... the Bella who loved me worshipped my broken body as if it were a thing of beauty and any remaining shred of doubt I might have had that we could make this work, had been abolished... The shackles that had immobilized me with fear fell away and suddenly I knew, without a doubt...

_I was ready._

~Bella~

I vowed to worship his body over and over, but not while he was so tired... he'd as much as admitted that he hadn't slept and when that time did come, I wanted him awash in sensation... so totally involved that he could think of nothing else...

I had felt the anxiety coming off him in waves, when I reached for that waist band. But this time... this time he didn't stop me... in fact, instead of fighting, he willingly gave in.

And now, in the early hours of the day... the best day... that followed what was quite possibly our worst night... I continued to worship him with my eyes and my mouth as he lay quietly watching, his modesty preserved simply by the sheet that strategically covered his most private parts. I used slight touches here and there, but I didn't want to overwhelm him.

Running my fingers over his chest, through the coarse bronze hairs that were peppered here and there, I felt the scars that were scattered across his skin. I touched all the places that for so long, had been off limits to me. His body was beautiful, well toned and in good shape. Despite his physical limitations, it was obvious he'd taken excellent care of himself. I shook my head, remembering the self deprecation when he refused to allow me to lift his shirt in the past. We'd come such a long way in the terms of discovery...

While every other exploration had occurred under the cover of darkness, I was elated that he finally let down his barriers and let me in. My fingers ghosted over a long scar that ran along his rib cage. As I explored, he explained quietly that they'd had to remove a rib after he'd been crushed between the seats in his father's Mercedes. After the rib had snapped, it punctured his lung causing extensive damage. A scar just a few ribs lower was the place, he'd told me, where a tube was pushed between his ribs, to drain the fluid from his lung as it recovered from the trauma of both injury and surgery.

Just under his ribs was a horizontal mark, darkened like a bruise, but not new. This is the place where Edward's body was compressed between the seats as his parents lay dying. My fingers paused, reverently, as I kissed the spot, and pondered all the things he lost in that moment.

The small pink scars sprinkled across his chest were all the places small shards of glass had embedded themselves in his skin the second time he was hurt and he shared with me Carlisle's comment about the surreality of watching an orderly pick pieces of glass out of his chest, after the entire surgical staff had worked relentlessly to keep him alive.

Running my hands down over his bicep I worshipped it with kisses in the place where the large bone protruded, a result of the first accident. Under this scar, the muscle sags slightly evident of where it was severed.

I picked up the hand closest to me and kissed his knuckles, the shiny skin still pink where the scabs had formed after his body skidded across the pavement. I knew in time those scars would turn silvery and nearly disappear, but even now- almost a year after the fact, they were still dark and angry. This hand, still just slightly contracted from weeks of non-use, was another permanent testament to his resilience. It might never be the same, but he pushed it to the point where it could do its job, and that was what mattered. Not being the dominant hand, he didn't use it to write or drive the wheelchair and it had been neglected for some time. The big picture was just…so huge…sometimes little things like that were overlooked. I chuckled as my imagination ran wild with exercises he could try to keep it supple and strong..

My fingers whispered across his taut stomach. The tiny scar he showed me, just above his belly button was the place where a feeding tube once resided giving him nutrition as he lay unconscious. I was almost surprised that it was the only scar there. And slightly lower…his navel was surrounded by soft reddish brown hairs that trailed under the sheet.

I had slung the sheet low across his hipbones and I could see the long, red, and puckered scar he explained was from the second accident, the place where they cut through his skin and muscle to gain access to his broken pelvis. He told me of plates and pins, and as I skimmed my fingers across his hipbone in just the right place, I felt the protrusion of some piece of hardware under his pale skin... and I felt his muscles twitch and tremble in anticipation as I caressed _that spot_.

Taking in his long lean legs, I gasped, having never before seen them in this close proximity. Through our past several encounters, Edward had always remained dressed. Tonight, exposed as he was, I couldn't help but continue my perusal of his body.

The left thigh had a bright red, perfectly square patch of fresh scar tissue that I knew to be the donor site for the skin graft that covered his ankle. I'd seen it when I'd visited the hospital, and I wondered now how long it would be until it blended into the patchwork that was his skin. A fresh scar ran the outside length of either thigh. Both of Edward's knees bore skin that was red and angry, like it had been freshly scrubbed with a steel wool pad.

Below Edward's knees the scars looked like spider webs, I briefly remembered Alice joking about the need for spider web tattoos. Just above his right ankle was what Edward and Alice jokingly refer to as the 'hamburger spot'. In all honesty, on close inspection, it was a lumpy scar that had tissue protruding from it that, sadly, did look like a chunk of raw hamburger. It looked like it was still healing, even though I knew this was no longer the case. I remember Carlisle explaining that they had put a drain in here on one of the occasions that surgical intervention was necessary to rid it of infection. This was the foot he'd come so close to losing, on so many occasions and I couldn't resist the urge to worship it in thanksgiving.

Moving back up the bed, I snuggled in next to him, pulling the sheet around our naked bodies. He practically purred as my hand made circles, caressing his belly.

"Thank you," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "Thank you for loving me."

I rolled back and looked up at him. "Thank you for trusting me. I never pushed to make you feel uncomfortable, I needed you to see that even though you may have _been_ broken, I don't see you that way. You're _not _broken now. You're such a strong, courageous man. I love everything about you." I didn't want him to ever think loving him took effort. I wanted the whole package, just not the good parts. This was life, you took the bad with the good, and it made you stronger...

His voice was heavy with emotion when he replied. "I love you so much, baby. I know there are days when it's going to be a lot of responsibility, loving someone... like me. I'm sorry I tried to shut you out. Thank you for making me see this through your eyes."

"Hey, it's behind us. We're both ready to move forward. No more apologies. Okay?"

He nuzzled into my hair. "Okay," he whispered, yawning.

I reached up, cradling his face with my palm, I kissed him softly. "You're so tired, let's try to get a little sleep before Alice gets here." I heard a low growl and had to laugh at him. "None of that. If she hadn't had car troubles...," I silently thanked Alice again for whatever malfunction had kept her away. "We needed this... to be put in a situation where we had to both confront our fears. It _was_ a little intimidating for me... the thought that I would be the person solely responsible to make sure you had everything you needed, and that it all occurred safely and comfortably, for both of us... but you led the way for me and it _wasn't_ too hard... and we got everything done without a problem."

I respected his desire to keep life simple and the desire to always have an aide. I _could_ see things from his perspective, but I was relieved that we had been put on the spot and had to rely on one another.

"You're right. I'm...," I knew what he was going to say, and before he could, I planted a kiss on his lips.

"No more of that. Now, sleep, mister." I giggled softly.

"Mmkay, night baby. Love you."

"I love you too." After just a few moments, he snored softly. Looking at his face, peaceful in slumber, I watched the tiny puff of his lips each time he exhaled. Under my hand I felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He had finally consented and to his credit, allowed me to push him farther than ever before... exhaustion had been clearly written all over his face, finally he looked relaxed. While he slipped into unconsciousness quickly. I…couldn't sleep. Although physically tired, my mind was exhilarated. I never imagined loving someone could be like this.

I was beginning to feel confident in a way that I'd never known, and I knew we'd be okay. The inexperienced eighteen year old boy had finally been exorcised from his thirty-four year old body and the fumbling young woman was clumsy no more. The greatest gift he'd given me was his assurance that he loved me, just the way I am, and finally... I think he finally understood that I felt that way too. He needed to shed his armor and put his trust in me completely for that to happen, and he finally had. Gone were the insecurities and vulnerabilities we'd begun this journey with and through each other, we'd found ourselves.

I believed he could finally be at peace with his body, now that he knew that I was too.

_I wonder if a body can appreciate the value of itself without another body to stroke it, or love it with lips and fingertips... without gentle caresses and loving gestures. _

It took his love and laughter, his words and actions to show me the path to self acceptance. Self confidence is contagious and in paying homage to his once broken body, I was able to reassure him- through attentiveness and gentle affections- that I was determined to help him find self confidence, too.

I never experienced this kind of euphoria with another. With Edward, the experience became surreal. The few things I thought I knew about lovemaking were fallacies. What I'd experienced in the past, was sex. And even though we hadn't accomplished that yet, what I'd already shared with Edward was something of an entirely different world.

After all this... I still believed the confident, well adjusted Edward I first met had been entirely genuine, he just wasn't Edward in his_ entirety_. His complacency with his situation was a huge contributor to that wonderful persona he exhibited. It wasn't a façade, but rather stemmed from years of believing he was just as he was meant to be. He carried with him an air of self assurance that told me he was at peace with himself, body and soul. I never doubted him; he was so earnest, so sincere when he tried to explain that my disability wasn't the end of my world. I would have never imagined a broken young man lingered on the inside, the result of the hurtful words of a teenage girl. And it wasn't until we began to move forward that I realized the depths of his brokenness.

I never doubted the permanency of our relationship, and while I loved him with all my heart and never doubted the depth of his love for me, our physical relationship had been awkward at best. We had lived together more like friends, than lovers, because neither of us were quite ready... I thought back to the morning when we lay in bed and he promised me forever... maybe not today or tomorrow... but eventually... and at some point while we weren't paying attention, our future became cemented in a way I didn't even know I had desired- until it stared me in the face.

I wasn't exactly sure what it was that finally convinced him he was ready to take our physical interaction to the next level... maybe it was Carlisle's quiet reassurance that we would conquer this, or his unrelenting quest for the medical intervention that would make it possible for Edward's body to do what nature wouldn't allow. Perhaps it was the final realization that I wasn't going to leave him, whether his penis rose or not. But this time, when he said he was ready to try... I knew it was true.

They say that scars are the windows to our souls... and it was true. There was a story behind each and every one and while some were still angry looking, and others were healed long ago, they all held some significance to the journey Edward had taken.

He should have never been embarrassed by them, but rather worn them victoriously... a visible testament of what he'd overcome... triumph of his spirit over the adversity he'd lived through.

As I pulled closer to his body, I thanked God for the life that he'd spared. Someone told me everything in life happened for a reason... I didn't understand why he'd had to endure what he'd been through, or why I'd gotten sick... but it I was convinced that fate had intervened and brought us here to this place.

What was that word Edward used?

Serendipity... Yes, _this_ was serendipity.

* * *

As always thanks to Debbie, Alexa and Amy for all that they've done to bring you this chapter. A huge thanks to Sherry for enduring my idiocy with this chapter. So sorry...

We've got about 17 chapters left... moving forward... slowly, but surely.

I'll be away for a lil while. Chapter 50... soonish... well as soon as I can...

Thanks for reading.


	51. Chapter 51

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-one

~Edward~

I was having the most incredible dream, until it was interrupted by the screeching of my alarm clock. I reached for it, and groaned when, fumbling, I sent it skittering across the floor. Thankfully, the terrible noise came to an end. I couldn't find it in myself to care whether the impact with the floor turned it off or exterminated it. I hated the thing.

I heard Bella begin to stir, and realized when her warm body came into contact with mine, that perhaps it _wasn't _just a dream... skin against skin... so warm and soft... there really was _nothing_ between us.

She rubbed her eyes and yawned. I frowned when she stretched and an extensor spasm caused her legs to twitch and shudder like mine did throughout the night. "What time is it?" She asked.

"We've got about a half hour till Alice comes. Could you help me throw my pants back on?"

"Sure."

I couldn't take my eyes off her as she stood and padded, completely nude, across the room to my dresser. She possessed an air of self confidence that I never remembered having. Pulling open my tee shirt drawer, she grabbed a shirt and a pair of boxers.

"I'm gonna shower when she gets here, babe." I reminded her.

She ignored me as she pulled on the boxers, rolling the waist band down a few times.

_Oh... they weren't for me..._

My shirt drifted down over her naked form and swallowed her tiny body. She giggled as she came back to the bed. "I love this shirt!" It was one of my birthday gifts, another famous Emmett McCarty gift shirt... there were two chickens on the front. One was holding a bucket of KFC in one hand and a half eaten drumstick in the other. The second chicken had a caption bubble that said, _Dude! That's just wrong!_

"Yeah, it is pretty funny. I'm never getting it back, am I?"

She left out a laugh and shook her head as she leaned down and grabbed my sleep pants. I watched as she gently put each foot in a pant leg, before pulling them up to my knees. "You ready?" she asked, and I grabbed the trapeze bar, lifting my behind off the bed. She shimmied my pants up before reaching behind me and smoothing them and the sheet under me. "Okay hon, all done."

I lowered myself and she fell into me, grabbing my shoulders and stealing a kiss. The morning was starting off fun and carefree.

_Oh how I loved her. _

I grabbed her waist and pulled her against me, rolling and taking her with me as I went. I tickled her relentlessly, losing my balance and rolling over partially on top of her.

"Stop! Sttooppp!" she squealed. "I'll pee your bed!" I pushed up with one arm so she could slip out from under me before working to right myself. Her face was flushed, her hair wild. She struggled to straighten her clothes and find some modicum of seriousness before swiftly heading to the toilet.

When she returned, she stood with her hand on her hip and asked, "What are you wearing today?" I looked to the window, it was overcast and gloomy... it was going to be chilly. "How about just some sweats and a tee shirt?" I watched as she looked through my things, pulling out a pair of gray pants and a black band shirt, along with socks and boxers. I liked how comfortable she was with all of it, and I realized it _was_ a relief. It was almost as if this was all second nature to her.

By the time Alice arrived, Bella was perched on the foot of the bed with a cup of coffee, and I was sitting up, facing her with one of my own as she told me about her upcoming week.

"...so I have to go down to the school and get my room opened up. I was wondering, would you want to come along and help me decorate? Hang some things up, make it look homey and ready for class?"

"I'd love to baby." I could tell that she was getting excited about going back. Our summer together had been perfect and just what we needed to become closer to one another, but reality was just around the corner. We'd learn how to adapt as we went, I realized with a twinge of sadness.

Bella slid down off the bed and took my empty cup. "I'm gonna go grab a shower of my own. I'll see you in the kitchen." She gave me a quick kiss before she disappeared.

Alice apologized profusely for her absence, and while I _had been_ furious at the time- looking back on everything that had transpired, I finally understood Bella's feelings on not only the importance, but also the convenience of she and I being able to handle my routine on our own. We both agreed it wouldn't become a regular occurrence, her well being was still my top priority, but it was feasible and I'd have never learned that lesson... I would have been too stubborn to _allow_ Bella to put herself in that situation willingly... and it would have been a festering source of contention between us.

"So... are we okay? I really _am_ sorry. I just... I couldn't leave my car there all night... and I knew you'd be okay...," She stood, wringing her hands nervously and I couldn't find it in me to torture her further.

"I understand Alice, I learned some valuable lessons last night... sometimes I'm too stubborn for my own good. I gotta ask though, how long you've been priming Bella... she's acquired a wealth of information from _someone._"

Alice looked at the floor. "I just... I thought it important that she knew some of the things you hadn't shared with her for whatever reason. I'm sorry if you feel I divulged personal information that I had no business sharing... I just... I'm sorry, Edward."

"Thank you."

Her head jerked up in surprise. I reached out and took her hand in mine. "My fear of being a burden to her stemmed a lot from my own insecurities. I don't ever want all this," I said, gesturing to my chair and my legs, "to be too much for her. Yet, it _is_ important that she understand my needs, even if she's not always the one taking care of them."

"I would have never intentionally put her in a dangerous situation; you've come so far in your recovery... you really could do it all independently without _anyone_ if you were in a pinch."

"I know- you're right. I was livid last night. I'm sorry I directed my anger towards you. I panicked... and let my fear and insecurities take over. I really underestimated her abilities as well. We really did make a pretty good team."

"You know, even if she wasn't physically able to help you, if you needed a sub on short notice... as long as Bella understands what you need... she could help direct a substitute caregiver if you couldn't for whatever reason. A sub from the agency, perhaps."

I felt like such an idiot, I was so frustrated when I struck out... call after call, that I never even considered calling the agency for a sub... but then, we'd have never made the inroads we did, as a result of the situation.

"Perhaps, although after discussing it with Bella, I agree that it's important for us to occasionally do it ourselves so we're able to help one another."

"So...,"

"So after we get back from Forks, maybe we'll take one night a week and set it aside for Bella and I to attempt it on our own."

"Speaking of which... "

My stomach churned thinking about it. I'd had a few weeks to come to terms with the trip to Bella's family home, but suddenly the end of summer was upon us, and I knew I'd be going home with Bella in a matter of days. How _was_ I going to handle that?

"I don't know how to approach it Alice. I've wrestled with it in my head for weeks, and now, I've run out of time..., I never intended to be deceptive. I just didn't know _how_ to tell her."

Alice rubbed my shoulder reassuringly. "Just _talk_ to her about it. I'm sure she'd understand if you didn't want to go. Do you want me to take her to her dad's? I'm sure Carlisle would be around if you needed him, or even Jasper."

"No, Al, I have to face my demons sooner or later. It's inevitable, we're a couple and it's her home. It would be terribly unfair of me to not come to terms with this. I can't..., no I _won't_ put her in a situation where she feels she has to choose. I can do this."

"Have you talked to Sasha about it?"

"I have. Let's just say I'm not her favorite patient right now. I'll be okay. It's the anticipation... I think I'll be fine once I get there."

"Will you?" Alice asked, concern written all over her face.

_Would I be okay?_

As the date grew closer, the nightmares had occurred more frequently. And the flashbacks... but the flashbacks _weren't_ all bad. I had so many good memories of home... of the people I'd loved and lost... and a tiny part of me wondered if I had been cheating myself all these years... perhaps going home would be the balm that would begin to heal my broken heart. Deep down I suspected that I needed this...

"Yeah, I think I'll be okay. Thanks for your concern." She followed behind me, picking up the laundry from my shower as I went into the bathroom to finish up.

As she was preparing to leave she assured me, "I'm here if you need to talk about it, but I promise not to hound you. You're a big boy."

She leaned in and gave me a hug as I was uttering my thanks.

Alice had come and gone quickly. She needed to get her boys up and head over to the new house to see some of the changes that had been completed. I was brushing my teeth when she bid me goodbye. I smiled to myself when I saw her drive down the alley in Jasper's vehicle.

I actually made it to the kitchen before Bella, so I put a few eggs in a pan of water and turned them on. While they were beginning to boil, I threw some bacon on the foreman grill and grabbed a bowl of fruit salad from the fridge.

Tiny hands reached around me from behind and I felt her step up onto my wheelies before her face came into view. Her kisses covered my cheek and the side of my neck. "Mmm, you made breakfast. I thought you said I'd be taking my life in my own hands if I ate your cooking." She teased.

I turned my head so I could kiss her properly. "I failed to mention that I _can_ boil water and use one of those grills. I make a mean burger too."

"Smells wonderful, I'm famished."

I watched with a smile as she set the table and made us toast. It pleased me, beyond words, to see her wearing my things. When the timer went off, I scooped the eggs out of the boiling water and plated the last of the bacon. The conversation at the table was easy... comfortable...

Then she spied the sample box of blue pills that sat next to the napkin holder on the table. She wore an expression I couldn't quite place... nervous... uncertain... and all thought of my conversation with Alice scattered as an entirely different subject presented itself.

"Have you, um...," she hesitated.

"Have I tried them?" I interrupted.

She nodded, seeming relieved to not have to ask.

_I had... with_ little_ satisfaction. _

She never pressured me... and it helped, knowing I could sample different dosages without feeling like someone was breathing down my neck to perform. I was already stressing myself out. I was afraid I'd crack under pressure.

"Yeah, but, I think I need to try some other products. I need to see Reilly again. I suspect this is going to be an ongoing process of experimentation until I find just the right thing. He promised me there was a solution for me... _for us_... but I'm so afraid of entertaining false hope."

"Maybe I could help you with that," she suggested with a smile. How could I deny her? There was no _I_ in team, and I knew I'd been going about it all wrong. Reilly encouraged me to include her, but my fear of failing outweighed common sense.

Suddenly I was no longer hungry. My stomach knotted... we kept getting closer and closer... and after last night... She showed me with words and caresses just how much she loved me... _all of me_...

"_Now?_" I croaked out.

"No time like the present baby." She teased.

I looked down at my plate and pushed it away.

"I didn't mean you couldn't finish your breakfast. I was trying to encourage you." she said quietly.

"I don't think I can eat anything else right now." A thousand butterflies were bouncing around inside of me, and I was afraid the anticipation... well... it might not be pretty if I ate anything else.

Like the night before, I decided it was time to make this effort, because it really was for both of us, and I'd been acting far too selfish. I reached out with a trembling hand and picked up the little box peering in at the little blister packs. A few dozen little blue pills stared back up at me... mocking me.

Reilly certainly was optimistic.

"I uh...," I fished a packet out and laid it on the table in front of me. Out of nowhere a glass of orange juice appeared. She rubbed my back while we both stared at it. I knew she was hoping for a miracle. I was just hoping for _something._

"Maybe some of it is just being in the right frame of mind." she suggested. "We did get up awfully early."

"You want to go back to bed?" Normally, once I was in the chair, I was in it for the day.

"Sure. Look, if we get into trouble, I'm sure we can call someone, it's not like we'd be pulling anyone out of bed in the middle of the night or anything."

"You're feeling pretty confident after last night aren't you?" I teased.

She nodded her head, looking smug.

I took a deep breath before I ate crow. "Okay, I admit it. I _was_ wrong, and I treated you unfairly. I see your point. Perhaps it _is_ an asset to be able to do these things together, you and me. We did make a pretty good team last night, didn't we?"

"After you let go of your insecurities. Don't be afraid Edward," she reassured me. "It's just us."

I swallowed the pill, and pushed a second one through the foil seal. Reilly's words played through my mind... _If you don't get a satisfactory response, but tolerate it well, we'll increase the dosage. _I had tried the 25's a few times and had no ill effects after following his suggestions to make it more tolerable. Some men took 100 milligrams. I felt comfortable increasing the dosage to fifty.

Her eyes got big when I took two. "It's okay," I reassured her. "I already tried one... and nothing happened. I've cleared this with the doc, I just haven't gotten up the nerve to try it. Like you said, no time like the present, right?" She gave me a tight smile. I finished the orange juice and followed it with a glass of water. The Baclofen I'd taken had peaked about an hour before- that was one of the things I didn't like about the Viagra, it was nearly impossible to take it at a point where it wouldn't interact with my muscle relaxers... and the muscle relaxers weren't optional. Not taking them would leave me stiff as a board or contracted into a human pretzel. Neither situation would be conducive to loving my girl.

"Come on baby, we've got plenty of time to get comfortable." I was more concerned about my whereabouts if I had an adverse effect than I was about how long it would be until it worked, if that even happened, but I wasn't going to voice those concerns. I knew I was safe with her there. Any troubles and she'd call my dad.

I transferred back into our bed, and we went through the routine of relieving me of my pants. It was ironic, I'd had a metaphorical death grip on my clothing all these months and suddenly, in the span of twenty-four hours, it seemed I was constantly losing my drawers. There was no point in keeping them on though, _we_ were experimenting and they'd be a hindrance. I'd rather lose them now than wait until we were in the heat of the moment- whatever that meant for us- and have to spoil the mood by going through the mechanics of removing my clothing. The thought took me back to my dad's comment about our situation causing a lack of spontaneity... in this aspect, it was true... but when I'd showered a few hours before, I had no idea I'd find myself in bed with no clothing in the company of the love of my life... maybe being spontaneous just meant something different for us. Like everything else in this life of ours it was a matter of give and take.

Just as she had the night before, Bella covered me with the sheet. I was touched by her efforts to preserve my dignity. It was just us, in our home, in our bed... and she was more concerned about it than any nurse had ever been during my hospital stay, save for Maggie.

"May I remove your shirt, Edward? I know it'll be a while till anything happens, but I thought... I don't know, maybe I can explore for a little while. Do you think that would help things along?"

"You can... I'm not really sure that it will change anything," and I wasn't. I'd never tried this with a partner; I knew that for the medicine to work, I had to get aroused. But the doctor in my head told me there was no way the message was going to get from my mind to my groin. My heart told me to have faith.

She sat the bed up and I leaned ahead while she helped me to remove my shirt. When she began to lower the head of the bed, I put my hand over hers on the remote. "Let me watch?" She nodded and set the remote on the bed. I took it, finding a position where I was not only comfortable, but where I had visual access to my girl.

She crawled to me on her knees and placing a hand on each of my shoulders to steady herself, she straddled my thighs. "Is this okay? I'm not hurting you, am I?"

I swallowed and shook my head. "No. I'm okay, baby."

It felt kind of weird, a planned rendezvous like this...

Before I had time to over think it she leaned in and began to kiss me. Her tongue teased my lips until I let her in... Allowing hers to mingle with mine... her teeth grazed my bottom lip, nipping and tugging. She kissed me with an unforeseen fervor. Her balance faltered as she moved her knees back, while she continued to nibble and nip her way down to my chest. My hand drifted to her hip to steady her, while I took the remote in the other. She fell into me, giggling when the bed jerked a little before it began its descent, I didn't want her to fall.

Lips and fingertips and tongue and teeth followed the path they'd taken just hours before as she explored my body thoroughly for the very first time. My heart was beating so fast... I was certain it would burst through my chest.

_Could she feel it too? _

My eyes drifted closed as she continued to move down my body. I felt her touching and tasting the places she'd discovered the night she brought out her bag of tricks not that long ago. I couldn't suppress the noise that bubbled forth when her tongue played across my hipbone, and I looked down in embarrassment. But the warmth of her smile reassured me before she spilled out the words. "Tell me what feels good baby... tell me if I'm doing it right."

Her eyes met mine as she reached for me; I sucked in a breath and held it as she ran her hand down over my limp flesh. I watched in fascination as I twitched and grew hard... but it tugged at my heart when she lowered her lips to me and reality took over. I felt almost like a voyeur watching someone else in the act, than I did an active participant...

There was no sensation at a time when I'd never wanted it more.

_Your mind is your most powerful sex organ..._

But sensation _was_ there... to an extent... the gentle touch of the hand that rested between my hip bones... the tendrils of her hair that brushed over my thigh... the whisper of her breath that caused goose bumps on my belly.

_Take whatever pleasure you can from your body; don't fixate on what you can no longer accomplish..._

"Relax baby... I've gotcha... don't think... just feel...,"she whispered.

...and I did. I felt the way my entire body was aflame as if it were on fire... the pounding of my heart and the way it hurt to suck in air as I watched her... those things were real... then there was the way my muscles clenched and my fists gripped the sheets...

_It takes some practice to let your mind take over the sensations your body can no longer experience..._

The _thought_ of what she was doing made me want to reciprocate, to share this with her rather than be greedy.

_Your mouth is as important a sex organ as your genitals are. The taste of one another's skin, her distinct aroma, the texture of her skin against your tongue… all heighten pleasure for both of you._

_**Both of you...**_

"Bella, baby, come here." I reached for her, gently pulling her away. She frowned and looked down, I followed her eyes, and those old insecurities came back when I realized our experiment hadn't exactly been a success...

"But I wasn't... "

"Shhh... I just thought we could rearrange ourselves in a manner where we could both get something out of this?"

She wore a puzzled expression until realization dawned.

"_Oh... _"

It took only a matter of minutes for me to realize the Viagrawasn't a success, but the experiment hadn't completely been a wash either, and I also learned in the end that, well... let's just say Bella's sensory perception doesn't seem inhibited to me... no, not at all...

I learned more about my body in those few minutes than I had in a lifetime... and it only fuelled my desire to move forward until we found a solution that would allow me to be more fully functioning.

My greatest disappointment occurred when I learned that Reilly would be out of town due to a family emergency for a short period of time and I wouldn't be able to see him until after the following Tuesday, not until _after_ we returned from celebrating Bella's birthday with her family over the Labor Day weekend.

I still wasn't certain how I was going to get through the entire weekend and to say I was simply nervous in that aspect would have been an understatement. I still didn't know how I was going to share with Bella that we shared the same tiny home town. In the beginning when I first realized... it was one of those things where the pain of dredging it all up far outweighed the desire to disclose that little thing we shared in common. _Life_ was a day to day struggle back then... and when she got close and I realized how quickly I was falling for her... I thought about all the things I might have to face if I let her in...

_She'd want things from me that my body couldn't give her..._

_The more she learned about my past, the more she'd want to know... _

_Eventually she'd realize my mind was as broken as my body and I wasn't the man she thought I was. _

_Eventually, she'd push me away. _

_Eventually she'd want out... and I'd be in far too deep to ever recover when she went._

I never factored in Bella's perseverance and at the time, I hadn't realized how truly unique she was or that she must have been sent down from heaven expressly for me.

When she let me back in and our friendship began to blossom and bud, I began to believe that perhaps happiness wasn't something reserved just for other people... maybe it was for me too...

And when she went home to Forks for Easter, that little voice in my head began nagging me to just spill it all...

But this time I was _Edward Cullen_... and even though I had been to hell and back over the span of a few months, I no longer got _those looks_ from the people responsible for my care. I wasn't that young man that everyone pitied. My body was broken, yes, but everyone here knew me as a respected doctor with a profound physical injury, and for once I left my broken past behind me... no longer when I rolled into the gym, did I interrupt hushed conversations about that_ poor boy... _

_I wonder how he's coping... _

_What will become of him with his parents gone? _

_How is he really doing? _

_Is he really holding up?_

It was a relief to be a person _without_ a horrific past... did I really want to expose myself to that kind of pain again?

As we grew closer, I shared tidbits... enough to quench her interest, but never anything near full disclosure. If she knew who I was, her father would know... and soon the tiny town of Forks would be abuzz with the gossip that Little Bella Swan was hooked up with Poor Edward Masen... and soon they would feel pity for her as well... sorry that the chief's daughter who'd had a promising future had suddenly become saddled with the train wreck the poor Masen boy had become...

As Emmett and I discussed the chiefs impending visit to the expo, he had encouraged me to share... well, actually, he ribbed me and told she was gonna have my ass when she found out what I was hiding from her... but I had faith that she'd find it in her to understand... she told me she wouldn't push me, that we'd talk when I was ready... but by then it had been so long and I'd guarded my secret so carefully that it almost felt deceptive and now, I didn't know where to begin... I was so afraid the implications of my past would change her life too... I wasn't _that boy_ any more. I was someone completely different.

~Bella~

As we raced towards Port Angeles, I wondered all of a sudden what had gotten into Edward. Normally he was smiling, or joking, but today he seemed so restless…like a caged animal. I'd never seen him quite like this, but he refused to admit something was bothering him when it was obvious there was, most certainly, a problem.

Even if it weren't written all over his face, it was so evident in his body language. I could see it in the death grip he had on the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white... in the way he gritted his teeth... and in the way his shoulders were set. He and Charlie aren't what I'd call _close_, but they were always cordial to one another, yet the nearer we got to Forks, the tenser he became and I couldn't help but wonder if something had been said that I hadn't been privy to.

He'd seemed fine the whole time we were at the school- we joked and laughed and everything seemed fine, until we pulled onto the highway to begin our trip to Forks, and then the tension seemed to roll off of him in waves. Up until then, Edward seemed to be looking forward to our weekend away. I hadn't been home in a while. It would have been an understatement to say I was excited at the prospect of a Labor Day get together, even if they had insisted on including an early birthday celebration as well..

When I left the hospital after my MS diagnosis, Charlie practically begged me to come and stay with him, but he accepted my decision when I declined. We both knew I had to recover in a home without stairs. Even a short visit home would have been a challenge while my mobility was so impaired.

It was a relief over Easter break, to realize that once again, I could safely climb to the second story bathroom. Because Alice took care of Edward's bowel regimen before we left this morning, Edward wouldn't really need to use the bathroom. He could _pee_ in any private place. We could visit in a safe, dignified manner. We'd be fine for a day or two. The suggestion of using a bedside commode in Charlie's kitchen when I was first released from the hospital was _not,_ in my opinion, the least bit _dignified_.

"Edward, what's wrong? Did my dad say something to upset you?" I decided there was no point beating around the bush.

_Silence._

"Are you concerned about the obstacles inside the house? We can stay at the inn if you're uncomfortable staying with my dad and Sue." I vaguely remembered Charlie trying to rent me a room at the inn when I was first discharged and refused his home. The inn was renovated a few years back after it was heavily damaged by fire and had to conform to accessible guidelines because it was a public accommodation. The first time I visited Forks after my diagnosis, he booked us a double suite for the weekend. Over Easter, I stayed in my room. It was a little difficult to maneuver the stairs, though, and I was relieved that we'd be staying on the first floor in the den. I'd be mindful of what I drank to avoid numerous bathroom trips to the second floor.

Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair as we sat at a traffic light. "No, really, Bella. Everything is _fine_." His words were clipped and cold as he pulled out. Something was most certainly amiss.

"Edward, its obvious things are not _fine_. Something is eating at you and I'd like to resolve whatever it is before we get to Charlie's. Have_ I_ done something to upset you?"

I heard him mutter something under his breath, but I couldn't make out the words. He looked away from me, at the passing scenery and whispered, "I haven't been home since the accident."

It took a few minutes for me to comprehend… I just didn't understand. Had my beautiful boyfriend lost his mind? "Wait! What do you mean _home_? What are you talking about Edward? The car hit you in Seattle."

He swallowed and I could see the tears forming, yet he looked straight ahead, his face void of emotion. "I was born and raised in Forks, Bella. I lived in the forest, out near the old Adams place. Just after my eighteenth birthday, we collided with a log truck. My parents died here in Forks, and I was airlifted to Seattle. I haven't been here since the day they died." By now, his voice was barely above a whisper and I had to strain to hear each of the words. Edward had shared bits and pieces of his past, and he'd opened up from time to time, but I promised never to push him. I knew that it would cause him immeasurable pain. I was content waiting until he was ready. I just had no clue a revelation so big would fall into my lap when it did.

We were, perhaps, a half hour from Forks, at that point. I heard the telltale clicking of the turn signal as we pulled off onto the berm of the highway. Edward reached over and turned off the key. I threw off my seatbelt and turned sideways in my seat to look at him. He was ghostly white, with tears streaming down his cheeks. The way the car had been modified; there was little I could do to comfort him in any physical manner, sitting like this. There was simply no room. "Back up, Edward."

He backed his chair up into the rear of the vehicle. I very carefully climbed onto his lap and took his face in my hands, using my thumbs to wipe the tears that still slipped down his cheeks.

"Let's go home, Edward." My love looked defeated, but said very little. Soon he shook his head, a determined expression on his face.

"Bella, no. Your father is expecting us. He and Sue have gone to a lot of work to prepare a place for us. I'm fine. I was well aware what awaited me when I agreed to the trip."

"My dad will understand, Edward. He didn't realize... if I explain to him... he won't be upset. I don't want to ruin your weekend."

We sat in solitude for a long time, but as I watched I could almost pinpoint the moment when Edward had pulled the façade back up. After driving over the lockdown for his chair, he started the engine. "I'm fine, Bella. Come on, put your seat belt on baby; they're expecting us." I climbed back into my seat, and wished I could believe him.

Barely a word was exchanged between us once we got back on the road.

Charlie had been quite impressed with Edward Cullen, when he met him as the doctor who diagnosed my illness. He marveled over his confident attitude, and the fact that he'd taken the time, during his own hospital confinement to assist Dr. Cullen Sr. in moving things along expediently so I didn't have to wait until after the holiday to begin the process of testing and evaluating me in order to get answers.

Operative words- _had been impressed_ until eighteen months later when he learned that I was moving into Edward's home with him.

When I explained that we'd become close friends, but it was simply a business relationship, he scoffed and told me I was naive.

I was almost surprised when Charlie actually came to Seattle to help move me into Edward's home, and my hopes were dashed to the rocks that they'd ever get along when he went all _Chief Swan_ on me and gave me the third degree about my intentions for a future with Edward... pointing out the obvious, but not really looking at the big picture until I pointed those things out to him.

He was the first person I defended Edward to, and even though I couldn't explain away his past, I knew Edward was a good person, and believed in him enough... in _us_ enough... to know that we'd be okay when he shared everything with me. My dad asked on several occasions that weekend just how seriously we were involved, and I wasn't sure how to explain, I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, we _were _friends, but we were growing into so much more... and when Edward stood up his chair and offered his hand to my father and introduced himself as the man _dating _me, my heart nearly burst. I was so proud of his confidence... so very proud of him.

Since then, they'd formed a friendly relationship and it pleased me to know they were getting along so well. I had really been looking forward to this weekend get away, until I realized how much pain it was causing Edward to go through with it.

As the months faded away, between the discussions I shared with Charlie, and his numerous telephone exchanges with Edward, Charlie had grown to trust him and it was one of these phone conversations that had gotten us into this situation.

When we got into Forks, I gave Edward directions to the house. The first thing I noticed was the fact that it had begun raining.

_Big Surprise! _I thought, sarcastically.

It was hard to believe, back when Edward would have been growing up here, my dad was just _Deputy Swan_.

As we turned onto my street, I saw that very little had changed. The white clapboard siding was still dingy and needed painting. The hedges were still neglected, and the porch roof still sagged just a bit in the middle.

But, as soon as we pulled up into the parking area, I noticed a huge improvement. Someone had installed a concrete slab... large enough to park _several_ cars. I had to laugh; someone had even put up a hand painted _Private Parking for Bella_ sign. A short sidewalk spanned the yard between the parking area and a newly installed wheelchair ramp. The ramp was beautiful. It was long with a gradual incline and blended seamlessly with the porch floor which also looked, conspicuously, brand new.

Charlie and Sue stood on the porch, watching as I got out of the car. I waited for Edward to take off his seatbelt and maneuver out of the car, before hanging our duffle bags on the back of his chair. Then I started up the ramp, with Edward in tow.

Charlie grabbed me, pulling me into a suffocating hug, as he laughed. "It's so good have you here, Bells." He let go of me and looked down, before he did his customary double take. He still hadn't gotten used to Edward and his state of the art wheelchair, in comparison to what he was accustomed to with Billy. I turned around, and laughed. Edward was standing, with his hand outstretched, his wheelchair in the upright position. "Sir."

My dad shook his head as he grabbed Edward's hand with both of his. "Son."

I looked accusingly at my father and step mother. "So…the ramp…why didn't you tell us? You _knew_ I was afraid it would be a lot of trouble maneuvering across that rickety old thing Billy always used."

"The funniest thing happened, Bells. Last week, when the weather was so nice- Billy and I were talking about your visit. I mentioned my concerns about the old ramp being dangerous for a heavy, electric wheelchair like Edward's. The next morning, bright and early, Sam and the boys from the rez beat on the door saying they wanted to build a ramp for Billy. Heck, Jake and Seth even came down from Seattle for the day. The only thing it cost me was the price of the concrete for the pad and the sidewalk. The boys even fixed the hole in the porch floor for me. I'll put a new roof on it when it gets warm."

I remembered the parking spot had always been so muddy during the rains. The concrete was neat, tidy. "I like the parking slab."

"Me too, Bells. There's enough room for two cars_ and_ your car with the ramp." He looked at Edward's car appreciatively. I couldn't wait to tell him I was going to test for my license as soon as we got home. I _loved_ driving the PT Cruiser with Jill, it was a sweet little ride and such a huge change to the old truck I'd driven all those years.

Finally Sue broke up the reunion. "There's no point standing here in the rain, let's get them inside, hon. Come on Bella, you know where the den is, make yourselves at home, and get freshened up."

As I walked through Charlie's house, I noticed obvious changes.

_Just in the few months since I'd been here for Easter._

The place was clean…really clean. It was no longer a bachelor pad. There was new furniture. The walls were painted- warm, inviting colors. Renee's shabby yellow paint no longer graced the kitchen walls or cabinets. It looked like a home. None of these things were glaring differences. I'm sure to an outsider who happened by from time to time, perhaps they weren't terribly noticeable. They made the place look very welcoming.

Edward followed me quietly to the den. I couldn't imagine there would be enough room in there for both of us. I'd resigned myself to letting Edward have the tiny bed, while I slept on the couch. The den was never a tidy room; there were always boxes of _stuff _sitting around. Discarded household things that he hated to part with were stored in there. Charlie did his bills at the old broken down desk. The last time I was here, my old Apple computer sat on the desk, in pieces, after Charlie's attempt at meeting the computer age head on had gone terribly wrong. As I reached around the corner and flipped the light switch on, I gasped. I clutched my chest and thanked heavens I was young and healthy. It was going to be difficult to recover from the shock.

The room had been transformed. For a minute I wondered if a show like Trading Spaces had invaded the tiny town of Forks.

A new bed sat in the middle of the room, with plenty of room to maneuver a wheelchair around either side. There was a dresser where the desk had once been. It was low and wide, making it just the right height for someone in a wheelchair. As I looked around the room, I realized that Charlie had really made an effort here. There was an intercom system, with a unit on the nightstand. The mirror on the wall was tipped out at the top, making it easier for someone who was seated to see. A large picture window graced the wall that the desk had always faced, with a spectacular view that looked out into the forest towards the river. Through the window I could see a small deck and another ramp. The door to the outside was in the corner. Of course, an emergency exit.

The biggest change that had occurred was something I hadn't really noticed at first. Though it had been freshly painted, the door to the old enclosed porch sat ajar. The den had always been so cold. This door never stayed latched, and Charlie had never taken the initiative to install something as simple as an eye hook to keep the cold out. As I walked over to close it, thinking I'd keep the room warmer, I was stopped in my tracks. The little glimpse I had into the room made me realize there were even more changes to discover. I reached inside to turn on the light.

The enclosed porch had been converted into an accessible bathroom. Gone were the big old windows covered in sheets of tattered and yellowed plastic. In their place were walls, and a small octagonal window that looked more for decoration than anything else. There was a roll-in shower. There were grab rails on nearly all the walls, and the toilet was raised, with grab bars as well. The sink was one that could be rolled under. Charlie even insulated the pipes so no one would get burned on them. It was obvious he spared no expense on this... _for us_.

It was all I could do to support myself, I was in shock. I turned, my mouth agape. I was utterly speechless. Charlie and Sue stood in the doorway behind Edward, their hands intertwined, as they grinned like apes.

I shook my head to clear it. "How? When? _Wow!_" I couldn't form coherent thoughts.

Sue spoke up, "The town of Forks received an access grant. Charlie applied for it. Even though you don't _technically _live here, city council approved his application. Not many people in Forks really applied."

I stood; still gripping the doorway. "How long? How long has it been like this?"

"I uh, I started the project right after you were here... it's been completed for a little while now. I didn't want to pressure you, Bells. You seemed to have your MS under control. I want you to always have a refuge when you come to visit. Who knows how your disease will progress?"

I remembered our conversations when I first told him I was moving into Edward's place. My dad wanted me to come home so badly. I understood now. I was baffled that this had all occurred since I had been here for Easter.

Charlie put a hand on my shoulder. "No pressure, Bells. Anytime you want to visit, it's here. For the two of you. If there's anything I've overlooked, let me know. Okay?"

We both laughed. "We'll put it through its paces this weekend and let you know."

Edward was smiling like the Cheshire cat and comprehension dawned on me. I pointed at him, "You _knew!_"

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "Mebbe." I liked this carefree Edward. He was so different from the one I rode with an hour ago. I knew he wasn't _okay_, but he was playing the part well. He wouldn't allow his black cloud to settle over Charlie and Sue's family get together.

"_Ed…ward…_ how _long_ have you known?" He tried to ignore me, shrugging and looking towards Charlie.

"Don't look at me son; it was your idea to surprise her." Charlie laughed.

"No, Charlie, I said it wasn't fair to _pressure_ her to move in here instead of my house," Edward countered.

I was fuming. "_Months? Three months!_ It's been like this all _summer_ and no one saw fit to tell me?"

Charlie guided me over to the bed to sit. He sat facing me, holding both my hands. "Now Bells, Edward was right. If I'd told you when you were considering moving into his house, you would have thrown away your career and come home out of some sense of obligation. I decided to go ahead with the project so it would be here as a safety net if you ever needed it. It seems this has worked out for everyone. Don't you think?"

I huffed, "Would have been nice to know, instead of the three of you scheming behind my back."

I looked around at the room in appreciation. "It's probably the nicest room in the place, though."

Charlie chimed in, "Edward had Jacob talk with the guys who designed his house before we did any construction."

I walked over to Edward and smacked his arm. "You were in on this from the very beginning, then!"

"No, they already had the grant allocation; I simply assisted them in getting the best construction advice possible." He muttered as he was rubbing his arm making a face, like I actually hurt him when I smacked him. _Big sissy._

I excused myself to use the bathroom. It was the one place I was certain to get peace and quiet with no intrusion. As I sat in silence, I contemplated all the effort they went to. Not only did they make huge modifications to their home, but in doing so, had made it possible for Edward and I to come here any time we chose without having the frustration of looking for someplace that could accommodate either of our needs.

When I came out of the bathroom, Edward was sitting with his back to me, alone, looking out the window. "You're not too upset are you, love? They truly wanted to surprise you. The work has taken a long time, and Charlie was afraid my chair would never make it up the old ramp safely. They really did go above and beyond to make us feel welcome, as a couple."

I walked up beside him, placing my hand on his shoulder. I looked out across the back yard into the forest. I never really experienced the yard from this view. The room was always so cluttered and messy. I only ever came in here to get things off the enclosed porch.

"It really _is_ nice, and I _do_ appreciate it. I guess it's not that big a deal that he didn't tell me. He _knows_ how I feel about surprises, though."

He snickered then. "Yes, we all do."

"I'll be back to unpack our things in a minute, I want to go thank them." When I came back from talking with my dad and Sue, Edward was lying on his side on the bed. His transfer board was on his chair. He patted the empty side of the bed. "Come here, love. Take a load off your feet. We'll unpack after while. You look as tired as I feel. I need to give my butt a rest."

I grabbed an afghan that Grandma Swan had knitted off the back of the rocking chair and crawled into bed, snuggling into Edward as he covered up our torsos. I didn't plan to fall asleep, but when I opened my eyes to someone tapping on the bedroom door, it was dark outside. The little bedside lamp on Edward's side of the bed lit the room, softly. Edward had his hand on my stomach, rubbing little circles. "We'll be out in a few minutes, Sue", he said.

"Why did you let me sleep so long? There's so much to do for tomorrow." I tried to stretch and loosen up my limbs so I could get up. I'd been lying in the same position so long. "I'm so stiff, Edward." He rolled onto his back and retrieved a pill bottle from the nightstand.

"Here, baby, put this on your tongue," he said as he handed one to me. I took the pill, and let it dissolve in my mouth. I hated the bitter taste of the muscle relaxer he wanted Jeff to put me on, but they worked wonders when I was rigid like this. I'd only tried a few of the samples he'd brought home for me, but I'd finally found my _stretch medicine_. I wasn't ready to take them on a regular basis, although Edward said he had patients who took them every day. "Just lay here a minute and relax, Bella." He nuzzled my neck with his nose, peppering butterfly kisses across my jaw. He gave me a kiss on the lips and rolled slowly to his side of the bed.

I watched him as he used the arm of his chair to pull himself to a sitting position and pulled his legs over the side of the bed. Once he gathered his balance, he raised the armrest out of his way. By the time he was situated in his chair and belted in place, with the transfer board stowed away, I was feeling much more flexible.

We took turns in the bathroom, and went to the kitchen together to find Sue pulling chicken enchiladas from the oven. The kitchen counter was covered with home made bread, and desserts... cookies... pies... and even a birthday cake that bore my name. I was overcome with a huge wave of guilt. "Sue, I'm so sorry I fell asleep. I should have been helping you with all this", I gestured towards the food.

"Nonsense, Bella, Leah and her friend came over and helped me cook. I didn't expect you to do all the work. There's plenty to do tomorrow. If you want something to do, why don't you set the table and find out what your Dad and Edward want to drink."

Edward poured drinks for everyone, as I set the table, and as usual we made a pretty efficient team. I was disappointed that I'd slept through Leah's visit. I haven't seen her in years. I was five years older than Leah, but I always played with her and Jake down at First Beach. Her little brother, Seth, was considerably younger than me. If I remember correctly, about 10 years separated us. "Will Leah be here tomorrow, Sue?"

"Leah will be here with her friend, Brandy and Seth is driving down with his girl as soon as he gets off work at ten. We haven't met Seth's girl yet. Do you remember Leah's friend, Brandy?"

I tried to place the name and I just couldn't picture her face. "I think when I left Forks, Leah was still trying to find a way to let Sam Uley down easy. I don't know that I've seen Leah since then, it's been a while."

Sue snickered, "I don't know that your dad has come to terms with their relationship yet, he seems so uneasy around them. As long as she's happy, I'm content. That child was lost for so many years after her dad died. She finally seems to have found herself."

I found myself comparing Leah and Edward They had both lost parents. I just couldn't imagine him acting out like Leah had. Leah was nine when her dad had his heart attack. Seth was four. Before long, Leah was hanging out with kids in town. First she was just smoking, but before long it was drinking and smoking pot. By the time I moved back to Forks, she was a teen, with a juvenile record for underage drinking, drunk and disorderly, burglary. She was tucked away in a rehab facility someplace when I graduated high school.

When Edward had pushed me away after my bout with pneumonia, Carlisle and Esme spent so much time with me, as they tried to explain all the emotions that made up their nephew. Edward had turned his loss into something constructive- he was driven to excel because he knew that's what his parents expected of him. But for as well adjusted as Edward appeared on the outside, he was still broken in so many ways, too.

There were some things he had been so very open about, his disability for example. Then there were other things that he guarded so closely. I was learning which things I could push, and which ones were off limits. I think he'd have answered anything I asked about his parents, but I didn't want him to tell me out of obligation. He assured me that he and Sasha talked about them nearly every week, and that eased my mind. As long as he was openly discussing them with someone, and now that the cat was out of the bag, perhaps that someone would be me...

Dad and Edward came out and joined us. Soon the conversation turned to football and later the upcoming winter and ice fishing. Charlie was regaling Edward with his tales of ice fishing up in the high lakes of the eastern part of the state. I held my breath every time they went, knowing that many of the lakes weren't frozen solid enough to support the weight of a bunch of fishermen. Jake had reassured me after one such trip of the safety precautions they took, drilling a few test holes close to the shore, keeping a good distance between the fishermen and their shanties, keeping safety equipment and a snowmobile on standby, just in case... it still didn't alleviate my fears. Yet, I understood that it was something he loved, and I'd never begrudge him something that brought him so much happiness.

I looked around, remembering all the wonderful times I've had in this house with Charlie. No, I'd _never_ begrudge him _any _happiness. It was so reassuring to know that he wasn't alone anymore, and that he was loved. I didn't have to worry about whether he was taking care of himself, or how many nights a week he spent at the diner. He and Sue had always seemed so compatible, and seeing them dancing at the expo had reinforced that suspicion. I had a feeling Sue spent most of her time here with him, and I imagined it'd only be a matter of time before he popped the question. He'd been soft on Sue for so long, but she refused to get publicly involved with another man while she was raising her children- out of respect for her late husband. They'd always been such close friends, and Leah, Seth and I were practically siblings. Now that the kids had grown and left the nest, there was really nothing stopping their happiness.

I helped Sue clean up from dinner and excused myself to unpack our things. I finished and could still hear Dad and Edward laughing in the living room, so I took a shower and changed into a sweat suit. When I came out, Edward was propped up against the headboard of the bed, reading a medical journal.

I crawled into bed and set my alarm for three hours. We'd have to be extremely watchful for pressure areas this weekend, as the bed had no air mattress. Edward and I would have to order an air mattress for this bed before we came to visit again. Alice had warned me that a small sore spot was forming and she'd implored Edward to stay off his behind as much as possible. He assured me he was shifting his weight as much as he could... but this weekend we'd have to be extra vigilant. I refused to take him home with a sore behind.

I lay on my stomach, snuggled up next to Edward. My arm slung across his lap. I snuggled into his thigh, just loving to be close to him. I felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of him returning to work... all those available nurses... they were all so pretty and well put together, never a hair out of place. My man probably had to beat them off with a stick. He wore his sex appeal on his sleeve, but I wondered if he even realized and the way he flashed that panty-dropping smile?

Oh my God! He was such a heartbreaker…and I was so fortunate that he was mine.

It wasn't long until Edward told me to move so he could get comfortable and soon we were all settled in for the night. As I snuggled in next to him, I heard him softly snoring and I thought back over the stressful day he'd had. My mind drifted to his family and the revelation that the most life changing event of his existence had occurred just a few miles from where I had lived a good portion of my childhood.

I'd do anything to see him happy, and I could imagine him being melancholy because he was here in Forks, thinking about his family. Even though it had been so far in his past, I knew he still had a hole in his heart where they once resided. He spoke so reverently about them, and while I could never relate to what he had been through, I'd do anything in my power to ensure that he was comfortable staying here, and if he was not, I'd do whatever I had to- to get us home. I couldn't bear the thought of him hurting because we were here.

During the night, we went through the routine I'd become accustomed to and as I turned and stretched, I realized it was morning. The delicious aroma of ham and fresh bread wafted into our room. I left Edward sleeping and snuck out into the kitchen to assist Sue with whatever she needed. "Good morning Sue!" I walked over and gave her a big hug before grabbing a mug from the cupboard and pouring myself a cup of coffee. I inhaled the rich aroma before I added sugar and cream. _Ahhh, ambrosia._

I watched as she stirred small cubes of ham and diced potatoes in a large cast iron skillet and after chopping a few onions and throwing them in- she turned down the flame and put a heavy iron lid on the pan before taking a place at the table with a stack of napkins and a pile of silverware. She'd just keep stirring it until the veggies were cooked, and then when the guys were ready to eat, Charlie would whip up a bunch of eggs and stir them in, frying up his famous breakfast _mess_.

I sat down at the table, and joined Sue in wrapping the silverware in the cloth napkins. We worked in silence for a long time. Finally, Sue cleared her throat. "So, Bella, are you having a nice time? It seems it's been so long since you've been home. I know Charlie doesn't openly show his feelings, but he's really happy you decided to join us."

"Yeah, we are. The room is nice. I really appreciate all the work you guys went to, we both do. I'm really relieved to see how Charlie has taken to Edward. He was a little unsure when he first met him... but, we're really happy together, I can't tell you how good it feels to know that you and Charlie are accepting of him."

Sue smiled, but there was something there that I couldn't quite place. "I may have had something to do with that, Bella. When he first met your man, he was so full of concerns... how would he be able to support you... would he be able to help you if your condition got worse... how would you be able to help him if he needed you... I reassured him that you were a big girl that he shouldn't worry so much."

She took a deep breath and it felt like she was almost attempting to center herself before she forged on.

"The name Edward Cullen kept nagging at me and I couldn't figure out why, after Charlie met your Edward he began wracking his brain trying to figure out how all the puzzle pieces fit together... one night he woke me up in the middle of the night... told me he remembered... and suddenly it all came rushing back." She rubbed her face and turned to me, her eyes watery.

"I wasn't positive until we visited during your expo, but when I saw the pictures as we sat in your living room…they confirmed what... deep down in my heart, I already knew."

"He looks so much like his mother," she whispered. "I do remember her... she worked at the Forks library."

She didn't meet my eyes when she continued. "It was confusing... his name... Dr. and Mrs. Cullen... they didn't _have_ any children... and your dad didn't make the connection when you first got sick... when they first came into your life. I think it was the name change that confused him as well. That, and he was so distraught over what was happening to you."

"I wish I knew more. I didn't know until we were almost here that the accident had happened in Forks. It's a little surreal to know we both grew up in the same town. The details surrounding his parent's deaths are something he's always kept to himself. I knew one day he'd open up, I just wish I'd known, he might have felt better about it if he'd shared it with me... he's just a very private man in that aspect. That part of his life is very painful, and I promised to be there for him no matter when he was ready to tell me..."

She drew in a deep breath before she continued her recollection of the Cullens, and she seemed to be a million miles away as she shared her memories.

"At some point after the accident, someone realized they had just disappeared. One day they were living here and then their house was deserted with a for sale sign in the yard. It seemed that they pulled up stakes and left, practically overnight. I don't know that anyone really ever thought about where they went. They were just gone."

She drew in a shaky breath before taking my hand. "I don't know that _I _even _realized_ that they were related to Edward and his parents... They were good people but they were a different caliber of people than most of us down here around the rez, we're simple folk. The Cullens and the Masens... they were sort of well-to-do... I guess Dr. Cullen practiced medicine here, but we had our own doctor... even your dad spent more time with all of us than he did the _townies_. We just... our families frequented completely different circles." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, and took a deep breath. "I'm certain Charlie was at the scene of the accident that day, there were fatalities, the police would have been involved. It was the most horrific traffic accident in Fork's history. He refuses to talk about it, no matter how hard I've begged him to tell me," she added with a sob. "So many lives were devastated that day."

_What did that mean? _

The wheels were turning in my head at lightening speed.

_I thought it was a car accident, was it some other catastrophe? _

"I don't understand."

"I'm sorry, Bella. Your young man will share with you when he's ready. Just give him time. I just... " Sue broke off, seeming terribly distracted all of a sudden. She wiped her eyes again and stood up quickly. "Excuse me." Before I could ask anything else she'd made a hasty retreat to the basement.

Sitting there, I thought about why we were here... a time to interact with my family... Sue's family... I didn't want to spoil our weekend with our drama. I agreed with her, he'd share more with me in his own time. This wasn't the time or the place to make a big deal out of it. I firmly believed that he needed more closure than he'd allowed himself. We'd come back in the future, perhaps I could encourage him to visit his parent's graves or his childhood home.

When Sue came up from the basement with a couple of folding chairs, she looked like she had been crying and I wondered why she seemed so affected by Edward's past, especially if she only knew his family in passing.

I went to the linen closet and found a huge cotton tablecloth. Sue and I worked together to stretch the table out and add more boards to make it longer. Nothing else was said about Edward's family. I spread out the table cloth, and started setting the places with Grandma Swan's dishes. While they were nothing extremely valuable, they held special memories for me. I had thought more than once, that I'd love to have them in my own home one day. Being an only child, the deal was more or less sealed. Someday they would be mine.

Edward came out dressed in a fresh pair of slacks and a snug fitting black tee shirt. He held his hand out to me and I went to him, crawling up on his lap and pulling his face down for a kiss. I heard a happy sigh behind me and Edward chuckled. I looked up to find Sue looking all dreamy; she gave me an embarrassed smile, "I'm sorry to intrude. It's just so nice knowing all my kids are happy."

Edward drove to the kitchen and tapped on my behind. I got up and watched as he stood, before opening the cupboard to retrieve a glass. "Here baby, help me with these." He handed them to me one at a time and I set them next to the fridge. He counted out four paper plates before lowering his chair and turning towards the fridge. I watched with a smile as he filled each glass with juice and laughed when he frowned. The table was already set for this afternoon's dinner.

"We just eat breakfast at the counter sometimes. Do you want the end of the table? It's okay, I can just...," Sue started for the table, but Edward reached out, stopping her.

"It's fine Sue. I don't mind at all, in fact, I hope you're not offended, I'm not terribly hungry."

Charlie began cracking eggs and I crawled up on the counter, my glass of juice next to me. "You've gotta eat some of Charlie's mess. It's a weekend _tradition_."

"Oh, well in that case." He joked.

"If you don't want a lot, we could share." I offered. There was something highly satisfying about feeding my man, I'd like nothing more than to share my brunch with him.

"Mmm, that sounds like a lovely idea Miss Swan." We were off in our own little world until I heard the chief snort and mutter something about young love. He quieted when Sue smacked him in the back of the head, then it was my turn to snort. He might be the authority figure in Forks, but not here in his own home... too funny.

Edward pulled up between my knees, and stood his chair until we were eye level. A plate and one fork appeared out of nowhere, and I thanked Sue as she walked over to the corner and leaned back into the counter, holding her plate and eating. Edward "mmm'd" and "ohhh'd" until our shared plate was empty and frowned when he looked towards the stove, realizing the skillet was empty. I pushed my English muffin to his lips and he finished it in a few bites, rubbing his stomach and thanking them for a delicious breakfast.

Later he asked me what all was in the mess. Apparently he wanted to make it a weekend tradition at our house as well. "Uh... well, there are potatoes, and onions. Sometimes he uses mushrooms or green peppers... and eggs... oh, and mystery meat."

Appearing slightly horrified he asked, "What, _exactly_, is _mystery meat_?"

I had to giggle when he asked. "Don't worry, it's nothing you'd be afraid to eat... it's just whatever's around come the weekend... Charlie always has some sort of leftover... it might be steak, or hamburger, maybe sausage... oftentimes it's ham... Charlie is a meat and potatoes kinda guy, so there's always something here. It's his way of cleaning out the fridge."

I watched as his expression changed to one of relief. "You had me worried there for a minute. It was really good."

"I'll make it for you if you like. Sue really does all the work, frying the potatoes and onions and everything, by the time he gets ready to throw the eggs in, the hard part is already done. Lots of times, it's a Saturday evening meal after a day of fishing. Those days, he's out of here before sunrise and just has a thermos of coffee and some sort of pastry from the diner."

I spent the next few hours helping Sue put together several salads. Baked beans simmered in a huge crock pot on the counter. I couldn't wait to see everyone. It was going to be like a great big family reunion.

Charlie and Sam were bar-b-queing chicken over a big fire pit in the back yard. I watched as Edward made his way down the ramp and across the yard to join them, it was a nice feeling to see him interacting so comfortably with everyone.

I heard Edward and Charlie talking just outside the kitchen, and I was surprised to see it was only early afternoon. It seemed like we'd done so much already. I looked up to see Charlie leaning on the railing of the landing of the ramp. Edward stood in his chair next to him. They seemed at ease with one another. Elbows on the railing, lost in conversation. Good... male bonding. I frowned when I saw the two cans of beer on the railing between them.

_Two?_ _Liquid courage? Why?_ I had trouble stamping down the feeling of disappointment, and I was relieved when I saw the label on the can and realized Edward was drinking the non-alcoholic version of my Dad's beverage of choice. I'd never tell him he wasn't _allowed_ to drink, but we had sort of agreed as a couple that it wasn't in either of our best interests.

Sam grunted and groaned as he pulled a huge cooler onto the kitchen and set it up on the counter. Before it registered what it was, I was hit with the smoky aroma of bar-b-qued chicken.

I heard a car in the driveway, and looked at the clock. I wondered who it was, Leah wasn't due for a half hour. I heard male voices and laughter. There was the unmistakable sound of back slapping. Sounded like more male bonding. _Who is here?_ Sam and... I knew that laugh! _Jacob?_

"Jake?" It burst out of me before I realized it was more than a thought. I missed my childhood friend and hadn't seen him in so long. I think it was after Easter when he tried to pillage all of the muffins I'd made for Edward. We both lived in the same city for several years, and sad as it was, we rarely made time for more than a short phone call every few weeks.

I was pulled from my reverie when my feet left the ground. I grabbed his strong shoulders and screamed as he swung me around. "Bella! Welcome home!"

He was so warm, and solid. He smelled like autumn and warmth and spices. I closed my eyes and inhaled, drinking in all that was Jacob. When ever he crossed my mind, I always had thoughts of a warm autumn day, the sun shining golden through the changing leaves. He reminded me of outside, and cups of steaming cider. Like Edward- he had his own wonderful scent. Being in his arms, I finally felt like I'd come home.

Jake and I had tried to be a couple when I was in high school, but it just didn't feel _right_. He was my best friend in Forks. We spent that entire fall going to football games and bonfires on first beach. It was my senior year. One weekend was spent in my world, the next in his. After Christmas break, I was whipped into the flurry of finals, and dances and my class trip. In no time, high school was over and I found myself dating Tyler Crowley.

Tyler was my first real boyfriend... just about my first everything. But no matter how hard I tried, it didn't seem like I could make him happy. Dating Tyler was a huge mistake and it took me entirely too long to realize it. It wasn't long before Tyler and I broke it off. It was a relief to be free of him but instead of seeking out another relationship, I threw myself into my education. My time in college was a whirlwind for me and soon after that I began teaching. Life hasn't slowed down since I left Forks.

Jake finally set me on the floor, not quite letting go of me until I found my balance, steadying myself. Edward came into the kitchen, a huge smile on his face. "I see you found her!" Edward didn't seem at all uncomfortable with our display of affection. That was the first time I'd seen them interact with one another. I knew Edward wasn't a jealous person, but I wasn't sure how he'd react knowing this was someone I'd dated in the past.

I walked over and pushed the button on Edward's chair, and turned it off before I clambered onto his lap. I pulled him into an embrace and kissed him softly on the lips. I wanted to reinforce to both of them, who my heart belonged to. I didn't expect any problems between the two of them, but if there were any thoughts of a pissing match, I wanted to squash the idea now. _No drama._

Jake made his way over to where Sue was; he helped her pull a big tray of home made rolls from the oven. I had noticed two extra place settings when we'd set the table earlier, but Sue hadn't elaborated, so I didn't ask who else she was expecting. Now, I knew. Sue slapped his hand as he grabbed two warm rolls. She was too late, as he inhaled them, with a smile. "Mmm, your cooking is something I miss, Sue."

Edward nuzzled my neck, inhaling loudly. As he left out a whoosh of breath, I shivered. He chuckled, "I hope you aren't upset at another surprise. Your dad told me they were coming. I know how much you miss him."

I gave Edward a big squeeze before I got up. "This surprise I love. Thank you."

Leah called shortly after Jake arrived. She explained that Seth hadn't been able to leave Seattle until his shift had ended at Harborview, and he was stopping at her place for a quick shower. It still blew me away that the boy who was practically my little brother worked at the same hospital where I'd been a patient three times, and I'd yet to run into him. I'd have never known him anyway. I hadn't seen Seth since I graduated high school, eleven years ago. He was only eight years old. I could picture the young man he'd become. He'd be tall, with the trademark slick black hair and russet skin of the other boys from the reservation. I was certain he'd be attractive like the rest of them. I didn't know one boy from the rez who wasn't breathtaking. They were all so... alike... yet so individual.

Sue directed Edward and I to the end of the table closest to our new bedroom; giving me easy access to the bathroom if I needed it in a hurry. Billy Black came inside and pulled his wheelchair in to Edward's right. He was stuck in our corner as well. In my head, I had to laugh, we'd been segregated. All the gimps sat in one corner. A lot of our friends from Concrete Change were disability rights advocates. Some of them would find a reason to take offense to this seating arrangement, even if it was the most convenient for everyone. One by one, friends and family from the rez began filing in and taking seats.

Once we were all situated, Billy introduced himself to Edward and reached across the table for me, taking my hand and giving it a big squeeze. "It's so nice to see you again Bella. Happy Birthday!"

"Shhhhhhhh! It's not for almost two more weeks. Don't remind anyone I'm going to be another year older!"

Sam's wife laughed and said, "You don't look a day older than the last time I saw you honey."

People began to chit-chat as Jake and Charlie helped Sue put big bowls of food on the table. Once everyone was seated, it would be next to impossible to maneuver either wheelchair around the table. As guests, Sue felt there was no reason for any of us to have to get up. She placed us in the back so we wouldn't block the others if they needed to refill a serving dish or pour more drinks. We were stuck, with access only to our bedroom and toilet.

I thought back to what seemed a million years ago. When I was a kid, if I wanted out, I always crawled under the table and made my way through the sea of legs until I found a place to squirm through. Those days were gone. I didn't crawl now, unless I fell and needed to find a piece of furniture to pull myself up with.

The door opened and closed, and Leah walked into the kitchen. She held her head high, her posture straight and tall. She was holding hands with a tall lithe girl, I remembered Brandy now. Like me, she wasn't remarkably beautiful, yet she wasn't exactly plain either. She wore little makeup; her face was soft, in contrast to Leah's sculptured features.

I always saw Leah as a tomboy during my summer visits when we were little. She was never girly, often wearing bibs and a tee shirt, with bare feet. I remember the day we met on First Beach. She played with Jake- shirtless and tan in cut offs. She might have been 4 or 5. I thought she was a little boy. I never remember seeing her in a dress or made up. Her hair was always in a short choppy cut, never feminine. Even at her high school graduation, she wore a smart pantsuit instead a dress. I guess it made more sense to me now.

Leah screamed when she saw me, dropping Brandy's hand and pulling me out of my chair for a hug. I'd missed her so. She was the closest thing I'd ever had to a sister. Brief introductions were made, before Leah went to the kitchen to help Sue carry glasses of ice water to the table for everyone.

Edward took my hand and leaned in for a kiss. Sitting like this we really had to stretch for the tiny peck on the lips, but I think he knew I needed it. Maybe he did too. Swan family gatherings were always busy and hectic as everyone came together and as everyone began arriving the house that had seemed so huge when I lived here with just my dad felt tiny, like it was ready to burst at the seams. Charlie stood up as we joined hands and he said a prayer. Soon the dining room was filled with chatter, and the clinking of silverware against plates. Everyone complimented Sue on the wonderful meal she prepared for us. Every morsel was delicious.

Just as they started passing everything around the second time, the door opened and a young Quileute boy walked in grinning from ear to ear. He made a beeline for me and yanked me out of my chair, crushing me in a hug. I was pounding on his shoulders as I giggled. I don't know what made me think I wouldn't remember him.

"Seth Clearwater! Put. Me. Down!"

The words barely left my lips before Edward gasped and the glass he had been drinking from smashed to the table, and it was then that all the puzzle pieces fell into place.

Suddenly it all made sense to me... Harry's heart attack... an accident with a logging truck in the forest on the outskirts of town... the Cullen's accident... Harry had been a logger... Sue's interest and immense sadness over the details surrounding the accident...

It was the same accident.

_Oh my God! It was the _same_ accident!_

It was glass against china... china against hard wood floor... then silence. You could hear a pin drop, yet the only thing that registered in my mind was the sound of Edward hyperventilating. Charlie stood up and yelled something as I slipped from Seth's arms and I caught movement from the corner of my eye. Edward, ghostly white, had a panic stricken expression on his face. He was frantically trying to back his wheelchair away from the table, as he tangled in the tablecloth. Back and forth he slammed the joystick while the room filled with a cacophony of yelling, and breaking dishes.

Finally breaking free of the confined space he'd occupied, he whipped his chair in a circle, slamming hard into Billy, before he took off for the bedroom taking the tablecloth off the table. I tried to push my chair back to get out, but I could go nowhere. I was trapped .Directly in front of me the floor was littered with the broken remains of Grandma Swan's dishes and our ruined meal. Dinner was officially over.

Reaching across his father, Jake grasped my arm. "Bells! I've got him. Don't move. You'll get hurt." Before I could respond, Jake was already headed towards the den.

From the hallway I could hear Edward's anguished cries, the buried pain of nearly 20 years filling the air. His chair was still moving, I heard crashing noises, as I imagined him destroying our beautiful room. Somewhere a door slammed, followed by Jacob yelling for Edward and then... there was silence.

Everyone had stood up from the table looking at each other in confusion. The path of travel had become even more crowded. I felt like I was trying to part a sea of people in a race against time. I had no idea how I was going to save him, but I had to get to Edward. Seth realized my dilemma and took my hand pulling me through the dining room and out the front door. As we turned the corner to go behind the house, I gasped at the sight in front of us. Edward lay on the ground in the leaves. His chair was tipped over at the foot of the back porch ramp. Jacob was hunched over Edward as he spoke to him in hushed tones. I watched as Jake gently examined Edward's extremities. I noticed that emotionally, Edward had calmed down remarkably.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I panicked, picturing all the things that could have gone wrong, and imagining the worst. "Edward baby!" I screamed, pushing Jake out of my way.

"He's ok, Bells, just a little shook up. Seth, can you help me get that chair righted?" I dropped to my knees next to Edward. Jake's hoodie was folded under his head, and it wasn't until then that I realized Jake was shirtless.

"Edward, are you alright? You scared me to death back there." I wiped the tears from my cheek with the sleeve of my shirt.

He reached up and touched my face. "I'm fine, I don't think I'm hurt, maybe some bumps and bruises, I probably won't even feel them. I'm worried about my wheelchair, though. I think it took the dump pretty tough."

Not wanting to cause him another emotional breakdown, but really needing to know what had triggered it I asked, "What happened? Why did you freak out? Can you tell me?"

"I promise to tell you. Can we talk about it later though?" I nodded and leaned down to give him a kiss. "You must be freezing lying there on the ground. Do you want a blanket or something?"

Just then Jake came over. "Bells, can you go inside and get your Dad? Seth and I need a hand getting this chair righted. I would like to run it down to the garage and go over it. I wish Dad had a spare wheelchair for Edward. We need to get him inside."

"Oh! Wait! Edward has a manual chair in the back of the vehicle. I'll go get the keys." I stood up to see my dad and Sam making their way over to Edward.

Charlie kneeled down and put a hand on Edward's shoulder. "You alright, son? Looks like you took quite a spill there."

"Yes, I think I'm alright."

"I have a first aid kit in my cruiser; we'll get you inside and have Sue and Bella look you over." He stood and looked over at the guys. "Jake, Sam, lets get Edward here into the bedroom and then we'll get the chair looked over."

I explained that we had the manual chair in the trunk. Seth walked me over to the PT Cruiser to get the wheelchair. As we hurried back with the chair, Seth apologized for causing so much chaos. It kind of sounded like he'd figured things out before we'd arrived as well. "Mom called me after she was at your place. Apparently she and Charlie both recognized the name Cullen, but didn't make the connection until they were there. I guess she saw some pictures on your fireplace mantle and made the connection."

"Edward didn't always go by Cullen."

"That's what had confused Mom. Edward's last name was Masen, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, Carlisle and Esme Cullen are his aunt and uncle. They were all from Forks." I explained.

"Edward's parents died in a car accident out in the forest off the 101. Their car collided with a log truck. They died... and he became disabled. He freaked out when you screamed my name, Bella. He must have recognized my last name."

"I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I was missing. It all clicked in that split second."

"Bella baby, my dad was driving the log truck when he had his attack. My _dad_ killed his parents, Bella."

"Your _dad_ died of a heart attack. It's not like he was a drunk driver or anything. I never realized that he was driving when he had the heart attack until just now. It was an unfortunate accident!"

He stopped and took both my hands in his. "My mom said it was my Dad's log truck that destroyed his family, he lost control and hit their car. Those people never stood a chance. They were in the middle of the woods, it was raining, and the roads were muddy. The log truck careened right into their path, killing them instantly. I remember someone saying once that it might have been kinder if God had taken the boy, too."

I shuddered at the thought. "Please don't ever say anything like that again."

"I'm sorry. He really _is_ remarkable. I've seen him work in the ER before. I had no idea he was from Forks or that we had any sort of connection. When Mom told me I didn't realize, until I saw him, today exactly which doctor she was talking about."

We were almost to the back porch when I looked towards Seth. "Please- don't say anything else. He's hurting right now. He'll tell me when he's ready."

Jake and Charlie were squatted down talking with Edward, who was holding a washcloth to his forehead. "Might have to take him to the doc for a few stitches, Bella. He has a pretty good gash on his forehead." I noticed the electric wheelchair was sitting in the back of Jake's pickup truck.

"Here Seth, help us get him up in the chair, we'll get him in the house and then the girls can look him over while Jake and I look over the chair."

Dad and Seth each took Edward under an arm, while Jake took both his legs. "On the count of three... one... two... three!" Edward was airborne and in his manual chair in the blink of an eye. Jake hooked up the footrests and belted him in. Then he and Seth maneuvered the chair back up on the sidewalk.

"We'll be back in a bit." Jake had one arm around my waist and the other on Edward's chair. "You alright from here, Bella?"

"We're fine."

"Later then." he said as he walked to the truck.

I heard people talking in the front yard. The front door closed and a car started up. People were leaving. Jake reached in the back of the truck and ran back over to the porch. "Here, you might need this." He said, handing me Edward's pack and his board. I slipped it over the handgrips of the chair before going inside.

Sue came into the bedroom just as we were making it through the door. She turned on the overhead light and took Edward's face gently in her hands, looking over him closely. She tsked a few times, before taking his hands in hers one at a time turning them over and inspecting the scrapes on them. Edward still hadn't said any more, he just sat quietly, watching her work. She opened the first aid kit, removing antibacterial wipes, antibiotic ointment and bandages. Methodically she cleaned each cut, covered it with ointment and applied a bandage. Several of the cuts had splinters from the ramp. Edward hissed and winced, but he didn't complain as she worked. Eventually he looked up at Sue his face filled with sorrow. My heart broke to see him so broken. "Did you know them... my parents? The older I get, the harder it is to remember them."

"I didn't really. I remember your mother from the library, but didn't really _know_ them. We had only been here a few years before the accident."

I was surprised to hear that. "Didn't you always live here, Sue?"

"Mmm, no, we came down here from Bellingham back in 1988. Harry's family was here and he wanted to come home. The kids don't remember living there, Leah was six, Seth was just a baby. La Push has always been their home."

When Sue lifted up Edward's hair I could see the gash on his forehead, I'm not sure what he hit, but it looked sore. "This might hurt a bit. I'm going to use some peroxide to clean it out, there's quite a lot of dirt in the wound." Edward hissed as she used a clean square of gauze to clean and probe the wound for dirt.

"I think you could get away without sutures, would you like me to put a few butterfly closures on it?"

"No one is gong to see it. My hair will cover it, that's fine. I don't feel like sitting in the emergency room all afternoon."

She pulled the wound closed and covered it with clean gauze. "I'm so sorry, Edward. It never occurred to me that you didn't know who _we_ were. When Charlie and I put two and two together, he explained that Bella had told him that the subject of your past was off limits. Somehow I just assumed you _knew_ it was my husband that was the other driver in that accident."

He drew in a ragged breath and reached for her hand. "I never knew your last name. It wasn't your fault, it's no one's _fault_. It just really caught me off guard. I haven't heard the name Clearwater in years; I've worked so hard to put all those memories out of my mind. I'm sorry I panicked, I'm so sorry I ruined everyone's dinner." Seth sat in a chair in the corner, Edward looked over at him and said, "And I'm sorry you didn't get any dinner."

Seth laughed. "I'm a growing boy, Edward; we stopped for sandwiches on the way home. I'll be fine. I'll pick over whatever is salvageable."

"Then you'd better hurry. Your sister is out there taking care of the kitchen." Sue laughed, and with that, Seth disappeared.

Edward hung his head, "I know I made a terrible mess. Is there anything I can do to help? I'm so sorry, Sue."

"Nonsense. Are you really okay? Anything worse than a bump or bruise? Do you need help changing clothes?"

He held his hands out, turning them over and flexing his fingers. "No, I think I'm alright." He brushed the dirt off the knees of his pants.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to take you down to the clinic? Don't try to hide anything; I'm a mom- _I'll know._"

"No, really, I think I hurt my pride worse than anything... and my chair."

I rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to reassure him. "Charlie and Jake both said they were pretty sure it was okay. Jake just wanted to look over it, make sure nothing was loose or broken. If anything is wrong with it, Jake said he'd drive back to Seattle in his truck. We'll get it fixed."

"Okay. I'll have to thank him."

After Sue left us, I heard the sound of the kitchen table being dragged across the dining room floor. "He'll be back soon; Billy's place is pretty close by. Come on; let's lay down for a little while. The others have the kitchen under control, we'll just be underfoot."

He let me push his wheelchair over to the bed and get his board out. I knew he was hurting if he was letting me do everything for him. He took his board from my hands and put it how he wanted it before moving his arm rest and making his way, slowly, into bed. He patted my side of the bed after he pulled his legs up into bed.

"Please let me help you change clothes. I need to know, for my own peace of mind, that you're not hurt or bleeding someplace and don't know it."

"But it'll be so much work for you like this." True we didn't have the standing chair or the trapeze, but I felt like I could do it on sheer determination alone.

"Please, Edward."

"Alright."

I looked through his things and found a pair of scrub pants and a tee shirt. It took much more effort to roll him from side to side to get everything off, and look him over, but aside from a few bruises he seemed alright.

As soon as I got him dressed he took my hand and pulled me to him. I curled into his body and he pulled me into a suffocating embrace; then the waterworks began... he sobbed... painful, heart wrenching sobs... and he clung to me as if his life depended on it. I held him and used soothing words to comfort him. I didn't want to tell him it would be alright... I didn't know if it ever would be. This wasn't something that could just be fixed. His pain would never simply go away.

Eventually he quieted and I wondered if he had cried himself to sleep. When I pulled back to look at him, he squeezed me tight. "I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry." He chanted it over and over as I reassured him there was nothing to be sorry for. I wasn't sure if he was talking about dinner, or for not saying anything sooner... it didn't matter... there was nothing to be sorry about.

The sun began to set and the only light in the room came from a small lamp next to the chair in the corner. We talked for what seemed like forever about life before the accident... and life after... reluctantly he shared that he'd disclosed everything to Sasha after Charlie had invited us and we'd both accepted... and he shared her views on his coming home without having any sort of support system in the event that he got into trouble... I didn't have to remind him how much heartache and upset could have been avoided had he only said something. But then, Charlie could have warned me in some way too, however, I had told my dad the subject was off limits, and because of that, he'd have had no way of knowing if Edward realized who Sue was... It was just a huge misunderstanding.

At some point, Charlie tapped on the door. He stepped inside the room and made his way over to the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed behind me before addressing Edward.

"Your chair is fine, son. Jake went over it to make sure everything was secure. He drove it up and down the road. Everything seems to work fine. I'd have it looked over when you get home, but I think it's alright."

"Thanks Charlie. I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize, Edward. We're all culpable here. I didn't want to stick my nose where it didn't belong after Bella chided me a long time ago. I wish we'd put it all together sooner. You're the one hurting here. Are you alright, son?" He asked, his voice laden with concern.

"Yeah, I think so. Just a little stiff and sore. I've had worse." He joked, unsuccessfully.

"Do you need any help? You took quite a spill out there."

"No, I think we're okay, but if we need a hand, I'll have Bella come get you?"

"Just press the intercom and call me. I'll be right upstairs if you need anything. Either of you." He squeezed my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "Night Bells. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks, Dad, I will. I think I'm going to get us each a drink."

Edward nodded, "Thanks baby, that would be great," then he added, "Can you hand me my phone? I should call Carlisle."

I stepped in the bathroom for a minute before heading to the kitchen. As I was closing the door I heard him choke out, "_Dad._" It was all I could do to pull myself away, but he needed to do this alone.

The only light on in the kitchen was the one over the stove. When I opened the fridge, I started. My dad sat at the table in the dark, nursing a beer. "Is he really okay, Bells?"

_Was he?_

"He says he is. I have to believe him. I really don't think he's ever allowed himself to grieve... by the time he was out of ICU they were long buried and he was still fighting for his life. I know that he came to terms with his disability while he was in rehab, but I don't think he ever accepted the loss of his mom and dad. He's on the phone with Carlisle now."

"Good... that's good honey. I meant what I said. Do you need help getting him ready for bed? You need help lifting or anything?"

"No, we're pretty self-sufficient. I think we'll be fine."

"Okay," he said, standing and pouring the last of his beer in the sink. He rinsed the bottle and threw it in the recycle can. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks Dad, I'm gonna sit here and give him a few minutes."

"Okay, sleep tight."

When I went back to our room, the phone lay next to Edward on the bed. I could tell he had been crying again.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"I'm alright." He picked up the phone and held it out to me. "Carlisle would like you to call him."

Of course he'd need reassurance that Edward was alright. I wasn't surprised when he answered on the first ring. "Bella."

"Hey," I said softly.

"How is he, is he hurt?"

Edward smiled and rolled his eyes before he mumbled, "I told him I was fine. Stubborn old man."

"I'll give him old man!" Carlisle chuckled softly. "He told me what happened. He said other than a few scrapes and bruises, he's okay?"

"He seems to be."

"He told me he ran the chair off the sidewalk and it pitched forward. He said his shoulder took most of the impact?"

I hadn't known that. "Jake had him out of the chair by the time I got to him."

"He should probably have it X-rayed. It would put my mind at ease, but he's so stubborn."

I agreed, "Yes, he is, but it appears that he's alright. Sue and I checked him over thoroughly. Nothing is swollen or too badly bruised. He seems to have full range of motion- he was able to reach over his head to change his shirt."

"How does he seem? Should we come out there?"

"No, I think he's alright. He just needs some time."

"Bella, I honestly thought you knew. That had to really be a blow to him, to find out the woman who's practically your mother was married to the man who was in the accident. No one ever blamed Harry. They were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"He knows that."

"I know. Please- if you think he needs us, you call. I can be there in a few hours. I called the hospital after I spoke with Edward; someone is covering the rest of my weekend, just in case. Please, if he needs us, don't hesitate."

"I promise."

"Thanks honey. We love you both, get some rest. I'm sure it's been a very long day for both of you."

"It has, thanks Carlisle. Love you too."

I sat down on the edge of the bed and Edward reached for my hand. "Did you put my old man's mind at ease?"

"Mmm, I think so."

His thumb rubbed little circles on the back of my hand. "I'm half surprised he's not on his way over here."

I snorted. "Believe me- it crossed his mind."

"Oh, I know it did, the only way I stopped him from getting in the car was to promise that you'd call him."

"He means well. He's worried about you."

"I know; and I know they care, but it would be foolish for them to come here when we'll be leaving to go home tomorrow."

I stood up, pulling my hand out of his. I went to the dresser and pulled out the chicken tee shirt and boxers I'd washed at the last minute and changed into them before going to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I gathered the things Edward would need overnight and placed them all on his nightstand before climbing in next to him. His arms encircled me and he pulled me tightly to his chest. For the longest time he clung to me, rubbing my back, touching my hair, before he kissed me softly a few times.

"Would it be okay... would you mind if I went to see my parents tomorrow. Carlisle thinks it would be a good thing."

I pulled away from him so I could see his face. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"_No, _I'm not sure_._ But, he's probably right. I owe it to them, and I owe it to myself."

"Did you want to do it on our way out of town? That way you don't have to explain to anyone where we're going, or what we're doing."

"I was actually going to ask Charlie if he'd mind going along. He can probably help us find it quicker and I, uh, I thought it might be wise to have a designated driver, just in case I need one."

"Oh, baby. I don't think he'd mind at all. We'll make sure you get there and back safely, and we can leave to go home whenever you're ready."

He fisted the back of my shirt and pulled me up against his torso again. He nuzzled my hair before whispering, "Thank you Bella. Thank you for everything. I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

I freed my left arm and rubbed his shoulder, the one Carlisle said he fell on, and he hummed contentedly. It wasn't long and he began snoring, his grip loosening. He had dreams though the night, calling out and moving around several times. I was so tired that I ended up sleeping through the second alarm, but when I did awaken, I was relieved to see he had used both catheters I'd laid out and was currently watching me.

"Morning Love, did I keep you awake?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah, a little. I'm sorry I didn't hear the alarm."

"It's alright, I was awake. I took care of it."

"I'm going to take a shower, I wish you'd let me help you take one."

"Actually, your Dad poked his head in here a while ago. After breakfast he promised to help me in the shower and then he's going to drive us over to the cemetery."

"Wow, _really_? Are you comfortable with that?"

Edward shrugged, "He's a guy. I don't have anything he doesn't have. It's all good."

"Good, I'm glad he offered. That was nice."

"Yeah, I didn't want to offend him by turning down his hospitality. Can you spot me while I get into my chair? I'm a little stiff this morning."

"I'd be glad to. I thought you might be sore. Do you want some Advil or something?"

"Yeah, that would be great, but I'll take it with breakfast."

Edward brushed his teeth and took care of his other personal stuff while I showered.

Breakfast was another mess, and Edward acted like someone had pulled a fast one on him the day before. "Sue only used half the makings yesterday," I explained. "She put the rest away for this morning. That way you don't have to do all that work twice in one weekend."

This time, when Charlie asked if Edward was hungry, he held a plate out eagerly. I couldn't help laughing.

"_What_?" He said enthusiastically, "It was really good!"

Everyone laughed as we ate and socialized. When it was time to clean up, I helped Sue and Charlie followed Edward into the bedroom. By the time the dishes were done, Edward looked as shiny as a new penny. I was pleased to see that he was back in his Permobil. A half hour later, we were piling into the car to go to the cemetery.

Charlie walked into the office and came out with a scrap of paper. He drove us to a secluded spot in a grove of old oak trees. When Edward got out, Charlie pointed to a large double headstone.

"Over there son. We'll give you a few minutes."

_Would he be okay alone? _

He reached for my hand and pulled me close before engulfing me in a tight hug. "You'll stay close by?" he whispered into my hair.

"I promise." I hugged him tight and told him I loved him.

He drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay, no time like the present, right?"

Charlie squeezed his shoulder. "We're right here. Take all the time you need."

With shaky hands Edward wiped his eyes and nodded. I watched as he began the trip through across the grounds to the spot Charlie had pointed out. My heart ached for him as he inched his way towards his destination. He looked so small and alone, and it took every thing I had not to run to him.

"Hmm?" I had heard Charlie talking, but my mind was a few hundred feet away.

"His dad called this morning. Carlisle, that is. He was concerned about his well-being. I assured him that everything was fine. Your Edward, he's something special Bells. I'm glad that you found each other. I really like him."

"Thanks Dad, your support means a lot, to both of us. I know you had your doubts in the beginning. I told you he was a great guy. I don't know that I've ever met anyone quite like him."

"He's got an impressive attitude for someone who has gone through everything he has. I saw things, in the shower that…," Charlie shook his head as if to clear it of something disturbing. "I don't… he's really lucky to even be alive."

I knew what he was picturing in the back of his mind. "Yes, he is very fortunate."

Suddenly Charlie turned in Edward's direction, "Oh, no, no, no!" He yelled, just before he looked like he was going to break into a run.

I reached out and grabbed his arm. "Shhh, no, it's okay. Just watch."

Charlie's hand went to his chest unable to take his eyes off Edward. My heart swelled with pride and I couldn't stop the tears that fell as he lowered himself to the ground in front of his parent's headstone.

He pulled his feet in- sitting indian-style and rested his elbows on his knees. I felt helpless watching him, his shoulders shaking as he wiped his face with his hands repeatedly. I knew his heart was breaking all over again.

I started walking to him and Charlie grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"I need to go to him. I can't just watch and do nothing," I argued, trying to pull out of his grip. "He needs me..."

"He _does_ need you, but not right now. He needs to do this alone, Bella honey. He needs this time with them. He knows you're right here."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make watching any easier. I paced back and forth until I had worn a path in the grass.

"There. He's ready. Come on." Charlie said, pushing off the side of the car.

He put an arm around me as we walked to where Edward was, preparing to get back up into his chair. "I know how hard that was, but he'll be okay. Let's give him a hand."

Edward looked like he was preparing to do a headstand when we got to him. Hands down on the ground, his head down... rump in the air. He lowered his behind to the chair and grabbed onto the frame. I could tell Charlie was itching to reach out and help, but I held him back.

"He's alright." I whispered.

The air whooshed out of Edward when he finally sat up. I waited until he put the belt on and tipped the chair, getting himself back as far as he could. He sat straight and tall when he reached for my hand and pulled me to his lap. He clung to me as he muttered unintelligible words into my hair. After a few minutes he straightened and pulled back. "Thank you." he said, sniffling and wiping his eyes. "I'm ready."

"You sure?"

He just nodded and began driving to the car.

"I'm proud of you, hon. I know that was something you've dreaded doing all these years."

"I should have done it a long time ago, I just wasn't strong enough. The night I got hit, I felt like they were right there with me. I told them I was coming home, but when they picked me up off the road, it wasn't my parent's faces I saw, but Jasper's terrified mug." He said, shuddering. "I've sort of been on a guilt trip ever since. I have to believe that there's more for us than this life... I don't know if I could face my parents in the afterlife if I hadn't even showed enough respect to visit their grave and give them a proper goodbye. I vowed to myself in ICU that if God gave me some semblance of my life back, I would man up and do right by my parents."

"Baby, you've been doing right by your parents for the last seventeen years. They know you love them."

I brushed his hair back off his face and kissed him before squeezing him to my chest and saying it again. "They know baby, they know."

His hands came up, and he took my face in his hands softly kissing me. "I love you Bella. Let's go home baby."

Charlie had the door open and the ramp lowered when we met him. Wordlessly, Edward rolled into the car, pulling into the lockdown and buckling his belt. Charlie watched as I got situated before starting the engine and putting it in gear. We were all in a somber mood during the ride home.

We'd packed everything before we left, so all we had to do was load the manual chair and our bags into the car. My dad and Sue followed us outside. Charlie shook Edward's hand before hugging me fiercely. "If he needs anything, you just call, okay Bells?"

"Yeah, I will, thanks Dad. I love you."

"Love you too Bells."

When I turned to hug Sue, she had Edward in a tight embrace, telling him how happy she was that he had come into our lives, and that it was fate that brought us all together like this. She hugged me next, echoing Charlie's comment... if we needed them for anything; they'd be there in a few hours.

When we were both belted in, Charlie knocked on the trunk twice, and he and Sue walked up the ramp, arm in arm.

Edward reached for my hand and said, "They'd have loved you Bella."

"I know I'd have loved them, too."

A/N: This chapter of Impact is dedicated to Chais Marie. I'm thinking of you girl! Hang in there. Thanks for the shout out. You give me entirely too much credit. Lotsa love to you and your brood. It'll get easier. One day at a time. I'll be watching for the update of Left Standing, so glad you are continuing it!

I am so sorry for the time delay. There are no excuses. I just couldn't get this chapter to work with me and I struggled to get it out. Finally, a month later, I'm happy. My most sincere apologies.

Milk40 was reviewer number 2200. Thanks Milk!

I spent a lovely week in Chicago with my pre-reader and gal pal Debbie. She was the most welcoming hostess and we had an absolute blast.

Debbie, I can't thank you enough for the warm welcome we received by your entire family. You treated us like old friends, and when it was time to go, we didn't want to leave. Love you to pieces girlie!

When I faltered writing this, I went to Little Green for inspiration. If you have to ask who Little Green is, you're missing out on one of the most endearing characters in the twi-fandom. Run over to Betti Gefecht's page and become immersed in the sensory phenomenon that is Little Green. You won't be sorry. Every single chapter makes me want to wrap him up in a great big hug and never let go. Thank you Betti ;-)

Sherriola beta'd this monster of a chapter and Betti pre-read on very short notice. Debbie was her usual awesomeness, coaxing the words out of me when they wouldn't come. Thank you ladies.


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Camp Pals, my Fandom4LLS contribution can be found in the chapter 49 spot of this story. I hope everyone enjoys it. Because of a posting error some time ago, chapter 47 posted twice, leaving the perfect spot for this extra chapter. You won't get an alert for it, so I wanted to let everyone know. Camp Pals is in Emmett's POV.

Chapter Fifty-two

~Edward~

I called Sasha as soon as we got home, and although my normal Monday session fell on a holiday, she offered to meet with me at our regular time, but in the privacy of her downtown office.

The ride back from Forks to Seattle was a quiet one, but it wasn't the awkward silence I had anticipated when I left home to begin our weekend away. To say Bella understood would have been an understatement. Not only was she understanding and supportive, but her entire family opened their hearts to me.

True, I'd had an emotionally draining weekend; and while some of the drama could have been minimalized had I given Bella some insight into what waited in Forks for my eventual return, there was no way I could have ever visited without being assaulted by the onslaught of feelings that took over when I finally went home, no matter how prepared any of us had been.

Charlie was so excited for Bella to see what he'd done to his home for her. He had taken on a major renovation to make his home visitable for her and when invited, I agreed without even considering the repercussions... not until it was too late. There was no excuse I could have ever fabricated to get out of it, and it would have been wrong of me to even try. I'd come so far; overcome so many things, since Bella came into my life. Going home was something I'd successfully avoided far too long; it was time to be the man she deserved. I needed to put my demons to rest so that we could move forward... into the future that awaited us.

While the trip had been an emotional roller-coaster ride, in the end, it was a relief to have it all behind me. Hopefully, future visits would be less traumatizing and perhaps I could revisit some of those treasured memories and favorite places with Bella by my side. Loving her and having her unconditional support had allowed me to revisit parts of my past that I'd never allowed myself to indulge in before.

By the time we unpacked and put everything away, it was late afternoon.

"Would you like me to go with you?" she asked, hesitantly. "I can sit outside, I won't intrude... I'd just like to be there, in case you need me."

I wanted to tell her no. I was a big boy; I could do this on my own. But the fact of the matter was that I hadn't done it on my own in all those years, and the only reason I'd only faced this at all was out of my love for her.

"I'd like that and I will need you. I always need you."

"Okay, just let me grab my purse..." she started to say as she walked past me, but I reached out for her. I engulfed her in a hug squeezing her tight.

"Thank you." I whispered into her hair before releasing her.

"You're welcome. I love you."

"I love you too baby."

Our hands remained connected as she began to walk away, until just our fingertips were touching. I sighed when the contact broke. I reveled in her touch, something so simple... was so reassuring... comforting. She'd never let me fall. Yes, I needed her.

The ride to the office was quiet, but not uncomfortable. There was little traffic on that bright and breezy first Monday of September, and it pained me that she'd be leaving me in the morning to go back to her real world... Our Labor Day weekend left me feeling melancholy for more reasons than just my long avoided trip home; it officially marked the passing of our fairytale summer. I didn't know how I was going to fill my lonely days until I too, returned to work in eight weeks.

I'd only been to the office down town a few times, and today's visit was in sharp contrast to previous ones. The door was unlocked, but the bright fluorescent lights that normally illuminated the small waiting room were off, just a small lamp on a corner table lit the room. The door to Sasha's office was open, and I could hear her quietly speaking with someone so I pulled Bella to a small grouping of chairs where we wouldn't interrupt her conversation. The room was entirely empty aside from the two of us, and whoever was in the office.

Instead of sitting in the buttery leather seat, Bella climbed into my lap. Silently her eyes met mine, and she reached up lifting my hair and inspecting the cut ran just under my hairline. "It's nice and clean." she said quietly. "Do you have any idea how many times she patched me up? Jake and I, we got into all kinds of trouble as kids, Leah too. Somehow I was always the one getting hurt, and she was always there, mothering me. She's very much like Esme. It was very reassuring to have her there, helping you. She knew just what you needed."

She had, and not only did she attend to my physical needs, but emotionally she was able to ease some of the pain. She asked gentle questions without prying, and I could tell that she genuinely cared... and Charlie... I experienced him in a light I'd never seen him in before. He had always been a little gruff, and even though I was assisting him with his renovations, I still got the vibe that he looked at me as the guy who was taking away his little girl, even though she hadn't been a little girl in a very long time.

_Before the dinner debacle, while the girls were cooking, he'd invited me outside to hang out with him and one of the guys who had organized the work party who had built the ramp, Sam. We visited and joked around while they dug a fire pit and filled it with hardwood for the chicken. Charlie apologized that he couldn't include me in the actual bar-b-queing, as he regaled Sam with the tale of our first interaction- cooking steaks on the gas grill. While I couldn't participate, he'd included me, explaining that he never used any sort of accelerant because it would change the taste of the food, instead using paper and kindling to start his fire, which he continually fed with pieces of fruitwood and hickory until he had a huge pit of bright red coals._

_I watched as Sam and Charlie pulled a hand made grate from the back of Sam's truck and set it over the fire, before opening a huge cooler full of marinated chicken pieces and placing the meat on the grill. Everything got covered with huge sheets of foil and Charlie motioned me to the deck that ran from our bedroom to the kitchen side of the small house. When he offered me a can of beer I shook my head. "I don't think... I uh... I'm sorry Charlie; the last few encounters I've had with alcohol haven't been pleasant. Bella and I sort of agreed together..." _

_"Relax Edward, the doc told me I needed to cut back. I promised Sue, well... this non-alcoholic stuff takes a little getting used to, but I had Sam pick up a cold six pack if you'd like one."_

_I shrugged, "Why not? I'll try one."_

_It didn't taste quite the way I remembered a cold beer tasting, and I think I shuddered. Charlie laughed, "My sentiments exactly, but she's a good woman and I'm keeping her happy... and maybe I'll be around a little longer too. Who knows? Life's short."_

_"It is." I agreed. I certainly couldn't deny that, especially not here, in this little town I'd called home my entire childhood. "Sir...," I cleared my throat and started again, "Charlie, I sort of wanted to talk to you about that..."_

_He cocked an eyebrow and gave me a look that said I'm waiting. I took a deep breath and forged ahead. _

_"I know we talked about this when you came for the expo, and you were almost accepting of the idea. I said it was going to be a while, but Charlie, I love your daughter more than life itself, and I intend to spend the rest of my life loving her. I've decided I'm ready to ask her to marry me, and well... I'd like your blessing."_

_"I didn't expect it to happen so fast, you still have so much to learn about each other." He said, rubbing his forehead and then taking a deep breath. "The thing is, I've never seen my daughter this happy before, and I know that having you in her life is the cause for that. I'd be honored to have you for a son, Edward. Of course you have my blessing."_

_I was so sure he was going to tell me all the reasons why it was a bad idea... it was too soon, we weren't ready, there were too many obstacles in front of us... he'd married Renee without having time to get to know her and it hadn't worked out... I knew he accepted me for who I was, I didn't doubt his sincerity in that aspect any more... but I just never imagined he'd welcome me so openly. _

Bella nudged me, "She's ready for you, Edward."

"Hmm?"

"Sasha, she's ready for you." She eased herself off my lap and leaned in to give me a quick kiss. "I'm right out here. I love you."

"Love you too." Sasha waited patiently, with a smile on her face.

"Good afternoon, Edward. Come on inside."

I pulled into the familiar room and the door closed with a resounding click behind me.

"Would you like something to drink? Water, coffee?"

I shook my head.

"Would you be more comfortable staying in your chair today?" Even though I was no longer getting rehab services, I continued to transfer out of my chair for each session but today... I appreciated the fact that she was attempting to make this session easier for me.

"Yes, I took a spill over the weekend. I'm still kinda sore."

She looked up from her laptop. "Did you hurt yourself badly? What happened?"

I drew in a hitched breath before I found my voice.

"I think I should start at the beginning."

I let Sasha know that I'd remained steadfast in my decision not to tell Bella about my previous life in Forks before the trip and she didn't seem surprised in the least when I told her about the meltdown I'd experienced, or with Bella's reaction to my bombshell.

She asked questions from time to time, as I told her how Bella had reassured me, how she wanted me to turn around and go home rather than go through the pain we both knew I couldn't avoid in Forks. She seemed pleased with Bella's acceptance. She wore her trademark _I told you so!_ expression, and I hung my head in shame. Yes, she'd been exactly right about how Bella would react. I should have told her... what do they say about hindsight being 20/20?

Sasha asked if Bella was surprised with the home modifications and seemed sufficiently _wowed_ when I told her how over the top the project had actually been. Even though I knew most of the things they had written into their grant request, there were additions they'd made after the expo that had come as a complete surprise. It would have been a gross understatement to say they had made their home accommodating. They made it warm and welcoming, just as their reception to us had been. We'd had a lovely time and I told her so.

"So this isn't the reason why you requested a meeting with me on a _holiday_." She emphasized the word with air quotes and a hint of suspicion.

"No..., like I said, the family was very welcoming, and we really had a nice time. A huge birthday get together was planned for Sunday. I even got up the nerve to ask Charlie for his blessing. I decided I was ready to ask Bella if she'll marry me."

Sasha's hand went to her mouth, but then she looked at me, confused.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, realizing her confusion. "No, I haven't asked yet, I'm not here because I was rejected. She _did_ come along today."

"That was the part that had me confused." Then she leaned in, looking toward the door, conspiratorially, "You're secret is safe with me, Cullen."

I laughed at her casual use of my surname in a sad attempt to calm my nerves.

"Like I said, they'd planned a huge get together to celebrate the holiday as well as Bella's twenty-ninth birthday. It was family and lifelong friends. I only knew a few of the attendees. I had met Bella's _almost step-mother_ here at the expo, but I had no idea who she was other than Bella's father's lifelong lady friend. Her identity was revealed in a cruel twist of fate."

"Was she someone from your past, Edward?"

"I knew that the trip would be difficult; and I feared sharing with Bella for so many reasons, but nothing could have ever prepared me for the shock that left me blind-sided when Bella called the young man she considers her brother by name."

Reliving that moment made me feel physically sick... my heart began to pound and I could feel the sweat forming on my palms as I retold the tale of our weekend away...

The food and conversation had been wonderful. Everyone had been so warm, treating me like a beloved family member and not the newcomer I really was. Just as the food began to make a second round, the door slammed shut and a tall lean Quileute boy walked in, holding hands with a shy girl who followed along in his shadow.

It was obvious he knew Bella, he dropped his girl's hand and made a bee-line for mine, jerking her playfully from her chair as she kicked and screamed.

"Seth Clearwater. Put. Me. Down!"

It felt like the bottom fell out of my world when she yelled those five words. The world around me came to a screeching halt. I could hear them screaming for me to stop, but I had to get away.

_Clearwater! CLEARWATER! _

The man who had destroyed everything I held dear was named Clearwater. In that split second, I understood Sue's interest in my wellbeing.

_She knew._

Theglass I'd been holding to my lips slipped through my fingers as I gasped and the room began to spin. I was transported back to the most horrific event in my life.

_Ed look out!_

_The screeching tires... the breaking glass... panicked screams... have to get away... can't breathe... claustrophobic... trapped... panic... can't get loose... retching... screaming...HELP ME!_

Immediately I was in motion, panicking like a wild animal caught in a trap. Fight or flight took over and I did what I had to do to protect myself.

_Mom! Dad! Don't leave me here alone! Come back! I have to find them!_

Cool air hit me when I burst through the door.

_I had to get away. _

I misjudged the end of the ramp and felt my chair spiraling out of control. Spiraling out of control- like my life.

Jake Black was down the ramp before I hit the ground, and like my guardian angel he ripped that chair off of me and eased me to the grass.

His hands were in motion, touching my extremities, looking for injury.

"Edward, man, are you okay? Does anything hurt? Is anything broken? Do you need an ambulance?"

_Breathe Edward! _

"No ambulances. God, please no ambulances!" I begged, my head still spinning.

_In and out... nice and steady..._

"Lie still!" He lifted my head gently and cushioned it.

_Have to get up! _

"They're all going to hate me."

"No one hates you buddy."

_I have to get away._

"I ruined everything. I came here with all my drama. They deserve better."

"You think that was drama? Puleeze. This is just another Swan family get together. There's something every time. Welcome to the family."

"You have to... _I have to get up_."

"I don't know if your chair is okay. I can't lift it myself."

"I don't want to scare Bella."

"Already too late."

"Don't let her see me like this. Please don't let her see me like this."

A big red hankie from his pocket. "Let me get your face. I'm sorry, at least it's clean."

"Thanks man."

"You're welcome. Just lie still. Your girl's here now."

"Jake, what's wrong?" she screamed. "Edward, baby!" Falling to her knees, she touched me. My face, my hands, her fingers ghosting over my body, bombarding me with questions.

She leaned down, her face hovering just above mine as she kissed me tenderly.

I tried to tell her I was bad for her, but she just shook her head, reassuring me that she understood why I'd had to get away.

"Baby, I know. I understand. I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Her words comforting me like a prayer.

I reached up and wiped the tears from her face. An angel so lovely shouldn't shed tears over me. I had caused her pain again, even when I had tried so hard not to. She sensed my pain and she felt it too.

I heard Charlie ask someone for help with my chair. It was as if time was standing still. Everything around me was moving at an incredibly fast pace, but I'd just... stopped. Shut down.

With no warning… "One, two, three!"

Suddenly I was airborne, and then I was being strapped into my seat.

Bella pushed me inside.

_I've made such a mess. _

The nightstand was gouged, the lamp lying shattered on the floor. The trim encasing the back door was scratched and marred.

_Our beautiful room. _

They'd worked so hard.

Sue came to me, face wet with tears. This woman, someone who truly understood the depths of my pain cared for me... tenderly cleaning my wounds and dressing them. She hummed, quietly, soothingly...as she worked, turning my hands this way and that.

Finally I asked the one question I had to ask... "Did you know them... my parents? The older I get, the harder it is to remember them."

I looked into their faces every single day, in that portrait above my fireplace... but I could no longer conjure up the sound of their voices... the smell of my mother's perfume... I knew them as a boy, but not as a man... No one outside my family talked about them anymore... they were just... _gone._

"I didn't really. I remember your mother from the library, but didn't really _know_ them. We had only been here a few years before the accident."

_Disappointment._

Finally, she cleaned my forehead and promised no hospital, she could fix this at home.

How could my past and my present have collided so cataclysmically?

Not even Hollywood could give us a screenplay so contrived. It seemed almost impossible that something like this could occur.

Sasha asked if I'd spoken with my parents about the catastrophe, so I shared a little about my interaction with Carlisle and Esme and their pained reaction to our shocking weekend.

Carlisle had insisted they drive to Forks immediately, and the only way I stopped it was to promise Bella would call with a report on my well-being. Satisfied that she would call if I further regressed, they agreed to stay in Seattle waiting for the call that I'd never allow her to make, no matter how desperately I wanted their support. I'd made a commitment to put myself in Bella's hands, and I knew she wouldn't let me down.

_Faith Edward._

After I'd sufficiently calmed down, and the mess had been cleared, Bella helped me prepare for bed.

She wasn't overly surprised at my request to visit Mom and Dad, but she seemed hesitant, I knew she was unsure of my emotional stability, but her quiet acquiescence assured me that she still trusted my judgment and my ability to understand my own needs. I was certain she was questioning my sanity, but not once did she do anything to make me feel the way I had feared she might.

My sleep came quickly, but it was troubled and left me wide awake when I'd much rather have been asleep. For a split second I was jealous that Bella could sleep so soundly... but I remembered broken bits and pieces of my night and realized that I was, no doubt, the cause for her heavy slumber. When she slept through the alarm, I was certain.

Breakfast was another round of Charlie's divine cooking intermingled with a quiet but friendly conversation.

Charlie's offer to bathe me was awkward at best, but I knew he had my best interests at heart even if it was a little weird stripping down in front of the man I'd just asked for his daughter's hand.

Like everyone else who had seen, he gasped at the appropriate time and just when I expected him to say I was too broken for his daughter, he praised me for my courage and strength and told me how proud he was that I hadn't given up. He told me that anyone who had come through what I had with such perseverance was the kind of person any father would want for his daughter. He said he was confident that I'd be by her side if the going got tough and he knew we could handle anything life threw our way. By the time he ended our talk with, "Your parents would have been proud of the man you've become, son." I was drying off and he had helped me back into my chair.

Sasha told me she was proud when I told her about my visit to my parent's final resting place, and I didn't miss the stealthy way she wiped away a tear of her own as I was reaching for the box of tissues that sat next to me.

"It sounds like you had a very intense weekend, but you came through it remarkably well. Do you feel like you learned anything from it?"

"Most importantly, I learned that Bella's promise to stick with me through thick and thin was so much more than words."

"Anything else?"

"I think I learned that my past isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I should have put this behind me a long time ago instead of pretending it away. I put myself through a lot of stress that could have been avoided by just going home and facing the things that I allowed to cripple me with fear."

"I'm proud of you Edward. Let's not keep Bella waiting. Best wishes on your proposal. Don't sweat it; we both know what her answer will be."

"Thanks Sasha and thank you for seeing me today."

"It was my pleasure; I went to a picnic yesterday. I sensed that you might need someone to talk to by the time the weekend came to a close."

"You're a good friend. Thank you."

"If you need anything before, don't hesitate to call me, otherwise, I'll see you next Monday."

"I'll see you then. Thanks again."

When I entered the waiting area, there she sat- my own personal angel. Watching the door, until I came through, she stood and walked towards me with a relieved smile on her face.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah, it's all good. Let's go home."

I held my hand out for her, and we strolled down the sidewalk, hand in hand as if we didn't have a care in the world. I actually felt like I was going to be okay. The crushing fear that had kept me away from my home town all those years didn't seem quite so big and scary now that I'd faced it.

The worst thing that could have happened by going home to Forks had certainly happened during our visit, and the next time I returned, I knew I could do it with dignity and I would...

I knew Esme really wanted to see for herself that I was alright, but the weekend had been long and I had been tired. After seeing Sasha, I felt like I owed it to her to stop for a few minutes and give her the reassurance she needed. It would feel good to just go home for a little while and be pampered too. The weekend made me miss her... _them..._

I opened the door and hollered inside. "Mom? Dad?"

Bella followed me as I strolled through the house. I heard water running in the kitchen and found her with her back to me, washing dishes. I pulled up behind her and reached around her waist squeezing her. "I love you, Mom."

When she turned around, she wore a sad smile. "I love you too, Edward. I've been thinking about you all weekend. Are you alright?"

I nodded. "I think I am. It was a little surreal to learn that Charlie's girl was married to the man who... you know."

"I suppose it was."

She reached out for Bella and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you," she whispered into her hair. "Thank you for being there for him when we couldn't be."

"I can't think of any place I'd rather be," she replied warmly.

"So, did you see anyone you know? Did you drive around town at all? It's changed over the years."

"To be honest, the ride was pretty emotional for me. Maybe some other time. We spent all our time with Bella's family."

Esme looked past me to Bella who had climbed up on a bar stool. "Were you surprised? Did they do a nice job?"

Bella's eyes got big before she gave me a dirty look. "_She knew too?_"

I just shrugged. What could I say? I had to share it with someone.

Her arms crossed her chest as she huffed.

"Bella, honey?" Esme prodded.

"Hmm?"

"The house, was it nice?"

The corner of her mouth slowly turned up into a smile. "_Yes..._ it was very nice. They did a lovely job; and your son, apparently, is quite the consultant. They made a big effort to make us feel welcome."

"You weren't' _too_ angry were you?"

"I just felt a little out of the loop, but after Edward explained and my dad added his two cents, I understand. I _might_ have been inclined to crumble out of obligation and returned to Forks out of a sense of obligation. I'm kind of glad that I was oblivious."

"Edward said you saw members of your family that you haven't seen in a long time."

"Yes, I did." She gushed. "Sad thing is, Jake and Seth both work at the hospital here in Seattle and I never see either one of them. I haven't seen Leah in years either, she and her friend live in Port Angeles, but still, there's no excuse for us to be strangers. I reconnected with a few people I used to be really close to. It was very nice."

"Oh, I'm glad. That is nice."

I looked around, but... "Where's the old man? He didn't get stuck working a holiday did he?"

"No, actually, Alice called and needed a hand, so he went over to help her sand some of the hardwood floors. The house is really coming along. Have you seen it yet?"

I hadn't, there were steps to the front porch.

"No, I um, I don't know if I can even get inside."

"You should go over and check it out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

"Oh?"

"Your dad will be over there for a while. I'm sure you could catch him on your way home. He's been fretting since you called the other night, it will put his mind at ease to _see_ that you're alright. He was ready to get in the car and run right out there, it took a lot to convince him that you could handle this on your own. I think it was hard for him to know you were hurting so far from home and knowing there was so little he could do to make you feel better."

"But he did. He knew just the right things to say. I needed him and he was there for me. Maybe we will stop by Alice's on the way home."

"Did you eat? Are you hungry? Is there anything you need?"

Always a mother... always so caring and considerate of everyone's needs.

"No, thanks Mom, we're good. Just wanted to drop by for a few minutes, I haven't seen you in a few days."

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed like she'd never let go. "I'm glad you stopped. And I'm glad you finally went home. Was it as bad as you thought it would be?"

"Initially? Yes. But after I calmed down... I was... okay. I'm glad I went home, too."

She put one arm out and Bella joined our huddle. Esme leaned over and kissed Bella's cheek, saying "Thank you," again.

"I'd do anything for him. Anything at all."

Fearing that the conversation was going to turn sappy again, I pulled away. "Come on, girlfriend, let's go find my pops and put his mind at ease."

"Bye Mom, love you."

"Bye Guys, have a good night. Bella, have a good day at school tomorrow."

"Good night," we said in unison, as we walked onto the porch.

I had seen the outside of Alice's house, but I'd only ever driven by. I didn't know what to expect. A few lights were on inside, and the back porch was lit up. Her house was in a quiet neighborhood, so I felt safe exiting onto the street. Sometimes it still made my insides quake to have to exit the car into traffic. Parking lots and driveways were my friends.

Bella and I walked down to the corner, hugging the curb before we found a curb cut onto the sidewalk. It was getting dark and I couldn't get a good look at the house, but I could see that it was a small, stone bungalow with a rambling front porch. Some sort of viney vegetation hung down over the far end like a lush green curtain. Bella and I found a small sidewalk off to the side of the house and we picked our way along in the dusky darkness until the light from the single bulb on the back stoop showed us the way. The simple sidewalk rolled right up to the porch and I smiled as I knocked on the door.

_I could visit._

Alice laughed when she opened the door to let us in and swooped down to give me a hug before grabbing Bella and hugging her.

"I'm so glad you're back. Did you have a nice trip? Was there much rain?" Ali was her usual self.

"Yeah, we did have a good trip. Thanks for asking."

"_Good._" We both knew we'd be talking about this later. I wanted to cut to the chase so I could get Bella home. I knew she had a big day ahead of her, and wanted to make sure she had plenty of time to take care of anything last minute so she wasn't rushed in the morning. "Is my dad available? I heard the rumor that he was over here doing carpentry work."

"Yeah, he is. Come on, you want to see the place?"

Alice led through the house, and while it was small, the open floor plan made it feel spacious and not at all cramped. It was very easy to navigate. The kitchen and dining room were divided by a wall with a small bar that connected both rooms. There was a small bathroom off of the kitchen, and then the dining room and living room were one huge room. There were built in book cases that marked the division of the two rooms, and a huge stone fireplace with floor to ceiling book cases on either side. All the woodwork was American Chestnut, a type of lumber, she explained that had become extinct due to some sort of blight that killed most of the adult Chestnut trees. I ran my fingers over the smooth wood of the bookcase, noting the little holes in the wood that gave it character. Someone had sanded it down to the finish and it would be lovely when it was done.

Carlisle waved when he saw us and turned off the machine he was using. "Hey there, I didn't hear you come in. What do you think?"

"It's nice," I said. It was really impressive. Alice had bought a winner and I was certain she'd be happy here.

Carlisle took off the mask he was wearing and brushed his clothing off with gloved hands before coming over to talk with us. "It's sort of dusty in here. Why don't we go out on the porch?" Alice had disappeared, but Carlisle led the way out onto the big porch we'd seen from the sidewalk. I could imagine how nice it would be to sit out here on a big old porch swing some cool evening watching the people go by.

Echoing my thoughts, Carlisle pointed up to the ceiling at two eye bolts. "The porch swing goes there. She sent the old swing that was here out for a little work. It'll be lovely when it's done."

"Yes, this looks like a very peaceful spot." Bella had been quiet, taking it all in. I could tell she was quietly appreciating it, even if she was quiet.

Alice came through the front door, letting the old wooden screen door slam behind her. She held out bottles of water to each of us. Carlisle took off his gloves and downed his drink. "Thanks Alice." He said, sounding refreshed and rejuvenated. Bella held her bottle out to him. "I'm not that thirsty. Would you like another?" He grinned at her before taking it and thanking her. He took his time with the second bottle and between swallows asked how our trip had been.

"Mom suggested I come by and ease your mind. We stopped at the house, but you weren't there."

"Alice has some help lined up for tomorrow, and she really wanted to get this floor sanded before they came. Since you didn't need me to come and rescue you, your mother and I came over here to help out."

"You wield a mean sander there _old man_, who knew?"

"Hey now, your mother and I did all the woodwork in our home while you were in the hospital. I'd work all day, and then come home and get cleaned up to visit you, and then when visiting hours were over, we'd work on the house getting it ready."

He had, and it made me sad to think about it, but I knew that wasn't the reason for his retort. He'd never make me feel guilty; I knew he did it out of love, to create a safe environment that we could all call home… a place where we could learn to cope as a family.

"You did. I'm sorry. I didn't think."

"It's okay, can't have Bella thinking I'm a girly boy because I don't know how to do manual labor."

Bella laughed, wiping her eyes. "I'd never consider you any less of a man. Your job is pretty impressive... and your home is lovely. You should be proud."

Carlisle talked with us a little more about our trip, but seemed disappointed that he had to get back to work. "It's back to the daily grind tomorrow. I need to wrap this up so I can get some sleep."

Bella yawned. "Yes we do too."

"Big day back to school, eh?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, I always have first day jitters. It takes a few weeks to figure out what makes them tick, some of them are a real challenge, and others are a joy to work with from the first day."

"I can imagine," he said, shaking his head. "You're a brave girl, I don't know if I could work with a classroom full of fourth or fifth graders."

"That's not all Bella is doing tomorrow," I said, smugly, "She's got an appointment after school."

Carlisle turned to her, giving her his full attention. One eyebrow was cocked as he waited for her to enlighten him.

"I test to get my driver's license reinstated."

"Oh that's wonderful. You must be so excited."

"I am, but I'm really nervous, too. What if I get someone who has some preconceived notion about my ability to drive because of my disability?"

"Don't worry, my dear, you'll do fine. The officer who rides with you is going to be fair, and I have every confidence in your abilities." I knew he'd be relieved when she got her license back. Now that he knew her so well, he said he felt guilty for having to file the report with the DMV. I understood his feelings of regret, but she had no business driving at the time and we both knew it was his responsibility as a physician to take the measures necessary to ensure that she wasn't out driving when she couldn't do it safely. Her dad played a part in the revocation as well; it was done for her safety and for the safety of everyone else on the road. She understood and had no ill feelings about it.

"Jill has been great, she's going over there with me tomorrow, I'm sure it'll be alright. And... If it's not... I'll go back some other afternoon and try again. Edward is going back to work soon, and when the weather gets bad, I don't want to have to rely on public transportation. I want to be self-sufficient. I need this."

"You need a new vehicle, too." I teased. She wanted to buy some little death trap to save money. I wanted her to buy something and have it converted so we could travel together in either car. In the back of my mind I was thinking grocery getter... mom's taxi... yes we needed Bella's car to be a family vehicle... I had no intention of letting her settle for something cheap. We could afford to get her something safe and accessible, and if it was something that I could get inside of, I fully intended to help her pay for it.

"We'll talk about that after I get the license." Yes, the groveling would come later... tomorrow perhaps.

We had been walking and talking, and I realized that we were all huddled in Alice's little kitchen. I extended my hand to Carlisle. "Thanks Dad."

"I didn't do anything son."

That man had been there for me practically every day of my life. There was no parent more dedicated, Esme excluded. "You were there when I needed you. You've _always _been there when I needed you."

"You're welcome Edward."

He rubbed Bella's shoulder. "You'll do fine tomorrow."

"Thanks."

Alice turned on a flood light that illuminated the entire back yard. Had she known we were coming, we wouldn't have had to pick our way along so carefully. I knew to call the next time.

Alice followed us to the car, watching as I lowered the ramp and got into the car. She leaned in Bella's open window. "I'll see you in a little while. I promise not to be too long. I know you want to make it an early night. Thanks for stopping over."

"It's a lovely house," Bella gushed. "It'll be beautiful when it's done."

Alice tapped on the roof of the car. "Go. I'll be over soon."

I pulled out into traffic and was surprised when I got home and saw how close the house actually was to ours, it was within walking distance. Alice would like her new neighborhood. It was an older district with clean manicured yards and beautiful Craftsman architecture.

The security guard waved and opened the gate as we approached our little development. It was reassuring to know that Bella was in a much safer community than the one she'd lived in when we met. I wouldn't worry when I worked late about her safety.

Bella made a bee-line for the study when we got inside, grabbing her laptop bag as well as a backpack that she'd filled with essentials before we left for Forks. She carried everything to the desk in the kitchen where she plugged in all her electronic devices to ready them for the morning.

"I really wanted to make cupcakes for the first day, but I'm just so tired," she yawned. "I'm gonna go grab a shower quick before Alice gets here." I watched her trudge down the hallway to our room, her shoulders slumped, her steps slow and staggered. She'd be asleep before I was done in the shower.

Alice and I made a quick night of it, not wanting to disturb Bella. Before we left the bathroom I pulled some bills from my wallet. I kept my voice low as I slipped her the cash and explained. "I think she has fifteen kids this year. Can you stop by that bakery Esme likes and grab some sort of goodie? She wanted to bake cupcakes, but she was too worn out."

"I'll see what I can come up with. You might not be the only one with the same idea."

"Thanks Ali. I appreciate it."

"No problem. Come on; let's get you in bed before we wake her."

She was sawing wood like a lumberjack. I don't think she could _hear_ us talking over the snoring that was coming from her.

Alice spotted me into bed and hurriedly took care of my needs. She was headed out the door just an hour after she'd arrived. We'd had a productive night.

I awoke to Bella's squeals and Alice's giggles. Bella came into our room and jumped on our bed. Her actions making a sharp contrast to her appearance. She was all business suit and up do, not a hair out of place, but she bounced across the bed and laid a huge kiss on me. "Thank you, thank you, _thank you!_"

It took me a minute to understand, until Alice mouthed _cupcakes_ from behind my girl.

"You're welcome baby. Are there enough?"

"There are enough for all the kids with a few extras."

She kissed me a few more times before getting off the bed and hugging Alice too. "Thanks Alice. You two are on your own for breakfast. I've gotta go!"

I could smell the coffee from here, and frankly, if that was all there was I'd be happy. I'd survived on much less in my bachelor days.

Alice had my chair unplugged and the cord wrapped up and tucked inside the compartment for the onboard charger while I slammed a bottle of water with my morning meds.

I pulled myself up with the bed ladder, and swung legs over the side onto the floor.

As soon as we were done, Alice grabbed a travel mug of coffee and one of the two cupcakes Bella had left for us on the counter. _Sweet girl._

"I hate to do this, but I can't chit-chat. I've gotta take this on the fly. Alec is working for his Dad today, and it's the beginning of Jane's internship, he's a nervous wreck."

Jane had started back to school a week ago. I had forgotten that the public school system started before the holiday, unlike the private school where Bella taught. I didn't realize today was the beginning of her job with Leonard Pacific.

I didn't even have a chance to bid Alice goodbye before I heard her revving the engine of her little car.

It didn't take long for me to realize how lonely I was with everyone gone. I went over the materials for the next workshop I needed to attend before returning to work. It was a course on pediatric neurology, and I found myself thinking again about directing my interest towards something that would benefit children. Medicine was a field that was constantly evolving, and I'd made the choice to be a perpetual student by default the day I made the decision to become a doctor. I was getting that itch to consider my options... would I remain in private practice? Would I stay in neurology? Was I going to continue working in research? Should I hone my specialty a little more?

_Decisions, decisions..._

Carlisle had planted the seed when he suggested I consider my options now that I was no longer living the life of a lonely bachelor; and ever since that conversation, the voices in my head were wrestling with one another. I needed to sit down with Jeff and discuss my career path he had become so much more than just a colleague... he was as much a mentor to me as Carlisle had been, and I knew he only had my best interests at heart he wouldn't try to influence my decision, but rather guide me to find my own answers.

Before my life had been altered so drastically, I'd worked so hard to fill every moment of my day, knowing I'd always be alone... needing to fill that void... and now... I... was no longer alone. The free time that I'd tried to avoid at all costs was suddenly something I knew I'd long for when I was working long hours and Bella and I were away from one another. I needed to get my mind off the hole I'd dug myself into all those years ago, back when I never dreamed I'd want to find a way out.

I pulled a file folder from my desk; I had some paperwork to attend to. After the expo, I began to research service animals. I had acquired limitations as a result of being hit by the car, limitations that hampered my independence, but didn't warrant the constant attendance of an aide. With my impending return to work, I would be less dependent on my co-workers and colleagues with the aid of a service dog.

I completed my application for an animal from the Prison Pet Partnership Program. Conceived by Sister Pauline Quinn, the program served as a national model, bringing offenders incarcerated at the Washington State Correctional Center for women and dogs from animal rescue organizations together in an unusual relationship. After the animals were trained and appropriately socialized by trusted inmates and program volunteers in community settings, they were placed with persons who suffered from seizure disorders, persons with disabilities or as therapy dogs.

The Washington State program was started in 1981 and had placed more than 500 animals with persons who have disabilities. I was impressed with their presentation at the expo, and after some heartfelt discussion, Bella and I decided that adding a service animal to our family would be an asset and not an inconvenience. I had been told that there was a short waiting list, and I didn't want to wait forever to return my application since we'd made the decision to move forward.

Just as I was clipping the envelope with my application to the mailbox, the phone began ringing. The number looked familiar, but I couldn't place it.

"_Hello?_"

_"Edward? It's Robin. How are you?_"

Of course, it was the number for the CIL. "_Hey Robin, what can I do for you?_"

"_I need to discuss a case with Bella. It's an advocacy situation, I think it's right up her alley... Think you could ask her to call me when she gets in?_"

"_Certainly, I'd be more than happy to._"

"_I know it's her first day back to work, I didn't want to call her at work._"

"_I'll let her know._"

I heard her breath a sigh of what sounded like relief. "_I'll be in my office until five_."

"_Okay, take care, Robin._"

"_You too, Edward. Goodbye._"

"_Bye._"

Well, that was interesting; and it certainly piqued my curiosity.

I started some coffee and while it was brewing, pulled on a hoodie and grabbed my keys. With my caffeine safely deposited into a travel mug, I went out and got in my car. The house was entirely too quiet and I feared I'd slowly lose my mind if I didn't find something to occupy my days until I went back to work.

The commercial district where Emmett had his gym was abnormally quiet and I had no trouble finding a place to park.

There were a few patrons in the gym, but it was relatively quiet now that the jocks were back in school. When Emmett saw me his face broke into a big grin. "Eddie! How are ya?"

I hadn't seen him since we'd given everyone a ride home from the airport when Jasper had unexpectedly needed to use Rose's car.

"Hey, I'm great. How are you?"

My friend beamed and I recognized the expression on his face, I wore that one too... I didn't know if he'd realized it yet, but I could just tell... he'd found her.

"I'm good. You look happy. How's Rose? Guy?"

"Oh they're great. Guy's so happy to be back to school. Rose seemed a little forlorn when she had to go back to work, but it's all working out."

"How is Guy feeling? His ear okay?"

"Yeah, Carlisle referred Rose to a pediatrician who works with adolescent kids. I guess Guy really likes her. She said the ear infection is all cleared up."

"Good."

"She is willing to continue seeing him even after he's an adult. She was really good with him."

I knew exactly who Carlisle had referred them to; Dr. Nahuel was a relatively new doctor in the area. She had a heart of gold and I wasn't surprised that she had offered to continue caring for Guy as an adult. Most pediatricians ceased to care for their kids as soon as they turned eighteen. Maintaining Guy's sense of trust would be important to Rose and it would be a relief for them to not have to acclimate him to a new health care provider in a few months. From what Emmett had said, it sounded like Guy was still obsessing over the _mean doctor_ from camp.

"I was wondering if I could hang out for a while."

"You bored all alone at home?" Emmett teased.

"Little bit. It's been a few weeks since I've done any PT. I got down on the ground in Forks and well... I had a little trouble."

"How did that work out? I assume Bella knows all your little secrets now?"

I laughed uncomfortably before I started to share our trip with my friend.

"Even though it was painful, I think it was a good thing that you went home."

"Yeah, I needed to do it, and I _knew_ I needed to... but it was taking that first step."

"How's your shoulder? Have you seen a doctor?"

"My dad took a peek. It's alright just a little stiff, and sore... "

"Why don't we put some moist heat on it, get you relaxed, then we'll work it a little?"

While I sat with a moist heat pack on my shoulder, Em sat on the floor in front of me. He took off one shoe at a time and flexed and extended my ankles, when they loosened up and the little spasms stopped, he rotated them first one direction and then the other.

"Dude, you're really stiff. You really need to keep up with this."

"I've just been so busy... "

"You're only hurting yourself. Utilize Alice's services... or better yet, let little Bella sit and do this for you. You still trying to keep your health issues and personal issues separate?"

"Nah, I'm getting better about that. Now that I realize that she's not made of glass and that she truly gets enjoyment from helping me... I just never realized. I thought she'd feel like it was a burden... she actually _likes_ to take care of me."

"Ya think? Don't you get all warm and fuzzy when you do something special _for her_?"

"Yeah, I just didn't... I was afraid it would be too much work for her."

"I'm glad she straightened you out."

"Yeah, me too. We're all good now."

He stood and removed the heat pack and started moving my arm. I winced as he manipulated my shoulder, but the longer he worked it, the looser it felt. "You free all week, Ed?"

"Yeah, think so."

"I want to keep working this shoulder; you don't want it to stiffen up from inactivity. Keep moving, but just don't overdo it."

"No, I won't."

"I think we should wait to get you on the machines until your shoulder isn't sore. I don't want any catastrophes."

"No, me either."

I hadn't realized how long we'd been shooting the breeze till a small school bus pulled up. I watched as Guy stepped off and ran, as only Guy could run, to the front door of the gym.

"Emmy! I work today. I worked."

Emmett looked proud as a peacock as he ruffled Guy's hair, but Guy had my full attention.

"Hey Buddy! How's school?"

His face grew into a big grin. "Guy likes work."

I was puzzled. "Work?"

"School to work. Guy works!"

Emmett spoke up and explained. "Guy is in a community work experience program. Different businesses within the community contract with the high school... they take on a student who has interest in a particular career, and for half the school day the student goes to the worksite and learns the job, the other half of the day they spend at school working on their core subjects."

"That's really awesome Guy! I'm proud of you."

Guy blushed and looked at the floor. "Rosie too."

I could only imagine Rose's feelings on this new found independence. "I'm sure she is."

"So what do you do at work Guy?"

"Silverware."

I was sure I misunderstood. "Silverware?"

"Guy gives silverware to the little kids, and then helps Ben..." He stopped and took a deep breath before sounding it out. "Ben... ja... min. Guy helps Ben-ja-min sweep."

"I don't think I understand; where do you work with kids?"

Understanding my confusion, Emmett explained. "Guy is working within the school district at a local elementary school. He rolls utensils in napkins and then when the kids come through the cafeteria line he hands them out. After lunch he helps sweep the cafeteria and wipe down the tables before they fold them up and put away the chairs."

"The lunchroom is silly, it's a gym."

"Oh... is it one of those schools that uses the cafeteria for gym classes?"

"Yes!" Guy answered, snickering and shaking his head.

"He has trouble comparing my gym to the one where he works."

"That's not a gym," Guy laughed, "_this_ is a gym. That is a silly lunchroom, and payday is Friday. By Eddie! Tracy is home."

I watched as Guy hurried off to Emmett's office.

I shook my head laughing, "He's excited. So he gets paid to work?"

"Yeah, it's not a lot, only a few bucks, but he'll get several years of work experience in several different fields. The goal is for the kids in the program to have several years of work experience to put on a resume. Normally they might never have a chance at a mainstream job like this, the program is genius."

"That is pretty neat. I didn't realize he'd worked during the school year before."

"Oh he hasn't, this is his first year. A lot of the jobs are volunteer ones, but because Guy is an older student, he has a paid job, but next year he's hoping to work with one of the local restaurants, he'll probably just bus tables. Did you know the school district runs a little lunch cafe down in the old water tower building? It's called Water Tower Square. A bunch of the students work their senior year. They plan the menu, cook the meals, wait tables, handle the money. It's 100% student driven."

"Wow, I had no idea." I was feeling pretty humbled. Here I was strutting around all these years thinking I knew all this stuff about people with disabilities and services for them, but I was learning new stuff every day. "Isn't Guy a senior this year though?"

"He is, but because he has an Individualized Education Plan, he's eligible to stay in school until he turns 21. The June after his 21st birthday he automatically gets his diploma. It will benefit him more to get more life skills, more work experience, and more math and English than it would to turn him loose at 18 to wander aimlessly."

"I can see your point. I guess that would be beneficial to him. But does he _want_ to stay in school for a few more years? Isn't that a drag for him?"

"I don't really think he comprehends the difference. All his buddies are in the same program. He's happy, and it was his idea, he asked Rose and me for permission."

"Oh that's great. So where did he hurry off to? What's so exciting in your office?"

"_Tracy._" Emmett said with a smile. "She's this adorable little gal he knows from camp. I set up Skype before he gets off the bus, and they visit for a half hour or so."

"Oh, that's cool."

"Yeah, he's pretty sweet on her, they've been friends a while now."

"I'm glad, he seems happy."

"Yeah, he is... "

"Speaking of someone looking happy... "

Em smiled a big dimpled smile. "Yeah. I'm happy. Very happy."

"Don't hurt her man, I'll kick your ass. She's someone special." As I was saying it, I thought about the sadness that had been a part of her life, and how utterly happy she looked now. She would be devastated if he hurt her. As strong as she was, something like that would break her.

"The night Guy was so sick; she really opened up to me. It almost felt like she somehow blames herself for what happened to the baby, she acted like it was her fault that Guy had gotten sick. Like we could have prevented it. For someone who is such a force to be reckoned with, she's got a soft, vulnerable side not many people get to see."

"That she does, and if she let you see it, she trusts you. How did you act when she shared her past with you?" I knew my friend was no jerk, but sometimes he was callous and just didn't think. But then again, they seemed inseparable when I picked them up from the airport.

"I just held her and reassured her while she let it all out. We spent a lot of time at camp. You know... together."

When I raised an eyebrow in question he acted flustered, not his usual cocky self. "Not together-together. Just you know, getting to know one another. I think I could fall for her quite easily."

Emmett was already smitten, and when he told me they'd gotten busted for necking in a public park like a couple of kids I laughed, but at the same time, I realized what that meant. Rose would never... she was too closed off around guys to just let someone get that close if she didn't think things would go someplace. I knew in my heart that she was falling for him too.

_Atta girl, Rosie. He's a good man._

I looked at the doorway when I heard the shuffling of feet.

"Hey Buddy, how's Tracy?" he stood up and walked over to the boy.

"Tracy got hungry." Guy was rubbing his tummy. "Guy is hungry too."

"Let's go find you something in the lounge." He motioned for me to follow. "Come on Ed, want a yogurt or something?"

While Emmett doled out some snack stuff for Guy, I washed an orange and sat peeling it. Guy sat across the table from me eating his yogurt and nibbling on the almonds Em had poured out onto a napkin. I was pleased to see that he wasn't feeding him junk. I mean Em had a gym and he was fit, but he tended to spoil kids... I was almost impressed.

Guy looked up at me and smiled. "Bella went to work today."

"I know. I miss her." _Oh how I missed her._

Something he said tugged at my brain and I sat in a stupor...

"But you got to high school buddy, Bella works with the little kids."

"Bella went to _my work_... with the little kids." He was standing, rocking from foot to foot.

"Don't you work in a public elementary school?"

"Bella work too. With the lady on the flagpole."

_Bella_... _Lady? Flagpole?_ Clearly I was missing something.

"Maybe I should call Bella. Make sure she's okay."

"Bella is okay, but the flagpole lady is silly." He added with a snicker.

I looked down at my watch; I had been with Emmett for hours. "I should get going. Bella will be home soon. I should give her a ride."

I could hear heavy traffic in the background when Bella answered her phone. "Hey." She sighed.

"Hey baby, do you want a ride?" It was a lovely afternoon... maybe she wouldn't.

"Oh, I'd love one, but do you think you could stop at a drive through someplace and get, oh..." I could hear her counting quietly, "nine burgers, and bottles of water? Just generic burgers, I don't know what they want, but I would know everyone is hungry."

"Uh... sure?"

"Oh! I'm at Bryant Elementary, do you know where that is?"

It sounded familiar but I wasn't sure. "I _think_ so?" I could feel Em's eyes boring into me, so I mouthed _Bryant?_ He gave me a thumbs up.

"I'm at the gym, Emmett can give me directions."

"Oh, good. I'll be in the parking lot. Thanks Edward. For everything."

"See you soon."

Emmett was writing when I hung up and handed me a scrap of paper. "Easiest way to get there is to go up 34th Street."

"Thanks man."

"Any time, tell Bella I said hey. Maybe we can all go out again, something a little less dramatic than the carnival."

"Good man. I know this great bowling alley."

"Sounds good. Later dude."

Traffic was a little busier when I left and I had to sit in the street in front of my car waiting for cars to pass before I could open the ramp. I felt like a sitting duck, but when I was safely inside with my ramp closed up, my heart quit pounding and my stomach relaxed. I took a deep breath to center myself before I pulled into the lockdown and started my car. Bella needed my help.

It seemed to take forever for the green haired girl in the drive through to get my order together. She handed me a bag with the bottled water, but stood examining her nails as I waited for her to bag the burgers. Finally she opened the window and handed the bag of burgers out too.

I looked over Em's directions before I pulled out of the lot, confident that I could find the place. Any uncertainty I'd had dissolved when I turned onto 34th. There must have been four or five news trucks. Small groups of people stood around in the parking lot. I saw Robin's bright yellow car and pulled into the lot next to it before I spotted Robin and Kodi. Bella was with a few other people I recognized from the CIL. When she looked up and our eyes met, she broke into the most beautiful smile.

I watched as she spoke to a few people, leaving the group and walking to meet me.

"I'm glad to see you. It's been such a long day." I handed the bags to Robin and Bella melted into my arms.

"What's up baby? Why aren't you at school?" I asked, before commenting to Robin, "I see you found her."

She stole a glance in the direction of all the excitement. "You can't see her from here, but there's a young mother sitting next to the flagpole. She's staging a quiet protest because her boy needs services that aren't being provided for him by the district. One of the advocates called my cell phone and I left... I may get in trouble." She said hanging her head. "I took a half of a personal day."

"On your first day back?" I asked, in surprise. I wasn't angry with her for doing what she believed in, but I didn't want her to get hassled by her employer either, she didn't need the stress.

"This is so important. The little fellow has Downs. He's non-verbal. Early Intervention got everything in place for an interpreter, but when he got to school on the first day, the school still hadn't placed anyone."

"Wow."

"Oh, that's not the half of it. He's suspended for lashing out at the teacher, and it's obvious he doesn't understand." Bella's eyes had welled up, and she looked as if her heart were breaking.

"He signed... Potty. Potty. Potty." she said on the verge of tears, signing the word as she spoke. "But the teacher didn't know what he wanted and ignored him. When he became frantic, she misunderstood. He was put in a timeout in the corner for disrupting the class. When he wet his pants, the mother was called by the school nurse to get him. She took him home that day, but when she sat down and got answers out of the little guy she was livid.

"She's gotten the Ed Law Center involved, and they had an emergency meeting with the school superintendant, the director of special education, the principal, the teacher. She was promised that an interpreter would be provided today. There was no interpreter when she brought him to school, she should have never left him but they gave her some story that the interpreter hadn't arrived. I don't know if anyone was scheduled or not. Mom went directly to her representative at the Ed Law Center but by lunchtime the boy had hit and kicked the teacher when she removed him from the room for disrupting the class again. The girl from Ed Law called the CIL and Robin asked me if I could get away for the day... and here I am."

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry."

"I need to go get a few supplies. Can you take me to a Wal-Mart or something?"

"Sure."

"I need to say goodbye to everyone. Give me a minute?"

I nodded and watched as she spoke quietly with the group she had been interacting with when I'd arrived, handing out burgers and drinks. Robin got into her purse and pulled out an envelope, thumbing through it before handing Bella a wad of bills. They hugged briefly, then it wasn't without effort that she made her way across the parking lot before pulling the girl leaning against the flagpole into a big hug and handing her a burger and bottle of water as well. I rolled close to where she stood talking, and when she was done, I pulled her into my lap. I could see how tired she was.

"Come on, I'll give you a lift. Is there anyone else you need to see?"

"No, I'm done for now. Can we drop the supplies off before we go home?"

"Here?"

She nodded. "Please?"

"Absolutely."

The only Wal-Mart I knew of in Seattle was on Aurora Avenue, so that was where we went. I followed along as she went to the camping section, pulling several sleeping bags down and wedging them into the space below the cart. A small camp toilet went into the cart, along with special chemicals and toilet tissue. Next we got several large pump bottles of hand sanitizer, a case of water, and multiple boxes of individual snacks.

Bella smiled when she saw the winter apparel was on display, and threw several pair of mittens into the cart. In the stationary department, we got big black markers and sheets of poster board. Our last stop was at the battery display for a flashlight, batteries, a pay as you go cell phone and a handful of gift cards for different restaurants from the kiosk near the register.

She pulled her list out one more time and scanned down over it. "Okay, I think that's all." She breathed, looking tired, but pleased with herself.

The cart was piled up over the top.

"Are you sure?" I teased.

"Yep. Pretty sure."

By the time everything was bagged up, it filled two carts. I tried to take one, but Bella argued and in the end she left the checkout pushing a cart with one hand and pulling the second one along behind her. I brought up the rear, empty handed and feeling slightly emasculated, but I understood... this was her mission, and I realized it was safest to leave her to it. The greeter at the front door didn't see things her way, though, and took the second cart from her.

When the old man asked her if we were going camping, she told him to watch the six o'clock news. He helped load the hatch of my car, and loaded the rest of it on the back seat.

When we returned to the school, Bella pointed to a large blue cargo van. "That belongs to Ross. He's going to set up a portable restroom in there, and a place for people to change and freshen up. We're not permitted inside the building."

"Are you allowed to be out here?" I didn't want her to get into trouble and jeopardize her career.

She removed her seat belt and turned her whole body to face me, pulling her leg up onto the seat and under herself. "So far. We're not permitted to approach any of the students or parents, and we must remain respectful. As long as we're not rowdy, they'll allow it... for now."

"Do you need to stay, or are you going home? I'm worried about you."

She reached out to caress my cheek and I leaned into her hand. It was such a gentle act, meant to ease my mind. "No, not anymore today. I've never experienced anything like this, and I asked Robin and a few of the others to let me know if something like this came up. It just couldn't have come at a worse time, but then these things never happen at opportune times, do they?"

"So you're going to school tomorrow? _Your school?_"

"Yeah, tomorrow. If it's going to be drawn out, I might ask for some personal time. I've got an aide this year and one of the teachers who retired two years ago has put her name into the sub pool. I don't think it would be hard to get my time covered."

"Whatever you think is best baby."

There was a tap on Bella's window and she jerked around to look out. She opened her door and stepped out, introducing me to a handful of people. One of them took a bunch of stuff to the cargo van; some of the other items went into a few trunks. Bella grabbed a sleeping bag and walked around to my open window. "I'll be right back. I need to make sure she gets one of these."

I nodded in understanding and watched as Bella walked through the landscaping to the base of the flagpole. The little boy's mother sat in a folding chair now and looked more comfortable. When Bella gave her the sleeping bag, she pulled my girl into a long embrace. She talked into Bella's ear, Bella nodding from time to time. They pulled away from one another and Bella turned to leave, but turned and removed the light jacket she'd been wearing. She handed it to her new friend before walking away. My heart swelled with pride over the girl who thought her world had ended the day I'd entered it. Words couldn't begin to express what I was feeling as I watched her come back to me.

My parents were in the kitchen setting the table when we came in from the garage, the aroma of a mom-made dinner wafting through the air. Had we forgotten something important? Esme must have sensed our confusion.

"Carmen called me from the gym. Apparently some of your support group members have been watching today's events unfold. When I realized Bella was there... well, I didn't know if you'd have time to make a decent dinner, or if you'd even feel like it. We won't intrude."

Bella thanked them both profusely, but wouldn't hear of them leaving, so we shared a quiet dinner as Bella explained the situation at hand.

Carlisle and Esme were both taken aback that something like this had happened, while Bella explained that many parents fought on a daily basis to get the things their kids were entitled to as part of a _free, appropriate public education. _Many school districts were struggling with budgetary cutbacks, the need to meet federally mandated benchmarks for each child, and the high cost of heating and transportation for the students. Sadly when corners were cut, the students suffered, and the teachers suffered as well. I thought about Bella buying her own class decorations and bags of back to school supplies for her students a few weeks before.

Interpreters cost money, lots of money... and there was still the mindset from time to time where the powers to be didn't want to spend so much money on one child when it would cause budgetary issues for all the students. I knew Bella's only concern was for that little boy, and the thought had barely crossed my mind before she confirmed it.

"I'd privately tutor him if I thought it would help his situation, but it wouldn't. He needs to socialize with the other kids, and they need to be sensitized to a child with special needs. How will they ever learn compassion? This is such a sad situation for everyone involved."

Bella was visibly deflated, and it wasn't long before my father gave me a knowing look as he stood, excusing he and my mother. "We should really get going. If there's anything we can do to help, please, just let us know." He gave Bella a squeeze before my mother took a turn with her.

"Please, just ask everyone you know to watch the news. The more the public get incensed, the sooner the school district will feel pressured to resolve the issue. They are clearly in the wrong, but I suspect they won't budge until a due process hearing occurs."

Esme took Bella's hand. "Does the mother need help with representation?"

Bella laughed... a hearty, confident laugh. "Thank you for asking, but definitely not. She's in good hands. Both Rose and Opal offer pro bono services to our consumers. I suspect that as soon as Rose finds out, she'll run with this."

As if a light bulb went off, she excitedly grabbed my hand "Oh! Did I tell you? I saw Guy."

"No, but Guy told me."

Carlisle began chuckling. "Yeah, Rose knows by now. Come on Es. Let Bella gather her thoughts, she has work in the morning." He threw his arm over her shoulder and began steering her out the back door.

Bella began to clean up the aftermath of dinner, but I stopped her. "Why don't you go take a nice long bath? Put on something comfortable; and meet me on the couch in a little while. I'll take care of this."

"Are you sure?"

"Please, go relax for a bit. You look tired."

"I'm okay," she argued, but the big yawn that stopped her mid sentence confirmed it.

"Okay, I'm going. See you in a few."

Cleanup was quick; everything Esme brought came in a disposable pan, so I just loaded the dishwasher and snapped the lids on the pans. Leftovers were in the fridge in a matter of minutes, so I put a pot of hot water on for tea and grabbed our favorite mugs. Normally, I'd opt for caffeine, but tonight she needed to rest, and the best way to foster a sleepy atmosphere was with some Chamomile tea and quiet music.

When the tea pot whistled, I got everything ready and took the cups, one at a time to the coffee table. I could have used a tray and carried them both at once, but the thought of hot drinks on my lap made me uneasy, even if it was unlikely I'd feel the consequences if I spilled.

Bella found me on the couch, and sighed contentedly when she sat down with her cup of tea. "Oh this is so nice. My body was so tired." She leaned into me and I pulled the soft blanket my mother had made down off the back of the sofa and tucked her in. The evening had turned cool, and since we'd yet to turn on the heat, I didn't worry that she'd get too warm.

When her head jerked and the tea almost dropped to the floor, I pried the mug from her fingers and set it on the end table. She snuggled down into my side and before long I could hear her soft snores. I knew she was tired.

I must have drifted off for a few minutes myself, because I awoke with a start as Bella jumped off the couch. "Someone is here." She whispered loudly.

The clock over the TV said 9 PM. Alice would be here in an hour.

The frantic pounding began again just as Bella pulled the door open. Jasper, dressed in full gear, pushed past her. "Hey honey," he choked out, "where's Edward?"

I took in his appearance as he rushed over to where I sat. He was wearing his uniform, but he was filthy. When he got close, I could smell the grease and chemicals that took me back to that night not so long ago. I was lost in my own moment until he fell to his knees in front of me and began to sob. Both his hands gripped his hair as the broken words came out... Alice... yellow car... truck... Alice...

Fear gripped me as I held my friend, and Bella frantically dialed on her phone. Her entire demeanor changed and I knew the prayers I was chanting in my head had been answered as Bella rushed to us, on unsteady feet and dropped to her knees thrusting the phone into Jasper's hand. She ran her fingers through his hair as she said, "She's right here baby. Alice is fine."

Jasper eased back onto his butt on the floor and sobbed into the phone. "I'm sorry... I need you... I thought I lost you forever... I can't live without you."

It felt entirely too personal, to just sit here and intrude, but there was nothing I could do, had I been in my chair, I would have left the room with Bella. But I wasn't. When Bella used the couch to steady herself as she stood, Jasper reached his hand out to stop her. She walked to the bookshelf and returned with a box of tissues, setting them on the coffee table next to Jaz. He pushed himself to a standing position and walked away. I held my hand out for Bella and she snuggled in next to me.

"What just happened here?" We both asked, almost simultaneously.

"Jasper was out on a call. I knew as soon as I got a whiff of him, the grease, the antifreeze... He probably cut someone out of a car." I answered quietly.

"Apparently out of a small yellow car." Bella added sadly. "Poor Jasper."

"I've been waiting for him to have that defining moment where he realized he couldn't live another minute without her. I think we just witnessed it."

It sounded like the conversation was winding down, when I heard him say, "I love you, too."

I heard him blowing his nose, and then running water in the sink. Eventually he came into the living room, looking every bit a broken man.

"She said to tell you she'll be here soon." He said softly. "Could I... would it be okay if I took a shower? Could I borrow some sweats or something? I don't even want to sit on your furniture. I'm filthy."

"Sure buddy. The tall dresser is mine, take whatever you need."

"Thanks man."

"No problem."

"I'll go make some coffee. Do you need help getting out of the sofa? We've been sitting a long time."

"No, I'm good. Go ahead."

Alice arrived before Jasper had come back out. Bella had filled the big carafe with coffee, setting it in the center of the table and giving each of us a mug. Alice sat back in the corner, and Jasper slid into the seat next to her. When he reached for her she fell into him, kissing and whispering that it would be okay.

Bella looked at me, and her eyes got big.

_I'm not sure what to think either, baby. They'll be okay._

Slowly they untangled themselves, and with sad, broken sentences Jasper explained that he'd gotten called out a few hours ago. A little yellow sports car had been broadsided by a drunk in a huge Ford pickup truck. Jasper and his team had been forced to extricate the couple out of the tiny car. The woman was dead at the scene. Jasper rode in the back of the ambulance with the husband.

"He knew she was already gone. They'd just married. They'd made so many plans. It was all taken from him in the blink of an eye. He was unnaturally serene when he explained he couldn't live without her, then he coded as we pulled into the trauma center. He won't have to live without her after all." Jasper cupped Alice's cheek in his big palm. "When I saw that car, it was unrecognizable; all I could see was yellow. I was terrified it was you."

I don't think any of us had dry eyes. I reached under the table for Bella's hand and began backing away from the table. She followed me to our room, crawling up onto the bed as I drove around the room gathering the things I'd need for the night. I didn't want to keep Alice any longer than necessary. They both needed to get out of here and reconnect on some level. If Bella wasn't so tired, I'd ask for her help, but she'd had a long day and I worried what the coming days would have in store for her.

I was pulling a clean shirt down over my head when Jasper poked his head in and announced that he was leaving. He thanked Bella for the coffee, but she was snuggled into my pillow, fast asleep. I heard Alice banging around in the kitchen and running water. She looked surprised when she saw everything laid out and ready.

"I didn't want to keep you too long. You've some things to address that really can't wait, my dear." I stood my chair and pushed my pants down as far as they'd go. When I sat, Alice dropped to the floor in front of me, removing my shoes and changing my pants.

"Thanks. You're right. I'm ready now. We've both been seeing someone about our past issues, but we can't wait forever."

I stood my chair and pulled everything up before parking and pulling out my transfer board. "Good. I hope you can both move forward now. You are two of my dearest friends, and it was really hard to see you at odds with each other."

Alice pulled the blankets up to where I could reach them and tucked them snugly around Bella. "I hope so too. Thanks for understanding. Goodnight Edward."

"Night Alice. See you in the morning."

"See you then. I'll turn off the lights and lock everything up."

"Thanks."

I was so tired, but sleep evaded me. There were so many things on my mind... my career path... the mom at Bryant school... Jasper's epiphany and my recent trip home. Life was so short. I was lying on my back with my arms behind my head staring at the dark ceiling when Bella shook me at twelve.

I slept, if that's what you could call it, between twelve and three. It felt like the images in my head were running on a constant loop. My parent's accident, the trip to Forks, my accident, Bella, our ups and downs, and Jasper's breakdown. I'd wake with a start to find her sleeping beside me, before drifting off again and starting the next sequence of images.

By the time Bella woke me at three it was crystal clear in my mind what I had to do.

I took care of my business while she used the toilet. After cleaning my hands, I reached into my nightstand and pulled the little box out with fumbling fingers, nearly dropping it in the process. It wouldn't be very romantic if she had to crawl around on the floor in search of her ring.

When Bella came back to the bedroom, I had the bed sitting up and the small light on next to the bed. She reached for the lamp, but I patted the bed. "Come sit with me for a minute baby."

She sat up on her knees, facing me and I took her hand.

"This is nothing like the grand gesture I'd always imagined, but I just can't wait any longer." I pulled the tiny box out from under the blanket and held it out to her in offering.

"Marry me Bella?"

* * *

A/N:

~*In memoriam.*~

I'd like to take a moment to remember Jim F.

I learned about Jim through a mutual friend when he needed to get a new power wheelchair. Through various links on the Impact blogspot, Jim was able to get a Permobil Stander.

Like our Edward, Jim became paralyzed at 17, when the car he was riding in was hit by a drunk driver. I had hoped, in the back of my mind, that one day our paths might cross, he sort of became our Super-ward personified, in my head.

Jim passed away two weeks ago following an extended illness. He was fifty-two years old. He leaves behind numerous friends and family members and will be sorely missed in his community.


	53. Chapter 53

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-three

~Edward~

My heart stopped beating, as I watched her face. In my heart, I _knew _this was our next step... I knew she was ready, but that knowledge didn't do a thing to ease my sudden case of nerves. I began to second guess myself as soon as I blurted out those three words.

She had been exhausted when she fell into bed. Had I kept her awake as I mumbled my way through the constant barrage of pictures that disturbed my slumber? I should have waited; morning was only a few hours away. I should have taken her to a quiet dinner... or to that quiet rooftop paradise at Harborview where we spent so many lovely hours together...

Instead of a spur of the moment outburst in our bed... half awake with bags of urine on the nightstand and the sting of hand sanitizer in the air... I could have done it so much more eloquently. I vaguely remembered my father's advice on creating a romantic atmosphere... put the medical supplies out of sight, pill bottles in a drawer... maybe some romantic music or lighting. I'd gone about it all wrong. She deserved so much more.

But, about a second after my stomach started clenching itself into a knot, she launched herself at me.

"Yes. Yes. Oh my God, yes!"

I wasn't sure if I heard her right. "Yes?"

She nodded, her face breaking into a huge grin. "Yes! Yes..." she giggled before smothering me in kisses.

Her hand was on my chest, supporting her. She leaned back away from me, giving me a serious look, questioning me. "Baby, your heart is pounding. Are you okay?"

"I was so afraid you'd say no. I had so many ideas on how to do this; I was waiting for the right moment. But then everything with Jasper tonight... "

Bella lifted her leg over me to straddle my lap, hugging me tightly before laying her head on my chest where she quietly murmured, "Sometimes the right moment never comes. Sometimes you have to live in the moment."

I held her tight against me, thanking God for this woman who fell into my life; thanking him for the second chances I'd been given and promising to never waste them. I kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for not being upset. It was a pretty lame proposal... "

She lifted up off of me before leaning in and pressing her lips to mine. "I think it was... perfect."

I plucked the ring from the box, holding it out to her in offering. Her left hand shook as she held it out for me, and I slid the ring home... where it belonged.

She lifted her hand and examined it. "This is very pretty. It looks very old."

I shared the story about how my mother came to have it; Bella frowned when I explained that my mom had put it away because she didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings when he was finally able to put a big rock on her hand.

"I love it..."

"But?"

"Please don't ever think you have to replace it with something bigger or better, because I have no intentions of ever taking it off."

She couldn't have said anything nicer. Before I gave it to her, I was certain that she'd love it. But when you're facing the biggest question of your life...

"I'm really happy that you like it. My mother wore it for many years. I remember sitting in her lap as she read me story, fingering it and admiring the tiny vines and flowers." Already, I was plotting in my head... I'd find a jeweler who carried vintage rings, certainly I could find some sort of contoured wedding band to cradle my mothers... _no, Bella's..._ diamond.

"It really is quite charming. Thank you. I feel honored that you've entrusted me with it. I'm sure it has a lot of sentimental value."

"All that I am, and all that I have is yours... I feel honored that you'll have me."

"I love you so much, silly man." she yawned, smacking me lightly.

"Sweetheart, you have work in a few hours. We should try to get some sleep." I began lowering the bed and Bella nodded, yawning again. I reached out and turned off the light as she got comfortable.

"You know, I never did get to the driver's license center."

"I'm sorry, love."

"Little Max and his dilemma seemed more important at the time. I did call Jill and the driver's license place to cancel though."

"Good. Will you go tomorrow?"

"No, they are closed until Friday. I'll have to go then."

"It's just a formality. You'll do fine."

"Mmhmm."

"Goodnight, baby, I love you."

"Love you too," she mumbled, already sounding half asleep.

Sleep took me just as swiftly, and I awoke to the sound of Alice shrieking in the kitchen. I sat my bed up, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee hanging heavy in the air. They walked into our room together- Bella carrying two steaming mugs. Alice attacked me immediately, her little arms wrapped around my neck in a choking embrace.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so happy for you! Why didn't you _tell_ me you were going to ask her?" and in true Alice fashion the next comment rolled out... "I'd have helped you plan _everything_."

"The most perfect moments aren't planned, Alice." Bella said from behind her. "Now let go of my man so I can give him his coffee and a proper goodbye before I have to go face the lion's den."

I worried that he'd give her a hard time about her impromptu departure the day before. "Do you think you'll get in much trouble?" Bella sat on the edge of the bed, her hands on my waist. She seemed thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure, I mean, I'm entitled to so many personal days in a given period of time, and I've got a bunch accrued. A personal day is discretionary, I don't have to say why I needed to take it, but I'm sure he won't be happy that I left so abruptly on the first day."

"Well, don't stress over it, okay?" I gave her a gentle tug and she came closer, kissing my lips.

"I'll be okay."

I pressed my lips to hers, lingering for a moment, not wanting to break the kiss. When it was over, she'd leave and I'd face another lonely day. I was so pathetic. She stood and I continued to hold onto her hands. My thumb rubbed over the soft spot between her thumb and index finger. "I'll be here if you need me."

"Thanks, I love you."

"I love you too."

Alice plopped down on Bella's side of the bed, cupping her mug of coffee between both her hands.

"Is Jasper alright? He was so broken when he came busting in here last night."

"Yeah... he's... okay. We talked for hours. I don't know, maybe I was too hard on him... on both of us... but, I really think the time apart was good for us."

"What he experienced yesterday really struck a chord with him. He see's life and death situations every day, but seeing that car, and facing the possibility that it was you... and even after he _knew_ it wasn't... I can only imagine the things that were going through his head."

"I know, last night was really rough. He's okay. I never meant to hurt him, I was just so confused... and I felt like if we continued like nothing was wrong with our situation, it would just get swept under the rug... and eventually something would happen again. We were both wrong, but I think that is behind us. Maybe we can move forward now."

"I hope you can, you both deserve to be happy."

The corner of Alice's mouth turned up in a half smile. "Yeah, you do too. I never saw that one coming... not like that."

"Life is entirely too short, and Jasper's visit made me realize that there would never be a right time to ask her. We've already agreed that marriage is in our future. I wanted to be back to work, maybe try to modify my schedule a little; I wanted to know that I could love her properly... I've been waiting for all these _things_ to fall into place. I _should have_ asked her sooner. I can still take her for a nice evening out to celebrate. I'm not the kind of guy who'd drop her ring in the bottom of a glass of champagne or hide it in her crème brulee, anyway."

"No, I don't see that happening either."

Alice stood and took the coffee cup from my hand. She carried them both to the bathroom, when she finished rinsing them in the sink I said, "I suspect she's going to be busy until this thing with the little boy get's resolved."

Alice nodded in agreement, "Oh, I do too."

"I wonder how long his mom is going to have to make a stand to get what he needs."

"It'll be interesting to see what unfolds."

It certainly would, it was possible that this could drag out for a while. Bella had explained that it had started the previous school year and the federal courts had ruled that the district had to provide the services the little guy needed to be able to learn like his peers.

"Bella said the mom thought it would have been resolved yesterday. I think they were all surprised when it wasn't."

"I guess time will tell, hey?"

We'd talked through my shower and morning routine; after I pulled up my pants and fastened them, she handed me a shirt and patted me on the shoulder. "I've gotta go get the boys around. See you later?"

"Sure, sure Alice. Have a good day."

"You too. Bye now."

I decided to head over and see Emmett as soon as I had breakfast and a second cup of coffee. Just like the day before, he took me through some range of motion exercises, talking as he stretched and twisted, flexed and extended. My shoulder wasn't nearly as tender, and he asked me to go through the motions of removing my board from my pack and replacing it. When I grimaced he pointed, "That right there. That's why you need this. When you hurt yourself, you can't baby it and do nothing, you've gotta keep moving. Why am I telling _you_ this, you know the drill."

"I do, maybe I'm getting lazy in my old age."

"Please! You're just a kid."

"Hey now, I did come to you for help."

"Yeah, that you did."

"The girls both have their hands full right now. Alice leaves me and heads right over to Alec and Demetri, Bella went back to work right after it happened. Maybe I should hire an aide to help me keep up with my PT."

"Come on, Eddie! You see how terribly busy I am this part of the day, most of my clients come in very early in the morning, or after five o'clock. No one is here at this hour. You come over here a few days a week and I'll work with you. Or I'll come by your place on the days Quill is here. Once you're back to work, I think you'll find you're moving about so much that you won't have a lot of need for range of motion exercises. My main concern right now is that shoulder, and your ankles."

"Thanks for offering. You know how it goes, sometimes you get so wrapped up in what's going on, that you forget about the little things that aren't bothering you. Out of sight out of mind, I guess."

"I understand, but it'll be good for you to get out of the house. No point sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. You go back to work soon don't you?"

"I see Carey in about eight weeks. He has to release me and then I'll be back to work."

"You all ready? Are there things you have to do before you go back?"

"I've taken a few classes, done some workshops, continuing education units. I've lost an entire year." So many things could change in a year in the field of medicine. _Would I_ be ready?

"Will you just be jumping back in at full capacity? How will that work?"

"Jeff hired someone to cover my workload while I was gone, but she works a lot with children who have neurological disorders, so we're going to keep her on after I go back. Sounds like he wants me to just do a few partial days per week for the first week or two- see how it goes."

I grimaced as Emmett flexed the ankle that had given me so much trouble. He was hitting a certain spot that had sensation and each time there was a shooting pain. It was hard to ignore the twinges of pain I was experiencing as I tried to continue talking through gritted teeth. "I was working four days in the office, and two days in the lab. Lab days were long, sometimes twelve, fourteen hours. Oftentimes I'd go over and work after my shift in the office. I had ER rotations as well, but they were pretty quiet."

"So when will you go back to the lab?"

"I'm not sure. They gave me a medical leave of absence; I just don't know if I want to contribute the hours I was working before the accident. I've gotta meet my service obligation of twenty hours a week, though."

"Suppose you just decided to just _quit_?"

_That _wouldn't be an option. "Can't. The penalty is too hefty. It would cost me $7500.00 a month for the remainder of my service contract, plus other fees, and I'd still be making regular payments on my notes as well."

"Wow that really sucks."

"Yeah, it does... but I knew what I was getting into when I applied for financial assistance. I just had no idea when I committed myself to this loan reduction that I'd be so happy involved with someone... that I'd be making plans to settle down... I saw myself as the perpetual bachelor, I might have planned differently had I know a family of my own loomed so close in my future. I still owe twenty months."

"That's quite a chunk of time."

"Yeah." It seemed like an eternity looming ahead of me- now that I had Bella in my life. The only way I could shave off time, would be to do the bare minimum and start my days as early as possible so that the time we did have together would be waking hours when we could enjoy one another's company. "It is, but other guys do it, we both knew the next few years would be tough."

Suddenly, something clicked in the big guy's head. I could almost tell the moment it happened. "Back up bro! What's that mean? _A family of my own,_" he asked, using air quotes. "Are you and Bella...?"

I couldn't help the grin that felt like it would split my face in two. "Engaged."

"You asked her."

I nodded, my heart galloping in my chest again as I thought about my impromptu proposal and her enthusiastic response.

"She said yes."

_Yes, yes... Oh my God, yes! _

Her lips on my lips, her hands in my hair... holding me... straddling me... reassuring me that I had done it right.

"Yeah. Please, don't say anything to anyone. Alice knows, and I'm sure by now, Jasper does as well, but we want to take everyone out. There's a band playing this weekend over at Olivia's. I was going to take Bella to celebrate her birthday, but then this all happened so quickly... well we'd both like you to be there. I'm sure my mom would love to have Guy over for the evening."

"Mum's the word," he said, pretending to button his lips. "That wasn't what I was going to ask you... "

"I know it wasn't, _that's_ quite a ways off, I suspect. But maybe one day..." answered with a sigh.

"Do your parents know you asked her?"

"Not yet. I think we'll run by tonight if Bella isn't too tired. She has peer counseling today, a group of new kids, so she'll be a little longer. As long as they've waited for this, they deserve more than a phone call. They've known it was coming, but they didn't know it would be so soon. Hell, _I_ didn't know it was going to be this soon."

"Well congratulations man! Couldn't have happened to a nicer couple."

"Thanks."

"I understand why the long hours are weighing on your mind now... What if little B gets sick- you know if her MS gets worse... "

"Not helping man." I groaned.

"Or if you decide to have kids, will she be able to handle that alone?"

"You have met my family, _right_? She'd never be alone."

"True, Esme won't want to let her out of her sight." I knew what he was thinking, he knew a little bit about Esme and Carlisle's background. "Will she be high risk? You know, if she got pregnant."

"No, not necessarily, obviously we'd watch her closely, and she'd see both an OB and a neurologist, but there's no reason to believe she couldn't have a safe, normal pregnancy."

He let out a burst of air. "Oh, that's good. She's one heck of a girl, Ed. I just worry about her sometimes; I think she takes on too much."

"I think it's her way of letting her disease know that she's not going to let it win. She's okay, but thanks for your concern."

"Well good luck with everything."

"I've got to talk to Jeff and my advisor over at ISCRM, I'll get it all figured out. I've just got all this time on my hands to think; the inside of my head's a dangerous place to be these days."

"If you need to talk..."

"I know, thanks buddy."

I looked down at my watch, almost lunch time. "I should get going, Em, I think I'll try to catch Jeff before lunch. I want to weigh my options."

"Alright, good luck. Tomorrow morning again?"

"I'll be here. Thanks."

There was a beautiful warm breeze when I left the gym, and I rode to the hospital with my window down and my sunroof up. Who knew when, or if we'd have another day like this? My mind conjured up all sorts of scenarios as I drove towards the campus, and suddenly, I found myself on Montlake. Headed towards that spot in the road that had no sidewalk, no berm... and I felt my heart race a little, my hands grip the wheel a little tighter as my palms grew sweaty... and I breathed a sigh of relief as I passed it, safely, and continued on my way. I was safe today, inside the confines of my car... not exposed and vulnerable. It was after I passed it that I realized something had looked different. The street was wider and they'd added a sidewalk. My chest swelled when I realized that perhaps no one else would meet a similar fate.

I pulled into the familiar parking lot, taking a handicapped spot close to my entrance. As I made my way through the corridors, colleagues stopped to say hello, many inquiring about the date of my impending return to work. It felt good to see so many smiling faces, it _would_ be nice to come back, this was my world and I was in my element here.

I opened the door and drove into our waiting room, it was always a little surreal to just visit and not actually work. I barely had the keys to my office out of my pocket and the frosted glass window slid open.

"Edward! How are you? Did you have an appointment?" She crinkled her nose as she skimmed the appointment book.

"No, I was just hoping to catch Jeff and maybe take him to lunch, there were a few things I wanted to discuss with him."

"Oh," she frowned, "he's not here right now. He had rounds at the hospital and then he was meeting a pharmaceutical rep for a late lunch. Would you like me to call him? I'm sure he'd love it if you sat in on the lunch."

I looked down at my sweats and tee shirt. I had hoped to sneak into his office when he had a minute, none of the patients would ever mistake me for a physician the way I was dressed.

"No, I guess I'll just go to my office and see if there's anything I can accomplish since I'm here."

"Alright, if there's anything you need, Dr. Burch is here in the new office."

"No, I really just needed a minute of Jeff's time. It's alright, I'll call him later."

"I'll let him know you stopped."

I tinkered around in the office a little while before locking up and bidding goodbye to Carmen. I had just pulled out into the corridor when someone stepped in next to me. "Hey Edward, I was going to call you, do you have a minute?"

_Reilly._

"Sure."

"One of the reps dropped off some samples and I thought of you right away, if you'd like to try them."

"I was actually thinking off dropping by the office and asking if we could break out the big guns." He held the door to his reception area, so I drove past him.

Reilly looked around us, not wanting to embarrass me, I'm sure. "Not happy with the first?"

"Not to my liking, I uh..."

"Why don't you go on back to my office? I'll be right in and we can talk more privately." He walked to the receptionist's window and I went back the familiar hallway and slipped into his office, parking next to the desk.

I heard him come in and begin opening cabinets before walking past me and sitting. "This is a new pellet. I'd like you to try it. Let me know if it has any positive outcomes for you."

"Well, like I said, I was ready to come over here and tell you I'm ready to begin trialing the Uroject."

He reached into his drawer and pulled out several brochures and what looked like a DVD, handing them to me before throwing the pellets into a small plastic bag. I don't know why they bagged the stuff; everyone in the waiting room knew what it was for.

_No big secret there._ I thought, sardonically.

"I'm heading out of town for a few weeks," he explained. "Try the pellets, soon. Today if you like. If you decide you still want to move on to the injections, look this over, and get back to me. We'll set up an appointment for right after I get back; so we can sit down and walk through the first few doses. I like the patient to try it in the office the first time or two until we find the appropriate, optimal dose."

"I'll try the pellets, even though we both know they aren't very effective for guys who have reflexive erections. I don't know if I can wait till you get home to try the Uroject."

"And we _do_ both know the Uroject is very effective. As much as I understand your desire to go straight to the biggest and baddest meds we have, I'd like you to at least try the first and second line choices first. The oral meds are easy to take, once you move away from them things get more complicated. I need to know you're comfortable with whatever you choose to use. You might find a medication that is highly effective, but if you're physically unable to administer it, and your partner is unable or unwilling for whatever reason, the effectiveness doesn't matter."

"I understand Chris. It's not like I haven't waited this long already." I answered a little dejectedly. I felt like I was failing both myself and Bella if I walked away without what I had come here for.

"It could easily take a few hours to trial the meds. I'm sorry; I simply don't have that sort of time available. I promise, if the pellets don't work the way you'd like them to, I'll have my receptionist make room for you on the schedule the day I get home."

I nodded. I wasn't sure if I was capable of anything more verbose.

He looked down at his watch and then at the door. It was my cue to go. "Well, my lunch is over, time to get back to work."

"Enjoy your vacation." I croaked out. I didn't even look up at him as I drove past him. I just wanted to get home. Get home and pray that this would somehow work, because a few weeks was such a long time to have to wait.

"Thanks, I will. I'm taking the wife on a cruise for our tenth wedding anniversary. She has no clue. Should be fun."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. We'll talk soon Edward." He gave my shoulder a squeeze that I'm sure he meant to be reassuring, but in a way it almost felt patronizing. I felt so confident when I strolled into his office, but I left with a feeling of utter disappointment.

"Thanks."

I left the office and I heard him pull the door shut behind us before he began walking in the opposite direction, heading off to his exam rooms to see his afternoon patients.

I slipped out into the corridor and was in my car driving home, my mind clipping along at a fast pace. So many things to accomplish, so little time. I strolled through the house, throwing the bag of sample _pellets_ onto the coffee table on my way to the bathroom. When I finished, I went to my study, pulling the brochures out and skimming over them before popping the DVD into the player. Because even though I agreed to try the sample pellets, in my heart, I was ready to try to the injections, I'd heard so many positives about them and very few negatives. I had to find a way to get back into that office before he left. Otherwise, _several weeks_ was going to stretch on endlessly.

I went through the whole process with the model patient, watched as he injected himself and then massaged until an erection appeared magically between his fingertips.

_If only_...

I wanted that so badly now, so badly I could practically taste it.

There was a second DVD in the packet, it was labeled for the physician, in this instance, I was the patient, and perhaps it would be better for me to act like one and not get too clinical. I was so afraid to get my hopes up. Even the tiniest shred of hope, if lost, would dash my psyche to the rocks. I wanted to be strong and say it didn't matter, but it did. I wanted to be able to say I could be happy, no matter what, but I would be disappointed beyond words if this didn't work, I was running out of options, and suddenly, having tasted tiny samples of the fairytale, I wanted it all. But I had agreed to try the other meds first.

_No time like the present..._

I gathered all the Uroject information up before shoving it all in my desk drawer. I knew that some couples who used the injections found a way to work them into their foreplay, as some patients, especially ones who had had an SCI, weren't steady enough to administer the shot to themselves. I didn't see Bella being an active participant in that sense. No, she would be a little squeamish of the entire thing, I was sure. But I had no problem doing it if it worked; I had steady hands and no aversion to needles.

Bella's school day wouldn't be ending for a little while yet. I had time to put a nice dinner together for my girl. I popped a few foil wrapped trays into the oven, courtesy of Esme. A few days before Bella returned to school she dropped by with a box of goodies, explaining that they were things I could cook before Bella got home... but that required nothing other than turning on the oven, _to keep the poor girl from contracting ptomaine. _Dinner could cook while I faced what I was certain would be yet another failure. Dr. Edward wanted to remain positive, but patient Edward was getting rather _impatient._

On my way through the living room and I retrieved the bag from Doc Reilly.

I was still more comfortable experimenting on my own, so I needed to be done with this before she got home, call me stubborn but the fear of failure was all consuming, and at least failing privately allowed me to suffer in silence.

I grabbed the bag and headed to the bedroom, taking a few minutes to skim down over the patient materials and dosing information. It took under twenty minutes to work if successful, however I found myself in a quagmire. It was recommended that the patient void, as a means of lubricating the urethra, as lubricants such as K-Y jelly, Vaseline and mineral oil rendered the medication ineffective. I couldn't void without the catheter, and I had to use a lubricant to _use the catheter._ The urine in the urethra was what helped dissolve the rice sized pellet, as well.

_Can't win if you don't play, Edward._

I stood and dropped trow before lowering myself and tilting my chair into a comfortable position.

In the end, I wet the tip of the applicator with water and pushed it inside, but there was resistance, and I feared damaging my urethra. I massaged myself, remembering the instructions, and the semi aroused state that lasted no more than a few minutes was the one I'd started out with when I grasped myself to insert it.

Nothing more than my normal reflexive response...

_Atmosphere... the medicine may work better if you're in the proper frame of mind..._

I palmed myself, closing my eyes and thoughts of Bella in various stages of undress played behind my eyelids.

_The act of masturbation isn't dirty, or immature. It's a healthy way to explore your own body so that you can understand what brings you pleasure. It can encompass other parts of your body as well, not strictly your genitals. _The words of my mentor, my father, shared with me not so long ago...

I pulled off my shirt and skimmed over my nipples. I tried to imagine my love as she caressed and licked me, her hair creating a dark curtain that obscured my view- forcing me to gather it in my hand and twist it into a loose rope as she nipped and tasted a path across my chest.

My hand brushed over my belly, and just after I passed my hipbone, my touch became nothing more than a fleeting sensation. I closed my eyes and began touching other places... cupping my scrotum, rubbing my fingers over my perineum...

My body was unresponsive; like I was touching a stranger's flesh instead my own.

My hand went back to the tip, massaging, rubbing, caressing just the head.

_It's no use- it wasn't working._

Her sharp intake of breath was like a bucket of ice cold water hitting me.

My eyes shot open and my hands went to my groin in an attempt to cover myself.

"Bella, I... "

She cocked one eyebrow as she gawked at the place where my hands still rested, covering me. "I could help you with that," she said suggestively.

"I, um, I think I'm done trying for today. I failed you again, I failed us. Maybe this isn't worth pursuing."

She stepped closer, tilting her head to one side then the other as if to figure me out. "Don't you_ want_ to love me, Edward?"

I reached for her, exposing my most vulnerable parts in the process. "Of course I do. More than anything. I saw Reilly today, he offered me something new, but _nothing_ is working."

"Failure isn't part of this equation baby. We have to keep trying."

"I don't know what else to do, Bella. There are only a few more options, and it will be a while till I can even try anything else."

"So you took something new today?"

I nodded.

"Tell me?"

I explained the pellets and how they worked, there were things about them that I didn't like, such as the fact that we shouldn't use them if we were trying to get pregnant, which was sort of a moot point, no erection... no pregnancy... I wanted to do that the natural way, without intervention if that was something we chose to do.

"Well, we're not trying to accomplish that right now, so why don't we just go with the flow and see what happens."

"Okay."

"Let me help you get rid of those pants."

She kneeled in front of me and pulled everything down my legs, before working off my shoes.

After she stood, she walked over to the bed and slipped off her skirt, I watched as her silky blouse fluttered to the floor leaving her in her panties, some sort of lacy tank top and a lovely pair of thigh highs.

She motioned for me to come to where she sat on the edge of the bed, and when I got as close as I could, she put her feet up on my foot rest so that her knees rested between my own.

"I had an idea. Interested in trying something different?"

"I guess?"

_Trust Edward..._

"Baby look at me, I want you to do something for me. I want you to think back to what it felt like before... before your accident. When you touched yourself before... when you had sex before." Her expression was pained and I knew she was thinking about it, about the irony that it came so easily with Tanya, but not now...

I began shaking my head.

_No, no, no. I won't let _her_ into our bedroom._

"I can't ... I _won't._"_  
_  
"_I _want you to think about how good it felt, close your eyes and try to remember, come on baby, do out for me," she coaxed.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't let my mind go there... not to that, not with _her.  
_  
But she knew me so well- my Bella.

"You're trying so hard to block her out, just focus on the sensation baby; every seventeen year old boy touches himself. I just want to help you remember the sensation of letting go. Close your eyes and remember the feeling and picture my hands, my fingers. Feel... If you can't feel with your body, feel with your mind."

I watched her put her hand over mine, we caressed and touched me, hand in hand... and I tried to remember, but it had been so long... and I refused to sully this intimate moment with something so upsetting from my past.

"I don't think..."

"Shhhh... _Don't think… _Close your eyes baby and _just let go_."

She tilted me back again and whispered her dirty intentions in my ear... with no further warning she was trailing down over my neck and my chest with her tongue... her lips. I closed my eyes and let the sensation drift over me as she began playing homage to those places she promised to revisit again and again the night she brought home the toys.

_"That spot, Dr Cullen, is an erogenous zone, and I'm hoping to find most of them before the night is through... "_

Erogenous zones _indeed_...

Her tongue dipped into the crease of my elbow, and sucked on my fingers, gently pulling them into her mouth one by one... and it felt so good. Her mouth was so warm and soft and I imagined what it would feel like in other places.

My breath hitched when she thrust her tongue into my navel and swirled it around, nipping and kissing and before I realized what she was doing, she nipped at the flesh over my hipbone and I nearly came undone...

"Feel with your mind... just let it go Edward."

Her tongue made its way across my belly in little swirls and loops, she was writing our love song with her tongue and her lips and it left a blazing trail across my flesh. I felt that long forgotten pull in my belly... the racing of my heart, the sweating of my palms... somehow she had managed to engage all of my senses in a way I had never experienced before.

I was in awe as I felt my belly clench and my legs began to spasm... Like with the overwhelming aroma of warm chocolate or a runner's high I could almost feel the moment my body began to release those feel good endorphins that washed over me in one of the most euphoric moments of my existence.

And then… I felt my body relax... my muscles uncoiling...

She giggled as she looked up at me from beneath her lashes. "Baby, I think you can release the death grip on your arm rests."

I looked down at her in wonder... still trying to comprehend what had just happened... _when I hadn't even gotten hard_.

"And that baby is the power of suggestion." She smirked as she sauntered off into our bathroom, stopping just long enough to motion me to follow with her index finger.

I followed her lead and was open to whatever she had in mind, until she opened the shower door and reached to turn on the water. My words stopped her.

"What... what are you doing, Bella?" I asked hesitantly. If she was thinking what I thought she was thinking, it would be nothing but a recipe for disaster. No, we wouldn't be getting into the shower.

"It will relax you. I just want to wash you..."

"Bella, no. What if you get hurt trying to help me, or what if I fall? No, this is a _bad _idea."

"What if we call Alice to come by and get you out after we're done? You get yourself in anyway, if everything is dry, you won't fall, right?"

If my legs were as shaky as my arms felt, I didn't know if I _could_ do it safely.

"I'm afraid baby... one of us could get hurt. But... I _would_ love to watch_ you_ shower."

She pushed out her little bottom lip in a pout, and I reassured her. "If you want to shower together, I'm open to the idea some other time... but you've left me feeling a little unsteady on my feet. Come here baby..."

When she was standing right next to me I slipped my fingers under the hem of her lacy little top. "May I?"

"Mmhmm."

I pulled it up over her head and she bent forward so I could remove it all the way. I pulled her close and peppered her with kisses, her cleavage, her breasts, across the tensed muscles of her tummy. I rested my head against her stomach and held her. How had I become so fortunate to find her?

When she shivered I let go. I slid my fingers down inside the edges of her panties and pushed them down her legs until gravity took them and they dropped to the floor.

"Get in the shower baby; I want to watch."

She started the water before gathering a towel and her bath things. She placed everything on a stool outside the shower before draping a large bath blanket over me. I took her hand as she walked away and pulled her down for another kiss, as she walked to the shower our fingers remained connected until finally her fingers slipped away and she left me for the steamy confines of the shower.

I felt like a voyeur watching as her face tilted up towards the water. Her entire body relaxing as the warm water washed over her. She washed her long hair, and conditioned it, pulling her fingers through the wet tendrils time after time. After she rinsed, her fingers trailed down over her neck. She squeezed her pomegranate bath gel onto her hand, and with her eyes closed, she washed in circles and I drank in her silhouette from the side as her hands worked down over her body... her arm over her head as she washed her axilla and shaved, first one side then the other. I groaned as her hands washed over her breasts and down across her tight belly.

She was torturing me, this beguiling creature...

When she raised her foot up onto the shower bench it didn't escape my notice that it took some effort to raise her left leg, the side that had been affected most by her disease. She began to shave her legs each long, languid stroke teasing me, tantalizing me...

She held onto the grab bar as she switched legs, I held my breath, terrified that she'd slip and fall, now balancing precariously on her most troublesome leg.

_Did she shave like this every time, or was this solely for my benefit? _

I'd rather she sat safely... forget the show...

I think I groaned again as she washed her most private places and then her behind...

The water stopped and the towel went around her body before she emerged from the steam.

"I wanted to watch you find pleasure as well, baby." I pouted, but she shushed me with her lips.

"Next time, when you're in there with me." She muttered against my lips. "I have a meeting this evening, I need to grab a bite to eat and leave soon, I'm sorry. Come on, I'll help you dress."

"You go first. I'm content taking in the sights." She'd be more comfortable helping me if she were already clothed.

She gave me half a smile as she began rummaging through her drawers. She pulled out a pair of faded jeans; ones that I knew were old favorites. "I wish some of your Emmett shirts fit me a little better. I'd love to wear something fun and snarky to the meeting tonight. You wanna come along, Edward? It'll only be a few hours; we'll be home before Alice comes."

I could tell by the way she was dressing that she was going to the CIL.

"Sure, why not?"

I went to the closet and pulled out a package. "Here, it's a few days early, but maybe you'd like to wear this tonight."

She reached inside the gift bag and pulled out the tissue wrapped tee, she smiled before she read it out loud.

The front sported the McCarty's Meteors team logo, two dudes in wheelchairs racing down the basketball court, flames coming off their back wheels.

While the lettering across the shoulders said: _It's only _your attitude_ that makes me handicapped._

"I love it!" She fell into my lap wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me. "Perfect."

"Em got one for each of the guys; I paid for a few extras. I really liked the message."

She agreed wholeheartedly, "Yeah, it's pretty hard to look at those guys and see them as _poor disabled kids_ when they are kicking ass on the court." We'd been to a few practices, and were blown away with how competitive they were becoming.

"Their first game is pretty soon."

"We can't miss it."

I laughed, "Like Em would let us forget. He's like a proud papa, he's taken those guys under his wing and I know he's loving it. I'm almost surprised he didn't do it years ago, but maybe it was too painful... I know he still misses his brother. I think these young guys have been so good for him."

"I think Guy has been really good for him as well."

"Yeah he has. You can't tell me people don't find one another for a reason."

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "They do. Look at us."

She helped put me together and chided me, saying the accessible parking group was gonna have a field day when they saw _my_ shirt.

_I'm just in it for the parking._

They were a group of gimps and walkies who had been deputized and were paired together, modeled after a Texas State Accessible Parking Enforcement Group- _APEG._ They traveled the city perusing the parking areas for people violating the accessible parking laws. If they didn't have the proper placard or specialized license plate on their vehicle, the CIL group was able to ticket the vehicle. The able-bodied individual of the pair placed the ticket on the car, the disabled individual took digital photos of the car, the plate and the parking violation.

The beauty of the entire thing was the fact that a large portion of the fine went right into the fund that provides Medicaid funding for attendant care. It was a win-win situation. But not for the violator. A second or third offense could net a $500.00 ticket. The municipality only retained what was the normal fine; the rest went back into attendant care.

Bella was certain they'd eat me alive when they saw my shirt, even if it was meant to be humorous. This was no joking matter and they took it quite seriously.

_Oh well..._

Bella laughed when I pulled out the two trays of food... so proud of myself, only to realize when the foil came off that I'd made mac and cheese and scalloped potatoes. I never noticed the writing on the top in my haste to get through the trial with the pellets.

"We'll have the macaroni and cheese, it's fine. You did good baby."

While Bella set the table, I excused myself to make a phone call, and the discussion I shared with Reilly eased my frustration, he'd come up with a solution we were comfortable with, one that meant I wouldn't have to wait another three weeks to try the Uroject.

We ate a hurried meal, and were out the door. Bella kept looking down at her ring, and smiling. "I still can't believe we're engaged... Oh my God, Edward. We're engaged!"

I couldn't contain my laughter, she was so cute. I was having a little trouble grasping something so phenomenal myself, but I couldn't imagine sharing this with anyone else.

We talked a little about what we envisioned in the way of weddings, and both agreed that we were far more comfortable with something simple and small in contrast to some huge affair. If we had a large wedding, I'd be expected to invite colleagues and co-workers. We had all of the people we were involved with through the CIL, the support group, rehab... the list was miles long... and while they'd all want to be invited, we were more than happy with our parents, Bella's almost siblings and our closest friends. Our past year had been fraught with drama and excitement, keeping this low key was something we both desired.

I wanted to talk with my parents, but I think we both agreed that the perfect spot would be under the big oak tree behind Carlisle and Esme's home where she and I spent our Fourth of July. I was certain my parents would oblige us... They'd be overjoyed, hopefully Alice hadn't told everyone we knew just yet and left a few people for us to surprise on our own.

We pulled into the CIL parking lot just as Robin and Kodi exited their vehicle. She stopped to say hello and her eyes gazed down upon Bella's left hand. "You two have something you wanna share?"

Kodi sat down next to his master with his eyes glued on my girl. Bella just shrugged and leaned down to kiss me on the lips.

"You didn't have that yesterday, I'd have noticed."

Bella giggled. "Nope... I didn't have it yesterday."

"So when... "

Bella squeezed my hand, and I answered our friend. "Oh, about three this morning."

Robin and Bella both squealed and Kodi gave me a forlorn look and lay down. "Get used to it buddy, this is only the beginning, we're gonna be here a while."

He whined and covered his face with a paw...

"We better get inside. Ozzy wants to update us on the situation over at Bryant Elementary."

Bella attempted to follow Robin, but I tugged on her hand to get her attention. "Why don't you climb on my lap?"

She got herself situated before nodding to let me know it was safe to go.

We pulled into the conference room and found a quiet spot in the corner. Ozzy stood in a chair I recognized as a Combi by a Swiss company called Levo; it had a reputation for reliability second only to my chair. Had I not been able to get a stander from Permobil, the Combi would have been my second chance; it was a sweet ride as far as wheelchairs went. I knew he'd been fighting with his insurance company for a very long time to get the chair covered. His old chair was no longer appropriate for his complex physical needs, and because he was someone constantly on the go, it really had lived much longer than its intended life span. It was hard sometimes, when Medicare said an individual could only have a new chair every five years. Some individuals would be perfectly fine in the same chair for twenty years because their needs didn't change or they lived relatively sedentary lives, while there were others of us whose needs changed frequently... a sudden illness or injury tipped the cart and suddenly a entire host of new issues would arise making a new seating situation a medical necessity. There were guys like me, who relied on a chair for work on a daily basis, ones who put it through some pretty strenuous rigors... five years was entirely too long to wait for a replacement... Insurance stipulations were something that really got me going, they were so unfair and inappropriate. People's conditions didn't come in a one size fits all sort of package...

Bella nudged me to get my attention. The group had quieted down and Ozzy had everyone's attention, he shared the progress flagpole mom was making... or was not. Friends from the CIL would stay by her side in shifts from beginning to end, but a suitable agreement had not yet been reached.

Other business included updates from the accessible parking group, the house that was being built for Jill's rehab based on specs from Concrete Change, accessible rural transportation in the outlying areas of the state, and even a small comment about the Meteors which caused Bella to turn and smile at me.

I was sorely mistaken when I thought the only big thing they were currently involved with was the flagpole mother. While part of the staff and a group of volunteers were, indeed, very involved with little Max's situation, another very vocal group was spearheading an effort to bring a local man home.

Timmy, an older gentleman with a developmental disability had lived his entire life at home in the care of his mother. Upon his mother's death in 2006, Timmy moved into the home of his sister and primary caregiver, in Hoquiam, just blocks from his lifelong home. A local legend, Tim spent his days riding his three wheeled bicycle all over town, frequenting a local sandwich shop for his lunch or a cup of coffee, sitting at the barber shop visiting with his cronies, or tinkering at the local hardware store. He had friends all over town and had become something of a local celebrity.

After a sibling squabble, Timmy's other sister- one who maintained legal guardianship of her brother- removed Timmy from a local adult daycare in Hoquiam, and placed him in a nursing home in Eugene Oregon with no warning or notification of the sister with whom he resided.

The town of Hoquiam was up in arms, local advocates and friends of Timmy were making the pilgrimage on Thursday via a chartered bus, armed with letters from residents and hundreds of signed petitions to sit in on the guardianship hearing that would determine Timmy's placement.

When Ozzy asked for volunteers to help fill up the bus, I watched as Bella's fingers clenched and unclenched in her lap. She wanted to go, it was evident. I leaned in close and whispered, "What do you want to do baby?"

"I want to go," she confessed, "but, Little Max needs me too and I know Timmy will generate an entire busload of supporters. If I'm going to do anything to get myself into more hot water, I think my time will be better spent assisting Max. I know it's impossible, but I wish I could be both places at once."

Ozzy chose that moment to make an example out of Bella. "Bella, are you volunteering?" He teased.

"No, sorry. I need to stay here in case Max needs my voice."

I considered volunteering, and in a way, Bella _could_ be both places at once, but I knew that most of the individuals going to Eugene would be ambulatory. While the US Department of transportation mandated that all new buses be accessible or that the bus company provide _equivalent service_, such as an accessible van that provided transportation to the same area, they could never accommodate a large population of wheelchair users, these other volunteers were fired up and experienced... trying to always play the role of the _good doctor_, I'd always taken the quieter approach... I didn't have experience being so vocal, and that seemed to be precisely what they were looking for.

"Good girl, I like having a teacher on his side. Right now his school is up in arms, and the staff is divided. It's good to have allies on both sides of the fence. Sometimes the only thing people on the outside can see is how much it's going to cost the taxpayers or how many individuals it benefits, the don't understand how imperative it is for the teacher and the child to be able to communicate effectively. How else will he ever learn?"

When Ozzy asked if I could assist Bella and volunteer the use of my vehicle over the next few days, I didn't feel like such a cop-out for not enthusiastically volunteering the way the others had... the way Bella had been ready to...

Ross, the guy who had provided the van currently being used as a makeshift restroom/dressing room/storage unit, made a motion to end the meeting. Ozzy seconded the motion and we were finally headed home after committing a portion of our weekend volunteering to transport supplies, providing rides to other volunteers and doing anything else that might be needed to make the sit-in a little more bearable, if Max's ordeal continued through the end of the week.

Bella turned in her seat to face me, "Would it be okay if we stopped to see your Mom and Dad? Since Alice knows... I just don't want them finding out from someone else."

"I was actually going to ask you the same thing, although I suspect they knew it wouldn't be long. Esme gave me the ring before we went to Forks."

"I'm surprised she didn't explode waiting for you to ask me."

I laughed, "Me too. I know they are very happy for us."

It was nearly nine and I hoped they were both home and awake, but it was an impromptu visit and one never knew what they would find.

I was excited to see both of their vehicles in the driveway and fumbled with my joystick in my haste to get out of the car.

"Impatient much?" Bella giggled. She took my hand as soon as the ramp folded closed and the door came down. I stood my chair and walked beside her along the drive to the back of the house, opening the door and walking in. We found them in the kitchen sitting at the bar, and talking over coffee and the newspaper.

They both smiled when we came in, Esme coming over and hugging both of us. Carlisle laid his paper down and gave us his full attention. "Twice in one week, to what do we owe the pleasure of seeing two of our favorite people?"

Bella reached her left hand out to him as if to shake, turning his hand once he grasped hers, so he couldn't help but see the glittering evidence of the promise Bella and I had shared.

He drew in a deep breath before pulling Bella into a tight embrace. "Welcome to the family my dear; although we already consider you one of us, I'm so happy to see you two have decided to make it official."

Esme had welled up, with her hand over her mouth. She threw her arms around me, and told me quietly that my parents would be so happy for us... so pleased with the woman I'd fallen for. She walked over to Bella and hugged her tight, thanking her over and over for not giving up, for loving me, for being so good to me.

Carlisle wiped his eye with the back of his hand before slapping me on the back and congratulating me.

Bella looked up at me, and I knew she'd never be able to be so forward to ask for herself. I reached for her and she came to me, I turned her so I could wrap my arms around her from behind.

"We were wondering, would it be okay... I mean, would you allow us to have a small ceremony here?" I stuttered and stumbled over the words trying to get them all out, not having a clue why I was suddenly nervous.

Esme let out a breath she was holding and nodded. "I was hoping you'd let us share in your day. We'd love for you to exchange your vows here, but is there enough room for everyone?"

"Actually, Bella and I were considering having the ceremony down by the big oak tree. It's lovely in the evening with the sunset over the river."

"That's one of my favorite places," Carlisle confessed, "anytime I'm troubled or just want to unwind, that's the first place I go."

"I've done my own amount soul searching under that big old tree." I added. "It's perfect, secluded, intimate and so naturally beautiful."

"I suppose we could use the same rental company from the fourth of July. Have them set up chairs and an archway..." Esme added excitedly, and I could already see the wheels churning, her thoughts running away from her.

"Mom, no. I love that you are already envisioning the perfect day... no archway... nothing extravagant... not unless that's what Bella wants." I looked over at my girl and Bella shook her head before admitting, "I like the natural beauty of the landscape. I don't want anything ostentatious."

"But... "

I didn't want to burst her bubble, I knew this was the only chance she'd ever have to do this, and I'm sure for the longest time she thought it was never going to happen for her. "Mom, we're thinking about twenty people. Just close friends and family."

My father gave her stern look and she nodded. "Whatever you want. It's your day; will you have a small reception here? We'd love to help pay for expenses."

Bella stood, shaking her head. "No, you don't have to do that... we'll be okay."

I leaned down with my lips pressed to her ear. "Baby, let her have this. As long as she doesn't take over, let her do this. She's been waiting for this day for a very long time. It won't be terribly expensive anyway. Would that be okay with you?"

Bella nodded and I squeezed her. "Bella and I would be honored if you want to help us, thank you. But Bella will provide you with our guest list. I'm serious, only close friends and family. That's what we want and you have to promise to honor our wishes, that's the only stipulation I'll make."

Esme clapped her hands before squeezing us both again. "Oh Carlisle, my baby's getting married."

I rolled my eyes and Bella began to laugh before I said, "I told you she's been waiting a long time."

The questions came a mile a minute, but the one of the most importance seemed to be _when._

"We haven't gotten that far Mom. Springtime? Early summer?" Esme wanted to know and then it was as if a light bulb came on, "Oh, your birthday!"

I stifled a groan. "No, not my birthday, please."

Thankfully, Bella stepped in and rescued me from what could have become an uncomfortable moment. "We'll figure it out. It's not going to be a big affair, so we don't have to plan for a year." I wanted to include Esme, I owed her my life and I knew this meant the world to her, but I didn't want her to trample all over Bella's or my wishes in her excitement.

Like a hyper kid jacked up on candy she was having a lot of trouble reining in her thoughts. "I'm so happy for both of you. Bella, do you know what you're going to wear? Are you having any attendants?"

I tried to zone my mom out; there were more important things at hand...

"Dad, do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something."

"Sure, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine, I just wanted to ask your advice on something... if you have time. If you don't mind."

"Come on, we'll leave the girls to their... girl stuff." He chuckled, shaking his head and leaving the kitchen.

He led me down the hall to his study, and as usual, even though I knew I shouldn't, I felt a little intimidated. Important conversations were always held in this room. Life changing conversations, and we were about to embark on another.

He took on a relaxed stance, leaning against the edge of his desk, with his arms loosely crossed. "What can I do for you son?"

"I stopped by to talk to Jeff about returning to work. I'm still torn over how I want to handle things. Bella wants me to act as if she never entered my life... work my regular shifts in neuro, and then do the minimum at ISCRM. I was pulling _way_ more than the minimum requirement before the accident."

"I wish you could apply all that extra time to your commitment."

"I don't think it works that way, they did me a huge favor by allowing me to take a leave for such a long period of time."

"So, did Jeff have any good advice for you?"

"No," I sighed. "Jeff was out of the office. I won't make any decisions until I talk with him. I know he's planning to modify my schedule for a while until I get back in the swing of things."

"Well, don't worry about the money. Your mother and I can help if you need anything... "

"Thank you, but that's not necessary. If I need it, I have the trust, the one that was set up to pay for my education. One that was intended to pay my ongoing expenses because they figured I'd never really be able to hold a job. But, I just don't know if I want to walk away from the Institute right now. I feel like I'd be cutting my nose off to spite my face."

"You do realize, most doctors understand that they are going to sacrifice family life for a number of years until school is over. We all know we're starting out at the bottom of the food chain when we start. Because you took your student career so seriously and you've become such a dedicated doctor, you ended up with your dream job, _and a dream fellowship_, I might add."

"I did, and I'm not complaining. I just wish I'd known sooner I was going to fall for her. I'd have planned a little differently."

"I'd have thought, you of all people, would have learned that you can't plan for life's little surprises."

"Yeah, I know."

"I think you'll see that it really does fly by. You have always loved research as a student at the institute and you were thrilled when they awarded you the position after you became a doctor; but don't lose sight of the reason why we tried so hard to get you in there. Stem cell research is so promising now." He said in a reassuring tone of voice. "You really do have a fighting chance of regaining some of what you've lost, son."

"You may think I'm crazy, but would you think badly of me if I said it doesn't seem so important anymore? I'm content, and my life's _not_ so bad. I'm incredibly blessed. If I wasn't in this chair, I wouldn't have the life I have now. I don't know that I want to _fix_ my disability anymore." I waited for him to argue, to tell me I was selling myself short... that I could have so much more with Bella if I could walk or feel... but he took a deep breath and let it out before he replied with a smile, "I'm so proud of you son."

"You're not disappointed? You worked so hard to get me there."

"I just wanted you to have all the advantages life had to offer you."

"I... I think..._ I already do_. It feels wrong somehow to want _more_."

"Have you ever discussed this with your fiancé?"

My heart stopped when he said it. No one had ever referred to her that way before. Yes, I had a _fiancé._

"No, but I know she's okay with me just the way I am."

"I think it's safe to say she's more than _okay_ with it."

I couldn't help my goofy smile. "Yeah, me too."

"But, that isn't the only reason you wanted to talk to me. We've already discussed your return to work..."

"No, I... I ran into Reilly today when I was leaving Neuro."

"Oh?"

"He gave me some samples to try. _More samples_. A pellet this time. I didn't get much out of it." Well, that was a blatant lie. I got quite a bit out of it, _after_ my girl came home. "I mean by way of hardness."

"So what's the next step? Are you going to continue trialing it? Maybe increase the dosage?"

"No, we both had our suspicions that it wouldn't work. But he wanted me to try, and I promised to give it an honest effort, I didn't have any real response at all from the pellets, I've decided to try the Uroject injections."

For the first time in my life, I watched my old man shudder at the prospect of a medical procedure. The shots were a relatively simple solution to what was fast becoming a huge inconvenience for my love life.

"You're a braver man than I, son. I don't know if I could do that."

"If not for yourself, you wouldn't do it for Esme?"

"I already know she'd love me even if I couldn't perform. I don't know if I could do it."

"I think we both know you could... and you _would_, if you needed to."

He grimaced before agreeing reluctantly, "You're probably right."

"So, anyway, the injections... I've found myself with a bit of a quandary, but my doc may have given me a solution. Chris Reilly is taking his wife on a cruise. He won't have time for a number of weeks to sit down with me and devote the time that is necessary to determine the proper dosage. Understandably, he is treating me like a patient and not a fellow physician. I have to go through dosing the first time with another doctor, and he won't make an exception, even though technically I could probably circumvent him and get the medication for myself."

"I won't do anything against your doctor's orders. If he wants you to work through this in his office, I can't help you do that. As much as I want you to discover a fulfilling physical relationship with Bella, I won't... "

He didn't understand, I cut him off before one of us got hurt or upset at his words. "No, Dad, that's _not_ what I'm asking at all."

He gave me his undivided attention then, looking more than a little relieved. I think he wanted this for me _almost_ as much as I did. "Like I was saying, he really wanted me to do this in his office with him present, and I _could_ just see another one of the urologists in his office, but he understands how reluctant I was to even consider something like this in the beginning, he knows I'm a little uncomfortable talking about my misgivings._ He suggested_ I talk to you."

"How can I help?"

I sucked in a lungful of air before explaining. "I know his reasoning is because he doesn't think I can watch for possible side effects, as an objective onlooker- because I _would be_ the guy taking his fate in his own hands after weeks of disappointment, and I suspect he wants to ensure that I don't try to rush to the finish, electing to administer the maximum dosage before jumping through the appropriate hoops."

"That's certainly a reasonable assumption."

"I was more than a little frustrated at the prospect of having to wait several weeks before he'd have the time to sit down with me. Apparently he sets aside the better part of an afternoon for the initial dosing but since he's getting ready to go on vacation, he just can't fit me into his schedule this week." My mind went back to my telephone call with Reilly before dinner.

_"I realize that since a healthy sexual relationship is finally within your grasp... especially now that you have a _reason_ to want this so badly... good judgment and common sense tend to go out the window. I trust you, Edward, probably more than I would any other patient in this aspect, but I still can't let you trial the drug alone the first time. I don't want you to be overzealous and hurt yourself because you've gotten caught up in the moment. You need to forget you're a doctor and assume the role of patient while you're trialing the meds. I've known your father for a number of years. If Carlisle is willing, to help you determine the correct dosage, I'd be comfortable allowing you to trial it with his supervision and assistance."_

"I have the patient materials as well as the ones intended for the treating physician. If you'd have the time to go over the handouts and then spend an afternoon assisting me to find the proper dosage, Reilly said he'd release the medication _to you_. Apparently he's afraid to let me take things into my own hands."

"I'll call Chris in the morning and discuss it with him. Perhaps I could meet with you on Friday if you'd like?"

_Two days... it was certainly better than two weeks..._

I whispered a quick "Thank you," but suddenly my emotions were all over the place... a confusing mixture of happiness, nervousness, maybe even a little bit of trepidation... but most of all an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

"I'm going to go have a little talk with my future daughter-in-law."

"I'll be right out."

I knew I needed to take a moment and center myself. If I entered my mother's kitchen all emotional, she'd have a million questions I wasn't comfortable discussing with _my mom_.

I took a moment to call Jeff at home to set up a proper meeting with him, a working lunch for the following week. By the time I had finished was in a more stable frame of mind. The sounds of my family's voices were coming from the living room and I found them all deep in conversation.

Esme, always observant, searched my face for _something_ and after she seemed satisfied that nothing was amiss, she gave me a soft smile and returned to the conversation. Apparently she'd been spending a lot of time at the model home, and mentioned some ribbon cutting ceremony I was expected to attend. "You will be there?" although her tone made it sound like a comment than a question.

I didn't think they were anywhere near being ready for a ribbon cutting, "Didn't they just break ground?"

Actually, you should drive up there and check it out. The shell is up and they have the rooms laid out. It's a very open floor plan, there are no hallways, I think you'd like it."

"I'm sure I will, he did build _our_ home."

"I'm sorry; I've gotten a little wrapped up in the whole thing. It's pretty exciting. The ribbon cutting ceremony came up over lunch one day; Jill said she thought you should participate. I said I'd mention it to you. I think she misses seeing you."

"Yeah, I owe her a visit. I suppose I should share our news with her, too. I'll thank her for the invitation then. I didn't really think there would be that much pomp and circumstance over the opening of a model home."

"But in this case, we all know this isn't just any model home. Jill sort of credits you for this meeting of the minds. I know she really wants you to be there."

"I didn't do anything..."

"But you did invite Bob to the expo, and in doing that you exposed him to the wonderful work they are doing to help people get back into the real world. His generous offer came as a direct result of your invitation."

"I think he's the sort of guy who would have done something like that anyway."

"Maybe so, but that doesn't negate the fact that you brought the two businesses together."

"I'll give Jill a call."

"Thanks sweetie, I know it means a lot to your friend. I promised I'd mention it to you."

Bella yawned a few times, looking down at the floor and trying unsuccessfully to hide them. "It's been a really long day. Bella, are you ready baby? Alice will be there soon."

She shot me a relieved look. "I have a pretty long day tomorrow. We probably should get going."

Carlisle put his hand on her knee. "If there's anything else we can do to help, don't hesitate to let us know."

_Huh?_

"Thanks, I will, but you've done so much. If I don't see you before, I'll see both of you this weekend. If something changes, I'll let you know."

Everyone began to get up, and Bella slipped her jacket on before following me to the door. I opened the door for her, and then followed her to the car. Once we were on the road, my curiosity got the best of me.

"So..." I wasn't sure how to ask about their conversation without _appearing_ nosy.

"Your parents gave me a check to buy everyone's dinner over at Bryant tomorrow, and they're going to spend the weekend over there. We're hoping a large crowd will draw a little more media coverage." I knew crowds and media coverage often led to someone giving in to save face. In this case, it would most likely be the school district.

"That's really nice of them."

"Your dad also offered his services, as far as first aid is concerned if the need was to arise."

"Oh wow. How was my mom, she didn't try to twist your arm as soon as we got out of the room did she?"

"She tried to show me the finer aspects of having a lovely large wedding, on her dime, of course... but I think she understands why understated and uncomplicated is what we want. I told her I was feeling really great lately, and while a large wedding _would be_ lovely, I appealed to the side of her that is the physician's wife, and explained the detrimental effect so much stress could have on my MS. She understands. I don't need some grand gesture to let the world know how much I love you. As long as we both know, that's all that matters to me. Unless... you don't feel like you're missing out do you?"

"No, baby, when I said I'd prefer simple... my parent's back yard with twenty of our closest friends was exactly what I had in mind."

"Me too. I have to call my parents too. It's almost too late tonight."

"You can call tomorrow."

"Yeah... Did you have a good talk with your dad?"

"Yeah, I did. I wanted some advice on a few things. Reilly is going away for a few weeks, so he won't be able to work with me for a while. I'm running out of options for us baby. Carlisle has agreed to help me with the final few meds so I don't have to wait till Reilly comes home."

"That has to be a little weird, huh?"

"Actually, it's kind of reassuring. I mean, it's embarrassing that I can't just have a normal sex like any other middle aged man, but he'd never do or say something to make me feel that way."

"The two of you have a very close relationship anyway."

"Aside from you he's probably my closest friend. I can't imagine my life without him. I mean, my mom and dad are gone and I'm still trying to learn how to deal appropriately with that grief, but to lose either Carlisle or Esme... I'd be devastated." Just the thought of losing either of them made me well up.

She took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. "I get you and it makes perfect sense, you three have been through more than most families have to endure, and the fact that you've remained intact as a family unit speaks for itself. Many families crumble under that sort of emotional pressure. We have no way of knowing what life will throw at us, but I suspect you've got a long time till you have to worry about losing either one of them. Just love them hard and live well... you can't do much more than that. Live so you don't have regrets."

We both knew life held no promises, but she was right, we needed to embrace life and live for today.

I was quiet the rest of the ride home, so many things on my mind, I felt like I needed corks to contain it all.

Bella changed into a pair of sweat pants and looked mighty comfortable in our bed. I had showered this morning, and it was probably safe to say that Bella was down for the count. I used the bath room, brushed my teeth and took my meds. Alice found me sitting up in bed drinking a bottle of cranberry juice and watching the news.

"You know, it won't be long and you won't even need me."

"I'll always need you Alice."

"But not in this capacity. Have I told you lately how proud I am of you? The prognosis of your recovery could have turned out so much differently if you were anyone else. I don't know anyone quite like you."

"I hear that quite a bit, not always sure it's a good thing."

"So, is there anything you actually _need_?"

"I really should have called once I got into bed, saved you the trip, but I wanted to talk to you about something. There's this really great band playing over at Olivia's this weekend. I just found out a few days ago that they were playing, I thought maybe a few of us could go out for dinner and listen to the band, but will that make you uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all... I took Jasper there for dinner after we started testing the waters. Willow just loves his southern charm."

"But what about Omar?"

"I don't think it's an issue for him. He's been seeing Tia, one of the hospice nurses. You really are out of the loop aren't you?"

"Sadly, yeah."

"I still consider him a friend, and I think we both realized that my heart still belonged to Jasper. He seems happy; I suspect he and his new girl have more in common."

"Oh?"

"Sedate little thing, very quiet, submissive... "

"In other words, nothing like you." I smirked.

"No, not _at all_."

"Gotcha. So, do you think the two of you are free?"

"We'll make a point to be."

"Good."

"Who all did you invite?"

"Emmett, Rose and Guy- Em didn't think they had any plans. Mom and Dad are coming. Charlie has to work but they celebrated when we were in Forks, so that's a non-issue. I was thinking maybe Jane, and the boys, what do you think?"

Alice paused, appearing deep in thought. "I think Demetri is going home for the weekend with his family, but I suspect Jane and Alec would like that."

"I want to invite Bella's friend Jake and Sue's son and daughter. Charlie and Sue have been together a long time, she considers Seth and Leah siblings."

"So who is this band? Anyone I know?"

"The group is Jimmy Sapienza's Five Guys Named Moe. I've experienced them at different hospital functions. They're an incredible jazz style band. I first heard them when I went off to college. They've been together for over twenty years. Three of the band members are alumni of the Western Pennsylvania School for Blind Children, an establishment reputed for developing some of the finest musicians in the country. They play pretty regularly at a few of the local establishments, but they have been all over the country and have made some exciting accomplishments."

"I've never heard of them."

"You'll love them. I enjoy listening to jazz, swing, big band... it's easy for me to dance to."

"Conducive to lots of snuggling with your girl too, huh?"

"It sure is."

"Snuggling is good, but can we do it with the lights off in a slightly quieter manner? Some of us have to get up several times yet tonight." Bella grumbled before covering her head with her pillow.

Alice pulled her lips together, trying not to laugh.

"Sure baby. Sorry we woke you."

"I hope this wasn't a surprise that we just blew?" Alice asked with wide eyes.

"No, she knows. We're gonna use it as a way to announce our engagement to those who don't know yet, although I suspect that between my parents, Emmett and yourself everyone we're close to already has gotten the news."

"I haven't told anyone but Jazz."

"I'm surprised."

"This is your news; I'd never steal your thunder."

"Thanks, Ali."

"I've gotta get going. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night Al."

I threw my juice bottle away and took a slam of water to swish my mouth out with. I lowered my side of the bed and after several tries managed to get myself up onto my side. I put my arms around Bella's waist, and pulled her flush against me. I heard her sigh just before she snuggled into me. It was only a few moments before her soft snoring resumed, and I don't think it was very long until I joined her.

* * *

I'm sorry to leave all of you hanging as long as I have, although we all knew in our hearts what she would say. :-) Chapter 53 turned into this crazy sized, sixty-four paged monster, so it's been split in half. I promise to get the rest of it to you soonish.

In the spirit of Christmas and exchanging gifts, even if they are virtual ones... every chapter 53 review will recieve a teaser plucked from Edward's experiment with Carlisle.

Next chapter is the one many of you have been waiting for.

I'd like to shout out to crimsonrose0003... I remember back in July a conversation we shared and your feelings on this story. This chapter and the next are for you. You made my day with your email all those months ago. I hope these two chapters brings together both of the things you said you liked best. I haven't forgotten. Thanks.

I hope everyone is taking time to enjoy the season and not getting snowballed by the craziness that often takes over this time of year. I've been forced to take a simpler approach this year, and it's not so bad.

Last but not least... Jimmy Sapienza's Five Guys Named Moe can be found by visiting the blog. They are an incredibly talented band, and before I saw them, I was certain that Louis Armstrong was singing from across the banquet hall I was standing in. I had the extreme pleasure of listening to them for a number of hours that night. Absolutely wonderful group of guys.


	54. Chapter 54

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-four

~Edward~

I hadn't taken the time to tell Bella what Carlisle had agreed to, but when we awoke for the day it was apparent that it had troubled me throughout the night. Bella was tired and cranky because I'd kept her awake with my sleep talking. I was _so tired._

Once my day actually began, everything that could go wrong... _did_.

Alice's day got off on the wrong foot before she ever got here. Alec had had some sort of accident during the night and both guys needed showered; she explained that normally the guys alternated mornings and evenings so they each got a daily shower, but economized on bathroom time in the morning. Demetri's electric wheelchair charger had malfunctioned and his chair barely had a charge for the day. The kid needed to get a manual chair to use as a backup.

I lost my grip on the shower head at the exact moment Bella came in to say goodbye. She was less than delighted at the prospect of changing clothes at the last minute and stomped off to change. I never did get my goodbye.

We forgot to get milk on our way home the night before, and I watched sadly as the last few drops trickled into my cup, right before I knocked the cup over reaching for the sugar.

"Just not your day is it?" Alice asked.

"I'm all thumbs. No, not having a very good day... _at all_."

"No?"

"Not a chance. I had a terrible night. I just want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my head."

"Sorry Charlie, I won't be here that long. I've got to drop Demetri's charger off at the medical supply store and deliver some paperwork to Jill for him. When I'm done there, I'm meeting my man for lunch."

"S'okay, I have things to do too. Emmett has been doing some range of motion with me and I want to go by and see Willow, firm up our reservation for the weekend and apparently I'm stopping for a coffee someplace."

After Alice left, I grabbed a coffee and headed over to see Emmett a little early. He worked with me quietly, somehow sensing that I didn't feel like being overly talkative. I was relieved that he didn't push and just let me be... in my own little world.

As I went to leave, he did however offer to be there if I needed him. "You know, I'm here if you need to talk about whatever has got you so troubled."

"Thanks, it's just... a lot going on. I'm okay."

He opened the door for me and stood holding it open. "Alright, but the offer still stands if you change your mind about that."

"Thanks buddy, appreciate it."

He tapped the back of my chair as I passed him. "No problem, I'll see you tomorrow."

I spun around in the recessed entrance to the gym. "Oh! No, sorry man, I have an appointment. Maybe Saturday?"

"Sure, I'll see ya then."

I took the long way home, opting for a more scenic route where I wasn't in such congested traffic. I had been thinking about the next day's appointment with Carlisle all morning.

I grabbed a drink and headed back to the study to take a timed exam online so that I could receive credit for a class I'd been taking from home. I was beginning to stress over the exorbitant amount of work that was required to go back to my job. It seemed like I was squeezing all my continuing education units into such a short window of time, and I was.

I pulled up the website to take the test and nothing on the test seemed to make sense to me. I knew I'd have to be meticulous with my answers to avoid any sort of catastrophe, but in the end my level of concentration wasn't anywhere near what it needed to be and I was absolutely certain that I'd fail the class. I was entirely too distracted.

I ended up turning on some music, not really listening to what was playing but appreciating the white noise none-the-less.

I caught myself yawning and decided to just tilt my chair back for a few minutes, no one would care. Bella was at work, I had more reading to do, but I could finish that this evening.

Why not?

_Just a few minutes._

A loud backfire outside my open window jerked me awake. I scrubbed my hands over my face before looking at the clock. It was late, long after Bella was due home from work and I wondered if she had gone back over to Bryant. Surely she would have awakened me.

Just the thought of her being home caused my stomach begin to churn; I wasn't this nervous before I drove to Forks. I'd just made a lifelong commitment with the girl of my dreams and now more than ever before, I wanted to be able to share all of myself with her. For as much as she tried to reassure me that we'd be okay no matter what, I didn't want her to settle. What if she wanted a man who could give her good_ sex,_ what if she changed her mind one day and it wasn't enough if we found out this was a lost cause?

It wasn't that I hadn't ever thought about what it would be like to have her all wrapped around me, pinning her against the wall and hammering away until we both found our release... I just knew that wasn't a possibility. The mind and the body wanted different things, and it was my job to somehow get them both on the same page.

When I heard noises coming from the kitchen, I realized she must have found me, but left me sleep. A strong sense of guilt swept over me, knowing I'd kept her awake a large portion of the night as well. My body was accustomed to little sleep, and it could do with far less than she needed I was sure.

I needed to go welcome her home.

I found my girl in the kitchen cleaning up some pots and pans. Bella had cooked a romantic dinner.

Our good dining room table was set with my mother's china, and candles lit the room. The aroma of her hand made lasagna filled the air. I knew she was trying to encourage me. Maybe I shouldn't have told her I thought this new med might be the right one.

She was so excited about the upcoming appointment with Carlisle while I was scared… scared to death.

I hadn't eaten all day and I felt like a starving man. Yet, as much as I wanted to partake in the meal I knew would be delicious, I muttered an apology and went back to my study, instead. I just couldn't face her enthusiasm when I was so filled with doubt, and she let me be... to process whatever it was I needed to...

My vision distorted by tears, I once again went to the drug manufacturer's website. Uroject was a different medication that had been used for other purposes, yet when it had been injected near the groin of a patient; it caused a rock hard erection. After numerous clinical trials, the FDA had approved it as a therapy for Erectile Dysfunction and it got this new name. The success rate was good; more than 50% of couples who tried it successfully maintained erections long enough to have sexual intercourse. Many of those same couples had sexual encounters that resulted in successful pregnancies.

I wasn't afraid of the injection, or of giving it to myself. I didn't think it would hurt…too much. I only had partial sensation in my groin and my thighs. My biggest fear was the outcome. I watched the video of the procedure. If this guy could do it, I could too.

I listened to the testimonials, and wondered why they never have the people on here who don't have good results, I mean obviously, not all products work for all people. That's a given. I'd like to hear some of the other responses.

I didn't know what to expect. I only knew that if it didn't work, I'd be devastated, and, if by some miracle it _did_ work, I'd be spending the afternoon explaining to Bella how I hoped to give her a family.

She was so sure of us, and I had been too... until my former companions _Doubt, Insecurity_ and _Fear_ came knocking on my door. Instead of slamming it shut in their faces like I knew I should, I let them in. I let them fill me with the things I'd told my father, less than twenty four hours before, that I'd finally cast aside.

Bella told me repeatedly that she loved me, that it didn't matter. She had vehemently defended that fact.

_Doubt _yelled louder, had a stronger voice. He taunted me with his thoughts... _No matter what she said... when she found out I could never give her a child, when she realized I couldn't truly make love to her, she'd be devastated. How could she not? _

She promised she'd be okay with it, no matter what _it_ turned out to be.

_Insecurity_ prodded and poked me when I turned a deaf ear on him. Eventually he got my attention. Had it not been for that sliver of _Doubt_, I might have been immune to him, but when the two joined forces they were too strong for me.

_Insecurity_ somehow convinced me maybe Tanya _had_ been right, I hated her at the time, but it was true what she said,_ I wasn't a whole man. Bella had every right to leave and find a real man. I don't know who I thought I was fooling, myself or Bella. Perhaps we were both delusional. Maybe I never could be enough... __I'd always be broken._

_Fear_ joined our little party and he was my undoing. For all the progress I'd made in my head, I allowed this unwelcome threesome to chink away at my armor until my soul was broken... _Fear_ said the things I was too afraid to admit to myself... _even though Bella might be okay with our situation in the beginning...she'd stick around out of obligation. She was too good; she'd never walk out on someone so broken as I was. She'd stay and struggle and wear a smile on her face day after day, because she was that good. _

_How could I allow her to do that, when I'd be crushing all her hopes and dreams? I couldn't bear the thought of her living in a loveless relationship. I didn't know how I could do that to her._

When I made the arrangements with my father, I envisioned a relaxed evening before, just hanging out with her and talking about what that appointment could bring... what I expected, but when I saw the evidence of her excitement, I just couldn't face the expectant glances or the emotion she exuded.

_Hope._

Mine was fear... spine tingling, bone chilling, heavy rock in the pit of your stomach fear. Pure and unadulterated.

I almost wished I'd taken Emmett up on his invitation to use the gym, but I didn't think I'd be good company and I didn't know if I could cope with the questions he was certain to ask. Carlisle had called earlier in the day to confirm our meeting. He had cleared his afternoon and would be waiting in his office for me at noon Friday.

I called Alice and asked her to come early. I was ready for bed. For as much as I wanted to be hopeful, excited about the promise of what this medication could mean for me... all the others had let me down. My unwilling body had let me down; I didn't know how I could be so naive, what made this medication any different?

_Hope_ nudged me and argued... _because it is different and it works in ways the others did not. This is your most promising opportunity. Don't walk away from it. Forget those other guys, they're here to bring you down. Embrace me. I'll be there with you tomorrow. We'll be okay, Edward._

It was _Hope_ that encouraged me to pick up my phone.

"I need you." I croaked out. "Please. I need you so badly."

She had allowed me my quiet time to process what I needed to... she understood my need to be alone... and when I said I needed her... she was there.

"Edward, baby, what's wrong? What can I do to help you? You've gotta let me in."

She was in my lap, holding my face, forcing me to look into the depths of her big brown orbs.

"I want this so badly I can taste it. I want your hope... I want your faith... because I've somehow lost my own," I whispered.

"Oh baby, you'll see. It'll be fine. Are you ready to tell me about it?"

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? Either it will work or it won't. Are you sure you'll still want me if it won't? I just need to know you'll still be here."

"I'll want you even more. You've faced disappointment over and over trying to achieve this for us. It's not a deal breaker, not anywhere near it. If this doesn't work and you've exhausted your options, we'll work with what we've got and we'll find ways to be creative. I think we're doing just fine already, don't you?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you _unhappy_ with our love life?"

"No. Quite the contrary."

"Then why would you presume that I'm unhappy?"

"Maybe I can't give you what someone else could."

"One of the things I love about you is your individuality. There are a million things you give me that _no one_ else can. I don't give a rat's ass what someone else can or can't give me. I don't want anyone else. I chose you. It's always been you. _You_ give me everything I need to be happy. Love... security... safety... comfort... You've never begrudged me a single thing."

I pulled her tight and squeezed her until she squeaked and struggled to get away. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" I marveled.

"Shush you. This is going to be fine. I can feel it." She patted her breastbone. "In _here._ Come on; let's get you some dinner before Alice gets here."

"Bella, no. I'm sorry I ruined our dinner, but I couldn't eat right now if my life depended on it."

"I ordered a pizza, there's a lot of it left."

"Baby, no. I promise if I get hungry I'll eat something later."

She gave me an admonishing look, but surprised me when she let it go. "Okay, I won't push."

I followed her to the living room. She walked over to the gas fireplace and picked up the electronic remote and the fire whooshed to life. "Come here," she demanded, beckoning me with her finger.

When I got close she turned off my chair, and climbed into my lap straddling me. With one hand she reached behind me and grasped the back of my seat, with the other, she flipped the toggle switch that tilted us until we were comfortably reclined. For the longest time, we just held each other, basking in the warmth of the room and watching the flames as they flickered.

Gently she straightened up, and reverently she worshipped my mouth… and just when I thought I'd run out of air, she backed away.

"Do you feel this? How closely we're connected... it's as if we're one, and we haven't taken off a stitch of clothing. When we're loving each other like this, it's hard to determine where one body ends and the other begins. But if this isn't _enough_, I swear to you Edward, if that's what you _need_ to feel whole, we'll find a way, but don't you _dare_ do it for me. Don't beat yourself up over what you or can't give me, because you've already given me the world.

_You._

_Are. _

_My. _

_World._"

She punctuated each word with a poke to my chest before climbing off of me and holding her hand out.

"Come to bed baby. I want to share something with you."

"But Alice..."

"Isn't coming. I called her and asked her to give us some time. If you don't think you can get yourself into bed, she'll come immediately, but I wanted some quiet time with you."

I started heading towards our room, and she systematically turned off lights as she followed behind me.

She stripped down to nothing and grabbed one of my shirts. I watched as she walked through our room, confident and so sure of herself. When I heard the shower come on, I entered the bathroom and emptied my bladder. While she showered, I brushed and took off my shirt. Knowing I couldn't shower, I stood at the sink and washed up as well as I could. I didn't know what she had in store for us, but I didn't want to be all sticky and sweaty from sitting all day. I had noticed when we entered the bedroom that all of the things I needed next to the bed were already there waiting for me, so there was nothing else to do but wait for her to finish.

I watched with adoration as she stepped from the shower and toweled herself off before slipping into my shirt. It was a blue button down that hung mid thigh, and it looked better on her than it ever possibly could on me.

She gave me a come hither look before padding past me and out of the bathroom. She went to my dresser and grabbed a pair of scrubs and then waited patiently for me to park before she plugged me in and helped me to change. I scooted into bed, my body crunching and cracking from sitting in the same position so long.

Once she was satisfied that I was safely and comfortably in bed, she turned off the light and climbed in beside me. Like she had in my chair, after she sat my side of the bed up straddled my legs.

She settled down onto my lap before grabbing my hand and putting it between us and there it was... the traitor woody that rose every time it was touched... but never because I wanted him to.

"Feel this?"

I nodded, not quite sure where she was going with it.

"While I _understand_ that you can't control it, I _know_ in my heart that if you _could_ I would have just elicited the same response from you. I know your body yearns for mine, but you're the only one holding it back. Because this," she squeezed her hand over the one that still rested on my now softening member, "is just one of the ways your body can love mine."

She took my face in her hands and looked deep into my eyes. "I need you to listen and I need you to understand. I don't like bringing past partners into our bed, but we're going to make an exception, because I think you need to understand what's inside my head."

I faltered as I attempted to answer her. "Okay."

"Like you, I've had limited experience with the opposite sex, but nothing I've experienced in my past begins to compare to the way your body loves mine. I've had sex with a big, hard penis... and that's all it was sex. And he rushed to the finish without ever taking my needs into consideration."

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"Shhh, this isn't about me, not really, just listen, okay?"

"My last partner never took the time to bring me to orgasm. It was just me and Mr. Lucky for a very long time. The only man I've ever shared that with was you... and you've made my satisfaction your number one concern. When I was a teenager Charlie made this comment more than once when he feared I was getting too close to a member of the opposite sex. _A hard dick has no conscience_. It's kinda corny, but it's so true. That other guy didn't care about anything but having a soft, warm body to stick his dick in so he could get himself off."

"I don't need a rock hard penis to feel good. I need someone who loves me and takes the time to worship my body the way you have, because what I've shared with you... it's like nothing I've ever dreamed was possible... and to devalue it with doubt... you're selling us both short."

The girl really had a way of taking the wind out of my sails. I never considered the possibility that I was cheapening her experience in my quest to improve upon what we had already shared. "I'm sorry; I never looked at it that way."

"I just think that you need this more than I do right now. If you need to be able to get hard to feel more masculine, I get that, really I do. But I can't have you thinking that I think less of you if you can't, because nothing could be farther from the truth."

"Thank you." I breathed. _Was I_ the only one who needed this?

She took command of our mouths once more before slipping off my lap and lowering the bed. "Please just think about what I said. I already have all that I need, and I'd never walk away because you can't give me more."

She snuggled into me and I pulled her closer. I nuzzled into her neck before I whispered, "I love you, thank you for making me understand."

I had slipped into a restless slumber almost immediately, and awoke to the shifting of the mattress on Bella's side of the bed. I reached over and grabbed her waist, pulling her back against my body. I nuzzled her neck below her ear and inhaled her wonderful scent. "I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean to wake you. I guess I'll still a little nervous."

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward." She reached up and gave me a peck on the lips, before pulling her face into my neck and snuggling into me. "You're stuck with me, Cullen."

At some point, I drifted back off to sleep. Despite our conversation and her reassurances, my slumber was plagued by visions of a girl running from me and screaming "Goodbye Edward." In the beginning, it was Tanya telling me she needed a _whole man_. She'd turn and walk away after telling me that she refused to have sex with me in my broken state. She said she didn't' want to have to do all the work, to be responsible for our love life. Then the even greater blow, she wanted to have children and she was intent on finding a whole man who could give them to her. I tried to run after her. My dream self wasn't in a wheelchair, but he couldn't run after her, his legs heavy as concrete.

At some point in the dream, Tanya morphed into Bella, and it was my love who was saying she had to go. Her biological clock was ticking and she needed a man who could give her a baby. From a distance I heard Bella begging me to come back to her, yet I found it impossible to pull myself out of it.

I woke to my alarm going off at 6am. I reached over to wake Bella, but her side of the bed was already cold. I could hear her moving around in the kitchen, no doubt already dressed for work.

When I returned to work, it would make life easier for me to shower at night. It was less time consuming to skip a morning shower, unless my body had malfunctioned at some time in the night, and that hadn't happened in a mighty long time, thank goodness. However, this morning a shower was a necessity.

I went casual today, grabbing gray sweats and a plain black long sleeved tee shirt. I did not want to be uncomfortable today. Something simple, _easy off- easy on_ was the way to go.

When we got to the kitchen, Bella was filling plates. I frowned, "Bella, sweetheart, I can't possibly eat the way I feel." She gave me a stern look, "You need to eat Edward. You didn't eat dinner, and I suspect you didn't have lunch either. You only had a cup of coffee for breakfast."

I groaned, why did she have to be so attentive? "Can I just have some toast and a cup of coffee? I promise I'll eat later."

"No, Edward, you need to eat something. Here." She thrust a plate of home fries and eggs in front of me. There were 3 slices of bacon on the side. "Get busy, mister!"

I picked at the food, knowing I'd never win the battle. But, it was delicious and I hadn't realized how ferocious my appetite was, until my body betrayed my mind. It wasn't long and the plate before me was empty.

The girls were both smiling.

"I'd really like to meet you at Carlisle's office, Edward." I just shook my head.

Bella looked away, I knew she was upset. I reached out and took her hand. "I'll try to be home before you are. Ok?" She nodded, and stood up to clear the plates. I felt terrible leaving her out of this, but I had to fix this on my own.

_If I could even _be_ fixed._

I couldn't bear for her to be there if it didn't work. In my head I needed time to work through it alone. If I needed to grieve, I wanted to come to terms with it before I broke the news to her too.

She came over and gave me a hug; I pushed her back from me so I could stand my chair. When I was standing, I pulled her into my chest and clung to her. I inhaled the aroma of her shampoo, and body wash, and mmm… Bella. I kissed the top of her head, before she tilted her face up towards me and kissed my mouth. "I know today will be a good day for you. I wish you'd let me share it with you, but I understand. If you need me, don't hesitate to call. I'm not going anywhere. I love you Edward."

She couldn't possibly know how much I needed that affirmation to get through my morning. I gave her another crushing squeeze. "I love you too. I'll see you in a few hours, Bella." I watched as she gathered her computer bag and her lunch before heading off to school. She still refused to let me run her to work on a regular basis, and I prayed that come tomorrow, she'd have her license back so she'd have a car of her own before the weather turned bitter.

My morning crawled. It seemed each time I looked at the clock, the hands had barely moved. I tried to busy myself with more preparation for my return to work, but my mind just wasn't in the right place.

Miraculously, when I looked at the clock again, it was 11:30. Time to go.

The fit of nerves nearly overtook me as I made my way to see Carlisle. I felt like a condemned man walking to the gallows.

Carlisle's door was closed, but I knew he was here, no one would bother us. His receptionist was already gone for the day, the lights off in her cubicle. I tapped on the door. Carlisle opened it smiling. "Come in, son. Did you have lunch?"

"No, I didn't, and I can't. If you were waiting for me, please go ahead, I'll wait."

"Esme made sandwiches and packed homemade fruit salad for us. I didn't think you'd stop anywhere."

I shook my head; I was in no shape to eat. My stomach was clenched in anticipation of the afternoon and what it held for me. "I think I'll wait a while. I have only had one meal since I got up yesterday. I don't think food would be a great idea right now."

Carlisle closed his eyes and shook his head. His silent confirmation that he knew he couldn't sway me, no matter how much he disliked the idea.

I took in my surroundings. There was a TV/DVD player on a metal cart. I felt like I was going to a high school sex ed class, getting ready to learn the perils of VD. Next to the tv, there was an instrument tray with a box of what I knew were Uroject syringes, alcohol prep pads, some rubber gloves, paper drapes and band aids.

I took in a deep breath, and held it till I felt dizzy. "I'm ready, can we just get on with this?"

Carlisle turned on the TV and hit a few buttons with the remote. I was sure I'd already seen all there was to see about the benefits of Uroject. I growled at him, "Carlisle…" He practically growled back. "Son, when you came to me and asked me to do this for you and Bella, I agreed- with the understanding that you would behave like any other patient. If you can't do this the proper way, you can wait for Dr. Reilly to assist you when he gets back from his vacation."

I sighed and hung my head. I _had_ agreed to that, and as much as I wanted to get this over with, it wasn't either Carlisle's or my field of expertise and we were both learning. "I'm sorry. I'm really nervous and I just want to get started."

Carlisle wanted to know why. "Son, why are you nervous? It shouldn't be painful. You may not feel it at all. The needle is quite fine, I was surprised."

"No, it's not that, I'm just afraid it won't work and the little hope I've managed to cling to will be gone."

"Well, let's get started. As soon as we watch the movie, we'll begin experimenting with the medication."

We watched the same movie I'd seen on the internet, along with step by step instructions for the physician explaining how to find the correct dosage; I hadn't seen the latter and was relieved now that we watched it all.

As the movie stopped, Carlisle walked over his door and locked it. He stopped at the sink and washed his hands before coming back to where I was sitting. He was Dr. Cullen now.

_Carlisle has left the building._

"You need to take off everything from the waist down. I'll give you a drape to cover yourself with. Let me know when you're ready." He turned and walked away, giving me time to prepare myself.

I sat down after I dropped trow, knowing I didn't need to take them all the way off. I covered myself with the half sheet, but I didn't know why, in a minute we'd be taking it off and he'd be injecting my peen. It wasn't like he hasn't seen my junk before. Maybe it was just his way of disassociating himself from the situation.

"Okay, I'm ready."

Carlisle came over and sat on his chair. He rolled over to me and lowered the instrument table, donning a pair of latex gloves. He picked up what I realized was the needle cartridge and opened the sterile seal. Next he took out a syringe and explained how to dial the dosage, once he found the appropriate number, he handed me the pre-filled syringe. I had just watched this, but it soon became apparent my mind had been elsewhere. He handed me the needle, I screwed it onto the barrel, but my mind went blank. Carlisle had to remind me to tip it left and right for 30 seconds until the powder that was released had dissolved into the saline. I noticed Carlisle had set it at '5'. The numbers turned up to '30'. "Carlisle? Five- you've got to be kidding. Let's start higher."

"Need I remind you we have an agreement son? We start at five, as suggested."

I pulled the sheet down my lap till it rested on my thighs.

Carlisle pulled out an alcohol pad and handed it to me. I cleaned myself off and pulled my penis to the side, stretching it to expose the proper site for the injection. Carlisle did the injection and sat back and watched. He was as nonchalant as he'd be if he were watching something on TV. He told me to massage myself, that it would help the medicine to begin working. After a few minutes, I covered myself and looked at him.

"Fifteen minutes," was all he said.

I looked at the clock; it was now 1:25pm. I tilted my chair back and shut my eyes. I was exhausted. All the buildup to this moment, and now, I was surprisingly calm. It wasn't quite as bad as I had thought it would be.

Carlisle busied himself at his desk, before long he was shaking my shoulder. "Edward? Is our soldier standing at attention?"

I looked around with a start. In my dreams, Bella was telling me this would all be fine. We'd be fine; she'd be waiting for me to come home to her.

Carlisle was still gently shaking me, calling my name. I had a fleeting fear that he'd whip the sheet off or grope me if I didn't answer him soon. I moved my hand to the sheet. The disappointment was overwhelming. There was no soldier standing at attention, just a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.

I looked into Carlisle's gentle face. I opened my mouth to answer him, but nothing would come out. I just shook my head as my eyes watered. I wanted to pull up my pants and make a run for the door. I felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that I would even begin to hope this would work. I didn't want to wait to try again. I needed some instant gratification. I knew better than to get my hopes up.

Carlisle grabbed my shoulder. "Edward, talk to me, what's wrong?"

"It didn't work. I need to go. I'm sorry I wasted your time." I grabbed the toggle switch on my chair, getting ready to stand and dress myself.

"Son? You're giving up already? Don't you want to try again?"

I was sniffling like a little girl, and didn't hear everything he said. _"What?"_

He was smiling like he did when I was a boy trying to figure out a dilemma. He was giving me time to decide what was next. "Do you want to try again? _Was_ it _that_ bad?"

"You saw the video. I can only use it once a day. Time's up. We're done. I'm going to go home and tell her it's useless."

He was laughing at me now, how could he be so heartless when I was in such obvious pain? "Edward, you can only use the _full dose_ once a day. We can use up to twenty-five milligrams more. Did you not want to try again?"

How did I miss this important piece of information? "I didn't know. It wasn't in the movie. Was it?"

"It _was_ in the movie- the one _you_ didn't want to watch because _you_ know it _all_. Come on, let's do another round. Ten this time."

I was ready to skip to a higher dosage, and was immediately reminded of our 'deal', when I suggested the idea

.

I lowered the sheet and grabbed another alcohol pad. I started wiping the same spot when Carlisle stopped me. "Move to a different spot, son. You have to rotate the injections and they suggest no more than four times today. After today, it's only one injection within a twenty-four hour period. No more than three times a week."

I turned my penis the opposite direction and wiped a spot. Carlisle adjusted the dosing dial to ten, and handed a new syringe to me. "You need to learn to do this yourself, unless you think Bella will do it for you."

I laughed out loud, "_That_ will be the day. You don't have to worry about that girl _touching _a syringe, let alone _using_ it on someone!"

I took the syringe and stuck myself, injecting all of the liquid. This time I could feel a stinging sensation. I looked at Carlisle, "That smarts." I had some sensation, but never really had an experience like this to compare to.

Carlisle shook his head, looking at his watch. "Fifteen minutes, son. Don't forget to massage the injection site. I've got some charts to update." Suddenly he seemed uncomfortable just sitting here waiting to see if I could raise a tent under the sheet.

Once again, I reclined, thinking about Bella and wondering how her day was going. She'd be watching recess right now. Her day nearly over, it was now 2:30pm. I didn't sleep this time, I just thought pleasant thoughts. I could feel a stirring under my hand, but I didn't dare give in to false hope. It wasn't a hard erection, but something was definitely happening. I'd had a total of 15mg. I was going to just give it the fifteen minutes and be quiet.

I heard Carlisle push his chair back and walk across the linoleum. Time was up. I gave my friend a squeeze. This was an improvement, even over the oral meds, but I still would have trouble maintaining this for any length of time.

He looked at me expectantly out over his spectacles.

_When did my father get glasses?_

"When did you get the specs, old man?"

He growled at me. "Your aunt Esme made me get them because I could barely read the newspaper. I only use them for work. Not a word to anyone!"

He looked down at the sheet. "Well?"

I had no reason to be embarrassed. I pulled the sheet back as I muttered, "Well…Fred's not dead." I was at half mast. I squeezed it, bent it, pulled on it- but shook my head in disappointment.

Carlisle looked rather pleased with himself. "It's something to work with. Let's go for just five more this time."

I wanted to argue and ask for the full 30mg, but the doctor in me understood his theory. I didn't want to start out depending on the maximum- less is best.

I took another swab and wiped a different site for the injection. Carlisle turned the dial to five. I injected and put pressure on the site as it began to bleed. "Hmm, that's new. It burns too."

Carlisle simply said, "Bleeding is normal, as is the burning. You can get rid of the burning by, um…relieving the erection... or waiting for it to subside."

Carlisle replaced the sheet and began to clean everything up. He boxed up the syringes, throwing away the ones from the experiment. He took a brown paper bag from his cabinet and put the Uroject and the alcohol preps inside, rolling down the top. No matter what the outcome apparently, the experiment was over… for today. I'd had a total of twenty. We still had some leeway, if twenty wasn't enough.

Carlisle opened my backpack and started to put the bag in my backpack. Then he pulled it out and walked away.

_What's he doing? If this worked, he couldn't take it back!_

"Carlisle? We're not done yet, are we?"

"Son, you're bleeding and beginning to bruise. The experiment is done for today. I don't want to create a large hematoma."

He went to his cupboard and rummaged around a bit, after pulling his hand out several times, he pulled out what looked like an empty syringe and put it in the bag with the rest. I must have looked as ignorant as I felt. _What was that all about?_

Not missing a beat he answered my mental question. "It's for Bella." He said with a small smile.

I snorted. "Um, you know she doesn't like surprises. I highly doubt she's going to be overjoyed with a syringe. Don't expect a thank you card or anything."

He smirked as he put the bag in my backpack. "I'm certain she's going to give you a hard time about the injections."

"And giving her a syringe is going to help convince her... _how_?"

"Because it's the same gauge needle, and she trusts you. Just prick her finger so she can understand this is not hurting you."

"She'll never go for it. She's terrified of needles."

"Just ask her if she trusts you in this. It'll be fine, you'll see."

While we waited for a reaction, he explained some things that weren't in the materials Reilly had given me, but little tidbits he'd used in the ER over the years. "If you stay hard for too long, you realize something must be done to prevent damage to your penis?"

"Yeah, I do."

I put a box of Sudafed in the bag with the medication. It's a first line therapy for priapism and often times 60mg is enough. If after 60mg, you see no improvement, you can take another 60. Generally, that is effective in causing detumescence. If that doesn't help, you need to call me. I can treat you quietly here in my office. There are other oral meds we can try, as well as injectables, before we use anything more invasive."

I shuddered when he used the words _more invasive_. I knew what those other methods were, and even with the lack of sensation, the thought alone was enough to make my stomach churn. "Seems sort of ironic, you worrying about how to get rid of something I've waited so long for."

"It does, but it's something you need to consider. Priapism is rather common when you take these medications, I think more-so with the injectables."

As we were talking, I had noticed a few twitches that hadn't been present before. I soon began to feel the long forgotten tugging and pulling feeling of an erection. We had a full five minutes to go, and the sheet had fully tented. I looked down. Carlisle followed my gaze and smiled. I was… speechless. I felt like such a girl, getting emotional over something like this, but before I could rein in the emotions, I was welling up again.

"Technically, you should be waiting here until that subsides." Carlisle handed me a tissue. "But, Son, as long as you've waited for one of those, maybe we should get you dressed so you can go home and take care of that properly."

"How much time do I have?" I didn't want to fail mid performance. "I have no idea, son. You'll learn as you go. You're supposed to aim for the dose that gives you about an hour. The clock is ticking. Remember, if you're still…functioning…in three hours or so, call me."

I felt like Cinderella, knowing that whenever the clock chose to strike, my fairytale would be over.

He had a triumphant smile on his face. I knew he was almost as excited as I was that we'd accomplished something of such magnitude.

I wiped my face and started to put my chair in the standing position. I wasn't embarrassed before, but now, with a rock hard erection aimed directly at Carlisle, I felt more than a little self conscious. He just slipped my pants up over my hips as he chuckled quietly. I laid my jacket over my lap. I wasn't rolling out of here in this state, the nurses here hit on me relentlessly. I had eyes for no one but Bella and I wanted to share this with her alone.

As soon as I got to the car, I called the house. I got the machine, and looking at the clock on my dashboard; I realized she would be home very soon.

When I pulled in, she wasn't here yet. I rolled to the fridge, looking for last night's ruined dinner. I found the pan of uneaten lasagna on the bottom shelf covered with foil. It was untouched, not a bite taken out of it.

I set the table with the unused dishes she'd stacked on the counter, looking in the cupboard I found the candles. I got the table ready for Bella. When I pulled the lasagna out of the fridge, I noticed the bottle of sparkling cider. She had truly gone out of her way to show me her support last night and I had been such an ass. Tonight, I needed to show her how much she meant to me. I lit the candles and headed to the living room, I pulled up a classical mix on my iPod and put it in the dock, beautiful piano music filled the air.

It crossed my mind to change out of my sweats, but I knew I couldn't change before she got home. The sweats would be easy to take off if she wanted to explore. I pulled one of the roses from the bouquet that sat on the end table. They had been the center piece from last night's dinner. I pulled the petals off one and then another, placing them on my lap. As I made my way to the bedroom, I scattered the blood red petals in a trail that would make Hansel and Gretel proud.

I pulled off my shirt and rolled up to the head of the bed. The curtains were still drawn and it was almost dark in our room. _Bless Bella and her room darkening mini blinds. _I turned on the bedside lamp, dialing it down to the lowest setting. This was all new to me. I've never really done romantic things, but today I was_ feeling_ romantic. I knew it was only vanity speaking, but I felt so much different... confident... it gave me a feeling of self worth that I don't ever remember happening. _Yes, I _did_ need this for some sort of validation._

Pulling my transfer board from my pack I started to slide myself onto the bed, but stopped myself. I laid the board on the bed, and stood my chair. Leaning against my safety bar I slid my pants down over my hips and pushed them as far down as I could, before taking pushing them to the floor with my reacher. I sat back down and realized my shoes were still on my feet.

I hadn't removed my own shoes in such a long time. I'd been sitting upright all day and prayed my feet weren't so swollen that I couldn't remove them. With my reacher I worked one Velcro strap loose and then the other. Lifting my foot the little bit that I could, I pushed with the reacher until the shoe hit the floor with a thump. I followed suit with the second shoe. I pushed my pants down over my feet and onto the floor as well. I wanted to clean up my mess before Bella got home, but I had only moments to get in bed, lest I ruin the surprise.

I folded the sheets and blankets back and put the transfer board across the space between bed and chair. But realized sliding across the board with no clothing on would be next to impossible. My ass would stick to the board and I wouldn't be able to budge myself. Never mind the embarrassing fact that my penis was sticking out like a dousing rod in search of water. I knew I'd never pull this off. Suddenly I felt like that eighteen year old boy who was trying to impress the girl.

I heard the brakes of the bus and its diesel engine. I had about three minutes and she'd walk through that door. Looking around me, I grabbed my tee and leaned away from the bed, slipping it under my butt as far as it would go. It would have to do. As I slid across my board, my left hip and buttock stuck to the board, I felt like I left a layer of skin behind, but I made it into bed just as I heard her keys in the door. I pulled my legs onto the bed as quickly as I could.

I flicked the sheet over my chest and put my hands behind my head. It was only a second she gasped as books and keys dropped to the floor. She slammed the door and I heard the cylinders of the lock turn loudly as it clicked into place. I smiled when she called my name it wasn't a greeting, it was a question… a million questions. I listened as hurriedly made her way down the hall and prayed she didn't lose her balance. I was in no condition to help her if she fell.

As she came through the door she had a look of wonderment on her face. She knew what this meant. I knew she would be able to read all my signs. Again she breathed my name. "Edward?" She looked down at the tented sheet, and a huge smile grew across her face. "Oh Baby, I told you it would work."

I gawked as she let the silk blouse she'd been wearing drift off of her shoulders. It fell to the floor with a whisper. She reached behind herself and unzipped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor as well. Stepping out of her flats she made her way to the bed, wearing tiny black lace bikinis and a matching black bra. She shed the panties, but when she reached down to take off her stockings and a tiny black garter belt, I stopped her. "Please. Leave them on?"

She sat on the bed, hesitantly leaning in to give me a kiss. "Edward, how long will this last? Is there a time limit?"

Shit! I'd spent all this time ogling Bella, when I could have been concentrating on other things. She was just so beautiful. "Oh! I don't know for sure. One dose is supposed to last an hour or so. The goal is to keep lowering the dosage until you are just at an hour. It took three doses to get a rise of me. So, I'm not sure. Carlisle said to call him if it's still here around 5:30. If it lasts that long; I could hurt myself. But I suspect that is wishful thinking."

I barely heard her whisper, "What should we do now?"

I had thought about this on the way home. "Since we're on a time constraint, perhaps we should just explore for now? See how long it lasts, and what we have to work with. Let's just take it slow this time. I'm sorry, I just don't know what to expect."

She smiled and didn't appear at all concerned. She began to crawl onto the bed and I stopped her.

"There's some stuff in my backpack if you want to look." I'd stopped at the hospital pharmacy on my way home from work yesterday and bought condoms and lube. I wasn't sure what we were getting ourselves into, but I guess I was being hopeful.

She pulled out the paper bag from Carlisle first. I cleared my throat. "Let's save that one for later. I've got some explaining to do." She set it on the nightstand and reached back in again pulling out the other bag. She opened it and pulled out the contents.

"Well, we don't need those just yet." Setting the condoms aside, she laughed, quietly. "Next time."

It felt good to know that a 'next time' was possible. She pulled the bottle of lube out and crawled back into bed with me. I pulled myself onto my side and reached to take her bra off. She leaned in to make it easier. I inhaled her wonderful scent as I reached behind her with my right arm. Pulling her bra off I marveled at her creamy pink skin. She was flawless.

Breathtaking.

I leaned in and kissed, first her mouth and then down her neck to her lovely collarbones. One at a time I took her nipples into my mouth, kissing and gently sucking. I could get drunk on her scent, but her taste nearly took my breath away. I wasn't paying attention and she caught me off guard, taking the initiative and pushing me flat on my back. "There's more time for that later, Love. Right now, you're on limited time frame. Just relax and let me love you."

She looked up at me hesitantly before she pulled the sheet down towards my knees. I shivered from the rush of cool air, but immediately I was warmed by her body. The parts of my body that had sensation remembered her warmth and her softness.

I held up the bottle of lube. If she was going to explore, the results would be more favorable with a bit of lubrication, I didn't know if my body was capable of making its own. She ran her thumb over the tip, and held it up, with a smile, her little thumb and index finger rubbing together showing me. "Just a little Bella?" She shook her head and straddled me, and caught me off guard when she reached between us and rubbed me up and down through her wetness.

"Give me your hand. You need to experience this too." She wrapped my fingers around my erection and I felt her slide down over me. She grasped my shoulders for support, but leaned away from me enough that I could see what was happening, even if I couldn't feel our connection the way I used to experience this.

We fumbled.

A lot.

I kissed and nibbled at whatever part of her that was close enough for me to get a hold of. I was determined that our loving would not be one sided.

As Bella stroked me and nuzzled and nibbled my chest, I could feel my hard on slipping away from me. She felt it too. When she met my gaze, hers was one of utter sadness. Ironically, I was fine with it, for I had the reassurance that I could achieve this again.

_Again. _

She looked down to where we had been joined for such a short, surreal fragment of time. "I could, um…" She stammered. Funny coming from a school teacher, she was lost for words. "I can use my mouth, if it will help make you hard again…" I reached for her. "Come here love, get under the covers with me for a little while. I suspect this is a one time use sort of thing."

She leaned away from me. "Let me go wash this off quick." She got off the bed, grabbing my tee shirt and pulling it on over her head._ Another one of my shirts gone._ She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later with a steaming washcloth. She pulled the sheet down off my groin and began washing me. I could tell she was being gentle. She was concentrating so hard. I felt her grab my now limp friend and lift him to wash my balls. She gasped and let go of my penis like she'd been burned, but her horrified eyes never left my groin.

"Bella, Love, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

Different scenarios ran through my mind. Had I had a blowout? Was it disfigured? There's a condition you can get with this medicine where the head is real tiny like an acorn and the shaft is huge and engorged, resembling a baseball bat. Was that happening? I leaned up on my elbows, searching for answers.

Once again I called her name. "Bella!" I was louder this time. She pulled herself away and looked me in the eyes.

"Edward, I think it's time for you to explain just how you got that hard on." The expression she wore on her face was one that reflected anger, disbelief, sadness.

"Help me dress and get out of bed? I'll explain everything to you."

She nodded as she picked my sweats up off the floor. She dressed my legs and slipped on my shoes before taking my feet and turning my body so that my feet now hung over the side of the bed. I took my transfer board out and spanned the distance between bed and chair. Bella had placed the towel under my nude behind and I slid much less painfully. Normally, in the evenings I liked to propel myself around the house in my manual wheelchair to keep my upper body in shape, but with Bella assisting me for the next few hours, I would stay in the electric I could stand in. I got myself up, so Bella could pull up my pants. I had to go to the dresser for another shirt, since mine was occupied. If I watched carefully until she put it in our hamper and did the laundry on my own, there was a chance I'd get it back.

Bella pulled on a pair of gray leggings under my shirt, and pushed my sleeves up to her elbows. I grabbed Carlisle's bag off the nightstand and headed out the door. "Come on, let's go to the table. I'll explain." It had been more than an hour. Dinner was done; the aroma of the lasagna filled the house.

I set the bag on the table and headed for the oven. Always fearful that I would get burned, Bella stepped in front of me. "I'll get dinner out Edward, you get us a drink." I went to the fridge for the sparkling drink from last night. I really didn't want to spill hot lasagna on my lap either, that was one fight I'd give up, easily.

The corkscrew still lay on the counter next to the crystal flutes. I popped the cork and poured us each a glass, leaving enough space at the top so I wouldn't spill as I drove to the table. I slid my hand under the two glasses, and carefully made it to my destination.

Bella was serving the lasagna. A salad had appeared out of nowhere and a basket for garlic bread was on the counter next to the oven.

_She was smooth._

Bella sat next to me, eating in silence. Quietly, she asked how long I had the angry bruises on my penis. "They aren't from the accidents are they?"

"No, they aren't from an accident."

"Are they intentional? Did you hurt yourself in order for us to be able to have sex?"

"The bruises aren't _intentional_ Bella. But I suppose you could say they are a side effect of the treatment I've chosen."

She bristled, the argument I had anticipated all day was brewing. "I can't do this Edward. Not if it means you hurting yourself. I refuse." I thought she was going to cry. I had to salvage this. I had a little taste of something I hadn't experienced in a very long time and I wanted that. Hopefully again and again with her. I didn't think I could give it up if I wanted to, and I told her as much.

Grabbing her hand I asked her to let me show her the tools we needed to use, and explain everything before she was in some mindset I couldn't break through.

Calmly and patiently, she sat back in her seat, her hands clasped in her lap. I looked inside the bag and started pulling out the contents. There were three boxes of Uroject. Each one had 6 syringes, minus the ones we'd experimented with. There was a small box of needles, each one in its own sealed package. I pulled out Bella's syringe next. I had to chuckle when I found it. Next was the box of alcohol wipes. He'd thrown in the handful of gloves. In the very bottom of the bag was the DVD from the pharmaceutical company that made the medication.

We had a few hours till Alice would arrive to help me shower. I groaned, I'd have to give her an explanation as well. I might as well put up a billboard if I told Alice. Everyone we knew would know we were having sex.

I backed away from the table and rolled over to the little TV that hung from the underside of the counter. I put the DVD in and grabbed the remote before returning to Bella's side and settling in next to her. We'd have time to watch the DVD while we ate. After we were done eating, I'd show her how everything worked.

"Before you make any assumptions, I want to do this again. I'm not ready to give up yet. Please try to keep an open mind." While I knew her aversion to needles would make this the worst case scenario in her mind, I didn't have a problem with it. I knew the bruising was a combination of my awkwardness injecting myself from an odd angle, multiple injections, and a hard on like nothing I'd experienced in my adult life. She wouldn't see it that way.

As soon as the doctor began to explain Uroject and they zoomed in on the syringe and needle components, her breath caught. I looked over and gently took her hand. "It's not that bad, Bella."

She had her other hand over her mouth, and just kept shaking her head. "It looks incredibly painful. How can you let someone do that to you?"

I explained that I'd done it to _myself,_ and that it didn't hurt. When she said she didn't believe me, I reminded her I had little sensation there. I'd _never_ tell her how much it _did _hurt. In this I would just man up, I was taking one for the team.

I sat thinking about my mood last night and this morning, how apprehensive I was. I was never afraid of the pain. My only fear was failure. The satisfaction that came with the medication was euphoric. So much had changed for me over the course of one day.

When the video was done, the questions began. I explained the best I could.

Yes, Carlisle had helped me with the injections. Yes, we worked out the dosage together. Yes, I'd had to do it multiple times today. No, it wasn't normal to do multiple injections in one day. At this point, I explained my theories on the bruising and I relented when she asked if I'd discuss that with Carlisle after we were done talking

She wanted to know why I chose the injections. But in honesty, it was almost as if they had chosen me. Nothing else had worked. "Bella, I've tried every pill on the market over the past few weeks. And you know the penile suppositories didn't work. _Nothing_ has worked. I've tried it all. This was my last ditch effort. I went into it certain that it would be another failure. I was ready to throw in the towel last night."

After that she got quiet, no doubt thinking of the time last winter when I pushed her away for this very reason. I was determined to forge on with my presentation.

I got one of the syringes out and showed her how to set the dosage and mix the contents. I told her Carlisle's theory it might be easier on me if she did the injections for me. Her eyes got big like saucers and she chanted no over and over. Bella would not be giving the injections right away, we'd have to broach that topic at a later time.

When she questioned me again about the pain again, I pulled out the insulin syringe Carlisle had sent home for Bella to see. I pulled out an alcohol wipe and unwrapped the syringe, taking it from the sterile packaging. I laid my hand on the table, palm up and said, "Give me your finger."

Immediately her hands went under the table onto her lap. She shook her head, shrinking in her seat.

"Bella, come on, do you trust me?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

"Good. You know I wouldn't intentionally hurt you, right?"

Again she nodded.

"Didn't you say you'd do anything if we could find a way to someday have children?"

Resigned, she sighed and put her hand in mine, palm up. "Yes, Edward. I trust you."

I took her index finger and swabbed it with an alcohol pad. I pulled the cap off the syringe with my teeth, spitting it on the table. "It's just a tiny stick, the syringe is empty. I just want you to see how it feels. It's not bad." I explained, holding her gaze with my own. "You ready?" She nodded and shut her eyes. I squeezed her finger and stuck it like I would if I were testing someone's blood sugar. Just a quick jab and it was all over. She never flinched. I wiped the blood off her finger tip. She pulled her finger into her mouth and made a face, tasting the alcohol, no doubt.

"Did it hurt, Bella?"

"Just a little."

"That is the same size needle in the Uroject syringe. I didn't feel it. It didn't hurt me."

"I don't want you to constantly be bruised or sore just so we can have sex. It's not that important to me."

"Ahhh, baby, you don't understand. I've felt so useless for so many years. Today was _incredible_ for me. Don't tell me you won't do this with me. Please don't take that away from me. Don't take it away _from us._" I wasn't above begging. This was something that had lain dormant for years, and all of a sudden the monster had been unleashed. I couldn't wait to begin exploring our sexuality together.

She looked troubled. "As long as I don't have to do the injections, I won't complain. I just don't think I could ever do that."

She stood up and began clearing away the dirty dishes and uneaten food. Apparently the discussion was over.

I went to my office to call Carlisle. I had promised I'd call later and report the effectiveness of the medication. _Here goes nothing._ I called the number that I knew would only ring in his office. If he didn't answer, I'd leave a message. I was _not_ having this conversation with my mother.

He picked up on the first ring. "Edward?"

"Carlisle."

We both tried to talk at once. "You go first son. How was your evening?"

"It was… different. We had a long discussion, and Bella has agreed that we'll try this for a while."

"You aren't …having any problems?" He was asking in his own way if I was still hard.

"No, it only lasted about an hour and a half. Is that an acceptable timeframe?"

"We could lower the dose to shorten the time, but let's try it for a while and see how you react. This seems to be the appropriate dosage for you."

"Bella demanded I tell you about the bruising. I've got some angry purple marks. It doesn't hurt."

"I'd wait a few days before your next dose. Give your body time to recover. Are all the injection sites purple?"

I laughed, "No, only the ones that I did. And no, I'm not inviting you over next time to join in the fun."

Carlisle snorted. "That's ok, I want no part of it; you're on your own now, son. I'm sure they'll be fine. Wait till the weekend and try again."

"Thanks Carlisle, for everything. I don't know that I'd have done it, if you hadn't encouraged me."

"Don't thank me; start thinking about giving Esme some grandchildren. I can't think of anything I want more for you."

"Thanks," I grinned. It seemed that was _all_ I'd been thinking about since I'd spoken to Reilly. If we were able to raise the dead, almost anything was possible... "Goodnight Carlisle... _Dad._"

"Goodnight son," I could feel the warmth of his smile through the phone.

When I came out of my office, Bella was curled up in my mother's chair with a book. It was almost time for Alice to get here for my shower. The day had flown by at an amazing rate. I was exhausted. Little sleep over the past few days had really affected me. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Bella, and perhaps pick up where we left off before dinner. I wanted to reciprocate and explore her body, make her feel loved as she had done for me. I was itching to try more of the medication; to the point that I could almost taste that need, but common sense told me I had to wait, and I knew there was no way Bella would be a willing participant now that she knew the details. I'd be waiting for the weekend, but we would find other ways to entertain ourselves.

It was as if something new had been unleashed, a desire I hadn't experienced before. Such a feeling of self worth came with the knowledge that this was possible. When I had gone off to school after my first recovery, I isolated myself. It was easy to devalue my worth. I meant nothing to anyone there. I was a _non-person_. After I came home after all those years of schooling, I continued to shut myself off, not allowing anyone new into the small circle of people who really knew me. I'm not quite sure how I allowed Bella to worm her way into my life... my heart... but she was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

An overwhelming feeling of love washed over me, warming my soul. I'd obsessed over something I had _perceived_ as monumental... and it took me forever to realize that it really was such a _small_ aspect of our relationship. Yes, sex would be great, but having her in my life, by my side for the _rest_ of my life... that really was what mattered.

Humming nothing in particular, but immensely happy, and filled with relief… I went to the kitchen and slammed a bottle of water before going to the bedroom get ready.

I heard Alice come into the kitchen and drop her keys loudly on the counter next to the door. She greeted Bella, taking a few minutes to ask her if I was in a better mood today. I heard laughing before her gentle footsteps could be heard outside the bedroom.

Alice knocked as she poked her head in the door. "Come in Alice. I'm ready for you." I had taken care of everything and sat, waiting near the shower. Alice walked in carrying a pair of boxers and a tee shirt for me.

I transferred into the shower with ease and relished the warm water as I washed my body. It felt so good on my tired muscles. As I felt my body beginning to unwind, I realized how tense I'd been over the past forty eight hours or so. When I turned the water off, Alice stepped inside to help me towel off. As she was drying my legs, she glanced up and screamed. "Oh my God, Edward! What happened?" Before I could stop her, she reached out and poked little Eddie square in the eye.

I wanted to cover my head with the towel.

"Alice, stop it. Nothing is wrong. Just…please…drop it. Ok?"

The little thing stood straight and tall, with her hands on her hips. "Edward Cullen, I don't know what you've done, but_, that,_" she said, pointing at my member, "is _not_ normal. Explain it, or I'm calling Carlisle."

I think I heard a _humph_, but I couldn't be certain.

"Alice, please... stop. Carlisle was there when it happened. It's alright. Let's not make a big deal, please."

It took a few minutes, but suddenly understanding washed over her features. "If you did this on purpose, does this mean…are you trying to have a baby?" The last part came out as a shriek. I could hear Bella hurrying down the hall to investigate the commotion.

"Help me get dressed and we'll talk."

Bella came in and sat on the bed, by now, I was certain she'd figured out the jist of the conversation. When we entered the bedroom, she was smiling. She patted on the edge of the bed, as she looked at Alice.

As quickly as I could, I reminded Alice that I hadn't fully functioned since my first accident as a teen, and that Carlisle was attempting to assist us in being able to have an _intimate relationship, _not necessarily a child. The bruises were the result of our first attempt with a new medication.

Bella spoke up first. "Alice, we didn't want to share this with anyone but Carlisle right now. It's no one's business, we don't ask about your love life. And no, we aren't trying to have a baby right now."

I took Bella's hand as I looked at Alice. "If Esme finds out, she'll harass us. When the time is right, we will try. I'm sure you'll be the first to know."

Alice snorted, no doubt imagining the kinds of things she might walk in on now that we'd reached this milestone.

Bella went into the bathroom with her pajamas, and I heard the water come on as she got ready for bed. Alice turned the bed down and helped me get settled for the night, helping me turn towards Bella's side of the bed. I loved to spoon up against her for the first portion of our night.

Alice sat in the rocking chair in the corner. It had been one of the few pieces of furniture Bella had brought along. She had been rocked in it as a baby by her mother. Charlie had been rocked in it by his mother. Maybe someday Bella would be able to rock our little someone in the same chair.

As Bella came out, Alice stood up. "Bella, get in bed, you look exhausted. I'll lock up." Last night had taken a toll on her as well.

Bella scooted in next to me and set her clock. I turned off the bedside lamp. Alice gave us a quick goodbye as she made her way through the house turning off lights. Finally the door closed behind her and I heard the lock click.

I nuzzled into Bella's neck. "I love you Bella Swan."

She rolled over and put her arms around my neck, plastering little kisses on my jaw, my cheek, and finally my lips. "I love you. Thank you for having the courage to do this for us. I know you were afraid it would fail. I'm so relieved that you finally realize that it wouldn't have mattered, love. I'm here for the duration. We can conquer anything together."

"_Together._" I breathed in agreement. Yes, I truly believed that. "Thank you for teaching me what love really is. Thank you for loving me."

* * *

Our Edward has sorta been transformed from caterpillar to butterfly this chapter, don'tcha think? I don't usually rec music, but I've been listening to this song from Owl City nearly as long as I've been writing Impact and I knew just where I was going to use it. Adam Young sings his little heart out at some point through every chapter as I write. He's my Prozac when I'm having a troubled day, and always finds a way to pull me out of my writing funk with his intensely lyrical songs, they don't always make perfect sense to me but this one is perfectly clear... Go pull up Owl City's Meteor Shower on youtube... While I realize Adam's message is spiritual in nature, it seemed to fit with where our Edward is finally at in his head with his Bella. Yes, he's been made new… and he finally realizes he needs_ her_ to deal with these things… _together._

Thanks to everyone single one of my readers! Lots of new reviewers this time. Welcome! I think I got everyone's teaser out to them, I apologize if I missed anyone.

If you celebrate, I wish you the Happiest Holidays. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Please be safe as you make your rounds to visit friends and family.

Santa is filling the stockings of my friends and family with the print copies of some of our favorite stories. For information on the one nearest and dearest to my heart, Poughkeepsie by Debra Anastasia please visit my blogspot. Deb also interviewed my daughters and myself last weekend for the release party of Cherie Colyer's book Embrace. The interview was fun, and I bought a copy of Embrace, it looks like it's going to be an awesome read.

In reflection over the past year, and because I doubt I'll post again before the year comes to an end, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who plays a part in the process of getting Impact out to you.

First and foremost, I couldn't do this without my dear friend, Debbie. More importantly, I wouldn't want to. She refuses to take a shred of credit, but seriously, Debbie holds my hand every chapter as I fret and fuss, arrange and rearrange. She keeps me in line and doesn't allow me to write crap. And if I'm on the ledge, she's either gonna talk me down, or give me a _nudge_ and tell me to get on with it. I'm proud to call her my friend and I'm so happy that she's taking this journey with me. Thanks for being you baby, it _was_ everything I hoped it would be. Tackle hugs and all.

Betas… this year Impact had two betas. Sherriola has been our beta for exactly six months tomorrow. Sherry, it's been nothing but a pleasure working with you! Not only are you a wonderful beta, you've become a good friend. There have been a few times you've caught things that never even occurred to me. Thanks for having my back. I hope you have the loveliest of Christmases.

Sherry and Dooba have a special Christmas collab that is posting daily until Christmas. Today's edition is going to be particularly emotional. You should check it out if you haven't already. The story is called _The Promise of Hope._

Jeanne started off the first half of the year betaing Impact. Jeanne, it was so nice working with you and interacting with you. I hope life is treating you well and you have an awesome holiday. I miss you like the dickens girl! You know where to find me if you ever wanna chat over a cup of tea.

Huge thanks to my awesome pre-readers. Nothing slips past these girls. Amy, Alexa, I couldn't do this without you girls either. You give such awesome feedback and your ideas are refreshing and informative. Alexa, I'm so happy for ya girlfriend! Congrats on your little man! What a wonderful Christmas Blessing you received!

Tackle hugs for BettiG and Lil Green. It seems whenever I'm stuck, you give me something new to inspire me. Thanks for everything, and that other thing. ;-)

There are so many other wonderful people who have been a part of this… guest pre-readers, friends and beta's past, graphic artists who've made banners and artwork, and the lovely people who have done blog reviews and recs. You've all been a part of this; I adore the stuffing out of you! It won't be long and Impact will be through, we could have never gotten here without your contribution to the story.

A humble thank you to _all_ of you. I can't wait to see you in the New Year for the final chapters of our story.

Lots of loves!

Denise


	55. Chapter 55

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-five

~Bella~

Life had been a whirlwind of activity since we went to Forks to celebrate Labor Day and my birthday. My return to work was imminent and while I'd psyched myself up for the first day of school, it tugged at my heart to leave Edward at home... all alone. Alice teased me, reminding me he _was_ a big boy who had lived _all these years_ on his own and that he could get through an eight hour day without me.

He understood my feelings of reluctance, though, because he was feeling it too. Not only over the thought of me making my daily trek to work, but of his return as well and what that might hold for us as a couple.

We'd spent so much time together during our magical summer, neither of us wanted to see it end.

It seemed, since Edward had come home in June that we had grown so much as a couple.

As the complex being that is my Edward began to share pieces of his past with me, as his family and friends encouraged me to stand by my man, we grew to know each other well, and through his time in rehab I'd watched him struggle with his personal demons... those things from his past that he'd buried so deep.

Suddenly, it was as if all the thing's he'd managed to hide through his college years were thrust upon him at once.

Lying in that bed at Harborview all those months, calm, cool, assured _Doctor_ Cullen had regressed into broken, hurting, and slightly angry _Edward Masen_... and after he left Harborview, every single day in that rehab marked some measurable amount of personal growth.

His feelings of inadequacy... the emergence of his parent's belongings and furniture which had become such a prominent part of our new home... even the anger of a hurting seventeen year old boy caused him to re-evaluate the system of checks and balances that he'd pretended were working to keep his true emotions hidden.

Mental health wasn't something that could just be fixed like a broken bone, Sasha's specialty was an art... the ability to draw out those closely guarded emotions that had been locked away tightly and use those very things to heal and repair the hearts and minds of the individuals who so desperately needed to find closure, or absolution or whatever was required to free their souls.

So when the man who had finally come to terms with the loss of his beloved parents, accepted the heartache of his broken body and worked like hell to fix it... even found the courage to rise above the damaging words of a confused young girl... became the beautifully articulate, physically recovered yet sexually reticent man who desired to spend the rest of his life with me- there was no way I could ever turn him down.

_"Marry Me Bella?" he breathed._

_"Yes. Yes. Oh my God" _a resounding _"yes!" _

There were no words to describe my profound happiness as I accepted his proposal.

I had watched with pride as this man found personal growth and maturity before my eyes, and when he asked me that million dollar question, I knew he was ready.

Ready to cast off the hurt and pain of his youth… and prepared both physically and mentally to make his own memories... to find his own happiness... and I promised to share that with him- every single day of the rest of our lives.

In the seconds after he uttered those words I saw every emotion cross his face... anxiety, anticipation, relief and then disappointment... _as if_ I had the power to turn him down.

I had been there, witnessing Jasper's breakdown and it affected me as surely as it had Edward. Sometimes you just need to go with what you feel, and our proposal was one of those moments.

I _didn't _want to wait to be his. I was in no frantic rush, but in the same sense... my man had escaped death on more than one occasion; and he- more than anyone I knew- realized just how short life was and how drastically it could change in the blink of an eye.

He knew me so well... giving me his mother's ring... a cherished treasure that he chose to share with me, meant so much more than some huge rock from Tiffanys ever would have. This was something I knew he held dear, and to entrust it to me... his actions spoke louder than words. It was the most beautiful ring, and I caught myself repeatedly staring at it and getting that warm fuzzy feeling all over again.

Mine... _he_ was _mine._

My heart nearly exploded the afternoon I came home from school to find him concentrating so intently on his nude body that he had no idea I was there. But, I stifled an excited giggle when I spied his pants around his shoes and witnessed his knee jerk reaction to cover the evidence of his exploration... because to him, this was nothing to find humor in, and no matter how endearing he was in his embarrassment, or how sexy it was to watch him finally let go and try to find pleasure- it meant _everything_ to him and I did the only thing I knew.

I encouraged him.

Just like a student who was reluctant to fully engage his mind in an experiment, I could tell he was perplexed... he had previous experience to draw upon but he refused to utilize that tool because he didn't want to bring his past into our present.

_One step forward, two steps back._

We'd move forward and slide back a little, over and over, until he chipped away at that wall, broke through that barrier... and when I saw the milestone he'd reached by finally taking control of that aspect of our life together, I was in awe.

I couldn't let that moment pass in disappointment for him... so the pellets didn't do what they were meant to... there were other options... we hadn't exhausted them all... it was simply another hurdle.

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..._

I hadn't been sitting idly by as he sampled goodies from Reilly's little bag of tricks.

I did research. Lots of research. And I learned that the first and even second line meds for erectile dysfunction were fairly ineffective for men with Edward's type of injury, but I understood that it was prudent of his doctor to trial each type of medication in hopes that it would work for him.

Edward's reluctance to share, out of the fear of failure, was what encouraged me to take the opportunity to learn everything I could about the medication that was out there to help _us_.

That way, when I stumbled across little pieces of evidence or his demeanor clued me in that he'd been trying something new that hadn't worked the way he expected... I could find a way to counteract that uncertainty or insecurity with something positive.

Anything that made him feel good about himself... anything I could do to show him that even though a particular medication wasn't the right one- it wasn't _his_ failure, it was simply the wrong solution _for us_.

I watched, with anticipation as he trialed each new medication. Viagra came first. He told me before he tried it that he'd experienced adverse reactions from it years before, but Reilly convinced him to attempt it again.

The drop out rate for men taking Viagra was almost 50%, Edward explained that nothing was supposed to _happen_ when he ingested the pill, and that even though it increased blood flow to the appropriate areas, to have the desired effect the patient was still required to elicit some sort of psychological stimulation, which just didn't happen for Edward, thus no real erection.

It was heartbreaking to watch him moping around the house after each dose failed to produce the desired outcome. He was hopeful that higher dosages would work, but with the increased dosage, came more troubling side effects... and he became one of those drop out rate statistics.

Levitra and Cialis came next.

He had failed to tell me about the Cialis, but he'd left the empty blister packet on the vanity one evening. I could have questioned him about it, but I knew he was making the effort to trial it, so instead of confronting him about omitting to tell me he'd taken a dose; I quietly threw away the trash and stepped up my affections that night. Sadly, it made little difference.

He was more hopeful with the Levitra when Reilly explained that that medication was effective in restoring ejaculation for a number of SCI patients. That little tidbit was very important to Edward... to both of us... but when he didn't get a rise out of either the Levitra or the Cialis, Edward added them to his mental list of failures.

At some point he tried the pump and cock rings, but when I saw little Eddie and his partners in crime all trussed up like a Thanksgiving day turkey, I shuddered and asked him if we could save that as a last resort, please. He said it didn't hurt... but it sure looked like it did. I shuddered to think about it.

Reilly offered him the Muse pellets, he reasoned that they were a different _type_ of medication and therefore might elicit a better response; however Edward seemed perplexed in regard to the route of administration.

I understood his reluctance to use it. Being able to urinate sans catheter was instrumental in the insertion of the medication as well as its ability to dissolve. I had to hand it to him though, he tried everything Reilly suggested. It was obvious that he planned to leave no stone unturned until he found his solution.

_Our solution._

I'd support him in any way I could until we found the right one. Because I _knew_ we would, but if we didn't? That would be okay too. I wanted us to experience everything life had to offer, sexually, but I _didn't_ need him to get an erection to validate his manhood.

He was all man... gorgeous, sexy, intelligent and hot as hell... and the lack of an erection wouldn't change my feelings one bit. Take it or leave it, this man made love to me in ways I'd never experienced before- all without penetrative sex... and I wouldn't exchange what we'd shared for all the money in the world.

He seemed optimistic, excited even... about the medication he referred to as his final hope, that was until the evening before he was to trial it... then his optimism plummeted and he allowed doubt to creep in.

I watched, that night before he met with Carlisle, as he turned into himself and went away to wrestle some more with those demons and I knew I'd have my work cut out for me, searching for the proper balance between letting him work it out on his own and being there for him when he needed me.

I paced the floor and stood in the hallway outside that study with my hand poised ready to knock over and over, but I knew he had to figure it out on his own first. So I put away that special celebratory dinner I'd made, refusing to doubt the need for it the following night and I went to our room.

I turned back the blankets and turned on soft music as I readied everything for our night. I fluffed up his pillows, pulling one to my chest and sat with it in a bear hug while I worried and wondered how many more nights we'd spend like this before he finally got it. I knew he didn't doubt our love or my commitment to him, but on some level, I knew he still worried that this _thing_ would negate any promise we'd shared.

I was laying everything he'd need for his night time cath care next to the bed when my phone began to ring.

"I need you." It was a strangled, broken plea. "Please. I need you so badly."

I dropped the open phone without ending the call and ran to the study.

He sat with his elbows on his knees, gripping his hair with both hands as if to hold up his too heavy head.

"Edward, baby, what's wrong? What can I do to help you? You've gotta let me in." I begged. We had to stop this cycle and it had to stop right then, for if it continued after he trialed the next med, I was terrified he'd push me away again as he had in January. I didn't know how I'd ever get him to come back to me.

I was on his lap and in his face, pulling his head up so he was forced to look into my eyes. But he pulled away, turning his tear streaked face from me as he paused to gain some composure. He drew in a stuttering breath and still unwilling to look at me, he began to speak.

"I want this so badly I can taste it. I want your hope... I want your faith... because I've somehow lost my own."

He reminded me of that broken soul who accompanied me to Forks and I prayed for a similar outcome. Even something so monumental as that had proven not to be insurmountable. We'd get through this, too.

I hated bringing past partners into our bedroom, but I needed him to understand that in the same sense that he'd had a sexual partner who had left him feeling like less of a man, my only prior sexual experience had been with a selfish partner as well... one who only concentrated on _his own_ needs rather than _ours..._ he left me feeling like less of a woman... like I was less than worthy of a little attention. But Edward? Edward lavished me with his affections, and we _were_ equal partners in bed. He gave me all I'd ever need and I was in it to stay. I vowed to give him everything he needed, and in that moment his need wasn't anywhere near a physical one.

In the beginning, when we first broached a physical relationship, I had no idea what our future might hold. Was I afraid I'd never have a fulfilling sexual relationship with the man I was falling in love with?

_Who wouldn't be? _

Still, I tried to be reassuring- even though I had no clue what life had in store for us. So I asked questions, and I tried to educate myself. Alice was incredible, helping me to find books that were informative and filled with information... filled with creative ideas on making love fun and keeping it engaging... even if we couldn't _engage_ everything we'd hoped to. I was prepared for the worst, but hoped for the best, if that made any sense.

As we grew as a couple and the innocent touches and caresses grew into ones that were more sensual and suggestive I began to understand what I'd read... that sex was about so much _more_ than engaging those two parts of our anatomies.

It was engaging our minds, our spirits, our souls... and as we did, we grew as a couple.

Yes, our situation as it were, fostered an environment where we needed to be a little creative, a little intuitive, a little adventurous. His current inability to perform the most basic act in a sexual relationship had given us time to explore one another's likes and dislikes... to explore each other's bodies... our most sensitive places... without that all consuming need to rush through the bases just to score that home run. I didn't mind that his body had given us this time to explore one another so completely. No, not at all.

Walking into the house that day... the day after he had already decided this trial would either make or break our love life... I knew... I just _knew_ he had exciting news. The strains of a romantic piano melody filled the air and the telltale trail of red rose petals told me where to find him. He might have dropped that trail of rose petals as a beacon to help me find him... but seeing them I knew what they signified... confidence, happiness, _hope._ That little thing that he couldn't find the night before... and I knew when I saw them that he'd finally found it. I smiled to myself, knowing I was going to find a very happy man at the end of that trail of petals.

In stark contrast to the frustrated expression he wore the day before, was one of wonderment and awe. He looked like a kid who had just seen their first shooting star... and I felt so honored that he chose _me_ to be the one sharing the experience with him.

While our coupling lasted but a fleeting moment, and we obviously wouldn't be indulging again for a short while, it meant that he'd conquered one of his greatest fears and achieved the one thing he'd denied himself all those years.

I squirmed when he explained how he'd come to accomplish that erection, and pulled away when he tried to demonstrate... but when he questioned my trust of him? No, I couldn't let him believe I didn't trust him-because I did- with my life... and it _wasn't_ that bad... but he was poking my finger and not one of the most sensitive parts of my body. That thought alone made me shudder, but we'd do this if it was what he needed to do. There never really was any question of that- anything that worked and was safe for him- that was what we'd do.

His body barely hit the bed and he was out cold. Poor man, he'd spent so much time stressing over this, and I knew he hadn't properly slept in several nights. He put his arms around me and pulled me against the length of his body.

_Good night baby. _

His rolling and bathroom routine was second nature, and I wasn't certain that he'd even opened his eyes... but his body continued to seek mine out, and I spent my night snuggled safely in his arms. When I tried to slip out to shower, he whimpered.

"I have to get ready to leave, Edward. It's time to wake up." He rubbed his eyes and yawned before he stretched and his body shuddered with his _first stretch of the morning_ spasm.

"Morning, Bella," he yawned.

"I'll be back in five minutes with coffee. I need to shower."

I grabbed a quick bowl of cereal while the coffee brewed, hoping it would give me a few extra minutes with my man before I had to go. I found him transferring into his chair when I entered the bedroom with two coffees. He stood his chair and reached out, but when I tried to hand him the travel mug, he shook his head and made a kissy face.

"Silly man!"

I set the mugs on my dresser and he grabbed me, pulling me into a crushing hug. Our kiss was slow and sensual, and left me wanting more. I slid out of his grasp with an apology, I really didn't want to leave him, and rustled through my drawers for a pair of jeans and a lightweight sweater.

He took a long pull on the coffee and was still Mmming and ahhhhing when I stepped in the shower. When I was done, I found him standing at the mirror brushing. He patted the counter and helped me hop up, I watched quietly as he shaved and splashed aftershave on his face. I couldn't help myself, reaching out and caressing his baby soft cheek. He sighed and leaned into my touch, before turning and kissing my palm.

When he turned his chair ever so slightly, I found him wedged between my knees. He took my face in his hands and kissed me again. His hands ghosted down over my neck, past my shoulders and down my arms until our fingers were intertwined, he toyed with my ring, smiling. "I love you so much, Bella. I can't wait until you're my wife."

"I love you, too. It won't be long."

"You've gotta finish getting ready. I'm sorry, I'm keeping you. I just... it's so lonely once you go. I try to stay busy, but I find myself counting the minutes until we're together again."

"Would you like to come along?" I had called Jill on Thursday and rescheduled my test for today, but it would be great to know I had my own cheering section waiting for me while I was at the DMV with the examiner.

"To school? Did you need an exhibit for a science project?" he asked smiling.

I nudged into him with my shoulder. "_Nooo..._ sleepyhead- it's Saturday, and I guess we _are_ going to a school, not mine, but... Max' school, and then I need to go to the DMV and get my test over with."

"I thought you were testing yesterday," he frowned.

"And miss coming home to _that_? There was no way I was tying up my afternoon. I would have been a nervous wreck. You are more important than my driver's license."

His blush was endearing and he couldn't bring himself to look at me. "Yeah, that makes sense. It was pretty incredible, wasn't it?"

"It _was_ incredible... and this is only the beginning." His thumbs were making lazy circles on the backs of my hands. Finally he met my gaze and the corners of his mouth turned up into the most lovely smile.

He patted my behind and backed away so I could get down. "Come on, I suppose I should let you finish getting ready." When I scooted forward, he grasped my waist and gently lifted me down, holding on until my feet were firmly on the floor. Once he was satisfied that I was safe, he backed away and left the room, to finish his coffee I imagined.

When I left the bathroom, my hair dried and teeth brushed, Edward sat wearing his _don't feed the alligators_ shirt and a pair of snug fitting jeans. Alice had come and gone. Aside from showering, he really had become very self sufficient.

"Did you eat?" I asked as I tugged my jeans on and tied my shoes, and then added, "I grabbed some cereal as the coffee brewed."

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm gonna grab some fruit and a granola bar or something. I'm sure I'll have some time to eat once we get there. I don't want to hold you up. You ready?"

"Let's go." I grabbed his keys from the top of his dresser and went out to open the car for him. He joined me a few minutes later carrying a small thermal bag and a stainless steel thermos. "Could you throw this in my pack? I had a little trouble."

As soon as everything was where it belonged, I went around and climbed in the car. I'd have to think about buying a car soon. It would be cold, and taking the bus to work in the winter wouldn't be any fun at all. Edward would be back to work, but we went in opposite directions, carpooling wasn't an option.

"That's my mother's car," he commented as we pulled into the very crowded school parking lot, "why is she here?"

"Did you forget they were joining us today?" I asked.

He'd been so stressed when we'd stopped to announce our engagement, perhaps he had. His nod confirmed it. "I'm sorry, I did."

"I'm hoping you'll see a lot of people you know. I invited everyone I could think of."

"That's my girl. The best way to settle something like this is to gain the public's attention, raise awareness. It looks like you'll get some attention with this crowd."

In total, about fifteen of our friends joined the group until early afternoon. Ozzy explained that the school board had called an emergency meeting the night before, but a resolution had yet to be made. Several news crews stopped to do pieces on the situation, and someone from the Seattle Times actually interviewed Edward for their piece.

When she found out he was a doctor, the reporter asked if he'd be willing to talk to her about the importance of inclusion and equal access to services. I listened in awe as he shared how difficult it had been when he first went off to college; some of his support services weren't in place and he had a very difficult time functioning without them. Then he explained that he couldn't fathom being a young child who couldn't effectively communicate even his most basic needs with the school staff because they were too ignorant to provide him with an interpreter. A more ideal approach, he suggested would have been for the school to contract someone from Seattle Deaf and Hard of Hearing services to come in and do a class with the teachers. He made a good point when he raised the topic; we had to take continuing education credits regularly- basic American Sign Language should be one of the required subjects.

I had taken a class years ago and there had been numerous times I'd utilized it, both with consumers at the CIL's various functions and with several of my peer counseling students. It really was a simple solution to what the school district deemed such a huge inconvenience. Max' teacher could have even accessed a book on ASL and taught herself the basics, so she could communicate with the little boy.

I had a fit of nerves when it was time to go meet Jill. I knew I could do it, but still my stomach churned. He pulled in to a drive thru just a few miles from the school. "Do you want to grab a burger or something? You'll have time to eat before we get to rehab."

"There's no way I'd keep it down right now. Maybe later?" I didn't sound very convincing.

He pulled into a parking space and took my hand. He squeezed it reassuringly and turned in his seat as much as he could. It was difficult to carry on a face to face conversation when he was locked down.

"You know you'll do fine, right?"

I drew in a big breath and let it out slowly in a feeble attempt to calm myself. "Easy for you to say, you didn't have to re-test." I pouted.

"Bella... listen... you had a license before. It hasn't been that long. You've been driving with me, I know you're ready."

"But what if I get someone who holds my disability against me? What if they don't think I'm capable and I end up failing?"

"We both know they can't do that. If they do, I'll go inside and demand another examiner. But that's not going to happen."

I couldn't help my grin. I had a true knight in shining armor.

"Thanks."

He gave my hand another squeeze. "You're gonna be late for your appointment if we don't get going. You ready?"

"I guess as ready as I'll ever be."

"Good girl. It'll be fine. You'll see."

~Edward~

Her anxiety had begun to rub off of me, and by the time she and Jill drove off in the rehab van, I had sweaty palms too. I strolled the grounds, remembering all the hours I'd put in here, pushing myself... making myself better... for her... for _us._ Every effort I'd made had been worth the time invested. I thought about the Edward who was admitted here, in a hurry to serve his time and get home to begin his new life... and I took stock of the man who had proudly drove away upon his discharge. I really was the same man, but I felt like I'd grown so much, and really found myself while I was here.

It was a quiet afternoon... a warm breeze was blowing and I found a big old oak tree with outstretched branches that seemed to beckon me under the canopy of its shade. I tilted myself back and thought of Bella, wishing I could telepathically send her the well wishes I had in my head. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift, listening to the gentle breeze as it caused the colorful fallen leaves to swirl around me.

I heard her footsteps shuffling through the leaves, and while I wanted to rush to her and make sure everything had gone the way I'd expected, I allowed myself to linger, waiting patiently for her to come to me. A smile crept across my face as I felt gentle hands on my shoulder and the whisper of her hair on my neck as she leaned down to kiss me.

The corner of my mouth turned up in a smile as I teased her. "Careful baby, my girl will be back any minute. She won't be too happy... finding you kissing me like this."

I opened my eyes when she slapped my shoulder playfully.

"Well?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She smiled at me, with a glint in her eye as she held out her newly re-instated driver's license.

"Told ya so!" I sat myself up and reached my hand out. She placed the shiny new card in my palm and I marveled over how young she looked in the picture. It had been taken the September before we met, before her diagnosis. Because she technically still had a current license, the picture wouldn't change until she renewed it in a year or so. And if I had my way, her next license would bear my surname.

"You'll never guess who tested me?"

"Hmm?" I had been a million miles away.

"Remember that night at the carnival?"

I groaned. _How could I forget?_

"Ummhmm. _I do_."

"The older security officer... "

I was a little puzzled; perhaps I should have been paying better attention. "Was a friend of Charlie's, but I got the impression he was _retired_?"

"Not exactly, apparently he's only _semi_-retired. He doesn't work the beat anymore; he is the examining officer at the DMV."

I snorted, it couldn't get any better.

"I had it in the bag as soon as he got into the car."

Even though he knew her he'd never _just give it to her_, would he? "But you still had to test."

"I did, but I wasn't the least bit nervous. And those routes Jill takes people on to practice? _They are actual test routes._ It was like going for a ride with an old friend."

I stood myself and put my arms around her; she melted into me. "I'm so happy for you Bella. It's a relief to know you have regained that independence. I hate to think of you having to worry about transportation when it gets cold."

All sorts of scenarios ran through my mind, she'd be rigid from the cold, her muscles stiff and protesting the wintery weather. She could stumble and fall on the ice or in the snow. So many things could go wrong, and just like summer her condition could be exacerbated by the cold if it turned bitter. So many of my patients were painfully spastic when the mercury dropped.

"Yeah, I'm relieved too. I'll have to start looking for a car."

"I'd like to help with that if you'll let me."

"No way mister, you bought the PT cruiser. I'll buy my own car."

"But I didn't, it came from the trust. I hate using that money. It feels like blood money." I felt myself shudder thinking about what I'd sacrificed in order to get that money. No, I didn't like using it at all. But, there were times that it had made sense to dip into it.

"That's just semantics and we both know it."

"I'd still like to help, if you'll let me. You'll be my wife soon, couples share expenses like this."

I heard her growl before she dropped her shoulders in defeat. "Can I think about it?"

"Would you consider buying a modified vehicle?" I didn't wait for her to look at me in disbelief; I wasn't implying _she_ needed it. "It might be prudent, that is, if you _want_ me to ride in your car."

"Actually, that might not be a bad idea. I have no idea what my future holds." That wasn't the response I'd expected, but then this wasn't the Bella I'd first met, but rather the one who had come to embrace her disability.

"Maybe you could pay for the vehicle, and I could pay for the modifications."

"Would we get one with hand controls like yours?"

"No, _I wouldn't._ Ten different people with disabilities might need ten different setups. This is your vehicle, and if the time comes that you need adaptive devices to drive it, then we'll get it modified to suit your needs."

"But... I can drive yours, you should be able to drive mine too." She still appeared puzzled.

"It's fairly easy for a non-disabled driver to operate my vehicle, but I don't want yours to be set up for me. We can always make alterations later."

"Okay, let's go see the guy you got your car from. They have some really cool cars. You don't expect me to get a _mom van_ do you?" She teased, mocking the exact words I'd used months ago when I'd begun shopping for a car.

"You get whatever you like baby. I still think you should let me pay for it... it is _your birthday_, you know." She shushed me loudly, and I laughed because if it were to draw attention, she would have been the one doing it.

"You promised not to make a spectacle out of it. It's _just_ another day."

"No, it's _not_. It's the day that my beautiful, sexy, fiancé came into the world, and that, in and of itself is more than enough reason to celebrate. I got _you_. That makes me want to celebrate."

"Goofy man."

I started to drive away from my spot under the old tree. "Come on baby, we're going on a date tonight, I have to go get ready."

I reached in my pocket and handed her the keys. "Do you mind driving home? I can have Alice move the seats for us when she showers me, that way you only have to move them once."

"Okay, I'll drive."

The ride home was quick, the streets were relatively deserted, an oddity for such a lovely day.

I spied Alice's car in the alley, and found her making our bed when I went looking for clothing to wear.

"I laid out something nice, unless you'd prefer something different."

I went to the bathroom and found a pair of black dress pants and a charcoal colored button down shirt hanging on the closet door. Understated, but classy.

"Nice, Alice. Thanks."

"No problem, you ready to get in?"

"Give me a few minutes?"

"Sure, I was going to run the sweeper for Bella in the bedrooms quick. I know she's had a long week."

"Go ahead; I'll wait for you when I'm all done."

I went to our closet and looked through my ties. Smiling, I pulled out an older black silk tie that was adorned with silver stripes. My dad had worn it so many times; it was one of Mom's favorites.

Before they brought the furniture here to the house, Esme had promised to empty the dressers out, but she had left behind some of dad's things, things she knew I'd use proudly. A white gold and onyx tie bar and matching cuff links from dad's jewelry box would be perfect. I drew in a breath, realizing it was the first time I'd ever taken anything from it to use for myself.

After had I shared my experience in Forks, Esme brought them over and asked if I wouldn't like to have them, reminding me I never had to open the black velvet pouches that held their personal effects. When she asked if she should take them back home, I stopped her. I was ready... maybe I'd never take the little pouches out and examine them, but it no longer turned my stomach to think about them. I reverently placed them in a small jeweler's box and locked them away in the safe.

Satisfied with the accessories I'd chosen, I laid them on the bed and returned to the bathroom to cath, and brush my teeth. Still standing at the sink, I pulled my shirt over my head and examined the man in the mirror. I rarely ever took the time to really assess the reflection peering back out at me. I suppose I wasn't that hard to look at, my eyes... my mother's eyes... were my best feature. My unruly hair was definitely Dad's, although I got my coloring from Mom. The man looking back at me carried an air of confidence I didn't remember him having... I knew I owed a lot of that to Bella. She'd nurtured me and helped me to grow.

I looked down over my scarred body.

Over the past year, the ugly red marks had diminished, turning a silver white, some nearly invisible unless you looked closely. I stiffened my back, standing tall and proud, taking a deep breath and pushing out my chest. Looking at myself like this, one would never imagine I'd spent nearly twenty years in a chair, or that I'd survived two near fatal accidents.

I'd lost a lot of tone a year before, but my time in rehab, and more importantly my time with Emmett afterwards, was beginning to show. Once again, my pecs were more defined, and looking down, I noticed that the paunchy chair belly I'd gradually acquired seemed less paunch and more muscle. Core training, while physically draining and more than a little grueling, with Emmett pushing my endurance, had obviously paid off. I'd gotten lazy during medical school and the early days of my career as a doctor. It was easy to use the lack of time and my recent accident as an excuse, but I had Bella now, and she needed to have a man she could depend on.

I might not be able to swoop in and do all the manly things a husband normally did, but I would do everything in my power to be as physically and aesthetically fit for her as I could. She deserved a man she could be proud of.

"You're beautiful," she whispered.

"Yeah?" I wasn't above fishing for a compliment now and then. It made me feel good. No, _she_ made me feel good. I'd never felt like this on my own.

"Oh yeah," she whispered, letting her hand trail up across my abs. I gasped when she brushed over my nipple, taking a moment to tease and tug before carefully stepping up on the foot platform of my chair and putting her arms around my shoulders. "You're perfect. I love you."

"I love you too baby."

"I've gotta get dressed, I just wondered what you were wearing."

I pointed to the clothing on the door. She nodded her head, "Nice."

"We don't have to coordinate or anything." I explained.

"No, I'm not Alice. I just wondered how casual you were dressing."

"I'm not wearing a sport coat or anything, just a shirt and tie, if that helps."

"It does. Thanks."

Alice knocked on the door frame, "The rooms are vacuumed, ready to shower?" she asked.

"I'm going to get dressed." Bella said, giving me a smack on the lips and hopping down.

My eyes followed her until she was out the door. Alice moved out of my way, waiting patiently while I stood and finished undressing. "So I've got to stop by Jasper's and change, then we'll meet you at Olivia's."

"Sounds good, Al."

She sat on the floor and removed my shoes and socks before removing my pants. She took each foot in her lap and inspected it like she did before each shower, looking for cuts, bruises; any sore spot I didn't know existed before standing and moving out of my way so I could park.

"I reserved the private room... and they reserved a nice section of the lounge for us as well." Alec and Demetri were going to be there, and when I had explained there would be a number of us in chairs, Willow offered to section off a small grouping of tables. Bella would kill me when she found out they had plans to surprise her with dessert. I laughed to myself remembering one of my mother's birthdays... it was just after the Chi-chis opened in Port Angeles. Dad took us out for dinner, and while mom was in the restroom he explained that it was her special day. They came out bearing a birthday cake and singing and clapping the birthday song. She was madder than a wet hornet, but we all laughed afterwards. I hoped they didn't make too big a deal about Bella's.

_Yeah... she'd kill me._

While I was showering myself, Alice tidied the bathroom, and when I got to the bedroom, I was surprised to see she had gotten all my bedtime stuff prepared as well. She smiled and shrugged when she saw me taking it in. "I figured we'd make it a quick night. It's her birthday, you don't want me lingering."

"Thanks Al."

I watched as Alice put my shoes on me, wishing they were a little dressier and didn't look so casual. I'd have to see Carey's colleague for something dressier before we got married. She pulled my pants up to where I could grasp them, and stepped away so I could stand, the towel falling to the floor as I did. I pulled them into place and buttoned them, taking care as I put on my shirt and adjusted my tie. It felt like a first date and I fumbled as I pushed the cuff links through the button holes and clipped on the tie bar I'd borrowed from my dad.

_In some ways it was. _

Alice reached up and straightened my collar, smoothed out my tie. "Go get her handsome. I'll see you at dinner." I took a quick glance in the mirror and when I turned to thank her, she was gone.

I waited in the living room, staring into the fireplace as the flames flickered and caressed the ceramic logs. It was so mesmerizing, the fire, and it was just the thing to keep my mind occupied until she was ready.

I heard the staccato of her heels on the hardwood floor as she left her old bedroom and came looking for me. My breath hitched when I saw her, nothing could have prepared me for the sight in front of me. Simply beautiful.

She wore a little black dress. It was short and sleeveless, and when she dipped down to adjust the strap on her heel, I realized her back was completely bare.

_Oh Bella._

I hadn't noticed her things on the coffee table until she walked past me to retrieve them. I hurried to help her put her wrap over her shoulders, giving them a squeeze before lingering to place a soft kiss on the bare skin that lay between her wrap and her neck.

"Are you ready?" she asked, as she turned in my hands.

"I think I'd rather just stay here, beautiful."

She blushed and hung her head, fingering the strap on her purse.

As an afterthought, I went back to my closet and grabbed a sport coat. When I found her standing in the entrance to the garage she wore a puzzled gaze. "I thought you said you were going casual, no suit coat?"

"That was until I saw you. This," I said, fingering the strap on her dress, "is far from casual, and it's getting cooler. You may be chilly later. The jacket isn't for me." I explained with a smile.

"Sweet." She replied, stepping into the garage. I reached out for her hand.

"Let me?" I asked as I reached for her car door. It seemed like she always had to wait for me to get in the car and get into place before she seated herself. I rarely had the opportunity to do little things like this for her, but tonight I was in the right place at the right time. "Please let me treat you like the lady you are tonight?"

She smiled and nodded, understanding what I was asking.

"Thank you."

I waited for her to get comfortable before closing her door and moving around to get myself situated. I laid my jacket on the backseat when I got into the car.

The ride to Olivia's was quiet; she hummed softly to the music that was on the radio. I looked over while we were waiting for the light to change. Her eyes were closed, and she was smiling slightly. She looked content. I understood that feeling. I wished that I was a normal guy, driving a normal car so I could take my hand off the wheel and hold hers. But I didn't have the luxury of letting my guard down when we were in the car. Not if I wanted to keep us safe, and that was my utmost concern.

The parking lot was packed when we arrived, and I was glad that I had shared my wishes with Willow early enough that we were able to reserve a private dining room.

When we got inside, Michael ushered us into the private room. It was just as cozy and welcoming as the lounge, with its own fireplace and comfortable seating scattered around the edges of the room. The tables had been pushed together into a long one, and looking at the seating arrangement, I swallowed loudly, realizing that I had invited more people than Bella might have been comfortable with, but she squeezed my hand and smiled up at me.

"This is really nice. Thank you."

People began coming up to us, wishing Bella a happy birthday. A few people gave us a knowing smile when they spied the ring on her hand.

_My ring._

It felt so good to say that.

_My fiance_.

That felt even better, I thought, smirking to myself and feeling more than a little smug.

_I'd gotten the girl._

"Son?"

I looked down at Carlisle's hand on my arm, before meeting his concerned gaze. "Dad?"

"I asked if you were going to announce your engagement."

I couldn't help the huge smile that I could feel growing. "Oh. Yeah. Bella and I decided this was the best way. We're here to celebrate anyway."

"I can't tell you how happy I am for you son, for both of you. I can't think of anyone who deserves happiness more."

"Thanks. It feels like it's been a long time coming. I didn't realize what I was missing. It was _her. She_ showed me. I was clueless."

"I know you were son, and you've always been such a bright young man." he joked, nudging me before he turned to walk away. "I'm going to get your mother a drink. Can I get you or Bella anything from the bar?"

"Just a soda? The same for both of us please."

"Sure. I'll be right back."

Bella was mingling with our guests. Jane, Alec and Demetri came in, looking a little out of place, but Bella excused herself and walked over to greet them, hugging Jane and shaking hands with the guys. Emmett didn't give them a chance to blend in.

"There's my star ball player!" He bellowed, before marching across the room with Guy in tow, and bumping fists with Demetri. Guy repeated the gesture with both boys, grinning when he did. I spied Rose chatting with my mom, beaming as she watched her guys interacting.

I wandered through, saying hello to everyone as I passed them.

When I edged up next to Bella, I grasped her elbow. "I don't want to appear rude, but they want to serve us soon. I'm going to get seated so I'm not blocking anyone, then I'm going to ask our guests to get situated."

"Okay," She turned her face up, running the tip of her tongue over her lips, before she cradled my face with her palm. I leaned down and kissed her softly, "I love you, I'll be right there," she added.

"Love you too, baby."

I hadn't seen any of the Forks crew, and I was beginning to wonder if they were still coming when my phone vibrated, letting me know I'd gotten a text.

_Stuck in traffic, and I've got a big surprise for Bells. Can you hold dinner for a few minutes? -Jake_

I took Bella's arm and leaned down next to her ear. "Leah and the boys have been delayed in traffic; I'm going to see if I can't go find Willow, perhaps they can give us a few more minutes."

Bella smiled and nodded, not taking her eyes off my mother and Alice as they discussed suggestions for our wedding.

I passed Carlisle, who offered to deliver our drinks to our seats when I explained what was wrong.

As I looked for Willow, I pondered this _big surprise_ Jake had for Bella. He knew her well, I wonder if he realized that accepting surprises wasn't her strong suit. He'd learn if he didn't, I mused.

Turning the corner of the lounge, I nearly collided with our busy hostess, she stopped in her tracks when she took in my uneasy expression. "Is everything alright, Edward? I'm sorry we're behind, I had no idea we'd get so busy. These guys sure drew in a crowd," she explained, gesturing to the musicians who had begun to play jazz pieces.

"Actually, several members of our party are running late. I was wondering if we could have a few more minutes."

"That's perfect. I'll check in on your group in fifteen or twenty."

"Thanks. It means a lot. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"Not at all, it works out perfectly. I won't feel so bad now about running behind." she winked and smiled.

As she was turning to leave she called out over her shoulder. "By the way, I don't know if you noticed that I took the liberty of setting two extra places. I think your missing party might be delivering a few extra guests. Perhaps you'd like to save the two seats next to your girlfriend."

_Charlie._

Nice. Okay, so she would approve. She'd been sad that they couldn't make the trip; I wondered what happened to make it possible.

The extra time gave me a chance to visit with the rest of our guests. Guy was in a great mood and very talkative, engaged enthusiastically in conversation with Alec and Demetri. Emmett came over and shook my hand. "How ya doin', Bro?"

"Good, good."

"This is a sweet little spot. I'm gonna have to bring Rosie here for a romantic date." he said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Eww, please. She's like a sister to me."

"See how you are, you turn your love life around and suddenly your mind is in the gutter. Rosie isn't that kind of girl and I respect her." It pleased me to hear him say it, just before he added, " …and she'd kick my ass if I didn't."

"Yeah, she would. Be good to her, she's special."

"All joking aside, man, she is. She's a better woman than I deserve, but somehow she sees something worth making an investment in."

"You seem happy together."

He sucked in a breath. "Yeah. We are. I'm pretty certain she's the one." I knew that look, his eyes were swimming with emotion and it made me feel good to know that he had found true happiness as well.

Someone squeezed my shoulder roughly, and I looked behind me to find Jasper grinning. "Well don't you clean up nice?" he commented, giving me the once over.

"Yeah, you goons don't clean up too bad yourselves."

"Sorry I'm late man; got held up at an accident on Interstate Five. It had traffic backed up for hours. We had to cut them both out of their cars."

Just the thought made my stomach churn uneasily. "How bad?"

He ran his fingers through his hair anxiously. "They'll both make it, nasty accident, though."

"I bet that's what is holding Jake up; he said he was stuck in traffic."

"Well, he should be here soon; last I heard they were cleaning everything up. Traffic is moving, but it was still down to one lane when I took the driver in."

I let out a slow rush of air. Even though I knew he said they were held up in traffic, immediately my mind went _there_ when he said there was an accident.

_They were safe, they were with Jake. He said they had gotten held up in traffic._

I looked at my watch, almost twenty minutes had passed. They'd be ready to serve us soon. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find my seat. It's almost time for them to serve dinner."

As I was saying it, I saw our server from the night of my birthday. He walked over to me and quietly stated, "Willow asked that you have your party get seated. Is it acceptable to start with a salad and warm rolls until the rest of your party arrives?"

"That would be fine," I looked at his name tag, "Stephan. Thank you."

"You're welcome sir, enjoy your meal."

"Would you like me to make an announcement?" Emmett asked a little too enthusiastically.

"Let me get to my seat first."

"Alright."

He and Jasper separated and went to join their women and I skirted the perimeter of the room until I got to my spot. Bella arrived just as I did, and I smiled when she stopped next to the table and waited for me to pull out her chair. I pushed it in behind her and she smiled up at me. "Thank you," she whispered.

"No thank you, Baby. It's my pleasure."

I lowered my chair and was pulling into my seat when Emmett closed the double doors.

He let out a sharp whistle and everyone turned, at attention. "Eddie asked that you all find your seats. Willow and her fine staff would like to start serving our meal, so we can get this party started!" He grinned at Bella and gave a fist pump before walking over to Rose, who promptly smacked him. I had to laugh when I heard her mutter, "Behave yourself."

After the laughter died down, Bella looked at me, and I could see the sadness in her eyes, I took her hand and reassured her. "They should be here any minute, Baby, they didn't forget you. There was an accident on the interstate; they got held up in traffic."

She smiled and nodded. Carlisle passed a basket of warm rolls to me and Bella put one on each of our plates before passing them on. She reached over and picked mine up, tearing it open and spreading it with soft butter. I inhaled its yeasty aroma as I watched the steam rise out of it. Bella pulled a bite loose and offered it to me. I opened my mouth and she pushed it inside. I sucked the butter off her fingertips as she pulled away and tore off the next bite, putting it in her own mouth and moaning.

"Oh my..."

_Yeah Baby, it's incredible, isn't it?_

I looked around, slightly embarrassed, but everyone had tucked into their food and seemed to be having their own little conversations. No one had even witnessed our little exchange.

We were quietly enjoying our appetizer when I heard the double door open and Stephan directed the rest of our party inside. "Enjoy your meals," he said as he turned to leave.

Thankfully, no one had sat next to Bella so Charlie and Sue were able to sit next to her. "I thought you had to _work_?" she exclaimed.

"I covered some extra time for Officer Mark this week, his wife finally had the baby- a little girl- cuter than a button, she is. Anyway, he offered to cover the weekend so we could spend it with you. We'd have been here sooner if we hadn't gotten stuck in traffic. Bad accident out on I-five."

"I'm so glad you could make it! Are you staying the night?" I smiled inside when I detected a little disappointment in her voice. She wasn't planning on spending her birthday with company in the house, and truth be told, neither was I. Nice to know we were on the same train of thought

"No, we made plans with Leah and Brandy tomorrow, so we're going with them. We're spending the day in Vancouver tomorrow and then going home."

"Oh that sounds nice."

Charlie cringed. "Sue's looking forward to it. I don't know how much fun I'll have shopping with a bunch of girls, but I promised," he shrugged.

Bella looked down at our joined hands, and squeezed mine. "So I have some good news." she exclaimed.

"You passed your test! I knew you would." The pride was evident on his face and in his voice, even if it had been something she'd mastered before.

"Well, yeah, but I have bigger news." She pulled her left hand out of my grasp and held it out in front of her father and Sue.

He took her hand and examined my mother's ring on her finger, turning it from side to side with his thumb as it glimmered under the lights. "I'm proud of you son," he said, his eyes twinkling, as he turned his attention to me. "We're so happy for both of you." He pulled Bella into a hug and whispered in her ear.

Still smiling, Charlie picked up his fork and began to clink it loudly on the side of his glass to get everyone's attention.

When everyone stopped talking, he said proudly, "Can I have everyone's attention, please? My daughter and her young man have an announcement to make." He looked at me and said, "Edward?"

Carlisle patted my knee before I backed up from the table and stood, holding Bella's hand in my own.

"I've asked Bella to marry me, and she's most graciously accepted." The round of congratulations that flooded the room was eclipsed by Emmett's loud hoots and whistles. I sat down, laughing at his display, and she wrapped her arms around my neck kissing me.

When she let go of me, I said, "I think everyone has pretty much forgotten it's your birthday."

"Good."

Everyone chattered through dinner, asking questions about where we were getting married and when, were we having a big wedding, they wanted to know the particulars, and thankfully we were able to curb their curiosity... for the most part.

We were tying the knot at my parent's home, on the bank of the river, it would be a small, quiet affair and yes, everyone in the room would be invited, but no, we hadn't set a date. Aside from a few additions like Jill and Maggie, the majority of our guests were in this very room. It would be nice to have a small, intimate ceremony with just our closest friends.

The questions died down just as Stephan opened the door and two members of the wait staff carried in a sheet cake that wished Bella a _Happy Birthday_.

"I thought we agreed not to make a huge spectacle out of today," she complained.

I held my hands up in surrender. "It wasn't my doing. Honest."

Just then, Stephan walked quietly to where we were seated and leaned down, addressing Bella. "Best wishes Miss Swan, with Mr. Michael and Miss Willow's compliments. Happy Birthday ma'am." He gave a little bow before he retreated into the main dining area.

"Sorry," she blushed.

"It's okay. We good now?"

"Yeah, we're good."

Ever the life of the party, Emmett started his own rendition of Happy Birthday, Jacob and Seth jumped right in, singing loudly and out of tune. It was only a moment and the entire party joined in. When they finished, clapping could be heard through the closed doors.

I rolled my eyes and thought _no baby, we won't make a spectacle out of your day._

After we each had a small piece of cake, Bella asked that it be placed in the dining room so that the other guests could partake if they chose. I pulled her onto my lap.

"Come on baby; let's go listen to the band."

I led the way to the tables that had been marked reserved, noting happily, that the one closest to the stage had Bella's name on it. I watched as my parents joined Charlie and Sue at a table, and Emmett and Rose sat quietly talking with Jasper and Alice. The four young people sat off by themselves and Jake sat with Seth, Leah and Brandy. Bella sat, snuggled into me with an arm around my neck, absently playing in my hair or teasing the shell of my ear with her fingertips. I couldn't wait to get her home.

The dance floor was relatively empty, and I didn't want to be confined. "Dance with me?"

"I'd love to, handsome."

I rolled us out to the edge of the floor and found a smooth rocking rhythm. She continued to snuggle and whisper sweet nothings as we listened to the music. I loved listening to these guys and was pleased that they still sounded just as I'd remembered them.

When the band started doing What a Wonderful World, Bella exclaimed quietly, "He _does_ sound like Louie Armstrong, if I close my eyes and just take it all in, I'd think I was in another place and time."

She laid her head on my shoulder and pressed her hand to my chest, humming to the music.

"Are you having a nice birthday, baby?"

She picked her head up. "I've had the most incredible day."

"Did you get everything you wished for?"

"I have everyone I love around me, and I get you. So, yeah, I have almost everything."

I stopped the gentle movement of my chair and gave her my undivided attention. "Almost? What am I missing?"

"_You?_ Nothing. I just wish that Max and his family would get this thing resolved so his mom can be home tucking him in at night, instead of sleeping in a pup tent under a flagpole."

"I understand. I think it'll happen soon. The bad press is making the district look bad. They'll want to bring this to an end."

"I hope so."

"Me too baby. Me too." I pushed on her behind with my hand. "Lift up for a second." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small fuzzy box from the jeweler and I swear she growled.

I put my hands up in surrender. "It's not what you think. I know you said you didn't want any gifts, and we agreed that this evening would be enough, but I had to do a _little _something. It's not a big deal, I promise, but I think you'll enjoy it."

The hinge of the box creaked as she opened it, and she drew in a gasp of air before pulling the bracelet out. "Oh my gosh! I love it! Thank you. How?" she asked, pointing to the little silver car.

"I knew you'd ace it." I watched as she examined each charm, blushing as she found the Mexican sombrero, signifying our very first _date_ even if it was unofficial_, _then she smiled wistfully when she fingered the little silver heart, and giggled softly when she came across the superman medallion, then there was the house, and the miniature engagement ring, and finally the tiny car.

"I can't wait to fill it with memories with you, Bella. It's as much fun for me to buy them as it is for you to receive them. Do you understand?"

"It's one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received. Thank you."

"Don't give me all the credit. I learned from example. Mom and Esme both had them. Back in the day, it was an inexpensive way to give your girl a gift. The charms are fun to collect, and so many vacation spots sell them. Esme has hers and Mom's. By the time they were filled, they were far too heavy to ever actually wear; you should sit down with her sometime and check them out."

She reached up and kissed me. "I'd rather _you_ sit down and share your mother's with me. I'm sure some of them are your memories, too."

"Yeah, they are. I'd like that."

She held her arm out and I clicked the tiny clasp in place.

We watched as our loved ones danced, swaying to the gentle rhythm of the music. So much love reflected on all of their faces. Charlie and Sue came over first, apologizing, but explaining that they had a long day and then a three hour ride home the next day. They congratulated both of us, and once again welcomed me to their family.

"You're a good man, Edward," he said, gripping my hand tightly, "take care of my little girl, son."

"I promise Charlie."

He turned and nodded towards Jake and Seth, "You don't want to deal with them if you hurt her."

I laughed nervously, "No sir, I don't."

Sue hugged me tightly before squeezing Bella and asking her to call if she needed help planning the wedding.

Seth, Leah and Brandy followed after them, wishing us well before they left.

Jasper was next, needing to go home and get some sleep before heading back out to work bright and early. Alice leaned in close and told me she'd meet us at home, she was going to go get the evening routine started for Demetri, while Jane helped Alec get ready for bed. She'd meet us at the house as soon as she was done.

"Alice, I think we've got it for the evening. Why don't you go on home when you're done with them? We don't have to worry about the shower or anything. Take the night off." Bella suggested.

"Pretty generous with my staff, giving her the night off," I joked. "Suppose I needed her for something?"

Bella put her arms up around my neck and brought her lips to my ear. "There's _nothing_ you need tonight that I can't help you with, baby." I couldn't help the chill that caused me to shiver and it had nothing to do with being cold.

Alice let out a laugh. "Guess she told you. But seriously, Edward, it's up to you."

"No, Al, she's right. I'm showered and everything. See you tomorrow."

Guy was dancing close by and came to sit next to us, taking a big slug out of his glass of soda. "You were really cutting the rug out there," I said. Guy looked at me like I had two heads, when Bella put a hand on his arm. "Edward means you're a good dancer, Guy."

He put the back of hand to his forehead with a dramatic flourish. "Ugh, Guy tired. So tired." He forced a huge fake yawn and we both laughed. He was so funny, and so overly dramatic.

When Bella asked him about the team's first ball game, he became energized again, explaining that he had a _very important _job, and Emmett was counting on him.

Just then Em interrupted his story, "Come on buddy, are you about ready to go? Your Mom's tired, she had a long day."

Guy nodded before waving in both our faces and blurting out a boisterous "Bye Eddie! Bye Bel-la!"

When it was just my parents, Bella and I, we began to walk out to the car. I stopped and tugged on Bella's hand before offering her my jacket. I held it open for her and she turned with her back to me, and her arms outstretched. I slid it up over her, squeezing her narrow shoulders before letting her go. I watched, amused, as she pulled it tight around her little dress. I wasn't a big guy, by any means, but my jacket dwarfed her. It felt so good to see my girl wearing my coat.

Carlisle and Esme had waited for us, Esme said something to Bella and the next thing I knew, they were walking arm in arm. I heard mom ask Bella how her Mom had taken the news of our engagement. Bella's head hung as she spoke quietly. I knew she hadn't called Renee yet. She was planning on calling her Sunday, but I knew she had been avoiding it. Most of their calls ended in an argument and I'd watch Bella turn into herself for a day or so afterwards until she got out of her funk. I didn't want her to be upset over something that should have been happy news. If I had to take things into my own hands, I'd straighten Renee out myself.

I stopped walking; Carlisle turned and looked at me. Waiting. "Son?"

"Do you think, would it be okay if we... "

I didn't get a chance to finish before an amused smile came to his lips. "How is the bruising?"

"About the same."

"Any abnormal swelling?"

I swallowed and shook my head.

"I suppose that if you can find a spot that's not bruised, it would be alright. The instructions didn't specifically state that you couldn't use it if you had bruising. That was my opinion."

"That's why I'm asking for your advice."

Again with the amused smile he replied, "It _is_ her birthday."

"Yeah."

"I'm sure it'll be alright. If you get into trouble... well, you know."

"Thanks, Dad."

I heard Bella squeal and grab Esme in a big hug. "That's a great idea! Yes, thank you!"

Carlisle just shook his head, knowing better than to question whatever it was that had just transpired between our women.

"Do I wanna know?" I asked him.

"Whatever it was, she's already accepted. Best to just smile and say _That's nice dear_."

I held my hand out. "Thanks for everything."

He took my hand but pulled me into a hug. "You're welcome son. Congratulations, again. We're both very happy for you; you couldn't have ended up with a nicer girl."

"I agree. She's my world."

"I understand," he replied, looking lovingly at my aunt.

Of course he did. "I know."

The girls had stopped next to the car and when we got to where they stood, Carlisle pulled Bella into an embrace. "Good night my dear, and a very happy birthday to you."

She smiled up at him and said, "Thanks Carlisle." I watched as my dad kissed her on the forehead and reached for Esme. She shook her head and pulled me into her arms instead. "Goodnight Edward. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

After everyone said their goodbyes, I waited patiently for my girl to get herself situated in her seat before I closed her door and went to my side to get in. It had only taken a few seconds for her to realize what it was that I needed. I needed to take care of her, to be the gentleman I was raised to be... to treat her like the lovely young woman that she was.

We rode in relative silence, something soft and instrumental played on the radio.

"Did you have a nice time tonight?" I asked her.

"Everything was really nice. I had a great time. Thanks again for arranging everything."

"I'm glad you liked it. I wanted to do something special, and after realizing we had an engagement to announce too... it just seemed the perfect place."

"It would be the perfect place to hold our wedding reception, too, don't you think?" she asked.

I was afraid to take my eyes off the road, I didn't want to have an accident because I was distracted, but when I glanced over, she was smiling.

"Baby?"

"Your mom." she breathed. "Esme said she and Carlisle really loved the place, and if we wanted to have our reception there instead of in their yard, they would love to host our reception at Olivia's if we liked."

"Oh... _would we_ like to have our reception there? I know you said nothing too ostentatious." I didn't want to assume anything.

"I think _we would_ like to. That is, if it's okay with you."

"Baby, if you're happy with that, then yes, I think that would be a wonderful place to do it."

I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and glanced down as she put her hand on my thigh, wishing I could feel her there as well.

"I wasn't eavesdropping, but I sorta heard you talking with your dad..."

I squeezed the accelerator a little too tightly and the engine raced. Bella giggled and removed her hand, "Sorry."

"It's okay."

When we got inside, Bella leaned back against the door, pushing it closed. She was watching me intently, with the corner of her mouth turned up into a half-smile. She lifted her arm and crooked her finger, beckoning me to her.

Feeling a little predatory, I pulled up as close as I could get to her, standing my chair and leaning into her, placing my hands on the wall on either side of her face to balance myself.

She turned her face up to meet my gaze before her fingers walked up the front of my shirt. Trembling, they unpinned the tie tack and untied my tie.

It was her night, and I was going to let her lead. Obviously she'd put some thought into this.

"I really like this one. It's special to you isn't it?" she lingered as the silky material slipped through her fingers.

"Yeah."

Grasping both halves of the tie, she tugged and I let her pull me down to her mouth for a kiss.

"You looked very handsome tonight, it was hard to properly pay attention to all those people with you in the room looking so nice." She whispered against my lips.

_Yes, baby, I seemed to have that problem tonight, too._

Her little fingers started at my top button, struggling to release the tiny thing. One by one she unbuttoned the fasteners from the button placket.

Her hands slipped inside my shirt. It was even more difficult to refrain from paying too much attention to her. I wanted to take control...

_Patience, Edward._

I took a deep breath and concentrated on her movements.

_Show me baby… what it is you want._

My breath stuttered and caught as I let myself get lost in the moment… allowing myself to go where she had taken me before.

Her fingers ghosted down across my ribs, as her feathery touch explored the contours of my abs… her fingernails teasing my nipples, as she made lazy designs on my skin.

When she took my nipple in her mouth, I moaned, letting my head flop back against the headrest of my chair. I gripped her hair in my hands and she nibbled and sucked.

I pulled in a breath when she finally stopped teasing and tormenting… only to gasp again when searching fingers and needy lips continued their exploration.

"I think we should take this to our room." She whispered against my skin. "Get more comfortable and out of all this clothing."

I reached behind her and flipped the deadbolt before backing away and allowing her to lead the way.

I stopped as soon as I entered the room; her dress was a puddle of black silk on the floor her panties lay next to it. She walked confidently to me, looking me up and down. "I really like this shirt. May I?" she asked with one eyebrow cocked.

"Be my guest, baby."

She slipped the tie from around my neck, placing it gently on my dresser. Her hands pushed the sleeves down my arms but she stopped to remove the cuff links. "Such a nice compliment to your ensemble. Your father's?"

I nodded, breath caught in my throat. "He had impeccable taste," she complimented. I watched as she placed them safely on the dresser. She shivered and pulled the shirt from behind me, slipping her tiny arms into the too-long sleeves. I reached out and pulled the sides together, buttoning just one button over her bosom, my fingers trailing down over her abdomen.

"So... your dad. I'm sorry, I just couldn't... " she trailed off.

"He said we could... "

"I heard," she answered quietly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh, baby, I'm great." I chortled, hoping my enthusiasm would convince her, even if the remaining evidence on my body wasn't quite as compelling.

She followed me to the bathroom where I relieved myself before she took off my pants and shoes. She began to put the shoes back on, but I stopped her. "Not now baby."

"Don't you need them to get into bed?"

I looked down and grasped the joystick before returning my gaze to hers. "I'd like to try something different." We'd done some soft and sensual exploration, perhaps she'd be want to be a little more adventurous?

_We'd waited so long for this._

I wondered if I had imagined the glint in her eye, until she agreed. "The chair could be a lot of fun... I think?"

"Just let me wash up and um... take care of this. I don't think it'll take too long."

She climbed up on the vanity and sat while I washed and dried, cringing at the bruises I wore. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, I could honestly say I'd never been more sure of anything. I pulled everything from the vanity drawer and laid it out on a clean towel before sitting back down. Bella reached out hesitantly, running her finger over my flesh, pointing to a space where there was pink unbruised skin. "Will this spot be safe?"

"No baby, not on the top. It has to be on the side. Into the cavernosa. Here." I said, pointing to a spot.

"Oh."

She watched, silently, as I set the dosage and prepped the medication, but when I pulled out the alcohol pad and wiped down, her hands went to her face and she peered out between her fingers. When I was done and had thrown away the trash, she took me in her hand and began to caress and massage the shaft like the DVD instructed... and it was my turn to watch with bated breath. The smile on her face told me everything I needed to know, even before I witnessed the results of the medication.

"Let's take this to our bedroom, baby."

I slid the iPod into its dock, and soft music filled the air. The drawer next to the bed yielded the box of condoms. I hadn't had the need for one of those in nearly twenty years, but it was best to play it safe. Removing one from its foil sleeve, I rolled it on.

She looked at me quizzically, "How do we do this?"

I unlocked my safety belt and let the connections drop to the sides. "Just like that one night, only this is the real thing. Come here baby." I held my hands out, guiding her as she climbed on, up on her knees and straddling me. When she was securely astride my lap, I tipped the chair, reclining us just enough to relieve her of some of the effort.

For a change, she didn't have to stretch or reach to share a kiss. Her mouth glided over mine nipping and sucking my lips into the warmth and wetness of her mouth. I opened slightly, allowing her tongue to explore and interact with mine.

Determined to engage all my senses, she took my hand and guided it down between us. "You need to feel this... how wonderful it can be." Together we rubbed my erection through her wetness and together we slid it home. When I began to withdraw my hand, she stopped me.

"I've read this. A piece about people who are able to transfer the experience from one body part to another. Keep your hand here. Just feel...," and I did. She grasped the back of my chair above my shoulders, using her knees for leverage as she rocked her body against my own. I gripped her bottom and lifted on each upstroke. She was working so hard, a sheen of sweat covering her skin. That was something I dwelled on that I'd have to overcome, the fear that sharing a sexual relationship would require too much effort on her part.

"Put your hands on my chest baby, you won't hurt me." I guided her hips up and down, round and round... and when she stilled, lost in the moment, I helped carry her through to the finale. She clung to me as her body shuddered and spasmed.

~Bella~

I clung to him, my body spent... he pressed my head to his chest, rubbing my back and murmuring _I love yous_ into my hair. I felt him reaching, and then something soft settled over my back, cocooning me in warmth. My arms and legs continued to twitch, but I relaxed under his capable touch.

My mouth found him, his lips, his jaw. "I love you, too, oh God how I love you."

I heard the clock chiming on his dresser... twelve strikes, and he whispered, "Happy Birthday, Bella."

"It's over now."

"But, _was it_ happy?"

"Mmhmm... " I yawned, thankful that I wasn't trying to say anything more intelligible.

"You're tired," he said, rubbing warm circles on my back. My body, after it had relaxed, was experiencing that warm, limp noodle feeling. I was sated and warm, wrapped in his embrace. The chair jerked as the seat began its descent.

"Let's get you to bed baby. Tomorrow is another day."

Slowly, carefully, he drove us through the room and we entered the bathroom door through the sliding door. We were immediately bathed in light. "Why don't you take a quick shower? It'll feel good... help loosen your muscles."

He held my hand as I tumbled off of his lap, gripping it tight to maintain my balance. "I wish you could join me, it would be good for you too." I said, doing my best to sound convincing, even if I knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"And you know why I can't; I won't risk one of us getting hurt. I'll get cleaned up; it'll be fine till Alice comes in the morning."

I watched from my perch on the toilet as he stood at the sink, taking a partial bath and wishing he'd let me do more. He dried himself and covered with a thick towel while I showered quickly and when I got out, he was already lying in bed, reading a purple book.

_Disability and the Art of Kissing..._

_As if he needed any direction._

I climbed in next to him, and he put his hands on my waist, pulling me into his body before putting a finger under my chin and lifting my face. His tongue peeped out and wet his lips before his face descended upon mine. His lips, soft and full pressed into mine... the tip of his tongue stiff and strong traced my lip before he gently sucked my tongue into his mouth.

_And the book fell to the floor with a thump._

Warm open mouthed kisses trailed down my neck and over my collarbone across my breasts.

"It would be a shame to waste this." I nudged the erection pressing into my leg.

"You're not too tired?" He seemed surprised.

"For you?" _Never baby. _"Come here mister."

I pulled him into a bear hug with a leg raised up over his thigh and an arm around his shoulder, and rolled with all my might- suddenly he was atop of me. Reaching between us I was able to slip him inside and we begin to move... a slow, awkward but sensual dance... and when his hand slipped and I was suddenly supporting all his weight with an "_oof_" and he began apologizing even though I was laughing... it was contagious... and it didn't matter that while we were finding humor in that intimate moment that his hardness slipped away...

Sunday was a lazy day and we relished the time it took for Alice to tend to her other boys, while we lay in bed whispering sweet nothings and marveling over the night before... and he was so visibly happy, so sure of himself... He was the man I remember from that day we met... only more... better... happier... _confident_. He was a competent lover, and he finally realized what I've known all along...

Monday brought with it a heavy dose of reality; beginning with a phone call at five in the morning. The school district, the intermediate unit and the state Department of health were meeting, behind closed doors, to discuss the procurement and placement of an aide for Max.

Could I spend the day on site?

I thought back over the week before...

There were state and federally mandated safeguards in place to ensure that each child received the quality education they were entitled to, but that didn't always mean that those safeguards were followed. When they had told me the details behind little Max's situation- that he'd been denied use of the toilet and medication, because no one understood his need, I was incensed and before I knew what I was doing, I found myself in Mrs. Burns office submitting a leave request for personal time.

The root of the situation revolved around money and ignorance. The district, while under a federal ruling to provide Max with an interpreter, didn't want to incur such a cost for one child... ignorance not only because no one could understand the child, but also because they truly believed he didn't need something that was so fundamental to his interaction with his educators or his peers.

A car load of volunteers picked me up around the corner from the school yard and before I knew it I found myself with a group of highly motivated advocates who were ready to move heaven and earth for a little boy they had never met.

Finally, a week later, resolution seemed to be around the corner, but it had been an ongoing battle, one that had started during a different school year. No child should be deprived such a pivotal portion of his education as effective communication with his educator... and no parent should have to sit under a flagpole and weather the storms and insults and threats that his mother had...

Yes, I said, I'd be there. Come hell or high water, I'd be there for Max. Because I had chosen to use my voice to speak up for those who couldn't for themselves... and in numbers we made them hear... and perhaps the Maxes of the world would have a better chance for the education they deserved.

I became incensed when someone questioned quality of life...

What right did anyone have to decide that a child so young would never fully utilize his education? _Perhaps he didn't need such frills as an aide to communicate for him, they said._

I thought about Edward and the doctor who wanted to amputate his legs... _because he was already disabled... he _clearly_ didn't need them... they were merely decorations..._ It was all part of a system determined to save money and cut corners because people like _that_ didn't need all those special things... after all, they weren't normal... Who knew they had the same dreams and desires as every able bodied person on the planet?

By the time Edward stirred, his body still heavy with sleep, I was off on a tangent and he wanted to know who had stuck a bee in my bonnet so early in the day. When I finished my rant he laughed.

"Whoa there killer, take a deep breath and calm down. Don't let it all out now, save it for the media where it'll make a difference. You're preaching to the choir right now."

He used the bed ladder to pull himself up, and before six we were warming the car and guzzling coffee, with an explanatory call to Alice that she won't be needed till later in the day.

The anchor from Fox News had a camera in my face when she realized I taught at a neighboring school, and before I realized what I was doing, I've shared my thoughts with all of Seattle. Including Mr. Banner and the board of directors where I teach school.

Tuesday I'm called in on the carpet, and while I couldn't be fired for voicing my opinion, because it's my first amendment right... I was reprimanded for my absence with such little notice for something that was clearly a_ non-emergency._

He ended my visit to his office with a friendly reminder. "We have a reputation to uphold, Miss Swan. It would serve you well to remember that in the future."

When he commented that the board would meet to determine whether my peer counseling and advocating were a conflict of interest and he _assured me- _at the very least, I'd lose my broom closet where I met with my kids on nearly a daily basis, I was a bundle of angry, frustrated, broken-hearted energy by the time I got home.

Venting loudly, I paced the living room, while Edward sat with a smile, waiting for me to tire out and wind down. When I finally did, he asked me what I really want out of all this.

"I should hand in my resignation and take an advocacy job with the CIL."

"If that makes you happy," he replied, and I didn't doubt his sincerity one bit.

"I would miss my kids, they need me," I countered.

He reached for my hand to stop the frustrated pacing, and I melted into his lap, listening to his wisdom, because I didn't know what I _should_ do. I bit my tongue and waited for him to remind me that we didn't need the money, because he had plenty for both of us in that account he never wants to think about, but instead he said, "But you could still help them, in other ways," never telling me what to do, but allowing me to work out the angles on my own.

"I should march into Banner's office this morning and give him a piece of my mind."

"You don't want to do that baby; you need it all for yourself." He said with a smart ass smile on his face.

"Ha, ha." I answered, in a mocking tone.

"No, seriously, don't do this on the spur of the moment when you haven't taken time to weigh the odds and you've made a decision out of anger."

"I suppose you're right."

"Right now, what's the worst they can do?"

"Well, they've taken away my privilege to meet with my kids after school."

"That's easily solved. Your parents come to get their kids anyway; you just have to meet elsewhere. The CIL is only a few blocks away, meet in the conference room. There is a way around that. It's just geography."

"What if they tell me I can no longer advocate because it's a conflict of interest?"

"Then you have a sit down with Rose and you determine what rights you have, and you use your lovely advocating skills to stick up for yourself. I don't think they can do that though, like you said, it's your first amendment right."

"What if it's not worth it?"

"We both know it is. This is your life, baby. I know you love to teach, but I've seen you thrive when you interact with your consumers. You need to follow your heart, just do it in a manner where you follow protocol, so you can return to teaching if you ever choose to."

"You don't think I'm throwing my career away? My dad is going to think I've lost my mind. He put me through school, he'll be so disappointed."

"Your dad will tell you to do what you believe in your heart is right for you."

"I guess you're right."

"We're going camping in a few days. Why don't you discuss it with Rose? We'll have lots of free time for the two of you to sit and hash things out without all the outside distractions of day to day life"

"It'll be nice to get away."

"Speaking of which, Ben Cheney dropped something off for you while you were working."

_"My chair?_"I shrieked.

I'd hated the one I'd had when I first left the hospital, it was heavy and chrome and institutional, and I'd buried it in the closet as soon as I was able to shed the grip it had on me, but this... this was sporty and fun, and it would allow me to participate in activities with Edward that I wouldn't be able to on foot.

"Come look," he invited, tugging on my hand in the direction of his study. "It's been charging all day while you were at work. Wanna go for a walk?"

The thought of just getting away from the house and my frustrated thoughts was welcoming. "Sure, just let me change quick."

I hurried in and grabbed a pair of jeans and sneakers. When I got back to the study, Edward had the chair unplugged, the cord rolled up and was stowing it away in the compartment next to the onboard charger.

"I was thinking about walking over to the dog park. They called today about my application, things are rolling along smoothly. They have a few puppies coming into the program soon. Apparently there is a litter of Labs and a litter of Shepherds they are looking at. I'm sort of inclined towards a lab, but I'd like to just go watch the different breeds, weigh the pros and cons. Once they've acquired them, we'll get a call so we can go over and meet."

"Oh that will be so awesome! Labs are such great dogs. They are intelligent and docile. They make wonderful service animals. Such gentle souls."

"And not quite as furry as Kodi."

"He certainly does shed a lot," she agreed.

"Ben has the footrests set up for an average height person, he wants to properly set everything up for you before we go, but when he said he had the chair, I didn't want to wait to have it delivered. You've been so stressed lately."

"Thanks, this will be a nice distraction."

He walked me through the basics, reminding me to always wear the seat belt, and to just let go of the joystick if it was getting away from me. After he was certain I'd be okay, he suggested I unclutch the chair and walk it into a more spacious portion of the house until I got my feet wet and understood how to judge speed and distance while driving inside.

When it was safely parked in the foyer, I climbed into my seat, adjusted the belt and got comfortable. "Are you ready Bella?" He called out from the front door.

"As I'll ever be."

We drove slowly through the development, marveling over the new houses going up. It was a lovely little neighborhood, and I found it hard to believe that I'd been living in a run down, inaccessible apartment just months before. It _felt _like we'd shared a lifetime together.

There was a dog park about a 1/4 mile from the house, and while I could have easily walked, especially since it had gotten cooler, I understood the need to go on outings like this, so I could become accustomed to driving the chair. It would be convenient when we went on outings that required a lot of walking. Having the chair would open up opportunities that my body wouldn't otherwise allow. There was a time when I would have balked at the idea, but looking at it through Edward's eyes, I would be safe and secure and I wouldn't be limited if we wanted to do something that required a lot of exertion. He didn't look at it as a limitation, he saw it as a benefit, and I finally understood where he was coming from.

We pulled up to a gate outside the park. There was a huge sign with the rules and regulations visibly posted.

_Park Hours- Dawn to Dusk_

_All dogs must wear proof of current rabies vaccination._

_All dogs must wear a current license and owner identification._

_Dogs in off leash area must be under owner's voice control at all times._

_Owner must have a leash in his/her possession at all times._

_Please scoop your poop._

Edward and I laughed when we came to a comment about _orphan poop_ and everyone doing their share to keep it cleaned up as well.

We didn't go into the off leash area, it seemed a little intimidating. Every time someone entered or exited the gate, a huge herd of barking dogs rushed over to investigate.

"I don't think I'd ever take our dog inside there," he said, "even though I know most of them are properly socialized and people are on their honor about current shots, etcetera. I don't want to get into a situation where my dog gets hurt or ill because we weren't careful. The vet's office I talked to also suggested that even though rabies is the only mandatory shot they need to have in order to comply with the dog park rules, that we protect our dog against other diseases as well. There are lots of inoculations that aren't mandated by law."

He'd gotten the name of a well respected veterinarian from Robin, and had spoken with him and his receptionist on several occasions about questions he had. The receptionist was the one who had suggested a trip to the dog park to watch other animals interact. She thought it would give him a better idea of the breeds that were out there.

While there were several very common breeds of guide dogs used for individuals who were blind and visually impaired, the breeds used for service animals for individuals with disabilities were much more diverse. She laughed when she told him they knew a woman with a Dachshund as a service dog, and another person who worked in the same office that used a Great Pyrenees.

The agency Edward had applied to primarily used Labs and German Shepherds. I was excited for Edward. While he was very self sufficient, there were things he'd always have difficulty with since he'd had his second accident, and going back to work, it would benefit him to have a service animal.

An older woman on a scooter smiled and began her way over to where we sat next to a park bench. She introduced herself as Maria, and her black lab as Noah. Noah wore the orange vest of a service animal and seemed quite friendly, but reserved as we sat and talked. Edward told her, proudly, that he'd been accepted into a service dog program, and would soon begin training with his own animal.

Noah sniffed around us as we visited, and suddenly Maria said "Noah, _no_!" in a deep voice and gave a firm tug on his leash. But not before he'd emptied his bladder all over one of Edward's tires. "Oh, my Gosh! I'm so sorry. He's never done anything like that before." She was obviously distressed over the transgression, but all I could do was laugh, and soon all three of us were laughing. Maria reached into the basket of her scooter and pulled out a large squeeze bottle.

"Here, honey, can you shoot some of that over his tires and wash it off so he doesn't have pee all over the underside of his chair?"

I used the entire bottle, and then walked over to the outdoor spigot to refill it. Satisfied the chair was sufficiently rinsed; I refilled it a second time and returned it to its owner. "Thank you, sweetie. I'm so sorry."

It wasn't long and Maria excused herself, and she left with Noah.

Edward just shook his head and chuckled. "I've gotta say that's the first time anything like that has ever happened to me. I've gotten into some other embarrassing situations in my chair, but I've never been marked as territory by a dog."

"Like what?"

He threw his head back laughing. "Oh there was one time when my friend Joe and I went to the mall back in college. We had an easy weekend with little studying, finals were over so we decided to take a day and people watch, eat mall food, maybe take in a movie. Joe wanted to look for lingerie for his girl, so we went to a high end store to shop, but the racks were so close together. Somehow I ended up with a very red Valentine's Day bra wrapped up in my spokes. Joe is legally blind and had no idea it was there. We had a good laugh when we got back to the dorms and someone pointed it out to me."

As we strolled along, he'd regaled me with several tales of him and his friend. They walked all over campus, Edward driving his electric and Joe riding on the wheelie bars, or Joe pushing the manual with Edward directing. I couldn't help laughing at the time Edward said they both got drunk and decided it would be fun for Edward to visit Joe in his new second floor apartment. Edward sat on his friend's lap and they scooted up the steps on Joe's behind. The next morning, they had no clue how they'd gotten there... or where Edward's wheelchair had ended up. Campus security eventually returned it after someone had taken it for a joyride.

His face clouded over when he told me about the embarrassing times he'd gone out to eat with friends and the wait staff had asked other members in his party what he was _allowed to have, _rather than addressing him directly and asking him for his order. I practically growled and he gave me a sad smile. "You'd be surprised, sometimes, how people look at you when you have a disability. Their notions, while laughable, are still demeaning and hurtful." We'd stopped moving, and I reached out, taking his hand.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Fact of life babe," be fore he said quietly, "Let's go home."

When we got back to the house, I realized that we were ill-prepared for our camping weekend. "We really need to pack tonight, don't we?"

"Just the basics, we can have Alice help when she gets here. She hasn't been as busy with the guys now that Little Jane has been showering Alec and helping him dress." He added with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Wow, I knew they were a couple, but it sort of caught me off guard. When we'd met Jane, she had her own physical limitations... I felt a little guilty recognizing the mindset we'd discussed during our ride. _Of course_ she was capable, the same way I'd pled my case to Edward. She adored Alec and it was only natural she'd want to help him. Hopefully he was more receptive than _Mr. Overprotective_ had been with me.

"I'm happy that they're so close."

"Yeah me too. It seems she spends every waking hour over there with him. They make a cute couple."

Edward followed me as I dragged a duffle bag out of my closet. He watched as I pulled out well worn jeans and several of Charlie's old flannels. The last thing I threw in was Jakes huge Forks PD sweatshirt. I didn't miss the sad look Edward gave me, remembering, no doubt the only time he'd seen me wear it during my last exacerbation or rather, _pseudo flare,_ as Jeff had called it.

Things were different between us now. So good. So open.

When I had finished, I put my hands on my hips and looked at him. "Come on, we can do yours too. What are we putting it all in? Just tell me what to do, I'm your girl."

He thought a minute and rubbed his chin. "I'm not exactly sure _what_ I have to put things in. I might possibly only have matching luggage, and that sounds a little pretentious for a camping trip, doesn't it?"

I couldn't stifle my giggle. "You need to think outside the box, come on, let's go to the basement and see what we have."

In the end we found another Forks PD bag that matched mine, and filled it with sweats and hoodies. Alice wouldn't be along to help us, and I'd be on my own, unless we got into a bind and had to summon Emmett, which I was determined _not_ to do.

With our clothing packed, I followed Edward to the bathroom where he loaded his backpack with more catheter supplies and blue pads. He explained that his room at the cabin had everything else he might need, and that Esme had stocked the cabin with food and other essentials at some point during the week.

I laid out my clothing for work the next morning, I was dressing down for work, and Edward was meeting me as soon as my day was over.

As soon as Alice arrived, she spotted him into the shower and left him to fold a basket of laundry, winking at me as we passed in the bedroom doorway. I put my finger to my lips and slipped in the bathroom, letting my nightgown slip silently to the floor and grabbing a second towel.

When I opened the foggy shower door, Edward asked Alice what she'd forgotten; not even looking up until he saw my bare feet, his sharp intake of breath told me I'd been outed.

"Bella? What?"

"Shhh... I just wanted to shower with you. Alice is just down the hall. We're safe baby."

I took the little mesh scrubby from the hook and lathered it up with bath gel before rubbing suds all over his torso. He hummed, his eyes closed, almost leaning into me as I washed and rubbed his upper body. I continued down his legs, his head jerked up when I used my bare hands to wash over his groin. "It's okay, no funny business, I know you're afraid of one of us getting hurt in here."

When his front was done I patted his shoulder. "Lean forward."

I used a loofah on his back as he leaned into me, his hand firmly gripping the grab bar. When he leaned back, I pulled down the handheld unit and flipped it on, taking a handful of hair in my other hand. "Tilt your head back, please."

I wet his mop of hair and scrubbed his scalp with my fingernails. There were suds everywhere. His eyes were clenched shut, but he was visibly relaxed. "Keep your eyes closed. I'm going to rinse you." He turned his face skyward and I let the warm water cascade over his face chasing the suds down across his body.

When we were all done, I got down on my knees and washed between each and every toe.

He extended his hand to help me up, and when I stood, he pulled the mesh scrubby from my fingers and squirted shower gel all over it, wearing a satisfied grin.

I shook my head. "This was for you, baby."

"You did say you wanted to shower _with_ me. Didn't you?" My lip caught between my teeth as I nodded.

"It's my turn then, come here," he said, his hand outstretched. I stood between his knees and he washed me reverently from neck to knees, being careful as he firmly washed over my tickle spots. _Mr. Serious_ wouldn't risk a fall, and I respected him for that... _to an extent. _

When he reached as far as he could, he put a hand behind my knee and added a little pressure, silently asking me to lift it. I had a hand on each grab bar, and a foot between his legs, he tapped my knee when he was done and I switched feet. I stepped into the spray and closed my eyes, soaking in the warmth and the pressure of a million little fingers as they massaged my body. When I ran my hands up over my face to get the water out of my eyes he said, "I wish I could wash your hair..." shaking his head sadly and looking around the shower. "We need something you can sit on comfortably in here."

"Perhaps next time we could bathe together, instead." I suggested.

He returned a face splitting grin. "_Yes,_ I like that idea much better."

I wanted to pump my fist in victory. Not only had he faced his fear of us showering together, but he'd enjoyed it enough to consider bathing in the tub with me, which sounded so romantic. I'd love to snuggle into him in the all encompassing warmth of his tub. I hadn't partaken of it yet, because I tended to get lethargic if I was in hot water for too long, but if Alice was here, and we didn't make it too warm, I could enjoy it safely.

Esme had explained the Sok tub to me with pride when I'd first moved in. It was a very deep tub, within a tub. It had a special seat that Edward could transfer onto, and with water pressure was raised and lowered in and out of the water. The tub was filled with wonderful looking jets, but the best part was that you could fill it to your chin, and if you moved, instead of making a mess, the water ran into the overflow rather than onto the floor. She felt that it would be Edward's safest option and limit the risk of falls.

It looked like heaven, and I couldn't wait to get him alone in it.

We were both warm and relaxed when we got into bed, and I awoke in the morning rested and full of energy. I didn't remember doing out overnight routine, but there sat the bags of liquid gold in the dishpan, and Edward was on his side, albeit partially uncovered, and laying a little haphazardly, but he'd been rolled.

"I was afraid I slept right through rolling and peeing." I told him, relieved by the evidence that I hadn't.

"I didn't want to wake you, love. You were so peaceful, and you slept through the alarm. I did okay," he shrugged as if it were nothing.

My enthusiasm plummeted. "I'm so sorry."

"Come here," he said, reaching for me. I let him pulled me in for a kiss. "It was fine. If I'd gotten in trouble, I'd have bugged you till you woke up. I was in a safe place; I had everything I needed to function."

I looked down at his legs, his left foot peeking out from under the blanket, the pillow between his knees sticking out awkwardly. "But you're barely covered, and the pillows are... "

"Perfectly fine. I need to be self sufficient, and I've felt like a fish out of water, having to rely on someone for so many things. I've done a lot for myself over the last week or two, it feels good. Work will be demanding, I can't afford to be lazy, I need to be at my full potential when I go back."

"I guess if you put it that way. I still feel like I let you down." I pouted.

"No, you've never let me down. Aside from Carlisle, you're the only other person who truly understands my desire to be independent. It's wonderful when someone wants to do something for me, but I'd rather do it myself, so I don't lose the ability. I take great pride in my accomplishments, even if it is something as simple as covering my feet, or putting a bag of urine in that dishpan. It feels good to know _I can_."

"I understand," and I did. He had gotten so strong, looked so well... so confident. He just continued to blossom before my eyes.

"Now, get to school, Missy. You're gonna be late, and we have a date after you get home."

My day dragged, but when I escorted my kids outside at the end of the day, I spied the silver PT Cruiser across the street from the school. The driver was attractive- a ginger haired man wearing a pair of sunglasses, with his elbow resting on the open window and his head leaned back on the headrest of his seat. I could hear some unidentified tune playing, but it wasn't loud enough to tell what it was.

Bree stood next to me; she had come back this year as a third grade teacher, a replacement for Mrs. Johnson who retired in June. "You only have a few kids still here; I'll watch your class. Go ahead and go."

"I'm okay, I can wait with you." I looked around, not wanting to further upset Mr. Banner. Only a few other teachers still stood outside. "He left early this afternoon. You're off the clock now. Just go. Have a great time with that gorgeous hunk of a man." She waved her hand, fanning herself.

I had to laugh. "Okay, okay, I'm going. Thanks Bree."

"You're welcome Bella. Have a fun weekend."

When I opened the passenger door, I was surprised to see my wheelchair in place of the usual car seat I rode in. "I took the luxury of having Ben install a pin so you could lock down," he said softly.

"I was wondering how we'd get both chairs to the cabin."

"This seemed like the simplest solution. He raised your footrests an inch or so too. I explained that we'd had a busy week, and apologized for not making it over to his shop. I told him you looked a little uncomfortable. Get in and see what you think." I noticed a thick black cushion on the seat, as well.

"You didn't have to do that." But when I got in and flipped the footrests down in place, I noticed a huge difference, my knees were higher and I didn't feel like I was sliding down. There was less pressure on my hip joints, simply put, I was more comfortable. "Ohhhh, much better."

"We've got a bit of a ride, and those hiking trails, while easy to navigate, are still bumpy and can get uncomfortable. I hope to spend a lot of time out of doors with you this weekend. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

I leaned over as far as I could and he met me for a kiss. "Thank you. It feels great."

He revved the engine, wearing a boyish grin before pulling out into traffic. Music was playing and we sang along, not a care in the world. While he drove I took the time to appreciate the sights. Long lean legs encased in soft, faded denim, his firm torso under a snug gray tee shirt showed off his well toned chest and arms. _Those arms. Mmmm. _His hair, all soft and clean flopped around to the beat of the music he sang along to. I wanted to tell the world how happy I was...

The scenery gradually morphed from urban to country, to dense forest. The paved road eventually turned to gravel... I could feel the change in temperature and humidity... it smelled like Forks… all lush and green.

Edward pointed to a small stone cabin nestled in the trees with a waterfall behind it. "That is where Emmett and Rosie are spending the weekend."

It looked like something straight out of a Thomas Kinkaide painting with the rays of sunshine streaming down through the dense canopy of leaves. "It's gorgeous!"

"Yeah, I always liked that cabin, but it's not accessible. I can't get inside unless someone pulls my chair up onto the porch, and I don't like to come up here in the manual."

We drove about a quarter of a mile more before turning off the road. The dense forest opened into a huge clearing with an endless lake. A beautiful log cabin sat in front of us. My breath caught as I took in the sights.

It was... simply... breathtaking.

* * *

It's been a while since I left a fic rec. I'm in love with Unrequited by Perry Maxwell. It updates regularly and is fourteen chapters in, but I gotta tell ya, she left it on one helluva cliffie and she's away until the 28th of January.

Summary: AH, BPOV: Edward left Bella almost a year ago, upending her whole

world. What happens when Bella receives a phone call that just might shatter

it? "Wait, Alice…Edward is dying?" I choked out.

Thanks to _**everyone**_ who continues to read… and to those of you who review. Betsmecullen was my 2400th reviewer and snagged an early pre-read.

My own awesome beta posted quite a cliffie over the weekend. If you haven't read Seeing Bella by Sherryola, or her collab with Dooba, The Promise of Hope, go check them out and leave them some love.

Seeing Bella- Alice has a vision of a girl with no vision. She will either save Edward from his life of lonely brooding, or she will destroy him with his destruction of her. Can Bella discover the Cullen family secret if she can't see? Canon vamps and couples. AU

The Promise of Hope-Reported missing in action: Edward Anthony Cullen, soldier, the telegram said. Bella's life shattered then and there. Where is Edward? Is he still alive? Will they ever see each other again? Christmas colab with Dooba. AH M

This wonderful Christmas story of love and faith had me on the edge of my seat daily, waiting for an update. It comes with a tissue warning. Nuff said.

The Sok tub and BathBuddy are on the blog spot, if anyone is interested.

I have to take a minute to leave a stellar review as well. Just a month ago I made an inquiry to Freedom Motors (the company I used for Edward's PT Cruiser) about purchasing a modified vehicle for my mother.

The entire process ran so smoothly, from their acquisition of a new vehicle, to the licensing and ownership paperwork. A rep from their company drove to our home so we could put the specific vehicle we wanted through its paces, and he walked us through the entire process. Four weeks later, I received notification that the vehicle will be here this coming Tuesday, our scheduled date was March 12, 2012, but thankfully we won't have to wait nearly that long.

Freedom Motors does business in all of the 48 continental states, selling both new and pre-owned modified vehicles for people with disabilities and has reps throughout the US who will come to the customer. The thing that drew me to them was the fact that they are one of the few companies that sells _cool modified vehicles_.

I had to comment on the great service we received under their care. I understand that many of my readers are here purely for enjoyment and have no need for this sort of information, but for my readers who rely on a modified vehicle for transportation, I wanted to share. I definitely give them a thumbs up and would do business with them again, _in a heartbeat_.

Thanks for reading and for enduring this epically long A/N.


	56. Chapter 56

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-six

~Edward~

As soon as I pulled into the clearing and she spotted our little piece of heaven, I heard her gasp. If I remember right, that was Esme's reaction the first time Carlisle had brought us here. After I'd come home from Chuck Johnson's facility and settled in at Carlisle and Esme's, I'd battled bouts of depression. Nothing major, but enough for Carlisle to decide a change of scenery would do us all good.

They included me in their activities from the day I got home from rehab, and when they began renovating the cabin he went so far as to have a lift installed so that I could get in and out of the boat. It was a complete change in atmosphere from Seattle... from the hospital and doctors that had become a regular facet of my daily life.

Over the years, we visited as a family, and my parents had given Emmett and Jasper an open invitation anytime we wanted to have a guy's weekend. Usually at least once in the spring and again in the fall, the guys and I would take a long weekend to just sit around the lake and tip back a few brews.

I loved coming here. It was like stepping into another time and place.

I parked the car in front of the cabin and just sat with the engine idling while I closed my eyes and drew in a deep, relaxing breath. Yes, _this_, was exactly what we both needed.

"It's breathtaking," she whispered in awe.

"You know, we can come up here any time you'd like. It really is a great little get-away. Far enough from the city to make it relaxing, but close enough that it's easy to come and go."

"I love it."

"If you want, we can invite Charlie and Sue up here before it gets cold. I hear the fishing on the lake is great. In the fall, they say the small mouth bite like crazy. Our caretaker loves to fish for bass."

"My dad would love it." She said absently. She was looking longingly at the cabin and I couldn't wait to show her around. "Would you like the grand tour?"

"Please?"

I explained how to disengage the lockdown, and Bella tentatively followed me out of the car. "Come on, baby. Drive your chair up on the porch, it'll be fine if you leave it there." She trailed behind me through the parking area and up the long ramp.

We lingered on the huge porch, while she took it all in. I followed her gaze from the glider, to the Adirondack chairs to the hammock that spanned the entire end of the porch. "How relaxing. I could spend hours out here with a book," she breathed.

My mood fell. I had been remiss in sharing this with her, "I'm embarrassed to say that I hadn't thought about bringing you here earlier in the year. There was so much going on with the new house and rehab... "

She reached out and put her hand on my arm, reassuringly. "Baby, it's fine. We've had a crazy summer. It's not like this place is going anywhere."

"No, it's not. It's ours to use anytime we like. Carlisle and Esme want to retire up here on the lake, but they won't retire here. They promised this house to me... it's ours... one day. They designed all the renovations to meet my needs."

"But, where will they go?"

"That cabin that Em and Rose are staying in? The man who lives there is caretaker for a number of the cabins up here on the lake. A few years back his wife became ill, he needed money to cover her medical expenses. Carlisle and Esme bought the place, but he holds a lifetime tenancy to the property. While he's alive, it's his to do with as he wishes. He pays the taxes and utilities and lives there rent free. In exchange for that, he cares for this place when no one is here; you know, mows the lawn and keeps an eye on things. When he dies, Carlisle and Esme will take possession."

"But they could be waiting forever."

"No, baby, he's pretty old. But he has a place to stay till he joins his beloved."

"Where is he this weekend?"

"He has a daughter in the city, if Esme and Carlisle ever request the use of it for any reason, he is pretty accommodating about staying with her."

"Wow, that's really nice of him."

"We're all really close-knit up here. There are only a handful of families, and we've spent our summers here for nearly twenty years. We're more like family than friends."

"I think I'll enjoy coming here. It's so serene."

"Come on, let me show you around."

There was a Finnish fireplace that had glass doors with access from both the great room and the dining room. Above the fireplace was a small bake oven that Esme used for bread and home thrown pizza. The downside was that it made the place so hot that it could really only be used it when the temperature dropped significantly.

"I feel a little like Dorothy's scarecrow around it." I joked, nervously. Fire scared the bejeezes out of me.

"I can imagine why," she answered with a shudder. "We'll let the wood burning go for a colder visit, hey? Maybe leave tending it to the pros?"

I nodded in agreement. Yes, I'd be happy to let someone else tend the fires. Emmett and Jasper loved to have a fire when we were up here in the winter. There was something mesmerizing about sitting and watching the fire as it crackled and snapped, and I truly did love it... from afar.

The furniture in the great room was all rustic with a wood frame and leather cushions. The ceiling was vaulted with a loft. I pointed up to the second story bedroom.

"My parents usually sleep up there, in the loft. I hear it's lovely."

Looking more like a little girl than the grown woman she was, she gazed longingly up the staircase.

"Go ahead, check it out, you can give me the full report, obviously I've never been up there. I'd love to experience it through your eyes."

She hurried up the steps and returned, gushing. "Oh my gosh! I wish you could see it. You can see the entire lake from the window!"

She went into great detail explaining the decor of the room. I wasn't surprised, Esme kept a lovely home, and that attention to detail was evident at the cabin as well. All the rooms were lovely, and many of our friends had partaken of my parent's hospitality over the years.

Each spring my support group had a huge fundraiser. Carlisle and Esme always offered several weekend getaways to be raffled off. It was a great contribution to income we generated. Everyone in the group was interested in a weekend getaway to our accessible cabin.

Bella walked over to the large picture window, lost in thought as the sun dropped behind the mountains, a mirror image of the sunset reflected off the water.

"This entire place is lovely."

I pulled her through the front room into the dining room where a heavy farm table surrounded by eight chairs resided. A few steps away was a nice sized kitchen with a gas stove and an older style fridge.

"These appliances look like they came straight out of the fifties," she snickered, covering her mouth.

"Yeah, I think they probably did. We use them so little that they don't worry as much about energy efficiency as they probably should. If we were here year round, we'd get new ones."

She opened and closed a few cupboards and laughed at the brown dinnerware. "Oh my gosh! Grandma Swan had a set of these dishes for years."

"They have a proper name, Brown Drip Edge or something. I always thought they were ugly, but they were here before we were, and they just _fit._You know?"

"Yeah, I gotcha. They sure are ugly though, aren't they?"

She nodded and made a face when she opened the lower cabinet and found the cast-iron pots and pans.

"Ugh, Charlie uses these to fry fish. I hate trying to lift them, they are so heavy."

"I think there are a few more modern pots in another cupboard someplace. Truth be told, aside from the big griddle, most of the cooking occurs out on the wraparound porch on the gas grill."

"That sounds like a winner. I can grill."

I took her hand and pulled. "Come on, there's more to see. I don't plan to keep you in the kitchen the entire time we're here. Esme brought us steaks and stuff for shish kebabs. There is stuff for tossed salad and I believe some baking potatoes. I don't want you to have to cook complicated things while you're here, this trip is all about having fun."

We went through the kitchen and back into the great room; I pointed to the doors at the far end of the room. "Bedrooms, bathroom, and exercise room, complete with hot tub." She seemed pleased when she opened the door to our room. There was a big bed and heavy furniture. A small fireplace occupied the corner with a cozy leather chair and ottoman. There was plenty of room for me to park next to it, and it was high enough and firm enough for me to transfer into.

"This is a romantic little corner."

"Open the curtains baby."

Above the fireplace, the corner of the room was all glass that looked out into the forest.

"Wow, what a lovely view."

My heart clenched in anticipation before I asked her something I'd been pondering the entire way up to the cabin. "I was thinking; if you aren't offended by such an understated location, perhaps we could come here for our honeymoon?"

"I don't think it's understated at all. This place is breathtaking. I'd like that," and then she said what I couldn't bring myself to verbalize. "it might be nice to be closer to home and our support system if we got into a bind, too."

It wasn't that we couldn't function away from family and friends, but she knew exactly what I was thinking... if I fell, or we had some problem, it would be nice to have a safety net in place, even if we never needed it.

"You won't feel like you're getting a second rate honeymoon because I'm not whisking you off to some exotic island in the Bahamas?"

"No, this... _this feels like us. _Someplace warm and tropical would be a problem for me anyway."

"It's got everything we'd need. I've experienced real-life nightmares where I reserved an accessible room and when I got there some obstacle prevented me from using it. One place in Connecticut actually had five _steps_ to the accessible room. It was the weekend of a huge medical conference and I couldn't find another available room with an accessible restroom in the city, so I ended up staying there and two of my friends had to carry me in my wheelchair up and down the steps. Talk about emasculating." I had never been so embarrassed by my disability in my life.

Bella laughed. "Yeah, I've experienced that stuff, too. Not to that extent, but I understand. Seriously..., I really like this. I don't know of many hotels that have a fully accessible honeymoon suite anyway, most accessible rooms are lower end accommodations. It would be far more comfortable to spend the time in a home away from home."

Bella walked around the room, trailing her fingers along the edge of the dresser. She opened the bathroom door and smiled was similar in layout to the one at home, only a little less ostentatious.

"This is really nice."

"Come on, there's more."

I pulled her onto my lap for a kiss. "Ride with me baby..."

I drove us into the small room between the two bedrooms and turned on the light. The room housed a universal gym and a few other pieces of exercise equipment. A six person hot tub sat in the center of the room; off to the side stood a swinging lift like the one I used to get into Emmett's pool.

"I used it for water therapy when I'd come here," I explained, "sometimes we'd come here for several weeks at a time." Again the windows showcased the lovely view of the mountains.

"I can see how that would be good for you. We can get in while we're here. We don't have suits, but we could improvise somehow."

"Oh, Bella, we don't _need_ suits." I replied suggestively. She blushed and nodded- her lip between her teeth. She looked so young when she pulled the shy schoolgirl look. It was so _hot._

A loud knocking quickly broke the mood. "Yo, Eddie! You in here?"

"I better go let the big buffoon in before he breaks down the door."

"I'll go ahead and bring our things in and start unpacking." As soon as she said it, I started shaking my head.

"Why don't you go ahead and explore." I'll have Emmett help bring our bags in.

I opened the door to yell at my friend, but his boyish grin and the fact that Guy was standing right next to him bouncing from one foot to the other caused me to bite my tongue.

"Sorry dude! Guy really needs the restroom, and the other cabin is locked."

Bella peered out from behind me and held her hand out, "Come on Guy, I'll show you where it is."

Emmett followed me to the closet where all the keys to the outbuildings and the other cabin hung.

Soft hands rubbed the back of my neck before they began playing in the hair at the nape of my neck. "Oh, baby, that feels _so_ good," I murmured, pushing my head back into her touch.

Emmett grimaced and I think he blushed a little. "On that note, I'll talk to you later this evening. You'll call me when you're in bed?"

Bella began shaking her head. "No, you guys have to come over after dinner. We're going to have a fire. I got everything for s'mores."

"And tell scary stories?" Guy chimed in.

"Yes, we'll tell scary stories too." Bella assured him, ruffling his hair. "I think it'll be fun."

"I guess we'll see you in a few hours then."

"Would you mind helping me build a campfire?" she asked Emmett. "Edward was having Oz flashbacks."

"We'll just head down to the fire pit when we get here."

"See you then."

I followed Em to the parking area and asked him to hang our bags off the back of my chair. "I'll just run them up to the living room, eh?"

"I don't want to inconvenience you. I'm sure everyone wants to get settled in."

"No trouble at all, buddy." He turned and handed the keys to Guy. "Tell your mom to go ahead and drive over to the cabin and have a look around. I'll be right there."

Guy beamed up at him. "Thanks Emmy."

"And tell her I'll carry the bags in for her, you hear?" He smiled down at Guy and ruffled his hair.

"Kay! Bye!" I watched Em as his gaze followed Guy to the car. He smiled as Guy animatedly told Rose something. She looked away from Guy and waved to us before she turned the key.

"Thanks man, I really appreciate this. I know they'll love it up here. I can't wait to show them around."

"Seriously, I appreciate _your help_ more than you'll ever know. Just the peace of mind knowing that someone is close by, _just in case._"

He lifted the bags from the back of the car and threw them over his shoulder like they were nothing; Bella and I had struggled to get them to the car. "Do you want me to come over morning and night to help you? What's the plan?"

I sort of relished the idea of a spontaneous weekend. What if we wanted to stay up late, or sleep in? This _was_ a mini-vacation, and Bella had been so stressed over little Max and his situation. "Actually, if you wanted to just come over tomorrow night and help me shower, and just keep your cell phone handy in case we get in a bind?"

"That's cool man, why don't you call me when you're ready to turn in so I know you're all situated and safe for the night?"

"Thanks, Em, I really appreciate it. I hope I didn't inconvenience the three of you by asking if you'd come up here."

"Please! You know how much I love this place. It's no trouble at all. I'm getting a lovely weekend get-away with my family for the cost of a shower. Rose can't wait to go exploring."

She'd been to this cabin in the past, but I suppose she hadn't ever seen the other. "It's not as roomy, but I hear it's quite cozy."

"It'll be great, she's been struggling to juggle everything at home, and it'll be nice to just have a few quiet days with no interruptions. She can use a break."

"Well I should let you go, I want to help Bella get everything unpacked and organized before we start dinner."

"See you in a few hours, man." Without another word, he was down the stairs and jogging down the gravel road that led to his family. I shook my head, it was still a little difficult to reconcile Emmett and Rose as a couple. I loved them both, and couldn't ask for more loyal friends, but they were such absolute opposites.

I found Bella in the kitchen browsing through the fridge. She pulled a container from the shelf and held it up. "I was thinking kebabs tonight; they are already in marinade, while the steaks are in Cryovac. Sound okay?"

I shrugged my shoulders, assuming that this prioritized the menu in some way, but I had no way of knowing. "Works for me, babe."

Bella, explained the attributes of Cryovac, and it was agreed, we'd eat the kebabs. I'd asked Esme how difficult they were to make when she was putting together a grocery list. I'd been hungry for them since we'd had them for lunch at Olivia's a few weeks before. Tender juicy chicken breasts, marinated and grilled to perfection. My mouth watered at the thought.

Bella pulled out the makings for a salad and we worked together cutting and chopping. I did know how to prep a salad. When she'd handed me a bell pepper to cut up shortly after I'd moved into the house, and I stood bewildered, just staring at it- _Salad Prep 101_ was initiated. I could proudly serve a chef salad for dinner now, and found it was one of my favorite creations.

Bella lit the grill without blinking an eye and I silently commended her for her bravery. I offered to help her, but she smiled and waved me off. "I know Charlie showed you how to grill, and I know you're capable, but I _understand_ why it makes you uncomfortable. Why don't you tip back and relax while I cook these? They really only take a few minutes."

I turned and went into the house instead, I could feel her eyes on me as I drove away, but she smiled softly when I returned with plates and utensils. By the time I set the table and returned from the kitchen a second time with our salad, Bella was placing the chicken on the table. I pulled her chair over next to my space and she sat down. It would be a while until it was dark, and we had plenty of time to enjoy the gorgeous sunset from where we sat.

She giggled as I fed her a bite of chicken, and I kissed her fingers as she reached out and caught a drop of salad dressing that had missed my mouth. Just as I was thinking that the moment couldn't get more perfect, she turned to face me before turning on my chair and moving the joystick until we were facing one another.

She blushed and cleared her throat. I wasn't sure what had suddenly made her so nervous, a million scenarios went through my mind. She squeezed my hand and smiled. "I promise it's nothing bad. I just...," she looked at the floor and shook her head before meeting my gaze. "I um... I bought you this." She reached into her jeans and pulled out a small black velvet box. "Maybe it's dumb. Thinking about it now, it sort of looks like I'm trying to stake my claim on you. I can just take it back." I could see she was filled with self-doubt, but I couldn't curb my curiosity.

"May I?" I asked, reaching for her hand. Her hand trembled as she put the box in my upturned palm. My breath hitched when the box creaked open.

"Oh baby." I had no words as I gazed down at the platinum band that sat nestled in the velvet.

"Maybe it's dumb. It's just… you're going back to work soon, and well... I remembered what Esme said about the some of the nurses acting like barracudas."

I had to reassure her. I loved the idea. I wanted everyone to know I was hers and hers alone. "And you don't think a man feels a little territorial when he gives his woman a ring? It's the human equivalent of pissing on your leg."

"To me it's a promise. You've never been possessive of me." Then she laughed. "Well, not with anyone but Alec."

"See? It is our promise to one another, but it's also an outward display to the rest of the world, letting them know we're committed to someone."

"So, you're not upset?"

"Upset? Oh baby, I'll proudly wear your ring. It's kinda hot seeing you go all territorial on me, although I don't think you have anything to worry about. I can understand why Esme would worry, my old man is a handsome guy but..." I didn't finish the sentence before she kissed me.

"Don't even say it, Cullen! You're hot as hell and I'm not the only one who knows it."

I held my left hand out, palm down. "Would you do the honors, love?"

She lifted the ring out of the box and kissed it. She slid it up my finger and pushed it over my knuckle. It was gnarled and scarred, and I closed my eyes in shame. Her lips followed the path the ring had taken, and then continued to caress and kiss the rest of my knuckles.

She gave me a knowing smile. "You're perfect. I _love_ these hands. They reassure me when I'm scared or hurt. They steady me when I'm weak. They've fed me, and clothed me. Your hands have healed me; they caress me while you're loving me, and one day they will hold our children. I intend to cherish these hands for the rest of my life."

I squeezed her small hands in mine before pulling them to my mouth and placing a kiss on the back of each of hers. "Thank you. I don't know how I got so lucky. I love you so much."

I studied my ring with pride. Normally I didn't wear rings, they just weren't practical in my line of work. But this one... it was weighty and smooth with three small embedded diamonds that stretched diagonally across the front. It felt good on my finger. I could certainly see myself wearing it for the rest of my life.

"I guess it's not all that common, you know, giving your guy an engagement ring. Are you sure it's okay?"

"I love it and it's a very practical ring for a doctor. There's nothing sticking up to get caught on things, it will be easy to keep clean. I'll treasure it for the rest of my life. Thank you."

"I was going to get you a real wedding ring, you know, when we get married. Alice said most guys that have a promise ring, or an engagement ring just put them on their right ring finger."

"What?" _No._ I didn't want to do that. "No Bella. Honey, I don't want any other ring. I love this one. We can just have the pastor bless it along with yours when we get married."

"If you're sure."

"Positive."

The sound of laughter broke the spell. Emmett, Rose and Guy were walking the trail that came out of the woods. Each of them was carrying a bundle of twigs and sticks. I watched as Em set his down and put an arm around Guy, talking to him while pointing to the fire pit. Guy nodded and set his bundle on the ground. He picked up several of the sticks and broke them over his knee. Each one went into the fire pit at a different angle, and soon there was a small teepee shaped bundle of wood in the pit.

I shivered when Emmett struck a match and stuck it in the bottom of Guy's creation. Soon the flames licked at the sticks as they grew in intensity and volume. No, I wanted no part of that; I'd gladly keep a safe distance.

Bella tugged on my hand. "Come on Scarecrow, I promise not to let anything happen to you."

"And if by some chance it does... I'll throw you in the lake." Emmett bellowed from where he stood poking the fire with a big stick.

Bella and I went down the ramp hand in hand, joining the others as they sat around the fire pit, enjoying the sunset.

"I forgot how much I love this place," Rose sighed. "It's gonna be a great weekend, thanks for inviting us along."

"Thanks for being here."

Bella sat in my lap, rubbing soothing circles with her fingers on my arm. Everyone seemed lost in thought, mesmerized by the fire as it crackled and snapped. The weather was warm enough that the little night creatures were still out to serenade us.

Eventually Bella got up and walked over to where Guy sat. I saw her lean down and whisper something in his ear. He hopped up from his chair and took her hand, enthusiastically leading her back towards the cabin.

"We'll be right back." Bella said over her shoulder, before Guy pulled her away.

They returned with a small folding table Esme had always referred to as the _fisherman's bench_, and a grocery bag. Guy carried two long forks in his left hand and wore a huge smile on his face. He was undoubtedly the happiest person I knew.

Rose stood and walked to where Bella was setting up her table. She pulled a small flashlight out of the bag and did something to it and set it on the table, suddenly it was illuminating the tabletop instead of shining a beam across the lawn. The three of them began opening up graham crackers and candy bars. Emmett watched with fascination, and Bella handed him the first fork with two puffy marshmallows on the business end of it. "You toast your marshmallows, when you're done, everything will be ready for you."

Just as she said, "Pull them away when they start to smoke." Guy began yelling, "Fire!" and pointing at Emmett.

Emmett turned his flaming torch towards Rose who blew it out. "You're not supposed to burn them you big oaf. Throw them away and we'll make more."

"But I like mine a little crusty, baby. It brings out the sugary taste."

"Yeah, _burnt_ sugar maybe. Eww."

He held the fork out to my girl and said, "Hit me up Bella baby. Where's my plate?" Bella stood shaking her head in disbelief as Emmett began chowing on his burnt s'mores.

"You gonna make one Eddie?" my friend asked between bites.

"Nah, I think I'll have mine raw." I was good with a chocolate bar and some graham crackers.

Bella stabbed a few marshmallows and stood close to the fire. She watch intently as the flames just barely licked her fork. She turned them periodically until she seemed satisfied that they were done. Guy stood a few feet away mocking her movements. I watched as Rose helped him put it together, and my heart swelled when he held one out for her to take a bite.

I didn't realize that Bella had come back to me, until she backed up to my knees and began to shimmy onto my lap. When I saw the s'mores sliding around on her paper plate, I grabbed her hips and pulled her onto my lap. "I brought you something warm and sweet to eat," she said seductively.

"You?" I teased.

She bumped into me with her shoulder, somehow managing to keep her goodies from slipping off the plate. "No silly. _These_!"

"They look tasty."

She picked one up and held it to my lips, I took a little bite. When it hit my taste buds, I moaned. "Ohmygod that's good."

"Tell me you've never had one before?" She asked in disbelief.

"Nope."

"Oh, you poor, _deprived_ man. I can see this is going to be a weekend of discovery."

"Right now I want to discover more of whatever it is that you have in your hand. Why do you call it a s'more?"

"Because," she giggled. "when you eat one you want _some-more_."

"Well, I want_ s'more_, so give it up, woman!"

We ended up taking turns feeding each other, and when we started licking the sticky sugar off each other's lips, Rose coughed and said she was ready to turn in.

"You going to get inside okay? I'll walk them back to the cabin." Em asked.

"Sure, I thought we'd enjoy the stars for a little while before turning in."

Emmett picked up the heavy cover that belonged on top of the fire pit. "I'll cover this now, so it's safe for the night. You'll call me once you're in bed?"

"Will do," I replied. He walked towards us with a blanket that had been laying on one of the chairs, and covered our legs with it, and turned to go, "thanks Em."

"You're welcome, buddy. See you tomorrow."

Guy pulled a flashlight from his pocket and they started walking back through the woods. "He didn't get his scary story." Bella pouted as they disappeared.

"I think Rose wanted to give us some alone time. We have tomorrow night." I tilted my chair back, pulling her to my chest. "Come here baby." I raised the footrest so we were totally reclined. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"

She hummed in contentment as I rubbed her back and snuggled her into me. I'm not sure how long we lay like that, watching the night sky and whispering sweet nothings, but when she began to yawn, I knew it was time to turn in. "Let's go inside."

I knew that we had at least a half hour until we'd be comfortably nestled in our bed and I didn't want her to have to stay up for me when she was tired.

"Long week," she admitted, yawning again. "Sorry."

She picked up the bag of goodies that were left and the small flashlight, moving the handle so that it projected in front of us to light our way. Inside, the lights were blinding until we adjusted to them, I saw big halos in front of my eyes.

Bella grabbed two bottles of water, and I followed her through the cabin, turning off lights as we went. We shared the bathroom, alternating between the sink and toilet until we were both ready to climb into bed. I grabbed my pills and slammed the bottle of water. Bella set the other bottle next to the bed for me and I began the process of transferring.

Alice and I had been transferring without the board in the mornings, but I didn't want to show off my new skill until I was in the comfort of our own home. It felt good to know I _could_ do it again, even though I still felt more secure relying on the board. I wanted to prepare my body for any situation; there were times at work where I had to adapt to my surroundings.

When I was securely in bed, Bella wiped my backside off with a baby wipe before applying lotion and massaging it in. "Geeze, woman, that's cold!"

"Sorry."

I didn't normally even realize she was doing much of anything below my waist unless I felt the pressure of her pushing against my body as she massaged with the lotion. "It's no wonder little boys pee when you use those things on them!"

"That bad?" she asked, leaning down over me to put a kiss on my cheek.

"You musta hit a live spot. It was ice cold."

"I was just making sure all the old lotion was gone."

"I hate that you have to do things like that." I knew there were times when she cleaned up messes even though she never said anything.

"Please understand that anything I do for you, I do with pleasure," she reassured quietly, leaning over my shoulder and kissing me.

I pulled my arm up under my head and twisted so I was making eye contact with her. "Even if it's something as demeaning as rubbing my butt?"

She changed tactics. The girl was good. She always found a way to deflect my self-deprecating comments. "You have a very attractive butt, Dr. Cullen."

"Oh, now the truth comes out. Are you exploiting my disability so that you can ogle my butt?"

"I won't deny that I get a certain sense of pleasure knowing that all those women at the hospital have no clue what they're missing."

I felt her pushing harder against me as she kneaded the muscles of my lower back.

"I'm surprised you haven't mentioned my shameless groping."

I mock-gasped, pretending to be shocked. "You _grope_ my tush without my knowledge? Isn't that kind of taking advantage of my diminished sensation?""

"You do have a very touchable tush, baby." She gave me another kiss; then she pulled the blankets up over my shoulders and tucked the pillow behind me. When she got into bed, she spooned up against me.

Suddenly it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. "Are you still afraid about tomorrow?" she asked into the darkness.

_Was I afraid?_

"Perhaps that's the wrong term. I'm just a little apprehensive. It's so big. I've never... "

"Trust me, you'll love it. Once you try it, you'll fall in love."

"I do trust you." I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her tight against me. She was already snoring, and listening to the sound of the crickets through the barely open window, I followed right along behind her.

I heard her banging around in the kitchen before I was fully awake, and couldn't imagine what she was doing so early. I pulled myself up with the leash that I'd always kept attached to the foot of the bed, and swung my feet over the edge. I made quick work of unplugging the extension cord that hung over the front of the nightstand and powered the battery of my chair. I scooted and slid a few times to get in the chair, then popped my board into my pack after I was buckled. The bathroom routine was fast and I pulled on a clean tee shirt and hoodie before going off in search of my girl.

She squealed when I drove up behind her and grabbed her hips. "Whatcha makin', baby?"

She returned to her rolling pin and talked as she worked. I thanked my lucky stars that she hadn't mistaken me for an intruder and knocked me out with the thing. "Just a batch of biscuits to go with breakfast. I promised to teach Guy how to make Omelets in a bag this morning. I thought warm biscuits would be nice."

"Where did you learn all this stuff? Your mom?"

"Renee?" she scoffed. "Please! I was a girl scout for a number of years, and then there was summer recreation on the rez. I volunteered more than a few of my summers doing arts and crafts with the kids. Any creative experiences I've had were thanks to Sue."

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't know."

"It's okay. I still have to call Renee about our engagement."

"Do you think she'll react badly?"

"I never know how she'll react. I just... there's always so much drama. It's easier to ignore her until she needs something."

"I'm sorry you're not close." I couldn't imagine not having a mother figure in one's life, especially not for a young woman. I must have said the last part out loud, because she quickly reassured me. "Oh, it wasn't like that, Sue has always been here for me. Always... and Renee and I have been extremely close at times, but our relationship ebbs and flows. She's different since my diagnosis. It's just hard to talk to her."

"If you ever need anything, there's Esme too."

"Esme is precious, and I absolutely adore her. Thank you for bringing them into my life. I can't imagine life without Esme and Carlisle."

"Me either, Bella. Me either."

Before I let myself get melancholy, I inquired about her morning project. "So tell me about these omelets. How can I help?"

"Well, there are veggies to cut, and meat. I have grated cheese, it melts better. Oh, and we have to get the cooking spray and Ziploc bags out."

I was feeling a little skeptical at that point. "And how do we cook them?"

"Emmett has a fire started for us out at the fire pit, and he put a grate on it. There's a big cauldron of water getting hot. When it's boiling, we're ready to cook."

"Emmett was here already?"

"Mmhmm, he went back to wake Rose and Guy, said they'd be back in about a half hour. My biscuits need to rise for a while, so, should we go change you into a pair of jeans or something? We've got a big day ahead of us!"

I groaned. _How could I forget?_

Bella helped me finish dressing, and sat to put on my socks and shoes. When we heard Emmett's booming voice calling my name, I went to the door to let them in, while Bella went to put her biscuits in the oven.

Once the flour was all wiped from the table, we all took a Ziploc bag, wrote our name on with a Sharpie marker and sprayed in a shot of Pam. We each put our favorite items in the bags, threw in two eggs (or in Emmett's case, four) and squished it with our fingers till it was mixed together. Bella collected the bags in a bowl and asked Rose and Emmett to go boil them for 5 minutes. Emmett freaked out, certain that he was gonna have a huge mess and no breakfast, but he walked in looking elated a few minutes later.

The biscuits were in a basket, snuggled under a tea towel, and Bella demonstrated how to dump the omelet out of the bag and onto our plates. Emmett moaned when he cut into his with a fork; and cheese and ham oozed out of it.

For something that was full of healthy goodies and hadn't been fried, it was very good. Guy clapped his hands as Rose dumped his onto his plate. The _Magic Eggs_ were all we heard about until Bella and I left for the stable.

I'd encountered Mel and Grace from the stable several times since the expo. I'd had to meet with the therapists from the stable to be evaluated, and then we'd driven back up to return the forms Carey had signed off on. The ladies both seemed to know what they were doing, so I tried to curb my fears, knowing they were experts in their field.

It was chilly, several horses stood tied to a hitching post- at least that was what they called it in Carlisle's old westerns. When they exhaled you could see their breath in the air. Bella rubbed her hands together and bounced around while we waited for someone to come over and tell us what to do.

Melanie came over and greeted us. One of the horses from the expo followed her quietly. While she was explaining what we'd be doing throughout the morning, I felt Bella running her fingers through my hair, tugging from time to time. When I looked at her, her hands were in her pockets and she was trying not to laugh. I tilted my head back and looked up- into the velvety lips of a _huge_ horse. I'm sure my eyes got big.

"Quinn, behave yourself, you'll scare Dr. Cullen away." She gently swished him away. He made a soft nickering sound and dropped his head to the ground, nibbling on grass, instead of my hair.

"Sorry about that, Doc. He must like you. He's not usually that forward."

"It's uh, it's okay."

"So as I was saying, we'll go inside the building and get Edward onto his mount using a sling lift. Once you're both ready, your therapists will take you out for your lessons."

I was introduced to glossy black horse named _Black Jack_. Grace explained that he was extremely docile and was a perfect match for a first time rider like me.

Two therapists worked to get the sling under me how they wanted it, and I drove over to the designated area with my chair. The lift was mounted to the ceiling and before I had a chance to second guess the decision to do this, they had hooked me up and I was in the air hovering over a saddle. They lowered me into place and I held on for dear life.

_How did I let her talk me into this?_

I saw Bella mount a horse that had kneeled down onto the ground, just like they had demonstrated at the expo, and I wondered if I'd even get to see her while we were here. This was supposed to be something we did _together._ Yet I realized as I sat waiting, that I was on one side of the arena, and she was all the way over on the other side.

"Okay Edward, are you ready?" Grace asked.

I swallowed. _Was I? _I wasn't really sure. "Yes?"

Suddenly there was a slight lurch underneath me, and I was moving. In my head I was chanting... _Don't let me die, don't let me die..._

A therapist stood next to me with a hand on my leg, another girl stood on the opposite side. Grace explained that the two side walkers would be with me at all times to ensure my safety and later, as my confidence grew, I'd just be spotted by one.

I thought we'd be in the arena for a period of time before we went out on the trail, but Grace described our destination as the beginner trail. A special competition was being held in the arena today- normally, over the first few weeks we'd ride in there, but this morning, we would be outside.

The girl to my left rubbed my leg with her hand. "We're gonna go nice and slow, you seem so tense. We won't let you fall. Just relax. Move with the horse."

They walked me in a few big circles, and I felt myself relaxing as I realized I was safe. "That's it, Edward. Just relax and enjoy yourself. The muscles your body uses when you ride are the ones your trunk uses when you walk. This exercise closely mimics walking. It's very good for your core."

I closed my eyes for a minute and took deep, calming breaths. The movement of the animal under me _was_ relaxing. When I stopped moving, I opened my eyes. Bella sat just a few feet away from me on a horse of her own.

She gestured to Black Jack, "What do you think, Edward. Isn't he magnificent? Horses are such noble creatures." She leaned down and patted her horse's neck.

He actually was rather awesome, even though I was still feeling more than a little intimidated. "He's really _big_."

The girl leading Bella's horse made a clucking sound and they began walking ahead of us on an old mossy trail. The girl leading me did the same. I was still bummed about the distance between us, but realized once we were actually on the trail that the lush undergrowth created wonderful acoustics, and it was very easy to carry on a conversation as we walked. I expected the horses to be noisy for some reason, but the soft moss cushioned their footfalls, and unless you really listened, the light thud of their hooves on the trail was practically non-existent. More than a half hour later, I noticed the forest had begun to open up into a well lit clearing, and suddenly, we were back at the stables. We'd taken a big loop through the forest.

Black Jack stood quietly while they hooked the straps to the overhead lift to my sling, and then I was airborne and lowered back into my chair. I handed my helmet to Grace.

"You did great, Edward! Did you enjoy yourself?"

"I did. After I relaxed and let my body move with his movements I didn't feel like I was getting jarred around. It was sort of choppy before that. I bet I'll be stiff and sore later."

"You'll learn, as you continue to ride, that your muscles will be less spastic, your balance, coordination and posture will improve. You may actually feel more relaxed today than you normally do. Very few of our riders complain of soreness."

I thought about all the attributes of the therapy in regards to Bella's MS. Those things would all benefit her, and while this wasn't a therapy that our insurance would pay for, it was something that was well worth the investment for us.

"Thank you for taking the time to work with us today. I really did have a good time."

Bella pulled her hoodie over her head as she walked towards me with a smile on her face. It was nearly noon and the day had warmed up nicely. I stood, holding my arms out and she fell into me laughing. "Wasn't that _wonderful_? Tell me you enjoyed yourself!"

"I did, I really did. After I realized I wasn't going to fall to my death, and I relaxed, it felt really good. I could feel my back relaxing with the movements of the horse."

"I _told_ you it would be great. I'm so glad we did this. The package we got will take us through autumn, and then we'll have eight weeks in the spring. Can you imagine this place in the spring?" She spun around with her arms out, her face to the sky.

The leaves had barely begun to change here, but I could imagine the forest's rebirth after several months of winter. It would be wonderful to come out here each weekend to just get away.

Grace said goodbye and excused herself, the other therapists followed her as our horses were led away.

When Bella and I drove back to the cabin, she curled up on the hammock with a book and I stretched out in my chair in the sun. The warmth of the sun, combined with, first, the anxiety and later, the relaxation, from the horse riding experience caused my eyelids to get heavy. The sound of the warm breeze blowing through the leaves lulled me to sleep.

I awoke some time later to soft kisses as they tickled the stubble on my jaw. Bella was leaned over me, supporting herself with the back of my chair. My hand crept up the back of her thigh, and stopped on her behind. I squeezed and rubbed over her soft flesh, and I felt her lips turn up into a small smile as they pressed into mine.

"I brought you a bottle of water, are you thirsty?"

I slammed the drink and then excused myself to use the bathroom. When I came out, I found her sitting on the porch banister with her feet up and her arms wrapped around her knees. Her face rested on her knees as she looked out over the lake.

"I'm not going to want to go home."

"We can come back up for Columbus Day, you have a long weekend."

"I'd like that. I haven't relaxed like this in so long," she sighed, worrying the seam of her jeans absently. "You know they still haven't resolved everything for little Max. I probably should have stayed home to help this weekend."

"You were there last weekend. You need a break. You've been going to Bryant before work, returning after work, volunteering anytime you have a free moment. They will be okay without you. Maybe it will be worked out when we get home."

"Perhaps. It would be nice if his mom could tuck him in each night, see him off to school in the morning. He's missed two weeks of school. A tutor is working with him at home, but he needs the socialization. Isolating him will only make things worse. He needs to interact with the other kids, even if they can't effectively communicate."

"Makes sense. Have you thought any more about the situation with Mr. Banner?"

She drew in a long breath. "No... and I need to. The animosity is killing me. Some of my co-workers are so supportive of the student and his needs; others are with the school board, balking at the cost of an aide for one child. The ones who are grumbling ignore me because they know that I'm volunteering over there."

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry."

She shrugged. "I have to do what's right. This is the right thing. He's entitled to the same education every other child is, no matter what his needs are. I'm following my heart. I became a teacher because I love children and I want to help shape their little minds. I don't understand the teachers who can't or won't support the needs of their students; I don't understand why those people teach."

"I'm sure some of them are afraid it will look bad. The way our economy is, people fear for their jobs."

Bella let out a big sigh. "I know. I just wish I didn't feel like such an outcast."

"Well, whatever you decide to do, I'm behind you all the way."

"Thanks, it means a lot. Really. I spoke with Rose, she says they can't fire me for participating; it's my first amendment right. But, my job could be in jeopardy if I do anything destructive, get in trouble for unlawful trespass or anything like that. I've always been careful like that though. I'm not too worried."

"Good."

I thought maybe she could use a distraction, this whole thing with work was weighing heavily on her mind and I didn't want her to get sick from all the stress. We were here to relax. I should have never asked her about Banner, even though I knew she was thinking about it. "Hey, why don't you get in your chair and we'll drive down to the trailhead? We can eat a late dinner when we get back."

The portion of the trail we walked was an old rail bed that had been disassembled, and covered with a type of stone that had packed down over time and was easy to drive our chairs over. We had a carefree time exploring nature and enjoying her wildlife. When the sun began to drop we turned to go back.

"I had a really nice time today. Thanks for sharing it with me." She said, squeezing my hand.

"And I had a great time this morning, even if it was a little intimidating."

"Yeah, I did too. This has really been fun."

When we pulled in to the parking area, Emmett and Rose had already arrived. Rose was sitting on the wooden glider close to where Guy stood skipping stones into the lake. Emmett had a raging inferno burning in the fire pit.

When I pulled up next to him with my chair he asked if I was ready to grab a shower. "Or we can do it just before you head to bed."

"Actually, I was so tired last night by the time we went inside. I think now might be better."

"Good," Bella interjected. "I'll put the steaks on, and while they're cooking Guy can help Rose and I make dessert."

When we came back outside after the shower, Bella stood at the grill cooking, while Rose and Guy rolled a big coffee can that was wrapped in duct tape back and forth across the table.

"Whatcha got there buddy?" Emmett asked Guy, ruffling his hair as he questioned him.

"Guy make ice cream for dessert," he replied, his hand on the can, holding it in place. And then as if to validate his claim he added, "Bella said."

"Oh she did, did she? I think she's full of malarkey."

Bella came over and thwapped him on the ear. "Don't pick on him, McCarty. You'll see... and if you're not nice, we won't share. You'll be sorry." She threatened, waggling her index finger in his face.

Guy began rolling the can to Rose again and it made a sloshing noise as it rolled across the expanse of the table. Back and forth, back and forth. Eventually Guy put his hand to his forehead. "Tired." Big sigh. "Guy tired. You try Emmy."

Emmett scoffed at him until Rose gave him the stink eye. "Sure thing buddy, why don't you go sit on the swing for a while. Eddie and I will take a turn, _won't we_, Eddie?"

The can was frosty on the outside, and it was actually a relief each time it left your fingers, you had just enough time to recover from the cold before it was in your possession again. It was sort of like playing the game hot potato.

"Time to eat." Bella declared. "Leave the ice cream sit for a while, it'll season while we eat."

The can sat in the center of the table as we ate steak and salad to the light of a half dozen Tiki torches. When the girls cleared the dirty dishes away, they returned with a plate of brownies, paper bowls and plastic spoons.

Rose doled out the brownies while Bella carefully dried off the coffee can and unwrapped the tape. Emmett didn't take his eyes off the can while she lifted a smaller quart sized can out of the icy water and dried it off as well. She looked up at Em and explained. "Salt."

When the duct tape came off she scooped out a serving of ice cream for each brownie. When Emmett realized she was for real, he stole the can and cleaned it out before digging into his brownie.

"Ohmygosh Bewwa, dis is dewishus." He mumbled with his mouth full. Guy nodded in agreement.

Emmett looked at Rose, "Hey baby is it too late for him to join Boy Scouts? Cuz we seriously missed out on this stuff as kids. I'll volunteer to be a leader, or scout master, or what ever you call them."

"Yeah, it's kinda late in the game to be joining now. He's an adult, Em."

Everyone laughed as the big guy pouted.

Eventually we gravitated down closer to the fire pit. The roaring fire had burned down to glowing embers and occasional flickering flames. Em added several small pieces of wood, more than enough to see us through till bedtime. Bella pulled a chair over, but I shook my head. It felt so natural when she sat on my lap, we felt so connected. She sat sideways and leaned into me with her shoulder. I angled the chair so we could both enjoy the fire.

Guy clapped and laughed when Emmett threw a coil of copper wire into the fire pit and the flames danced in a rainbow of colors... purples, greens, blues... Em put his hands on his hips and said, "And you girls thought you were the only ones with a trick up your sleeves."

It really was lovely, and I hoped his next trick wasn't to pull out a piece of steel wool and a coat hanger. When we were younger, I remember him spinning the blazing piece of steel wool in circles on the hanger. He narrowly missed setting himself on fire. Alcohol might have been involved that night.

Bella's hand snaked up behind my head, and I leaned into it as she played with my hair and kneaded my scalp. Emmett was regaling us with a terrifying tale about some goat-headed monster that lived in the lake and came out to feast on the local campers. Guy's eyes were huge and his hands covered his mouth as he listened with rapt fascination. When Emmett stood up and roared, Bella hid her face in my chest and Guy screamed. Rose laughed at Emmett and told him he was full of crap.

When Guy moved his chair closer to Rose, she asked him if he wanted to hear another one. He looked so silly, sitting there with the collar of his sweatshirt pulled up over his nose and mouth. He looked around, wide eyed, and nodded his head timidly.

Rose reminded him that they were _just stories_, before she dove into her own tale about some logger with a severed hand that was found murdered near a logging camp in the area. Guy sat with his hands over his ears looking appropriately terrified.

Bella scooted off my lap and went to him, holding out her hand. "I'm scared with all this talk of goat's heads and severed hands. How about we go get some cocoa someplace warm and bright?"

Guy grabbed her hand tightly and followed her inside the cabin.

Em was standing behind Rose, rubbing her shoulders, but he looked like his mind was elsewhere. "You don't think he'll be up all night do you? I just pulled that story out of my ass while I was sitting here. He's been begging me to tell a scary story from the time we got here."

"He'll be fine. Didn't they tell scary stories at Camp Pals?" I mean, I figured a camp full of teens...

"I can't remember, I had trouble keeping my mind on anything but the beguiling blonde woman that I traveled with." She looked up at him and smiled. He leaned down and gave her a smoldering kiss.

I backed away and went into the cabin. I wondered if they even realized I had gone.

I found Bella and Guy discussing the validity of the stories we had been subjected to. He was spinning in a swivel desk chair, munching on a cookie. He wheeled himself up to the table with his feet and slurped loudly on his drink. "Mmmm."

"Hey Beautiful, think I could get a cup of that? It looks inviting."

"Sure thing. There's a pot of it on the stove. Give me a second."

I watched as she ladled some of the cocoa into one of the ugly brown mugs. "Do you want some milk to cool it off? I put quite a bit in Guy's." When I shook my head, she topped it with some whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

"There you go. Would you like a cookie too?"

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks for the hot chocolate."

"Yeah, thanks, Bella." Guy added. "Yumm."

Bella was rinsing the mugs out and Guy and I were playing a game of slapjack when Emmett and Rose came in from outside. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulder, and she had hers around his waist, they were laughing and teasing one another when they came through the door.

"You about ready to go back, buddy?" Emmett asked.

Guys shoulders dropped and he sighed. "Okayyyyyy... "

Guy shuffled to the door and Rose helped him put on his jacket. Emmett turned in the doorway and stopped. "Call me later, Eddie?"

"Sure, sure, as soon as we turn in."

"Thanks man. Just need to know you're safe and sound."

"Thank you, I'll call ya later."

We watched them go, until just the flicker of their flashlight through the woods was all we could see. It reminded me of a firefly. Blinking in one spot and then stopping before it flickered a few feet away.

Bella turned around and kissed me. "So... " she asked, eyebrow raised, as if to challenge me. There was no need for a challenge, I hadn't forgotten.

"Are we gonna go relax in the hot tub? It might feel really good." I was a little chilled from sitting outside for so long, and _almost_ wished that we had a fire in the Finnish fireplace.

Suddenly she turned shy, "Were you serious about... _you know_?"

"Sure, why not? It would be easier than wrestling me out of wet swimwear. That is, if you want to."

I watched as the blush crept up from under the collar of her shirt. "Yeah, we could do that, I guess."

"We can close the curtains, Bella. No one will see in." It wasn't like there was anyone other than Emmett and Rose for miles anyway.

She nodded quietly, and began walking back towards the bedrooms. "Are you coming, big guy?"

I snorted at the double entendre. "Yeah baby. I'm right behind you."

I locked the door and turned out the lights, stopping in the exercise room to check the temperature of the water. I'd set it at ninety early in the day, but the pumps tended to make it warmer. I worried about her becoming fatigued if she became too warm.

We passed each other in the bathroom entrance. When I finished I found her in the exercise room. My Bella sat on the edge of the hot tub wearing nothing but a short satin robe.

"I changed; what do we need to do to get you in there?" she asked, tipping her head towards the tub.

"Just help me strip, and then I'll stand up and you'll have to slide that sling behind me. I'll sit down on it and you can hoist away."

Bella hesitated, uncertainty written all over her face.

"It's nothing baby; I'll tell you how to help me. You want to learn, this will be a great experience for both of us. We both have to let go of a little insecurity."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. There was no reason to be nervous; she did it like a pro... like I knew she would.

When she lowered me down into the water, my body relaxed almost immediately. It felt like bath water and when she turned the jets on, I relished the warmth of the swirling water. She gravitated to me as soon as she was in the water. "You're not too warm are you Bella? I don't want to tire you."

In front of me, facing me, she steadied herself with a hand on each of my shoulders. It was my turn to bite my lip in anticipation as she put a knee on either side of my hips, straddling me. She leaned in and kissed me softly. "No, it feels good. I'm fine."

I kissed her back. "You'll let me know if it's too much?"

"Promise."

The water made her weightless, and she had no trouble straddling my lap, or moving about.

"You're not too tired?"

"No baby, I'm not too tired for this."

After about a bit of none-too-innocent exploration, she whispered, "I think I should get out now."

Her face was flushed, but it relieved me that she acknowledged her limitation rather than to remain in a situation that could be harmful to her.

Bella climbed up onto the edge of the tub, wrapping herself in a towel. After a little while she said, "I feel much better now. I didn't realize there was such a difference in temperature."

"Think you can help me get out of here, or do you want to call Emmett?"

"But you're not... what will he think?"

"He'll think we forgot our suits and chose to partake of the hot tub in the nude."

"I think I can handle this. We just hook you back up and lift you out, right?"

"Yep, just the opposite of how we got in."

When I had the hooks through the bars, I gave her a thumbs up, and my ascent out of the tub began. She dried me as I hung suspended, and when she began to lower me into the chair I stopped her. "Can you kinda watch how I land? Emmett damn near castrated me with the slats in the shower bench." The sling was a universal one that had a hole in the bottom of it so that personal matters could be attended to in the bathroom. Suddenly scenarios that I hadn't considered before ran through my mind.

Bella handed me the remote for the electric lift. "How about you do the lowering and I'll keep an eye on... things."

I made it to bed unscathed, but I was a little upset that she decided to pack everything up after I was in bed and couldn't help her. I laid on my side and watched while she folded a load of laundry and fretted about calling Renee.

"Why don't you just call her now? It's not _that_ late, certainly not too late for a child to call a parent. Get it over with and it won't be hanging over your head. I think you're getting yourself all worked up over nothing."

She gathered the laundry and walked away with the basket. I could hear her as she opened and closed drawers and cupboards putting things away in the bathroom and the exercise room. After things got quiet, I could hear bits and pieces of her hushed conversation with someone, presumably her mother, so I called Em quick to let him know I was safely in bed.

When Bella returned to our bedroom, she turned off the light and crawled into bed with a sigh. "She didn't have a whole lot to say. She congratulated us, but that was about it."

The conversation had lasted about ten minutes. Eventually she opened up and admitted that Renee had the same reservations that Charlie had originally had...

_How would I be able to provide for her... care for her if she became ill? How would we live if she couldn't care for me? What kind of responsibility would she have in regards to my care?_

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight to my body. "Those are all valid concerns, baby. I'd be more upset if she wasn't asking those questions."

"She's not only questioning your abilities, but my judgment as well. I'm a big girl, I'm going into this relationship with eyes wide open."

"We both are. But the important thing is the fact that you and I know we can do this. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I've been dealing with prejudice and stereotype my entire adult life. Seeing is believing. Eventually she'll accept it for what it is."

"I hope so; I don't really care what she thinks, but... "

"Hey now, that's no way to feel. You _do_ care what she thinks, and you want her to accept this. She will. Just give her some time."

"I suppose you're right." She snuggled into me, and the next thing I knew, the sun was just coming up and she was crawling in behind me after turning me. She snuggled in behind me for just a little while, and when I heard her dragging the duffle bags through the house, I decided it was time to get up.

"Bella, come on, baby. Leave those for Emmett or I."

"I've already got them to the door," she huffed.

I got in my chair and used my reacher to completely dress myself, sans shoes. She squeaked when I pulled up behind her and tickled her sides. She was emptying the dishwasher and wiping down counters. When I offered to help, she handed me a paper bowlful of cold cereal instead.

"Finish that carton of milk and get done with breakfast so I can bag up this trash, we're almost done."

She was sweeping the floor when everyone knocked on the door. "We're all packed and ready to head back to the city. Should we hang around till you're all loaded in the car?"

I looked over at Bella and I knew we'd be fine. "Nah, go ahead. We're good." Emmett hung the key for the little cottage on the key rack in the closet while Guy gave Bella and I each a hug and thanked us.

Rose wore a triumphant smile. "Have you checked your voicemails this morning?" Bella shook her head.

"You should. We both got the same message from Opal."

Bella's face broke into a huge grin. "Opal? Seriously?"

"Yep."

"It's over isn't it?"

"They came to an agreement last night. Max and his aide will be in school bright and early tomorrow morning!"

The cabin was filled with screams and squeals. Poor Guy didn't have a clue what was going on, or why the girls had seemingly lost their minds. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Women!"

Emmett and I burst out laughing as we watched him head to the car.

Our ride home was noisy, Bella was on the phone everyplace we had service, talking to one person or another about the victory that would allow Max to get back into a proper learning environment. She also learned that the consumer who had been removed from his home in Hoquiam and admitted to a nursing home in Oregon, would be returning home to the community that he loved. The outpouring of love and commitment from his entire community was enough to influence the judge into placing him back into the home that he loved.

I could feel the emotion pouring off of her... happiness, relief, victory... she'd been an active participant and it was easy to see how much she cared about the people she worked with. I prayed that the animosity she'd been experiencing from her peers at school didn't change her enthusiasm to help change things.

She was a born advocate who was intent on changing her community, one situation at a time.

The world needed more people who were willing to speak up and help right a wrong when they encountered one.

We needed more people like Bella. My beautiful, wonderful, spunky, terrifying when she gets on a roll, magnificent Bella.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

Fic Rec-

Firefly in Summer has owned me since I stumbled across it in one of your profiles. Yeah, I'm guilty, I creep your favs when you alert me. I figure if you like my work, you're reading something I'll like as well.

I've been on the edge of my seat several times reading this, and I had to stop a few times because I was afraid to turn the page. What an emotional rollercoaster ride it's been for me.

This story is well written and draws you in from the start. It's nothing like I imagined when I started reading, but I'm so glad that I took the opportunity to read it.

There's one chapter and the epi left to post. Enjoy. I know you will.

Firefly in Summer

.net/s/6672297/1/Firefly_in_Summer

Edward finds himself back in the little beach town of his childhood when he inherits the local bar from his uncle. The elusive, pretty girl next door has killer legs, a sketchbook and secrets that are slowly eating her alive.


	57. Chapter 57

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-seven

~Edward~

It had been a few weeks since everything had blown over with little Max and his situation. Bella had come home from a staff meeting at the CIL the following week wearing a triumphant smile. Max and his mother had reported that the new aide was working out splendidly, and he was _happily_ attending school for the first time in his life.

The job front for Bella was a different story, and I'd never seen her more unhappy. She didn't say a lot and I wondered who or what it was that was making things uncomfortable for her... and I wished there were something more I could do.

It was a Monday morning early in October, when I approached her in the living room. We never made it back to the cabin for the long weekend like we'd planned. Life had been busy, and instead of spending our weekend away relaxing, I had been knee deep earning the rest of the continuing education credits I needed to acquire within the next few weeks.

"I'm going over to the hospital for a bit, do you want to tag along?" As I said it, I had no idea how that simple question would impact my state of mind over the next few days.

She had taken a vacation day to get caught up on a few things, and was lazily reading the morning paper; she looked rather cozy. I knew she wasn't going to be happy with my _surprise_, which was exactly how I had ended up not telling her what I had done until the very last moment.

She stretched and yawned, appearing more than a little displeased. "Uh, _I guess so_; did you have an appointment?"

"No… um, well… _we_ have one."

"Why do _we_ have an appointment, Edward?" She asked skeptically.

I took a deep breath and spit it out. "They're giving flu shots to all the staff and their families. They do it every year. I signed us both up."

I could tell she was less than thrilled with the idea. In fact the look on her face made me certain she was squirming inside. Immediately she offered several different excuses as to why we shouldn't go, finally looking confident when she settled on, "You've been off work almost a year, maybe you don't qualify."

"Carlisle insisted we both come in; I _do _still have all the benefits of being an employee of the hospital."

When she realized her rationale wasn't working, she cut to the chase. "You know what I think about hospitals, doctors, blood…needles." I watched her shudder. "I think I'd rather just stay here if it's all the same to you."

I laughed at her; my girl was a chicken. "Nope, you're not getting out of it. Already made the appointment, and since I'm returning to work I'm expected to do it."

"_Ed-ward_," she whined.

"Not enough medical professionals have the vaccine." I explained. "They are really pushing to get everyone to take it this year, and having it done now ensures your body has made enough antibodies to fight off the flu when it really hits. You know that. I'll be returning to work at the height of flu season, and you... you work with all those snotty kids."

She loved her kids even if the politics of her job weren't particularly pleasing at the moment. Yet, she constantly complained that they brought every germ know to man into her classroom. Bella was always catching something. If it wasn't a cold or a stomach bug, it was some other malady. She had been banned from school for two days right before summer vacation, half her class had pink eye and they had given it to her, too. I had to give Bella a written excuse 'from a doctor' saying she'd been properly treated and was no longer contagious. Some little girl Bella referred to as _Typhoid Patti_ had it first. That kid had more germs than Alice had shoes.

Bella groaned as she struggled to get out of the sofa. I'd noticed mobility issues that seemed more prevalent for her lately. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, because I knew that upset her, but I was witnessing active progression of her disease and it concerned me. I anticipated another exacerbation coming on. I could just _feel_ it. She'd been doing okay since the flare-up she'd had right after she'd moved into the house, but I could see subtle changes that she chose to ignore or was completely oblivious to and I wondered how long she'd been enduring them. I'd promised myself when we agreed to be housemates that I wouldn't try to doctor her, and when she'd had that flare-up, she'd drawn the line that separated one from the other. I couldn't be happier to be the love of her life, but it still frustrated the hell out of me that I couldn't act as both.

In my head I made it my goal to bring her into my office after I'd returned to work and explain the different medications that were available to lessen the severity of Multiple Sclerosis. She had seemed receptive to that idea, but I wondered if her agreement to sit down with me at work wasn't an avoidance tactic. At the time I saw it for what it was... it gave her more time to procrastinate, she had agreed knowing I would let it rest for the time being.

Silly girl had no idea how persistent I could be, especially when it came to someone I loved.

Bella stood next to me grumbling none too subtly about never being able to win with me and she complained that I used my profession to coerce her. She said something about me being a good for nothing know-it-all and wishing some days that she was engaged to a blue collar worker instead. All I could do was smirk at her. My girl was funny when she got ruffled.

"Is something wrong, Bella? It's a good idea. Neither of us can really afford to get sick. The virus they are predicting this year is a bad strain. People die from influenza, you know."

Her eyes got big, but she frowned before she nodded her head, agreeing.

"I'll be there to hold your hand if you want. It'll be ok." I gave her a noogie as I rolled to the closet and grabbed our jackets. It had started to get cold- winter was, indeed, on its way.

I was relieved that Bella had purchased a vehicle, we were waiting for the modifications to be completed, but she'd certainly have it before winter arrived. The Honda Element she picked out could accommodate two wheelchairs in the front and had a rear bench seat, as well. Like my PT Cruiser, an EZ Lock would secure Bella's car seat, and if she ever needed to rely on a wheelchair again for mobility, further conversions would be unnecessary we'd just move the seat out of the way so she could use her wheelchair. The chair I'd helped her choose was one of the few manuals currently rated for vehicle safety in a crash.

Bella helped to get my jacket tucked behind me as I leaned forward. I had been experiencing a lot of stiffness in my back and shoulders, since the weather had turned colder. It was with reservations that I accepted the fact that I was getting older. My age was beginning to show.

We rolled out into the garage and I hit the button for the car doors to open. I still got a thrill every time I pulled into the driver's position in my vehicle. It was a sweet ride and it drove like a dream. I loved the way she responded to just a whisper of pressure on the accelerator. I had gotten quite adept at maneuvering her with the hand controls. I loved this car and hoped that Bella would experience the same sense of freedom I had, once she had her car.

I stuck the key in the ignition and looked over at her; she was sitting stiffly in her seat, head bowed, hands clasped in her lap. She was taking calming breaths and I had the urge to chuckle, but she seemed unnerved and I didn't want to minimize her fears. What she felt was real to her.

Feeling bad for coercing her, I offered her an out as I backed out into the driveway. "Hey, you gonna be ok? You don't have to do this if you don't want to. I was just giving you a bad time."

Still looking at the floor, she muttered, "I know you're right, I should do it."

The day I'd set this up, I was thinking of her last bout with influenza and how far reaching the repercussions had been. "I just thought it would be a good idea. Carlisle was beside himself when he found you in the ER so sick that day, love. With a weakened immune system, you really should take advantage of any immunization the clinic offers." I was so afraid she'd end up with the flu, or even worse, with pneumonia again.

"You ready baby?"

She looked at me all wide-eyed, "I don't think I can do it."

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I'll be right there with you."

"You must think I'm so immature."

"No, I don't think you're immature. I understand, really I do."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right. You're not afraid of anything." She'd been there as I'd been to hell and back, I'm sure it looked that way. Did she really think I had no fears? Her health was the biggest one I had.

I scrubbed my hand over my face. Some days I thought she was under the misapprehension that I was perfect. She couldn't have been more wrong. I didn't like to _admit _that I also had a paralyzing fear, but for her- I'd man up and take one for the team. "Did I ever tell you how I dislocated my shoulder?"

"Nuh uh." She shook her head, "Did you hurt it in your parent's accident?"

"When I was about sixteen, I had spent an afternoon with Alice in the pool, over at Carlisle and Esme's. Carlisle was working crazy hours and Esme needed the bulb changed in one of the floodlights on the front of the house. Trying to act all grown up I offered to do the job. The house was a split level, and the floodlights were up pretty high, so I had to use this rickety old extension ladder. I climbed all the way to the top, carrying a plastic grocery bag with the handles between my teeth. Just when I was unscrewing the old bulb, I heard a buzzing sound. I batted at my head and it bumped into my forehead. I batted again and the biggest, meanest looking bumble bee dive-bombed my face, and I dove off the ladder."

"You didn't."

"Oh, I _did_. My shoulder was dislocated and I broke my left clavicle and a couple of ribs."

"Over a _little_ bee?" she asked amusement evident in her tone.

I shouldn't have had to defend myself to someone who was afraid of needles. I was trying to be the better man in understanding and validating her fears by sharing my own. "_Yes_, a bee, and not a _little _bee, it was a _huge_ bee. He looked angry."

"How can a bee _look_ angry?" she giggled, "You can't _see_ their facial expressions."

"I'm _telling_ you, he looked angry."

"I'm picturing a bee with his eyebrows furrowed as he hovers in mid air staring you down. You're killing me here Cullen," she snorted.

My hand went to my heart in mock offense. "Thanks. I bare my soul to make you feel better... and you laugh at me."

"So are you going to tell me now that you're afraid of heights, too?"

"Nope, not a bit, but I do still have the urge to jump from moving vehicles if a bee flies in the window."

"Silly man."

"No, I'm_ not_ silly. Actually, right now I'm more than a little mortified that I even shared that. But to me, the fear of bees is very real. When I see one, the first thing I want to do is run, and for some reason, they always want to land on my joystick and taunt me. I'm sure my heart rate goes through the roof... so, I _do_ understand where you're coming from. I still wish you'd come with me, but I'll understand if you don't."

She squeezed my hand. "Thanks for putting yourself out there. I don't want to be sick again, but I can't explain this feeling of foreboding I have. I think I'd rather stay home."

"What will we do if you get sick?"

"Play doctor and I'll let you take care of me?" she asked, batting her eyes as she shamelessly flirted with me.

"Get out."

Her smile dropped. "You're not mad?"

"Get out! Before I get on my soapbox about your blatant disregard for my concern over your health."

She leaned over and grabbed the front of my shirt, kissing me roughly.

"Thanks for understanding! I love you! Bye." She scurried out of the car, relieved to get away I was sure. She probably thought I'd change my mind if she wasted any time escaping. I laughed as I watched her slip back into the house, fearing she'd trip and fall in her haste.

"Love you too. Be back in a bit." I muttered to myself.

I maneuvered through the ER and over to the entrance for the clinic, X-ray and lab. I rolled up to the clinic reception area. "Hey Karen, how's it going?"

She looked up from what she was doing and smiled. "Dr. Cullen! It's so good to see you out and about. Are you here for the employee flu shot clinic?"

"Yeah, _I _am, my girl backed out at the last minute, but I'm here."

"Sign yourself in Edward, I'll get you a clipboard, there's a form to complete. I'm sure you know the drill."

She went around the corner and came back with a clipboard, a pen dangling from a length of string secured it to the board. I had so many free drug company pens lying around that I gave them away, and here, they were trying to keep people from stealing them. It crossed my mind that perhaps I should begin strategically leaving them in places around the house... some of the nicest pens I had came from the manufacturers of the meds I so desperately wanted Bella to consider.

Karen put her hand on my shoulder and handed me the clipboard. "Fill in name address, and phone number. Then you need to just sign the consent. I'll let Beth know you're out here, she'll call you when she's got everything set up for you."

I picked a corner where I'd be out of the path of travel and parked myself. I sat, musing over Bella's reaction to my _surprise_. I had known it wouldn't be easy, but I had hoped I could convince her to join me. Just as I was sliding the pen up under the plastic clip on the clipboard, my name was called.

"Dr. Cullen?"

I looked over to see Beth smiling and motioning me over to the small treatment room. When I got closer, her demeanor became more personal. "Edward, it's great to see you looking so good. How long until you come back to work?"

_That was the million dollar question._

"My target return date is around the first of November, but Dr. Carey has to release me from care. As soon as he signs off on me, I can come back."

"Well, since you're feeling better, enjoy the rest of your time off. Once you come back it'll be business as usual. You know how it goes." I did. I knew _exactly_ what it would be like to return to work. I'd be overwhelmed until I adapted and got back into the swing of things. Bella really had no clue how hectic my former life was. How hectic _our_ life would soon be.

Beth's eyes got wide and she reached out grabbing my left hand. "Are you holding out on us, Edward? Is that what I think it is?"

I chuckled when she dropped my hand and apologized. "I'm sorry, you've been the hospital's most eligible bachelor for so long. You know this is going to break a lot of hearts, don't you?" She asked with a genuine smile.

I held my hand out proudly for her to get a better look, and suddenly I realized why women did that. I was proud. I _belonged_ to someone. "It's an engagement ring. So far, only a few close friends and relatives are aware, we haven't made a formal announcement or anything. Right now I'm just trying not to supply any unnecessary fodder for the rumor mill."

"Well congratulations."

"Thanks. I never realized what I was missing before she came into my life. She's really good to me."

I handed Beth the clipboard and she notated the manufacturer and lot number. She handed me the mandated information sheet and I set it back on the table. I didn't need it, I knew what it said.

"Which arm?" I shrugged. She rolled up the sleeve closest to her, and before I blinked, she was putting the band aid on my arm. I had immunizations regularly. Anything the hospital mandated for staff I had to have. They didn't make many exceptions, we were exposed to all kinds of nasty germs. I was still concerned that Bella had opted out, and I hoped I could find a way to convince her while there was still time for her body to build resistance, but if I couldn't... I'd be extra diligent and pray that one of her kids didn't make her sick. In my heart, I knew that even the vaccine wasn't a guarantee.

"So, where's Rebecca?"

Becky had worked in the clinic administering employee immunizations for as long as I remembered. She was also one of our neuro patients. We'd built up a great rapport and had become close friends. Her husband, Garrett was a wheelchair seating specialist in the rehab gym. I'd been one of his seating clinic patients on more than one occasion.

She drew in a sharp breath and her eyes clouded over in sadness. "I would have thought your uncle had told you. She's _gone_."

But Garrett was still here. I was sure of it. She wouldn't go anyplace without him, they were crazy in love.

"Where did she go?" I felt like I was missing some important part of the equation.

"Oh, Edward. She didn't _go_ anyplace. She _died._ She had some sort of crazy reaction to a medication. She went into anaphylaxis right here in the hospital. They gave her epinephrine, but she crashed. Your dad worked on her, but she never came around."

My heart dropped when she said it. I thought of Bella and her reluctance to accompany me. Suddenly, I was relieved that she hadn't come. Something like that would have sealed the deal for her. She'd never come back... for anything.

Karen poked her head in the room. "Hey Beth, you've got a few more customers. Looks like things were slow over in X-ray, I think the entire department is in the waiting room."

Beth nodded with a sad smile.

"She was just telling me about Becky." I explained softly.

Karen's eyes got watery and she nodded. "Take your time," she whispered to Beth as she stepped out of the room and closed the door quietly.

"I'm sorry. I should be used to explaining when people ask, but it's just so surreal."

"It sure is. I never imagined..."

"None of us did, but then none of us expected to see you in the ER a year ago either. That's life, you know?" She touched my shoulder. "I'll see you soon, and congratulations, Edward. It's a wonderful feeling when you find the one. I wish you all the best. Enjoy the rest of your time off."

"Thanks."

"Please stick around a little while, just to make sure you don't have a reaction. They're the same components as last year, but just to be safe... "

She stepped out of my room and into the one next to it. She called several names and a handful of technicians I recognized from radiology stood up. They all made comments as they passed me. "Good to see you, Edward." "How ya doin Dr. Cullen?" "When you coming back to work, Edward?"

I went back to my lonely corner, and tipped my chair back. I'd have snuck out the door and no one would have cared, but I _hadn't_ had the vaccine last year because I never made it in for the clinic, instead, I was fighting for my life in the Intensive Care Unit.

The smell of burnt coffee hung in the air. I'd had too many cups to count out of that machine. It was always old and bitter, thick as motor oil, but when we were in the ER all night, we lived on the stuff. I shuddered at the memory. In a matter of weeks that would once again be my reality.

I closed my eyelids, but behind them Becky's face haunted me. She had looked a lot like Bella... wavy brown hair, big doe eyes... She was young and pretty, and just _so_ kind. Everyone loved her and suddenly she was just _gone_. I knew what it felt like to lose someone you loved with no warning. _Poor Garrett._ I didn't think I could live without Bella, she was like the air I needed to breathe. A pain like that would be insurmountable.

I listened to people shuffle in and out of the waiting area. I needed to go home and see her, just to make sure she was okay.

She was deep in thought, working on a lesson plan when I snuck up behind her and she stood up slapping at my hands when I tickled her- just so I could hear her laugh. I grabbed her hand and tugged. "Come on baby, let's go back to bed. I need you."

We loved each other until I was soft and she was tired; and when I pulled her into my arms and clung to her like a drowning man she didn't complain or ask why. She held me because somehow, she understood.

When I woke up, it was afternoon and she was bumping around in the kitchen. When I heard her turn the sweeper on, I decided it was time to get up, I felt much better than I had when I'd come home.

A pair of sweats and a tee-shirt lay next to me on the bed, along with my shoes. She left them within my reach so I could dress myself. It wasn't so hard to do on the bed anymore, and while I was still stiff and sore most days to some extent, my independence was so fulfilling. To not have to rely on another meant so much. When I came home in June, I feared that I'd always have to depend on someone on a daily basis. My desire to once again take care of nearly all my own personal needs was gradually becoming a reality.

_To live independently without burdening Bella... that was all I wanted._

"Lesson plan all done, babe?" She was cleaning out the fridge when I found her. A small stack of plastic containers sat next to the sink as she methodically dumped the contents of each one down the disposal, rinsed the container, and placed it in the dishwasher.

"How do we waste so much food?" she grumbled.

"Well, when I go back to work, those little boxes of leftovers will fit in my lunch bag and you won't have that problem."

"When I was a kid, I got picked on for brown bagging it. Don't all the _cool_ kids eat in the cafeteria?" She asked cocking her eyebrow.

I clutched my chest in mock horror. "Surely you jest! The stuff is toxic."

"What's your favorite?" She tapped her index finger on the side of her chin, "I remember; isn't it mac and cheese?" she teased playfully. Her grin was huge, it was so nice to see her in such a fun mood. I made a gagging noise and pretended to stick my finger down my throat.

"Only yours baby, and Esme's. It's too easy to sneak unidentified objects into stuff like that."

"Speaking of Esme, she asked if we'd have dinner with her. Carlisle had to go out of town. She said to tell you it's been three weeks since she's seen her favorite son."

_Had it really been that long?_

"I'll go call her. Is that what you want to do? Eat with her, I mean."

"Yeah, that's fine. My work is all wrapped up. If you want to spend some time with her, we can go once I've got the kitchen cleaned up."

"I'll let her know."

I got the machine when I dialed my parent's number, so I left a message telling her we'd be by in a few hours. Bella was still working on dishes when I returned to the kitchen.

"Move over, hon. I'll wash if you want to rinse and dry them."

We fell into a quiet synchronicity; occasionally we'd brush against one another and one of us would smile. Finally I couldn't take it anymore.

"Let's get married."

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind and wiggled her left hand in front of my face. "Uh, haven't we already established that?"

"Oh, we _are_ getting married, but I don't mean later. Let's just do it. Today, tomorrow... let's not wait anymore. I want you to be my _wife._ I _need_ to be your husband."

"What's the rush? You do realize there's a waiting period?"

I didn't want to go into the fact that life didn't come with guarantees or endless expiration dates. "Life's too short to be wasted. Let's get the license this afternoon we could be married by the weekend."

She rolled her eyes but nodded. "We'll get the license, it's good for a few months, I think. We _don't _have to do it this weekend."

I grabbed her around the waist and hugged her. "Thank you." I muttered into her hair. "Just, thank you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." She squeezed me back.

I followed her around the house like a puppy. We went to the study and I watched her put all her things in her computer bag. In the kitchen she stuffed an apple, a granola bar and a napkin in a brown paper bag and laid it on the desk with her computer and her purse. She measured water and coffee into the coffee maker and punched the buttons, setting the time for breakfast, then she dumped some sugar into a travel mug and snapped the lid on.

I followed her to the bedroom where she got out my sleep pants and a tee shirt for herself.. "Help me make the bed quick?"

We pulled the blankets back and she waited while I laid out a mattress protector, ignoring the embarrassment that always tugged at me. She didn't say a word, she never would. She treated my needs with the utmost respect and dignity. When the bed was made, I went to the bathroom and got all my overnight things into the dishpan and put it in its usual spot on the nightstand.

Bella put her hands on her hips. "There. Now I feel like we can go to your Mom's and just relax. We don't have to rush home, or hurry when we get here."

"Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"It's nothing but a thing, hon. Let's try your mom again. She probably just ran to the store or something."

Esme was delighted when I told her we were coming for the entire evening. We entered the courthouse with only a half hour to spare. Bella was visibly relieved when she found out we didn't have to submit to any blood work or a physical to apply for the license. "That would have been a deal breaker, right there," she said, jokingly.

Because I knew she was joking, I played along. "You wouldn't do it for me?" But she quickly became serious.

She looked at the floor, "I've fainted before," she whispered.

"From a blood test?" _Seriously?_

"As soon as I saw the needle, I was on the floor. I woke up smelling ammonia."

"Poor girl." Her embarrassment was apparent and I wasn't patronizing her.

"I'm not trying to be a baby. It's so embarrassing." I could barely hear her she was so very quiet.

"Don't be embarrassed. Next time I'll be there holding your hand. I won't ever let anything happen to you."

The clerk cleared her throat. "Since it's close of business, the license won't be valid until Thursday morning. You can pick it up then."

She curtly explained the marriage application laws to us before dismissing us and pulling the blind down.

"Okay then, I guess we're done. Let's go see your mom." Bella grabbed my hand and lead me away from the window.

When we got to my parent's house, we found Esme on her computer. "I was just following up on some emails about the model house. Have you been over there yet? It's amazing how quickly they are progressing with it."

"I need to get myself over there. Maybe there's something I can do to volunteer some of my time before I go back to work. It seems I've been so busy studying. I feel like a student all over again."

"Carlisle will be the first one to tell you that a doctor never stops learning. You'll be a perpetual student until you retire." And then I'd volunteer my time at a clinic, or something because I wouldn't know what to do with my time.

"It's sure beginning to feel that way."

Esme was always interested in my career, I assumed it was because she was the wife of a doctor. Or perhaps it was because she was my mom. "What are you studying?"

It was ironic, actually. "I've been studying the effect of influenza on MS patients. Specifically the theory that influenza actually triggers certain exacerbations."

Bella gave me a dirty look. I wasn't trying to force her hand, I was being completely honest.

"That's interesting, honey. How are things at the lab? Will you be returning right away?" Esme closed her laptop and gave me her full attention.

"I'm hoping to ease into things for the first few weeks. You knew Dr. Burch was staying on after I return to work?"

"Yes, I was aware of that. So will you eventually split the workload you shared with Jeff between the three of you?"

"Actually, her specialty is in pediatric MS, so once I get back into a routine, she will have her own caseload, but for now, she'll continue to help shoulder the burden. She'll also take call every third weekend and on certain holidays, so that will make it nicer for all of us."

"Oh, that's good. Come on, why don't we go into the living room and visit?" She put an arm around Bella's shoulders and walked away with her. "So you said you had to make a stop at the courthouse when you called... " There was nothing covert about the way my mom fished for information, she cut right to the chase.

I tried to be nonchalant. I didn't really want to get into the reasons why I was suddenly in such a rush to get Bella to the altar, "We may or may not have applied for a marriage license."

"Aren't they only valid for... "

"...sixty days," I said softly.

"Two months?" she whispered. "Oh Edward... Bella." She held a trembling hand to her mouth. "My kids are getting married. I'm so happy for you. Won't it be too cold to have a service down by the river? You're talking December."

"Actually... It _expires_ in December. The forecast is really great later this week." I said in all seriousness.

Her head snapped up. "_This weekend_?"

"Well that's what the forecaster said..."

She slapped me. "That wasn't what I was asking and you know it."

"I haven't been able to figure out what the rush is either." Bella said softly.

"Some _things_ happened while I was out today and I just don't want to wait. I don't know _what_ we're waiting for, but I feel like I've been waiting my entire life."

Bella ran her hands through her hair and she wore that expression she used when she was trying to explain something to one of her kids. I'd seen it before. "You have to be realistic, Edward, we need a little time to plan. While I'd like nothing more than to be your wife tomorrow, two _months_ is pushing it."

Our quiet evening visiting with Esme soon morphed into a brainstorming session for the wedding. I felt like an outsider, they were talking girl stuff... in my mind earlier I was thinking _quick, small simple wedding... can't take more than a few days to put something together._ Hell, we could have eloped. I'd have been okay with that.

I snuck off to Carlisle's office and clicked on his computer. I had a few things to take care of for work and I could get into the hospital server from Carlisle's computer. When I was finished updating all my personnel stuff, I went to the website for the American Academy of Neurology and read several practice guidelines that had recently been posted. One was an article on the use of a new medication for MS. It had a lot of side effects and in my opinion, they far outweighed the benefits. I'd be scared to use it with any of my patients until it had proven itself to be beneficial.

I was all for moving forward, it's what I did in the lab- searching for new solutions for neurological disorders, but when it came to trying them on people, I chose to take a conservative approach when there was any question of safety.

I had an email from Jeff that looked promising, I considered calling him, but when I looked at my watch I was surprised to see how late it was getting.

My stomach was growling and it sounded like the girls had no intention of coming up for air. While I waited to be sure the computer shut down properly, I picked up a framed photo of Carlisle and Dad. My _two_ dads. I chuckled to myself, w_asn't that a sitcom in the early nineties? _

They were young, so young and had been hiking in the mountains on a trail. Both of them wore backpacks and held walking sticks. I remembered stories of their infamous camping trips. They'd take a weekend to get away from the girls and go backpacking while Mom, Esme and Maggie stayed in town having a pajama party doing each other's nails and watching chick flicks on the VCR. I remembered eating pizza with the girls and thinking their parties were great, until I got a little older and begged the men to let me hike off into the woods with them. I was terrified that one of my friends would find out I was sitting at home with a houseful of girls. When you're ten years old, you don't want to be labeled a sissy.

Looking back on those memories, though, I think I had as much fun making fudge and eating pizza with my three favorite women as I did hiking through the woods and eating burned fish and those instant meals the military uses. The men in my family obviously had _not_ been scouts. After camping with Bella I decided that any child of mine would be a scout, those kids had fun _and_ learned skills. The only thing I learned in the woods was how to whittle with a pen knife and stick.

I was rummaging through the fridge when the doorbell rang. I heard Esme greet someone and I wondered if she hadn't decided to consult Alice or Rose in our emergency wedding fiasco. Bella and Esme were talking and laughing and I could hear them getting closer to the kitchen. I prayed that they ordered food, nothing in the fridge was what I was looking for.

All of a sudden I was hit by the most mouthwatering aroma I'd ever encountered. I had to hold on to the armrests of my chair to keep from attacking Esme as she walked past me. Liquid pooled in my mouth and I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Whatever that scent was... I had to have it! I whipped around as she was setting the pizza box on the table. I hadn't eaten since this morning, and I was ravenous.

We huddled around the table as my mother handed each of us a paper plate laden with pizza. It had everything on it and smelled incredible. I'd never had pizza from the place where she'd gotten it, but if it tasted anywhere near as good as it smelled, we'd be going there for pizza from now on.

I moaned when I took the first bite, it was luscious. We scarfed it all down and drank nearly an entire two liter bottle of root beer between the three of us. I preferred cola, but I knew better than to even ask if Esme had any Cokes. I was almost surprised she hadn't just handed out bottled water.

I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation, but I know somehow when it turned to me just as Esme commented, "I didn't see your ring earlier." She wiped her mouth and looked over at my girl. "Bella, I think that's so romantic, giving him an engagement ring. What a lovely idea."

I held my hand out and she gushed over it. It was a handsome piece of jewelry, and it meant more to me than any other material possession I owned, even though it symbolized something priceless that money could never buy.

"Very nice. It's simple and understated, very masculine."

It was a very classy ring and I was proud to wear it. I got all warm and fuzzy just looking at it. I knew she picked that ring out so she could show the world how much she loved me. I wanted to show it to everyone. I wanted them all to know that I belonged to this strong, intelligent incredible woman.

I gathered up the trash and threw it all in the pizza box, and made a mental note about the name of the shop before I threw the box in the garbage. I definitely wanted to order from them again. While I was wiping down the table and putting our glasses in the sink, I heard Bella say something about not really wanting or needing a gown, and Esme making a comment about having some women's tuxedo she bought at a designer's charity auction altered to fit Bella.

_What? No dress at all?_

I busied myself quietly and listened to Bella's response. She sounded relieved, and went on to explain that while she liked to dress up, she felt more comfortable wearing pants... she'd been falling quite frequently at work, and that was more than a little embarrassing in a skirt.

I laid the dishcloth down and went to stare out the window. All I could see was my concerned expression staring back at me. I found that I was really warring with myself over that little tidbit. _Why didn't I know this? Probably because you'd be all over-bearing and go all Dr. Cullen on her. _It took me back to my earlier mental conflict. I liked to care for her, but I knew she was uncomfortable when I just thrust my opinions on her. Going home and flipping out about it would just make her clam up even more. I wanted her to be able to come to me. _To want to come to me._

She said something about liking the idea of wearing flats and being able to hide them with pants. That she was so much more sure footed in flats and she didn't want to fall on her face walking down the aisle.

_Hell, she could ride on my lap and we'd make an entrance together. Screw tradition._

I watched them hug in the reflection and Esme said she'd call a seamstress who hemmed all her clothing... she'd make an evening appointment for a fitting.

"Edward? Is that okay?"

I turned around and gave Bella my full attention. "What?"

"I asked if you would be offended if I wore a pantsuit for our wedding. I know the groom doesn't usually have much input into the bride's attire, but if you're upset, we'll go shopping for something dressier." She was nervously worrying her lip.

I rolled over to her and took her hands in mine. While it was all I could do to not blurt out some question about her condition, I reassured her instead. "Baby, wear jeans if it makes you comfortable. As long as you're coming down that aisle to join me, I don't really care what you're wearing."

Esme closed the notebook she'd been writing in and said, "Bella and I were discussing the officiant for the wedding. Have you considered who you'll have do the ceremony?"

"Actually, I was thinking about asking Angela if she'd mind. Neither of us belong to a church and she's probably one of my oldest friends." I looked down into Bella's eyes. "That is, unless you want to ask someone else."

"I really like Angela and I know how much she means to all of you. I think it would be fitting to ask her."

"Let's call her in the morning."

Esme stood up and asked if we'd like to watch a movie with her. She explained something that sounded like a chick flick. Normally, I'd indulge her, but I was still out of sorts. I just couldn't get Becky out of my head.

"I'm sort of tired, would it be okay if we gave you a rain check?"

"Sure honey, I understand. Your dad will be here tomorrow night, maybe I'll twist his arm and coerce him into watching with me."

I turned my chair on and tugged on Bella's hand. "You ready babe? There's work tomorrow."

She took a deep breath and sighed. "I know. We'll talk to you soon, Esme?"

She wrapped her arms around Bella and then around me. "I love you both. Please drive safely."

"Love you too, I will." I promised her.

We didn't talk much on the way home, and Bella was quiet but attentive as she helped wrap up my bedtime rituals. "Edward, you've been awfully quiet this evening. Is everything alright?" she asked, crawling in to bed next to me and covering us both with the blankets.

I had intended to keep it to myself. I didn't want her to know how freaked out I'd been. I drew in a deep breath before I answered her. "Yeah, I'm okay. I found out earlier that one of my patients, and co-workers passed away. I was a little blindsided when I found out she's gone."

She put her arms around me and drew me tight to her body in the dark. Her fingers rubbed up and down my back soothingly. "I'm sorry, had she been sick?"

"No, she had some freak allergic reaction. She never recovered."

She pulled back away from me and in the dim light from the bathroom I saw her look up in understanding. "I'm so sorry. That's why you've been so clingy all day." Her fingertips brushed through the hair at my temple.

"I just... that could have been one of us. I don't want to waste one second of our lives together. No matter how careful we are, we'll always be on borrowed time."

"Well, even if we don't get married for ten years, we're not wasting time... we're together. I'm not going anywhere. _When_ we make it official isn't going to guarantee we'll live any longer, nor will it change the love we already share with one another."

"I know." When she put it that way, I suppose it did seem like I was jumping the gun.

"I love you baby, I'm right here." Bella covered my lips in soft kisses and uttered gentle reassurances until I drifted off.

_I was sitting in the waiting area outside the staff immunization clinic. I could see it so clearly. Bella had spent nearly an hour fretting and making excuses about why she shouldn't go, but I guilted her into going when I told her how scared everyone had been when her flu had turned into pneumonia. _

_Karen had greeted us and gushed over how pretty Bella was and teased about how the hospital had been buzzing with rumors about the lucky lady who had snagged Harborview's most eligible bachelor._

_When we were nearly done with the questionnaires Bella hesitated at the very bottom. "_What if I'm allergic to it?"

_Knowing she was still hedging, I just shook my head and laughed a bit. "It's not a big deal, Bella. You shouldn't be allergic to it, you eat soft cooked eggs don't you?" She shook her head yes. I knew she did, and to the best of my knowledge, she wasn't allergic to anything else._

"_Can you think of anything you're allergic to?" _

_She shook her head no._

_I touched her arm. "Look, I'll go first, then when it's your turn, I'll hold your hand if you want. It'll take 10 seconds and it's all over. We have to wait about 20 minutes so they can be sure we don't have a reaction of any sort, then we'll go home. If you're afraid of it getting stiff or sore, you can take some Tylenol."_

_This girl was so brave, I was certain she'd fight off blood thirsty vampires, yet bring her to the doctor for a shot and she had a meltdown. _

"_Dr. Cullen?"_

_I looked over to see Beth smiling and motioning us over to the small treatment room. "Edward, it's great to see you looking so good. How long until you can come back to work?" I watched the entire scenario play out just as it had that morning, the only difference was Bella's presence._

_"My target return date is around the first of November, but Dr. Carey has to release me from care. As soon as he signs off on me, I can come back."_

"_Well, since you're feeling better, enjoy the rest of your time off. Once you come back it'll be business as usual. You know how it goes."_

_Beth smiled at Bella and extended her hand. "Hello, I'm Beth." _

_I grimaced. _Where were my manners?

"_I'm sorry. Beth, this is my fiancé, Bella. She's my best friend and the love of my life." _

"_Nice to meet you Bella."_

_Beth looked at me and then at Bella. "Who's first?" Bella gulped. Beth raised her eyebrow._

_I put my hand on Beth's arm. "I'm first. No biggie."_

"_Which arm?" I shrugged , it didn't matter. I didn't flinch and talked to Bella while Beth did her job. "Next?"_

_I squeezed Bella's hand. "Bella?" She just looked at me with that deer in the headlights expression on her face. I smiled at Beth and asked her to give us a second. She went over to the cupboard and made herself look busy._

"_Come here, sit on my lap, I'll distract you." She stepped over to me, gingerly lowering herself onto my lap, her legs hanging over the side of my chair. She nuzzled her face into my neck and nodded her head._

"_Ok Beth, we're ready." She turned around and sort of did a double take. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. She just grinned back and shook her head. _

_Beth came over and wiped Bella's arm with the alcohol pad and dried it with a cotton ball. She grabbed a few inches of tissue and said "pinch" as she injected the vaccine. Bella let out a little squeak and squeezed my hand._

_Beth rubbed her back and said "All done sweetie. You two just go out and sit in the waiting room for a little bit." _

_Bella kissed my neck and whispered "I'm so embarrassed. Can't we just please get out of here?"_

"_Uh, nope, hospital policy. We'll watch some TV till Karen tells us we can go."_

_Bella was still snuggled in against me, so I just pushed the joystick and maneuvered us out through the hallway and back into the waiting room. _

_As we sat in the corner, I could smell the acrid odor of the coffee just like the stuff in my dream. Bella was quiet and I thought conversation would bring her out._

"_Do you want a coffee?"_

_She just shook her head and snuggled in tighter. _

_About 5 minutes after we got to the waiting room, Dream Bella started to act restless. She kept moving against me, like she couldn't sit still. _Was she scratching herself? _She laid her head back down. I pulled her in for a kiss and her face was cold and clammy. I looked at her, gripping her chin._

"Bella?" _She looked confused. _"Sweetheart, are you alright?" _She still didn't answer. _"Bella! Answer me!"_ I started shaking her and yelling frantically praying that someone, anyone, would hear the commotion and come over. _

_Bella opened her mouth, trying to talk, but nothing came out. _

_Karen was standing next to me attempting to get a pulse on Bella. "Edward, she doesn't look so good, let's get her back to the treatment room. I think Beth should take a look at her." In that moment, every bit of emergency training I had received seemed to go right out the window._

_I tried to drive back to the room we had just occupied. I could feel her heart pounding and I was panicking. I was slamming into chairs and doorways in my haste to get back to the room. _

What had I done?_ She was scared and I pushed her because I thought it was the right thing to do. _

_Beth ran over and took one look at her; she called for an orderly. She grabbed a pre-loaded syringe and jammed it into Bella's thigh through her jeans. _Epinephrine.

_I knew the Epipen should start working in a matter of minutes._

_I drew in a relieved breath. _She'd be ok, right?

_Karen came up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I paged Carlisle, Edward, he's just over in emergency, and he'll be here in a minute to assess her. I'm sure she'll be fine. We're going to give her some oxygen that will help." Karen left us alone. _

_I sat holding her, waiting for the medicine to take effect. I waited for her heart rate to become more regular. I laid my hand between her breasts and it felt like her heart wanted to jump out of her chest. The longer I sat, the paler she became. Her breathing was labored and her lips were turning blue. I'd seen this happen before just once on an ER rotation, an adverse reaction to an immunization. She was crashing. She wasn't getting enough oxygen and with the way it was racing, I feared that at any moment her heart would stop. I yelled for a crash cart. I was screaming and screaming. When I looked into her eyes, they were glassy and unresponsive._

_Jacob Black appeared out of nowhere as Beth barked orders at him. He was pulling on Bella, trying to take her out of my arms. I clung to her, screaming at him and not wanting to let go. Pulling, pushing, yelling... yelling at Bella as I felt her slipping away. We were struggling so hard I was afraid my chair would tip._

"Please, please... baby please!"

_I felt the chair begin to tip as we both teetered towards the ground and when we hit I screamed again. _

My awakening was like having a bucket of ice water hit me in the face. I gasped for air and screamed when Bella grabbed my face.

"Edward stop! You're going to fall out of bed. You have to stop thrashing!"

I grabbed her wrists and yanked her mouth to mine, kissing her until I couldn't breathe. _My_ heart was pounding out of my chest and I was soaking wet.

Bella pulled away from me and reached for the bedside lamp. Her eyes were wild with fear. Her face was red, blotchy and soaked with tears. Her crazy hair was everywhere.

I grabbed her and pulled her to my chest. "Oh my God, you're here! Thank God you're here. I can't lose you. I can't lose you." I couldn't stop the onslaught of emotion as I searched her for any signs of distress. Aside from appearing totally freaked out, she appeared to be fine.

I hugged her in a death grip and sobbed. When I began to quiet, she asked if I was okay. "You're really scaring me. Is there someone I can call?"

I shook my head. "I'm okay now. I just need you... "

"You were hyperventilating. I was so afraid. I didn't know what to do and you wouldn't wake up. You just kept screaming, _please!"_

She sat on the edge of the bed with her arms crossed, rubbing her biceps with her hands. At first I thought she was cold, but then I saw them... fingerprints, perfectly spaced crescents from my fingernails. They were already beginning to turn purple, by morning she'd look like she'd been assaulted.

I reached for her with a broken heart. "I did this to you. I hurt you."

"No baby, it was an accident. You were having a nightmare." She shushed me and tried to lull me to sleep with her soft murmurings and gentle touches, but I couldn't get her lifeless face and vacant eyes out of my mind.

I reached out and stilled her hand. "I'm never going to get back to sleep. I'm getting up. I'm sorry love."

She nodded and watched as I used the bed ladder to sit, and swung my legs over the bed. When I was in the chair, she quietly followed me into the bathroom where I splashed my face with cold water. Visine helped to ease the burning in my eyes. Bella watched me from her perch on the corner of the vanity.

"Are you gonna tell me what that was all about?"

"I don't really want to relive it. I'm afraid talking about it will do just that."

"I think you need to talk about it, if not with me, then Carlisle."

"Can you just give me a little time to calm down? Maybe we could have a cup of coffee."

The trip to the kitchen probably looked like a funeral procession. Even though I was awake, my heart was devastated.

I stood my chair and turned on the coffee she'd set up for morning and listened as the machine gurgled and hissed. When we each had a cup poured, I pulled her to the counter and lifted her by her underarms as she helped me raise her up onto the granite. I pulled into the space between her thighs and when we were eye to eye I leaned my forehead against her chest. Her little fingers massaged my scalp, over and over until I drew in a deep breath and lifted my face. I told her about my dream, and about how Becky'd died. She sniffled and wiped her eyes right along with me as I told her how terrified I was to go back to bed.

The coffee was luke warm by the time I brought the mug to my lips, but I drank, determined to fight sleep at all costs. When it was gone, I poured another.

"Edward, this is insane. Now that you're wide awake, you can see that I'm fine. Why are you so determined to stay up?"

"I don't know if my heart can take another nightmare like that. I know you have work. You should sleep."

"Come back to bed with me, baby."

I shook my head. "I can't right now. There's no way I'll be able to sleep and I'll just keep you awake. I've got some paperwork to take care of anyway."

"Well come in and talk to me then, until I fall asleep."

We cleaned up the cups and I refilled the machine and set it for Bella. She could tell I was stalling, and finally hopped down and headed off towards our room, her shoulders slumped in defeat. I found her curled up around my pillow that lay parallel to the bed. She patted my side but I shook my head.

"Stubborn man."

I used the urinal and returned to the bedroom. Bella reached her hand out for me and I took it. Stilling my chair, I hummed quietly until she began to snore softly. I turned the lamp down until it was a dim glow, just enough to make out her face as she slept. I backed a few feet from the bed and watched over her from the shadows for the rest of the night.

When her alarm went off for me to be rolled, she reached to shake me, and sat up with a start. "I'm here baby. Go back to sleep." She mumbled something incoherently and rolled over. Around four am I left her and went to the study. I wanted to investigate the details of Jeff's email, what I had seen earlier at a glance, seemed almost too good to be true.

After I re-read it, I pulled up the website for the American Academy of Neurology and looked over the proposal for the Clinician Scientist Development awards. The site linked to information for a funding grant from the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. I needed to meet with Jeff and ask him what all this meant. Did he _want _me to pursue it?

I knew Carlisle would support whatever decision I made, and when the memories of the past twenty four hours came tumbling down around me, I picked up my phone.

I heard him fumbling before he spoke. "Hel... hello?"

"Dad."

Blankets rustled and the bed creaked before he answered. "Edward? What's wrong son? It's... it's not quite five in the morning. Is Bella okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine, I'm sorry I woke you. Usually you're up early."

"I had a conference, a couple of my old cronies are here so we closed the bar."

"You _what_?" I couldn't have heard him right.

"I wasn't drinking, well not like _that_. We shared a bottle of really fine scotch, but I'm alright, it was just a couple of drinks. We just sat around and shot the breeze till they pushed us out."

I pictured him sitting in the study with my father, a snifter of scotch in one hand and a hand-rolled Cuban cigar in the other. It was one of just a few times I ever remember either of them smoking or drinking. Although to this day Carlisle would argue that swirling sip after sip of scotch in his mouth is _not_ drinking, at least not in the common sense. When I asked my father about it later, he explained that sharing Carlisle's coveted single malt scotch was an experience in taste appreciation that I wouldn't understand until I was much older. I smiled at the memory, I still didn't understand.

"A few of the guys brought their wives along, and I was bunking with another doc who wasn't feeling well, so a couple of my buddies and I inhabited the bar until they were ready to sweep the floors. My roommate ended up going home a few hours ago, said he ate some foul tasting shrimp off the dinner buffet."

"Well it sounds like _you_ had a good evening anyway."

"I did, much better than he did. Thank you for spending some time with your mother. She's been fussing and fretting since you came home from the cabin, but she didn't want to disturb you, she knows you're working hard to be ready for your return to work."

"She's never a bother, she should know that." I knew it wasn't his intention to make me feel guilty, but when he verbalized my absence, I realized how sorely I'd been neglecting her.

"Perhaps you should tell _her_ that. Sometimes it's just nice to hear it."

"Yeah, I will. I'll call her," I promised.

"She said you weren't yourself. What's wrong, Edward?"

I asked him why he never told me about Becky, and he apologized for not thinking to tell me, and he was quiet when I told him about my sleepless night. "I wish there was some way to make you feel better, son. We all have moments like that when something shakes us up and makes us take stock of our life and the people in it. Mine was the moment I saw you in that emergency room when you were eighteen and the reality that I'd have to break it to both you and Esme that we'd lost Ed and Liz. I had nightmares for months. Fifteen years later I relived it a second time." I couldn't begin to imagine how difficult any of that had been for him. Through my eyes, he'd been nothing but confident and assuring. He was our pillar of strength on both occasions.

"I don't want to go to sleep every night wondering if the last time I kissed her is all I'll ever get. I know how quickly someone can be snuffed out of your life. How do you ever shake that feeling of foreboding?"

"Faith. Faith in God, faith in her, faith that your love is strong enough to withstand anything life throws at it."

"I suppose Mom told you I jumped the gun on the marriage license, too."

I heard him chuckle softly. "I may have heard a rumor to that effect."

"Am I crazy?"

"Do you _think_ you're crazy?" It didn't escape me that he hadn't answered, but rather turned my questions back around on me.

"I don't know. I think I need to see Sasha, she was out of the office yesterday. I'm really out of sorts."

"I'm sure she'd be happy to fit you in, but why don't you wait till her office opens to call her." He said, chuckling quietly again.

"I'm really sorry I woke you Dad. I wanted to ask your advice about something; that was originally why I called."

"What is it son?"

"Jeff sent me an email about a three year development award for a research scientist. The AAN is funding it in cooperation with the MS society. I'd be working exclusively in the private side of the lab."

He whistled softly. "Wow, that's quite an opportunity."

"It is, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I need to discuss it with Jeff."

"If he sent you the information, he supports you. But I agree, you should discuss it with him."

"If I decide to apply, will you help me go over the application? I hear the process is grueling and if it's not done properly the first time, well, second chances don't come along often."

"I'd be honored. Let me know what you decide."

An alarm clock began screeching in the background and I heard him silence it with a slap of his hand. In the background the shower came on and then he flushed the toilet. I felt guilty for intruding on his morning.

"I should let you go. I'm sorry I called so early."

"It was only twenty minutes before I planned to get up, anyway. I want to get home and spend some time with your mother. I've been neglecting her. I thought maybe we'd go to a few antique shops and look around. She's always had a soft spot for beautiful old things."

"Drive safe, dad. I love you."

"I love you too Edward. Try to get some rest. You'll worry yourself crazy."

"Thanks Dad."

"Welcome son. Go see Jeff. I'll call you when I get home."

"Thanks."

I went to the kitchen and saw that nearly empty lunch bag sitting with Bella's things and I couldn't help myself. I made a sandwich and slipped it into Bella's bag; I put it in the fridge and left a note with her things, in case I fell asleep before she left. It bothered me that she ate so little at school.

The coffee maker was just begging to be switched on, so I canceled the timer and started it early. Bacon went onto the Foreman grill, and veggies got chopped and placed into bowls. I decided that while she showered, I'd make omelets. There were some frozen prepared rolls in the freezer; I pre-heated the oven so it was hot when it was time. It pleased me to read that they only had to bake seven minutes.

A sleepy Bella trudged into the kitchen at 5:45, poured her coffee and added milk before turning around and going back to our room. She hadn't even opened her eyes.

An hour later when she returned from the shower, she looked bright eyed and happy to see me. I was happy to see her so full of life. I didn't think I'd ever forget what I saw in my dream.

"What's all this?" Her omelet sat on the counter next to a basket of rolls and the morning paper. I bowed as far as I could with the seatbelt on. "Your breakfast Milady. Would you do me the honor of permitting me to serve you?"

"I would be honored, kind sir." She replied with a giggle. "Thank you. It smells incredible."

I pulled her chair out and pushed it in when she sat. I served her breakfast with a smile.

She gave me a smile in return. "You seem to be in a much better mood this morning. Has the storm cloud lifted?"

"Mmhmm, it has. I talked to my dad this morning."

"Oh? Is he home already?"

"No, he was still at his medical conference in Vancouver. He'll be home later today."

"Has he put your mind at ease that I'm not in any imminent danger? I'm glad you talked with him."

"Me too. I don't spend enough time with him and yes, he has."

"You should do some _guy things_ with him before you go back to work."

While I was pondering how I might spend some quality time with Carlisle, Alice arrived. She nibbled on some of the remaining bacon and sat in the middle of the counter eating one of my fresh rolls with home made apple butter.

"Do you _ever_ sit in a chair, Ali?" I groused.

"I love your counters." She ran her fingertips back and forth across the granite. "It's so smooth, like marble. I wish I could afford these in my house."

"The Formica you installed is gorgeous."

"I know," she pouted, "but it doesn't _feel_ like this."

She jumped down and did a graceful pirouette on her sock covered toes. "Come on mister, let's get you showered. My boys are waiting for me."

Bella grabbed me on my way to the bedroom. "I have to go by the office supply place as soon as they open and pick up some laminated posters before I go in. I'll see you this evening? I have peer counseling.

She reached up and kissed me, hard, on the lips. "I have to go, I'll call you over my lunch break."

I nodded, "Alright, I have to go into the office. I might have a surprise."

"Well, tell me when you're ready."

"I might never be ready."

"You'll figure it out. I look forward to being in on your little secret."

"Bye, love."

"Byeeee."

Alice was making the bed when I entered the bedroom. "You guys make my teeth hurt you're so sweet."

"Have you never been in love, Ali?"

"I have, but we try to limit the PDA."

"I want the whole world to know how much I love her."

"Pretty sure you've got that covered. Now come on, into the shower with you."

Jeff went over the finer points of the application process with me and when I asked if he was certain that I should apply, his shoulders dropped and he frowned. "Edward, you've been nothing but an asset to this office and its patients. You're one of the most compassionate men I know. You're also a brilliant research scientist, but when I look at the big picture, you could be doing so much more for our patients as a scientist than you ever will as a neurologist."

I was lost for words. He'd never praised me like that before and I was humbled to learn that such an esteemed colleague thought so highly of me.

He stopped to gather his thoughts and I knew there was more to come, so I urged him to continue. "But..."

I watched his animated hand movements as he continued to explain. "Not every doctor is destined to be a scientist Edward, and the biggest loss you'll feel is the personal interaction with your patients." He made a movement like he was dropping a stone in a puddle, followed by ripples that spread from the center of the puddle. "You are a bright young man, however, and in my mind instead of your career simply being a ripple that affects a small intimate caseload, I see the potential of your talents reaching out and touching thousands. You may make a discovery that changes the way we treat our patients, and if you don't take a risk, we'll never even have that opportunity. I believe that in the hierarchy of our career, as simple neurologists- we are at the bottom of the food chain, if you will. Yes, we might be specialists in our field, but it's the scientists, the clinical researchers who truly make a difference for not just _our_ patients, hour's and mine, but for all patients, everywhere." His upturned hands rested in front of him and to emphasize each key point of his presentation he slapped the upper hand down into the other palm. I wondered, briefly, if tying his hands would render him mute.

We hadn't really sat down like this in a while, and I needed him to know exactly where I was in my life. "For the first time in my life, I'm happy. I've actually put great thought into leaving research altogether. I don't _need_ to fill my life with things to stave off the loneliness anymore. My life is comfortable... secure. I don't know that I want to stir that up. For years I used my research as a distraction, something to fill that void in my life. Now that hole is running over, without the research. I don't know if there is room for it now." A conflict warred in my head and made my chest tight. The thought of a research grant was exhilarating, yet the knowledge I already had of the long hours and strenuous work load made my heart hurt.

"We both know that if not this, some other life changing event _will_ stir that up. Life isn't supposed to be a long, smooth ride, it's intended to be a rollercoaster with peaks and valleys that challenge you and make you strive to be more. You are far too talented to pass this up; it would be a crime if you became stagnant so early in your career."

He pulled out his tablet PC and began drawing with the stylus. It made me smile, it had been a long time since Jeff last sat me down and tried to explain the ways of our world to me. While his analogies weren't always as direct and to the point as I'd like, he was amusing and I humored him because it felt good to just sit here and talk with my friend.

He drew a slightly advanced stick figure and drew an arrow to what I assumed, correctly, to be its brain. "Let's say this fellow's brain represents the sciences- your research." He drew a line across the figure's midsection and drew another arrow pointing to the area below the dividing line. "Obviously, this is where the root of his problem lies. For now, we'll label it solution. Your research is going to figure out how to resolve his issue, whatever it is."

I was feeling a little skeptical, but Jeff drew me back to his artwork by tapping on the table. "Stay with me Edward."

"Okay," I snickered.

The stick figure was given what appeared to be a spinal column and a nervous system. "Let's refer to the nerve tissue as our education, our medical training." He added another arrow and notated education. "Now, to get your clinical breakthroughs to the root of the problem, we need a messenger. A neurological impulse. That's me, I don't create your discovery, I'm simply the messenger that delivers it. If you want to get even more technical, we could say he has MS and that real life is the myelin coating. Every bump in our career path is like an exacerbation. You however, are at the top of that pyramid. You're the brains of this miracle that is his wellness. I am but the vessel that carries your message to him."

"Okay. I understand what you're telling me."

He closed his tablet PC and leaned back in his chair watching me. "You have such a promising future, I don't believe that simple fate put this opportunity in your path. I know one of the doctors on the grant committee. I may have already told her how much of an asset you'd be to the project."

He'd done so much to further my career, from the moment he'd offered me a position in his office, and now, he was telling me he was ready to set me free. I felt like a fledgling bird being gently nudged from the nest. "That's... really kind of you. It seems so inadequate to just say thank you."

He smiled a sad smile, and I realized how much I'd miss him if I left. "You shouldn't waste a lot of time getting your application in, the cutoff for applications is in January, but it always makes a good impression to be prompt. "

"Yes dad. I will."

He leaned forward and punched me in the shoulder. "I went out on a limb telling Yuri about you. It would be nice if you'd treat me with a modicum of respect."

It felt good to have the conversation suddenly lightened, but, I listened carefully as he continued to explain the process to me.

"The application and selection processes are conducted in two or three steps. You'll have to supply an essay on a feasible experiment, if you make the first cut. I have no doubts that you'll make it. The selection process for the second round will be much more stringent. So start thinking now about the topic you're going to write about. They are only awarding this to five doctors."

"I already know where I'm focusing. It'll be on pediatric MS."

"Good choice, you've shown a lot of interest in the subject matter, you'll do fine. You've got plenty of fresh information to draw from. I'm sure Dr. Burch would welcome the opportunity to get to know you better as well. She's a wealth of valuable information concerning peds neurology. Please utilize anything and anyone this practice has to offer you, Edward."

I was certain he'd have reservations about me leaving when I'd not even yet returned to work. When I mentioned it, he reassured me.

"The first grant year starts in January, 2010, so even if you're chosen, it'll be a while until I have to worry about your absence."

"So when will I know?"

"From what I understand, the final decision will be announced in July." That was nine months away, a lot could happen in that amount of time. Was it worth it in the long run? I'd worked hard to get where I was, and didn't know if I'd want to start from scratch in a few years. My future with our practice was secure. "If I got the award, what happens at the end of three years when the grant ends and I'm out of a job?"

"If you want to come back to private practice, the door is always open, I chose you to work with me because of your reputation. Even right out of school I saw promise in you that I didn't see in many of your classmates. There are young doctors who enter our profession all cocky and confident, who envision the money and the prestige that comes with our title. You've never had that sort of attitude. We both know that this life isn't as glamorous as some people think. You've learned from the best mentor there is. The compassion and caring that your father heals his patients with isn't something that can be found in a textbook. That was the kind of doctor I wanted to share my practice with. You won't ever lose those fine qualities, they have been instilled in you from an early age. I'd be honored to have you return to us, but I'd also be very proud to say that the brilliant young scientist who discovered whatever magnificent breakthrough it is you'll discover, had his start in this practice. You won't ever have to worry about finding work once the grant runs out. They already know what you're capable of at ISCRM, earning an award on the privately funded side practically guarantees your future."

"You've given me a lot of food for thought. It's a weighty decision to make, one that I can't afford to take lightly."

"Tell me something, Edward. If it were Isabella in this position, if she were at a crossroads in her career, and such a promising opportunity arose, would you want her to pass it up, or would you want to help her achieve it by committing to keeping things together temporarily on the home front until she found her way and you were able to incorporate it into your lives more comfortably? We're constantly adapting, you know. It won't always be difficult. You get through the hard years and then it gets easier. You're ensuring your future, and hers."

I thought about Bella and the stressful situation at her school. Her indecision about following her career goals versus following her heart. I wanted her to follow her heart and reach for the stars, and I told Jeff that.

"I think you need to sit down and explain this to her. She has an appointment before the application deadline." He smiled devilishly. "I'd hate to slip and mention this wonderful opportunity in passing."

I pretended to be shocked and gave him my meanest look. "I can't believe you'd resort to blackmail."

He put a hand over his heart. "You hurt me, suggesting such a thing!"

"I'm leaving now. I'll see you in two weeks!"

"Bye Edward," he laughed. "I look forward to your return. Don't stress over this, it's a wonderful opportunity for you and I'd be disappointed if you didn't consider pursuing it. We'll work out the small stuff as it comes."

My mind was all over the place as I drove home. I considered the possibility of just ending my service obligation, and spending as much free time as I could with Bella if I found out I had received the grant, but that would cost me nearly a quarter of a million dollars. It would wipe out the trust that was set up for my education and non-medical expenses. I couldn't fulfill my obligation if I wasn't working in federally funded research, and I couldn't ever work on both sides of the lab at once. It would be a conflict of interest, and I'd never ever see Bella.

If I did get the grant award, and I waited to dissolve my service contract at the point where I'd begin working, I'd have reduced it down to under fifty grand in penalties. That I could afford.

If I didn't apply, I would continue to work in the lab for my commitment of twenty hours per week, wherever I could fit it in plus I'd work my day job in the office. There was so much to consider, and combined with the lack of sleep, my head was pounding. I needed Bella. Together, we'd make sense of this.

Bella's quick call was just what I needed to sooth my soul, and when she hung up, I got comfortable with the old afghan from Mom's chair and tipped my chair. I took a nap and got up an hour before Sasha had agreed to see me. Bella would most likely beat me home, so I left a note on the docking station for her computer, but crumpled it and threw it in the can when I remembered she had peer mediation after school. I'd come home and do some more research on the grant, so we could have an informed conversation.

The conversation with Sasha went well and was along the lines of the one I'd had earlier with Carlisle. She encouraged me to talk with Bella about the wedding, telling me there was no wrong or right time, but to not let my fears dictate when we chose to have the ceremony. When I reminded her that we'd already applied for the license, she laughed and reminded me that the cost was so minute that an up and coming research fellow could afford to reapply at a later date without really breaking the family budget. After I shared my indecision about the conversation I'd had with Jeff, she reminded me to do my homework and make an informed decision. She also ribbed me about my self confidence.

"You're so worried about what you'll do when you get the grant. You haven't even considered the possibility that you might not be chosen. You do realize that it has an extremely high rejection rate? Don't borrow troubles Edward. Live for today, and decide how you'll handle your situation once you know you have the position. You'll have several months to prepare."

Her words reassured me while I was inspecting the AAN website again. Jeff had given me a number of websites to explore, and other research grants I could apply for, although most of the other grants were for a one year period. The three years would give me plenty of time to decide if it was for me, and the security of not having to stress over the job ending in such a short period of time. When Bella got home, I was prepared to discuss it with her, she sat quietly and listened while I tried to share both the pros and cons if I were to be awarded the grant.

Her response was simple. "I think you should pursue it. If you pass this up, you'll always wonder. I don't want you to ever have regrets. There's no guarantee that you'll get the award, but let's plan as if you did. I promised you that I was in this one hundred percent. If you don't get that grant, you mentioned a few others. I think you should pursue it. Each grant has a time constraint. It's only a few years if it becomes too much. That is no more than the blink of an eye."

I picked up the license while Bella was at work on Thursday. It lay on the counter and she read over it with a smile and put it back in the envelope. There had been no more discussion of my urgent need to rush to the altar.

"Sasha didn't come out and say it, but I suspect she thinks I've lost my faculties."

Bella leaned against the counter and gave me her full attention. "Why?"

"That." I said, motioning towards the envelope.

"Oh?"

I coughed, feeling more than a little embarrassed. "She may have mentioned that it didn't matter when or how we did it, that it wouldn't change how we feel about one another. She may have also mentioned that a girl only gets one fairytale wedding and you deserved whatever type of wedding you envisioned. She made me realize I was taking that choice away from you if we rushed through it without taking the time to prepare properly. Do you have a storybook wedding in your head? _Am_ I short changing us by rushing?"

"I don't know that I've ever had a preconceived notion about the kind of wedding I hoped to have. I _would_ really love to have the ceremony on your parent's lawn by the river, and to do that now, we're going to either throw something together very soon, without putting a lot of thought into it, or we're going to have to choose an inside venue. I'm sure we could always use Angela's parish if you'd like."

"No, you're right, I didn't consider the amount of stress I'd be subjecting all of us to by rushing things. I don't want to settle."

She came over to me and climbed into my lap. After she wrapped her arms around me she whispered against my lips, "If you still feel strongly about doing it now, we'll do it. I'm okay with whatever you want."

"We've got the license, let's just sit on it for now?"

I felt her fingers in the hair on my neck before she pulled me down close to her face and initiated a warm kiss. When she pulled back, I just sat and took her in. She was so pretty... she meant so much to me, more than anything or anyone else in my life.

"Baby, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Promise you won't get mad at me for eavesdropping?"

"When did you? I don't understand."

"The other night at my parents, you told Esme you've been falling a lot and that was why you weren't wearing dresses anymore. I've noticed a few things, I'm worried about you babe. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, it really wasn't eavesdropping. You were just a few steps away from us washing dishes, and please don't worry. I intend to talk to Jeff about it when I see him. I promised you I'd tell you if I got into trouble and you promised to trust me."

I squeezed her hands that rested in my own. "You're right. I did. I'm sorry."

She pulled her hands away from mine and gave me a big bear hug. "Thank you for loving me enough to worry, I understand, trust me," she spoke into my chest. My hand rubbed over her back... when I stopped she looked up.

"What?"

I was sure she knew what I was thinking about, but I held my breath when I asked, "Did you mean it when you said you'd be willing to explore some of the drugs that we're using with our MS patients?"

She nodded with a hesitant smile. "I wouldn't have agreed if I hadn't meant it."

Relief washed over me, we were finally addressing a subject that had been a huge source of contention between us. "I'm going back to work soon."

"You are... and I'm coming in to see your partner shortly after you do. I don't want to obsess over it right now, because we both know I will, but when you go back to work, maybe you can bring home some materials and explain it like you explained the Uroject to me? I'd like you to help me make an informed decision."

That was the appointment Jeff had mentioned. I'd like nothing more than to sit in on that meeting if she'd let me. I valued her more than words could express, and her willingness to explore the medication that could help keep her disease process in check meant the world to me.

I'd seen the devastating effect MS had on several of my patients and I'd do anything in my power to hold off the effects of the disease for as long as possible. I'd sell my soul to keep her healthy.

"Thank you, baby, I cherish you and treasure the relationship we share. I never imagined I could be this happy. Now that I have you, I can't imagine anything but a long happy future together."

* * *

My deepest apologies for the delay in posting. Someone in my life has been in and out of the hospital several times and I've been inundated with family obligations. Between time away from this and being distracted, I somehow lost my direction for a while.

I finally found the peace I needed to wrap this chapter up while vacationing in New England with Deleepowman, Musicflare87 and Vengefullovergirl11. Ladies, I had so much fun exploring Maine, Salem and Poughkeepsie with all of you! Stopping at Poughkeepsie Train station and exploring the home of one of my favorite stories was surreal to say the least and celebrating my girls' birthdays was the icing on the cake!

Debbie, I'm so glad you were able to join us. You've been such a good sport while you've been here. ;-) I hope you enjoyed yourself; we certainly enjoyed having you here.

A huge thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and patience during my absence. Next chapter- soonish.

I've signed up for the Fandom 4 Autism fundraiser and will be doing a O/S that is completely different from anything I've written before. There are a ton of great authors contributing and there is plenty of time to donate in order to get your copy of the compilation. Thank you in advance for your support.

~nise


	58. Chapter 58

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-eight

~Bella~

The days after Edward's proposition that we marry expediently rushed by like a freight train. We both made promises to the other, his was the acceptance that we _would _be husband and wife- no matter when we made it to the altar and mine was to let him provide me with his doctorly advice so that we could find the therapy for my MS that best put both our minds at ease.

It didn't escape my notice that the closer he got to his return to work date, the more antsy Edward got; until, thankfully, we got an impromptu phone call from the pet partnership program scheduling Edward for a three week training program in handling and team building with his service dog.

After his application was approved, he had the initial interview via Skype. Not long after, we drove out to meet several dogs one sunny afternoon. The dogs were all lovely creatures, Labrador retrievers around two years of age. They were incredibly docile animals, perfect for someone like Edward who hadn't really ever been exposed to a pet first hand.

We interacted with each of the dogs individually, but in the end, Edward's dog chose him. The quiet chocolate lab came in, sat next to Edward and placed his head in his lap. When he peered up at Edward with those big chocolate brown eyes and swished his tail back and forth, I could almost see the moment when he'd stolen Edward's heart. The rest of the time as we sat discussing the program and what would occur before the dog came home to begin his partnership with Edward... our new friend never moved an inch; his head resting on his master's thigh as Edward gently stroked his head and rubbed his ears.

The night before he left for training, Edward fussed and fretted, worrying about all the things he needed to accomplish before he went to work- the online courses he needed to complete, the new wardrobe he needed to buy, the application for the grant that was nearing its deadline.

After he got showered and into bed, Alice and I both reassured him that we'd take care of his wardrobe and make an appointment with the vet for the dog, and with his laptop packed, he agreed that he would be able to complete his coursework online and wrap-up his application while he was away. Carlisle and Jeff both assured him that they were just a phone call away and both promised to help him scrutinize his application with a fine toothed comb to make certain it was the best it could be.

Just before she walked out the door, Alice promised to see him the following night at the training facility, which was just an hour from Seattle, for a shower before bedtime.

Morning came quickly. Too quickly. For days we had both struggled with the impending separation and suddenly it was upon us. In as much as I wanted him to regain his independence, I dreaded the three weeks he would be gone.

Obviously we'd be able to communicate via telephone or webcam, and a support person was always welcome to remain with him at the facility, or to visit during free time. But we were warned at the meeting we attended that the days were long, hard, and _busy,_ with activities that often went well past the scheduled 4pm dismissal. The woman we met with also mentioned that there was obligatory homework- reading, journaling and tasks with the dog each evening. It was going to be a long three weeks. For both of us.

Neither of us had slept well, and we both looked a little worse for the wear. I sat on the edge of the vanity and watched as he brushed his teeth and shaved before neatly packing his personal items away in his bag. We both laughed when he stuck a dollop of shaving cream on the end of my nose, but it was forced. Neither of us verbalized it, but it the dread of what was ahead of us hung heavy in the air.

The one hour ride was quiet. We both seemed lost in our own thoughts, and every once in a while, one of us would mutter something, whether it be to reassure our self, or the other. "I'll be home before you know it." "The time will pass quickly." "I hope you have a good time."

We checked him into the hotel and I gave the room a cursory inspection for accessibility issues. He was going to be here for the most part on his own and for my own peace of mind, I needed to be sure there weren't barriers that could be dangerous or that would keep him away from something he needed.

The hotel chain that the service dog organization suggested had a number of rooms reserved for their patrons with disabilities. It pleased me greatly to see wide, open, _barrier free _paths of travel, a properly appointed accessible bathroom with a roll in shower and the little things many chains did not provide... Braille signage in areas that weren't required by law, a vibrating alarm clock, strobe light fire alarm, and an amplified telephone.

I was impressed to learn that they also offered durable medical equipment on request at no additional cost; such as bed rails, shower chairs, and beside commodes.

While most chains tried to be compliant within ADA requirements, there were some that scraped by providing the bare minimum and there were places like the one Edward stayed in that went above and beyond what was required of them.

Individuals with physical limitations reckoned finding a place like that to striking a goldmine, and as such, we spread the word and we frequented those establishments as a way of showing our gratitude.

The training facility was huge, but the staff was very welcoming.

_Hershey was incredible. _

He was very receptive to Edward's limited commands and several of the trainers remarked over what a great team they made already. Edward had such a gentle demeanor, that I imagined Hershey would be very at ease working with him, even when things didn't go quite as planned, I knew he would remain patient and be nothing but encouraging and kind to his four -legged partner. When I verbalized that, Edward laughed and reminded me that it was _he_ who had all the learning to do. Hershey had been training for the job his entire life.

Orientation was entertaining and it was obvious that Edward was enjoying himself. Unsurprisingly, he made fast friends with his fellow classmates and we had a really nice, laid back afternoon.

We ate dinner in a huge gymnasium, and then they turned the lights down so we could watch a short movie about service animals. He gave my hand a tug and whispered, "Get over here baby." I climbed quietly into his lap and melted into him as he rubbed soothing circles across my lower back.

At the end, bright lights snapped on and one of the facilitators stood and announced that they would see all the participants at 10am to begin obedience classes.

Alice was waiting in the hotel parking lot when we arrived, and made quick work of the shower. Edward saw us out to the car, going over the schedule with Alice one last time as I followed a few steps behind.

We'd already said our goodbyes several times, but when we got to the parking area he suddenly whipped around in his chair, nearly tripping me.

The forlorn look he gave me was heartbreaking. "Baby?"

I climbed on his lap, and straddled him; kissing until we both lost our breath. "Stay busy. The time will pass more quickly." Smooch. "Have a good time." Smooch. "Drive carefully." Long smooch. "I miss you already."

He squeezed me until I let out a squeak. "I love you. So, so much."

I squeezed him back. "I love you more. Come home to me soon."

We sat that way, our foreheads resting together for several more heartbeats before he let out a sad sigh. "I'll call you every night. I promise."

It was the first time he was truly on his own since the accident, and I think all three of us were a little anxious, but I never had a doubt that he could handle his routine independently and get through the day without assistance. The agency that formally oversaw Alice's employment with Edward would provide a local attendant if needed, but this was a new opportunity for him to be independent and the timing couldn't have coincided better with his return to work.

He needed that little boost of self confidence and decided that he'd only request the services of the agency if he found he couldn't manage on his own, or Alice had an emergency and could not make the drive to shower him after she was done with Demetri.

Jane spent nearly every evening at the apartment, and it sounded like she was doing practically everything Alec needed assistance with, which was very little- according to Alice. A little bird told us that like Edward, Alec didn't want to waste one minute of his life without his girl and he'd already asked Jane's father for his blessing.

I worried that they were so young, but Alice assured me that they were going to wait until they had both graduated college to tie the knot. They seemed to have a great foundation, and I felt better knowing they weren't rushing into something hastily.

I tried to keep myself busy while he was away. It was the first time we'd been separated for any length of time since he'd come home from rehab, and it was strange being home all alone. When the lights got turned off and I settled into my lonely side of the bed, it felt like every little noise was exaggerated. There were a few times when we spent hours running up his cell phone bill, but most evenings he was yawning before Alice even got there to help him.

By the end of the first week they'd gone out a number of times together and I could hear the pride in his voice on Thursday night when he told me Hershey was asleep next to his bed. From that point on they'd be together 24/7.

He commented that the long tiring days were good practice for his upcoming work schedule and joked that he was toughening up his butt for the long days and nights in the wheelchair. I cringed and prayed that he stood himself often enough to take the pressure off the most delicate part of his body. The possibility of skin breakdown worried me so much. His admission that once he was engaged in something, he often forgot to do the little things for himself that were so very important for his well-being validated my concern.

Friday morning he came home with Hershey and a trainer, to get acclimated to the house. We knew a home visit would occur the first week, but they were based on the progress of the teams, and there wasn't a pre-arranged time that it would occur; so I was stuck at work the entire day and aside from slipping out over lunch for a quick hello, I missed their visit. It made me realize how much I really needed the vehicle that was currently being modified for us. I'd been content utilizing public transportation around the city, or riding with Edward all this time. Even rides home to my Dad's were okay because Charlie had always fetched me, and did the driving knowing I tired so easily going that far... but I found myself sorely missing the lack of independence when my love and I were so far apart and I wished I'd at least had the _option_ to visit him if I chose to.

We'd agreed mutually, before he left, that it would be easiest if we just bit the bullet and dealt with his time away because we both admitted that it would be really difficult to tear ourselves away if we visited mid-training. But the longer he was gone, the more I hated that decision and it angered me that he was so close, yet still out of my reach. It would have been easier for me to digest if he were a few hours away, at least I wouldn't constantly be trying to think of a scenario that would justify making a visit.

I spent much of my weekend moping and by Monday I was in a rotten mood. One of my co-workers, who'd previously made it clear she didn't embrace my philosophy concerning independent living, saw my forlorn state of mind as an open invitation to deliver a number of well placed jabs about my involvement with my consumers and our use of the media to make change.

When she made a comment over our lunch break to another teacher from within the confines of a stall in the ladies room that went something like "Bella would rather interact _that kind _of people than us," or "I can't believe she'd make the school system look so bad in front of the media just to get attention for her cause," I wanted to cram her words down her throat. "She's one of _them_, maybe she should work with them instead of us," was the straw that broke the proverbial came's back. Thankfully, Bree grabbed my arm and dragged me into the corridor, just as I turned to beat on the stall door and let Vicky know exactly what I thought about her opinion.

"What was that all about?" I stormed as we stepped into the parking lot. "I was going to give her a piece of my mind."

"You need it all yourself, Killer," she joked, but then became serious and said, "Don't give her a reaction. It's not worth giving her that sort of satisfaction, Bell."

"She infuriates me. I was going to... "

"_Get yourself into trouble_," she interjected. "You've already drawn the attention of the board. Do you really think it's wise to get caught rumbling in the restroom with Vicky?"

"She's right you know. I am _one of them_, and I _should_ be working with them." I argued, using air quotes to punctuate my thoughts.

"So why _aren't_ you?"

"Opportunity hasn't come knocking yet."

"Have you applied for a job?"

"No, I know where I want to work, and there aren't any openings right now. A few of the individuals who work at the CIL are encouraging me to apply. If something comes available, I'll be the first to know. Until then, I've been volunteering whenever I can."

"Ever think about just quitting and living off Dr. McDreamy until you find a job?" she asked, fluttering her eyelids.

I felt myself blushing, but I seriously wondered if the two of them weren't secretly in cahoots with one another. "Have you been talking to him? That would be his first suggestion too, ya know."

"Like I'd ever tell you." She gave me a hard nudge and giggled. "Seriously, Bella. You seem so much happier when you're working with your consumers. You should consider it."

When Edward called that night, he sensed something was off and prodded me relentlessly until I crumbled and spilled about the near altercation earlier in the day. Immediately he sided with Bree. "See, I'm not the only one who sees the situation with Max as an opportunity for you to move forward in your career."

"_Is it_ a career? Because I don't see how you can call it that. I'm _just_ a volunteer. I don't have any formal training. I'm a _teacher_."

"Do you have any idea how many people's chosen career paths are different from their original academic goals? I started out hoping to be the next Clallam County medical examiner..." And instead, fate changed his plans and took his family away from him. Still, I didn't think I had a valid reason to be making a career change.

"But... This is a terrible time for me to consider changing jobs. You're just going back to work... you're applying for that fellowship grant... we're getting married in a few months. I think I should wait."

He clucked. "But, but, but... Time waits for no man, _or woman, _Bella. If you feel this is right, I support you one hundred percent. You've been stressed ever since the new school year began."

"I keep hoping it will blow over."

"What if it doesn't? It hasn't yet."

"Vicky is the only one who is being mean to me. Several of the others aren't as chummy as they used to be, but I'm fine with my little circle of friends. They understand me."

He got quiet for a minute before he went in for the kill. "I worry about you Bella._ I know_ what the stress is doing to your body. I can see it with my own eyes." Immediately my thoughts went to my concerns about him not taking proper care of his tush.

_Hello Pot, my name's Kettle._

"I'll be okay, Edward. The little comments at work don't bother me all that much. She just really hit a nerve today," I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"Still, I want to see you in a career where you flourish, not simply exist. You have the makings of a fine advocate, baby. Advocate for yourself for once. I think you should go down to the CIL and make your intentions known to the director."

"There's no point, there's nothing open right now."

He groaned before he launched into something I was pretty sure he'd been trying to avoid actually coming out and saying. "And I _might _just happen to know that there's a girl working there who is one of Jeff's patients and is expecting. She isn't planning to go back to work until the baby is older."

"Shame on you Dr. Cullen, isn't that a breach of Dr./ Patient confidentiality?"

"I never mentioned a name."

"That's just semantics, doc."

"I think you should go talk to someone. If that doesn't work out there is always the rehab at Harborview. They offer tuition reimbursement, perhaps you want to go back to school for rehab counseling or something while you work in the gym as an independent living skills instructor. Think outside the box baby."

"I'll think about it."

"I'm not trying to push you, but I want you to realize that you have options. You don't have to work, you could just continue to peer counsel your kids until something opens up. Just... be _happy_, Bella."

"Bree told me the same thing, more or less. _But, I'm not going to sponge off of you_."

I could tell he was getting exasperated when he growled. "What's mine, is yours, Bella."

"We're not married yet."

Then he turned my attempt at reverse psychology from a past conversation back on me. "If I needed to take time off and we could afford it, would you deny me?"

"No... "

"So you understand my point of view?"

It was my turn to be exasperated, "I suppose," I grumbled.

"Just think about it?"

"Yeah, yeah... hey, how's our pup?"

"Shame on you for changing the subject, Miss Swan."

"The conversation was over, Dr. Cullen; I was tired of kicking a dead horse."

He relented with a chuckle and muttered, "Stubborn woman." But then he answered me. "Hershey is amazing. You wouldn't believe what he did for me today..."

The second Saturday of his time away, I awoke to Alice knocking on our bedroom door. "Wake up sweetie! I'm coming in, are you decent?"

I groaned out a reply and she slid the door open.

"Edward called, he needs a few things, and asked if I'd have time to shower him this morning. You want to ride along and surprise your man?"

"Oh my gosh! Yes!" I squealed and jumped out of bed. Alice grabbed my arms tightly to steady me when I tripped on the bedspread and stumbled.

"Careful there Bella, we don't want to take a detour past the emergency room. We need to leave in about a half hour. I'll go make us some coffee while you get dressed."

The woman was a lifesaver. "Thanks, Ali, I'll be quick."

Alice rummaged in the bathroom closet for supplies while I gathered my clothing and started the shower. She slipped out of the bathroom when I pulled up my hair and began to undress.

Five minutes later the smell of coffee assaulted my senses when I opened the bathroom door.

Alice laughed when I rushed into the kitchen. "That was quick, we do have a _few_ minutes to spare."

She looked at the bag I'd hastily thrown together before giving me a knowing smile. "Planning to spend the night?"

"Are you going back at some point tomorrow?"

"Yes," she laughed. "tomorrow night for a shower."

"Clearly you don't_ understand _Alice." I replied emphatically, although I knew she _did_ understand, because it was impossible to hide just how much I was missing his presence.

She'd been stopping by nearly every day to check in with me, to invite me on an outing or drop by a meal she'd made _way too much of_ for just her and Jasper... and even though her actions were completely in character, it looked suspiciously like she was doing it to appease the good doctor. I couldn't be angry at his need for reassurance of my well-being, though, I worried about him, too.

"It's been _forever_ since I've seen him. Does he know I'm coming?"

She shook her head. "Nu uh, I think he was afraid it would be an imposition to ask. He knew I had some things going on today and the need for this trip was unexpected."

I just couldn't take another day without him and I jumped at the chance to go.

He beamed when I walked into his room to greet him and held his arms out to me wiggling his fingers in a come hither motion. Obviously he was having a little more trouble than he'd let on with our pact to stick it out, too.

Alice busied herself at the coffee maker while I went to greet my man.

I bounced onto the bed, laughing as we fell together. He held my face in his hands, studying me. I wriggled out of his grasp and crushed my lips to his. "Kiss me you fool. I've missed you too much to waste another minute."

We clung to one another and rolled back and forth hugging and grasping at whatever we could to get closer to one another. The other half of my soul had been missing and I finally felt like I was complete.

I was so excited to see him that I forgot Hershey was with him. A brown head with the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen poked cautiously up over the side of his bed. I could hear his tail excitedly thumping on the floor, but he didn't move an inch until instructed to do so.

He stood solidly next to the chair as Edward exited on my side of the bed; then when instructed, Hershey sat quietly next to his chair.

I waited until Edward told me it was permissible to pet him.

He was attentive and gentle, and he smiled up at me when I greeted him. "Hey boy. I can't wait until you boys come home."

Hershey loved up to me right away. I felt all warm and squishy inside when I saw how readily Edward had become attached to him. I witnessed something that was a far cry from the man who had been intimidated by Kodi and shocked that he was so hairy.

He glowed with pride as he shared a more in-depth recap of his week while he brushed his new friend with a wiry brush. When he was done he went to a bag of dog food in the closet and measured out a small portion of food.

Alice complained that Edward was _starving the poor thing;_ and Edward explained that Hershey was on a special diet that was low bulk and created small compact stools. He went on to explain that he was on a strict time schedule as well. Fifteen minutes after Hershey had his breakfast, Edward got his leash from a small table and Hershey accompanied him outside to do his business. I watched from the sidewalk as they selected a spot for him to relieve himself and then Edward scooped with the pooper scooper and slipped the bag that he'd tied shut into a dumpster on the side of the building. He returned to me with a smile.

"Think you'd like to get to know him while I shower? He's not technically on duty and I'm sure he'd love to play."

It was the first that Edward wasn't all business in regard to his dog. He was taking their relationship seriously, and it seemed like they were getting off on the right foot with their training.

"I'd love to play with him. But I'd love to play with you _more_." I replied, suggestively.

I heard the bathroom door open and close, then water came on in the shower as Alice gave us a moment alone.

Edward referred to his cousin as a party-pooper when she came out and announced shower time.

When he turned his chair in the direction of the restroom, I continued to hold his hand, "I've missed you baby. Can't I help you with your routine?"

He let out a low groan. "This isn't anything like the bathroom at home baby. I worry about safety _there _and this shower requires even _more_ assistance to navigate. Maybe you could help me get dressed as soon as I'm out?"

"I'd like that."

I occupied myself with the training binder that lay on the small bistro table in the corner of the room, until Alice came out of the bathroom. She blew a burst of air upwards and her hair came loose from her sweat covered forehead.

"He's out of the shower and dressing, Bella. He asked for you but he said to warn you it's sweltering in there."

"Thanks." I whispered.

I found him standing in front of the sink, condensation covered the chrome in the bathroom and the mirror, save for the small circle he'd cleared with his hand.

He brushed his teeth; a towel was wrapped around his waist. His hair was damp and still tousled from where he'd rubbed the towel through it. I sat on the toilet lid and watched, mesmerized, as one lone droplet of water made a path down his neck, and over his clavicle, before it found its way down across his chest.

When I licked my lips, he chuckled. "Come here baby, I've missed you so much." He wiped his mouth and pulled me into his arms, kissing me feverishly. "God, how I've missed you." His face nuzzled my neck as he inhaled deeply. "You smell so good. I can't wait to get home and greet you properly."

It was my turn to groan. "I can't believe it's going to be another whole week. This separation is killing me."

"I wish I had more free time to spend with you. Several of my fellow trainees have significant other's who are their attendants. There is a place to sit and watch the training exercises from a distance. Would you stay?" He muttered into my neck. "Please tell me you'll stay."

I pulled back and looked up at him. "I thought you'd never ask. _Yes,_ I'll stay. I hope I'm not being too presumptuous, I may have brought an overnight bag with me."

"Oh thank God." He breathed. "There's an outing today you can attend and tomorrow is a free day. We can do... _whatever._" He was so carefree that I couldn't help but laugh.

I sat in the designated area and visited with some the spouses of Edward's co-handlers while he was off in another part of the facility for several hours taking a class on dog health care issues. I watched with fascination as the seizure dogs and diabetic dogs went through various exercises. One of the women explained that her husband, an amputee who used a wheelchair, was also a diabetic with uncontrolled sugar. Not only could his service dog assist him with activities of daily living, he would also alert his handler of high or low blood sugar issues based on how the man smelled.

The afternoon outing was a van ride to a local college football game where a group of us sat in the wheelchair accessible section. I snuggled on Edward's lap, and Hershey lay next to the chair without moving for several hours.

I knew that service dogs were incredibly well trained, but it surprised me when Edward said he and Hershey would leave the facility with the ability to perform around fifty tasks.

We ate in the hotel restaurant and when we went back to the room it was nice to just climb onto the couch and snuggle. Human contact was so under-rated. If felt so good to just kiss and touch and _be._ He bit his lip and ducked his head before giving gave me a sheepish grin. "I wish I'd have known you were coming, I'd have asked you to grab... "

"There's a syringe in my overnight bag," I blurted out.

It was early when we crawled into bed; once Edward was settled, Hershey retired on the floor next to his side of the bed after he circled several times and pawed at the carpet.

Cool fingers crept under my nightshirt, and tugged at the hem until it was over my head and discarded.

He took my hand and pulled it under the sheets where we lay naked. "Feel how hard I am baby," he whispered in awe. It didn't matter how many times we'd done it, every erection seemed to bring with it a sense of childlike wonderment. It was almost like he still didn't quite believe it was real.

_I was determined to make him a believer._

Together we got him up onto his side, where he pulled my leg up over my hip giving him easy access to the place I so desperately needed him. It felt wonderful as he slid himself back and forth through my folds teasing me with _something_... but not nearly enough. With a thrust of his hips and a tug on mine he slid himself home. We felt the edge of the bed move and heard a dejected sigh in the darkness. I couldn't help giggling at the dark outline of Hershey's face as it rested on the edge of the bed behind Edward, peering up at us.

A frustrated Edward flopped over onto his back and quietly commanded the dog into a _down/stay_ before he let out a huff and rubbed his face with his hands.

I straddled him and pulled his hands from his face. "This is probably as new to him as it is to us. We'll get used to one another."

"I can't do this with him _watching_ us," he groaned in desperation. "Have you ever just... lost the mood?"

I reached down and gave him a firm squeeze. "Oh trust me hon, you're still in the mood." I missed him too much to let anything stand in our way of some much needed loving. Without giving him time to think about it, I slipped down over him, and he grasped my hips to steady me as we rocked our loneliness away.

When he'd finally fallen asleep, I lay there, just watching him. He'd become such a confident and competent lover, in a short amount of time... We had a lot of fun being creative together; never failing to think of something new we could try. We didn't always accomplish what we'd set out to, but life wasn't perfect and we had fun trying. I traced imaginary little designs on his belly as he slept, thankful that we had such a wonderful future ahead of us.

He mumbled that he loved me and snuggled his torso in tight against me. I fell asleep sated and happy, confident that we would get through the next few days without too much difficulty.

The next morning Edward proudly put Hershey through his paces demonstrating how well they worked as a team. Edward nudged me out of bed and Hershey retrieved his clothing and shoes, laying them out in the space I'd vacated, so Edward could independently dress himself.

Even though I'd seen Kodi work numerous times, they showed me how he could fetch Edward a drink, or the remote control, how he could pull open the door for Edward when his hands were full, and close it behind them. I laughed when Edward instructed him to deliver something that looked like a toy to me, until I looked down at the soft, bright colored piece of plastic that clearly stated _HELP_ in big bold letters.

"Just in case," Edward explained softly.

When Edward suggested that we needed to stop by the in-house laundry on our way to breakfast, Hershey carried the canvas bag of clothing to the washing machine and placed it in Edward's lap to be emptied. After breakfast, he helped Edward transfer the items to the dryer and when it was dry, he removed the items- a feat Edward didn't have the flexibility to accomplish independently, and he placed them onto a chair so Edward could fold them and return them to the bag.

When we came back from an outing, he tugged Edward's jacket off, removed his shoes and returned both to the floor of the closet.

I became a little indignant when he told me that they were currently in the process of learning how to get in and out of the shower independently. "Oh sure, you'll let a dog help you, but not me." I scoffed, knowing it was a moot point. He'd made his stand on the shower issue perfectly clear. He wouldn't put either of us in danger by having me help him get into or out of the shower and while I understood his concern, it still bugged me a bit.

He ignored my comment and continued with a small smile. "He's been trained to accomplish bracing based tasks, baby, not just the shower, but he can assist me if I have a problem with a transfer. There have been a few times that I lost my balance, we can improve my transfers as a team. There are times at work where I'll transfer into the couch. He just gives me... a little more confidence."

Edward had become very independent over the months since his accident, but there were things he might never master alone. I could sense his relief at knowing he had his own personal backup system when he returned to work.

Alice's arrival came entirely too soon and it was extremely difficult to pull myself away from my boys. We were both a little misty when it was time to go. Edward and I clung to one another in the parking lot next to Alice's car.

"It's just another week. You're coming to graduation, right?" _Like I'd miss it. _

"Yeah, I'm riding with your parents."

"We'll firm up arrangements later this week. We're doing certification tests on Saturday and signing contracts Sunday. We should be on our way home late afternoon."

"I can't wait."

"Call when you get home, okay?" he mumbled into the top of my head.

"I promise."

I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder. "Hey sleepyhead, we're here."

I trudged up the sidewalk behind Alice as she unlocked doors and turned on lights. I crawled into bed without showering or packing a lunch. I must have fallen asleep talking to Edward, because I woke in the morning with my cell phone plastered to the side of my face, the indentations from the numbers on my keypad spanned my cheek.

I filled my afternoons with peer counseling sessions and outings with Alice. On Wednesday, we picked up Edward's new black dress pants from the tailor. He'd modified the front panels to drop down for ease in dressing and added invisible Velcro closures on each side of the waist. A loop, invisible from the outside, resided inside each pant leg so he could grab them and pull them up.

Jeff dropped off an armload of white lab coats that had Edward's name and title embroidered on the breast pocket in navy blue thread and ten new, white dress shirts were being pressed at the cleaners. Alice polished his dress shoes until you could see yourself mirrored in their shine, and a _getting to know you_ appointment had been scheduled for Hershey Robin's vet.

On Thursday night Edward commented happily that he'd completed his application for the grant, Carlisle and Jeff had gone over it with him via conference call, and he'd printed it off and over-nighted it to the grant committee.

I took Friday off work. Even though Hershey was well trained, I went through the house and made certain that it was spotless with nothing too tempting lying around. I picked up several of Elizabeth's treasured books and put them in their rightful place on the book shelf. I'd die if I carelessly allowed one of them to become damaged.

When Jane was done working at three, Alice picked her up at Peter's office and dragged us both off to the mall for pedicures and a movie. We grabbed some pizza on the way home and spent the night sprawled across Alice's living room floor playing board games.

A game of scrabble was forgotten when Jane laid down the letters S-E-X and turned to me blushing. "Can I ask you girls something?"

Alice chimed in and said, "Oh honey, you can always ask anything you like." I'm sure her mind was on Jane's sad excuse for a mother and the misinformation, or perhaps lack of information she'd provided her daughter on sex.

"It's not that... it's just," she peered over at me "I was wondering if you could give me some pointers since... well you know- we're sort of in the same boat."

"I've got an entire stack of books, we've got several educational videos, and I'd be happy to share anything you need to know."

"I'm a little embarrassed asking, I don't want to know anything too-too personal. That would just make things awkward."

I explained that for the two of us, my part of it was being supportive of him, and being creative as we discovered what worked and more often what didn't. I explained the importance of having a good doctor to help Alec explore the therapies that were available to him, and suggested that Alec talk to Edward about anything he didn't understand.

"I think he's a little embarrassed."

"Would you like me to ask Edward to initiate a conversation? He can be very encouraging."

"That might be a good idea. I know Alec became so much more confident with his catheter issues after Edward took him aside and made some suggestions."

For some comedic relief, I shared some of our funnier encounters... The time Edward heard me call his name and he thought I was in trouble, so he burst in to find Mr. Lucky vibrating across my bedroom floor... and the time Charlie heard me fall out of bed and caught us... I wrapped my tales up with the weekend encounter with our voyeuristic service animal. The girls were in stitches, and Jane finally seemed at ease.

"We haven't really _done_ anything yet. He's really hung up on what he can't accomplish. I'm so ready to move past this."

I understood her frustration and the feeling of helplessness she was experiencing. When Alice suggested that we drive over to my house in our PJs to get the books, I groaned, complaining that I was too wiped out to get up and go. Al volunteered to make the short drive on her own, so I told her where to find everything.

When we were alone, Jane quietly asked about the therapy we were using, and when I explained the injections, she shuddered like I had in the beginning. When I shared that it was the only thing we'd found that worked, and that as long as Edward was comfortable using the medication, I respected his decision. I explained that the self-confidence and happiness that Edward gained as a result of the therapy far outweighed _my discomfort_ with the route of administration.

She asked if we wanted kids, was it something that was even possible for us? I told her that we'd put that in God's hands, and if it was meant to be we definitely wanted our own, but if it wasn't... adoption was an option that we were both completely open to. Eventually, we planned to have children.

"They, um, when Alec first had his accident, they did something to retrieve his sperm," she said quietly. "He's been told that collecting them right away after his SCI would probably ensure the viability of them."

"It's great that they did that for him."

"His mom actually requested that they do it. He was still unconscious. She wanted him to be able to have kids some day."

"That's really cool, Jane. I'm surprised that she had the where-with-all to make a decision like that when he was so critically injured."

"She's a really great mom, she might not have been there in the beginning the way she should have, and I know the guilt from that still eats at her, but she never gave up on him. I think she harbors a lot of guilt over the decision to help him get the bike in the first place."

"Yeah," I agreed. "you're probably right."

"I think she was in a bad spot between Alec and his dad. I wish mine was more like her, Charlotte treats me as if I'm her own. I really like her a lot. Alec's dad is pretty okay too, once you get to know him."

I thought about my own mother, and then compared the ones I had found in Esme and Sue. "Yes, I'm fortunate that I found a surrogate mother in Edward's mom and in Sue, too."

I heard the distinct hum of the Porsche as Alice pulled into the garage. I followed Jane into the kitchen, and we threw some microwave popcorn in and grabbed chips and dip. Alice came in carrying a canvas tote full of goodies, and three cans of coke.

The three of us flopped down onto the blow-up mattress as Alice pulled everything from the bag and dumped the pile in the center of our bed.

Jane opened one of the books with wide eyes and muttered a comment that sounded like, "I didn't know something like that was possible."

From time to time she asked a question, and I answered the best I could, reminding her that it's not always a matter of right or wrong, but more a matter of personal preference. "As long as you're both satisfied and comfortable, that's all that matters."

Poor Jane was mortified when Alice blurted out, "They say that men who are paralyzed have some mad oral skills," but it was my face that was burning.

When Jane recovered, she gathered the books and began stuffing them back into the bag. "Enough. That's just... enough. Bella, I'll call you sometime. Is that alright?"

"Sure hon, anytime you need me, I'm here."

Alice put her hand on Jane's forearm. "All joking aside, please make sure he discusses this with a doc before you take things too far. He had that episode of AD back in rehab. It's possible for guys with higher level injuries have episodes when they are sexually stimulated."

Jane frowned. "Are we putting his health at risk if we have a sexual relationship?"

"No, not necessarily, but it's important to make sure it's safe before you do. There are things you can do to help prevent it from happening, like making sure his bowels and bladder are empty beforehand." Alice explained.

I punched my pillow a few times and snuggled down into the blankets. "I'm going to sleep girls. I've got a ton of stuff to do tomorrow. My man's coming home on Sunday!"

Alice turned off the light on the end table and everyone settled down. From time to time someone would say something out of the blue and a round of giggles would commence. "I can't believe your Dad caught you in the act!"

"I can _so_ see Edward snatching that vibrator off the floor with his reacher."

"Oh my God, you're bridal shower is gonna be a blast!"

"We could have a toy party!"

I groaned and pulled my pillow over my head to drown it out.

"Lisa Barrows and Zipper."

"Ronald Carver and Sadie."

"Edward Cullen and Hershey."

I kept telling myself it was no different than an obedience graduation or something, but when I saw him roll across the stage and accept that certificate with Hershey by his side, I swelled with pride and the tears rolled down over my cheeks.

Esme pressed a tissue into my hand before patting her eyes with one of her own. She beamed like they'd just announced he'd won the Nobel peace prize or discovered the cure for cancer.

Fifteen teams received their certificates that day and after Edward was done, all I wanted to do was hug the stuffing out of him and give Hershey a Milk Bone.

When it was finally over, it seemed to take forever for him to part the sea of people and make it to where we all stood. His car was already packed and we were free to go. I breathed a sigh of relief when we climbed into the car and he leaned towards me our lips finally meeting.

When we pulled apart, he started the car and said, "I can't wait to just sprawl out on my own couch or sleep in my own bed. I can't tell you how much I miss being home."

"I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you being there."

"Soon baby, we'll be there soon," he assured me.

There was a protocol for familiarizing the dog to the house, so Edward's first task was walking him around the perimeter of the rooms, allowing him to poke his head into the closets and letting him sniff the clothing in Edward's dresser. I sat on one of the benches at the fire pit and watched as they strolled the perimeter of our yard.

Edward pulled up behind me and rubbed my shoulders. There was just enough space under the bench for his footrests, placing him in the perfect position to give a back rub. He massaged the muscles of my neck before working his way down over my shoulders and back with his magic fingers.

"Do you think he likes it here?" I wondered aloud as the dog lay panting softly next to us.

"He seems quite content. Do you like having him here?"

"I know how much of a Godsend Kodi is for Robin. I like the fact that you have a helper who can assist you when you need something, without having to wait until it's convenient for someone else;" I thought about the fact that he'd be there to assist Edward with transfers. "…and it's reassuring to know how much he's capable of. I'm

glad we made the decision to do this."

"He'll be a Godsend when I go back to work next week."

_Next week..._ began the following day.

~Carlisle~

It was a long day in the emergency room and I was finally able to go home, nearly two hours after I was scheduled to leave. All afternoon I had maintained my focus by thinking about what awaited me at home. I was a fortunate man and I rarely took my home life for granted. Esme was an angel... _my angel._

I knew that once I walked through the door of our home, I would be greeted by her warm embrace and soft kisses. No matter what kind of a day I had endured, she had a way of making it all melt away.

I gathered a few things to take back to my office- things that needed attention, but could wait until the next day. When I rounded the corner, I was taken aback to see the light was on. I reached for the door knob and was even more surprised when it swung open without the need for my key. I couldn't imagine why Carmen would leave everything open when she left to go home. I knew the cleaning crew wasn't due to arrive until 11pm.

I walked past Carmen's cubicle to my office and turned the knob as quietly as I could, not sure of what I would find on the other side of the door. Silently, I slipped inside. My intruder sat, reclined in his wheelchair, snoring softly. His canine partner was curled up tightly against his wheelchair. Hershey lifted his head and wagged his tail.

"Hey there boy. What brings you guys here at this hour? I guess maybe you've been here a while." It was all I could do to refrain from reaching out and rubbing his head, but I knew that wasn't appropriate and I didn't want to break protocol when they'd been together such a short length of time.

Edward looked so much like the little boy I remembered, when he was relaxed like this. When all the stress was gone he looked so young and peaceful. I had to smile; even now, when he was nearly forty years old, he came to me when he couldn't solve a problem. This feeling in my chest was pride... the pride that a father felt. True, he didn't belong to me biologically, but in every way that mattered, he was my son.

I sighed. _I wonder what's wrong._

"Edward?" I shook him gently. "Son, wake up. It's late." Hershey's tail thumped the floor in a friendly manner. At least he didn't appear to want to take a bite out of me for touching Edward.

Startled, Edward looked around with wide eyes, searching. He relaxed when he focused on my face.

"Carlisle."

He stretched and yawned, slowly scrubbing over his face with the heels of his hands.

"Long day, son?"

He groaned. "Last week was a long _week_."

"It's just one week today, it'll get easier."

"So say _you_, I'm only in the office this week. I haven't seen very many patients who are in the hospital and I haven't been to the lab yet. I'm having a hard time staying awake from 8 to 4."

"It takes time, your endurance will improve. You didn't come here just to grab a nap though, did you? That would be more comfortable at home, I'd think."

"No, I didn't come here for a nap," he replied in a mocking tone, "although the peace and quiet was nice. I like the relaxation feature on that radio Esme gave you. I listened to the ocean until I drifted off. Bella and I need one of those." He smirked as he gazed at the radio on the corner table, I hope he didn't think he'd make off with it. His house would be the first place I looked.

"So what's up? Are you coping okay with the demands of a busy practice? Is it too much for you? I'm sure Jeff could modify your work schedule for a few weeks."

"I'm okay, in that regard- a little stiff and sore, perhaps. It was overwhelming at first, but I'm settling in alright. Dr. Berch is carrying the extra cases, assisting us with those until I'm back into a routine and am carrying my full caseload. Jeff decided it would be best."

"Nothing's wrong then? I worry when I find you here sleeping. This isn't just a social call is it?"

He frowned and I could tell something was troubling him. "I'm stumped on a case. I could go to Jeff, but I wanted to run some things by you first. I don't want him to doubt me, I know, I'm being stubborn, I just want to figure this out on my own and some things are puzzling to me."

"Fill me in and let's see what we've got."

Edward pulled his Trabasac onto his lap and pulled his computer from inside. He pulled up several lab findings on the laptop, flipping between them and pointing to certain numbers. "This is the protein marker from the myelogram I had done. I thought it was MS, it presented like MS, but look at her protein levels, they aren't elevated."

"What symptoms did she present with?"

"Everything seems to be neurological. She awoke one morning with numbness and tingling on her right side. The real panic came when she looked in the mirror and saw her face- severe Bell's Palsy of the right side. She's also experiencing muscle weakness, extreme fatigue, and neuropathy. She said the worst sensation is the burning through her extremities."

"How is her vision?"

"Consistent with MS. Blurred vision, floaters, and she suffers from frequent headaches."

"It sounds like classic MS symptoms."

"I know, but something just isn't adding up, and I know it's right here in front of me."

I flipped through the windows on his screen, looking over the results of each test. "Have you run a panel for Lyme Disease?"

"Yeah, it came back negative."

"Which testing method did you use?"

"I ordered the Lyme titer, ELISA."

"You realize that test has an accuracy rating of only thirty percent? Run something more definitive. Start with a Western Blot to screen for the Lyme, and at the same time run a viral panel to rule out viruses such as HHV6, Cytomegalovirus, and Epstein Barr. The results from those tests will come back in a few days, you don't want your patient to suffer from undue anxiety over a diagnosis. Is she inpatient?"

"No, her insurance wouldn't pay for another day; I sent her home this morning. I hate to send someone home with more questions than they came in with. She's a young mother, active and of the mindset that she can't afford to be sick. I'd like to give her some answers and begin treating whatever this is."

I knew exactly where I would begin if she were my patient. "Here- let's go to the website for IGeneX." I typed it into Google and soon we were on the website for the most comprehensive lab I'd ever worked with.

"An independent lab? Aren't they expensive?"

"They are the most comprehensive lab as far as testing for Lyme and other parasitic infestations are concerned. They accept Medicare and other private insurance. Your patient deserves a correct diagnosis. Read over the requirements carefully, though. Draw the samples yourself, and ship them yourself so that you know they are handled properly. Their requirements are very specific, right down to which day of the week you need to draw which samples on. If you don't follow the requirements to the letter, they will reject your samples. The downfall is that it's four weeks or more for the results. Until then, once you get the Western Blot back you can begin treating her with Doxycycline."

"I knew I was overlooking something, but it wasn't blatantly obvious."

"Feel better now?" As much as I wanted to get home to my lovely wife, it was incredibly rewarding to work with Edward again. There was a day not all that long ago, where I feared I'd never share something like this with him again.

"Yeah, I have no doubt you're right. I'll call her tomorrow to get her set up for testing. Thanks for your help."

I wanted to add a little levity to the heavy conversation so I asked, "Anything exciting happen at the office while you were on leave?" It was a small office with just a few employees, so I knew it wasn't the gossip mill that my emergency department was, but there's always something happening in a hospital. I had no idea that my question would create just the opposite reaction.

"Jeff is just sort of... off... this week. That's why I didn't want to bother him with this diagnosis. I didn't want to trouble him." I hadn't heard anything about the head of our neurology department, sadly I was intrigued.

"What's up with that? Is he just having a bad week?"

"He lost a patient on Monday, and he blames himself. Thank God I wasn't treating him, I'd feel guilty too."

"Why do you say that? What happened?" There hadn't been any chatter about a malpractice investigation or a disciplinary action that I knew of, usually they investigated suspected mishaps quickly so there weren't any surprises if a family filed a suit.

"The guy had been my patient since I started here as an intern. He has MS, and has gotten to the point that none of the CRAB drugs worked anymore to alleviate his symptoms. He could barely walk, so Jeff started him on a particular IV infusion. It's a last ditch effort that many docs won't even consider using. There have been some patient deaths with this particular medication, so Jeff was careful to do everything by the book, made the patient detox, he waited the appropriate washout period to be certain nothing else lingered in his system. They went over the patient information and interview that is required before each infusion. He had another infusion early last week, his third one, I believe. He showed signs of PML, but never reported it to our office. His wife said she tried to get him to come in, but he felt he wasn't ill enough to warrant a visit- he was sure the balance issues and weakness were just a symptom of the MS and not a side effect of the medication. Monday they brought him into the emergency room."

I knew progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy, or PML, was a serious infection of the brain. Only a few people had contracted PML and died, as a result of the medication, but even one death was one too many. But, just the way he relayed the story, I had a sinking feeling the news was bad. "By the time the patient made it to the hospital, it was already too late, wasn't it?"

Edward was visibly upset. "If that had been me, I don't know if I'd be able to continue practicing medicine. I know it wasn't malpractice, and Jeff did everything he was supposed to, but still, I guess I'd feel like I hadn't educated my patient well enough. I know I'd feel responsible in some way. That would be a hard feeling to shake."

"You can't say that son; unfortunate things happen when you deal with human beings, people are not infallible, nor are they invincible."

"You're right, but just coming back from being away so long, if something like that had happened, I guess, I'd question my decision to give it to a patient. I'll never prescribe it. I can tell you that."

"What if it's warranted, or, what if the patient insists?"

"Then they will have to go elsewhere. I just can't do that knowing what I know now."

"There are instances, you know, where you have to take risks because you have nothing else to offer. You're not God. You can only do what you've been trained to do, sometimes it's out of your hands."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I understand Dad."

"You look exhausted son, are you awake enough to drive yourself home? We could go grab a cup of coffee."

I laughed when he shuddered. "No, I think talking with you has helped me wake up. I'll be alright. I want to be able to sleep when I get home."

"Call me when you make it safely home, alright?"

He gave me a slight nod, understanding my need to know he was safe. "I will."

I followed him out of my office locking up behind them.

I watched with pride as my son and his furry companion walked away from me. I passed a calendar on my way through the ER and marveled over the date.

October 27.

Exactly one year ago I got the report no doctor wants to receive. The one confirming it's a loved one coming in on that ambulance.

It's an even more devastating feeling when there is nothing you can do but sit back and watch.

They brought our boy in and I was devastated.

When I heard Jasper's first hand report of the accident scene and saw the extent of his injuries, I knew nothing short of a miracle could bring him back to us.

Reality told me to prepare for a devastating outcome. Faith told me to never give up. The love for my child made me promise that I wouldn't.

I knew that night that, if he survived, our lives would be forever changed. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that so much happiness could rise up from such devastation.

My son's life was changed irrevocably as a result of that night, and ours was as well.

We had so much to be thankful for.

* * *

I had the distinct pleasure of participating in the Fandom4Autism fundraiser by penning a collaborative O/S with my daughter, Musicflare87. It's something very different from our regular writing, and hugely different from Impact.

Especially exciting for me was Betti Gefecht's generous donation of a kick-ass banner and for entrusting us with her boy. Little Green is one of a small handful of autistic Edward's who exist in the Twi-fandom. He's owned us from the very first chapter, and over a year later, he continues to captivate. It was an honor to feature him in a one-shot that was written to benefit the Fandom4Autism.

The May 25th deadline for donations has been **extended** through May 26 (today) if you still want to get the story compilation. I apologize for the delay in posting. I had hoped to finish this chapter early enough that I could give you days to decide if you wanted to participate, and instead I don't have enough time to even give you a few hours. My bad.

A big thank you to everyone who assisted with the construction of the O/S and this chapter, as well.

FYI, if anyone is interested, my companion piece to Impact, Dear Edward, has updated recently. If you enjoy the interaction between Superward and Alec, alert it.

I will be updating the blog with more information on service dogs at some point this weekend.

As always, I have the most wonderful readers. You rock! Thank you for taking the time to read or review.

To those of you in the US, have a lovely Memorial Day weekend.


	59. Chapter 59

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Fifty-nine

~Edward~

The anniversary of my accident passed, thankfully, with no acknowledgement of the date from anyone. It wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. My mother did call to tell me how much she loved me, and we both knew what she was actually saying- _I'm glad you're still with us... _

_I'm glad too, Mom. _

A few weeks had passed since my return to work. Gradually, we were learning to juggle work and together time in a fashion that worked for us. Before I'd gone back, it was this huge black cloud looming over me. I loved my job, and I craved the mental stimulation that was impossible to find in an empty house while my girl was working, but the worry over how much time we'd be apart gnawed at my insides.

The time away working with Hershey had coincided perfectly with my return to work, and over the three weeks at school my days had once again become structured and scheduled- something that I'd been accustomed to my entire career. From the time Bella had returned to work, the majority of my time was spent wandering aimlessly looking for things to do. Sure, there was online coursework, and I was always welcome to drop by and visit either of my parents or Em's gym, but I felt like a ship without a harbor.

Sitting around had also served to feed my obsession over Bella's symptoms. Every time she limped, or rubbed her eyes or lost her balance, my mind went into over drive. I'd ask her if she was alright, and the answer was always the same. "I'm fine, Edward." or "I'm okay, hon. I'm just a little tired." While they were subtle in nature, there had been definite changes in Bella's condition. We both knew it, and it became the elephant in the room neither of us properly addressed. She didn't _want _to talk about it, as if talking would suddenly make it real, and while we both _ knew_ it was real I had promised to not pressure her, to let her address it on her own terms. I felt like the parent entrusting the car keys to a newly licensed child driver and then suppressing the urge to follow along behind in another car to be sure he was safe.

As her future husband, I wished I could close my eyes and pretend that another exacerbation might never come, or reason that people with MS sometimes have periods of remission that last for years. If there was ever any choice in the matter, that's what I'd have chosen. However, Dr. Edward was a realist and when I slipped into his lab coat; I'd remember with startling clarity some of the worst exacerbations I'd ever seen in other patients. It made my heart hurt and my mind over-react, because I knew anything was possible with the disease, not one thing was predictable, and I had nothing but knowledge and a handful of medications that my girl pretended she didn't need and had refused until now to even consider using, to hold those symptoms at bay.

While I knew she was as committed to this relationship as I was, that niggling little voice kept taunting me and asking,_ "If she's so invested, why isn't she doing more to ensure her healthy future?_"

The doctor in me knew that one day there would be another exacerbation. She's had a handful of them since her first episode and in the big scheme of things, it's only been a short time since her diagnosis. MS was such an individual disease; its presentation was never the same for two patients and even as a doctor who specialized in her disease process, much of the outcome was out of my hands. That was the part that scared me beyond words. I could teach her how to live with the devastating effects of the disease, I had the resources to point her towards appropriate therapies and technology that would allow her to live her life as fully as possible, but what I really needed... what my soul really craved... was having the confidence that _I'd_ done everything _in my power_ to keep the effects of her disease at bay for as long as possible.

Bella shared a really good rapport with my partner and I was relieved that she felt comfortable in his care. He was a great guy with a calm demeanor and was very much like Carlisle in his quiet and comforting manner of caring for patients. He was easy to befriend and his new patients soon felt like they could tell him anything- which was how it _should be_, but often wasn't. A good doctor/patient partnership was paramount in our specialty. We were the only neurology clinic in the area that worked primarily with MS patients. The disease had so many hidden facets that could manifest themselves, and if a patient wasn't forthcoming about even the littlest things, it could hamper their progress.

Full disclosure from our patients was crucial, even when the symptoms seemed insignificant to the patient.

I shuddered when I remembered the patient we'd lost just after my return to work. Had he allowed his wife to report his symptoms, Jeff could have caught the side effect of the medication and he would probably still be alive. I couldn't even imagine the emotions his wife was wrestling; she had to be fraught with guilt.

A simple phone call could have saved his life. _Just a phone call._

While there was currently no cure for the disease, the medication that wasn't out there even twenty years ago has become incredibly promising. These drugs promised to give an individual years, perhaps a lifetime, with little or no symptoms. My personal goal was to continue to keep as many patients as we could walking through our door on their own two feet. Especially Bella.

I found the thought of leaving the practice for a career in research overwhelming and I questioned not only my decision to pursue it, but Jeff's as well. I would miss the personal interaction with my patients greatly and I prayed that moving away from this aspect of my career wasn't something I would come to regret. But the thing that cemented my decision was my desire to continue to move research forward until we found a cure for the disease. The three year grant I applied for was designed to do just that, how could I overlook such an opportunity? I'd move heaven and earth to ensure a bright future for my girl.

Bella's reasons for questioning the drugs were valid ones. She wasn't comfortable with some of the side effects, the worst of those being the possibility of permanent damage to the liver and kidneys from some of them. The side effects of many were worse than the disease, itself. Yet, in my mind even a year ago, I knew what I'd prescribe for Bella _if she were my patient_.

Had I been well when she became a patient at our office, no doubt she would have become mine, in a much difference sense of the word. Jeff's caseload was full, while I had openings for several patients. Had she been my patient, none of _this_- meaning our relationship, would have ever been possible.

I'd taken an oath that prohibited, among other things, entering into a physical relationship with one of my patients, which I would have never done. Still, I believe things happened to us for a reason. Someone brought Bella into my life at just the right time, for a specific reason.

It was divine providence.

I looked through the files on my computer, patients that I was trying to reacquaint myself with after a year of medical leave. It felt good to interact with them again. Old friends, that's what they were. I'd been seeing most of them since the beginning of my residency at Harborview over three years ago.

When I had moved back to Seattle to begin my residency in neurology, Dr. Jeffries had recently opened what is now our office. He wanted another set of hands. His interest was in someone just out of school, with fresh ideas. Carlisle and Dr. Jeffries were close friends, well…_Esme and Heather Jeffries_ were close friends…Carlisle and Jeff were _colleagues_. When Jeff told Carlisle he was looking for a young doctor who had a specialization in neurology, Carlisle convinced him to take me under his wing even though I had barely begun my residency. In the beginning I only worked an afternoon or two a week, coming in when my schedule allowed. Over time, Jeff convinced my attending physician to allow me to put more of my time in under his watchful eye, seeing both office patients and hospital admissions. Before I even completed my residency, Jeff offered me the partnership in his private practice, and as soon as I had my license, we became partners.

As I locked up for the day, I smiled to myself. It felt like everything I'd done to educate myself had been meant to lead me to this moment. Finally, after months and months of encouraging Bella to take a more proactive approach to the treatment of her condition, the day had finally come. My job before leaving for the day was to stuff my backpack full of pamphlets and brochures for Bella and I to explore together. I already knew what I wanted for her, but this had to be her decision.

Since I knew she was already apprehensive about the whole situation, I decided to grab dinner from the pizza place we've come to love. We'd eaten a lot of it since that night at Esme's. Sadly with our crazy schedules, even though we'd fallen into a comfortable routine, good cooking and eating habits had fallen by the wayside replaced by meals that were quick and simple. I was beginning to feel the effects of those bad habits, though, and ordered a large side salad as well, in a feeble attempt to compensate.

When Hershey and I got home, it was already dark. I noticed that the sun seemed to be setting earlier and earlier. The lack of sunshine had caused it to turn drastically colder. I dreaded winter and the damp cold that came with it. It was the kind of cold that a body just couldn't seem to shake off. I was having a little trouble accepting the arthritic changes in my body, and I knew it was only bound to get worse with the dropping temperatures and near constant precipitation.

Last week, I bought Bella and I one of those phototherapy lamps, you know the ones… they were designed to illuminate the room with sunshine quality light and knowing she'd be spending a lot of time at home alone, I thought it would be a worthy investment. I'd watched Bella get noticeably depressed as winter approached and when asked, she admitted that seasonal depression was an issue she struggled with. My days started before the sun came up and by the time I pulled into the driveway, it had become dark once again. For the most part, daylight for me consisted of the unnatural glare cast from the hospital's fluorescent lighting.

If I was lucky, I'd get the chance to scoot outside for lunch. Today was not my lucky day; although I felt fortunate have time to get all the patient materials for our discussion.

Bella met me at the garage door and pulled the pizza box from my hands. Unless they were full and I needed to utilize my lap, I've made it a practice to come inside standing up. Bella seemed to enjoy greeting me that way, and I did too. When I came in standing, she'd get up on her tippy toes, and give me a kiss, and for just a moment I was a regular guy walking through the door to greet his girl. With Bella in my life, the things I used to perceive as shortcomings didn't seem to bother me so much anymore. It has taken me a long time to see, but I wasn't the same man I was when we met.

She seemed to be in a good mood as soon as my pal and I made it through the door. Before I realized what was happening, the pizza was on the coffee table and she was peppering my face with kisses and pulling me into her soft, warm embrace. I released Hershey while tiny arms reached up and unbuttoned my new winter coat and slid it down off my shoulders as she pulled it free. She grabbed my gloved hands one at a time, shedding the gloves and putting them in my coat pockets.

"Mmm, Dr. Cullen. You smell so good, so cool and refreshing. What's that candy bar?" She asked, as she stopped to think. Once long ago I admitted my favorite candy was the York Peppermint Patties I used to eat every day. I hadn't had one in years, but every once in a while I'd ask, unsuccessfully, for her to buy me one. "I know…York Peppermint Patty…Taste the Sensation." she laughed, teasing me as she quoted the advertisement. She nuzzled into me, touching, tasting... inhaling deeply.

I kissed her in return, stopping enroute to the kitchen table. She had it already set and waiting. "Go ahead and sit down, Edward. Let me get it." She filled our plates with the delicious hot and gooey delight, and enthusiastically loaded bowls with salad. The aroma filling the air was indescribable. Not even Hershey was immune to it. He never begged, but when he whimpered softly from his spot under the table, I vowed to give him a doggie treat after we were through. He never got people food. Ever. It wasn't healthy for any dog, but it was a very unsafe habit for a service dog to learn. They were constantly put in situations where there was food- a situation that could be dangerous for the dog, its human partner and the individual that was dining on something that looked like a tasty treat if he chose to steal.

As we ate, we discussed our individual days. Bella once again fought with the mother of a little boy who was getting no support at home with his studies. It frustrated her to see him struggle and she made no effort to hide it.

"It makes me so mad, Edward. I call her at least once a week. Poor little Benji, he tries so hard but his mother puts him to bed so late. He watches TV until the eleven o'clock news. They play Xbox with him but won't help him with his homework. There's just no structure in that home, yet he has so much potential. How can he learn in an atmosphere like that?"

We talked for a while about Benxi and his mother. When Bella's rant ended, she smiled at me sheepishly, putting her little hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to monopolize the conversation. How was your day?" She still hadn't made a career decision, but it made me proud to see her so passionate.

I couldn't help but laugh at her, "It's ok, Love. I like to see you so passionate about your kids." I knew she loved each and every one of them and even if she left teaching, she'd continue to work with kids. She'd make an incredible mother and I'd begun exploring the ways I could one day give her at least one of her own to love.

"How was _your_ day, Edward, did you bring us homework?" she asked, removing the dirty dishes from the table and placing them in the sink.

_She remembered._

I wasn't really surprised that she remembered, but more so that she had initiated the conversation about something she had previously found to be overwhelming.

"It's in my backpack, Bella. Do you mind grabbing it?" I thought I was in pretty good shape before my return to work, but I realized quickly how much range of motion I was still lacking and the numerous times I had to depend on someone else bothered me to no end. The battle of the backpack had been ongoing sporadically since I'd been in rehab, but it was _the_ one thing I had to master above all others. It was ironic; it had been my legs that suffered the damage in the wreck, but it was my upper extremities that caused me the most grief.

Bella grabbed the pack without a word and laid it on the now empty kitchen table. While I pulled everything out and prepared my presentation, she loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the counters before pouring us each a cup of coffee. There were at least a dozen brochures, as well as a copy of the MS society research highlights newsletter from 2000. While an older publication, it contained all the important information about the drugs we were going to be discussing, it was also the article I shared with my patients when having the same discussion.

I also laid out a copy of the current MS newsletter which described different experimental trials that had become quite common for people with MS. My lab had been instrumental in providing the protocols and running the testing for some of those very experiments. As long as she wasn't expecting, it might be beneficial for her to consider participating in some of them. They provided cutting edge medication or technology that wouldn't be available to the public for, in some cases, a matter of years, yet they had gone through the non-human testing phase and under careful supervision many were quite safe.

Like an invested student, she sat patiently giving me her undivided attention and I began describing the _CRAB_ drugs _C_opaxone, _R_ebiff, _A_vonex, and _B_etaseron.

First and foremost however, I needed to be certain she understood the bottom line. "Bella, you realize none of these drugs are taken orally? They are all injected. I know that bothers, you, do you think that's something you can condition yourself to?"

She made a face while nodding, I understood her reluctance, but it was the most important issue, if she couldn't stick with it, no pun intended, there was no point even discussing the matter further. When I raised my eyebrow in anticipation of her answer she nodded again. "Yes, yes, I can do it if I have to, I trust your advice. Will you help me?" she asked quietly.

I reached out and took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. I'd be there for her every step of the way, and I prayed, after a short period of time, she'd see that it wasn't as terrible as she'd made it out to be in her head. Most patients overcame their aversion to needles after they began to feel the positive benefits of the medication. Suddenly it became an ally instead of the enemy.

"I _will_ help you, once _you_ make the decision on which medication you want to begin using. It's important we get you started on _something_; it will slow the progression of the disease. It won't make it go away, Bella, but it's something we're working on every day in my lab. We're trying to find a cure for MS and we're not the only ones. I'd make it go away if I could."

My office was just a few doors from the research facility, I began pulling a full ten hour day in the lab my second week back to work, and combined with a few morning hours I'd begun to incorporate into my day, I was meeting my service obligation. The neuro practice was great about scheduling me accordingly, and they graciously allowed me to slip off to the lab whenever I had a chunk of time where I had no one scheduled. My purpose in the lab was more personal now than ever as I worked with stem cells and T-cells, in an effort to find drugs that would combat neurological diseases such as MS.

She took a calming breath and smiled. "Alright, Dr. Cullen, give me the speech you give your patients."

I started off explaining the Betaseron type drugs to her. They all had multiple side effects, and while I really didn't want her taking any of those, it was my job to give her an unbiased presentation. She picked up the pamphlet and read through the side effects of the medication, screwing up her face.

"You say the benefits outweigh the downfalls?"

"For the most part, yes, and most people get used to the side effects."

She watched, studiously, as I stacked the brochures into piles. I explained the benefits and the side effects of all of them, but left one brochure off to the side, lying face down. That medication was my hold card, the one I knew she'd use for so many reasons once I explained it, but I wanted to be fair and explain everything about the rest of them to her first.

I handed her a brochure that showed the size and gauge of the actual needles used for each medication, the preferred injection sites, and a comparison on how each medication was prepared. Some had to be mixed, some had to be drawn from an ampoule each time, and some were prefilled. She ran her finger over the pictures and shivered. Normally, I'd tease her, but this was important and we'd finally made headway. There was no way I'd laugh when something so important was at stake.

"While these are all excellent medications, Bella, they have side effects. Most of these medications can make you feel like you have the flu. You may experience stiff sore joints. Fever, chills and fatigue are also common."

"Will I feel like that _all the time_? Does it ever go away?" She waited quietly for me to answer.

"Sometimes, Bella, but not in every patient. It's the least worrisome side effect. Some of them can cause liver and kidney damage; you'll have to have periodic lab work. Then there are the usual side effects that accompany most injections- soreness at the injection site, redness, and swelling. Many of the side effects lessen over time as your body becomes acclimated to it. There are also a few reproductive issues with these. Some of them can mess up your ovulation." I ended my comments by placing my hands over the large stack of brochures. I almost felt like I was defeating the purpose of pushing her towards this. I was sure it looked that way to her.

"Edward, we're talking about trying to have a baby in the future. Can I get pregnant taking any of these?"

"_You can_..."

She knew there was more. "But?"

"_But_ … if we decided we were ready to try, I'd take you off any of these medications before we even started."

"And can you tell me why, after you've always shot down all my arguments against these meds; you're sitting here telling me how terrible they can be for me? It almost seems like you're suddenly trying to deter me now that I've decided. This is why I'm hesitant. I think I'm pretty healthy right now. Is it really _worth_ it?"

"I'm not trying to confuse you. But it would show bias if I didn't tell you everything about them- positive or negative. The most important benefit is that all of these medications are designed to keep your symptoms at bay. They've been proven to keep patients walking longer, and to reduce the number of exacerbations, or to keep exacerbations in check." I scrubbed my hands over my face, worried that my next comment would upset her and bring our discussion to a premature end, but it was as good a time as any to bring it up. "In fact, I'd bet, if you shared some of your symptoms with Jeff you'd find that you're experiencing an exacerbation right now."

Her gaze fell to her hands. "What... what makes you think that?" she asked from behind the curtain of her hair.

"Well, you've admitted that you're having issues with balance. I've noticed changes in your gait, you drag your right toe just the tiniest bit." I took a deep breath, fearing she'd take offense to what I said next. "I suspect that you're experiencing some cognitive dysfunction as well."

Her head whipped up, her eyes big. "What do you mean _cognitive dysfunction_?"

"Maybe it's just the combined stress of work and the thought of a wedding, but I can't help but wonder if it's something more. You seem to get stuck during conversations, you can't seem to stay organized and you're normally one of the most organized women I know... "

"Those are signs of... "

"A possible exacerbation."

"How did you know?"

"Textbook symptoms of cognitive dysfunction are issues with problem solving, difficulty with tasks or conversations, lack of concentration... "

"No," she interrupted, "I meant is it that noticeable?"

"Well, _I_ noticed it."

"_You_ notice everything, and sometimes you over -react."

"Do you feel like it's just stress, or is it more?"

"There are days when everything seems so overwhelming. I'm not sure; I've never experienced anything like this. I guess the worst part of it is the difficulty I seem to have planning and prioritizing- especially with my lesson plans, and there are times when I have trouble finding the right words. I just thought..." She sat, wringing her hands in her lap, her gaze not leaving the materials on the table. "I don't _know_ what I thought. I just, I prayed that it was something other than the MS- that it would improve when life settled down for us."

"We need to share this stuff baby, not skirt around it. I _want_ to know... so I can help you. I've had this almost desperate _need_ to get you on these drugs since we began hanging out together at the hospital. I want to be the one to help you with this. I want to know when you're having a problem."

"That's exactly why I _didn't_ say anything," she muttered softly.

"Why would you _want_ to hide it?"

"Because you'd treat me differently."

"I wouldn't! I wouldn't treat you any differently than I treat any of my other..." and suddenly I had my awakening- just as she finished my sentence.

"... _Patients_. I don't want you to treat me like a patient, Edward, and I don't want you to coddle me. How would you feel if I treated you like a _poor guy in a wheelchair_?"

My heart dropped. That _was_ how I had approached her situation and I understood her position completely.

"I'm so sorry baby. It looks different when you put it that way." I picked up the bag and began putting the brochures back inside when she stopped me. This was a conversation best left between Bella and _her doctor_.

Her hand on my arm stilled me. "_Don't._ Please. I _need_ to do this for us; and I promised you that I would. We're in an awkward situation, you and me. You're a wonderfully perceptive doctor, and there are times when I _wish_ you were mine. You're a goldmine of information and I know I'm completely safe in practically any situation with you in my life. But what I _need_ most is for you to be my supportive and loving _fiancé_. I don't want you to constantly look at me like a project that needs fixing. This runs along the same lines as your reasoning for why you didn't want me to care for you."

Suddenly my hovering and waiting for an exacerbation to strike took on a very negative connotation. "I'll try harder to be sensitive to your feelings. Are you sure you even want to continue?"

"Please, tell me about the rest. It's not that I don't want your advice, or that I don't want you to help me. It's just... sometimes your concern borders on obsessive and I _feel_ like a patient. I don't want to constantly think about being sick."

I'd never looked at it that way, and if anyone understood, it should have been me.

Hesitantly, I pushed the Copaxone brochure towards her. She looked at me, with one eyebrow cocked inquisitively. "And what's this one?"

"This is the _C_ of the _C.R.A.B._ drugs. It's my preference for many of my patients. It would be _my_ preference for you, but this is your decision. Like I said, I want you to begin using _one_ of these therapies. You have to decide which one."

She looked at me, waiting. "Tell me _why_ this one, please?"

"Well, for one thing, there seem to be fewer side effects. It's well tolerated by most of my patients. There's no threat of liver damage, so you don't have to have monthly lab work. It's not an interferon drug, so you won't have the flu-like symptoms; it also reduces inflammation of brain lesions, suppresses the harmful T-Cells and promotes the beneficial ones. And…" I smiled. "It won't mess with ovulation. It's also the only one of these drugs in Pregnancy category B."

Suddenly she was grinning, and everything seemed like it would be okay with us. "You sound like you're trying to sell me something. Tell me about this _category B_, Edward," she said using air quotes.

"Well, Category B medication has been concluded to be safe in test animals during pregnancy with no evidence of birth defects. It has _not_ been proven safe in human pregnancies, but if you were taking it and something happened and you accidentally became pregnant while using it, the chances of birth defects are the least with this one. You _can_ continue with therapy _if necessary_, although like I said earlier, I'd want you to come off the medication anyway once we decided to get pregnant. I don't think I'd want you to take it while nursing, either."

As an afterthought I added, "Did you know most women lose many of their MS symptoms during pregnancy?"

A broad smile crept across her face. "_Really_?"

I wore a matching smile of my own, "It's a fact. They have found that prolactin, a pregnancy hormone, actually causes the body to generate new myelin sheaths. We've known for years that pregnancy had positive side effects for MS patients, but we're just now finding out exactly why. I think you'd be fine without the therapy for nine months, but I'd recommend only nursing for a short time and resuming therapy as soon as possible, most of our patients nurse for three months. Once those pregnancy hormones are out of your system, the MS will rear its ugly head, and for some women it seems to come back with a vengeance- although it may only seem to be worse because they've been symptom free for so long."

"So if I were to get pregnant, I'd essentially be discontinuing it for a year."

"Unless your symptoms were so bad you needed to remain on it and I'd opt for a shorter period of nursing if you could manage your symptoms through the pregnancy without the medication. Although, I would probably be a basket case if you took it during pregnancy."

"I don't like the idea of taking anything while pregnant either. I think I'd bite the bullet and hope for the best."

"Even though it's been proven safe in animals, I still... " I shook my head thinking of the possible scenarios. If the blessing of a pregnancy was bestowed upon us, I'd never want her to risk a mishap if it was something that could be prevented.

She gave my hand a squeeze and picked up the brochure, glancing over it. When she laid it on the table she said, "Well, I think the Copaxone is the winner. Give me the gory details." I pointed to the injection site charts, and the pictures of the needles. Because I wanted her to make an informed decision I gave her a quick synopsis of all the medications and got it over with.

"The Avonex is a once a week injection, it goes into a muscle in your arm or thigh with the larger needle."

She shuddered, and said, "But you have to mess with mixing that one. I'd prefer something simpler, and I didn't like the sound of the side effects of that one."

"The Betaseron is injected every other day. It's injected under the skin with the ½ inch needle." I point at the appropriate syringe on the chart.

"But you said the interferon drugs all have the flu-like symptoms. I don't want to feel like that all the time. It's all I can do to get through school some days."

"Should we discuss the Rebiff? It's an interferon drug as well." I wanted to be neutral in my presentation, the same as I would be with any anyone else. I didn't work for a drug company, and while I had my favorites, I wanted people to be able to make informed decisions on their own. Bella was no exception.

"Nah, just tell me about the Copaxone, please?"

I looked over to see her worrying her bottom lip and I let out the breath I'd been holding. "The Copaxone is a daily injection. _Every day." _I stressed. "But, the nice thing about it is that the syringes come preloaded, so there's no mixing, no guessing. It's injected subcutaneously." She looked at me quizzically, so I explained, "The little needle, Bella, it goes just under the skin."

"So, let me get this right, if I didn't want to inject something daily, I'd have to use a bigger needle than the one for the Copaxone, and if I wanted to only do it weekly it would be even bigger? Is this someone's twisted idea of punishment for not wanting to take daily shots?"

I chuckled, "I don't think it was intentional. No one is trying to punish anyone for not wanting to do daily injections. Why don't you look at it as a reward for having to do it daily?" I bumped into her, teasingly. "You could be using those _great big _needles daily."

She shuddered... right before she smacked me in the chest.

"That's not _even_ funny!" she huffed.

Not wanting to get into anymore trouble, I proceeded to show her the injection site chart. "There are over 60 injection sites for Copaxone because we have to rotate the site _every single day_. You are very thin, so we'll have to be careful to choose sites where we can pinch up some fatty tissue."

She was still biting her lip but I continued. "It has the least side effects. No flu symptoms. The worst and most common side effects are lipoatrophy and localized pain. Lipoatrophy is a condition where the medication makes your fat cells break down. That's why we have to use a different injection site each day. If we're careful, you should have no trouble with it. The injections sting quite a lot, though. That's the biggest complaint I hear from my patients."

She frowned.

"Another common reaction is one that is almost immediate. It's a post injection reaction very similar to an anxiety attack, there's a quickening of pulse, flushing, and sometimes a temporary shortness of breath, or chest pain however, this goes away in a few moments. It happens in quite a few patients, but as I've said, _it's temporary._" I'd seen a few post injection reactions, and had been told they felt very much like a heart attack. I had considered just teaching her how to use the medication at home, but she had such a strong reaction to the Sol-u-medrol and after the incident with Becky and then Jeff's patient, there was no way we were trying any new injectable at home. The nightmare still haunted me, no doubt brought on by thoughts about trying a new medication. I just needed to be sure she was in a safe place.

I reached out and took her hand. "Just to be safe, we always do the first few doses at our office, in the hospital. Jeff and I will monitor you. Have you decided on the medication?"

Bella sighed. "I don't like the idea of daily injections, _at all._ But I'm with you on this one. I think the Copaxone is the med I should be using. You said you'd help me, right?"

I reached over and took both of her hands. "I'll do whatever you need me to. This is an important decision and I think you're making the appropriate choice. We always ask our patients to bring a _care partner_ to the office. This can be a caregiver, a spouse, or some other person you see on a daily basis who can learn with you and help do your injections. You won't be able to reach all the sites you'll need to use with the Copaxone."

"Will you be my care partner, Edward?"

I nodded my head. "I can…or you can ask Alice. It should be someone who is with you at some point of every day."

She squeezed my hands. "No, I want it to be you. You don't mind do you? It won't be too much like bringing work home with you?"

I squeezed back and gave her my most genuine smile. There was nothing I wanted more. She was finally entrusting me with this, and hopefully she'd be more receptive to accepting the benefits of my experience rather than seeing my concerns as interference. I'd certainly think long and hard before I just blurted out my thoughts in the future. I had gone about it all the wrong way. I could still utilize my knowledge and show my concern for her as her partner we'd figure this balancing act out together. There had to be a happy medium.

"I don't mind at all, Love. When is your appointment with Jeff?"

"Friday, at 1 pm. I made it during your lunch hour. I hope that's ok."

"Perfect." Jeff and I had always taken alternating lunch breaks, so one of us was always in the office during hours. Most of the specialists at Harborview closed up for the lunch hour, but we wanted to be available to our patients all day. "I'll be there."

"I've taken my afternoon off. I'm going to lunch with Alice and Esme and then I'm coming to your office."

It pleased me that she had become such close friends with my mother and Alice. Bella and Alice still butted heads occasionally, but I knew Bella considered her a sister. That was something neither of them had ever truly had. It comforted me that the two of them got along so well.

I knew people from the support group whose spouse was uncomfortable with the intimate physical relationship the individual was forced to have with their caregiver. I felt fortunate that the three of us worked together as a team, and that Bella was very comfortable with Alice, not only with my care, but also with her own on occasion as well.

The week flew by and before I knew it, Friday had arrived. Bella told me to have a good day on my way out the door and since neither Jeff nor I had hospital patients, there were no rounds. I'd had opportunities to squeeze in a few extra hours earlier in the week at the lab, and for a change I had a lazy day at the office. There was an hour until our first appointments arrived, so I filled two coffee mugs and grabbed them through the handle with one hand. Very carefully, I made my way to Jeff's office, but he was headed out the door as I got there.

"Hey, I was just on my way to get coffee. Is one of those mine?"

"Take your pick, light cream, heavy on the sugar. They're both the same." Jeff reached out and took both of them from me. Going to his desk, he set a cup next to his date planner, and the other one on the corner within my reach. Picking his up, he sighed as he drew in a huge slurp. "Thanks man. You have no idea how much I needed that."

"No problem. I wanted to talk with you about Bella's appointment."

"Is there a problem, Edward?" _Was there?_ I'd been getting myself more worked up than Bella appeared to be.

_Damned nightmare._

"No, I just want to be certain we're prepared, in the event that she has a problem. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her."

Leaning on his elbows, Jeff steepled his fingers and let out a slow breath. "You and I both know that a certain number of patients have some initial reaction. I've never heard of anyone actually crashing. The flushing, the rapid heartbeat, even the chest pain and labored breathing are a _normal, albeit_ uncommon reaction to the drug, Edward. It can last ten to fifteen minutes, which can seem like a lifetime if you're the one experiencing the attack. What happened with Becky was a freak reaction to an experimental medication; nothing they did for her seemed to counteract the effects. We both know this is completely different. We're prepared for emergencies, we have the defibrillator, and the ability to keep her airway open, if that's necessary, but we both know it won't be."

I slumped back in my chair. I'd shared my concerns with him and to his credit, he'd humored me, but I knew he understood. After losing our patient to PML as a result of a new drug therapy, everyone in the office was extra vigilant.

Jeff stretched and yawned before he spoke. "If I remember correctly, this drug was your choice out of the four. You know, in the long run, it's the most appropriate choice for her. We've taken every precaution. Don't over think this."

I stood my chair up, needing to rearrange my body. I was restless and turned to leave. I needed the distraction my first patient's issues would provide. "Thanks, Jeff. I know you're right."

"No problem man. Get to work."

I only had four appointments through the morning. When Bella told me she was coming in on Friday, I cleared two of my afternoon appointments as well. I wanted to have time to spend with her both before and after her appointment.

By eleven, my last appointment for the morning had left. Jeff was at lunch, so instead of sitting at my desk thinking, I went into the treatment room we'd use for Bella a little later in the day. It was the largest, with ample space for all three of us and my wheelchair. The office housed two rooms like this. They were the ones I normally saw patients in. Because many of my patients used wheelchairs as well, things quickly became congested with two wheelchairs in the smaller exam rooms.

In the treatment room, I checked to be sure the defibrillator had power, and the indicator told me the charge was full. I opened the drawers and checked our emergency supplies, epinephrine and everything needed to intubate her, if necessary. I checked to make sure our oxygen tank was full, even though I knew it was.

I went back to my desk and called Carlisle, voicing my worst fears and he reassured me that everything would be fine. He didn't belittle me or act like my fears were unfounded, instead he offered that his calendar was empty all afternoon and to call if there was a problem before excusing himself.

Resigning myself to the fact that I'd checked and double checked every possible necessity, I returned to my office and tilted my chair back, after hitting the remote for the sound therapy radio that had _mysteriously _appeared on my desk a few days after my dad caught me snoozing in his office. I must have drifted off. Warm, soft hands caressed my face and the fresh clean scent of Bella intermingled with Ivory soap assaulted my senses and tugged me gently out of my slumber. I smiled as she kissed my lips. "Bella."

When I opened my eyes, I feasted on the vision in front of me. My baby stood next to me with her hair is down, all soft around her face. She was wearing the softest baby blue sweater I'd ever laid eyes on over a navy blue skirt.

She reached out, flipped the toggle switch lowering me into a sitting position, and climbed into my lap. There was about fifteen minutes until Jeff was scheduled to return. "You're early, Love."

She kissed me again. "Mmm, I know. But, I've wanted to see you all day." Her hands were in my hair, rubbing and lightly scratching at my scalp. It felt so good. So relaxing.

"Did you enjoy lunch with the girls, Bella?"

She smiled, "It was…nice. I brought you a sandwich and some clam chowder if you're hungry." Leaning in, she kissed me again, I could get used to that. Just a touch of afternoon delight.

"I'll eat later. Jeff will be back in a few minutes. His schedule is fairly full this afternoon" I reached into my desk and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol. "Here, take two of these."

She tilted her head to the side curiously so I explained. "It helps counteract the swelling and tenderness at the injection site. The manufacturer suggests it a half hour or more before you take Copaxone."

Bella dumped the two white tablets into her hand, and chucked them into her mouth. She picked up my mug and slammed what was left of my morning coffee, shaking her head and then shuddering. "YUCK!"

Jeff walked past my office as I barked out a laugh. "I didn't offer you the coffee. It's from this morning."

"I didn't feel like going to the water cooler."

I headed for the door, holding my hand out to her and she took it. "Come on, we'll go down to the room and talk. Jeff knows where to find us."

She walked beside me, swinging our hands in a carefree mood.

_Good. _Carefree was good.

I stopped outside the room and stood my chair. Reaching inside, I flipped the light switch and the fluorescent lights began to softly hum. I led Bella to the table and grabbed her waist, helping her hop up.

We made small talk, as Jeff's nurse, Debbie came in and set up a small tray for Jeff. Bella frowned, but she didn't say anything to make me think she was upset. I could sense her reservation over the whole prospect, but the fact that she looked cooler and more collected than I felt was a little disconcerting.

I heard Jeff walking down the hallway before he stepped inside the room. He greeted us both before he sat down and opened Bella's chart. "Ok, we're starting the Copaxone today, is that correct?"

I let Bella talk, it was her appointment. "We went over all of the information, and yes, I'm the most comfortable with the Copaxone, I believe."

"Good, that would be my preference for you. I think Edward agrees."

I nodded my head. "I do."

Jeff launched into some of the same information we'd already discussed. When he explained most patients take acetaminophen before their injection, Bella quietly confirmed that she's done that. He suggested the use of ice for five minutes before the injection and for five after as well, if there was a localized reaction. Not all his patients did that, but the ones who did, swore by it, he told her. As soon as he said it, I was kicking myself for having forgotten and I understood why doctors didn't treat their own. I was too wrapped up in my concerns for her and too busy trying to read her actions so I could monitor her frame of mind. No, I wasn't capable of being both to her.

"Edward, you don't need to be trained to do this. You know how it's done. Have you shown Bella?"

"Nope, she's your patient. Today, I'm just the boyfriend. I'm strictly here for moral support."

As Jeff explained everything, he sat one of our injection training models on the table next to Bella and gave her an empty syringe to practice with. After just one or two tries, he decided she was ready. Proudly, she admitted that the _other_ Dr. Cullen might have given her a few tips, an orange and a practice syringe.

_Atta girl Bella. _

While I was a little disappointed that she went to my dad, I was proud that she took the initiative and was facing her biggest fear head on. Jeff held out his hand out and helped her off the table, directing her towards the sink. "Wash and dry your hands, dear, and then get back up on the table." Bella came back and got situated when she was done.

"So you can see what you're doing today, lets pick a site on your thigh." Bella swallowed and nodded her head. I watched as she leaned to one side and tucked her skirt up under her behind, exposing her thigh. "That's fine, Bella."

He laid a small journal next to her from the drug manufacturer, explaining that she should write the date in the little box for each injection site and any adverse reaction she experienced. He showed her the different sites she'd be using before he showed her how to use her fingers to measure up from her knee so she wasn't hitting the same spot repeatedly.

Finally, he handed her the alcohol pad, and I saw her tremble just a bit as she wiped off the spot she'd picked. With cotton ball in hand, she dried the spot before Jeff handed her the syringe. When he put his hand on her thigh and squeezed several inches of tissue I wanted to growl, but stopped myself.

_Jealous fool._

"Ok, Bella, remember push the needle into the skin at a 90 degree angle and rest your wrist on your thigh to steady your hand. Then push the plunger till it stops."

She did exactly what he told her to, and then pulled the needle out of her leg, putting pressure on the spot with a cotton ball. I let out a breath I'd been holding and she laughed nervously. "Good job, Bella, that wasn't too bad, was it?"

"That," she grimaced, "_really_ stings." Waving her hand over the spot, as if fanning it would help.

Jeff handed her a small ice bag I didn't even realize he was holding. "_Don't_ rub it, Bella, even though it may be sore all day. You can't rub a Copaxone injection site in the first 24 hours, or your fat tissue can break down. _After_ 24 hours, it's _recommended_ that you massage the area. You can apply heat then, as well. The welts can be pretty nasty, but you won't get them every time. They can last as long as four to five days and over time, they occur less frequently. Many of my patients get professional massages having the therapist concentrate on those areas. It helps the lumps dissipate. That's why it's so important to rotate sites."

Bella nodded and muttered, "Ok," as she picked mindlessly at her skirt seam with her empty hand.

My girl did a great job and I was so proud of her. Jeff asked her to sit, so we talked while he picked up all the trash, putting the syringe in the sharps container on the wall. He washed his hands and came back to where we were seated, joining our conversation. She had just begun telling him about her most recent symptoms when she stopped abruptly.

Bella reached for me and whispered, "Edward?" I noticed a flush to her skin, and I knew it wasn't her usual blush. I stood my chair right in front of her when she began shaking her head and muttering "no…no." Her eyes were wide and fearful as I took her face in both my hands. "Bella, look at me! Concentrate on your breathing, deep calming breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

Jeff stood next to me, and watched the clock. "This should pass in a few minutes," he muttered, but I could sense his concern when Bella began gasping for air. She was panicking. Jeff grasped her wrist, taking her pulse. When he let go of her arm, she put her hands on her chest. "It hurts, Edward. What's wrong, why is this happening?" Jeff rubbed her back muttering soothing words as I took both her hands in mine. We were both doing everything we could to calm her down.

"Oh, baby, no. It's alright. You're okay, just breathe with me. Remember, we talked about this being a side effect. Take big, deep calming breaths," I reminded her. "Come on baby, relax."

After what seemed like forever, she began to relax as the episode ended. I realized then that all three of us had been breathing in sync. It would have been comical if she hadn't been so anxious. Her hand dropped away from her chest and she leaned into me. "Oh, god, I was so scared."

_Yeah, I was scared too baby._

Jeff checked her vitals before confirming that she was alright. "You're fine, Bella. It's a common reaction. It may happen again with future doses. If it does, be mindful of your breathing. As long as you're getting air and can talk, everything is ok. Even though these little episodes can be quite scary, they are harmless." He looked at me, "If she has airway constriction, call 911 right away," and taking Bella's hand he told her, "Until you get used to how your body reacts to the medicine, I recommend you only take it when someone else is around. Just to be cautious. Normally I schedule these appointments on Monday so my patients can come back daily, but you're completely safe with my partner here. If either of you have any concerns, don't hesitate to call me."

Jeff got out his prescription pad and wrote out the customary script for thirty syringes, and another one for a three month supply. "Take this to the pharmacy and fill it for the first month. Monday, call your insurance company- you'll want to mail order a three month supply, Bella. It's much cheaper."

After the excitement calmed down we talked about the new symptoms she'd been experiencing. She agreed to meet with a speech pathologist for an assessment of her cognitive function and Jeff suggested we journal her symptoms in correlation to the new medication. He agreed that it sounded like more than a flare, but Bella insisted that it wasn't nearly bad enough to try the steroids again. "We're using Copaxone on newly diagnosed patients now who have just had one incident if the MRI shows evidence of MS. We used to wait longer to diagnose MS," he explained. "Previously, we didn't even make a diagnosis until you'd had several exacerbations within a given time period. The medication is working wonders to keep those patients symptom free. Let's see how it does for you."

I took her under the arms and lifted her down from the table. Giving her hand a gentle tug I whispered, "Come back to my office and relax. I don't have any patients for a while."

Lazily, we made our way back down the hallway. She had the ice bag in her hand and I sensed a close bond forming between my girl and her frosty friend.

"Go, lay down. How do you feel?" Slipping off her shoes, she crawled onto the leather couch I used to nap on before the accident, and tucked her feet up under her skirt. I'd only sat on it once since my return to work; there was just no time for naps in my day anymore. "I'm ok. Once I calmed down, I was alright. My leg's a little sore, but not too bad."

I handed her a blanket. "Here cover up and get comfortable and put the ice back on it. I've got some paperwork to do, and two patients to see for med checks. Then we'll go get some dinner."

As I pecked away on the computer, I heard her snoring softly. I felt certain she wouldn't have any real problems with the medication, but I felt better knowing she was there in the office for a few hours, just in case.

I took care of my last two patients and went back to my office to find Bella is sitting on the couch reading a book I'd seen her reading a dozen times before. It hadn't sat long enough to gather a spec of dust before I'd spy it in her hands again, or she was handing it off to someone else to read.

"Are you seriously reading that _again_?"

She dog-eared the paperback and looked up with a smile.

The years of listening to my mother attempt to instill respect in me for our beloved volumes caused me to cringe. "You're ruining your book doing that. Look at it; you've worn it out prematurely."

She defended her actions, "It's _not_ ruined, it's _loved._ Look at the way it's softened around the edges... the way it falls open to my favorite passages..."

I snorted, "It's not falling open willingly, it's falling open because you've broken its spine."

She hugged it to her chest and stroked the cover lovingly. "You say that like it's a bad thing, love. Everything you've pointed out as damage, I see as a sign of something that is cherished and beloved. Your mother's books are beautiful, it's true, and I treat them reverently because they hold such sentimental meaning for you, but a well loved book isn't meant to sit on a shelf looking all stuffy and stiff. A beloved book is meant to be read. Over and over again. You should read this," she offered extending it in my direction.

"It's a romance." I didn't _do_ romances. I puffed out my chest and patted it with my hands. "I'm a manly man, not a romantic. Don't all girls _want_ their man to be manly and tough?"

She frowned as I teased. I knew what she wanted in a man and she didn't disappoint.

"No, I think what we really dream of is someone who is humble and gentle, perhaps even a little soft around the edges. Romance isn't a bad thing, it's what turns a relationship like the one your parents share into a classic love story.

"I don't want a _manly man_. I don't want someone to fight my battles _for_ me. I want someone who will stand _next to me_ while I fight. I don't need someone to run in and save me, but I like knowing you're right here with me if I need your help."

I thought about what she'd said before I responded. "I remember my mother's words of wisdom from my teen years, if memory serves she told me most girls dream of a man who loves them for what they are, not who he wants her to be."

"You allow me to be me, without smothering me."

I couldn't take it anymore, so I ribbed her a little... "So, the hero in your book, is _he_ a manly man? Does he rush in and save his girl?"

She thought a minute before she smiled. "No, I think they kind of save each other. He's a hopeless romantic who loves her so reverently you can feel it every time you read the book. _He's_ definitely soft around the edge and well loved. Just like my book... just like you..."

She fingered the edge of the book. "Yes, definitely like you."

And we'd definitely saved each other, in our own way. "Are you ready to go? I'm done for the day." I was relishing the fact that we had an entire weekend in front of us. I didn't even have call. Nothing. We had no obligations for a change. The book got closed and packed away in her computer bag before she stood straightening her clothing and stepping into her shoes. She pulled my coat off the rack and my gloves fell out of the pocket I'd stuffed them into hurriedly when I took it off. Before she could bend to pick them up, Hershey walked over like he owned the place and gathered them in his mouth before gently depositing them into my lap.

I gave him a rub behind the ears and a "Good boy," before slipping my arms into the coat Bella held for me. Once it was shrugged into place, I held her coat for her, pulling her long hair out of her collar and smoothing it.

"He's a good companion for you. I'm glad we made this decision," she said. I looked at the handsome creature whose mission in life was to be at my beck and call, he'd become such a loyal friend in the short time we'd been together.

"Yes, I'm glad we did too. It's been reassuring to have him with me; he's gotten me out of a few binds. I think his presence is very calming for my patients as well. Even though he's curled up under the desk, I don't know there's just something about being around him that I find calming."

I took Hershey's leash in my free hand and the three of us strolled out of the hospital together. After we were both in the car, I decided maybe it was time to ask a few questions. "Tell me about this afternoon in my office Bella. We both knew there was a possibility you'd have a reaction to the medication, I certainly didn't expect that to happen but when it did you had a full blown panic attack."

"I did. As soon as I finished injecting it, I started to feel funny. I got real hot and then my chest started to get tight, I started hyperventilating when I panicked."

"It's possible it could happen again, can you handle that? This is the only one of these drugs that causes that specific reaction."

She nodded, "As long as someone is going to be there with me, I think I can."

"What was it that calmed you down? Was the episode with the medication over, or was it something else? I want to know what works in case it ever happens again."

"No, it was _you_, counting and breathing with me. You distracted me, gave me something to focus on. Once I focused on breathing, my chest started to loosen up. It was you that helped make it go away." She was smiling at me and appeared completely at ease. It made me feel good to know I had a calming effect on her, that I was able to bring her out of the panic attack.

"If it happens again, will it deter you from taking the medication?"

"No, I'm going to make an honest effort. I know it's going to be expensive, so I intend to make the commitment to do it for an extended period of time. I promised you I'd try. I want to remain well."

I wore a goofy smile on my face. I couldn't help myself when she admitted she was doing this to ensure our future.

I saw a restaurant we both enjoyed, so we stopped for dinner, and when we were done I pulled into the pharmacy on the way home. "Let's get your first prescription filled tonight." I followed Bella to the back of the drugstore, and pulled out my credit card, quietly handing it to the pharmacist. I've researched her prescription plan and I already knew we'd have to pay for the first month, then after that they'd pick up the tab for the rest of the year. I suppose it would have been wise to discuss cost when I told her the other details.

"Edward?" She questioned. "Why do we need your card? My insurance covers prescriptions."

I muttered something about there being a deductible. When she shrugged, I asked her to go grab a few medical supplies I needed, hoping to distract her. Just as the pharmacist and I were finishing the transaction she came back, seeing the price on the cash register screen. She gasped and dropped the bag of supplies onto the floor. "Oh my God, Edward! That's over two thousand dollars! No, we _can't_ do this!"

"Bella, we'll discuss this at home. Come on; pick that stuff up, so we can go."

I was almost surprised when she did as I asked her to, but I was intelligent enough to know this discussion was far from over and I had landed myself in a world of trouble. The ride home was silent. When we got to the house, _as expected,_ the shit hit the fan.

"What in the world are you _thinking_, Edward? _Twenty-two hundred dollars a month_? _Are you insane_? I think you've lost your mind! Are there any less expensive options? Are the other meds cheaper? If it's a significant difference in price, I'll deal with the side effects." She'd been certain the Copaxone was the one. I didn't want money to dissuade her.

I explained that they were all between $1800.00 and $2600.00 a month. Hers was average. Calmly and quietly, I explained the pre-approval procedure and the fact that her deductible for this medication was the cost of _one_ month's meds per year. She was mentally calculating her budget and it pissed me off. It was all _our_ money or it would be soon enough.

Finally in the end, we agreed that she would pay $200.00 a month for her Copaxone, putting the payments directly on my credit card. It was impossible for me to rein in my frustration and I may have said some things in anger.

She huffed off to our bedroom to grade papers, and come bedtime, I learned I'd been exiled to the spare bedroom. At some point in the night, bright lights made me stir. She shuffled to the bed and poked me a few times, although I wasn't sleeping too deeply. "Look at this please, is it normal?"

In her Hello Kitty tee shirt, she looked like a little girl. She pouted when she lifted the hem and baring her thigh. At the site of her injection, there was a hard red knot that was very warm. "It's normal, take some more Tylenol and put more ice on it." I didn't know if I should say any more than that. I didn't want to upset her further.

Bella soon came back with an ice pack, and silently crawled in next to me. She putting the ice on the bump and I pulled her into my body, snuggling with her, kissing her neck and whispering that I loved her, I'd missed her. I didn't like being in the doghouse. Apparently she hadn't gotten much sleep either, as soon as she was in my arms she began to snore.

In the morning, I awoke to find Bella on the phone with her insurance company, getting the mail order prescription started for next month. I headed off to our bathroom to wait for Alice, so I could get my shower.

By the time I came out, coffee was brewing and the table set for breakfast. Three omelets were plated and waiting for us.

I rolled over to Bella and stood my chair up; she let me pull her into an embrace. Muffled by my chest, she began talking to me. "Thank you for being with me yesterday. I'm sorry I over-reacted at the pharmacy. Please forgive me?"

I had my face on the top of her head, breathing in her intoxicating scent. "There's nothing to forgive, we should have discussed the cost beforehand. I didn't want it to deter you from getting on the medicine, you need it Bella."

"Well, thank you for getting me started," she said humbly. "I appreciate it. I _want_ to stay healthy. _For us_." I couldn't help the smile I wore.

By the time Alice came out from straightening the bathroom and making the bed, all was forgiven. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew I should have warned Bella about the cost, but I knew how she'd be about using _my_ money. I prayed it would no longer be an issue once she was my wife.

Over the next few days we got into a routine of doing the shots at bedtime with me assisting her only in the spots she couldn't reach. I knew it was less traumatic for a patient to administer an injection to themselves and I wanted her to become comfortable with it. It didn't take long for her to find a routine that worked for her between icing and taking a pain reliever. She was actually doing much better than I expected.

I got the girls each an annual membership for the local spa. I disguised it as an early Christmas gift, but was pleased when they both happily accepted. Weekly massages would have so many benefits for Bella. not only would the massage help the lumps from her medication dissipate, but they would help minimize her spasticity and she'd get pampered as she relaxed for a few hours, both body and soul.

Just before Christmas, when Bella had her re-check with Jeff, he commented that he was already noticing subtle, positive changes in her condition. I was delighted with her response to the medication, and when she told me that she felt better than she had in a long time... there just were no words.

* * *

A/N: A few things…

This chapter is for Robin... you know why. ;-) I'm proud of you girl! Are you still with me here?

A huge welcome to my new readers. I think I've responded to all of you; my apologies if I've missed anyone. Real life doesn't allow me the time to write and respond to all of your reviews, but I treasure each and every one of them.

In light of everything that has happened over the past few weeks, I've made the decision to slowly move my stories to an alternate archive. I've opened an account on AO3. My penname is the same as it is here and on twitter. I'm also in the process of building my own website for my stories courtesy of an awesome someone in the fandom, but it's not yet ready.

While I understand why there is a rating system, I don't agree with the manner in which things were handled; and I don't want to have to censor my words in fear of retribution. While I don't think I've got anything to worry about, many other authors thought the same thing and were shocked to learn they'd been pulled. Any pertinent information can always be found on the Twilighted forum or on the blogspot, if anything is ever removed.

I wrote a collab piece with my daughter, Musicflare87 for the Fandoms4Autism fundraiser called _Your Guardian Angel_. I'll be posting it around July 1, as will my daughter. It's a little different, but has been well received. Thanks to everyone who participated in the fundraiser.

As always, thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!


	60. Chapter 60

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty

~Edward~

I sat at my desk, rubbing my eyes. I had just ended my morning in the lab and after a short lunch, my afternoon would be filled with patient appointments. I was so tired, a bone deep tired that not even copious amounts of caffeine could stave off. I propped my elbows on the desk, with my chin on my fists too tired to hold my head up and I let my eyes drift closed. Food sounded wonderful, but the desire to get a quick power nap was greater.

My day started before the crack of daylight. My mentor at the lab had initiated a new study and my work day, which normally began at six, had started before five. I only had two patients to visit on the floor and I slipped in and out of their rooms like a thief in the night. Both were scheduled to be released later in the day, so I quickly wrote out discharge instructions and signed off on their discharge orders before hurrying to the lab.

One of my former professors had been working on a study for several years in conjunction with docs from both the department of veterinary medicine and biomedical sciences. The study had developed a therapy that significantly improved neurological recovery in lab mice and they were currently implementing the study with canines that'd had naturally occurring spinal cord injuries. Elevated levels of a specific matrix metalloproteinase, or MMP, had been found in the cerebral spinal fluid of injured canines causing secondary damage and cellular degradation after the original injury, preventing a positive recovery outcome. We knew that this occurred in humans as well and that the different MMPs limited functional recovery after injury.

We had been awarded a grant to isolate MMP-9 in human cerebral spinal fluid and develop an inhibitor that would protect the spinal cord from further damage. If successful, it would change the way newly acquired SCI patients were treated, increasing their odds for a more positive recovery.

Dr. Afton had approached me, personally requesting my commitment to his study. I suspected that he knew I'd take a vested interest, due to my background. It was true; had we known these things twenty years ago, my outcome as a person with a SCI might have been very different. It was also true that the things that gave me the greatest sense of pleasure in adult life had come as a result of my injury. It was invitations like this that made me realize that despite the obstacles that life had put in front of me, I truly had no regrets, aside from the premature loss of my family.

_Oh how they'd have loved Bella._

As if I had summoned her, I heard my door quietly open and then drift closed. I smiled at the telltale sound of her approach a step and a shuffle as her toe didn't quite clear the linoleum... another step followed by another shuffle. Her hands began kneading my tired shoulders and I moaned in satisfaction.

"If you're not careful, you'll put me to sleep."

"It looked like you already were sleeping."

"Nah, just resting my eyes."

"Yeah, yeah, preventative maintenance of your eyelids..."

"Yep. Checking for pinholes and all that."

"Back up hon."

I sat back in my seat and backed away from the desk.

She put her hand over mine and tilted my chair back until I was semi-reclined.

I closed my eyes as her fingers worked magically through my hair, massaging my scalp, rubbing the shells of my ears between her thumbs and index fingers.

"Marry me, Bella."

She giggled. "I'm already taken. My doctor boyfriend swept me off my feet."

"Well, I promise not to tell him about our little tryst if you keep rubbing my ears like that."

She smacked my shoulder. "Silly man."

"Come here baby, give me a kiss. I've had a long day."

Her hair tickled my cheek as she leaned down over me for a kiss. Just as my fingers snaked their way through her hair to pull her closer, there was a knock on my door and a soft voice said, "Dr. Jeffries requested that you sit in on Miss Swan's appointment this afternoon. She's in exam room 3." Bella giggled again and I couldn't help my snicker.

"Already found her Mandy. Thanks."

I held her face close and spoke before kissing her again. "I didn't know you had an appointment."

She wrapped her arms around my shoulder and leaned down to hug me. "It's just my re-check. I wanted to surprise you."

I drew in a long breath. "You made my day. I'm so tired. I'd pay for a nap if they could be bought." Lack of sleep was a fact of life for me, and would be for the foreseeable future. If I was awarded the grant, it would be even worse than it was now.

"If you'd rather not come to my appointment, I'm sure Jeff would understand if you needed to take a nap. I'm pretty sure you could call it a reasonable accommodation."

I had to laugh at my little advocate. "I'll be fine baby. I'm not going to pull the ADA card."

"Were you using the Spiro graph again?" she asked, pointing at the 3D diagram of the various forms of MMP structures.

"They do look like that, don't they?" They were actually rather artistic to look at. I studied the forms on the diagrams. It was disheartening that something so visually attractive was capable of causing so many complications for someone with a SCI.

Her exclamation of "I've got some great news to share with you!" pulled me out of my early afternoon slump.

"Do tell, Miss Swan."

_Did she get the job?_

She'd finally decided, with a great measure of reluctance, to leave her teaching position and pursue a career in advocacy if an opening became available.

"I pitched an idea to the executive director at the center a few weeks ago and I got the phone call before work this morning. The board has given me the go ahead to form a committee to help implement a new program."

"Really? Tell me about it?"

"Well, it's no secret that a lot of our consumers are struggling to make ends meet. Everything costs more and so many places are laying people off. I got the idea when I heard the moms of a few of my kids talking about how hard it is to stretch the family budget."

"That's true, we are very fortunate. I'll never take that for granted. Many of our support group members fall into a lower income category as well, either they are people trying to get by on disability, or they are parents who are staying home to raise a child with a disability. In either case, a lot of our patients are finding it more and more difficult to put meals on the table."

"I've got a bunch of women together who are going to volunteer and help teach our participants tips on proper nutrition, how to read food labels, ways to save money by buying in bulk, using coupons, buying economical cuts of meat... "

I was a little skeptical, I wasn't sure how important those things would be to a mom trudging through a store with several rambunctious kids. "So you're going to run a program teaching women how to shop? I'm not sure I understand."

"Well, not exactly, and it's not just for women, but anyone who is raising a family and could use some help making ends meet."

"I'm all ears. Tell me all about it." She always showed interest in my career, it was my turn to show her support. Perhaps we could brainstorm and I could help her expand her idea a bit further.

"Essentially, we'll have a few classes at the center where we explain how unit prices show the actual price of an item so one can properly comparison shop, how to use coupons to save money, the importance of nutritional information labeling, and so forth.

"Each subsequent week we'll meet, split up into groups and cook a meal based on a recipe that will help stretch the family budget. We'll sit down and eat the meal together after it's done. Each one of the participants will go home with a copy of the recipe and a bag of groceries that contains everything to cook the meal at home for their family."

Or perhaps she'd already brainstormed and I hadn't given her enough credit. I should know better than to doubt her. "Wow, I'm really impressed, that's such a wonderful idea."

"Oh! I forgot to tell you the best part. There is a daycare that opened in the other end of the building; they are going to volunteer their services each week. They are an all inclusive daycare. I was so excited that they are going to be a part of this."

"I'm so proud of you baby. This is an incredible idea." As I listened to her, a plan began to formulate in my mind. I wanted to support her in this. As far as I knew it was the first time she'd taken it upon herself to undertake such a project. She's always been so supportive of my career.

"It's all falling into place so smoothly."

It would probably sound so shallow, offering money and not something more substantial like my time, but our alone time was a precious commodity and if I were being completely honest, I'd prefer to spend that time with her alone. "Where is the money coming from to purchase the food? Do you need any assistance with that?"

"Well, we've lined up a number of local businesses that are willing to donate items, but we'd never turn a helping hand away. The state department of agriculture has a summer vegetable program to help local produce stands- so our low income individuals can get vouchers if they qualify."

It was evident that this had been well thought out.

"We can hold the cooking classes at the center. There is a large lunchroom that has sat empty for years, a local contractor is going to install a small kitchen for us, but we need to secure donations to buy a few appliances- a stove and fridge, perhaps a microwave."

"The ladies auxiliary at the hospital raises money for various charities. Perhaps they'd be interested in helping."

"Really? That would be wonderful."

"Have you talked to my mother?"

"Esme? Noooo... "

"She's part of the auxiliary, organizes the volunteers who run the hospital gift shop, they push the carts around selling candy and magazines and other things from the gift shop."

"The ladies in the pink smocks?"

I stretched and yawned before I answered her. "They'd be the ones. I'm sure they'd love to be a part of your project. I'll ask around, maybe we could put together some sort of small fundraiser to help defray some of the cost."

"Oh my gosh! Thank you."

"It sounds like this will be an ongoing program. Let me speak with some of my colleagues. My office will help out in any way we can, as well. Perhaps we could get people or organizations to pledge a dollar amount for a specific number of months. As you said, the cost of groceries continues to rise. If you want to keep your program solvent, you will have to have a steady cash flow."

She sighed from her perch on the corner of my desk. "I know. I worry about starting something people will come to rely on, and then falling short. I don't want the ball to get dropped."

"You aren't gonna drop the ball, Bella." I held my hand out, glancing at the clock on my desk. "Come on, you have an appointment to get to."

I backed myself into the corner of exam room three and observed while Jeff put Bella though her paces. She mastered the objectives of our standard neuro exam. She crossed her arms and stood from a sitting position, walked a straight line, extended her arm and then touched her finger to her nose. "I feel like I'm taking a field sobriety test," she giggled as Jeff pulled on her shoulders from behind, attempting to throw off her balance. He held onto her shoulders until she stood steadily.

"Take a seat, Bella. You did fine. It is like a sobriety check, isn't it?"

She shot me a smile before she sat. She had done well, much better than the last one, we could all three see it.

"So, tell me about the medication. You should be feeling some improvement of your symptoms. What do you like about it?"

"I think the thing I like the most is the energy I suddenly have." She looked over her shoulder at me and quipped, "Maybe you should be taking it; you can't keep your eyes open lately."

"Your doctor is a slave driver." I shot back in fun.

"I've encouraged him to find another job." Jeff replied, a little too seriously. We were all waiting for confirmation that I'd passed the first round of eliminations in the grant application process. He steered the conversation back to my girl.

"So, Bella, your interpretation of the benefits and disadvantages of the medication?"

"I'm feeling a little steadier on my feet, and I don't feel like my head is in a fog. The only real disadvantage I see is the pain from the shots. The soreness doesn't leave the first one before I take the next one."

"Can I see? Edward's monitoring you, I'm sure."

"Like an apprehensive mother hen," she teased, as she lifted her shirt to show him a lump on her belly. She pulled her sleeve up and showed him one on her deltoid. "There are always two or three that are angry, but I'm dealing with it."

"Not bad enough to discourage you from continuing?"

She shook her head, "I promised Edward that I'd try this, and I'm committed to give it an honest effort. But I _need_ to do this to stay healthy; I didn't understand how much the MS was impacting my life. I like feeling good. I want this to work for me."

"That's what I wanted to hear, that you're doing this for yourself. Doing it to appease someone else, no matter how much you love him, won't keep you committed to a proper regimen."

"I understand."

"Have you had any more post injection reactions?"

"No."

"Have you taken the medication on your own yet?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't take it when I'm alone. I know I could do it, but _someone_," she started, and then looked over her shoulder to my corner again, "is a little over protective. Waiting until he gets home is the part I'm doing _for him. _Although, if I had a reaction like that when I was alone, I'd probably call 911."

" Good girl. I've actually had patients call the ambulance, and even the ambulance crew thought the patient was in the process of a heart attack, until they realized it was a harmless reaction to the medication."

"Harmless?" she snorted. "It didn't _feel_ harmless at the time."

He squeezed her hand. "I can't even imagine how it feels, and if you're _ever_ in doubt, _please_ seek medical treatment. I'd rather see you err on the side of caution."

"I will."

Jeff stood and made his way to the door, excusing himself. "Alright, my dear. I've got another patient to see. If I don't see you before then, have a wonderful Christmas."

"Thanks, Doc. I hope you have a nice holiday with your family."

"I'll see you later Bella. Edward, let me know if you need me to sit in on your four o'clock." I stood up, making ready to head back to my office before seeing my first patient of the day, thankfully I'd had two cancellations, it would be an easy afternoon after all.

"I'll be fine, but thanks for offering."

"Difficult case?" she asked.

"You could say that." I was referring a patient over to hospice. The significance of that fact wasn't lost on Jeff. The last patient I'd referred to hospice had been Mrs. Cope.

"I should let you get back to work."

"I'll be home early tonight. My last appointment is at four."

"I have peer counseling." she replied sadly.

"Maybe I'll go over to the gym and watch the guys practice for Friday night's game."

"Okay, I'll grab something quick for dinner. How's Italian sound?"

"Mexican sounds better," I answered, waggling my eyebrows.

I couldn't help but think back to our first shared meal as she blushed at my comment. "I'll drop by Pete's. See you around seven."

"Love you, baby."

She stood up on tip toes and reached her arms around my neck. "I love you too. See you tonight."

~*IMPACT*~

I was late for dinner...

I was late for bedtime...

...she was asleep when I finally trudged through the door.

I got a drink and watched as Alice's headlights shone through the kitchen windows when she parked.

She snuck in quietly and touched my shoulder as she passed me. "I'll meet you in the bathroom."

"Don't turn on the bedroom light. I don't want to wake her."

Bella said she'd try to wait up for me, but she must have succumbed to sleep after our last phone call.

The guys played hard. They had really grown as a team and it showed.

The last quarter of the game was close and Demetri stole the ball. He turned sharply to shoot a basket and it happened. A lot of the guys were extreme sports enthusiasts and I'd see chairs get rolled on the court before, but the anguished scream he left out after hitting the floor was not a good thing.

Everyone circled around him and it took both Emmett and his assistant coach, Andy, to get Demetri and his chair up off the floor.

I urged them not to move him, to call the ambulance, but Demetri argued that he didn't need it. His injury became obvious as soon as he was righted. A compound fracture of his forearm would no doubt bench him for the rest of the season.

He took one look at it and slumped in his seat. An ammonia inhalant came out of nowhere and he coughed a few times before opening his eyes. He was pulling breaths in through gritted teeth. The words, "I don't feel so good," preceded his dinner.

Guy was openly sobbing and Emmett had his hands full trying to calm him down.

I faced Demetri square on and took his uninjured hand. "Demetri, we have to get you to the emergency room. I'm going to call the ambulance."

"Can't you just take me? Please?" he grunted.

_Could I? _Certainly not alone.

"Alice?"

"I can get him into your car and we can leave mine here, if you want me to ride with you."

But she had someplace to be, I scanned the sea of worried faces. "Alec will need..."

"We'll follow in the van," Jane interrupted quietly from behind me, "and don't worry about us tonight, just do whatever you need to do for Demetri, Alice."

Alec reiterated. "Go ahead, Doll Face. Get our boy fixed up. Janie and I have it covered."

I watched as Alice and Em's assistant pulled the passenger seat out of the car and into the gym. Little Alice pushed him into place and tied his chair down with the four point tie downs I kept in the trunk.

The ride was awkwardly quiet but for the times he retched or moaned in pain. I felt bad for the kid as he clutched his injured arm to his chest.

"I'm so sorry. You were in a hurry to get home. Oh God it hurts!"

"It's alright man, it's not like you planned this."

"Oh God, I'm sorry."

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Alice leaning up close to him, rubbing his shoulder and talking soothingly.

"You're doing great, buddy. Just a few more minutes and we'll be there."

I hurried to get us there, and breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled under the canopy at the emergency room entrance.

"I'll get him signed in." Alice stated matter-of-factly while she tugged at the clips on the tie-downs to release him. "Go park and come find us."

Andy was standing next to the car with a folder in hand when Alice pushed Demetri down the ramp. He immediately took over pushing Demetri.

"Here, let me help Alice. I've got him."

"See you inside Ali." I watched them enter through the sliding doors as my car door closed with a click.

I parked and went inside to find Alice.

"They took him back to a room. He asked for you to come back. When they told him you'd have to wait, he told them you were his doctor."

I chuckled. "I'll find him."

I was en route to the desk when someone stepped in front of me.

"Dad."

"He's in number 8."

"Who is the ortho on call?"

"I think it's your buddy. I haven't had a need to call over there yet tonight. You can go in with him if you like. We're waiting for radiology."

Ethel Boyer stepped out of the cubicle. "Edward. I didn't know you were on call tonight."

"I'm here with Demetri."

"He's not so happy with me right now."

"I'm sure he's not too happy about any of this."

"He was alright till I cut his team shirt off." She smiled holding up a pair of bandage scissors. "But, he'd have been even less happy if I'd tried to take it off over his head. He'll thank me later."

"Yeah, he probably will."

"Oh, look out. Let's step over here till they get in there and do some pictures."

We moved out of the way of the portable x-ray machine and Carlisle joined us.

"This happened while playing ball?"

"Yeah, he tipped over pretty hard. I don't think he pinned it under the chair, but it looks pretty bad."

"It's a middle third fracture. He's going to be here a few days."

"I figured as much. He won't be happy."

"Non-operative treatment is highly unlikely. Carey won't want to risk him losing any function in the extremity."

For all intents and purposes, the day Demetri found himself in a wheelchair was the day his arms took the place of his legs. He couldn't afford to lose any function.

The girl from radiology pushed the machine out of the cubicle. "You can go in now, if you like."

Demetri lay on his side with his arm resting on a pillow. "I've given him something for pain. He should be able to rest comfortably until ortho gets here." Carlisle whispered. "I'll stop back in a while."

"Have his parents been called?"

"Yes, I believe Alice called them."

"Good."

Carlisle clapped me on the shoulder. "You know the drill, if he needs anything, press the call button."

~*IMPACT*~

I sat with Demitri's parents, the Mitchells, in the OR waiting room, while Carey worked to repair the injuries to his forearm.

When he finished with the surgery, he directed them into a small consult room.

Demetri's mom took my hand. "Will you come with us?"

"If that would make you more comfortable, of course."

Alice and I followed them inside the cramped room where Carey explained the procedure to stabilize the bones in Demetri's arm. He explained that his specific type of fracture required a precision reduction to ensure that the bones weren't mal-aligned when they healed. The goal, he explained, was to restore normal function.

He went on to explain the importance of ensuring the proper spacing between the bones of the forearm so that the bones could function in sync with one another; they nodded their heads and asked questions.

He explained that they'd keep Demetri for several days before sending him home.

Mary Mitchell's face paled, no doubt imagining the cost. I remember her son saying he was fortunate that he'd been hurt at work. "We don't really have the proper setup to care for him. We've got steps at home."

Alice knelt down in front of her chair so they were eye to eye; she took both Mary's hands in her own and squeezed reassuringly. "He can go back to the apartment. We can get the things he'll need to get in and out of bed until he can transfer. I'm sure he can get re-assessed for whatever hours he needs. Don't worry."

"And Emmett has sports insurance on each of the players. His injury should be covered. Don't worry." I added, hoping to reassure them.

"I'd like to stay here with him until I'm sure he's okay, but Dad will have to go back home."

Demetri's dad hung his head. "Yes, I'll have to get back. The plant won't run itself." He lifted his gaze to Carey. "Our boy is going to be alright isn't he?"

"He should be fine. We'll watch him closely for signs of compartment syndrome." He explained tissue pressure and venous pressure, and I could tell by the look on their faces that he had lost them.

"Can you dumb that down doc? You're talking over our heads." Jerry Mitchell asked, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, occupational hazard." Carey apologized and then spoke in simpler terms, explaining that Demetri wasn't experiencing problems at the time of surgery, but he didn't downplay the fact that it was a serious condition which could develop either.

"Your son's was a clean break and there was no neuro-vascular damage. The wound was irrigated and debrieded before we operated and I've closed the wound and stabilized it externally, so he doesn't have a traditional cast. I'll see him in my office at two, six and twelve weeks. He should be back to normal activities of daily living in a few months. He'll have to use an electric wheelchair until we're certain it has healed properly."

"Thank you, doctor." Demetri's dad extended his hand and shook Carey's.

Carey reached down to his belt and glanced at his pager, frowning. I recognized that expression. I could relate.

"You're welcome. We'll keep a close eye on him. Do you have any questions before I go?"

Demetri's parents looked to one another and his dad replied, "No, I think we're good."

"I'll discharge him in a few days. Barring any complications, he should be home for the holidays."

"Thank you doctor." Mary replied.

"You're welcome. I'll check on him again before I leave. He's in recovery now, but the two of you may go in and sit with him."

"Goodnight everyone."

I excused myself and followed Carey out into the hall.

"Were there any complications? Do you think he'll have any lasting limitations?" I thought about the quiet boy who had really begun to shine in the company of the team. He'd be devastated if he couldn't continue to participate.

"I don't anticipate it. He's young, he'll bounce back. This is going to be inconvenient for him; he'll have to rely on his support system more than he already does."

I scrubbed my hands over my face. The Mitchells couldn't take Demetri home with them. Alice had already stepped up to the plate and was swinging the bat in preparation for the pitch.

"Miss Brandon is caring for Demetri, I take it?"

"Yes, she works with both Demetri and his roommate, although Alec doesn't require as much assistance."

"She is going to have her hands full." Especially if he couldn't transfer himself in and out of the chair. The injury was going to strip away a lot of independence.

"She is."

"You know the drill; social services will attempt to ensure that he has enough supports in place before he is released. The state has cut funding to a lot of programs; there may be a waiting list for attendant services. This injury makes him a priority. I have no trouble writing a compelling letter to ensure that he doesn't fall through the cracks."

No doubt, Karen or someone from the group would descend on Demetri in the next few days to inquire about his living arrangement.

"Thanks. I'll call Karen in the morning; ask her to initiate contact with him."

"Alright, I have to take this page. I'll talk with you soon, Edward."

"Thanks for everything."

~*IMPACT*~

I found Emmett pacing the waiting room and a bunch of the guys huddled in the corner looking exhausted.

"He's out of surgery."

"How is he?"

"He'll be out of commission for a little while, but he should be fine."

Em let out the breath he'd been holding. He slumped his large frame against the wall and fiddled with the zipper pull on his jacket nervously.

"Thank God. I feel so responsible."

"It's not your fault."

"But, if he hadn't been playing ball he wouldn't have gotten hurt."

I thought about Demetri. He wasn't in school, he didn't drive and his family lived too far away to just drop in to make a social visit. He relied on the team for more than just a little recreational exercise. Those guys had become his surrogate family.

"You're right, he wouldn't have. He'd be sitting at home in front of the TV. That's definitely more stimulating than an evening with the team."

"You know what I mean, bro."

"I know that you have a misguided sense of responsibility. He'll be alright. This is a minor setback. He'll get through it."

"I just feel really bad right now."

"Don't. It was an accident."

Emmett nodded.

"How's Guy?"

"His mom came and took him home. He was pretty shook up. I'm glad we didn't call the ambulance, though. That might have brought back too many bad memories for him. Thanks for driving Demetri."

"No problem, buddy. Can everyone get home alright?"

He jerked his head over to the corner to where Alec and Jane sat talking quietly. "Alec offered one of the guys a ride. Everyone else drove."

I took Em by the shoulder. "Don't stress over this buddy. Go home and get some sleep."

"Goodnight Ed. Drive safe."

~*IMPACT*~

Alice was quiet that night as I showered quickly. She had a lot on her mind. In true Alice fashion, she'd immediately taken the initiative. She'd do whatever she had to in order for Demetri to come home to his own home.

I followed her quietly to the kitchen.

"I'm going to have to help them make some calls tomorrow. We'll need a hydraulic lift and an electric wheelchair."

"He's going to need more attendant hours, too." We both knew the alternative, with no family to care for him, if he didn't have enough attendant coverage, he'd convalesce in a nursing home. Like any of us would let that happen.

"He is."

It was time to cut the tethers.

_I could do this._

"I've been thinking tonight, Ali. I don't rely on you nearly as heavily as I thought I'd need to." A year ago, I envisioned daily care providers as a permanent fixture in my life.

"No," she answered hesitantly.

"I'll be okay. You need to concentrate on Demetri and his needs. Losing the use of his dominant arm will hamper his daily activities."

"Are you breaking up with me Edward?"

"Yeah. I think I am."

"I'll be close by if you need me."

"I think I'll be alright."

"So, tomorrow?"

"I think we should use this time as a trial separation."

"You'll call if you need to?"

I nodded. I'd miss her. She'd been a regular fixture in my life for over a year. I'd come to rely on her heavily, but like a mother bird, she'd begun the process of nudging me from the nest some time ago and now it was time for me to take that solo leap.

"I guess this is goodbye, Eddie," she smirked.

As if.

"Bye Ali. See ya round."

She gave me a tight hug.

"Goodnight Edward."

I fumbled with the alarm clock, setting it an hour earlier than normal. I crawled into bed as quietly as possible. Hershey was already curled at Bella's feet; his tail brushed the bedspread eagerly in the darkness.

"G'night boy. Get some sleep. It's another early day for us tomorrow."

Bella stretched and mumbled something before draping her arm across my waist and nuzzling into my chest.

"Is he okay?" she whispered against my skin.

"He will be."

"Good. I was worried about him."

"His parents are here."

I pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, baby."

"Love you too," she yawned.

Morning came entirely too soon, but I was dressed and wolfing down a granola bar while the coffee brewed.

Bella rubbed her eyes as she trudged into the kitchen.

"You're up early."

"I wanted to allow myself some extra time."

"Where's Alice? Did she already go?"

"She didn't come this morning. She's going to help Demetri's parents coordinate some things for his care."

She nodded. "I'm glad."

"Bella, I guess I should have discussed it with you first. I uh, Baby, I told Alice I thought we could manage without her."

"Oh. Okay."

"It's just that Demetri is going to need a lot more help until his arm heals."

"I wondered how long it would take."

"What? Demetri's arm?"

"No, Alice and I sort of had a running bet on how long it would be before you had regained enough self-confidence to cut her loose." She replied, trying to hide a smirk.

"You what?"

She came over and took my face in her hands, pulling me down for a kiss. Her mouth was soft and warm and tasted of cinnamon. "We'll be fine. You don't give us enough credit, Cullen."

"You sure you don't mind?"

"Not a bit."

The coffee machine gurgled and hissed.

"And that's my cue. I'm not sure what time I'll be home."

"I'll be here. I've got lesson plans and papers to grade."

I took longer than normal with my coat, but to Bella's credit, she didn't step in and help me. Hershey sat patiently while I hooked his leash. I stopped at the counter, retrieving my cup of coffee and stuffing it down between my thighs. Bella put something in my backpack.

"Your lunch. Don't forget to refrigerate it."

"Thanks baby, you take such good care of me."

"I love you. You're welcome."

I couldn't have wiped the smile off my face if I'd wanted to later that afternoon, when I read the note that was in the bag with my sandwich.

_Edward,_

_I was going to send Mexican for your lunch,_

_But I thought it would be more fun to share later._

_Who knew sharing a burrito with a cute guy would change my life?_

_See ya when you get home._

_I love you,_

_Bella_

Who knew, indeed?

I remember someone telling me once that Italian Cuisine was the most romantic, but I begged to differ. The first meal we'd shared would always be my most memorable.

Or so I thought.

Until I got home.

I called from Demetri's room to say I was on my way.

As soon as we were out of the car, Hershey and I hurried to do his business outside. I unhooked his leash and released him as soon as I was through the door.

I heard my coat slip off the back of the leather couch and hit the floor with a thud, but I was a starving man.

Dinner was ready when I arrived. It was sprawled across the bar, and so was my Bella; she lay on her side with her head propped on her elbow.

"I thought we could eat here," she said; from her place on the counter.

Her finger dipped into the guacamole teasing, tempting me. My mouth hung open as I watched her suck that finger into her mouth and encircle it with her tongue.

"Mmmm..." she moaned. Her little finger went back into the little cup of guacamole, swirling around in the sauce before she held it out to me.

"You want?"

"Mmhmm." Oh yes, I definitely wanted; and I wanted more than just a taste.

I moved to the counter, pushing forward until my legs were fully underneath and she was inches from me. I opened my mouth and welcomed her inside. I moaned a little too, when I tasted it on her. The sauce had run down her finger and my tongue chased it, searching it out. The tip dipped between her fingers, licking the webbing between them, sucking the soft flesh into my mouth.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted leftovers." She whispered.

"Mexican is always better the next day," I stuttered.

Not only had that day so long ago been at the top of my list of most memorable dates, apparently it had affected her the same way. I could play along.

She sat up, carefully dangling her legs over the side of the counter. I reached behind her knees and slid her body closer to me. Her stocking covered feet sat on my thighs.

"Where did you want to start?"

_Oh, that's a loaded question, baby._

I dipped my finger into the salsa and reached up, painting her lips an appetizing crimson. I slipped my hands behind her neck and pulled her down to my face.

"Here?" I asked against her mouth. "Or here." I suggested, smearing a light trail down over her collarbone.

I backed my chair away from her carefully and stood.

"Did you want me to feed you?" she asked shakily.

"I'm very hungry."

"Condiments, sir?"

I nodded, remembering that day, as she held the opened burrito in her hand.

"You could just dip it."

She swiped the burrito through the salsa. "Like this?"

She held it to my lips. I took a bite and reached for the food.

"I think it would taste better like this." I planted my free hand on her sternum and pushed back gently.

She leaned back on her elbows and I laid the burrito on the wax paper, scooping a dip of each of the condiments into a puddle.

I looked down at her and with trembling fingers lifted her shirt. It had been a long time since I'd played with my food.

I swept the burrito through the condiments and then swirled them across her midriff. A blob of sour cream oozed into her navel, beckoning me. My tongue followed the delicious trail around her tummy before sucking out the sour cream.

"Mmhmm. Much better like this." I murmured against her stomach. She squealed when I nipped and nibbled my way across her abdomen. I dipped the burrito back into the toppings and held it to her lips. She took a small nibble, cleaning off her lips with the tip of her tongue.

The need for food was replaced with a different type of hunger, my fingers reached for her top and our eyes met. The smoldering gaze she returned squashed any uncertainty I might have had. I lifted it over her head and reached behind her to unhook her bra.

"Careful baby." I put my hand behind her head and lowered her to the counter. Giving her a concussion would put an end to our fun fairly quickly. She squirmed when her skin touched the cold granite and I watched in fascination when her stomach clenched and her nipples tightened. She was so beautiful.

My finger dug into her hips as I pulled her body to mine, her legs wrapping instinctively around my hips. I pushed into her pelvis and grunted at the thought. There were so many things I wished I could do with her.

"You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you on this counter."

Her eyes got wide but she tightened her legs around my waist and challenged me, I could feel her heels digging into the top of my hips. "So why don't you?"

I cursed my body for the lack of spontaneity. We'd never have moments like other couples. "If I was a normal guy I could."

An expression I recognized all too well flashed across her face and she growled. We practically bumped heads she sat up so abruptly.

I backpedaled, an attempt to save myself from further reproach. "I can't give you spontaneous moments like that."

"We share spontaneous moments all the time. This," she motioned with her finger between her and me, "became spontaneous as soon as you said you wanted to do it. That was the hottest thing I've ever heard you say! Why don't you go take care of business and I'll clean up this food quick?"

I stood there, gawping at her and she pushed on my chest. "Go on. Jab our little friend and I'll be right here waiting for you."

I scurried past Hershey in my haste to get to the bathroom. He lifted his head and wagged his tail hopefully, but it was Bella who called to him as his kibble hit his bowl.

I hurried through the process of jabbing myself and watched with satisfaction as little Eddie twitched and rose to the occasion. Usually moments like this were preplanned. Did I put my clothes back on? Did I go out there with my pants down around my knees? That didn't seem very romantic.

I stood and pulled everything up and carefully zippered my pants. I'd never know it if I got caught in the zipper, but the thought alone made me cringe. I let my shirt hang loose and I hurried to the kitchen, it was as if the moment had been frozen in time.

The counter was cleared of food, and my girl was splayed across the granite in its stead. "You're breathtaking." I whispered.

I pulled up to Bella and she lifted herself up on her elbows, watching, and waiting.

I put my hands on her hips and guided her pelvis to mine. I used her weight as leverage and pulled my body into hers. She gasped at the contact and the corner of her mouth turned up into a semi-smile.

"Welcome back."

"Thanks. Where were we?"

"You said something about fucking me on the counter?"

"Ahhh, so I did."

"You were fretting about lack of spontaneity, or something."

"Mmmm, yeah, I guess that did come up."

She reached to the place where our pelvises met and squeezed. "I don't think that's all that came up."

She sat up and put her fingers down into my waistband pulling us together again. "I like this adventurous side of you. It's refreshing."

Confident fingers pushed my dress shirt down off my shoulders and tugged the wife beater out of my pants before pulling it up over my head. Frantic fingers tugged on my hair, mouths collided, and tongues tangled as our kisses grew urgent.

My girl was wrapped around me like an octopus, and our bodies rocked against each other.

"Lay back baby. Let me make you feel good."

I lowered her to the counter and lifted her skirt. Trying to be stealthy I jerked on her panties, thinking I'd just rip them off of her. They did it on TV all the time...

It didn't work that way.

"Oww! Wedgie, _wedgie!" _she giggled.

"Not as easy as it looks." I muttered in embarrassment.

Using my armrests for leverage, she lifted her behind off the counter, all the while snickering at my failed attempt to be sexy. I pulled her panties off- the normal way, and let them drop to the floor. She whispered, "Pants off, Mister."

My seatbelt dropped from around my waist with a clatter and I lowered my pants, knowing I was secure with my body pinned this way between the counter and my chair.

I watched, with fascination as my tip rubbed through her slippery folds each time I pulled forward and then let my body drift back against my chair. I continued to tease, relishing in the fact that maybe I wasn't so terribly different from everyone else, and she whimpered in protest.

Her heels dug into my hips and I pulled hard against her, slamming our pelvises together until I disappeared inside her. We pushed and pulled against each other until she was covered in sweat and crying out my name. I did that. To her. _I did it._

She lay there in front of me, her chest heaving, our breaths heavy and I knew I'd never seen anything so incredible.

When I gathered her to my chest, she shivered in my arms and I berated myself for allowing her to sit there in the cold kitchen. My shirt hung behind me and I tugged it loose, placing it around her shoulders.

"Come on baby, let's get you warm." Lowering my chair, I tried to slide her onto my lap but she wouldn't budge.

She erupted in giggles, "I think I'm stuck." She held onto my shoulders and shifted from side to side, releasing her thighs from the grasps of the cold stone. Once she was settled securely against my body, she leaned her head on my shoulder so I could drive.

"Hold on baby. I'll be careful." I prayed that my body didn't choose that moment to spasm, with my seatbelt unsecured and my girl on my lap.

Speaking, like she was tipsy from our lovemaking, she told me she had to pee and scurried off my lap as soon as we were through the bathroom door while my mind wrestled between what I wanted to do, and what I knew was the best for her.

Completely out of character, I decided to throw caution to the wind.

I turned on the faucets to our big, beautiful and rarely ever used bathtub and left my girl perched on the toilet, looking puzzled while I slipped in the bedroom to make a call.

My father answered on the first ring and assured me that if we needed his help, he was only a phone call away. Then he wished me a goodnight and said he'd see me at work in the morning.

"Take a bath with me baby?" I asked the beautiful brunette who stood brushing her teeth. I saw her eyes grow wide in the reflection in the mirror. She spit and wiped her mouth with a towel.

"What did you say?"

"I asked you if you'd bathe with me."

"That's what I thought you said. Where's my boyfriend, what have you done to him?" She laughed, placing her hand on my forehead.

"I've had the most incredible time with you this evening, and I'm not ready to let it end."

"In that case, I'd love to take a bath with you. Will you teach me how to help you?"

Carefully, and with baited breath, I transferred onto the bath buddy and I taught her how to swing my legs and lower my body into the tub. Then she sat on the edge, swinging her own legs inside, I held my hand out for her and she slipped down into the warm water never letting go of the grab bar until she was securely nestled between my thighs. I pulled her back against my chest, luxuriating in the sensation of skin against skin, slippy and soft. It felt so incredible to just be like this.

"Is it too hot? I don't want to make you too tired."

"Shhh, don't ruin the mood. I'm fine. This is lovely. Can I turn on the jets?"

"Yeah, I'd like that, baby."

I was in a wonderful position to massage her shoulders as the water bubbled around us. She moaned in delight when I rubbed her neck and ran my nails across her scalp. She leaned back and spooned into my chest, turning her head so we could kiss.

When we started to get wrinkly, and the jets were turned off, Bella took the soap from its dish and wet the pouffy thing. She bent my knees and pulled my legs up one at a time, sudsing and washing them. When she finished my legs, she got up on her knees and washed my chest and my back, placing kisses here and there as she worked.

I stilled her hands and took the pouffy away. "My turn, sit down baby, let me worship you now."

I soaped up my hands and washed her neck and her back, sliding them around to her front. Slippery fingers ghosted down over the swell of her breasts and the soft skin of her tummy, after washing between her legs, I surrendered the pouf and she finished what I could not reach.

Bella toweled herself off while I raised the lift and let out the water. When she came back into the room in her pajamas, I was dried and ready to get into my chair. She set the phone on the floor next to the tub and motioned for me to transfer. I said a silent prayer and eased myself onto the wheelchair with a grunt.

"We did it babe! What a night!" She exclaimed with pride in her voice; it had been a night to remember, for so many reasons.

Dry and in warm pajamas, I took Hershey out to relieve himself and when I came back, the microwave was running; like Pavlov's dog, my stomach made its presence known at the sound of the ding.

"What are we eating baby?"

"Burritos?" She asked sheepishly. "I'm starving."

"Yeah, me too. We didn't eat much dinner."

Bella prepared a plate for each of us, and I met her at the table with glasses of water and trays of bedtime pills.

A quick snack was devoured and we all got into bed, Hershey circling round and round before he settled on a place between me and my girl. He went to sleep with his head on Bella's chest.

Long after the two of them began to snore, I lay awake staring at the ceiling. Before going back to work, I'd spent many hours like this in quiet contemplation while Bella slumbered. I really couldn't afford to do that anymore, but sleep didn't come right away.

There was so much good in my life. I was healthy and healed, things on the work front couldn't have been better and I had a beautiful girl who wanted nothing more than to spend all of her days by my side. I was so blessed.

* * *

A/N: _**Oh Edward, you've grown so much!**_

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, I know it's not my normal, but it seemed just right some how. The next chapter is well on its way to being done.

Thanks to Sherry for the quick beta job, your dedication to this story is always appreciated.

Debbie, I bet you didn't see this coming when you pre-read didja? :snickers: I hope you're enjoying a much needed break. There are no words to express my gratitude for your devotion and enthusiasm with my baby. I know you know, but sometimes it's nice to hear it. I heart you so hard. Always.

My apologies to my regular pre-reader ladies, I never got it sent out to everyone on time. I was just really comfortable with the chapter. I hope I'm not being too smug. You'll let me know if I screwed up, yes?

I hope everyone has a lovely Fourth of July is you're in the states. I wish you yummy picnic food and bunches of safe fun.

Till next time...


	61. Chapter 61

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-one

~Edward~

Life without Alice beginning my daily repertoire went, surprisingly, smooth. Life at home was quiet without her bubbly personality, but there were mornings where it was nice to just drink my coffee in silence. It was sort of surreal though, that first morning, when I pulled up to the kitchen table and her notebook lay where she always sat as we started our day. A yellow sticky note bore a hurriedly scribbled message. "I thought you would want this. Everything is inside."

I lifted the well worn cover and thumbed through the pages that morning; I marveled over the complexity of her notes. Every stage of my progress was catalogued inside with dates and times. Even after I came home, she'd kept meticulous nursing notes in regards to my care. One could go back to any given point in my recovery and track the day's activities.

For the most part, since her departure, I'd handled my own care independently and it felt really good. It seemed like it had been so long since I'd been totally self sufficient, and I had forgotten how freeing it was to know that I was once again living independently with my disability. I'd slipped so completely into patient mode after the accident that I hadn't realized how much I relied on another person to be a part of my daily activities.

The things I still experienced difficulty with were, frustratingly, the little ones; activities that sounded so inconsequential in the big scheme of things- putting on a coat or reaching for something that was just inches from my grasp. When we made the decision to add Hershey to our family, I never imagined that he'd be the one to eliminate so many of those little hurdles.

Sure there were mishaps and times when I was hesitant to take the initiative, like the night Bella and I shared a bath, but looking back on it I wouldn't have wanted to miss that moment for the world.

You only lived once though, and I realized I'd never be truly living if I allowed my fears to cripple me. What was the worst thing that could have happened? A broken bone? Been there, done that, and thanks to Emmett I was pretty sure I owned a tee shirt that attested to it.

One of Carlisle's complaints for such a long time was that I'd always dealt with my patients and my support group members with a _do as I say, not as I do _attitude. He felt that I was being dishonest when I did things like referring my male patients to a urologist to learn how to overcome erectile dysfunction when I myself had been living under a rock when it came to my own sexuality.

Perhaps the holiday season made me more nostalgic; for some reason I found myself reminiscing and assessing my life and its unexpected blessings a lot.

The past year taught me how wrong I had been. It was freeing to live as confidently as I'd let the people in my life believe I'd been doing for the entirety of my life as a disabled man.

One of the biggest changes I saw in myself was the acceptance and healing I'd experienced over that last year, not in my body, but in my soul. I could finally speak about my parents without my heart constricting. I wish I'd have been more receptive to therapy years ago, but for therapy to work, one had to be a willing participant and at the time I just wasn't invested in my recovery. Once I was away from Carlisle and Esme and off on my own, counseling ceased. And if I was being completely honest, the time I _had_ spent in therapy while my body had been healing was a waste of both time and money, I hadn't truly participated. At least not in a way that ever benefitted me.

I understood that the desire to participate had to come from within and needed to be for completely selfish reasons, but I finally _embraced _it in Jill's rehab. Because I wanted to be a better man for Isabella, because I wanted to be a better son to my parents, a better doc to my patients... but in all honesty, that night I was reunited with Jill she made it perfectly clear that it was expected of me if I wanted to reap the full benefits of my time there _for myself_.

Getting hit by that car put my life back into perspective in so many ways.

The understanding that in order to move forward, I needed to go home to Forks and face my fears was one of those things.

The sense of foreboding during that first drive to Forks felt like I was going to my own funeral. Who knew that it would be the thing that set me free? I was terrified to go and I had to wonder how long would it have taken before I ever considered driving there for myself, but for Bella? There was nothing I wouldn't do for her or her family no matter how much it scared me.

That's why after all these years I bit the bullet and called Esme to assume responsibility for something that I'd welched out of every Christmas. Had she been a little older, I would have been concerned for her cardiac well-being. I asked, and after several moments of silence, I had to check to make sure she hadn't keeled over. Our previously cheery phone call had become deathly silent.

"Mom?"

"I'm here, Edward. Are you sure about this?"

No, I wasn't sure about it, but it was high time I manned up and showed them the respect they deserved. "Yes, absolutely. Bella wants to drive over and see her dad and Sue anyway. There's no reason for you to make a special trip."

"You know we've never minded doing it."

There were years when she made the trek out there all by herself, in God knows what kind of weather, because I was too obstinate to go along. "I know, and you've been great about it. I'm sorry it's taken me so long."

"If you change your mind, you let us know. I don't mind going, but for neither one of us to go... that's just not acceptable."

"No, I promise. I won't let you down, Mom."

"Don't let _them_ down, hon."

"I won't."

I called the florist and ordered the double wreath, scheduling the delivery for the twenty-third. We were driving to Forks early in the day, spending the night and coming home early Christmas Eve day.

We'd just picked up Bella's new vehicle, and she was excited about showing it off. It was a nice car and I was so glad that she liked it. It was perfect for just she and I, but there was plenty of room for passengers and if one of her fellow volunteers from the center had an easy lock system, she could easily transport them.

The weather had turned nasty- we hadn't really seen the sun in over a week, and the roads were covered in slush and slop. Bella was enjoying the car versus public transportation. The last nice day we'd had was our final fall riding session. We had a few classes left in our package and they graciously offered to allow us to use them in the spring. My return to work had happened more quickly than I'd anticipated and we just hadn't had enough time. I'd told Bella to go several times. She could have taken a consumer, or Guy, but she refused to go without me. It made me feel a little smug when she declared that riding was something she wanted to share only with me.

I had volunteered to take call all night on Christmas night; there were never a lot of neurological cases- although I might have never met Bella, had she not been the exception to the rule. It was nice knowing I could spend the day with my family. By the time I had to be available for work, our festivities would be over. Volunteering for it had netted me several days out of the office prior to the holidays; it had gotten me out of call on New Year's Eve, which was by far, the worst holiday for us.

I spent one afternoon shopping for friends and family. The year before, I'd dictated my Christmas list from a hospital bed between periods of lucidity and unconsciousness. This year, I was buying my own gifts.

I bought leather Coach bags for Alice and Rose. They had similar tastes and I knew it was something they'd both use. I got a really nice leather messenger bag for Bella. She was preparing to embark on a new vocational journey and it was a gift that would get softer and more attractive with years of daily use. I lifted the bag to my nose and inhaled deeply. There was no aroma in this world like new leather.

I bought Esme the softest cashmere sweater in a deep hunter green. My mother always looked so nice in green, and she and Esme could have been twins they looked so much alike. The color of the sweater would coax out the green in her eyes, it would look wonderful on her. It would also go well with the emerald pendant and earrings that had been my mothers. I'd come across them when I was unpacking a few boxes of my parents things, and I remembered how she'd always admired them. I offered them to Bella, but she admitted they weren't really her style, and I knew they would mean more to Esme than anything I could ever buy for her.

I paid Carlisle's greens fees for a year at the Newcastle club. Golfing wasn't a hugely popular past-time in the area, so the fees were relatively low and the waits were usually short. He loved to golf there with his cronies and I could understand why.

The club was one of the most scenic in Seattle; from any vantage point you could see breathtaking views of the Olympic Mountains, Lake Washington or the city itself. Carlisle had been hounding me to join him since I'd come home from rehab. It was a shameful waste of money for me to participate, I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a golf ball, but I supposed, at some point, I'd make the time to go with him. Never, in all the years since he'd stepped up and filled my father's shoes, had he denied me anything. An afternoon or two in the sun with my old man was a small price to pay for all the sacrifices he'd made over the years.

As a kid, I'd high-tailed it out of Seattle as soon as I was well enough, and there was many a time when I had been asked to come home and I'd weaseled out of it. But, alas, nearly meeting my maker for the second time had shown me the error of my ways.

Bella and I had our engagement announcement photo enlarged and framed for our parents. It was an attractive photo. They had taken a ton of poses, and the photographer tried his darnedest to hide my chair. There were shots where he actually draped a black coverlet over the back of my chair in an attempt to make it blend into the backdrop.

In the end, the one we picked was a black and white candid shot of Bella on my lap, we were laughing and she had her hands on my cheeks in the aftermath of a kiss. The photographer actually offered to Photo shop the chair out of the picture, and he had me second guessing myself; maybe Bella didn't want my chair in her engagement photos- but she set him straight.

If looks could kill, he'd have been a dead man. "This is our life. Why would we want to pretend to be something we're not? We came to you because we loved the work you did for someone we know, but your lack of professionalism makes me want to go elsewhere."

I tugged on her sleeve and guided her into the hallway. "Bella," I whispered, "it's alright." I really didn't feel like going through a sitting with another photographer. We were finally done. Who knew sitting for pictures could be so stressful?

"It's _not_ okay. I really like some of these poses, but I don't want him thinking we need to hide your chair. He's acting like your disability is something to be ashamed of. That's what makes me mad."

I nodded in assent. I understood. The old Edward would have probably gone along with whatever the professional suggested, not wanting to make waves. I had no idea what made a good picture. But Bella was absolutely right.

When we went back into the studio, he was flushed and acted flustered as he straightened up his work area. "My apologies. I've had several customers in wheelchairs who have asked me to creatively hide the chair. I've never experienced someone who wanted it in the picture."

He seemed genuinely apologetic, and in the end we bought a small package from him; looking at the photos afterwards, I was proud that we chose only the ones where my chair was visibly present. While it didn't define me, my disability was a part of my identity. It was nothing to be ashamed of.

I bought Emmett and Jasper each gift certificates to have their cars washed, waxed and detailed. Neither of them had a lot of time on their hands and I knew it was something they'd appreciate.

I pondered over a gift for Guy, and when I mentioned it to Bella, she told me not to worry as she had it covered. She dragged a bag out of the hallway closet and pulled a wool jacket out of it. It looked like an old letterman's jacket, but it had Guy's name embroidered on the chest, a capital P where the varsity letter should have been and on the back there was a big appliqué of Popeye's bust. I knew he'd love it.

I had to drive across town to find the antique shop where Alice bought Maggie's teapot the year previous, but I was in awe from the moment the little bell chimed and the door closed behind Hershey and me. There were so many wonderful things on display that I had a hard time knowing where to even start.

An older lady came out of a room in the back and introduced herself as Betsy. When I explained that I'd been under the weather the year before and someone else had done my shopping, but I wanted to find something that might complement my earlier gift, she punched Alice's name into the computer and within minutes she knew the name of the manufacturer of the teapot. She led me back to a row of barrister bookcases that were filled with china, pointing to several colorful pieces.

"This is the same pattern as your tea pot; it's the Summertime pattern from Royal Winton. We actually have quite a few nice pieces to choose from. Would you like a few minutes to look around?"

I stood my chair and perused the choices that were available. The perfect piece jumped out at me almost immediately.

"That." I pointed. "That little set is perfect." It was a small china tray with a creamer and sugar bowl. I had forgotten how cheery the pattern was. It made me smile; Alice had chosen the perfect pattern for Maggie.

The china wasn't cheap and Betsy asked if it was for someone special. "She's been part of my life for as long as I remember." Aside from my parents, I don't think I'd known anyone longer. Guilt washed over me when I thought about how long it had been since I'd made time for her.

"I have the most delightful little sugar shell. I think it would make the perfect accompaniment for this little set."

I had no clue what a _sugar shell_ was. But when she pulled the tiny spoon out of a cabinet behind the counter and laid it on the little china tray, I realized it would compliment my gift wonderfully. It was a beautifully crafted piece of silver with a scalloped bowl and perfectly sculpted calla lilies that were intertwined on the handle. Maggie would love it.

"Yes, please add that to my order."

"It's my treat honey. I knew it was special and I've been trying to find just the right place for it. I hope your friend likes it."

"Thank you. She'll love it."

She pulled a small cloth out of a plastic bag and carefully polished the piece. "There, that looks better." It shimmered under the lights, shining like a new utensil while still retaining the beauty and characteristics of a vintage piece of art.

While she wrapped Maggie's gift, I enjoyed a fresh chocolate chip cookie and a cup of coffee and Hershey lay at my feet. Betsy gushed about how well behaved he was. I loved this little spot and knew I'd return. There were so many unique gift possibilities within the small shop. Esme would love it here, and if she'd never been, it would be a place where we could no doubt get lost for a few hours just ogling over all the wonderful treasures. We hadn't spent a day together in a long time.

As a kid, I shared many a tea party with Alice; and poor Maggie had humored us and joined in. I remember thinking she was a giant back then when she folded her gangly body into the child-sized bistro set Esme had in her parlor and drank Kool-aid out of Alice's tiny tea cups with us.

I laid my credit card on the counter and in the glass case under the register something caught my eye. I knew I had to have it. It was a beautifully preserved copy of A. A. Milne's _Now We Are Six_. When I expressed an interest, my new friend pulled it from beneath the counter. "It's a first edition, printed in 1927." She held it out for me to inspect it.

"This is very nice." I murmured, taking it from her. The jacket was pristine; I turned it over checking the spine. The illustrations were superb. It was a fine book and a purchase that would have made my mother proud.

"It came in as part of an estate sale. They say it's only had one owner, and based on the condition it's in, that's probably true."

I leafed through page after page of poetry. I remembered some of these poems from my childhood and I knew Bella would cherish something so wonderful.

"Would you wrap this as well?" At six hundred dollars, I knew she'd kill me, we'd agreed that we wouldn't go overboard since we had a new home and we both had new vehicles, but there was no way I could share our first Christmas without something that would blow her away. I knew she'd love it; she had a large collection of children's literature and this would be the perfect addition.

I stowed my final purchases safely on the floor in the front of the car and Hershey and I got back on the road with all the other holiday shoppers.

There was one last stop on the ride home, it was something that had begun to weigh heavily on my mind and I didn't want to wait any longer to order it. The situation with Demetri reminded me that there was assistive technology that would make Bella's life easier if she were going to be the one assisting me on days I wasn't able to handle everything on my own or heaven forbid if one of us fell during the execution of a transfer. While those days would, hopefully, be few and far between- life with a disability was filled with uncertainty.

My rehab doc had been more than obliging when I asked for the script for a hydraulic lift. Normally, insurance would only pay for the cheaper, mechanical one that was cranked or pumped to raise a patient, but I could justify the need for a battery powered patient lift, based on my living situation, even if my health insurance didn't cover it and it came from the settlement account instead.

I stopped by the small store where I got my durable medical equipment and placed the order, paid my co-pay and roamed around while my paperwork was being completed.

Something caught my eye, and I wondered briefly how much trouble I'd be in if I bought it. It was something I had wished I could do for Bella, and standing there looking at one, made me realize just how feasible my wishes were.

A half hour later, and with my wallet three hundred dollars lighter, I was the proud owner of a massage table. While I was no massage therapist, and I certainly wasn't as flexible as most individuals, I knew enough about massage and reflexology to know that I could make Bella's body relax and feel good. One of her only complaints about the spa membership I'd gotten her was the fact that the timing wasn't always convenient. When I thought about the fact that she massaged lotion into my tired body every night to keep my skin from breaking down- no matter how tired she was, it seemed only natural that if there was a way I could return the favor in kind, I should make it happen. It pleased me to know that my purchases could be delivered the next day, and while we wouldn't be home, Esme was more than happy to meet the delivery guy at my house to accept delivery.

When I turned onto my street, I recognized several cars that sat in front of our house and I couldn't imagine what sort of occasion would warrant such a gathering.

I exited the car in the garage and Hershey's nose immediately sniffed the air. "It smells like a bakery in here, doesn't it boy? Let's go see."

Walking into the house was like entering a winter wonderland. A million twinkle lights adorned our living room. A fire was crackling in the fireplace, and laughter filled the air. Turning the corner into the kitchen, I found my girl wide eyed and blushing as Esme said something that sounded very much like, "Oh honey, they may have taken out the cradle, but they left the playpen."

Across the room, Rose piped up over the boisterous conversation and said, "And Daddy C is one fine looking man!" She fanned herself and rolled her eyes. My stomach jerked.

I realized quickly that this conversation was not something I wanted to be a party to. In any way. It was wonderful my parents had a healthy sex life.

Enough said.

I did not want to hear about Esme's hysterectomy or premature menopause. I didn't want to hear about her intimate relationship with Carlisle, nor did I want to hear the ladies in my life lusting after him, even if it was in the name of fun. Turning abruptly, I muttered, "I think I'll go to my study and wrap some gifts."

Bella stopped me on my way out of the room and pulled me close for a kiss. "That might be best. We're doing a cookie swap. I may have forgotten to tell you."

"Didn't sound like the conversation had anything to do with cookie baking." I mumbled.

Her voice got low and she whispered, "Your mom is having a toy party and she invited all of us. She was just explaining that if one is creative, they can have a satisfying sex life at any age."

I squeezed my eyes shut and put my fingers in my ears. I so didn't want to think about any of the ladies in the room in that context. "Lalalalalala!"

Bella just laughed and smacked me.

"On that note, I've got a few things to take care of." Holding Bella's hand loosely in my own, I took one last look around the room; nearly every woman I cared about was there. Rose and Alice sat at the kitchen table with coffee mugs, deep in a conversation. My mom and Jane were packing cookies into big plastic tubs, and my Maggie was wiping down the monster mixer and the counter with her back to me, singing loudly and off key with the Christmas music that was coming from the iPod dock. I raised my finger to my lips and Bella smiled and nodded.

I snuck up behind her and tugged on one of her long red curls. She let out a loud squeal and whipped around. "You're home! How's my boy?"

I was nearly crushed in her embrace.

"Oh, Maggie, how have you been? It's so good to see you."

"I'm great. How are you? Are you enjoying being back to work?"

I pulled on her hand. "Come on, these girls can get along without you for a little while. It seems like it's been so long since we've seen one another."

"We're pretty much done, just wrapping things up anyway," she confirmed.

I lead her to my study and closed the door behind us. It was blissfully quiet and I didn't have to yell for her to hear me.

"It's really good to see you looking so well." She exclaimed, appraisingly. "I don't think you've ever looked this happy, not even before the accident. I knew that girl was special when I first met her."

"Yeah, she's pretty wonderful. My life is so full now. I always thought I was content, but I was really just settling. She's really helped me find myself."

"The house looks great. I can almost feel your parent's presence here. So many of these things remind me of them." Her gaze leveled with mine, and her expression turned serious. "Has it been difficult for you?"

"Honestly?"

She nodded her head.

"When Esme and I first talked about all of the stuff that was just sitting in a storage unit, I was afraid it would be too overwhelming. When they had everything moved to Seattle, she stored it in one of those climate controlled units. She could have stuffed my things anyplace, and for the longest time, I couldn't have cared less. But when I started the building process and they told me where my things were, I felt a little guilty about the fact that she'd gone to such great lengths, and so much expense, to ensure that my things were in a secure environment where they wouldn't get damaged from the elements. But the deciding factor for me was Bella."

"How so?"

"I had a tough time convincing her that this was _our_ home. I wanted her to feel welcome here, and I wanted her to bring her things and spread them throughout the house, not just hide them in her own personal space. By contributing things I already had, it just seemed she'd feel more comfortable. It turned out to be beneficial for both of us."

"I'm glad."

"I was so sure that this would all be too much. But like you said, it does feel like they're a part of this. They're here in this house, and I feel closer to them. These might just be things to some people; I guess I'm a little sentimental. At the time when I lost my parents, I had no idea how much I'd treasure their belongings once I was in the proper mindset to appreciate them. It's nice to be able to share things with Bella and take her on walks down memory lane. This is the only way she'll ever know them."

She reached over and squeezed my hand, giving me a soft smile. "And you're acclimating back into work okay? You're not breaking your butt trying to juggle the practice and the lab are you?"

"Work's good. The hours are long, and exhaustive, but I really missed the mental stimulation. Being stripped of my independence was a hard pill to swallow. I hated just sitting around the house. It was great, spending the summer with Bella, but when she went back to school, I think I got a little buggy with so little to do. Thankfully, the closer I got to going back, the more responsibilities I had."

"Please try to find a healthy balance of work and play. Life's precious, and unpredictable."

"You should talk, my work-a-holic friend. Does Liam still have to schedule dates with his woman?"

"Actually, we've agreed to slow down some after the new year. I had a breast cancer scare not so long ago and it sort of put a lot of things into perspective."

I stiffened and felt the color drain from my face. "But you're alright? Aren't you?" I didn't think I could handle losing someone who had been such an integral part of my life. She'd been my rock so many times, someone I could turn to when a subject was too sensitive to take to my parents. She was the big sister I'd never had. She couldn't be sick. I'd do anything in my power to ensure her well-being.

"Yes, I'm fine, just some fibro-cystic changes. But it was a wake-up call that time's rushing by and there are a lot of things we want to do before we're too old."

I slumped back into my chair as relief washed over me.

"So this is a New Year's resolution of sorts?"

"No. People never stick to resolutions. This is a commitment to my man that we'll spend more quality time together. He's retiring in April. I'm taking a month off and we're going to the old country."

"Oh, I bet springtime in Europe will be lovely."

"Liam's parents are both getting up there. If something were to happen to them, well, you understand."

"I do."

"I'm considering taking some time off later in the year. Liam has volunteered to go with a mission trip to Cambodia. He'd really like for me to go with him. Pediatric AIDS is so prevalent there. We'll be gone for a year, if we go."

"Wow, that's some commitment."

"Who knows, if we like what we're doing, maybe I'll retire early and we'll spend some time giving back."

"You've got a few years till you can retire don't you?"

"Twenty years, that's all I need. I'm just a couple years away. I don't want to retire so old that I can't enjoy myself."

"I can appreciate that. But, don't go running off without saying goodbye." A million scenarios ran through my head. Some of my colleagues had gone to war torn countries and sites of some of the worst natural disasters. The conditions the volunteers lived in were not much better than those the locals endured. Carlisle had similar aspirations and had actually gone through the screening process with Doctors Without Borders a little over a year ago. Had I not had my accident when I had, he might have already been pulled from the pool.

She nudged my knee. "Hey. Don't fret."

"I'm okay," I pouted. "But I'll miss you."

"No, you _won't_. You've been too busy to _miss me_ for the past six months. You won't even know I'm gone."

I hung my head in shame. I _had_ neglected her- terribly. "I feel like such a schmuck. I'm sorry I am so horrible about staying in touch with people. I see someone and in the blink of an eye it seems like an entire year has passed. Where does the time go?"

"It flies when you're having fun. I just love Bella. She's delightful and if spending time with her is what has been keeping you distracted, I don't mind a bit. We've had a lot of fun today. They've gotten pretty rowdy here this afternoon, poor Bella has been turning crimson for hours."

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The women in my family were known for their relentless teasing of one another. I wanted Bella to feel like part of their inner-circle, but I didn't want her to bear the brunt of their joking.

"They weren't intentionally being mean or anything were they?"

"No, nothing like that. Lots of girl talk, though. Your mother may have alluded to the fact that she was hoping for grandchildren."

I groaned.

"You don't want kids?"

I sighed. "I'd love to have kids; I don't know if that's even in the cards for us, I'd like to try."

"But?"

"But I don't know when it'll be a good time. I mean, we're both considering career changes, I think my biggest fear is being too busy to help her when the time comes."

"There is never a good time to start a family, and if you wait, one day you'll wake up and your life has passed you by. Don't do what we did. We put work first and by the time we were ready, it was too late."

"No, we've agreed that we both want kids. It would be ideal if it happened when her disease process is in a remission."

"Good luck with that. These things rarely, if ever work the way you plan them."

She glanced at her watch.

"You have to go."

She nodded. "I do."

"I've missed this. We should get together more often."

"We should. I better get moving, though. Liam will be looking for his dinner in just a little while. I don't know if he'd be happy if I brought him cookies."

"Man's an idiot. I could live off of your cookies. Every one of them is baked with love. Doesn't he know that's what makes them taste so good?"

Like my girl, she always blushed so easily. "Aww thanks."

I grabbed her hand as she turned to leave. "Hey, real quick, this cookie swap thing- I don't know that I'd ever heard that term used. What, exactly, is a cookie swap? No way am I asking in front of all those girls. They'll make fun of me."

Maggie barked out a very unlady-like laugh. "A cookie swap is where we all bring a recipe and the ingredients for a batch of cookies. We planned our ingredients so that there were enough cookies for us each to take a dozen or so of each kind home."

I began counting in my head. But she beat me to the total. "I think we all ended up with around eight dozen till it was all said and done- batches of cookies never turn out in perfect dozens."

"Mmm, Bella mentioned cookie baking season once, but this was the first any cookies have been made. I was beginning to think the season had been canceled this year."

Maggie laughed at my disappointed comment. "No, it was in full swing this afternoon. I think she feels bad for not being more prepared for the holidays, she was telling us about her job woes and everything she's involved in. She's quite the busy gal."

"She is," I agreed. "Hopefully next year will be quieter for her."

"Yes, for both of you. Make time for your lovely bride-to-be. You never get these years back."

"I'll keep that in mind. Merry Christmas Maggie."

She gave me a big hug, ruffling my hair before she stepped away from my chair. "Oh you too, honey. It's been good talking with you. We'll get together over the holiday. Once everyone goes home, take a peek under your Christmas tree, you might find a can of your personal favorites. There might just be some fudge and home made peanut brittle in there too."

"Love ya, Mags."

"You too, buddy. You too."

I watched, wistfully as she left me and then returned to my gift wrapping.

I flopped onto the couch. Bella was changing into something comfortable. Dinner was over and everything was cleaned up and put away. The house had that wonderful holiday aroma and I'd eaten enough cookies to put Emmett to shame.

I was rubbing my shamefully full tummy when Hershey brought me a tuggie toy and dropped the slobbery thing onto my lap. I threw it down the hallway and watched as he bounded after it. A few seconds later we repeated the process. Bella laughed at our silliness and scooted out of the way when the big brown creature rushed past her in a blur to retrieve his toy.

She sat on the opposite end of the couch, and I tugged on her legs until her feet were in my lap and her head was on the armrest. I massaged the bottoms with my thumbs while she moaned and hummed.

"Oh, God that feels so wonderful, I wouldn't mind if you quit your day job and become a masseuse, but I don't think I'd like the idea of you making other women feel this good." If she only knew what I ordered earlier in the day. I couldn't wait until it arrived and we could try it out. I'd have to wait until after the holiday so Emmett could help me make room for it in our basement gym, but I had a feeling it would be so much easier than contorting her body so that I could properly reach.

"Did you take time to just sit down and take a load off your feet once in a while? You're feeling alright?"

"Yes, I forgot how tiring it is to bake all day, there were a few times where I just sat back and watched. I appreciate that you worry, but I was fine. There are many aspects of Christmas cookie making that can be done from a sitting position. We just had a really nice girl's day. I'm sorry Sue wasn't here, that would have made it perfect."

"Did you celebrate much as a kid? Did you do things like this with your mom?"

She stared off at our bare Christmas tree, avoiding eye contact with me. "My dad always went out of his way to make Christmas special, even when he didn't have a lot of money. He always made time to do fun things with me. Renee and I celebrated our share of Christmases, too, but she wasn't the sort to sit home and make paper chains for the Christmas tree or make a big holiday dinner. She was happier going out to a nice restaurant on Christmas Eve in lieu of putting a lot of effort into the holiday." Finally she looked up at me. "I suppose it could have been worse. How about you? I picture your family holidays being a big deal."

"Christmas _was_ always a big deal for us. My mom decorated like a crazy woman, and she and Esme baked up a storm. We were always together for the holidays. I think that's why I stayed away when I was in school. It was easier to avoid the holidays and all the pain that came with celebrating them, than coping with the depression."

She looked up at me with troubled eyes. "Is this too much? I don't want to dredge up memories that will ruin your Christmas."

I reached my hand out. "Come here baby. You're too far away."

She curled up under my arm and I squeezed her tight. "For the first time in so long, I am really looking forward to the holidays. After they were gone, it was so hard to try and go through the motions. The first few Christmases when I was at home with Carlisle and Esme, I tried to put on my happy face because I knew they were hurting too, and they were making an effort because they wanted me to have a nice Christmas. But we all knew we were just going through the motions and it was easier to go off to school and act the model student. I know now it was wrong, I should have stayed closer to home for them, perhaps. We were all trying to figure out how to heal from something so devastating. Carlisle often worked the holiday after I left, and Esme shared her Christmas cheer volunteering at the hospital, visiting patients that were alone."

I saw something in her eyes. I knew it well. Pity. We were pitiful, the whole lot of us, but we'd learned how to deal with the pain in our own way. But as she always did, she took me completely by surprise. "I don't think they'd have wanted you to stay here just to try and make them feel better. They had to find their own way to heal, too. Perhaps your leaving allowed them to concentrate on each other."

Maybe she was right.

"For the first time since I was a kid, Christmas feels magical. Can you feel it?" I whispered.

The corners of her eyes crinkled as she smiled. "Yeah, I feel it."

Tired of the heaviness that had invaded our cuddling; I turned it back around to her day with the girls. "So you had fun baking, yes?"

"We had a great time. I think we all needed this."

I took in all the holiday cheer that now graced our home. "The place looks great."

"You don't mind that we decorated without you?"

"You saved the tree for me. That's the best part." I reached down into the space between the cushion and the arm of the couch. "Here baby. I got us something." She leaned precariously over the front of the couch and reached for something on the floor, before taking the package I was holding out to her.

She handed me a box similar to the one I held. "I did too."

We both laughed when we held up identical ornaments that said _Our first Christmas_. "I guess great minds do think alike," she mused.

"I can take mine back." I offered.

"No way! We're hanging them both," she countered. "We'll always remember this moment and laugh. Should we decorate the tree before we go to Charlie's?"

"Actually, I was thinking, we always decorated the tree on Christmas eve. Would you like to continue that tradition?"

"I'd love to; will Carlisle and Esme be able to spend the evening with us?"

"I'm sure they'd like that. I told Esme we'd call her and firm up our plans before we left."

"I think that will be fun."

"So, a little bird told me my mom was hinting about grandchildren."

Bella smiled. "Yeah, in a not-so-subtle manner."

"It was bound to come up, I suppose it's sort of the natural progression of things. I've never made a commitment like this with anyone and suddenly everything she's ever dreamed for me has become a reality. I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable or anything."

"No, it wasn't like that. We were all sort of talking about where our lives were headed. Everyone is coupled up. We got to talking about what Rose and Emmett are doing for Guy's Christmas and the conversation about kids just happened from there."

"Em mentioned that they had something special in mind for him, but he didn't elaborate. What's up?"

"Do you remember Guy talking about his friend, Tracy?"

"Yes, the young lady that goes to his camp. I remember."

Bella smiled and launched excitedly into conversation. "The company her mom works for just moved them to Portland. Apparently one of her co-workers has a young adult son with a developmental disability. The kid vacations each year, independently, with this little company that caters to people who have disabilities."

"What type of services do they provide?"

"They are a travel company that chaperones individuals who wouldn't otherwise be able to travel independently on exciting vacations. The staff is comprised of special education teachers, therapists and other individuals who have made a career out of working with people who have disabilities. Tracy and Guy are going on a Disney trip in January."

"How nice. Do they provide services exclusively for people with developmental disabilities?"

"From what I understand, they are a cross disability business. Rose did say that if someone needs hands-on physical care, they have to take an attendant along, but in the case of someone who just needs someone to help navigate the complexities of a vacation, they can travel independently with the group."

This was an interesting little tidbit I'd be sharing with my colleagues at the rehab gym, I knew so many people who didn't possess the confidence to vacation alone. Carmen would be excited about the possibilities something like that could offer to the members of the support group, or anyone else who might come to her for information and referral services.

"What a great idea, that would be open up travel possibilities for so many people I know."

I had to admit, it was genius, and so very important. I thought back to when I was a kid. I knew a boy with Downs, and there was such a social stigma that enveloped his family because they chose to raise him as a part of the family within the community. His family celebrated his life, and I think he was the first individual I'd ever encountered with Downs. I didn't know at the time that kids with developmental disabilities were seldom mainstreamed like they are now. Inclusion was a fairly new practice; most of the kids that I went to school with were full-time special ed. They would join us for gym or art or music class, but the rest of the time they were invisible, off somewhere in their own special wing of the school.

I remember hearing my mom tell Esme that his parents were told to put him in an institution and tell everyone he had been stillborn, rather than admit they had a baby with a disability. It wasn't all that long ago when it had occurred- it was appalling and something I still had a lot of trouble comprehending.

I squeezed her fingers and rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand. "I can't begin to imagine what a self confidence booster this will be for him."

"He's at that age where he wants to be independent, but he's shy and unsure of himself. To be able to go someplace and have fun, a place where Rose and Emmett don't have to worry about his well-being, what a wonderful thing for all of them."

"I agree. I wonder if Emmett will feel the need to have that talk now." I couldn't help my smile. It wasn't really funny, but I had found humor in Em's flustered state when he came to me after the camp kiss, asking if it was inappropriate for him to broach a discussion of a sexual nature with Guy. Apparently Guy had told the fellows on the team that Tracy was his girlfriend and that they had kissed at camp. One of them teased him about _getting busy_ with Tracy. Emmett nearly had a stroke when Guy asked him what the kid meant.

We found a few wonderful articles on the internet and I explained to him that while it might be embarrassing for both of them, it would be far worse to not have _some sort_ of discussion with him about the subject.

"Talk?"

I explained Emmett's concerns and the nature of our discussion.

Bella smiled up at me. "Emmett is such an amazing guy. Many parents are so closed minded when it comes to a child who has a cognitive disability. It's almost as if they envision them as an asexual being, or think they can prevent their curiosity about subjects of an adult nature by isolating them. Periodic medical and psych reviews of individuals with developmental disabilities should include sexual information appropriate for their level of comprehension."

I remembered when they'd come home, how angry Emmett had been over the mother who expressed disdain over Tracy and Guy kissing before they separated at camp to come home. I shared the story with Bella, but she wasn't surprised in the least.

"I actually peer counsel a young woman whose parents had her sterilized because they felt that it would prevent her from having sexual desires. Another parent has forbidden her son to date because she's afraid he'll want to have sex. Thankfully, not every parent thinks like that."

I understood, though, at the time I had my accident, most rehabs ignored sexuality like the plague. It was almost like the rehab doctors thought that paralysis immediately eliminated any sort of desire one might have for the opposite sex. I left rehab almost feeling like it was wrong to want something like that for my future. I think society was still afraid that if broken people had sex, they might procreate and have disabled children, I was part of a specific group of people that much of society still viewed as inferior and I wondered if that would ever change.

"Guy is very childlike and I don't know that he could truly comprehend the dynamics of a sexual relationship, but I feel every parent has the responsibility of discussing it in a manner that is appropriate for their child."

Bella nodded in agreement. "Tracy's mom sounds pretty awesome; I suspect she's one of those parents who has covered all the bases with her daughter, as well. We offer a private class for young adults to attend either individually, or together with a parent as part of our life skills training, it addresses the fact that appropriate sexual expression is okay. Romance comes in many forms, while one couple may never do more than kiss on the cheek and hold hands, another might have a more physical relationship. Those individuals need to understand that intimate physical interaction is okay when it is with a consenting partner in private. It's not something to be ashamed of."

Most of the young people who attend might possibly never have sex, but we discuss appropriate touching, and the fact that there is an appropriate time and place for touching one's self or someone you care about. We have teaching videos that explain things, like how to properly use a condom, available for loan to families so they can watch and discuss them in the privacy of their own home. We also make sure they have access to reproductive healthcare, and birth control if they are sexually active, if they don't, we can direct them to places that provide those services free of charge."

"I didn't know you offered anything like that for the consumers."

"I think it was born out of the concern some of the parents of our kids with developmental disabilities had. Sexual predators prey on the weak, and the subject came up at one of our support group meetings. Kids who are taught to understand, in a manner that is appropriate for their level of cognition, are better prepared to tell a trusted indivual if someone touches them inappropriately. How can they articulate something like that if they have no idea they have been exploited?"

She was talking with her hands and I smiled at her level of dedication and love for her consumers. She sat up and our eyes met. My heart swelled with pride, seeing her so invested.

"There are different reasons parents attend classes with their kids, but they are coming to a center for independent living for services. Many of them are from the school of thought that wants their kids to reach for the stars and that includes the desire for them to date, fall in love, get married, perhaps have children. They want to ensure that their children are able to fully participate in the community experiences they are entitled to."

Thank God my surrogate parents were of that mind set as well. They'd done nothing but nurture and encourage me, through every twist and turn of my life as their son. "I think we all want that for our children. I would want my child to experience everything his heart desired."

"Me too," she answered quietly.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Perhaps one day, Baby." I hoped beyond hope that we could have that. I wanted what everyone else had. It had taken a long time to sink in, but I finally understood that I deserved to have dreams of my own and see them fulfilled.

Wringing her hands nervously she asked, "Would it be a bad thing if I stopped my birth control? They say it can take a year or longer for a couple with no problems to get pregnant."

"I suspect that the likelihood of us getting spontaneously pregnant is slim. Are you sure you're ready, though? You've just started reaping the benefits of the Copaxone. I hate to see you stop that." As much as I wanted kids, I'd never want her to sacrifice her good health for a situation that could cause her to have complications.

"Jeff suggested I continue with therapy until I have a positive pregnancy test. He also suggested I see a high-risk OB now, to see what their opinion is. He said there is an indication that the medication may be responsible for a small number of miscarriages, but he didn't feel there was enough evidence of birth defects to contraindicate using it until we conceived."

She had asked her doctor for advice on pregnancy. I was covered with goose bumps and had this overwhelming urge to tear up. I was such a girl.

"I agree that having a preconception examination is a good idea, for both of us. I think we should do that before we do anything else. It's wise to know what you're working with before you stop therapy or try to conceive. Jeff knows both of us, and I'm sure he's thinking that there's a good possibility it could take a very long time for us to achieve a pregnancy. It makes sense that he wouldn't want to take you off your medication for a year or more just so we can experiment."

"So you agree with him?"

"I do. But, I'd like to take the time to do a little more research, see what sort of studies have been done. The medication has been on the market for a number of years. I've heard good things about it in reference to pregnancy. We've had a few patients remain on it throughout their entire gestation, but this is you and our potential child we're talking about. Statistics alone aren't good enough; I don't want to take unsafe chances with either of your health."

"I'm really feeling good; it would be a blessing if my MS was well managed through a pregnancy."

It was almost as if she'd been privy to the conversation I'd had with Maggie. "Now's the time to start thinking like a woman who wants to get pregnant if that is something you're really ready to attempt. If you're feeling good, increase your exercise. Maybe you want to try something like yoga, or you like to swim, that's an excellent way to get your body in shape. The goal would be to be both as physically and neurologically stable as possible before you get pregnant. You should begin taking prenatal vitamins, as well."

"Jeff said I should strive to have the MS well under controlled, and try to control my stress levels, too. He advised me to begin taking folic acid now, too."

"All sage advice, my dear. Especially the folic acid, it helps prevent neural tube defects. We should make sure you're not taking more vitamin A than you should be. Certain forms of it can cause birth defects. Then, after you do all that, stop taking your birth control when you feel ready. I don't want you to do anything you don't think your body is prepared for. We want the best possible outcome here. While some women with MS breeze through their pregnancies, others are extremely fatigued. Growing a baby is hard work."

She blew out the breath she'd been holding. "I know."

"I'll call the drug manufacturer and speak to someone in the research department. That would be the most reliable source for information on the studies that have been done. I can access the FDA reports on adverse reactions."

"Can you even _do_ that?" She nudged me hard with her shoulder.

...and I laughed. "I can." True, most of the information I wanted to study was on public record, but my status as a doc in a research lab would give me access to stuff that wasn't. Our future was worth a few phone calls.

I watched as she worried her fingernail between her teeth. "Should we be going to these appointments together?" she finally asked.

"I think that's a great idea. We're a team, right?"

"You don't think we're putting the cart ahead of the horse? A few weeks ago you were ready to get married, and I convinced you that there was no hurry." Her face colored and she averted her eyes to the floor. "Should we be concentrating our efforts on getting hitched before I push you to try and knock me up?"

I ducked my head down and lifted her chin so her eyes met mine. "Hey, don't second guess this. It all sort of goes hand in hand. We're headed towards one end result, creating a family. Even if we started on that tonight, I think it would be a safe bet that we'll be married long before I ever just _knock you up_, as you so eloquently put it, Miss Swan."

"So you'll do your research and I'll make a few phone calls to schedule appointments for us?"

"Sure. Friday afternoons are a good time to schedule appointments for me, all three of us are in the office that day."

"Okay."

"Reilly's number is up on the corkboard. Do you want me to call him?"

"I can set something up if you want," she volunteered.

"That's fine baby. There's an OB who has worked with several of our patients. She's fairly young, but so far I've heard only good things about her. She specializes in maternal-fetal medicine and is a genetic counselor as well. Maybe you'd like to have a consultation with her. She seems very nice."

"That sounds like the doctor that Jeff told me about. Dr. Carder. Is that her name?"

"That's her."

"I have her card."

"Alright then."

Her eyes shimmered and she gave me a watery smile. "We're really doing this, aren't we?"

She climbed into my lap, straddling me. She put her hands on my face and kissed me softly. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

I pulled her close, my ear resting on her chest while I listened to the steady beating of her heart. "Yes. I do know how much you love me, you show me with everything you say and everything you do. I've never doubted it for a second."

Hershey got up and paced a few times before he walked to the front door, looking over his shoulder and wagging his tail. I gave her another squeeze and then patted her bottom. "He needs to go out. I need to get up."

"I'll take him. Why don't you go get ready for your shower? I'll be right in."

By the time she came into the bathroom I was perched on the edge of my board getting ready to slide into the shower. I slid the towel under my behind and made my way across the cavern that had seemed so huge when I'd begun to make my daily trek into the shower. It wasn't nearly so bad anymore, nor did it take anywhere near as long as it had when I'd first come here.

She was leaned against the vanity, watching until I was safe, the cordless phone on the counter next to where she stood. Once I was in, she set about her own bedtime routine. She was always close enough to hear me if I needed her, but not hovering because she doubted me. We'd fallen into a comfortable routine, and it was working well for us.

When I turned off the water, she was there, handing me a dry towel and helping me with the spots I couldn't reach on my own. I bridged that gap again, and once I was in the chair and dressed, she sat at my feet and lovingly dried between each one of those gnarly toes, and inspected my feet attentively before rubbing them with lotion and covering them with socks and sneakers.

Getting into bed was fast and simple and just when I thought I was comfortable for a few hours, Bella got up on her knees next to my torso and reached across my midsection. She grasped the draw sheet and pulled my body up on its side. "Get your pillow situated Babe; I'm going to roll you the whole way over."

As I lay on my stomach, and she massaged cream into all the spots on my body that were prone to breakdown, I thought about how fortunate I truly was.

To have someone who loved me so completely was beyond anything I'd have ever imagined for myself. I understood Esme's giddiness over our continually blooming relationship. It was very exciting plotting one's future as we were, and I realized how utterly devastating it would be to ever lose her. So many individuals with disabilities that I knew feared losing their partner, but the lines were so blurred when a caregiver was a loved one. I knew people who would have a harder time accepting that they'd have to replace someone they trusted with their life, than accepting the fact that the person who _was _their life was gone.

The thought of losing the person you depended on day in and day out for your freedom and physical well-being was terrifying, but Bella was my woman first and care provider last. I could always replace a caregiver.

My fear of losing Bella stemmed only from the fact that she was my life partner, in heart and soul. Losing her had nothing to do with my physical needs. It was freeing to make that distinction. I had always cringed when I'd hear someone say, "I don't think I could live without so and so. She does everything for me." I didn't want to ever be that crip.

I closed my eyes and tried to empty my mind, concentrating simply on the fact that I knew her warm, soft hands were kneading my muscles and rubbing my skin, even though the sensation was lost. I pictured her leaning over me while she worked, meticulously spreading the moisturizer that kept my skin healthy and provided a barrier between my skin and any damp mishap that might occur through the night.

After I was properly massaged and once again lying supine, she curled into my side, her hand resting on my chest.

"I think I have everything packed. I just have to grab a quick shower in the morning."

"You packed their gifts?"

"Everything is in the trunk of my car. The girls helped me carry everything out to the garage this afternoon."

After playfully arguing about gifts and what we were spending on family and friends, we agreed that we'd each buy for our respective family members. Bella bought a spa day for Leah and Brandy and packed large baskets of baked goodies for Seth, Jake and Billy.

I would have liked to have spent a little more for Charlie and Sue, but I understood when Bella said Charlie would be embarrassed if we spent more on him than he could reciprocate with. We bought Charlie and Sue an all inclusive weekend away at a rustic little bed and breakfast outside Vancouver. My parents had spent several weekends there and simply loved it. Not only was the establishment within walking distance of the town's quaint little shops, they could explore nature on horseback, in kayaks, or on a river cruise. Bella assured me it was a spot they'd both love.

"I was thinking of taking the cookies Maggie made me."

"There's already a tin of them in the car."

"You're kidding."

"You're the son she never had. She loves you."

She never failed to show it, either. "I know. She's always been such an important part of my life." I showed her a picture I'd snapped of Maggie's gift with my phone. "Do you think she'll like it?"

"She'll love it. It's beautiful."

"We should have them over some time. You'd love Liam; he's a lot like Carlisle. He has a gentle disposition and that way about him of making his patient's feel totally at ease."

"Did I hear someone say he's a pediatrician?"

"He is. Maggie was telling me they were going on a mission trip to Cambodia."

"Yes, she shared that with all of us. Esme seemed a little uneasy with that prospect."

"Maggie helped to fill the hole that was left when my Mom died." I explained to Bella that mission trips could be dangerous and lacked any sort of creature comfort. I was sure the reality of the situation weighed heavily on Esme's mind.

"They seem very close."

"Yeah. Maggie and Liam are family. She's like a sister to Esme. I'd love for you to get to know them better."

Bella yawned as she gripped the sheet that lay across my chest. "I'd like that."

"Get some sleep, baby. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

She stretched up and our lips connected. "Night Edward. I love you."

"Love you too, baby. Sweet dreams."

The drive to Forks was long and sloppy. Bella compared it to driving in oatmeal; although I'm not sure I wanted to know what she was using for a reference point. Every time an oncoming truck would pass us, it was as if someone threw a five gallon bucket of the sludge onto the windshield. It was white knuckle driving all the way, but she kept calm and got us there safely despite the weather.

When we finally got into town we drove to the cemetery and parked, then called the florist. She'd arranged to meet us there, but this way we'd have a few quiet moments with my parents before she arrived.

I was surprised when Bella pulled a bag from the back seat. Hand in hand we crossed the lawn to the place where they rested and without any warning, Bella dropped to her knees in front of them, wiping the snow from their stone. When she began talking, I thought at first that she was addressing me.

"I got you a gift. I know we never got the chance to meet, but I feel like I know you so well. Edward is working so hard to ensure that we can have a comfortable and secure future. You'd be so proud of the man he has become. We just announced our engagement, and we got these for my parents and for Carlisle and Esme, but no one deserves to be a part of this more than you do. I know that when we exchange our vows, you'll be watching over us."

My hand trembled as I reached for her, but she reached into the bag and pulled out some sort of a stake and stuck it into the earth in front of their stone. The second time in the bag she removed a large tile that had our engagement picture on it and she slipped it into the holder on the stake. I was wiping my face with the back of my glove when she finally stood.

It was hard to articulate what such a sentimental gesture meant to me. "How did you?"

"An artist friend from the CIL makes those. They're pretty much impervious to weather. I just thought you'd want your mom and dad to have a copy of it too. I hope that's okay?"

I hugged her tightly to my chest. "Baby, it's perfect. Thank you."

She backed away and tried to wipe the slush off, but the legs of her pants looked soaked through. When she shivered I motioned towards the car. "Why don't you go sit with Hershey? I'll wait here for the florist."

She nodded and pulled out her keys. "Start your car and turn up the heater, Bella."

While I waited for the florist I spoke with my parents. I explained to my dad that I was at a crossroads in my career, that I was striving to follow a path that would eventually bring in more money while allowing me more time with my family. I peeked over my shoulder to be sure my girl was in the car before I told Mom about the book I bought her for Christmas, and I expressed my desire to have children that I'd be able to tuck into bed with it.

The sound of tires in the gravel ended our conversation, and I promised to visit again. Perhaps not every time we came home, but at times when I had something important to share and just like the first time I'd been here, a breeze seemed to swirl around me and embrace me, and when the florist cut the engine of her van, the sensation slipped away.

A teenage boy followed along behind the florist with a metal stand. He pushed the heavy stake into the ground and the florist secured the double wreath to the frame with wire.

The woman who I imagined to be around Carlisle's age wiped a few needles from the front of her jacket before removing her gloves and extending her hand. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. A Merry Christmas to you and your family. Please give Mrs. Cullen our regards, I'll miss our visit this year. She's such a pleasant woman"

"She is, and I will." I looked at my parent's headstone. "Thank you for doing this each year, for them."

"It's our pleasure. Your parents were fine people."

"That they were."

I watched as they got back into the van and pulled away before I said goodbye to Mom and Dad.

I cranked the heat up as high as it would go when I got into the car, and Bella drove with chattering teeth, all the way across town to Charlie's house.

Thankfully, Sue pulled Bella from the car as soon as the key was turned off and dragged her towards the house ordering her to the shower as soon as she saw her wet clothes. Charlie just shook his head when they passed him, a bemused look on his face. He opened the trunk and greeted me while Hershey relieved himself in the grass.

"I really like this car, Edward. You know this one has a great safety rating? I checked it out when I found out what she was getting."

"She really likes driving it. She said it handles great in the snow." I reached into the trunk and pulled out Bella's and my overnight bag and the backpack with Hershey's things. Charlie loaded his arms with gift bags and we headed towards the house.

He slowed and turned towards me. "She looks good, Edward. How's she doing? Is the new medicine working?"

I stopped on the porch and met his gaze. "Yeah, I think so. I see positive changes. Nothing drastic, but they are significant just the same. Her gait has improved. Her doctor remarked about her progress. He doesn't see her every day, so it's probably more obvious to him. "

"Good. It seems every year about this time she has some sort of setback. I worry about her."

"I know you do, Charlie. Thank you. If there's ever anything to be concerned about, you'll be the first to know."

"I appreciate that. It's tough being so far away and being worried about her well-being. I can't tell you what a relief it is to know she's in such capable hands."

I laughed, "I remember not all that long ago when you questioned my ability to care for her."

"I'm sorry about that. You'll understand when you're a parent. You never stop worrying about your kids."

"I'm sure you don't."

"Well, come on, it's cold out here. We should get you inside. Already stop at the cemetery, did you?"

"Yeah. We did that first."

He clapped me on the shoulder. "Good man. Your parents would be proud of you."

"Thank you, sir."

He gave me a one armed hug. "You're welcome, son. Let's see what these women are up to, should we?"

He pushed the door open and motioned me through. Hershey walked in like he owned the place. I unhooked his leash and said the word, "Okay" signaling that he was released, normally he ripped and tore through our house playfully, but in these new surroundings he found a spot on the carpet he liked and after circling a few times, he laid down.

Sue had been watching him from the kitchen and smiled when he settled down. "He's very well behaved."

"Yes, he's a great dog. He's been very helpful."

"That's wonderful. How are you doing Edward? I apologize for running off with your girl, but she looked frozen. She's in the shower getting warmed up."

"Thanks Sue, I could tell she was frozen, and I'm alright. It's nice to be here, thanks for having us."

I lifted Hershey's pack off my shoulder and asked Charlie for his assistance. "Would you mind getting his things out of here? I'm sure he'd love a drink." At home he had a raised platform with his bowls in it, making it easy for me to fill his food and water dishes, but here he'd be eating off the floor and I couldn't reach.

Sue took the backpack from me instead and got our boy all situated while I took Bella's and my bag to the bedroom. Bella came out of the bathroom in a towel, her cheeks kissed with pink from the warmth of the shower.

I watched as she braided her hair and pulled a hoodie and yoga pants from the bag. "I'm gonna just get comfortable now, you don't mind do you?"

"Not at all, Babe."

I took a moment in the bathroom while she got dressed and we went to the kitchen to find her family. Charlie sat at the kitchen table reading his newspaper. Whatever Sue was stirring smelled incredible and I inhaled deeply.

"I feel the same way, son." Charlie commented from the corner.

I watched as Sue kneaded dough on the counter. She covered it to rise and set the table with deep bowls and large spoons.

A salad went together quickly and she handed it to me to place on the table, then she went back to work, tearing her dough into small balls that she flattened and fried. When they came out of the pan she sprinkled them with spices and covered them with a towel.

Bella came over and climbed into my lap. Her arms snaked around my neck and she whispered, "Chicken and sausage jambalaya and fry bread. You'll think you've died and gone to heaven."

I took her face in my hands and kissed her softly. "I already do."

Our late lunch was an event that lasted for several hours as we all sat around the table catching up. Every once in a while one of the girls would get up and do something- clear dishes, set out coffee cups and a carafe of coffee, lay photo albums on the table. I broke out the tin of goodies that Maggie had stowed in the car for us and put them out on a plate. Bella was sad to learn that both Seth and Leah had work obligations and neither would be around during our visit, but both had left small gifts for us.

There was a football game on the television, so Charlie and I retired to his living room and watched the Huskies play while we each sipped a bottle of his _near beer_, as he joking referred to it. The girls were deep in conversation and I didn't want to intrude. Bella needed to be mothered from time to time. I relished in the comfort being around Esme provided for me, and I wanted her to have that while she was here, if only for a little while. Esme loved Bella as if she was her own, but Sue had known her since she was a little girl.

I snickered under my breath when Bella mentioned a party Esme was throwing and I heard them giggling. Yeah, I thought, I'd benefit from that party, too. In fact, it was pretty much a given. Thank God Charlie was absorbed in the game. I didn't want to have to explain.

After the game, we sat around and played a board game. The goal was to collect presents for completing certain tasks such as singing a verse from a Christmas carol or answering a Christmas trivia question. It was hilarious listening to Charlie sing the wrong words, and off key to boot. We had such a fun time just interacting as a family.

At some point we nibbled on snacks Sue set out, and in no time it felt like time for bed. I stretched and yawned with an apology. I'd been putting in such long days and I was used to hitting the hay earlier than I had during my leave.

Charlie punched me lightly in the shoulder and joked about my inability to stay awake. "Maybe we better open the gifts before Edward here falls asleep."

Bella pulled the card out of her purse that contained the certificate for Sue and Charlie. Charlie reached under the tree and pulled out several packages before setting one on each of our laps. "I, uh, I hope yours is okay Edward. It seemed like a good idea when I saw it. I hope you don't..."

"It'll be fine Dad, he'll love it." Bella interrupted.

She squeezed my hand. "Open yours first. I've been dying to see it."

I reached into the big gift bag and pulled out something soft and gray. Bella helped unfold it and held it up so I could see it.

"Charlie, Sue. That's just. Wow. Thank you." I was humbled that they went to such trouble. The heavy poncho wasn't something you just pulled off a rack in a department store. It was similar to the one Alice had gotten for me the year before, only much dressier and very heavy.

Sue explained. "Someone we know has a small studio. Everything is custom made. She is trying to branch out to include outerwear for individuals who use wheelchairs. Billy had her make one for him and he really likes it. We hoped that it might be beneficial to you since it's so cold and wet outside."

Charlie smiled slightly. "And since you're back to work, well, Bella said you spend a lot of time walking back and forth between the lab and the office. We wanted you to be warm. I hope it fits alright."

I pulled the woolen poncho over my head. It had a hood that rolled down into the collar and snaps on the sides to keep the wind out, the back was short enough that it tucked behind me without being bulky, but the front was so long that it covered my knees. The inside was lined with fleece and I knew it would be warm. There was even a large fleece pocket inside to keep my hands warm. I just had no words.

"I don't know how to thank you. This is amazing. I'm sure it will come in handy all winter long."

"Bella said you were having some trouble with arthritis in your shoulders, and perhaps it defeats the purpose by making things easier on you." Charlie said, hesitantly.

They had been extremely thoughtful, and I was touched that they cared enough to get something with my comfort in mind. I had also kind of resigned myself to the fact that while I should strive to work my shoulders more religiously, there were times when that simply wasn't possible with my schedule. "I _have_ been having some problems, and I need to stay on top of it so I don't lose function. I've been doing physical therapy but to be perfectly honest, the damage is already done. This will save me so much time when I'm running back and forth. Thank you again."

"I'm happy that it is something that will simplify going outside for you."

"I know so many people who would use something like this. I'd love to spread the word if your friend has a business card or something."

"Thank you, I'm sure she'd appreciate that."

Charlie handed me another package and looked down at Hershey. "This is for your buddy. I ran it past Bella before I got them for him. Billy suggested toys that you have to throw, and things he can play tug of war with would be beneficial for you too." There was a small package of home made doggie treats, as well.

He really was trying to be sensitive to things that would benefit me. "Thanks, he'll love these. He likes to give me a good workout each evening. I think they encourage play when they're training the dogs so we get extra exercise playing with them."

"Well, you know what they say; a tired dog is a well-behaved dog."

I laughed when Hershey walked over and took the long tuggie off the coffee table and laid it in Charlie's lap. He wanted to play. Charlie threw it gently down the hall and Hershey bounded after it.

Charlie addressed Bella. "I hope you don't ever have to use your gifts, but I couldn't think of anything I'd rather give you."

Bella opened the large box and pulled out a set of jumper cables, some bungee cords, a can of fix-a-flat, an empty gas can and several reflective warning triangles. The last thing she pulled out was an envelope. There were two plastic cards that looked identical. She handed one to me. My name was printed on the front; it bore the Seattle Auto Club logo.

"It's a gift that gives back. We'll have the peace of mind that if either of you are ever stranded, you won't have to worry about roadside assistance, I think it covers four incidents during each annual membership."

Bella hugged Charlie tightly. "Thanks, Dad. I hope neither of us ever needs them either, but it's really nice to know we have them."

"I just want you to be safe, honey."

"Thank you," I said, "for thinking of both of us. That takes a load off my mind, knowing she's got a safety net."

"You're welcome."

Bella was bouncing in her seat and I knew she was dying to give Charlie and Sue their gifts. "Go ahead, Baby. Before you burst."

She gave the box with the picture in it to Charlie. He smiled widely when he lifted the lid off the box and removed the tissue paper.

"Oh Bella. Honey, this is beautiful." He looked at me and chuckled. "You don't look too bad either. I have just the spot for this." He showed it to Sue and then carried it over to the mantel and set it above the fireplace. He stepped back and looked at it. "Perfect."

She handed the envelope to Sue. "I know it looks small, but I don't think you'll mind sharing it."

Sue wore a big smile when she pulled the certificate out of the card and read it. When she finished she handed it to Charlie.

"Wow, this is a really nice gift," he said.

"My parents really enjoy themselves there. There are so many things to do. From everything I've heard, it sounds beautiful." I offered.

"It's all inclusive." Bella added. "All your meals are included, along with several activities."

Sue nudged him. "This will be a great place to go and start your retirement."

"Speaking of which," Bella asked, "when does that start?"

"The day after my fiftieth birthday."

Bella went over and hugged him. "So you only have a few weeks left. I'm so happy for you, Dad. Congratulations."

I reached my hand out to him. "Yes, congratulations, Charlie."

"Thanks. I'm looking forward to spending some time with Sue. I've got a whole list of things I've been wanting to do. One of my buddies retired last year, he said he doesn't know how he ever had time to work; he's so busy."

"That's what I hear." I was embarrassed when I yawned again. "I'm sorry. I feel like I've been burning the candle at both ends. I'm still not quite used to these long days."

Bella stood up. "Come on Hershey. Let's go out so Daddy can get some sleep."

Sue and Charlie both bid me goodnight while Bella was out with the dog.

I was changing my shirt when she found me in the bedroom.

"That was a really nice gift your parents got for me."

"It was. He was so proud when he called and asked. I knew you already had something like it, but I didn't want to burst his bubble."

"No, it's not really anything like the one I already have, and it's much more appropriate for work."

"I'm glad."

I stood up and pushed my jeans down as far as I could. When I sat, Bella removed my shoes and pulled the jeans from my legs. "You putting on sweats?"

"Nah, I'll just sleep in my boxers." While I was getting my transfer board situated, Bella set out the stuff for my overnight needs. I lifted my legs into bed and scooted into place before flopping onto my pillow. "This bed feels heavenly."

Bella climbed in next to me and snuggled into my side. "I know you're tired, but we have to be sure to wake up. We're not on an air mattress."

"I know. We'll be alright. I set my alarm."

Whether it was the long ride, my tired state or the simple fact that my subconscious knew I was in Forks I wasn't sure, it certainly didn't help that little snippets of memories swirled around my head as I slept, but sleep hit me hard. I didn't remember turning or voiding, but Bella assured me that I cooperated when she woke me.

I felt a little deflated, knowing that she'd been wide awake and worked while I didn't even remember being present, but I knew better than to voice those concerns. She'd just remind me that she was doing it because she loved me, and that neither of us could afford for me to get a sore or become sick because we couldn't wake up. Still, I felt guilty that I needed to rely on her so heavily, when she could have been sleeping.

Freshly showered and dressed, I found Charlie and Sue in the kitchen watching the morning news and sipping coffee. Sue motioned to the counter. "I made a breakfast casserole last night and threw it in when we got up. Help yourself."

I made a plate for myself and Bella, and had to smile when Charlie called Hershey over to his bowls. "Come here, Hershey. Grandpa filled your bowls for you."

Bella slipped into the seat next to me, and polished off her meal quickly. When she caught me picking she stole a few bites when no one was looking. She cleared our plates and we began pulling on our coats. We wanted to get on the road early because traffic would be heavy.

Sue had wiped out Hershey's empty bowls and packed them into his backpack while Charlie carried our duffel bag and gifts to the car. The three of us followed him out onto the porch. Sue hugged and kissed us both, thanking us again for their gifts and telling us we'd better call when we got home because she'd worry. She reminded me so much of Esme.

Charlie pulled me into a tight hug and told me to take care of his little girl. Then he turned and squeezed Bella till she squeaked. "I love you Bells, have a wonderful Christmas."

"You too, Dad. We'll call when we get home."

Once we were all secured in the car, Charlie knocked on the roof and Bella pulled out.

She tried to carry on a conversation with me, but I had trouble keeping my eyes open, I did everything in my power to stay awake and talk to her, but when I opened my eyes to answer a question she'd asked, I realized we were parked in the garage.

"Come on sleepyhead. Let's get unpacked. Tomorrow's Christmas."

"Just pile the bags on me and we'll do it all in one trip. I don't feel like running back and forth."

"You okay? You seem out of sorts."

"Just tired. I think I'm going to have to try and catch up on some sleep before my shift tomorrow night."

"We don't have a lot to do today; you can grab a nap after lunch. I've got to run over to see Esme, help her do a few things; you can snooze while I'm away. We're not decorating the tree till after dinner."

We got everything inside and I took our bag to the laundry room and started a load of clothes. When I came out of the laundry room, Bella was stomping the snow off her shoes and hanging her coat. Hershey shook himself and water droplets flew everywhere. "He should be good for a few hours. How about we get you some lunch and then I'll go."

The trip took a lot out of me and all I could think about was curling up on the couch and taking a nap. "I think I'm going to go sit for a while. Maybe just enjoy the decorations. If I get hungry I'll make something."

"Are you sure you don't want me to make you anything? You barely touched your breakfast."

"Nah, just a drink. I'll take a travel mug in with me."

Bella filled a mug with ice water and handed it to me. "If you change your mind, I've got a few things to round up before I go."

"Thanks Baby. I'm good for now."

Ever since the night before, my stomach was sort of topsy turvy. The jambalaya was a little spicy, not truly hot, but full of flavor and it just hadn't sat right.

I used the bathroom and popped a few Tums before I got comfortable.

Just before she left, Bella came into the living room and put a pillow under my feet on the couch and tucked me in with her grandmother's afghan. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the arm rest. She leaned down over my face, kissing me and then I heard a beep and the telltale lighting of the jets in the gas fireplace. "Here. Keep the remote handy; I set it on seventy, so you shouldn't get too hot."

"I love you Bella. Thanks."

"Get some rest, Love. I'll be back soon."

I awoke to Hershey gently nudging my arm and whining. I had become sweaty lying on the leather, so I pushed the afghan onto the floor before working to sit up. I used Hershey to steady myself as I lifted my legs off the couch and pushed myself up. It felt like a monumental task that took forever to accomplish. My clothes were damp and I shivered. I felt like shit.

I called out to Bella before I remembered she'd gone to my parents. It took a while to find the phone crammed down between the couch cushions, and when I finally dialed, it was my father who answered.

"Carlisle."

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Do you think you could, I mean, do you have a few minutes to help me with something?" I scrubbed my hand over my face. I didn't want to trouble anyone, but I knew I could count on him to assist me while not making a fuss.

"I'll be right there. Do you need Bella?"

"Not right now. She's helping Mom. Just, if you could come over here, that'd be great."

"I'm on my way."

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome."

I awoke to Hershey's barks and the click of the front door latching.

Carlisle walked to the couch and squatted down in front of me. His hand gently touched my cheek, my forehead. "Son, you're burning up."

"I know."

"What's going on?"

"Tired, run down, my stomach was a little upset this morning. I thought it was something I ate."

He talked through a cursory exam. "You need something to get this temp down. Do you have Tylenol? Ibuprofen?"

"Yeah, think you can help me get in the chair?"

"Sure."

"My board's back there." I pointed, half-heartedly to the back of my chair. Strong arms reached under my own and lifted me into a bear hug, we spun and I was sitting in the chair before I knew what was happening, the dull pain in my flank however, took some time to subside. Suddenly everything made sense.

"For an old geezer, you're still pretty strong."

"I'll give you old. Come on; let's try to get this fever down. Do you need me to push you?"

"Nah, I can drive."

He followed me to the kitchen and I watched as he rummaged around in the cupboard for pills. He handed me the Tylenol and turned on the tap, letting the water run cold while he held a glass.

I've had mornings where I awoke feeling alright and within a few hours, some unexpected bug in my bladder had raised its ugly head and suddenly I wasn't even able to sit up unassisted. Apparently it was one of those days.

"Maybe we should try some cranberry juice. Pretty sure I know what's wrong." I muttered as I shuddered from the cold.

He nodded his head, understanding. "You've got another infection."

"Yeah, it all makes sense now. I thought I was just tired, I still don't feel like I'm totally back into the swing of things with work. But my output has been a little low, urine's kinda strong. I just thought I wasn't drinking enough. However, you stand pivoting me was a new adventure in pain." I reached behind my torso and rubbed my flank wishing I could will away the ache.

"Well, let's get some fluids into you and try to get that temp down. Give me a specimen and I can go into the office and stick it under the microscope. See what we're dealing with."

I nodded and took the meds he offered. I slammed the juice and turned to go into the bathroom when it hit me. "Gonna puke!"

He held out the trashcan and everything came back up.

He handed me a tissue and I wiped my mouth.

When I looked up at the supplies on the top shelf of my bathroom closet, it felt like they were miles away from my grasp. "Can you grab a specimen bottle?" I asked, pointing.

He laid everything out on the counter and excused himself as I cleaned my hands and stuck the sterile container between my knees. Preparing to juggle the catheter, the bottle and my urinal while keeping the sample uncontaminated seemed so daunting in my head, but I needn't have worried about it. The trickle that dribbled into the cup wasn't enough to even fill the specimen container.

I screwed the cap on with a sigh and washed my hands.

I pulled my sweaty shirt off and laid it over the side of the tub to dry. Bella would kill me if I put something wet in her hamper.

He sat on the edge of my bed staring at the floor when I came out of the bathroom, when he raised his head, our eyes met.

I held the cup out. "There's not a lot in here."

"It's cloudy and concentrated too. You said your output has been diminished. Can you elaborate?"

"I've only had a couple hundred out since I woke up."

"That's not enough. It's almost five. What's your norm?"

"By now? Seven, eight hundred, maybe more."

He handed me a folded shirt. "Here, put this on."

"Can you help me get into bed? I don't feel so great."

"Think you can try to drink something while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, I shouldn't have slammed it like that. Cran juice tends to rebound when I've got a UTI. I wasn't really thinking."

I felt like a little kid, my dad gave me something for the nausea, tucked me in and left me with a cup of ginger ale and a basin. "Just in case."

"Thanks."

"I'll be back in as soon as I can."

I woke up when I felt the edge of the bed dip and soft, cool hands touched my face.

"Hey."

She was troubled, her forehead was wrinkled; I didn't want her to be upset. "Your dad called and said you weren't feeling well. Why didn't you say something? I'd have stayed home, your mom would have understood."

"It sort of hit me all at once. I mean, I felt off, but not really sick; when I woke up I was burning up."

"Your dad is bringing you a prescription. He should be back soon. He told me to make sure you were pushing fluids."

"I sipped on that soda till I couldn't keep my eyes open."

"And it stayed down alright?"

"Yeah, he gave me a suppository for the nausea. It seems to be working."

"How about some Gatorade?"

"Tylenol too, please? I threw the last two up."

"Sure babe. I'll be back."

I spent my evening drifting in and out of sleep, and barely registered my dad's return, but a few hours later when Bella pushed me to drink again, I found I was wide awake and didn't know if I could go back to sleep.

"They're just going to drop by for a bit tomorrow. Your dad said to tell you to get some rest, sleep in, don't worry about anything."

"What'd he put me on?"

She picked up the bottle and sounded it out, ever the teacher. "Cip-ro-flox-a-cin, 500 milligrams, twice a day, it says."

"Cipro. Good, I tend to respond pretty well to that. I suspect it's already up in my kidney. I'm pretty tender."

"He said he'd let you know when he got the results of your blood work back, and the culture should take a few days. He said he did an analysis with the microscope and a dipstick?" She asked, not sounding too sure of herself over the latter. "He talked about sugars and ketones and proteins... rattled off a bunch of words I didn't understand."

"I'll talk to him about that tomorrow."

"How did this get past you? Don't people have signs of a UTI?"

"Some people have no warning at all, but most people have some symptoms. Lower abdominal pain, the sensation of having to go all the time- frequency and urgency, burning with urination; those are all symptoms."

It was as if a light bulb went on all of a sudden. "And they're all sensory things that you can't feel."

"Exactly."

"Wow, that kinda sucks."

"The only thing that usually clues me in is the volume and the appearance of my urine. Oftentimes it's strong, or dark in color, but diet and medication can alter those things too, so that's not a definitive indicator. Usually when it's foul or dark I push fluids to try and avoid situations like this."

"He said that if you're not feeling better tomorrow he wants you to go to the hospital."

While I wanted to say he was over-reacting, I couldn't, so I bit my tongue instead. Still, I had no intention of ending up at the hospital tomorrow either, unless it was to cover my shift. "It'll be fine baby, you'll see." I could see the worry written all over her face, and I hated that I was the reason for it.

"We don't have a very good track record when it comes to Christmas, do we?" I chuckled, rather cynically.

"Hey, we'll be fine. It doesn't have to be some huge affair. As long as we're together, that's all that matters, right?"

"You're right. Even so, I hate the idea of you doing a lot of work when I'm not up to helping share the load."

"You just concentrate on feeling better, that's all I need you to do."

"The antibiotics ought to be making a difference sometime tomorrow night."

"It feels like your fever has broken. We should take your temp."

"You don't have to, it's fine. I'm not hot."

She nodded at the notebook sitting on her nightstand. Alice's notebook. "Your dad said to write it all down- temp, input, output... I don't want to disappoint him." She teased.

"Bel-la." I groaned. "If you can just keep me supplied with drinks so I don't have to get back in the chair tonight, I'll be fine."

She stood with her hands on her hips. "He warned me that you were a baby when you got sick. I take my job seriously; we're doing this by the book, mister."

I rolled my eyes and she held out the thermometer. "Open."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, but complied.

When it beeped and she announced that it was normal, she visibly relaxed, and I reassured her. "See? It's alright. Come on Baby, don't fret. Crawl up here in bed with me."

"I was really worried when Carlisle said you'd called him and you were sick."

"I'm sorry you were worried. This happens to me fairly regularly. I'm surprised this is the first time you've experienced one with me."

"As long as you're starting to feel better."

"I am. I wish I could go back to sleep. I'm wide awake."

I tried to push myself up with my elbows behind me but I fell back on the pillow.

Bella's eyes got big. "What's wrong?"

"Your shot. We forgot to do it."

"Already done." She lifted her top and showed me a fresh welt on her tummy. "I did it when your dad was here."

"Oh good."

"I was going to do it on my own, but he asked if we'd done it. I didn't have any problems with it, but it was nice that he offered."

"He's good about things like that."

"I hope you're not upset. When it became apparent that you were indisposed for an undetermined amount of time, he offered to help me with the tree. We just put my old decorations on the tree. I wouldn't go through your things without you."

"You could have."

"Maybe tomorrow we can put them on if you're feeling up to it."

I yawned deeply. "Mmkay." Maybe I was sleepy after all.

She put in a movie and snuggled in beside me, but I don't remember if I even made it through the opening credits before I fell asleep. There were brief periods of waking through the night when she turned me, but by seven I was watching the snow fall outside my window as she softly snored.

A short while later she stretched and yawned beside me.

"Merry Christmas, Baby."

She sat up with a start. "How do you feel?"

"Better than I did last night."

She relaxed when the thermometer read 98.6 and I was able to more than half fill a urinal.

It took a little longer than normal, but I was dressed and in my chair in a respectable amount of time. I was feeling marginally better and actually eating a very light breakfast when my dad called to ask how I was feeling.

We'd spent a short amount of time hanging some of my ornaments on the tree, but agreed that I'd share the sentiments about them when I was feeling a little better.

Bella and I shared a quiet day with a handful of visitors trickling through.

Alice and Jasper were the first to stop. When I asked her how Demetri was feeling, she happily explained that Demetri was spending the day with his family at the apartment he shared with Alec, and Alec was spending his day with Jane at her dad's house. I knew they didn't have an accessible home to take him to and apparently my confusion showed.

"Emmett has been staying over at Rose's. He offered to let Demetri's family stay in his apartment," she explained. "I stopped this morning to drop off a big tray of goodies; there were little kids all over the floor in sleeping bags. It's great."

Em owned the building that housed his gym, and had lived above it for years. I didn't have any idea that he'd made arrangements for Demetri's family to stay there, but I was aware he'd been staying with Rose a lot lately. In fact, I knew they were going to share their news with Bella when they dropped by later in the day. At least, I hoped they had news to share. I couldn't imagine she'd say no.

Alice squealed and practically jumped in my lap when she opened the bag I got for her, and all I could do was laugh at her unbridled enthusiasm. "You're welcome Ali. I knew it was something you'd like."

She handed me a big gift bag. It was so heavy I nearly dropped it. Bella helped me steady it and I reached inside. I pulled out a hoodie. Knowing Alice it was something special; and when I looked closer I saw that it was. A long zipper began at the inside seam on the wrist and it ran to the waistband on both sides.

She reached out and took it from me. "You unzip it like this and see? It's perfectly flat." She spread it out on my coffee table. They'd filleted the thing and reworked it. "All you have to do is put your head through the hood, then you just line up the zipper on the wrist and pull it until you're zipped all the way. No need to contort your shoulders trying to get into the sleeves."

Assistive technology in the form of clothing for people with disabilities had come so far since I'd first become paralyzed. Most people had to modify their own clothing back in the day and a lot of it looked butchered. It had been nearly impossible to get clothing to suit my needs back then.

"I got you two, a gray and a navy. There are some dress pants in there too. They're your standard black and have a front that completely drops down. They say they're great for guys who straight cath."

"I really appreciate it. These are great." They would make my life so much easier.

Jasper grinned when he opened the card with the auto detailing certificate inside. "Thanks, Man, any idea how long it's been since my truck has had a bath?"

"Did someone write _Wash Me_ in the dirt on the back of it again?" I laughed. "I know you don't have a lot of free time, no sense wasting what you do have cleaning your truck."

"I'll put it to good use."

Bella blushed when she opened the card that Alice handed her. Jasper smirked and nudged her elbow. "What didja get Bella?"

Bella just sat shaking her head, trying desperately to ignore him. Whatever it was had embarrassed her beyond words.

My curiosity was piqued. "Baby?"

She handed me the Christmas card that bore an innocent looking chocolate lab puppy with a big bow around his neck. The bright pink gift card that slipped out onto my lap had a dollar amount written on the back. I didn't recognize the name of the business, _Sweet Dezires_; however the black handcuffs on the logo made me curious; and when my eyes met Bella's she whispered an explanation. "Esme's party."

"Oh."

_Oh._

"Thanks Alice." I couldn't help grinning.

Jasper stood and stretched. His shirt fell open and I laughed when I saw what the tee shirt under his flannel said. _Feel safe at night, sleep with a paramedic._

"Emmett?"

"Yeah, he gave me a bunch of them last night, let's see if I can remember them all. _Don't worry. All bleeding stops eventually._ Or... _EMT- Trained to save your ass, not kiss it."_

Alice added, "My favorite says _Emergency Medicine- Turning the misfortune of others into an exciting day._"

"Never a dull moment with Em."

Jasper gestured towards the back door. "Wanna step outside a minute?" With Hershey in tow, I followed Jasper onto the back porch, so he could have a smoke. He took a drag and let it out. "You think my sister is gonna say yes?"

"Don't you?"

"Yeah. She's absolutely smitten with him. I just wondered what you thought. He'd be crushed if she said no."

"She won't."

"Were you afraid to ask Bella?"

I had felt physically ill as I blurted the words out and for the seconds after until she answered, but thankfully that hadn't stopped me from making the best snap decision of my life. "Terrified. Absolutely terrified."

"Did it ever cross your mind that she might turn you down?"

"No, never."

He stared at something across the back yard. "I wonder if Al and I will ever get there."

"You'll know when the time is right."

"There are days when I don't want to wait another day. Everything is so good right now; I don't wanna let her slip through my fingers."

"You need to have enough faith in your relationship to know that you don't have to rush into something. A ring on her finger isn't what's going to ensure that it lasts forever."

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I know man. I just..."

"If you're afraid she'll slip away unless you rush to claim her, you're not ready. If it's meant to be, it'll happen."

I shivered and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up tight around my neck. My teeth were chattering and it wasn't so much fun anymore, standing outside while he sucked down another cigarette.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just a little cold. I've got another infection."

He jerked his head up, our eyes meeting. "Damn man, why didn't you say so? I would have waited for a smoke."

"We both know it wasn't about the cigarette. It's all good, man. I haven't seen you in a while, it's nice spending some one on one time with you," I rubbed my arms trying to warm them up. "But I think it's time for me to go in."

Hershey puttered around, snuffling his nose through the slushy snow in the yard, and I was glad that we'd had it fenced in while the weather was still decent. He really loved being free to explore his domain and I loved that he was able to be off leash and have recreational time.

I made a kissy noise and called him. He trotted over and sat next to where I stood. "Come, Hershey."

I opened the door and he followed me inside.

When we joined the girls, it was apparent from the look on Alice's face that Bella had shared the details of our Christmas Eve with her.

"You okay?"

"I think I will be. I don't feel too terrible."

"If you need anything, you'll call?"

"I promise Alice."

"We're going to go. I don't want to tire you out."

"Thanks for the goodies. You know I'll put them to good use."

She smiled confidently. "I know you will. That's why we bought them for you. Take care, and seriously, if you need me, just call. I'm like- two minutes away."

"I will. Thanks, Ali."

After following them to the door, I pulled next to the couch and transferred out of my chair. Hershey was at my side immediately, his head resting in my lap.

I must have fallen asleep. I jumped when Hershey _woofed_ quietly to alert me that someone was at the door. I heard Bella talking quietly with my parents. Carlisle knelt next to me, patting Hershey on the head.

"How are you feeling today, son?"

"Better. Not one hundred percent, but better. I'm still tired and I feel like I just finished running a marathon, but nothing like I did twenty-four hours ago."

"Good. The bacteria in the UA is sensitive to the Cipro. I might have gone with something less aggressive, but with your history of resistant infection, I didn't want to take any chances. After I left last night I wondered if I shouldn't have just taken you in to the ER. We could have gotten you set up with a dose of IV meds, might have been more appropriate."

"We both know that the oral Cipro will work just as well. Every hospital visit is harder to bounce back from. I lose too much function."

"You don't like being told what to do, either."

"That too," I agreed. "But, really, I'm feeling pretty good."

"When do you see Reilly next?"

"Soon, Bella set up an appointment for us to meet with him."

I could tell the moment the light bulb came on. His entire face lit up. "She did, did she? Congratulations."

"Don't jinx us. It's just a preliminary meeting to discuss our options."

"Best wishes to you, then."

"Thanks."

"I had the lab reports sent to his office as well."

"I'll give him a call tomorrow."

"Alright son."

The girls had long since moved on to the kitchen, my mom had ruffled my hair as she walked past me.

"Sit down and just chill with me for a while, Dad. You're always on the go. You want to watch something on TV? There's probably a football game on or something."

He cocked his eyebrow and gave me a look that said, "You're seriously asking if I want to watch football?" But he sat down across from me and made conversation.

"Any news on the grant application?"

"No, not yet. The deadline isn't for a few weeks yet. It could be some time till I know anything."

"I'm pleased that you decided to pursue it. I've always hoped that you'd eventually move over into research full time."

"I know you have and I understand why. I'm not so sure I want to chase that dream anymore, though."

"What, research?"

"No, the one where I weasel my way into a stem cell study regenerating spinal tissue to repair SCIs. I'm okay with my life as it is, ya know?"

"You mentioned this before. Just keep your options open. Perhaps some day... "

I shook my head defiantly. "There was a day when I thought I was broken. I wanted nothing more than to find someone, some _way_ to fix this. I'd have sacrificed my soul to the devil if someone could have made it so I'd walk again. I'm not that guy anymore. My life is pretty good. I don't know that I'd even know _how_ to live like a person without a disability."

"I'm proud of how much you've grown, son. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, I don't want you to feel like there's anything _wrong_ with your life as it is. I've just always wanted you to have every possible advantage. People in your situation, well, the outlook hasn't always been so promising."

No, it hadn't been very promising back then, but healthcare was better, durable medical equipment was geared more towards individual needs- especially mattresses and seating systems to prevent decubiti. As a whole, people with spinal cord injuries were living longer, healthier lives.

"Life might not always be perfect, but barring some huge complication, I'll live a relatively normal life. I'm not afraid of spending the rest of my life just the way I am."

"She loves you just the way you are."

"I know. I'm a fortunate guy. She's so eager to do whatever I need her to. I was afraid in the beginning to burden her, but she does it eagerly. I've never met anyone quite like her."

"She's definitely a keeper."

"That she is."

Bella and Esme delivered a platter of small sandwiches and other finger foods to the coffee table and we all snacked and visited and opened gifts.

There were tears when Esme opened the box with my mom's jewelry, and even more when she opened the 8x10 of Bella and I. Carlisle was extremely happy with his gift and even happier when I told him I intended to join him after the weather warmed up. He said he'd turn me into a golfer, yet. I didn't know about that, but I humored him anyway. We'd have a good time and when it came right down to it that was all that really mattered. My ability to hit the ball far enough to put it where it belonged, or with enough precision that I wouldn't overshoot the hole didn't matter as much as the few hours we'd spend just enjoying our time together.

Esme blew Bella away when she gave her a hand crocheted bedspread that had belonged to my great grandmother, but I was the one who got teary when I opened the card from my parents that thanked them for the five thousand dollar donation they'd made in my parent's memory to the private lab I was trying to obtain my grant from.

"In the grand scheme of things, that is but a drop in the bucket," Carlisle assured me.

"Every research dollar is one step closer to a cure for some disease." I hugged him tightly. "Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much."

"They'd be so proud of you son. So very proud."

Esme took my hand and squeezed it. "_We're_ very proud of you. This will happen for you. You'll see."

"Thank you, both of you."

My mom, who had been out of the room when Carlisle had checked me over, was full of questions about my well-being. Dad and I both assured her that we'd caught it in time and that I would soon be well on the way to recovery.

They left shortly after, agreeing that we'd all get together in a few days and actually celebrate between Christmas and New Years when I was feeling better.

Bella climbed up onto the couch next to me after nudging Hershey out of her favorite spot. She made lazy circles on the back of my hand, and hummed Christmassy tunes.

"Hey, Baby, why don't we open our gifts before Em and Rose stop by?"

She lifted each of our stockings from hooks by the fireplace and set mine on my lap. Mine had the standard goodies- Chap Stick, gum, a candy bar, a small flashlight, and few gift cards for places I frequented.

I'd stuffed Bella's with lotion and perfume she'd never buy herself but that I knew she loved; her favorite candy, a new keychain that had a flash drive in the charm that contained all of her pertinent medical information if she was ever in an accident. I also got her one of those little tools that you could use to break the window of the car and slash your seatbelt if you were ever trapped in the car. That was a terror I'd never forget as long as I lived and like Charlie, I prayed she'd never need to use the gift, but I was relieved to know she'd have it in the console of her car just the same.

_Santa_ brought Hershey a bunch of doggie safe toys and treats, and seeing how it seemed Santa had dropped something off at everyone's house, I figured he'd be set until Santa came back the next year.

When I had seen that Bella had one large gift under the tree for me, I slipped the book inside her leather bag and wrapped it up. It wouldn't matter when she opened her gift, in no time she'd know. I just didn't want her to think she needed to buy me anything more than what she had just to even up the number of gifts.

Hershey rang the jingle bells that hung on the kitchen door, signaling his need to relieve himself. Bella went to let him out and I rolled over next to the tree. I wasn't feeling too terrible and I knew we had that brand new lift. As a backup, Emmett and Rose would be by soon, too.

With the seatbelt unclipped, I locked my brakes and flipped my footrest out of the way. I lifted my behind and inched towards the front of my seat. Slowly and cautiously, my hands worked their way down the footrests until I was able to put them on the floor. Rocking back and forth until I had some momentum, I found that spot where I was able to become airborne. I landed on the floor loudly, drawing more attention to myself than I'd hoped when I got the idea in my head.

Bella hurried into the room, looking shaken and confused. I was attempting to right myself when she put her arm through mine and pulled.

"Thanks."

She tried to look angry, but all I registered was relief. I should have told her first, but she'd have tried to change my mind. The only thing I had on my mind was sitting next to the tree on the floor, opening gifts with my girl like every other boyfriend was doing that afternoon.

Her hands were still on her hips when she said, "You just took ten years off my life."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay, I understand. I just wish you'd have waited for me. You might have had an easier landing."

I leaned forward and smacked my hip. "I didn't feel a thing."

"Idiot!" She laughed.

I reached up and pulled on her arm. "Come down here with me Baby. I want to give you your gift."

She and Hershey sat with me next to the tree and I handed out the gifts. Hershey had a new nylon bone to chew and he was oblivious to everything around him once he had his lips on it.

"You first." I said. She squeezed the package a few times and said, ""Should I guess?"

"If you like, but you don't have to."

"It feels like a bag."

"Well take a look and see."

She ripped the paper off the package and gasped. "Oh, Edward, this is beautiful. Thank you."

"Perhaps you should look inside. I may have tucked a little something else in there."

"I thought we said we weren't spending a lot on each other."

She pulled the wrapped book out and let out a relieved sigh. But, when she pulled the paper from the book, her trembling hand went to her mouth. "Oh. This is incredible. It looks brand new."

She opened the book and her fingers drifted down over the copyright page. "A first edition?" She squeaked.

"I know what we agreed to; I saw it and I couldn't pass it up. This is something you don't see everyday."

She launched herself at me and we toppled back under the tree when she made contact with me. I lay there on the floor, looking up at her beautiful, smiling face. Yes, I was truly living now. She leaned down and kissed my face, over and over. "I love it. I'll treasure it always."

"I knew it was something that you would appreciate the way it _should be_ appreciated."

"I promise not to dog-ear the pages." She whispered with a giggle.

Her lips were pressed against mine when she muttered, "I may have spent a little more on you than we agreed, as well."

I laughed at her happy mood. "Pull me up woman; I want to open my gift!"

She grunted and groaned exaggeratedly as she tugged on my arms. We were both laughing. Hershey had joined in the fun and was licking our faces and wagging his tail. Finally I was upright again and she dropped a very heavy package onto my lap.

I scratched my head pretending to be deep in thought. "Um, it feels like a medical bag." I teased.

"We both know it's not a bag."

"I know, I know... lab coats!"

"Ed-war-d!"

"Okay, I'll behave. Is it a book?"

"Perhaps you should just open it and find out."

My breath hitched when I pulled the paper away. It was a book that I borrowed repeatedly from the library at the lab. I spent more time with my head buried in the _Concepts of Human Embryonic Stem Cell Therapy _than any other book I'd ever had the opportunity to study.

"Bella. This is something I'd have never bought for myself."

"I know you wouldn't, but when I asked Jeff what I could get you to help further your career; he said that this book was the bible of stem cell regeneration information."

"Baby, I don't know how to thank you."

"You just did."

"Come here, you."

We fell back onto the floor again, and that's where Emmett and Rose found us, under the Christmas tree making out like a couple of kids. Bella was caught in a fit of giggles when Guy said, "Eww," apparently disgusted.

Bella got up and handed him the bag with his gift while Em pulled the chair over close to me and helped me get back into my seat.

He sat across from me munching on cookies while the girls visited and Guy modeled his new coat.

"Guy take to Dinney."

I hadn't been paying attention and I had to ask him to repeat himself. "What buddy?"

He pointed to his jacket. "Guy take Popeye to Dinney with Tra-cy."

"You're going to California, aren't you?"

Emmett confirmed that he was.

"I think that will be too warm, Guy." I suggested quietly.

"When do you go to Disney?" Bella asked.

"After mom and Emmie get hitched." He answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh my gosh! You did it, Emmett!" Bella exclaimed. She wrapped Rose up in a big hug and screamed shrilly when she saw the ring.

I was a little confused. "Isn't Guy's trip in just a few weeks?"

"Yep!" Emmett replied. "And that seems like a perfect time to go on a honeymoon."

"Wow," I exclaimed. "That's..."

"Soon, I know. But I'm so ready to move forward with my life," Rose interrupted.

I reached for her hand and she laid it in my palm. I turned it one way and then the other, watching the reflection of the Christmas lights as they glittered in the beautiful diamond on her ring finger. I felt a little like a hypocrite when I asked, "You sure you want to do it so soon?"

"We'd already joked about taking a honeymoon when Guy was away. I knew this was coming, I just didn't know he was serious about making it official so soon."

Emmett clapped me on the shoulder. "So, like Guy said, we're getting hitched. We'd be honored if you would stand up for us."

Guy grinned proudly and said, "Guy is the good man. Wear a suit look like the cover of GQ."

Bella snickered and whispered, "Oh my God he's too cute," to Rose.

"You mean, the best man." Emmett corrected.

"Yes. That." Guy agreed. His attention was directed elsewhere when Hershey brought him a toy. Guy looked at me and asked. "I play with Hershey?"

It made me smile that he remembered to ask before interacting with him. "Yes, that's fine. Just be careful where you throw it."

He wore a face splitting grin. "O- kay!" He answered, enthusiastically.

Emmett watched him reverently and said "My ma sobbed like a baby when she met him yesterday."

"I forgot about your brother."

"Kenny," he whispered.

"I knew that."

"Does Guy like your parents?"

"Let's just say they spoiled him like crazy. He's never had grandparents and they certainly made up for it. You know how my mom is with yard sales. When she found out about his love of classic video games she made it her mission to pick up all kinds of stuff for him. She's been collecting since their first phone call a few months ago. He's probably got the most extensive collection of classic video games in Washington."

"I'm glad they all hit it off."

"Oh like a bunch of peas in a pod. He's gonna go see them on spring break. They can't wait to get to know him better."

"That's great."

"Yeah. I knew they'd love him."

"How could anyone not love him?" I asked. "Just look at him. He's the most likeable kid I've ever met. You can't help but want to just give him a big hug."

"He's really come out of his shell. For the longest time he acted like he thought we were gonna shuffle him somewhere else. Moving his bedroom into Rose's house was the best idea."

"So, where will you live after you're married? Technically, don't you all three have homes?"

"I'm moving in with Rosie, in fact, aside from my furniture, I'm already moved. Demetri's family needed a place to crash for the holiday, so we worked it out for them. I may just decide to leave my bachelor stuff there and rent it furnished. My stuff doesn't exactly go with anything Rose has."

"Alice said she stopped this morning and there were kids all over the floor."

Emmett laughed a deep belly laugh. "Sleeping bags strewn everywhere. They're a big happy family. I'm glad it worked out this way so I had a place to offer them. I don't know that they could afford hotel accommodations for everyone, and it's Christmas. They didn't need to worry about spending money for a room when it could be better spent putting gifts under the tree.

"Rosie talked to Guy about his parent's house; he doesn't want to live there. We've gotta clean it out and then she's gonna do some work and put it on the market. The money from the house will go into a special needs trust for Guy. We won't always be here to care for him."

Lots of kids with Downs had shorter life spans due to complications of their disability. Guy had already had heart and gastro-intestinal issues. Sadly, it was quite possible they'd both outlive him.

The glum mood that had come over me was lifted when Guy handed me a bag from the three of them. Bella guffawed when I held up a tee that said, "If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research!" The second one I pulled out said, "Don't make me drug you!" and the third one said "Trust me, I'm a doctor."

I could feel Bella's melancholy mood when she pulled hers out of a bag and read it. _You can't scare me, I'm a teacher._ I wasn't paying attention when Emmett slipped an envelope into my hand. The scenery on the card was breathtaking, but something told me that wasn't all I was supposed to see in the picture. It looked like some sort of winter resort.

When I opened the card, some printed forms fell out. "What?" I didn't understand. I looked at Em for clarification.

"The team is going skiing. We thought it would do you some good to go along. Can't hurt to have a doc with us, right?"

Forget what I said about living in the moment, skiing could be down-right dangerous.

"I don't know if I can take the time from work right now." I hedged.

"Just talk to your buddy, Jeff. You know he looks at you like the poster child for well-adjusted Gimps. He'll be down with it."

"Skiing, Em? You do realize how long it took my body to heal?"

"There's something for everyone. Cross country, snowboarding, and downhill skiing. Hell, just come along to watch the snow bunnies."

"You should do it. Just go have fun with the guys. It'll be good for you," Bella encouraged.

"My brother is going, and while all of you are gone, we girls are gonna spend the entire weekend having a blast. And then there's your Mom's party that weekend, too. You don't want to be stuck at home all alone _do you_?" Rose added.

"See dude? You definitely want to come with us."

"I'll see." I was really apprehensive about putting myself in their hands in a situation where I could end up doing something so hazardous, last time I put myself in their hands for some fun, we were all in the doghouse.

"It'll be fine. You'll see."

After they left, we made an early night of it. All through the fog of being sick, I felt like I was forgetting something I wanted to ask Bella, but it had evaded me those two days. Finally, when we were snuggled under the covers for the night, it came to me.

"How did your mom like her gift? We mailed it in time didn't we?"

"I don't know," she answered softly. "I've called a few times, but I keep getting the machine at the house. She's not picking up her cell, either."

"She didn't call to wish you a Merry Christmas?"

Bella shook her head.

_Oh baby._

"It's sort of par for the course. There was a time when I really let it bother me. But I've learned that from the day I chose to live here close to my dad, I was no longer her number one priority. Her actions can only hurt me if I let them."

I pulled her tight to my body. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

She pulled away and looked up at me. "Don't be. I've had Sue for years, and I've got Esme, and even Maggie, too.

"I've got wonderful ladies in my life. Any one of them would drop everything if I called and said I needed something. You understand better than anyone that receiving a mother's love isn't something that's exclusive only to the woman who has given you life."

"That's true."

Bella changed the subject, so I let it go. She turned in my arms and stared off at the ceiling. "Em really wants you to go on that trip. You know, it's not like you're the odd man out. The entire team is made up of paraplegics. Guy is going, too. Only a handful of the guys going are able-bodied."

"I'll think about it." _Maybe it would be fun._

"I'd love for you to go."

"What about your medication? Who will help you?"

"Esme, Alice, Rose... Carlisle even. Don't worry about me. Just go have a carefree weekend. Like Emmett said, go watch chicks if nothing else. Just go have fun."

"What did they get you?"

"Rose paid for a huge suite at the Fairmont for all of us. It's got several bedrooms. We're going to go there after the toy party. She hired a masseuse. Jane's coming, and your mom. Maybe we can even talk Maggie into joining us."

"The ski trip does sound like fun. I don't know. Maybe I'll do it."

"Good."

I yawned sleepily.

"How are ya feeling?" she asked. "We had a long day."

My body felt heavy, ready to be overcome with sleep. I struggled to answer coherently. "I'm tired, but I don't feel too bad. My output could be better, but hopefully it'll clear up more tomorrow."

"I'm glad."

I kissed the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Baby. This is the nicest Christmas I've had in a long time."

"Merry Christmas to you too. It was a pretty great Christmas for me, as well." The arms around my waist squeezed me tight. "I love you Edward Cullen."

"I love you too, Babe. Sweet dreams."

* * *

A/N: So, long chapter with lots of things going on. I'm trying to wrap everything up. We've got just a handful of chapters left. I'm already missing these guys and I know I'm dragging my feet.

Anything I haven't addressed, anything you have questions about? Shoot me a PM or a question in a review and I'll see what I can do to fit it in.

It'll be a few weeks till I can post again. Lots going on on the home front.

Till next time...


	62. Chapter 62

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-two

~Bella~

The days and weeks after Christmas were a whirlwind of activity for us.

Thankfully, Edward was feeling much better. The antibiotics worked their magic and within a few days he was back to his old self.

The two of us went to the OB/Gyn that we chose and I walked away with a clean bill of health. Her advice was similar to Jeff's- begin doing things to prepare my body for a baby, exercise as tolerated, and supplement my diet with prenatal vitamins and folic acid. She also agreed it might be best to continue my current Copaxone therapy until I conceived.

Getting in to see Reilly wasn't as simple as it had seemed when I first made the appointment. He ended up rescheduling several times due to emergencies. The first time he actually ended up going back into surgery while we sat waiting our turn in his waiting room. We both understood that that sort of thing happened, but it was frustrating none-the-less. We'd yet to have an appointment with him as a couple.

It was with a heavy heart that I left my teaching job of nearly seven years. But with that change came the happy realization that my new job felt like it had been tailor made for me. I loved the diversity of the job; from the incredible consumers I worked with to the unique situations I was helping to find solutions for. Every day some project that we were involved in brought about some sort of change and it was extremely gratifying to be a part of that. I understood completely why Edward loved his career so. He was helping to change people's lives.

It wasn't a whole lot different than volunteering at the CIL, but the huge difference for us was the fact that I had much more free time in my afternoons and evenings. Many of the things I'd done as a volunteer after work, I continued to do as an employee but during banker's hours instead.

I still felt connected to some of my kids, too. Anthony, James and Willy still came to our peer support meetings, and I continued to work with Guy on his life skills, although I noticed a huge difference in his personal growth since he was living with Rose and Emmett.

I don't think anyone had noticed how ill Guy Sr. had actually become before his passing, nor the fact that some of his son's deficiencies were quite possibly due, in part, to his inability to work with Guy as much as he might have- had he been in better health. I also suspected that he had been hesitant to push him towards independence for fear that he wouldn't be needed anymore by his son. It wasn't all that uncommon for a parent to enable a child in order to keep them dependent and while it made me sad that might have been the case with Guy, it was exciting to see the way Rose and Em encouraged him to be his own person and how he'd blossomed as a result. They were giving him wings and teaching him how to fly.

The trip with Tracy was a perfect example. Where most parents would be filled with trepidation, it seemed that they were all three bubbling with excitement over Guy's first independent trip away from home.

We ended up moving Esme's pleasure party to the Cascade Suite at the Fairmont. Rose decided it would be the perfect impromptu bachelorette party. We had an absolute blast all weekend long. The suite was huge. It only had two bedrooms, each outfitted with a king sized bed, but there were several sofas and a chaise, plenty of room for a grown-up girl's slumber party.

Rose invited Emmett's mom, Julia, and his much younger sister, Ellie to join us. They brought with them that special brand of humor I'd thought exclusive only to Emmett, they were goofy and fun-loving ladies that reveled in living life to its fullest, and meeting them explained so much about his personality. Julia raved about her new grandson, singing Guy's praises and regaling us with some of the silly things he'd done over their Christmas visit. Ellie and Jane hit it off. It was a nice feeling to see Jane introduce herself confidently to a peer and make a fast friend. She was nothing like the shy, quiet girl I'd met those first days Edward was in rehab.

Esme's friend, Irina, came in and set everything up while we all got settled in and just after lunch our party started.

Everyone had a funny story to share as we sat around drinking cocktails through penis shaped straws and nibbled on penis shaped cookies. They were goofy experiences that were mortifying at the time but were, admittedly, pretty funny after the fact.

I realized early on that this atmosphere was going to be filled with awkward and embarrassing moments that were bound to bring us all closer together.

Leave it to Alice to bring up some of my sexual misadventures. I wanted to crawl under the table when she told them about the night Edward broke into my room thinking I was in distress, only to catch Mr. Lucky vibrating his way across the floor.

Rose squeezed my shoulder and said, "At least it was Edward who walked in on you, it could have been worse."

I began laughing hysterically, and I'm sure I looked like I'd lost my mind until I choked out, "Oh, no, _that_ happened the night of the expo. We had company sleeping in the basement and I fell out of bed."

I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Charlie came busting into the bedroom thinking I was hurt. I think poor Edward thought he was gonna pull out his gun."

"No way!" Rose snorted. "Your dad caught you and Eddie?"

"You should have seen the look on his face."

"Whose?" Esme choked out. "Charlie's or Edward's?"

"Charlie's." I answered, feeling my face heat up at the mention of it. That was quite the night, it was the time we played with all the sensory toys. Since he'd gone back to work, it seemed like we were always rushed and just didn't have enough time to enjoy ourselves like we had before. He had warned me, but that didn't make the lack of together time any easier to accept.

Rose winked at me just before she said, "Alice's embarrassing moment was the afternoon she and Jasper were playing Wild West in the living room while our parents were in town for Christmas. Mom used the keys to let herself into his place. Jasper sat up so quickly that he bounced poor Alice right out off the couch."

Alice held her face in her hands, shaking it back and forth- embarrassed in a way I'd never experienced the normally fearless girl before. "Your dad just laughed and told me that if I was going to try and hog tie Jasper I should use a different knot next time."

"Should have seen _Edward's_ face when he walked in on Carlisle and me in the kitchen." Esme giggled. "If you're tired of your college-aged child coming home for dinner every night of the week, just get caught doing the nasty on the kitchen counter. It was six months before we could convince him to eat again at the house."

Maggie flushed and muttered something about Liam's uncle catching them in a compromising position at her mother-in-law's dining room table. "I don't think he's ever set foot in the house again. His face was as red as his hair." She whispered.

I looked around the room as they laughed and had fun. For a moment I felt a twinge of sadness that my mother had apparently chosen to distance herself from my life, but common sense reminded me that was her choice and it had nothing to do with me. These girls who surrounded me had become part of my family. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that I was a part of this wonderful, intimate group of ladies who had accepted me into their fold as one of their own.

The afternoon, that I'd originally been a little apprehensive about attending, continued to be filled with silly conversation and lighthearted fun.

Alice carried a basket in to where we were sitting and unceremoniously dropped a huge, purple hunk of silicone into my lap. I jumped and shrieked. "What the hell, Alice?"

It was squishy and soft, covered with huge veins and a perfectly sculpted head, but it was mammoth.

"It's just a toy, Bella."

"It's a club, Alice. What am I supposed to do, bludgeon someone to death with it?"

Jane and Ellie burst into a fit of giggles and Esme covered her mouth trying in vain to not smile.

Maggie reached past Esme and lifted it from my lap.

"That's a wee bit bigger than any I've seen in real life, and with my vocation, I've seen a few." She handed it off to Rose, thus commencing our inquisitive inspection of all sorts of interesting gadgets. Some familiar and some, in my case anyway, absolutely foreign. Alice held up something metal that looked like a tiny clip and said "These look fun. I clipped Jazz with an alligator clip one time. He runs if he sees something as innocent as a clothespin in my hand." She made a pinching motion with her fingers.

Rose blushed and said, "TMI Alice, TMI!"

Irina let us try on all sorts of role playing costumes. Rose bought herself the leopard spotted Jane dress, that clung to her curves and barely covered her _assets. _She let out a loud growl, making everyone laugh, when the hostess held up the matching loin cloth. Emmett was a very attractive man with a sculpted physique, but I didn't want to think about my friend that way. Apparently, Rose did.

When the hostess held up a barely there nurse's outfit, Esme nudged me in the ribs. "Bella, if you don't buy that for yourself, I'm going to buy it for you. Trust me, there's no better way to rev up his engine after a long day at the hospital, than to meet him wearing little more than a stethoscope."

When I blushed at her comment she put her arm around me and squeezed my shoulders.

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather think of having a fulfilling and happy life. He finally has that now with you. There's nothing better for the soul than a happy love life."

I'd seen some fun things I planned to order from the catalogue, and on his next night off, I decided Dr. Cullen was going to get a visit from his naughty nurse. Esme smiled when she saw me writing down the order number. A fun evening was formulating in my head and I couldn't wait till he was home to act on it.

I'd walked into Dr. Reilly's office a few days earlier and once again rescheduled our appointment after visiting Edward, but I left with so much more than just an appointment card. While I was attempting to reschedule one of our failed consultation appointments, Dr. Reilly's nurse stepped into the waiting room and pulled me aside.

"I know why you're here." She whispered, "I wanted to share something with you. Reilly is trialing this with several of his patients. He'd love to see you and Edward experiment with one of them. Normally he would consult with you first, perhaps have you try it in the office, but he said he knows Edward is capable of using it safely and responsibly. He'll discuss the outcome at your appointment. There are instructions in the bag."

She went on to explain that I could take the item in the non-descript plastic bag home to examine in the privacy of our own home. If we liked the results, we had the option to purchase it- at a significantly reduced rate, or we could return it and they would return it to the manufacturer and we could enter our comments online concerning our experience. It was _the_ cutting edge vibe designed exclusively for SCI men with ejaculatory dysfunction and with any luck, it would help us along our way to fertility.

It was probably unfair to entice him all week when I knew it would still be a few days until we could act on it, but I had called him and told him as soon as I got to my car.

We hadn't had a chance to experiment with our new tool. His schedule had been crazy in order to be able to take a long weekend with the guys, but I couldn't wait until we had some quiet time to play. We'd made a date to give it a test run on Monday while he had a day free of work. I had a day filled with meetings later in the week and was able to schedule Monday off for myself as well.

Yes, I thought, a few hours of sensory stimulation was in order.

We had learned that buildup was half the fun of the experience. Sexy notes in his briefcase, or stickies left in his appointment book kept him all hot and bothered.

Knowing I could only answer my cell phone during breaks, he'd leave breathy messages telling me exactly what sorts of things were on his mind.

Exploring sexy websites together in the past had been fun and left both of us wanting more.

On days I knew he was leaving the house after me, I made sure to lay something silky and sexy for him to find on my side of the bed when he awoke; he'd have all day to think about what he'd find when he returned after his work day.

His response usually waited for me in the form of the syringe and everything that went with it on the night stand at the ready for his return home.

We really needed to set aside some uninterrupted time to play.

"Bella?" Jane touched me arm and looked up at me expectantly.

"Hmm?"

"You told me about some of the things you got for Edward at that expo." She looked around the room hesitantly. Everyone appeared to be occupied and no one had taken notice that we were talking quietly in the corner. "I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk privately."

The party was winding down and we'd both handed in our order forms. "Would you like to walk down to the car with me? I seem to have forgotten something and you haven't really had a chance to check out my new wheels."

"Sure. Let me grab my jacket."

When we were around the corner and out of earshot I stopped walking and waited for Jane to say what was on her mind. When the elevator doors slid closed, her eyes fell to the floor and she toed the carpet with her sneaker.

"We've been, you know, doing things. I was wondering if you could tell me about some of the things you and Edward were using to help heighten his sensory awareness."

We found a quiet corner in the lobby and sat down to talk.

"Well, like you said, some of the things I got at the expo from a pediatric toy vendor. Other things I ordered online, still others are objects we have laying around the house."

I explained how things like a hair brush or a chop stick could become a sensory stimulant and how, for Edward, something as simple as trailing the end of a necktie or the fringe of a scarf across his chest or abdomen could be highly arousing.

Apparently Alec was more interested in giving than receiving and Jane wanted to find ways to reciprocate that would be more rewarding for him. We talked quietly for a while about some of the things that were working for me and Edward and she said she felt like she had a much better understanding of her situation after our little chat.

I told her about the new toy we were going to test drive when the men got home from their ski trip and how we had finally decided that we wanted to try to have a baby, but that the fear that we might not be able to have our own was very real. I was sure there were people who would call me stubborn, but I wanted to have his baby and not use donated sperm. There was no question that Edward would love any child we had, regardless of its origin. The question remained whether his sperm remained motile and able to get the job done or if we would need assistance.

"Edward will make a great dad one day. He took us all under his wing at rehab. We each arrived there feeling isolated and scared; he made each one us feel special. He's a great guy."

"He is. He's the best." I didn't even try to contain my smile. The man was my world.

"I'd like to have that too. To be able to have Alec's child. But not till after we graduate college. We'll have to use some form of artificial insemination, I think. They retrieved some of his sperm. I thank God his mother had the foresight to do that."

"Yes, that's wonderful that they do that now. I think it's pretty standard for young SCI guys. The sooner they retrieve those little swimmers after an SCI, the better. They didn't do that back when Edward was injured."

"Well, he found out afterwards that his insurance wouldn't cover the retrieval or the storage of the specimens, but his mother insisted that it be done despite the expense. I think she still feels guilty about his accident. I know his dad has come to terms with it, and I don't think he blames her."

"But she does?"

"Well, she encouraged him to take the classes and she signed everything so he could get that bike," she said, sadly.

I firmly believed that some things were destined to happen, no matter what the circumstances, and I shared that. "He might have gotten on his friend's bike and gotten hurt anyway. Fate has a mind of her own."

Jane nodded in agreement. "She brought us together after that accident. What are the chances our paths would have crossed otherwise?"

"It's the same for me and Edward. You'll never know, and neither will I."

The embarrassing part of the conversation over, Jane stood and I followed her back to the elevator. Jane hit the button for our floor.

"So did you have fun at Esme's party?" I asked.

"Yeah it was, different. But it was okay. So, did you really buy that naughty nurse outfit?"

I felt my cheeks color. "Yeah. It was inevitable. You heard Esme threaten me."

Jane was doing some blushing of her own. "Did you see the construction worker outfit?"

"The one with the mini-skirt and the little neon vest with the laces?"

She blushed and nodded, not taking her eyes off the floor.

"Did you get the naughty tool belt too?"

"Yeah." She whispered.

"You know, it comes with bottles of flavored lotions and other fun things." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and she giggled and nodded.

"Think he'll like it?"

"Oh, he'll like it. Don't worry."

When we got inside, Irina was packing up her props and samples. The girls were still chatting loudly.

Alice had purchased a cowgirl costume that consisted of a fake cowhide mini skirt and matching fringed vest. She giggled and made a comment that she loved Jasper in nothing but a pair of shitkickers and a Stetson. Rose nudged her and asked if she was gonna try and lasso him again.

Irina left a large basket of goodies and after she left we passed around the flavored and scented lotions and lubes. Alice taste tested every flavor, giving a commentary on each one. Some of them smelled really good and I was lost in thought thinking how good other things tasted when I was licking them off my fiancé's salty skin.

In true pajama party fashion, we stayed up late giggling and eating junk food. Sleep came late and morning came early.

Sleepy, pajama-clad bodies sat around eating a light breakfast while others took turns showering and dressing in comfortable clothes. Rose had told us to be ready by eleven, and at quarter till- once everyone was dressed and lounging around the living room, she and Alice left to go meet her friend, Zena.

The three of them returned with the bellman and a cart full of goodies.

Zena set up a massage table much like the one Edward surprised me with after Christmas. Rose took a number of zippered totes to the huge dining room table.

We took turns alternately between Zena and her massage table, and Alice and Rose who has set up mani/pedi stations. We spent our morning relaxing, playing and sampling some of those scented lotions from that party the night before.

We took turns painting one another's nails. I found myself with my hand draped over Esme's while she coated my nails with a pearly pink polish. When she stopped painting, our eyes met.

"What is it Esme?"

"I was just thinking how happy this makes me. To be spending time like this with you."

"It makes me happy to be spending time with you as well."

She shook her head, and I felt like perhaps I didn't get the true meaning of what she was trying to express.

"When Edward asked my husband to locate you in the hospital and ask you to find him before you were discharged, I thought my dreams would come true, that he'd finally met someone he was interested in. I don't ever remember seeing him look the way he did that Christmas and I just knew somehow you were the one. And then just a year ago he pushed you away and my hopes were dashed. I feared he'd never allow himself to experience true happiness."

It had only been a year, hadn't it? So many things had happened in both of our lives. "Yeah, it certainly seemed that way didn't it?"

"I'm just so pleased that it's you, that you're the one who has brought him back to life. He's always let on that he was okay, but a mother knows true happiness when she sees it. I knew he wasn't as happy as he let on, but all that has changed since you've come into our lives."

She gave my hand a light but reassuring squeeze. "There you go Sweetie, you're all done."

"Thanks Esme, for always making me feel so welcome."

"Thank you, for becoming a part of our lives."

After Zena left, we spent an afternoon watching movies and having fun. We were leaving the following morning, but for the most part our weekend activities were over and everyone was just chilling out and enjoying one another's company.

My mind drifted to Edward. He'd left very early on Friday morning and I hadn't heard from him other than a text to let me know they'd arrived safely. Since then we'd both played phone tag, but I'd yet to talk with him in person. I wondered how his guy's weekend was going. As much as I was having fun, I missed my man. It felt like we didn't see enough of one another, and since we'd become a couple, we'd never gone without some contact each day. I couldn't wait until he got home.

_**Impact**_

I felt a little out of sorts and a lot excited by the time I got to the airport. Hershey was staying with Grandpa while we were all away and Bella was whisked away to Seattle's beautiful Fairmont for the weekend. She'd waited up late for me to get home the night before and I tried to sneak out without waking her. Hershey and I were too noisy and she padded out to the kitchen wearing one of my tee-shirts, gave me a sleepy kiss and told me how much she loved me and would miss me while I was away.

I pulled her into my chest and whispered into her hair. "I love you baby, get some more rest. You know you'll be up all night with the girls."

"I love you too, Edward. Please be careful. I hope you all have a blast," she murmured into my shoulder.

"I'm not skiing."

She pulled away and looked up at me trying to be stern. "Don't be a wet blanket. Live a little. Have some fun."

"I can't desert Demetri. He'd be stuck at the lodge all alone."

"Still, you don't have to be his keeper. His team mates can take turns with him too."

I nodded. "I'm sure it'll be great. You have fun with the girls."

"I'm sure I will."

"I love you. I've gotta get Hershey over to my folks."

"Love you too." She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me long and hard. She backed away, yet our fingers were still linked and spanned the space between us.

"Go. It's only for a few days."

I was pleased knowing she had a fun weekend in store. I'd have felt guilty going out of town on a mini-vacation and leaving her behind.

I drove past Carlisle and Esme's to drop off Hershey along with his day pack full of food, bowls and toys. Mom was still sleeping so we waited quietly for Carlisle to slip into a pair of sneakers and put on his coat while Hershey snuffled around the kitchen.

"He should be okay while I'm gone shouldn't he?"

"Yeah, he relieved himself when we got out of the car and he's already had his breakfast. He'll probably go crawl into bed with Mom as soon as we're out the door."

"She'll probably enjoy that. Do you remember old Boomer?" I shook my head. I didn't know they'd ever had a dog.

"I guess that was before your time, son. He used to climb right up between us. He'd snuggle back into Esme and try to push me right out of bed with his big paws. She loved that dog. After he was gone, we just never had time to train a pup. Wouldn't have been fair to leave a pet alone so much of the time."

"I didn't know."

"Well, in any case, I'm sure she won't mind one bit if your boy snuggles up to her until she's ready to get up. I told her I'd make breakfast when I get back from Sea-Tac. I'm sure they'll have a late night if I know those girls."

"Make sure to tell her I love her and I'll see her when we come through to get Hershey on Sunday night. And no table scraps for Hershey."

I was hoping we wouldn't have a bad habit to nip in the bud when I got home.

He blushed. "Alright son I will, let's get you to the airport."

The driver's seat was already in the car and all Carlisle had to do was move it into position so he could drive me to the airport.

When we pulled onto Interstate 5 enroute to Sea-Tac he stepped down on her and she took off like a champ, his face broke into a huge grin.

_Yeah Dad, she's got lots of get up and go, doesn't she?_

"How are you feeling son? Has the infection cleared up?"

"I'm feeling fine. Really good, actually."

"Did you get in to see your doc yet?"

I scrubbed my hands across my face, Reilly was a busy doctor and it was frustrating to experience things from a patient's point of view. I let out a frustrated sigh. "No, he's been very busy and we've experienced several cancellations. They're completely out of his control, but still."

"Did you know that Dr. Sanders closed his practice?" Sanders was an older Urologist who had recently lost his wife to leukemia.

"No, what happened?"

"Dunno, he sold the house and closed his practice. Rumor has it he is relocating. Kate was involved in a lot of charities and service organizations around Seattle. I think it was too painful for him to stay here. I think they have a daughter down south."

"That explains a lot with Reilly being so overbooked then."

"If you were anyone else, no doubt he'd have tried to get you in for a recheck after the infection. He's always trusted you to police yourself though, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, I mean I take surveillance cultures into the lab periodically and I usually stop in for an annual exam just to keep my records active unless there's a pressing issue or a new development; if there is then he schedules something for me."

"How do you think it'll all play out? I've always hoped that the straight cathing and trying to keep your infections in check would maintain the integrity of your sperm."

"I honestly don't know. I think we're going to do a baseline semen analysis, and then in a few weeks do another one." I blushed and stared out the window, watching the cars pass. "I haven't been able to produce my specimen yet. Reilly sent Bella home with a new vibe. It's a medical grade tool to stimulate both sides of the shaft. I'm off all day Monday, so I'm hoping after I get home Sunday afternoon..."

"I've heard about those," he replied clinically. "It will improve the quantity and quality of your sperm if you are able to achieve ejaculation frequently. If it works, keep using it. That old adage, practice makes perfect is true. Just don't over do it, I don't recommend more often than twice a week for couples who are trying to achieve pregnancy."

"I want to do this as naturally as possible."

He chanced a glance in my direction. "You realize that may not be realistic."

"I do. But I don't know that I want to use a method that has us pumping Bella's body full of hormones to increase her egg production. I don't like the idea of risking a multiple pregnancy, either. Her body will be under enough stress and strain carrying one baby."

"Those are all valid concerns."

I didn't realize we had arrived at our destination until he turned off the engine. He turned in his seat and squeezed my forearm. "Just remember to keep loving fun, son. Take it from someone who has been through this. When making a baby becomes a chore, and you're a slave to the bedroom, it takes something essential away from lovemaking."

"I understand."

"You may find, in your case that lovemaking and baby making are two entirely separate processes. Just don't sacrifice the experience to get to the finish. Making love should never be a means to an end. "

"Thanks Dad."

"You're welcome. When it's meant to happen, it will." He pulled the keys out of the ignition and pocketed them. "Come on, let's get you to security."

Carlisle carried the folder with current x-rays of all my hardware. I sat in my manual. I'd flown a lot in the past and I learned the hard way that airlines just didn't care for my electric wheelchair the way I did, no matter what they said. I'd experienced broken joysticks, missing foot rests and a punctured Jay cushion on past flights. Back in the days of my youth, an airline was only responsible for $500.00 in damages, now if they broke your chair they were required to replace it with the exact same chair in a timely manner. Suffice to say, less chairs are damaged now. Still, a wheelchair that could be folded down compactly was the safest bet. Emmett had large zipper travel bags outfitted with the team logo that a manual wheelchair could be transported in with the checked luggage at no additional charge. Since Demetri was the only one of us using a power chair, my chair went into the bag that would be his when his arm was healed and he was able to begin propelling his manual chair and playing with the team once again.

It would be interesting to see them transport six or seven gimps onto the plane and seat us. Sea-Tac regulations stated that we needed to give them forty-eight hours notice and they could only stow one manual chair in the actual cabin of the plane. Hopefully no one would need to attempt to use the facilities on the plane.

Because of our disabilities, all of us but Emmett, Guy, Jasper and Andy the assistant coach, were able to bypass standard security and were taken into a special area to be hand patted and scanned with a handheld metal detector. It was a time consuming process and I was glad we arrived extra early. I held back till the end, knowing that my screening would take the longest due to my extensive metalwork. Along with the x-rays, I'd also worn my Velcro tear away pants Alice had gotten me. If there was any doubt, all one had to do was take a look to understand. One look at my legs and I didn't think I'd have any problems with security.

The nicest part of the entire check in process was the fact that individuals in wheelchairs were seated first on the plane. Two of us at a time were transferred into aisle chairs while Em and Jasper oversaw the breakdown of each wheelchair and helped to place them in the travel bags. We each carried our seat cushions onto the plane, which were stowed above our seats. Inside the plane, Coach Andy was quite proficient about assisting the guys into the plane seats; and by the time the rest of the passengers arrived we were all situated and ready to go.

It was the first time I'd ever traveled with this many guys in chairs, but the staff was competent and courteous and it didn't take all that long for us to be seated on the plane.

Guy worried Emmett about his ears, but when Em replied that both Jasper and I were there and we could take care of him if he got sick, he quieted. He smiled at "Uncle Jazz" and said, "No more mean doctor." The rest of his trip was spent playing with his PSP.

The flight was uneventful and in Colorado, Em and Jasper went through the same routine, ensuring that our chairs were properly assembled while Andy helped get us into the aisle chairs once again after the other passengers had disembarked from the plane. The last one off the plane was Demetri and Emmett cradled lifted him into the aisle chair since he was still unable to transfer independently.

We had a transfer in Denver, and went through the process a second time before finally touching down for the last time. Thanks to great planning, we all got transferred into our chairs safely before our shuttle to the resort arrived.

I was still adamant that I was staying safely inside the resort, and since Demetri was along and couldn't play outside yet, in my head I'd already committed to keeping him company during the days while the others had fun.

Our group of tired travelers was quiet during hour long van ride to the lodge. As soon as we arrived at the resort and got settled in, our group met in the big room of the lodge and waited for one of our guides. I had just enough time to send off a text to Bella letting her know we'd arrived safely before were began our orientation.

The first thing Alistair did after introducing himself was hand out bottles of water to each of us as he implored us to increase our fluid intake and reduce our sodium consumption. As we drank he explained the signs and symptoms of altitude sickness.

"I'm sure you noticed the difference in altitude almost immediately. Anyone have a headache?"

Everyone shook their head.

"Good. Did you all begin taking your pills yesterday?" They'd suggested we all begin taking Diamox, a prescription medication used to help alleviate the symptoms of altitude sickness.

"Notice how your breathing automatically picked up when you arrived? No doubt your heart rate increased, too. Your body automatically begins to adapt to the change in altitude. The medicine should prevent most of the symptoms of Mountain Sickness. It's common to be a little nauseous, have a slight headache, and be more tired than usual the first twenty-four hours or so. You may have difficulty sleeping tonight. For most individuals, that is the extent to which their bodies react to the change in elevation."

He handed out a packet of paperwork. The first pages went over other situations that could occur during our stay in the Rockies.

"While I understand that you've come here enjoy an adventurous weekend, there are some things that we address with all of our new visitors. While for most individuals the conditions you'll experience here are merely an annoyance, for others they can be life threatening. I ask each of you to keep an eye on your fellow teammates. You know better than anyone what is and is not normal behavior for one another. If someone seems out of sorts, don't ignore them, bring it to our attention. Our medical staff is trained in illnesses specific to this region and can take care of most situations on site."

High altitude temperatures could drop rapidly and we were warned that hypothermia was extremely dangerous, even on warm days. We were reminded that wool and polypropylene were our friends, that cotton was worthless and that dressing in loose, dry layers was the best possible scenario for staying warm and comfortable. Frostbite was a condition we had to respect. Because we all had sensory issues it was even more imperative that we be vigilant about protecting our extremities and inspecting them on a regular basis for damage from the cold temperatures.

We were all educated on the benefits of sunscreen and Alistair implored us to wear it each and every time we went outside and to reapply it every few hours as well. The cold weather was a poor excuse for forgetting to protect oneself from the intensity of the ultraviolent rays.

Dehydration was responsible for a number of maladies and increased the risk of Acute Mountain Sickness. We were again reminded to increase our consumption of liquids by at least twice our normal intake, but to avoid caffeine and alcohol. He also suggested that over exertion could increase the effects of the high elevation and to spend the first day or so taking it easy until we were acclimated.

We were warned about the symptoms of High Mountain Pulmonary Edema and Alistair emphasized the importance of watching out for our fellow travelers. A wet cough, the feeling of fluid buildup or increased shortness of breath could signal a medical condition that required immediate attention.

I'd be watching Demetri and Guy like a hawk all weekend. Even though Dr. Nahuel had cleared Guy for the trip, because he'd had some cardiac issues I'd be watching him for signs and symptoms of distress.

At T-1, Demetri's spinal injury caused lost respiratory muscle function.

If anyone of us was going to have difficulty, I'd bet money that it would be one of the two of them.

The last thing we did before Alistair excused us was sign waivers of liability releasing the resort from legal recourse should one of us become injured or fall sick while under their instruction.

Alistair expressed their pleasure at having our group as guests at the resort and told us to all enjoy our stay.

Everyone was hungry and we headed to a huge dining hall to put a serious hurting on the buffet they had laid out for their guests. No one had really done more than nibble all day and I for one, was famished.

Heeding Alistair's warning, we spent the evening lounging and poking around the resort. The pool had a sling-type lift and we all went in for a swim before bedtime. It felt good to stretch my body out and swim. It had been a while since I'd been in the water and the heated pool did wonders for the aches and pains I wasn't even aware of until I began to unwind.

Waking up Saturday morning, I took a deep breath and felt wonderful. I had noticed the increased heart rate since we'd arrived and I felt like I was in slow motion by the time Jazz and I hit the hay, but come morning I was revived and almost energized.

Though Demetri couldn't ski or snow board, he wanted to see the sights and one of the guides arranged a tour of the area in a Snow Cat. While the others were out having fun he and I had an exciting morning touring the mountains and taking in the breathtaking view.

The streets and sidewalks were beautifully clear of snow and ice, so after our return to the lodge, we took a stroll and visited a number of shops. For the first time in a long time, someone else had to wait for me to catch up. Usually it was the other way around.

At lunchtime we strolled into a cafe and ordered soup and sandwiches. I'd gotten close to Alec and spent a lot of time with him in the months since I'd left rehab, but I hadn't really gotten very close to Demetri and I think it was the most one on one time we'd ever spent together.

He cupped his hot chocolate mug with both hands and blew into it, his casted arm resting heavily on the table. After a few minutes he took a deep breath and looked up. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"You got a settlement for your accident?"

"The first one. The second one was completely my fault."

He shook his head. "I remember hearing that, I don't know that I understand, but that's a conversation for another day I suppose."

"If you ever care to hear the grim details, sure."

"So..."

"When I was a kid, I'd just had my eighteenth birthday- we were coming home from celebrating in fact, when a huge log truck lost control and slammed into my parent's car. They died at the scene, as did the other driver. The logging company was found totally at fault. He had a bad heart and they failed to take him off the road, even though they knew. Massive coronary. He was probably dead before impact."

Demetri's eyes had gotten huge as I added each detail to the story. "I received compensation for my medical expenses and they left the medical open ended, knowing that I'd have continuing expenses due to the disability I acquired as a result of the accident. They were negligent in allowing him to continue driving. I was awarded a large settlement for my parent's wrongful deaths, as well. Have you had a settlement offer?"

He leaned back in his chair and cradled his casted arm to his chest. "Well, there was never any question of their liability. I worked at a pulpwood mill. They had me operating a piece of equipment I hadn't been trained to drive and I lost control. Backed into a pile of logs that weren't properly secured and the logs began to roll. The machine took the brunt of the impact, but I got my back broke. They've said from the beginning that it was their fault."

"So have you decided what you are going to do?"

"My attorney wants me to drag it out, try to bleed them dry. Put them out of business, he says. I just want this resolved so I can move on with my life."

"I get that."

"The money they are offering me is more than I could ever hope to spend in one lifetime."

"You don't know that. There will be complications from your injury your entire life. You're just a kid. There is no way to predict what sort of impact this will have on the rest of your life. Don't let them close the medical portion." I knew more than anyone how staggering medical bills could be.

"I understand, they offered an amount for monthly living expenses and estimated I might live something like 65.8 more years or some shit. Used some sort of formula to come to a dollar amount. My attorney wants me to go for something like 23 million dollars, with his cut coming right off the top, of course."

"Of course."

"I'd be making him a rich man if he won the case for me."

"What do you want to do?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I want to get my parents out of that shithole town they live in and build us a home where we can all comfortably live till the kids are on their own. Maybe I'll turn it into a personal care home for people with disabilities or something once all the rugrats leave home."

"There are a lot of you, huh?"

"I'm the oldest of seven."

"Wow."

"Yeah. My aunt was sick, two of them are hers. When she passed, Mom and Dad adopted Sarah and Mikey. We're just one big, happy family."

"I'd say."

"I miss being home with all of them, but the old farm house doesn't even have a toilet on the first floor. The horsehair plaster is falling off the wall in places and the roof leaks. Gold Bar is economically depressed, unless you own a condo. Seems they are cropping up all over. My parents could have sold to a land company, but the offer wasn't high enough to be able to buy a new place big enough for all of us. They don't make a lot of money, not when you're talking two people supporting a family of nine."

"Wouldn't you have eventually gone off to college? Tried to better yourself so you could get away from it all."

"And leave my family behind? No that was never an option. We Mitchell's stick together."

"I understand."

"But, now it's not really a great idea for me to be out in the sticks. I'm sort of afraid of having an acute respiratory problem and not being close enough to access proper medical treatment. The place I come from, let's just say there aren't any paraplegics there. I doubt they'd know how to care for me."

"That bad?"

"Twenty-five bed hospital, no labor and delivery, no heart surgery, and the emergency room will stabilize you and transport you to Valley General."

"Oh." _So worse than Fork's General, then._

"I'd sort of like to stay near Seattle. My dad works in an aerospace manufacturing plant, makes wire and cable for a government contract they have. BE Aerospace has plants in Tacoma and just outside Seattle. Mom works in the office."

"So perhaps they could transfer here?"

"If they had a place to go. Think you could help me look into some sort of accessible housing?"

"I'd love to."

"It's hard to find something accessible for so many people."

"You'd be surprised. We'll see what we can figure out."

"Thanks Edward."

"You could always do what we did and build. It's an option. I knew I'd never be able to buy what I wanted. Building seemed like the perfect option once I embraced the idea. Perhaps, since you haven't settled, your attorney could come up with a creative way to work the cost of housing into the settlement. You've said yourself, this accident has put you in a position where you could never comfortably live in your family's home, you're not close enough to the level of medical care your disability requires you have access to, and your parents would care for you if they could. _If _you could access your home."

"I'll give that some thought. Thanks, Edward."

"No problem, buddy. Keep me posted on how things work out for you. You know Rose, Emmett's soon to be wife, is doing work for the CIL now, providing services for some of the consumers. It certainly wouldn't hurt to talk with her. I know you have an attorney, but as a friend, she might be able to make suggestions that I can't." I shrugged. "Just a thought."

"Thanks."

There was a ruckus behind us and six hungry skiers burst into the cafe. Their red faces peeped out from under ski hats and from behind scarves. One by one they began to remove their outerwear and hang it on the pegs designated for the children that visited the establishment. One by one they made their way over to our table. My quiet conversation with Demetri was officially over.

Alec punched Demetri square in his good shoulder. "Dude! I wish you hadn't broken you arm! Oh my God it was incredible! There's nothing like the rush of flying down over the slopes like that. Incredible!"

"Did you go boarding, or skiing?"

"Mono-ski. The slopes where the snowboarders go aren't nearly as nice to ski on. Snowboarders tend to chop up the snow, leave ruts and stuff. I really only like skiing in areas designated for skiers only."

"Cool. Sounds like you had a blast." The smile on Demeteri's face belied that of someone who had been grounded due to an injury. He couldn't have been happier if it had been he who was skiing down that hill.

Emmett came to the table with a tray of sandwiches and Jasper carried big mugs of soup. "Yeah dude! You missed it. He didn't tell you he face planted and I had to dig him out of a snow bank on his first try, did he?" They all laughed good-naturedly, explaining how it was the same, but different to do things they'd done on foot in a previous life.

"Aren't you guys cold? Did you come here right from skiing?" Demetri asked concern evident on his face.

"Nah, it is like three- thirty. We've been out all day. We stopped back at the lodge, put on clean, dry clothing."

I looked around, someone was clearly missing. "Where's Guy?"

"Oh, _Miss Aimee_, camp cook extraordinaire is plying him with hot cocoa and homemade gingerbread as we speak. She took to him the minute she saw him. He told her about his job at the school and instead of joining us on the slopes he spent the day helping her get dinner ready for the lodge. He set the tables in the dining hall, learned how to fold napkins into those ridiculous shapes, and helped her put sprinkles on the cookies she baked for our dessert."

"So he didn't go out?"

"He made it clear right before we left that he didn't really like the cold all that much. She took pity on him and asked if he'd like to stay behind. As soon as she uttered the word _kitchen_ it was a lost cause."

Andy spoke up and said, "Sounds like you might just have a young chef on your hands."

"That's the goal. He likes to cook; he and Rose spend a lot of time in the kitchen together making healthy meals. She's teaching him to shop intelligently and they sit down and make menus and cook things together."

I couldn't contain my smile. She'd come so far thanks to Guy. "So he really enjoys cooking?"

"He does. You should see how independent he's become. He really wants to go work at the Water Tower his senior year. It's a completely student run restaurant, run by kids who have disabilities. It's overseen by a retired chef. When the kids graduate, they have enough background to obtain entry level work in the career force. Many of them go on to culinary arts school."

I had watched as Andy's smile grew wider and wider. He was also raising a child with a developmental disability. That was valuable information for him. "That's really great."

"It is." Emmett agreed. "Some of the kids in the program would normally get passed over in the job force because they have a disability that is visible. It's not legal, but it still happens. When they send in a resume with several years of kitchen experience and the name of a well known local chef, potential employers tend to hire based on ability and not some preconceived notion of what the young person is capable of bringing to the establishment."

Jasper was quietly wolfing down a bowl of potato chowder. From time to time he'd look up, but he hadn't said much since he'd arrived. "Sup, Jazz? Did you have fun?" I asked.

He took a gulp of his drink. "Yeah." He wiped his face with a napkin and then continued. "Sorry, man. I was starved and frozen."

I grinned. He looked like he was starving. "Feeling better now?"

He leaned back and patted his stomach. "Yeah. Yeah, I am. Much better."

"Everything go smoothly?"

"Yeah, these people are extremely professional. They treat everyone the same. They're a real great group. Everyone had fun. How about the two of you?"

Demetri beamed. "You should have seen it. We were on top of a mountain! You could see forever!"

"Sorry you couldn't go out skiing with us. We'll have to do this again next year." Emmett said from the end of the table between huge bites of sandwich.

_Was he even chewing?_

"Actually, it was nice and toasty in that Snow Cat. We had a lot of fun _and_ stayed nice and dry."

"Well, I hope you're not too hung up on staying warm and dry, I've got something planned for the two of you this evening."

I could feel my stomach tightening. "Emmett... I'm not so sure... "

"Relax buddy. Trust me. It's just a little harmless fun. Would I let anything happen to you?"

I'm not sure what my expression looked like, but apparently it said it all.

"Okay, never mind I said that. But trust me, we're going to have fun. Me and you, Demetri and Jasper have plans. The other guys are gonna go out to see a band, but since you didn't get to ski with us today, we're going to have a little harmless fun."

"What about Guy?" I hedged. Harmless fun almost had a negative connotation to it. I was a little skittish when it came to harmless fun with my buddies.

"I suspect he'll be happy hanging out at the lodge with his new friend. He checked in a few times by phone today, they are having a wonderful time."

"But his heart, suppose he has a problem while we're here?"

"Dude, she's a paramedic. Works with the volunteer fire department. It's all good. I already covered any argument you might have. Talked to your dad and cleared it. Made sure they had something warm for your feet. You didn't think I'd let you come all this way to sit in front of a fireplace in a lodge did you?"

"A fella can hope."

"Sorry dude. Tonight your ass is mine."

I groaned and nodded in assent. No point arguing, and if Demetri was going along with his broken arm, I didn't have much of a leg to stand on anyway.

"What time?"

"After dinner. We'll help you get into some long johns, and they have these insulated things that go right over your special shoes to keep your feet warm and dry. Don't worry, it'll be fun."

"Alright."

Jasper had been talking quietly with Demetri who was now grinning widely.

"Dude, it's gonna be fun, don't be a wet blanket!" Demetri scolded me.

"Yeah, yeah. Am I the only one in the dark?"

"You're the only one who will put up a fight. The less you know, the better." He answered.

In the back of my mind I pictured myself thrown over Emmett's shoulder with a blindfold over my eyes. I knew it was a done deal, I could have flatly refused to go but I could tell Emmett had put some thought in it if he'd gone as far as to call my dad and ask for advice. I wasn't going to be the Donny Downer of the group.

"I think I'm going to head back and catch a few z's then. See you at supper?"

"Sounds like a date."

I bid the guys goodbye and I rolled down the street to the lodge. It was a spectacular afternoon. The sun was shining and the sky was bright blue. I was never so glad that I had photochromic lenses in my glasses. I loved them for driving, but out here in all this bright white, they were almost a necessity.

Guy sat near the fire with his Playstation in hand playing a game. I went over and parked next to the overstuffed chair he was lounging in.

"Whatcha doing Guy? I thought you were working in the kitchen today."

"Miss Aimee's at the store. Said sit right here and don't go anyplace until I get back, your dad will get made if anything happens to you."

"Ah, I understand. I heard you had some cake and cocoa."

"Yes. Mmm." He rubbed his tummy exaggeratedly. "Good."

"What else did you do?"

"Forks and spoons and on the table they go." He pointed to the long table in the open dining area. I could see the places set in preparation for the evening meal.

"What are we having for dinner?" It smelled wonderful whatever it was.

"Gum." He made a face and scratched his head. "Gumby?" He snorted and made another face, shaking his head. "No." Then he forced it out. "Gum-Bo! Chickens and Gumbo."

"Chicken Gumbo?"

"Yes. And a burger."

"Sounds delicious."

"Cut the celery Guy, cut carrots Guy, measure the rice Guy." He said, imitating Aimee.

"So you helped make the soup?"

"Yes, but not _soup_ Miss Aimiee says- _Gumbo!"_

"I'm sorry, my mistake. I'm going to go take a nap. You wanna come to my room and watch TV or something till Em gets back?"

He shook his head. "No, must be right here when Miss Aimee comes back." And then in the voice he'd assigned to new mentor he added. "No go to the rooms, no go outside. Don't move from this spot until I return, Guy."

"Do you want me to sit here and keep you company?"

"No, Eddie, go to sleep. See you later, bye!" He said enthusiastically and with a hint of finality, turning back to his game.

"O-kay then. I'll see you at dinner."

When I got to the room I pulled out my phone to call Bella. It was deader than a doornail. I went over to the desk and plugged in, sometimes when I'd put it on the charger, it didn't make contact properly and it didn't always take a charge, last night must have been one of those times.

I considered just being lazy and staying in my chair, but I'd had a long day and it would do my butt some good to get off of it for a while. One of the biggest downfalls of not having the Permobil was the lack of the tilt-in-space feature. I'd been leaning forward doing pressure releases since I'd gotten here and they were uncomfortable for me as well as tiring.

I transferred into the bed and pulled a blanket up over me. Jasper would wake me when it was time to eat. He and I were sharing a room, since neither of us were officially team members. Andy was bunking with Demetri and Em was bunking with Guy. Alec and two other guys from the team were sharing a room.

I had a dream where they tied me up and threw a cloth sack over my head before hustling me out of the lodge and putting me on one of the mono-skis. I could hear Emmett's maniacal laughter as I flew down the hill uncontrollably. My body would jerk from side to side as I dodged trees and other obstacles that flew past me.

I jerked to an abrupt stop when someone grabbed me. "Edward! Hey Bro! Wake up. It's just a dream. What's wrong?"

I jerked my eyes open and looked around the room. I was in my soft, warm bed at the lodge. Inside the lodge, not out in the cold snow. I took a minute to steady my breathing and get a grasp on my surroundings.

"You okay now?"

"Yeah."

"What was that all about?"

"Bad dream. I'm okay."

"You were yelling like the devil was chasing you."

I laughed shakily. "I think maybe he was, but I'm alright now. I didn't bother anyone did I?" It was dark in the room save for the lamp on the dresser.

"Nah, it's early. I came in to help you get around. Emmett and Andy are giving Demetri a hand."

"So you're really not going to tell me what's up?"

He wore a smug smile. "Nope. Just know you're going to have a great time and we'll be back before it gets too late. We just want to spend some time with you, but if you really don't want to do this, we'll just take Demetri."

"No, I trust you. It was just a dream."

Since I didn't have the Permobil with me, I relieved my bladder and got dressed in bed with Jasper's assistance. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to pull on polypropylene underwear, but it was like participating in some messed up game of Twister. Eventually, I was wearing the ugliest drab green get-up I'd ever seen, and Jasper wore a satisfied smile on his face. But a pair of sweats went over them and a pair of these big puffy boots with gators to keep my feet warm and dry were pulled on over my sneakers.

"Are we driving someplace?"

"Nope, our ride is already here. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I guess."

"Great, let's go."

Jazz carried my jacket and gloves and followed me back to the great room where several of the guys were sitting around drinking coffee. Warm, steaming coffee- and I was going out into the cold.

When we got to the foot of the ramp Demetri sat straddling the seat of a huge snowmobile. Emmett stood alongside adjusting a helmet on his head.

"Hey Guys!" Emmett bellowed. "I was getting ready to come see what was keeping you. You ready Ed?"

"Um."

"Dude, come on. You're gonna love it."

"I don't know if this is a great idea." It really didn't look like a great idea. No, not at all.

"Jasper is riding with you. We're just going to do a loop on the trails. Nothing crazy."

Against my better judgment I nodded. It did feel a little anticlimactic to have come all this way just to spend the time sitting inside.

Emmett clapped me on the shoulder. "We're gonna have so much fun."

The sheer thought of getting onto the machine seemed insurmountable. "So how do we do this?"

"Andy and I lifted Demetri, but most guys just transfer. I'll give you a hand."

I pulled up as close as I could get and Emmett helped to place my feet and assisted me to pivot onto the seat and get properly positioned. Jasper helped adjust my helmet and handed me a pair of Thinsulate gloves. My body was as far to the front of the snowmobile as I could get on the seat and Jasper straddled it, standing directly behind me.

I jumped when his voice resounded clearly through my helmet. "You ready?"

"Not a chance."

He patted my arm and said, "It'll be fun." I watched as he reached past me to turn the key and suddenly it rumbled to life underneath me, the lights shone brightly, illuminating the landscape in front of us in a huge halo of light.

Jasper placed each of my hands on the handle bars. He gave me a quick explanation of how the brake and throttle worked before he sat down behind me. I looked over to find Emmett standing behind Demetri. Demetri was safely encircled by Emmett's arms. Emmett revved the throttle a few times and with a jerk he and Demetri took off through the snowy parking lot before exiting into the woods behind the lodge.

"I think we should do it like that." I said to no one in particular.

"No way. Your arm isn't broken. You can do this. You know just how much pressure to use on your joystick, and you use the hand controls in your car, this is the same difference. Let up on the brake and give it a little throttle.

The machine jerked ahead and I let go of the throttle causing Jasper's head to bump into mine. He patted my shoulder.

"Come on, again. You can do it."

I used slow steady pressure on the throttle and we began to inch forward.

I followed the tracks in the snow. The adrenaline rush of sitting on something so powerful was incredible. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before.

Jasper's voice in my helmet was reassuring as he continued to give me pointers and words of encouragement. "That's it buddy. We're not doing Nascar or anything, just a couple of friends out for a fun ride. Slow down on the turn up ahead. That's it. Great!"

Compared to the guys I'd seen out snowmobiling before, we were moving at a snail's pace. But it was good- and I was having fun. I couldn't contain my grin.

It wasn't long and the loop had brought us back around to the parking lot behind the lodge. "You cold?" Jasper asked. I shook my head. I was actually quite cozy all bundled up like an Eskimo.

"Alright, now I'll drive. Hold on, okay?" My heart rate kicked up a notch and as I was preparing to tell him all the reasons I'd changed my mind, he stood and replaced my hands on the throttle with his own. Just as Em had done with Demetri, Jasper encircled me with his arms and stood with his body pressed firmly behind me and I held the edges of the windshield in a death grip.

We left the parking lot just marginally faster than I had been driving, but once we were on the open path we picked up speed. My heart was in my throat, but I was exhilarated in a way I had never been before. I was surprised that I felt so totally at ease. We made two loops before Jasper pulled back into the parking lot.

"We should probably get you inside. Make sure your toes don't get too cold. Did you have fun?"

"Oh my God, Jasper. I just. Wow. That was-"

He clapped me on the shoulder. "I know. Sit tight, I'm gonna go grab your chair."

I pulled the helmet off my head and shook out my hair. I had no idea the temp had dropped so much. I shuddered. It was bitter cold.

Emmett parked next to us and removed Demetri's helmet. Demetri's good arm went up, his fist clenched and he whooped out a few victory cries.

Getting back into the chair after spending an hour on the snowmobile was much more difficult. Even though I felt nice and warm in my gear, my body protested and the guys ended up lifting me off the machine.

Inside, we went to our rooms and Jazz played tug of war with my long johns. There was a fair amount of laughing and joking around before I found myself in a pair of flannel sleep pants and a long-sleeved tee shirt. I'd been in some really awkward situations since I acquired my disability and really, if you couldn't find some humor in day to day life, you lived a very unhappy existence.

Inside cocoa and fresh from the oven cookies warmed our bodies. Emmett cradle lifted me out of my chair and settled me into a recliner like I was light as a feather. He threw me a big fluffy afghan and flopped onto the couch next to me. Demetri was snuggled into his own recliner slurping on his second cup of cocoa.

"You guys have fun?" Emmett asked. Demetri smiled, a thin marshmallow mustache above his top lip. "It was great man! One of the guys I went to high school with had a sled, and we used to go out if there was enough snow. The last few years it's been nothing but dry, dead grass and some slush. Nothing worth taking the snowmobile out in."

Em gave me a knowing smile. "Ed? You have fun?"

"Yeah, it was nothing like I've ever imagined. I just... "And suddenly I understood the look of awe on Alec's face when he saw that bike at the expo. He'd felt that rush of adrenaline, had the wind in his face as he flew down the street, the rumble of power under his body. Realization hit me and I hoped that one day he'd overcome his fear and go on that ride with the sales rep. Even if he never bought one... but to have that experience once again. Damn.

"I knew you'd love it once you got over your fear. You had a look of sheer panic on your face when you saw those sleds in the lot. That's why I didn't tell you beforehand. You'd have worried yourself to death, or found some lame excuse to get out of it."

I nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks guys."

"You're welcome." They replied in unison. I looked over and Demetri's eyes were closed, his still half full mug tipped precariously in his lap. Emmett chuckled and quietly removed the mug. He pulled the afghan up and Demetri snuggled further into the cushy chair, muttering something in his sleep.

"I'm glad I came along. Thanks, both of you for this. It's one of the best gifts I've ever received."

"Better than this?" He threw a wadded up jersey at me. I held it up and began laughing. It had a picture of a guy on an airborne snowmobile and another sprawled in the snow. Underneath the caption read, "I do all my own stunts. Vail, Co."

"Yeah, better than this. But thanks. I can't say this completely surprises me."

"Just a little something to commemorate your adventure. I got Demetri one too."

Aimee came out to the living room with another plate of cookies. She passed it around the guests that were strewn across the great room. When she got to us she set it on the coffee table and sat on the arm of the couch.

"Edward, my Alistair said you had fun today when you went out in the cat. He was wondering... did Emmett ask you if you'd like to go out in the Caliber tomorrow?"

I looked at Emmett questioningly. _Caliber?_

"I forgot to say something to you. Did you see that big machine that was on the snowmobile trail this afternoon when you walked back from lunch?"

"I think?"

Aimee explained. "It's that big blue thing- has a small plow on the front, a rotor on the back. Alistair uses it to groom the snowmobile trails. There's room for two people, it has nice comfy seats and a kick ass stereo system. You just ride around for a few hours and the machine does all the work. He thought maybe you and Demetri would each like to go out for a few hours. He grooms all day. Most of the diehard snowmobilers bring their sleds out at night."

"There didn't seem to be many out tonight."

"Oh, honey," she laughed. "You just did the beginner loop. Usually the parents who want to let their young-ins have a hand at snowmobiling use the loop... our regulars do a couple hundred miles a night- way out on the trails. Trails run parallel to the forestry roads out through the mountains."

Jasper spoke up and offered information I didn't need to know. I wasn't sure if it made me feel bad that I was such a novice, or grateful at the fact. "The newer models can top 100 miles an hour easy."

I stiffened. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"Extremely, but that's half the fun of it. Didn't you get a rush out there when I was doing the driving?"

"Yeah, and the speedometer said 25 miles per hour."

"Just imagine." He smiled, with something that looked much like longing in his expression.

"Have you ever?"

"Hell no! I'm the guy who scoops them out of the snow and brings them in to your dad to put back together. I'm no adrenaline junky. I might go just a little faster than we did, but I'm content at thirty or forty miles an hour."

Aimee stood and wiped her hands down over her thighs. "So, what do you say? You're leaving day after tomorrow. Alistair could take one of you out in the morning and then at lunch time we'll swap."

"But how will he get us inside?"

Emmett spoke up enthusiastically, "I got ya covered big guy. We're going to ski till lunch time and then after lunch they want to go out and watch the snowboarders. It'll work out perfectly."

Demetri commented, sleepily from his cocoon. "If you want to go ahead and do the early run, maybe Jasper can help me in the morning. He said something about doing some sightseeing around town instead of skiing."

"Yeah," Jasper agreed, "I promised to help Guy pick out a wedding gift for Rose and Em. We're going to make an easy morning of it."

"So it's settled then?" Aimee asked with a smile.

"Yes, tell Alistair we'd enjoy accompanying him."

Jasper dressed me in street clothes and when I asked if I wasn't going to be cold, he laughed. "From what I hear, it's right toasty in the cab. You'll be fine."

I wheeled out into the parking area behind the lodge and the behemoth machine sat waiting for me. Aimee's husband hopped down out of the cab and came around to open my door. Emmett scooped me up in his arms again and guided me, feet first into the cab. Once I was on the edge of the seat, I locked my elbows and used my fists to get myself situated comfortably. Em closed the door and knocked twice on the window before striding away.

Alistair hopped in and turned the key. Everything came to life. Lights flashed on the instrument panel, the engine hummed to life and Steppenwolf began to sing Magic Carpet Ride. Alistair held up a pipe. "You care if I smoke?"

I wasn't a smoker, and I wasn't regularly around it, but I found the scent of his cherry pipe tobacco to be strangely comforting. "No, it's fine."

"You all belted in?"

I tugged on the straps. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. Just sit back and relax; enjoy the sights."

The machine moved forward with a small lurch and we were off. Majestic mountain scenery surrounded us as we rolled along at a snail's pace. Alistair shared some history about the lodge. Originally built before the depression as a Boy Scout camp, Aimee's grandparents bought the lodge and restored it in the late sixties. Alistair and Aimee inherited it nearly twenty years ago when her parents passed on. One of them had a mobility impairment and they made the appropriate modifications long before accessible accommodations were commonplace. Alistair and Aimee had always run it as a disability friendly establishment.

He pointed to cables that went down through a valley, high above the ground.

"See that?"

I nodded.

"It's a Zip Line cable. During the summer we offer weekend camps for kids. They have a blast." I shuddered. That was a little more excitement than I'd care to entertain.

"Looks intimidating to me."

"Well, if you're afraid of heights, it's not for you."

"No, it's not that. I just, I'm most afraid of breaking my fragile bones."

"I can appreciate that." He said with an understanding nod, but there was no way he could have begun to comprehend what my limbs had been through.

"So do they go fast?"

"Over fifty miles an hour."

"Oh, no, sorry, way outside my comfort zone." We both laughed.

A huge buck stepped in front of us and the Caliber groaned to a stop. Once he passed to the other side, we continued.

The morning continued with easy conversation, good classic rock and roll and breathtaking scenery. When we pulled up behind the lodge, I was almost disappointed.

Alistair lifted the mic for his radio and informed someone that we had returned. In no time I found myself in Emmett's capable grasp.

"You hungry?"

"I could eat."

"Well come on, Demetri is chomping to get into that machine."

He hossed me right into the kitchen and lowered me into my waiting chair.

"Thanks for the lift, Man."

He pulled my beanie off and ruffled my hair. "Anytime, my friend."

The dining area had a low sideboard where several big electric cauldrons kept soup warm. The mouthwatering aroma drew me in and I was pleased to see that not only were the big pots low enough that I could actually serve myself, but they had an angled mirror like the one above our stove so people who were sitting could look inside the pots to see the delicious offerings.

I grabbed a tray and a bowl of beef stew and carefully made it over to sit with everyone who had come in for lunch. The skiers were cold and had voracious appetites, as they finished, they went their own separate ways.

Around 2pm, the Snow Cat team came by and picked a bunch of us up.

Guy was bundled from head to toe wearing a ski mask that allowed only his eyes to peek out. Once the Snow Cat pulled out, he began tugging at the hat, until it was off his head and his static charged hair stood up in every direction.

I asked Em if he didn't think the excessive gear was overkill, and he replied, "His Ma will kill me if I bring him home sick. I don't ever want her to lose faith in my ability to take care of him if we are out together." I knew he was referring to their oil and water beginning.

"Regardless of his childlike nature, he _is_ a grown man, Emmett."

"Yeah, yeah. The more confident he grows, the less he'll need me."

"He'll always need you."

"No he won't. He'd like to move to one of the adult apartments they have for people with developmental disabilities. It's sort of like an assisted living apartment for the elderly. Once he finds his independence, he won't need me to guide him."

I reassured him the only way I knew how. "Look at me and Carlisle. Need I say more?"

I could practically see in his facial expression the moment he understood. In many ways he would be to Guy what Carlisle had always been to me. There would never be a time in my life when I wouldn't need my adopted father.

"No, man." He smiled. "I get it."

It was the first time Guy had been out in one of the big snow machines. He kept us entertained with his wide smile and very vocal exclamations as we passed some of the wondrous sights of our mountain retreat.

On Sunday morning as I was packing my duffle bag for the flight home, my phone rang. Jasper saw me grinning and excused himself, taking his bag and stepping out of the room.

_"Hey Baby. How are you?"_

_**"I just got home. I picked up our boy."**_

_"Oh, good. Did you have fun?"_

_**"Yeah, we did. I had a great time. Did you?"**_

_"Sure did. I've got lots to tell you. I took some pictures too. It's gorgeous here. If I wasn't missing you so much, I'd want to stay a few more days."_

_**"Maybe we can visit there some time."**_

_"I'd like that. The people here are wonderful. So welcoming and accommodating. We had zero accessibility issues."_

_**"That's awesome! You'll have to tell me all about it when you get home."**_

_"I'll call you before we take off."_

_**"Okay, I love you. See you soon!" **_

I finished packing and pulled the blankets up across the bed with my reacher. I piled everything on my lap and went out to meet everyone else.

I grabbed a quick bowl of oatmeal filled with big plump raisins and a cup of coffee. We were leaving soon and my caffeine consumption had been next to nothing. I looked around the table. We all looked relaxed and refreshed, the pressures of day to day life had temporarily been forgotten. Emmett was talking quietly on his phone, while Alec texted furiously on his.

Just as Aimee took my dishes, Alistair came stomping inside and announced that the transport van to the airport had arrived.

We all said our goodbyes while our luggage was being packed into the back of the van. Aimee pulled Guy into a tight hug and ruffled his hair. "I'm going to miss you, Buddy. You've been such a big help to me. If you need a reference to get into that cooking program, you just let me know. You hear?"

He grinned up at her and patted her cheek. "Okay Miss Aimee. I come back someday, maybe."

"I hope you do. It was really nice getting to know you."

He blushed and dropped his gaze to the floor. "Thank you."

She followed us down to the parking area with her arm around him and when he climbed up into the van she turned to Emmett. "You're so blessed with that one right there. He's a great kid."

Emmett bent down and gave her a bear hug. "I know he is. Thanks for taking him under your wing like that. You didn't have to."

"It was my pleasure. He's so pleasant. I'll miss him."

"Thanks for everything. This has been a great vacation for all of us. When you are traveling with such a large group of people who use wheelchairs, it's hard to find such wonderful accommodations."

I said my goodbyes and it was time to pull onto the lift. In just a few minutes, we were all secured and the van was pulling onto the highway.

Security and check-in was similar to Seattle, and I tried to call Bella after I was inside the secure area waiting for them to call our flight. The house phone was busy so I texted her to let her know I would soon be boarding.

_**"I'll be waiting at your gate."**_ Was her reply. _**"Charlie's on the phone. I can get rid of him."**_

_"No. We'll be boarding soon. See you this evening."_

_**"I love you. I'll be there."**_

Guy plopped down in the seat next to me on the plane and offered me a piece of gum. "Makes ears pop."

"It does. Thanks."

I took the proffered square of gum and unwrapped it.

"Did you have a nice time this weekend, Guy?"

He nodded emphatically. "Lots."

"You ready to go home?"

"Miss Mom."

"I bet she misses you, too."

He shrugged.

"Tracy too."

"Yeah?" I'd seen him pouting while we were at the lodge and Emmett explained that Guy was upset that he couldn't chat with Tracy while they were away.

"No Skyping on vacation, Guy." He replied gruffly, in his pseudo Emmett voice.

"You can talk to her when you get home. It won't be long now."

He smiled brightly and patted my arm. "Okay. Thanks Eddie."

"You go on your vacation soon."

He looked down at his wrist watch. It had both an analog dial and a digital time. His fingers ghosted over the date. His entire face lit up and he exclaimed, "One week. One week to Dinney."

And just as quickly as our conversation had begun, it ended. Guy fastened his belt and sat quietly until we were told that we could move about and then his handheld game came out of his bag and he played some noisy game for the remainder of the flight to Denver.

Once we were settled into our seats for the final leg of the trip, I slipped my headphones on and drifted off to the jazz playlist on my iPod for duration of the flight. Emmett nudged me when he made Guy put on his seat belt and stowed his game.

"Hey, Buddy, we're home."

I stretched and spasmed and then waited for my limbs to settle down into my seat before I pushed myself up and got secured. Looking around, I saw my fellow travelers doing the same. It had been a fun weekend, but the cold and the activity had made me so tired. I found that the nap on the flight was actually refreshing, and I hadn't really even done a whole lot during the trip.

Looking down upon the city made my heart swell with happiness. I think it was the first time I'd ever felt this way flying into Sea-Tac.

I was home.

Once we landed, everything was a flurry of activity- the transfer of bodies two by two as we were moved from place to place. When my behind hit the cushion in my chair I grabbed Emmett's hand.

"I gotta go. I'll call you, okay?"

"What's the rush big guy?"

"She's here. I've just- she's here."

"You'd think it was you who was getting married in a week. Go. I'll drop your luggage by the house later."

"Hey, thanks. For everything. I had a great time."

"Alright, Buddy. I'll see you later."

I saw her before I even left the secure area, leaning against the wall just outside the exit. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She lifted her face towards the glass, her hands smoothing down over her blouse and adjusting her jacket, she appraised her appearance in the reflection then pulled her hair over her shoulder. I knew the exact moment she saw me approaching. Her face broke into the most glorious smile as she rushed to me.

_I feel the same way baby._

She leaned down to kiss me and I pulled her firmly into my lap, grasping her face in my hands and kissing her soundly.

"I've wanted to do that all weekend." She breathed, when we broke apart.

I peppered her lips with butterfly kisses, so happy to just have her in my arms. "Me too."

"But you didn't spend your weekend being taunted with sexy things and having no way to relieve your frustrations." She answered quietly.

"You could have relieved your frustrations, Baby." I teased.

"Wouldn't have been the same," she huffed, smacking my shoulder.

"Let's take this home then. I've missed you too."


	63. Chapter 63

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-three

~Edward~

For a change, it didn't take much for Bella to convince me that it would be a great idea to share a bath, so after confirming that we had a back-up plan, I slid onto the bath buddy and she lifted my legs into the tub. Almost immediately I could feel the stresses of my travel begin to drift away.

When she slipped into the tub and knelt over my legs, water sloshed onto the floor and she let out a giggle.

"Oops!" she exclaimed as she settled into a comfortable position.

I feasted my eyes on her lovely form, and felt like a starving man whose appetite had finally been sated. The sensation of just having her in my arms was too surreal for words. I'd worked a long, hard week and we'd barely seen one another, and then a three day weekend away was nearly my undoing. Basking in her warm embrace, I was finally home.

"Come here, Baby. I've missed you."

She straddled my thighs and I pulled her against my chest.

I traced over the contours of her shoulders, her back, down her sides to her waist; reacquainting us both to the sensation. It had been days since we'd seen each other, but even longer still since we'd been intimate.

My fingertips ghosted over the expanse of skin at their disposal, and I watched with pride as a trail of goose bumps were left in their wake. She shivered and giggled before slipping further down into the water, where she clung to my body like a life preserver while I helped ease those frustrations she'd been feeling during our time apart.

She hummed in satisfied contentment as my fingers made languid circuits up and down her back. We'd needed this time together, to just reconnect without the stresses of the outside world. And for more than thirty-six hours we had time, free of obligation to just enjoy one another.

"So tell me about my mother's party." I whispered into her hair. "How bad was it?"

She pulled back and looked up into my face. "It was actually quite nice. We had a lot of fun. Emmett's family is nice."

"Yes, they are. Julia is awesome. I've always really liked her. Did I ever tell you she had a special needs child?"

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "He passed away when they were boys, you said."

"He was just a few years older than the little girl."

"_The little girl_, is Jane's age."

Really?

"Well, she was a girl the last time I saw her." I held my hand out, three feet or so above the floor. "Like child-sized."

"Well, she was at an adult toy party, being corrupted by none other than your prim and proper mother."

I groaned. "Alright. I get it."

"Seriously, though, we had a nice time. We shared lots of embarrassing moments, checked out some toys and ate phallic shaped cookies."

I snorted. "Really glad I missed it."

"I brought home a plate of leftover cookies. They are frosted pink and the testicles are sprinkled with toasted coconut. They're really good." She was trying in vain to convince me.

"You're on your own there. No way I'm eating penis cookies!"

"How much you want to bet Emmett eats all of Rose's?" She laughed.

"I'm not accustomed to losing money, Baby. The man has no shame. Those cookies are already gone."

When the laughter died down, she lay against me, tracing the scar on my bicep with gentle fingers. "I brought some other things home, too. Irina left us a basket of goodies. We split it equally. I got some really nice scented massage oil and this lotion that makes your skin feel like heaven."

"Sounds like some time on the massage table is in order for you, my dear."

"Oh, I didn't bring them home for me. I was thinking about how much I'd love to glide my fingers all over your body with some of that lotion. It smells incredible. I wish there was a way to get you up on that table, too."

"Oh, Baby, you do a wonderful job right there in bed, I rather enjoy the sensation of you straddling my body. There are so many sensations I can't partake of, but like that- I can feel your body on mine, it's so erotic when your breasts brush across my shoulders or your hair trails down over my spine. I bought the table because I wanted to be able to return the favor. The one thing I hate about my disability is that I always feel like I'm taking and not giving enough in return."

"I'm glad I can make you feel good like that. I never thought about it being more enjoyable for you that way. But, I think we're pretty give and take in our relationship, it's definitely not one sided. There's no way you take more than you give."

I could feel the water beginning to chill, so I patted her butt with my fingers. "Let's get out of here; we can continue to swap stories in bed."

She helped me raise the buddy and get turned, drying my toes and legs. I dried what I could reach and she giggled when I transferred into my chair naked as the day I was born, but wearing my black dress shoes and a pair of socks.

"Something funny, Miss Swan?"

She covered her mouth with her fingers trying unsuccessfully to curb her laughter.

She pulled a long face and said, "Nope, nothing at all."

"Good, let's get to bed, silly girl."

She offered to let Hershey out while I pulled on my robe and did my routine. I'd had a great time with the guys, but it felt so good to be home. Apparently, she'd laid out all my things for the overnight before I'd even gotten home. There was nothing to do but get under the covers and wait for her to join me.

When she returned to our bed, we sat it up and she settled in. We let the small light next to the bed on, and quietly shared our weekends with each other. Her eyes got big when I told her I drove a snowmobile all by myself, and filled with relief when I explained that Jasper rode on the back with me. She seemed more reassured when I explained that Jasper had to qualify to drive one as a condition of his work, since winter rescues often involved snow mobiles as the form of rescue or recovery.

She got that proud mother look when I told her about Guy's weekend bonding with the resort owner. We talked for a while about the vacation he'd be leaving on in a matter of days, and how wonderful it would be for him to experience something like that for the first time.

The longer we talked, the more we lowered the head of the bed, and before long we were both yawning and rubbing our eyes.

"I really wanted to check out that package from Reilly, but I don't know how much longer I can keep my eyes open."

"Tomorrow, Baby," I assured her. "We need to read over all the materials, maybe watch a video. I don't want to get all technical tonight. I just want to snuggle with you. I've missed this."

"Sometimes I feel like _I'm_ the one always taking and not giving enough in return," she sighed softly. "You took care of me."

"Enough of that, we already agreed we're even. I'll get mine tomorrow. You'll see." I winked playfully, but the butterflies bounced all over inside of me. As much as I wanted to, I didn't want to initiate something like that after such a long day. My body craved the warm, soft embrace only she could provide.

She curled back into my side and I pulled her as close as possible. I don't remember anything after, only the awakening to relieve my bladder several hours into our night.

When morning came we showered and then Bella took care of Hershey's morning routine, allowing me the time and privacy I needed to relieve myself. I didn't want to ruin a pleasurable experience with a big mess she'd have to clean up. I had no idea how my body would respond, but the research I'd read on the particular sexual aide Reilly had sent home for us was very promising with, surprisingly, very rapid results. Unprepared, the rapid contraction and release of muscle tone could bring on an impromptu emptying of my bladder or bowels and while I knew she'd never say a thing to make me uncomfortable, it was best to ensure there wasn't anything for my body to expel.

I found Bella sitting in our bed; the soothing sounds of a steady rainfall accompanied the music that quietly played in the background. Low lights from our nightstands illuminated the room. It was going to be a gray day.

I sucked in a deep breath as I looked over all the tools it would require to perform what should be such a natural act. Syringes and prep pads, silicone lube that would prevent injury to my most delicate tissue, and finally, a gadget which rivaled a small household appliance in appearance and that, quite frankly, scared me more than a just a little more than I'd ever admit.

Ever the observant one, Bella intervened before I allowed myself to over-internalize my thoughts. "I see what you're doing. Don't think about it that way." She crooked her finger and motioned for me and then patted her side of the bed. "Come over here, Sweetheart."

On her night stand lay all the things that she'd introduced me to on the night our journey into intimacy commenced. I looked up at her smiling face and my insecurities slipped away. Of course she'd make this more than a clinical interaction for me.

"You know, all couples have rituals they partake in to prepare for lovemaking, whether it's setting the mood, or preparing their body for their lover's enjoyment. Going through the routine of taking a medication that helps us to enjoy physical interaction isn't much different than me shaving my legs or you doing a little manscaping."

I scrubbed my hands over my face and groaned. I was so transparent and she had seen right through me. "I like that analogy. I suppose it's similar to having your lover roll on a condom."

"There's nothing that says we can't make this all part of our lovemaking. Take off the lab coat, Baby, and leave Doctor Cullen at the door. Forget the medical aspect of this. Not all that long ago, we redefined spontaneous when it came to love making. That was one of the sexiest interactions I've ever had with you."

I was staring at the floor, and I could feel my cheeks color, but I couldn't help smirking either. She thought my admission that I wanted to have her on the counter was sexy. And the interaction that followed had been far better than I'd ever imagined it could be.

Our bedding had been thoughtfully turned down to the bottom of the bed and she lay across her side in a pretty nightgown, watching as I climbed into the bed and situated myself in a comfortable position.

I picked up the syringe with fumbling fingers and she laid her hand on my arm.

"You're nervous?" she asked.

I nodded. I was, just a little. It was a big deal. The morning ahead of us held the power to determine our future.

She took the syringe from my hand. "Let me do this. I've got you, Baby."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I didn't expect her to step outside her comfort zone. "It's alright. You don't have to."

"It's not such a big deal anymore. You'll make sure I'm doing it right?"

I blinked, confused and still not sure I'd heard her right. "Um, yeah."

Her fingers trembled as she prepared the shot, but she was sure and steady as she sterilized my skin and stuck me. Aside from the grimace she made when the needle pierced my skin, she did the job like an old pro.

"Good job. I didn't feel a thing." I teased, and just like that, the mood shifted.

She smacked me playfully. "Smarty pants."

"Well, I didn't."

She just groaned and shook her head in surrender. "You're incorrigible."

"But you love me."

"I do. So, how should we do this? Have some fun first, or go right for the prize?"

"Well, here's the way I imagine things will happen. Penile Vibratory Stimulation with a high amplitude vibrator like this one here has been known to be successful in a matter of seconds, or it can take several tries before anything happens. Either way, it's not like there's going to be a lot of sensory buildup, I don't think. I don't see ejaculating as being all that sexy; it's going to be more of a bodily function like urinating as far as I'm concerned. Do you understand what I mean?"

She frowned. "So no fireworks or explosions?"

"Nah, don't think there'll be a choir of angels either. You're beginning to understand the mechanics of it all. It is what it is. Carlisle gave me some wonderful advice on the way to the airport, and he reminded me to make sure that when we decided we wanted to start trying to have a baby to have fun and not let our lovemaking become a means to an end. I don't think we'll have to worry about that happening. In my head I'm already compartmentalizing the two acts as completely separate."

"So do you want to make love, or get your rocks off?" She giggled.

"Let's go for the loving first. And then when it comes to the other, I'll have all the sensations of our lovemaking fresh in my mind and maybe it can segue right into going for the rest."

We read down through the instructions and because I was relatively positive I wouldn't have to worry about the side effects of autonomic dysreflexia, all we really need worry about was keeping things lubed to avoid abrasion. Still, an automatic blood pressure cuff lay amongst the other paraphernalia, and we briefly discussed the signs of AD to watch for. Bella laid everything on my night stand and climbed into bed next to me.

With a well lubricated hand, she reached down and grasped me, squeezing, tugging and pulling like I'd shown her. There were certain actions where I actually had some sensation, and those were things that almost felt good. Her other hand ghosted across my flesh... over that spot just inside the indentation of my hipbone, up across my abs finally coming to rest over my pecs, tweaking, twisting, teasing the flesh that reacted to her touch.

Her tongue dipped into my navel, while it circled and she nibbled my belly flesh. When I tugged on her in hopes of reciprocating she shook her head instead. "Shh, just close your eyes and feel. I want to make this a good experience for you."

The silicone fringe of the porcupine glove ghosted across my chest and down over my abdomen causing the muscles of my belly to clench in response. The fingers of her other hand continued to touch me in those special places we'd located on the sensory map of my body, heightening the sensations I was already experiencing.

Something pointed drew designs on my abdomen and I drew in a sharp breath at the sensation and my muscles tightened in response. It was nearly painful, but pleasurably not.

Cold and metallic hummed down over my collarbone from one side to the other as lips, warm and soft plundered my ear and my neck and down over my chest. Nibbles in the crook of my elbow made me giggle, but lips plump and pink sinking down over my length was my undoing. Those big doe eyes peering up from under her lashes, begging me to let loose caused me to unravel in an explosion of color and light.

One benefit of being an SCI guy with Uroject was the fact that there was no recovery time after an orgasm. I was as solid after, as I'd been before, and it was a concept I still hadn't gotten used to. I hung hard and heavy after we'd finished and Bella moved over to the clinical side of the bed. Satisfactorily lubricated to avoid abrasion, she raised the head of our bed so I was in a position to participate and she flipped the switch on the vibrator. We both jumped at the sound and poor Hershey whined outside the door.

I jerked when she touched it to me, and I could feel the vibrations through my pelvis as she rubbed it over the spots the brochure said brought the greatest success. After several minutes with no success, she stopped. "Let's take a little break. How do you feel? Should we take your blood pressure?"

I shook my head. "No, I feel okay. I'm definitely experiencing things I never have before. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. It's a very strange sensation."

She flexed her fingers and wiggled them. "I can't even imagine how that would feel someplace so sensitive. My entire arm is tingly."

"It's hard to describe. I can't really feel it where it's making contact, but deep inside, everything sort of feels on edge. Very strange."

She set the device on the night stand and curled into my side, drawing the covers of both of us. After a short while, I tapped her shoulder. "Let's try it again. I think if we did it for a little longer, maybe something would happen."

I looked over my skin for abrasion, and satisfied that there were no problems, I smeared more of the silicone lube in the prescribed areas. I reached for the vibe. "Here, let me try once, there was a certain spot that might just be the place."

Instead of moving it around as Bella had, I concentrated on the spot that made my heart speed up and my extremities feel like they were on a mission.

With the quickening of my pulse came the somatic responses I knew to expect. The contractions of my abdominals led up to my legs twitching and spasming in ways they never had before. My hips began to flex on their own, and my legs started to jerk, and just like the urge to sneeze- suddenly I was at that impending point of no return. Her soft fingers encased my own and my body went rigid just before my world came to a grinding halt.

My head dropped onto the pillow, and a lazy smile spread across my face. I shut my eyes and waited for my breathing to slow and the pounding in my chest to ease.

"Ewww. Um, baby, is this supposed to happen like this?"

I looked down at her hands to a puddle of ejaculate the color of caramel flecked with deposits of blood.

"Yeah, not that abnormal. On a bright note, I'd say the experiment was a success. But that doesn't look like a very healthy specimen."

She stood next to the bed, the vibrator still buzzing away in her hand. Her hue was ashen and I worried that this was finally all too much for her.

"I think we broke it." she muttered sadly, staring at my softening member.

"Let's clean this up and we'll talk. Here, baby, give me that." I reached for the tool and she handed it to me, killing the power in the process.

While she went to the bathroom in search of a washcloth, I ruminated over how I was going to explain this might be a common occurrence until the integrity of my semen improved.

She sat on the edge of the bed facing me. I took the cloth from her hands and cleaned everything up, while she watched me quietly.

"You okay, Baby?"

She nodded. "I think the important question is, are you?"

"You mean the blood?"

"Is that really normal? You wouldn't hide it if there was something wrong?"

"It's fairly common in guys who haven't ejaculated in a long time to have some strange looking spunk. They say the brown color is normal for men with spinal cord injuries, and the bleeding- it was just a few clots. Could have been anything. There are tiny vessels in the prostate that can rupture; it's not something major to worry about. We can ask Reilly about it if you're concerned, but I'm sure it's nothing to be alarmed over."

She met my gaze with a happy face. "So now that we know that this works?"

"We do it a few times before we attempt to get a baseline specimen for the lab, and then we wait and see."

"Is this one of those practice makes perfect sort of things?"

"Well, I think we're going to want to do this regularly until we're ready to start trying. The first few weeks I ejaculate, the sperm may all be dead. Who knows what condition they are in? The baseline sample will be discouraging, but it's important all the same. Hopefully, subsequent samples will hold more promise."

"Will that help?"

"I've heard both arguments, but according to Carlisle, it will improve the integrity of my fertility if I get that old stuff out of there so my body can begin to reproduce more viable sperm."

"Makes sense."

"We'll have a better idea after we get that specimen to Reilly."

I laid the bed down and patted the mattress. She slid under the covers and snuggled into me. "Let's have a lazy morning. We can shower when we get up."

"Sounds good," she whispered against my chest. Soft fingers trailed over my body, and I pulled her even closer, simply enjoying the comfort of having her in my arms once again.

~Impact~

I stood wearing my suit, near the judge's bench. Bella's hand was in mine, her thumb rubbing softly over the back of my hand, but her attention was on the scene across the room.

Guy stood, proud and tall in front of Rose while she bent down to straighten his bow tie. She smoothed the lapels of his jacket down and kissed him softly on the cheek, he beamed up at her before wrapping his arms around her waist.

While the rest of us had worn simple black suits, Guy insisted that he wear his father's tux which Rose had altered slightly to fit his small statured frame; and there he stood looking every bit the best man. The white toes of his favorite pair of Chucks peeped out beneath the hem of his trousers; I didn't even try to rein in my smile when I took in the scene. He shot back a happy grin before gazing down proudly at the black velvet box he held in his hand. I couldn't think of a more fitting candidate to act as Em's best man.

As per their wishes to keep the ceremony small and simple just Jasper, Alice, Bella and I accompanied Rose, Emmett and Guy to the courthouse. Rose's employer, our newly appointed King County Superior Court Judge Charlie Reese, performed the service and proudly pronounced the happy couple husband and wife. In a matter of minutes Emmett was dipping his blushing bride and kissing her deeply while the rest of us cheered them on.

A photographer friend of Jasper's took a number of photographs in the small courtyard next to the courthouse and when they finished, Emmett and Rose piled into the back of Carlisle's new Town Car, while Guy sat proudly next to my father in the front.

I reached for Bella's hand. "Come on Baby; let's get over to the reception." Rose and Emmett had booked a small winery near Redmond for the site of their reception dinner. While my father was driving the newlyweds to the venue, my mother was waiting at the winery for the guests to arrive.

"The Hales and Emmett's entire clan should be there by now. If I know my mother, she'll run herself ragged trying to keep everyone entertained until the rest of us arrive."

The rustic winery was warm and welcoming. People mingled quietly in the relaxed atmosphere while an inviting fire crackled and snapped in a huge stone fireplace.

The dining area was laid out spaciously and I noted that a number of the tables had the chairs removed to accommodate members of the team.

I barely made it into the great room before Em's mom; Julia pulled me into a hug. "Edward, how are you? I missed you the last time I was in Seattle."

"I'm good, and you?"

"Wonderful. I never thought the day would come that he'd settle down. Rose is such a nice girl, and that grandson of ours- he has just stolen my heart. I just, this is quite the day, isn't it?" She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

"It is. I can't think of two people who deserve happiness more."

"I hear you're not too far behind. Have the two of you set a date?" She searched our faces expectantly.

I squeezed Bella's hand and she smiled up at me. "Sometime this summer, Julia. It will be a small affair at my parent's place."

"Oh, how nice. I had a nice visit with Esme. She's as beautiful as ever."

Julia squeezed Bella's hand. "It's good to see you again, Bella dear. Are you enjoying the new job?"

"I am, thank you. It's nice to see you again too."

Before they could finish their conversation a tuxedo clad Guy soared into the room, his wings outstretched. "Nana! You are here," he exclaimed excitedly as he came to an abrupt stop directly in front of her.

He hugged her tightly and patted her back as they rocked from side to side.

Someone at the front of the room began tapping on a glass with a fork. "May I have your attention please? It's my honor to introduce for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Emmett McCarty."

As everyone clapped Bella pulled on my jacket and leaned into my ear. "Who is _that?_"

I chuckled as I watched her take in the hulking form of the man who had tightly Emmett engulfed in a bear hug. "That's Emmett's baby brother, Benny."

"Baby?" she squeaked.

"Yeah you know, _baby_, like _little_ Ellie." She nudged into me and laughed.

"Speaking of little Ellie, that's her sitting with Jane."

I did a double-take at the sight of her. She'd grown into a gorgeous young woman. I prayed silently that if we were ever to be blessed with a child, God would see fit to give us a boy. I'd die of heart failure if I had to fend off droves of young men who had romantic intentions towards my little girl.

Alec and Demetri sat a few feet away, intently watching the two girls.

No, I would never survive having a girl child.

The wedding celebration was informal and comfortable. Emmett and Rosalie mingled with family and close friends until Benny asked everyone to be seated so the staff could serve us.

Bella nudged me with her elbow and motioned towards the door as an older woman and her teenaged daughter sat down quietly with Emmett's parents and Guy. While the young lady bore the characteristics of an individual with Down's, it wasn't her outward appearance that defined her identity but rather Guy's squeal of delight and excited clapping at her arrival.

_"Tra-cy!"_

Soft chuckles could be heard around the room as Guy took her face in both his hands and landed an awkward kiss on her mouth.

"I miss you. You are really here." He said loudly, patting her arms and smiling widely.

Guy tugged on her hand and pulled her to her feet and made his way to the table at the front of the room where the bride and groom sat. "Mom, Emmie, Tracy is here. I go now. Bye."

Emmett barked out a laugh. "Whaddya say we eat some dinner first, Buddy? Our flights don't leave till tomorrow morning."

With a little encouragement, Guy found his way back to Em's parents with Tracy in tow.

After our meal was eaten and the bride and groom had danced with various friends and family members, the cake was cut and Emmett gently offered Rose a delicate nibble of cake. Not surprising, it was Rose who smeared a handful of the elaborate confection all over Emmett's face.

"Gu-uy!" Tracy complained loudly and Emmett erupted in laughter as Rose used a napkin to wipe cake and frosting off of Tracy's mouth. Guests laughed softly at Guy's misunderstanding of the cake cutting protocol, while Guy and his girl unintentionally stole the show.

As the small reception drew to a close, Emmett and Rose made their way around the room bidding farewell to their guests. Guy trailed along behind, sandwiched between Tracy and Em's mom.

When they got to us, Guy patted me on the shoulder. "Bye Eddie, I go to Dinney now." He turned to his friend. "Tracy go too."

"I know. I think you'll have a wonderful time. It's nice meeting you Tracy."

"Bye Eddie, it nice meeting you too."

~Impact~

Getting the baseline specimen for Reilly was quick and painless. I still marveled over how efficiently PVS brought on ejaculation, and then I worried that I had become entirely too clinical when I realized I was using the term efficient in regards to ejaculation.

Waiting in his office a few days later for him to meet with us, however, was excruciating. While Bella sat calmly, I paced the large exam room, rolling my chair back and forth until she became frustrated and begged me to stop.

"I know you're nervous, but can't you please sit still? You're making me nuts."

"I'm sorry; I'm just so keyed up. This is so important to us. What if my sperm count is too low? What if they're in there, but they're unhealthy? There are so many things that can go wrong. Last night I dreamt about two headed sperm and little swimmers with no tails, or ones that had such fragile, little heads they didn't have a chance of penetrating your eggs." I tugged on my hair with both hands. "Augh! The waiting is killing me!"

Just then the latch clicked and the door opened.

Reilly came in and washed his hands. "Hey Buddy, how's it going? Don't pace a hole in my floor, there. It's all good, you'll worry yourself crazy."

He turned and shook hands with Bella and then myself before sitting on his stool and pulling up my electronic chart.

"So, refresh my memory. We tried the Sildanafil, and then the alprostadil pellets for the ED, neither of them were effective so you went to the intercavernosal injections. And in regards to the erectile dysfunction, that has proven to be satisfactory?"

The corners of my mouth turned up in a smile. "Yeah, I'd say it's been more than satisfactory on my end."

He turned to my girl. "Bella?"

Just when I expected her to turn a million shades of crimson, she coughed a few times and said, "Um, no complaints here, doc."

"Good."

I was confused; we weren't here to discuss the erectile dysfunction. "But we've overcome that hurdle, Chris. The big concern is with fertility."

"Understood. I wanted to go over what we've already trialed since some of the therapies had undesirable side effects. We'll be discussing other medications today and some of them may cause similar side effects. The important fact here is that while you tried several therapies that were unsuccessful we found the one that was appropriate for you, do you agree?"

"Yeah."

"We're going to approach fertility in the same manner. You're a little prone to the overdramatic, my friend. I don't want you giving up before we make an honest effort. See where I'm coming from?"

I nodded. I saw where this was going. I was right about the sperm. I just knew it. They were all dead.

"Let's talk about the device I sent home to you. You submitted a specimen, so apparently you were able to produce an antegrade ejaculate. Did you have any signs or symptoms of autonomic dysreflexia?"

"No." I murmured. "It went much more smoothly than I could have hoped."

"Any issues with tissue trauma?"

"No, we used the lubricant, there wasn't any friction."

"Good. How long did it take to produce an ejaculate?"

I felt my face color. "The first time took a little longer, but there's a certain spot on the underside of the frenulum that sends me over the edge pretty quickly."

He tapped the tip of his pen on the desk a few times before looking at me thoughtfully. "Are you able to orgasm when you ejaculate?"

"Not simultaneously. I have all the physical aspects of an orgasm, but without the euphoria."

"That's fairly common you know, in SCI men."

I squeezed Bella's hand. "Yeah, it's a little hard for Bella to grasp how the two are such separate functions." Reilly smiled.

"There are guys who are able to eventually get their mind and body attuned enough to one another to regain an orgasmic response during ejaculation. You have some sacral function and an incomplete injury, it's possible."

"Even if it's not, I'm alright with that. We've achieved more than I could ever have dreamed of. Now..."

"You'd like to know what we learned from the specimen."

"Please?"

Reilly grinned as he pulled up the lab results on the computer and I moved my chair in closer to look over his shoulder. "It wasn't as bad as I was concerned it could be. You've sustained your injury a long time ago, and through all those years there were no ejaculations. The quality and quantity of your sperm should improve as you continue to practice the PVS. I would like you to continue using the device at least once a week."

Bella smiled shyly. "I think we can do that," she replied.

"Good." He tapped the computer screen and I leaned forward in my chair to peer at the numbers. "Edward, I'm going to classify you as sub-fertile. See here? You have a fair sperm count. It's probable that it will continue to improve." He pointed to a spot lower on the screen. "Look at these numbers, like most men with SCI; the issue for you is with the motility of the sperm."

I settled back into my chair with a sigh. "Less than twenty percent are motile? How can we improve that?"

"I have a few things I'd like to suggest. Your method of bladder management is the best you could ask for, so there's no need to change that. Men who straight cath have the best motility. My patients who use indwelling catheters and suprapubic tubes have almost no motility, so that is working to your advantage." I backed away from his desk and he spun his stool to face us. Bella squeezed my hand reassuringly, pulling it to rest in her lap.

"But my white count is really elevated. My last urine culture came back clean didn't it?"

"It is elevated and the number of white cells present is one of my biggest concerns. We'll continue to monitor your labs along with the semen specimens. Your urinalysis and culture came back with just the usual bacteria you tend to have present, so I'm not concerned that it's due to a urinary tract infection. I'm sure you noticed that your level and concentration of cytokines is significantly elevated as well. That's very common as a result of your recent UTI. There are therapies we can use to lower your white count , and we can also use cytokine inhibitors to increase your motility as well."

"Has that proven to be successful in other patients?"

"It has, and I'm optimistic that we'll improve your numbers. Average motility is about sixty percent. In SCI males, rates range between twenty and thirty percent. It's very common for biochemical changes to occur in seminal plasma after an injury such as yours. Semen of SCI men tends to be toxic to sperm and that in turn reduces the number of motile sperm."

"I know one of the fellows at the lab has been working with monoclonal antibodies to neutralize and inactivate the cytokines in seminal plasma."

"That's an option if you choose IVF- we can also use a motility stimulating agent, or we can improve your sperm quality by processing it in an able-bodied man's semen before insemination. But before we get too technical, let's talk about the more basic approaches." He looked over at Bella who appeared completely lost and patted her knee. "I'm sorry for all of the doctor-speak my dear. You look completely baffled."

"Yeah, I'm in way over my head, but as long as the two of you know what's going on, I'm fine."

Reilly laughed. "I promise to try and keep this simple. Bella, I looked over the file that you allowed Dr. Carder to send over. You are both in good general health. I'm fairly confident that it's a realistic expectation for Edward to pursue biological fatherhood.

"I see Dr. Carder suggested you begin supplementing your diet with folic acid, Bella. Edward, you're going to begin supplementing your diet twice a day with zinc and with folic acid, as well. We'll use an antihistamine-like medication that we find helpful in lowering the white cell count. I'd also like to start you on a medication for peripheral vascular disorders that has proven successful in increasing sperm motility. The Pentoxil interacts with a number of medications, including the Uroject you're using for the ED. I'd like to start you out at 1000mg a day. You'll want to monitor your blood pressure. Some patients experience a slight drop, if it is proves to be problematic for you; we'll try a lower dose."

"Alright, we can do that."

"It takes seventy-four days for sperm to mature, so we're going to start with a twelve week course of treatment. We find that these medications remain effective for up to four weeks after treatment ends. We'll do everything we can to maximize your fertility potential.""

He smiled at Bella. "Do you think you can manage the stress of a pregnancy over the summer?"

Her eyes got big. "Like, this summer?" she squeaked.

"We'll continue to take periodic samples, but if we can get those levels down like I think we can, you're looking at the possibility of a late spring pregnancy."

I looked over at her with misty eyes. "Baby?" I whispered.

"Yeah. I mean, work is air-conditioned and the house is too. And it's not like I'd be hugely pregnant over summer, right?"

Reilly leaned back in his chair and clapped his hands together. "Alright then. Your scripts can be picked up over at the hospital pharmacy. Bella, dear, follow Dr. Carder's instructions, and it would be a good idea to begin tracking your ovulation now. Keep a journal. Typically most women ovulate thirteen to fifteen days after the onset of bleeding. Nearly fifty percent of my SCI couples achieve pregnancy at home using intra-vaginal insemination within a year."

I had done hours of research, but hearing it come from my doctor, who I trusted implicitly, it took on a whole new meaning. I had renewed hope that perhaps our dreams could come true.

"You think we can use IVI at home successfully?"

"Absolutely. It won't be nearly as unsettling for either of you doing it in the comfort of your own home."

"Good, I'd really like to go the least invasive route possible if we can. In-vitro concerns me. Neither of us want Bella pumped full of hormones."

"I don't think we'll have to go to that extreme. We can do intrauterine insemination here in the office introducing the sperm into the uterus with a small catheter if we have to use other methods to process your sperm. We'll cross that bridge if we get to it. Don't borrow troubles."

"Alright, thanks."

"Bring in another specimen in four weeks. We'll talk after I have the results. Oh, and you need to be very careful not to let anything foreign contaminate your sample. Almost all lubes are toxic to sperm, and saliva is even worse."

"Did we taint the sample with the silicone lube?"

"No, but I wanted to warn you to be careful so we get the best results possible. Here," he reached into the cupboard and pulled out several plastic tubes. "Try this. It's a new lube on the market that is fertility friendly. Unfortunately, we didn't get in before you took the PVS home." He slipped the tubes into a plastic bag and sat it on my lap.

He reached out to shake Bella's hand and then my own.

"I don't like to give couples false hope, but we've been very successful with our spinal cord injured patients. Just like the other hurdles you thought were insurmountable, we'll get you over this one as well. There are many other options we haven't even begun to discuss. This is just the beginning. We'll keep trying till we get it right."

Bella smiled and said, "Thanks for taking the time to discuss this with us."

"Oh you're welcome. I'm sorry it wasn't sooner. My caseload has become more manageable since Dr. Sander's replacement moved into the office across the hall. Hopefully I won't be as swamped now."

He followed us out to the reception area making small talk, asking about Carlisle and my return to work.

"Oh," I stopped my chair dead in its tracks, and Reilly ran right into the back of me with a grunt. "How do we pay for the stimulator? We're obviously keeping it."

He was rubbing his chest as he came around in front of me.

"Sorry about that."

"It's all good. The company that made them available to us has a discount for our patients who choose to keep the device. When you sign out, just ask the receptionist for the information. You can write a check out today, or mail it in, either is fine. Ed, I'll talk to you soon. Best wishes to both of you."

"Thanks, man. We appreciate it."

"Goodbye, doctor." Bella said, and Reilly tapped on a door, slipping into a nearby exam room.

When we got into the parking lot I stood my chair up and pulled Bella roughly against my body, squeezing her for all I was worth. She squealed loudly and I lifted her to me, spinning the chair as I held her for dear life.

"Did you hear that baby?" I asked enthusiastically, bringing the chair to a stop. "He thinks we can do this."

"I think we can do this too."

"Oh baby, today I think just about anything is possible."

I was going to drive over to the pharmacy, but the weather was beautiful. "Come on, hop on my lap for old time's sake, let's go for a walk."

We buzzed down the sidewalk to the pharmacy entrance, picked up my scripts and asked the pharmacist about the different options for monitoring Bella's ovulation. The pharmacist explained that the benefits of a fertility monitor compared to the predictor kits, so we bought that along with a basal thermometer, journal and my new scripts.

Bella climbed back on my lap and held the bag while I drove us back to the car.

The mood on the ride home was light and care free. I wanted nothing more than to reach over and touch her, grip her hand, touch her smiling face. She was so very beautiful to me.

Our boy greeted us at the door all wagglie-tailed and happy.

Bella retrieved the mail from the shelf under the mail slot. She looked down at a thick envelope and then held it out to me with a smile.

"Here, why don't you look over this while I let him out?"

My heart began to pound as soon as I read the return address and my hands shook when I attempted to pull the tape off the flap on the back.

I drew in a deep breath before I began reading.

_Dear Dr. Cullen,_

_Pursuant to the grant selection process for the __Clinician Scientist Development Awards we are pleased to announce that you have been chosen to submit an essay in your field of interest along with supporting documentation in reference to your proposed research area._

_Please return the enclosed documents along with your second round submission entry for our three year development award._

_The award committee looks forward reviewing to your entry._

_On behalf of the entire committee I'd like to congratulate you on being chosen to participate in the second round of entries._

_To qualify, your essay must be received by February 26, 2009._

_Best Wishes,_

_Ashton Williams_

_American Academy of Neurology Research Fund_

* * *

Thanks for reading. Review if you please.

A short but important author's note. Please take a moment to read. Thanks.

This chapter wasn't my usual wordiness. I'd hoped to have this to you sooner, but it's been a long month.

A few weeks ago, I went to the Baltimore Book Festival and during my travels met someone from the fandom who has become a dear and treasured friend. I've met a handful of you over the years since I came here, and so many of you are all just as lovely and wonderful in person as you are here online. I feel so blessed to be part of such a wonderful online family.

That being said, one of our own, Katalina- known on this site as kroseph is battling cancer. The fandom has come together to raise funds for StandUp2Cancer in her honor. Many talented authors are donating stories in support of Katalina and cancer research. More information can be found at: katalina . fandomcause . info / about

Go the the website above to read Katalina's Story. A wonderful soul, vibrant dancer, wife and mother of two. In late September 2012, she got diagnosed with lymphoma, with a 6 months prognosis. When asked if there's anything that we, her friends, could do, she said, I want nothing for myself, but... can we raise money for SU2C? So that's what we're doing.

My lovely friend Betti Gefecht has written and recorded a beautiful song in honor of Katalina, as well. All proceeds will go to Stand Up 2 Cancer and it will continue to be available indefinitely with every cent going to the charity with no time limit. This is her personal gift for Katalina.

It can be found at bettis-art-house . blogspot . com

Let's keep on dancing! Thank you.


	64. Chapter 64

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-four

~Bella~

January bled into February with new career responsibilities filling both of our schedules. Free evenings often found me in front of the fire studying information on healthcare reform and how it would affect the disability community. One look at my calendar told me that I had a lot to learn in a short amount of time.

The governor's proposed budget contained line item reductions that directly affected MH/MR, attendant care and Medicaid. I had been summoned to attend a meeting at the state capital in Olympia with a group of other advocates. The first day would be spent discussing exactly how those changes would affect our consumers and forming groups that would go to different offices at the capital for the remaining two days to explain to legislators how detrimental those changes could be.

Able-bodied constituents were all for the balanced budget with no tax hikes. They couldn't possibly grasp how those monies ripped from attendant care funding could affect the quality of life of a twenty year old c-3 quadriplegic living alone on a vent.

Instead of picturing a young man living independently in the comfort of his own home, despite the complications of a serious injury, they saw someone who should be in a facility receiving the care he deserved.

Why would someone like that want to live alone, they'd wonder.

They didn't understand that the benefits of community-based care versus nursing home care far outweighed the bottom line. Not only did living independently in the community provide a feeling of self-worth and independence, typically the individual living at home and directing his own care was not only happier, but healthier as well. With a solid support system, virtually anything was possible. All I had to do was look around myself- at my friends, co-workers and fiancé to see that.

But, the constituents would vote for the legislators who would save them tax dollars, the ones who promised to get them new highways, and legalized gambling. They weren't worried about things like respite care for the parents who just needed a short break from caring for their child with a developmental disability, or if Medicaid should continue to pay for adult diapers and disposable mattress protectors.

The legislators were the ones who had the power to make change, and the best way to foster that was to sit and talk with them. A few of the elected officials we'd be meeting with had someone at home who had received some sort of services. Those individuals were sometimes empathetic and might give us a few uninterrupted moments to talk about our concerns.

Other times, seeing was believing.

A large number of our advocates were individuals with disabilities who utilized home and community-based services. The hope was that by meeting individuals who received those support services, yet also worked in the community, paid taxes, owned homes and gave back would make an important statement to our legislators.

We didn't want to lay around dying in nursing homes. We wanted to live to our fullest potential, in our own homes, just like everyone else.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The unalienable rights granted to us by our Declaration of Independence, rights that budgetary cutbacks could take away from us with the swipe of a pen.

One of the points we would try to drive home later in the week with the legislators we hoped to meet with was the estimate that Medicaid could provide home and community-based care services to three individuals versus nursing home care for one. Two thirds of the Medicaid money for nursing home level of care went to facilities, with only about a third remaining for community-based care. It would be devastating if they took anything away from the budget line item for attendant care.

It was my job to help make them see.

I had spent a week compiling small packets of information that we'd be handing out as we made our rounds at the legislative offices.

While I copied, collated and stapled, Robin briefed me on little tidbits of information that would be useful to remember...

Nursing home care was an _entitlement,_ if an individual needed nursing home level of care, they could not be denied services or forced onto a waiting list.

Community-based care was _not_ considered an entitlement.

Waiting lists for home based care were staggering with close to a half million individuals waiting to receive community-based services. Those individuals sometimes waited years for services and ultimately ended up in a nursing home because they had no other options.

I rubbed my eyes, and looked at the clock. It was getting late and the words and figures had begun to run together.

Closing up my binder, I gathered the packets I'd put into folders for different groups and placed them in a file box to be packed in my car. The house had been quiet for hours, aside from the occasional jingle of Hershey's tags as he scratched his collar.

When I stretched, my back made a satisfying popping noise. I turned off the living room lights and went looking for my man.

I didn't have far to go to find him.

He'd been holed up in his study for weeks. Every waking hour that he wasn't working, and many times long into the night after I'd fallen asleep, he spent pecking away at his computer working on the essay for the grant award.

I missed the intimacy of the evenings where he needed me to spot him into the shower, or sitting with his feet in my lap while I provided foot care, I even missed waking in the night to assist him with getting positioned just right when he turned. Instead, the alarm in my head would go off and I'd reach over to shake him awake and his side of the bed would be empty and cold. Sometimes I'd find him still working away at his project; and other nights, like tonight, I'd find him slumped in his chair, chin on his chest, snoring softly.

Ever so gently, I pulled his glasses from his face and laid them in his glass case before nudging him awake.

"Hey baby. It's after eleven. You wanted to shower tonight. Remember?"

Sleepy eyes fluttered open and he looked around, as if he was surprised to see me standing there. He stretched and yawned loudly before giving me a sheepish smile.

"I must have drifted off there for a little bit." He murmured, wiping off the corner of his mouth.

"Come on, you're burning the candle at both ends. You need to get some sleep."

"Maybe I'll just wash up in the morning and shave. You look tired."

"If you're up to it, _I'm_ fine. Are _you_ up to a shower?"

"Yeah, I could shower. Maybe that'll help me wake up. I could get a few more hours in."

"I'm leaving on Wednesday morning. I won't see you until Saturday." I felt a little bad laying a guilt trip on him, but he really needed the sleep.

"You haven't been away for a while." He looked down at the dog who had curled up at his feet. "We're gonna miss you while you're gone."

"You'll be too busy to miss me. When you finally get done with this thing, we're taking a weekend and going away. I want you all to myself for a couple of days."

He scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I'm sorry I've been neglecting you, Bella. I'm almost done. Studying pediatric MS is really important to me, but there isn't as much data available as I'd like to have had compiled before I made my case." He ran his long fingers through his hair in frustration. "The entries will be judged much more discriminately as they weed out the less desirable candidates. There are a lot of people who want to win this. The competition will be fierce. I really have to be on top of my game if I hope to have any chance. I'm not saying I think I'll be chosen, but I'd hate for all of this effort to go down the drain."

"It won't. Your dad told us there would be other grant awards. Jeff did too. If this is where you truly want to focus your studies, your efforts won't be wasted; even if you aren't chosen _this_ time."

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I've really got my eye on that prize. Just think baby, three years of research in a private lab. That's every scientist's wet dream."

I nudged him playfully. "I thought I was your wet dream."

He chuckled heartily. "Always baby. You're my everything."

I tugged on his hand when he tried to stifle another yawn.

"Right now, I'm dreaming of a nice warm bed with you all stretched out beside me."

"You're right. Let's go." He mumbled through another yawn. "Hershey, go out boy?"

I poured us each a cranberry juice and set out our bedtime meds while Edward stood on the porch waiting for the dog. He came in all rosy-cheeked, rubbing his arms.

"Why didn't you wear a jacket, babe?"

"Just trying to wake up a little. The sky is so clear, you can see every star."

"Yeah, I noticed that earlier. They're calling for snow overnight. Be careful driving tomorrow."

"You too, baby. Come on, let's get to bed."

Freshly showered and with our bodies snuggled into one another, he finally asked about my day and told me about his.

His fingers brushed up and down my spine as we talked about the next few weeks and how they would impact our lives.

"You have another trip soon, don't you Bella? Right after the one this weekend?"

"Yeah." I whispered into the dark. "It's a conference in Portland about estate planning, special needs trusts, protecting government funded benefits."

"But you won't be going to that one on your own?"

"No, I think Robin is driving us. It sounds sort of stuffy. I like the ones where I know we're making change, or where something hands-on is happening. Everything I've experienced so far tells me this is going to be more paper pushing than anything. I don't really like administrative type stuff."

"Well, those are all important things that would benefit your consumers. A young person on SSI could never inherit his parent's home without it threatening his benefits. An elderly consumer who needs attendant care would have to spend down all their assets to become eligible for attendant care. By understanding how to properly protect assets, you can give your consumers appropriate information and refer them to the proper attorney to help them protect the things they've worked all their lives to save."

"I suppose you're right. It just sounds like a lot of legalese. I like the workshops that are moderated by people who are full of passion about what they believe. I always walk away feeling like I can take on the world."

He drew me tight to his body and inhaled deeply, nuzzling into my neck.

"I'm sure you'll find something useful at that one too. You'll see." He yawned into my neck as he spoke.

"Could be."

"When do you go?"

"The twenty-fifth. It's a Thursday."

"So, a little while yet. I thought they were back to back trips."

"No, there'll be a few weeks in between the two."

"Good. Maybe we can get that little weekend away in there before you go."

He was quiet for a few minutes and I thought he'd finally allowed his body to succumb to sleep. I tilted my face towards him and his lips met mine. "I love you, baby. Good night."

"I love you, too." I whispered back, but he was snoring softly before I got out all the words.

~IMPACT~

The trip to Olympia was fun. One of the individuals who joined us was a newspaper reporter from The Olympian named Kyle. He shadowed the group I toured the capital with, asking questions of various state representatives or their aides. He was writing an article on Attendant care that had the potential to benefit our efforts.

He was a Poindexter-type kid, tall and lean with heavily framed Ralph Lauren glasses who had an easy smile and a charismatic personality. As we made our way from office to office, he asked questions and typed notes into his Blackberry.

Aside from Kyle, I was the only ambulatory member of the group we were with. When we stopped in a basement lunchroom he looked around the table and asked, "So all of you work outside of your homes?"

Heads were nodded and everyone gave him an affirmative yes.

"Does anyone here utilize attendant services?" A number of hands went up.

"Suppose attendant care was subject to budgetary cutbacks, how would it affect you? What if there was no attendant care one day?"

Matt scootched around in his chair a few times before meeting Kyle's gaze, his words coming slurred and elongated as a result of his Cerebral Palsy. "I wooould haavve tooo gooo innn aaa hhooommmee."

"Don't you have friends or family who could help you?"

"Evvvery onnne worrrkkkss. Theyyy havvve billls to payyy."

"Isn't there any other way?"

"NNnooo."

Trainer joined the conversation. "My morning starts at four-thirty. My aide comes in and does my exercises, gets me into the shower then puts me on the toilet. Once I'm in the chair, she feeds me breakfast and packs everything into my backpack for work. In my chair, I'm self-sufficient."

"How do you get to work?"

"I drive a modified van."

"Does your aide go to work with you? Does she help do your job?"

"Once I'm ready for work, my aide is done until lunch time. She comes in and helps me with my meal and with toileting. From time to time she helps me reach something or might run to make me copies, but no, I don't require her assistance to be able to perform my job."

"So if you no longer had an aide?"

"I'd be stuck in bed. I couldn't eat, drink or get to the bathroom."

"Isn't there someone else at your house that could help you?"

"No, I live alone."

Kyle seemed taken aback. "Really?"

Trainer smirked and I could feel the pride radiating from him. "Really."

"Wow."

Kelly took the more abrasive approach. "That's why we're doing this, so people like _you_ realize that we're not just robbing the tax payers for some sort of specialized care. We just need supports in place to be able to contribute our share to society. Is it so hard to believe that we live alone, work full-time jobs, and raise children?"

Kyle flushed in embarrassment. "I didn't mean it in a derogatory manner. I apologize if I upset you. This is exactly the way I want to approach my article. The way I see it, someone who is stuck in a nursing home is sort of stripped of any choice to be active participants in the community."

"They are. There are no choices. And it costs way more for someone like me to waste away in a nursing home than it does to get me out of bed and see that I get my lunch or a shower. I don't need round the clock care. I only use five hours a day. I make too much money to qualify for disability, subsidized housing or food stamps. The state pays my attendant thirty-five hours a week. If I need extra help, it comes out of my own pocketbook."

Lawrence sipped and puffed a few times, turning his chair so he faced Kyle directly. "Of all of us, I think I probably require the most assistance. Still, I only receive eight hours a day."

Kyle looked down at Larry's left hand. "You're married?"

"I am."

"Does your wife care for you?"

"I don't _like_ for her to. She works twelve hours a day, outside our home. When she gets home she's tired. My aide meets me at the house after work, she throws dinner in the oven, sets the table and helps me with some personal hygiene stuff. When Joyce gets home, we eat and relax on the couch. At bedtime a different aide comes over and showers me and puts me in bed."

"So if you lost attendant care funding?"

"I don't know how we'd live. It's terrifying to think about. We'd be devastated. We've got a new, accessible home, but it takes both our jobs to pay the bills. If she had to care for me, she'd have to quit her job. We can't afford to pay someone out of pocket. Like Trainer, once I'm in my chair, I'm self-sufficient for the most part, but my wife is up as early as I am, and she comes home after I do. We only get a few hours of down time before we go to bed at nine. If she had to get me around every morning she'd have to be up before three in the morning."

Kyle studied me for a while. "Soooooo, Bella. What's your story, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Not at all. Anything to help show the public how important this is."

"How does this affect you? You don't look like you utilize attendant services. No offense, but you seem to be the minority here."

Larry chuckled and muttered something about the time someone bitched me out for using my handicapped parking placard. No, I didn't look like your typical gimp. But essentially, I was both a crip and a walkie.

"Well, let me begin by sharing that I've been on both sides of the situation. I currently assist my fiancé from time to time in an attendant capacity, he's a T-12 para who spent all of the last year recovering from a serious accident. Prior to his accident, he was quite independent."

"Does he still require services?"

"Not in the same capacity many of our consumers do. When he's tired, or not feeling well he needs extra assistance. I'm always there when he transfers in and out of the shower. Anytime he is doing a transfer that is unsafe, someone is always there, just in case. It took a long time for him to understand that I wanted to help him because I cared about him. He's also very over-protective and my helping him really went against the grain for him."

"How so? Why wouldn't he want your help? If I had a beautiful, able-bodied partner who wanted to help me, I think I'd be more comfortable with them than a stranger."

"Well, part of it is the mindset where he doesn't want to be a burden and he wants to be independent on his own, so that I'm not using my down time to care for him. But he's also a doctor and he worries that it'll be too much on me physically."

Kyle cocked his eyebrow, I could almost see the questions forming, but I didn't give him time to verbalize whatever was on his mind.

"Remember I said I've been on both sides of the fence?"

Kyle nodded, making notes on his device as I talked. "Just over two years ago I suffered my first episode with Multiple Sclerosis. I spent several months where I relied on an attendant for nearly all my daily functions."

He gave me an appraising look. "But, you don't _look_ sick."

"Looks can be deceiving. I spent that six months using a wheelchair. Even though I look fine, my body's sort of like a ticking time bomb. I take medication, and do physical and occupational therapy at home to keep myself in shape, but I might go to sleep tonight and wake up paralyzed, or blind, or unable to speak tomorrow. No two cases are the same, so there's no way to predict how the disease will progress from one individual to another, or from one day to the next."

"Wow," he said softly. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I might have a disability, but nearly everything I hold dear in my life is something that has come as a result of that disability. Sometimes things happen for a reason. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me."

"You've got an amazing attitude."

I laughed. "No, I'm just living my life to its fullest and I don't take anything for granted anymore. It's taken me a while to get here, but I've had some excellent role models and some amazing things have happened that I can directly attribute to my disability."

He smiled and touched my arm. "I'm happy that you've found your way."

Not wanting to linger on the subject I smiled and replied, "Me too. Now, how else can we help make your article a success?"

"I just have a few more questions, and as we continue to walk around, I'll just make notes on my observations from the political perspective as well."

"Feel free to ask away."

"Well, if attendant services were no longer available, it could mean being forced into a facility for both of you?"

"It could, although Edward didn't utilize a state funded program to acquire services, he's paid for them privately with proceeds from a trust he received as a result of his accident. With aging issues and the progression of our disabilities though, who knows what the future will hold for us or what level of care we'll require?"

"It's got to be scary, the uncertainty."

"It is, to an extent, but it would be crippling to sit around and dwell on that. I've got to believe that we'll be okay."

"I understand. This has really been an enlightening day for me. I really want the focus of my article on attendant care to revolve around independence rather than dependence. I came here with a slightly preconceived notion that most disabled people sat at home watching soap operas and waiting for the monthly disability check to come in."

"I think there's a common misconception that people with disabilities want everything handed to them. While there are always people who want to fleece the system for whatever they can get out of it, you'll find that with any demographic- not specifically the disabled."

"Yeah, I'm feeling a little guilty here of stereotyping."

Trainer gave him a knowing smile and I could see his happiness that we'd educated someone in a positive way. "There are thousands of people who are forced to rely on social services to get by. But understand that they rely on those things to be able to exist. Honestly, it's extremely difficult for an individual receiving disability to live independently. Many are below the poverty level, and rely on food stamps and subsidized housing to be able to get by. Often public housing is substandard and in unsafe areas. A person in a wheelchair is an easy target. This life is not a choice. We can't all work, but that doesn't mean that we don't want to. We want nothing more than to be treated like everyone else."

"I get that now. I'm really glad that they gave me this assignment. Thank you for opening my eyes." He looked around the table from face to face. "Thank you all."

I handed him one of the packets I'd prepared for the legislators. "There's a lot of information in here, maybe you'll find it helpful."

I thought back to the days when I first began volunteering with Robin, the days when my limp and unsteady gait embarrassed me so and I couldn't imagine having any pride living like those people. I studied Kyle's build. He was lithe and tall. I reached into my bag and pulled out the tee shirt that proclaimed the message so many of my peers expressed on a daily basis. Those words I'd finally embraced as my own mantra. I had bought my man and I each one from one of the other advocates. I would get another one for Edward before I went home, and if I couldn't, he'd understand.

Several of the people in this group had watched my struggle to have pride in myself as a person with a disability, and I didn't miss the smiles they exchanged when I handed it to him.

"Kyle, have you ever heard the term Disability Pride?"

~IMPACT~

Edward worked on his grant essay until the very end and hand delivered the package to the committee office the day before the deadline. That was the same day I left for my conference and needless to say, we never got our quiet weekend away.

Bright and early that Thursday morning, I found myself sitting in the front seat of Robin's car enroute to the conference in Portland.

At over sixty degrees, it was unseasonably warm without a cloud in the sky. Robin cranked up the Beatles tunes as we sped down the highway with the sun roof cracked open and a beautiful breeze flowing through the air as we sang along to Yellow Submarine and Eleanor Rigby.

A die hard fan, her accessible PT Cruiser which once looked like ours, had been transformed with a custom front end and an airbrushed paint job that made it look like a mini version of the yellow 1965 Rolls Royce Phantom John Lennon owned. I tell ya, the girl was a bit eccentric, but so much fun to run around with.

Kodi almost always accompanied us in our travels and like Hershey, he could do so many awesome things for her. Hershey had given Edward so much more independence, and I loved watching the interaction between handler and service animal. It gave me goose bumps sometimes to see how attuned they were to one another.

Robin's grant year had reached its end and there wasn't a lot of travel funding left in it, so we opted for a budget motel to cut costs. Pulling up to the outdated establishment, I almost wished that I'd paid for our room out of pocket. I looked over at Robin and saw that her previously cheery mood had disappeared.

While Robin took Kodi off to the side of the lot to relieve himself, I trudged inside for the luggage cart and unpacked the car.

The way the front desk clerk looked at Kodi with disgust, I wondered what sort of altercation was about to occur. The girl did _not _want to piss Robin off or try to tell her what the law said about service animals being permitted at the hotel.

Surprisingly, checking in was a breeze, the room, however, was a nightmare.

It seemed like our room was the farthest away from the desk as we made our way through the labyrinth into the deep, dark recesses of the establishment. Robin led the way, as I pushed the cart with all of our belongings piled high. Edward was right when he saw us off. How could two women possibly need so many things for just a couple days?

He teased that he could easily travel for a week with one bag.

When she opened the door, I heard Robin gasp in disgust. The stench hit me before I was able to peer around the door frame into the room. Kodi dropped to the floor, his paws covering his snout. The carpet was littered with underwear and trash. Take-out boxes and bags were strewn across the bed and desk and the previous tenant had apparently used the bathroom sink for a giant ashtray. Butts and ashes floated in gray, grimy water. So much for this being a non-smoking establishment.

We backed out of the room, and quickly shut the door. Robin was gung-ho to go to the desk and complain, and rightfully so, but with the long trip pushing the cart to the room I'd become overheated and knew I wouldn't be able to walk much further without getting cooled off. Opting to sit, rather than make the long walk back, I moved a few items off the cart and sat on my suitcase, while Robin went in search of management. She was madder than a wet hornet and truth be told, I'm not very effective in the event of a confrontation- we needed another room.

I shut my eyes and leaned against the small cooler Edward packed with bottled water and my med pack while I waited. From time to time a hotel patron would pass by and look at me. I'm sure I was a comical sight and under other circumstances it might have been funny. Just the slight increase in temperature over the last few days was enough to throw my body off and the effect made my legs feel like dead weights.

It wasn't very long and Robin was shaking me awake. "Bella, come on, they've upgraded us to a better room. Wake up."

I wiped the drool from my chin and looked around. There was a young girl standing next to Robin with a scowl on her face and her hands on her hips. Her name tag identified her as Tanya and even though I knew she was far too young to be _the_ Tanya, with everything else that had already occurred since we'd arrived, I found myself in a sour mood. It didn't help that she was staring at Kodi like he was vermin; suddenly I was the one just itching for her to say the wrong thing so I'd have an excuse to let off some steam.

"Robin, I don't think I can walk all that way again until I sit for a while longer. What's the room number? I'll meet you in a little while."

Robin looked at our helper with a smile. "Tanya is going to push the cart, Bella. You are going to hop on my wheelie bars and hold on tight." I groaned as I shoved off the suitcase and got myself into a standing position.

As I stepped onto the back of the wheelchair, Tanya started walking with the cart. Robin and I followed behind her with Kodi walking alongside like he owned the place. Had the desk clerk evicted us because of the dog, that wouldn't have been too far from the truth, Robin didn't take kindly to any sort of discrimination.

Eventually we neared the lobby, and Tanya led us to a room just a few doors from the desk. She grumbled and walked away, leaving the cart sitting in front of the door, without another word.

Robin just laughed and made a snarky comment. I'm sure she had made someone extremely uncomfortable when she made her complaint about the room which was unfit. I moved the cart so we could get inside and unpack our things. The décor of the room wasn't much nicer than the first one, but at least it was clean.

I turned the air-conditioning on and sat on my bed. Just that little bit of walking made me exhausted, my energy sapped. In a half hour we had to ride over to the workshop and register for the weekend. But I needed a few minutes to recover. Sprawling out on the bed, I was soon sound asleep.

When I heard someone struggling with the door, I was ripped out of my slumber. It was dark and I was disoriented. I felt along the wall for the light switch and just as I made it to the door, it swung open and into the wall with a crash as Robin gave it a hefty push with her chair.

She had a huge grin on her face and a large paper bag on her lap. "Hey hon, you were so tired. I went over there and took care of business; then I stopped and got us some chowmein and egg rolls. I hope that's okay."

I rubbed at my eyes, still not completely awake. I took the bag from her arms and mumbled my thanks. I trudged over to the small table in the corner, dumping out the contents of the bag. I pulled the lone chair off to the side and made room for Robin's wheelchair. The room wasn't anywhere near accessible, but if we were careful where we left our things, we could make it work.

Kodi barked and bounced about playfully when she released him and before she came over to eat, Robin pulled a small bowl from her backpack and filled it with kibble. Kodi waited patiently until she called him over, and after she was sure he had food and water, she joined me to eat her meal.

"So, I never asked you what happened when you went to the front desk to complain."

"Well, on my way to the desk, I stopped to use the little girl's room, and it was no where near accessible. The only stall with grab bars was no larger than any of the others, and it had one of those baby things sitting on top of the grab bar. I could have never navigated it."

She gave me a sly grin. "Housekeeping had the men's room closed for cleaning, so as soon as she picked up her little yellow caution sign and moved on, I slipped inside and made a little accessibility assessment of that one, as well. I noted several other issues on my way to the desk- the water fountain too high, no Braille signage, no accommodation at the counter for someone in a wheelchair.

"When the desk clerk said we'd have to wait an hour for them to clean our room, and refused to move us to another one, I asked for the manager. When I handed him my business card and pointed out a number of ADA non-compliant issues, he comped the room and said they'd discuss the issues with the corporate office. I'll have someone from the local center stop by in a few weeks to see if he's followed through."

After not eating all day, the food tasted wonderful and I ate every bite. I really enjoyed Robin's company, and even though we saw each other almost daily now, we still found plenty of things to talk about. It seemed we barely finished dinner and it was time to shower and get to bed.

Robin took Kodi out to relieve himself and when she returned, she took her toiletries and headed into the bathroom.

While she was showering, I laid everything out that I needed for my injection on the little table and as promised, before I gave myself the shot, I called Edward. I've had two more of the scary post injection reactions and we were both a little wary about me doing it away from Edward's watchful eye. Still, I was kind of embarrassed when he sat Robin down and briefed her, making her promise to call 911 at the first sign of distress.

When I was in Olympia, one of the advocates who went from our CIL was attended by his wife, a nurse who Edward knew from his support group. She sat with me each evening while I did the deed, but there had been times when I'd had to do it at home, alone, and I lived to see another day.

Maybe it was because the day's events left me feeling a little abrasive, but for some reason it felt like he was over-reacting. He made me wait to take the shot until Robin came back in the room.

"I'm done, Edward. I feel fine."

The first reaction had been delayed. The two that occurred since were instantaneous. While I understood his concern, I'd never make him call me each time he got close to a highway in his chair. Robin understood what to look for and we could handle it together. If I did have a reaction with him on the phone, all it would serve to do would be upset him.

His hands would be tied, unable to do anything to help. I could almost see him attempting to dictate the situation from home via telephone.

I cleaned things up and crawled onto my bed, stretching out and getting comfortable for the night. My ice bag rested on the welt I could already feel rising to the surface. I resisted the urge to move the bag around to ease the pain. That lesson had been learned the hard way.

I had a large crater on the opposing thigh that I massaged too soon, the fat tissue destroyed. I curled up with the phone under my ear as Edward told me about his day.

"When will you know about the grant?"

Edward yawned. "The process is the same as before, only there are significantly less entries. I'm not sure how that will affect the timing. They said I'd be notified by mail, either way, just like I was the first time."

"Are you confident with your submission?"

"As confident as I can be, I suppose. I wish I'd had more research materials, but Dr. Burch was a wealth of information. I really like her, she's been very helpful. When Jeff told me I should utilize the office in any way I needed to, I had no idea that he'd suggest she work with me."

"He's been really great about this, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, he really has."

"He's a good man, Edward. He's got a lot to lose if you win the grant."

"I told him that, he keeps telling me that he's looking at the big picture. He thinks I've got more to offer the world of neurology as a researcher."

"Maybe he's right."

"Perhaps." He said through a yawn. He was tired. "I miss you baby, how was your trip?"

"It was nice, the weather was beautiful. I'm a little tired, it was a long day."

"Bella, you didn't overdo it, did you?" The concern was evident in his voice.

"No. Not too badly. There was a lot of walking. I came in and got cooled off. I'm fine now." I reassured him. "I'm just a little tired. We're going to make it an early night."

"You know you need to be careful on days that it's warm like this. Please don't over do it, love."

"I won't." I promised. It wouldn't do for Edward to spend his entire weekend fretting over things he couldn't control.

So I changed the subject. "Our room was atrocious. They ended up moving us." I shuddered in disgust as I replayed the nightmare we walked into.

He seemed distracted.

"Is everything okay at home, Edward?"

"Yeah, one of my patients has gone downhill suddenly. I don't expect him to make it through the weekend." I could hear his fingers tapping on something. It was a habit he had, I learned, whenever he was agitated or nervous.

"I'm sorry." He was supposed to have the weekend off and had made plans to spend it with his parents building raised planters for our backyard garden.

"He was one of my first patients, and he has no family. I stayed with him most of the afternoon. I'm going to bed early, I suspect it's going to be a long night."

I cringed, just as he was concerned over me getting through my shot without a reaction, I'd be on edge until I was certain he'd gotten safely into bed. I wondered if it was true, that ignorance was bliss- in our case it just might be.

"What if you get called in?"

"I'll very carefully get myself into my chair and go over there. I'm not changing clothes tonight. If I get called in I'll put on a clean shirt."

"I wish you'd call someone to help you."

"I don't want to wake anyone for nothing. I'll be okay Baby."

"Alright, please be careful."

"I'll keep the phone nearby. Both Emmett and Dad are home all weekend."

I knew Edward had done this on his own with minimal assistance for many years, but I couldn't help but worry about him. What if something did happen?

It wasn't that I doubted him, he was capable of transferring independently, but the thought that he was completely alone made me a little nervous just the same.

"I hope you have a chance to sleep tonight. You haven't had a weekend off in forever. You deserve this."

"Yes, Bella" he whispered, "but Bob deserves to have his doctor with him if he chooses when he is afraid and alone. I won't let him down."

"I understand." I did, really. I knew that when the time came, he would get himself out of bed and go to Bob. He wouldn't call anyone unless there was a catastrophe. Hershey could deliver the phone if he asked for it and he also always kept his life alert pendant securely around his neck when I was away from home- if he fell and couldn't get to the phone he'd push the button. The dispatcher had instructions to call his parents or Alice before sending an ambulance, even if he didn't answer the return call. I had to trust that our plan was fool proof and that he was safe.

Sighing, I told him good night. I probably wouldn't get a sound night of sleep until I got home and knew he was alright. "Well, Edward, I'm exhausted. I'll call you tomorrow. I love you!"

"You too. Good night, my love."

I was asleep before my head hit my pillow. My dreams were incredibly vivid and kept me tossing and turning all night. I awoke, tired and cranky.

The first sessions of the workshop started early, and I barely got my shower in before it was time to go. I understood why Edward preferred to shower at night.

Thankfully, a breakfast buffet was set up at our workshop, so we didn't have to take time out for that on our way. I attended the seminar on applying for Social Security Disability benefits, but as Edward and I were both currently working and hoped to be for a long time, I suppose I didn't pay attention as intently as I could have. My mind was on Edward and how he'd fared over night. I didn't have time to call him and wouldn't until our first break.

I found the subject of trusts quite interesting and decided to start a special needs trust now that I knew how it was accomplished. I had been saving money in a small bank account, but learned that I could get a better return on money that was just sitting idle anyway, if I put it in a trust.

Anything I deposited would be protected if either of us needed government assistance for custodial care. We were alright financially right now, but too many drops in an already unstable stock market, unexpected unpaid medical leaves, or financial emergencies could take a huge chunk out of the money we were counting on to retire comfortably. I guess, in this day and age, anyone's financial stability could become shaky.

Estate planning was something that caught my interest, and I took a lot of notes, even though we currently had no children to leave our estate to, I hoped it wouldn't be long before the information was relevant to our situation.

I thought I'd be bored, but I was excited to find I was learning so much. Edward was right, there was a lot of information I could take back to offer my consumers and their families.

The first day ended late and Robin dropped me off at the motel before she and Kodi went to visit a friend she knew from other conferences they'd attended together. I was exhausted and still hadn't been able to talk to Edward. A bag of chips and a coke from the vending machine looked decidedly like dinner, and I returned to the room for a shower and a nap. In no time at all, I was oblivious to the world around me.

At some point during my slumber, I heard a snuffling sound that could only be an animal, but I was too tired and disoriented to care. When the light from the bathroom streamed across my bed, I attempted to shake off the vestiges of sleep, but quickly became aware of hot breath on my neck and weight pressing my torso down into the mattress.

When I lifted my head, the excited Husky face of Kodi was looking me directly in the eye. I let out a shriek before I realized where I was, he rewarded me with wet, sloppy kisses.

"Get off of me you big oaf!" I pushed on him with everything I had, but the big lug wasn't moving until he was ready. I looked over to Robin's bed, for some assistance, only to find it empty.

Just when I gave up hope, the toilet flushed and Robin exited the bathroom.

"Help?" I squeaked.

"Kodiak! Get off that girl and come here!"

Kodi whined sadly before crawling to Robin on his belly. She'd never raise a hand to him, but he understood, with verbal cues alone, that he's messed up. Poor boy.

"Prince Charming has been trying to call you. Girl, you were sawing wood when I came in here!"

I jerked out of bed and checked my phone. Six missed calls.

"He said he's at home and settled for the evening. I guess he was at the hospital most of last night. You're to call him before you take your shot."

I rolled my eyes. "He'd shit if I already did it, wouldn't he? He's so over protective."

"That's what he was afraid of, when I said I left you here on your own for the evening, and then he couldn't reach you, he was certain there had been some catastrophe. He wouldn't hang up until I physically drove here and checked the number of syringes in the fridge. Once he was certain you were only sleeping, and had not, in fact, suffered a cardiac arrest, he said he was going to get in bed and asked that you call when you were awake."

"Oh my God, he didn't!"

"Oh, he _did_," she chuckled. "You'd better call him. For what it's worth, he sounds exhausted. I don't know how much longer he'll be awake."

I called him on the house phone, knowing that if we fell asleep, he'd want his cell to be free in case the hospital called.

He answered on the first ring, but fumbled with the phone. I could hear the blankets rustling as he got the phone situated. He had made it into bed safely.

"Bella."

"Hey."

"I was worried. Please tell Robin I'm sorry. It's been a long day."

"I heard. I'm sure she understands. How's Bob?" From time to time he'd mention something about a difficult case, and since he would never disclose a patient's personal information, the patient's name was always Bob... or Betty, depending on gender.

"Still hanging in there."

"Will you go to your parents tomorrow?"

"That's the plan. Hershey and I are hoping to spend the day with them." I put him on speaker and while he talked about his day, I readied my supplies and stuck myself in the little paunch of fat below my belly button, while Robin grimaced from her bed. I hissed as the burn radiated across my stomach. I hated sticking myself there, for some reason that location smarted the most. I plopped the baggie of ice on the rapidly forming lump and put my trash in the plastic bottle I carried for sharps.

"You okay Baby?"

"Yeah, just stabbed myself in the tummy."

"I know that one is your favorite," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. At least one of us was finding humor in it. "Ha ha."

"You feel okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll stay on the phone till the ten o'clock news comes on, then I need to get some sleep."

"Me too." He murmured.

I told him some of the things I hadn't known about trusts and estate planning, but ten minutes before the news came on, he had grown quiet.

"Good night babe, I love you." I whispered. When he didn't respond, I clicked my phone off.

"He fall asleep on you?"

"Yeah. You were right, he does sound worn out. He's been keeping such late hours. I worry about him."

"That's the life of a doctor, Bella. I'm sure he's done it before."

"I know," I sighed. "I worry about how much time he's sitting in one position. It can't be good for his behind. I'm so afraid he'll get a sore."

"That's why he's got that wonderful chair. He knows when to get off his butt. If he gets a sore, he'll be out of commission, I'm sure that's the last thing he wants. I'm betting that in his line of work he's up and down quite a lot."

"Yeah, he is. I just..."

Robin yawned from her bed. "Go to sleep Bella. Your man will be fine. When you get home, give him a nice massage. You'll both enjoy it."

I heard her turn over in bed and it wasn't long before both she and Kodi were snoring.

I flipped my pillow over so the cold side was next to my face and snuggled down into my bed. I awoke to the jingling of dog tags and swung my feet over the side of the bed at the ready to let Hershey out to relieve himself. Instead of our sweet chocolate boy, I was met with the happy, Husky smile of Kodi.

"Come on boy, go out?" Robin hooked him up and after a hurried "Good morning," she was out the door with her canine partner.

I dressed and showered quickly and as soon as I came out, we were ready to go. I agreed to attend today's seminar because it was part of the package we paid for, but I didn't see how it was relevant or that it would take up the entire day.

Walking into the seminar, I had no idea how controversial the subject matter would become. The day started with a presentation on organ donation, advanced directives and living wills. There was mention of a

discussion on the _right to die_. That didn't sound right to me, and I wasn't sure I understood. Robin just smiled and said, "You'll see."

Given an hour for open discussion on the subject matter, I learned some interesting facts and made the decision to become an organ donor. I was certain that Edward was an organ donor, and I knew I'd discuss it with him when I got home. I made some end of life decisions as well and wanted to explain so that he would understand my views and feel comfortable honoring my wishes if I were to pass before he did.

It was uncharted territory for us, but since we'd made a life commitment to one another, we should have the discussion. We both had health issues, it simply made sense. Anything could happen.

I noted on the schedule that after lunch a two hour presentation was being offered by Second Chances, an organ transplant/procurement group. Since I'd made the decision to become an organ donor, I realized I wanted to attend that workshop as well.

When the question and answer forum was over, we took a short break. When we returned, the lights had been dimmed and our presenter was setting up a DVD to be watched on the large screen TV at the front of the room. We watched a video on the right to die, filmed from several different points of view and when the video ended, in no time lines had been drawn and sides quickly taken.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that was the anticipated outcome. They wanted us to incensed. The presenter wanted a reaction and he got one. I'm sure he wasn't disappointed.

Suddenly, and sickly, I now understood my earlier confusion. The conversation on the _right to die_ was exactly what it implied.

The video was based on right to die issues, and physician assisted suicide. Watching the comments volley back and forth between the two sides nearly gave me whiplash.

One group voiced their concern, that if they were facing a terminal condition or profound disability, they wanted to be able to make the decision to end their own life if they so chose to do so, in their own way.

They wanted to be able to control all aspects of their time here on earth, including how and when they left when that time came. They wanted to be able to die with dignity and without government interference.

Another said she wanted her personal physician to be by her side, without legal repercussions, to ensure she left this life peacefully and with dignity. I thought of Bob who had found solace with Edward by his side. Edward would never prematurely end a life, I was sure of it, but suddenly I wondered what his views were on the subject matter.

Someone stood up and yelled he should have the God given right to do whatever he desired with his body or to his body for the entire span of his life.

A guy in the back of the room screamed that right to die legislation could turn into government enforced death.

A very vocal group in the left front corner loudly voiced the concern that the legalization of physician assisted suicide could be, at some point, misconstrued- undoubtedly giving our government the green light to pull the plug on individuals who were profoundly disabled or gravely ill in lieu of paying exorbitant medical bills to keep that person alive.

The woman next to me stood up and said she feared things like rumors of European doctors murdering visibly disabled infants, rather than sending them to neonatal intensive care; or physicians sneaking into a patient's room under the cover of night to disconnect a ventilator hose or administer a lethal dose of medication. She feared that, Hippocratic Oath be damned, given the chance, some doctors would bend under the persuasion of government incentives to weed out individuals that someone deemed to no longer have quality of life.

_Quality of life._

At this point the discussion became a free for all, with people throwing around their interpretation of what defined a quality life.

Someone asked how anyone could possibly be able to understand what quality of life meant for another individual. What right did anyone have to question it?

"It's a known fact," he said, "That able-bodied people already look down on us with pity and can't imagine how we can be happy _like this_. Society is afraid of people with disabilities. We make the non-disabled uncomfortable."

Suddenly the room was spinning, the cacophony causing splitting pain in my head. I could no longer deal with it anymore and had to get away!

I stood and stumbled out into the lobby of the hotel. Slightly disoriented and very overwhelmed, I spied a huge waterfall off along a wall, with a ledge a person could sit on. I made my way over to the focal point of the lobby and slumped to the floor; my back against the rock ledge. The cool mist coming off the waterfall was refreshing and calmed my nerves. I shut my eyes and collected myself for a while.

Soon, I heard the familiar whir of an electric wheelchair. I didn't lift my head. A big, cold nose poked me in the face, leaving behind a trail of sloppy kisses. Kodi whined as he pawed at my arm.

"Hey boy, what's going on?"

Kodi snorkeled my arm, and nudged me in an attempt to get my attention. I looked up to see Robin watching me, quizzically.

"What?"

"I just wondered if you were okay. You high tailed it out of there pretty fast. Are you up to lunch?"

Shakily, I stood, but didn't answer her. I found myself following as she lead us toward a heavenly aroma.

We strolled through the lobby of the hotel to the restaurant area. The hotel boasted a number of dining choices, from the very casual to something more upscale. What a stark comparison to the place we'd stayed in the previous two nights. We headed over to the deli and each got a sandwich. There were tables on a terrace overlooking the wall of water; we found a secluded spot and got comfortable. Kodi curled up under the table at Robin's feet. _Good dog._

"So what happened in there Bella? One minute you appeared to be engrossed in the debate and the next thing I knew you were stumbling out the door without a word. I was stuck in a corner where I couldn't get out of the group to follow you. You sort of scared me."

I gave her a weak smile.

"I'm alright. For a while, it was interesting to watch it all unfold, both sides were so opinionated, so passionate about what they believed. When the argument got so volatile that they were threatening each other, I had to leave. I couldn't handle any more."

"I'm glad you're alright. You almost looked sick."

"I _felt_ sick when they started screaming about involuntary sterilization of young people with disabilities, and doctors dropping Down's babies on the floor. I just couldn't handle it. I'm sorry."

"I should have warned you. A lot of those people belong to ADAPT. They are a very opinionated group. They all have their hearts in the right place, though. You'll learn more about them. There are a few actions I was thinking about taking you to."

"Actions? Do I even _want_ to know what that means?"

Robin laughed a hearty, happy laugh. "An _action_, Bella, is a protest. It is a very visual statement. Most of them are geared towards either a business or government institution that is trampling on the rights we were promised when the ADA was signed into law.

"Most actions are very publicized acts of civil disobedience; the organization wants to get people's attention. It's all about shock factor and getting the public to react to the situation. The process is all cause and effect. They live for it. Most actions are organized chaos, if that makes any sense to you. It's hard to describe them, you really need to experience one to understand, Bella."

Oh, great, I could just hear Edward. He'd _love_ that, I thought sarcastically. Don't get me wrong, he was not embarrassed by his disability, he quietly accepted it, and lived his life, taking changes in stride, adapting to what life threw at him.

If someone was struggling, he was the first person you'd see embracing them and trying to help them adapt and tackle life's challenges. Yet, I pictured him as someone sitting on the sidelines, I didn't know how he'd react to my getting knee deep in such vocal advocacy issues, and I'd be exceptionally unobservant to not realize exactly where the conversation with Robin was headed.

I'd been quiet for a long time and I knew Robin had sensed my uncertainty.

"Bella, you don't _have to _participate. I just want you to see that there is a whole big world out there…for us. When I was a child, things were a little different than they were as you were growing up. There was no such thing as _inclusion_, the children who did go to school were segregated into special education classrooms. Those children were pariahs. I think it would be safe to speculate that most of them never attended a sleep over, or a birthday party. I don't know that many of them participated in recess or shared lunch with their peers. Most of those kids didn't even get to ride a regular school bus. It's very sad. We've come so far as a society, but we still have so far to go. The barriers we have the most difficulty breaking down are mostly attitudinal, not the physical ones like curb cuts and inaccessible toilets."

Every day I could feel myself slowly being shaped, molded and today was no different. I was the clay and Robin the expert potter, slowly, gently, and lovingly forming me. She was patiently teaching me, leading me. I've always walked away from a trip we've shared with a new understanding of some sort. Had I not been paying attention, this whole transformation might have gone un-noticed it's been so gradual.

She quietly pulled me out of my reverie. "Are you going back in after lunch? There is still a lot going on."

"I am actually thinking about going in and doing the signup for organ donation. One of the reps from Second Chances stopped me earlier with a pamphlet. Once I do that, I am planning to just go find a quiet corner someplace until you're ready to go."

We were checked out of the roach motel and the car was packed to the hilt, since we'd had a nice lunch, all we needed to do was get in the car and leave for home.

"Oh, they have a good presentation. I've been to their seminars before. Do you know anything about Second Chances?"

"Only from what Edward has told me. They come to Harborview and transport the organs every time an organ donor passes and a harvest is done. Carlisle is on the organ procurement team."

In the end, I didn't just fill out the donor card they provided and make a hasty retreat. The conversation drew me in. While the morning's free-for-all was heated and overwhelming for me, the one in the afternoon tugged at my heart and my soul.

All my adult life I have been ignorant.

I've never really considered organ donation as anything more than a surgical team invading a patient's body during their last breaths of life and removing all the organs that allowed them to exist in this world.

Edward made the choice to be an organ donor. He made that fact known, proudly. I shuddered once when the conversation came up, unable to imagine giving the consent for doctors to hack up his beautiful body, or allowing them to pillage the organs that kept him living, breathing. But seen from a different perspective, I realized how beautiful the concept truly was.

If Edward were to become injured, and there was no possibility I'd ever look into his bright, beautiful eyes and see life again, maybe I could find a sense of peace knowing that some part of him were somewhere living still. I would know that in some form, he still existed alive in this world.

By the end of the presentation, there was no question about my desire to become an organ donor. They made it sound almost glamorous, trying to entice people, but that wasn't necessary. The testimony from their volunteers, many of them family members- of both donors and recipients alike, was what made my decision. Organ donation was one of the greatest gifts a person (a family) could make. It wouldn't be a sacrifice; I wouldn't need my organs anymore. Letting them rot in the ground, inside my cold dead corpse, almost seemed like a crime.

But, in the next moment, my hopes were smashed.

Because I had a disease, I was informed it was doubtful my organs would even be considered for donation. In Edward's case, and the case of many of the other individuals in attendance who had acquired their disabilities through an accident -not illness, many of those organs were still considered viable.

A very young woman with what she described as advanced Parkinson's disease told of her decision to donate her entire body to a research school. It was her desire that they could use her body for research to learn more about the disease that had robbed her of her youth.

After hearing her testimony, my hopes soared once again.

There _was_ something I could do.

While I wouldn't live on as a donor, there was a way that I could participate. Surely Edward would be in favor of such a thing. Research was his life. I couldn't wait to get home and share my news.

The long ride home was uneventful. Robin tried to talk to me, but I found my eyes crossing as I drifted off. I tried so hard to stay focused on what she had to say. Even though I spent most of my weekend sitting in a comfortably cooled conference room, I was completely zapped of energy.

I felt the car lurch, and then come to a stop. Before my eyes opened, Kodi was nuzzling my neck with his cold nose. I tried to stretch as I sat up in my seat. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out the bottle of muscle relaxers Jeff had prescribed for me and put the little pill under my tongue, leaning back to let it dissolve and take effect.

Looking over, I discovered Robin watching me. "Stretch medicine. When I sit in the same position for long periods of time," I explained. "I get so rigid, it's almost painful." She nodded her head in understanding.

We were sitting in the parking lot of a convenience store/ gas station.

She smiled. "Kodi needs to potty. I'm going to go inspect the restrooms for accessibility."

"Do you need anything Bella? Need to do an accessibility check of your own?" she winked.

"I'll be in, but can you leave the air on in the car? I'll lock up and bring the keys with me."

"Sure thing."

They walked side by side and when they reached the door, he gripped the handle with his teeth and pulled it back, allowing his master to enter. I was so glad we made the decision to get a service dog for Edward. It was the little things like that which made him so much more independent.

.

When I felt a little more relaxed, I opened my door, taking the keys and the car remote with me into the little store. Making my way to the restroom I could hear bumping and cursing coming from the inside; I pushed on the door, the opening just big enough to poke my head through the space.

"Hey, you ok in here? I could hear you cursing all the way out at the cash register."

She was laughing, hysterically now, but I knew she was frustrated, and I was almost certain the Department of Justice would be hearing about this establishment.

"Oh, Bella, I was hoping you'd come along. This is so embarrassing. I got in here ok, but they have the baby changing table over the grab bar and I couldn't get a hold of it correctly. The toilet paper holder is about ten feet from the toilet. Who do they think I am, Stretch Armstrong?"

"What can I do to help you?"

"Well, to add insult to injury, the trash can is way too big, there's no proper turning radius and when I was done, I ended up taking out the trash can with my wheelie bars, after it fell behind me, I don't have room to get the door open enough to get out."

I looked around the room, formulating a plan. "Hmm, can you back up into the can and smash it some? Maybe I can squeeze inside. Hopefully we won't all three get trapped in there." Poor Kodi was literally almost straddling the toilet. I wasn't about to ask if he had learned to use it, too. Perhaps he had.

"I'm gonna crush their can if I ram it with the chair"

"Who cares? Slam it a good one and I'll push my way in." I was leaning against the door, waiting for her to put the chair in reverse. She ploughed into the can just hard enough for me to squeeze inside. Once I got out of the way, she pulled up to the door as close as possible.

Kodi's leash was tangled up in the whole debacle, so I released him from it while I tried to untangle it from around Robin's wheelie bars. Once he was freed and I was certain he hadn't been hurt, I moved on to the trash can. Its well-being was a different story. Even Rubbermaid couldn't withstand the pent up frustrations of a pissed off woman whose wheelchair was stuck in an inaccessible restroom.

Robin and I were both laughing because…well…what else could we do, _but laugh_? It wasn't funny, but laughter was better than fury, which would have been the alternative. Robin, pissed off, was a force to be reckoned with. I didn't want her mad at me ever; that was for sure.

"You're going to the federal building tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Right after staff meeting, I'll write the letter when I get home. I understand that a lot of these little establishments have a hardship making structural changes, don't get me wrong- I don't want to put them out of business. I just want _EVERYONE_ to be able to use the restroom. By eliminating that big trashcan and replacing it with a smaller one or one mounted on the wall would be enough of a reasonable accommodation. That baby changing thing should be on a different wall, too. Not sitting atop the grab bar, I don't know why they all think it belongs there, of all places. Let's go out to the register and see if the manager has a business card, or at the very least get his name. We can get the address from the phone book, if we have to."

I got a bottle of water, while Robin spoke with the manager on duty. I returned to the scene of the crime and quickly used the toilet, laughing when I came out and spied what was left of the trash can.

Just fifteen minutes after we'd stopped, we were on the road again, headed home.

_Home._

What a welcoming word.

I couldn't wait to fall into Edward's embrace. I wanted to comfort him, knowing that his patient had no doubt completed his journey here on earth.

It was his warm and welcoming embrace that comforted me and helped me transform back into Bella, the girlfriend. It always took a little while for the edge to wear off, some of the workshops I attended were almost over-stimulating, like today's.

Leaning my head against the window, I allowed myself to begin debriefing from the weekend. So many things had happened.

I caught Robin's smile when Sandy handed me the two Disability Pride shirts on the first day of the conference. I smiled, remembering a day when I wished I could hide my disability away so no one knew. I couldn't wait to hand Edward his new shirt. When Sandy learned what I'd done with the first, she sought me out to give me a replacement for Edward.

I found myself drifting back to one of those Partners workshops. It was one of my first. I met a man with Duchene's Muscular Dystrophy from Kansas City that weekend. I think his name was Randy, I can't remember, but I could still see his face. He spoke reverently about his younger brother who was deaf. His sister-in-law was also deaf. He explained that the deaf community was an extremely proud group of individuals. When his brother and his wife had a baby, they were devastated that the little guy was a hearing child. I was appalled at the time, but now I couldn't seem to get that conversation out of my head. I could appreciate their concerns for a hearing child growing up in a world his parents couldn't access. There would be some comfort in having a deaf child, and fear in having one that could hear. I was beginning to understand so much more about life in our world.

I finally felt like I'd come full circle.

With my eyes still closed I asked, "When is our next trip? Do you know where we're going?"

"I don't have a lot of travel money until July, when the new fiscal year begins. I've sort of been rat-holing a little bit of my own person cash each paycheck for an action I'd really like to attend. I know you have money left in your grant, so I don't feel bad asking if you want to join me. Airfare could be expensive."

I jerked my eyes open and sat up in my seat; she had my undivided attention. "Airfare?" I hadn't ventured any further than a few hours by car since I'd started volunteering eighteen months before.

"I was actually wondering, Bella, if you wanted to fly with me to Dallas. There is going to be an action down there about the nursing home industry. A committee was started in DC to channel funding into programs designed to get people out of nursing homes if they can function at home with community-based care. It's the first week of June."

"June?" I squeaked. June in Dallas would be a nightmare for me. The heat would cripple me. Even with my cool vest, I might be no more than a wet dishrag the entire trip. No, Dallas would not be a good place for me to be in the summer.

Understanding how my body reacted to heat, she reassured me. "It's supposed to be inside, Bella. We'll be in an air-conditioned building."

I hesitated, "I'll have to let you know. Don't make any arrangements for me. After what happened the last time I was in Phoenix, I'm not so sure Texas is in the cards for me." I already knew I was going to turn her down, but she was so enthusiastic. I'd have to find a way to let her down slowly.

We talked some more about the weekend and before I realized, we were pulling up to the house. I couldn't wait to get inside and just unwind.

Edward's car wasn't in the drive. Robin offered to help me with my things, but I didn't want her to get out of the vehicle. Kodi was laying on the floor behind her; there was no need to disrupt anyone.

I got everything out of the tiny trunk and set it along the sidewalk. Going back to Robin's door, I thanked her and watched as she drove away. I gathered my things and headed into the house.

I laid my keys and purse on the entry-way table and looked through the mail quickly before dropping my bag of dirty laundry next to the laundry room. I loved the efficient layout of the house. It was such a welcome sight compared to the place where I'd spent the last two nights. I sighed in anticipation, just thinking about sleeping in my own bed.

On the dining room table was a vase filled with beautiful burgundy and white lilies. A small envelope sat in front of the vase. I smiled as I opened the note he'd left. After he'd spent the majority of the weekend at his patient's bedside, he had gone to spend the remainder with his parents. Dinner was cooked and he'd be home at five to join me.

Walking out to the kitchen to grab a glass of iced tea, I noticed the dish drainer piled high with pots and pans. Recently, when he was upset or anxious, cooking had become his outlet. It amazed me that a year ago he could barely boil water.

In our free time and under my watchful eye he had learned to cook simple meals, insisting that since we both worked, we should share in the duties when one of us had an early day.

On the weekends I traveled for work, he often spent time with Esme learning to cook something new that he would present to me when I arrived home. His sense of pride was palpable every time he'd surprise me with a new dish.

Barefoot, I padded to the fridge. Opening it, I spied a platter laden with what looked like roast beef encircled by colorful vegetables. A bowl covered in plastic wrap held a bounty of mashed potatoes. Some sort of yummy desert resided next to the potatoes. Not realizing I was even hungry, I was surprised when my stomach growled in protest as I closed the door.

I spied a mesh bag of lemons on the counter next to our electric juicer. A tall glass pitcher and the canister of sugar sat next to them. Getting a sharp knife and a cutting board I set about making the lemonade I knew Edward was planning for dinner.

If I made it now, and got it in the fridge, it would be just right for dinner. Edward's lemonade was always delicious, but I preferred Grandma Swan's recipe. I measured the sugar into a pan with some water and set it to boil. Snipping several sprigs of mint from a plant on the windowsill, I rinsed the herb and threw it into the water, stems and all. Once the sugar dissolved, I'd fish the mint out of the simple syrup before setting it aside to cool. Grandma Swan made her lemonade just like they made sweet tea in the south, with lots of sugary syrup. But the fresh mint sprigs were what made it unique.

A half hour later, the lemonade was in the fridge, and I was just drying my hands after cleaning up my mess. I heard the garage door opener come on and the telltale sound of Edward parking his car.

As much as I wanted to pounce on him as soon as he came in the door, I knew it would take him a few minutes to come inside and get situated. I stood against the counter as I watched the door open; Hershey, and then Edward, entered the foyer from the garage. He picked his head up and turning towards the kitchen he inhaled deeply. The air was infused with the invigorating aroma of citrus fruit.

His eyes raked over me as he smiled. "Bella."

He stood his chair up and started towards me as I pushed off the wall to meet him. He grabbed me, fiercely. I knew the crushing grip he had me in was a result of the loss he'd faced earlier in the day, but that knowledge didn't help my need for oxygen. "Edward." I choked out, "Need. To. Breathe."

"I'm sorry, baby, how was your weekend?" He murmured into my neck.

"It was alright, but I missed you. I'm sorry about Bob." I knew his loss was much deeper than that of just a doctor and a patient.

He pulled away and looked into my eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you got home. I have missed you. So much."

He began placing little butterfly kisses all over my face. I reached behind him and squeezed his ass. I could feel him smile against my jaw. "I'm so glad I bought another one of these chairs. I never realized when I had the first one how many perks there were."

I giggled, thinking about some of the things we'd done in that chair, the benefits were just…mmm. I flushed just thinking about it. It was pretty amazing how many positions we were able to accomplish in that chair.

"Bella? Are you hungry?" The hungry look he gave me told me he was interested in more than food. It was as if he could read my mind and knew _exactly_ what I had been thinking. I couldn't wait to get him to our bedroom, but I _was_ hungry and there were some things I wanted to talk with him about before I lost my nerve. I was _almost_ certain he'd be proud of the decision I had made, yet this was Edward and he was a sentimental fool. I wasn't sure if I'd be talking to , or my future husband.

I felt the blush creeping up my neck and over my cheeks as I kissed his cheek. "Let's eat the beautiful dinner you made for us. I'd like to share my weekend with you. Was Esme here today?"

I felt him smiling, his lips against my hair. "Bella, did you peek? I wanted to surprise you." I could hear the pout in his voice. Pouting Edward always melted my heart. "But no, Esme wasn't here at all this weekend."

I pulled away and looked up at him, "You did that all by yourself?" I'm sure I had a look of surprise on my face. I knew he could cook, but the display was beautiful. "Wow, I'm impressed. I knew you were a good student, but, wow…just wow."

"Come on, Bella, let's eat." Edward lowered his chair and headed towards the fridge. He put the platter into the microwave first, setting the table as it warmed up. He was so efficient in the kitchen now. When he put the potatoes in to get warm, I pulled out the lemonade and two glasses. He was back in the fridge looking down at what I knew had to be dessert.

I walked up behind him and looked past him at the square baking dish. "_What_ is that?" I asked, pointing to the mystery desert. Edward began laughing. "It's the only desert I've ever made, and it's quite good."

"Does it have a _name_, Edward?"

He smiled broadly over his shoulder. "I've got no idea what its proper name is. Esme calls it Phyllis' desert. Carlisle calls it _Heart Attack on a Plate_". He shrugged. "Take your pick."

I was still peering past his shoulder at it. "It looks scrumptious, what's in it?" He pulled it out of the fridge and set it on the counter.

"I made a crust with chopped peanuts in it, there's a layer of chocolate pudding, a layer with cream cheese and peanut butter and a layer of whipped cream. I even made the chocolate curls on top."

"Perhaps we should just skip dinner and eat this." I stuck my finger in it and swiped a big dollop, we both laughed as he smacked my butt.

"Bel-l-a…"

I smeared some of it across his lips before I leaned in to kiss him. "Mmm, it's delicious! Tastes like chocolate, peanut butter & Edward. Yumm!" I could think of plenty of uses for dessert that would be both fun and tasty.

"Please take your seat, woman! I've waited all day for you to get home."

He stood behind my chair and when I scooted into my seat, he pushed it in before going to the microwave for the potatoes. Edward looked so serious as he plated our meals and lit the candles that he'd put on the table between us. It was a beautiful dinner, and I complimented him as such. I'd eaten at restaurants with less appetizing fare.

Between my satisfied moans, and the clinking silverware, we tried to talk about the weekend. I told Edward what I'd learned about finances; he seemed genuinely interested and told me we could go see the attorney who had been at the seminar.

When I asked him about advance directives for healthcare and powers of attorney Edward told me he already had one, explaining that his parents had chosen for Carlisle to make medical decisions on the family's behalf in the event of an emergency before the first accident. He'd had updated medical and financial POA's written up when he returned to Seattle to begin his residency. I had known this, but I'd forgotten.

"Edward, I don't have anything set up. What should I do?"

"Let's talk to Carlisle. Have you decided who you want to appoint? And do you just want a medical POA or do you want a financial one as well?"

I hadn't thought about that. "I guess…both?"

He scratched his head, apparently deep in thought. "Do you have an attorney you use, Bella? You must have it professionally drawn up. You can use mine if you like."

"Edward, I'd like you to be my financial POA, but would you take offense if I asked Carlisle to be my Medical POA? Or, I think I'd actually prefer for you and Carlisle to be joint POA, if you don't mind."

"You don't want to appoint one of your parents?" He looked surprised.

"I've been thinking about that, I don't think Charlie would want to be in that position and Renee just isn't capable in my opinion. No, I think my parents are out."

"Well, Carlisle is an excellent choice, and I'd be honored to be appointed jointly with him. If you like, I can add you as an alternate on mine; you're many years younger than Carlisle, so it would make sense to add you." I had been thinking the same thing when I asked Edward.

He told me his preferences for his medical POA and living will and we discussed my wishes for mine. Neither of us wanted to be kept alive solely by machine and we agreed there would be no heroics. If we were determined to be clinically dead- organ donation, in his case, was the next step.

I fidgeted for a long time before I took a deep breath and then cleared my throat. I had been aware of Edward quietly watching me, I just wasn't sure how to get the words out.

"Bella, this _is_ what you want? I don't want to push my opinions off on you. What are your wishes? Please talk to me."

I took another deep breath and stretched. My lower back popped and then I relaxed. "I'm comfortable with the things we've discussed. I'd like to talk with you about being an organ donor."

Edward hesitated. "Bella, you're aware of my wishes on the subject, and I understand your interest in being a donor as well. I just." He looked wary, like he was sure he'd upset me. "I just don't think you _can_ be a donor because of the MS." He looked sadly into my eyes as he said it.

"I understand where you're coming from, but after the seminar, I learned that I do have an option and I know exactly what I want to do. Because of my MS, and the need for continued research, I want to donate my body for research after my death."

I heard his sharp intake of breath, and then the room fell silent. It was like a dark cloud fell over us. He sat, stoic, and ignored my attempts to pull him into the conversation.

Hurt and upset, I walked away from him- to the living room where I stared out into our yard.

Like a shot Edward was across the room behind me. Frantically, he stood his chair up and whipped it around so he was right in my face as he began to yell. "Are you _insane_? Have you _lost_ your _mind_? Do you have any _idea_ what they will do to your body? They will hack you to _pieces_, Bella!"

As suddenly as he had freaked out, he crumbled. "Please don't do this to me. Bella, please don't ask me to do this! I can't. I can't do this." I pulled him into my arms as he sobbed.

Slowly …carefully I lowered his chair to the sitting position and turned it off before I climbed onto his lap. I held him as he shuddered and cried. I was trying to understand what had caused his breakdown.

I had been so certain he'd approve of my choice, given his career. I never expected the look of horror that immediately appeared on his face. From that point, he appeared to have mentally shut down.

I had to get him to calm down before I could understand why he was so upset. I was hushing him and stroking his hair as he made terrible snotting and sniffling sounds into my neck. After what seemed like forever, his meltdown ended.

When Edward quieted, I patted him on the back to get his attention. "Hey, talk to me. I never meant to upset you. I've never considered organ donation before this weekend, I thought you'd be proud. Can we please talk about this?"

He nodded his head and sniffled some more before he leaned back in his chair. I looked into his face, filled with such sadness. I reached to the end table and got a handful of tissues. Edward took a few and wiped his eyes and loudly blew his nose. He wiped the snot from his lip and I thought, with sadness, that he looked like a child who had just suffered some terrible loss.

"Baby, please talk to me. I need to know why you freaked out. Explain this to me, because I don't understand. They made the process seem very glamorous. I won't need my body when I'm gone and given your occupation, I thought you would understand. I thought this would make you happy."

He was gazing off into nowhere, and it was a very long time before he said anything. When he spoke, his voice seemed to be a million miles away.

"When a body is donated for research purposes, you might not be able to designate "I want you to use my body for MS research". Most donated cadavers go to a medical school. You fill out a donor form prior to your death and carry a special card in your wallet. When you die, often the organization is called by the morgue and they might pick up your body. Normally the next of kin is contacted to give consent, but sometimes a body is collected without your loved ones even knowing until after it's been done. The body is delivered to the facility and it is broken up into sections. If you donated your body to my facility, they might decapitate you and use your brain and spinal column for research before sending the rest off to be dismembered. But, most likely an organization like Second Chances would come for you and then send you to a facility. There they might cut your hands off and send them to a hospital teaching students about hand surgery. Your knees might go to an orthopedic college where they will practice arthroscopic surgery. They might simply send you to a facility that does crash testing or to a military facility to test body armor or for shoes to protect soldiers from landmines. Some bodies are blown up at those facilities. Some are strung up and shot full of holes."

He shuddered and continued his explanation. "If your body went to a criminology school, they might put you in a test area in the bayou and see how long it takes for your body to decompose. The possibilities are…endless."

I hadn't known. I heard a hushed 'wow', and it was a second before I realized it had come from my mouth. "I didn't know, Baby. When I explained my disability, they said this was an option for someone who wanted to donate but didn't meet the requirements."

He gave me a sad smile, closing his eyes and sniffing a few more times. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "I can't tell you what to do, Bella. This is your decision and it wouldn't be fair to ask you not to do something you believe in. But, I don't think I can handle dealing with that when the time comes. I love you so much." He pounded his closed fist to his chest.

Looking into my eyes, he took a deep breath. He explained the difference between what I was considering, compared to organ and tissue donation. "When you are clinically dead, but being supported by artificial means, your doctors will come to the family, and he will ask the next of kin to consider organ donation if you are a suitable candidate. It really doesn't matter if you have a donor card, at that point, they ask anyway. Your next of kin makes the final decision.

Organ donation is a surgical procedure. You are treated with respect, your body is anesthetized and your organs are removed one by one. Your body is surgically closed and the normal post mortem procedures occur. The family has closure. Your body is intact, and no one has any idea it's been done. You are buried or cremated as per your wishes.

"However if there were, say an accident, and you were DOA. The morgue is within its rights to just call Second Chances to dispose of your remains if that card is in your wallet. It's not protocol to release the body without consent, but it has been known to happen several times at _my_ hospital. You've already consented and filed the necessary paperwork. Legally, that's different from a sticker or a signature on your driver's license. At the onset of death, your body is no more than a possession belonging to whatever organization you've donated it to."

He got that far away look again as he continued his explanation. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

"I might never have the chance to see you before you were gone. There is no body, no way for me to say my final goodbye. Then, to add insult to injury, after your loved ones have begun to move on, we might get a box in the mail some two or three years down the road with your cremated remains in it. Sometimes they arrive sporadically from several different facilities. Sometimes they never come at all. I just don't think I'm emotionally capable of dealing with anything like that. Call me selfish, but my parents death was something more macabre than most people ever deal with. The thought of my wife being dismembered and distributed all over the country for people to practice on breaks my heart."

Before the presentation from Second Chances, those were exactly my thoughts on organ donation- before I understood how generous it was to be a donor. But as he spoke, I realized he had had the closure of giving his parents a proper goodbye. He lay in a coma while they were being remembered by friends and family and later interred. He'd never had that opportunity. I couldn't take that away from him when my time came.

"When I leave this earth, it gives me comfort knowing my eternal resting place will be right next to yours. Donating your entire body will most likely make that impossible. I don't want to sound selfish. I just don't want to be separated from you, not even in death. Please, consider what this means to us. Both of us."

He looked utterly broken and it was my fault. I had done that to him. He'd had a terrible weekend. His friend and patient died while I was away. I came home and brought memories of his parent's death to the surface.

I wiped my face realizing that it too, was streaked with tears. Bringing this subject up, I hadn't realized how emotionally raw it would cause my homecoming to become.

I took his face in my hands and stared deep into his emerald depths. "I didn't know all the details. I'm sorry I upset you. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"It's a very selfless idea. It just breaks my heart to consider all the scenarios running through my head right now."

I stood up and walked over to the mantle and held the photograph of his family in my hand. So much promise, lives cut short in the blink of an eye. I couldn't cause him any more heartache.

"I won't do it. I didn't sign anything. In my mind, this was the only way I could see how I could donate my organs for a useful purpose." I was disappointed, but he came first and reassuring him that his worst fears would never occur was far more important.

Doctor Edward shook his head and intervened. "Let's not be hasty. If this is something you feel strongly about, the fair thing to do is research the subject and make an informed decision. Back in med school, often times the cadavers bore the brunt of a lot of jokes, they weren't treated with the respect they deserved. They were just nameless faceless models, provided for our educational benefit. I don't want that for you."

"You sure you're not just worried that a bunch of kids will be playing doctor with my corpse?"

He flushed and chuckled softly. "I don't want that either." He added something that sounded like _horny perverts_ under his breath

I squealed when he grabbed me from behind, pulling my body back onto his lap as he growled in my ear. "Mine."

I twisted my body and wrapped my arm around his shoulder as he drove us to our room, the remains of dinner forgotten as we reconnected after far too many nights alone.

"Yours."

* * *

A/N: So, it's been a long journey and in 24 hours, the final movie will have premiered. I'm sitting through the entire marathon one last time. Hope everyone enjoys the last movie. I can't wait.

Just like the Twi saga, Impact is coming to an end. We have just two or three chapters before the epi. Thank you so much for your continued support. Your kindness means the world to me.

Even with approximately 1000 readers either faving or following Impact, my review count for each chapter hovers around 20 reviews. I cherish each and every kind word and on a positive note, the small number of repeat reviewers has allowed me to get to know many of you on a very intimate level. I don't normally ask for reviews, and believe a story should earn them on it's own merits. However, we're not that far away from 3000 and I'd love to hit that milestone before I post my final chapter. As an incentive for more of you to participate, I'm offering an early pre-read to my 3000th reviewer.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

'nise

* * *

Thought I'd share the recipe for Edward's dessert.

Enjoy.

Edward's Heart Attack on a Plate

1 stick margarine softened

1 cup flour

Crumb together with a fork and add 2/3 c dry roasted peanuts that have been chopped. Mix together and press into a buttered 9 X 13 inch cake pan. Bake 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Set aside to cool.

2nd Layer- use mixer

1/3 c peanut butter

8oz cream cheese that has softened.

1cup confectioner's sugar

Beat together until well blended and smooth.

Add a 9 1/2 oz tub of cool whip, mix well and spread over cooled crust.

3rd Layer

3 1/2 oz box vanilla instant pudding

3 1/2 oz box chocolate instant pudding

Beat with 2 3/4 cup milk till thick.

Spread carefully over second layer.

Let stand until firm in refrigerator.

Top with a 9 1/2 oz cool whip.

Garnish with chocolate curls or a grated chocolate bar and chopped dry roasted peanuts, right before serving.


	65. Chapter 65

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

The following chapter contains portions of a fundraiser piece donated for the Fandom4Tsunami compilation in May, 2011. It was a future shot that didn't fit into Impact's timeline at the time it was posted, so I filed it away until our couple was ready.

Dr. Gimpward has given me a little nudge and said he's ready to be a little more, uh, daring, and it was the right time to share it with you.

This piece is written from alternating POVs, but you won't have any trouble recognizing the voices of our favorite couple.

Readers who donated to the Tsunami will recognize portions of it, but as with my other fundraiser pieces, I've woven it into our storyline so you'll be reading something fresh and unique from the O/S.

This chapter is near and dear to my heart for a couple of reasons. Originally, the chapter was a for-your-eyes-only birthday collab between myself and my fic wifey, Debbie for our friend and, at the time, beta Jeanne. (not4got10) Jeanne very graciously offered to share her private gift when Team Impact was trying to decide what to contribute for the Tsunami fundraiser.

While my pre-reader and bestie, deleepowman, has helped me hammer out numerous Impact chapters, this piece was the first collaborative effort between the two of us. It was an absolute blast plotting and writing it with her.

From the day Debbie left her first Impact review, I've been encouraging her to write, and I'm so excited to be able to share this with you. I'm still nudging her to find her voice and write. She has an incredibly creative imagination, her ideas blow me away. Even though I haven't been able to strong arm her into posting her work, I promise we'll hear from her once more before I hit that complete button.

Thank you Debbie, no one gets me quite like you do. You jumped on my crazy train when it was just about to derail. You're the epitome of everything that's good in this fandom and I treasure our friendship. Thank you.

* * *

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-five

~Bella~

Life settled down in our quiet little household after I returned from my weekend away. I was relieved to see that with the grant essay submitted, Edward was acting more like his easy-going self, an improvement from the harried and haggard soul I'd been co-habitating with.

We fell back into a more normal routine with regular sleeping and waking times. I hadn't realized how much his lack of sleep had affected my body until we were back into our former pattern, but something as simple as losing a few hours here and there had really messed with my performance at work. I'd had no trouble keeping myself occupied with obligations for my new job, but I hadn't realized until I began compiling my first quarterly report of the year, how distracted I had been. My mind was most definitely someplace else. It was evident as I read through the notes I'd made, and the minutes I had written for a committee I moderated- I hadn't been my normally thorough self.

It was true, I had encouraged him to get lost in his research for the grant, but I missed him terribly- even though, for the most part, he had been right there the entire time.

It boosted my self esteem a little to be able to take care of him more actively again. The nights where he ended up sleeping in his chair, or missing showers because he was too engaged in his work, or simply too tired to transfer safely had left me feeling like I was neglecting him. The gratification I felt through the act of caring for him had grown so subtly and gradually, that I hadn't recognized the feeling for what it was until it was missing from my life.

In allowing me to assist him with his daily activities, he had given me a feeling of self worth that I couldn't seem to duplicate with any other activity in my life and in realizing that, I began to understand why it meant so much to him to be able to care for me. Perhaps it wasn't as simple as the notion that he has always been overly protective, I finally understood that was just his way of showing how much he cared.

As we began to prepare for our journey into conception, Edward's demeanor became noticeably different. It was a relief to once again have him engaged in conversation at dinner or to simply cuddle with him on the couch and just be. It was obvious how much he wanted it to be successful.

But, physically, as soon as he began taking the meds Reilly prescribed, his body began to protest. The Pentoxil made him woozy and after several adjustments to the dosage, they found an amount that didn't cause a drop in blood pressure, while still being within a range to be considered effective.

At the breakfast table each morning, I had to encourage him to eat. The other prescription he was taking to help lower the cytokine levels made him nauseas, and he had to take it with his meals each day. I felt terrible as he sat around rubbing his tummy, trying to convince me he wasn't hungry even though it grumbled loudly, begging for food.

Fearing that he'd have to endure this for the entire twelve week course of treatment, or possibly even longer if necessary, I felt terribly guilty. But, when I voiced my concerns, he gave me a wry smile and reminded me that with any luck the tables would soon be turned and I'd be the nauseas one. Then, he assured me, I wouldn't feel guilty anymore.

I'd begun tracking my cycle on the day it began back in February, I wrote in my journal every day, noting my physical changes and entering information from the monitor and daily basal temperatures. In March, a rather smug Edward correctly predicted when our best day would be, even though we hadn't yet begun the process of IVI.

My highly anticipated April cycle began with the knowledge that Edward's sperm motility should have begun to improve from the medication and conception was possible from that point on.

Although we'd collected samples before, we both knew the results would be less than encouraging until the medication improved the environment for his little swimmers.

Three months later, we both knew the results from the post medication sample would be the deciding factor in how we approached our future. Sweet Edward had been so endearingly nervous the morning we obtained that specimen. He looked like he was going to be sick as he gathered the supplies we needed to coax the sample from his body for the lab.

While we knew the cytokine levels had diminished, and his seminal plasma had shown improvement, he'd just passed the date where newly mature sperm would be present in his sample, and therein lay the cause for his distress.

Would they be healthy? Could we create a viable pregnancy on our own without the trappings of fertility treatment? Would we have to spend thousands of dollars on a pipe dream that was never meant to be?

While I felt optimism in every bone in my body, there was still that nagging little voice that argued anything could happen. Apparently that same nagging little voice had been whispering in his ear, as well.

Were we prepared to handle bad news if that were the case?

Mr. Calm, Cool and Clinical disregarded the importance of the morning with a nonchalance that belied his demeanor, telling me to go about my morning routine while he made his sample in the bathroom. When he didn't appear at the breakfast table a half hour later, I trudged off to the bathroom and found him in front of the vanity with his head in his hands and his pants around his ankles.

His hands trembled as he handed me the tool that put my friend Mr. Lucky to shame and admitted quietly there was no way he could do it alone.

"I can't do this. Can't keep the cup between my legs to catch the sample. I keep getting a damn spasm as soon as I start." He complained; slapping his hand down on the countertop in frustration. "This isn't working the way I thought it would."

"None of that, we'll get it done, hey?" I reached over and tipped his chair to a comfortable angle.

He'd already prepped himself with a fair amount of the sperm friendly lube and went rigid when I touched the vibe to his skin.

"Just close your eyes and think happy thoughts."

His hips flexed and relaxed repeatedly as we got closer and closer to the finish line, and the sample I caught in the cup had a healthier appearance than our earlier practice rounds ever had. It was with a renewed sense of confidence that I screwed on the lid. I held the sample up for him to examine before throwing it in a paper bag.

He tilted his chair back up and pulled up to the sink. "I can get myself cleaned up if you can get that to uro right away."

Knowing that this was a time sensitive specimen and the sooner it arrived, the more accurate it would be, we'd already planned that I'd be the carrier. Reilly wanted it in his hands within thirty minutes of ejaculation and there was simply no way for Edward to get it there in that timeframe. Doing it in the office was an option they'd given us, but we both had aspirations to do this with as little intervention as possible, so I found myself in Monday morning traffic headed into the city.

While the report several days later was promising, it was followed by the disappointing news that the medication had affected Edward's liver function and we were on limited time with it. While many patients tolerated the medicine safely for up to two years, Reilly didn't want to risk permanent damage and opted to take him off the Pentoxil. We'd have some time to conceive, and if we did not, he agreed to another course of treatment at a later date as long as Edward's liver enzymes had returned to normal levels in the interim.

Knowing we were on borrowed time certainly upped my anxiety levels.

~*IMPACT*~

Our first attempts at in-home insemination were awkward and messy to say the least.

Edward's appointment with Reilly netted us a box of crazy looking funnel syringes that we would supposedly have Edward ejaculate into and then use to deliver his baby batter into the place where it belonged.

Reilly demonstrated for us by squirting an amount of lube into the funnel in a quantity similar to what Edward's ejaculate would amount to. He allowed it to settle down into the tube, before assembling the syringe and plunger. Once it was all ready to use he showed us, on a silicone female model, how to inject the mock semen as close to the cervix as possible.

Let me just say, the model wasn't a living breathing person, she didn't have extremities that got in the way, and she was at a perfect angle for a demonstration. She didn't burst into fits of giggles as soon as the cold plastic of the syringe touched her intimately, either.

In the end, we found that the only way we could comfortably and effectively do the deed was for me to lie on the kitchen counter with my feet propped on the arm rests of Edward's chair while he played doctor. At least we were able to find humor in the situation.

Lying there afterward, while I waited the prescribed thirty minutes flat on my back, I began laughing as he covered me with a light blanket.

"Find something funny about this Miss Swan?"

I lifted up on my elbows. "Nuh uh." I snickered.

He pulled the corners of his smile down in an attempt to look stern. "I consider my mission to impregnate you serious business."

I dropped my head back onto the counter with a thump and covered my face trying to suppress the giggles.

"Ouch! Bet that smarted. You okay baby?"

I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"What's got you so silly this morning?"

"I was thinking about something your mom said at her toy party."

He shuddered. "I'd really rather not think about my mom at a time like this."

"She told me about the time you walked in on them bumping uglies in the kitchen."

He flushed bright red and grumbled about his parents having no morals and scarring him for life as he went about cleaning up our trash. He opened the cupboard and got out the antibacterial wipes, setting them noisily on the counter next to me.

"I'm never telling my child that he or she was conceived on our kitchen counter."

We tried three times in April and while there were no signs of impending pregnancy, my heart broke a little when I found that crimson stain in my panties that signified we had not been successful.

Edward took it all in stride though, reminding me that most couples who were actively trying waited months before successfully conceiving.

He pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear. "Practice makes perfect, baby. We'll just have to practice some more."

And practice we did.

~*IMPACT*~

I had trouble hiding my disappointment when my supervisor requested my attendance at the National Tourette's Convention in Washington, DC.

Requested, meaning, "There is a lot of money left in your travel grant, Bella, and we feel this conference would really benefit your consumers. Angie has already reserved your space at the conference. Let me know when you have your other travel arrangements made. We'll need you to submit a travel voucher right away if you want us to cover your expenses up front."

My heart dropped as my plane flew over the Potomac river two weeks later with the realization that I'd be spending some of my most fertile days in May more than twenty-three hundred miles from home.

I knew before I ever got off that plane that it was going to be a long week.

:-:

Bella left for DC on a Monday. I missed her terribly and knew my girl would worry about me to the point of obsession. We were both a little apprehensive that she'd be so far away. A few hours apart was one thing, but she'd be all the way across the country. I was as worried as she was, but tried not to let it show. For the first time ever, we'd both be totally on our own the entire time.

I had to give Bella a bit of a hard time several nights into her trip. Alice had called a few times to check on me. On Tuesday night she dropped by with food and offered to spot me into the shower.

When I pressed the issue, Alice admitted that Bella had asked her to keep an eye on me... just to make sure I was alright on my own.

To allay Bella's concerns, I went to Em's gym each afternoon and hung out. He'd gotten a few new machines and I spent a few hours each afternoon trying them out. When we were done, he helped me grab a quick shower so Bella didn't need worry about me showering at home alone.

The weather had been gorgeous and with Em's gym just a few blocks from the neurology clinic, I just parked at the office and buzzed back and forth.

Even though Emmett had set me up with an impressive home gym, I'd been so busy with work and the lab that I hadn't been keeping on top of things. I couldn't afford to lose muscle tone. I depended on my upper body too much to let myself get out of shape. It was refreshing spending a few hours a day with my buddy. I hadn't realized how much I missed his company.

I could only access the new equipment by being hoisted in with an overhead lift. It was an impressive track system that could transport a patient from the wheelchair to each station in the gym.

On Thursday, another client made a suggestive comment about all the things he'd be doing with his girl if he had a lift and sling. Personally, some of the things he mentioned were so kinky I felt myself blushing. My own sexuality, as a disabled man, was something I was still discovering. I wasn't brave enough to join the conversation, but I couldn't help listening to what he said.

Like any well planted seed, the comments the guy made about the endless possibilities of the sling took root and began to grow, sparking my creativity.

We had a lift and sling at home.

The sling consisted of sturdy, well padded straps that supported an individual just behind each knee and another strap that went behind the back across the shoulder blades. Gravity held the individual firmly in place, but like the one in my home, the entire bottom was exposed. In home situations, this allowed access to clean private parts on an individual after toileting.

Another gentleman, who had witnessed our conversation, alluded to the fact that, he too, had a patient lift at home. His wife had mobility problems- he had severe arthritis, and they used it for transfers, but the desire to have a fulfilling love life spurred experimentation. He said seeing her hanging there all exposed and open for him while hanging safely in a comfortable position was too much to pass up, and their need for intimacy out weighed any embarrassment of being creative with something that was designed as durable medical equipment. The comments he made only further fueled my desire to go home and at least think about some of the ways we could use that lift creatively.

When Emmett had asked me if I'd ever used my lift for sexual situations, I was mortified and must have blushed a dozen shades of red. _No _I didn't use it for that, in fact I could count the times we'd used it on one hand. _For transfers._

Emmett harassed me and made some comment about _Eddie_ acting like a blushing bride. I wasn't a prude, but to talk about things like that so openly in front of a stranger...

The man who initiated the conversation had gone on his merry way with one of Emmett's aides for a round of aqua therapy, which left me to deal with my overly exuberant friend on my own. "So, seriously, Ed, you're having sex with your girl, right?" When I didn't immediately answer him, he squeezed my arm. "Please don't tell my you've condemned that pretty little thing to a life of celibacy."

"No, we're not celibate." I answered quietly. "We've been enjoying a healthy physical relationship. I was so sure I'd fail, but with Carlisle's help and after a lot of experimentation we've found medication that allows me to rise to the occasion."

He smirked at my play on words. "Good. That's real good. I can remember when you always shot the topic down when one of us tried to broach the subject."

"You can't miss something you've never had. It had been so long and in my head, I guess it was easier to just reject the idea than to get my hopes up. I was so certain that was an impossibility for me."

"You just had to find the right partner. She'd never pull a Tanya on you. You're past all that, right?"

"Bella makes me believe I can do anything I set out to do."

"Good."

"I worry, though, Emmett. You know she's dealing with a neurological condition that is exacerbated by exhaustion. It's a lot of work for both of us, but for her... I worry ."

"Well you know... I was entirely serious, as was old Otis. There are a lot of people who use their lifts as a means of having a more adventurous sex life. I would have thought that you, of all people would know this. Hell, you're a smart guy, and you have that support group, you can't tell me no one has ever mentioned this before."

"They may have... I haven't spent a lot of time pondering sexual situations. Sex usually requires two partners, and since I didn't have one of those, it seemed a moot point."

"I think this is something you should put some thought into."

It took all my concentration to drive home without distraction, but once I was there, my entire evening was consumed with obsessing over the possibilities.

Emmett had explained some of the scenarios his patients had described to him. The man laying prone with the lift straps under his arms and under his thighs, allowed the woman to hang him above her... all the girl needed to do was lower the man so there was only a breath of air between their bodies. Once she lined him up, she could mimic the thrusting motions by swinging him by the lift chains. That seemed a little too adventurous to me, and even if I gripped onto something like the head of the bed to swing back and forth, I had visions of the adventure going awry. It would certainly curtail our lovemaking if I fell on her and trapped her under the dead weight of my body. No, that wasn't a good idea. Not at all.

But Emmett's gentle prodding about hanging my Bella from the lift _above me_, was far more feasible and sounded much safer. I couldn't risk hurting her... wouldn't even consider it... no matter how good the sex might be. But once the idea took root, I couldn't get that later scenario out of my head. It could literally raise things to a whole new level of intimacy. If I didn't always obsess over Bella wearing herself out, we might have already become a little more adventurous on a regular basis.

Perhaps, after she came home, when she wasn't so tired from traveling... or Saturday... when I was free from work, we'd have the time to talk about this. I didn't know if I had the confidence to just spring it on her. I still had trouble knowing how far I could push things before I was pushing us past some invisible boundary, and the idea was so unorthodox. I wasn't sure how it would be received. Would she think it was too weird?

Bella was eager to try just about anything. Somehow, I knew she'd be all for it. Her encouragement came in the form of caresses and touches... in the reverent way she worshipped my once silent, still body... as she made it hum to life.

She would encourage the idea.

Bella was incredible... patient... gentle... and oh so... so motivating. She gave me the confidence to see myself more positively. With Bella in my life I felt whole again. She made me want to say "yes" after over a decade of saying "no", or "I can't." Our discussions and exploration of each other and our sexuality had always included being sensitive to each others capabilities and limitations.

Bella knew how sensitive I was about my erections, and she would never tell me how badly she needed me _big and hard_, or make me feel pressured to deliver the goods. But Bella liked it when I talked sexy to her, and it seemed to be a source of excitement. It gave us an erotic connection which provided us with opportunities to play with different possibilities… to free our imaginations, as well as our feelings. I remembered how I found out that Bella liked it when I talked "dirty" to her. We were watching a movie together, and she mentioned how she "loved how that man was talking to his woman when he wanted her."

Talk about a springboard. I dove right in, happy as a clam with that opening!

I sat around thinking about what a difference one word could make... especially if that word was _yes_. It meant giving yourself permission to be more expressive with your partner before, during, and after making love. _Yes_ meant giving yourself permission to experience the deepest recesses of your erotic self, to break taboos, to reveal a sensual side of yourself that you've always kept secret.

I'd been anxious for Bella to come home before my mind was invaded with all those thoughts. After my trip to the gym, I didn't know if I'd last another twenty-four hours until she was home.

I hoped Bella would say yes.

:-:

My Friday work day was hell.

I felt like a small boy waiting for my mother to come home so that I could ask for permission to sleep outside in the tent alone. I was so excited, I could scarcely concentrate.

Every patient I saw brought me closer to the moment I'd see my Bella, and by the day's end, I knew that I was ready to move our love life up to the next level. There was no way I'd be able to put the conversation off another day.

The clock ticked slowly, and I had nearly convinced myself that it was moving backward. The later it got, the more slowly time dragged on. I was scheduled until five o'clock. Bella's flight wasn't due in until around nine, and while I finished charting so I could go as soon as my last patient left, I gave serious consideration to just driving down to Sea-Tac and waiting at her gate until she arrived, instead of waiting to leave the house until it was time to collect her.

I could share my plans with her in the car on the ride home.

Jeff stepped into my office at four-thirty to tell me his five o'clock had cancelled. He offered to split a pizza with me, not realizing he was interrupting some very private thoughts; I fumbled and stuttered like an embarrassed teenager. And even though there was no visible evidence, I was somehow certain he knew what I was thinking about.

In that gentle persuasive way he had with his patients, he drew my thoughts out of me in the form of stuttered words and embarrassed thoughts. The smug expression he wore on his face was similar to the one my father wore when we finally discovered the mechanics of making _Little Eddie_ rise for the occasion.

When Bella sent me the text to hurry home, because dinner was getting hot, Jeff told me to go. In all honesty, when that text came in, I was so eager to see Bella that I would have offered him everything but my first born child if it meant he'd see my last patient. He didn't have to offer twice. I grabbed my keys from my desk, and left. I paid no mind to my office, someone else could shut down my computer and turn off my lights... or not... I didn't really have it in me to care...

Bella was home!

~*Impact*~

I'd been thinking about it during the entire never ending plane ride home.

Home.

Home to Edward.

How I'd missed him...his eyes, his lips, his mouth, his touch. He was my whole life now. He made the other half of my being complete. Since learning that the presenter for several of Friday's sessions had taken ill and we were being dismissed early, I could barely sit still long enough for the breakfast meeting to be adjourned. My mind was like a volcano ready to erupt as I tried to make arrangements for an earlier flight home. On the taxi ride from the airport, I organized a welcome home meal to savor in my head and plotted my seduction of Edward. I knew this week had been long and grueling for the both of us and I wanted to ensure that once dinner was over that he understood that dessert was about to be served!

I allowed my eyes to close and my head drifted to my shoulder as I fantasized about our last time together. Edward was always so eager to please me, and I began to remember how I loved his "dirty talk", we had come so far in this life long journey together. I thought about Mr. Lucky, my silicone molded friend who hadn't seen any action for a while and how Edward was like a teenaged boy sometimes thinking of new and improved ways to introduce intimacy into our lives. Once he got over his body image hang ups, it was like a game of monopoly- pass _GO _and collect $200. Mergers and acquisitions, rules and regulations, drugs and more drugs, doctor mode vs. partner mode, we had weathered them all and we were stronger because of it.

Nothing added more spice to lovemaking than a dash of humor. And let me tell you, it took a long time for me to learn that. When I was younger, I was serious about everything. But one night with Edward changed all that. I could hardly believe it as well. Laughter an aphrodisiac?

Our first time changed my attitude toward lovemaking forever. Humor was an incredible turn-on; before sex, during sex, after sex. Sex could be pretty exciting, it could be dramatic and it could be gorgeous. Sex could be intoxicating, exhausting and even dirty. But most of all, sex could be fun!

_I think I want to have me some fun tonight!_

I walked through our home and saw the small amount of dirty dishes stacked in the dishwasher. I worried that Edward had lived on fast food the whole time I was gone. I looked into the freezer and found a frozen tray of lasagna, garlic toast and foraged the refrigerator for salad fixings. Vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce would do nicely to end the meal and I'd offer myself up as dessert.

It felt so good to be home. I really needed to just relax and let the water run off me to help me de-stress a little. These were the days that I was glad Edward overruled me on such an ostentatious shower and bathroom. As I was standing in the shower, I allowed myself to fantasize like I had been doing earlier on the plane and my enjoyment of my shower experience magnified as I pretended that Edward was right there with me.

I thought about looking at his beautiful naked body, and watching his face as he eyed mine longingly from top to bottom. I imagined what it would feel like to embrace him as the water cascaded over us. My most luxurious bar of soap began to cover me with lather but it was Edward who was starting at the back of my neck and then oh-so-slowly working his way to my shoulders, my breasts and finally my abdomen. By the time he reached the Promised Land, I was on fire. Just feeling the soap glide across my inner legs made me moan out loud with pleasure.

Before I could climax from the incredible stimulation, I would take the soap from Edward's hands, place it in mine and turn all of my attention to his magnificent body. First, I'd slowly soap up his chest, then his belly, and finally, his back. I'd massage him ever so slowly, till I saw, by looking at his manhood that he was so excited he probably couldn't take much more. Then I'd take him by the hand, towel him off before drying myself and lead him into the bedroom.

_Ouch! _

_That hurt!_

It served me right for not paying better attention while shaving my legs!

~*Impact*~

When I got the text from Bella, telling me dinner was hot... all I could think about was getting home to her.

How was that possible? She wasn't due home for hours.

When I got to the house and opened the door, I was greeted by the aroma of Bella's home made lasagna. It didn't take long to figure out where she was; on the kitchen floor lay a royal blue silk blouse. I knew it well; I loved the way it slipped across her skin like a whisper. It was so delicate... so barely there. A visual image of her letting it fall from her shoulders and watching it flutter to the floor flashed through my mind.

A few feet away I encountered her black pencil skirt. She knew I loved scavenger hunts and the game was on! I knew where I'd find her, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear the sound of running water. Just outside our bedroom door I passed another treasure. This was something new. I pulled my reacher out of the tube behind me and snatched up the object. It was a bright blue bra, with a tiny design on it. A smile grew across my face when I recognized the bright red S- smack dab in the center of each tiny yellow triangle. Superman... It had become her way of encouraging me, her way of letting me know I was everything she needed... especially on days I was filled with self doubt.

When I passed the bed, I stopped dead in my tracks. spread across my pillow was a pair of panties and not just any panties- bright blue panties with that familiar yellow triangle splashed across the backside. There was a sticky note on my pillow that said simply_ finder's keepers._

Oh yes, I'd be keeping those, although I might just let her borrow them from time to time. It wouldn't be nearly as much fun to have them if they weren't on her body. I brought them to my face and inhaled her intoxicating aroma, before slipping them into my nightstand drawer. I had to go find her; I was ready to claim my prize.

As quietly as possible, I snuck into the bathroom. Bella's scent filled the air and assaulted my senses, the room thick with steam. Just barely above the noise of the shower, I could hear her voice, low and seductive; her humming was like a siren's call and it was everything I could do to keep myself from ripping the shower door off its hinges to get to her.

As I got closer, I could see her silhouette behind the shower door, tiny droplets of water clung to the glass as I watched her shaving her legs in long sensuous strokes. But she wasn't humming... No... She was... _moaning_?

With stealth I didn't know I possessed, I backed away from the shower. My baby just made it so easy. I had worried that she'd be exhausted, but from the sounds coming from the shower, she was ready to come out and play.

All day long I'd fumbled with my inner demons, believing it was a bad idea, but finding her there... like that... my inhibitions washed away as surely as the soap that cascaded down her beautiful body and into the drain.

I hurried to my nightstand and with frantic hands; I pulled out the box of Uroject supplies, set up a syringe and mixed the solution. With a renewed self-confidence coursing through my veins, I was feeling a little friskier than normal. I'd never had an adverse reaction, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and crank the dose up a notch. I had the means to fix a problem if one occurred, but just for tonight, I wanted to be able to interact with my girl without feeling like Cinderella waiting for the clock to strike twelve.

When it was ready, I laid it on the nightstand with an alcohol swab, and stood my chair so I could do the shot. Quickly I cleaned up the trash, and stood up to fix my clothing.

After her apparent shower induced orgasm, I heard Bella still humming and showering; hastily I rummaged through the dresser that housed the sling straps for the hydraulic lift. Pulling the bedding back off the bed, I laid the sling straps out on the bed so Bella would only have to lay down on them.

Perhaps I could convince her to help me grab a shower before we initiated anything. Her freshly showered body was an incredible turn on for me, all warm and clean. I'd sat in the chair all day long, and was sure I was sweaty and sticky in places I wanted to be fresh and clean... for her.

I hastily texted Alice and asked if she'd be on standby just in case, so Bella and I could shower in private. My girl had been seated on the plane for a long time; I didn't want to assume anything. Alice's reply came a moment later telling me to call if she was needed. She was only a few minutes away, at their enchanted little cottage just down the street from our development.

I put the phone in the pocket of my wheelchair so it was within easy reach in the event of a problem.

Suddenly the shower shut off and I heard the door as Bella slid it open. I heard her moving around in the bathroom and just as I palmed little Eddie to see how he was progressing, the bathroom door slid open.

Bella, in nothing more than a white fluffy towel, with the steam from the shower swirling around her and pouring into the bedroom like fog, was a sight I wouldn't soon forget. She was an angel, an ethereal being sent straight to me from heaven. Before I knew what hit me, she had slammed into my chest with a squeal.

My baby was home.

~*Impact*~

When it came to making love, your body was only half the equation. There was a man lying next to you (or on top of you, or beneath you, or behind you...) and you needed to appreciate every nook and cranny of his body, too. When Sigmund Freud coined the phrase "penis envy" one wintry evening in Vienna, little did he know that he would be giving millions of us the opportunity to say the word penis in mixed company for years to come. Granted, Freud may have been a bit off the mark with his concept. Personally, I think men spent a lot more time envying penises than women did. But you had to give Siggie credit where credit was due. He took the word out of the closet and put it on the tip of our tongues, and that made him A-okay in my book.

There was an old Lithuanian expression my grandmother was fond of quoting that goes something like: "A penis does not a man make," She was so right. I thought testicles were fascinating and fabulous. And I knew very few women who weren't totally turned on by a man's ass. Men even had sexy nipples. It was certainly what was on my mind that made me hot and not just what was in my line of vision. I guess the point was that little boys might be made of frogs and snails and puppy dogs tails, but grown men had a list of far more interesting ingredients to get me off.

I turned the water off, and gingerly stepped out of the shower to towel myself dry. Wrapping my body with one towel and my hair with another one, I squeezed the extra water out of my hair before removing the towel and allowing my hair to cascade loosely and wildly down my back.

I couldn't hold myself back when I opened the door and he was there!

:-:

When Bella slammed into me, we were all hands and tongues and lips, groping, grabbing, kissing, licking. It seemed like it had been weeks since we'd been together instead of only five days.

Our fingers fumbled at material; frantically we touched and worshipped one another's body, both so starved for each other's touch that we inspired dirty words and thoughts to fill the air.

_You make me so...I want you too... You make my... You… make me so... I want ...you ... I want to … you're... I love it when you...my... I want to make you... I love to look at you... Thinking about you makes my..._

As I was showering her in kisses, she pulled back, looking past me to the bed I'd turned down. Suddenly she seemed lost for words as she stammered and looked up at me in confusion... "Edward? Wha... what is that? Why do you have the sling out?" She looked me over closely, and it took a minute to realize her confusion. I tried to blurt it out the same time she did. "Are you hurt?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just... want to try something."

I pulled her to my body, rubbing my hips against her, looking for the friction that would help things along. She reached down and palmed me. "Oh baby, are you happy to see me?"

I knew I had twitched, or grown, she looked up at me with a devious smile on her face. "What exactly is it that you want to do with the lift, love? Are you planning what I _think_ you're planning? Cause, that is seriously hot. Do want to use that to make love?"

I nodded, suddenly incapable of forming coherent sentences.

She looked up at me in wonder, her voice low and husky. "Show me?"

~*Impact*~

I lowered my voice in that tone I knew turned him on. I knew if I asked, he'd take the initiative and his self confidence would grow.

There was something so sensual about changing the pitch and tone of your voice in a sexual situation. I think it had something to do with the testosterone levels in the body. But you didn't have to wait to get horny for your voice to drop- you could drop it yourself. That would make you horny and if anyone was listening, it would make them horny too. So when it came to talking sexy, it wasn't just w_hat_ you said that made you look and feel so sexy, it was also _how_ you said it. Sometimes there was nothing more erotic than saying something sexy in the quietest of whispers. But other times, such as in the heat of frantic lovemaking, crying out at the top of your lungs could be the ultimate high.

I saw something on the floor next to his nightstand, and I leaned down to pick it up. It was the cap to the Uroject syringe that I held in my hand. We had come such a long way in our sexual journey in such a short amount of time. As I stood, my towel dropped, and I left it where it lay, stepping over it to shower him with love.

Edward reached out putting a hand on each side of my hips, and stopped me. "No baby, help me shower first? I haven't showered since last night."

How could I refuse? There was nothing more sensual than helping him shower. Paying homage to his beautiful body allowed my dream on the plane to come into fruition.

I loved the smell of Edward freshly showered, and I knew he loved it when I used my special soap on my body too. Lying there on the bed, on top of the sling, made me feel a little submissive and anxious, but still very excited.

:-:

I felt nervous, but it was in a thrilling, anticipatory way knowing I'd be suspended and hanging... _powerless_. I wasn't sure what to expect, or when. My sensory awareness was so heightened. Edward had done a lot of preparation to create this shrine to love and pleasure me by. When had _my_ Edward become so imaginative and inventive? He was like the coming of MacGyver! I hoped that I could relax enough to allow Edward the experience to honor my body on this altar of love like I sensed he wanted too. Hell, what I was thinking? I wanted to try it as well. We could do this!

I knew that Edward would never do anything that could potentially hurt me, and I felt secure in knowing that he would have spent a lot of time over thinking it... he'd never consider something dangerous.

As if he could read my mind, he touched my shoulder reassuringly. "You trust me don't you Bella? I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

I couldn't help but smile at his effort to put me at ease. "I know you won't, Babe."

~*Impact*~

I looked down at Bella as she lay on my sling, biting her lip. She sounded a little nervous, but her eagerness to get me showered quickly and back into the bedroom told me she was up for trying something a little adventurous.

She asked me in that sexy voice of hers to show her.

_She trusted me..._

I pushed the lift over under the frame of the bed, and began hooking up the chains. Bella squirmed and giggled when the cold metal hook brushed across her bare belly. I tried to hurry, I didn't want to lose any time with my drug induced erection, but I didn't want to be careless in my haste.

I checked and rechecked the connections, making sure everything was safe and secure. Her safety and comfort were more important than anything else. I began to slowly raise the lift until the slack was gone from the chains and Bella began to be lifted in the air. Her eyes got wide, and she held the chains firmly in her grip.

"Are you comfortable baby?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Mmhmm," she hummed.

"Nothing pinched?" She shook her head. "You feel secure?"

"I do."

"Completely?"

"I trust you Edward."

"Okay baby, here we go."

When she was so high in the air that she completely cleared the bed, I pulled back on the handle that would help me move her, while I reversed my chair. I rolled Bella out into the center of the room, where there was nothing close enough to fall on, bump into... I removed the safety bar from my chair and laid it on my dad's chair. Once I had removed it, I flipped each arm rest out of the way.

Bella hung, suspended in mid air, completely nude and exposed to me in a way I'd never experienced. I'd never doubt Emmett's advice again.

"This is all new to me too, Baby. Thank you for trusting me, for wanting to try this with me." I carefully guided my chair under Bella's suspended body, and handed her the remote. She looked at me questioningly. She didn't understand but once she was above me, I reclined my chair.

"Bella, love, I'd like to taste you. Can I taste you?"

"Mmhmm."

"I'm going to pull you up closer to me, bend your knees baby and then lower yourself for me when I tell you, alright?"

"O... ok... ay." Her response was stuttered and immediately made me want to reassure her.

"I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know you won't babe. I trust you."

:-:

I looked down at him and his smoldering eyes met mine. He raised his eyebrow as if to say "Okay?" and I bit my lip and nodded. I closed my eyes in anticipation and started when I felt a frosty sensation as he slid his tongue between my thighs.

I heard Edward fumble for something and then he drew my nub into his mouth, nibbling and kissing and eventually pulling back and blowing a stream of air against my wetness. Vapors chilled my most sensitive skin and caused me to shiver with excitement. Between the slippery softness of his lips and the erotic, icy coolness of his tongue, I felt my climax building.

_Why does it feel cold?_

Hmmm, I must have said that out loud. Edward chuckled ands stuck out his tongue to show me a mentholated cough drop! I giggled and he started humming against my folds and placing little butterfly kisses along my thighs. His hands were cupping my bottom as he caressingly held me in place.

I shuddered from the intensity of what I was feeling and my legs began to tremble and spasm. Edward, immediately asked if I was okay and I just smiled and said "Oh My God, Edward I'm more than okay."

Edward buried his face in between my legs and I could feel him smelling my aroma, he started to unwrap me with his tongue, mixing his saliva with my own juices, waiting for my sighs and moans as cues to gently suck in and out, tug and release and glide lightly across the nub which was popping out from under the hood of flesh protecting it. So gently, so reverently, making loop after loop around my most sensitive flesh.

_Oh-My-God!_ I never realized how even the subtlest of touches such as a brush of his stubble against my skin, could enliven me so!

"Ahhh."

Edward seemed both playful and reverent in touching me; humming and whispering, encouraging and comforting. His total devotion to my body was releasing tension, and allowing wave after wave to flow through me, tantalizing me into total helplessness and submission.

"Ohhhh... Ed...ward."

I couldn't control the spasms coursing through my body as wave after wave of my climax washed over me. When my body arched, Edward grabbed a hold of me, reassuring me with gentle words that he wouldn't let me fall. When my body slumped in relaxation, he patted my butt. "Bella, love, you dropped the controller. Can you… sort of… umm, reel it in by the cord? I need you to raise yourself up so I can move a little."

If, hell..._WHEN_... we did this again, we'd have to have a solution for keeping the controller within easy reach. We would be utilizing the lift in the future, what an ingenious piece of medical equipment.

:-:

With Bella up in the air, I had to reach above my head and grab the lift to roll it so Bella would be moved further away from me and I could sit back up. With the flip of a switch, I was sitting up and we were face to face. Bella's legs were at the height of my chest.

"Bring yourself down on my lap baby. Come here, I need to hold you. You're too far away."

As Bella slowly lowered herself, I spread her legs apart and wrapped them around my waist. To give her extra room, I reclined my chair to get the back out of the way while I, myself, remained sitting upright. I didn't want her legs to cramp up from being in an awkward position. Thank God, I'd regained my sense of balance and could, once again, sit independently. All those weeks of core training had paid off.

Who knew?

I hooked the cord for the lift into one of the hooks that secured the sling. It would be within easy reach, but out of our way. When she was finally seated in my lap, I pulled her into an embrace. "How was that? Was it okay?"

"Oh, God, so much better than okay. It was... wow... "

"Mmm, yeah it was for me, too."

She lifted her face and caressed my cheeks, my neck, with her hands. Nuzzling my neck, she kissed a trail from my ear... down the length of my neck until she was kissing and teasing my Adam's apple with her tongue.

"Um, Edward, were we going to umm...?"

"Oh baby, we're not nearly done."

I reached down between us and slipped my fingers through her folds, she was so, so wet. I put my hand around my shaft, surprised at how hard I was. Those five extra milligrams made a measurable difference, I hoped it would give us plenty of extra time as well, the sling wasn't the only new experience tonight and I had nothing to use for reference.

I slipped my thumb over the head, surprised to feel how slick I already was. I rubbed the tip up and down through Bella's folds. She reached up around my neck and used my body to lift herself up slightly.

It was surreal, our coupling... I'd never get used to that and to think I had been so willing to just give up on something so incredible.

"You ready for me baby?" I asked her.

"Mmmm, always," she replied.

I guided myself inside her, not wanting to let go. I whispered, "Lower yourself onto me the rest of the way baby."

Her breath hitched as I pushed the rest of the way in, when I knew that I was inside her all the way, I slipped my hand out from between us... that one of the most difficult parts for me... _knowing_ when I was inside of her.

Bella relaxed into me, refusing to take the chains in her hands for support, while I guided her, guided myself in and out of her body, but convincing her to remove her hands from my shoulders proved to be an impossible feat. Bella pulled me close as I began swinging her like a pendulum, pushing and pulling... back and forth... in and out... With my fingers clutching her hips, I was able to mimic each stroke almost as if my lower body was able to participate more fully.

I reached down between us, still swinging her with one hand, feeling us, in this place where we were joined. I'd never experienced this before. "Oh Baby, I can feel us... it feels so good."

That feeling... our connection... albeit with my hand... was nearly as stimulating to my mind as the act of sex might be to a man who wasn't paralyzed. I never imagined anything could be so erotic.

The lack of feeling below my waist provided me with an opportunity most people never realized, the opportunity to get to know the rest of my self, for a sexual experience to become so much more than plowing into a girl until one reached orgasm, but to be able to love and be loved by coaxing parts of my body that I might never have used.

Bella continued to kiss and suck her way around my neck moving just slightly up under my ear before switching to the other side and nibbling around under my chin. She completed her collar of kisses at my Adam's apple, taunting and teasing that overly sensitive piece of flesh. With her butterfly kisses, and loving nibbles she was able to transport me into a totally other world.

Her sounds told me she was close. Her assault on my mouth became more frantic and I hurried the motion of her body, the pendulum bringing her back and forth... in and out... over and over until she cried out. Her head dropped onto my shoulder, her body hanging limp and lax in the sling.

"Bella?" I started.

When she ignored me I shook the swing. "Bella?"

I shook her, hard, fearing something was wrong. When I tipped my head and said her name again, louder... forcefully, she jerked her head up and it met with mine; we butted together.

"Ouch!" She giggled, rubbing her forehead.

"Are you okay?" I asked rubbing the place where they had connected.

"I'm fine, Edward," she giggled. "It just took a few minutes to recover. That was pretty hot!"

~*Impact*~

I think the most exciting thing about Edward's surprise was the fact that he felt comfortable enough with our relationship to try something unpredictable, spontaneous and completely different from anything we'd ever attempted before.

He planned a surprise for me that I knew was completely outside his comfort zone, it was a real thrill when he told me how he thought about it, plotting and planning all day long in his head.

Edward rolled the lift over so I was safely above the bed, and he slowly and gently lowered me to mattress. Once I was all unhooked, he asked me to lie on my side facing away from him. He pulled on the blanket using it like a draw sheet, pulling my body to the edge of the bed.

I heard a plastic bottle snap open, and soon Edward was rubbing something cool and slippery into my shoulders, and back, sweeping down over my behind to the backs of my thighs. With long languid strokes, he massaged and kneaded my tired muscles. After the lovin' he gave me... the massage nearly put me to sleep. But the need to reciprocate was too great and it pulled me out of my relaxed state.

"Get on the bed, hon. I want to love you too."

I rolled onto my back and looked at him; he looked sated, and a little smug. I could see how proud he was proud of himself. I was proud of him too.

I watched, breathless as he slid his hand up my thigh to the indentation of my hip. Suddenly his lips were brushing up my thigh following the path his fingers had just traveled. I giggled when his tongue and his lips licked and nipped and nibbled against my side. Edward nuzzled my bare tummy showering my middle with kisses until he finally closed in on my belly button, placing his mouth over it and blowing raspberries until I dissolved into a fit of giggles.

I pushed myself up on my elbows and watched him as his hand went to his lap. I gasped when he began stroking himself. Watching him masturbate was incredibly sexy. For the first time I was able to just sit back and watch, seeing what he was experiencing in ways I couldn't when I was involved. I couldn't help touching myself, or making noises of my own- it was an absolute turn on to watch him and I knew that if I didn't get him into bed soon, I'd find my release again. It felt totally unfair, even though I knew I was completely turning him on.

"Edward, come on, it's your turn. Please get on the bed; it'll be so much easier for me if I can lie down."

With a slight smile and a nod of his head, Edward backed his chair away and went to his side of the bed. I watched with fascination as he slid across his board and got situated before lifting his legs up into the bed.

I took the remote to the bed out from under his pillow and began to raise the head.

After the beautiful surprise he gave to me, I was determined to push him over the edge in a manner that would bring the experiences of orgasming and ejaculating together in a mind blowing experience for him. Reilly said it was possible, and I wanted him to see that the latter of the two was more than just a bodily function, as he saw it.

"Don't move baby, I'll be right back."

I grabbed the basket of massage oils and lotions from Irina and carried it to my nightstand.

Straddling him, I thought about all the sensual things that went into love making for him... into reaching a climax... taste, smells, touch... in special places, erogenous zones that had nothing to do with sex for most people. A lick here, a nibble there, and he'd be quivering like jello. There were spots I loved to touch... to run my tongue over... that spot on his neck under his right ear... those nipples, those perfect, sweet nipples... the place just inside where his hip bone jutted out where he would giggle and squirm each time I paid attention to it with my fingers... my tongue.

I crawled up into his lap and began my exploration of the wonderland that was Edward's exquisite body. I wanted to explore every nook, every cranny... I didn't want to leave an inch undiscovered...

I started at his neck, just below his ear. I slowly slid my tongue along his jaw and gently nipped him on the chin. I ran my lips up his right cheek to his temple, then planted several quick pecks along his eyebrows, heading back to his left. I completed my circle of smooches and glided my lips back down to his mouth and traced another tiny circle around his lips.

I took his hand in mine and began to massage his palm. One by one, I worked my way down the length of his fingers, slowly rubbing and kneading them along the way, raising each fingertip to my lips and kissing it. Drawing it into my mouth and nibbling on it, I rolled my tongue around it. Sucking on it exactly as if it were a... well... _a highly aroused finger._

I wanted him worked up before I tried to take this all the way home, so I lowered the head of the bed. After the evening he'd given me I was determined to return the favor.

I handed him the dog leash that now hung off the side of the bed, "Roll over Edward, I'll help you."

With Edward... face down, I began my exploration by kissing his toes and trailing my tongue up slowly, concentrating on the back of his knees. I whispered questions like, "Can you feel it when I nibble your calf?" or "Are the backs of your knees as ticklish as mine are?" subtly letting him know where I was and what I was doing. Mind over matter- even if he couldn't feel everything I was doing, he had some sensation and I wanted to plant the seed that kept his mind engaged in the experience as well.

I paused, teasing him with love bites to spots where I knew I'd find sensitive skin, his masculine giggles made me swell with pride, I was doing that to him. I worked my way up slowly nibbling and teasing his thighs, buttocks, hips. I straddled him- letting him feel the heat of my body as I sucked and bit every inch of his neck and shoulders.

I took the lotion he used on me, and starting at his neck, I massaged and worked his muscles until he relaxed- his flesh soft as jello. When I found myself back at his toes, I slid back to my place beside him.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Baby, can you roll over onto your back for me?"

"I don't want to, this feels so good."

"Please baby, I want to finish loving you."

"Mmkay, I want you to finish too. You might have to help me, I feel like jello."

I pushed up on Edward's torso while he pulled on the leash. When he got up on his side, he flopped over onto his back. "Can I sit you up, love? I want you to watch me. I want you to see."

He sucked in a deep breath, before whispering, "Okay."

I helped him get into a sitting position, and while he sat he watched with rapt fascination as I pleasured him with not only the vibrator but my hands, my mouth... my entire being.

"Bella?"

"Shhh... just watch and enjoy... "

Unable to tear his eyes away from what I was doing, he watched mesmerized as I lowered my face to the Promised Land, pleasuring him with sweeps of my tongue, nips and nibbles. I skimmed over his scrotum and along the under side of his shaft with the toy. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as his toes involuntarily turned upward and then the muscles of his right thigh rippled before it pulled upward bending his knee. His hands had been fisting the sheets on either side of his body since I'd begun, but now I feared he would tear them as his climax neared.

I watched, fascinated, as his whole body contracted and contorted. He cried out as something warm and wet shot over my throat, and into my hair. The orgasm was an entire body encompassing experience for him. For something that had taken more than fifteen years to arrive, it had happened so quickly there was no warning at all.

Tears streamed down over his cheeks as he fisted my hair with both hands and pulled my face up to his mouth, attacking me ferociously with his own mouth.

He pushed his forehead against mine, as he tried to regulate his breathing. "Incredible," he choked out. "Absolutely incredible."

:-:

When I had brought Bella down from the lift and massaged her body, I thought she'd be sated and succumb to sleep. On a normal night of love-making, she worked so much harder than I, and I felt the scale was unfairly tipped. It left me feeling guilty that she was doing all the work. She had a debilitating condition, and she needed to conserve energy- not expend it all, and risking her well-being for our sex life.

Tonight, for the first time, it felt like the scale was balanced; like we were equals in the love-making department. I was euphoric- knowing that by being creative and taking a chance, we had stumbled across something that worked for both of us and made it easier for her. And Bella, taking the initiative to try and bring me to my release...and then succeeding...there were no words that could begin to describe my overwhelming feelings.

We learned early on that a disabled couple coming together simultaneously was nearly impossible, and in a way, it was nice pleasuring each other separately. Sometimes Bella had to really concentrate to hold onto her orgasm, and once it began, I had to be careful not to do the wrong thing or she'd be distracted, losing it forever as a result. Being able to focus entirely on her without being lost in my own world of sensation allowed me to coax it from her time after time.

Bella had no trouble bringing me to the edge either; our love-making was surreal. I was sad that I had missed this for so many years, but sharing the experience with only her? There were no words.

After my earth shattering climax, my entire body felt lifeless. I couldn't have moved to save my life. My love lowered the bed and tucked me in. I was out cold before my head hit the pillow.

Best. Night. Ever.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Reviews are lovely.

A big shout-out to everyone who came out last chapter and left a note. Thank you for your kind words. We're 157 reviews away from the early pre-read of the final chapter. I might even allow that special reviewer to choose a scene for the epi, within reason. You won't ever know if you don't review. ;-)

I think we have two chapters left yet, and then the epi, although you guys know better than anyone that I have trouble shutting up, so who knows, mebbe a little more? We'll see.

I didn't go black Friday shopping and I had the time and energy to get this chapter ready for you. I didn't miss the crowds or frustration one bit.

See you all soon.


	66. Chapter 66

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-six

~Bella~

It was the beginning of June and I found myself sitting on a plane enroute to Dallas. I hadn't planned on going. I made every possible excuse to get out of the trip. One of my co-workers was booked to go in my stead, but karma was a bitch with no compassion for the thermally challenged and in the end, it was me sitting on that plane instead of Holly.

Holly, the girl who shared my office, was scurrying to make a stack of copies for an upcoming event. A hurried trip to the mailroom around the corner turned into disaster when a consumer driving a three-wheeled scooter collided with her at an intersection in the corridor.

A broken ankle, requiring an open reduction complete with pins and a plate, netted her a four week vacation and pushed me back to the forefront as the most likely candidate to accompany Robin to Dallas. While we all worked to bring about change, it was the advocates who were encouraged to attend actions. Much of our office staff was administrative and while we all worked towards one common goal, they weren't activists like Robin, Holly and I were. For instance, Sally, who specialized in information and referral had no need for a sit-in designed to shock the nursing home industry, and she had no desire to get arrested.

Arrested. I guess, for me, that was the most shocking part of my job. While I'd certainly never be forced into a position where my actions would be cause for my arrest, we were encouraged to participate in activities whose consequences made that a definite possibility.

Civil disobedience. We were encouraged to do things that would draw attention to whatever cause we were advocating for. Blocking intersections with our wheelchairs during rush hour traffic to get attention for rural transportation or handcuffing ourselves together in a human chain that surrounded the governor's mansion in downtown Olympia to get a line item that had been stricken from the budget reinstated.

We weren't destructive. We didn't commit dangerous crimes. We weren't hurting anyone. We were, however, drawing the media's attention to situations that legislature would prefer to keep hush-hush. Our actions stopped traffic and cost people time. Most were precisely planned events that brought a halt to business as usual, or held up a very public event. Anything to draw the attention that was needed to get people to listen. We just wanted to be heard.

My grant had provisions in place to cover the cost of my bail and any subsequent court costs if I were arrested.

Charlie and Sue had joined us and Edward's parents for a celebratory dinner the weekend after he got the announcement that he'd gotten through the second round selection for the three year research grant.

Diverting the attention away from my fiancé, my dad asked what my job had in store for me in the immediate future. Edward smirked devilishly and shared that little tidbit about the civil disobedience aspect of my career with Charlie over dinner, I thought my dad was going to have an aneurysm right there in the restaurant. His face turned red and the vein on his temple doubled in size. He clenched his jaw and pinched the bridge of his nose. Thank God there were two physicians present. At least he was in good hands.

"What in the _world_ would ever possess you to behave in a manner that you _know_ will result in your arrest? Have you not learned _anything _as my daughter? You realize I have good friends on the force here in Seattle? How do you think it will look if I have to come bail you out of jail like a common criminal, Isabella?"

When he finished his rant, I explained the finer points of advocacy. I reminded him about little Max and how his mother chained herself to a flag pole to get him the things he needed. He huffed and lowered his eyes to his meal, ignoring me for the rest of our dinner.

As we prepared to leave, he held my coat. When my arms were in the sleeves, he squeezed my shoulders and brought his face close to my ear. "You think you can try to limit your illegal activities to municipalities where I _don't _know anyone on the force?"

Edward nudged me with a glint in his eye, he had enjoyed the conversation entirely too much. "Yeah, Dad, I'll see what I can do."

"I suppose I should be thankful for that."

Sue, who had quietly watched the exchange without injecting her own opinion to the conversation said, "You have to trust your girl, Charlie. You know she'd never do anything that would reflect badly on the way you've raised her."

I hugged her and whispered my thanks as they were leaving.

~*Impact*~

So, back to Dallas. I was sitting on that plane staring at the blue sky that was filled with big fluffy clouds, lost in thought. My home hadn't been a happy one on the days preceding my departure.

When the trip was first offered to me, Edward and I discussed it. We both agreed that while it was an important event, both the date and location made it a poor travel choice for someone like me. Edward had made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that he was not in favor of the trip at all.

When our executive director called me into the office and reminded me, none too subtly, that traveling to various functions was an important part of my grant contract, I really was in no position to decline. Truth be told, if it had been anyplace else, it wouldn't have been such a source of contention between Edward and I. But armed with the knowledge of what the situation entailed, he used every medical argument he could to influence the outcome.

I hadn't wanted to go home and break the news to Edward that day. I understood his views, and he had every right to be concerned. I was putting myself in a situation that could risk my well-being.

He was unusually cranky right up to the point where we drove to the airport. The night before, Robin had dropped by to go over a few important key points of our trip; before she left she approached Edward and assured him that she would put my safety above anything else.

A small zippered cooler sat above me in the overhead compartment. Along with my medication, it contained my vest and all the frozen blocks that went into the pockets. As a carry-on, I could slip into a restroom as soon as we deplaned and put it on. My first order of business was to arrange a freezer at the hotel, or at the very least several blocks of dry ice to keep one set of blocks frozen in my cooler at all times.

I read through the folder that Robin had handed me once we were in the air. "A little light reading for the trip?" she had asked.

I knew some of the details as plans were put into action, but I had no idea how thorough the people we were meeting had been when they began organizing the action. It was an event that had been in the works, entirely behind the scenes, for months. Knowing the enormity of what was planned, I could hardly fathom that the powers that be were totally oblivious to what was brewing in Dallas.

It was incomprehensible to me, that people just like me and my peers were able to sneak around and get inside information that would facilitate their infiltration of government or institutional settings in such a subtle manner. Summits like the one we planned to crash were often carried out in private with a handshake under the table sealing the deal while the public remained blissfully ignorant.

Millions of dollars in funding for programs such as attendant care were lost in closed door sessions just like the one we were about to interrupt.

The Texas state governor, DPW secretary and some of the biggest names in nursing home industry were coming together to draft legislation that would privatize and outsource financial management services of attendant care that served both seniors and persons with disabilities to corporate providers.

The action would eliminate hundreds of jobs within agencies that provided financial management services to those who wanted to utilize a consumer model program. Many of these agencies were Centers for Independent Living like our own.

More devastating than the lost jobs was the fear of relinquishing consumer control and the fact that such an important program could be outsourced to agencies that had no experience with disability, or even worse- programs that were so vitally important would eventually be dissolved with the consumers being forced into institutions.

While community-based care was preferential as well as cost effective, saving the government billions of dollars each year over long term care facilities, it was a well known fact that the nursing home industry was huge and many individuals in my line of work suspected there were politicians who benefitted personally from funding them so generously.

The meeting being held over the course of the next few days was in the office building of the largest nursing home franchise in the state and the buzz around the water cooler was that they were meeting to discuss ways to creatively and secretly shift funding from attendant care programs, effectively forcing individuals into institutional settings.

If it could happen in Texas, it could happen in any other state as well. That was why we were here.

While the meetings happened quietly in the upper floors of the building, the group from ADAPT would storm the building flooding the first floor, the stairwells, and the exits; with bodies and wheelchairs. It wouldn't take any time at all for our presence to be known.

Our demand was simple.

Allow one or two of us to sit in on the meeting. Hear our voice and cut the crap. If we didn't get what we wanted, life would be miserable for everyone involved when it was time to go home.

The meeting started on Wednesday and hopefully, it would be over as quickly as it had started, with everyone walking, or in this case rolling, away with a satisfactory outcome.

The nagging little voice in my head told me that nothing was that simple. It would be nearly one hundred degrees outside. It would take hours and an army of policemen to clear the place out. There would be chaos. Because all the advocates, disabled or not, would be sitting in wheelchairs- it was unlikely that they would be thrown into cruisers.

The consensus was that the police were intimidated by us, and quite simply had no idea how to deal with us. They were individuals who didn't want to get up close and personal with a bunch of crips if they didn't have to. Sometimes they'd hand out warnings just to avoid the hassle of dealing with us. If we were all walkies, they'd have no qualms snatching us up and throwing us into a van, but we weren't and because we were all in wheelchairs, they'd have no way to discern which was which. How individuals were handled depended completely on the municipality they were protesting in.

Thank God it was all happening in Dallas. Charlie would shit a brick if he knew what I had involved myself in. Hopefully he'd remain blissfully ignorant.

I shut the folder and got comfortable. I put in my ear buds and closed my eyes. Secretly, I was more than a little psyched. I'd never done anything remotely close to what was expected of us this time.

The excitement around the office had been palpable. Everyone acted like they were almost looking forward to us getting into some sort of conflict.

Not only were Robin and I flying out of Seattle, but advocates from several other CILs had seats booked on our flight as well. The group of us had met at Sea-Tac and waited together until it was time to board the plane.

My mood dampened when I went through airport security with my colleagues. Sadly, I got a firsthand look at what it must have been like for Edward to fly to Colorado with the guys. I had a newfound respect for the people I'd be joining on the upcoming mission.

I thought back to Edward's account of how he'd surrendered his chair to complete strangers and how he'd had to put his life in their hands to get loaded onto the plane. At least he had Emmett and Jasper to assist him, the people I was traveling with were flying independently.

Edward's situation really hit home and I nearly cried when the TSA officers took Lucy to a private room to search her. She had extensive metalwork inside her body and she was subjected to a more thorough private search before she was allowed to board the plane. Considerately, her attendant was permitted to accompany them into the room where they lifted her long skirt and examined her scars, running their hand held scanners over her legs to make certain she wasn't really a terrorist hiding a bomb in her panties.

Oh, if they only knew what we had planned. On the inside I was feeling a little smug.

Still, it infuriated me to think about the individuals who had caused so much terror in the world that someone as gentle and delicate as Lucy was subjected to such scrutiny.

This had become our life, as well. Edward's and mine. Traveling with him through airport security would be similar. It was clear to me why he had traveled with a copy of his x-rays and letters from his doctors.

It was difficult for me to sit by and watch them lift each one of my co-conspirators onto the small aisle chair. By the time I boarded the plane they had been transferred into their airline seats. I couldn't imagine turning over control to strangers so completely. In their chairs or scooters, these individuals were empowered. Their wheels were the wings that allowed them to fly. Without those wheels they were like eagles with clipped wings.

I couldn't imagine entrusting such a vital part of my independence to the airport baggage handlers. There were so many vulnerable parts to a chair, if anything was handled carelessly and a cable or joystick got severed or snapped a catastrophe would occur. Sure, they were required to pay for repairs, but who knew if that happened in a timely manner or what sort of frustration the individual had to endure while it was all getting sorted out? When I looked around me at my friends and acquaintances, I realized how fortunate I was to be ambulatory, while I didn't currently rely on a wheelchair to get through my days, there was the possibility that that could one day be my reality.

Many of my companions slept, no doubt gearing up for what was to happen in the coming days. They would talk late into the night, strategizing over who would take which positions first, ensuring that the key areas of the building were blocked.

Several members of the group have been inside the building in the past and had an idea of the layout of the common areas. A few went so far as to schedule bogus appointments with individuals in the building to discuss trivial matters. A friend of a friend of a friend took a job in the building when a janitor position became available.

Photos and a rough drawing of the first floor were printed on the papers I held on my lap and I couldn't help but feel like an extra in _Mission Impossible._

There was a rumor that someone had acquired a master key from said janitor friend, providing us access to the conference rooms and offices on the first floor. The janitor quit his job after we acquired the information we needed.

Who knew how much of it was true? What I did know was that key players in our group would attempt to make the entire first floor as accessible as possible so we could pack in as tightly as possible. The elevators would be entered first and occupied by individuals who could hold their own in negotiation if someone actually agreed to listen to us. Hopefully one of them would get into the meeting. That was our one and only goal.

Just get someone inside.

The ideal spokesperson was Greg. I thought back to his story, it amazed me that he was with us today. Most individuals would have succumbed to the circumstances he lived through.

As a teen he was injured in a diving catastrophe which left him with a C5 break of his spine. Like Demetri, his SCI was much higher than Edward's and rendered him much more physically dependent on others in his activities of daily living. Greg drove an electric wheelchair and traveled independently in a modified van. He required an attendant for all of his personal needs, and used an adaptive device to hold his silverware so he could feed himself or hold a pen to write.

For as confining as his injury could have been. I don't think I've met a more liberated individual. He had been a caged bird and that someone had set free. He turned his situation around and made it his mission in life to free as many others as he possibly could from the confines of institutionalization. His story gave me chills every time I thought about it. I was horrified to think a child was treated so cruelly not only by his family but also by the safety nets society had put in place to protect him.

When Greg was twelve, that poorly calculated dive into far too shallow water caused him snap his neck. Over the weeks in a hospital trying to recover, his family became less and less of a presence in his life. When a hospital was no longer medically necessary, and insurance ceased to pay those expenses, a big white van with a lift came to pick him up. He was taken to a large gray house. Looking like a southern plantation home, it seemed out of place in the rural Oregon setting. Greg was unloaded at the back of the building and rolled up a ramp and in through a doorway. At what he soon learned was his intake, his father was a merely a cold dark presence in the corner of the room. He stepped forth long enough to sign some forms relinquishing custody of his son to the home and to present a check to the administrator. Greg knew he couldn't go home, yet, but he didn't realize at the time that he'd never interact with his family again. They had deserted him without even so much as a goodbye. His much younger siblings had never visited the hospital and years later Greg wondered if they even knew he was still alive. He said he considered the fact that perhaps it had been simpler for his parents to have just told them he had died.

After his admission, and a hurried physical exam in the infirmary, he was transported on a stretcher to a dark, depressing room that was filled with four beds and wreaked of urine. At just twelve years old, he found himself surrounded by comatose elderly men. Three times a day he was assisted with his meal, when someone had time. Several times a week he was bathed. He felt extremely fortunate when they changed his diaper. He had no phone, no television but what was even more devastating, he had no visitors.

In 1974, a patient with a spinal cord injury had a bleak prognosis. Many patients died in a short amount of time. Rehabilitation was often substandard because the outlook was so poor. Luckily, Greg didn't succumb to his disability; however he did endure years of abuse and neglect at the hands of the nursing home staff.

It was in 1978 that his life began to change through a series of small coincidences.

Tired of the constant outbursts that continued even under the influence of the sedatives that were pumped into his thin body to quiet him, the nursing home administrator, Dr. Marcus, was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Dr. Marcus was afraid to give him any higher dosage for fear of killing the boy. The young man was nothing like the old people who were sedated into complacency with very little effort. He was a thorn in Dr. Marcus' side. The state refused requests to move him to another facility. His family was long gone, the payments stopping just months after his admission. Shortly after his admission he had become a ward of the state of Oregon. Oregon paid next to nothing for his care and Greg was taking up space in a bed that Marcus was hungry to fill with a body financially supported by private insurance. However, the death of a child who was a ward of the state would no doubt be cause for investigation in an institution that barely passed state inspections as it was. Marcus couldn't afford to be scrutinized or shut down, he was skimming too much money from his private pay patients to let that happen.

Marcus' biggest fear was that of the state social worker actually believing Greg's medicated ramblings. He could be very convincing, if you took the time to actually listen to him. Marcus' receptionist, Ann, quickly alerted the nursing staff each time she ushered the social worker into Marcus' office. Greg was given additional meds to temporarily push him into near catatonia during the visit that always occurred. Marcus was terrified of a surprise visit that would uncover the real truth of Greg's existence.

Unfortunately for Greg, it was a long time before Marcus' fears came true.

The squeaky wheel got oiled even in the most repulsive settings. As he got older, Greg became a huge disruption for the staff and anything to stop the havoc he was creating was considered. The day a new orderly accidentally transferred him into the old wooden wheelchair with the big wheels in the front, his outbursts ceased. After that day the staff loaded him into the chair on a regular basis. It was easier than dealing with him. Since he was more visible, he wasn't medicated as heavily. As the days passed, Greg grew physically and mentally stronger. With his medicinal fog lifted, he became more determined to find a way out of his prison. When he could slip past the desk unnoticed, Greg would escape to the large wraparound porch of the home. Unless a staff member snuck out for a cigarette, he could sometimes go undetected for hours. The only thing that prevented his escape was the staircase that spiraled around the side of the porch to the parking area and the uncertainty of his future once he was free of the facility.

It was Christmas eve, 1978, when a young Andy Donovan snuck into the ward Greg slept in and asked if he'd like to escape. It didn't matter where he was going, as long as he could finally break free. Little did he know that within hours he'd be on the move to an Independent Living group home in Washington.

While the staff celebrated Christmas the next morning in the large social room of the nursing home with a number of the patients and their families, Andy and a young Carlisle Cullen slipped Greg into the back of a van headed for the tiny town of Forks, Washington.

The rest was history.

The first time I heard Greg tell his story, I went home and sobbed for the innocence of the boy that was lost in that horrible institution. That was the day I learned the history of Centers for Independent Living, visiting Robin's place of employment for the first time. It was an eye opening experience that changed my life. I had no idea at the time I heard the story that Carlisle was the young doctor who helped orchestrate Greg's escape nor that he had been involved in the Independent Living movement years before Edward's life began. But when the pieces came together at a later meeting, it explained everything in regards to the way Edward's family nurtured him after both of his accidents.

Sometime, during my daydreaming about Greg's history, I slipped into a troubled sleep. Visions of a teenage Edward struggling with his disability crowded my dreams and I awoke with a start. Robin was nudging me and telling me it was time to secure my seatbelt, as we were about to land. I straightened in my seat and wiped the drool from my lip. My belt secured, I try to fix my hair with my fingers and ended up just pulling it into a sloppy bun. I knew it was going to be warm and I wanted to as be cool and comfortable as I could. I thanked God for Edward and that vest the minute we stepped out of the air-conditioned airport.

After a grueling afternoon getting everyone through the airport and into accessible vans, we finally made it to the place we were staying. Edward would have a cow if he ever found out I was there and not in some cool and cushy hotel room. ADAPT operated on a shoestring budget. That was how we came to be sleeping in a high school gymnasium on cots. While huge industrial fans circulated the warm air, there were nearly a hundred people who planned to sleep there through the week. I knew I'd die from the heat. I had to find a place to stay cool. Ironically, all I could I think of was Frosty. A ride home in a refrigerated box car was unlikely.

My first thought was that I had to pull Robin aside and explain that I simply could not stay there, that I had to keep a low profile the next day, because if I got stuck outside the nursing home building, or even worse- was arrested, there was no way I'd ever be able to ensure my safety. As soon as we got out of the van, she was on a mission to find a suitable place for Kodi to potty and to talk with other advocates to see what was immediately expected of us and I found myself alone and freaked out in a strange place.

Suddenly what was in store scared the hell out of me. I was filled with self doubt. I didn't belong there. I didn't think I could do what the rest planned to do over the course of the next few days. I'd been sick earlier in the week, and as I sat on that cot and thought about the immediate future, my stomach rolled.

By the time Robin returned, I was pretty pissed. People buzzed around in their wheelchairs, the excitement hung in the air. While the plan was to be as professional as possible, despite the circumstances, to get what we had come for, the people around me were hungry for confrontation. The anticipation radiated off of them.

I stood pacing in front of her. I stopped and leveled my gaze with hers. "I can't do this. I have to go."

"What are you talking about Bella? That's just crazy. You just got here."

"I'll make myself sick, it's too hot. The stress, I can feel it. I'll be a mess before this is through."

Robin reached out and grabbed my hand as I passed her, effectively stopping me in my tracks. "Hey, I promised you both I'd make sure you were safe. I know that there are concerns due to the temperature. The last thing I want is for you to have an episode. See that guy over there with the German Sheppard?"

I nodded.

"His name is Adam. You're going to become his shadow tomorrow. He's busy right now and we're not going to bother him, but I know enough to share the basics with you."

"What do you mean?"

"You go slip on your vest and get a cool drink. As soon as someone is available to drive us to the hotel, we're leaving."

"I don't understand, I thought everyone was staying here."

"While I know ninety-nine percent of them want to be right here in this gym, it simply isn't feasible for some of us, yourself included. I have a few people I need to talk to about tomorrow, but for now why don't you just find someplace to relax for a bit. Call that man of yours and let him know we've arrived safely. I'm sure he's waiting for your call."

I was sure he was too, but I didn't even know where to begin when he asked me what I'd found when we arrived. I needn't worried though, his phone went to voice mail and I left a quick message asking him to call when he was free.

True to her words, forty-five minutes later we were in a different lift van being transported across town. When we were stopped at a red light, the man driving the van looked over at me and then in the rear view mirror at Robin.

"They are going to mobilize first thing. The site is just two blocks away and they open at eight am. We were informed that the meeting is scheduled right after they open. Once the big wigs are inside and we're sure the meeting has started, we'll begin to move in. The day will be spent protesting peaceably but very visibly. When the day comes to a close, if nothing has been resolved, we'll step up our actions. We want to keep them from being able to get _out_."

We began to roll forward with the change of the light and the conversation lulled. As he drove, his eyes were all over the place, watching the road, checking the mirrors, he was a very attentive driver. When we approached the next light, he looked over and smiled when he realized I'd been watching him.

"I have ADHD. I like to keep the conversation to a minimum while I'm driving. I tend to drift off task. Sorry."

"Quite all right. Thank you for being so attentive to our surroundings."

"So, tomorrow," he said. "If you ladies can manage your own breakfast, someone will come by to pick you up." His gaze drifted to me. "Is it okay if I call you Bella?"

"Sure."

"Bella, you'll be spending your day with Adam. When Robin called last week with her concerns, Adam decided he could best use you to assist with collections."

"Collections?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, a lot of local merchants believe in what we're doing and when approached, they'll provide goods and services to our volunteers."

"I thought this was some sort of covert op. How can you keep it on the down low if you're soliciting donations?"

"Oh no, Bella, _you and Adam_ will be soliciting donations tomorrow. We'll give you a list of the most generous, and you'll go from place to place and request assistance. If someone feels it's a conflict of interest, they simply won't donate. Although, most of them have been quite helpful in the past."

The next thing I knew, Adam was gently shaking my shoulder and calling my name. I opened my eyes and smiled when I saw we had parked in front of a hotel whose signage was a familiar sight.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drift off."

Adam chuckled. "It's quite alright, everyone has had a long day. Do you ladies need any help with your bags?"

"Nah," Robin replied. "We've got it. We'll see you tomorrow." Adam helped to disengage her wheelchair from the lockdown and she pulled onto the lift. I lifted our duffle bags onto her arm rests and once she was situated, I handed her Kodi's lead.

She firmly commanded her dog. "Kodi, heel."

The three of us walked in through the wide sliding door and to the desk. It was a far cry from the hotel we'd last stayed in together. While this was a newly constructed hotel, owned by a world famous chain, the older private establishment was also governed by the same law that required them both to be accessible to every individual.

Our room was spacious with no barriers in the path of travel. The bathroom was beautifully appointed with a roll in shower, accessible toilet and numerous grab bars. I couldn't give them any dings on an accessibility assessment checklist if I had wanted to. The first thing I planned to do when I got home was draft a letter to the corporate office of the chain and express my gratitude for their endeavor to provide a barrier free environment for their customers.

Robin was watching me as I perused the room. I sat down wearily on my bed and blew my hair out of my eyes before meeting her gaze.

"I was really worried back there at the gym when I saw all those cots. I thought maybe you cancelled our room and didn't want to tell me until we arrived." I said, hesitantly.

"I'd never do that to you, Bella. We all have special needs, special concerns. Many of the people you'll meet over the course of this action will sleep on those cots, regardless of a need for a special mattress, or safety rails, or other adaptive equipment. You know Ed Roberts, the founder of our organization, flew from Berkley to Washington, DC without the iron lung he depended on in order go to a conference that ultimately led to his securing funding for a program he'd started with other disabled students at the college? While many of these people take great personal risk in making change for the greater good of us all, no one would ever tell you that you had to do something that would be harmful to your well-being."

"I feel bad knowing that there are so many other people out there willing to give up the comforts of home while I'm enjoying the luxury of this hotel."

"Don't. No one told them they had to do this, either. They are here because this is what they believe in. You'll see a number of us tomorrow morning in the lobby. It's not just you and I."

I covered my mouth while yawning. "I'm sorry. I understand."

"How can you still be tired? I figured by now you'd have caught your second wind and you'd be up all night."

"I don't know. I haven't been sleeping well. Edward's been fretting about the trip for days, and we both had that upset stomach that's been going around. It's been a rough week or two."

"Well call your man and reassure him that you are fine, that we've got everything worked out so that you can stay cool while you're here. Put his mind at ease so he's not miserable the whole time you're gone."

When I called his phone it went to voice mail, so I left another message. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, he called me back.

"Hey," he breathed. "I'm sorry I missed your call. I was outside with Hershey and I must have left it laying on in the entryway when I got home from work. I wouldn't have had a clue that you called if Alice hadn't said something."

"Alice?"

"Yeah, she stopped over to see if I needed anything on her way to work. I'm still feeling sort of crappy, so she offered to help me shower so I didn't have to attempt it alone."

"But you'll be okay to get yourself into bed?"

"Um, actually, I'm already in bed. I think this bug sort of rebounded. I was a little dizzy, didn't think I could keep any dinner down. I'm sort of glad she stopped by."

"Me too. I have a feeling you wouldn't have called her."

"Actually, I was thinking about calling Carlisle right before Hershey and I came inside. I was just waiting for his shift to end. I didn't want Esme hovering."

"Your mom does that because she loves you, you fool."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "I know she does, and I could never begin to repay her in an entire lifetime for everything she's done for me. I just wanted to get into bed without any fuss. She'd be flitting around fluffing my pillows and trying to coerce me into eating. Alice left me with a couple of bottles of water and a sleeve of saltines. No frills."

"Silly man."

"I hope you don't get this back. It sucked the first time around, I don't really look forward to feeling like that twice."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd gone through two air sick bags on the plane. I wasn't feeling terrible now though, having eaten some light snacks, my stomach had settled.

"I wasn't feeling real great earlier either, but I ate. Maybe you should try some crackers, or it might not be such a bad thing to let Esme come over and get you some dinner."

"Nah, I'm good. I promise to call her if I get hungry. Okay?"

"You're sure?"

"Honest."

"Alright babe."

We talked about my trip and what we expected to happen over the next few days. I could hear the relief in his voice when I explained what I'd be doing. He asked me to wear my vest while I was out and about during the day and I promised I would. Someone from our group had provided dry ice and a heavier cooler for my ice packs, and Edward sounded pleased when I told him what they had done for me.

"Did you take your shot?" Ever the doctor, even when he wasn't feeling well.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen. I wasn't alone, and nothing bad happened."

"Good. I'm sorry I worry."

"I know you love me. I understand."

"Thanks, Love."

I yawned. "Tis okay."

"You sound sleepy, my dear. I should let you go."

"Alright. I love you. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"It's a date. Night, Baby. Love you too."

My night was restless and I sprinted to the toilet as soon as my feet hit the floor, vomiting spectacularly all over the toilet and the floor.

"You okay in there?"

I heaved a few more times before I could get up and make it to the sink to wash my face and rinse my mouth.

"I annihilated the bathroom."

She pushed open the door to find me on the floor trying to clean the mess up with my bath towel. I began retching again and she ordered me to stop trying to clean up. "This is ridiculous, Bella. I'm calling housekeeping."

I sat on the edge of the tub for a while, sipping a bottle of water Robin had handed me, but moved onto my bed when the cleaning girl knocked on the door.

I apologized profusely, and she assured me that in her line of work she'd seen much worse. Still, I slipped a hundred dollar bill in her hand before she left.

"I think we should call Adam and cancel."

"I'll be fine. Just let me get something gentle into my tummy. I'll be okay."

Room service brought our breakfast and I managed to get down an applesauce and some vanilla yogurt. I sat nibbling on a piece of toast while Robin scurried about checking that she had everything she needed for her day. While she was applying her sunscreen and securing a hat to protect her face from the sun, I called Adam. I was feeling a little worse for the wear, but felt that I could still handle my job.

Once things got underway for the day and my mind was off of it, I felt a lot better. _See? _I told myself. _You had yourself all worked up for nothing._

Adam was a likeable fellow and I learned that he too had a disability that warranted staying out of extreme heat. His service companion, Phillip, sat on the seat behind us. Like Hershey, his behavior was perfect. He was invisible unless he was needed. Such a sweet boy.

I shared about my vest, pulling my tee shirt up a little so he could see the ice packs. He laughed and lifted his own shirt then pointed to a small cooler between the seats.

His vest was one that continuously circulated cool water from the cooler with a pump. While it was a much nicer system, I didn't like the idea of being tethered to the cooler and was glad that Edward had purchased the vest that he had.

"We actually have a product vendor who provides cooling technology to our local group. We market test their products for them. An average summer day in this neck of the woods is at least one hundred degrees. If you see any of the advocates today moving about, you'll notice many of them are wearing the cooling bandanas or cooling neckerchiefs. Copaxone sponsored the production of a bunch of them for the National MS society, a number of them were misprinted and the manufacturer donated them for this event."

"That's really cool, pardon the pun."

Adam smiled as he drove. "Yeah, it is. We have lots of great organizations out there who believe in us."

When lunchtime rolled around and we went into a local hamburger joint to request meals for our participants, my stomach flip-flopped at the smell of grease and meat and I waited in the van for Adam to return. He handed me a stack of business cards.

"What are we going to do with these?"

He flipped the top card over. "Bearer is entitled to one free fry, drink and sandwich of their choice." I read out loud.

"Oh, sweet."

"Yeah, they're always good like that. Anytime we have a fundraiser they donate."

"That's really nice."

"You wanna grab something from the drive through?"

The smell still lingered in my head. There was no way. "Nah, go ahead. Maybe we can hit a convenience store and I'll get a pack of crackers and a ginger ale."

"You sure you're okay? You looked a little green in there."

"It was the smell. We had a stomach bug last week and I'm still a little off. I feel terrible, my fiancé is home alone, he's sick too."

"That's tough, I'm sure you'd rather be at home with him."

"Actually, I would. That probably sounds terrible, this trip seemed doomed for me from the get go. I just don't want him to get into a bind while I'm away. He's more than capable of helping himself, but things just go smoother when we're together."

"Yeah, I hear you. My partner and I rely heavily on one another, too. He's here this week, though, makes it easier on both of us, know what I mean?"

Adam and I spent the rest of the day in friendly conversation, and I learned so many things about ADAPT that I wasn't aware of, the history of the organization and how they'd grown, the achievements they'd made. They really spoke up for the rest of us, fighting tirelessly to protect the rights of everyone.

From time to time we'd been in contact with someone from the group stationed at the nursing home office. Our group had spent the day outside in the sweltering heat in an attempt to draw public attention to the situation through a peaceful assembly. Before the day's end they would storm the building, blocking every possible exit. Hopefully, before it was all said and done, the proposed legislation would be re-drafted to address the needs of the individuals who relied on these programs every day of their lives.

Adam and I were sitting in the van at a Piggly Wiggly warehouse while workers loaded the back of the van with thirty cases of bottles water when I got the call. I turned to Adam with tears streaming down my face.

"Adam. You have to help me. I've got to go home. Now."

~Edward~

I was beside myself over her imminent trip to Texas- it was early June, and the fact that I would not be in control of a situation where I feared she'd put herself at risk to participate in something she believed in so strongly, caused me to act out in a manner I was not at all proud of.

We argued from the day she said she had to go, over the pros and cons of the trip. We both thought we were right, and quickly found ourselves at an impasse.

When she left for the airport, my stomach churned, instead of supporting her the way I'd promised to, I had let her down. She left feeling like I didn't approve of what she was doing, when in my head, I had admitted to myself that her job was as important to the disability community as my own, if not more so.

I had encouraged her to take the job, and I understood travel was part of the job. She could have probably pulled the reasonable accommodation card and said the heat would aggravate her condition and they would have no doubt taken that into consideration. But, I didn't feel comfortable saying anything that would make her think I was attempting to clip her wings. She knew what she needed to do in order to stay well, and even though we'd argued and I'd made no effort to hide how upset I was, I'd never order her not to participate.

From the day she started her new job, she jumped head first into advocacy issues in a way she had never been able to before and she was thriving. As a volunteer she had more freedom to pick and choose what sort of assignment she participated in. Where before it had been weekend trips for conventions and workshops, or sitting in on a peaceful protest, after she had taken the job, this trip was expected of her.

I was proud of her, so proud. She had grown strong and confident blossoming with every victory.

She was also daring and that was what scared me. I feared that one day her actions would be detrimental to her health. A record heat wave was forecast in the south lasting the entire time her group was scheduled to be in Dallas and I was so worried that she'd suffer a serious setback.

But, Bella was so excited about the trip that I refused to become _that_ kind of boyfriend. I wasn't going to go all caveman on her and refuse that she go, but I prayed that _something_ would force her to stay home.

That something really reared its ugly head the same morning she walked out the door.

I was relieved when she told me during our first phone call that she wouldn't be actively demonstrating, but rather doing groundwork so that others could have what they needed to participate actively in their protest.

It amazed me to hear the things she'd accomplished with her new acquaintance, Adam. A van full of bottled water, free gift certificates from a burger chain, several blocks of rooms at a local hotel at rock bottom prices. Someone once said I could charm the stripes off a tiger... they were wrong, they never met Bella Swan.

I worried though. I had seen how tired she was at home. Not just when she crept into bed at the end of the day, but_ throughout_ the day. The week before she left had been uncommonly warm for Seattle. I ran the air-conditioning in the house when she was home. Even though I wasn't feeling quite like myself, and the air chilled me to the bones, I had to make sure she was staying cool.

She'd been sick all weekend too, one of us had picked up a stomach bug that took us both down, it had been all we could do to care for each other. I almost hoped that she'd be too ill to go, but aside from some lingering nausea, she said she was feeling much better.

It hung on with me.

But then, on the day before she left, niggling little things began happening with my body. I noticed that my urine output had decreased, and my lower back ached. I increased my intake of water and cranberry juice, but I knew something was brewing. I didn't feel sick per se, I just felt _off_.

After a quick trip to Reilly's office and a dipstick test later my suspicions were confirmed. I began taking a medication designed to suppress the symptoms of the UTI and prevent it from traveling to the kidneys, even still, I worried about the quantity and quality of my urine. With Bella and I actively attempting to have a baby, the last thing we needed was to throw a monkey wrench like a raging urinary tract infection, into the works.

I made the decision to not tell Bella I was having a problem. She'd stay home and I'd feel guilty. I'd had UTIs before, and I'd have them again. Between myself and Reilly, I knew we could lick it. I had Alice and my father to fall back on if I had any additional problems. As much as I didn't want her to put herself in a position that could affect her MS, I didn't want to use my situation to influence her decision either, that wouldn't have been fair to her.

The morning Bella left, I called off work. I couldn't keep anything down, and attributed it to the medication. It had caused nausea and vomiting in the past. I was tough, I could handle it. In the end, I spent much of my day parked at the bathroom sink. I hadn't eaten, so I was only vomiting the water and juice that I'd had all day. When Alice came to help me shower, she commented that I felt clammy. I admitted that I'd stayed home, I had been running a temp, but I'd taken something for it. She knew I hadn't been feeling well, so I didn't need to elaborate. I knew I could beat the infection on my own. No need to worry anyone.

By the time we were done, I was exhausted. It was all I could do to transfer into bed. The bed was cool and as soon as I hung up my conversation with Bella, I fell into a restless sleep. Yet almost immediately I awoke to Alice shaking me.

_I'm so tired, I just fell asleep. Please leave me alone!_

"Edward, did you turn yourself in the night?" _Had I?_

I tried to answer. "Umm, dunno."

"You're soaked. It really smells strong Edward. Eww, we have to get you out of these pajamas."

It vaguely registered that she was struggling to get me undressed. "Don't bother... we'll change later."

"No, we have to get you cleaned up now."

"Where's Bella? I don't think she rolled me."

"Oh, sweetie, she's not here. Remember she's in Dallas."

_Dallas. Is that why I'm so hot? I knew she shouldn't go, it's so hot._

"I'm calling Carlisle. You're burning up, Edward."

"Thirsty."

She tried to give me something. The smell made me retch. Suddenly the basin was in front of me. I heaved and heaved but nothing came up.

Cool hands were suddenly everywhere. Soft and cool. So cool. "Edward, son, can you hear me?"

_Dad?_

I nodded my head, but it hurt. "Yes."

"Son, there's macrobid in the bathroom, do you have an infection?"

"Little bit... not too bad." It was difficult to put my thoughts together into words. "It'll be ok... just need more water..."

"I'm calling an ambulance. Alice we need to change him, quickly, please." The urgency in his voice grabbed my attention. I wanted to tell him, we didn't need an ambulance, it would be fine. It was just a little bacteria. We had it under control, Reilly and me. I was so tired. I just needed to go back to sleep. Why were they here in the middle of the night bothering me?

"I called Jasper, he's at home, he'll be here in a few minutes, he can help us get him changed. They won't take him in the ambulance if he's urine soaked. His temp is 103.9 degrees. I tried to give him liquid Tylenol. He threw it up. We have Tylenol suppositories in the fridge."

Cool hands were suddenly all over me, twisting and tugging at my clothing, rolling me from side to side. I felt someone pulling and tucking the sheets under me. "Is his skin broken down? Are there any open areas?"

Teeth chattered. Freezing cold. Then wet and warm, someone washing me.

"Alice, do we have adult diapers?"

_Not diapers. God no. Please, not that. _

It was as if someone threw ice water on me. Suddenly I was awake.

I reached out and grabbed someone.

"Son?" It was my father.

"Catheter... closet."

"No son, it's beyond that. I'm pretty sure your bladder is empty. We just have to keep you dry."

"_No_- Foley... in the closet."

"Are you sure, son?"

"Just do it." He nodded and walked away. I hated having a Foley catheter and he knew it. I could hear Alice in the bathroom with my dad.

"I think he's been sick a few days. He didn't say much, but he seemed off. I thought it was just because Bella was away." Alice said in a tiny voice.

Carlisle sighed. "This prescription is days old. He should have told someone. What a stubborn man. If the infection has already progressed far enough to make him symptomatic, this is useless."

He came back carrying the large zip lock bag where I stored all the supplies to insert a Foley _in case of emergency. _

I felt his sleeve brush my abdomen as he worked to insert the catheter. It didn't take long and he was cleaning everything up.

"There's a lot of blood and mucous in his urine."

The voices seemed to be spinning all around me. I could hear Jasper near the foot of the bed. He was giving someone my address and phone number. I could hear him talking, and then he'd stop as if he were waiting for a response.

"Yes, the patient is a thirty four year old male. He has a temperature of 103.9. He's disoriented. He's suffering from a urinary tract infection. No, we can't bring him by car. He's a paraplegic. I'm an off-duty EMT. This is Jasper Whitlock. Oh, hello, Betti. The patient is Dr Carlisle Cullen's son. Dr. Cullen requested no sirens. Yes, thank you."

"They're on their way. ETA about 5 minutes. Oh, Baby don't cry."

I heard Alice whimpering somewhere. "I feel like this is all my fault. He wanted to be independent. He was upset with me for hovering over him. I should have known."

Carlisle was quiet, reserved as he spoke to her. "He'll be alright Alice. We just need to get his temperature down and get an antibiotic into his system. The Tylenol should be kicking in soon."

"I'll get the notebook."

"Thanks Alice."

I felt cool hands on my face, then on my wrist searching for a pulse point. I looked up into the face of my buddy Jasper. "Hey." I couldn't get any more out.

"You had me worried there, Ed. Alice is pretty shaken up... finding you like this. The ambulance will be here soon, buddy."

"Bella?"

"Esme will call her. I know she'll come home as soon as she can. She'll probably be here by supper time."

_No, I'm ruining her trip._

I was jarred awake by someone moving me. "On a count of three... One... Two... Three..." and I was in motion, then the cold hard mattress of the gurney under my torso.

Jasper was talking, rattling off numbers... vitals?

My shirt was up and someone was sticking contacts on my chest for the ECG. Another set of hands tied a rubber tourniquet to my forearm. Prodding... palpating for a vein. Something cool and wet on the back of my hand, the sharp smell of alcohol in the air, and then a pinch.

_Bella hates needles._ _Better me than her..._

"IV is in, let's rock and roll."

"Dr. Cullen, you can ride with us. Jasper, we'll see you at the ER."

The rocking of the ambulance made my stomach churn. I coughed and vomited. I watched Carlisle as he leaned forward. Slowly the gurney was raised to a sitting position. Gloved hands wiped my face and rolled up the soiled blanket. Carlisle held a small emesis basin under my chin. "Is there any more, son?" He reached out and ran his hand over my forehead. "So warm."

Just as I shuddered from the cold, another blanket was placed over me.

I drifted in and out of sleep.

I opened my eyes to soft lighting and hushed voices.

My father.

Reilly.

The words swirled around the room, but their significance wasn't lost on me.

Complicated urinary tract infection.

Pyelonephritis.

White cell count.

Elevated cytokine levels.

_Diminished fertility._

It made my head spin and I closed my eyes. It was too much for me to comprehend when I felt so ill.

Unfamiliar hands poked and prodded, rolled me, bathed me, clothed me.

Finally familiarly soft hands touched my face; and whispered words opened my eyes.

_Bella._

"Hey. You're awake."

"Yeah." I sounded hoarse. I was so dry. "Drink?"

"Let me go ask."

"Use the button, Baby."

"What do you need Sweetie?" _Maggie_.

"He's awake. Can he have a drink?"

"Let's start off with some ice till we see how that stomach reacts." She leaned over the rail and ruffled my hair. "We gotta quit meeting like this buddy. Seems it's the only time we get to visit." She squeezed my arm. "I'll be right back with something cold."

"Your trip." I groaned. I'd forced her to come home after all.

"Yeah, I came home early, but it's all good. I've been following it by phone. They didn't pass the legislation this time. There will be other trips. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck." She grimaced. It was a poor choice of words, given our circumstances.

"You've been in and out."

"How long?"

"I've been here about twelve hours."

I frowned.

_All night. _

"Carlisle got me a recliner. It wasn't so bad. Reilly says he'll spring you in a few days."

:-:

After nagging symptoms and a course of ineffective antibiotics the week surrounding Bella's trip to Texas the bacteria hiding in my bladder exploded into a complicated kidney infection. I was going home with a PICC line and four weeks of IV antibiotics. It turned out that the infection was resistant to practically every antibiotic I was able to take and long term therapy was the best course of treatment to eradicate it from my body.

Our final stop before we went home from the hospital was a consultation with Reilly. After the broken conversation I'd heard the night of my admission, I implored him to run some tests to determine the damage to my fertility.

Bella held my hand while he explained that the increased cytokine levels had all but destroyed the motility of my sperm.

"What about the cytokine inhibitors? Can we start another round?"

"Your liver enzymes are still elevated. I can't with good conscience prescribe them for you at this time."

I slammed my hands down on the desk before pushing myself away from the piece of furniture. "So you're saying there's nothing you'll do to help us?" I was prepared to beg, we'd come too far to just walk away from our dreams.

"I'm saying that it would be unethical for me to treat your infertility when the results could be detrimental to your overall health."

Bella held me as the tears fell freely. She tried repeatedly to quiet me. She was eerily calm when she asked Reilly for a moment of privacy. When I began apologizing to her, she shushed me, quietly, lovingly.

"Take all the time you need. I'll stop back in a little while." My long time friend gave my shoulder a squeeze as he passed by me.

Making certain my chair was turned off, Bella climbed up into my lap. While everything in me said to push her away and run off to lick my wounds, sanity reminded me that we were in this together. This was hurting her too, and falling back into old habits would only hurt us both.

Straddling my thighs, she lifted my face with both hands and stared deep into my eyes. I didn't see pity, or sadness, only love. She chastely covered my mouth with hers and left a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'm not sure how to say this..."

I knew what she was going to say. She couldn't do this, she wanted children now, I'd convinced her and it had been taken away from us before it could ever happen. This was it.

_It's all over. She's finally come to her senses. And it's going to be so much worse than it would have been if she'd just stayed away, if I'd never begged her to come back and try._

I cut her off. "This is what I've always feared, that I'd bring us here, to this place, where it was too late to turn around and we'd be irrevocably in love with one another, to a place where you had no way out... Bella, I..." She put her hand over my lips.

"Shhh, please, don't... I know where you're going with this conversation, and we're not going there again. I have something I have to say. Please, I need to get this out. It will negate everything you're trying to say." With a soft smile, she kissed my lips again. "Please?"

I nodded, silently, knowing that if I said anything more I'd break into a million pieces, and this time Humpty Dumpty would be doomed if he had to live out the rest of his existence without his lady fair. Today had begun in a sobering manner and it took everything in me to concentrate on what she wanted to say when our hopes had just been dashed to the rocks. I needed to get away from here and wallow. The sooner the better.

"While I'm relatively certain you'll be overjoyed, I have no excuse for waiting to tell you." She was stuttering and stammering and I could barely understand what she was trying to convey. "I was waiting for the right time, and you've been so sick, I couldn't have you worrying."

"Bella, baby, what's wrong? Why would I worry?" I gently grabbed her biceps to steady her as I leaned her back to take in the vision in front of me. I didn't understand. There was something she hadn't told me, and instinct had my heart racing when she confessed she was afraid I'd worry. I was _so_ confused. She was smiling at a time when I was trying with everything inside me not to crumble.

"You shouldn't worry, but I know you and you will; at least for the next eight months or so. I promised you once that you'd hear the hospital play that lullaby for you. Just because your labs weren't good news doesn't mean you're getting out of parenthood that easily."

There was something about her, an air of contentment I'd never experienced before and suddenly it all clicked into place. She wasn't going to leave me. She wasn't going to run because I had brought her into this existence of mine, making her want what we could never have. She was freeing me from these doubts I'd had since I'd met her, the doubts that had been _confirmed_ by my doctor mere minutes ago. Even though I'd just learned I'd probably never be able to get her pregnant in the future, I'd already, unknowingly sealed that fate.

"Baby? A baby? Our baby?" She nodded. I thought back to the days before her trip when she'd passed up breakfast saying she wasn't hungry, lingering effects of the stomach bug we'd had the weekend before.

I was so sick, feeling so miserable and sapped of energy from the infection I was fighting, that I'd never consciously taken notice of the little signs that had been there plain as day... I rubbed a hand lightly over her tummy.

"I did this to you? Made you sick?"

She nodded again, a huge grin on her face. "You and my pal Little Eddie."

I laughed as I wiped the tears from my face.

"I _knew_ you were in cahoots with him! So... _he_ did this to you." I couldn't help smirking. Modern medicine had made it possible, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would happen so soon.

She was giggling, and kissing, and touching me. She had tilted my chair back slightly and if we weren't careful, I was afraid it would turn into a full-blown make out session, right there in the doctor's office.

I reached for the joystick and jerked us upright. "Have you been to a doctor? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Grandpa Carlisle took a blood sample and had it run, anonymously."

"So my parents knew before me?" I was momentarily crestfallen. I looked at the floor, knowing she didn't intentionally hide it from me, but it hurt knowing they knew before I did.

She took my face in her hands again and forced me to lift my head and look at her. "Hey. It wasn't like that. He's the only one who knows aside from us."

"But..."

"But I wanted to be able to tell you. I just... Edward, I was so sick in Texas and I took a home test the morning I got the call. I got here and you were so sick. Finding private time at the hospital was nearly impossible. I just... gah... every time I tried to say something, someone interrupted, someone called. So I asked Carlisle to run the test, I didn't want to keep taking my meds if I was pregnant." She absently ran a hand over her tummy, and I smiled, realizing our baby was in there.

"You're not taking your meds? Did you stop all of them?" She nodded. "No muscle relaxers, or anything? How are you coping, love?" Her muscle spasms had become agonizing, often requiring a soak in the jacuzzi tub to make them subside. As much as we both wanted a baby, I felt terrible, realizing that she was enduring them, sans any sort of chemical relief, because of a situation I'd inadvertently caused.

"How do you feel?" I was worried that I'd caused her undue fatigue, or discomfort with my illness. Nights without proper rest, stressed beyond belief, I could see it taking its toll on her.

"_There_ he is!" She was all smiles today, and while my heart had been breaking a short time before, I was ecstatic to see her this way. I looked around, but we were still alone in Dr. Reilly's office. "Who?"

"Dr. Cullen, silly! I knew he'd show up as soon as he heard the news."

I couldn't help grinning. Silly girl. "Seriously, babe, are you okay? Do you feel alright?"

"I feel wonderful, a little tired, but aside from getting nauseas, I'm good."

"You're not stiff and sore?"

"Not too bad, but I think I'm going to begin using the spa more regularly. They have a prenatal massage program. I hear they are very accommodating. You'll get your money's worth on that spa membership you bought for me."

"Think that will help?"

"Jeff actually suggested it at my last appointment, told me to look into it in case we did get pregnant. Can I get into the whirlpool? Or will that hurt the baby?"

"Well, no hot tubs, you don't want your core temperature getting too high. That could hurt both you and the baby. But, our whirlpool, yes, that should be ok, just keep the water temperature at a comfortable level. Nothing too hot."

"I understand. Walking around the hospital seems to help me from getting spasms. I would like to begin walking regularly when I'm not too tired."

Dr. Reilly tapped quietly on the door. "Come in." Bella laughed, and I'm sure he was shocked to see us all smiles, when he'd left us- our world was falling apart.

"I don't mean to sound callous, but did I miss the joke?" He asked cautiously and Bella smiled, before she turned and looked at me.

"Do you want to tell him?" she asked, with one eyebrow cocked, daring me to do it.

"Sure, why not?" I reached over and caressed her abdomen before giving him a shit-eating grin. I'm still having trouble getting my head around the whole thing.

_A baby._

"You were too late with your news."

His expression clouded in confusion. "I don't understand."

"I already knocked her up. You're too late."

He looked dumb founded. "You what?"

"My baby- she's having... my _baby_."

While the reality of knowing this would probably be the only time Bella ever became pregnant hung over us, the knowledge that she was, in fact already pregnant did negate that sadness for the time being. I had spent far too much time lamenting over what-ifs. It was time to embrace the happiness that had been bestowed upon us.

Dr. Reilly clapped me on the shoulder. "Well, that's quite the news. I dreaded our visit today, knowing what I had to tell you. I'm glad you shared your news with me. At least our visit can end on a happy note. I've got to see my next patient, but before I go, congratulations. I can't think of anyone who deserves this more than you do, best wishes to both of you."

Reilly had been with me, guiding me through all of the trial and error. He'd been in my corner of the ring cheering me on all along.

"Thank you for everything, this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you." I felt myself getting all emotional. We really needed to go someplace quiet so I could digest all of it. It had been quite a day.

"Bye now. Edward, stop by the reception desk and see Tammy. I'd like to see you in three months, unless you need something sooner."

"Thanks doc."

Bella piped up, "Yes, thank you." She was giggling again and suddenly I wondered how she had kept this all inside.

"Let's go home love." We walked hand in hand to my car. Bella waiting, as she always did, until my side of the car had closed up.

She got inside and we went home. "We should go see your folks soon. I'm sure it's been as difficult for Carlisle to keep a lid on this as it has been for me."

I drove past their neighborhood and headed for home. We'd call them later. I had plans for my girl that didn't involve anyone but the two of us...

* * *

A hearty welcome to the recent newcomers. I know many of you have been waiting for Impact to draw to a close before starting, thanks for hanging in there.

A huge, huge HUGE shoutout to rjh1960 who went back, read and reviewed every single chapter to help me realize my goal of 3000 reviews before the story's end. I can't thank you enough for taking the time during this busy season of the year.

A huge thank you to everyone who continues to read and review. While I don't have time to personally reply to each of them, I cherish them all.

As previously mentioned, if I hit 3000 before the epi is posted, that reviewer will get to pre-read the epi and have the opportunity to make suggestions for the finished product.

So, this is just about it folks. Chapter 67 is the final chapter and is being completed now. Then we just have the epi. This has been a long time coming and while it'll be a relief to feel that I've finished it, it's been personally difficult to see it come to a close. Thank you to each and every one of you who have read, reviewed, recc'd... you're simply the greatest.

I've made so many wonderful friends throughout this journey. Thank you so much for being a part of this.

I wrote this chapter in honor of a real life civil rights advocate. As a young woman, she found herself in a situation with a newly acquired disability and a family who could not cope with the demands and responsibilities of having a teen-aged quadriplegic. As a result, my friend was abandoned by her family, in a facility that wasn't accustomed to or capable of meeting the needs of a young person with a disability. Today my friend spends her days visiting nursing homes, befriending the residents and assisting them with the preparations that allow moving into a community based setting possible.

If you ever have the opportunity to watch it, there is a movie starring The Wonder Year's Fred Savage that is very similar to Greg's story. It's called "When You Remember Me" and is a fact based movie about Mike Mills, a young man with Muscular Dystrophy. Mike is left in a nursing home by his mother who is unable to care for him. The reviews for the movie weren't that great, but it will really make you think. Every once in a while it airs on television.

The plot for the advocacy portion of this chapter is loosely based on the MiCASSA Legislation penned in Georgia in 1996 between ADAPT and Newt Gingrich. An article in New Mobility magazine shares a wonderful account of the ADAPT action that really pushed this legislation to become a reality. A link for the article is on the blog spot.

This is the kind of work Bella does on a day to day basis. The work of an advocate is never done, there is always some wrong that needs to be righted and these people work tirelessly until change occurs. If you want a realistic picture of what a day in the life of an advocate is all about you really need to read it.

Check it out, it'll blow you away.

And finally...

I haven't really been reading much lately, just so many things on my plate, but someone turned me on to the following stories and I had to share.

_**Because of a Boy**_ from cutestkidsmom is a touching tale of a child with autism. Bella's son is an endearingly precocious little guy who befriends nearly everyone he encounters, including Edward whose father is also autistic. It's a well written story with a great plot. I just want to hug the stuffing out of Carlisle and Sebastian.

I've also gotten sucked into _**Salacious **_from the same author. I'm thoroughly sucked in to this story filled with plot twists and things I don't yet understand. Can't wait to see where she takes it. Every chapter draws me in more.

My final rec is for _**Harkham's Case **_from Scarlettplay. "If it's not Asperger's, then what is it?" Bella asked. Alice paused before answering, "We don't know what he has. He was the first documented case. For now, he's called Harkham's Case number one." Bella smiled as a tear leaked out. "Okay." But nothing was. This changed everything. Rated M for adult content even though it starts out in high school.


	67. Chapter 67

So here it is- my final chapter. I had hopes of posting last Thursday; the third anniversary of my first posting of Impact, but real life's obligations took precedence.

You'll notice we've taken a huge time jump. This chapter is a flashback of sorts, in Edward's point of view. The epilogue, which is in both points of view, will post soon-ish.

It's been brought to my attention that I might want to warn my readers that a portion of this chapter has sensitive information that some might find offensive or upsetting. It is Edward's account of his first day on the new job and a portion makes realistic reference to a procedure with laboratory animal subjects. If it concerns you and you'd choose not to read, the passage is preceeded by a page break that looks like this: ooo000ooo. An identical page break marks the end of the passage. You can choose whether you want to skim over it or read. I'm an animal lover and rarely ever step on a bug, but I also realize that there are reasons why laboratory animals are used before treatments are deemed safe for human beings. I don't condone animal cruelty and feel certain that my Edward treats his animal subjects as humanely as possible. I hope you can take it for what it is, just a day in the life of our Labward.

My ending author's note is long, but is by far the most important one I've ever written. Won't you _**please**_ help me pay it forward by taking a few extra moments and reading to the very end?

Thank you.

* * *

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-seven

~Edward~

_**Winter, 2009-2010**_

From the day I began to fulfill my service obligation after graduation I was bounced from lab to lab, working with whatever research physician that needed an assistant on the publicly funded side of the institute.

During the first few weeks after I returned to the research facility after recovering from my accident, I had been placed with a well renowned investigator in the cardiology lab, assisting with a study on the role of bone marrow derived cells in cardiac repair. Ironically, it wouldn't be my compelling essays on the need for Central Nervous System research to benefit pediatric MS patients, but my contribution to a scholarly article that had been published while assisting in the cardio lab that would seal my fate as a research investigator in my own right.

In early summer, I got my second acceptance letter telling me that I had once again dodged the gauntlet and made the cut making me a contender for the final round of applicants. From that point on, it seemed everything picked up and my life took off like a runaway locomotive. I held on for dear life and prayed that we'd make it through unscathed. As a neurologist already established in a private practice, life after the fulfillment of my service obligation would have been much more predictable, manageable.

However, the people I looked up to, respected, they were the ones who prompted me to reach for more. Reach for the challenge and become all that I could be. And I wanted that, I really did, but I was fighting an internal struggle that made me question whether it was worth it. Would our relationship suffer as a result?

I suppose it was the uncertainty, the fear of not knowing how this change in career would affect our lives that had me out of sorts.

As soon as Jeff got the news that I was in the running for the final selection, he did everything in his power to ensure that I had ample time to prepare. There was a ton of footwork to be done and I was run ragged between the lab, the practice and my efforts to gather letters of recommendation from faculty who had worked with me. There were hours spent visiting my mentors and attending the required interviews in front of the selection committee, I could only hope and pray that my efforts would pay off in the end.

The interviews had been grueling, and I was wound tighter than an eight day clock until it was through, snapping at my friends and colleagues over the littlest things. Thankfully, I'd been able to rein in my anxiety when it came to Bella and our home continued to be my place of solace.

The first round of applicants had totaled more than fifty men and women, all equally gifted in their field of study, but by the September deadline for the final round of essays and supporting documentation, only eight of us remained, vying for those five coveted grants.

After I fulfilled all the requirements for the final round and submitted my packet to the committee, the only thing I could do was sit back and wait. While there was a twelve and a half percent chance that I'd make the cut, reality told me not to get my hopes up.

Bella and I had made a decision as a couple that no matter what the grant committee decreed, I'd concentrate my efforts on getting into some research program for CNS disorders. To show his support, Jeff had already begun sending me back-up information for upcoming opportunities where I could submit my research plan for grant consideration.

I'd been warned, I'd have a better chance being accepted into a program if we were willing to relocate should that be required, but Bella and I both agreed that there was no way we were going to move to another location. Bella made me feel like my dreams were important, that they held merit, but nothing was that important to me- not at the expense of tearing our family apart.

While people did it all the time, I realized, it would have been impractical for so many reasons to make a career driven move at that point in our lives. We were blissfully happy where we were and everyone and everything that held any importance to either of us was right there in Seattle.

Seattle was and always would be our home.

Autumn 2009 brought with it a flurry of activity. Knowing that there was even a remote possibility that I'd earn the grant award, I strived to fit everything I could into our personal lives fearing that if I did receive the award, time away from my family would be the greatest sacrifice.

Carlisle's amused comment that my obsessive compulsion to get everything done before I embarked on a career change was akin to a woman's urge to nest before she went into labor only served to frustrate me further, but in a sense he was right.

Like a mother-to-be, I had the all-consuming urge to fit everything I possibly could into those few short months, _just in case_. I found it difficult to turn off my mind, even in sleep.

It was early September and there were so many things that needed to be done. Things that needed to be accomplished around the house in preparation for winter, obligations that needed to be met with both the support group and the neurology clinic, personal time I wanted to spend with my parents and Bella, and oh, the many things we needed to do in order to prepare for the baby.

But, at a time when I wanted to spend every waking moment with Bella, it seemed like the moment I walked through the door, my body felt it was time to shut down and I crashed. I had spent the bulk of my summer fighting antibiotic resistant urinary tract infections, and Reilly had gotten me to a point where the only bacteria currently in my urine was the healthy flora that belonged there. Still, it had taken a toll on my health and I didn't have the energy I'd had before they invaded my system.

Bella had her share of ups and downs with her disease process, as well. While the pregnancy hormones did help to keep her MS in check, the stress her body was under manifested itself as unrelenting fatigue. When one of us wasn't snoring on the couch, it seemed that the other was. It wasn't all that uncommon to find us both in that state at the same time.

While I was filled with good intentions, there was just no way I could take on the world. I was working my mind into a frenzy and all that did was upset everyone close to me. I worried that Bella would take on too many responsibilities while she was pregnant because I wasn't there to help her or to delegate the task to someone who was able to do it for us. When Bella told my father that my erratic behavior was making her climb the walls, he dropped by my office for an impromptu visit.

I'd been working mornings in our neuro clinic and buzzing over to the lab after lunch all week. I'd just finished with my last patient and hurried into the office to grab my coat. I pushed the door open with my chair and Hershey let out a "woof" when he spied Carlisle sitting on my couch.

"To what do I owe this surprise? How can I help you, old man?"

He smiled hesitantly. "I actually stopped by to see what I could do to help you."

I cocked my head. "Help me?"

He stood and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Bella's worried about you, son."

I hung my head and sighed.

_That._

"There's so much to do. Things around the house and here at the office and we have the baby coming, I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not accomplishing anything. I'm letting her down when she needs me."

He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"That's why you have a support system, Edward. We're here for you, all you have to do is ask. Let us help you shoulder the load son." The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled knowingly. "Remember, I've been where you're at right now."

"Thanks, Dad. I just," I shook my head in frustration. "I don't even know where to begin."

"We'll sort it all out..." And they did.

The following weekend while I was at work, Em and Jasper stopped to clean out the gutters. Carlisle took the screens out of the windows and prepared the yard for winter. Esme bathed Hershey and clipped his nails, and Rose, Alice and Guy helped Bella sort out her old bedroom in preparation for the baby.

When the outside work was done, and Bella's personal items had been placed throughout the house, the guys hauled the rest of her things which had been boxed up to the basement storage closet. The only things left in the room were Bella's old rocking chair and her large collection of children's books, a collection that had only grown larger after Bella had moved all of her personal effects from her classroom into our home.

It had been a long day of Saturday rotation for me and I couldn't wait to get home. My day started with a stroke consult in the emergency room followed by two in-house calls to see patients who had been moved to a floor. After catching up on a ton of charting, I ended my day back in the emergency department consulting with the frantic parents of a small boy who was exhibiting symptoms of a seizure disorder.

So much responsibility being a parent.

How did people do it and retain their sanity? While the prospect of being wholly responsible for a child had to be exhilarating, it had to be terrifying as well.

The sight of our driveway was a relief after such a long day and conflicted ride home. Even though I was tired, the thought of spending a few hours of quality time with our loved ones raised my spirits significantly.

Carlisle greeted me in the front yard with a rake in his gloved hands. I pulled onto the lawn and watched as he pulled leaves out from behind the bushes that I couldn't reach from my chair.

He stood and stretched his back. "Hey, I brought you something. Your mother bought it for me, but I much prefer the gas powered type. Since you have a smaller yard, the short battery life shouldn't be an issue."

Hershey watched from the porch as my dad pulled a tool out of a box and set it on my lap. He held it while I situated the handle in my left hand.

"I thought we could find a way to rig it so your arm doesn't tire holding it, bungee cord the front to your footrest perhaps?"

I pushed the button and it sprung to life. Hershey, who had been fascinated up to that point, recoiled from the sound.

I lowered it to the ground and began chasing the few stray leaves that remained into the huge pile next to the sidewalk.

Jasper's unmistakable laugh caught my attention and I turned the leaf blower off and pulled it back up onto my lap. It wasn't heavy, just a few pounds, and perhaps, like Carlisle suggested, a simple modification would make it easier for me to hold with one hand while I drove my chair with the other. I hadn't done any sort of yard work, other than watering plants in Esme's raised planters since before I'd ended up in the chair. It felt good.

"If your day job doesn't pan out, we could always get you one of those zero-degree radius lawn mowers. Bella could put ya on the seat with your Hoyer in the morning and you could drive from house to house till she gets home at night."

"Hardy-har. How you doing man?"

"I'm good, we got a lot done today."

"About that, thanks. I really appreciate it."

"It was like old times. We all had lunch together, and then we got busy. Everything's done, I was just coming out to see if your dad needed a hand with anything. The girls are out back."

I stopped on my way through the kitchen to feed Hershey and take my evening meds. I watched with a smile from the kitchen window as three giggling girls dragged a basket of blankets and throws from inside the house.

It made me happy to see everyone laughing and having fun.

The sun was going down, when I made it outside to join the group that had assembled in our backyard. Darkness came early anymore and there was a chill in the air, but it would be a pleasant evening for the gang to congregate and just spend some time together.

Alice and Esme lit the fire while Rosalie gently rubbed her hand over Bella's tummy, then draped a soft blanket over her shoulders and gently tucked it around her front before leading her to a cushion next to the fire.

As attentive as she was with my girl, Rose's attention soon turned to her son. She watched him with love and adoration and I couldn't help but marvel over how he'd grown under her care.

I joined Emmett, Jasper and Guy in a lazy game of catch. We played until it was too dark to see, and then joined the gang for friendly conversation around the fire. Guy giggled when Hershey dropped a soggy tennis ball into his lap just begging to play catch a little while longer.

Back when he'd first come into our lives, his life was in a state of upheaval; the only parental figure he had in his life had been taken from him, he had been removed from his home, he had some medical issues and very little self esteem. Life with Emmett and Rose had been good to him, they worked as a team to bolster his self confidence and include him in activities which not only improved his coordination but helped him become more physically fit and ultimately improved his cardiac health. They wanted nothing more than to see him independent and well.

I reached my hand out to Bella and she took it, allowing me to tug her off the bench and invite her onto my lap. She snuggled into the circle of my arms with a contented sigh. My fingers drifted to the swell of her tummy, caressing her softly and soothingly. When I'd stop rubbing, tiny little ripples would flutter under my fingertips making me smile. We were engaging in our own little game of hide and seek. I couldn't wait until our little one was ready to come out and play.

Bella yawned and snuggled in a little more closely. She'd never admit it, but I could tell that the pregnancy was wearing her out.

:-:

I loved watching Bella's expanding waistline, much to her chagrin. It seemed as if her baby belly had exploded over night. The added weight in the front really threw off her balance and affected her gait, to the point that many of her evening walks were cut short, turning instead into evening strolls on my chair.

The first night it happened, she'd been in such a great mood. It was a lovely fall night with a gentle, warm breeze and we were having a wonderful time until we encountered a pair of ignorant old biddies sitting in the courtyard of our complex.

I suppose to some the sight of Bella and I wasn't something they expected. There we were- my paraplegic self and my girl, strolling along at a crawl- her one hand clutching her cane and the other safely ensconced firmly in my grip.

For us, our pregnancy was nothing short of a miracle- still there were people who looked at us like they couldn't fathom how we could ever be adequate parents. One look and you could almost see the wheels turning inside their heads.

Bella and I had walked nearly a mile when I felt her falter. Always vigilant, fearful that she'd fall and hurt herself or the baby, I stopped rolling and took her cane from her, stowing it on the back of my chair. I then proceeded to pull her onto my lap and kiss her.

With the chair turned off, the only sounds were the gentle rustle of leaves and the conversation coming from the little gazebo to my left.

I was well acquainted with mood swing Bella, and wasn't really looking forward to seeing her rear her angry head on what had been such a pleasant outing, even if it were completely justified.

I'd heard comments before, about people _like us_ bringing a baby into the world, but that particular night the conversation was most certainly aimed at us.

"Did you see that? He's crippled and they're having a baby, she can barely walk herself. How will they ever be able to care for a baby?"

_How dare they?_

I saw red. They could say what they wanted about me, but I was infuriated when they verbally attacked my girl. Had I not been raised as a gentleman, I'd have shot back an ugly retort, but it wouldn't have done anything but fuel the fire.

My girl could barely contain her rage or her tears. I held Bella tight and made a hasty retreat dragging poor Hershey as fast as his little legs would carry him, all the while, attempting to smooth Bella's ruffled feathers.

"It's not worth it baby, _they're_ not worth it."

"What's that old saying?" She asked cynically. "_Better to act dumb than to open your mouth and remove all doubt?_"

"Yeah, I think, but you're not the dumb one here. They're not worth getting yourself all worked up over."

No sooner had my moody girl's anger dissipated, than she crumbled into a blubbering mess.

Thankfully we'd made it to the sanctuary of our home where she crawled onto the couch with her back to me. It took forever for the tears to subside, and I rubbed her back until she finally cried herself to sleep. The hiccoughs continued into her restless slumber.

It was while I watched her sleep that I called my mother.

We'd decided to wait until the baby was born to exchange our vows. I'd been in and out of the hospital several times during my bout with the UTI's and we'd had to postpone our June wedding.

It was ignorance that sometimes led people to the misconception that individuals with disabilities were much more dependent on others than we really were.

Maybe those old biddies were right in one aspect, how could I properly care for her without making her my wife?

Perhaps I couldn't change people's perception of us, as a couple who had disabilities, but one thing I could do was put a wedding ring on her finger and make her my partner in every way.

We both understood how unpredictable life could be and I wanted her to benefit from everything married couples shared. Not just in name, but I needed to know that she would reap the benefits of my health insurance, my life insurance, and my pension, should something happen and I were to succumb to a complication of my disability.

I needed to know that she was provided for, and I wanted our baby to have that security as well.

"Edward?"

"Hey Mom. How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you? How's Bella?"

"She's good. Resting right now. That's kinda why I wanted to talk to you."

I proceeded to tell Esme about our evening, and my desire to make Bella my wife before our baby came into the world.

"Poor darling. I want to come over there and give those old bats a piece of my mind."

I chuckled. "Nah, Mom, you don't want to do that. You need it all yourself."

I could hear the smile in her voice when she asked, "Well, if you won't let me do that, how _can_ I help?"

By the time I got off the phone, I'd planned an impromptu celebration with my mother who had volunteered to send out the invitations and contact Bella's parents. When she urged me to allow her to call Renee I hesitated, but I knew that even though she shrugged it off, Bella was hurting over her mother's disinterest in our life together. Esme suggested that perhaps a mother to mother conversation was just what Renee needed to get her head out of her behind. I knew that if anyone could approach the situation with grace and tact, it was Esme.

Bella was initially mortified that I'd gone ahead and made such a huge decision without her, she didn't want to get married 'looking like a whale' but when I explained myself and reminded her that only our closest friends would be there anyway and they were all over the moon about the baby, she readily agreed.

Esme's offer to call Renee though, not so much.

Several days later, however, Renee called asking for Bella.

I wasn't privy to their conversation, but Bella exited our room with a smile on her face and a new spring in her step. She crawled up into my lap and kissed me. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything."

"No, but Esme did and she wouldn't have; had you told her not to. So thank you."

"You should share those sentiments with Esme."

"Already did. Oh, and plan on two more for the wedding."

"Oh, Baby. I'm so happy for you. Is everything okay?"

"Okay. Not perfect, but we'll get there I think."

I hadn't told Bella that I knew, but Esme had been appalled when she called me after her visit with Renee. Apparently Bella's mother was of the mindset that Bella had just given up and allowed her disability to rule her life. She felt that she should be fighting it with everything she had, when in her mother's eyes, she had given up, electing to immerse herself in the disability community. I guess Esme actually laughed when Renee said that if she didn't know better she'd think Bella was proud of her disability.

We'd have to work on her misconceptions.

It sounded like Renee's greatest concern was my ability to care for Bella. Apparently Esme straightened her out, reminding her that marriage was a partnership of two people caring for one another and by the time the conversation was over, Renee was asking for our home phone number and apologizing for ever doubting her daughter or my abilities to be a good husband. I had no doubts that Esme had explained our situation in a manner that even Renee could understand.

It pleased me greatly to know that the fence had been mended. Bella and her mother could begin to repair the relationship that had begun to deteriorate when Bella's MS first presented itself. She needed her mother, and it sounded like they'd once been close. Perhaps they could have that again, if nothing else, Bella would have the satisfaction of knowing she tried.

When our wedding day arrived, Bella was in the middle of a flare-up. Between the flare and the pregnancy hormones, she was a mess. It was all she could do to walk to the bathroom from her side of the bed, and in a matter of hours she was supposed to make her way through my parent's back yard to the makeshift altar where we planned to exchange our vows.

While she showered, I took matters into my own hands. Several creatively placed phone calls and everything was taken care of.

When she exited the bathroom, I tugged her onto my lap and asked her not to overdo it. To hell with tradition. We were going to do things our way. It was our day. It was about us and no one else. I didn't want her so wiped out that she couldn't enjoy her once in a lifetime experience.

After sharing a quiet breakfast, we showered and dressed casually. The drive to my parents was silent, both of us lost in thought. I delivered her to my old bedroom and into the waiting arms of our mothers with a kiss on the lips and the promise that I'd return for her in a few hours.

I don't know what women did to primp and prepare for events such as a wedding, but it seemed I waited forever for someone to let me know she was ready.

Charlie was more than understanding when I explained the situation and Angela was fine with us changing up the ceremony, assuring me that we could do whatever we wanted, it was, after all, our day.

I stood on the back porch, staring out at our friends who had assembled under Carlisle's tree. My best man stood next to me in silent support. I marveled over the turn my life had taken because my father had volunteered me to consult on yet another one of his cases. I could never thank him enough for bringing her into my life.

I smiled when I got my mother's text saying Alice was putting the finishing touches on Bella's make-up and they'd be ready in no time.

"Time to rock and roll, Pops. Thanks for standing up for me today." I reached out, adjusted my best man's tie and patted down his lapels, straightened his rosebud boutonniere.

Carlisle looked down at my nervous hands, laughing softly. "Isn't that supposed to be my job?"

"I suppose I'm a little nervous."

"Go get your girl, son."

I took a deep breath and stood my chair, more than ready to collect my bride.

I arrived just in time to see her stand on wobbly legs and smooth her ivory dress down over the swell of her tummy. Rosalie had styled her hair into curls that cascaded down her back.

Esme gripped Bella's shoulders and peered from behind her into their combined reflection in the mirror. "You look lovely, my dear. You'll blow him away." Esme exclaimed as I smiled from the doorway. For just a second I closed my eyes and imagined my mother in her place. They looked so much alike, even her voice...

There were days when I felt like they were right there with us in our home and I knew they were smiling down on us that day as we exchanged our vows.

I sucked in a deep, calming breath and gently tapped on the doorframe.

"Your chariot awaits m'lady. Don't want to be late to your own wedding."

She sucked in a stuttered breath when she saw me standing there, eyeing me up from head to toe.

"You're breathtaking in a tuxedo."

I took in the shimmering satin of the dress that accentuated all of her luscious curves. "You're pretty breathtaking yourself."

I held out the bouquet I'd snagged from the refrigerator on my way through the kitchen.

She took it from me, raising it to her face and inhaling deeply. The autumn colored flowers were bursting with an incredible aroma.

She gestured between herself and I. "Isn't this bad luck?"

"Do you really believe in superstitions?"

"It feels wrong to tempt fate."

I lowered my chair and offered my hand. "But Baby, this feels so right. We've been tempting fate since the day we met. Let's go make this official."

She sniffed, muttering a comment that we had deprived her dad of an essential fatherly duty. I shook my head, explaining that Charlie was fine with what we were about to do.

"My dad has been looking forward to this day practically my entire life..."

"He understands, your parents will be waiting at the altar to give you away. Are you ready, my love?"

She settled into my lap gingerly. The act conjured up fond memories of the first times she'd done that, back when my body was broken and my legs were fragile. She'd always been so careful.

"Let's get this show on the road." Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "Come on, it's not every day that two of my best friends tie the knot."

When we had arrived to take our places at the altar, not only had someone thoughtfully set out chairs for the entire wedding party, but Bella remained on my lap throughout the entire ceremony. It might have been a little unorthodox, but for us, it was perfect.

And after she was legally mine, we went to Olivia's where Willow and her crew had everything decorated beautifully in a fall theme. We spent a quiet, uncomplicated evening in the lounge celebrating with our friends and dancing to a jazz band in front of the fire. By nine o'clock, Bella was asleep in my arms.

Instead of venturing all the way to the cabin like we'd originally planned, we spent a quiet weekend in the bed and breakfast across the street from the restaurant, knowing that once we got home, our lives would return to the craziness that had become our normal.

:-:

After months of submitting essays and applications and sitting on pins and needles, I finally received my final round notification letter from the grant committee.

Late one November afternoon, I found myself behind the desk in my study holding the envelope that had the potential to change my life. Our lives. It was a bittersweet moment, knowing that the second I stuck the letter opener under that flap- no matter what the outcome, everything would be different.

And it was.

Jeff and Dr. Burch had things under control with the practice, but it wasn't without some amount of trepidation that I began making preparations to leave. When Jeff invited me to join his practice, I'd seen it as a long term career move. Never in a million years had I seen myself leaving after only a few years.

I worked crazy hours in the neurology clinic, transferring patients to my colleagues, going over patient files to ensure that they were complete. Patients who I'd taken a _let's wait and see_ approach with, I called in to consult before handing them off to another's care. Some of them deserved more definitive testing. Although most would continue to see one of the two remaining doctors in our practice, others would seek care elsewhere and I refused to leave even one of them feeling like they had been shortchanged.

The most reassuring part of the entire shift in my career was the news that my job transfer was not considered a breach of contract in regards to my loan repayment program. I would not be penalized for changing positions. Even though I was working in the other half of the same building, the study I'd be involved with wasn't qualified work and I was released from my service obligation early with no penalties.

In the long run, it would take a little longer to pay off my education, but I wouldn't be penalized with the exorbitant monthly fees several of my classmates had been charged for voluntary early withdrawal.

I wanted to fit everything I could into our life before I began my three year research grant, knowing that I'd be absent much more than I ever wanted to be once the new position began.

Our lives became a whirlwind of activity and in no time, Christmas was once again upon us. Bella continued to struggle with pregnancy issues, so Esme hosted a huge family get together with Bella's entire extended family from Forks. It was unfortunate that Renee was unable to come out, but she'd been here for our wedding and that was much more meaningful to Bella.

After spending a lazy morning opening gifts we prepared to drive over to my parents and settle in for a long day.

Jane and Alec had dropped by the house as we were getting ready to go. "We just wanted to drop these off." Jane said, handing Bella a tray of Christmas cookies. "Charlotte and I baked all week."

I pulled her into a one armed hug. "I'm so glad you've become close." She needed a woman in her life, someone she could go to for advice. A true mother.

"Yeah, she's really great. Peter is pretty cool, too. I really enjoy working with him. He offered me a full-time job when I graduate, but I'm going to go to college part-time and keep working mornings in the office."

"That's great Jane. I'm proud of you, kid." She'd grown so much from the shy, reclusive girl I'd met all those months ago in rehab.

"Thanks."

Alec was wooing my pregnant wife so I had to give him grief over it. "Dude, what are you doing? Trying to move in on my territory while my back was turned?"

He laughed. "You know she's always had a soft spot in her heart for me, haven't you, doll?"

Bella pushed on his shoulder playfully. "I told you Alec, I've only got eyes for one man. Aren't you taken anyway?"

Jane laughed and tugged on his jacket. "Come on Romeo, they've got plans." She gave Bella a gentle squeeze. "Call us when the holidays are over, we should do a movie night or something."

"We will. Have a nice holiday."

:-:

The Christmas celebration was in full swing when we arrived at my parent's house. Alice tugged my coat off my shoulders and I caught a glint of something shiny for a split second. I was quicker than she was and caught her left hand in my own.

"What's this Ali?" I asked with a smile, rubbing my thumb over the modest stone.

I heard Jasper chuckle from behind me. "I think they call it a Christmas present."

"Looks like more than a Christmas present to me."

Alice smiled up at me with watery eyes. "Sure took us long enough, didn't it?"

I hugged her tight. "As long as you figured it out, that's all that matters. Are you happy?"

"Ecstatically."

"Congratulations. Have you told everyone?"

"We called our parents, then Rose and Emmett this morning. And Esme, well, she made a scene as soon as she saw it. You and Bella were the only ones who didn't know."

Bella turned from the coat closet. "Know what?"

Alice held out her hand and both girls squealed, hugging each other tightly.

:-:

Knowing that several family members had medical backgrounds and wanting to keep a lid on the gender of the baby a short while longer, we decided to not present my parents the framed copy of Bella's most recent ultrasound in the presence of everyone else.

I had watched with a smile as Bella slipped into Carlisle's study while Alice had been assisting me to pull off my coat. By the time my short exchange with Alice and Jasper was over, she was hanging her coat in the closet and nobody was the wiser.

_Baby Cullen_ made out like a bandit, raking in all sorts of toys and clothing. One would have thought it was a baby shower and not a Christmas celebration.

Alice had begged us to find out the sex of the baby so she could help decorate the nursery, because _heaven forbid_, a girl could not possibly occupy Bella's old room until it had been properly decorated with all things pink and frilly. Bella quickly and confidently reminded her that the room _had been_ decorated for a _girl_ when the house was built and the room had never been pink, or frilly.

Bella wanted to design the nursery on her own terms, while we wanted more than one child anything could happen and we had no idea what the future held for us. This could be our only experience and she wanted to relish it without a lot of outside pressure. While we finally knew what we were having, Bella and I had chosen a gender neutral theme revolving around a number of childhood literature characters we had both known and loved as children. It seemed only fitting.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.

Bella picked up a well worn collection of children's classics and sat in her childhood rocker examining the object in her hands thoughtfully. Her fingers ghosted over the cover art as she smiled wistfully.

"You know I was thinking. Esme mentioned that a friend of hers is a painter who specializes in children's themed rooms." She held up the book she was holding. The back cover was a collage of beloved characters.

"Would you object if we did something like this in lieu of a typical nursery that the baby will just outgrow in a few years anyway?"

I held my arms out and she stepped into my embrace.

"I think that's perfect, baby."

:-:

Even though Renee and Bella were on the mend, it had been Esme who'd been mothering my girl for so long, even before we had become a couple. It made me feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside when Bella announced that she'd made plans with my mom to go baby shopping on the evenings I was scheduled to work late. She wanted to share with Esme the opportunity Mother Nature had stolen away. Esme was over the moon about the baby and I knew from the beginning that she'd be the most hands-on grandparent of them all.

The sounds and smells of a gourmet feast wafted from the kitchen and Esme shooed Bella away every time she attempted to help.

Esme refused to allow Bella to lift a finger, and truly, all the work had already been done. Esme's cleaning woman ran a side catering business with her sister, both widowed without family obligations; they'd readily accepted the job of preparing and serving our meal.

Rose, Emmett and Guy were the last guests to arrive and we all stood around visiting until Esme announced it was time to be seated.

Rose pulled out the seat next to me and sat down. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered. "After dinner, do you think we could have a private moment? I could really use your advice."

I nodded and then turned to Carlisle as he stood to bless our family, our loved ones who were absent and finally the wonderful meal before us. Bella gave my hand a squeeze and we both whispered _Amen_.

My eyes remained closed a moment longer as I said a silent prayer for my parents, wishing more than anything that they could share in the wonderful life I'd been gifted.

It was the first Christmas in years that I hadn't spent at least some portion of with Maggie. She and Liam had followed through on their dream and were in Cambodia spending their holiday caring for under-privileged children. She'd always been a nurturer and she'd found her calling. I wondered if they'd ever come home or if this would become a permanent vocation for them.

She'd been such an influential part of my life for so many years. It was incomprehensible to me that it would be at least ten months until they were stateside, if not longer. For our wedding, she sent us a beautifully crafted basket, woven by a Cambodian farmer. We received a card with a lengthy letter for Christmas, but it just wasn't the same as having her here.

I missed so much more than just the cookies.

A brightly wrapped set of rose chintz teacups sat under our tree. I'd put them away until she came home in the fall and we caught up on life.

Everyone chattered around the table. So many good things were happening in the lives of the people we loved.

Once again, Demetri was spending the holiday with his family, but this time the entire Mitchell family were all living under the same roof. In July, he'd received a substantial settlement from his former employer and while they were currently renting a large home on the outskirts of the city, ground had been broken on the large piece of property they'd purchased with the money from the sale of their home in Gold Bar.

While Demetri continued to need more personal care, Alec had become quite self-sufficient requiring Alice's services less and less. When Demetri was reunited with his family, Alec continued to maintain the apartment at Sanctuary while attending the University of Washington.

The Meteors had made it all the way to the state championships and one of the guys had been approached by a scout for the Paralympic basketball team. Emmett was like a proud father singing the praises of his boys.

Alice gushed about her summer plans for a huge fairytale wedding and asked Bella and Rose to be joint matrons of honor. She was still sharing her ideas with everyone when we moved into the living room so the caterers could clean up and be on their way.

Carlisle tipped his head and gestured for his study.

I don't think anyone even noticed when we snuck away.

He lifted the frame and studied it, his features soft.

"I saw your beautiful wife sneak in here with this when you arrived. I assumed you wanted to keep it under wraps a while longer."

I nodded, watching with pride as he caressed our baby's face with the tips of his fingers and then leaned back in his leather chair, folding his hands behind his head.

"So, I don't see a..."

I cleared my throat softly, slightly overcome with emotion. "Nah, I didn't either."

"So, a little girl, perhaps? That's pretty incredible."

My face broke into a huge grin. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?"

"When you gonna tell your Mom?"

"Later, after things wind down."

"You know she's going to confront me as soon as everyone leaves. She'll want my professional opinion on the gender of her grandbaby."

I shrugged. "That's fine. You won't steal our thunder if you tell her. Bella wanted to keep it under wraps until she and Esme were done decorating the nursery. That's something special she wants to share with Mom."

"I can't tell you how happy that's made Esme."

"I can imagine."

"She has so much love to give. She's going to spoil your child."

"You can't spoil a child with love."

"No, you can't." He smiled at the first ultrasound picture we'd given them, back when our baby looked like more like a peanut than a human. "I can't believe you're going to be a father in a few short months."

I shook my head in disbelief. No, I couldn't quite wrap my head around it either.

Carlisle opened a drawer and pulled out his prized bottle of single malt scotch pouring a small amount in each of two glasses. "I think this event calls for celebration."

It was the same brand he used to share with my father.

He shared a warm smile with me. "You know, I've never had the pleasure of sharing this with you."

I shook my head. "I don't really..."

"It's a taste experience like no other."

I'd had scotch whiskey before but nothing as smooth as Carlisle's, I remembered my dad telling me that one day it would be an experience I'd come to appreciate.

"That was nice. Thanks."

He pulled a Cuban out of his humidor. "Cigar?"

Smoking was something I'd never done. I didn't think it would be a pleasant experience. "Uh, no thanks. I don't want to embarrass myself."

"Alright." He chuckled. "Perhaps when the baby comes. We'll have to buy a whole box to hand out."

"Perhaps."

There was a quiet tap on the door and Rosalie poked her head through the door.

"Hey, Guy is getting antsy. We're going to head out soon. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." Carlisle stood up and came from behind his desk. "Always so nice to see you, my dear. Please give my regards to your parents."

Carlisle put his hand on the small of her back to begin guiding her out the door. She gave me a worried look and I interrupted.

"Rose, can I talk to you? There was something I wanted to discuss before you go. Carlisle, could you give us a moment? We'll be right out."

"I'll just go say goodbye to the boys." He dipped his head. "Rose."

Rose walked to the bookshelf and picked up a photo of the bunch of us. "It seems like it's been so long since some of these were taken." And it had been. There were photos of the four of us, Rose, Jasper, Alice and me at Carlisle and Esme's cabin. It had been years ago during one of the rare occasions where I'd come home from med school and actually spent vacation time with my family.

"So, there was a pressing matter you wanted to discuss?"

She smiled as she pulled a manila envelope from her purse.

"Actually, I was hoping to get your opinion about something. I uh, I was talking to Opal."

"The attorney from the CIL?"

Rose nodded her head. "Mmhmm. She's handling a private adoption for a couple, and decided to run it past me."

I knew Rose didn't normally handle family law issues, so it seemed odd that Opal would ask her for advice. My gaze drifted to the envelope.

"Why did she ask for your assistance?"

"She didn't. Well, not the way you're thinking."

"I don't understand."

"She, um, the child- she's an infant with Downs. It's an older couple, change of life baby. They had twins. They had an amnio and the little boy was fine, but the little girl tested positive. Their obstetrician pressured them to have a therapeutic abortion. Tried to convince her that the boy would be healthier, larger, if he was the only one in the womb. Told them the girl would never have any quality of life. Gave them all sorts of scenarios why they shouldn't continue the pregnancy. He made it sound like having Downs was a death sentence for their child."

"And they chose to not terminate her, but they don't want her?"

I was seething. I hated the fact that the science that was my very livelihood, was sophisticated enough to put people in a position where they could be selective about the babies they chose to terminate. I wasn't a staunch prolife advocate per se, but my profession put me in an awkward position. I took a Hippocratic Oath where I vowed to hold all life sacred, but at the same time, much of the work I did depended on the availability of human embryos.

"No, calm down, it's not like that. They were planning to raise her, but I don't think they were prepared for all of her health issues." She handed me the envelope. I opened it, reading the physicians notes logged by a number of neonatal specialists.

In the 1920's a baby born with Downs and congenital heart disease didn't live into her teens, and today, with the proper care she could live well into her fifties and beyond.

Baby girl Jones had come into the world with a shaky start, but it appeared she might be on more firm footing already. At only a few weeks old she had already undergone several open heart procedures. She had a Mickey Button in her tummy to receive nourishment and physical therapy was working with her.

"They just don't feel they are in a position to give her everything she needs." Rose explained when I handed the folder back to her. "They want more for her."

Our eyes met, and suddenly I understood. "Oh, Rose. Are you sure?"

Her eyes were all misty and I could tell she'd already made the decision. "Yeah," she whispered.

"Are _you_ going to be able to handle her health care issues? Nothing in life is guaranteed."

Her fingers ghosted over the locket that still hung around her neck, but she remained quiet.

"What if, heaven forbid, you lost her too?" I asked. This wasn't something to take lightly. I didn't know if Rose could handle that kind of loss a second time.

"I never planned to have children, you know. Royce and I, we were career driven. But I think, maybe God gave me Emily to show me that my life was destined for something more than a courtroom."

"I could have told you that. But... "

"We'll be alright," she interrupted.

"How do you think all this will affect Guy?"

"He's leaving us, Edward," she whispered.

Since their trip last January, Guy and Tracy had become inseparable friends, and while they'd probably never have a typical romantic relationship, they took turns staying with Em and Rose, or with Tracy's mom.

"He wants to go to Portland. I knew Guy wasn't going to be with us forever. He's leaving in June after graduation. I'd never hold him back. He's a young man with dreams. He should be able to realize those dreams."

Emmett had seemed relieved when Guy told him that doing anything more than kissing with a girl was gross, and he had been more than willing to decorate a girlie pink bedroom for Tracy when she came to visit. Guy also had his own room, in Tracy's home.

They were cute together, holding hands or kissing and giggling softly. It was sweet to witness their interaction, both of them obviously happy. When they told Emmett and Rose they wanted to be together as a couple, Tracy being the more verbose of the two of them, Rose sat down with Tracy's mom and they talked about their fears and concerns; then they came up with a plan that made everyone happy.

With a three hour distance between residences, the most practical solution was for them to reside with one family or the other. While possessing basic independent living skills, everyone agreed- the kids included, that while neither Guy or Tracy were really prepared to live independently, they could certainly live as friends in a parental household. They just knew they wanted to be together. It was a blossoming relationship in its simplest form.

Rose had explained to me when they first began to discuss it that she'd never keep Guy from experiencing true happiness and if she had to let him go, she'd rather give him wings and set him free than cage him and see him unhappy.

Apparently that time had come.

"You're not doing this to fill that void are you?"

Her eyes jerked up to meet mine. "Oh, God, no. I could never replace him, and I don't feel as if we're losing him. He calls home nearly every day when he is with them. But I want him to be able to experience everything life has to offer him."

"You know, you and Em are still practically newlyweds. Perhaps you should be concentrating on having babies of your own, this little girl will find a home. You should be taking this free time and traveling, getting to know your husband."

"I already know my husband, Edward. He'd never tell me no."

"Of course he wouldn't. But this isn't like bringing home a puppy. This is a baby. A very sick baby. One that will require a lot of care."

She blew out a gust of air. "I know."

"From everything I've read in her file, it sounds like she's received excellent medical care and she appears to be improving. There's no reason to suspect she won't live a long happy life, but that doesn't mean she's going to be like most newborns when she comes home. Bringing home any baby is a life changing event, but a special needs child will require even more time and attention."

The conversation which was meant to discourage her from leaping into something without considering all the pros and cons did exactly the opposite.

"When have you known me to back down from a challenge?"

I just shook my head. The girl had tunnel vision once she had chosen her course. "Have you told him yet?"

She shook her head. "Not in so many words."

"Isn't this a conversation you should be having with him?"

"I'm going to talk with him as soon as we get home. I wanted to get your take on her medical needs first. I knew you'd be honest with me about her prognosis."

"But in your heart you've already decided. How will you be able to juggle work and family?"

"We'll only do it if he agrees. I'd never push him into this if he was reluctant. She deserves to have two parents who are fully invested in her future. As for work, I'm planning on leaving the firm."

"You were working towards making partner. If Guy moves, you can actively pursue that. What about _your_ dreams, Ro?"

"Em hasn't told anyone yet, but we're opening two more gyms. He's going to need me at home. We've already made the decision. I'll still be a partner, just in a very different context. He needs someone to handle the business end of things. I can do that from home or I can take a baby with me to work. I'm not sacrificing my dreams. I think I'm just beginning to realize that I never truly knew what they were."

"So you're leaving law completely?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to offer my services to families with special needs family members. I've helped Opal set up a number of special needs trusts and done some estate planning for those families. I think it would be very fulfilling to use my experience in a manner that will help families that might not otherwise be able to afford those services. Someone has to look out for our kids, make sure they are protected when their parents can no longer care for them."

"Like Guy."

"Yes, like Guy. Had he gone to a facility where he had to pay a portion of his care, his money would have been exhausted in no time at all. The trust I've set up for him is fully funded and should be self-sustaining. I couldn't sleep if I knew his future was precarious."

"I understand."

She picked the envelope off the desk, shuffling her feet nervously and never taking her eyes off the floor. "So the baby?"

"It looks like she has a long road to recovery, but she's a fighter. I suspect the worst of it is behind her."

"I'm going to take Emmett to see her tomorrow. She'll be in the PICU several more weeks. I just can't stand it, knowing that she has nowhere to go when she's discharged- no one to love her. She's absolutely beautiful."

"I'm sure he'll be as smitten as you are, but this really is a decision that you should weigh heavily. Don't rush in out of some misplaced sense of obligation."

She wiped her eyes with a tissue. "No, we won't. I've spoken with her doctors. She seems to be over the hurdle. She needs a loving home and someone to take time working with her. I'd like to be that for her, and I think Emmett will too. We've discussed adopting another special needs child, I just didn't know it would happen so quickly." She stood at the door with her hand on the knob.

"Let us know what you decide. I'll do anything I can to help if you need referrals for specialists or anything. Good luck, Rose."

"Thanks. It means a lot. If Bella needs anything, tell her to give me a call."

"She's doing alright now, but closer to her time- it might be nice to have someone drop by from time to time, maybe drive her to the store. She's already uncomfortable behind the steering wheel."

"Not a problem."

Emmett pounded on the door. "Hey baby, you about ready? Your boy wants to get home and call his girl. I'm afraid he'll explode if he has to wait much longer."

"I guess that's my cue to go. Good night Edward."

"Good night guys. See you soon."

When we got home, Bella and I stretched out together on the sofa. The tree twinkled softly and Christmas carols played quietly in the background. Bella's back was to me and I made circles on her tummy with my fingers, flattening my hand out and smiling when a flutter of activity occurred under her blouse.

"It won't be long and this will all be over. Do you have any regrets, knowing this could be the only one?"

She turned in my arms. "Life doesn't hold promises for anyone. Do you know how many couples plan to have large families only to have their plans changed? Did you know Renee had cervical cancer after I was born? She could have never carried a second child to term if she'd wanted to. I don't regret one single minute with you. You're everything I could have asked for and more."

:-:

The evening after New Year's Day, the staff from our practice rented a small banquet room at a local restaurant to celebrate my new job. Esme and Bella met us there and Carlisle stopped after his shift at the hospital was over.

There wasn't a dry eye when Jeff toasted to my success and showered me with accolades. He said he knew I was destined for success when we first met and while he'd miss me, he would be anxiously awaiting news of my first discoveries as a full-fledged research scientist.

I promised to work hard and make them all proud.

As cliché as it sounded, the next morning was the beginning of the rest of my life.

I awoke filled with excitement and anticipation.

For as long as I had desired to work with Dr. Horner in the CNS lab, the opportunity had never presented itself. The day I had waited for my entire career had finally come.

ooo000ooo

And so it began... my first week-long exploration; a study in directing spinal cord lesion repairs by engineering brain tissue.

However, my first day didn't go the way I'd anticipated and I was in a terrible mood. I couldn't wait to get home to Bella. I knew that once I strolled through that door and into her warm embrace, my sour mood would wash away.

_Oh how I longed to be home_...

I was directed to a station that had been specifically set up to accommodate my needs. A special lab table had been installed- a huge recess cut out of it so that I could pull in and access things all around me, instead of having to reach for things that were too far away. I shared a cubicle with a scientist named Suki. She had been here a while, would show me the ropes.

Suki introduced me to scientists I'd never met, and showed me state of the art equipment that I'd never encountered anywhere before. Apparently privately funded, didn't mean _disadvantaged_ in any way.

While I had worked in other labs, each one was independent and they were all different. I was also on the _other side of the wall_ then. When ISCRM moved to its new facility, the new building was split in half by a fireproof barrier. One half of the building housed government funded projects, and the other half housed privately funded projects such as _embryonic stem cell studies_. I had never been permitted to work on the privately funded side, because my loan reduction was federally funded through the NIH. Now that I was in a fellowship of my own, I was permitted to work on the _private _side of the wall. I was excited to be venturing into unchartered waters for the first time.

This lab was highly sophisticated, and it had things we only dreamed of acquiring on the government funded side of the wall.

Suki explained that much of my work would be with mammal subjects, which was alright, I'd worked with animals before. Years of biology had acquainted me with them. I looked around noting a number of caged mice and rats. For the next three years, they would be my test subjects, co-workers... experiments. I knew many a scientist that was closer to his lab rats than his colleagues, even though he only worked with each animal for a limited period of time. And as such, most of my subjects would be short-lived.

On the other side, I'd been, most recently, working with human tissue, but had no aversion to working with rodents. Along the far end of my station were a handful of empty warming cages. Apparently they were for my subjects after I was done conducting the day's study. It sort of looked like a small animal OR recovery. I guess, in actuality, it was.

We knew that scarring inhibited regeneration of spinal tissue. I pulled up the information I'd be using for my experiment and gathered the surgical supplies I'd need.

I pulled test subject _one_ out of his little cage. I put the little guy under with anesthesia that was injected into the large vein in his tail. I went through the steps to ensure a sterile surgical field and applied a sterile drape to keep him warm.

When I was satisfied that he was prepared for surgery I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_I can do this. _

The goal was to perform a T9-10 laminectomy, using scissors and forceps to permanently sever his spinal cord down to the central canal. Once I successfully created a lesion, I was to suture the wound closed and allow him to recuperate in a warmed cage. It was my job to administer analgesics and antibiotics as necessary to keep him comfortable and free of infection until the wound was healed.

While his SCI healed, another mouse would be anesthetized, killed by intracardiac perfusion, and his brain tissue removed in order to process it for re-implantation in test subject _one_. If successful, good old number one would be healed and the experiment would be a success. That was, however, the_ goal_ for the experiment.

_Focus, Cullen._

I looked down at little number one as he lay splayed out on a heated slab. The drape, made from an adhesive film, secured his little body so that I could perform his surgical SCI. I picked up my scalpel and held it over him with trembling hands. Taking a steadying breath, I made a midline incision from neck to tail.

Ever so gently, I pulled back skin and muscle tissue to reveal his spine. I wiped away a tear as I thought about what I was doing- permanently paralyzing a living creature, even if he was _just a mouse. _With scissors poised to make the cut, my world tilted on its axis and I watched the room spin before everything went dark.

An acrid odor assaulted me, and I jerked awake. I was lying supine in my chair, looking at the ceiling. Suki's smiling face was gazing down at me and I groaned. I _did not_ pass out dissecting a mouse.

Oh God!

I... _passed out_... dissecting a mouse.

"Come on Cullen, you need to put the big boy pants on before your mouse wakes up. Time's a wasting."

I raised my chair to the sitting position. "How did you... ?"

"My dad is a Vietnam Vet, he's got a similar chair. What happened there? You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I think it was the subject matter. It was a little surreal thinking I was going to administer an SCI to a healthy mammal. I thought I could do it. I'll be alright."

"The only way to learn how to ride... is to get back on the bike. Come on, I'll show you the first time."

Suki walked me through the procedure, and soon, surgically paralyzed number one was resting comfortably in his warm home, and I'd be catering to his every need. For the next week I'd be monitoring him and managing his pain, watching for signs of infection, and making sure he didn't become dehydrated. I'd inject him at 24 hours with a substance that would prepare his spine to receive the cells I'd be growing for him. At three and seven days post SCI, I would inject my genetically altered cells from Number two, and hopefully I would have facilitated communication between the brain tissue I harvested and the stem cells I'd cloned in an incubator. If I was successful in my experiment- at fourteen days post op, there would be no locomotor dysfunction remaining. And number one would be good to go. And if not, it was my job to euthanize him and move on.

By the time I left the lab that day, the fate of three, four, five, and six had been determined as well. Half of them were newly paralyzed, but resting peacefully, blissed out on mousie downers, while the others were no longer with us, their little brains cooking in Petri dishes in my incubator.

ooo000ooo

Yes, it was my first day at a lab I'd waited to work in for most of my student medical career, but I never expected it to be such a difficult experience. I was sure I'd get used to it, and in time I wouldn't be so flustered about the things I had to do. I was still a little freaked out about my involvement in paralyzing living creatures when I got to my car.

It had snowed while I was inside, and my car was covered with the white crap. I had an extendable brush to clean the car off with, but the plow had pushed snow up against my car, the entire way around, and it was going to be tough to get close enough to get it completely clean. Just as I was finishing up, someone drove by me, hitting a slushy puddle and the lower half of my body was covered with it.

I had gotten the car as clean as I could, and hurried inside, sitting and waiting until it got warm enough for the rest of the snow to drop off by itself. I was cold and wet and cranky by the time I was able to pull out of my parking space and head home.

All I wanted when I got there was to crawl into a warm bath tub and go to bed.

When I got to the house, the lights were all off.

_Where is Bella?_

She was more than six months pregnant, and while she was in wonderful health even off of her medication, I worried incessantly that something could go wrong. What if she lost her balance and fell?

_Oh God, is she okay?_

Like I did every day after work, I stood my chair before I punched the code into the door and hurried inside. I feared something was amiss and knew I wouldn't feel better until I found my wife.

My senses were assaulted with an incredible aroma as soon as I was through the door.

_Oh Mrs. Cullen, what have you been cooking?_

I could see all the way to the kitchen and it was dark throughout the house with the exception of the little electric markers that I put in all the wall outlets so I could find my way in the dark. As I went from room to room, I flipped the lights on until I looked down the hallway and noticed the sliver of light peeking out from under our bedroom door.

_Bingo!_

I put my coat away as I passed the hall closet and made my way to our bedroom.

I poked my head inside our room and found my vixen sprawled across the bed, wearing a smile, and little more.

_My girl was feeling feisty tonight._

She'd been so tired of late and it was true, my day had been long and I was mentally exhausted, but there was no way I wanted to miss whatever it was she had planned for us. If she could stay awake for it, so could I.

I looked on my nightstand and there next to the lamp was the Uroject syringe, an alcohol prep pad, and a condom. I had to laugh; my girl was planning to get lucky.

She crawled across the bed, stepping down and padding across the floor to me. I ran my hands through her hair as we kissed. "Hey baby. How's my _baby_?"

"Mmmm. Sleeping. I think she wore herself out." I ran my hands over her shoulders and she leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She gave me a squeeze as she nuzzled into my chest.

"Ooh, you're wet and cold!"

I grumbled about my experience in the parking lot.

She wrapped my up in her embrace. "I know just the way to get you warm."

I rested my cheek on the top of her head, thankful to be home and in her arms, even if I was cold and uncomfortable. She had a way of making it all go away.

Her smell was intoxicating. Fresh and clean. My hands found their way to her tummy, cupping it, caressing the bump. "Was she active today?"

Her shoulders shook as she chuckled. "I think she was perfecting some kind of Michael Jackson dance move. She's been spinning and kicking me all day."

I cocked my head and gestured towards the night stand. "Are you sure you're up for this? You're not too tired?"

"The better question is, _are you_?" She giggled as she stepped away from me and stole another kiss. Leaning in close she reached up and took my necktie in her hands, gently working the knot loose and slipping it off. "You look like you need to relax a little. Busy day at the lab, Dr. Cullen?"

I groaned. "You don't even want to know."

She was infinitely curious, the former teacher in her, always on a quest to learn... "Why?"

I couldn't even look at her I was so embarrassed. "I fainted. Swooned like a little girl. I feel like such a sissy."

She dipped down so she could look up into my face. "Do I want to know?"

"Maybe later?" Translated into _maybe you'll forget and I can save face_.

"Later then." My Bella took control of my chair and lowered me until I was sitting, before she stepped around behind me and started with her fingers, massaging my scalp and tugging at my locks. I leaned into her touch. My eyes were closed and I moaned when she began working over the shells of my ears with her thumbs and index fingers... gently massaging and squeezing. She leaned down from behind and nipped my left lobe, kissing my neck before she was through.

"Can I draw you a bath, Baby? You look tense."

"Mmhmm... a bath would be very nice. I was dreaming of a bath not long ago."

"Fancy that... and here we are."

"Not too hot if you're joining me. Okay?"

Bella sauntered, well... as well as one _could_ saunter with a baby belly... into the bathroom and turned on the water, she flipped the hydro lever on my bath-buddy and I watched as the water pressure raised the seat out of the big overflow tub we loved to share. Bella swiveled the seat and locked it into place so I could transfer onto it.

Transferring in and out of the tub was something I still considered a little hazardous, and I really didn't want to fall. As if she could read my mind, Bella whispered. "Don't worry, love, I already called Ali. She's close by if we get in a bind." She gave me a sweet kiss on the lips and said, "We'll be fine."

"Just let me use the toilet and I'll be ready."

I stood my chair and loosened my pants. Pushing them down as far as I could before sitting back down. I used my reacher to open the Velcro on my shoes and push them off. When they hit the floor, I picked them up, one at a time and set them neatly out of the way so Bella wouldn't trip over them. My pants were next and went right into the hamper.

I pulled out a catheter and took care of business. I only once made the mistake of not urinating before shooting the Uroject. Trying to shove a catheter up there while I was medicated and erect was a near impossible and very uncomfortable, situation.

I washed up and went into the bedroom. Bella had stretched out again. She looked tired.

"You sure about this babe? We don't have to."

"Oh I'm _very_ sure about this. Give Little Eddie a jab and let's get this show on the road." I had to laugh at her lighthearted attitude. Once upon a time I had feared it would be a deal breaker, and now, like all our other differences... it was _our_ norm... and that was okay.

"Alrighty then."

I had barely taken the shot, and my girl took my hand, leading me out of the bedroom. "Come on, let's get you warm. Your clothing was so wet. Your skin is like ice."

I pulled my transfer board from my bag so I could get onto the bath buddy. Bella laid a hand towel on it so I could slide. "Alice will help you get out."

I was relieved; I did _not_ want a pregnant Bella trying to keep a wet paraplegic me off the bathroom floor.

"You have to get the condom, love."

While it had taken so long for me to find my way, intimately, I was convinced that it had been Bella I'd been waiting for my entire life.

Our lovemaking was surreal.

I was sad that I had missed this for so many years, but sharing the experience with only her... incredible.

While I took my shirt off, Bella went into the bedroom, getting the condom from the nightstand. I was _almost_ ready. I had to be fully erect for it to stay on in water. If we put it on too soon, and I got down into the tub, it could come off. Once I was wet, it would be almost impossible to get the same snug fit. The condom was merely a precaution, but one I wasn't willing to take lightly.

Since the antibiotic resistant kidney infection right after she'd conceived, we'd used a condom during every physical encounter. We'd already achieved pregnancy and there was no way I'd risk releasing MRSA bacteria near her womb while she was carrying our baby.

I slid onto the bath buddy and Bella buckled me in. There were those times when I wanted to just say _screw the precautions, _and leave off the belt... but I knew that we couldn't afford for me to slide off the bath chair, either. Naked, wet, slippery... those things all spelled out a recipe for disaster. I didn't want to go back to the hospital, I'd just left.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella open the little foil packet and pull out the barrier. She pinched the end and rolled it down over me, leaning in to kiss my lips as she got me situated. There was nothing embarrassing about her helping me anymore, I finally realized it was all part of the seduction, and the love I felt for her swelled in my chest.

Before she pivoted the bath buddy seat and swung my legs over the edge, she got down on her knees between my legs and licked her lips to moisten them before running them over my latex covered member. It made my heart ache to have to do it that way.

She said the latex had an unpleasant taste, but her safety was paramount. For me, the condom didn't cause a lack of sensation. My excitement came from watching as she worked her mouth over me, touching places that were nowhere near my groin. Tiny hands ghosted over my hips, with barely a whisper. Down over the fronts of my thighs, and back up across my nipples. Touching, teasing, tugging... My body was awash in sensation...

I could feel the flush on my chest, and the pounding of my heart. The noise of a freight train rushed through my head. Finding release for me was more mental than physical, but after some practice, my baby knew all the right places that elicited a response. Fingers curled and dug into her skin... hands clenched... my entire body locking down in wave after wave of sensation. When my muscles relaxed and my body slumped, I was thankful for the belt that held me in place.

Bella leaned back, looking smug, before she smiled up at me. "Baby, that was beautiful."

Holding onto me for support, she stood. Her lips caressed me, warm and wet and I shuddered. "You're very cold Doctor Cullen, we really need to heat you up." What a double entendre. Yes, she'd be getting me warmer, in every sense of the words. After checking the tip to make sure it was still empty, she helped lift my legs and swung them into the tub. Bella winked at me and said, "There you go, he's all wrapped up and ready to play."

With a tiny lurch the seat began to lower me into the tub. I could hear the water overflowing into the channel that would return it to the tub. Warm water enveloped me and I could feel my entire body relax. Wet heat was everywhere, warming parts of me I didn't even realize were cold.

Bella moved very carefully and I reached out to steady her as she sat on the edge of the tub, swinging her legs into the pool of warm water. Straddling my legs, she lowered herself onto her knees in front of me.

"I've missed you Dr. Cullen. I'm so glad you're home." She began planting kisses on my face and her belly bumped into mine when she leaned closer. We both laughed and I gently cupped her bump with my hands. _All_ our love was in there, and I couldn't wait to meet our little gal.

Placing her hands down over mine, she gripped them to steady herself and gently straddled the seat that I was tethered to. She bit her lip as she sank down over me and I was lost in sensation. True, much of my lower half was void of sensation, but the special places that knew only her touch came to life.

Kissing, sucking, nibbling... lips and necks and earlobes... her hands on my shoulders and mine on her hips guided her body as she danced over mine. The water gently sloshed over the sides as we rocked together. I lowered my hands to her behind, and cupped her cheeks, helping her to lift with each stroke.

Making love in the water was easy for her, the buoyancy meaning less work. There were nights when my guilt was almost too much bear. It was unfair that she had to work so hard, when her body was already stressed and tired. It made her angry when I mentioned it. I wasn't going to ruin our lovemaking tonight. So, instead, I'd help as much as I was able in this position. As much as I loved our big tub, the wheelchair greatly leveled the playing field; I think it was, by far, my favorite playground.

As she worked herself over my body, I could see the blush growing over her chest and the sheen of sweat that caused her entire body to glisten. I relied on her tells to know she was close. The grip on my shoulders grew increasingly tighter and her gaze was focused on some point behind me. Then she closed her eyes and pushed her head into my shoulder. Gripping me tightly, she shuddered against me while the muscles in her body contracted around me... arms... legs... Her entire body- one giant convulsing mess as she came undone.

Slumping into me, we clung to each other. I knew she was spent. Her MS... The hot water... our lovemaking... the added strain of carrying our child... all culminated into her exhaustion.

"Bella. Baby? We need to get you out of this water." One of the greatest benefits of the Sok tub, was its ability to retain the heat of the water for extended periods of time. She squirmed into me, holding on even tighter. I didn't want her to get too hot. While I knew she'd be fine and the water was luke warm by most people's standards, we couldn't afford the added strain on her body while she was carrying our child.

She latched onto me tighter. "I don't wanna get out. It feels so good just holding you like this."

I looked at the clock, Alice would be here soon. "Come on baby, let's get you up, before Lizzie gets all pruney." Ever so gently, Bella backed off of my lap. I took her hands and helped her to stand. "Careful, don't slip." I'd lose my mind if she fell and I was powerless to help her. I was relieved when I looked on the seat of my chair and saw the cordless phone within my reach.

_When did she put that there?_

Slowly and cautiously she rested on the side of the tub. One leg at a time lifted over the side. Testing her balance, she steadied herself with my chair as she stood.

"Let's keep you warm Edward." Before tending to herself, she switched on the jets and turned on my hot water. I watched as she retrieved a towel and dried herself. She wrapped her damp hair in a towel and took her big fluffy bathrobe from the hook on the wall. It was so long when she put it on, that it pooled on the floor. I cringed when she wore, it, terrified that she'd trip. She loved it, but acknowledged my fears, so it was saved for moments like this where she took only a few steps with it bunched up at her hips until she found a safe place to snuggle. Apparently, this evening, that place was right next to me. Pulling it around her and tying the sash above our bump, she climbed into my chair. She clicked it on, reclining it and turning on her side to watch me.

"You look mighty comfortable there, Mrs. Cullen."

"Mmmm. I am. I understand why you are able to live in this chair. It feels almost like a cocoon. I could just about go to sleep."

"It's okay, if you do."

"I'm all snuggly and sated... and the sound of those bubbles is so calming... I'll try to stay awake, Edward."

I leaned back and relaxed, letting the soothing water wash over me. I looked over to where my wife was snoring softly, so thankful for this... our love... our life... together.

* * *

This has been an incredible journey and it would have never happened without the love and support of my readers. Your words of kindness and encouragement mean more to me than you'll ever know.

A more formal thank you will follow my epilogue when it posts.

For now, I leave you with my final public service announcement. ;-)

In lieu of leaving me a review, please take those few minutes and check out the following story.

Since January 1, 2013, Impact has had nearly 12,000 views and 4,000 visitors. On average I receive 30 reviews. I've never been in this for the reviews, my reward has always come from writing this story and getting to know all of you, but just this once, I ask that you do something in thanks for this story.

If every single person who reads this chapter reads the following human interest story and does something about it, we could make a huge difference.

Jenny Hatch's story is what Impact is all about- raising awareness and bringing about change.

One of my readers sent me a PM saying Impact is too political and she only wants to read about Edward and Bella and nothing else. This story comes from the heart, and while I could write a fluffy little love story with tons of smut and no plot, I chose to write about real life situations that real people with real disabilities face every day. Unfortunately politics play a huge part in those day to day situations, I don't care what corner of the world you live in.

If you're still here reading Impact, obviously it wasn't for the smut, but for the story, politics and all. So many of you have told me about events that have changed in your life as a result of this story, I hope that I've left you with a desire to do something.

What better way to end my final chapter?

If you think back, Jenny's story is reminiscent of an Impact chapter, which was, incidentally, written about a man from my home town who found himself in a similar situation. His neighborhood family and friends filled a bus, armed with hundreds of signatures and they packed the small courtroom where the decision was made to allow him to return to the only home he'd ever known.

Jenny Hatch is twenty-eight years old, lives in the state of Virginia and was fully integrated into her community. She is a high functioning individual with Down Syndrome who lived with a loving family, worked twenty hours per week in a retail thrift store, and is adored by everyone who knows her.

Two years ago, Jenny was riding her bicycle and was hit by a car. Her mother was unable to care for her after the accident, and she was taken in by the family she has worked for since 2008.

In October 2012, Jenny's mother signed over temporary guardianship of the young woman to a group home; robbing Jenny of not only her independence, but the freedom to choose where she wants to live and whom she wants to live with.

One of my readers, cjminecnc, is championing for Jenny and asked that I spread the word. While I've shared this story with local friends and family, I'm remiss not to have shared this with my fanfiction family when I posted my last chapter; because it's far more important than any of the things that I became distracted with in my own life.

It's my understanding that there is a court date on February 7, to hand down a decision in regards to whether Jenny will be permitted to make her own choices, most importantly whether she can choose where she wants to live.

Ultimately, that decision should belong to Jenny and no one else.

I truly believe that when enough voices are heard, people listen. Here's our opportunity to advocate and help bring about change. Perhaps we can play a role in helping Jenny to go back to the home she loves and to the people who love her.

I could never do Jenny's story justice, but a Virginia new station has done a splendid job of bringing awareness to her story.

If you type _wavy_ dot _com_ into your browser, you'll be directed to the proper website. In the upper right corner there is a search box. Just type in "Justice for Jenny". You'll find links for nearly a dozen reports, they follow the timeline of the case from October 2012, to present.

There is also a Facebook page for Jenny. Search "Justice for Jenny".

Thank you in advance for helping to be a voice for Jenny.

She deserves to be heard.

The epi will post as soon as I'm able.

Thank you for reading.

~nise


	68. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Impact's plot and original characterizations are the intellectual property of Nise7465.**

~*Impact!*~

Chapter Sixty-eight

Epilogue

_**Autumn 2010**_

Life was good. Really good.

While personal time was at a premium we'd learned, as Carlisle had predicted, to juggle home life around our working hours and once we'd gotten into a rhythm, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd made it out to be, in my head.

I loved my job.

I thought I'd loved my partnership with Jeff, and at the time I truly had, but the mental stimulation that came from establishing my own line of stable adult stem cells and manipulating them in a manner where they might one day replicate damaged nerve tissue was like nothing I'd ever experienced in my career.

I wasn't naïve. I made the conscious decision when I applied for that grant to follow a path that could involve the destruction of human embryos to further scientific research.

There was a time when I'd allowed Carlisle to convince me that embryonic stem cells held the promise for a much different future in regards to the outcome of my disability. Back then a conflict raged inside me over the moral/ethical dilemma of benefiting from something that meant the destruction of a human life.

Now, I found it nearly impossible to balance that fine line of justification. My own personal struggle with fertility changed how I saw a lot of things. I'd never forget how it felt to wonder if I'd ever father a child, or the rush of exhilaration when I first got the news that I had.

I was pleasantly surprised and very much relieved when Carlisle shared the news that the research center where I would be working acquired stem cells exclusively from a reproductive center that adhered to the practice of obtaining a single blastomere from an embryo, which, instead of destroying the embryo, allowed it to survive the cell extraction and continue to grow normally to the stage where it could be implanted in the mother's uterus.

I found pride working with a group of doctors who were driven to eradicate disease through science but refused to do so at the expense of human life, no matter how far developed that life might be. That conviction to preserve human life rather than sacrifice it for the greater good was a deep seeded belief I embraced. The excitement of medical progress was much more appealing to me with the knowledge that I could irrefutably uphold the oath I'd taken as a doctor to preserve life and hold it sacred.

I understood that to be a successful scientist, one had to be objective. Theoretically, the origin of the stem cells I was working with should have been of little consequence, and for many research fellows, the manner in which they were derived held little significance, aside from the fact that embryonic cells were much more versatile, as they could be used to reproduce any human cell. Many scientists saw those cells as a by-product of medical trash which they could recycle.

In my mind, I saw them as something similar to donated organs. The parents who selflessly donated the cells for research truly had donated the gift of life and there was no one who understood more than I did just how precious that was.

While it was my job to take the stem cells that were available to me and utilize them in a manner that would allow me to establish lines that could one day eradicate disease in ways that had never before been possible, I was confident that I could conduct the research I had set out to not only ethically, but through means that would allow me to sleep at night.

Before my three year grant period ended, it was my goal to begin building the stepping stones of research that would allow scientists to stop the destruction of nerve tissue that resulted from the demyelination caused by Multiple Sclerosis. If finding the pieces to the puzzle that would enable medicine to begin solving the mystery that was MS, I'd been successful as a scientist, neurologist and husband. I didn't want to fix Bella, but I felt an inherent need to do something to keep that disease from doing to my wife what I'd seen it do to others in the prime of their lives. I couldn't live with myself if I sat back and did nothing when I had that power within my grasp.

The success I'd achieved in my early studies on mice on the effects of reprogramming brain tissue to repair spinal cord lesions, was just the beginning, there was so much to learn and I had been blessed with a situation that would allow me to do so.

While I had committed to the lab full-time, I still missed the personal interaction with my patients. They had come to me from all walks of life and it was a joy getting to know each of them.

Working daily with laboratory rats and cells in Petri dishes just didn't compare to spending one on one time with human beings, however, I held firm to the belief that I had made the career move for the ultimate benefit of those individuals and I felt confident that I had left them in the most capable of hands.

On the home front, I had never felt more loved or appreciated than I did each day when I walked through the door.

Home was my sanctuary. From the moment I came through that door, I felt loved.

_Bella._

My beautiful, incredible wife, lover and best friend.

:-:

Over the time since I'd left teaching and had moved into advocacy full-time, I found myself involved in a number of disability related organizations, an active member of different committees, and a participant in workshop after workshop. It seemed crazy, I had grown from a woman who didn't have a clue how I'd ever find my way in this world, to the person I was now. Strong, confident, assertive. Instead of wanting to bury my head in the sand in hopes it would all go away, like I had so many times in those early months with a disability, I found a passion I didn't know existed.

On those lonely Tuesday nights when Edward worked an evening shift in the lab, I ventured out to visit his support group. Even though my days at the center were fulfilling, the frequent nights when he worked became terribly lonely and it was nice to get out of the house and interact in a social manner. There was usually an activity planned and refreshments were served, so I assisted in any way I could. Even though he didn't regularly attend, this group was his brainchild, and I felt a responsibility as his wife to help it remain successful.

In the beginning, I was uncomfortable when someone would look at my growing tummy with longing in their eyes. I understood what they were going through. I'd witnessed Edward's struggle with the insecurity of male factor infertility and had lived through the uncertainty of whether we would be able to have a child of our own.

As I attended on a more regular basis, I got to know everyone and they began to ask questions. Individuals shared their experiences and some, like Edward, had given up on that essential part of their lives. With Edward's blessing, I shared our experience and those looks of longing became smiles of hope.

In no time, the commonly absent Dr. Cullen began to get requests to attend and share our fertility experience from his perspective. They were almost insatiable in their desire to know what he'd gone through.

How did he handle the disappointment? How did we cope with it as a couple? How could he keep trying when it seemed nothing worked? I looked up from the table where I was setting out a display of sensory technology from the pediatric medical supply company I'd visited at the abilities expo, to find him smiling in my direction.

He peppered the disappointing moments of our story with humorous ones, like the battle with the sample packages during his college years between himself and his well-meaning, but relentless father; to the wonderful night we spent experimenting with the sensory toys; he concluded with my fall out of bed as my parents slept in the room below us. Thank God he left out my most embarrassing moment, the night he came face to face with Mr. Lucky.

"With the right partner, anything is possible," he encouraged. "Any time I had doubts, she found a way to turn it around and give me just what I needed. There were times I had to do the same thing for her. I'm confident now, that if we weren't able to experience the joys of love making in the traditional sense, our physical relationship would still be passionate and fulfilling. It took a long time for me to understand that. I was so stuck on being able to satisfy her with that one piece of my anatomy, that I overlooked so many of the creative ways a couple can share to make love."

:-:

Everyone loved Edward.

No matter where I went, it seemed someone we knew stopped me to ask how he was and to congratulate me on our little blessing.

He took expectant fathering seriously and from the day he found out I was pregnant, he'd begun to prepare. He was determined to be the best father he could be.

Someone told me they had seen him out about town for a walk in his wheelchair with a baby pack strapped to his front; a large stuffed animal tucked safely inside. When I dropped by for an appointment with my neurologist, his former partner shared that he'd seen him sitting in on a lunch hour class the hospital offered for expectant daddies, his account of my studious husband bathing and diapering a simulated newborn was too sweet. Another afternoon I came home to find him snoozing in his tilted chair with a pregnancy book propped open across his chest. Even though he'd captured my heart ages before, things like that made me swoon all the more.

When the time came to celebrate, it seemed only natural to have a couple's baby shower. I wanted to share the entire pregnancy experience with him and spending a fun afternoon with friends and family was something we had both enjoyed.

When the girls and I sat down and created a small guest list, it was with sadness that I realized our very first supporter was in another country and couldn't possibly be a part of our celebration. Although they had both been busy, and spending one on one time with Maggie wasn't something he did as much as he'd have liked to, I knew he lamented her absence. It was one thing to miss someone you could easily drop in on if you had the desire to visit; it was something entirely different to long for that person when they were completely inaccessible to you.

I couldn't imagine not extending an invitation to one of my husband's oldest and dearest friends, so we sent her an announcement with a copy of our most recent ultrasound, even though it would arrive late and she'd never be able to attend.

By the end of my second trimester I began to slow down, and after attending a team meeting with my husband, my neurologist and my obstetrician we jointly agreed it would be best to cut my hours back to a part time status with no out of town trips. It was an even harder pill to swallow several weeks later, when I made the decision to start my leave.

Ideally, I had wanted to work right up until the day the baby was born, but my body kept sending little messages in an attempt to change my mind. Perhaps I was acting so stubborn because for the first time since my diagnosis I felt really good- as long as I could keep my eyes open.

Between the pregnancy and my MS, I suffered incapacitating bouts of exhaustion. The exhaustion led to lingering brain fog and I knew I wasn't performing my job to the best of my abilities, but the afternoon I had to pull into a shopping center parking lot to take a nap three blocks from home, because I kept nodding off behind the wheel, was the final straw.

It was with a heavy heart that I submitted my request for leave the next day as I handed in my quarterly report for the previous period.

Dr. Cullen doted on me and tried to keep me entertained whenever he could, but I had self-deprecating moments where not even the fact that I was incubating a human being could provide the feeling of self worth that employment had. I felt lazy and useless, sitting around the house with my feet up while my dear husband worked long hours to support us.

Turns out, the shower was the opportunity to break up the monotony and brighten my sour mood.

We had a wonderful time!

The boys played a few rounds on our game system in the basement while I watched. Upstairs, Esme and Sue refused to let me lift a finger in the kitchen as they plated refreshments; I huffed and made my way to the living room. Rose, Alice and Jane were putting the finishing touch on decorations. No one needed me.

Sulking, I plopped into the old leather chair in the alcove and watched with a smile as "Uncle Carlisle" entertained little Hope under the scrutiny of her big brother, Guy. She didn't take her eyes off the fire place, mesmerized by the flickering flames until she heard the booming voice of her daddy. Emmett scooped her up and with exaggerated animation and swung her carefully through the air. I held my breath, but the gentle giant supported her tiny body in the protection of his capable hands.

Her soft coos and squeals were a beautiful sound. She's had her share of ups and downs since her birth, but Edward assured me she was on stable ground. Sitting around all day waiting for our baby to come gave me plenty of idle time to obsess over all the things that could go wrong with a newborn.

Rose had shared her little angel's story with us and it scared the hell out of me.

The couple who had given baby Hope life never imagined their fertility efforts would turn out as they had.

Numerous failed fertility attempts had culminated with the twin pregnancy. The attempt at IVF they'd deemed their last ditch effort resulted in a multiple birth that brought with it both their lifelong dream as a couple and their greatest fear- all in one gut wrenching package.

They were crushed by guilt over the happiness of taking one healthy baby home from the hospital while the other clung to life in the NICU. Fate had dealt them a cruel hand, for every newborn milestone their little boy achieved; it seemed another heartache arose for their little girl.

Shortly after open heart surgery to repair a heart valve defect, the tiny baby had become septic from a bacterial infection in her colon. To save her, Rose explained, an emergency surgery was conducted to remove a substantial portion of her large intestine which had become necrotic. Instead of starting to get better, it seemed the tiny girl continued to get sicker and sicker.

Her birth parents, were in emotional turmoil over the moral decision they'd made to continue the little girl's gestation after they learned she would be born with Downs. They had consciously made the choice to bring an infant who turned out to be gravely ill into the world against the advice of their obstetrician and their genetic counselor. How could they justify their happiness over the perfect baby they'd longed for their entire marriage, while wondering if they hadn't made a terrible mistake?

Stricken with guilt and fearing that they'd made the decision to spare her for selfish reasons, they met with their clergy for guidance. While she was nearing the end of her childbearing years, neither of them had considered themselves too old to rear a child, but the fear of committing the rest of their lives to a child whose prognosis was so dire seemed incomprehensible.

After much soul searching, they decided they weren't capable of providing the level of care their infant daughter would require and hired Opal to assist them in finding suitable parents for their daughter through an independent adoption. While it was perfectly legal for them to notify any hospital employee that they could not care for her and simply walk away without incrimination under the safe haven surrender laws, they wanted to know that the little girl they'd brought into the world would find a home with a couple who would love her and provide the things they feared they could not.

While I could tell it angered Edward beyond words that they had walked away from their baby at a time when she needed them most, it was impossible to argue that being adopted by Emmett and Rose wasn't the best possible outcome her parents could have hoped for.

In the near future, she was scheduled to undergo a surgical procedure to close the ostomy, and in a few years, she would require more surgery to repair her heart defect. So many complicated things for such a little girl to go through. But if anyone could get her through it, it would be Em and Rose.

After months of working with an occupational therapist to improve sucking and swallowing, she was taking in a few ounces of formula at a time by mouth. When her weight was within her target range, her doctor planned to remove the Mickey Button that allowed her to be fed with a feeding tube. It was exciting to see her blossoming under their loving care. While still exceptionally tiny, she seemed so much bigger than she had when they brought her home from the hospital.

Because her parents had signed away their rights within days of her birth, Emmett and Rose were able to adopt her in a very short amount of time.

I was pulled away from my heavy thoughts when Guy explained that he took his role as big brother very seriously, as long as it didn't involve diaper changing.

Carlisle choked on his coffee when Guy said, "You get poop with your baby. Hope poops in a bag. Emmy doesn't like the poop. Pulls his shirt up like this." Guy pulled the neckline of his shirt up over his nose like a mask. "And he says _Achhk! Achhk! Achhk!_ Sometimes he spits up too."

Carlisle was wiping his eyes and I had my lips pulled tightly together trying not to laugh. But when Edward rolled in next to my chair, I completely lost it. He wore a crisp white tee that had the words, _The Impregnator,_ boldly stamped across his chest. Hershey trotted in and sat at my feet wearing a bandana that said _Big Brother _across parked next to me and dropped a gift bag into my lap. "If you think this one's funny, you'll get a laugh out of the rest."

Sue read over my shoulder as I pulled them out, one by one, and laid them across my belly.

_"Got one past the goalie!" _

I lifted the second one out of the bag; the graphic design was of a heavily pregnant woman. Edward beamed when she read the caption out loud.

_"Look what I did!" _

Never was there a man prouder to have gotten his wife knocked up than mine was.

The last one read, _"You don't scare me, my wife is pregnant!" _Everyone laughed when she read that one. Leave it to Emmett to provide the comic relief in any situation.

I could hear Alec and Jane talking quietly to someone in the kitchen, and it was a nice surprise to see Demetri come in, accompanied by a pretty young girl. I'd heard about her, but we'd yet to meet. She had been that unattainable crush Demetri had pined over through high school, but lost track of until a basketball game one weekend brought them together at the concession stand.

Her name was Kennedy and she seemed to fit right in with our little group, even if she was a little shy. I had no doubt our rowdy bunch of friends would bring her out of her shell if she stuck around for long. I watched her interact with Demetri, and I noticed little things she did with him that were so important to Edward; speaking to him and not over him, not rushing in to intervene unless he seemed to need assistance. It appeared she was versed in Disability Etiquette 101. Carlisle engaged her in conversation about her college plans but the conversation was cut short when everyone began to congregate in the living room.

Edward and I exchanged a confused look when Alice booted up her laptop. A few seconds later, a surprise greeted us via webcam from a tiny office in Cambodia.

Edward leaned forward and reached towards the screen. When Maggie reached out towards him, I almost expected something magical to happen.

"Mags." He breathed. "What a wonderful surprise."

"Where else would I be? I'm so happy for you both. Congratulations."

He leaned forward in his seat, studying the screen as if it held some great mystery. "How is this even possible? I didn't think you had internet capability."

"You can thank Alice and Liam for this, sweetie. Lord knows I don't have a tech savvy bone in my body."

Liam explained a little bit about where they were staying. "We we're stationed in a remote post, it's a very low resource setting and electronic communication is substandard at best. There's cell service and internet in the larger cities, but we're in a whole other world."

"Email us when you have that baby and we'll call you. We're about an hour away, but this is where all our mail and supplies are delivered. Someone makes the trip a few times a week, we'll get the message, but it won't be immediate."

"What you're saying is, our visit today is as much for business as it is for pleasure?" I asked.

Liam leaned in close to the web cam so we could see his face. "We're helping to build a well for the orphanage next week and came in to town for supplies."

"So essentially you planned your well around my baby shower?"

"No," he laughed, "I think Alice planned your shower around our well."

They talked a little more about the children in the orphanage. It was difficult to comprehend that a number of the orphans actually had both parents living, but had been left there because the family was unable to provide for their needs. Everyone got a little teary when they explained that many of the children they cared for had been maimed due to unexploded ordinance left behind from war.

Liam raked his hands through his short hair. "The mortality rate in children here is very high, over twenty percent."

A number of the children had been orphaned by HIV/AIDS, and many had contracted the virus through mother-to-child transmission. I'd heard that shortly after they arrived, they'd taken in a little boy who had lost both his parents to the disease. Carlisle suspected they'd try to finalize his adoption before they returned to the states. Liam had just promised to email some pictures if he could. Then the video began to lag and buffer and the audio was delayed several times, but it was a wonderful feeling to be able to visit with them.

Fearing we'd become disconnected, Esme handed me their gift so they could watch us open it.

Edward held it up and Maggie explained. "It's called a Sit Seat. It was originally designed for travelers to secure their baby to their lap for air travel."

"But I can slip my seat belt through the loop and secure her to my waist in the wheelchair?"

"Absolutely. The little harness has a wonderful safety rating."

"Oh, what a thoughtful gift." I exclaimed.

I reached into the bag and found a few baby toys and several packages of little straps.

Liam said, "I picked those out, Ed. I know people use them to secure toys and bottles to their strollers, but the thing I've learned since we started treating the kids here at the orphanage is that all babies like to play fetch. They find great joy in throwing things on the floor so you'll retrieve them."

A few people laughed, and agreed with him, but I was marveling over how much thought our insightful friends put into their gifts. Something as simple as picking a bottle from the floor would be difficult for Edward without using a reacher. With a lap full of baby, who knew if he'd be able to attempt those feats of perseverance safely? Thanks to Maggie and Liam, Edward could, quite literally, strap the child to his lap belt and go about his day.

Just as they began to tell us a little bit more about the place where they were working, our connection was lost. Alice tried several times to re-establish the connection to no avail.

Edward was in another world and I nudged him to get his attention. "Penny for your thoughts?"

He shook his head, "It's nothing. I was just thinking how thin they look. Liam is so gaunt."

Carlisle pulled a folding chair over close to where we were sitting. He squeezed Edward's knee. "You worry too much. They get a lot of exercise and live in a community where meat is scarce. Many people in Cambodia are vegetarians. They probably eat healthier than you and I."

"You're probably right."

"Almost everyone in this room could stand to use a few pounds. It would do us good to do most of our travel by foot and eat a little lighter. They're living a healthy lifestyle."

Edward nodded. "Still, I'll be glad when they come home."

"Me too son. Me too."

The party continued with games and gifts, and it seemed many of our gifts were geared towards Edward, which was funny, since baby showers were such an important feminine rite of passage.

Emmett bounced around like an anxious kid awaiting the moment that he could share the gift he held. He explained that it was something he couldn't live without and he couldn't wait to see us open it.

Little Hope was just over four months old and everyone was absolutely smitten with her. Parenthood really suited Emmett and Rose. She looked so tiny in Emmett's huge hands; he handled her like she was made of the finest porcelain, but changed her diapers with the precision and expertise of a seasoned pit crew mechanic. He credited his ease in baby wrangling to the newest product in assistive technology for daddies, and then he handed the large gift bag to Edward.

It really couldn't have been a more perfect gift. Emmett assured us that he'd given it a ten out of ten during his market analysis of the product. Edward laughed a deep belly laugh when he pulled the Dad Jacket out of the bag. Akin to a superhero's utility belt, my man would be prepared for any situation wearing it.

I'd seen Emmett wearing a similar jacket, but I hadn't realized that it was anything special. It was weather proof, and fashioned out of dark blue fleece and nylon. Alice admonished Emmett when she saw the 2XL on the label, but as soon as he explained, it made perfect sense. He'd gotten it big enough that Edward could wear a baby pack on his chest underneath it and zip the baby inside. He wanted to be sure there would be room for daddy and baby, without having to worry about a blanket.

The jacket was a thing of wonder for Edward and he tinkered with it for hours after everyone went home. It was full of zippers and pockets. The side of the chest had pockets for baby wipes and another for his cell phone and keys. Another pocket on each side was large enough to hold an eight ounce baby bottle- Emmett referred to those as holsters. The two pockets on the bottom front each held three diapers and when he leaned ahead and reached into the back pocket there was a thin changing pad for the baby to lay on. The jacket was warm, windproof and water repellant. Best of all, the entire thing was machine washable. It was quite literally a wearable diaper bag. In warmer weather, the sleeves zipped off, allowing him to wear it as a vest. I couldn't imagine a more versatile gift.

Emmett plopped a second gift bag down on my lap with a chuckle. "You didn't think I'd forget the guest of honor did you, little mama?" I reached inside to find a bunch of maternity shirts. I loved his uncanny ability to find the most unique gifts. Like Edwards, they each had a humorous caption.

_If you didn't put it in here, don't touch it!_

_Hormonal? You haven't seen hormonal!_

_All I wanted was a foot rub._

But the funniest gift of all was a teeny tiny, bright orange, prison jumpsuit that had a line-up placard printed on the front. It read_ I just did nine months on the inside._ Everyone died laughing.

We got all sorts of wonderful gifts, from a pair of toddler squeaker sneakers that made a noise every time baby took a step to a sling that either one of us could use to carry the baby around.

After all the other gifts had been opened, Edward handed me a bag with several small packages inside. "What's this? You're not supposed to buy gifts for your own shower, Babe."

"It's just something I saw, and I had to buy it."

When I pulled it out, it made perfect sense. "I didn't know they made anything like this."

"There have been a few times when someone has used a wipe on me and hit a spot where I had sensation. Those things are like ice." He smiled sheepishly and said, "I think they'd feel kinda nice if they were warm."

"Point taken. Should we get one for our bathroom as well?"

He hung his head. Was he embarrassed? "I already got one; it's out in the garage, hidden inside a box of medical text books. I didn't want to spoil your surprise."

"We'll get it out after everyone goes."

"There's something else in the bag."

"What is it baby?"

"Check it out."

I pulled out a funny looking contraption that Edward explained was a pacifier cleaner. Filled with antibacterial mouthwash, it was a safe way to disinfect dropped bottles or pacifier nipples.

Another small box held a travel wipes warmer and there was a travel bottle warmer that held a reusable heat pack that could be reactivated in boiling water.

Emmett was mesmerized, taking the gadgets from my hands and inspecting each one as I opened them. "Those are some pretty high-tech baby gadgets there, Ed. Here I thought I was the one cornering the market on cool baby gear."

"I got them right here in town. There are a handful of baby stores that carry this product line." He proceeded to tell him about a high-end baby boutique that he'd visited with Alice. When they started talking about how to possibly rig a stroller so he could push it from his wheelchair, I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes.

"I think you have one more gift, sweetheart," Esme whispered. She took my hand and helped me out of the chair. Sue reached under my elbow from the other side. "Sounds like you've lost his attention to another daddy. Let's go take a look at your nursery."

Tears streamed down my face when I took in the captivating artwork for the first time. It was like stepping inside a storybook world. Esme and I had ordered the baby furniture right after the holidays, but she asked me to trust her and not peek in the nursery until it was finished.

My rocker sat in a corner under a vividly painted tree with sprawling branches. A toy hammock hung above it, filled to the brim with numerous story tale friends. My book shelves, which had been partially filled with my private collection of children's literature had been gifted with Liz' collection as well. The upper shelves were scattered with vintage toys; several antique pull toys and a tin top were treasures I recognized from Charlie's childhood.

"I haven't seen those in years!"

Sue smiled. "They're from your..."

"Grandma Swan's house." I spent hours playing with them. "I used to love those old toys. They don't make things like that anymore."

"He thought you'd like to have them."

My gaze lingered on a few items I didn't recognize. An older, but well loved teddy bear, a small riding toy and several clusters of antique blocks someone had stacked into the words Baby Cullen. A wooden rocking horse sat next to an antique toy box.

Esme rested her hand on my shoulder. "Some of those things were Edward's when he was a boy; some belonged to Liz and Ed. The rocking horse belonged to Carlisle when he was a little boy." She looked around the room. "I hope you like it."

I collected myself before I answered. "Of course. It's perfect."

I picked up something I remembered from my own childhood with a smile. It was a Little Red Riding Hood doll. If flipped over her bonnet, she was Grandma. Turn her upside down and flip her skirt and cape over and she was the Big Bad Wolf. I put the treasure through her paces, pleased to see she was still in such good condition.

"Renee sent her up, Sweetheart," Sue explained. "When I told her how you were decorating the nursery, she said she had the perfect thing."

"She did. This..." I stopped, looking around the room. "This is all wonderful. It's exactly what I'd hoped for, but so much more. Thank you."

Sue wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave me a reassuring squeeze. "Your daddy wanted to be here. He's sorry he had to work."

"It's okay, Sue, I understand. It's just a shower."

"You call him when it's time. He'll be here to greet his grandbaby."

Esme gestured to the coordinating bedding and nursery items. "Your dad and Sue got the nursery ensemble."

I let my fingers drift over the soft pastel bedding, before slipping into my old rocker. Everything coordinated, from the soft cushion I was sitting on right down to the curtains and the cushions on the window seat.

It looked like everything we'd purchased for the baby had been opened and arranged. "Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you both."

"I hope it's okay that we got everything washed and set up. Edward said..."

"Yes," I interrupted, "it's great. He asked me if it would be okay. I'm so grateful that you did this. I've been so tired lately."

"If you don't like anything, just tell me. I'll spend an afternoon with you getting everything just the way you want it."

"No. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect."

:-:

Our friends and family continued to be a constant presence in our lives. It felt good to know that if we needed something, all we had to do was make a phone call and someone had our back.

I'd always tried to be self-sufficient, and for years I had been. I still struggled with asking for assistance, but it was the enthusiastic manner in which they always agreed that showed me our loved ones didn't really mind.

A perfect example was Emmett, back in March, the day before I became a father.

I suspected Bella was in labor that morning. The way she repeatedly put her hands on her hips and stretched should have clued me in on her impending labor, but she swore she was just stiff and I reluctantly went to work, even though I had reservations.

The day before had been a bad day, and I didn't want to put her in a sour mood before I left her alone for hours.

I called her mid-morning to check on her and she assured me she was resting. I told her I'd call later in the afternoon when I took my lunch so she could have an uninterrupted nap. Due to security regulations, I wasn't permitted to carry my phone while I was working inside lab.

When she called a half hour later to say that she was in labor and Dr. Carder wanted her to come in to the hospital to be examined and monitored, I was in the middle of a teleconference with a Swedish researcher who had made a breakthrough discovery in remyelination of spinal cord lesions in white mice.

Unlike us, other countries moved very quickly from animal to human subjects. Their first candidate was a little girl with MS and everyone I worked with knew how excited I was to discuss his findings.

With the knowledge that I was on an international call, the receptionist explained to Bella that I was unavailable and never patched the call through to me. In her defense, Bella didn't say it was an emergency. Several hours later, it was an anxious Carlisle who physically came to the lab to collect me. Because he wasn't one of our research docs and he lacked proper clearance credentials, my dismissal was further delayed until security made a phone call to verify his identity before sending someone into the lab to retrieve me.

He was pacing the floor when I found him in the atrium.

"We've gotta go. Bella's at the hospital," he said and then turned and headed to parking so he could whisk me off to labor and delivery. I fumbled with the keys when I handed them to him. There was no way I could have gotten myself there in one piece. Thankfully, Bella was at a facility that was just a few blocks away.

Carlisle explained as he drove that no one had been accessible by phone, when she was at her most vulnerable. It was Emmett who came through in the clutch and saved the day.

I looked down at my phone and sure enough, there were a number of missed calls from Bella.

My buddy was frantically pacing the L&D waiting room, with a sleeping baby Hope on his shoulder, when we arrived.

"Man, I'm so glad to see you. I don't know how guys do this. She was crying and holding her gut and I was terrified she was going to pop that baby out, right there in the car. All I could think of was my ma and Kenny."

I clapped him on the back. "She'll be fine, Em."

I didn't have time for chitchat, and while I was grateful that he'd gotten her to the hospital, I needed to get to my wife.

"I have to get in there. I'm not too late am I?"

"I don't think so, she begged me to go back with her but," he gave a relieved look at the little bundle nuzzling his chest, "we couldn't both go."

Just then one of the floor nurses recognized me. "Oh, Dr. Cullen, so glad to see they located you. Your wife has been asking for you."

My heart pounded in my chest. This was it. "I didn't miss it, did I? Is she alright? Where is she?"

"If you would follow me I can take you to her room."

I looked down at what I was wearing. "I need to change." While our hospital no longer required expectant fathers to change into scrubs unless a C-section was imminent, I'd come straight from a lab where I'd been handling rodents less than an hour before.

"Let's get you into some scrubs, do you need help changing?"

"Uh." Suddenly I couldn't form a coherent thought, thankfully Carlisle stepped in.

"We'll only be a few minutes, may we change in the locker room?"

"Absolutely. Just come to the desk when you're ready to go back."

She squeezed my arm. "You've got plenty of time, doctor. Don't worry, you won't miss the big event."

I looked at my watch. It had been six hours since I'd seen Bella last and she'd been complaining of being stiff and sore for several hours before I left the house. My wife was in labor and she needed me. I had a job to do. With that thought, I found my voice.

"Come on Dad, we're having a baby."

I didn't need a lot of help, but it certainly saved time having someone else to get my shoes off and get the pants over my feet. When I was all changed, Carlisle pulled an empty grocery bag from my pack and stowed my clothing.

"I'll take these with me and I'll be back in a while with your mother. Someone will take Hershey home."

"If you call Jane, she and Alec have volunteered to watch him until we get home. I'm sure she'd pick him up."

"I'll do that, you go take care my lovely daughter-in-law and we'll be in the waiting room if you need anything. Good luck, son."

"Thanks Dad."

Bella was talking with her nurse when I entered her room, but she pushed herself up with her elbows when she saw me come in.

I leaned over her bed rail and stretched to give her a smooch. She grabbed the front of my scrub shirt and pulled me down until she could whisper in my ear.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you look dressed like that?"

Her body stiffened and she let go. Her hand went to her belly and rubbed in circles while she took slow, calming breaths. When she relaxed back into the bed she said, "Okay, that smarted. Forget I asked that, it's your darned good looks that got me into this situation to begin with."

Her nurse was watching the monitor and after the contraction passed I asked how we were progressing.

The baby's heartbeat was strong and Bella had been at four centimeters when she was checked just before I'd arrived.

At her last few appointments, Bella had fought Dr. Carder tooth and nail on the argument of whether or not she was having an epidural, Bella feared the after effects of the anesthesia would be similar to the spinal headache she sustained after her myelogram to diagnose her MS. Dr. Carder wanted her to be well rested and remain comfortable. We both explained that while it was possible, it wasn't probable that it would happen again. The smaller atraumatic needle anesthesia used for her epidural was much different than the larger gauge needle used for her lumbar puncture and was less prone to cause postdural puncture headaches.

By the time her labor had progressed to a five, she was having trouble managing the pain of her contractions through natural means. Even though I'd tried to convince her that the epidural was safe, it wasn't until she had a visit from Jeff that she relented. He assured her that not only did he recommend epidural anesthesia for his MS patients who were expecting, but he promised it would help her to manage her labor and allow her to have a more positive birth experience.

My biggest concern for her was fatigue, and the epidural brought with it the ability for her to rest.

I stepped out to relieve my bladder and get a bottle of water. Carlisle stopped me in the corridor.

"How's she doing?"

"Alright, she's resting right now. I've delivered a few babies, but I was never present for the whole process." I inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. "This waiting is horrible."

"Want to go down to the cafeteria and get some dinner? You've been here a long time." The sky outside the solarium window was murky and gray; a stark contrast to the bright afternoon sun from when we'd arrived. I rubbed my finger over the face of my watch. If I didn't know better, I'd think the hands had been spinning in double time. Bella had been in labor at least twelve hours, but it sounded like it would be some time until our little bundle arrived.

I looked towards L & D. "I should get back in there. What if she needs something?"

"Someone will get it for her."

"But it should be me."

He smiled and gave me a reassuring pat on the back. "Son, women have been birthing babies since the beginning of time. Yours will be fine for a few minutes. Trust me, it'll be a long night. While she's sleeping is the perfect time for you to refuel as well. As she progresses and things pick up, you won't want to miss one single minute, and she won't want you to leave her."

I followed along and he began chuckling softly. "Unless you do something to tick her off and she kicks you out."

I let go of the joy stick and came to an abrupt stop. "She wouldn't," I whispered.

"No, probably not." He smiled. "But it's been known to happen. The most trivial things set off women in labor. I think I've heard it all. Come on, let's go grab a sandwich before the grand finale."

When I slipped back into her room. Esme was standing by her bed stroking her hair.

"Did you get something to eat?"

"Did you put him up to that?"

"He's been waiting out there for you to come out. He didn't want to intrude, but we figured you wouldn't leave to take care of yourself."

"It wouldn't have been an intrusion. He could have come in; I've seen entire families in birthing suites during labor."

"So has he, and this is something private and will no doubt be one of the most incredible moments of your lives. You don't want a bunch of people parading through here, and neither does she. It's more appropriate for them to come and go after the baby arrives and you're settled in."

"Thanks for being here."

"It hasn't been that long. She didn't even know you were gone. I'm going to go out with your father. Let us know if you need anything."

"You should go home. We'll be alright."

"We want to be here for you, the same way you want to be here for her."

I nodded. "I understand. Thanks Mom, I love you."

"I love you, too. Have you been taking care of yourself? Did you take care of your bladder? Get a drink?"

I flushed. I wasn't five, yet we still argued over my bodily functions and the fact that I was more than capable of managing them independently.

I was firm but not rude. "Intake and output are fine, Mom."

She dropped her gaze to the floor, wringing her hands nervously. "I'm sorry. I worry that you don't take care of yourself. You can't take proper care of someone you love if you don't first take care of yourself."

I reached out and grasped her wrist, her eyes met mine. "I understand, but I'm good. Really."

"I'll be outside if you need anything. I love you, son."

"You too."

After the door closed, Bella drew in a long breath and stretched. "You're back."

"Carlisle snatched me when I went to the restroom. He thought I should get something to eat."

"I'm glad you went. How long was your mom here?"

"I imagine the entire time I was gone."

"I think I was dreaming. I thought she was Liz," she whispered, her eyes wide. "She was rubbing my back and telling me how much she loved me, how happy she was that we found each other. I love Esme, but I wish it could have been your mom."

"I do too, Baby, but she's not coming back. I've come to believe that she's lived on through Esme all these years. They left me in the best possible hands, Esme is the only person who could have dreamed of filling my mother's shoes, and she's done so splendidly. Carlisle has been an exemplary father figure. "

She rubbed her tummy and sighed, looking over at the monitor.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's mostly just pressure now. It's a weird sensation. I can feel, but I can't. It's almost as if parts of my body are detached or something, like they have a mind of their own. Does that make sense?"

I looked down at my legs and rubbed my hands over my thighs, down over the zone that went from _sorta feel_ to _no feel_. "Trust me, I can relate."

"It reminds me a lot of the episode that precipitated my diagnosis, when I could only feel half of my body," she added with a frown.

I wanted to be encouraging, remind her that the two situations were entirely different. Even though I knew she made the distinction between the two, I didn't want her to compare something that had initially caused her such uncertainty and sadness with an event that would lead to immeasurable joy.

Just then Bella's nurse came in to help her roll and get situated, and the moment was lost. I moved out to the waiting room so I wasn't underfoot.

While pleasant, some of the nurses almost acted like they had to be on their best behavior, like they were under scrutiny. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. They were here to do things for her that I wasn't physically able to do myself, things that would result in her comfort and well-being. I was in their debt for caring for my wife in a way that I could not.

Emmett and Alice were both sprawled out in the waiting room watching TV. Rose had come hours before to collect the baby and Jasper was home sleeping so he could work the graveyard shift. Carlisle and Esme sat at a table in the corner putting together a jigsaw puzzle.

Everyone wanted to know how Bella was doing. Had the baby come yet? How far along was she?

I shared what I knew and after about ten minutes, figured it was safe to go back.

"Why don't you all go home and get some sleep. I'll call when there is news to share."

I heard Emmett say something about driving Alice home. I got the distinct impression that Carlisle and Esme were there for the long haul.

"I'm heading back to Bella."

"Tell her we love her and we'll see her tomorrow." Alice gave me a big hug and Emmett slapped me on the back.

"Just call if you need us, Bro."

"Thanks a lot. Good night everyone."

Thankfully, the hospital had recently renovated the maternity department and the birthing suites were large enough for me to navigate my way to both sides of the bed. Before they'd renovated, I'd have only been able to access one side of her bed, backing in and sitting next to it and unable to move my chair until I pulled out of the room.

I poked my head inside and Bella's nurse had gone, the lights were turned down, jazz music played quietly from Bella's iHome.

I pulled up to the bed quietly, not wanting to disturb her if she was sleeping.

Brown eyes met mine.

I trailed my fingers down over her cheek. She looked tired. She had a lot of work ahead of her, all I need do was be present and wait. Labor and delivery was very one sided. It seemed rather unfair all of a sudden. Was I selfish for wanting this with her, when she was giving so much and I was doing so little? "Everything alright? Are you comfortable?"

"As comfortable as I can be, I suppose."

"Do you need anything?"

She reached her hand out between the rails. "Just you, can you put this down so I can see your face?"

I'd just lowered the bed rail when Bella's eyes got big and she began to feel around with her hands under the blanket. "Um, Edward? You better push the call bell."

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"I think I peed the bed."

After her membranes ruptured, things clipped along fairly quickly and a few hours later we were almost ready for her to push. During the very short space between contractions, Bella shared a hushed conversation with Dr. Carder. I had turned to put something in our bag and the next thing I knew, she was asking one of the nurses to please get my mother.

I jerked my chair around and looked from Bella to Dr. Carder. I didn't understand. Carlisle had warned me, but he was teasing. Had I done something to upset her? Was she going to ask me to leave?

It was Dr. Carder who approached me, holding her hands up like she was trying to talk someone down from a ledge.

"Edward, I know how special this day is for both of you. Bella and I discussed this earlier and I have no qualms with her request. You're more than qualified. Would you like to deliver your baby?"

I looked into Bella's watery eyes trying to comprehend what they were asking me.

Over the hours since we'd arrived she'd needed my support for so many things, sips of water and back rubs, cool cloths and a pitiful attempt at braiding her hair. I'd offered soft words of encouragement and enthusiastic cheers. How could I be here to help her cross the finish line if I was down there at the receiving end?

"But..."

"Mom will help us." Bella panted out between contractions.

"I'll be right here beside you, Edward." Dr. Carder reassured me. "You have a little time to get ready if you'd like the honors."

I couldn't contain my goofy grin or the way my head seemed to nod enthusiastically on its own.

Suddenly there was a whirlwind of activity. I was quickly scrubbed in, my chair and lap were draped.

There was just enough room to drive my chair in between the stirrups of the birthing room bed, my footrest slid smoothly under the basin and I was ready.

I thought my heart would explode when I looked down into the angelic face of my child for the first time as Dr. Carder helped suction her mouth and nose. I could hear my mother coaxing, encouraging, telling Bella she was doing a wonderful job and it would soon be over.

I reached out and ran my gloved fingers over the baby's wavy ginger colored hair. Excited that in a matter of minutes I'd be holding her for the first time.

"Come on Bella, just a couple more pushes and you can hold our baby."

Once the shoulders were delivered, she slipped right into my waiting hands and it felt like I was the one who had run the marathon. My heart was pounding out of my chest and my hands were sweating inside my gloves. I could barely see for the droplets of sweat that had gotten into my eyes.

Dr. Carder clamped the cord and I cut it. Our baby was pink and loud and her healthy cries were victorious. Just before they whisked her out of my hands to put her on Bella's chest so she'd stay warm, I took a quick peek to make sure she had ten fingers and toes and I was shocked at the deformity that I saw.

Testicles. Huge, huge testicles.

_Our baby girl has... testicles?_

Bella's doctor laughed loud and heartily. "No, Dr. Cullen, your son has testicles!"

A boy.

_A little boy. _

I had a son.

It was a fact that the accuracy rate of predicting gender through ultrasound wasn't one hundred percent, but apparently Carlisle and I had both been outwitted by the little bugger.

Bella reached out and Esme stepped to the other side of the bed so I could take my place next to my wife. Just as I leaned in for a kiss, Brahms lullaby began to play over the PA system.

"There's your blessing, Dr. Cullen. I love you," she whispered softly.

I held her as close as I could and sobbed into her neck. "Thank you, Baby. I love you so much. Thank you."

I backed up to make room, but never took my eyes off the baby as he was placed on his mommy's bare skin and assessed. I loved that our hospital adhered to the practice of scoring the infant and taking his vitals while he rested in the warmth of his mother's arms during the first moments of life. Skin to skin contact was preferential to a warming crib whenever possible and in a matter of minutes Bella's nurse was encouraging Bella to direct our little guy to his mother's breast.

"Oh, just look how perfect he is." Esme said, in awe.

Bella snickered when all he wanted to do was nuzzle and lick her nipple.

"Like father, like son," she said.

Everyone laughed when Esme made a mock gagging noise, and offered to go share the news with the others.

My heart grew ten sizes as I watched Bella lovingly press him to her breast so that he could be nourished.

Two hours later, Bella had been attended to and was resting, the little fellow had his first meal and was in the nursery to be bathed and examined thoroughly by our pediatrician.

When she returned the baby to our room, Bella's nurse checked my girl over before accompanying her to the restroom and settled her back into bed. She offered her congratulations and bid us goodbye before leaving us to bask in the afterglow of such an amazing event.

Despite looking like she was utterly exhausted, Bella couldn't get comfortable. Because she was nursing, she didn't want medication.

"I'm so restless. My body wants to crash, but my mind is on this high. I feel like I can't sit still."

She eased herself closer to the edge of the bed. "I hate how these rails block my sight of you. Can you put it down so I can see your face? I feel like I'm talking to a wall. I need your touch."

She'd had such a long labor and I knew just the way to lull her to sleep. After the bed rail was out of the way, I parked as close I could, perpendicular to her bed and slid one arm under the mattress protector behind her knees and the other behind her back.

"Help me scoot you over here baby."

I carefully guided her, pad and all, onto my lap.

She whimpered as her bottom made contact, and I felt a twinge of guilt knowing I had been a party to causing her that pain. But the euphoria of the day was something I'd never felt before and I couldn't contain my happiness.

Suddenly I understood the hype of being a daddy. I wanted to pound my chest with my fists and shout it from the roof top. But since he was next to us and sound asleep, I'd have to settle for snuggling quietly with my glorious wife.

We'd both need our energy when the little guy came home, although I couldn't wait for midnight feedings and one on one time with the baby. I knew I could share the load with Bella and I was overjoyed to be able to pull my weight.

She melted into my chest with a contented sigh, nuzzling my neck with her face. "Tilt the chair back, please, I just want to snuggle with you for a while before everyone bombards us."

I pulled her close to my chest and tipped us back. With soothing movements I rubbed my hand up and down the expanse of her back, careful to avoid the site where her epidural had been.

We still hadn't named the baby. "What will we call him?" I whispered, unable to take my eyes off our little miracle.

She reached up and laid her hand on my cheek, pulling me down for a kiss. While we'd been conservative and bought things that would be suitable for either gender, a large supply of miniature dresses graced the antique armoire that sat in the corner of the nursery. Bella and I had decided to name the baby Lizzie. Cleary we had a problem.

"Masen." She said it with clarity and conviction like she had planned it all along.

"What?" I sputtered.

"You said once that Carlisle hoped you'd one day have a baby boy because technically, you were the last Cullen to bear the family name. I remember in the same conversation you were sad that if you ever did conceive a child, that the baby wouldn't carry your family name. Because you had been the last Masen child. This way, well, he can be both. I think it's the perfect way to honor both of your families. Masen Cullen. Would it be okay to name him Masen?"

I was shocked, almost as dumb-struck as I was the day I'd found out she was pregnant.

"I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than I already do, but you just keep doing things to make me love you even more. I'd be honored to name him Masen. Baby, you're incredible. Have I told lately you how much I love you?"

Bella covered her mouth and stifled a yawn. "Um, yeah, about every five minutes since you found me in L & D."

Her labor was long, at least it seemed to me like it had taken forever. We settled in on Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday's sunrise had just begun to peek through Bella's window.

"It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this; once we saw the ultrasound we stopped discussing boy names."

"I wanted to have a contingency plan and I thought it might be a nice surprise."

"Baby, can I make a suggestion about his name?"

She picked her head up from my chest and yawned again. "Don't you like Masen?"

"Yes, baby, I love it. I thought perhaps you'd like to name him Masen Charles."

"Masen Charles Cullen? I like that." She snuggled in a little closer and soon I could hear her soft snores against my chest. I tilted a little further back and distributed her weight a little more evenly then reached over and pulled the afghan Esme had brought from home across both of us. After she was all tucked in, I let my hand drift to the little bundle, asleep in the bassinet that sat against my armrest. Satisfied that my family was safely settled in for a nap, I closed my eyes.

There was nothing... _nothing_... in this world that felt so good.

It wasn't long and I heard someone quietly enter the room.

The bed creaked as he sat on the foot of it.

"That was some surprise."

I snickered softly. "Yeah, it was, he stumped us both."

"So rumor has it that you were the one to do the honors."

I picked my head up and looked into his excited eyes. "It was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. Talk about an adrenaline rush!"

For a moment he grew somber and said, "I can't imagine a greater joy."

I looked down into the bassinet at the baby and I felt like he'd been cheated. "I'm sorry you were never able to experience this."

"But I have son. It doesn't matter when, or how you become a parent. It is still the most wonderful feeling in the world."

"I just meant, I'm sure my situation wasn't what you imagined when you hoped to one day have children."

"From the day your parents brought you home from the hospital I was in awe of you. You were the most incredible little human being, and as you grew and took an interest in the things that meant so much to me, I thought that if ever I was to have a child of my own; to be blessed with a child, no matter how it happened, I'd wish for someone like you. So, yes, you were exactly what I pictured when I hoped for a child of my own."

He'd said it with such resolve and determination and sitting there next to my own child I understood. The expression my father wore was the same look of pride on Emmett's face each time Guy spoke to him or Hope squealed in response to his voice.

"I've never regretted one moment, I can only hope I was father enough. I had some mighty big shoes to fill." I felt the truth in his words, there was no way anyone could question his sincerity.

"I've never regretted it either, Dad."

The room grew quiet, each of us lost in his thoughts. Carlisle broke the silence. "I've got quite the handsome grandson."

"Bella says she's gonna have to chase the girls off with a stick."

He laughed softly.

"Would you like to hold him?"

He looked over Bella's sleeping form and smiled.

"He may fuss if I wake him. I don't want to disturb Bella. I'll stop back later in the day once you've rested. Is there anything you need before I go?"

"I've got everything I need right here."

"Congratulations, son."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"Love you, too."

I'd just drifted off when the door opened again and someone gasped. Annoyed, I opened one eye and looked in the direction of the noise. Lauren Mallory... I had forgotten she worked in OB. "Dr. Cullen! You know she should be in bed." She gestured to Bella's form on my lap. "I can't ensure my patient's safety if she's sitting there like that."

"Bella is not only safe, but she's finally comfortable and she's sleeping. She needs to rest. Is there something you need?"

"I came to do vitals."

I gently grasped my wife's wrist and watched her chest. "Pulse is eighty-five, respirations are twenty. She was to the restroom a short while ago. Her nurse checked her pad and felt her fundus. Do you have other patients to see?" I asked quietly.

She nodded as I attempted to disarm her with my most charming smile. "Could you come back after you see your other patients? She's been awake for a very long time, and with her MS, I'm concerned that she'll become too exhausted. I don't want her to suffer a setback. This is the first uninterrupted sleep she's had in several days, surely you understand."

With that her demeanor softened. "Of course, Doctor. Would you like me to take the little one back to the nursery for a few hours so you can get some rest?"

I yawned and nodded.

When she pulled the door open I said, "Lauren? It's Masen. His name is Masen, M-a-s-e-n."

"I'll let them know." Lauren left, turning off the overhead light as she made her way out the door.

The entire clan descended on us a few hours later and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I'd only had a few hours of disjointed sleep. Periodic checks on Bella's well-being were not conducive to getting any meaningful rest.

When I came back to the room from getting a coffee and sandwich from the sub shop around the corner, I heard Charlie and Bella talking.

"I can't tell you how much it means to me that you gave him my name. I'm really honored, Kiddo."

"I can't take any credit for that one, Dad. It's all Edward. We were going to name him Lizzie, we were kind of ill-prepared. I gave him his first name. Edward gave him his middle."

"Good man, that Edward. His parents would be proud of him. I don't think I could have hand-picked a better husband for you."

"I don't think you could have either. I love him more than anything, Dad."

:-:

Doctors Carder and Jeffries managed to keep Bella three days postpartum, even though uncomplicated deliveries were being discharged here the day after birth.

My mother who had dubbed herself as _Meme_, because she was too young and too cool to be called _Grandma_, literally moved into the house back then, and she stayed nights until Bella was back to her pre-pregnancy neurological state. She slept on the futon we bought for the baby's room and awoke nearly every night for at least one feeding.

On nights when I had the next morning off, I stayed up late or awoke super early to take a shift or two so Bella could get the rest her body needed.

I was proud of my girl, she readily accepted help and didn't try to push Esme away when I knew she felt like we were taking advantage of my mother's generosity. I think she understood that there was no place where Esme would rather be and truly, it was a blessing having her with us through those crazy first weeks of parenthood.

Bella nursed for a few weeks, but with the sudden occurrence of a postpartum relapse, we went to formula so Bella could resume immunosuppressant treatment.

I was frustrated. As doctors, we adhered to the belief that breast feeding was best, for both mother and child. Not only did it provide unparalleled antibody protection for the infant, but it fostered bonding between mother and child. I didn't want her to have to give up nursing the baby, but Jeff felt it was the only way that was one hundred percent safe for the baby.

In France, there was a double blind clinical trial being conducted using two pregnancy hormones to prevent postpartum MS relapses. I pulled Jeff and Dr. Carder into a meeting a few weeks prior to delivery and begged them to consider it, but because the study was ongoing and it was still considered experimental, neither was willing to pump my wife full of hormones, not knowing the outcome.

I understood their reluctance, but at the same time, I had a mind to whisk her off to France and beg them to admit her into the study. I wanted to give her every advantage possible. Didn't every woman dream of vacationing in Paris?

Neurologically, Bella had her ups and downs. Pregnancy hormones were a blessing and a curse. They'd held many of the MS symptoms at bay, but oh what an onslaught of emotion. However, after the baby was born they quickly came to a screeching halt and the MS hit Bella with a vengeance.

Within weeks of delivery Bella was hit with profound episodes of fatigue. In a non-MS patient, this might have been indicative of post partum depression, but combined with a marked numbness in her arms and hands and increased incoordination, I knew that wasn't the case. The day she dropped the baby was the day we resumed her Copaxone therapy.

The Friday morning she awoke with an excruciating headache and impaired vision, I carried her to the car in my lap and delivered her to my old home away from home. Jeff's diagnosis was as I suspected it would be, so I called off work and we settled in for the weekend with the Sol-U-Medrol ball in hopes of warding off the optic neuritis that had presented itself.

Masen stayed with my parents. Thankfully the rollercoaster ride wasn't quite as dramatic as it had been the first time Bella had been on the steroids for a flare, but after having had that bad experience, we both agreed the last thing we needed was to throw a cranky baby into the mix. Once Bella got through the highs and lows of the medication, her symptoms leveled out fairly quickly and the Copaxone therapy continued to help her maintain her gait and balance.

Renee had flown out to see the baby for a weekend, but Bella felt the need to wait on her the entire time she visited. By the time she left, Bella was a mess. Renee was the last out of town visitor we'd had stay at the house.

Charlie and Sue had the good manners to try and book a hotel when they came in, but Esme insisted they stay with her and Carlisle instead. It was comforting to know that they were someplace homey and welcoming, but that Bella didn't have to fuss over them when she didn't have the energy.

When it was time for Bella's return to work, _Meme_ did everything in her power to convince us that she was the ideal childcare solution, even though the center had the onsite facility. In the end, we split the difference, with Bella utilizing the daycare half the week, and my mom on the days when she needed to stay late for peer counseling, various committee meetings, or days when she would be out of the office. Carlisle expressed his pleasure with the arrangement as well, those late dismissals for Bella meant that he could run home and play grandpa for a few hours after work. He was as smitten as the rest of us.

The arrival of our baby brought with it moments of utter chaos, and I'd be lying if I said I came home to a spotless home or a meal on the table every single day after Esme moved back home.

The act of balancing her job, housework and childcare was tough for Bella in the early days and I'd often come home to laundry that needed to be folded, or dishes that begged to be washed, but I couldn't have been happier. That was how normal families worked, and it felt good to pitch in and help her, even if I was tired or it had been a long day.

She was a wonderful mother and continued to be a fierce advocate and my love for her grew every single day, however, it took a reduction in hours for her to be able to balance work and home life in a manner that didn't compromise her health.

Part time hours allowed her to rest longer and begin their day later. I think it was a relief for her to be able to spend a few unhurried hours getting herself and our little one ready for their day and after several months of the modified schedule, we decided as a couple that she would request a permanent part time position.

Friday was her late day; she started at two and it ran late into the evening but the biggest perk was her availability over lunch time.

:-:

Autumn was my favorite season of the year and the one short hour, when I got to venture outside had become my favorite part of the day.

The opportunities afforded me by my research grant had already been too numerous to mention. My former partner and mentor had been right when he said following my dreams would open so many doors for my career. The experience I'd gleaned and the recognition I'd already achieved were the elements that would pave the way for a lifelong vocation.

While the work was stimulating and the knowledge that my job had the potential to radically change so many lives was extremely gratifying, it didn't come without a huge personal sacrifice.

_Time._

I was earning more than I ever had, and because I'd spent all those months before I moved to research full-time whittling down the hours of my service obligation, the first thing we did was satisfy the debt of my schooling. With the discovery of Masen's imminent arrival, Carlisle convinced me that my student loans were clinging to me like a ball and chain. Moments lost could never be replaced, and I didn't want to waste any of that precious time- definitely not an additional twenty hours per week. Being able to spend that time with my family was priceless.

Hershey turned around in a circle and lay at my feet in the grass below my chair. I tipped my chair back, feeling the crisp autumn breeze swirl around me. They'd meet me soon, and until they did, I relished the solitude. This had always been one of my favorite places. I'd brought Bella here for some of our most memorable dates, and over the months and years since I'd first spilled my deepest secrets and my greatest fears to her, my love of this spot had only intensified.

I thought back to the days of my recovery, where I wanted to escape the noise of a busy hospital wing, the clinical smell of antiseptic and cleaner... even something so miniscule as the buzzing of the fluorescent lights.

Those things still grated on my nerves, and to step away from that, even if for only a few moments...

It was ironic, I hadn't really escaped the clinical setting, not going from patient to doctor nor from healer to scientist. It was all still there taunting me.

The warmth of the afternoon sun on my face caused a smile to break forth. Approximately sixty hours of my week was spent inside an environmentally controlled concrete and steel fortress. Twenty-four hours a day those fluorescents buzzed. It was easy to lose track of time with no daylight or darkness for a reference point and many of us got lost in our work.

Every Friday at noon, I had a standing date with two of the most important people in my life, and to ensure that I didn't let those walls close in on me, and that I didn't get so caught up in my work that I'd stand her up, my watch chimed the weekly alarm she'd set and I'd make my way to our spot.

Winter was coming and the rooftop regulars were taking advantage of the uncommonly warm and sunny weather before the days turned cold and dreary. Ours was a spot away from where the doctors and nurses took lunch at the small grouping of tables, a quiet little corner where no one usually ever bothered our solitude. The garden had been busy since I'd opened the door and I felt fortunate to secure Bella's favorite spot in the shade under the ivy covered arbor.

I took a deep breath and let the peace wash over me, relishing our little piece of heaven on earth in the midst of a busy hospital setting- the splashing of the water overflowing into the bowl of the fountain, the wind rustling the leaves of the Contorted Filbert tree that grew next to where I sat.

I almost didn't hear him speak.

"Do you mind if I sit here? I won't be a bother, I promise."

I turned towards the voice and cracked one eye open. He stood wearing dark blue sweats that emphasized the pallor of his skin. He looked like he'd fall over if he didn't sit.

"Be my guest, you're not bothering me, although be forewarned, my family will be here to visit shortly and I can't promise peace and quiet if that's what you're craving."

"That's okay most of the other seats were taken. Thanks."

He took hold of the arm of the wooden bench and lowered himself gingerly onto the seat.

As much as I craved my own solitude, I couldn't be rude. I sat myself up, gazing off into the mountains that were shrouded in clouds.

He coughed quietly and I turned to look at him.

"Doctor?" He asked, motioning to my lab coat.

I nodded. "Doctor slash scientist."

"Which do you like better?"

"In my heart, I'll always be a neurologist, but I've moved on to research. I really miss the patient interaction, but I have to believe that by working in the lab, I'm impacting their lives in a more positive way. I love research."

"You have the potential to save more lives in the lab."

"I guess you're right."

I noticed what he was wearing, confirming my suspicion that he was a patient. People found reassurance in talking with those in my profession, he wanted to know if I was a doctor, there must have been something on his mind so I turned the conversation back around to him.

I backed my wheelchair under the arbor and turned my attention to him.

"Patient?" I asked, motioning to the screen printed tee that peeped out of the unzippered opening of his hoodie. Cancer Sucks!

He nodded. "Prostate. Stage two."

"Oh, that does kinda suck, but it hasn't spread, that's really good."

He wiped under his eyes before giving me a watery smile. "I had my last treatment today."

I reached my hand out towards him. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, man."

I jerked my head, motioning towards the treatment center. "You do all your treatment here? I hear they're great to work with."

"I had my prostatectomy at Sloan. The wife has really had a rough time accepting my illness. She never liked it out East so we moved back here to be closer to her family after my surgery. I thought it would be easier for her to deal if she had a support system. I've done all my post surgery radiation treatments here. I've been told they have a more sophisticated system here."

"I don't know about Sloan, but I do know Harborview uses the new 3-D targeting system. It's supposed to hit the tumor more precisely while sparing healthy tissue."

"That's good to know. My dad had prostate cancer. He lost all function as a result of the treatment back then and it spread anyway. He died in his early forties. I've been getting tested for a few years. My last PSA was thirty eight, so they did a biopsy. I went through radiation and a second biopsy showed the cancer hadn't been eliminated. A week later I had my surgery."

"I hear they have a great support group here for guys with prostate cancer and their partners. There's a _Women's Only_ group too. It might be beneficial for you both if you had the opportunity to interact with couples who have been through what you're facing."

A radical prostatectomy, even a nerve sparing technique without complications, could leave a man both impotent and incontinent of urine for months, years, even indefinitely. Radiation had similar consequences. Depending on the partner, a situation like that would either make or break a relationship.

In a group of his peers, he'd find the understanding and fellowship he needed to accept that change in himself, hopefully his spouse would as well.

"They had an excellent group at Sloan. I went to that till we moved. It left me feeling hopeful that my shortcomings wouldn't last indefinitely. I finally managed to talk my wife into going with me to the intimacy support group this afternoon. She's wasn't real receptive to the idea. I think she's embarrassed to admit we have a problem, that _I_ have a problem. I'm confident we can get through this, these docs really are a great group of professionals."

I nodded. I always felt a sense of pride when someone said something positive about my hospital. "That group was started by an urologist and a sex therapist. I know the urologist, Dr. Reilly, he moderates that group. He's committed to helping couples find a way to successfully renew intimacy, I'm sure the therapist is as well."

I owed Reilly so much. If he could get through to me, he could help anyone find their way.

The sliding door opened and we both looked towards the entrance.

And there they were, my everything.

When she saw my companion, she hesitated, but I motioned her over.

I stood my chair and moved to greet her, pulling her to me, and kissing her soundly before flipping the sun canopy back on the stroller. He smiled up at me, kicking his feet and waving his arms. I pulled them under the shade of the arbor out of the sun.

I lowered my chair and lifted him onto my lap. "Hey there little buddy. Come see your daddy."

Hershey's tail thump, thump, thumped against my chair as he peered over my armrest at his little brother. He took his duty to protect the little man quite seriously, often sleeping on the floor next to the baby's crib and woofing quietly when anyone entered the room at night.

"I'm sorry we're late."

"It's okay, Baby. I was just talking to..." I looked towards the bench. Had she not arrived when she did, I would have shared my story, and my family would have shown him living proof that everything is possible. I was saddened to see the gentleman walking away, but Bella and I didn't have a lot of time left until I had to return to work. I gave my family my full attention.

"His check-up ran over."

"How's he doing?"

"Dr. Andreasson says he's doing great. She's happy with the benchmarks he's reaching and his length and weight are_ wonderful_." She emphasized with air quotes. Then she cringed. "He got three shots. I think I was more upset than he was."

I smiled to myself. Of course she was. She was a wonderful mother, and if he was hurting she was as well. Ten fold.

"Give him some baby Tylenol when you get home."

"Already did."

I squeezed her hand. "Good girl. Has he been fussy at all?"

"No, not so far."

"Good."

I cradled his behind in the crook of my arm and tilted my chair back just enough that his little body leaned into my chest and she handed me his bottle. I lived for this, our shared lunch time on Fridays.

His little hands greedily pulled the bottle to his mouth and I chuckled. I'd longed to feed him in the early weeks while Bella was nursing him, but I didn't want him confused by the artificial nipple. When he went on the bottle, however, I seized every opportunity I could to feed him.

I ran my nose over the downy fuzz of his head, relishing in his wonderful scent. I placed gentle kisses all over him until she cleared her throat.

"If you want your lunch mister, we need to get busy."

:-:

I'd scurried all morning, there was so much to do and so little time. While I adored her, and she had so readily filled the void my own mother had left in my life, there were times like that morning, when Esme was a little frustrating- knowing I had to be someplace and stopping by to visit anyway. I was still learning how to juggle the responsibilities of motherhood with my responsibilities to Edward and the requirements of my job. Throw my MS into the mix and some days it was a recipe for disaster.

Since I'd gone to part-time though, it had gotten easier and mornings were my special time with Masen.

On a normal day, Esme arrived around lunch time, but with a mid-morning appointment followed by lunch plans with my dear husband, she knew I'd be jumping through hoops to get out the door on time. For a change I was making great time that morning and I felt a little smug when she arrived and we were nearly ready to go.

In the end, I was glad she stopped.

At the very last possible moment before we walked out the door, the little guy chucked his breakfast all down the front of my sweater and all over his little outfit, and I'd have never left on time had she not offered to change him while I re-dressed myself.

She'd become quite proficient in her baby handling skills between Hope and Masen. Three days a week she came to our house and spent her afternoon with Masen. There was talk of Carlisle passing the torch and going strictly into private practice, he'd scaled back his hours at the hospital and on Thursdays he joined the two of them. There was nothing more refreshing than walking in from work to the sounds of baby squeals and hearty laughs just before the room reverberated with the sloppy and very unsophisticated sound of Carlisle blowing raspberries on my baby's tummy.

As we hurried out the door that morning Esme asked if I had made lunch plans for Edward, and when I told her I'd likely stop for takeout, she handed me a zippered lunch bag. "I hope I wasn't too presumptuous, I made dumplings this morning. There are several in there, along with plastic ware and napkins. I knew it would be a busy day for you."

I gave her a quick hug. "Thanks Esme. Thanks for everything."

"You're welcome Sweetheart. Good luck at the appointment. Call me later?"

"I will."

"I'll talk to you then. Go on now, before you're late. I'll lock up."

While I dreaded the appointment, he'd been so cranky after the last one, it went relatively quickly.

Even though Masen's pediatrician was in another part of the same building, it took forever to get to our roof top. It felt like every time I took a step, the corridor grew longer.

When I burst out through the door pushing Masen, I dreaded the sad look of disappointment I was certain I'd see on Edward's face. We were late and a large portion of his lunch hour had passed. He looked forward to our Friday lunches on the roof, even on days it was pouring down rain and we were forced to sit in the solarium looking out.

He was cooped up in that bright white clinical environment day in and day out and he lived to come out into the fresh air and natural sunlight to spend bonding time with his baby while Masen was actually awake to interact with his daddy.

Edward was deep in conversation with someone, a man who was slightly older, a patient perhaps. He didn't look sick, but he didn't really appear well either. The fatigue was evident in the way he held his body, as if sitting there talking was an effort. I'd had days like that.

I felt guilty intruding.

But, while Edward was turned, smiling and motioning for us to join him, the man walked away.

Edward kissed me like he was parched and I was life sustaining water. I giggled when he released me.

My hubby greedily scooped the baby into his lap, he frowned when he saw the man had left, but eagerly took the bottle when I handed it to him. While little Mase chugged away on his bottle, we talked about his progress and enjoyed a quiet lunch.

:-:

With the baby tucked into my chest and a bottle in my hand, Bella tucked a receiving blanket around our little guy and began to feed me the decadence that was my mother's baking.

I smelled it as soon as she pulled it from the bag. The enticing aroma of freshly baked goodies full of cinnamon and ginger and apple assaulted my senses. When the flaky crust of Esme's apple dumplings hit my tongue, it was like a celebration inside my mouth. I moaned and rolled my eyes at the first bite.

Bella alternated bites between herself and my own. Just as she was scooping the last bite out of the little pan, I teased her about dropping food on the baby. I couldn't resist pulling her in for a kiss when she wiped a smear of sticky syrup from the corner of my mouth. I heard the whoosh of the automatic door behind us. The man I'd been conversing with stood and began walking towards it with purpose. When I turned towards the footsteps headed in our direction, my grasp on the baby stiffened as I wrapped my arms around them protectively.

:-:

It tugged at my heart to watch him interact with our little guy. As Mase nursed from the bottle, his tiny fingers rubbed over the buttons on his daddy's shirt and then his little hand drifted down to clutch the sleeve of the arm that was supporting his little body.

His fuzzy red head rested just below Edward's chin and I couldn't help but smile each time my hubby stole a kiss as if he thought I wasn't watching.

Edward had grown so much over the years. I watched, mesmerized, as he bonded with our little miracle. He'd been so ready to give up on himself; on this. Yet I couldn't imagine him excelling at any role the way he had with fatherhood. I watched him with pride, that man of mine.

Like Carlisle, he was an attractive man, with timeless good looks that got better with age. He was starting to show just a little gray at his temples and he had tiny crow's feet at the corners of his eyes that crinkled in the sexiest way when he smiled. Don't even get me started on the glasses. He was so deliciously handsome.

He'd taken to life at the lab, and while his days were long, the frazzled guy who scurried between a private neurology practice and the lab, in an attempt to eliminate his student loans, was gone. With the burden of those notes lifted from his shoulders, he was able to truly enjoy the work that stimulated his mind.

I loved the days when he excitedly shared the tale of some exciting breakthrough his team had made. With scientists like Edward working relentlessly, I had every confidence that one day MS would be another one of those diseases that was eradicated from the human race. He and Carlisle had shared stories of scientists who made putting the pieces together on just one scientific puzzle their life's work. If Edward were to only ever discover the building blocks of one disease process so that it could come to an end, I knew that disease would be MS. The thought of even one child with MS was unacceptable to him.

After I'd shared Masen's appointment with him, our remaining conversation was spent in the depths of the reprogramming of nerve cells so he could manipulate them into doing something I didn't understand.

I teased Edward with a bite of dumpling, he moaned seductively when the pastry hit his tongue and growled when I stole a bite. My fingers trembled with my next attempt to feed him and crumbs showered down on the baby.

Brushing him off, Edward laughed. "Bella, we're gonna have to cover the baby if you don't stop trying to feed him my lunch!"

He looked down with wonder at the little red headed bundle on his lap. I understood that look. I was certain I wore it quite often as well. Parenting was amazing. I took the empty bottle while Edward shifted the baby up onto his shoulder and rubbed his back coaxing a burp from his sleepy body.

Our playful banter continued even after the last gooey bite of dumpling

was gone. I reached out to wipe a smear of cinnamon sugar from the corner of his mouth and he playfully grabbed my wrist. I scooted closer and melted into him as our lips met, I lost track of time and place until Edward stiffened and pulled away.

A look of fear crossed his face and he clutched Masen's little body tightly into his own.

Frantically, I raked my eyes over the little guy's form. Was there something wrong with him? Had the doctor missed something?

But he wasn't looking at the baby and I followed his gaze, confused, as he glared angrily at the woman walking determinedly in our direction.

Edward stood the chair, taking a protective stance, shielding us from some perceived threat.

I could feel the adrenalin radiating off of Edward. It made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle and my stomach clench in an uncomfortable way. A ridge of hair went up on Hershey's back, but like a good dog, he didn't move. He could feel his master's tension too. Something was terribly wrong.

I reached for him. "Baby?"

When the woman first entered the garden, a man stood and began walking towards the door, the same man Edward had been talking with when I arrived. I thought she was there for him, but the confident manner in which she strode straight for us told a different story.

He pulled me securely under his arm.

I looked her over from head to toe. She was pretty, but not more than average. A petite girl with blonde hair that hung partway down her back, she was dressed in a manner that suggested she liked to indulge herself in the finer things, but it was her expression that took me by surprise- one of familiarity, determination, perhaps even longing?

Did he know her?

When she got closer I heard the frightening rumble in his chest, saw the angry set of his jaw.

"Edward, Edward Masen."

She stood in front of him, staring, from me then to Edward who continued to rub Masen's back whispering soothing words to him.

When it became obvious that she wasn't getting a reaction out of my man, she pushed her hand towards me. "Hello, I'm Tanya Denali-Hess, an old friend of Edward's, and you are?"

Internally, I scoffed. _Old friend?_ He hadn't even acknowledged her.

There were so many things I wanted to say, so many ways I wanted to berate her. Where did she get the nerve approaching us after she'd treated him the way that she had? Her actions could have destroyed him, her negligence could have taken his life.

But there he stood, proud and tall, his free hand gripping mine. I smiled up at him and winked.

_Don't worry, Baby, I've got this._ I extended the opposite hand.

_You're the bigger woman here, Bella. _

_Don't say something that will embarrass your husband._

I refused to acknowledge who she was or how she'd impacted our lives. There was no way I'd allow her to feel that sort of power over him.

I put a smile on my face and thrust out my hand confidently. "I'm Bella Cullen, Edward's wife. Funny, I don't remember him mentioning you."

At the word wife, she stiffened, ignoring me, and turned her attention back to my man. She gazed inquisitively at the bundle he held tightly to his chest, tilting her head from one side to the other. "So, Eddie, who's your little friend?"

He nuzzled his face in the hair that was unmistakably like his own and took a deep breath, centering himself. I watched him puff up his chest, swelling with pride. "This is our son, Masen."

It was impossible to miss the resemblance between my boys, to misjudge Masen's parentage. She looked from Edward, to our clasped hands, and back to Masen. The blush creeping up her neck onto her cheeks in embarrassment was priceless. She looked at the ground and stammered. "But... I thought you couldn't... I mean... we couldn't... I'm sorry... I have to go..." As quickly as she'd appeared, she turned and hurried down the path, almost slamming into the man who stood waiting.

He was close to the door when she took his arm and hurried him through the entrance to the cancer center.

I looked at Edward, "Wow, Edward. Tanya?"

He laughed, uncomfortably. "Um, yeah, that was her."

I just shook my head. "Transparent much? She summed up all the issues that ended your relationship with her in one broken sentence."

"Looking back, I suppose she was always like that. I just didn't see it. At seventeen, having a pretty cheerleader on the sideline screaming your name at every football game, having her attend every party with you, having her take care of all your hormone flooded teenage needs- at the time, she seemed perfect. You know what I mean?"

"I suppose so."

"I feel bad for her husband. She doesn't seem to have changed much. I doubt she's handling his illness very well."

"He didn't really look well."

"We talked for a while. With the support of his family, he should be okay."

"Do you know him? Is he a patient of yours?"

"Nope, he came out here to wait for her, looking for some sort of solace as he waited. He initiated the conversation and sensing that he needed to talk, I let him lead. It's a small world, isn't it?"

He looked down at his watch, frowning. He lowered his chair and settled the baby back into his stroller. "I'm sorry, Baby. I've got to get back to work."

I grasped his wrist and he stopped, looking up at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'd be an idiot to allow a two minute interaction with an insignificant ghost from my past ruin this lovely lunch break I've shared with you and our son." He pulled my face to his and kissed me again, long and hard.

When he released me he added, "I love you baby, you fill my heart with love and my life with happiness. Now, I have to go back to work. I'll see you at home."

"Love you, too." I mean, really, how could I top a declaration like that, and why would I want to?

:-:

I stood in front of the vanity mirror preparing for bed while my family squealed and giggled in the bathtub behind me. That was the sort of stuff that made life worth living.

It had been a crazy day. Never in a million years did I expect to encounter Tanya Denali in a place that I had always considered my haven.

I'd been rattled after I went back to the lab, there would have been a time when seeing her again would have made me feel vulnerable, but I had trouble now remembering why I'd ever allowed Tanya's words, uttered in a moment of frustration and disappointment to carry so much weight.

Looking back on it with the blinders removed, I knew Alice was right, I was an utter fool if I ever envisioned a long-term future with Tanya.

She had been young and immature at the time and my entire future was uncertain. Even though she had been the same age as Jane was when she met Alec, the contrast between the two girls couldn't have been any more drastic.

Tanya had always been a little immature and a lot self centered. At the time my accident happened, I could have never given her anything near the life she was accustomed to.

My body was broken, my future was uncertain, and my family was struggling financially just to keep a roof over our heads. Even with the knowledge that I was paralyzed she keep asking when I'd get _better_. She had been in denial and it wasn't until she was alone with me that weekend that reality slapped her in the face. It made perfect sense that she'd want to leave and never look back.

Still, I'd allowed her words and actions to adversely impact so much of my early adult life and how I interacted with others. She might have been the one to leave me in a compromising position, but I should have been able to get myself out of one before I was ever left alone for a weekend.

I vowed then and there to become an active participant in my care, depending on someone else made me vulnerable. In a sense, I owed my level of independence to Tanya.

Her words caused me to devalue my worth as a lover. I'd allowed that to influence the manner in which I approached relationships with members of the opposite sex.

I was confident now that I could keep the woman who had become my wife and lover both happy and satisfied, so those words that I'd allowed to dictate the path of my personal life for so long, were a non-issue.

It felt good to know that I'd broken free of my self-imposed shackles.

The thing that weighed heavily on my mind all day and caused me so much discontent was her husband. I felt a kinship with the man.

Unfortunately, the bread crumbs he'd dropped for me led me to believe that Tanya wasn't much different than she'd been the day she left me alone in that bedroom.

The doctor in me wanted to do something. Had the situation been different, had he been anyone else, I'd have shared our story with them and suggested ways that they could help one another get through such an overwhelming time in his life.

I washed my face and when I pulled the towel away Bella was standing next to me holding a squirming, towel-wrapped baby burrito. "I'm going to get him dried off and into a sleeper, you need anything?"

"I'll be right there to help tuck him in."

She reached over and planted a kiss on my lips, and I watched her walk away.

I gathered the damp towels and hung them, wiped down the counter and put everything away.

I snuck across the hall and watched as Bella zippered him into a one piece fleece contraption. She turned with a smile and placed the little guy in my lap.

"I'll just go grab a bottle."

"Come on Mase, let's snuggle for a bit while Mommy's gone."

I tilted the chair and closed my eyes, relishing the tiny fingers that wiggled against my chest in a rhythmic pattern. I woke with a start when Bella lifted him from my arms.

"I've got this one, Baby, if you'd like to go get situated."

She dipped his face down in front of me so I could smother him in sleepy kisses.

"Okay, I'll get him in the morning before I shower." There was nothing that compared to peeking over the edge of the crib first thing in the morning. That wide toothless grin was enough motivation to keep me going all day. I knew a lot of guys who shirked their responsibilities and let the majority of the childcare fall on their wives, but I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to miss out on something so precious. I cherished those private moments with my son.

Bella had just closed his bedroom door as I transferred into bed, I flipped the blankets back and she spooned back into me.

She pulled my arm down around her waist and covered my hand with her own. "You were quiet earlier. Everything okay?" She asked softly into the darkness.

"Yeah. I'm alright."

"You want to talk about it?"

I shrugged.

"Are you alright? After seeing her like that?"

"There was a time not all that long ago when seeing her would have made me feel very insignificant. The irony of what they're going through right now isn't lost on me. Knowing what I know about her husband certainly puts things in perspective. He needs a spouse who will support and encourage him. Hopefully she's grown, because if she's not, she has the power to break him."

"I hope she has too."

She linked her fingers through my own, her thumb rubbing soothing circles into the skin between my thumb and index finger.

I drew in a deep breath and let it out.

"I wish there was more that I could do to help him, but it would be both unethical and uncomfortable to get involved. He mentioned a support group Reilly is involved with. I think I'm going to drop his last name tomorrow. Reilly has always been one to act on instinct. If someone is in need, he'll find a way to take him under his wing."

She pulled out of my arms and rolled so we were facing one another, she gave me a little nudge and gravity pulled me onto my back. I grabbed my girl and took her with me. Her hands swept through my hair, then she drew them down until my face was cradled between her hands, she kissed me softly, and smiled.

"I'm so proud of you. I think that's a great idea."

"It was falling for you that pulled me out of my funk. Had it not been for you, I'd have jumped through the hoops to fix my body, but I'd have gone back to being asexual Dr. Cullen, the attractive but aloof doctor all the women swooned over but not someone they'd want to take the time to get to know."

In the glow from the nightlight she smiled. It looked like she was going to argue, so I put my finger to her lips, silently begging her to let me finish.

"Baby, you loved me, and you encouraged me, but not once did you try to change me. That gave me the incentive to do whatever I had to so all my wounds could heal. For the first time in my life, I didn't care if anyone else could see the real me. It was the first time I fully engaged in counseling sessions with other people who were dealing with the aftermath of their disabilities. I never thought I needed that.

"You held me when I needed comfort, and cheered me on when I needed encouragement. You've always seen the real me, yet you've never treated me like I was broken. You accept me for whom and what I am and you love me because of that, not in spite of it."

She sat up Indian style and shifted her hips so she was facing me.

"I don't want accolades for loving you and believing in you. It's no different than everything you've done for me." She took my hand in her lap and played with my wedding band.

"We've had a hand in each other's healing. You showed me that disability didn't mean my life had come to an end, and then you backed your promise up with things you never intended for me to see. From behind the scenes you followed up on my tests, secured expedient consultations with several specialists and set me up with the tools I needed to begin adapting to a new and overwhelming life. You introduced me to your support group, and put me in the hands of the person you knew would be the best suited to help me find my way. I don't know where I'd be right now if you hadn't gotten the hospital social worker involved in my case. Without attendant care, I'd have been forced to go live with one of my parents. My life could have turned out very differently without your intervention."

"I didn't think you knew."

Her lip trembled like she was going to cry. "I've never thanked you."

"Knowing that you were receiving some of the supports you needed to live independently was thanks enough. I was afraid you'd let your disability imprison you. Even if I never saw you again, I wanted you to see that with the right supports, you could do anything you set your mind to, and you have."

She crawled over me and straddled my thighs, with her lips against my own she whispered, "No baby, we have."

And then she showed me.

* * *

The inspiration for Impact stems from a lifelong career in nursing, rehabilitation, and disability rights advocacy. This story would have never been birthed had it not been for some inspiring individuals in my life and I'd be remiss to not mention them, even if they never read this.

To my mother, an individual who has lived life with a disability with style, grace, and a smile on her face- every single day of my life. If only we could all be like you, the world would be a better place.

J- No one talked about advocacy when we met, there was no ADA, we didn't have curb cuts, or ramps on buildings, no one had ever heard of an accessible restroom or a lift on a bus… and then there was you. Grassroots advocacy and breaking down barriers in our community began with you, and I'm so glad to have been a part of it. So honored to call you my friend.

C, B, S, W, D & D- You guys and gals are some kick ass advocates. When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!

To Robin and Kodi for the guest appearances and comic relief. I love ya girlfriend! The kick ass advocacy comment applies to you too. ;-)

Guy- you've been a bright and shining star in my universe for as long as I can remember. I smile every time I think of you.

To my son- the boy they said couldn't, or wouldn't, but oh, you have. You can do anything you want in life and I know you will. Thanks for letting me be your squeaky wheel.

In memory of Jim F.- Your story reminds me of the one I crafted for my main character and you became my Edward personified, there have been so many times I've thought of you and wished we could have met. Thanks for inspiring me. Wish you were here.

You've all taught me in your own way that disability is something to be proud of, that there is no such thing as normal and that the squeaky wheel gets oiled. If it doesn't, you make it squeak louder and louder until somebody listens.

This story is dedicated to you.

Thank you, all of you, for showing me the way.

:-:

In expressing my thanks to my fandom family:

I don't even know where to begin. It's true what they say, an author can write a story, but it's the readers who truly determine its success. I could have never made this journey without the love, support and guidance of each and every one of you.

I've had some reviewers who have been here through every chapter since January of 2010. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your endless patience while I picked my way through the minefield that is real life. I treasure the friendships we've fostered and cherish every one of your kind words.

To those of you who have jumped on my crazy train recently and read all 700,000+ words in a few days. Thank you, I know it was quite the undertaking. I'm not always able to respond to review replies, but please know I read and appreciate every one.

No matter if you've come, read and you haven't left your footprint for whatever reason, or if you've reviewed every single chapter, your presence here means the world to me.

Missing Jackson McCoy, who began this journey with me, but was taken from us before we could finish. Blessings. You're missed in the fandom.

I have the most incredible team. Team Impact rocks! We've had people come and go, but they've all contributed in one way or another.

Bronze, Leon, Rachel, Jeanne, Debbie P, Debbie S, Alexa, Sherry, Amy, Betty, Sandy and my lovely girls, Patti and Alicia… The endless list of pre-readers… You've all been an integral part of my team. My humble thanks for your hard work and dedication.

Way back in November of 2010, this *cough* little story had been up for nearly a year. There were only forty-four reviews, I was having beta troubles, and I was more than discouraged. Just when I needed them most, three of the most amazing people came into my life.

AlexaET wrote a review for TwiFic Promotions that truly put Impact on the map. The reviews began coming in by leaps and bounds. (I promise you, your Daddyward is forthcoming BB.)

Around the same time, I met my, then, future beta Jeanne- not4got10 and a woman who has become my partner in crime and one of my nearest and dearest real life friends, Debbie- Deleepowman.

Had it not been for the three of you, I'd have thrown in the towel and this would have been over a long time ago. You girls built me up and made me believe in my vision and you helped me make this story what it's turned out to be. I can never thank you in a million lifetimes for the gift of friendship we've shared.

Debbie, this story is as much yours as it is mine. Take a bow, because I truly could have never done this without you. You have become a sister to me, your words of wisdom are something I value greatly. I know how stubborn I can be- and you do too. ;-) I might not always take your advice, but I do always listen. Thank you for welcoming me into your life and your home. You're one in a million. I love ya, BB.

Sherry, my beta extraodinaire, I can never thank you enough for your encouragement, dedication or attention to detail. Thank you for your assistance and for the gift of your friendship.

Kyle, an honorary member of my team. Thank you for enduring our presence all those months, for cooking our meals just right and entertaining us with your smiles and charismatic personality. Thanks for understanding that I AM a tea snob, and for making it just exactly how I like it, even though there was an entire pot that would have been perfect for _anyone else_. It's been a delight getting to know you, and while you are sorely missed and my favorite book store will never be the same without you, I'm so proud of you for spreading your wings and following your dreams. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

My sincere thanks to the ladies who posted such heartfelt reviews:

TwiGirlsNextDoor- vbfb1, Princess Kris, Dandigoose.

Cullen Sister for Wayward Pushers.

ms_ambrosia recc'd Impact on Twi Fic Pics and made me a beautiful banner.

Shirley007, featured me on The Evil Twins Surprise Sunday (I miss you baby, it's been way too long since we've visited.)

BettiGefecht- how do I begin to thank you? Your reviews, your reccs, your artwork, the priceless gift of your friendship. I can only say that I adore you and all the wonderful you've brought into my life.

There is a long list of people who have added Impact to your C-2s. Thank you for your show of support.

A special thank you to MTK and SR for your support and kindness through a very tough time in my life.

Deb, you've grown to be such a special friend. You are, without a doubt, one of a kind. If I want a smile, all I need do is go to your twitter. Nuff said. ;-)

SR, I don't think I've ever encountered a more compassionate or generous soul. Your kind words have meant so much to me. Your use of social media to promote goodness have made you a sterling example of what's right in this fandom.

I wish both of you continued success with your writing endeavors. Thanks for being you.

And finally, there were several people who felt it was necessary to attempt to alter the course of this story whether it was from behind the safety of an anonymous review or in a private message to leave some, not so friendly at times, comments about how you felt I was destroying a story you liked because of one event or another.

I may have never responded, and to some of you I couldn't, but know that your words made me even more determined to stay the course that I was on. I've always known how this story would end and what it would take to get it there. So, thank you for your words, because you reminded me how important it was to be true to myself and my story.

There will be Impact outtakes forthcoming. The completion of Sweetbriar is my next endeavor. I have several ideas rattling around in my head. Add me to your author alerts, if it pleases you.

I wish you a joyous Easter if you observe. If not, may you have a joyous weekend.

Thanks for reading and for your support.

Till next time…


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